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It's The Muppet Show,
with our special guest star,
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Miss Kaye Ballard.
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00:00:11,428 --> 00:00:14,806
[BAND PLAYING THEME MUSIC]
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♪ It's time to play the music ♪
5
00:00:19,185 --> 00:00:21,229
♪ It's time to light the lights ♪
6
00:00:21,354 --> 00:00:24,941
♪ It's time to meet the Muppets
On The Muppet Show tonight ♪
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♪ It's time to put on makeup ♪
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00:00:27,861 --> 00:00:29,904
♪ It's time to dress up right ♪
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00:00:29,988 --> 00:00:33,616
♪ It's time to raise the curtain
On The Muppet Show tonight ♪
10
00:00:35,243 --> 00:00:38,413
Hey, have you heard the one
about this very fat pig?
11
00:00:38,496 --> 00:00:41,666
Have you heard the one
about this very flat bear?
12
00:00:41,750 --> 00:00:43,126
Hi-yah!
13
00:00:44,127 --> 00:00:46,129
♪ To introduce our guest star ♪
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♪ That's what I'm here to do ♪
15
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♪ So it really makes me happy ♪
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♪ To introduce to you ♪
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Miss Kaye Ballard!
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♪ But now let's get things started
On the most sensational, inspirational ♪
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00:01:05,899 --> 00:01:08,026
♪ Celebrational, Muppetational ♪
20
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♪ This is what we call ♪
21
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♪ The Muppet Show ♪
22
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Not bad.
23
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Whoops!
24
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Uh... Thank you, thank you.
And welcome again to The Muppet Show.
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Our special guest is one
of the funniest ladies in the business
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and one of the nicest, Miss Kaye Ballard.
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We think it's gonna be a great show.
If you stick around, you'll agree.
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But right now, let's get things moving
on The Muppet Show.
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One, two, three.
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♪ In the summertime when all the trees
And leaves are green ♪
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♪ And the redbird sings
I'll be blue ♪
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♪ 'Cause you don't want my love ♪
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♪ "Some other time"
That's what you say when I want you ♪
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♪ Then you laugh at me and make me cry
'Cause you don't want my love ♪
35
00:02:01,329 --> 00:02:04,958
♪ You don't seem to care a thing about me
You'd rather live without me ♪
36
00:02:05,083 --> 00:02:06,876
♪ Than to have my arms around you ♪
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♪ When the nights are cold
And you're so all alone ♪
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♪ Ging gong de-gong gong ging
Ga-ding ga-ding ga-ding gong ♪
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♪ In the summertime when all the trees
And leaves are green ♪
40
00:02:16,219 --> 00:02:18,471
♪ And the redbird sings
I'll be blue ♪
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♪ 'Cause you don't want my love ♪
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[SCATTING]
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♪ Once upon a time
You used to smile and wave to me ♪
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♪ And walk with me but now you don't
'Cause you don't want my love ♪
45
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♪ Some other guy's
Taking up all your time ♪
46
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♪ Now you don't have time for me
'Cause you don't want my love ♪
47
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♪ You don't seem to care a thing about me
You'd rather live without me ♪
48
00:02:55,467 --> 00:02:57,177
♪ Than to have my arms around you ♪
49
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♪ When the nights are cold
And you're so all alone ♪
50
00:03:00,263 --> 00:03:03,183
[SCATTING]
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00:03:03,266 --> 00:03:06,394
♪ In the summertime when all the trees
And leaves are green ♪
52
00:03:06,478 --> 00:03:08,730
♪ And the redbird sings
I'll be blue ♪
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♪ 'Cause you don't want my love ♪
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[SCATTING]
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Encore! Encore!
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Not so loud. They may hear you.
57
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Hey, Kermit. So long, man.
58
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But, Floyd, the show is on.
You should be in the orchestra pit.
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-Sorry, man. I'm ankling.
-Ankling?
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Yeah, ankling. You know, leaving.
I've come to the coda.
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I'm using the door marked "Exit."
