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1
00:00:03,336 --> 00:00:07,757
It's The Muppet Show, with our special
guest star, Mr. Vincent Price. Ooh!
2
00:00:09,342 --> 00:00:11,970
[BAND PLAYING THEME MUSIC]
3
00:00:18,059 --> 00:00:20,020
♪ It's time to play the music ♪
4
00:00:20,103 --> 00:00:22,272
♪ It's time to light the lights ♪
5
00:00:22,355 --> 00:00:26,651
♪ It's time to meet the Muppets
On The Muppet Show tonight ♪
6
00:00:26,735 --> 00:00:28,778
♪ It's time to put on makeup ♪
7
00:00:28,862 --> 00:00:30,905
♪ It's time to dress up right ♪
8
00:00:30,989 --> 00:00:34,743
♪ It's time to raise the curtain
On The Muppet Show tonight ♪
9
00:00:36,828 --> 00:00:43,251
Hey, I once met a vampire who was so rich,
he lived in a split-level coffin.
10
00:00:45,128 --> 00:00:47,172
♪ To introduce our guest star ♪
11
00:00:47,255 --> 00:00:49,049
♪ That's what I'm here to do ♪
12
00:00:49,132 --> 00:00:51,634
♪ So it really makes me happy ♪
13
00:00:51,718 --> 00:00:53,553
♪ To introduce to you ♪
14
00:00:53,636 --> 00:00:55,764
Mr. Vincent Price!
15
00:00:55,847 --> 00:00:57,849
[AUDIENCE APPLAUDING]
16
00:01:02,771 --> 00:01:07,025
♪ But now let's get things started
On the most sensational, inspirational ♪
17
00:01:07,108 --> 00:01:09,069
♪ Celebrational, Muppetational ♪
18
00:01:09,152 --> 00:01:11,821
♪ This is what we call ♪
19
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♪ The Muppet Show ♪
20
00:01:19,412 --> 00:01:20,747
[BLOWING]
21
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Thank you! Thank you, thank you,
and good evening,
22
00:01:24,668 --> 00:01:28,088
and welcome to a very unusual edition
of The Muppet Show.
23
00:01:28,171 --> 00:01:31,716
Yes, things are going to be
a little bit strange tonight.
24
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Uh, you probably can already tell.
25
00:01:34,052 --> 00:01:37,847
Be prepared for the strange,
the weird and the scary
26
00:01:37,931 --> 00:01:41,476
because our guest star is none other
than the crown prince of terror,
27
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Mr. Vincent Price.
28
00:01:42,936 --> 00:01:47,649
So tonight, there will be no craziness,
no slapstick, and no silliness--
29
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[LAUGHS]
30
00:01:55,699 --> 00:01:57,325
Or at least not much of it.
31
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Let the scariness begin.
32
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[MELLOW MUSIC PLAYING]
33
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[GULPS] Ah.
34
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[CHUCKLES]
35
00:02:18,430 --> 00:02:20,640
♪ I've got you ♪
36
00:02:20,724 --> 00:02:22,475
SWALLOWED MUPPET:
♪ You've got me ♪
37
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♪ Under my skin ♪
38
00:02:24,686 --> 00:02:27,063
♪ Under your skin ♪
39
00:02:27,147 --> 00:02:29,149
♪ I've got you ♪
40
00:02:29,232 --> 00:02:30,483
♪ You've got me ♪
41
00:02:30,567 --> 00:02:33,361
♪ Deep in the heart of me ♪
42
00:02:33,445 --> 00:02:35,155
That's very true.
43
00:02:35,238 --> 00:02:38,033
♪ So deep in my heart ♪
44
00:02:38,116 --> 00:02:39,159
[YELPS]
45
00:02:39,242 --> 00:02:42,245
♪ You're really a part of me ♪
46
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I don't wanna be a part of you.
47
00:02:44,122 --> 00:02:46,124
♪ I've got you ♪
48
00:02:47,500 --> 00:02:50,879
♪ Under my skin ♪
49
00:02:52,630 --> 00:02:54,674
♪ I've tried so ♪
50
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What?
51
00:02:56,009 --> 00:02:57,552
♪ Not to give in ♪
52
00:02:57,635 --> 00:02:59,262
Get back down there!
53
00:03:00,889 --> 00:03:07,354
♪ I've said to myself
This affair never will go so well ♪
54
00:03:08,521 --> 00:03:10,065
[SWALLOWED MUPPET GURGLING]
55
00:03:10,148 --> 00:03:12,817
♪ But why should you try to resist ♪
56
00:03:12,901 --> 00:03:16,696
♪ When, darling, I know so well ♪
57
00:03:17,989 --> 00:03:19,824
♪ I've got you ♪
58
00:03:19,908 --> 00:03:21,326
♪ You've got me ♪
59
00:03:21,409 --> 00:03:23,912
♪ Under my skin ♪
60
00:03:23,995 --> 00:03:26,039
Just give me a chance here.
