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It's The Muppet Show, with our special
guest star, Mr. Charles Aznavour.
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[BAND PLAYING THEME MUSIC]
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♪ It's time to play the music ♪
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♪ It's time to light the lights ♪
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♪ It's time to meet the Muppets
On The Muppet Show tonight ♪
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00:00:26,109 --> 00:00:27,986
♪ It's time to put on makeup ♪
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♪ It's time to dress up right ♪
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♪ It's time to raise the curtain
On The Muppet Show tonight ♪
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I don't approve of belly dancers.
10
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Why can't they dance on the floor
like everyone else?
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♪ To introduce our guest star ♪
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♪ That's what I'm here to do ♪
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♪ So it really makes me happy ♪
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♪ To introduce to you ♪
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Mr. Charles Aznavour!
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[INDISTINCT CHATTERING]
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♪ But now let's get things started
On the most sensational, inspirational ♪
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♪ Celebrational, Muppetational ♪
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♪ This is what we call ♪
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♪ The Muppet Show ♪
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[CLOCK CHIMES]
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Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
23
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-Fozzie, what are you doing?
-Mm? I'm checking the house.
24
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-Will you get out of here?
-Sorry.
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Bonsoir, bonsoir, mesdames et messieurs.
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That's "ladies and gentlemen."
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You'll notice
a little French sneaking into my speech,
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because our special guest
tonight is none other
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than that international star
Mr. Charles Aznavour.
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But right now let's raise the curtain,
strike up the band,
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and get things moving on The Muppet Show.
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[DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING]
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♪ Tonight ♪
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♪ Tonight ♪
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♪ Won't be just any night ♪
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Oh, he will soon be here.
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Be still, my aching heart.
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♪ I feel pretty ♪
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♪ Oh, so pretty ♪
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♪ I feel pretty and witty and bright ♪
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[IN SQUEAKY VOICE] ♪ And I pity
Any girl who isn't me tonight ♪
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♪ I feel charming ♪
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♪ Oh, so charming ♪
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♪ It's alarming how charming I feel ♪
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♪ And so pretty ♪
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♪ That I hardly can believe I'm real ♪
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♪ See the pretty girl
In that mirror there ♪
48
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♪ What mirror? Where? ♪
49
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♪ Who can that attractive girl be? ♪
50
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♪ Which? What? Where? Whom? ♪
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♪ Such a pretty face
Such a pretty dress ♪
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♪ Such a pretty smile ♪
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♪ Such a pretty me ♪
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♪ Such a pretty me ♪
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♪ Such a pretty me ♪
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♪ I feel stunning ♪
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♪ And entrancing ♪
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♪ Feel like running and dancing for joy ♪
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♪ For I'm loved ♪
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♪ By a pretty wonderful boy ♪
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[SCREECHING]
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[KNOCKING ON DOOR]
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-Come in.
- Hiya, honey.
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Ooh!
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[MUMBLING]
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Kermit, are you busy?
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Yes, Gonzo, but I can give you my ear
for a moment.
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What would I do with your ear?
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-Van Gogh impressions.
-Oh.
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Gonzo, do you have to take everything
so literally? It's just an expression.
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Kermit, what I wanted to know was...
was... uh, you know,
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I've noticed that I haven't been on-stage
for the last couple of shows.
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-Good observation.
-Yeah, well...
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Kermit, I have a lot of fans out there,
see,
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who are waiting to see
my latest theatrical creation.
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00:04:02,951 --> 00:04:06,579
Gonzo, I have seen you eat
a rubber tire to music,
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and I have seen you play a concert
on your head with a mallet.
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00:04:09,708 --> 00:04:12,460
-Yeah.
-And, Gonzo, my dear friend,
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it doesn't work.
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What? Kermit, you... I don't...
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You gotta understand,
I don't play for the masses.
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I'm an artist. You understand that?
An artist.
83
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Yeah, well, then you should've gotten
my Van Gogh joke.
84
00:04:26,850 --> 00:04:30,020
Listen, Gonzo,
why don't you get yourself a manager?
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You know, somebody who could
guide your career.
86
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Yeah? All right. Okay. I will. All right.
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I'll do that and then you'll see.
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You'll all see because there's only one
Great Gonzo. Only one!
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Thank goodness for that.
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Yeah, yokel! Rube!
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00:04:49,622 --> 00:04:51,875
Ladies and gentlemen, it's a real treat
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to present a star who's written and sung
so many beautiful songs.
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And right now he's going to sing
one of my all-time favorites.
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Ladies and gentlemen,
Mr. Charles Aznavour.