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Like a banana
in the presence of ice cream,
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I intend to split.
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But, Floyd, you can't just leave us.
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Uh, listen, Kermit, you're a nice
little dude in your own amphibian way.
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But I just can't take it anymore.
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But what's the matter?
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-It's the theme song.
-The theme?
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00:04:27,559 --> 00:04:31,354
Kermit, you are talking to Floyd Pepper,
the hippest of the hip.
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00:04:31,438 --> 00:04:36,317
I mean, I have a room for life
at the Home for the Chronically Groovy.
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And every week I have to come in here
and play:
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[HUMMING THEME SONG]
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Nice.
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It's embarrassingly square.
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And I don't play square.
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00:04:53,376 --> 00:04:56,588
Yeah, but, Floyd, none of
the other musicians have complained.
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-Drag city.
-Yeah, we're gonna beat feet.
78
00:05:01,468 --> 00:05:04,137
-Animal, you like the theme, don't you?
-Yeah, yeah!
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00:05:04,262 --> 00:05:06,014
-No, no.
-No, no.
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Un-copacetic.
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00:05:08,141 --> 00:05:11,311
Wait a minute, Floyd.
What about Kaye Ballard's big number?
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Hey, wait a minute, wait a minute.
The dude's right.
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Yeah, we can't walk out
on Kaye Ballard's number.
84
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Good.
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00:05:18,777 --> 00:05:21,279
We'll walk out
after Kaye Ballard's number.
86
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A stay of execution.
I must remember to thank the warden.
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Whoops!
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Uh, ahem. Right now, gang,
it's time to meet a star
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who knows her way around a song
like I know my way around a lily pad,
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Miss Kaye Ballard.
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[BAND PLAYING POP MUSIC]
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♪ Have I a hope or half a chance ♪
93
00:06:06,658 --> 00:06:10,704
♪ To even ask if I could dance with you? ♪
94
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♪ Yoo-hoo ♪
95
00:06:16,042 --> 00:06:20,171
♪ Would you greet me
Or politely turn away? ♪
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♪ Oh, Kaye ♪
97
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♪ Would there suddenly be sunshine ♪
98
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♪ On a cold and rainy day? ♪
99
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♪ Oh, babe ♪
100
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♪ What would you say? ♪
101
00:06:35,854 --> 00:06:38,982
♪ Well, there you are, sweet lollipop ♪
102
00:06:39,065 --> 00:06:43,319
♪ Yes, here I am, with such a lot
To say ♪
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00:06:43,987 --> 00:06:45,530
[INAUDIBLE DIALOGUE]
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00:06:45,613 --> 00:06:47,073
♪ Hey, hey ♪
105
00:06:48,742 --> 00:06:53,621
♪ Just to walk with you
Along the Milky Way ♪
106
00:06:55,331 --> 00:06:58,543
♪ To caress you through the nighttime ♪
107
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♪ Bring you flowers every day ♪
108
00:07:02,005 --> 00:07:04,257
♪ Oh, babe ♪
109
00:07:04,382 --> 00:07:06,885
♪ What would you say? ♪
110
00:07:06,968 --> 00:07:08,595
♪ I'm so sorry ♪
111
00:07:09,346 --> 00:07:11,973
-♪ Yes, oh, baby, I know ♪
-♪ Yes, oh, baby, I know ♪
112
00:07:12,640 --> 00:07:17,145
-♪ I know I could be so in love ♪
-♪ I know I could be so in love ♪
113
00:07:18,521 --> 00:07:19,773
-♪ With you ♪
-♪ With you ♪
114
00:07:21,900 --> 00:07:25,653
♪ And I know that I could
Make you love me too ♪
115
00:07:28,031 --> 00:07:35,038
♪ And if I could only hear you say
You do ♪
116
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♪ But anyway ♪
117
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-♪ What would you say? ♪
-♪ What would you say? ♪
118
00:08:11,116 --> 00:08:16,329
♪ And I know that I could
Make you love me too ♪
119
00:08:17,122 --> 00:08:24,045
♪ And if I could only hear you say
You do ♪
120
00:08:26,673 --> 00:08:27,716
♪ But anyway ♪
121
00:08:29,426 --> 00:08:31,720
-♪ What would you say? ♪
-♪ What would you say? ♪
122
00:08:32,929 --> 00:08:34,973
-♪ What would you say? ♪
-♪ What would you say? ♪
123
00:08:36,224 --> 00:08:40,228
-♪ What would you say? ♪
-♪ What would you say? ♪
124
00:08:48,361 --> 00:08:50,613
I could watch Kaye Ballard all night.
