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1
00:00:03,382 --> 00:00:06,719
So I told the haberdasher,
"You are not going to pawn off
2
00:00:06,819 --> 00:00:08,921
last season's grosgrain on me."
3
00:00:09,021 --> 00:00:10,554
And guess what I did next.
4
00:00:10,655 --> 00:00:13,891
Oh, I bet you said something
a little bit cutting.
5
00:00:13,991 --> 00:00:15,892
I did. I did indeed.
6
00:00:15,992 --> 00:00:17,360
I told him where he could shove
7
00:00:17,460 --> 00:00:20,029
his heinous
autumnal pumpkin ribbon.
8
00:00:20,129 --> 00:00:21,996
Where the sun don't shine.
9
00:00:22,096 --> 00:00:23,765
In the butt, right?
(laughs)
10
00:00:23,865 --> 00:00:25,133
(laughs)
11
00:00:25,933 --> 00:00:28,602
Oh, Carly,
I so enjoy our little chats.
12
00:00:28,702 --> 00:00:30,670
-Aw, thanks. Me too.
-Aw, thanks. Me too.
13
00:00:30,770 --> 00:00:32,872
(all scream)
14
00:00:33,639 --> 00:00:35,473
How could you...
15
00:00:35,573 --> 00:00:39,076
G2G! Bye, brother!
16
00:00:40,177 --> 00:00:41,611
* I know *
17
00:00:41,711 --> 00:00:43,246
* You see *
18
00:00:43,346 --> 00:00:45,413
* Somehow the world
will change for me *
19
00:00:45,513 --> 00:00:48,483
* And be so wonderful *
20
00:00:48,583 --> 00:00:52,253
* So wake up
the members of my nation *
21
00:00:52,353 --> 00:00:54,454
* It's your time to be *
22
00:00:54,554 --> 00:00:57,489
* There's no chance
unless you take one *
23
00:00:57,589 --> 00:01:00,192
* And the time to see
the brighter side *
24
00:01:00,292 --> 00:01:03,461
* Of every situation *
25
00:01:03,561 --> 00:01:05,427
* Some things are meant to be *
26
00:01:05,528 --> 00:01:09,031
* So give your best
and leave the rest to me. *
27
00:01:12,134 --> 00:01:14,402
Who am I? Where am I?
28
00:01:14,502 --> 00:01:15,904
What am I?
29
00:01:16,004 --> 00:01:17,938
Carly. Apartment.
30
00:01:18,038 --> 00:01:18,973
Girl.
31
00:01:19,072 --> 00:01:20,373
Nailed it.
32
00:01:21,140 --> 00:01:22,676
Ho-ho, babe!
33
00:01:22,776 --> 00:01:25,377
I got your texts asking me
to explain technology.
34
00:01:25,477 --> 00:01:27,780
I am so flattered,
I dropped everything.
35
00:01:27,880 --> 00:01:30,114
Millicent can take the bus.
36
00:01:30,214 --> 00:01:33,583
God, it's hot when you ignore
your priorities for me.
37
00:01:34,685 --> 00:01:35,951
I took the bus.
38
00:01:36,051 --> 00:01:37,486
It was faster,
better for the environment
39
00:01:37,586 --> 00:01:40,889
and I didn't have to make
small talk with the driver.
40
00:01:41,690 --> 00:01:42,623
Win-win!
41
00:01:42,724 --> 00:01:44,424
Now, from your texts,
42
00:01:44,523 --> 00:01:47,427
it sounds like Carly
is the victim
43
00:01:47,527 --> 00:01:48,961
of a deepfake.
44
00:01:49,061 --> 00:01:51,463
Oh. The guy who turned in Nixon?
45
00:01:51,562 --> 00:01:52,731
No.
46
00:01:52,831 --> 00:01:54,164
Right?
47
00:01:54,265 --> 00:01:57,367
A deepfake comes
from deep learning technology,
48
00:01:57,467 --> 00:01:59,668
a type of A.I.
that creates algorithms
49
00:01:59,769 --> 00:02:01,170
to do things like swap faces
50
00:02:01,270 --> 00:02:04,072
to make realistic-looking
fake media.
51
00:02:05,140 --> 00:02:05,941
Computers.
52
00:02:06,041 --> 00:02:07,541
-Oh!
-Ah.
53
00:02:08,541 --> 00:02:09,877
Millicent!
54
00:02:09,977 --> 00:02:11,912
I wrote one of my signature
instructional tunes.
55
00:02:12,012 --> 00:02:13,914
I know.
56
00:02:14,014 --> 00:02:15,180
I kinda like those songs.
57
00:02:15,280 --> 00:02:16,849
You're a regular Kidz Bop.
58
00:02:16,949 --> 00:02:18,383
I just hope this doesn't mess
59
00:02:18,483 --> 00:02:20,484
with your new product
that you had me stock up on.
60
00:02:20,584 --> 00:02:23,153
* "D" is for your doppelganger
out in cyberspace... *
61
00:02:23,253 --> 00:02:25,188
Babe, I love you, but shut up.
62
00:02:25,288 --> 00:02:27,588
Wait, what new product?
63
00:02:27,690 --> 00:02:29,458
This new product!
64
00:02:29,558 --> 00:02:30,992
Tastes Famiglia!
65
00:02:31,092 --> 00:02:35,195
The best pasta-based meat
alternative you've never tried.
66
00:02:35,295 --> 00:02:36,897
I never posed for this.
67
00:02:36,997 --> 00:02:40,166
But is that what I look like
when I shush people? (chuckles)
68
00:02:41,034 --> 00:02:44,469
Nah, it's usually more like,
"Be quiet. Ugh."
69
00:02:44,569 --> 00:02:46,137
(laughs): Wow.
