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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:02,961 --> 00:00:06,965 It's The Muppet Show, with our special guest star Miss Lena Horne! 2 00:00:08,508 --> 00:00:11,219 [BAND PLAYING THEME MUSIC] 3 00:00:17,267 --> 00:00:19,436 ♪ It's time to play the music ♪ 4 00:00:19,519 --> 00:00:21,563 ♪ It's time to light the lights ♪ 5 00:00:21,646 --> 00:00:25,942 ♪ It's time to meet the Muppets On The Muppet Show tonight ♪ 6 00:00:26,026 --> 00:00:28,028 ♪ It's time to put on makeup ♪ 7 00:00:28,111 --> 00:00:30,280 ♪ It's time to dress up right ♪ 8 00:00:30,363 --> 00:00:33,533 ♪ It's time to raise the curtain On The Muppet Show tonight ♪ 9 00:00:36,911 --> 00:00:39,581 Uh, I bet on a horse that came in so late 10 00:00:39,664 --> 00:00:42,334 they had to pay the jockey time and a half. 11 00:00:42,417 --> 00:00:44,336 Ha, ha. 12 00:00:44,419 --> 00:00:46,588 ♪ To introduce our guest star ♪ 13 00:00:46,671 --> 00:00:48,465 ♪ That's what I'm here to do ♪ 14 00:00:48,548 --> 00:00:50,967 ♪ So it really makes me happy ♪ 15 00:00:51,051 --> 00:00:52,844 ♪ To introduce to you ♪ 16 00:00:52,927 --> 00:00:55,638 Ms. Lena Horne! Ahh! 17 00:00:55,722 --> 00:00:57,640 [AUDIENCE APPLAUDING] 18 00:01:02,187 --> 00:01:06,191 ♪ But now let's get things started On the most sensational, inspirational ♪ 19 00:01:06,274 --> 00:01:08,443 ♪ Celebrational, Muppetational ♪ 20 00:01:08,526 --> 00:01:11,112 ♪ This is what we call ♪ 21 00:01:11,196 --> 00:01:15,116 ♪ The Muppet Show ♪ 22 00:01:15,200 --> 00:01:16,326 [FOGHORN BLOWS] 23 00:01:19,454 --> 00:01:21,081 [AUDIENCE APPLAUDING] 24 00:01:21,164 --> 00:01:23,708 Thank you, thank you. And good evening, ladies and gentlemen, 25 00:01:23,792 --> 00:01:25,377 boys and girls, and dogs and frogs, 26 00:01:25,460 --> 00:01:27,879 and pigs and chickens, and welcome to The Muppet Show. 27 00:01:27,962 --> 00:01:32,008 Hey, we are particularly happy tonight to have with us as our special guest star 28 00:01:32,092 --> 00:01:36,388 the talented, the beautiful, and the indefatigable Miss Lena Horne. 29 00:01:36,471 --> 00:01:39,224 But right now, we're gonna start off the show with an act 30 00:01:39,307 --> 00:01:41,309 that was discovered by George our janitor. 31 00:01:41,393 --> 00:01:45,563 Here it is, right from the cleaning room into your living room, The Ragg Mopps! 32 00:01:45,647 --> 00:01:48,108 [UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING] 33 00:01:54,239 --> 00:01:55,865 ♪ M ♪ 34 00:01:55,949 --> 00:01:58,118 ♪ I say M-O ♪ 35 00:01:58,201 --> 00:02:00,245 ♪ M-O-P ♪ 36 00:02:00,328 --> 00:02:02,914 ♪ M-O-P-P ♪ 37 00:02:02,997 --> 00:02:05,291 ♪ Mopp ♪ 38 00:02:05,375 --> 00:02:07,544 ♪ M-O-P-P Mopp, mopp, mopp, mopp ♪ 39 00:02:07,627 --> 00:02:09,045 ♪ R ♪ 40 00:02:09,129 --> 00:02:11,256 ♪ I say R-A ♪ 41 00:02:11,339 --> 00:02:13,383 ♪ R-A-G ♪ 42 00:02:13,466 --> 00:02:16,011 ♪ R-A-G-G ♪ 43 00:02:16,094 --> 00:02:18,680 ♪ Ragg ♪ 44 00:02:18,763 --> 00:02:20,807 ♪ R-A-G-G-M-O-P-P ♪ 45 00:02:20,890 --> 00:02:22,976 ♪ Ragg Mopp ♪ 46 00:02:23,059 --> 00:02:25,228 ♪ Ragg Mopp ♪ 47 00:02:25,311 --> 00:02:27,397 ♪ Ragg Mopp ♪ 48 00:02:27,480 --> 00:02:29,649 ♪ Ragg Mopp ♪ 49 00:02:29,733 --> 00:02:32,027 ♪ Ragg Mopp ♪ 50 00:02:32,110 --> 00:02:34,237 ♪ R-A-G-G-M-O-P-P ♪ 51 00:02:34,320 --> 00:02:36,531 ♪ Ragg Mopp ♪ 52 00:02:36,614 --> 00:02:38,241 ♪ A ♪ 53 00:02:38,324 --> 00:02:40,410 ♪ I say A-B ♪ 54 00:02:40,493 --> 00:02:42,662 ♪ A, B, C ♪ 55 00:02:42,746 --> 00:02:45,123 ♪ A, B, C, D ♪ 56 00:02:45,206 --> 00:02:47,792 ♪ A, B, C, D, E ♪ 57 00:02:47,876 --> 00:02:50,045 ♪ A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H ♪ 58 00:02:50,128 --> 00:02:52,255 ♪ -Ragg Mopp -La-da-da-la-la-la ♪ 59 00:02:52,339 --> 00:02:54,549 ♪ -Ragg Mopp -La-da-da-la-la-la ♪ 60 00:02:54,632 --> 00:02:56,676 ♪ -Ragg Mopp -La-da-da-la-la-la ♪ 61 00:02:56,760 --> 00:02:59,095 ♪ -Ragg Mopp -La-da-da-la-la-la ♪ 62 00:02:59,179 --> 00:03:01,431 ♪ -Ragg Mopp -La-da-da-la-la-la ♪ 63 00:03:01,514 --> 00:03:03,683 ♪ R-A-G-G-M-O-P-P ♪ 64 00:03:03,767 --> 00:03:05,018 ♪ Ragg Mopp ♪ 65 00:03:05,101 --> 00:03:08,897 Yeah, Now, that's my kind of act, 66 00:03:16,363 --> 00:03:19,657 That kind of act only comes once in a lifetime. 67 00:03:19,741 --> 00:03:21,785 If you're lucky. 68 00:03:23,244 --> 00:03:26,289 Okay, okay. Good number. Good number, you guys. Good number. 69 00:03:26,373 --> 00:03:28,083 George, clean up your act. 70 00:03:29,417 --> 00:03:31,961 Kermit, Kermit, is it true what I've heard, 71 00:03:32,045 --> 00:03:34,589 that I'm not doing my song in the show tonight? 72 00:03:34,673 --> 00:03:37,342 -Uh, that's true. -Why? 73 00:03:37,425 --> 00:03:40,095 Well, Piggy, because Lena Horne is our guest this week. 74 00:03:40,178 --> 00:03:44,182 And, uh, how can I say this? There are singers and there are singers. 75 00:03:44,265 --> 00:03:45,392 You catch my drift? 76 00:03:46,518 --> 00:03:52,982 Oh, and you don't want me to overshadow Miss Horne. 77 00:03:53,066 --> 00:03:56,861 Oh, of course you're right. What a considerate frog. 78 00:03:56,945 --> 00:03:58,363 Oh. 79 00:03:58,446 --> 00:04:01,116 Ignorance is truly bliss. 80 00:04:01,199 --> 00:04:03,868 Uh, Miss Horne on next. Miss Horne on next. 81 00:04:03,952 --> 00:04:05,120 [BLOWING] 82 00:04:05,203 --> 00:04:08,331 No, not you. The wrong Miss Horne. 83 00:04:08,415 --> 00:04:09,416 [BLOWS] 84 00:04:11,209 --> 00:04:13,878 And now it is my great pleasure to present a performer 85 00:04:13,962 --> 00:04:17,465 whose name is synonymous with style, taste, and talent, 86 00:04:17,549 --> 00:04:20,343 the incredible Miss Lena Horne. 87 00:04:20,427 --> 00:04:22,345 [AUDIENCE APPLAUDING] 88 00:04:28,727 --> 00:04:31,438 ["I GOT A NAME" PLAYING] 89 00:04:46,119 --> 00:04:51,332 ♪ Like the pine tree Lining a winding road ♪ 90 00:04:52,709 --> 00:04:55,128 ♪ I've got a name ♪ 91 00:04:56,713 --> 00:04:59,132 ♪ I've got a name ♪ 92 00:05:01,885 --> 00:05:08,516 ♪ Like the singing bird Or the croaking toad ♪ 93 00:05:08,600 --> 00:05:11,019 ♪ I've got a name ♪ 94 00:05:12,520 --> 00:05:15,023 ♪ I've got a name ♪ 95 00:05:18,026 --> 00:05:20,779 ♪ And I carry it with me ♪ 96 00:05:20,862 --> 00:05:23,531 ♪ Like my daddy did ♪ 97 00:05:24,407 --> 00:05:27,369 ♪ But I'm living a dream ♪ 98 00:05:28,536 --> 00:05:30,997 ♪ That he kept hid ♪ 99 00:05:33,541 --> 00:05:37,462 ♪ Moving me down the highway ♪ 100 00:05:37,545 --> 00:05:41,549 ♪ Rolling me down the highway ♪ 101 00:05:41,633 --> 00:05:44,719 ♪ Moving ahead so life ♪ 102 00:05:44,803 --> 00:05:49,683 ♪ Won't pass me by ♪ 103 00:05:54,020 --> 00:05:56,481 ♪ Like the fool I am ♪ 104 00:05:56,564 --> 