125
00:08:50,697 --> 00:08:53,575
Mm. I tried it once,
but she pulled the shade down.
126
00:08:54,492 --> 00:08:55,869
You dirty old man.
127
00:08:59,622 --> 00:09:01,249
Okay, green stuff.
128
00:09:01,374 --> 00:09:04,002
Me and the guys stayed
through the Kaye Ballard number,
129
00:09:04,127 --> 00:09:07,672
and now, before it's time
for that awful theme song, we're leaving.
130
00:09:07,756 --> 00:09:10,508
But wait a minute.
Hey, Kaye's got another number.
131
00:09:10,633 --> 00:09:13,678
Oh, yeah? Well, maybe we'll stay for that.
132
00:09:13,762 --> 00:09:15,555
Oh, good. Listen, I'm asking you.
133
00:09:15,638 --> 00:09:18,516
Stay through to the end
so you can play the theme.
134
00:09:18,641 --> 00:09:20,393
That does it. We're leaving.
135
00:09:20,477 --> 00:09:21,936
Wait a minute, wait a minute.
136
00:09:22,020 --> 00:09:24,898
Listen, if you do,
next week we'll have a new theme.
137
00:09:25,648 --> 00:09:28,193
Oh, yeah? Well, maybe we'll stay, then.
138
00:09:28,276 --> 00:09:31,071
Good, because your noble conductor,
Nigel, here,
139
00:09:31,154 --> 00:09:33,406
has offered to write a new theme.
140
00:09:33,531 --> 00:09:35,909
-We're leaving.
-But why?
141
00:09:37,035 --> 00:09:39,621
He wrote the first one, man.
142
00:09:41,539 --> 00:09:44,042
Hey, but, guys, come on! Please. Listen.
143
00:09:45,293 --> 00:09:48,004
I always thought
it was kind of a hip tune.
144
00:09:49,756 --> 00:09:51,508
NEWSCASTER:
Here's a Muppet news flash.
145
00:09:52,801 --> 00:09:54,803
Dateline Boston, Massachusetts.
146
00:09:54,928 --> 00:09:56,721
Mrs. Gretchen Powers of that city
147
00:09:56,805 --> 00:09:59,432
is trying to enter
the Guinness Book of Records
148
00:09:59,516 --> 00:10:02,435
by completing
the world's longest sentence.
149
00:10:02,519 --> 00:10:04,229
She began talking six weeks ago
150
00:10:04,312 --> 00:10:06,731
and neighbors say
she hasn't stopped since.
151
00:10:06,815 --> 00:10:08,983
Our Muppet cameras are in her home now.
152
00:10:09,067 --> 00:10:10,568
Uh, Mrs. Powers?
153
00:10:10,694 --> 00:10:14,072
...and the dog fell over the nose
of the tree, into the spaghetti factory,
154
00:10:14,197 --> 00:10:16,324
while 6 million men
marched in their foghorns
155
00:10:16,449 --> 00:10:19,244
under a double-decker bus,
whose onion soup spoke of...
156
00:10:19,327 --> 00:10:21,329
Mrs. Powers,
if we could interrupt for a moment.
157
00:10:21,413 --> 00:10:24,958
..."But for the grace of the noodle pie,
go I," said the spokesman,
158
00:10:25,083 --> 00:10:28,461
who wore a turtleneck convertible
as the rain fell...
159
00:10:28,545 --> 00:10:32,215
The sentence you're saying is long,
but I'm missing the point of it.