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[BAND PLAYING SOFTLY]
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00:05:19,736 --> 00:05:25,241
♪ Dance
In the old fashioned way ♪
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♪ Won't you stay in my arms ♪
98
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♪ Just melt against my skin ♪
99
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♪ And let me feel your heart ♪
100
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♪ Don't let the music win ♪
101
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♪ By dancing far apart ♪
102
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♪ Come close ♪
103
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♪ Where you belong ♪
104
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♪ Let's hear
Our secret song ♪
105
00:06:08,076 --> 00:06:13,707
♪ Dance
In the old fashioned way ♪
106
00:06:14,582 --> 00:06:18,461
♪ Would you stay in my arms ♪
107
00:06:22,173 --> 00:06:25,719
♪ And we'll discover heights ♪
108
00:06:25,802 --> 00:06:29,723
♪ We never knew before ♪
109
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♪ If we just close our eyes ♪
110
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♪ And dance around the floor ♪
111
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♪ That gay ♪
112
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♪ Old fashioned way ♪
113
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♪ That makes me love you more ♪
114
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Come closer. Ah-ah!
Forget about the others.
115
00:07:01,254 --> 00:07:04,758
It's nice to be like this, cheek to cheek
in the old fashioned way, no?
116
00:07:04,841 --> 00:07:09,387
You know, I have the feeling that
we're dancing as our parents used to do.
117
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Well...
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maybe they weren't wrong.
119
00:07:15,018 --> 00:07:18,521
You see, time passes...
120
00:07:20,023 --> 00:07:25,403
but love... Yes, love stays.
121
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Mm...
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♪ That gay ♪
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♪ Old fashioned way ♪
124
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♪ That makes me love you ♪
125
00:07:41,920 --> 00:07:44,923
♪ Love you ♪
126
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♪ That makes me love you more ♪
127
00:08:00,063 --> 00:08:03,608
-You know, I love French singers.
-I love french fries!
128
00:08:03,692 --> 00:08:05,443
French fries? I don't get that.
129
00:08:05,568 --> 00:08:06,945
You didn't order any.
130
00:08:09,322 --> 00:08:10,949
-Hey. Hey, Kermit?
-Mm?
131
00:08:11,074 --> 00:08:13,702
The Great Gonzo wants me to manage him.
132
00:08:13,785 --> 00:08:17,122
Yeah, Scooter understands the soul
of a true artist.
133
00:08:17,205 --> 00:08:19,624
-Mm-hm.
-But Scooter, I hired you as a gofer.
134
00:08:19,708 --> 00:08:21,710
Gofer coffee, gofer sandwiches, remember?
135
00:08:21,793 --> 00:08:26,256
Yeah, well, I can still do that,
but Gonzo needs personal management.
136
00:08:26,339 --> 00:08:28,591
Oh, I do, Kermit, I truly do.
137
00:08:28,717 --> 00:08:31,094
Yeah, I'm gonna change
his whole repertoiry.
138
00:08:31,219 --> 00:08:35,223
-I'm gonna have him do a rock act.
-A rock act? But Gonzo can't sing.
139
00:08:35,306 --> 00:08:37,976
No, no, I mean a rock act.
Show him, Gonzo.
140
00:08:38,101 --> 00:08:40,061
Yeah, watch. Ah...
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00:08:41,104 --> 00:08:42,939
-Okay, hit it, kid.
-Okay.
142
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[SPITS]
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Art! Art! Art!
144
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Out! Out! Out!
145
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NARRATOR:
And now, Veterinarian's Hospital,
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00:08:57,495 --> 00:09:01,249
the continuing story
of a former orthopedic surgeon
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00:09:01,332 --> 00:09:03,501
who's gone to the dogs.
148
00:09:04,002 --> 00:09:06,087
[BREATHING DEEPLY]
149
00:09:08,965 --> 00:09:13,636
This is D for "Dog," B for "Bob,"
saying turn off the joy juice.
150
00:09:14,137 --> 00:09:15,180
Hm?
151
00:09:15,263 --> 00:09:20,393
Yeah, 10-roger. Okay.
Now, where were we? Uh, pulse.
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00:09:20,477 --> 00:09:22,062
Oh.
153
00:09:22,145 --> 00:09:24,189
No pulse, Dr. Bob.
154
00:09:24,272 --> 00:09:25,648
Heartbeat?
155
00:09:26,149 --> 00:09:27,776
No heartbeat, Dr. Bob.
156
00:09:27,901 --> 00:09:31,029
No pulse, no heartbeat, no use. He's gone.
157
00:09:31,654 --> 00:09:35,158
Oh, four hours operating
and he went just like that.
