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1
00:00:05,056 --> 00:00:06,826
Why do so many shows
start with people
2
00:00:06,926 --> 00:00:08,360
sitting on the couch talking?
3
00:00:08,460 --> 00:00:11,064
I think it's just a nice way
to ease into the episode.
4
00:00:13,267 --> 00:00:17,640
Presenting the greatest manager
of all time!
5
00:00:23,447 --> 00:00:25,984
Man, do you know
how to enter a room.
6
00:00:26,918 --> 00:00:29,188
Team, besties, familia,
7
00:00:29,288 --> 00:00:31,223
could I ask you
a serious question?
8
00:00:31,323 --> 00:00:32,993
When you woke up this morning,
9
00:00:33,093 --> 00:00:34,795
did you think it was just
gonna be like an ordinary day,
10
00:00:34,895 --> 00:00:36,230
or did you think
you would get news
11
00:00:36,330 --> 00:00:38,701
that would change
your life forever?
12
00:00:38,801 --> 00:00:42,973
Ordinary day, but I feel like
I was dead stupid wrong.
13
00:00:43,907 --> 00:00:46,878
- You tell me.
- Oh, my God, Paul!
14
00:00:46,978 --> 00:00:48,179
Yeah.
15
00:00:48,280 --> 00:00:50,849
This can only mean
one of two things.
16
00:00:50,949 --> 00:00:52,586
Either I'm pregnant
and didn't know it,
17
00:00:52,686 --> 00:00:54,621
but somehow you do, and felt
this was an appropriate way
18
00:00:54,721 --> 00:00:56,824
to reveal that, or...
19
00:00:56,924 --> 00:01:00,528
I'm gonna be the next
USA Bae Doll.
20
00:01:05,603 --> 00:01:08,372
You have been selected
as a USA Bae of Todae,
21
00:01:08,472 --> 00:01:10,642
celebrating strong,
empowering people
22
00:01:10,742 --> 00:01:11,811
from around the country.
23
00:01:11,911 --> 00:01:13,846
Ha!
Oh, just to be clear,
24
00:01:13,946 --> 00:01:15,481
I'm not pregnant, right?
25
00:01:15,582 --> 00:01:17,217
- No.
- Whatever.
26
00:01:17,317 --> 00:01:19,153
I'm gonna be a doll, bitches!
27
00:01:19,253 --> 00:01:20,788
Yeah!
28
00:01:20,888 --> 00:01:22,691
I know you see ♪
29
00:01:22,791 --> 00:01:25,294
♪ Somehow the world
will change for me ♪
30
00:01:25,394 --> 00:01:28,532
And be so wonderful ♪
31
00:01:28,633 --> 00:01:32,904
♪ So wake up the members
of my nation ♪
32
00:01:33,004 --> 00:01:34,573
It's your time to be ♪
33
00:01:34,674 --> 00:01:37,343
♪ There's no chance
unless you take one ♪
34
00:01:37,443 --> 00:01:40,113
♪ And the time to see
the brighter side ♪
35
00:01:40,213 --> 00:01:43,384
Of every situation ♪
36
00:01:43,484 --> 00:01:45,420
♪ Some things
are meant to be ♪
37
00:01:45,520 --> 00:01:49,025
♪ So give me your best
and leave the rest to me ♪
38
00:01:55,901 --> 00:01:57,335
Come on, open her up!
39
00:01:57,435 --> 00:01:59,572
Aw, Millicent, you're even
more anxious than I am.
40
00:01:59,673 --> 00:02:01,241
Relax. I need the box.
41
00:02:01,341 --> 00:02:03,610
I have to make a diorama
for school.
42
00:02:03,711 --> 00:02:04,946
What are we waiting for?
43
00:02:05,046 --> 00:02:06,715
Pearl.
I texted to see if she's close.
44
00:02:06,815 --> 00:02:08,184
She hasn't replied yet.
45
00:02:08,284 --> 00:02:09,886
I'd text again,
but I don't wanna double-text.
46
00:02:09,986 --> 00:02:12,055
Or, I guess technically,
it'd be...
47
00:02:12,923 --> 00:02:14,558
...fourteen-uple text.
48
00:02:14,659 --> 00:02:18,964
I wonder what profound things
my Bae is gonna have to say.
49
00:02:19,064 --> 00:02:21,668
I remember
my first USA Bae, Gemma.
50
00:02:21,768 --> 00:02:23,136
She would say things like...
51
00:02:23,236 --> 00:02:24,672
"Girl power!"
52
00:02:24,772 --> 00:02:26,741
And "London calling!"
53
00:02:26,841 --> 00:02:28,243
She was from Nebraska,
54
00:02:28,343 --> 00:02:29,912
but she went to England
for a couple weeks
55
00:02:30,012 --> 00:02:31,447
and it became
her whole personality.
56
00:02:31,547 --> 00:02:33,851
Pearl said, "Having fun
57
00:02:33,951 --> 00:02:35,652
"with the girls,
so I'm gonna stay here.
58
00:02:35,753 --> 00:02:36,887
- Tell Carly..."
- Ahh!
59
00:02:36,987 --> 00:02:39,057
Don't wreck the box!
60
00:02:43,864 --> 00:02:45,165
Oh.
61
00:02:48,202 --> 00:02:51,506
She's great.
She's got huge... personality.
62
00:02:51,606 --> 00:02:53,008
Yeah.
63
00:02:53,108 --> 00:02:55,145
Two of 'em.
64
00:02:55,245 --> 00:02:56,813
Hello, beautiful.
