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1
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It's The Muppet Show,
with our very special guest star,
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Miss Ethel Merman!
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[BAND PLAYING THEME MUSIC]
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♪ It's time to play the music ♪
5
00:00:19,853 --> 00:00:21,896
♪ It's time to light the lights ♪
6
00:00:21,980 --> 00:00:25,567
♪ It's time to meet the Muppets
On The Muppet Show tonight ♪
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♪ It's time to put on makeup ♪
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♪ It's time to dress up right ♪
9
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♪ It's time to raise the curtain
On The Muppet Show tonight ♪
10
00:00:36,453 --> 00:00:38,747
Hey, I went to a diet doctor,
11
00:00:38,830 --> 00:00:41,875
and in just two months, I lost $300.
12
00:00:43,251 --> 00:00:44,336
What?
13
00:00:44,753 --> 00:00:46,880
♪ To introduce our guest star ♪
14
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♪ That's what I'm here to do ♪
15
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♪ So it really makes me happy ♪
16
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♪ To introduce to you ♪
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Miss Ethel Merman!
18
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♪ But now let's get things started
On the most sensational, inspirational ♪
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♪ Celebrational, Muppetational ♪
20
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♪ This is what we call ♪
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♪ The Muppet Show ♪
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[GONGING]
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Thank you, thank you, thank you.
24
00:01:21,164 --> 00:01:24,167
Welcome, dear friends, to another edition
of The Muppet Show.
25
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And we're very honored to have
as our special guest star
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one of the giants
of the Broadway musical stage,
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Miss Ethel Merman.
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-Oh, Kermit, my love.
-Hmm?
29
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-Since Ethel Merman is our guest,
-Mm-hm.
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as a tribute, I plan to sing a medley
of all her great hits.
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Uh, Piggy, why would anyone wanna hear
you sing Miss Merman's songs
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when Miss Merman is here
to sing them herself?
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Well, since I've rehearsed them,
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why don't I just do them
and call it a tribute to Irving Berlin?
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-Piggy, will you get out of here?
-Hmph.
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Out, out, out! Yeesh.
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Okay, having settled that,
38
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let's kick off the show
with a number we call "Java."
39
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[BAND PLAYING UPBEAT JAZZ SONG]
40
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[SQUEALS]
41
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[SQUEALS]
42
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That song had a nice beat.
43
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No, no, I don't want to eat. No.
44
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I said "beat." "Beat," you old fool.
Why don't you turn up your hearing aid?
45
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There's gonna be a raid?
Let's get out of here!
46
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I give up.
47
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Okay, nice. Nice number, you guys.
Good opening.
48
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Kermit, Kermit, Kermit. Hey.
49
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My agent is dropping by later in the show.
50
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-Okay, fine.
-Yeah.
51
00:04:33,314 --> 00:04:36,234
-Hey, stand by for the next number.
-Everything's ready, boss.
52
00:04:36,359 --> 00:04:38,737
Good boy, Scooter.
That kid's doing a great job.
53
00:04:38,820 --> 00:04:40,905
Hey, do you think you'd have time
to talk to him?
54
00:04:40,989 --> 00:04:44,743
I always have time to talk to Scooter.
His uncle owns the theater.
55
00:04:44,868 --> 00:04:47,037
No, no, no. I mean my agent.
56
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-What does he own?
-Ten percent of me.
57
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Okay, okay. What does he wanna talk about?
58
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My contract.
59
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-You don't have a contract.
-That's what he wants to talk about.
60
00:04:58,465 --> 00:05:00,717
-Will you get out of here?
-Yes, sir.
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Ladies and gentlemen,
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ordinarily, I introduce the guest
and get out of the way,
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but tonight
I personally get to participate.
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You see, everybody wanted to sing a duet
with Ethel Merman,
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and because she's introduced
so many Broadway hits,
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we thought some of us
could do a few of them,
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or a few of us could do some of them.
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Anyhow, I now take great pleasure
in introducing Miss Ethel Merman
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and some of her songs
and some of us and, uh, me.