00:06:00,610 ♪ And I'll always be ♪ 105 00:06:00,694 --> 00:06:03,571 ♪ I got a dream ♪ 106 00:06:04,447 --> 00:06:08,076 ♪ I got a dream ♪ 107 00:06:10,078 --> 00:06:12,580 ♪ They can change their minds ♪ 108 00:06:12,664 --> 00:06:16,751 ♪ But they can't change me No, no, no, no ♪ 109 00:06:16,835 --> 00:06:20,463 ♪ I got a dream, yeah ♪ 110 00:06:21,297 --> 00:06:24,050 ♪ I got a dream ♪ 111 00:06:26,594 --> 00:06:29,514 ♪ I know I could share it ♪ 112 00:06:29,597 --> 00:06:31,933 ♪ If you want me to ♪ 113 00:06:32,726 --> 00:06:35,353 ♪ If you're going my way ♪ 114 00:06:36,855 --> 00:06:39,357 ♪ I'll go with you ♪ 115 00:06:41,735 --> 00:06:45,905 ♪ Moving me down the highway ♪ 116 00:06:45,989 --> 00:06:49,784 ♪ Rolling me down the highway ♪ 117 00:06:49,868 --> 00:06:53,163 ♪ Moving ahead so life ♪ 118 00:06:53,246 --> 00:06:58,918 ♪ Won't pass me by ♪ 119 00:06:59,002 --> 00:07:01,921 ♪ Oh, oh, oh, yeah ♪ 120 00:07:02,005 --> 00:07:05,925 ♪ Moving me down the highway ♪ 121 00:07:06,009 --> 00:07:10,180 ♪ Rolling me down the highway ♪ 122 00:07:10,263 --> 00:07:16,686 ♪ Moving ahead so life ♪ 123 00:07:16,770 --> 00:07:22,025 ♪ Won't pass me by ♪ 124 00:07:31,159 --> 00:07:33,161 [AUDIENCE CHEERING AND APPLAUDING] 125 00:07:40,418 --> 00:07:43,296 I could listen to her sing until the end of time. 126 00:07:43,380 --> 00:07:46,341 She doesn't sing that. Not her style. No. 127 00:07:46,424 --> 00:07:49,427 No, no, no, I mean I could listen to her sing forever. 128 00:07:49,511 --> 00:07:51,930 No, she doesn't sing that either. 129 00:07:52,013 --> 00:07:54,599 Why don't you just check yourself into the old fools' home 130 00:07:54,683 --> 00:07:56,559 while they still have a bed left? 131 00:08:02,691 --> 00:08:04,943 -Kermit. Kermit? -Yeah. 132 00:08:05,026 --> 00:08:07,112 -My love, I've been thinking. -What? 133 00:08:07,195 --> 00:08:10,365 The consideration that you've shown Lena Horne 134 00:08:10,448 --> 00:08:14,494 has only reinforced my undying love for you. 135 00:08:14,577 --> 00:08:17,288 -Yeah. -Oh, kiss me quick! 136 00:08:17,372 --> 00:08:19,040 -Ahem. Uh, Piggy... -Yes? 137 00:08:19,124 --> 00:08:21,376 I appreciate the fact that you find me attractive-- 138 00:08:21,459 --> 00:08:23,378 Every frog wants to be needed. 139 00:08:23,461 --> 00:08:28,133 --but, uh, there is no room in my life for romance at this time, thank you. 140 00:08:29,843 --> 00:08:31,302 [GASPS] 141 00:08:31,386 --> 00:08:34,764 Oh, I'm crushed. Oh! 142 00:08:34,848 --> 00:08:37,475 I'm destroyed. My life has no meaning. 143 00:08:37,559 --> 00:08:40,395 -It's-- It's over. It's over. -Piggy, listen-- 144 00:08:40,478 --> 00:08:43,773 The sun will never shine on this pig. 145 00:08:43,857 --> 00:08:47,819 O death, death, where is thy sting? 146 00:08:47,902 --> 00:08:51,156 -[GASPING] -Uh... 147 00:08:51,239 --> 00:08:54,617 Uh, Piggy, aren't you just overdoing it a little bit? 148 00:08:54,701 --> 00:08:56,202 Uh, maybe. 149 00:08:58,997 --> 00:09:01,041 Here's a Muppet news flash. 150 00:09:01,124 --> 00:09:03,668 Mrs. Lola Bramswell of Covington, Kentucky, 151 00:09:03,752 --> 00:09:05,920 has come upon a most unique diet. 152 00:09:06,004 --> 00:09:09,632 For the past 10 years, she has eaten nothing but seaweed. 153 00:09:09,716 --> 00:09:14,054 Uh, tell us, Mrs. Bramswell, has eating only seaweed presented any problems? 