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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:02,836 --> 00:00:07,132 It's The Muppet Show, with our special guest star, Mr. Ben Vereen! Whoo! 2 00:00:08,258 --> 00:00:10,343 [BAND PLAYING THEME MUSIC] 3 00:00:17,225 --> 00:00:19,352 ♪ It's time to play the music ♪ 4 00:00:19,436 --> 00:00:21,479 ♪ It's time to light the lights ♪ 5 00:00:21,563 --> 00:00:25,859 ♪ It's time to meet the Muppets On The Muppet Show tonight ♪ 6 00:00:25,942 --> 00:00:28,028 ♪ It's time to put on makeup ♪ 7 00:00:28,111 --> 00:00:30,238 ♪ It's time to dress up right ♪ 8 00:00:30,321 --> 00:00:34,034 ♪ It's time to raise the curtain On The Muppet Show tonight ♪ 9 00:00:35,994 --> 00:00:39,039 Hey, I wouldn't say that The Great Gonzo is dumb, 10 00:00:39,122 --> 00:00:42,250 but when he graduated from school, he didn't get a diploma, 11 00:00:42,334 --> 00:00:44,294 he got a pension. Ah? 12 00:00:44,377 --> 00:00:46,379 ♪ To introduce our guest star ♪ 13 00:00:46,463 --> 00:00:48,298 ♪ That's what I'm here to do ♪ 14 00:00:48,381 --> 00:00:50,800 ♪ So it really makes me happy ♪ 15 00:00:50,884 --> 00:00:52,802 ♪ To introduce to you ♪ 16 00:00:52,886 --> 00:00:54,888 Mr. Ben Vereen! 17 00:00:54,971 --> 00:00:56,890 [AUDIENCE APPLAUDING] 18 00:01:02,145 --> 00:01:06,066 ♪ But now let's get things started On the most sensational, inspirational ♪ 19 00:01:06,149 --> 00:01:08,318 ♪ Celebrational, Muppetational ♪ 20 00:01:08,401 --> 00:01:11,071 ♪ This is what we call ♪ 21 00:01:11,154 --> 00:01:15,158 ♪ The Muppet Show ♪ 22 00:01:15,241 --> 00:01:17,285 [GONZO GROANING] 23 00:01:20,038 --> 00:01:22,832 Hi-ho, hi-ho, and welcome again to The Muppet Show. 24 00:01:22,916 --> 00:01:26,086 Hey, our special guest tonight is a young man who soared to stardom 25 00:01:26,169 --> 00:01:29,047 on Broadway in Pippin, had his own television series, 26 00:01:29,130 --> 00:01:32,550 and is one of the really multitalented performers in show business, 27 00:01:32,634 --> 00:01:34,052 Mr. Ben Vereen. 28 00:01:34,135 --> 00:01:37,222 He really moves, and speaking of that, let's get things moving right now 29 00:01:37,305 --> 00:01:38,973 on The Muppet Show! 30 00:01:40,016 --> 00:01:42,060 [PLAYING LIVELY JAZZ MUSIC] 31 00:01:45,563 --> 00:01:48,274 BOTH: ♪ Well, not too long ago in 1944 ♪ 32 00:01:48,358 --> 00:01:50,944 ♪ When every mother's son Was going off to war ♪ 33 00:01:51,027 --> 00:01:54,114 -♪ They had to lift their spirits high ♪ CHORUS: ♪ High ♪ 34 00:01:54,197 --> 00:01:55,615 -♪ For Uncle Sam ♪ -♪ Motherhood ♪ 35 00:01:55,699 --> 00:01:57,075 BOTH: ♪ And apple pie ♪ 36 00:01:57,158 --> 00:02:00,120 ♪ Instead of spending money That they didn't have ♪ 37 00:02:00,203 --> 00:02:02,622 ♪ In hot spots in the Bronx ♪ 38 00:02:02,706 --> 00:02:08,253 ♪ They went to hear that kind of jazz You hear in funky honky-tonks ♪ 39 00:02:08,336 --> 00:02:10,505 -♪ It made you wanna jump, shout ♪ -♪ Jump, shout ♪ 40 00:02:10,588 --> 00:02:12,090 ♪ Knock yourself out ♪ 41 00:02:12,173 --> 00:02:14,759 ♪ Boogie-woogie beat Is what I'm talking about ♪ 42 00:02:14,843 --> 00:02:17,595 ♪ If you had the heebie-jeebies You could dance away ♪ 43 00:02:17,679 --> 00:02:20,515 ♪ To the boogie-woogie music The piano men were playing ♪ 44 00:02:20,598 --> 00:02:22,475 -♪ You could jump, shout ♪ -♪ Jump, shout ♪ 45 00:02:22,559 --> 00:02:23,852 ♪ Knock yourself out ♪ 46 00:02:23,935 --> 00:02:26,396 ♪ Boogie-woogie beat Is what I'm talking about ♪ 47 00:02:26,479 --> 00:02:29,357 ♪ You could pull a switcheroonie If you felt yourself down ♪ 48 00:02:29,441 --> 00:02:32,694 ♪ With the boogie-woogie beat Of a piano man a-going to town ♪ 49 00:02:35,822 --> 00:02:38,491 Ladies and gentlemen, Mr. Ben Vereen! 