70
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Better hurry.
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Oh. Ladies and gentlemen,
Miss Ethel Merman!
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[BAND PLAYING UPBEAT JAZZ MUSIC]
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BOTH:
♪ You're the top ♪
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♪ You're the Colosseum ♪
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BOTH:
♪ You're the top ♪
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♪ You're the Louvre Museum ♪
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♪ You're a melody
Of a symphony by Strauss ♪
78
00:05:55,146 --> 00:05:57,440
♪ You're a Bendel bonnet
A Shakespeare sonnet ♪
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♪ You're Mickey Mouse ♪
80
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-Is that a compliment?
-You called me a colosseum.
81
00:06:03,530 --> 00:06:04,698
Sorry about that.
82
00:06:05,156 --> 00:06:08,451
♪ If you're ever in a jam
Here I am ♪
83
00:06:10,078 --> 00:06:13,456
♪ If you're ever in a mess
SOS ♪
84
00:06:15,083 --> 00:06:20,088
♪ If you ever feel so happy
You land in jail, I'm your bail ♪
85
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BOTH:
♪ It's friendship, friendship ♪
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♪ Just a perfect blendship ♪
87
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♪ When other friendships have been forgot
Ours will still be hot ♪
88
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♪ La-da, la-da, la-da
Dig, dig, dig ♪
89
00:06:35,603 --> 00:06:38,273
♪ The night is young
The skies are clear ♪
90
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♪ And if you want to go walking, dear ♪
91
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♪ It's delightful, it's delicious ♪
92
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♪ It's de-lovely ♪
93
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♪ I understand the reason why ♪
94
00:06:48,575 --> 00:06:50,744
♪ You're sentimental, 'cause so am I ♪
95
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-♪ It's delightful ♪
-♪ It's delicious ♪
96
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♪ It's de-lovely ♪
97
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BOTH:
♪ Wherever we go, whatever we do ♪
98
00:07:01,212 --> 00:07:06,009
♪ We're gonna go through it together ♪
99
00:07:09,137 --> 00:07:13,141
♪ I hear singing
And there's no one there ♪
100
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You would.
101
00:07:16,644 --> 00:07:19,314
♪ Anything you can do
I can do better ♪
102
00:07:19,397 --> 00:07:21,649
♪ I can do anything better than you ♪
103
00:07:21,733 --> 00:07:23,276
-♪ No, you can't ♪
-♪ Yes, I can ♪
104
00:07:23,360 --> 00:07:24,569
-♪ No, you can't ♪
-♪ Yes, I can ♪
105
00:07:24,652 --> 00:07:27,572
-♪ No, you can't ♪
-♪ Yes, I can, yes, I can ♪
106
00:07:27,655 --> 00:07:30,408
♪ Anything you can be, I can be greater ♪
107
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♪ Sooner or later, I'm greater than you ♪
108
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-♪ No, you're not ♪
-♪ Yes, I am ♪
109
00:07:34,287 --> 00:07:35,455
-♪ No, you're not ♪
-♪ Yes, I am ♪
110
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-♪ No, you're not ♪
-♪ Yes, I am, yes, I am ♪
111
00:07:38,667 --> 00:07:41,211
♪ I can be a racer
Quite a steeplechaser ♪
112
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♪ I can jump a hurdle
Even with my girdle ♪
113
00:07:44,130 --> 00:07:46,675
♪ I can do most anything ♪
114
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-♪ Can you bake a pie? ♪
-♪ No ♪
115
00:07:48,259 --> 00:07:49,260
♪ Neither can I ♪
116
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♪ Any note you can reach
I can go higher ♪
117
00:07:52,263 --> 00:07:54,474
♪ I can sing anything higher than you ♪
118
00:07:54,557 --> 00:07:56,059
-♪ No, you can't ♪
-♪ Yes, I can ♪
119
00:07:56,142 --> 00:07:57,560
-♪ No, you can't ♪
-♪ Yes, I can ♪
120
00:07:57,686 --> 00:07:58,978
-♪ No, you can't ♪
-♪ Yes, I can ♪
121
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[ON HIGH NOTE]
♪ No, you can't ♪
122
00:08:02,023 --> 00:08:05,318
[ON HIGHER NOTE]
♪ Yes, I can ♪
123
00:08:05,652 --> 00:08:06,945
Oh, yes, you can.