65
00:02:56,913 --> 00:02:58,649
Spencer, it's me.
66
00:03:00,385 --> 00:03:02,154
You're not that top-heavy.
67
00:03:03,990 --> 00:03:05,658
Maybe she needs bigger feet.
68
00:03:05,759 --> 00:03:08,662
Nothing needs to be bigger.
69
00:03:08,763 --> 00:03:10,565
"Collect all five Baes.
70
00:03:10,665 --> 00:03:13,201
"The Marine Biologist,
the Horror Novelist,
71
00:03:13,301 --> 00:03:17,374
"the Neonatologist,
the Soccer Star, and...
72
00:03:18,175 --> 00:03:19,576
...the Hot One."
73
00:03:20,945 --> 00:03:22,446
I'm the Hot One?
74
00:03:22,546 --> 00:03:24,917
Carly, don't make
snap judgments.
75
00:03:25,017 --> 00:03:26,585
Just because someone
is beautiful
76
00:03:26,686 --> 00:03:28,354
doesn't mean
they're not a role model.
77
00:03:28,454 --> 00:03:31,025
Emily Ratajkowski
wrote a book.
78
00:03:32,259 --> 00:03:34,729
"Meet Carly Shay,
super sexy influencer
79
00:03:34,830 --> 00:03:38,667
who isn't afraid to turn
a profit by turning heads."
80
00:03:41,371 --> 00:03:44,275
DOLL
Likes give me purpose.
81
00:03:44,375 --> 00:03:46,344
She doesn't sound
anything like me.
82
00:03:46,445 --> 00:03:48,314
Yeah.
83
00:03:48,414 --> 00:03:50,951
Selfies, or it didn't happen.
84
00:03:51,051 --> 00:03:52,419
I'm sorry,
what'd you say, Carly?
85
00:03:52,519 --> 00:03:56,124
"Accessories include
hand mirror,
86
00:03:56,224 --> 00:03:58,961
"cell phone,
and second cell phone
87
00:03:59,061 --> 00:04:01,097
with a ring light attached."
88
00:04:01,197 --> 00:04:03,134
"Botox sold separately."
89
00:04:03,234 --> 00:04:05,736
Okay, we still have time
to work on it, right?
90
00:04:05,837 --> 00:04:08,273
I will call corporate
first thing tomorrow.
91
00:04:09,041 --> 00:04:10,543
I don't have female friends,
92
00:04:10,643 --> 00:04:13,780
'cause women
are too jealous of me.
93
00:04:15,850 --> 00:04:19,220
I'm gonna call 'em right now.
Right now!
94
00:04:20,823 --> 00:04:23,994
Huh, well, the three ball's
probably the easier shot.
95
00:04:24,094 --> 00:04:25,495
Three is Pearl's lucky number.
96
00:04:25,595 --> 00:04:27,231
But then the 11 could
set me up to run the table
97
00:04:27,331 --> 00:04:28,766
and Pearl is the youngest
of 11 children...
98
00:04:28,867 --> 00:04:31,236
Just hit the damn ball!
99
00:04:32,304 --> 00:04:34,574
Sorry.
So, you miss Pearl, huh?
100
00:04:34,674 --> 00:04:36,777
Is it that obvious?
101
00:04:36,878 --> 00:04:38,545
No, I'm just more perceptive
than most.
102
00:04:38,645 --> 00:04:40,415
Picking up
on little clues here and there.
103
00:04:40,515 --> 00:04:41,950
I'm like that guy,
what's his name,
104
00:04:42,050 --> 00:04:43,987
with the magnifying glass
and the Sherlock Holmes hat.
105
00:04:44,087 --> 00:04:45,421
Carmen Sandiego.
106
00:04:46,623 --> 00:04:48,258
Truth is, I'm starting to worry
107
00:04:48,358 --> 00:04:49,827
that Pearl might be
losing interest in me.
108
00:04:49,928 --> 00:04:52,631
Say no more.
I'm on it.
109
00:04:52,731 --> 00:04:54,100
- Uh, no, no, no.
- Yeah, yeah, don't worry.
110
00:04:54,200 --> 00:04:56,003
I got a guy.
His name is Sully.
111
00:04:56,103 --> 00:04:58,205
He's real smart
and real tough.
112
00:04:58,305 --> 00:05:01,842
He makes sons of bitches
look like real bastards.
113
00:05:02,611 --> 00:05:05,247
That sounds bad.
Do not have him come here.
114
00:05:07,817 --> 00:05:09,653
Oh, too late, he's in.
115
00:05:09,753 --> 00:05:11,722
He's just gotta hop on
a flight from Barbados.
116
00:05:11,822 --> 00:05:13,525
Oh, you know who's been
to Barbados?
117
00:05:13,625 --> 00:05:15,027
- Oh, Pearl?
- Yeah.
118
00:05:15,127 --> 00:05:16,395
No one cares.
119
00:05:25,206 --> 00:05:27,243
Wow!
120
00:05:28,210 --> 00:05:30,280
This place is so inclusive.
121
00:05:30,380 --> 00:05:33,751
A bae for every bae,
as long as you're rich.
122
00:05:36,956 --> 00:05:40,326
Harper, Carly,
this is my niece, Rose.
123
00:05:40,426 --> 00:05:42,329
She's named after that plant
from The Bachelor.
124
00:05:42,429 --> 00:05:45,467
- Hi!
- Aw! Hi, there, Rose.
125
00:05:45,567 --> 00:05:49,205
Rose is a big fan of yours,
Carly, and the USA Bae dolls.