61
00:03:26,122 --> 00:03:29,834
♪ You'd sacrifice anything come what might
For the sake of having me near ♪
62
00:03:29,918 --> 00:03:32,587
♪ In spite of a warning voice
That comes in the night ♪
63
00:03:32,671 --> 00:03:35,674
♪ And repeats and repeats in your ear ♪
64
00:03:35,757 --> 00:03:39,094
♪ Don't you know, little fool ♪
65
00:03:39,177 --> 00:03:42,722
♪ You never can win? ♪
66
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♪ Use your mentality ♪
67
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♪ Wake up to reality ♪
68
00:03:49,688 --> 00:03:51,231
Yeah, but, uh...
69
00:03:51,314 --> 00:03:55,318
♪ But each time I do
Just the thought of you makes me ♪
70
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♪ Stop before you begin ♪
71
00:03:59,572 --> 00:04:01,616
♪ Because I've got you ♪
72
00:04:01,700 --> 00:04:03,118
♪ You got me ♪
73
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♪ Under my skin ♪
74
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[CHUCKLES]
75
00:04:07,163 --> 00:04:08,206
Mm.
76
00:04:10,333 --> 00:04:16,089
♪ Que sera, sera
Whatever will be will be ♪
77
00:04:19,384 --> 00:04:22,846
Oh. That number scared the pants off me.
78
00:04:22,929 --> 00:04:26,266
Are you sure you didn't just forget
to put them on again?
79
00:04:29,561 --> 00:04:32,605
Okay, stand by
for the house of horror sketch.
80
00:04:34,482 --> 00:04:36,109
Calm down, back there.
81
00:04:36,192 --> 00:04:37,986
-Hey, boss.
-Hm. What?
82
00:04:38,069 --> 00:04:41,656
-There's someone here wanting to audition.
-Okay, who is he?
83
00:04:41,740 --> 00:04:46,036
-Well, it's not exactly a he.
-Okay, who is she?
84
00:04:46,119 --> 00:04:49,164
Well, it's not exactly a she.
85
00:04:49,247 --> 00:04:52,125
Scooter, this rather severely limits
the possibilities.
86
00:04:52,208 --> 00:04:54,002
Would you please explain yourself?
87
00:04:54,085 --> 00:04:57,172
-Well, it's sort of a they.
-You mean there's more than one?
88
00:04:57,255 --> 00:04:58,965
Not really.
89
00:04:59,049 --> 00:05:01,468
This gofer is about to become a gone-fer.
90
00:05:01,551 --> 00:05:03,094
Scooter, what are you talking about?
91
00:05:03,178 --> 00:05:04,554
Uh, that.
92
00:05:06,014 --> 00:05:09,768
Hi, Mr. Frog, can we be on your show?
93
00:05:09,851 --> 00:05:12,145
Good grief, it's a triple-header.
94
00:05:14,481 --> 00:05:17,942
-I'm going back to the dressing room.
-I'm going to the makeup room.
95
00:05:18,026 --> 00:05:19,235
I'll wait here.
96
00:05:22,489 --> 00:05:29,329
In honor of my homeland, Kermit
has asked me to do the next introduction.
97
00:05:29,412 --> 00:05:34,417
[ECHOING] We take you now to Transylvania.
98
00:05:34,501 --> 00:05:38,838
To a high and brooding hill.
99
00:05:38,922 --> 00:05:43,301
We take you now to the house of horror.
100
00:05:43,385 --> 00:05:44,594
[THUNDER CRASHING]
101
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[SCREAMING]
102
00:05:46,304 --> 00:05:48,890
[OMINOUS PIPE ORGAN MUSIC PLAYING]
103
00:06:04,572 --> 00:06:06,366
Oh, Gonzo!
104
00:06:06,449 --> 00:06:11,371
I don't think very much of this
summer cottage you rented for us.
105
00:06:11,454 --> 00:06:15,500
Yeah, I don't understand it,
the ad looked so good in the paper.
106
00:06:15,583 --> 00:06:17,377
What paper was that?
107
00:06:17,460 --> 00:06:19,421
The Wampire Veekly.
108
00:06:20,588 --> 00:06:22,716
The Wampire Veekly?
109
00:06:24,342 --> 00:06:27,762
It does look kind of big
for just the two of us.
110
00:06:27,846 --> 00:06:29,597
GHOST 1:
Yoo-hoo!
111
00:06:29,681 --> 00:06:31,433
The three of us.
112
00:06:31,516 --> 00:06:32,642
[GHOST 2 CACKLING]
113
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The four of us.