154 00:09:14,137 --> 00:09:16,181 No. Not really. 155 00:09:16,264 --> 00:09:21,978 Except that twice a day, I find myself going in and out with the tide. 156 00:09:23,021 --> 00:09:24,898 That's not easy to do in Kentucky. 157 00:09:28,401 --> 00:09:30,487 [BALLROOM DANCE MUSIC PLAYING] 158 00:09:36,409 --> 00:09:38,578 -George. George. -Huh? 159 00:09:38,661 --> 00:09:41,206 -Do you like circuses? -Oh, I love them. 160 00:09:41,289 --> 00:09:46,795 -Oh, then you must like Ringling. -I don't know, I never ringled. 161 00:09:49,631 --> 00:09:52,092 Will you love me forever? 162 00:09:52,175 --> 00:09:55,220 I don't know, baby. Ask me again in a million years. 163 00:09:58,682 --> 00:10:02,727 You know, my aunt has a chest that goes back to 1700. 164 00:10:02,811 --> 00:10:05,105 Wow, that must make it tough on your uncle. 165 00:10:05,188 --> 00:10:06,189 Yes-- 166 00:10:09,651 --> 00:10:16,074 Hey. You know, they say the children of today are the parents of tomorrow. 167 00:10:16,157 --> 00:10:20,161 Huh, I always thought it took longer than that. 168 00:10:21,579 --> 00:10:23,832 You know what really bugs me about you? 169 00:10:23,915 --> 00:10:25,709 -What? -Your temper. 170 00:10:25,792 --> 00:10:28,878 -You're always blowing your top. -Oh, yeah? 171 00:10:28,962 --> 00:10:30,463 [YELPS] 172 00:10:35,218 --> 00:10:37,554 [PLAYING MELLOW TUNE] 173 00:12:39,843 --> 00:12:42,721 Hey, Lena, we are so pleased to have you with us on the show tonight. 174 00:12:42,804 --> 00:12:45,098 You have long been one of our favorites. 175 00:12:45,181 --> 00:12:48,893 Oh, thank you. And I'm a big fan of you and the Muppets, Kermit. 176 00:12:48,977 --> 00:12:51,021 That makes us all very happy, because we on the-- 177 00:12:51,104 --> 00:12:54,691 FOZZIE: Psst. Psst. Psst. Hoo-ha. Hoo-ha. 178 00:12:54,774 --> 00:12:57,861 -Fozzie. Excuse me a minute. -Hoo-ha. Hoo-ha. hoo-ha. 179 00:12:57,944 --> 00:13:00,155 -Fozzie, what is it? -What is it? 180 00:13:00,238 --> 00:13:03,908 -Mm-hm? -It's "us" and "we" and "ours." 181 00:13:03,992 --> 00:13:08,288 But only you, the frog, get to talk to the guest star. Ho-ho. 182 00:13:08,371 --> 00:13:10,665 Well, Fozzie, see, I'm speaking for everybody. 183 00:13:10,749 --> 00:13:14,836 Oh, sure, sure. But the guest stars only get to know you. 184 00:13:14,919 --> 00:13:17,881 Not me. Hm! 185 00:13:17,964 --> 00:13:20,175 -Yeah, but-- -That's right. That's right. 186 00:13:20,258 --> 00:13:23,428 They will never know that I am a great comedian. 187 00:13:23,511 --> 00:13:27,015 And they will never know that my family was in show business. 188 00:13:27,098 --> 00:13:33,730 And that I'm sensitive, intelligent, and, yes, I'll even say it, talented. 189 00:13:33,813 --> 00:13:36,816 -Well, look, Fozzie, it's just that-- -Excuse me, 190 00:13:36,900 --> 00:13:39,527 but aren't you Fozzie Bear, the great comedian? 191 00:13:41,363 --> 00:13:42,447 What? 192 00:13:42,530 --> 00:13:47,952 Yes. A sensitive and intelligent person like you must be a great comedian. 193 00:13:49,412 --> 00:13:50,705 Oh. 194 00:13:50,789 --> 00:13:53,208 Well, there you are, Fozzie, huh? 195 00:13:53,291 --> 00:13:55,960 Wow. You mean, you actually know me? 196 00:13:56,044 --> 00:13:58,713 Listen, when you've made a name for yourself in show business, 197 00:13:58,797 --> 00:14:00,590 everybody knows you, so it's... 198 00:14:00,674 --> 00:14:03,593 It's only natural that I would know the great Fozzie Bear. 199 00:14:03,677 --> 00:14:04,719 Ah. 200 00:14:04,803 --> 00:14:08,139 Sure. Just as it's only natural that you would know Lena Horne. 