126
00:05:49,305 --> 00:05:51,942
And James Corden.
She's a night owl.
127
00:05:52,042 --> 00:05:54,811
Well, then you can be
our special expert
128
00:05:54,911 --> 00:05:57,983
on how to make my doll
less offensive and terrible.
129
00:05:58,083 --> 00:05:59,185
Okay!
130
00:06:00,886 --> 00:06:04,657
I know these are for dolls,
but I could pull this off.
131
00:06:04,757 --> 00:06:07,962
Oh, definitely.
I'm Byron.
132
00:06:08,062 --> 00:06:10,032
Harper.
Tell me,
133
00:06:10,132 --> 00:06:13,736
is there a Mrs. Handsome Man
With a Perfect Smile?
134
00:06:13,836 --> 00:06:16,840
- There's not.
- Ooh, lucky me.
135
00:06:17,741 --> 00:06:20,045
There he is,
Twinkle Dream Weaver
136
00:06:20,145 --> 00:06:21,847
and Chief Am-bae-ssador
himself!
137
00:06:21,947 --> 00:06:23,249
Hold on, Carly.
138
00:06:23,349 --> 00:06:26,653
You don't think this man
works in a doll store?
139
00:06:26,753 --> 00:06:27,921
No.
140
00:06:28,022 --> 00:06:29,324
I actually don't know what
he does yet,
141
00:06:29,424 --> 00:06:30,958
but in my mind,
he builds furniture,
142
00:06:31,059 --> 00:06:33,362
rescues kittens, but where
he really makes his money
143
00:06:33,462 --> 00:06:35,932
is writing erotic poetry.
144
00:06:36,033 --> 00:06:38,436
- Am I close?
- I actually do work here.
145
00:06:39,270 --> 00:06:41,440
Which some closed-minded people
have a problem with.
146
00:06:41,540 --> 00:06:44,509
Oh, no, I am super open-minded!
147
00:06:44,609 --> 00:06:46,712
I'm like a 7-Eleven.
They're open a lot, right?
148
00:06:46,812 --> 00:06:49,316
- Mm-hmm.
- I love that you work here,
149
00:06:49,416 --> 00:06:50,917
because I'm not the type
of person who would have
150
00:06:51,018 --> 00:06:52,687
a problem with that--
not that I would have a problem
151
00:06:52,787 --> 00:06:54,189
with the type of person
who had a problem with that.
152
00:06:54,289 --> 00:06:55,291
Carly, you talk now.
153
00:06:55,391 --> 00:06:56,992
Why?
You're crushing it.
154
00:06:58,428 --> 00:07:00,464
I'm Carly Shay,
we spoke on the phone.
155
00:07:00,564 --> 00:07:01,966
Oh, of course!
156
00:07:02,067 --> 00:07:04,870
I'm sorry, you just look
so different from your doll.
157
00:07:06,072 --> 00:07:07,306
Thank you.
158
00:07:07,406 --> 00:07:09,476
Why don't you and I exit
the judgment zone?
159
00:07:09,576 --> 00:07:12,646
Oh, no, no, no.
I'm super progressive!
160
00:07:12,746 --> 00:07:14,248
I'll give anyone a chance.
161
00:07:14,349 --> 00:07:16,318
I once dated
a puppeteer!
162
00:07:17,119 --> 00:07:19,222
The Carly Bae
should be a representation
163
00:07:19,322 --> 00:07:20,823
of me as a role model.
164
00:07:20,924 --> 00:07:22,759
She doesn't lead
with her looks.
165
00:07:22,859 --> 00:07:25,597
She should have
an understated grace.
166
00:07:25,697 --> 00:07:29,535
Yes, and smaller... personality.
167
00:07:29,635 --> 00:07:31,271
Or at least bigger feet.
168
00:07:31,371 --> 00:07:33,973
Got it.
This is all super helpful.
169
00:07:34,074 --> 00:07:36,844
I promise, by launch day,
your doll will be much better.
170
00:07:36,944 --> 00:07:40,282
I really think my Bae
could be the best one ever.
171
00:07:50,095 --> 00:07:52,665
DOLL
I have lots of female friends
172
00:07:52,765 --> 00:07:55,102
who are also cats.
173
00:07:56,503 --> 00:08:00,375
Oh, good.
She's a feminist.
174
00:08:08,953 --> 00:08:11,457
I like her.
She's relatable.
175
00:08:11,557 --> 00:08:14,294
She has the eyes
of a hitchhiking ghost.
176
00:08:15,862 --> 00:08:17,198
Well, where's Rose?
177
00:08:17,298 --> 00:08:18,732
Why don't we ask her
what she thinks of her?
178
00:08:18,832 --> 00:08:20,702
Last time I saw her,
she was getting dental X-rays
179
00:08:20,802 --> 00:08:22,537
from Isla, the Orthodontist Bae.
180
00:08:22,637 --> 00:08:26,075
Look, that other doll
wasn't a role model.
181
00:08:26,176 --> 00:08:29,480
But this Carly could be.
182
00:08:29,580 --> 00:08:32,116
It's just important to me that
the focus isn't on her looks.
183
00:08:32,217 --> 00:08:35,188
Okay, but what--
what is the focus on?
184
00:08:35,288 --> 00:08:37,391
'Cause she literally looks
out of focus.
185
00:08:38,358 --> 00:08:40,261
I'm sorry.
If this is the doll you want,
186
00:08:40,361 --> 00:08:43,097
I do support you.
I just...