160
00:10:32,298 --> 00:10:35,010
...in what was said,
not the fault of the blueberry bush,
161
00:10:35,093 --> 00:10:38,096
but instead when the investigators arrived
at the corset factory...
162
00:10:38,221 --> 00:10:39,639
Mrs. Powers' husband, Carl,
163
00:10:39,723 --> 00:10:43,101
said it makes about as much sense
as anything she's said.
164
00:10:43,226 --> 00:10:47,480
He said this from his home
at the Clinging Vine Home for the Crazed.
165
00:10:47,564 --> 00:10:48,982
...third row of the balcony,
166
00:10:49,065 --> 00:10:52,777
because that is the way it is,
you cannot believe what goes on...
167
00:10:52,861 --> 00:10:55,739
[BALLROOM DANCE MUSIC PLAYING]
168
00:11:01,119 --> 00:11:03,163
My family has quite a history.
169
00:11:03,246 --> 00:11:06,624
You can find a record of them
in the 17th century.
170
00:11:07,250 --> 00:11:08,793
So has my family.
171
00:11:08,877 --> 00:11:11,629
You can find a record of them
in the 19th Precinct.
172
00:11:14,883 --> 00:11:17,552
George, why is it
that everything we discuss,
173
00:11:17,635 --> 00:11:19,888
you reduce to the level of the gutter?
174
00:11:20,472 --> 00:11:23,516
Uh, I just want to make you
feel comfortable.
175
00:11:23,641 --> 00:11:24,768
[LAUGHS]
176
00:11:26,353 --> 00:11:30,774
[SHOUTING] So I said to him,
what kind of a girl do you think I am?
177
00:11:30,857 --> 00:11:33,902
I told him I never wanted
to see him again.
178
00:11:33,985 --> 00:11:35,403
Never, never, never.
179
00:11:35,487 --> 00:11:37,655
Do you think I did the right thing,
Herman?
180
00:11:38,281 --> 00:11:40,492
I'm sorry, I wasn't listening.
181
00:11:42,994 --> 00:11:44,037
[PIGGY SIGHS]
182
00:11:44,120 --> 00:11:48,416
[SPEAKING IN ITALIAN]
183
00:11:48,792 --> 00:11:53,254
-Uh, is that Italian?
-[IN ENGLISH] No, it's pig Latin.
184
00:11:53,672 --> 00:11:55,924
[PIGGY LAUGHING AND PIGS SNORTING]
185
00:11:56,049 --> 00:11:57,050
Pig Latin!
186
00:11:57,884 --> 00:11:58,927
Do you get it?
187
00:12:06,518 --> 00:12:07,936
[YAWNS]
188
00:12:11,815 --> 00:12:15,777
♪ Well, the sun comes up
And the sun goes down ♪
189
00:12:16,403 --> 00:12:19,698
♪ The hands on the clock
Keep movin' around ♪
190
00:12:20,281 --> 00:12:24,035
♪ I just get up
And it's time to sit down ♪
191
00:12:24,452 --> 00:12:26,830
♪ Life gets tedious, don't it? ♪
192
00:12:28,039 --> 00:12:31,418
♪ My shoe's untied
But, oh, I don't care ♪
193
00:12:31,918 --> 00:12:34,838
♪ Ain't figurin' on goin' nowhere ♪
194
00:12:35,296 --> 00:12:38,717
♪ Oh, I'd just have to wash
And comb my hair ♪
195
00:12:38,842 --> 00:12:42,095
♪ And that's just wasted effort ♪
196
00:13:00,572 --> 00:13:03,199
♪ Mouse is chewin' on the pantry door ♪
197
00:13:03,742 --> 00:13:06,619
♪ But he's been at it
For a month or more ♪
198
00:13:07,120 --> 00:13:10,749
♪ When he gets through
He'll sure be sore ♪
199
00:13:10,832 --> 00:13:13,626