114
00:06:36,479 --> 00:06:39,691
Well, at least we won't be lonely.
115
00:06:41,359 --> 00:06:42,402
[KNOCK ON DOOR]
116
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[BOTH SHRIEK]
117
00:06:44,487 --> 00:06:46,531
Someone's at the door.
118
00:06:46,614 --> 00:06:48,742
Someone's at the door.
119
00:06:48,825 --> 00:06:51,369
I bet it's not the Welcome Wagon.
120
00:06:53,997 --> 00:06:57,042
Yep, it's not the Welcome Wagon.
121
00:06:57,125 --> 00:06:58,293
[FOZZIE WHIMPERS]
122
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Good evening.
123
00:07:00,337 --> 00:07:03,006
[AUDIENCE APPLAUDING]
124
00:07:03,089 --> 00:07:07,427
Excuse me,
but do you have a room for the night?
125
00:07:07,510 --> 00:07:14,267
You see, the road has washed out
and my horse had a flat tire.
126
00:07:14,351 --> 00:07:16,770
[FOZZIE STAMMERING]
127
00:07:16,853 --> 00:07:18,188
Well, maybe I, uh...
128
00:07:18,271 --> 00:07:21,066
I must tell you I am not alone.
129
00:07:21,149 --> 00:07:24,569
I am traveling with my beautiful assistant
130
00:07:24,652 --> 00:07:28,907
and a hideously deformed monster.
131
00:07:28,990 --> 00:07:32,577
Oh! Hideously deformed is right.
132
00:07:32,660 --> 00:07:36,414
Watch it. I'm the beautiful assistant.
133
00:07:36,498 --> 00:07:38,208
Oh, boy.
134
00:07:38,291 --> 00:07:43,922
Master, I've left Toto in the coach.
135
00:07:44,005 --> 00:07:45,340
Toto?
136
00:07:45,423 --> 00:07:48,051
Oh, good, good.
137
00:07:48,134 --> 00:07:52,847
And now I must ask,
can you tell me what time it is?
138
00:07:52,931 --> 00:07:56,184
Uh, oh, golly, my hourglass
seems to have stopped.
139
00:07:56,267 --> 00:07:59,062
Oh, this is terrible! Terrible.
140
00:07:59,145 --> 00:08:01,398
-We're in trouble.
-Yes.
141
00:08:01,481 --> 00:08:03,108
Why's that?
142
00:08:03,191 --> 00:08:06,986
Because every night
at the stroke of midnight,
143
00:08:07,070 --> 00:08:12,075
the master turns into a screaming,
maniacal, demonic,
144
00:08:12,158 --> 00:08:15,704
raging, blood-lusting animal.
145
00:08:15,787 --> 00:08:17,956
And then I get mean.
146
00:08:19,457 --> 00:08:20,834
What do we do?
147
00:08:20,917 --> 00:08:26,715
Quickly, quickly.
Prepare a dungeon, chains, manacles...
148
00:08:26,798 --> 00:08:27,799
Bind me!
149
00:08:27,882 --> 00:08:28,925
[CLOCK TOLLING]
150
00:08:29,009 --> 00:08:33,388
Oh, no, It's too late! It's midnight!
151
00:08:33,471 --> 00:08:34,973
[FOZZIE WHIMPERING]
152
00:08:35,056 --> 00:08:37,726
Oh, no, something's different.
153
00:08:37,809 --> 00:08:40,145
Oh, quick, what night is it?
154
00:08:40,228 --> 00:08:42,647
-New Year's Eve.
-Oh, no!
155
00:08:42,731 --> 00:08:45,775
This is too cruel, too inhuman.
156
00:08:45,859 --> 00:08:48,486
What? What? What is? Tell! Tell! What?
157
00:08:48,570 --> 00:08:55,577
On New Year's Eve,
the master turns into Jack Parnell.
158
00:08:57,245 --> 00:08:59,122
["AULD LANG SYNE" PLAYING]
159
00:09:01,124 --> 00:09:02,375
[ALL SCREAMING]
160
00:09:09,632 --> 00:09:14,304
Vincent Price is the most wonderfully
scary actor since Thudge McGerk.
161
00:09:14,387 --> 00:09:17,682
Eh. Thudge McGerk, I'll never forget him.
162
00:09:17,766 --> 00:09:20,810
His last film
was Phantom of the Soap Opera.
163
00:09:20,894 --> 00:09:22,062
Mm. Heh, heh.
164
00:09:22,145 --> 00:09:24,689
Yeah, after that, he went berserk.
165
00:09:24,773 --> 00:09:28,193
They say he still haunts theaters
around the world.
