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It's The Muppet Show, with our
special guest stars, the Mummenschanz.
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00:00:08,466 --> 00:00:10,468
[BAND PLAYING THEME MUSIC]
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♪ It's time to play the music ♪
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♪ It's time to light the lights ♪
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00:00:21,479 --> 00:00:25,066
♪ It's time to meet the Muppets
On The Muppet Show tonight ♪
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00:00:25,859 --> 00:00:27,861
♪ It's time to put on makeup ♪
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♪ It's time to dress up right ♪
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♪ It's time to raise the curtain
On The Muppet Show tonight ♪
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Hey!
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00:00:36,870 --> 00:00:41,041
Thirty days has September, April, June,
and my cousin Fred,
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who will be out on Wednesday.
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♪ To introduce our guest star ♪
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♪ That's what I'm here to do ♪
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♪ So it really makes me happy ♪
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♪ To introduce to you ♪
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The Mummenschanz!
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♪ But now let's get things started
On the most sensational, inspirational ♪
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♪ Celebrational, Muppetational ♪
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♪ This is what we call ♪
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♪ The Muppet Show ♪
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[BLOWS AIR]
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Thank you, thank you,
and welcome again to The Muppet Show.
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And a rather unusual one we have planned,
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because our special guest stars
are the unique masked theater group
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from Switzerland
known as the Mummenschanz.
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Let's get things started with Floyd,
Scooter and the gang in "Mr. Bass Man."
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♪ Ba ba-ba ba ba-ba ba-ba ba ♪
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♪ Ba ba-ba ba ba-ba ba-ba ba
Boom boom boom boom ♪
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♪ Hey, Mr. Bass Man
You've got that certain something ♪
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♪ Hey, Mr. Bass Man ♪
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♪ You set that music thumping ♪
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♪ To you it's easy ♪
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♪ When you go one, two, three
Ba-ba-ba-ba-ba ♪
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♪ You mean
Ba-ba ba ba-ba ba ba-ba-ba-ba ba ♪
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♪ Yeah, hey, Mr. Bass Man ♪
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♪ You're on all the songs
With a ba-ba-ba-ba boom boom ♪
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♪ And a ba-ba ba-ba boom-boom bom-bom ♪
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♪ Hey, Mr. Bass Man ♪
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♪ You're the hidden king
Of rock 'n' roll ♪
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♪ Ba-ba ba-ba ba? ♪
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♪ No, no
Ba-ba ba ba-ba ba ba-ba-ba-ba ba ♪
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♪ Oh, well, it don't mean a thing
When the leader's singing ♪
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-♪ Or when he goes ai yi yi yi-yi-yi-yi ♪
-♪ Yeah ♪
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♪ Hey, Mr. Bass Man
I'm asking just one thing ♪
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♪ Will you please teach me? ♪
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♪ Yeah, the way you sing
'Cause, Mr. Bass Man ♪
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♪ I wanna be a bass man too
Ba-ba ba-ba ba? ♪
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♪ Like this
Ba-ba ba ba ba ba ba-ba ba ba ba ♪
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♪ Boom boom boom boom
Ba-ba-ba-boom boom boom boom ♪
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-♪ Now you ♪
-♪ Boom-boom-boom boom ba-boom ♪
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♪ Ba-ba-ba-boom-boom-boom boom boom ♪
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-♪ With me ♪
-♪ Boom boom boom ♪
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♪ Ba-ba-ba-boom boom boom boom ♪
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♪ Ba-ba-ba-boom ba-ba-boom
Ba-ba-boom ba-ba-boom ♪
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♪ Ba-ba-boom boom boom boom boom ♪
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♪ Well, it don't mean a thing
When the leader's singing ♪
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-♪ Or when he goes ai yi yi yi-yi-yi-yi ♪
-♪ Yeah ♪
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♪ Hey, Mr. Bass Man
I think I'm really with it ♪
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♪ Hey, Mr. Boom Ba-Boom Ba-Boom
With a dit-dit da-dit da-dit dit-dit ♪
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♪ Come on, Mr. Bass Man ♪
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♪ Now I'm a bass man too
De-de de-de ba ba ba? ♪
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♪ Ba-ba ba ba-ba ba ba-ba-ba-ba ba ♪
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♪ Boom boom boom boom
Ba-ba-ba-boom-boom-boom boom boom ♪
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-♪ Ba-ba-ba-boom-boom-boom boom boom ♪
-♪ You got it ♪
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♪ Ba-ba-ba-boom-boom-boom boom boom
Ba-ba-ba-boom-boom-boom boom boom ♪
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♪ Ba-ba-ba-boom-boom-boom boom boom
Ba-ba-boom ba-ba-boom ♪
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Genius! Genius!