124
00:08:09,698 --> 00:08:13,159
MUPPETS:
♪ We belong to a mutual ♪
125
00:08:13,952 --> 00:08:16,705
♪ Admiration society ♪
126
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♪ Miss Merman and me ♪
127
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ALL:
♪ We belong to a mutual ♪
128
00:08:22,210 --> 00:08:29,217
♪ Admiration society ♪
129
00:08:39,519 --> 00:08:40,770
-Mm, heh-heh.
-Huh.
130
00:08:40,854 --> 00:08:43,481
-Yeah. Ah, wonderful, wonderful!
-Ah.
131
00:08:43,565 --> 00:08:47,068
I remember Ethel Merman
in the opening of Panama Hattie.
132
00:08:47,360 --> 00:08:49,612
You're old enough
to remember Teddy Roosevelt
133
00:08:49,738 --> 00:08:52,282
and the opening of the Panama Canal. Heh.
134
00:08:54,492 --> 00:08:55,994
Hey, Kermit, Kermit.
135
00:08:56,077 --> 00:08:58,663
-Remember I told you my agent was coming?
-Yeah.
136
00:08:58,747 --> 00:09:00,123
Well, he is here.
137
00:09:00,957 --> 00:09:03,251
-Where?
-Uh, here.
138
00:09:03,335 --> 00:09:05,128
He's a little short, Kermit.
139
00:09:05,545 --> 00:09:07,255
Heh. He certainly is.
140
00:09:07,339 --> 00:09:11,051
Okay. He's very sensitive,
so no short jokes, okay?
141
00:09:11,134 --> 00:09:14,721
-Okay, I'll try. Just introduce us.
-Okay. Ahem. Uh...
142
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Kermit, this is Irving Bizarre, my agent.
143
00:09:23,021 --> 00:09:25,648
Eh, hiya, Kermit. How you doing, sweetie?
144
00:09:26,399 --> 00:09:27,776
This is an agent?
145
00:09:27,901 --> 00:09:30,487
Where's your office, Irving? In your hat?
146
00:09:31,279 --> 00:09:34,199
Ha-ha. Very funny. Very funny.
147
00:09:34,282 --> 00:09:36,910
Hey, who else do you handle? Rich Little?
148
00:09:38,161 --> 00:09:39,245
Tiny Tim?
149
00:09:40,413 --> 00:09:43,291
I wouldn't handle you. I'd get warts.
150
00:09:43,375 --> 00:09:45,960
Warts? What kind of talk is that?
Will you get out?
151
00:09:46,044 --> 00:09:48,254
Take this guy and get out of here.
152
00:09:48,880 --> 00:09:51,966
I don't think this negotiation
is going too well.
153
00:09:52,050 --> 00:09:54,344
Hey, don't worry, sweetie, Fozzie.
154
00:09:54,427 --> 00:09:58,056
-We got him right where we want him.
-Yeah. Yeah.
155
00:10:01,434 --> 00:10:04,062
-Oh, Hilda?
-Yes, Miss Merman?
156
00:10:04,145 --> 00:10:07,357
I don't wish to complain,
but there's a mouse in my dressing room.
157
00:10:07,440 --> 00:10:09,734
Oh, yes, we'll move her tomorrow.
158
00:10:09,818 --> 00:10:13,571
But for now it's the only place
she has to change.
159
00:10:13,697 --> 00:10:16,658
-Change?
-Yes. She sings in the band.
160
00:10:17,826 --> 00:10:20,453
-Is this a show or a zoo?
-Hiya, honey.
