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1
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It's The Muppet Show, with tonight's
special guest star, Mr. Jim Nabors.
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[BAND PLAYING THEME MUSIC]
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00:00:17,434 --> 00:00:19,519
♪ It's time to play the music ♪
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00:00:19,602 --> 00:00:21,730
♪ It's time to light the lights ♪
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♪ It's time to meet the Muppets
On The Muppet Show tonight ♪
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00:00:26,109 --> 00:00:28,153
♪ It's time to put on makeup ♪
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♪ It's time to dress up right ♪
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♪ It's time to raise the curtain
On The Muppet Show tonight ♪
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My cousin is so thin, he paints his head
gold and rents himself out as a flagpole.
10
00:00:44,502 --> 00:00:46,629
♪ To introduce our guest star ♪
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♪ That's what I'm here to do ♪
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♪ So it really makes me happy ♪
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♪ To introduce to you ♪
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Mr. Jim Nabors!
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♪ But now let's get things started
On the most sensational, inspirational ♪
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♪ Celebrational, Muppetational ♪
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♪ This is what we call ♪
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♪ The Muppet Show ♪
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Thank you. Thank you, thank you.
All right.
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Here we are once again
with another great show for you,
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with our special guest, Mr. Jim Nabors,
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and all of this
is coming to you, by the way,
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from the Benny Vandergast
Memorial Theater.
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We on The Muppet Show
owe everything to Benny.
25
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Including three months back rent.
26
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So in lieu of the rent, here's the
fantastic Dr. Teeth with "Money."
27
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Yeah!
28
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[PLAYING UPBEAT TUNE]
29
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♪ Don't want no loving
Don't want no kissing ♪
30
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♪ Don't want no gal to call me honey ♪
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♪ Don't want my name
In the hall of fame ♪
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♪ Just want a big fat pile of money ♪
33
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♪ Give me that almighty dollar
For that lettuce, hear me holler ♪
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♪ Give me buckets full of ducats
Let me walk around and wallow ♪
35
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♪ In mazuma, el dinero
Wanna be a millionaire-oh ♪
36
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♪ Give me money, money
Money, money, money ♪
37
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♪ I want that green ammunition
That's the stuff for which I'm wishing ♪
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♪ Fill my closets with deposits
I'm a demon in addition ♪
39
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♪ Give me shekels, give me pesos
Let me see their smiling face-ohs ♪
40
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♪ Money, money, money, money, money ♪
41
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♪ Wanna get me a suit
That's made out of loot ♪
42
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♪ And whistle "The Wearing of the Green" ♪
43
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♪ I've got that monetary-itis
Like to be just like King Midas ♪
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♪ Want that golden touch
Is what I mean ♪
45
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♪ Give me that old double eagle
Want that tender that is legal ♪
46
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♪ And financially substantial
Any sum I can inveigle ♪
47
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♪ Wanna live in regal splendor
With that loving legal tender ♪
48
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♪ Money, money, money, money, money ♪
49
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[LAUGHS]
50
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♪ I'm a greenback collector,
I'm a paper-bill inspector ♪
51
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♪ I'm a savage for that cabbage
Man, to me it's golden nectar ♪
52
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♪ Pour that filthy lucre on me
Spread those loving germs upon me ♪
53
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♪ Money, money, money, money, money ♪
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♪ And if they ever plant trees
Of e pluribus unum ♪
55
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♪ I wanna be the guy
That they send out to prune 'em ♪
56
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♪ Oh, give me money, money
Whoo, money, money, money ♪
57
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♪ Money ♪
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Oh. They don't write
the old songs anymore.
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Yeah.
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-They only write new ones.
-Yeah, huh?
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Oh, Dr. Teeth, you are one hip dude.
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Nice number. Don't lose any money though.
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Oh, I won't, I won't.
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-Hi. Are you Kermit the Frog?
-Uh, yeah.
65
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-I'm Scooter.
-Cute. Cute name.
66
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-I'm your new gofer.
-Gopher? No, no.
67
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We have frogs, pigs and chickens
around here, but never a gopher.