158
00:09:35,241 --> 00:09:38,620
Yes, doesn't the time go fast
when you're having fun?
159
00:09:39,371 --> 00:09:44,584
Too bad, Dr. Bob. Your record was so good.
You saved nine out of 10.
160
00:09:44,668 --> 00:09:47,671
My record is still good.
This week he was number 10.
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[LAUGHING]
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00:09:49,255 --> 00:09:51,675
So Dr. Bob's record is still good.
163
00:09:51,800 --> 00:09:55,845
It's now ten on the medical hit parade,
with a bullet.
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00:09:55,929 --> 00:09:59,432
Tune in next week
when we'll hear Nurse Piggy say:
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I hope no one hears about this, Dr. Bob.
166
00:10:02,435 --> 00:10:04,938
Well, at least he won't say anything.
167
00:10:05,397 --> 00:10:06,731
I get it!
168
00:10:06,815 --> 00:10:08,441
[ALL LAUGHING]
169
00:10:10,694 --> 00:10:14,864
Hilda, you can't imagine how hungry
I get before a performance,
170
00:10:14,948 --> 00:10:18,076
so thank you for having
this supper sent in for me.
171
00:10:18,159 --> 00:10:22,080
It is my pleasure.
It's everything that you ordered.
172
00:10:22,163 --> 00:10:27,752
There is... there is roast chicken,
and salad, and French bread.
173
00:10:27,836 --> 00:10:30,088
But Hilda, this is not French bread.
174
00:10:30,714 --> 00:10:34,718
[SPEAKING IN FRENCH]
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Of course, I could be wrong.
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00:10:40,348 --> 00:10:42,434
[BALLROOM DANCE MUSIC PLAYING]
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00:10:49,107 --> 00:10:51,359
-George. George!
-Yeah?
178
00:10:51,484 --> 00:10:54,738
-Do you read very much?
-Oh, all the time.
179
00:10:54,821 --> 00:10:55,864
Oh.
180
00:10:55,947 --> 00:10:58,742
-Do you like Kipling?
-Oh, well, I don't know,
181
00:10:58,867 --> 00:11:00,702
I never Kippled.
182
00:11:03,371 --> 00:11:06,750
I don't know why, but I just love you.
183
00:11:06,833 --> 00:11:10,503
Well, you know how it is with us bananas.
We have appeal.
184
00:11:10,628 --> 00:11:12,630
Get it? A peel.
185
00:11:12,756 --> 00:11:14,257
[LAUGHS]
186
00:11:17,635 --> 00:11:23,016
-What is it you do for a living?
-Oh, uh, I'm a garbageman.
187
00:11:23,099 --> 00:11:25,518
That's fantastic!
188
00:11:25,602 --> 00:11:28,605
-Do you deliver?
-Well, yes.
189
00:11:30,023 --> 00:11:34,152
Come on, baby. Let's go do
what we bananas do best.
190
00:11:34,235 --> 00:11:36,279
-What's that?
-Split.
191
00:11:39,783 --> 00:11:43,286
Do you know what it's like
dancing with you?
192
00:11:43,370 --> 00:11:45,038
No. What?
193
00:11:45,163 --> 00:11:47,040
One, two, three, dip!
194
00:11:47,165 --> 00:11:51,294
Aargh! Oh, I love it. More! More!
195
00:11:51,419 --> 00:11:53,296
One, two, three, dip.
196
00:11:53,421 --> 00:11:55,256
Yeah! More! More!
197
00:11:57,801 --> 00:11:59,552
[PLAYING COUNTRY MUSIC]
198
00:12:00,929 --> 00:12:02,806
♪ Oh me, oh my, oh you ♪
199
00:12:03,139 --> 00:12:05,016
♪ Whatever shall I do? ♪
200
00:12:05,558 --> 00:12:07,310
♪ Hallelujah ♪
201
00:12:07,435 --> 00:12:09,479
♪ The question is peculiar ♪
202
00:12:09,562 --> 00:12:11,398
♪ I'd give a lot of dough ♪
203
00:12:11,690 --> 00:12:13,441
♪ If I could only know ♪
204
00:12:13,817 --> 00:12:15,694
♪ The answer to my question ♪
205
00:12:15,819 --> 00:12:17,946
♪ Is it yes or is it no? ♪
206
00:12:18,655 --> 00:12:22,450
♪ Does your chewing gum lose its flavor ♪
207
00:12:22,575 --> 00:12:24,285
♪ On the bedpost overnight? ♪
208
00:12:24,661 --> 00:12:26,705
♪ If your mother says don't chew it ♪
209
00:12:26,788 --> 00:12:28,456
♪ Do you swallow it in spite? ♪
210
00:12:28,957 --> 00:12:30,959
♪ Can you catch it on your tonsils? ♪
211
00:12:31,042 --> 00:12:32,711
♪ Can you heave it left and right? ♪
212
00:12:33,169 --> 00:12:35,088
♪ Does your chewing gum lose its flavor ♪
213
00:12:35,213 --> 00:12:36,965
♪ On the bedpost overnight? ♪
214
00:12:38,800 --> 00:12:40,593
Aha!