161
00:10:21,705 --> 00:10:22,872
It's a zoo.
162
00:10:22,956 --> 00:10:24,582
-Hey.
-Aah!
163
00:10:25,208 --> 00:10:26,501
Perfect pitch.
164
00:10:26,584 --> 00:10:28,628
-You oafish animal.
-Oh...
165
00:10:30,588 --> 00:10:34,509
-What do you take in your tea?
-Oh, milk, two sugars, one mouse.
166
00:10:34,592 --> 00:10:36,720
-One what?
-Mouse.
167
00:10:36,803 --> 00:10:37,846
Take a look.
168
00:10:37,929 --> 00:10:39,973
[BAND PLAYING CABARET MUSIC]
169
00:10:44,686 --> 00:10:49,065
♪ Oh, I may be your dish of tea ♪
170
00:10:49,607 --> 00:10:53,611
♪ But, baby, don't you sugar me ♪
171
00:10:53,695 --> 00:10:55,864
♪ Don't stir me, boy ♪
172
00:10:56,990 --> 00:11:00,118
♪ Or try to spoon ♪
173
00:11:02,579 --> 00:11:04,748
♪ Don't sugar me ♪
174
00:11:05,874 --> 00:11:10,128
♪ 'Cause us is "throughn" ♪
175
00:11:11,504 --> 00:11:15,884
♪ Oh, I won't sip a lip with you ♪
176
00:11:15,967 --> 00:11:20,263
♪ 'Less you want a granulated
Lump or two ♪
177
00:11:20,347 --> 00:11:22,891
♪ Just roll them eyes ♪
178
00:11:23,767 --> 00:11:26,728
♪ Right out the door ♪
179
00:11:29,356 --> 00:11:32,025
♪ Them saucer eyes ♪
180
00:11:32,650 --> 00:11:36,780
♪ Ain't square no more ♪
181
00:11:38,281 --> 00:11:42,786
♪ Now all them things
Them diamond rings ♪
182
00:11:42,911 --> 00:11:46,247
♪ Them stuff you promised me ♪
183
00:11:47,415 --> 00:11:49,918
♪ Were figments, Newton ♪
184
00:11:50,043 --> 00:11:52,295
♪ Sure as shootin' ♪
185
00:11:52,379 --> 00:11:56,049
♪ Shootin' sure as A, B ♪
186
00:11:56,174 --> 00:12:01,179
♪ See, the teapot spouts
That the kettle's blue ♪
187
00:12:01,304 --> 00:12:05,308
♪ It don't work out, that spout is true ♪
188
00:12:05,392 --> 00:12:07,644
♪ Just boil away, boy ♪
189
00:12:08,687 --> 00:12:13,441
♪ Don't sit and brew ♪
190
00:12:14,275 --> 00:12:16,778
♪ Don't sugar me ♪
191
00:12:17,570 --> 00:12:22,701
♪ 'Cause us is through ♪
192
00:12:27,831 --> 00:12:29,332
[TEACUP SHATTERS]
193
00:12:33,086 --> 00:12:35,255
Miss Merman,
I'm kind of at a loss for words.
194
00:12:35,338 --> 00:12:38,717
For me, a frog, to be sitting here
with one of the greatest performers
195
00:12:38,800 --> 00:12:42,053
ever to grace the American musical stage,
a legend, a--
196
00:12:42,137 --> 00:12:46,141
-Oh, relax, Kermit. Relax.
-Hmm?
197
00:12:46,224 --> 00:12:48,351
-And you can call me Ethel.
-Oh?
198
00:12:48,476 --> 00:12:53,106
But I'd like you to take it easy
on that "legend" and "the greatest" stuff.
199
00:12:53,231 --> 00:12:54,983
Sounds like a eulogy.
200
00:12:55,108 --> 00:12:58,028
After all, I'm not quite ready to go yet.
201
00:12:58,111 --> 00:13:00,363
No, no. I didn't mean it like that.