68
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You don't even look like a gopher.
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Ha-ha-ha. Yeah, well, you don't
understand. You see, I'm your new gofer.
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Yeah, I'll gofer coffee, I'll gofer
sandwiches, gofer anything you need.
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-I see.
-Yeah, I work real cheap,
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and I got plenty of ideas for your
theater, and I'll start tonight, okay?
73
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Listen, kid, I'm sorry,
but you're too young,
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you don't have experience,
and I don't have any money in the budget.
75
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Yeah, well, my uncle owns this theater.
76
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Start today, get me a cup of coffee.
Your salary is 20 a week.
77
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-Stand by for the next number.
-Could you make it 25?
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-Are you kidding? I can't afford it!
-My uncle will be really disappointed.
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How about 30?
80
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-My wife's not feeling well.
-Oh, sorry to hear it. What's the trouble?
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She's got the shingles.
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We're real proud to have with us
on the show
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a gentleman who has
two distinct personalities.
84
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He's a real country boy
who became famous as Gomer Pyle,
85
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and he sings everything from pop to opera.
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So let's give a real Muppet Show welcome
to Jim Nabors!
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[MELLOW POP MUSIC PLAYING]
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♪ Gone with the wind ♪
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♪ Just like a leaf that has flown away ♪
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♪ Gone with the wind ♪
91
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♪ My romance has flown away ♪
92
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♪ Yesterday's kisses
Are still on my lips ♪
93
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♪ I've had a lifetime of heaven ♪
94
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♪ At my fingertips ♪
95
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♪ Now all is gone ♪
96
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♪ Gone is the rapture
That thrilled my heart ♪
97
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♪ Gone with the wind ♪
98
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♪ The blackness that filled my heart ♪
99
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♪ Just like a flame ♪
100
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♪ Love burned brightly, then became ♪
101
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♪ An empty smoke ring that has gone ♪
102
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♪ Gone with the wind ♪
103
00:07:06,259 --> 00:07:10,013
♪ Now all is gone ♪
104
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♪ Gone is the rapture
That thrilled my heart ♪
105
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♪ Gone with the wind ♪
106
00:07:21,775 --> 00:07:25,653
♪ The blackness that filled my heart ♪
107
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♪ Just like a flame ♪
108
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♪ Love burned brightly, then became ♪
109
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♪ An empty smoke ring that has gone ♪
110
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♪ Gone with the wind ♪
111
00:07:55,558 --> 00:07:59,729
Eh, that Jim Nabors
is a real good sport. A real good singer.
112
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I used to live next door to him.
113
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He was a real good neighbor. Heh-heh-heh!
114
00:08:07,779 --> 00:08:10,782
NEWSCASTER:
Here's a Muppet news flash.
115
00:08:12,575 --> 00:08:16,454
Billy Lee Boomer, a gas station
attendant from Penny Box, Texas,
116
00:08:16,579 --> 00:08:20,500
reported a flying saucer landed
at his station last night.
117
00:08:20,583 --> 00:08:22,585
Said Mr. Boomer:
118
00:08:23,461 --> 00:08:27,882
They didn't want no gas,
they just wanted to use the restroom.
119
00:08:27,966 --> 00:08:32,971
Can't say as I blame them. Said they'd
traveled 83 million miles without a stop.
120
00:08:35,473 --> 00:08:39,102
No, I don't know
when we're going on either.
121
00:08:39,227 --> 00:08:42,647
-Hey, Kermit, here's your coffee. Whoa!
-Oh!
122
00:08:42,731 --> 00:08:45,817
-Hot, huh? Just the way you like it.
-Oh, oh, oh.
123
00:08:46,609 --> 00:08:49,612
-Too much sugar.
-Well, anyway, I just found this
124
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-fantastic new act.
-Scooter, I don't have time on the show
125
00:08:53,199 --> 00:08:55,660
-for a new act.
-Oh, that's too bad.
126
00:08:55,744 --> 00:08:59,622
I found it in my uncle's office.
It's his favorite act.