♪ 'Cause there ain't a durn thing
In there ♪
200
00:13:15,587 --> 00:13:19,007
♪ Tin roof leaks and the chimney leans ♪
201
00:13:19,841 --> 00:13:22,886
♪ There's a hole in the seat
Of my ol' blue jeans ♪
202
00:13:23,470 --> 00:13:26,765
♪ And I've et up the last
Of the pork and beans ♪
203
00:13:27,140 --> 00:13:30,018
♪ Just can't depend on nothin' ♪
204
00:13:30,477 --> 00:13:31,895
[HOWLS]
205
00:13:31,978 --> 00:13:34,814
♪ Hound dog howlin' so forlorn ♪
206
00:13:34,898 --> 00:13:38,401
♪ He's the laziest dog
That ever was born ♪
207
00:13:38,902 --> 00:13:41,863
♪ He's howlin'
'Cause he's a-sittin' on a thorn ♪
208
00:13:41,946 --> 00:13:45,283
♪ And he's just too tired to move over ♪
209
00:13:46,910 --> 00:13:50,163
♪ Sun comes up and the sun goes down ♪
210
00:13:50,789 --> 00:13:54,668
♪ Hands on the clock keep movin' around ♪
211
00:13:54,751 --> 00:13:56,419
♪ I just get up ♪
212
00:13:56,544 --> 00:13:57,545
[ROOF CREAKS]
213
00:13:58,046 --> 00:14:00,715
♪ And it's time to lay down ♪
214
00:14:00,799 --> 00:14:03,551
♪ Life gets tedious, don't it? ♪
215
00:14:05,303 --> 00:14:06,930
How you doin', puddin' head?
216
00:14:09,349 --> 00:14:11,559
Hey, Kaye,
I hope you're enjoying yourself.
217
00:14:11,643 --> 00:14:14,562
Yes, I'm loving it.
Everything is just great, Kermit.
218
00:14:14,646 --> 00:14:16,940
Good. Well,
we are having some trouble here.
219
00:14:17,065 --> 00:14:18,191
Oh, yeah. Mm.
220
00:14:18,316 --> 00:14:20,443
Yeah, yeah,
the band is threatening to quit.
221
00:14:20,568 --> 00:14:22,070
Oh! Ha-ha.
222
00:14:22,153 --> 00:14:25,281
To tell you the truth, sometimes
I don't think I understand musicians.
223
00:14:25,365 --> 00:14:28,952
I'll tell you what, Kermit.
You know, uh, maybe I can help,
224
00:14:29,077 --> 00:14:31,329
because I'm a bit of a musician myself.
225
00:14:31,413 --> 00:14:34,708
Well, if you could help smooth things
over, I'd really appreciate it.
226
00:14:34,833 --> 00:14:36,459
-Well, I'd like to try.
-Mm-hm.
227
00:14:36,584 --> 00:14:39,337
Animal! Come here,
I'd like to talk to you a minute.
228
00:14:39,421 --> 00:14:41,339
[GROWLING]
229
00:14:46,219 --> 00:14:47,470
Now, listen.
230
00:14:47,846 --> 00:14:49,931
Why are you guys so unhappy?
231
00:14:51,016 --> 00:14:52,142
Oh!
232
00:14:52,225 --> 00:14:53,351
[BABBLING]
233
00:14:54,102 --> 00:14:55,186
No kidding?
234
00:14:57,105 --> 00:14:58,356
Oh.
235
00:14:58,440 --> 00:15:00,483
[GROWLING THEME SONG]
236
00:15:04,070 --> 00:15:05,864
Oh, well, you've got a point.
237
00:15:05,989 --> 00:15:08,867
You have a point.
I'm willing to say you have a point.
238
00:15:08,950 --> 00:15:10,368
-Kermit?
-Yeah?
239
00:15:10,452 --> 00:15:14,748
Animal feels a deep-seated hostility.
Am I right so far?
240
00:15:14,831 --> 00:15:16,624
Deep-seated.
241
00:15:18,752 --> 00:15:23,006
In what he interprets
as a demeaning situation, right?