201 00:14:08,223 --> 00:14:10,767 Oh. Lena Horne? Oh, I love Lena Horne. 202 00:14:10,850 --> 00:14:14,562 Oh, yes, she's terrific. I mean, she's great. Don't you? 203 00:14:15,689 --> 00:14:18,983 -I think she's terrific and great too. -Yeah, yeah, yeah. 204 00:14:19,067 --> 00:14:22,070 You know, she's gonna be a guest on our show one of these weeks. Mm-hm. 205 00:14:22,153 --> 00:14:25,031 Ahem. Uh, Fozzie, she is a guest. 206 00:14:25,115 --> 00:14:26,116 This week. 207 00:14:27,117 --> 00:14:28,118 [STAMMERING] 208 00:14:28,201 --> 00:14:30,120 -She's a guest this week? -Yes. 209 00:14:30,203 --> 00:14:32,247 -On this show here? -Mm-hm. 210 00:14:32,330 --> 00:14:34,374 Oh, wow. Wow, that's great. 211 00:14:34,457 --> 00:14:37,460 I don't wanna miss Lena Horne. You gonna stick around and see her? 212 00:14:37,544 --> 00:14:39,879 -I might just do that. -Oh, yeah. 213 00:14:39,963 --> 00:14:42,507 I didn't get your name. 214 00:14:42,590 --> 00:14:44,801 Day. Doris Day. 215 00:14:46,720 --> 00:14:51,641 Cute. Cute name. You know, with a name like that, you should be in show business. 216 00:14:51,725 --> 00:14:53,768 -Fozzie, will you get out of here! -Ahh! 217 00:14:53,852 --> 00:14:55,520 I'll wait for you outside, Ms. Day. 218 00:14:55,603 --> 00:14:56,730 [YELPS] 219 00:14:58,106 --> 00:15:01,860 I'm sorry about that, Lena. Sometimes he's just un-bear-able. 220 00:15:03,194 --> 00:15:05,030 Cute, Cute-o. 221 00:15:08,742 --> 00:15:10,744 [HUMMING INDISTINCTLY TO UPBEAT MUSIC] 222 00:15:19,127 --> 00:15:21,504 [SPEAKING GIBBERISH] 223 00:15:38,146 --> 00:15:40,398 Come here-ski. 224 00:15:42,484 --> 00:15:43,902 Is squiggly worm. 225 00:15:45,862 --> 00:15:47,155 Scooby-Doo. 226 00:15:53,036 --> 00:15:54,287 Thank you. 227 00:15:57,415 --> 00:15:59,417 [PASTA GROWLING] 228 00:16:08,468 --> 00:16:10,261 And now, once again, ladies and gentlemen, 229 00:16:10,345 --> 00:16:13,723 the Great Gonzo has dug deep into his limitless repertoire 230 00:16:13,807 --> 00:16:17,519 and has come up with an act the likes of which has never been seen before. 231 00:16:17,602 --> 00:16:20,397 So let's give a big hand to The Great Gonzo. 232 00:16:22,565 --> 00:16:28,697 Okay, thank you. Tonight I present a unique version of "Pop Goes the Weasel." 233 00:16:28,780 --> 00:16:31,574 Uh... ahem, with a surprise ending. 234 00:16:33,451 --> 00:16:34,619 [BALLOON POPS] 235 00:16:34,703 --> 00:16:36,871 [AUDIENCE BOOING] 236 00:16:36,955 --> 00:16:38,998 Hey, it wasn't my fault! 237 00:16:39,082 --> 00:16:41,334 Ah, you yokels! 238 00:16:41,418 --> 00:16:43,336 [BOOING CONTINUES] 239 00:16:53,596 --> 00:16:56,016 Gonzo. What's the matter? 240 00:16:56,099 --> 00:17:00,228 Oh, gee, Ms. Horne. It's really depressing. 241 00:17:00,311 --> 00:17:02,856 You hear them booing out there? 242 00:17:02,939 --> 00:17:06,234 Sometimes it takes a long time for an artist to be appreciated. 243 00:17:06,317 --> 00:17:07,318 [GONZO GROANS] 244 00:17:07,402 --> 00:17:12,407 But as long as one person appreciates you, you just gotta keep on trying. 