70
00:02:46,237 --> 00:02:48,439
That was spot-on.
71
00:02:48,539 --> 00:02:49,672
Not.
72
00:02:50,741 --> 00:02:53,043
"Carly Shay says,
'Tastes Famiglia mimics
73
00:02:53,143 --> 00:02:54,376
"'the sturdiness of meat
74
00:02:54,476 --> 00:02:57,446
with the plush mouthfeel
of pasta.'"
75
00:02:57,545 --> 00:02:58,813
"Mouthfeel"? Ugh.
76
00:02:58,913 --> 00:03:00,381
You disgust me.
77
00:03:01,415 --> 00:03:04,785
Guys, this... (chuckles)
obviously isn't me.
78
00:03:04,885 --> 00:03:06,719
I use napkins.
79
00:03:06,819 --> 00:03:08,387
Oh, my God.
80
00:03:08,487 --> 00:03:12,690
Someone is using fake me
to sell fake meat.
81
00:03:12,791 --> 00:03:14,024
This is a crime.
82
00:03:14,124 --> 00:03:16,293
-Maybe we should call the cops?
-Yeah.
83
00:03:16,393 --> 00:03:18,427
(laughs)
84
00:03:19,262 --> 00:03:20,764
Oh, you're serious?
85
00:03:20,864 --> 00:03:22,330
Of course he is.
86
00:03:22,430 --> 00:03:24,833
* When the situation's
not that fun *
87
00:03:24,933 --> 00:03:28,435
* Just pick up a phone,
dial 911. *
88
00:03:29,202 --> 00:03:31,071
Remember when someone
in my comments threatened
89
00:03:31,171 --> 00:03:33,538
to "find me and wear me"?
90
00:03:33,638 --> 00:03:35,374
-Yeah, but that was...
-Not done.
91
00:03:35,474 --> 00:03:37,641
The cops said it didn't count
92
00:03:37,742 --> 00:03:39,643
because it happened in my phone.
93
00:03:39,744 --> 00:03:41,044
(scoffs)
But surely...
94
00:03:41,144 --> 00:03:42,145
Still going.
95
00:03:42,245 --> 00:03:44,081
Then he texted me, "Carly Shay,
96
00:03:44,181 --> 00:03:46,782
I'm coming to get you
at the Bushwell."
97
00:03:46,883 --> 00:03:48,716
And the police said-- quote--
98
00:03:48,817 --> 00:03:51,619
"This could be about anyone."
99
00:03:51,719 --> 00:03:54,088
Look, I know this sucks,
100
00:03:54,188 --> 00:03:55,823
but, like I always tell
Millicent...
101
00:03:55,923 --> 00:03:57,824
* When life
gives you lemons... *
102
00:03:57,924 --> 00:04:00,425
Be quiet! Ugh.
103
00:04:01,794 --> 00:04:03,161
Hey, Meat-stagroupies.
104
00:04:03,261 --> 00:04:05,830
I'm here at Shay What?!
to try...
105
00:04:05,930 --> 00:04:07,398
Tastes Famiglia,
106
00:04:07,498 --> 00:04:11,434
the best pasta-based meat
alternative I've never tried.
107
00:04:17,772 --> 00:04:21,474
(gagging)
108
00:04:23,810 --> 00:04:25,111
You!
109
00:04:26,212 --> 00:04:27,879
(retching)
110
00:04:27,979 --> 00:04:29,547
Tastes Famiglia is blowing up,
111
00:04:29,647 --> 00:04:32,582
but now Shay What?! customers
are throwing up.
112
00:04:32,682 --> 00:04:34,051
#iBlameCarly.
113
00:04:34,151 --> 00:04:36,319
#RideTheBus.
114
00:04:36,419 --> 00:04:37,954
So,
115
00:04:38,054 --> 00:04:39,955
you got a little ditty
for this one?
116
00:04:40,055 --> 00:04:41,589
I do not.
117
00:04:44,992 --> 00:04:47,627
"#iBlameCarly"?
118
00:04:47,727 --> 00:04:49,429
"#RideTheBus"?
119
00:04:49,529 --> 00:04:51,696
Man, Carly's going through it.
120
00:04:51,797 --> 00:04:53,032
Which one's Carly?
121
00:04:53,131 --> 00:04:54,199
The little girl?
122
00:04:54,299 --> 00:04:56,067
No, the one that I live with.
123
00:04:56,167 --> 00:04:57,768
You live with a child?
124
00:04:57,869 --> 00:05:00,270
She does love a bib
and a bedtime story.
125
00:05:01,471 --> 00:05:03,339
I'm so glad your bestie's
finally in town.
126
00:05:03,439 --> 00:05:05,507
I just hope you don't
love him more than me.
127
00:05:05,607 --> 00:05:07,442
-Oh. (chuckles): Harper!
-(chuckles)
128
00:05:07,542 --> 00:05:09,310
I'm not ready
to make that decision.
129
00:05:09,410 --> 00:05:11,345
-(laughs) Oh!
-(doorbell rings)
130
00:05:11,445 --> 00:05:12,847
Do I look all right?
131
00:05:12,947 --> 00:05:15,114
Dimitri-Pascual used to work
the counter at Neiman's.
132
00:05:15,214 --> 00:05:16,382
Oh, he sold clothes?
133
00:05:16,482 --> 00:05:19,084
No. He just gave
his unsolicited opinions.
134
00:05:19,184 --> 00:05:20,418
And charged for them.
135
00:05:21,553 --> 00:05:23,587
-Hey, girl, hey!
-(giggling)
136
00:05:23,687 --> 00:05:24,956
DIMITRI-PASCUAL and TINSLEY:
Walk, walk,
137
00:05:25,056 --> 00:05:27,123
walk, walk, walk, pose!