187
00:08:44,032 --> 00:08:46,168
Concerts are too loud.
188
00:08:47,437 --> 00:08:50,208
We're only given
one set of ears, Paul.
189
00:08:54,713 --> 00:08:55,914
Sully!
190
00:08:56,014 --> 00:08:57,817
Thanks for coming
on such short notice.
191
00:08:57,917 --> 00:08:59,151
You look good.
192
00:08:59,252 --> 00:09:01,255
Island life has been
treating you well.
193
00:09:01,355 --> 00:09:03,858
Now, the reason I asked you
to come here today
194
00:09:03,958 --> 00:09:08,130
is because my buddy Freddie
has been having girl trouble.
195
00:09:08,231 --> 00:09:09,598
I told you about Freddie, right?
196
00:09:11,167 --> 00:09:13,671
Yeah, he smells a little
like cucumber salad, exactly.
197
00:09:13,771 --> 00:09:15,440
Anyway, here's the mark.
198
00:09:15,540 --> 00:09:16,842
This is Pearl.
199
00:09:18,344 --> 00:09:19,912
I agree, she's a little
out of his league.
200
00:09:20,012 --> 00:09:22,949
But she and Freddie
have been drifting apart lately,
201
00:09:23,050 --> 00:09:25,286
and we gotta find a way
to reignite their passion.
202
00:09:25,386 --> 00:09:28,022
You smell cucumbers?
203
00:09:28,122 --> 00:09:30,326
Of course, there he is.
204
00:09:31,494 --> 00:09:33,264
I knew it was gonna be a monkey.
205
00:09:33,364 --> 00:09:34,965
Freddie, have a seat.
206
00:09:35,065 --> 00:09:37,769
We gotta hammer out
this plan.
207
00:09:37,869 --> 00:09:39,070
And we gotta do it quickly.
208
00:09:39,170 --> 00:09:41,274
Sully's jet-lagged.
209
00:09:41,374 --> 00:09:43,042
I can't believe
I'm putting my relationship
210
00:09:43,142 --> 00:09:45,144
in the hands of you
and a monkey.
211
00:09:45,245 --> 00:09:47,582
A very cute monkey,
but still.
212
00:09:47,682 --> 00:09:48,883
Ah!
213
00:09:48,983 --> 00:09:50,519
Sorry, he doesn't like
being called cute.
214
00:09:50,619 --> 00:09:51,920
He thinks it
makes him seem weak.
215
00:09:52,020 --> 00:09:53,290
He weighs like six pounds!
216
00:09:53,390 --> 00:09:55,292
Yeah, but it's all muscle.
217
00:09:55,392 --> 00:09:57,361
Anyway, here's the play,
we're gonna do what we did
218
00:09:57,461 --> 00:09:58,662
for my buddy Victor
in Albuquerque.
219
00:09:58,762 --> 00:10:00,632
What was that called?
220
00:10:00,732 --> 00:10:03,369
That's right, the Flip Wilson.
We'll do that.
221
00:10:04,236 --> 00:10:05,305
Oh, no, you're right,
222
00:10:05,405 --> 00:10:06,807
we don't have a hotdog cart.
223
00:10:16,085 --> 00:10:18,054
What do you got?
224
00:10:20,291 --> 00:10:21,892
Your diaper?
Yes, of course!
225
00:10:21,992 --> 00:10:23,895
We do the Baby Huey.
226
00:10:23,995 --> 00:10:25,331
The hell
is the Baby Huey?
227
00:10:25,431 --> 00:10:26,799
Well, it's right there
in the title.
228
00:10:26,899 --> 00:10:28,200
Sully pretends to be a baby,
229
00:10:28,301 --> 00:10:29,670
I drop him off
at your doorstep
230
00:10:29,770 --> 00:10:32,072
so you and Pearl
can take care of him.
231
00:10:32,172 --> 00:10:34,376
I read somewhere
that 90% of babies
232
00:10:34,476 --> 00:10:36,145
are born to save marriages.
233
00:10:36,245 --> 00:10:38,448
But 100% of those couples
break up.
234
00:10:38,548 --> 00:10:41,618
I didn't finish the article.
Anyway, you got a better idea?
235
00:10:43,020 --> 00:10:45,624
Can't believe
I'm saying this... but no.
236
00:10:45,724 --> 00:10:47,159
Yeah!
237
00:10:47,259 --> 00:10:50,129
Yeah.
There you go.
238
00:10:52,767 --> 00:10:54,435
Yeah.
239
00:10:56,237 --> 00:10:58,106
Now, remember,
when we see Byron,
240
00:10:58,206 --> 00:10:59,776
just like we practiced.
241
00:10:59,876 --> 00:11:03,647
Gee, lady, thanks for opening
my perspective!
242
00:11:03,747 --> 00:11:06,485
You're at an 11,
I need you at a six.
243
00:11:07,752 --> 00:11:10,523
Hello, child.
Bae I be of assistance?
244
00:11:10,623 --> 00:11:12,325
Byron, hi!
245
00:11:12,426 --> 00:11:14,595
I was just helping
this young person
246
00:11:14,695 --> 00:11:16,831
realize the importance
of not being so focused
247
00:11:16,931 --> 00:11:19,568
on the dolls' occupations.
248
00:11:22,338 --> 00:11:24,107
Gee, lady, thanks for opening
249
00:11:24,207 --> 00:11:25,843
my perspective.
250
00:11:25,943 --> 00:11:29,415
Aw, run along, random youth.
251
00:11:30,181 --> 00:11:31,851
That was a three
and you know it.