50 00:02:38,575 --> 00:02:40,493 [AUDIENCE APPLAUDING] 51 00:02:43,288 --> 00:02:45,749 -♪ He really makes you wanna jump, shout ♪ -♪ Jump, shout ♪ 52 00:02:45,832 --> 00:02:48,126 -♪ Ooh, ga-ga ga-ga ♪ -♪ You wanna jump, shout ♪ 53 00:02:48,209 --> 00:02:51,338 -♪ You wanna sock it to me now ♪ -♪ You wanna jump, shout ♪ 54 00:02:51,421 --> 00:02:52,630 ♪ Floy-doy, floy-doy ♪ 55 00:02:52,714 --> 00:02:55,550 ♪ To the boogie-woogie music The piano man was playing ♪ 56 00:02:55,633 --> 00:02:57,635 -♪ You wanna jump, shout ♪ -♪ Jump, shout ♪ 57 00:02:57,719 --> 00:02:58,803 ♪ Knock yourself out ♪ 58 00:02:58,887 --> 00:03:01,639 ♪ A boogie-woogie beat Is what I'm talking about ♪ 59 00:03:01,723 --> 00:03:04,434 ♪ You can pull a switcheroonie If you felt yourself down ♪ 60 00:03:04,517 --> 00:03:09,022 ♪ With the boogie-woogie beat Of a piano man a-going to town ♪ 61 00:03:12,901 --> 00:03:14,402 ALL: Yeah! 62 00:03:14,486 --> 00:03:16,404 [AUDIENCE APPLAUDING] 63 00:03:17,989 --> 00:03:20,450 No doubt about it, I'm beginning to like this show. 64 00:03:20,533 --> 00:03:23,661 -Oh, really? -Yep, it's really starting to grab me. 65 00:03:23,745 --> 00:03:25,246 -Hmm. -Ooh! 66 00:03:26,289 --> 00:03:28,583 Oh, something's starting to grab you. 67 00:03:28,667 --> 00:03:30,543 [LAUGHS] 68 00:03:30,627 --> 00:03:33,463 I don't care. Next time, use a deodorant. 69 00:03:33,546 --> 00:03:35,090 Nice. Nice number. 70 00:03:35,173 --> 00:03:38,927 -I wear the pants in this act. -That was great. Really hep to the jive. 71 00:03:39,010 --> 00:03:40,220 -Hey, Kermit. Kermit. -Hmm? 72 00:03:40,303 --> 00:03:41,554 Hey, what is this? 73 00:03:41,638 --> 00:03:44,933 Oh, that belongs to Marvel the Magician. It's for next week's show. 74 00:03:45,016 --> 00:03:46,851 Oh, that's very interesting. 75 00:03:46,935 --> 00:03:48,812 Yeah, but, Fozzie, don't go in there. 76 00:03:48,895 --> 00:03:51,815 Oh, come on, Kermit, I'm a big bear. 77 00:03:51,898 --> 00:03:53,483 I won't hurt anything. 78 00:03:53,566 --> 00:03:56,152 Yeah, but, Fozzie, don't slam that door. 79 00:03:57,779 --> 00:03:59,030 I didn't slam it. 80 00:04:00,073 --> 00:04:02,742 I closed it very quietly. 81 00:04:02,826 --> 00:04:05,995 -Yeah. You're never gonna open it again. -What do you mean? 82 00:04:06,079 --> 00:04:10,375 I tried to tell you it's a trick door. Only MarveI the Magician can open it. 83 00:04:10,458 --> 00:04:13,253 But, Kermit, I have an act to do! 84 00:04:13,336 --> 00:04:15,005 Well, go get MarveI! 85 00:04:15,088 --> 00:04:16,923 I can't. He's in Toledo. 86 00:04:18,216 --> 00:04:20,135 And I'm in big trouble. 87 00:04:22,971 --> 00:04:25,765 Okay. Right now I'd like to introduce Ben Vereen, 88 00:04:25,849 --> 00:04:28,101 a blockbuster of a talent. 89 00:04:28,184 --> 00:04:31,521 -Did somebody say "blockbuster"? -Hit the dirt! 90 00:04:31,604 --> 00:04:32,647 [DYNAMITE EXPLODES] 91 00:04:32,731 --> 00:04:34,816 [CACKLING] 92 00:04:36,234 --> 00:04:39,904 Well, there's, uh, nothing like starting off with an explosive opening. 93 00:04:39,988 --> 00:04:43,408 Uh, hey, listen. You wanna have George the Janitor clean up that mess? 94 00:04:43,491 --> 00:04:47,203 Now, as I was saying, we have a real dynamite guest tonight. 95 00:04:47,287 --> 00:04:49,122 Did somebody say "dynamite"? 96 00:04:49,205 --> 00:04:50,749 [DYNAMITE EXPLODES] 97 00:04:53,585 --> 00:04:55,587 I'm beginning to get a slight headache. 98 00:04:56,796 --> 00:05:00,884 Will somebody throw a net over Crazy Harry so we can get the show rolling? 