166
00:09:28,276 --> 00:09:30,695
Three eyes, green hair,
167
00:09:30,779 --> 00:09:34,574
long orange horns
and big, long ugly fangs.
168
00:09:34,657 --> 00:09:36,368
Horrible man. Horrible.
169
00:09:36,451 --> 00:09:38,495
[GROWLS]
170
00:09:38,578 --> 00:09:39,871
No!
171
00:09:42,040 --> 00:09:43,083
[CRASHING]
172
00:09:43,166 --> 00:09:46,544
Listen, on your way back up,
bring some popcorn.
173
00:09:46,628 --> 00:09:47,962
[BOTH CHUCKLING]
174
00:09:48,046 --> 00:09:50,674
[SPEAKING GIBBERISH]
175
00:09:50,757 --> 00:09:52,050
With butter.
176
00:09:57,430 --> 00:09:58,556
You okay?
177
00:10:01,267 --> 00:10:03,728
-Excuse me, frog honcho of mine.
-Hmm?
178
00:10:03,812 --> 00:10:06,481
Well, the triple-header
is still waiting to audition.
179
00:10:06,564 --> 00:10:08,817
A. You know,
with Vincent Price on the show,
180
00:10:08,900 --> 00:10:12,112
maybe a three-headed monster
might be appropriate.
181
00:10:12,195 --> 00:10:13,988
Tell me, what do you guys do?
182
00:10:14,072 --> 00:10:15,240
-We sing.
-No, we dance.
183
00:10:15,323 --> 00:10:18,868
-No, we tell jokes.
-Mm-hm. You work on television much?
184
00:10:18,952 --> 00:10:21,204
-Work on television much?
-Always!
185
00:10:21,287 --> 00:10:22,831
-Sometimes!
-Never.
186
00:10:22,914 --> 00:10:26,126
I think you fellas have some problems.
Which one of you is the leader?
187
00:10:26,209 --> 00:10:27,377
-He is.
-He is.
188
00:10:27,460 --> 00:10:28,878
She is.
189
00:10:28,962 --> 00:10:31,339
In fact, they got lots of problems.
190
00:10:35,093 --> 00:10:38,847
If you're like I am,
and you certainly must be,
191
00:10:38,930 --> 00:10:44,352
you are appalled and shocked at the weird
unnatural things going on tonight.
192
00:10:44,436 --> 00:10:46,146
Here, to counter all that,
193
00:10:46,229 --> 00:10:52,360
the very natural,
the very normal Wayne and Wanda.
194
00:10:56,489 --> 00:11:00,118
♪ I'm wild again ♪
195
00:11:00,201 --> 00:11:02,912
♪ Beguiled again ♪
196
00:11:02,996 --> 00:11:09,002
♪ A simpering, whimpering child again ♪
197
00:11:09,085 --> 00:11:10,879
♪ Bewitched ♪
198
00:11:12,505 --> 00:11:15,383
Bothered and bewildered.
199
00:11:17,510 --> 00:11:21,681
This part of the program
is, uh, the cultural part.
200
00:11:21,765 --> 00:11:23,558
We have to get started now. Just a second.
201
00:11:23,641 --> 00:11:28,813
Ahem. Time once again, friends, to raise
the intellectual level of our program.
202
00:11:28,897 --> 00:11:31,566
And tonight, our special guest
is Mr. Vincent Price.
203
00:11:31,649 --> 00:11:33,902
Well, it's a pleasure
to be with you, Kermit.
204
00:11:33,985 --> 00:11:37,989
Uh, in addition to his other talents,
Mr. Price is also a great cook.
205
00:11:38,073 --> 00:11:41,701
So tonight's topic for discussion
is gourmet dining.
206
00:11:41,785 --> 00:11:45,413
Uh, Vincent has assembled the panel
so I'll just let you do the introductions.
207
00:11:45,497 --> 00:11:47,040
All right, Kermit, thank you.
208
00:11:47,123 --> 00:11:51,670
Well, I have asked two
of my culinary friends to join us tonight.
209
00:11:51,753 --> 00:11:56,299
On your immediate right is Pierre Lacouse,
one of the world's great chefs.
210
00:11:56,383 --> 00:11:57,425
A pleasure.
211
00:11:57,509 --> 00:12:03,181
And next to him is Gorgon Heap,
one of the world's great eaters.
212
00:12:03,264 --> 00:12:04,683
[GROWLS]
213
00:12:07,686 --> 00:12:09,813
Yeah, I see. Uh, ahem.
214
00:12:09,896 --> 00:12:11,564
Uh, well, starting off now, Vincent.
215
00:12:11,648 --> 00:12:14,567
What would you say
is the world's most delicious dish?
216
00:12:14,651 --> 00:12:18,822
Well, Kermit, you know,
haute cuisine is so varied and wonderful,
217
00:12:18,905 --> 00:12:20,740
that is a most difficult question.