252
00:11:32,685 --> 00:11:36,123
Byron, I'm sorry
for judging you.
253
00:11:36,223 --> 00:11:37,891
Honestly, it was
a split-second mistake
254
00:11:37,991 --> 00:11:39,594
and really unlike me.
255
00:11:39,694 --> 00:11:43,399
If you're still interested,
I'd love to get lunch sometime.
256
00:11:43,499 --> 00:11:44,935
I'd like that.
257
00:11:45,035 --> 00:11:46,537
How about later today
at the Caf-Bae?
258
00:11:46,637 --> 00:11:48,773
I get 20% off
pre-packaged snacks.
259
00:11:48,873 --> 00:11:51,208
You mean that area
filled with dolls
260
00:11:51,308 --> 00:11:52,811
being served food
they can't eat?
261
00:11:52,911 --> 00:11:55,348
Oh, is that
not fancy enough for you?
262
00:11:55,449 --> 00:11:57,283
What, should we go get lunch
at the bank?
263
00:11:57,383 --> 00:11:59,186
No, no, no,
the Caf-Bae is perfect.
264
00:11:59,286 --> 00:12:01,857
Ooh, Bae-tastic.
265
00:12:01,957 --> 00:12:04,059
Oh, just a heads-up,
the hummus tray
266
00:12:04,159 --> 00:12:05,462
doesn't count as pre-packaged.
267
00:12:05,562 --> 00:12:08,265
It's kind of a gray area,
but rules are rules.
268
00:12:09,933 --> 00:12:13,271
So, Rose,
you're the USA Bae expert.
269
00:12:13,371 --> 00:12:15,441
Yeah, I like them
'cause they're pretty.
270
00:12:15,541 --> 00:12:18,679
So, what do you think
about that one?
271
00:12:18,779 --> 00:12:20,747
She's not pretty.
272
00:12:21,949 --> 00:12:24,987
Wow, way to tear down
other women.
273
00:12:25,087 --> 00:12:27,756
Here, pull her string
and watch her come to life.
274
00:12:30,293 --> 00:12:32,062
It's fine.
275
00:12:32,162 --> 00:12:34,866
I'll eat it like this.
276
00:12:34,966 --> 00:12:36,334
She's relatable.
277
00:12:36,434 --> 00:12:38,404
- Her clothes don't fit.
- But she's smart.
278
00:12:38,505 --> 00:12:39,872
She looks tired.
279
00:12:39,972 --> 00:12:42,442
Well, we can't all take
two naps a day, Rose.
280
00:12:43,410 --> 00:12:44,879
Sorry.
281
00:12:45,914 --> 00:12:47,148
What I mean is,
282
00:12:47,248 --> 00:12:50,185
this doll can be whatever
you want her to be.
283
00:12:50,285 --> 00:12:52,489
Can she be...
284
00:12:52,589 --> 00:12:54,090
somewhere else?
285
00:12:55,092 --> 00:12:56,794
Go get fitted
for a night guard with Isla.
286
00:12:56,894 --> 00:12:58,631
Yay!
287
00:13:00,867 --> 00:13:03,770
Carly, good news has arrived
in the form of me.
288
00:13:03,870 --> 00:13:05,640
Oh, I could use some good news.
289
00:13:05,740 --> 00:13:08,610
And some money.
These waters were $42.
290
00:13:10,445 --> 00:13:14,852
Okay, so the prototype
wasn't a prototype.
291
00:13:14,952 --> 00:13:17,355
They mass-produced
the Hot Carly Bae
292
00:13:17,455 --> 00:13:19,290
and sent you one
assuming you'd love it.
293
00:13:19,390 --> 00:13:21,093
Apparently,
they've never had a Bae
294
00:13:21,193 --> 00:13:22,562
give negative feedback before.
295
00:13:22,662 --> 00:13:24,965
Great, so now
I'm not just the boring bae,
296
00:13:25,065 --> 00:13:28,269
I'm also the difficult bae.
I'm the Anne Hatha-bae.
297
00:13:28,369 --> 00:13:31,106
I know you, Carly.
You want a doll
298
00:13:31,206 --> 00:13:33,375
that those little kids
out there will cherish.
299
00:13:33,475 --> 00:13:35,779
So, I'm just presenting
your options.
300
00:13:35,879 --> 00:13:39,717
The first one,
or the boring one, you know?
301
00:13:39,817 --> 00:13:42,120
But I'll support
whichever you choose,
302
00:13:42,220 --> 00:13:44,490
even if it's the dead-eyed one
that no one would look at,
303
00:13:44,591 --> 00:13:46,092
let alone give to a child.
304
00:13:47,160 --> 00:13:49,429
All right,
let me get out of your hair
305
00:13:49,529 --> 00:13:50,799
so you can decide
which one to sell.
306
00:13:50,899 --> 00:13:52,634
The Hot One,
for instance.
307
00:13:54,036 --> 00:13:55,404
Do the Hot One!
308
00:13:55,504 --> 00:13:56,973
Sorry, allergies.
309
00:14:03,916 --> 00:14:05,984
- Can you get the door?
- But you're right there.
310
00:14:06,084 --> 00:14:09,188
I know, but I just
put all this lotion
311
00:14:09,288 --> 00:14:11,391
on my hands, so, I can't...
312
00:14:13,929 --> 00:14:15,731
Okay.
313
00:14:18,434 --> 00:14:20,437
Hi!
314
00:14:20,537 --> 00:14:23,374
Aw, what's that?