99 00:05:00,967 --> 00:05:04,054 Whew. Right now I'd like to introduce our guest star. 100 00:05:04,137 --> 00:05:07,807 And you better not interfere with his act, Crazy Harry, because he has a short fuse. 101 00:05:07,891 --> 00:05:10,185 Did someone send for a short fuse? 102 00:05:10,268 --> 00:05:11,519 [CACKLES] 103 00:05:11,603 --> 00:05:13,897 Ladies and gentlemen, Mr. Ben Vereen. 104 00:05:13,980 --> 00:05:15,398 [BOMB EXPLODES] 105 00:05:20,904 --> 00:05:23,907 ["MR. CELLOPHANE" PLAYING] 106 00:05:25,784 --> 00:05:28,787 ♪ If someone stood up in a crowd ♪ 107 00:05:28,870 --> 00:05:33,083 ♪ And raised his voice way out loud ♪ 108 00:05:33,166 --> 00:05:35,210 ♪ Waved his arm ♪ 109 00:05:35,293 --> 00:05:37,253 ♪ And then, uh, shook his leg ♪ 110 00:05:38,505 --> 00:05:40,173 ♪ You'd notice him ♪ 111 00:05:42,050 --> 00:05:45,679 ♪ If someone in a movie show ♪ 112 00:05:45,762 --> 00:05:49,849 ♪ Yelled, "Fire in the second row ♪ 113 00:05:49,933 --> 00:05:53,937 ♪ This whole place is a powder keg!" ♪ 114 00:05:55,563 --> 00:05:57,315 ♪ You'd notice him ♪ 115 00:05:59,359 --> 00:06:02,654 ♪ A human being is made of more than air ♪ 116 00:06:03,905 --> 00:06:07,200 ♪ With all that bulk You're bound to see him there ♪ 117 00:06:08,284 --> 00:06:11,705 ♪ Unless that personage should be ♪ 118 00:06:15,542 --> 00:06:17,168 ♪ Invisible ♪ 119 00:06:17,669 --> 00:06:22,215 ♪ Inconsequential me ♪ 120 00:06:25,552 --> 00:06:30,640 ♪ Cellophane, Mr. Cellophane ♪ 121 00:06:30,724 --> 00:06:36,021 ♪ Should've been my name Mr. Cellophane ♪ 122 00:06:36,104 --> 00:06:39,232 ♪ You can look right through me ♪ 123 00:06:39,315 --> 00:06:42,235 ♪ Walk right by me ♪ 124 00:06:42,318 --> 00:06:45,739 ♪ And never know I'm there ♪ 125 00:06:45,822 --> 00:06:47,615 CHORUS: ♪ I tell you ♪ 126 00:06:47,699 --> 00:06:52,120 -♪ Cellophane, Mr. Cellophane ♪ -♪ La, la, da-da-da, duh-da ♪ 127 00:06:52,203 --> 00:06:55,040 -♪ Should've been his name ♪ -♪ La-da-da ♪ 128 00:06:55,123 --> 00:06:57,167 -♪ Mr. Cellophane ♪ -♪ Sha-da ♪ 129 00:06:57,250 --> 00:07:00,628 -♪ 'Cause you can look right through him ♪ -♪ Di-doo-dee-ah ♪ 130 00:07:00,712 --> 00:07:03,798 -♪ Walk right by him ♪ -♪ Lo-do-do-la-day ♪ 131 00:07:03,882 --> 00:07:07,635 ♪ And never know he's there ♪ 132 00:07:36,289 --> 00:07:40,418 ♪ Name, Mr. Cellophane ♪ 133 00:07:46,257 --> 00:07:49,094 ♪ You never know I'm there ♪ 134 00:07:49,177 --> 00:07:55,558 ♪ I tell you, Cellophane, Mr. Cellophane ♪ 135 00:07:55,642 --> 00:08:00,939 ♪ Should've been my name Mr. Cellophane ♪ 136 00:08:01,022 --> 00:08:04,109 ♪ Oh, you can walk right by me ♪ 137 00:08:04,192 --> 00:08:07,487 ♪ Or look right through me ♪ 138 00:08:07,570 --> 00:08:12,242 ♪ And never know I'm there ♪ 139 00:08:12,325 --> 00:08:18,081 ♪ Never even know ♪ 140 00:08:22,544 --> 00:08:27,090 ♪ I'm there ♪ 141 00:08:30,844 --> 00:08:34,723 ♪ I hope I didn't take up Too much of your time ♪ 142 00:08:38,560 --> 00:08:40,562 [AUDIENCE APPLAUDING] 143 00:08:45,233 --> 00:08:50,030 Hmm. I think the guests that come on this show should get combat pay. 144 00:08:50,113 --> 00:08:51,156 What about us? 145 00:08:51,239 --> 00:08:52,907 Well, we're volunteers. 146 00:08:52,991 --> 00:08:56,619 Maybe you are. I was drafted into this chicken outfit. 147 00:08:56,703 --> 00:08:57,829 Oh. 148 00:09:01,708 --> 00:09:03,668 Huh, it's no use, Fozzie. 149 00:09:03,752 --> 00:09:06,755 I don't think we'll get this thing open before the end of the show. 150 00:09:06,838 --> 00:09:10,175 -Oh, I feel awful. -Yeah? Well, that's the way it goes. 151 00:09:10,258 --> 00:09:12,927 I feel so sorry for everyone. 