215
00:12:40,719 --> 00:12:41,761
Yee-ha!
216
00:12:41,845 --> 00:12:43,722
♪ The nation drives as one ♪
217
00:12:43,847 --> 00:12:45,598
♪ To send their honored son ♪
218
00:12:46,224 --> 00:12:48,018
♪ To the White House ♪
219
00:12:48,101 --> 00:12:50,145
♪ The nation's only White House ♪
220
00:12:50,228 --> 00:12:51,980
♪ To voice their discontent ♪
221
00:12:52,439 --> 00:12:54,232
♪ Unto the president ♪
222
00:12:54,482 --> 00:12:56,359
♪ Upon the burning question ♪
223
00:12:56,443 --> 00:12:58,486
♪ That has swept this continent ♪
224
00:12:58,987 --> 00:13:02,657
The question is,
how do you drive a baby buggy?
225
00:13:02,741 --> 00:13:05,368
I don't know,
how do you drive a baby buggy?
226
00:13:05,493 --> 00:13:07,287
You tickle its feet!
227
00:13:07,370 --> 00:13:08,747
[ALL LAUGHING]
228
00:13:09,622 --> 00:13:13,501
♪ Does your chewing gum lose its flavor ♪
229
00:13:13,585 --> 00:13:15,378
♪ On the bedpost overnight? ♪
230
00:13:15,628 --> 00:13:17,422
♪ If you pull it out like rubber ♪
231
00:13:17,505 --> 00:13:19,591
♪ Will it snap right back and bite? ♪
232
00:13:19,883 --> 00:13:21,885
♪ If you paste it on the left side ♪
233
00:13:21,968 --> 00:13:23,762
♪ Will you find it on the right? ♪
234
00:13:24,137 --> 00:13:26,056
♪ Does your chewing gum lose its flavor ♪
235
00:13:26,139 --> 00:13:28,016
♪ On the bedpost overnight? ♪
236
00:13:28,099 --> 00:13:32,354
♪ On the bedpost over ♪
237
00:13:32,437 --> 00:13:34,647
I told you that I love you
and I wanna hold you tight
238
00:13:34,731 --> 00:13:36,983
Monday Tuesday Wednesday
Thursday Friday Saturday night
239
00:13:37,067 --> 00:13:40,945
♪ On the bedpost over ♪
240
00:13:41,029 --> 00:13:43,323
A dollar is a dollar and a dime is a dime
241
00:13:43,406 --> 00:13:46,034
He'd sing another chorus,
but he hasn't got the time
242
00:13:46,159 --> 00:13:53,166
♪ On the bedpost overnight ♪
243
00:13:53,291 --> 00:13:55,377
-Whoo-hoo!
-Whoo-hoo!
244
00:14:01,633 --> 00:14:05,303
Charles, I can't tell you how honored
we are to have you on our show tonight.
245
00:14:05,387 --> 00:14:07,347
Why, thank you, Kermit. It's my pleasure.
246
00:14:07,430 --> 00:14:10,433
-Hey, listen. Can I ask you a question?
-Of course.
247
00:14:10,517 --> 00:14:13,311
Well, how come Frenchmen are so lucky
in love?
248
00:14:13,395 --> 00:14:16,606
Well, we have a great advantage, you know.
249
00:14:16,690 --> 00:14:19,109
-The language.
-Language?
250
00:14:19,192 --> 00:14:21,486
Yes. You know that French
is the language of love,
251
00:14:21,569 --> 00:14:25,490
so if you want to be a great ladies' man,
learn French.
252
00:14:25,573 --> 00:14:28,993
That wouldn't help me. You see,
none of the girls I know speak French.
253
00:14:29,077 --> 00:14:32,080
That doesn't matter.
In fact, sometimes it helps.
254
00:14:32,205 --> 00:14:34,874
-I don't follow.
-I will show you. Um...
255
00:14:34,958 --> 00:14:37,711
Piggy? Mademoiselle Piggy,
would you come here, please?
256
00:14:37,836 --> 00:14:39,087
Mm-hm?
257
00:14:39,212 --> 00:14:41,756
She doesn't speak French, I suppose?