242
00:15:23,131 --> 00:15:24,632
Demeaning.
243
00:15:25,717 --> 00:15:28,011
Gee, Kaye, you do understand musicians,
don't you?
244
00:15:28,094 --> 00:15:30,305
-Well, I try.
-Mm-hm.
245
00:15:30,388 --> 00:15:31,765
-I'll try to fix it.
-Okay.
246
00:15:31,848 --> 00:15:32,932
-Animal?
-Yeah?
247
00:15:33,016 --> 00:15:35,769
I have been giving it
serious consideration,
248
00:15:35,852 --> 00:15:40,148
and I honestly, personally,
I don't think that:
249
00:15:40,523 --> 00:15:42,400
[HUMMING MUPPETS THEME]
250
00:15:43,360 --> 00:15:45,528
[KERMIT HUMMING MUPPETS THEME]
251
00:15:48,865 --> 00:15:50,158
I think it's good.
252
00:15:52,535 --> 00:15:53,787
[ANIMAL YELLS]
253
00:15:53,870 --> 00:15:56,206
Aah! Wait a minute!
Animal! Animal! Animal!
254
00:15:56,289 --> 00:15:57,916
Please control yourself.
255
00:15:58,041 --> 00:16:01,544
Wait a minute. You've got to understand
that I am just visiting here.
256
00:16:01,670 --> 00:16:05,090
Now, I really feel you should discuss this
further with Kermit.
257
00:16:05,173 --> 00:16:07,717
-I don't think we need to actually...
-Discuss!
258
00:16:07,801 --> 00:16:09,386
[KERMIT & ANIMAL YELL]
259
00:16:10,762 --> 00:16:12,514
[GRUNTING AND SHOUTING]
260
00:16:30,699 --> 00:16:32,575
[ANIMAL PANTING]
261
00:16:39,624 --> 00:16:41,835
Is there anything else
I can help you with?
262
00:16:42,794 --> 00:16:45,463
How are you at notifying next of kin?
263
00:16:45,547 --> 00:16:46,840
Well, just...
264
00:16:47,716 --> 00:16:49,342
Just tell me the area code.
265
00:16:55,473 --> 00:16:56,808
-Hi.
-Howdy.
266
00:16:57,726 --> 00:17:01,479
-I'd like a haircut.
-Sure, I can believe that.
267
00:17:01,563 --> 00:17:02,981
Cut it real short.
268
00:17:03,064 --> 00:17:06,109
My rock group just broke up
and I'm sick of it.
269
00:17:06,234 --> 00:17:07,235
Check.
270
00:17:09,362 --> 00:17:13,992
Yeah, cut it short back, sides,
front, top, bottom and middle.
271
00:17:15,076 --> 00:17:16,119
Alrighty.
272
00:17:16,619 --> 00:17:19,372
You know, I have the feeling
this is a running gag.
273
00:17:19,497 --> 00:17:22,751
Yes, but it's the audience
that should be doing the running.
274
00:17:25,962 --> 00:17:27,589
Boy, you sure are slow.
275
00:17:29,257 --> 00:17:30,258
Yeah.
276
00:17:31,259 --> 00:17:32,469
All in due time.
277
00:17:34,262 --> 00:17:36,848
By the way, who cuts your hair?
The gardener?
278
00:17:39,142 --> 00:17:42,145
Well, there you go, sir. That'll be $3.
279
00:17:43,146 --> 00:17:45,148
[SNEEZES]
280
00:17:46,900 --> 00:17:50,111
Oh, rats.
I think I've just lost a customer.
281
00:17:53,156 --> 00:17:54,407
Okay, thank you, George.
282
00:17:54,491 --> 00:17:57,911
You don't mind cleaning that up,
do you, huh? Great. Appreciate it.
283
00:17:58,161 --> 00:17:59,662
[HUMMING]
284
00:18:00,789 --> 00:18:03,708
Hey, my friendly froggy
little flipper friend.
285
00:18:03,792 --> 00:18:05,669
-Yeah?