152 00:09:13,011 --> 00:09:14,137 How do you mean? 153 00:09:14,220 --> 00:09:17,057 Well, they'll all be so disappointed when you tell them 154 00:09:17,140 --> 00:09:19,517 that today's show is canceled. 155 00:09:19,601 --> 00:09:20,685 -Canceled? -Mm. 156 00:09:20,769 --> 00:09:24,814 Yeah. Well, obviously, you cannot do the show without me. 157 00:09:24,898 --> 00:09:27,192 Um... uh, Fozzie... 158 00:09:27,275 --> 00:09:29,069 -How shall I break this to him? -What? 159 00:09:29,152 --> 00:09:32,197 Uh, Fozzie, there is one alternative to canceling the show. 160 00:09:32,280 --> 00:09:33,698 Oh, there is? Yeah? 161 00:09:33,782 --> 00:09:35,533 Well, we can replace you. 162 00:09:37,660 --> 00:09:39,079 [GROANS] 163 00:09:39,162 --> 00:09:40,455 [THUDS] 164 00:09:40,538 --> 00:09:41,623 Fozzie? 165 00:09:43,375 --> 00:09:45,543 He takes these things kind of hard. 166 00:09:46,670 --> 00:09:48,505 NEWSCASTER: Here's a Muppet news bulletin. 167 00:09:50,048 --> 00:09:51,675 Dateline, New Brunswick. 168 00:09:51,758 --> 00:09:55,303 Mr. Melvin Cosgrove climbed a 30-foot pole 169 00:09:55,387 --> 00:09:58,223 and scrambled onto a 6-by-6-foot platform. 170 00:09:58,306 --> 00:10:02,936 His goal, to break the world's record in flagpole sitting. 171 00:10:03,019 --> 00:10:04,437 That was 16 years ago, 172 00:10:04,521 --> 00:10:08,358 and yesterday his wife started wondering how Cosgrove was doing, 173 00:10:08,441 --> 00:10:12,195 especially since he was 84 years old when he started. 174 00:10:12,278 --> 00:10:17,367 Authorities climbed the pole this morning and found that he had indeed passed away. 175 00:10:17,450 --> 00:10:19,577 As a fitting tribute to her brave husband, 176 00:10:19,661 --> 00:10:22,747 Mrs. Cosgrove announced that for the next ten days, 177 00:10:22,831 --> 00:10:25,083 she will fly him at half-mast. 178 00:10:29,838 --> 00:10:32,549 [BALLROOM DANCE MUSIC PLAYING] 179 00:10:40,849 --> 00:10:45,145 You know, I, uh, picked up a hitchhiker the other day. 180 00:10:45,228 --> 00:10:46,271 Oh, really? 181 00:10:46,354 --> 00:10:48,606 Yes. Well, it's only right. 182 00:10:48,690 --> 00:10:51,234 I was the one who knocked him down. 183 00:10:53,862 --> 00:10:56,406 Tell me, do you like Bathing Beauties? 184 00:10:56,489 --> 00:10:59,492 I don't know. I've never bathed one. 185 00:11:03,621 --> 00:11:08,168 You know, last week my cousin was seen on television by 30 million people. 186 00:11:08,251 --> 00:11:10,045 Oh, what is he, a rock star? 187 00:11:10,128 --> 00:11:11,755 No, a football. 188 00:11:14,382 --> 00:11:17,010 You know, I really got my eye on you. 189 00:11:17,093 --> 00:11:18,511 Oh, really? 190 00:11:19,888 --> 00:11:21,139 Really. 191 00:11:23,266 --> 00:11:28,813 Herman, today I auditioned as an announcer for a TV show. 192 00:11:28,897 --> 00:11:32,150 Yeah, but they didn't hire me. You know why? 193 00:11:32,233 --> 00:11:34,694 Because I'm a woman, that's why. 194 00:11:34,778 --> 00:11:38,907 Discrimination! Are you listening to me?! 195 00:11:38,990 --> 00:11:41,326 What kind of a program was it? 196 00:11:41,409 --> 00:11:43,036 Sermonette. 197 00:11:46,873 --> 00:11:49,668 Did you know the Rolling Stones are here tonight? 198 00:11:49,751 --> 00:11:52,545 No kidding? They're my favorite singing group. 199 00:11:52,629 --> 00:11:55,340 No, these are the other rolling stones. 200 00:11:55,423 --> 00:11:56,549 [GROUND RUMBLING] 201 00:12:01,554 --> 00:12:04,057 [ROWLF PLAYING "FÜR ELISE" ON PIANO] 202 00:12:17,195 --> 00:12:18,238 [PLAYS WRONG NOTE] 203 00:12:18,321 --> 00:12:19,572 Oh. 204 00:12:59,362 --> 00:13:00,363 [PLAYS WRONG NOTE] 205 00:13:00,447 --> 00:13:01,948 Oh. Sorry. 