127
00:09:00,206 --> 00:09:03,668
-What's the name of the act?
-They're called the Danceros.
128
00:09:03,752 --> 00:09:08,923
-They are fantastic. They're out of sight.
-And they're your uncle's favorite act.
129
00:09:09,007 --> 00:09:11,384
-Right. Oh, boy.
-I'll introduce them.
130
00:09:11,468 --> 00:09:13,511
Hey, Danceros! You're on!
131
00:09:14,888 --> 00:09:19,517
Okay, now with great pride,
and, ahem, no little fear,
132
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the international debut of the Danceros.
133
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Whatever they are.
134
00:09:25,523 --> 00:09:27,275
[UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING]
135
00:09:42,749 --> 00:09:43,792
MAN:
Take it.
136
00:09:49,673 --> 00:09:50,757
Take it.
137
00:09:53,677 --> 00:09:54,803
Take it.
138
00:09:57,180 --> 00:09:58,390
Going home!
139
00:09:59,015 --> 00:10:00,934
[GRUNTING]
140
00:10:04,145 --> 00:10:06,189
It went better in rehearsal.
141
00:10:12,779 --> 00:10:16,199
-Hey, Animal. Are you on next?
-Yeah.
142
00:10:16,282 --> 00:10:19,744
Well, as they say in show business,
break a leg.
143
00:10:19,828 --> 00:10:22,872
-What?
-I said, break a leg.
144
00:10:22,956 --> 00:10:25,917
Oh, thank you.
145
00:10:26,960 --> 00:10:29,170
-Ow!
-Ha-ha-ha!
146
00:10:36,469 --> 00:10:39,764
-Ugh. George, George. Come here.
-I'm busy.
147
00:10:39,848 --> 00:10:42,892
Come here. Have you met Scooter?
This is Scooter.
148
00:10:42,976 --> 00:10:46,021
He's our new gofer, so if you need
anything around here, you know...
149
00:10:46,104 --> 00:10:50,734
Need anything? Me? Need anything
from some young kid? Huh.
150
00:10:50,817 --> 00:10:55,113
Listen, I've been with this theater
since the very beginning, you know?
151
00:10:55,196 --> 00:10:57,991
Before that new guy
bought it and ruined it.
152
00:10:58,074 --> 00:11:02,245
Now the roof leaks and the seats are torn,
furnace is on the fritz...
153
00:11:02,370 --> 00:11:05,248
-He is the worst.
-Yeah, he's my uncle.
154
00:11:05,373 --> 00:11:07,584
He is the best.
155
00:11:08,460 --> 00:11:11,004
-What's a theater without problems?
-Right.
156
00:11:11,129 --> 00:11:13,923
Your uncle's got a good head
on his shoulders.
157
00:11:14,007 --> 00:11:16,843
Unlike some people around here.
158
00:11:21,973 --> 00:11:24,642
[BALLROOM DANCE MUSIC PLAYING]
159
00:11:29,522 --> 00:11:31,649
Ten, 11, 12...
160
00:11:31,733 --> 00:11:33,401
Yeah, go.
161
00:11:33,485 --> 00:11:37,697
You know, my marriage was wrecked
by something really stupid.
162
00:11:37,781 --> 00:11:41,159
-What was that?
-My husband.
163
00:11:44,537 --> 00:11:49,292
-My doctor says I'm getting the Asian flu.
-What did he say to do?
164
00:11:49,417 --> 00:11:53,546
He says take two fortune cookies
and he'd call me in the morning.
165
00:11:56,174 --> 00:11:59,219
-Do you believe in the hereafter?
-Oh, yes.
166
00:11:59,302 --> 00:12:02,389
Wow, then you know what I'm here after.
167
00:12:03,556 --> 00:12:06,935
Oh, I just love this music.
168
00:12:07,060 --> 00:12:09,187
Are you listening to me?
169
00:12:09,312 --> 00:12:13,024
Your voice is music to my ears.
170
00:12:15,902 --> 00:12:20,031
You got something I've been looking
for all my life.