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Author! Author!
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-A work of art.
-Brilliant.
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What was that about?
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That was about, uh... A minute and a half.
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Hello? Is this Dial-A-Joke?
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♪ Fish got to swim ♪
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[FOZZIE LAUGHS]
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♪ Birds got to fly ♪
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♪ I've got to love one frog till I die ♪
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Hmm.
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What is this?
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"My dearest Piggy.
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You must know how much I love you.
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Uh, uh, I cannot pretend any longer.
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I will wait for you
in the dressing room, mon cher."
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[GASPS]
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It has happened.
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Oh, my Kermit has admitted
his love for me at last,
86
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and now, he waits within.
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Oh, come to my arms, my passion flower.
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I'm here, my love.
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Kissy kissy?
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[SCREAMS]
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[SIGHS]
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Our special guests, the Mummenschanz,
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is a group of performers who--
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Well, they're kind of distant cousins
to the Muppets.
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They use a unique mixture
of pantomime and masks
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that's about as difficult to describe
as to pronounce.
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Ladies and gentlemen, the Mummenschanz.
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[BAND PLAYING PLAYFUL MUSIC]
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Fantastic, incredible.
They remind me of puppets.
100
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Hmm. Puppets, I've always hated puppets.
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Ah, you're a traitor to your class.
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What class? I never even graduated.
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Ah...
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♪ She kissed me ♪
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♪ She put her arms around me
And she kissed me ♪
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-It was a case of mistaken identity.
-Oh...
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Hug me, Miss Piggy. Hold me!
108
00:08:06,569 --> 00:08:10,782
-I will not hug you, you twit turkey!
-Oh.
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00:08:11,574 --> 00:08:14,160
Hold my hand, pig of my dreams.
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Will you beat it, twerp?
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Just touch me, oh, hog of my heart!
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Here's a touch for you, wimp buzzard.
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I'm ready!
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Hi-yah!
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♪ She touched me ♪
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♪ She swung her porky pinkies
And she touched me ♪
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[GROANS]
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[SNEEZES]
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[TAPPING]
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-Shh!
-Shh!
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[COUGHS]
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[CHEWING LOUDLY]
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[TAPPING]
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[SNEEZING]
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[SNEEZING AND COUGHING AND TAPPING
AND CHEWING CONTINUE]
126
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[CHEWING]
127
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[PAGES CRINKLING]
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[TAPPING]
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[COUGHING]
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[BLOWING NOSE]
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[SOUNDS MIMICKING THE TUNE
OF STRAUSS' "THE BLUE DANUBE"]
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ALL:
Shh!
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Uh, the Mummenschanz
do some very strange-looking things.
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00:10:50,358 --> 00:10:51,818
Things that look like this.
135
00:11:17,010 --> 00:11:18,887
Then there's something
that goes like this.
136
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And how about this one?
137
00:11:53,630 --> 00:11:55,548
[BALLROOM DANCE MUSIC PLAYING]
138
00:12:00,804 --> 00:12:02,097
[SIGHS]
139
00:12:02,180 --> 00:12:04,432
How long we been going together, anyway?
140
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Oh, about ten years.
141
00:12:06,309 --> 00:12:08,061
Well, it's time we got married.
142
00:12:08,520 --> 00:12:10,313
Oh, gee, it's so sudden.
143
00:12:14,693 --> 00:12:16,945
There is such riffraff here.
144
00:12:17,195 --> 00:12:20,824
Wouldn't you rather be associated
with a better class of people?
145
00:12:21,324 --> 00:12:24,744
Yeah, but you were
the only one not dancing.
146
00:12:24,828 --> 00:12:26,830
[LAUGHING]
147
00:12:29,332 --> 00:12:32,794
Animal, my watch won't run.
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Ah. Here, I run it for you.