138
00:05:27,223 --> 00:05:28,992
(laughing)
139
00:05:29,092 --> 00:05:30,325
Ew.
140
00:05:30,425 --> 00:05:31,927
-That'll be ten dollars.
(laughs)
-(laughs)
141
00:05:32,027 --> 00:05:36,064
Harper, I want you to meet
my ride-or-die, Dimitri-Pascual.
142
00:05:36,164 --> 00:05:37,398
-(chuckles)
-He's like Madonna.
143
00:05:37,497 --> 00:05:39,132
-No. Last. Name. (laughs)
-(chuckling)
144
00:05:39,232 --> 00:05:41,733
-Oh! Mwah. Mwah.
-Mwah. Mwah.
145
00:05:41,834 --> 00:05:43,569
Mwah. Mwah.
146
00:05:43,669 --> 00:05:48,606
OMG, you are serving
disgusting, queen.
147
00:05:48,706 --> 00:05:49,840
(chuckles)
148
00:05:49,940 --> 00:05:51,942
I hope you catch
chlamydia from a koala.
149
00:05:52,042 --> 00:05:53,642
(Tinsley chuckles)
150
00:05:53,742 --> 00:05:57,312
(quietly): Does this man think
I have unsafe sex with koalas?
151
00:05:57,412 --> 00:05:59,681
-Absolutely not.
It's a compliment.
-(chuckles)
152
00:05:59,781 --> 00:06:03,050
-Dimitri-Pascual
loves marsupials.
-(chuckles)
153
00:06:03,150 --> 00:06:05,718
Zoology. Look it up,
you dumb whore.
154
00:06:06,386 --> 00:06:08,588
-It's a compliment!
-It's a compliment!
155
00:06:08,687 --> 00:06:09,754
(laughing)
156
00:06:09,855 --> 00:06:11,356
Thank you for cooking.
157
00:06:11,456 --> 00:06:13,958
But this looks like it was
thrown up by an old person.
158
00:06:14,058 --> 00:06:15,159
Walk?
159
00:06:15,259 --> 00:06:16,260
-Walk. (chuckles)
-(chuckles)
160
00:06:16,360 --> 00:06:17,260
BOTH;
Walk,
161
00:06:17,360 --> 00:06:19,496
walk, walk, walk, walk.
162
00:06:21,563 --> 00:06:24,166
You know who else
had no last name?!
163
00:06:24,265 --> 00:06:25,733
Satan.
164
00:06:31,005 --> 00:06:32,605
Good afternoon, Carly Nation.
165
00:06:32,705 --> 00:06:35,708
I interrupt your day
with terrible news.
166
00:06:35,808 --> 00:06:37,042
I, Carly Shay,
167
00:06:37,142 --> 00:06:39,044
am the victim of a deepfake.
168
00:06:39,144 --> 00:06:40,776
I'll let that sink in.
169
00:06:41,712 --> 00:06:45,148
Tastes Famiglia
is not endorsed by me.
170
00:06:45,248 --> 00:06:46,382
Guys,
171
00:06:46,482 --> 00:06:48,350
Deepfake Carly wants
to join my live!
172
00:06:48,450 --> 00:06:50,119
Let her in
so you can confront her.
173
00:06:50,219 --> 00:06:52,420
And I can try
and tell 'em apart.
174
00:06:52,520 --> 00:06:53,854
Tell her I said hi.
175
00:06:54,455 --> 00:06:56,890
What? She may be a fraud,
but she's still my sister.
176
00:06:56,990 --> 00:06:58,591
My fraud sister.
177
00:06:58,691 --> 00:07:00,459
My fister!
178
00:07:04,562 --> 00:07:06,564
Hello, Deepfake Carly.
179
00:07:06,664 --> 00:07:09,299
Looks like you finally decided
to show my face.
180
00:07:09,399 --> 00:07:11,734
Oh, Carly, I'm the real Carly.
181
00:07:11,834 --> 00:07:14,836
And I, Carly,
have nothing to hide.
182
00:07:14,937 --> 00:07:16,804
You're the charlatan.
183
00:07:16,905 --> 00:07:20,174
God, she always uses
the coolest words.
184
00:07:20,274 --> 00:07:21,909
Two of them.
I don't want it
185
00:07:22,009 --> 00:07:23,776
and yet I can't look away.
186
00:07:24,710 --> 00:07:26,312
I have cold, hard evidence
187
00:07:26,412 --> 00:07:29,581
that proves
I am the one true Carly Shay.
188
00:07:29,681 --> 00:07:33,751
To begin, I'll reveal something
only the real Carly would know.
189
00:07:33,851 --> 00:07:35,418
My first celebrity crush
190
00:07:35,518 --> 00:07:38,620
was Foghorn Leghorn.
191
00:07:38,720 --> 00:07:40,256
What? No.
192
00:07:40,356 --> 00:07:44,825
I never had lustful yearnings
for a shapely cartoon rooster!
193
00:07:45,826 --> 00:07:46,927
Shapely?
194
00:07:47,027 --> 00:07:48,328
And to prove it,
195
00:07:48,428 --> 00:07:51,430
I'd like to share
some of my Fog-Leg erotica.
196
00:07:51,530 --> 00:07:53,599
(chuckles, clears throat)
197
00:07:53,699 --> 00:07:55,833
"It was a quiet night
in the henhouse when..."
198
00:07:55,934 --> 00:07:56,901
Bye!
199
00:07:57,002 --> 00:07:58,936
Who would do this to me?
200
00:07:59,036 --> 00:08:00,804
Everybody likes me.
201
00:08:00,904 --> 00:08:02,105
Except for Lewbert.