202
00:13:00,447 --> 00:13:04,868
Well, I mean, I admit
that I've been around for quite a while,
203
00:13:04,951 --> 00:13:09,414
but there are some things
on this show that are older than I.
204
00:13:09,497 --> 00:13:11,499
Like, uh, Fozzie's jokes.
205
00:13:13,084 --> 00:13:14,127
You're right there.
206
00:13:14,210 --> 00:13:17,630
It just seems you've always been
a part of the Broadway musical scene.
207
00:13:17,756 --> 00:13:20,759
I remember the opening night
of Gypsy, you know?
208
00:13:20,884 --> 00:13:23,762
Kermit, you were at the opening night
of Gypsy?
209
00:13:23,845 --> 00:13:24,888
Sure.
210
00:13:25,764 --> 00:13:28,767
Come to think of it, I did hear
some croaking in the audience.
211
00:13:29,642 --> 00:13:31,061
[PIGGY CLEARS THROAT]
212
00:13:31,144 --> 00:13:32,896
Excuse me, Miss Merman.
213
00:13:32,979 --> 00:13:37,400
I do not wish to intrude,
but I, too, am a singer of note.
214
00:13:37,901 --> 00:13:40,904
-What note?
-Who knows? It's always flat.
215
00:13:42,155 --> 00:13:43,907
Watch it, flipper face.
216
00:13:44,866 --> 00:13:48,411
As a sister singer,
I gratefully admire your talent,
217
00:13:48,536 --> 00:13:52,290
and so I would like to propose a toast
in your honor.
218
00:13:52,374 --> 00:13:55,543
-Oh, how nice of you, Miss Piggy.
-Mm-hm.
219
00:13:55,669 --> 00:14:00,215
To Ethel Merman,
a great woman and a great singer
220
00:14:00,298 --> 00:14:02,759
whom we can all learn something from.
221
00:14:03,385 --> 00:14:04,928
Got any tips?
222
00:14:05,053 --> 00:14:07,931
-All that for one free singing lesson?
-Well...
223
00:14:08,056 --> 00:14:10,809
Now, look, Miss Piggy, let's face it.
224
00:14:10,934 --> 00:14:13,561
-You either got it or you ain't.
-Mm-hm...
225
00:14:13,645 --> 00:14:18,733
And all the singing lessons in the world
ain't gonna help you if you ain't got it.
226
00:14:18,817 --> 00:14:21,945
Let's hear you hit that high note
of yours again.
227
00:14:22,028 --> 00:14:23,321
[PIGGY CLEARS THROAT]
228
00:14:23,405 --> 00:14:25,907
[ON HIGH NOTE]
♪ Ah ♪
229
00:14:26,449 --> 00:14:28,368
Well, it shows promise.
230
00:14:28,451 --> 00:14:30,078
See, Kermit?
231
00:14:30,203 --> 00:14:32,455
But it's a bit subtle.
232
00:14:32,580 --> 00:14:34,958
Now, this is the way I would do it.
233
00:14:35,417 --> 00:14:37,293
♪ Ah! ♪
234
00:14:42,841 --> 00:14:47,554
Uh, did you also make some recordings
as an air-raid siren during the war?
235
00:14:48,680 --> 00:14:49,723
Kermit.
236
00:14:49,806 --> 00:14:50,932
[KERMIT YELLS]
237
00:14:53,560 --> 00:14:56,229
Ah, she and Kermit make a nice pair.
238
00:14:56,312 --> 00:14:58,231
Well, she certainly is a peach.
239
00:14:58,356 --> 00:15:00,442
[BOTH LAUGHING]
240
00:15:02,235 --> 00:15:05,488
We on The Muppet Show
are very interested in puppets,
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for some strange reason.
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Tonight we're really delighted
to have with us a man
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who produces the world's funniest shadows.
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Here he is from Australia,
our guest puppeteer, Mr. Richard Bradshaw!
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[BAND PLAYING RAGTIME MUSIC]
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00:16:16,810 --> 00:16:18,186
More! More!