258
00:14:41,840 --> 00:14:44,134
-No, she doesn't speak a word of French.
-Good.
259
00:14:44,217 --> 00:14:45,510
Yes, Charles?
260
00:14:45,593 --> 00:14:47,554
[SPEAKING IN FRENCH]
261
00:14:50,348 --> 00:14:51,599
Oh!
262
00:14:51,725 --> 00:14:54,894
-Oh, Charles.
-Mm-hm.
263
00:14:54,978 --> 00:14:57,856
-Oh. Oh.
-Uh, oui.
264
00:14:57,939 --> 00:15:01,609
Hey, listen, you really got to her.
What did you say?
265
00:15:01,693 --> 00:15:05,613
I said, "Your oil filter has a leak
and your transmission is sagging."
266
00:15:07,115 --> 00:15:08,908
That's incredible.
267
00:15:08,992 --> 00:15:10,410
-One more demonstration?
-Yeah.
268
00:15:10,493 --> 00:15:13,913
You know what I'm gonna say?
I'm gonna whisper in her ear
269
00:15:13,997 --> 00:15:17,250
the telephone number of Paris
garbage dump, you know?
270
00:15:17,334 --> 00:15:18,752
Paris garbage dump.
271
00:15:18,877 --> 00:15:20,545
-Mademoiselle Piggy.
-Yes, Charles.
272
00:15:20,628 --> 00:15:22,505
[SPEAKING IN FRENCH]
273
00:15:25,008 --> 00:15:27,135
Oh, oh, oh, oh!
274
00:15:27,260 --> 00:15:30,764
Oh, Charles. Oh! Mwah! Mwah!
275
00:15:35,894 --> 00:15:37,771
Oh, oh, Charles.
276
00:15:37,896 --> 00:15:39,356
[OINKS]
277
00:15:41,399 --> 00:15:43,818
Oh, gee, I knew that would happen.
278
00:15:43,902 --> 00:15:47,155
Charles, on behalf of all the Muppets,
I wanna say how sorry we are...
279
00:15:47,238 --> 00:15:50,033
Sorry? Sorry?
280
00:15:50,116 --> 00:15:52,202
I just met the girl of my dreams.
281
00:15:52,285 --> 00:15:55,705
Piggy? Piggy? Piggy?
282
00:15:55,789 --> 00:15:57,457
Oh, Piggy?
283
00:15:57,540 --> 00:16:01,628
Well, one man's poison
is another man's bacon. Ha, ha.
284
00:16:02,671 --> 00:16:04,756
Hi-yah!
285
00:16:06,299 --> 00:16:08,176
Barbarian.
286
00:16:11,054 --> 00:16:14,933
-I love the French tongue.
-I love pig's tongue.
287
00:16:15,058 --> 00:16:17,602
Pig's tongue? I don't get it.
Ah, I know...
288
00:16:17,686 --> 00:16:19,729
BOTH:
"You didn't order any."
289
00:16:19,813 --> 00:16:21,398
[BOTH LAUGHING]
290
00:16:21,690 --> 00:16:22,941
[MUMBLING]
291
00:16:23,650 --> 00:16:25,610
-Kermit.
-Mm?
292
00:16:25,694 --> 00:16:30,198
-Kermit, that nephew of the theater owner.
-Scooter? What about him?
293
00:16:30,281 --> 00:16:33,576
He is going to drive me to bananas.
294
00:16:33,702 --> 00:16:36,329
He has gone all through the wardrobe.
295
00:16:36,413 --> 00:16:39,874
He wants The Great Gonzo to do
a costume act.
296
00:16:39,958 --> 00:16:43,586
-Wh-- What?
-Hey, chief. What do you think?
297
00:16:46,172 --> 00:16:47,465
Hah.
298
00:16:48,466 --> 00:16:50,969
You think the high heels are too much?
299
00:16:52,053 --> 00:16:55,598
-Are you guys nuts?
-Well, Scooter says that... that...
300
00:16:55,682 --> 00:16:58,977
-female impersonation is a noble art.
-Yeah.
301
00:16:59,102 --> 00:17:02,397
Of all the dumb acts Gonzo's
ever come up with, this is the dumbest.
302
00:17:02,480 --> 00:17:06,484
-Oh, gee, my uncle loves it.
-You go on right after the dancers.
303
00:17:06,568 --> 00:17:08,236
Oh, okay, good.
304
00:17:08,361 --> 00:17:10,488
What do I do when I get out there?
305
00:17:10,613 --> 00:17:11,990
Duck.