202
00:08:02,205 --> 00:08:04,207
And Ms. Briggs,
Wade Collins, Griffin...
203
00:08:04,307 --> 00:08:06,908
Kyoko and Yuki,
all the Pet-ographers...
204
00:08:07,009 --> 00:08:08,944
Wes, Beau, me.
205
00:08:09,044 --> 00:08:10,744
Should I just go get my binder?
206
00:08:10,844 --> 00:08:12,146
Okay, fine.
207
00:08:12,246 --> 00:08:15,182
I guess a few people
have minor qualms with me.
208
00:08:15,282 --> 00:08:16,416
But...
209
00:08:16,516 --> 00:08:18,284
who would go
to all this trouble?
210
00:08:18,384 --> 00:08:20,152
I mean, it's so elaborate.
211
00:08:20,251 --> 00:08:22,787
It's so evil. It's so...
212
00:08:22,887 --> 00:08:25,189
-Nevel Papperman!
-Mayor Pete Buttigieg!
213
00:08:25,289 --> 00:08:26,890
Nevel Papperman.
214
00:08:33,728 --> 00:08:36,298
I can't believe Nevel invited us
215
00:08:36,397 --> 00:08:39,433
to an evil lair
with no street parking.
216
00:08:40,201 --> 00:08:42,501
Why is there so much cured meat?
217
00:08:42,601 --> 00:08:44,303
Because he's a thoughtful host?
218
00:08:46,605 --> 00:08:48,906
Well, well, well.
219
00:08:49,007 --> 00:08:51,375
Carly Shay et al.
220
00:08:51,475 --> 00:08:53,743
Allow me to explain.
221
00:08:54,577 --> 00:08:56,212
(imitates Vito Corleone):
There have been two great loves
222
00:08:56,312 --> 00:08:57,913
of my life:
223
00:08:58,014 --> 00:09:00,015
my beloved wife Prunella
224
00:09:00,115 --> 00:09:02,450
and The Godfather,
225
00:09:02,550 --> 00:09:03,818
a film...
226
00:09:03,917 --> 00:09:05,952
I have never seen.
227
00:09:06,920 --> 00:09:08,654
(normal voice):
Such a fun vibe though.
228
00:09:08,754 --> 00:09:09,788
Start with the third one.
229
00:09:09,888 --> 00:09:12,024
The first two are garbage.
230
00:09:12,124 --> 00:09:13,691
(squeals)
Carly Shay!
231
00:09:13,791 --> 00:09:14,759
Hi!
232
00:09:14,859 --> 00:09:16,260
Oh, my God!
233
00:09:16,360 --> 00:09:18,395
I haven't seen you
since you were my bridesmaid.
234
00:09:18,495 --> 00:09:19,396
Isn't that crazy?
235
00:09:19,495 --> 00:09:20,796
I miss you so much!
236
00:09:20,896 --> 00:09:23,066
How have you been, Mama?
237
00:09:23,932 --> 00:09:25,367
Not great, Prunella.
238
00:09:26,368 --> 00:09:29,337
Nevel, you need to stop this.
239
00:09:29,437 --> 00:09:30,904
People are getting sick.
240
00:09:31,005 --> 00:09:34,007
More importantly,
my restaurant got shut down!
241
00:09:34,107 --> 00:09:35,407
For two hours!
242
00:09:35,507 --> 00:09:37,743
Is this all because
I ruined your wedding?
243
00:09:37,843 --> 00:09:38,777
Ruined?
244
00:09:38,877 --> 00:09:40,345
I thought our wedding was great.
245
00:09:40,445 --> 00:09:43,447
I seem to remember one
very handsome blond bombshell
246
00:09:43,547 --> 00:09:46,650
who proved to be
quite agile at the limbo.
247
00:09:46,749 --> 00:09:49,018
It's in the hips.
248
00:09:50,519 --> 00:09:53,188
But you failed to give us a gift
within one year's time.
249
00:09:53,288 --> 00:09:56,323
And, per Emily Post,
you are punished.
250
00:09:57,091 --> 00:09:59,425
Wait. Let me get this straight.
251
00:09:59,525 --> 00:10:02,128
So you manufactured
a toxic vegan product,
252
00:10:02,228 --> 00:10:04,296
plastered my face all over it
253
00:10:04,396 --> 00:10:06,297
and then deepfaked me
to get my brother to sell it,
254
00:10:06,397 --> 00:10:08,899
all because you had to buy
your own freakin' KitchenAid?
255
00:10:08,999 --> 00:10:10,200
Ooh!
What color did you guys get?
256
00:10:10,300 --> 00:10:12,001
-Oh. Rose gold.
-That is so classy.
257
00:10:12,102 --> 00:10:14,270
-Did you get
the pasta attachments?
-Oh, my God, did you make
258
00:10:14,370 --> 00:10:16,505
-this sausage
with the meat grinder?
-Guys!
259
00:10:17,839 --> 00:10:20,341
Look, this is ridiculous.
260
00:10:20,441 --> 00:10:23,343
But I'll get you something if
it means you'll leave me alone.
261
00:10:23,443 --> 00:10:27,012
Something? Carly,
you can't go off-registry.
262
00:10:27,113 --> 00:10:29,548
Society has rules.
263
00:10:30,548 --> 00:10:32,584
Fine. What's left?
264
00:10:32,684 --> 00:10:34,085
Oh, my God.
265
00:10:34,185 --> 00:10:36,620
A "Mess with Carly" fund?
266
00:10:37,354 --> 00:10:40,123
Some couples do honey funds,
but we honeymooned
267
00:10:40,223 --> 00:10:43,692
at Grandpappa Papperman's
palatial Polynesian palapa.