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00:12:36,172 --> 00:12:37,799
[ANIMAL YELLS]
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00:12:39,718 --> 00:12:41,720
GIRL:
Ah! Ow, ow, ow, ow!
151
00:12:44,597 --> 00:12:47,767
Hey, you are one cute tomato,
my little dumpling.
152
00:12:47,851 --> 00:12:50,395
My little cupcake, my little lamb chop.
153
00:12:50,478 --> 00:12:54,232
Oh, that makes me feel so-- So--
154
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Amorous? Let's kiss.
155
00:12:55,942 --> 00:12:57,944
No, hungry. Let's eat.
156
00:13:01,114 --> 00:13:04,242
Hey, you know these jokes
they give us each week?
157
00:13:04,325 --> 00:13:07,370
You know, they make me so mad,
I could blow my top.
158
00:13:07,746 --> 00:13:08,872
Me too.
159
00:13:09,205 --> 00:13:10,498
Ladies first.
160
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Ah. I feel better now.
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♪ Oh, my heart is beating wildly ♪
162
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♪ And it's because you're here ♪
163
00:13:36,900 --> 00:13:41,571
♪ When I'm not near the fish I love ♪
164
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♪ I love the fish I'm near ♪
165
00:13:46,034 --> 00:13:50,413
♪ Every fin that flutters by me ♪
166
00:13:51,122 --> 00:13:55,543
♪ Is a flame that must be fanned ♪
167
00:13:56,544 --> 00:14:01,424
♪ When I can't fondle
The fin that I'm fond of ♪
168
00:14:01,549 --> 00:14:05,303
♪ I fondle the fin at hand ♪
169
00:14:06,221 --> 00:14:11,184
♪ I love every flipper
Of each little kipper ♪
170
00:14:11,267 --> 00:14:15,563
♪ For each one is hipper, my dear ♪
171
00:14:16,314 --> 00:14:21,194
♪ When I'm not near the fish I love ♪
172
00:14:21,277 --> 00:14:25,198
♪ I love the fish I'm near ♪
173
00:14:29,577 --> 00:14:30,578
Hello there.
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00:14:33,832 --> 00:14:34,916
Hey.
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00:14:46,052 --> 00:14:48,471
♪ For herring, I'm caring ♪
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00:14:48,555 --> 00:14:50,890
♪ For tuna, I swoon-a ♪
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00:14:50,974 --> 00:14:55,103
♪ I'm faithful to whoever's here ♪
178
00:14:55,854 --> 00:15:00,608
♪ When I'm not near the fish I love ♪
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00:15:00,692 --> 00:15:05,196
♪ I love the fish I'm near ♪
180
00:15:12,871 --> 00:15:14,330
[SNEEZES]
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-Statler?
-Oh, okay.
182
00:15:18,626 --> 00:15:19,919
[BLOWS]
183
00:15:20,003 --> 00:15:21,379
-Thank you.
-It's all right.
184
00:15:23,465 --> 00:15:26,384
This is the part of the show
where I usually spend a few moments
185
00:15:26,468 --> 00:15:27,886
talking to the guest stars,
186
00:15:27,969 --> 00:15:30,972
but in this case,
the Mummenschanz don't talk, do you?
187
00:15:32,849 --> 00:15:36,895
Yeah? Oh, well, in that case, uh,
say something.
188
00:15:38,104 --> 00:15:40,398
Say anything.
It doesn't have to be important.
189
00:15:41,149 --> 00:15:43,026
I mean, you can say something silly.
190
00:15:44,694 --> 00:15:46,279
Ask for silly, you get silly.
191
00:15:50,283 --> 00:15:52,911
Uh, does anybody have anything
important to say?
192
00:15:53,912 --> 00:15:55,038
Yeah?
193
00:16:11,179 --> 00:16:12,681
And with that thought,
194
00:16:12,806 --> 00:16:15,308
we bid goodbye to the talk spot
for another week.
195
00:16:18,395 --> 00:16:20,188
Bravo! Bravo!
196
00:16:20,313 --> 00:16:21,856
What are you bravo-ing about?
197
00:16:21,940 --> 00:16:24,317
That performance, it was first-rate.
198
00:16:24,401 --> 00:16:28,446
Yes, it was good, but only one act
I've ever seen deserved a bravo.