206 00:13:07,245 --> 00:13:08,621 Oh. Mm. 207 00:14:05,512 --> 00:14:07,972 Hey, you know, it's really great to have you on the show. 208 00:14:08,056 --> 00:14:11,434 You know why? Ben, you're just a bundle of energy. 209 00:14:11,518 --> 00:14:15,730 Yeah, well, as a dancer, I try to keep in shape, you know. 210 00:14:15,814 --> 00:14:17,232 Oh, you're telling me. 211 00:14:17,315 --> 00:14:20,610 I've seen you dancing on Broadway and television and movies. 212 00:14:20,694 --> 00:14:22,445 Why, you must work out a lot, huh? 213 00:14:24,948 --> 00:14:26,991 Well, yes. 214 00:14:27,075 --> 00:14:30,870 Because you see, Kermit, as a dancer, 215 00:14:30,954 --> 00:14:34,332 your body is one of the most important things you have. 216 00:14:34,416 --> 00:14:37,919 Did you ever stop to think, where would you be without your, um... 217 00:14:38,920 --> 00:14:40,547 your body? 218 00:14:40,630 --> 00:14:43,842 Uh, no. No, I never asked myself that, 219 00:14:43,925 --> 00:14:45,927 but it's a darn good question. 220 00:14:47,345 --> 00:14:51,016 You see, as a dancer, I've gotta be able to go to a leap 221 00:14:51,099 --> 00:14:53,393 with great explosive power, you see. 222 00:14:53,476 --> 00:14:55,645 Did somebody say "explosive power"? 223 00:14:55,729 --> 00:14:56,896 -No! -No! 224 00:14:56,980 --> 00:14:58,565 [DYNAMITE EXPLODES] 225 00:15:04,821 --> 00:15:06,740 Nice. Nice leap. 226 00:15:09,117 --> 00:15:12,078 -Well, time for a tea break. -All right. 227 00:15:13,329 --> 00:15:14,622 [TEACUP BREAKS] 228 00:15:15,623 --> 00:15:17,876 Literal chap, isn't he? 229 00:15:20,503 --> 00:15:23,256 -Kermit? Kermit! Kermit! -Hmm? Oh. 230 00:15:23,340 --> 00:15:26,551 Kermit, you can't do the show without me. 231 00:15:26,634 --> 00:15:28,636 Fozzie, what choice have I got? 232 00:15:28,720 --> 00:15:31,056 But a Muppet Show without Fozzie Bear? 233 00:15:31,139 --> 00:15:34,559 It's like Gilbert without Sullivan, ham without cheese. 234 00:15:34,642 --> 00:15:36,936 Poca without hontas! 235 00:15:37,020 --> 00:15:39,064 -"Poca without hontas"? -Yeah. 236 00:15:39,147 --> 00:15:40,440 What's a poca? 237 00:15:40,523 --> 00:15:43,568 [BAND PLAYING UPBEAT POLKA MUSIC] 238 00:15:43,651 --> 00:15:47,072 I know, I know! That's a polka! Will you guys get out of here? 239 00:15:47,155 --> 00:15:48,239 [LAUGHS] 240 00:15:49,532 --> 00:15:51,576 See? Even in a box, I'm funny. 241 00:15:51,659 --> 00:15:54,579 You need me. The show needs me, Kermit! 242 00:15:54,662 --> 00:15:56,289 Who cares about a frog? 243 00:15:56,373 --> 00:15:57,999 I'm stuck. 244 00:16:03,505 --> 00:16:05,465 NARRATOR: And now Veterinarian's Hospital... 245 00:16:05,548 --> 00:16:06,716 [PIGGY BARKING AND HOWLING] 246 00:16:06,800 --> 00:16:10,595 ...the continuing story of a former orthopedic surgeon 247 00:16:10,679 --> 00:16:12,681 who's gone to the dogs. 248 00:16:12,764 --> 00:16:17,560 ♪ Hut-Sut Ralston on the rillerah With a brawla, brawla sooit ♪ 249 00:16:17,644 --> 00:16:20,730 Dr. Bob, you can't sing at a time like this. 250 00:16:20,814 --> 00:16:23,942 I'm not singing "At a Time Like This." I'm singing "Hut-Sut Ralston." 251 00:16:24,025 --> 00:16:25,610 Oh. 252 00:16:25,694 --> 00:16:27,862 An oldie but goodie. 253 00:16:27,946 --> 00:16:31,825 Uh, how'd I ever get myself into this sketch? 254 00:16:31,908 --> 00:16:33,618 -Take it easy, George. -Ugh. 255 00:16:33,702 --> 00:16:35,954 Dr. Bob, the patient is sinking. 256 00:16:36,037 --> 00:16:38,498 [IN GERMAN ACCENT] Well, I wonder what he is sinking about. 