268
00:10:43,792 --> 00:10:47,195
So we launched a "Mess
with Carly" fund instead.
269
00:10:47,295 --> 00:10:48,562
-(chuckles)
-(chuckles) You see,
270
00:10:48,662 --> 00:10:50,029
when this all began,
271
00:10:50,130 --> 00:10:52,499
it was my love's elaborate
scheme to exact revenge.
272
00:10:52,599 --> 00:10:54,066
But then we realized
we were having
273
00:10:54,166 --> 00:10:55,767
the best sex of our lives,
274
00:10:55,867 --> 00:10:57,702
and now it's just our thing.
275
00:10:58,603 --> 00:11:00,371
Did anyone get you guys
a melon baller?
276
00:11:00,471 --> 00:11:01,938
What I wouldn't give
to wrap this
277
00:11:02,038 --> 00:11:04,308
around a fresh hunk
of cantaloupe right now.
278
00:11:04,408 --> 00:11:07,676
We used the Carly fund
to buy the rancid pork
279
00:11:07,776 --> 00:11:09,477
in Tastes Famiglia.
280
00:11:09,577 --> 00:11:10,712
Great price, too.
281
00:11:10,812 --> 00:11:13,214
They were practically
throwing it away.
282
00:11:13,314 --> 00:11:14,148
(laughs)
283
00:11:14,248 --> 00:11:16,349
Did you say "rancid pork?"
284
00:11:16,449 --> 00:11:18,084
-Uh-huh.
-Uh-huh.
285
00:11:19,452 --> 00:11:20,752
Enough of this.
286
00:11:20,852 --> 00:11:23,922
There is nothing you can do
to get us to stop.
287
00:11:24,022 --> 00:11:26,657
Nothing! (cackles)
288
00:11:26,757 --> 00:11:29,559
(laughs, growls)
289
00:11:29,659 --> 00:11:33,028
Pruney, your evil laugh
is getting so sinister.
290
00:11:33,129 --> 00:11:35,397
Oh. I learned from the best.
291
00:11:36,431 --> 00:11:39,033
If there's nothing I can do
to stop you,
292
00:11:39,134 --> 00:11:41,067
then why did you make us
come all the way down here?
293
00:11:41,168 --> 00:11:45,204
'Cause seeing you squirm
is really doing it for us.
294
00:11:45,304 --> 00:11:46,605
(laughs)
295
00:11:46,705 --> 00:11:48,905
(both cackling)
296
00:11:52,743 --> 00:11:53,944
Spencer, why are you laughing?
297
00:11:54,044 --> 00:11:56,246
I'm very uncomfortable!
298
00:11:58,681 --> 00:12:01,283
So, during orientation
of freshman year,
299
00:12:01,383 --> 00:12:03,917
I threw an epic rager
in her room,
300
00:12:04,017 --> 00:12:05,486
and when the campus cops came,
301
00:12:05,586 --> 00:12:07,887
I told them that
the alcohol was Tinsley's,
302
00:12:07,987 --> 00:12:10,889
and this delinquent slut
got put in front
303
00:12:10,989 --> 00:12:12,391
of the disciplinary committee.
304
00:12:12,491 --> 00:12:13,525
(laughs)
305
00:12:13,625 --> 00:12:14,992
And you thought,
306
00:12:15,092 --> 00:12:17,795
"This is a person
I want to be friends with."
307
00:12:17,895 --> 00:12:19,496
No, no, no, it was funny.
308
00:12:19,596 --> 00:12:21,831
Daddy got LMFAO
to speak at graduation,
309
00:12:21,931 --> 00:12:23,766
and it all went away.
310
00:12:23,866 --> 00:12:25,000
Well, if you had
done that to me,
311
00:12:25,100 --> 00:12:27,269
you'd have graduated
to the cemetery.
312
00:12:28,303 --> 00:12:30,305
I'm gonna go grab another drink.
313
00:12:30,404 --> 00:12:32,373
But you still have so much left.
314
00:12:36,108 --> 00:12:38,010
Mm. Not anymore.
315
00:12:38,110 --> 00:12:39,578
I'll keep you company.
316
00:12:39,678 --> 00:12:41,980
If I said I was
going to pee instead,
317
00:12:42,079 --> 00:12:44,482
-would that stop you?
-Nope.
318
00:12:45,716 --> 00:12:48,585
So, Dimitri-Pascual.
319
00:12:48,685 --> 00:12:50,018
-Mm-hmm.
-Two first names.
320
00:12:50,118 --> 00:12:52,454
Got to be a story there.
321
00:12:52,554 --> 00:12:54,922
Mmm, the story is:
I'm gonna kill you.
322
00:12:55,022 --> 00:12:56,291
The end.
323
00:12:56,391 --> 00:12:59,759
Feels a little light
in the middle.
324
00:12:59,859 --> 00:13:01,428
You're kidding, right?
325
00:13:01,527 --> 00:13:02,861
I'm not.
326
00:13:02,961 --> 00:13:05,397
You see, when Tinsley's single,
327
00:13:05,497 --> 00:13:08,233
she spoils me rotten like
the little princeling that I am.
328
00:13:08,333 --> 00:13:09,500
I'm like her child
329
00:13:09,600 --> 00:13:12,569
and her boyfriend
all rolled into one.
330
00:13:12,669 --> 00:13:14,170
Well, I'm her girlfriend,
331
00:13:14,270 --> 00:13:16,071
and our dynamic is normal,
332
00:13:16,172 --> 00:13:18,407
so you and I need to coexist.
333
00:13:18,507 --> 00:13:21,175
Oh, I don't coexist with anyone.
334
00:13:21,275 --> 00:13:23,644
Just ask Cherry Jones.