199
00:16:28,571 --> 00:16:30,240
Oh, really? Who was that?
200
00:16:30,323 --> 00:16:33,827
Lady Beth Macintosh
and her singing parakeets.
201
00:16:34,452 --> 00:16:36,746
I'll never forget her closing night
at the Palace.
202
00:16:36,830 --> 00:16:37,872
What happened?
203
00:16:37,956 --> 00:16:42,252
Well, she fell into a box of birdseed
just before going on-stage,
204
00:16:42,335 --> 00:16:44,838
and she was pecked to death
by the parakeets.
205
00:16:45,630 --> 00:16:47,340
That's a hard act to follow.
206
00:16:47,424 --> 00:16:49,592
Yeah. Well, I was there and I cried.
207
00:16:50,176 --> 00:16:51,594
Really? What did you cry?
208
00:16:51,678 --> 00:16:53,096
Bravo! Bravo!
209
00:16:55,306 --> 00:16:56,641
[DOOR OPENS]
210
00:16:56,725 --> 00:16:58,685
Oh, here she comes. Get down, get down.
211
00:16:59,102 --> 00:17:00,854
Oh, hi, Piggy, my dear.
212
00:17:01,855 --> 00:17:04,607
Did you call me "my dear," Kermie?
213
00:17:04,691 --> 00:17:05,775
Indeed I did.
214
00:17:05,859 --> 00:17:09,112
I was just wondering if you'd like
to go to dinner after the show.
215
00:17:09,654 --> 00:17:10,739
-What?
-Yeah.
216
00:17:10,822 --> 00:17:14,784
You know, a quiet, candlelit meal
with soft music, perhaps some wine.
217
00:17:14,868 --> 00:17:16,494
[SIGHING]
218
00:17:16,619 --> 00:17:19,706
And then go dancing,
and walk by the river in the moonlight.
219
00:17:20,623 --> 00:17:23,376
Oh, I would love those things, my dear.
220
00:17:23,752 --> 00:17:25,670
Good. So would Gonzo here,
221
00:17:25,754 --> 00:17:28,214
and I hope the two of you
have a great evening.
222
00:17:30,383 --> 00:17:31,384
Kissy kissy?
223
00:17:34,262 --> 00:17:37,223
I'm gonna cut you in half for this, frog!
224
00:17:39,934 --> 00:17:45,440
It is my distinct pleasure at this time
to present Wayne and Wanda,
225
00:17:45,523 --> 00:17:49,736
of whom noted composer and conductor
Leonard Bernstein wrote:
226
00:17:50,528 --> 00:17:55,158
"These two are a manifestation
of the musical mediocrity
227
00:17:55,241 --> 00:17:58,536
that passes for talent
in our troubled times."
228
00:17:59,037 --> 00:18:01,039
Mm. Nice review. I like that.
229
00:18:03,375 --> 00:18:06,294
[BAND PLAYING JAZZ MUSIC]
230
00:18:10,423 --> 00:18:14,135
♪ Say it's only a paper moon ♪
231
00:18:15,053 --> 00:18:17,180
♪ Hanging over our... ♪
232
00:18:17,305 --> 00:18:18,765
[CRASHING]
233
00:18:20,392 --> 00:18:22,143
[GROANING]
234
00:18:26,189 --> 00:18:28,191
[BEEPING]
235
00:18:29,442 --> 00:18:30,568
[MUTTERING]
236
00:18:30,694 --> 00:18:33,905
VENDAFACE:
Hello. I am Vendaface.
237
00:18:34,572 --> 00:18:37,826
Simply insert coin in slot,
238
00:18:37,909 --> 00:18:39,994
step up to machine,
239
00:18:40,078 --> 00:18:43,456
and I will rearrange your looks.
240
00:18:44,207 --> 00:18:45,208
All right.
241
00:18:47,210 --> 00:18:48,253
[COIN CLINKS]
242
00:18:48,336 --> 00:18:50,463
Phase one.
243
00:19:04,853 --> 00:19:05,937
Is this good?
244
00:19:16,865 --> 00:19:17,991
Oh, Kermit?
245
00:19:18,616 --> 00:19:21,619
That was a low and dirty trick,
246
00:19:21,745 --> 00:19:26,249
setting up a date with me
and Gonzo, wasn't it?