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00:16:18,520 --> 00:16:20,438
Hey, wait. Look, there is more.
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00:16:20,563 --> 00:16:22,440
Oh, good grief. They heard me.
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00:16:24,693 --> 00:16:26,820
[BAND PLAYING RAGTIME MUSIC]
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00:18:00,121 --> 00:18:03,333
Hey, come on, Kermit.
The kid's worth twice the price.
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00:18:03,416 --> 00:18:07,003
-Yeah, well, I don't know...
-Oh, Kermit, my love. My...
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00:18:08,046 --> 00:18:09,798
What is that?
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00:18:09,923 --> 00:18:12,842
Uh, well, this is Fozzie's agent,
Irving Bizarre.
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00:18:12,926 --> 00:18:14,803
We're negotiating a contract.
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00:18:14,928 --> 00:18:17,555
Hey, how you doing, baby,
kiddo, sweetheart?
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00:18:17,681 --> 00:18:20,934
Not bad-looking for a pig.
Want me to handle you?
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00:18:21,017 --> 00:18:24,437
I already have an agent, short stuff.
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00:18:24,562 --> 00:18:27,732
I don't wanna be your agent.
I just wanna handle you.
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00:18:27,816 --> 00:18:29,067
[IRVING LAUGHING]
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00:18:29,192 --> 00:18:30,819
Well, handle this.
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00:18:30,902 --> 00:18:32,153
Hi-yah!
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00:18:35,448 --> 00:18:39,202
Right now it's time to present a comic
who, even as I speak,
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00:18:39,285 --> 00:18:42,205
is in danger of negotiating himself
right out of work.
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00:18:42,288 --> 00:18:47,335
Ladies and gentlemen, the funniest bear
since Maxie, Mr. Fozzie Bear!
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00:18:47,419 --> 00:18:49,963
Oh, boy, oh, boy, oh, boy. Yes, yes, yes.
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00:18:50,046 --> 00:18:54,718
Oh, I get a feeling you're a great bunch,
not like the audience we had last week.
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00:18:54,801 --> 00:18:58,930
Heh. They weren't an audience.
They were a jury. Ha!
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00:19:00,306 --> 00:19:02,017
[LAUGHS]
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00:19:02,100 --> 00:19:05,437
The bear's funny, huh?
He's my cousin. Ha-ha.
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00:19:06,312 --> 00:19:07,605
Wanna leave a wake-up call?
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00:19:08,940 --> 00:19:12,235
Uh, if you don't mind, cousin,
I will do the jokes.
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00:19:12,360 --> 00:19:14,612
Let him roll. He's funnier than you.
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00:19:16,573 --> 00:19:18,700
Can you guys hold it down up there?
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00:19:18,783 --> 00:19:21,745
Uh, you don't want them
interrupting my act, right?
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00:19:21,828 --> 00:19:23,913
No, I don't want them
interrupting our sleep.
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00:19:23,997 --> 00:19:25,040
[ALL LAUGHING]
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00:19:25,123 --> 00:19:26,583
Hey, bring on the comic!
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00:19:27,625 --> 00:19:30,628
-I am the comic.
-Then bring on the girls!
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00:19:31,296 --> 00:19:33,340
This is not that kind of show.
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00:19:33,423 --> 00:19:35,258
Then bring on the girl comic!
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00:19:37,344 --> 00:19:40,430
Now, listen. I am not gonna be heckled
by some clown
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who just came off the street.
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00:19:42,474 --> 00:19:45,143
I'm a pro, buddy. A real pro.
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00:19:45,727 --> 00:19:47,145
Look, I tell you what.
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00:19:47,270 --> 00:19:49,773
Everybody, I am gonna turn my back,
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00:19:49,898 --> 00:19:51,775
and when I turn around again,
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00:19:51,858 --> 00:19:56,404
I only wanna see real Fozzie Bear fans
in the audience, okay?
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00:19:56,488 --> 00:19:57,530
Here we go.