218
00:12:20,824 --> 00:12:24,369
But if I must choose my favorite dish,
219
00:12:24,452 --> 00:12:29,749
I would have to say it is probably
escalope de veau a I'estragon.
220
00:12:29,833 --> 00:12:31,126
[GORGON GRUNTS]
221
00:12:31,209 --> 00:12:33,670
It is delicious!
222
00:12:38,049 --> 00:12:42,387
Vincent, I dislike it
for all France to disagree,
223
00:12:42,470 --> 00:12:45,223
but for sheer magnificence,
224
00:12:45,306 --> 00:12:47,392
nothing can compare to...
225
00:12:47,475 --> 00:12:50,603
[SPEAKS IN FRENCH GIBBERISH]
226
00:12:50,687 --> 00:12:53,523
Oh, that is delicious.
227
00:12:54,941 --> 00:12:56,484
He ate my casserole.
228
00:12:57,569 --> 00:13:00,530
Uh, Pierre, that is a fine dish,
229
00:13:00,613 --> 00:13:03,658
provided that it is made
in exactly the same way
230
00:13:03,742 --> 00:13:06,870
that it was prepared
by the great Chef Escoffier.
231
00:13:06,953 --> 00:13:09,497
Oh, he was delicious.
232
00:13:10,749 --> 00:13:12,417
He ate my hat!
233
00:13:12,500 --> 00:13:14,544
Um... uh...
234
00:13:14,627 --> 00:13:19,424
Yes. Uh, listen, Pierre, there's one thing
I've always wanted to ask you.
235
00:13:19,507 --> 00:13:21,092
[SPEAKS IN FRENCH]
236
00:13:25,513 --> 00:13:27,182
But it's a little late now
237
00:13:31,895 --> 00:13:34,314
Uh, Vincent, who is this guy, anyhow?
238
00:13:34,397 --> 00:13:37,067
Hey, you look delicious.
239
00:13:37,150 --> 00:13:40,820
Get away from me, you hulking creep!
Vincent, can you stop him, please?
240
00:13:40,904 --> 00:13:45,116
Froggie, you have to admit,
you do look tasty.
241
00:13:45,200 --> 00:13:48,453
Ah! Tune in next week when
our topic for discussion will be--
242
00:13:48,536 --> 00:13:50,163
[SCREAMS]
243
00:13:50,246 --> 00:13:55,543
I know I'm a bit of a devil,
but I do love frogs' legs.
244
00:13:57,545 --> 00:13:58,672
Mmm.
245
00:14:01,132 --> 00:14:05,095
This show should be reported
to the consumer protection agency.
246
00:14:05,178 --> 00:14:08,306
-Why?
-The host was just consumed.
247
00:14:09,432 --> 00:14:11,351
Uh, don't count on it.
248
00:14:11,434 --> 00:14:13,353
Hey, this is our box, fella!
249
00:14:13,436 --> 00:14:15,563
Let me see your ticket stub.
250
00:14:19,317 --> 00:14:22,070
[BALLROOM DANCE MUSIC PLAYING]
251
00:14:27,659 --> 00:14:30,495
I'm going into the moving business.
252
00:14:30,578 --> 00:14:32,455
Really? Locally?
253
00:14:32,539 --> 00:14:35,834
No, ghost to ghost.
254
00:14:38,962 --> 00:14:40,005
[SIGHS]
255
00:14:40,088 --> 00:14:42,507
I'm simply starving.
256
00:14:42,590 --> 00:14:45,593
Can't we stop for a bite?
257
00:14:45,677 --> 00:14:48,221
Delighted, my dear.
258
00:14:52,475 --> 00:14:56,021
That man is absolutely batty.
259
00:14:56,104 --> 00:14:58,106
Huh? Why do you say that?
260
00:15:04,612 --> 00:15:06,781
Why don't we stop and have a drink?
261
00:15:06,865 --> 00:15:08,783
-We can't.
-Why not?
262
00:15:08,867 --> 00:15:11,578
They don't serve spirits here.
263
00:15:15,248 --> 00:15:19,252
You know, my mother said if I worked hard,
I could get ahead.
264
00:15:19,336 --> 00:15:22,088
Oh, well, here it is.