247
00:19:26,624 --> 00:19:29,836
Oh, well, Piggy, I suppose it was.
Yeah, I'm sorry.
248
00:19:30,253 --> 00:19:32,047
Oh, really? Oh...
249
00:19:32,130 --> 00:19:37,010
How sweet of you to apologize
so abjectly to your lover pig.
250
00:19:37,135 --> 00:19:39,304
Well, that wasn't exactly
an abject apology.
251
00:19:39,387 --> 00:19:41,890
Get away from me, you giant beak!
252
00:19:43,767 --> 00:19:46,936
Kermit, now that you've begged
for my forgiveness--
253
00:19:47,020 --> 00:19:48,897
Don't touch me, creep!
254
00:19:50,398 --> 00:19:53,818
--why don't we just kissy-poo
and make up, my darling?
255
00:19:53,902 --> 00:19:55,612
You're breathing on me!
256
00:19:57,197 --> 00:19:58,281
Kissy kissy?
257
00:19:59,032 --> 00:20:02,535
Uh, well, Piggy, while I appreciate
this offer of affection,
258
00:20:02,619 --> 00:20:05,455
I hope you'll understand
when I tell you, as usual,
259
00:20:05,538 --> 00:20:07,165
that I do not want you.
260
00:20:07,665 --> 00:20:09,125
Oh, then, can I have her?
261
00:20:10,251 --> 00:20:11,795
Hi-yah!
262
00:20:13,588 --> 00:20:17,509
That is known as getting
two turkeys with one chop.
263
00:20:24,057 --> 00:20:26,017
NEWSCASTER:
Here's a Muppet news flash.
264
00:20:27,060 --> 00:20:28,520
Dateline, Moscow.
265
00:20:28,895 --> 00:20:33,858
Sergei Lenofsky, whom the Russians claim
is the world's oldest living human,
266
00:20:33,942 --> 00:20:38,321
celebrated his 196th birthday yesterday
by taking a deep breath.
267
00:20:39,572 --> 00:20:45,704
Sergei has 96 children, 150 grandchildren
and 228 great-grandchildren...
268
00:20:46,246 --> 00:20:47,580
none of whom visit him.
269
00:20:48,623 --> 00:20:50,542
Said his youngest son, Leonid:
270
00:20:51,376 --> 00:20:52,711
"He smells funny."
271
00:20:57,215 --> 00:20:59,676
Ladies and gentlemen, the Mummenschanz.
272
00:24:49,572 --> 00:24:52,742
-Well, that's about all the time we have.
-Oh, Kermit, my love.
273
00:24:52,826 --> 00:24:56,079
I am so sorry
about my little temper tantrum.
274
00:24:56,204 --> 00:24:59,332
Old buzzard-beak was driving me crazy.
275
00:25:01,710 --> 00:25:04,087
You drive me crazy, Miss Piggy.
276
00:25:05,213 --> 00:25:07,590
You know something, nasty nose?
277
00:25:07,841 --> 00:25:12,220
I'm going to send you
on a one-way trip to the geek farm!
278
00:25:12,303 --> 00:25:13,471
Send me!
279
00:25:15,432 --> 00:25:16,808
[CRASHING]
280
00:25:17,600 --> 00:25:18,852
Pig power!
281
00:25:22,689 --> 00:25:25,567
Well, the course of true love
never runs smooth.
282
00:25:26,026 --> 00:25:29,237
Let's have a warm thank you
to our special guest stars.
283
00:25:29,362 --> 00:25:32,115
Andres Bossard, Floriana Frassetto
and Bernie Schurch,
284
00:25:32,240 --> 00:25:33,992
better known as the Mummenschanz.
285
00:25:36,369 --> 00:25:39,080
ALL:
Thank you, Kermit. It's been great.
286
00:25:39,372 --> 00:25:41,458
Say, you guys really do work as a team.
287
00:25:41,541 --> 00:25:44,085
We'll see you all next time
on The Muppet Show.
288
00:25:45,128 --> 00:25:46,963
[BAND PLAYING THEME MUSIC]
289
00:26:22,082 --> 00:26:23,583
That was a funny show.
290
00:26:23,667 --> 00:26:24,918
Yes, it was.
291
00:26:25,001 --> 00:26:26,795
I wonder if they meant it that way.
21610
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