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00:20:03,870 --> 00:20:06,915
Okay, I'm gonna turn around now.
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00:20:16,424 --> 00:20:18,009
Even my cousin?
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00:20:19,052 --> 00:20:21,513
Ugh, it's a cruel world.
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00:20:22,430 --> 00:20:25,350
Hey, how come you two guys
are still there, huh?
293
00:20:25,433 --> 00:20:27,936
Did you lose your beds
at the old fools' home?
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00:20:28,019 --> 00:20:30,188
[BOTH LAUGHING]
295
00:20:32,399 --> 00:20:34,442
Ah, it's too late.
296
00:20:38,071 --> 00:20:43,076
All right, Kermit, my client won't work
unless you give him twice as much money.
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00:20:43,159 --> 00:20:45,954
Yeah, I just saw
how he handled that audience.
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00:20:46,037 --> 00:20:49,457
But to show you what a good guy I am,
I'll give him three times as much.
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00:20:49,582 --> 00:20:52,585
We won't settle for less than
four times as much.
300
00:20:52,669 --> 00:20:55,964
Uh, how about a compromise?
Five times as much money.
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00:20:56,047 --> 00:20:59,009
-Six times as much.
-Don't push it, Irv.
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00:20:59,092 --> 00:21:01,594
-Uh, seven times as much.
-Eight times.
303
00:21:01,678 --> 00:21:03,096
This is my final offer.
304
00:21:03,179 --> 00:21:05,724
Ten times as much as he's making now.
305
00:21:05,849 --> 00:21:07,600
-You got a deal.
-Good.
306
00:21:08,351 --> 00:21:11,604
-Oh, Irv! Irv!
-Heh-heh-heh. Hey!
307
00:21:11,688 --> 00:21:15,483
Congratulations, kid.
You're making ten times as much money.
308
00:21:15,608 --> 00:21:18,486
Yeah, yeah, and I used to make nothing!
309
00:21:18,570 --> 00:21:19,738
-Right.
-Ah.
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00:21:19,821 --> 00:21:24,200
And ten times nothing is, uh, um...
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00:21:24,701 --> 00:21:25,744
Nothing.
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00:21:26,870 --> 00:21:30,373
Yeah, right. And don't forget,
I get 10 percent of that.
313
00:21:31,082 --> 00:21:33,209
You're worth every penny, Irv.
314
00:21:34,502 --> 00:21:36,880
Uh, could you give me a hand down, kid?
315
00:21:38,715 --> 00:21:39,841
Hey, Fozzie.
316
00:21:43,094 --> 00:21:44,262
Yeah?
317
00:21:44,387 --> 00:21:48,141
Listen, Fozzie, don't be discouraged.
318
00:21:48,224 --> 00:21:52,854
Even if you don't make a lot of money,
you're doing what you love to do.
319
00:21:53,730 --> 00:21:55,148
Just look around you.
320
00:21:56,149 --> 00:22:00,904
The costumes, the scenery,
the makeup, the props...
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00:22:00,987 --> 00:22:05,784
♪ The audience that lifts you
When you're down ♪
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00:22:05,867 --> 00:22:10,455
♪ The headaches, the heartaches
The backaches, the flops ♪
323
00:22:10,538 --> 00:22:15,794
♪ The sheriff who escorts you
Out of town ♪
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00:22:15,877 --> 00:22:20,799
♪ The opening
When your heart beats like a drum ♪
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00:22:21,883 --> 00:22:24,177
♪ The closing ♪
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00:22:24,302 --> 00:22:29,683
♪ When the customers don't come ♪
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00:22:30,433 --> 00:22:31,935
I've said this before...