265
00:15:26,551 --> 00:15:28,678
["I'M LOOKING THROUGH YOU" PLAYING]
266
00:15:28,762 --> 00:15:31,431
♪ I'm looking through you ♪
267
00:15:31,514 --> 00:15:33,308
♪ Where did you go? ♪
268
00:15:33,391 --> 00:15:34,684
[GHOST GIGGLING AND SHRIEKING]
269
00:15:34,768 --> 00:15:37,062
♪ I thought I knew you ♪
270
00:15:37,145 --> 00:15:39,773
♪ What did I know? ♪
271
00:15:39,856 --> 00:15:45,445
♪ You don't look different
But you have changed ♪
272
00:15:45,528 --> 00:15:48,073
♪ I'm looking through you ♪
273
00:15:48,156 --> 00:15:51,159
♪ You're not to blame ♪
274
00:15:54,120 --> 00:15:56,581
♪ Your lips are moving ♪
275
00:15:56,664 --> 00:15:59,459
♪ I cannot hear ♪
276
00:15:59,542 --> 00:16:05,090
♪ Your voice is soothing
But the words aren't clear ♪
277
00:16:05,173 --> 00:16:10,595
♪ You don't sound different
I've learnt the game ♪
278
00:16:10,679 --> 00:16:13,431
♪ I'm looking through you ♪
279
00:16:13,515 --> 00:16:16,559
♪ You're not the same ♪
280
00:16:45,588 --> 00:16:49,759
♪ Why, tell me why
Did you not treat me right? ♪
281
00:16:51,094 --> 00:16:57,017
♪ Love has a nasty habit
Of disappearing overnight ♪
282
00:16:57,100 --> 00:17:02,397
♪ You're thinking of me the same old way ♪
283
00:17:02,480 --> 00:17:05,150
♪ You were above me ♪
284
00:17:05,233 --> 00:17:07,902
♪ But not today ♪
285
00:17:07,986 --> 00:17:13,283
♪ The only difference
Is you're down there ♪
286
00:17:13,366 --> 00:17:16,036
♪ I'm looking through you ♪
287
00:17:16,119 --> 00:17:19,080
♪ And you're nowhere ♪
288
00:17:22,000 --> 00:17:23,376
-Boo!
-[SHRIEKS]
289
00:17:29,507 --> 00:17:32,302
Hey, Vincent, I really thank you
for coming on this show tonight,
290
00:17:32,385 --> 00:17:33,845
and so do all the Muppet monsters.
291
00:17:33,928 --> 00:17:38,308
Well, thank you, Kermit,
I never met a monster I didn't like.
292
00:17:38,391 --> 00:17:39,434
I can believe it.
293
00:17:39,517 --> 00:17:42,228
-Hey, can I ask you a question?
-Yes, of course.
294
00:17:42,312 --> 00:17:45,690
In all the scary movies
you've done through the years,
295
00:17:45,774 --> 00:17:48,443
well, you're always turning
into a vampire.
296
00:17:48,526 --> 00:17:50,403
Well, how do you do that?
297
00:17:52,906 --> 00:17:55,158
[LAUGHING]
298
00:17:58,161 --> 00:18:00,497
How do you do that? That is so scary.
299
00:18:01,915 --> 00:18:05,210
Well, Kermit,
if you will forgive the modesty,
300
00:18:05,293 --> 00:18:08,713
that is perhaps the epitome
of the actor's craft.
301
00:18:08,797 --> 00:18:11,299
You see,
it takes tremendous concentration,
302
00:18:11,383 --> 00:18:14,094
years of physical and emotional training,
303
00:18:14,177 --> 00:18:17,097
and enormous mental exertion.
304
00:18:17,180 --> 00:18:19,307
-Do you understand?
-Oh, sure.
305
00:18:23,061 --> 00:18:26,856
Oh, well, some people learn
faster than others.
306
00:18:26,940 --> 00:18:28,775
[YELLS]
307
00:18:31,861 --> 00:18:35,115
By the way, I thought your wife
was coming tonight.
308
00:18:35,198 --> 00:18:37,701
Ah, the old bat couldn't come.
309
00:18:39,953 --> 00:18:41,955
The rest of them sure made it.
310
00:18:50,588 --> 00:18:52,090
[ALL CLEAR THROATS]
311
00:18:52,173 --> 00:18:53,216
-Kermit.
-Kermit.
312
00:18:53,299 --> 00:18:55,135
-Kermit.
-Uh, what, what, what?
313
00:18:55,218 --> 00:18:57,012
When do we go on?
314
00:18:57,095 --> 00:19:01,016
Uh, listen, I'm sorry, but there
is no place for you in the show tonight.
315
00:19:01,099 --> 00:19:03,601
But what about our big song?
316
00:19:03,685 --> 00:19:07,230
-Good grief. All right. What big song?
-What else?
317
00:19:07,313 --> 00:19:10,942
-"Tea For Three."
-Out, out, out!
318
00:19:12,861 --> 00:19:15,405
Who writes this stuff, anyway?
319
00:19:15,488 --> 00:19:17,032
Who else?
320
00:19:17,115 --> 00:19:19,492
The ghostwriter.