335
00:13:28,248 --> 00:13:31,417
Spencer's cool revenge
idea number 48:
336
00:13:31,517 --> 00:13:34,952
I marry Nevel's mother
and put him up for adoption.
337
00:13:35,052 --> 00:13:36,920
No need to get
family courts involved.
338
00:13:37,020 --> 00:13:38,255
They're busy enough.
339
00:13:38,355 --> 00:13:40,456
Spencer's cool revenge
idea number 49:
340
00:13:40,556 --> 00:13:43,626
We fill Nevel's car
with Livestrong bracelets.
341
00:13:43,726 --> 00:13:45,927
How many Livestrong bracelets
did you buy?
342
00:13:46,027 --> 00:13:48,230
I thought I was helping.
343
00:13:49,430 --> 00:13:51,465
Look, Nevel
and Prunella are just
344
00:13:51,565 --> 00:13:52,765
trying to get a rise out of me,
345
00:13:52,865 --> 00:13:54,166
so I'm ignoring them
346
00:13:54,267 --> 00:13:56,034
and letting the chips
fall where they may.
347
00:13:56,134 --> 00:13:58,470
Fall, chips, fall.
348
00:13:58,570 --> 00:14:01,905
Ooh, Carly.
You got to see this live.
349
00:14:02,740 --> 00:14:05,442
Looking for a cure to solve
all your ailments?
350
00:14:05,542 --> 00:14:08,477
Then I, Freddie Benson,
have the answer for you.
351
00:14:08,577 --> 00:14:09,945
Tastes Famiglia.
352
00:14:10,045 --> 00:14:12,313
Endorsed by me, Freddie Benson.
353
00:14:12,413 --> 00:14:14,649
Thank God I never
took his last name.
354
00:14:15,549 --> 00:14:18,785
If you lack bladder control--
and I know I do--
355
00:14:18,885 --> 00:14:20,486
bang! Tastes Famiglia.
356
00:14:20,586 --> 00:14:24,155
And if you have
head-to-toe dry skin...
357
00:14:24,256 --> 00:14:25,890
-And there goes his shirt.
-I know I do.
358
00:14:25,990 --> 00:14:28,825
Wow, he is surprisingly jacked.
359
00:14:28,925 --> 00:14:32,228
* D is for your doppelganger
out in cyberspace *
360
00:14:32,328 --> 00:14:34,630
* "E" is for... *
Ew, that's me!
361
00:14:34,730 --> 00:14:36,931
Oh yeah, baby,
362
00:14:37,031 --> 00:14:39,267
that's nice.
363
00:14:40,734 --> 00:14:43,603
Okay, obviously that
is also a deepfake.
364
00:14:43,703 --> 00:14:46,339
But I do love what
they did with my torso.
365
00:14:46,439 --> 00:14:47,739
Aah!
366
00:14:47,839 --> 00:14:49,808
Game over, bitch.
367
00:14:50,741 --> 00:14:51,776
Oh, I'm sorry, Millicent.
368
00:14:51,876 --> 00:14:53,278
That wasn't to you.
369
00:15:00,649 --> 00:15:02,617
First they came for me,
370
00:15:02,717 --> 00:15:03,918
I was fine.
371
00:15:04,018 --> 00:15:05,753
Then they came for my brother.
372
00:15:05,853 --> 00:15:07,921
-Also fine.
-Wha...
373
00:15:08,021 --> 00:15:09,923
But now they come for my man?
374
00:15:10,023 --> 00:15:13,058
My sweet, defenseless
little man?
375
00:15:13,158 --> 00:15:14,826
I'm a yellow belt.
376
00:15:15,660 --> 00:15:17,861
Hear my battle cry!
377
00:15:17,961 --> 00:15:19,663
(shrieks)
378
00:15:20,598 --> 00:15:21,798
Here's the plan.
379
00:15:21,898 --> 00:15:23,333
We'll surround them
at the warehouse.
380
00:15:23,433 --> 00:15:24,834
Spencer, at this point,
381
00:15:24,934 --> 00:15:27,002
you'll already have wrangled
all the schnauzers.
382
00:15:27,102 --> 00:15:28,570
Where did you get this egg?
383
00:15:28,670 --> 00:15:31,171
It's very important that I know.
384
00:15:31,272 --> 00:15:33,341
Once we get them
out of the warehouse,
385
00:15:33,440 --> 00:15:36,343
Harper, you'll need to blindfold
and handcuff them immediately.
386
00:15:36,443 --> 00:15:38,577
Got it. The only handcuffs
I have are pink and fuzzy.
387
00:15:38,677 --> 00:15:39,645
Will that work?
388
00:15:39,745 --> 00:15:41,446
Can people get out of them?
389
00:15:41,546 --> 00:15:43,214
Only if they use
their safe word.
390
00:15:43,315 --> 00:15:45,148
Perfect.
Freddie,
391
00:15:45,248 --> 00:15:46,883
you'll knock 'em out
with chlorophyll.
392
00:15:46,983 --> 00:15:49,652
I think you mean chloroform.
393
00:15:50,386 --> 00:15:52,622
I mean, what?
394
00:15:53,388 --> 00:15:56,291
Do we know anyone
with a really big trunk
395
00:15:56,391 --> 00:15:57,891
and access to a landfill?
396
00:15:57,991 --> 00:15:59,993
Okay, honey, I'm gonna
stop you right there.
397
00:16:00,093 --> 00:16:01,628
Oh, please, Freddie,
we could never fit
398
00:16:01,728 --> 00:16:03,062
a whole body into your Yaris.
399
00:16:03,162 --> 00:16:04,930
It barely gets off
the ground with groceries.