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00:22:32,811 --> 00:22:38,316
♪ But there's no business
Like show business ♪
329
00:22:38,441 --> 00:22:42,821
♪ Like no business I know ♪
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00:22:44,197 --> 00:22:48,034
♪ Everything about it is appealing ♪
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00:22:48,952 --> 00:22:52,956
♪ Everything the traffic will allow ♪
332
00:22:53,540 --> 00:22:57,335
♪ Nowhere could you get
That happy feeling ♪
333
00:22:57,460 --> 00:23:02,966
♪ When you are stealing
That extra bow ♪
334
00:23:03,717 --> 00:23:07,846
♪ There's no people
Like show people ♪
335
00:23:08,596 --> 00:23:13,685
♪ They smile
When they are low ♪
336
00:23:14,310 --> 00:23:19,149
♪ Yesterday they told you
You would not go far ♪
337
00:23:19,232 --> 00:23:21,484
♪ That night, you open ♪
338
00:23:22,485 --> 00:23:25,613
♪ And there you are ♪
339
00:23:26,448 --> 00:23:32,787
♪ Next day on your dressing room
They've hung a star ♪
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00:23:32,871 --> 00:23:35,248
♪ Let's go ♪
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00:23:35,331 --> 00:23:40,128
♪ On with the show ♪
342
00:23:46,009 --> 00:23:50,513
♪ There's no business
Like show business ♪
343
00:23:50,597 --> 00:23:54,142
♪ Like no business I know ♪
344
00:23:54,851 --> 00:23:58,646
♪ Everything about it is appealing ♪
345
00:23:58,772 --> 00:24:02,776
♪ Everything the traffic will allow ♪
346
00:24:02,901 --> 00:24:06,071
♪ Nowhere could you get
That happy feeling ♪
347
00:24:06,154 --> 00:24:10,283
♪ When you are stealing
That extra bow ♪
348
00:24:10,408 --> 00:24:14,412
♪ There's no people
Like show people ♪
349
00:24:14,496 --> 00:24:18,958
♪ They smile
When they are low ♪
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00:24:19,042 --> 00:24:22,796
♪ Even with a turkey
That you know will fold ♪
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00:24:22,879 --> 00:24:26,716
♪ You may be stranded
Out in the cold ♪
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00:24:26,800 --> 00:24:30,679
♪ But still, you wouldn't change it
For a sack of gold ♪
353
00:24:30,762 --> 00:24:32,263
♪ Let's go ♪
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00:24:32,347 --> 00:24:36,935
♪ On with the show ♪
355
00:24:37,018 --> 00:24:40,271
♪ Let's go ♪
356
00:24:40,355 --> 00:24:44,317
♪ On with the ♪
357
00:24:44,401 --> 00:24:51,408
♪ Show ♪
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00:25:00,583 --> 00:25:02,961
Well, another half hour has flown by,
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00:25:03,044 --> 00:25:05,630
made most enjoyable
by our very special guest star,
360
00:25:05,714 --> 00:25:07,215
Miss Ethel Merman!
361
00:25:09,592 --> 00:25:11,511
Oh, thank you, Kermit.
362
00:25:11,594 --> 00:25:15,223
This has been the most fun
I've had in a long, long time.
363
00:25:15,306 --> 00:25:18,476
You really don't have to be crazy
to do this show.
364
00:25:18,560 --> 00:25:19,602
But it helps.
365
00:25:20,729 --> 00:25:24,357
Miss Merman, from all of us to you.
366
00:25:24,482 --> 00:25:27,736
-Oh, how kind of you, Miss Piggy.
-Mm-hm.
367
00:25:27,819 --> 00:25:29,821
They won't explode, will they?
368
00:25:31,239 --> 00:25:34,743
Oh, no, of course not.
Real roses for a real lady.
369
00:25:34,868 --> 00:25:36,870
Thank you for joining us, and you too.
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00:25:36,953 --> 00:25:39,748
We'll see you all next time
on The Muppet Show.
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00:25:39,873 --> 00:25:41,374
[ALL CHATTERING]
372
00:25:41,458 --> 00:25:43,501
[BAND PLAYING THEME MUSIC]
373
00:26:17,786 --> 00:26:19,662
I wonder why I'm so itchy.
374
00:26:19,746 --> 00:26:22,665
Maybe the show's starting
to get under your skin.
28928
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