171
00:12:23,451 --> 00:12:25,704
Well, it's halftime.
172
00:12:25,829 --> 00:12:27,205
-It is?
-Yeah.
173
00:12:27,330 --> 00:12:33,169
-What's the score?
-Muppets six, audience nothing.
174
00:12:37,215 --> 00:12:39,050
[PLAYING MELLOW TUNE]
175
00:12:40,468 --> 00:12:46,349
All right, now this is what you call your
dog kind of music here, as you'll see.
176
00:12:47,851 --> 00:12:49,853
Sing it.
177
00:12:49,936 --> 00:12:52,230
♪ Bowery corner ♪
178
00:12:53,106 --> 00:12:55,233
♪ Foggy night ♪
179
00:12:56,109 --> 00:12:58,111
♪ Passing crowd ♪
180
00:12:58,236 --> 00:13:01,740
♪ Electric light ♪
181
00:13:01,823 --> 00:13:03,867
Oh, yeah. Yeah.
182
00:13:07,829 --> 00:13:09,873
♪ German chef ♪
183
00:13:10,749 --> 00:13:13,209
♪ Can of tin ♪
184
00:13:14,085 --> 00:13:19,632
♪ Sausages are boiled within ♪
185
00:13:20,884 --> 00:13:23,762
Oh, play it pretty, Rowlf.
186
00:13:26,348 --> 00:13:28,475
♪ Yellow dog ♪
187
00:13:29,517 --> 00:13:31,770
♪ Nearby prowls ♪
188
00:13:32,645 --> 00:13:35,774
♪ Smells a sausage ♪
189
00:13:35,857 --> 00:13:38,109
♪ Softly growls ♪
190
00:13:38,985 --> 00:13:41,154
♪ Clumsy man ♪
191
00:13:42,238 --> 00:13:44,282
♪ Wooden leg ♪
192
00:13:45,408 --> 00:13:51,039
♪ Upsets the boiler with his peg ♪
193
00:13:53,416 --> 00:13:55,543
[HOWLS]
194
00:13:57,629 --> 00:13:59,881
♪ Spills a sausage ♪
195
00:14:00,924 --> 00:14:03,051
♪ Scatters wurst ♪
196
00:14:04,135 --> 00:14:09,432
♪ Yellow dog, he gets there first ♪
197
00:14:09,557 --> 00:14:12,686
♪ He grabs the sausage ♪
198
00:14:12,769 --> 00:14:15,605
♪ Splits the fog ♪
199
00:14:15,689 --> 00:14:21,569
♪ It's another case of dog-eat-dog ♪
200
00:14:21,820 --> 00:14:29,077
♪ It's another case of dog-eat-dog ♪
201
00:14:40,588 --> 00:14:43,633
Hey, Jim, it's a real pleasure
to have you with us.
202
00:14:43,717 --> 00:14:46,094
Thank you, Kermit.
It's a real pleasure to be here.
203
00:14:46,177 --> 00:14:48,638
I'm sort of an old country boy
and I feel right at home
204
00:14:48,722 --> 00:14:51,266
with all these chickens
and roosters and pigs.
205
00:14:51,349 --> 00:14:53,476
Especially that Miss Piggy,
I just love her.
206
00:14:53,601 --> 00:14:55,228
-Piggy Lee.
-You called, my love?
207
00:14:55,353 --> 00:14:56,730
Hey, Miss Piggy.
208
00:14:56,855 --> 00:15:00,525
Piggy, if you don't mind, Jim and I were
just trying to hold a quiet conversation.
209
00:15:00,608 --> 00:15:02,986
Oh, go right ahead. Don't mind me.
210
00:15:03,069 --> 00:15:08,616
Kermit, one thing, I never know
whether to call him Jim or Gomer.
211
00:15:09,117 --> 00:15:12,537
I guess it is confusing.
I played Gomer Pyle on television for...
212
00:15:12,620 --> 00:15:15,040
-I love Gomer Pyle.
-Oh, thank you.
213
00:15:15,123 --> 00:15:18,877
Well, I played him for so long
I guess I get confused myself.