306
00:17:14,868 --> 00:17:16,870
[ALL CHATTERING INDISTINCTLY]
307
00:17:18,747 --> 00:17:24,794
Okay, friends. Time again to raise
the intellectual level of our program,
308
00:17:24,878 --> 00:17:28,131
and our panel tonight consists of Sam,
the American Eagle.
309
00:17:28,256 --> 00:17:30,133
Peace and courage.
310
00:17:30,258 --> 00:17:34,012
-And Gonzo the Great.
-Art and culture.
311
00:17:34,095 --> 00:17:38,183
-Our own wardrobe lady, Hilda.
-Pins and needles.
312
00:17:38,266 --> 00:17:43,063
And Mildred Hockstadder,
MA, PhD, OBE, and RSVP.
313
00:17:43,146 --> 00:17:44,773
Oh, whatever.
314
00:17:44,898 --> 00:17:49,277
Tonight's topic, what is man's role
in the universe?
315
00:17:49,736 --> 00:17:53,531
To be decent and to work hard.
Next question.
316
00:17:53,615 --> 00:17:57,660
Not so fast, Sam.
This is an important question.
317
00:17:57,744 --> 00:18:01,539
It has been asked
since the beginning of time.
318
00:18:01,623 --> 00:18:05,460
Man's role in the universe.
That's a toughie.
319
00:18:05,543 --> 00:18:09,089
Oh, Gonzo, this discussion
is above your head.
320
00:18:09,172 --> 00:18:11,549
Maybe you just better keep it down.
321
00:18:11,675 --> 00:18:14,928
-Check.
MILDRED: What's he... What's he up to?
322
00:18:15,053 --> 00:18:19,724
She didn't mean keep your head down.
You take things too literally.
323
00:18:19,808 --> 00:18:23,770
Yeah, yeah, please. Now, we don't
have much time. so let's get hopping.
324
00:18:24,187 --> 00:18:26,481
-Hop, hop.
-Oh, no.
325
00:18:26,564 --> 00:18:31,194
I have a feeling that we have
perhaps misunderstood the question.
326
00:18:31,319 --> 00:18:35,198
Will you stop that hopping?
Who are these weird people?
327
00:18:35,323 --> 00:18:37,992
-Just don't pay any attention, Sam.
-Oh!
328
00:18:38,076 --> 00:18:42,747
All right, I suggest that we look
carefully at what's before us
329
00:18:42,831 --> 00:18:45,458
and break it down into separate pieces.
330
00:18:45,542 --> 00:18:48,003
Check. Ahem.
331
00:18:48,086 --> 00:18:50,714
Ow! Ow! Ow!
332
00:18:52,173 --> 00:18:56,469
Heavens to the Betsy.
He means the question.
333
00:18:56,553 --> 00:19:00,598
-But we should be looking for the answer.
-Yes.
334
00:19:00,724 --> 00:19:03,184
Well, I'll look under the table.
335
00:19:04,602 --> 00:19:07,230
What is this man doing?
336
00:19:07,313 --> 00:19:11,735
Oh, oh, leave him there.
It's best, believe me.
337
00:19:11,860 --> 00:19:15,113
Well, as to man's role in the universe,
338
00:19:15,238 --> 00:19:18,241
-I don't think he can.
-Can what?
339
00:19:18,366 --> 00:19:21,161
I don't think he can roll.
In the universe.
340
00:19:21,244 --> 00:19:24,247
I mean, he's not round enough to roll.
341
00:19:25,749 --> 00:19:30,879
-This can't be happening.
-Of course, he could enroll, yes, yes.
342
00:19:31,004 --> 00:19:33,548
But you can't enroll in the universe.
343
00:19:33,631 --> 00:19:39,012
-No, but you can enroll in the university.
-Yes.
344
00:19:39,095 --> 00:19:42,515
-A little Hilda ha-ha there.
-Very little.
345
00:19:42,640 --> 00:19:45,935
Yeah, hey, but listen,
aren't we ever gonna find any answers?
346
00:19:46,019 --> 00:19:47,145
Yes, yes.
347
00:19:47,270 --> 00:19:49,647
Well, there aren't any under the table,
that's for sure.
348
00:19:49,773 --> 00:19:52,525
-Will you knock it off?
-Knock it off?
349
00:19:52,609 --> 00:19:54,486
Ow!
350
00:19:55,904 --> 00:19:57,155
Well, uh...
351
00:19:57,280 --> 00:20:01,451
Tune in next week when our distinguished
panel will discuss the burning question:
352
00:20:01,534 --> 00:20:03,495
"What are we doing here?"