-Me and the gang have decided
286
00:18:05,794 --> 00:18:07,545
not to end our gig here.
287
00:18:07,671 --> 00:18:08,838
Oh, good.
288
00:18:08,922 --> 00:18:11,341
-If...
-Uh-huh. If what?
289
00:18:11,424 --> 00:18:15,595
-If I can write the new theme song.
-Oh, that'll be fine with me.
290
00:18:15,679 --> 00:18:18,556
-No, it won't, man.
-Why not?
291
00:18:18,640 --> 00:18:21,559
You'll hate my music.
You won't understand it.
292
00:18:21,643 --> 00:18:24,312
Wait. Now, listen here.
I'm pretty hip too, you know.
293
00:18:24,396 --> 00:18:27,565
Not hip enough.
Nobody understands my music.
294
00:18:27,649 --> 00:18:30,318
-I mean, I don't even understand it.
-You don't?
295
00:18:30,902 --> 00:18:34,948
If I didn't know I was a genius,
I wouldn't listen to the trash I write.
296
00:18:35,573 --> 00:18:37,951
Gee, I can hardly wait to hear it.
297
00:18:40,328 --> 00:18:42,080
I gotta get myself together.
298
00:18:44,708 --> 00:18:46,710
[BEEPING]
299
00:18:51,423 --> 00:18:54,718
VENDAFACE:
Hello. I am Vendaface,
300
00:18:54,843 --> 00:18:59,055
the world's first
fully automated face-lift machine.
301
00:19:00,056 --> 00:19:04,894
Just insert coin in the slot,
step up to the machine,
302
00:19:04,978 --> 00:19:09,065
and within moments,
your face-lift will be complete.
303
00:19:10,358 --> 00:19:13,194
Oh, yes! I'll do it, I'll do it!
304
00:19:17,449 --> 00:19:18,491
[COIN CLINKS]
305
00:19:18,575 --> 00:19:21,578
Now for phase one.
306
00:19:45,977 --> 00:19:49,147
Now for phase two.
307
00:20:21,930 --> 00:20:25,141
Oh! I love it! I love it!
308
00:20:29,562 --> 00:20:30,563
[COIN CLINKS]
309
00:20:30,689 --> 00:20:33,692
Now for phase one.
310
00:20:47,956 --> 00:20:51,042
Now for phase two.
311
00:21:11,604 --> 00:21:13,481
[SCREAMS]
312
00:21:16,568 --> 00:21:17,736
Next.
313
00:21:20,488 --> 00:21:21,865
Okay, everybody ready?
314
00:21:22,824 --> 00:21:25,243
Okay, so you've written
a new theme song, huh?
315
00:21:25,326 --> 00:21:27,996
Right. Right. If you like it, we stay.
316
00:21:28,079 --> 00:21:31,332
If you don't, it's "Auld Lang Syne" time.
317
00:21:32,000 --> 00:21:34,085
I am sure I will love it. Go.
318
00:21:34,336 --> 00:21:37,630
It's called "Fugue for Frog."
319
00:21:37,714 --> 00:21:41,509
-See, I already love that part.
-Good, because you'll hate the rest.
320
00:21:42,510 --> 00:21:43,553
Hit it!
321
00:21:43,636 --> 00:21:46,264
[PLAYING UNCOORDINATED JAZZ]
322
00:21:53,188 --> 00:21:56,900
♪ Mu-Mu-Muppet Show ♪
323
00:21:59,527 --> 00:22:01,279
That was the worst!
324
00:22:01,363 --> 00:22:02,405
And besides that,
325
00:22:02,530 --> 00:22:05,533
how are you gonna play Kaye Ballard's
closing number from back here?
326
00:22:05,617 --> 00:22:08,119
Like always. Loudly.
327
00:22:11,247 --> 00:22:13,375
Frog has no musical taste.
328
00:22:16,294 --> 00:22:18,380
Once again, Miss Kaye Ballard.