214
00:15:19,002 --> 00:15:21,880
But it goes along
with my astrological sign. I'm a Gemini.
215
00:15:22,005 --> 00:15:23,757
That means I got twin personalities.
216
00:15:23,882 --> 00:15:27,052
-Yeah. Hey, listen, I'm a Taurus.
-You're Taurus.
217
00:15:27,135 --> 00:15:29,179
-That's the sign of the bull, isn't it?
-Mm-hm.
218
00:15:29,262 --> 00:15:31,264
I'm a bullfrog.
219
00:15:32,265 --> 00:15:35,018
-That's just a little joke.
-What sign were you born under, Piggy?
220
00:15:35,143 --> 00:15:39,522
Well, I wasn't born under a sign,
I was born over a sign.
221
00:15:39,647 --> 00:15:42,150
At Becker's Butcher Shop.
222
00:15:42,233 --> 00:15:44,652
I moved as soon as possible.
223
00:15:44,778 --> 00:15:46,529
-I don't blame you.
-Mm, mm.
224
00:15:46,654 --> 00:15:50,533
I was wondering, does being a Gemini
give you any kind of problems?
225
00:15:50,617 --> 00:15:55,413
It sure does, you know, because I
talk like this, but then I sing like this:
226
00:15:55,497 --> 00:15:57,415
[SINGING OPERA]
227
00:16:01,670 --> 00:16:06,299
-What happened to Kermit?
-He doesn't appreciate classical music.
228
00:16:06,424 --> 00:16:10,595
But it drives me bananas.
229
00:16:10,679 --> 00:16:13,473
-Oh, sing again, please...
-Wait a minute, Miss Piggy.
230
00:16:13,556 --> 00:16:17,060
-Oh, Jim! Oh, I love it when you sing.
-Control yourself, Miss Piggy, Kermit!
231
00:16:17,185 --> 00:16:20,730
-Kermit? Kermit? Could you... Hold it.
-Yeah, Fozzie, what?
232
00:16:20,814 --> 00:16:22,816
Listen. "What?" Listen. Listen.
233
00:16:22,941 --> 00:16:26,194
There is a kid following me
all around the theater.
234
00:16:26,319 --> 00:16:29,572
Yeah, I know. His name is Scooter.
235
00:16:29,656 --> 00:16:32,325
-Cute. Cute name.
-Yeah.
236
00:16:32,409 --> 00:16:34,953
The trouble is, you see, he's following me
237
00:16:35,078 --> 00:16:39,624
and giving me these jokes for my act
and they are awful.
238
00:16:39,708 --> 00:16:42,585
Fozzie, how would you know?
239
00:16:43,837 --> 00:16:47,716
How would I know? Smarty-frog.
240
00:16:47,841 --> 00:16:50,719
Okay, listen. Here's one of these jokes
he gave me. It's terrible.
241
00:16:50,844 --> 00:16:54,597
Hilda, Gonzo, this is one of these jokes.
242
00:16:55,056 --> 00:16:59,352
I stay at a hotel so exclusive
room service has an unlisted number.
243
00:16:59,436 --> 00:17:00,979
[LAUGHING]
244
00:17:02,188 --> 00:17:04,232
That's funny!
245
00:17:07,861 --> 00:17:09,988
Scooter!
246
00:17:10,071 --> 00:17:11,489
Scooter?
247
00:17:12,866 --> 00:17:18,621
Here they are, the world's finest and most
morally unobjectionable singing team,
248
00:17:18,747 --> 00:17:21,458
Wayne and Wanda.
249
00:17:23,001 --> 00:17:26,004
And now, "Indian Love Call."
250
00:17:27,130 --> 00:17:32,844
♪ When I'm calling you ♪
251
00:17:36,514 --> 00:17:38,892
Hey, baby. You called?
252
00:17:39,017 --> 00:17:40,352
Oh!
253
00:17:45,899 --> 00:17:47,567
Okay, uh...