353
00:20:04,537 --> 00:20:06,664
[ALL CHATTERING INDISTINCTLY]
354
00:20:12,754 --> 00:20:15,465
Ladies and gentlemen, when I say
the words "great comedy,"
355
00:20:15,548 --> 00:20:19,803
it can only mean one thing,
so let's really hear it for Fozzie Bear!
356
00:20:19,928 --> 00:20:22,681
Yeah, thank you, thank you.
Please don't. Stop.
357
00:20:22,806 --> 00:20:25,350
Please don't, stop. Please don't stop!
358
00:20:25,433 --> 00:20:27,560
Ha, ha!
359
00:20:27,686 --> 00:20:30,939
Oh, I can see you're all in a great mood
tonight.
360
00:20:31,398 --> 00:20:33,191
Well, why ruin it with your act?
361
00:20:33,274 --> 00:20:34,693
[LAUGHS]
362
00:20:34,776 --> 00:20:36,695
Ho, ho, ho.
363
00:20:36,778 --> 00:20:41,116
-I could bury you guys with one line.
-Okay, what's the line?
364
00:20:41,199 --> 00:20:43,576
Uh... Uh...
365
00:20:43,660 --> 00:20:46,454
-You-- You just wait.
-Is that the line?
366
00:20:46,538 --> 00:20:47,580
[LAUGHS]
367
00:20:47,706 --> 00:20:50,000
Of course it's not the line.
368
00:20:50,083 --> 00:20:53,962
Look, look, I'm gonna tell a joke
and if they heckle...
369
00:20:54,045 --> 00:20:57,966
If you heckle me, look out
because I'm ready. Just look out.
370
00:20:58,049 --> 00:21:00,885
That's all I can say, just look out.
That's all I can say.
371
00:21:00,969 --> 00:21:03,847
Yep, that's all he can say all right.
372
00:21:04,431 --> 00:21:07,976
I learned to handle hecklers by working
in a nightclub so tough
373
00:21:08,059 --> 00:21:10,729
the hatcheck girl was a gorilla.
374
00:21:12,105 --> 00:21:14,858
There were more people in
the band than in the audience
375
00:21:14,941 --> 00:21:16,985
and we had a one-man band.
376
00:21:17,944 --> 00:21:19,404
Uh, uh...
377
00:21:19,487 --> 00:21:20,989
I remember when--
378
00:21:21,114 --> 00:21:23,992
Hey, hey, how come
you guys aren't heckling me?
379
00:21:24,075 --> 00:21:26,119
-We love it. That's funny stuff.
-Funny.
380
00:21:26,244 --> 00:21:29,372
-Yeah, topical. Hip.
-Oh, oh. Well, well, well...
381
00:21:29,456 --> 00:21:32,125
At this nightclub a party of 75 came in...
382
00:21:32,208 --> 00:21:36,004
BOTH: A lonely old lady,
but she didn't drink much.
383
00:21:36,129 --> 00:21:39,257
Great. And I wouldn't say
conditions at the club were bad,
384
00:21:39,382 --> 00:21:41,426
but when we asked where
we could take a bath...
385
00:21:41,509 --> 00:21:44,512
The manager ran us through
the carwash next door.
386
00:21:44,596 --> 00:21:45,930
Hey, hey, fellas.
387
00:21:46,014 --> 00:21:50,143
-Hey, you guys, will you please...
-Please, please. We work alone.
388
00:21:50,268 --> 00:21:51,686
Aha, aha!
389
00:21:51,770 --> 00:21:54,147
That was my line. My heckler line.
390
00:21:54,272 --> 00:21:57,275
See how it buried... me.
391
00:21:57,400 --> 00:22:01,780
-Maybe we ought to go on the stage.
-Yes. There's one leaving in five minutes.
392
00:22:01,905 --> 00:22:03,406
Be under it.
393
00:22:03,490 --> 00:22:05,658
Don't heckle me, you old fool. Heckle him.
394
00:22:05,784 --> 00:22:08,536
Is that a toupee you're wearing
or did your cat die?
395
00:22:08,620 --> 00:22:13,667
-Help! Heckler run amok. Help! Help!
-Ha-ha-ha!
396
00:22:16,670 --> 00:22:19,047
Hey, Scooter. Scooter
397
00:22:19,130 --> 00:22:21,174
-Scooter?
-Yeah, boss.
398
00:22:21,257 --> 00:22:23,802
Would you get everybody on-stage
for the closing number?
399
00:22:23,885 --> 00:22:25,720
-Right, boss. Oh, by the way...
-What?
400
00:22:25,804 --> 00:22:28,556
I decided not to manage The Great Gonzo.
401
00:22:28,640 --> 00:22:29,724
Oh, yeah? How come?