315
00:14:25,910 --> 00:14:28,547
"My name is Sully.
I've been abandoned.
316
00:14:28,648 --> 00:14:30,116
"Looking for a really
committed couple
317
00:14:30,216 --> 00:14:32,285
"who's kind and generous,
and hasn't shared a meal
318
00:14:32,385 --> 00:14:33,788
in over a week."
319
00:14:33,888 --> 00:14:35,890
- Oh, my God.
- Aw!
320
00:14:35,990 --> 00:14:37,793
Someone just left him
on our doorstep.
321
00:14:37,893 --> 00:14:40,029
That is crazy.
Isn't that crazy?
322
00:14:40,129 --> 00:14:43,801
It's not crazy.
It's bananas.
323
00:14:45,770 --> 00:14:47,973
Well, I think we should
keep him, the two of us.
324
00:14:48,073 --> 00:14:49,574
You know, it's a big responsibility.
325
00:14:49,675 --> 00:14:50,777
We're gonna have to spend
a lot more time together
326
00:14:50,877 --> 00:14:52,078
at home, and not at work,
327
00:14:52,178 --> 00:14:54,514
or out getting drinks
with friends.
328
00:14:54,614 --> 00:14:57,451
Absolutely.
He needs us.
329
00:14:57,551 --> 00:14:59,253
Do you think he's hungry?
330
00:14:59,353 --> 00:15:00,856
Hey, you want
something to eat?
331
00:15:02,257 --> 00:15:05,662
Oh, no, no, no.
That's Daddy's drink.
332
00:15:05,762 --> 00:15:07,999
Okay.
333
00:15:08,099 --> 00:15:10,002
Give-- can...
334
00:15:10,102 --> 00:15:12,304
No, Sully, give the bottle
to Mommy.
335
00:15:16,243 --> 00:15:18,012
Oh, my God, he loves you.
336
00:15:18,112 --> 00:15:19,480
Spencer was right.
337
00:15:19,580 --> 00:15:21,683
You're the best there is.
338
00:15:23,920 --> 00:15:25,221
Aw.
339
00:15:25,321 --> 00:15:26,690
Family hug.
340
00:15:26,790 --> 00:15:28,759
Sully, you're so cute.
341
00:15:28,859 --> 00:15:30,628
- Ow!
- Sully!
342
00:15:30,729 --> 00:15:32,732
Stop it!
No, you get down.
343
00:15:32,832 --> 00:15:34,700
I don't know
what set him off.
344
00:15:34,800 --> 00:15:36,870
He doesn't like
to be called cute...
345
00:15:36,970 --> 00:15:38,772
- is my guess.
- Oh.
346
00:15:39,741 --> 00:15:40,908
I-I don't think it's safe for me
347
00:15:41,008 --> 00:15:42,276
to be in your apartment
with this monkey.
348
00:15:42,376 --> 00:15:44,046
- Let's just get rid of him.
- Oh, no, no.
349
00:15:44,146 --> 00:15:46,149
We can't do that to him.
350
00:15:46,249 --> 00:15:48,217
Okay, I-- I'll just leave.
351
00:15:51,655 --> 00:15:52,991
You just wanna watch
352
00:15:53,091 --> 00:15:54,392
the world burn,
don't you, Sully?
353
00:15:57,930 --> 00:16:00,433
Girls, this is a nightmare.
354
00:16:00,533 --> 00:16:02,303
What am I gonna do?
355
00:16:04,038 --> 00:16:07,109
Every flower is going to die.
356
00:16:07,209 --> 00:16:09,813
You know,
you're a real tough hang.
357
00:16:11,882 --> 00:16:13,751
Let's get va-jazzled!
358
00:16:13,851 --> 00:16:16,855
This is why you don't have
any female friends.
359
00:16:18,090 --> 00:16:20,393
Carly, there you are.
I need advice.
360
00:16:20,493 --> 00:16:22,196
Okay, but I need yours first.
361
00:16:22,296 --> 00:16:23,864
Those kids out there
are gonna eat me alive
362
00:16:23,964 --> 00:16:25,400
if I don't give 'em
one of these dolls.
363
00:16:25,500 --> 00:16:28,369
But how can I pick one
when they're both so wrong?
364
00:16:28,469 --> 00:16:30,206
Well, how could they be right?
365
00:16:30,306 --> 00:16:32,675
None of these people
really know you.
366
00:16:32,776 --> 00:16:34,544
They're just judging you
at the surface.
367
00:16:34,644 --> 00:16:37,715
Because...
that's what we all do.
368
00:16:38,482 --> 00:16:40,986
- So, what do I do?
- Shh, having an epiphany.
369
00:16:41,821 --> 00:16:44,157
So, Byron loves his job.
370
00:16:44,257 --> 00:16:45,492
So do I!
371
00:16:45,592 --> 00:16:48,095
So, it's very likely
he sleeps with a doll.
372
00:16:48,195 --> 00:16:50,232
I can work with that.
373
00:16:50,332 --> 00:16:53,069
Thank you, Carly.
374
00:16:53,169 --> 00:16:54,237
Hey!
375
00:16:54,337 --> 00:16:56,073
What about my thing?
376
00:16:58,308 --> 00:17:00,345
Carly, you gotta make
a decision
377
00:17:00,445 --> 00:17:02,014
or we're gonna have
to call this whole thing off.
378
00:17:02,114 --> 00:17:04,416
We can do that?
Well, let's just do that!
379
00:17:04,516 --> 00:17:05,785
No, no, no.
No, no, no.