329
00:22:25,387 --> 00:22:27,681
[PLAYING SAMBA MUSIC]
330
00:22:30,684 --> 00:22:33,603
♪ This is just a little samba ♪
331
00:22:33,687 --> 00:22:36,064
♪ Built upon a single note ♪
332
00:22:36,564 --> 00:22:39,442
♪ Other notes are bound to follow ♪
333
00:22:39,567 --> 00:22:41,695
♪ But the root is still that note ♪
334
00:22:42,445 --> 00:22:45,323
♪ Now the new one is the consequence ♪
335
00:22:45,448 --> 00:22:48,326
♪ As the one we've just been through ♪
336
00:22:48,410 --> 00:22:51,621
♪ As I'm bound to be the unavoidable ♪
337
00:22:51,705 --> 00:22:53,456
♪ Consequence of you ♪
338
00:22:54,457 --> 00:22:57,210
♪ There's so many people
Who can talk and talk and talk ♪
339
00:22:57,293 --> 00:23:00,380
♪ And just say nothing or nearly nothing ♪
340
00:23:00,463 --> 00:23:04,342
♪ You have used up all the scale you know
And at the end you've come to nothing ♪
341
00:23:04,426 --> 00:23:05,927
♪ Or nearly nothing ♪
342
00:23:06,011 --> 00:23:08,638
♪ So I come back to my first note ♪
343
00:23:08,722 --> 00:23:11,516
♪ As I must come back to you ♪
344
00:23:11,599 --> 00:23:14,477
♪ I will pour into that one note ♪
345
00:23:14,602 --> 00:23:17,355
♪ All the love I feel for you ♪
346
00:23:17,480 --> 00:23:20,358
♪ Anyone who wants the whole show ♪
347
00:23:20,483 --> 00:23:23,361
♪ Re-mi-fa-so-la-ti-do ♪
348
00:23:23,445 --> 00:23:26,364
♪ She will find herself with no show ♪
349
00:23:26,448 --> 00:23:29,117
♪ Better play the note you know ♪
350
00:24:54,035 --> 00:24:56,454
-Well, that's about all the time we have.
-Hey, Kermit.
351
00:24:56,579 --> 00:25:00,000
Me and the band want Miss Ballard
to sign this petition
352
00:25:00,083 --> 00:25:02,460
about the theme song of the show.
353
00:25:02,585 --> 00:25:06,214
-Will you guys get out of here?
-Okay. We're ankling. Come on.
354
00:25:06,297 --> 00:25:07,716
Okay. Out, out, out!
355
00:25:07,841 --> 00:25:10,135
-Yeah, ankling!
-Okay.
356
00:25:10,218 --> 00:25:11,469
Well, having settled that,
357
00:25:11,553 --> 00:25:14,097
I'd like a warm thank you
to our special guest star,
358
00:25:14,180 --> 00:25:16,224
Miss Kaye Ballard! Yeah!
359
00:25:16,599 --> 00:25:18,810
Kermit, thank you, thank you.
360
00:25:19,436 --> 00:25:22,522
I love you. I really do.
I love all of you.
361
00:25:22,605 --> 00:25:25,400
Wait a minute, I take that back.
There's one exception.
362
00:25:25,483 --> 00:25:29,738
I'm not too sure about Miss Piggy,
because I think she's very hoggy.
363
00:25:29,821 --> 00:25:31,031
Hoggy?
364
00:25:31,114 --> 00:25:32,240
Hoggy this!
365
00:25:32,615 --> 00:25:34,242
-Hi-yah!
-Ow!
366
00:25:34,868 --> 00:25:35,910
[SHOUTING]
367
00:25:35,994 --> 00:25:37,037
Sorry about that.
368
00:25:37,120 --> 00:25:39,581
We'll see you all next time
on The Muppet Show.
369
00:25:40,999 --> 00:25:43,251
[PIANO VERSION OF THEME MUSIC PLAYING]
370
00:26:20,872 --> 00:26:24,250
Well, you must admit, Nigel,
this does sound a little square.
371
00:26:24,876 --> 00:26:26,419
Play, hound, play.
28771
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