402
00:22:29,808 --> 00:22:34,104
Well, you see, I gave him the standard
50-page managerial contract.
403
00:22:34,187 --> 00:22:36,439
-And?
-He ate it.
404
00:22:37,065 --> 00:22:39,484
-Let's hope the contract's not binding.
-Yeah.
405
00:22:39,567 --> 00:22:41,403
Closing number next.
406
00:22:42,821 --> 00:22:46,991
♪ Two and two are four ♪
407
00:22:47,075 --> 00:22:51,830
♪ Four and four are eight ♪
408
00:22:51,955 --> 00:22:56,459
♪ Eight and eight are 16 ♪
409
00:22:56,584 --> 00:23:01,506
♪ Sixteen and 16 are 32 ♪
410
00:23:01,589 --> 00:23:03,550
♪ Inchworm ♪
411
00:23:03,967 --> 00:23:05,719
♪ Inchworm ♪
412
00:23:07,220 --> 00:23:10,432
♪ Measuring the marigolds ♪
413
00:23:10,807 --> 00:23:14,728
♪ You and your arithmetic ♪
414
00:23:15,186 --> 00:23:19,232
♪ You'll probably go far ♪
415
00:23:20,358 --> 00:23:22,318
♪ Inchworm ♪
416
00:23:22,736 --> 00:23:24,738
♪ Inchworm ♪
417
00:23:25,363 --> 00:23:29,492
♪ Measuring the marigolds ♪
418
00:23:29,826 --> 00:23:33,621
♪ Seems to me you'd stop and see ♪
419
00:23:33,747 --> 00:23:38,501
♪ How beautiful they are ♪
420
00:23:39,502 --> 00:23:41,880
Come, come. Come here.
421
00:23:41,963 --> 00:23:44,257
Yes. Ha-ha-ha.
422
00:23:44,966 --> 00:23:46,384
Oh...
423
00:23:46,468 --> 00:23:48,136
You're a darling.
424
00:23:49,846 --> 00:23:52,599
Mm. Mm.
425
00:23:52,974 --> 00:23:54,642
[CHUCKLES]
426
00:23:59,022 --> 00:24:00,857
♪ Inchworm ♪
427
00:24:01,107 --> 00:24:03,360
♪ Inchworm ♪
428
00:24:03,860 --> 00:24:07,989
♪ Measuring the marigolds ♪
429
00:24:08,531 --> 00:24:12,410
♪ You and your arithmetic ♪
430
00:24:12,535 --> 00:24:17,290
♪ You'll probably go far ♪
431
00:24:17,665 --> 00:24:20,418
♪ Mm, inchworm ♪
432
00:24:20,752 --> 00:24:22,796
♪ Inchworm ♪
433
00:24:23,672 --> 00:24:27,509
♪ Measuring the marigolds ♪
434
00:24:27,926 --> 00:24:32,180
♪ Seems to me you'd stop and see ♪
435
00:24:32,305 --> 00:24:37,143
♪ How beautiful they are ♪
436
00:24:37,435 --> 00:24:38,436
[WHISTLING]
437
00:24:38,561 --> 00:24:42,774
♪ Two and two are four ♪
438
00:24:43,316 --> 00:24:47,821
♪ Four and four are eight ♪
439
00:24:49,197 --> 00:24:52,534
♪ Seems to me you'd stop and see ♪
440
00:24:52,951 --> 00:24:57,205
♪ How beautiful they are ♪
441
00:24:58,456 --> 00:25:02,585
♪ Seems to me you'd stop and see ♪
442
00:25:02,669 --> 00:25:09,175
♪ How beautiful they are ♪
443
00:25:18,309 --> 00:25:21,646
Another half-hour has passed,
and we've reached the end of our show.
444
00:25:21,730 --> 00:25:25,692
We'd like to thank our special guest star,
Mr. Charles Aznavour.
445
00:25:26,735 --> 00:25:29,612
Thank you, Kermit.
It's been a wonderful evening for me.
446
00:25:29,696 --> 00:25:33,158
The first chance I ever had
to make friends with a loaf of bread.
447
00:25:33,241 --> 00:25:37,037
[BOTH SPEAK IN FRENCH]
448
00:25:37,120 --> 00:25:40,498
Hey, thank you all and join us next time
on The Muppet Show.
449
00:25:41,708 --> 00:25:43,752
[BAND PLAYING THEME MUSIC]
450
00:26:19,996 --> 00:26:24,542
-I really liked this show tonight.
-At these prices, who's gonna complain?
451
00:26:24,626 --> 00:26:26,378
[BOTH LAUGHING]
34002
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