380
00:17:05,886 --> 00:17:07,587
No, you'll owe them
a crap ton of money.
381
00:17:07,687 --> 00:17:09,958
Plus, I already spent my cut
on a Moroccan coffee table.
382
00:17:10,058 --> 00:17:12,661
It's on the boat.
You have to choose.
383
00:17:12,761 --> 00:17:14,763
I don't know what to do.
384
00:17:16,399 --> 00:17:17,901
Look, come on.
385
00:17:18,001 --> 00:17:21,072
If we put our heads together,
we can figure this out.
386
00:17:23,041 --> 00:17:25,744
- You just solved it!
- You bet I did.
387
00:17:25,845 --> 00:17:27,613
What exactly did I do?
388
00:17:27,713 --> 00:17:31,018
- You solved it.
- You bet I did.
389
00:17:36,292 --> 00:17:37,659
Thank you, Soccer Mary.
390
00:17:37,759 --> 00:17:40,330
You did a wonderful job
fielding those questions.
391
00:17:42,533 --> 00:17:46,906
Will somebody let this man
host the Oscars, okay?
392
00:17:47,006 --> 00:17:48,674
I hate seeing you like this.
393
00:17:48,774 --> 00:17:52,046
And that brings us
to our final USA Bae of Todae.
394
00:17:52,146 --> 00:17:54,248
Carly Shay, the...
395
00:17:54,348 --> 00:17:56,684
Did we ever land
on your personality?
396
00:17:56,784 --> 00:17:58,321
- We did not.
- Okay.
397
00:17:58,421 --> 00:18:00,924
- Thank you, Byron.
- Yes, thank you, Byron.
398
00:18:03,227 --> 00:18:05,496
I am honored
to be here today.
399
00:18:05,596 --> 00:18:08,567
But unfortunately,
the designers weren't able
400
00:18:08,667 --> 00:18:10,769
to capture who I am.
401
00:18:10,869 --> 00:18:15,243
Because all any person is
cannot be represented
402
00:18:15,343 --> 00:18:17,278
by just one doll.
403
00:18:18,180 --> 00:18:20,782
But we can start
to get there...
404
00:18:20,883 --> 00:18:22,852
with two.
405
00:18:22,953 --> 00:18:24,488
Oh!
406
00:18:37,838 --> 00:18:40,909
This is Albuquerque
all over again!
407
00:18:41,010 --> 00:18:42,744
At least this time,
no one died.
408
00:18:43,845 --> 00:18:45,348
What was I thinking?
409
00:18:45,448 --> 00:18:47,385
I should have never agreed
to use a monkey
410
00:18:47,485 --> 00:18:49,853
- to save my relationship.
- Excuse me?
411
00:18:50,922 --> 00:18:52,557
What do you mean,
save your relationship?
412
00:18:52,657 --> 00:18:56,329
Uh... Sully and I have
a backgammon game to finish.
413
00:18:58,032 --> 00:19:00,735
Hey.
What are you talking about?
414
00:19:01,669 --> 00:19:03,138
Look, it's just, you and I
415
00:19:03,238 --> 00:19:05,208
haven't been spending
as much time together lately.
416
00:19:05,308 --> 00:19:06,609
And I was starting to worry
417
00:19:06,709 --> 00:19:07,944
that maybe you were losing
interest in me.
418
00:19:08,045 --> 00:19:10,047
So, Spencer got us
a monkey to take care of
419
00:19:10,147 --> 00:19:12,283
because he thought it would
bring us closer together?
420
00:19:12,383 --> 00:19:14,153
Uh, yeah.
421
00:19:14,253 --> 00:19:16,655
I really thought I was gonna
have to explain more.
422
00:19:16,755 --> 00:19:18,225
Actually, not such a bad idea.
423
00:19:18,325 --> 00:19:19,826
Thank you!
424
00:19:19,926 --> 00:19:23,297
You know, Freddie,
in all my past relationships,
425
00:19:23,397 --> 00:19:25,134
I always went too fast.
426
00:19:25,234 --> 00:19:27,103
I just didn't wanna mess
things up with you,
427
00:19:27,203 --> 00:19:28,538
so I've been taking it slow.
428
00:19:28,638 --> 00:19:30,841
Oh, my God,
I take things too fast, too.
429
00:19:30,941 --> 00:19:33,044
Normally at this stage of
a relationship, I'd be married.
430
00:19:33,144 --> 00:19:35,547
You haven't even met
my parents yet.
431
00:19:36,748 --> 00:19:38,651
You've met my parents,
haven't you?
432
00:19:38,751 --> 00:19:41,321
It was a casual brunch.
433
00:19:41,421 --> 00:19:43,123
And then two dinners.
434
00:19:43,223 --> 00:19:45,760
Damn it!
How did you win already?
435
00:19:45,860 --> 00:19:48,764
I'll tell you how.
You cheated!
436
00:19:48,864 --> 00:19:51,334
Don't think I've forgotten
how you got us into trouble
437
00:19:51,434 --> 00:19:53,571
at that monkey brothel
in the Maldives.
438
00:19:54,372 --> 00:19:56,074
Just take it.
439
00:19:57,909 --> 00:19:59,711
Yeah, gloat.
440
00:20:03,450 --> 00:20:06,588
Well, I thought it was just
gonna be the two of us.
441
00:20:06,688 --> 00:20:08,156
Told you she wouldn't like you
442
00:20:08,256 --> 00:20:09,391
- being here.
- Oh, no!
443
00:20:09,491 --> 00:20:11,894
No, I'm a real girls' girl.