321
00:19:19,576 --> 00:19:21,369
[BOTH LAUGHING]
322
00:19:23,621 --> 00:19:26,249
NEWSCASTER:
Here is a Muppet news flash.
323
00:19:27,751 --> 00:19:30,170
Our newsroom
has been flooded with calls today,
324
00:19:30,253 --> 00:19:34,341
reporting that furniture all over town
has been turning into monsters.
325
00:19:35,508 --> 00:19:39,637
Seven people have allegedly been attacked
by a wandering pack of sofas
326
00:19:39,721 --> 00:19:41,514
at the east edge of town.
327
00:19:42,891 --> 00:19:48,271
A dining-room table set for eight
reportedly ate the eight it was set for.
328
00:19:49,397 --> 00:19:50,899
When contacted for comment,
329
00:19:50,982 --> 00:19:55,070
Sheriff David Coles assured Muppet
News Central that the rumor was false.
330
00:19:55,153 --> 00:20:00,325
According to Coles, there is no way for a
piece of furniture to turn into a monster.
331
00:20:00,408 --> 00:20:02,452
[STOOL GROWLS]
332
00:20:02,535 --> 00:20:04,788
Scientists throughout the city confirmed
333
00:20:04,871 --> 00:20:07,665
that such an occurrence
would be impossible.
334
00:20:07,749 --> 00:20:09,084
[SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY]
335
00:20:09,167 --> 00:20:13,672
--inanimate objects cannot
turn into monsters.
336
00:20:13,755 --> 00:20:16,174
Still... [SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY]
337
00:20:18,051 --> 00:20:23,348
The mass hysteria could be due to what
psychologists are calling furnophobia.
338
00:20:23,431 --> 00:20:27,185
A dread fear of the rising prices
of home furnishings.
339
00:20:28,520 --> 00:20:30,563
The phenomena does seem to relate
340
00:20:30,647 --> 00:20:34,693
to the cost-of-living increase
during the past month.
341
00:20:34,776 --> 00:20:37,362
But people are advised to relax,
342
00:20:37,445 --> 00:20:42,200
secure in the knowledge that their
furniture will not turn into a monster.
343
00:20:42,283 --> 00:20:46,329
And that's all tonight from Muppet News.
Good night.
344
00:20:48,206 --> 00:20:49,791
[GROWLING]
345
00:20:51,960 --> 00:20:55,046
Boy, that last item
about furniture is ridiculous.
346
00:20:55,130 --> 00:20:56,715
[DESK GROWLING]
347
00:20:56,798 --> 00:20:58,091
[SCREAMS]
348
00:21:00,719 --> 00:21:04,514
This is ridiculous.
I can't find Hilda anywhere.
349
00:21:04,597 --> 00:21:08,059
Oh, well, I guess I'll just have
to carry this stuff up myself.
350
00:21:08,143 --> 00:21:10,603
-Oh! Excuse me, Mr. Price.
-Yes?
351
00:21:10,687 --> 00:21:13,648
-Can I give you a hand?
-Oh, please.
352
00:21:13,732 --> 00:21:14,983
Here.
353
00:21:16,484 --> 00:21:18,278
That's my kind of joke.
354
00:21:18,361 --> 00:21:20,113
[LAUGHS]
355
00:21:22,824 --> 00:21:25,952
Hey, guys, I hear you're not gonna make it
on the show tonight.
356
00:21:26,036 --> 00:21:27,787
Kermit didn't like our song.
357
00:21:27,871 --> 00:21:30,040
-But it doesn't matter.
-We got a new act.
358
00:21:30,123 --> 00:21:32,167
Oh, yeah? Tell me what's the new act?
359
00:21:32,250 --> 00:21:35,003
-Well, you see, I'm the straight man.
-I'm the comic.
360
00:21:35,086 --> 00:21:38,048
-And I'm the audience.
-That way, no matter how bad we are...
361
00:21:38,131 --> 00:21:40,550
We'll always love us.
362
00:21:40,633 --> 00:21:45,138
Yeah, like, say, who was that lady
I saw you with last night?
363
00:21:45,221 --> 00:21:48,058
That was no lady,
that was a pawn shop sign.
364
00:21:48,141 --> 00:21:51,061
[LAUGHING]
365
00:21:51,144 --> 00:21:52,771
We're a hit! We're a hit!
366
00:21:52,854 --> 00:21:54,814
-Yeah, we're superstars.
-They love us!
367
00:21:54,898 --> 00:21:56,649
So long, Fozzie.
368
00:21:58,151 --> 00:22:01,988
I never thought I'd be jealous
of a guy with three heads.
369
00:22:09,662 --> 00:22:13,333
My youngest boy
is very interested in medicine.
370
00:22:13,416 --> 00:22:16,086
Oh, he's a doctor?