254
00:17:47,650 --> 00:17:52,155
Uh, here we are, moving right along now,
the comedy star of our show,
255
00:17:52,280 --> 00:17:55,658
the man who comes to us
from a very long engagement,
256
00:17:55,742 --> 00:17:57,660
but a very short marriage.
257
00:17:57,744 --> 00:18:01,289
The man who thinks that Elton John
is a singing bathroom.
258
00:18:01,373 --> 00:18:04,209
I'd like now to bring out one of the
top comics of the business...
259
00:18:04,292 --> 00:18:08,797
Hey, since he's not here, bring out
the regular guy. Ha-ha-ha!
260
00:18:10,131 --> 00:18:14,761
Okay, here he is now, our very own
barrel of boffs, Mr. Fozzie Bear!
261
00:18:15,804 --> 00:18:17,305
Thank you. Thank you.
262
00:18:17,806 --> 00:18:21,726
Time for fun with Fozzie Bear.
Here's some jokes from everywhere.
263
00:18:21,810 --> 00:18:24,187
Hey, hey, hey, it's that silly bear.
264
00:18:24,270 --> 00:18:26,690
Time for the audience to go elsewhere.
265
00:18:26,815 --> 00:18:28,441
[BOTH LAUGH]
266
00:18:28,566 --> 00:18:31,986
Ahem. If you don't mind,
I'll do the jokes.
267
00:18:32,070 --> 00:18:35,699
We don't mind.
But when are you gonna do them?
268
00:18:36,574 --> 00:18:38,743
Pay no attention to them, folks.
269
00:18:38,827 --> 00:18:42,205
They don't bother me,
I can handle hecklers in my sleep.
270
00:18:42,330 --> 00:18:47,168
Oh, well, don't tell that to the audience.
They're asleep too.
271
00:18:47,836 --> 00:18:49,212
Uh, uh...
272
00:18:49,295 --> 00:18:51,631
-Oh, yeah?
-Yeah!
273
00:18:51,715 --> 00:18:54,509
-Oh. Oh, yeah?
-Yeah!
274
00:18:54,592 --> 00:18:56,344
-Oh, yeah?
-Yeah!
275
00:18:56,428 --> 00:18:58,430
-Oh, yeah?
-Yeah!
276
00:18:59,472 --> 00:19:03,476
Listen, I'm gonna tell you my best joke
and if you don't laugh
277
00:19:03,601 --> 00:19:05,854
then I'll never come back
out on this stage again, okay?
278
00:19:05,979 --> 00:19:07,480
-It's a deal.
-Yeah.
279
00:19:07,564 --> 00:19:09,232
Oh.
280
00:19:09,357 --> 00:19:12,986
Ah, ah, uh, uh...
281
00:19:13,236 --> 00:19:16,865
These two cannibals were talking.
One cannibal says to the other cannibal:
282
00:19:16,990 --> 00:19:19,284
"Who was that lady I saw
you out with last night?"
283
00:19:19,367 --> 00:19:23,121
The other cannibal says,
"That was no lady, that was my lunch."
284
00:19:23,204 --> 00:19:25,373
[LAUGHING]
285
00:19:30,003 --> 00:19:33,506
I got you, I got you.
And I lied. That was my worst joke.
286
00:19:33,631 --> 00:19:36,634
Oh, I love me when I'm good.
Pacing, timing...
287
00:19:36,718 --> 00:19:38,386
Mwah, mwah, mwah.
288
00:19:40,138 --> 00:19:42,932
Why did we laugh at that terrible joke?
289
00:19:43,016 --> 00:19:47,896
Well, either we're getting soft
or we're in the first stages of senility.
290
00:19:47,979 --> 00:19:49,147
-Oh.
-Uh.
291
00:19:55,528 --> 00:19:57,030
Golly.
292
00:19:57,155 --> 00:20:00,450
Here it is, my first night
at Benson's Bakery as a watchman.
293
00:20:00,533 --> 00:20:04,079
And I gotta be real careful
to not let anybody in here.
294
00:20:04,162 --> 00:20:06,456
Uh-oh. Here comes somebody now.