444
00:20:11,994 --> 00:20:14,498
So, did I tell you
I'm a stylist?
445
00:20:16,233 --> 00:20:17,468
Fun idea alert!
446
00:20:17,568 --> 00:20:20,772
Pick a year
from 1743 until now,
447
00:20:20,872 --> 00:20:23,243
and I'll give you
all the names
448
00:20:23,343 --> 00:20:26,213
of every Bae that year.
449
00:20:27,148 --> 00:20:30,051
Maybe we could talk about
something other than work.
450
00:20:30,152 --> 00:20:32,855
- Tell me about your family.
- The dolls are my family.
451
00:20:32,955 --> 00:20:34,890
And they're not wild
about your questions.
452
00:20:35,458 --> 00:20:39,731
Byron, I'm about to get up
and walk away from you forever.
453
00:20:39,831 --> 00:20:42,066
But before I do,
I need you to know
454
00:20:42,167 --> 00:20:44,503
that it's not because you work
in a doll store.
455
00:20:44,603 --> 00:20:46,440
It's not even because
you work in a doll store
456
00:20:46,540 --> 00:20:48,408
and you're incredibly creepy
about it.
457
00:20:48,508 --> 00:20:51,346
It's because you have shown
no interest in me whatsoever,
458
00:20:51,446 --> 00:20:52,881
and I'm awesome.
459
00:20:53,749 --> 00:20:55,517
Girl power!
460
00:20:57,787 --> 00:21:01,625
Gemma, Nebraska, 1997.
461
00:21:02,526 --> 00:21:03,895
Maybe we can push it
as one of those
462
00:21:03,995 --> 00:21:05,664
"it's so ugly,
it's cute" things.
463
00:21:05,764 --> 00:21:07,433
It works for pugs.
464
00:21:07,533 --> 00:21:09,436
Hey, you really gotta run
this stuff by me.
465
00:21:09,536 --> 00:21:11,272
You know you pay me, right?
466
00:21:12,139 --> 00:21:13,508
I just wanted
to be a role model.
467
00:21:13,608 --> 00:21:14,809
You are.
468
00:21:14,909 --> 00:21:16,712
I mean, all these kids
are here for you.
469
00:21:16,812 --> 00:21:18,647
And like I said before,
470
00:21:18,747 --> 00:21:20,083
I'll support whatever
you want to do.
471
00:21:20,184 --> 00:21:22,820
You know, you want me
to push this horror show?
472
00:21:22,920 --> 00:21:25,190
We sold a lot worse
on Italian QVC.
473
00:21:25,290 --> 00:21:26,558
You remember the egg coat?
474
00:21:26,658 --> 00:21:29,729
It literally cooked eggs
in the sleeve.
475
00:21:30,830 --> 00:21:33,367
No, kids do not want this doll.
476
00:21:33,467 --> 00:21:35,169
No, they want the hot doll.
477
00:21:35,269 --> 00:21:37,206
But I know that's not you.
478
00:21:37,306 --> 00:21:40,343
Well, maybe it doesn't
have to be me.
479
00:21:41,143 --> 00:21:44,815
Everyone, enjoy this
nameless doll that isn't me!
480
00:21:44,915 --> 00:21:48,186
But she's sexy
and an entrepreneur,
481
00:21:48,286 --> 00:21:49,355
and you can be, too!
482
00:21:49,455 --> 00:21:52,024
Emily Ratajkowski
wrote a book.
483
00:21:54,861 --> 00:21:56,731
Will you accept this, Rose?
484
00:21:58,032 --> 00:21:59,701
So pretty!
485
00:22:03,005 --> 00:22:05,909
Well, good news, I got your name
taken off every doll.
486
00:22:06,009 --> 00:22:07,545
You won't earn a single cent,
487
00:22:07,645 --> 00:22:09,614
which means I won't earn
a single cent.
488
00:22:09,714 --> 00:22:11,884
Integrity! It's great.
489
00:22:11,984 --> 00:22:14,654
You are no longer a USA Bae.
490
00:22:14,754 --> 00:22:16,423
Look, I'm really sorry
491
00:22:16,523 --> 00:22:18,860
that you have to send your
coffee table back to Morocco.
492
00:22:18,960 --> 00:22:20,795
It's fine.
No, it's just that thing
493
00:22:20,895 --> 00:22:23,131
was really gonna bring
my living room together.
494
00:22:23,232 --> 00:22:26,270
But, glad you feel good
about your decision.
495
00:22:26,370 --> 00:22:31,743
When I grow up, I wanna turn
a profit by turning heads.
496
00:22:33,779 --> 00:22:36,215
Yep. Great.
497
00:22:38,017 --> 00:22:40,788
I need this monster in my life.
498
00:22:47,530 --> 00:22:48,865
Sully, I thought you had
499
00:22:48,965 --> 00:22:50,634
that early morning flight
to Luxembourg.
500
00:22:50,734 --> 00:22:52,804
He has some
unfinished business.
501
00:22:52,904 --> 00:22:54,572
He always does.
502
00:22:54,672 --> 00:22:56,041
Hey, can you get us
some popsicles?
503
00:22:56,141 --> 00:22:57,943
Yeah, but there's only
one grape one left,
504
00:22:58,044 --> 00:23:00,179
and you know
Spencer's gonna be...
505
00:23:04,986 --> 00:23:07,990
And now, his business
is finished.
506
00:23:37,362 --> 00:23:39,264
Ooh!
507
00:23:39,365 --> 00:23:41,568
He hates these cans.
36935
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