245 00:17:12,490 --> 00:17:15,243 And as for me, I think you're fantastic. 246 00:17:16,327 --> 00:17:17,328 You--? 247 00:17:17,412 --> 00:17:20,665 -I don't know what to say. -Well, listen... 248 00:17:20,749 --> 00:17:24,961 ♪ In this world of ordinary people ♪ 249 00:17:26,463 --> 00:17:28,506 ♪ Extraordinary people ♪ 250 00:17:30,008 --> 00:17:33,636 ♪ I'm glad there is you ♪ 251 00:17:35,013 --> 00:17:39,684 ♪ In this world of overrated pleasures ♪ 252 00:17:40,852 --> 00:17:43,104 ♪ And underrated treasures ♪ 253 00:17:44,356 --> 00:17:47,484 ♪ I'm glad there is you ♪ 254 00:17:48,526 --> 00:17:50,945 ♪ I live to love ♪ 255 00:17:51,029 --> 00:17:55,867 ♪ I love to live with you beside me ♪ 256 00:17:56,993 --> 00:17:59,204 ♪ This role's so new ♪ 257 00:17:59,287 --> 00:18:04,209 ♪ I'll muddle through With you to guide me ♪ 258 00:18:05,543 --> 00:18:07,796 ♪ In this world ♪ 259 00:18:07,879 --> 00:18:10,965 ♪ Where many, many play at love ♪ 260 00:18:11,049 --> 00:18:14,594 ♪ And hardly any stay in love ♪ 261 00:18:14,678 --> 00:18:18,723 ♪ I'm glad there is you ♪ 262 00:18:18,807 --> 00:18:22,602 ♪ More than ever ♪ 263 00:18:22,686 --> 00:18:27,357 ♪ I'm glad there is ♪ 264 00:18:27,440 --> 00:18:30,860 ♪ You ♪ 265 00:18:30,944 --> 00:18:33,822 -Thank you, Lena. -You're great, Gonzo. 266 00:18:33,905 --> 00:18:35,949 Aw. 267 00:18:36,032 --> 00:18:37,951 [AUDIENCE APPLAUDING] 268 00:18:42,539 --> 00:18:43,998 Boy, oh, boy. 269 00:18:44,082 --> 00:18:47,002 It sure is great being in the show business, chief. 270 00:18:47,085 --> 00:18:48,086 Uh, yeah, Scooter. 271 00:18:48,169 --> 00:18:50,296 -But I tell you, this isn't an easy job. -Huh? 272 00:18:50,380 --> 00:18:54,259 Sometimes in this business you have to be ruthless, merciless, and cruel. 273 00:18:54,342 --> 00:18:55,885 In what way, chief? 274 00:18:55,969 --> 00:18:58,513 -I just cut Piggy's song from the show. -Why? 275 00:18:58,596 --> 00:19:01,599 Because there's no way she could follow the great Lena Horne. 276 00:19:01,683 --> 00:19:03,268 -She'd look ludicrous. -Yeah. 277 00:19:03,351 --> 00:19:06,104 Yeah, but these are command decisions, Scooter. 278 00:19:06,187 --> 00:19:08,189 It's lonely at the top. 279 00:19:10,066 --> 00:19:14,946 He's right. Yeah, I've gotta be ruthless, merciless, and cruel. 280 00:19:15,030 --> 00:19:18,658 -Hm. -Oh, how kind my Kermit is, 281 00:19:18,742 --> 00:19:22,287 not wanting me to overshadow Lena Horne. 282 00:19:22,370 --> 00:19:23,788 Oh, no, no, no. 283 00:19:23,872 --> 00:19:27,000 He cut your number so you wouldn't look ludicrous. 284 00:19:29,419 --> 00:19:31,880 -What?! -Oh, I'm sorry. 285 00:19:31,963 --> 00:19:36,176 You see, I've gotta be ruthless, merciless, and cruel. 286 00:19:36,259 --> 00:19:37,260 -Cruel? -Mm-hm. 287 00:19:37,344 --> 00:19:39,554 I'll show you cruel, kid. 288 00:19:39,637 --> 00:19:41,306 -Hi-yah! -Oh! 289 00:19:41,389 --> 00:19:43,683 Kermit never told me about this part. 290 00:19:43,767 --> 00:19:46,019 Part this. Hi-yah! 291 00:19:48,897 --> 00:19:54,319 Now it's time for that riotous, mirthful bundle of laughs, Mr. Fozzie Bear! 292 00:19:54,402 --> 00:19:56,071 [AUDIENCE APPLAUDING] 293 00:19:56,154 --> 00:20:00,367 Thank you. Oh, boy, oh, boy. What a fantastic audience you are. 294 00:20:00,450 --> 00:20:04,829 No, I mean it. I mean it. I've seen audiences come and I've seen them go. 295 00:20:04,913 --> 00:20:07,707 Well, you're seeing them go now, right out the door. 296 00:20:07,791 --> 00:20:09,042 [BOTH LAUGH] 297 00:20:09,125 --> 00:20:10,919 -Says you. -That's right. 