371
00:22:16,169 --> 00:22:18,922
No, a hospital.
372
00:22:24,177 --> 00:22:30,308
Once again, dear friends,
the very eerie Mr. Vincent Price.
373
00:22:34,396 --> 00:22:37,190
[PLAYING EERIE MELODY]
374
00:22:41,945 --> 00:22:47,242
♪ When you're down and troubled ♪
375
00:22:47,325 --> 00:22:53,081
♪ And you need some love and care ♪
376
00:22:53,164 --> 00:22:55,625
♪ And nothing ♪
377
00:22:55,709 --> 00:23:00,922
♪ Nothing is going right ♪
378
00:23:02,424 --> 00:23:06,761
♪ Close your eyes and think of me ♪
379
00:23:06,845 --> 00:23:11,641
♪ And soon I will be there ♪
380
00:23:11,725 --> 00:23:13,893
♪ To brighten up ♪
381
00:23:13,977 --> 00:23:17,480
♪ Even your darkest night ♪
382
00:23:17,564 --> 00:23:19,774
["YOU'VE GOT A FRIEND" PLAYING]
383
00:23:19,858 --> 00:23:24,654
♪ You just call out his name ♪
384
00:23:24,738 --> 00:23:28,616
♪ And you know wherever you are ♪
385
00:23:28,700 --> 00:23:31,494
♪ He'll come running ♪
386
00:23:32,829 --> 00:23:35,749
♪ To see you again ♪
387
00:23:38,501 --> 00:23:42,672
♪ Winter, spring, summer or fall ♪
388
00:23:42,756 --> 00:23:46,551
♪ All you have to do is call ♪
389
00:23:46,634 --> 00:23:48,553
♪ And I'll be there ♪
390
00:23:48,636 --> 00:23:50,638
♪ Yes, he will ♪
391
00:23:50,722 --> 00:23:53,975
-♪ You've got a friend ♪
-♪ You've got a friend ♪
392
00:23:56,019 --> 00:24:00,273
♪ Now ain't it good to know
That you've got a friend ♪
393
00:24:00,357 --> 00:24:04,444
♪ When people can be so cold ♪
394
00:24:04,527 --> 00:24:08,531
♪ They'll hurt you, yes, and desert you ♪
395
00:24:08,615 --> 00:24:12,535
♪ And take your soul if you let them ♪
396
00:24:12,619 --> 00:24:15,038
♪ But don't you let them ♪
397
00:24:16,790 --> 00:24:21,211
♪ You just call out my name ♪
398
00:24:21,294 --> 00:24:25,173
-♪ And you know wherever you are ♪
-♪ And you know wherever I am ♪
399
00:24:25,256 --> 00:24:29,219
-♪ He'll come running ♪
-♪ I'll come running ♪
400
00:24:29,302 --> 00:24:33,014
♪ To see you again ♪
401
00:24:34,474 --> 00:24:38,812
♪ Winter, spring, summer or fall ♪
402
00:24:38,895 --> 00:24:42,607
♪ All you have to do is call ♪
403
00:24:42,691 --> 00:24:44,359
♪ And I'll be there ♪
404
00:24:44,442 --> 00:24:46,361
♪ Yes, I will ♪
405
00:24:46,444 --> 00:24:48,822
♪ You got a friend ♪
406
00:24:50,824 --> 00:24:54,160
♪ You got a friend ♪
407
00:24:54,244 --> 00:24:56,955
♪ You got a friend ♪
408
00:24:57,038 --> 00:24:59,207
[LAUGHING]
409
00:25:01,960 --> 00:25:07,590
♪ You got a friend ♪
410
00:25:07,674 --> 00:25:09,592
[AUDIENCE APPLAUDING]
411
00:25:13,471 --> 00:25:16,641
Well, that just about brings these
strange proceedings to an end.
412
00:25:16,725 --> 00:25:20,520
Let's have a special thanks
to our guest star, Mr. Vincent Price!
413
00:25:20,603 --> 00:25:23,648
[AUDIENCE CHEERING AND WHOOPING]
414
00:25:23,732 --> 00:25:27,152
Hey, you were really super tonight.
Hey, let's give him another hand.
415
00:25:27,235 --> 00:25:30,071
Oh, no, Kermit, let me give you one.
416
00:25:31,239 --> 00:25:32,907
Will you cut that out?
417
00:25:32,991 --> 00:25:36,161
We'll see you all next time
on The Muppet Show.
418
00:25:36,244 --> 00:25:38,580
[BAND PLAYING THEME MUSIC]
419
00:26:15,116 --> 00:26:17,410
[SPEAKING GIBBERISH]
420
00:26:19,412 --> 00:26:21,373
Well, that's easy for you to say.
31274
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