400
00:16:05,030 --> 00:16:07,699
While I love this aggro energy,
401
00:16:07,799 --> 00:16:10,200
we do not need to do
an actual murder.
402
00:16:10,301 --> 00:16:12,569
Okay?
We just...
403
00:16:12,669 --> 00:16:14,203
we just need to
get into their heads.
404
00:16:14,304 --> 00:16:15,639
And I think I know how.
405
00:16:15,739 --> 00:16:17,573
-With a drill?
-Yes!
406
00:16:17,673 --> 00:16:19,207
(cheering)
407
00:16:19,308 --> 00:16:20,442
Okay,
408
00:16:20,542 --> 00:16:23,345
everyone needs
to take off the camo.
409
00:16:23,445 --> 00:16:25,612
(groaning)
410
00:16:27,280 --> 00:16:30,850
Sorry I didn't exactly hit
it off with Dimitri-Pascual.
411
00:16:30,950 --> 00:16:32,817
But it's nice to have
some alone time again.
412
00:16:32,917 --> 00:16:35,387
Why are you setting
a third plate?
413
00:16:35,487 --> 00:16:36,954
I'm not.
414
00:16:37,721 --> 00:16:39,323
-I didn't.
-(doorbell rings)
415
00:16:39,423 --> 00:16:40,723
I did.
416
00:16:42,592 --> 00:16:44,826
Hey, hags.
417
00:16:45,994 --> 00:16:48,496
Tinsley told me you got
a little bit in your feels,
418
00:16:48,596 --> 00:16:52,966
so I made you a "sorry you have
no sense of humor" casserole.
419
00:16:53,733 --> 00:16:55,468
I'm kidding.
420
00:16:55,568 --> 00:16:57,703
I'm laughing.
421
00:16:57,803 --> 00:17:00,672
I'm so glad you're both
open to try again.
422
00:17:00,772 --> 00:17:02,306
It means a lot to me.
423
00:17:02,407 --> 00:17:05,441
Oh, I would do anything for you,
my putrid little hellhound.
424
00:17:06,209 --> 00:17:08,511
Why don't you make like
the kitchen wench you are
425
00:17:08,611 --> 00:17:10,045
and grab us some sporks?
426
00:17:10,145 --> 00:17:12,246
(laughs)
427
00:17:13,881 --> 00:17:15,716
It's so sweet of you
428
00:17:15,816 --> 00:17:17,451
to spend your last night in town
429
00:17:17,551 --> 00:17:19,551
at my humble abode.
430
00:17:19,652 --> 00:17:22,721
Humble is the perfect
word for it.
431
00:17:24,756 --> 00:17:27,223
Oh!
432
00:17:27,324 --> 00:17:28,526
(laughs)
433
00:17:28,626 --> 00:17:30,960
Ooh, "cheese-ay."
434
00:17:31,060 --> 00:17:33,830
I thought you were vegan?
435
00:17:33,930 --> 00:17:35,531
Or is that just
one of your phases,
436
00:17:35,631 --> 00:17:38,199
like coffee enemas or clowning?
437
00:17:39,333 --> 00:17:41,936
It is vegan, but you won't
even be able to tell
438
00:17:42,035 --> 00:17:46,038
because it has
the sturdiness of meat.
439
00:17:47,540 --> 00:17:48,708
Sturdiness?
440
00:17:48,808 --> 00:17:52,477
And the plush
mouthfeel of pasta.
441
00:17:52,577 --> 00:17:54,211
Mouthfeel?
442
00:17:54,311 --> 00:17:56,313
Does it also cure
a variety of ailments?
443
00:17:56,414 --> 00:18:00,783
Well, why don't you take
a bite and find out?
444
00:18:00,883 --> 00:18:02,918
Well, in my culture,
445
00:18:03,018 --> 00:18:05,686
the chef always
takes the first bite.
446
00:18:05,786 --> 00:18:09,689
Well, in my nearby,
adjacent culture,
447
00:18:09,789 --> 00:18:11,858
the chef watches in delight
448
00:18:11,958 --> 00:18:14,560
as the host takes the first bite
449
00:18:14,660 --> 00:18:16,862
and swallows it.
450
00:18:17,729 --> 00:18:19,296
Since it's my home...
451
00:18:19,397 --> 00:18:20,732
I'm starving,
so if you don't mind,
452
00:18:20,832 --> 00:18:22,332
I'm just gonna dive right in.
453
00:18:22,433 --> 00:18:24,100
(distorted):
No!
454
00:18:24,200 --> 00:18:25,267
(distorted): No!
455
00:18:29,604 --> 00:18:30,839
You can't eat that, Tinsley.
456
00:18:30,939 --> 00:18:33,373
It's Tastes Famiglia,
457
00:18:33,474 --> 00:18:35,342
so it's disgusting.
458
00:18:35,443 --> 00:18:36,643
Not in a good way.
459
00:18:36,743 --> 00:18:38,210
And it might murder you.
460
00:18:38,310 --> 00:18:40,412
-Also not in a good way.
-(Tinsley gasps)
461
00:18:40,512 --> 00:18:42,648
Is this true?
462
00:18:42,748 --> 00:18:44,314
Are you trying to poison me?
463
00:18:44,415 --> 00:18:47,084
Tins, I would never.
464
00:18:47,184 --> 00:18:49,052
I was trying to poison her.
465
00:18:49,152 --> 00:18:50,587
Oh!
466
00:18:50,687 --> 00:18:52,988
(exclaims)
467
00:18:53,088 --> 00:18:54,189
I'm gonna say something to you
468
00:18:54,289 --> 00:18:55,758
I should have said
a long time ago.
469
00:18:55,858 --> 00:18:57,091
You're not funny
470
00:18:57,191 --> 00:18:59,461
and I want you
out of my life, Andrew.