257 00:16:38,581 --> 00:16:40,458 [PIGGY GROANS] 258 00:16:40,542 --> 00:16:43,336 Well, laugh it up, nurse. These are the jokes. 259 00:16:43,420 --> 00:16:46,006 The only joke around here is you, Dr. Bob. 260 00:16:46,089 --> 00:16:48,842 -Mm-hm. -This patient needs your assistance. 261 00:16:48,925 --> 00:16:50,093 Well, you're my assistants, 262 00:16:50,176 --> 00:16:52,887 but what he's gonna do with the two of you, I'll never know. 263 00:16:52,971 --> 00:16:55,015 [GEORGE YELPS THEN SIGHS] 264 00:16:55,098 --> 00:16:58,393 Look, either give me some help, or let me out of here. 265 00:16:58,476 --> 00:17:00,353 What seems to be your trouble? 266 00:17:00,437 --> 00:17:02,981 I keep breaking out in a cold sweat. 267 00:17:03,982 --> 00:17:06,109 Oh-ho. Well, I see. 268 00:17:06,192 --> 00:17:09,237 You have a clear case of Pentransitphobia. 269 00:17:09,320 --> 00:17:10,363 NURSES & GEORGE: Huh? 270 00:17:10,447 --> 00:17:13,408 That's a dread fear of traveling through the state of Pennsylvania. 271 00:17:13,491 --> 00:17:16,661 -[GROANS] -Enough of these pitiful jokes, Dr. Bob. 272 00:17:16,745 --> 00:17:19,372 You've dedicated yourself to saving lives. 273 00:17:19,456 --> 00:17:22,125 You're right. I saved six lives this week. 274 00:17:22,208 --> 00:17:23,251 By operating? 275 00:17:23,335 --> 00:17:25,128 No. By not operating. 276 00:17:27,088 --> 00:17:30,300 Dr. Bob, you've given this hospital a bad name. 277 00:17:30,383 --> 00:17:33,511 You're right. Fred is a terrible name for a hospital. 278 00:17:34,888 --> 00:17:37,640 I'll have to give it a better name. How about Eunice? 279 00:17:38,892 --> 00:17:40,935 This is impossible. 280 00:17:41,019 --> 00:17:42,437 Do you have a license? 281 00:17:42,520 --> 00:17:44,230 Of course. Every dog has a license. 282 00:17:45,357 --> 00:17:47,692 The leash laws are really rough. 283 00:17:47,776 --> 00:17:48,902 You dummy! 284 00:17:48,985 --> 00:17:51,571 I mean, do you have a license to practice? 285 00:17:51,654 --> 00:17:54,699 Yes, and I'm going to practice on you right now. 286 00:17:54,783 --> 00:17:57,202 -Bongos. -Bongos, Dr. Bob. 287 00:17:57,285 --> 00:17:58,745 Bongos? 288 00:18:00,538 --> 00:18:03,083 [GEORGE GRUNTING] 289 00:18:03,166 --> 00:18:07,712 NARRATOR: And so Dr. Bob is about to begin his bongo practice. 290 00:18:07,796 --> 00:18:11,299 Tune in next week, when we'll hear Nurse Piggy say: 291 00:18:11,383 --> 00:18:12,467 [PIGGY GASPS] 292 00:18:12,550 --> 00:18:15,845 Dr. Bob, it's too late. You've lost him. 293 00:18:15,929 --> 00:18:19,182 Well, he couldn't have gone far. He was under the sheet just a second ago. 294 00:18:19,265 --> 00:18:21,351 [PIGGY & GEORGE GROAN] 295 00:18:21,434 --> 00:18:23,311 [GEORGE MUTTERS INDISTINCTLY] 296 00:18:25,313 --> 00:18:27,399 [BAND PLAYING UPBEAT THEME] 297 00:18:30,819 --> 00:18:34,114 My uncle's into poetry. He loves Edgar Guest. 298 00:18:34,197 --> 00:18:35,240 Why? 299 00:18:35,323 --> 00:18:37,701 Why else? He's a guesthouse. 300 00:18:41,663 --> 00:18:44,958 Ben, how are you enjoying the show? 301 00:18:46,209 --> 00:18:48,086 Aw, Hilda... 302 00:18:49,462 --> 00:18:52,340 I'm getting such a big charge out of it. 303 00:18:52,424 --> 00:18:54,259 You say you want a big charge? 304 00:18:54,342 --> 00:18:55,385 -No! -No! 305 00:18:55,468 --> 00:18:56,845 [DYNAMITE EXPLODES] 306 00:19:01,224 --> 00:19:04,728 You know, I'm getting a little tired of this. 307 00:19:06,855 --> 00:19:12,152 Once again, it is my great pleasure to introduce Wayne and Wanda 308 00:19:12,235 --> 00:19:15,780 and their stirring version of "I'll Know." 309 00:19:16,990 --> 00:19:19,492 [BAND PLAYING "I'LL KNOW" MUSIC] 310 00:19:29,878 --> 00:19:32,922 ♪ I'll know ♪ 311 00:19:33,006 --> 00:19:36,301 ♪ When my love comes along ♪ 312 00:19:36,384 --> 00:19:38,511 Ai-yai-yai-yai! 313 00:19:40,263 --> 00:19:41,598 Wayne! 