298 00:20:11,002 --> 00:20:12,962 -Says you. -That's right. 299 00:20:13,046 --> 00:20:15,965 -Says you! -You better have a way out of this. 300 00:20:16,049 --> 00:20:18,760 -I do, I do. -Says you. 301 00:20:18,843 --> 00:20:21,179 -Sessue Hayakawa. -[IN UNISON] Huh? 302 00:20:21,262 --> 00:20:25,600 Sessue Hayakawa, a great Japanese actor. 303 00:20:25,684 --> 00:20:28,061 And speaking of Japanese actors, 304 00:20:28,144 --> 00:20:32,732 did you know "Toshiro Mifune" means "no smoking" in Japanese? 305 00:20:32,816 --> 00:20:34,901 Ha, ha. 306 00:20:34,984 --> 00:20:39,614 Well, he's either brilliant, or that's the dumbest thing I ever heard. 307 00:20:39,698 --> 00:20:42,742 Ah, you can't stop the old Fozzie tonight. 308 00:20:42,826 --> 00:20:46,746 I'm really cooking. I'm one rare bear. Ha, ha. 309 00:20:46,830 --> 00:20:50,458 You're a square bear that ought to be served medium rare. 310 00:20:51,876 --> 00:20:54,754 And now, my tribute to Marcel Marceau. 311 00:20:54,838 --> 00:20:59,384 An impression of a man balancing himself on one leg. 312 00:20:59,467 --> 00:21:02,345 Count them. One. Here we go. 313 00:21:02,429 --> 00:21:04,264 [GRUNTS] 314 00:21:04,347 --> 00:21:07,642 Thank you. No applause. Now, uh... Now... 315 00:21:07,726 --> 00:21:11,771 Now a man balancing himself on no legs. 316 00:21:11,855 --> 00:21:14,607 [YELLS AND AUDIENCE LAUGHS] 317 00:21:14,691 --> 00:21:19,738 Thank you. I love you. Yes, I love you. Mwah! Oh, I could stay on forever. 318 00:21:19,821 --> 00:21:24,075 You stay on any longer, you'll be running into the prayer of the day. 319 00:21:25,493 --> 00:21:28,830 Senior citizens, one. Bear, zero. 320 00:21:32,000 --> 00:21:34,919 Hilda, would you help me find my key to the dressing room? 321 00:21:35,003 --> 00:21:38,631 Oh, I am so sorry, Miss Horne. My head is such a pickle. 322 00:21:38,715 --> 00:21:41,426 I left the iron on in the costume room. 323 00:21:41,509 --> 00:21:44,429 Uh, I'll be back in a jiffy. 324 00:21:44,512 --> 00:21:47,057 -[GRUNTING] -Animal. 325 00:21:47,140 --> 00:21:50,894 Animal, I was wondering, would you help me find my key? 326 00:21:50,977 --> 00:21:53,021 Ah, all right. 327 00:21:54,522 --> 00:21:55,982 [SCREAMS] 328 00:21:57,150 --> 00:21:58,610 B flat. 329 00:22:02,030 --> 00:22:05,075 Let's have the monsters standing by. Monsters standing by, please. 330 00:22:05,158 --> 00:22:10,163 Ahem. Aren't, uh you going to be standing by, too? 331 00:22:10,246 --> 00:22:11,581 Uh, no. Why? 332 00:22:12,749 --> 00:22:15,460 Because you're the monster. 333 00:22:15,543 --> 00:22:18,546 What you said at the beginning of the show, 334 00:22:18,630 --> 00:22:21,675 about Lena and me. 335 00:22:21,758 --> 00:22:25,845 -I just got it, El Greeno. -Uh, well-- 336 00:22:25,929 --> 00:22:30,141 Yeah, you meant that I couldn't follow her. 337 00:22:30,225 --> 00:22:31,226 [GROANS] 338 00:22:31,309 --> 00:22:33,687 Well, Piggy, sometimes the truth hurts. 339 00:22:33,770 --> 00:22:36,189 Hurt? I'll show you hurt. 340 00:22:36,272 --> 00:22:37,816 Hi-yah! 341 00:22:37,899 --> 00:22:39,442 [GRUNTS] 342 00:22:42,404 --> 00:22:43,738 [PLAYING "SING, SING A SONG"] 343 00:22:43,822 --> 00:22:47,242 You know, there's a children's TV show that I really enjoy. 