471
00:18:59,561 --> 00:19:00,527
(gasps)
472
00:19:00,627 --> 00:19:01,962
But-but-but,
473
00:19:02,062 --> 00:19:03,630
without me, you're
just another rich bitch.
474
00:19:03,730 --> 00:19:04,697
-Oh.
-I am
475
00:19:04,797 --> 00:19:06,599
the Leah Remini to your J.Lo.
476
00:19:06,699 --> 00:19:09,801
I am the LeFou to your Gaston.
477
00:19:09,901 --> 00:19:11,135
Well, she's
a rich bitch in love.
478
00:19:11,235 --> 00:19:14,438
Rejection.
Look it up, you dumb whore.
479
00:19:15,538 --> 00:19:17,206
Oh, Harper.
480
00:19:17,306 --> 00:19:20,041
I should have trusted you
about Dimitri-Pascual.
481
00:19:20,141 --> 00:19:22,243
I am gonna miss him, though.
482
00:19:22,343 --> 00:19:25,446
Who's gonna call me
a ghastly little troll now?
483
00:19:25,546 --> 00:19:27,647
I will.
484
00:19:27,747 --> 00:19:29,415
Because I'm your girlfriend.
485
00:19:29,516 --> 00:19:31,383
And our dynamic is normal.
486
00:19:32,350 --> 00:19:33,886
(gasps)
487
00:19:33,986 --> 00:19:36,287
-What is it?
-I think I owe Cherry Jones
488
00:19:36,387 --> 00:19:38,456
a huge apology.
489
00:19:39,990 --> 00:19:43,626
We are the masterminds
behind Tastes Famiglia.
490
00:19:43,726 --> 00:19:47,796
I rue the day I ever ruined
Carly's credibility.
491
00:19:47,896 --> 00:19:49,097
Hey, that's my line.
492
00:19:49,197 --> 00:19:50,465
Oh, my God,
but it's so fun to say.
493
00:19:50,564 --> 00:19:53,200
"Rue." Yeah, it is. (chuckles)
494
00:19:53,300 --> 00:19:56,936
In our defense,
messing with Carly et al
495
00:19:57,036 --> 00:19:59,505
really spiced up our sex life.
496
00:19:59,605 --> 00:20:01,006
Which we needed.
497
00:20:01,106 --> 00:20:03,708
I mean, I really just
lie there like a starfish.
498
00:20:03,808 --> 00:20:05,610
You'd think two evil geniuses
499
00:20:05,710 --> 00:20:07,744
would be dynamos in the sack.
500
00:20:07,844 --> 00:20:09,946
But you would be wrong.
501
00:20:10,045 --> 00:20:12,214
In conclusion,
502
00:20:12,314 --> 00:20:13,482
we're bad at sex,
503
00:20:13,582 --> 00:20:15,650
and we're very sorry.
504
00:20:15,750 --> 00:20:16,918
And cut.
505
00:20:17,018 --> 00:20:18,485
And gross.
506
00:20:19,586 --> 00:20:22,688
That is a wrap on iCarly's
first deepfake operation.
507
00:20:22,788 --> 00:20:24,223
And our last, God willing.
508
00:20:24,323 --> 00:20:25,724
I'd actually love another take
509
00:20:25,824 --> 00:20:27,358
now that I've had a run at it.
510
00:20:28,426 --> 00:20:30,393
And now we wait.
511
00:20:30,494 --> 00:20:31,461
(phone chimes)
512
00:20:31,562 --> 00:20:33,096
Ooh, that was quick.
513
00:20:33,196 --> 00:20:35,297
Nevel says
they'll stop if we stop.
514
00:20:35,397 --> 00:20:36,265
(laughs)
515
00:20:36,365 --> 00:20:37,833
And also, he's very virile.
516
00:20:37,933 --> 00:20:40,035
-(phone chimes)
-Like a cobra.
517
00:20:40,135 --> 00:20:41,936
-(phone chimes)
-A cobra with a sex addiction.
518
00:20:42,036 --> 00:20:42,937
-(groans)
-(phone chimes)
519
00:20:43,037 --> 00:20:44,972
But only for his wife.
520
00:20:45,071 --> 00:20:48,241
Aw. Good for them.
521
00:20:51,443 --> 00:20:54,211
Pruney, no.
I can change.
522
00:20:54,311 --> 00:20:56,548
Or stay the same.
Whatever you want.
523
00:20:56,648 --> 00:20:58,815
I haven't really been listening.
524
00:20:58,915 --> 00:21:00,883
Messing with Carly
was all we had.
525
00:21:00,983 --> 00:21:02,184
Now that that's over,
526
00:21:02,284 --> 00:21:03,653
so are we.
527
00:21:03,753 --> 00:21:06,521
And I'm taking the KitchenAid.
528
00:21:06,621 --> 00:21:08,522
With the pasta attachment?
529
00:21:08,622 --> 00:21:10,257
How will I extrude?
530
00:21:11,324 --> 00:21:13,192
I mean, don't go.
I love you.
531
00:21:13,292 --> 00:21:14,561
Ugh!
532
00:21:14,661 --> 00:21:15,895
(gasps)
533
00:21:17,262 --> 00:21:19,430
"Here's a wedding gift
to keep things spicy.
534
00:21:19,531 --> 00:21:20,965
"Do not contact me.
535
00:21:21,065 --> 00:21:22,933
Carly Shay."
536
00:21:23,033 --> 00:21:24,233
What do you say--
537
00:21:24,333 --> 00:21:26,836
should we give it another shot?
538
00:21:28,036 --> 00:21:30,505
Let's get the limbo stick, baby.
539
00:22:05,164 --> 00:22:07,365
Ooh!
36836
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