314 00:19:42,724 --> 00:19:43,850 [GRUNTS] 315 00:19:45,769 --> 00:19:49,189 Oh. At least, Fozzie, you will be glad to know 316 00:19:49,272 --> 00:19:52,442 that the show is dying without you. 317 00:19:52,525 --> 00:19:55,153 -Oh, really? -Would I lie? 318 00:19:55,236 --> 00:19:59,157 Did you hear them out there, Scooter? They love me! Me, The Great Gonzo! 319 00:19:59,240 --> 00:20:02,202 Boy, that's the greatest show we've ever done. 320 00:20:02,285 --> 00:20:04,537 So I lie. 321 00:20:04,621 --> 00:20:05,663 [FOZZIE GROANS] 322 00:20:05,747 --> 00:20:08,208 Oh, it could be worse, Fozzie. 323 00:20:08,291 --> 00:20:10,794 This little door could be shut. 324 00:20:12,754 --> 00:20:14,339 Things are worse. 325 00:20:15,423 --> 00:20:17,967 Uh, see you, babushka. 326 00:20:19,052 --> 00:20:22,472 FOZZIE [MUFFLED]: Uh, Hilda! Hilda! 327 00:20:22,555 --> 00:20:23,807 -Fozzie? FOZZIE: Hilda? 328 00:20:23,890 --> 00:20:25,684 -Fozzie, is that you? -Who's that? 329 00:20:25,767 --> 00:20:27,435 -It's Kermit the Frog. -Kermit! 330 00:20:27,519 --> 00:20:29,688 Listen, I've decided not to cut you from the show. 331 00:20:29,771 --> 00:20:33,149 -Oh, thank you, Kermit! -Okay, get him on-stage, fellas! 332 00:20:34,192 --> 00:20:35,193 FOZZIE: What? 333 00:20:36,528 --> 00:20:39,239 Well, folks, here comes the act you've all been waiting for. 334 00:20:39,322 --> 00:20:41,741 The Muppet Show's own great comedian, 335 00:20:41,825 --> 00:20:45,745 here he is now, feeling a little, uh, "cagey" tonight, 336 00:20:45,829 --> 00:20:50,959 but, nevertheless, still the old master of mirth, Mr. Fozzie Bear! 337 00:20:53,336 --> 00:20:55,380 FOZZIE: Thank you, thank you! 338 00:20:55,463 --> 00:20:58,216 Hey, it's really great to be here. 339 00:20:58,299 --> 00:20:59,509 [SIGHS] 340 00:20:59,592 --> 00:21:03,346 I spent the whole day at the doctor. I said, "Doc, it hurts when I do this." 341 00:21:03,430 --> 00:21:04,806 He says, "Don't do that." 342 00:21:04,889 --> 00:21:06,725 [AUDIENCE LAUGHS] 343 00:21:06,808 --> 00:21:08,768 Are you laughing? 344 00:21:08,852 --> 00:21:10,311 It's hard to hear. 345 00:21:11,688 --> 00:21:15,358 Ahem. Then the doctor said, "Have you ever had this before?" 346 00:21:15,442 --> 00:21:17,694 I said, "Yes." He says, "Well, you got it again." 347 00:21:17,777 --> 00:21:20,030 [LAUGHING CONTINUES] 348 00:21:20,113 --> 00:21:24,117 Uh, thank you, thank you. You've been a wonderful audience. 349 00:21:24,200 --> 00:21:26,119 Please get me off. 350 00:21:27,078 --> 00:21:29,789 Great. Let's all hear it for Fozzie Bear! 351 00:21:29,873 --> 00:21:32,250 Come on out and take a bow, Fozzie. 352 00:21:32,334 --> 00:21:34,294 FOZZIE: This is humiliating. 353 00:21:34,377 --> 00:21:36,254 Whoa! 354 00:21:38,256 --> 00:21:39,549 Okay, okay. 355 00:21:39,632 --> 00:21:43,720 And now, folks, once again, Mr. Ben Vereen. 356 00:21:45,555 --> 00:21:46,598 [SIGHS] 357 00:21:46,681 --> 00:21:48,641 Oh, boy. 358 00:21:48,725 --> 00:21:51,644 This place is so dull. 359 00:21:52,729 --> 00:21:54,689 I hate it here. 360 00:21:54,773 --> 00:21:57,275 It's so dull! 361 00:21:57,359 --> 00:21:58,360 [SIGHS] 362 00:21:59,402 --> 00:22:00,695 Hi, Droop. 363 00:22:00,779 --> 00:22:02,197 Oh, hi, Ben. 364 00:22:02,280 --> 00:22:05,075 Hey, look, I can take you out of this place. 365 00:22:05,158 --> 00:22:08,453 Aw, no, thanks. I'm not allowed to cross the street. 