344 00:22:47,325 --> 00:22:49,994 Maybe you've heard of Sesame Street? 345 00:22:50,078 --> 00:22:53,373 Anyway, here's one of my favorite songs from that show. 346 00:22:56,042 --> 00:22:58,586 ♪ Sing ♪ 347 00:22:58,670 --> 00:23:00,672 ♪ Sing a song ♪ 348 00:23:02,215 --> 00:23:04,634 ♪ Sing out loud ♪ 349 00:23:05,719 --> 00:23:10,098 ♪ Sing out strong ♪ 350 00:23:10,181 --> 00:23:13,393 ♪ Sing of good things ♪ 351 00:23:13,476 --> 00:23:15,812 ♪ Not bad ♪ 352 00:23:15,895 --> 00:23:17,147 Every time. 353 00:23:17,230 --> 00:23:20,358 ♪ Sing of happy ♪ 354 00:23:20,442 --> 00:23:22,360 ♪ Not sad ♪ 355 00:23:22,444 --> 00:23:24,154 Never, never sad. 356 00:23:24,237 --> 00:23:26,781 ♪ Sing ♪ 357 00:23:26,865 --> 00:23:30,368 ♪ Sing a song ♪ 358 00:23:30,452 --> 00:23:32,495 ♪ Make it simple ♪ 359 00:23:32,579 --> 00:23:37,792 ♪ To last your whole life long ♪ 360 00:23:37,876 --> 00:23:41,504 ♪ Don't worry that it's not good enough ♪ 361 00:23:41,588 --> 00:23:44,924 ♪ For anyone else to hear ♪ 362 00:23:45,008 --> 00:23:47,635 ♪ Sing ♪ 363 00:23:47,719 --> 00:23:52,057 ♪ Sing a song ♪ 364 00:23:52,140 --> 00:23:55,310 ♪ La-la la-la-la La-la la-la-la-la ♪ 365 00:23:55,393 --> 00:23:59,064 ♪ La-la-la la-la-la-la ♪ 366 00:23:59,147 --> 00:24:02,275 ♪ La-la la-la-la La-la la-la-la-la ♪ 367 00:24:02,359 --> 00:24:05,820 ♪ La-la-la la-la-la-la ♪ 368 00:24:05,904 --> 00:24:08,448 ♪ Sing ♪ 369 00:24:08,531 --> 00:24:12,077 ♪ Sing a song ♪ 370 00:24:12,160 --> 00:24:14,329 ♪ Make it simple ♪ 371 00:24:14,412 --> 00:24:19,542 ♪ To last your whole life long ♪ 372 00:24:19,626 --> 00:24:23,296 ♪ Don't worry that it's not good enough ♪ 373 00:24:23,380 --> 00:24:26,800 ♪ For anyone else to hear ♪ 374 00:24:26,883 --> 00:24:29,552 ♪ Sing ♪ 375 00:24:29,636 --> 00:24:33,848 ♪ Sing a song ♪ 376 00:24:33,932 --> 00:24:36,601 ♪ Sing ♪ 377 00:24:36,685 --> 00:24:41,106 ♪ Sing a song ♪ 378 00:24:41,189 --> 00:24:47,654 ♪ La-la la-la-la-la-la ♪ 379 00:24:49,114 --> 00:24:55,954 ♪ Mm ♪ 380 00:25:02,460 --> 00:25:04,504 Well, that's it for this week's madness. 381 00:25:04,587 --> 00:25:08,133 Hey, we'd like a special thanks for our special guest star Miss Lena Horne! 382 00:25:08,216 --> 00:25:09,843 [AUDIENCE APPLAUDING AND CHEERING] 383 00:25:09,926 --> 00:25:12,137 Thank you, Kermit, thank you. It was fun. 384 00:25:12,220 --> 00:25:13,513 Oh, good. 385 00:25:13,596 --> 00:25:16,266 -I was listening to Piggy sing backstage. -Mm-hm. 386 00:25:16,349 --> 00:25:19,144 I think she ought to have her own spot on the show. 387 00:25:19,227 --> 00:25:22,522 Uh, really? Well, maybe next time we'll let her sing a song. 388 00:25:22,605 --> 00:25:23,815 Oh, Kermit! 389 00:25:23,898 --> 00:25:26,109 Oh! You do love me. 390 00:25:26,192 --> 00:25:29,654 Oh! Give your little porker a kiss on the chops. 391 00:25:29,738 --> 00:25:31,865 O death, where is thy sting? 392 00:25:36,619 --> 00:25:39,914 See you next time on The Muppet Show. 393 00:25:42,500 --> 00:25:45,211 [BAND PLAYING THEME MUSIC] 394 00:26:19,662 --> 00:26:21,873 -Author! Author! -Is he here? 395 00:26:21,956 --> 00:26:23,625 -Hm? Who? -Arthur. 396 00:26:23,708 --> 00:26:26,002 Oh, go back to sleep. 29286

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