366 00:22:08,536 --> 00:22:11,081 -No, no, that's not what I mean. -Hmm? 367 00:22:11,164 --> 00:22:12,248 Listen. 368 00:22:13,416 --> 00:22:17,379 ♪ Come with me, and you'll be ♪ 369 00:22:18,672 --> 00:22:22,467 ♪ In a world of pure imagination ♪ 370 00:22:24,052 --> 00:22:28,682 ♪ Take a look, and you'll see ♪ 371 00:22:28,765 --> 00:22:33,228 ♪ Into your imagination ♪ 372 00:22:33,311 --> 00:22:36,648 ♪ We'll begin with a spin ♪ 373 00:22:38,024 --> 00:22:42,362 ♪ Traveling in a world of my creation ♪ 374 00:22:42,445 --> 00:22:44,364 ♪ What we'll see ♪ 375 00:22:44,447 --> 00:22:50,954 ♪ Will defy explanation ♪ 376 00:22:51,996 --> 00:22:55,875 ♪ If you want to view paradise ♪ 377 00:22:55,959 --> 00:23:00,255 ♪ Simply look around and view it ♪ 378 00:23:00,338 --> 00:23:04,509 ♪ Anything you want to, do it ♪ 379 00:23:04,592 --> 00:23:09,973 ♪ You wanna change the world? There's nothing to it ♪ 380 00:23:11,099 --> 00:23:15,145 ♪ There is no life I know ♪ 381 00:23:15,228 --> 00:23:18,898 ♪ To compare to pure imagination ♪ 382 00:23:18,982 --> 00:23:22,652 ♪ Living there, you'll be free ♪ 383 00:23:22,736 --> 00:23:29,743 ♪ If you truly wish to be ♪ 384 00:23:29,826 --> 00:23:31,828 [BAND PLAYING "PURE IMAGINATION"] 385 00:24:00,148 --> 00:24:03,693 ALL: ♪ If you want to view paradise ♪ 386 00:24:03,777 --> 00:24:07,322 ♪ Simply look around and view it ♪ 387 00:24:07,405 --> 00:24:10,950 ♪ Anything you want to, do it ♪ 388 00:24:11,034 --> 00:24:15,538 ♪ Want to change the world? There's nothing to it ♪ 389 00:24:15,622 --> 00:24:19,459 BEN: ♪ There is no life I know ♪ 390 00:24:19,542 --> 00:24:23,213 ♪ To compare with pure imagination ♪ 391 00:24:23,296 --> 00:24:26,841 ♪ Living there, you'll be free ♪ 392 00:24:26,925 --> 00:24:31,429 ♪ If you truly ♪ 393 00:24:33,306 --> 00:24:37,018 ♪ Wish to be ♪ 394 00:24:38,395 --> 00:24:42,607 ♪ Come with me ♪ 395 00:24:42,691 --> 00:24:47,821 Ah. Gee, you sure have some imagination, Ben. 396 00:24:47,904 --> 00:24:49,823 [AUDIENCE APPLAUDING] 397 00:24:54,327 --> 00:24:56,705 Okay, well, that about puts a lid on it for this week. 398 00:24:56,788 --> 00:25:00,125 We'd like to thank our special guest star, Mr. Ben Vereen! 399 00:25:00,208 --> 00:25:01,710 [AUDIENCE APPLAUDING] 400 00:25:01,793 --> 00:25:04,504 Hey, Kermit, you know, thank you. 401 00:25:04,587 --> 00:25:07,340 I've done a lot of shows in my time, 402 00:25:07,424 --> 00:25:10,719 but this has been one of the, um, craziest. 403 00:25:10,802 --> 00:25:13,013 -Hey, Kermit, Ben, Ben! -Yeah, what? 404 00:25:13,096 --> 00:25:14,139 Hey, I'm out! 405 00:25:14,222 --> 00:25:17,350 -Fozzie, how'd you get out of the cage? -Crazy Harry blew it up. 406 00:25:17,434 --> 00:25:20,603 It hurt a little bit, but, you know, I'm okay. 407 00:25:20,687 --> 00:25:22,397 Well, well, Fozzie, 408 00:25:22,480 --> 00:25:25,525 I just thought the show was just dynamite. 409 00:25:25,608 --> 00:25:27,861 -Yeah. -Did somebody say "dynamite"? 410 00:25:27,944 --> 00:25:29,029 ALL: No! 411 00:25:29,112 --> 00:25:30,363 [DYNAMITE EXPLODES] 412 00:25:30,447 --> 00:25:31,865 [ALL SHOUTING INDISTINCTLY] 413 00:25:31,948 --> 00:25:34,993 We'll see you all next week on The Muppet Show! 414 00:25:35,076 --> 00:25:37,120 [BAND PLAYING THEME MUSIC] 415 00:25:38,747 --> 00:25:40,415 KERMIT: Would you cut that out? 416 00:25:40,498 --> 00:25:42,584 [ALL CHATTERING] 417 00:26:15,617 --> 00:26:18,286 -Fantastic show. -Brilliant show. 418 00:26:18,370 --> 00:26:20,288 By the way, your pants are on fire. 31677

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