295
00:20:06,539 --> 00:20:09,959
Wait! Stop right there. Stop right there.
Put up your hands. Put up your hands.
296
00:20:10,043 --> 00:20:11,836
-I beg pardon?
-Your hands. Put them up.
297
00:20:11,920 --> 00:20:14,506
Oh. Oh. Okay.
298
00:20:16,675 --> 00:20:19,427
-What's that?
-Those are my hens.
299
00:20:19,552 --> 00:20:23,056
-Where shall I put them?
-Well, right here on the table, I guess.
300
00:20:23,139 --> 00:20:24,683
Okay.
301
00:20:26,184 --> 00:20:29,062
Now, wait a minute, wait a minute.
What right have you got to be here?
302
00:20:29,187 --> 00:20:33,942
What rat do I have?
Well, I got this rat right here.
303
00:20:35,902 --> 00:20:38,446
Oh, well, I guess you do
have a right to be here.
304
00:20:38,530 --> 00:20:40,198
Mm. Thank you.
305
00:20:40,323 --> 00:20:43,660
-Now, wait a minute. Don't move a hair.
-Okay.
306
00:20:46,287 --> 00:20:49,582
-What's that?
-That's the hare I'm not supposed to move.
307
00:20:49,666 --> 00:20:51,835
Now, wait a minute.
I don't want beef out of you.
308
00:20:51,960 --> 00:20:55,088
No beef, okay. Here's some pork.
309
00:20:56,089 --> 00:20:58,091
No, no. Now wait just a minute.
310
00:20:58,216 --> 00:21:01,344
What are all you animals doing here?
This is supposed to be a bakery.
311
00:21:01,469 --> 00:21:06,016
You see, the farmer's been losing money.
We came here to raise some dough!
312
00:21:06,099 --> 00:21:07,475
[LAUGHING]
313
00:21:12,230 --> 00:21:15,859
Well, well, well, I'm glad
we got that straightened out.
314
00:21:15,942 --> 00:21:19,362
For a minute there I thought
you were just being silly.
315
00:21:22,240 --> 00:21:24,242
Let me tell you about
my nearsighted cousin...
316
00:21:24,367 --> 00:21:26,411
-Hi, Fozzie,
-Let me tell you...
317
00:21:26,494 --> 00:21:28,997
Oh. Oh. Hi. Hi, Scooter.
318
00:21:29,080 --> 00:21:30,874
Hey, Fozz, you know,
319
00:21:30,999 --> 00:21:34,753
I think you're the greatest comedian
there ever was.
320
00:21:35,754 --> 00:21:37,630
Me?
321
00:21:37,714 --> 00:21:39,758
You think that I'm the...
322
00:21:39,841 --> 00:21:40,884
Oh, wow.
323
00:21:41,009 --> 00:21:43,053
-Really, I mean it. Cross my heart.
-Yeah?
324
00:21:43,136 --> 00:21:46,890
You're the best. Nobody, nobody
tells a joke as good as you.
325
00:21:47,015 --> 00:21:52,312
Every line, every joke, everything you
say, it makes me fall down laughing.
326
00:21:52,395 --> 00:21:54,522
-You're a million laughs.
-Okay. Hey, hey.
327
00:21:54,606 --> 00:21:58,068
In that case, let me tell you
about my nearsighted cousin.
328
00:21:58,151 --> 00:22:02,655
He's so rich his automobile's fitted
with a prescription windshield.
329
00:22:02,781 --> 00:22:05,408
Okay, tell me about him.
330
00:22:08,787 --> 00:22:11,748
Lucky his uncle owns this place.
331
00:22:13,166 --> 00:22:15,794
That was a joke!
332
00:22:15,877 --> 00:22:17,295
[LAUGHING]
333
00:22:18,672 --> 00:22:22,175
And now, once again, folks,
Mr. Jim Nabors.
334
00:22:27,514 --> 00:22:29,599
♪ Well, life on the farm
Is kinda laid back ♪
335
00:22:29,683 --> 00:22:32,102
♪ Ain't much an old country boy
Like me can't hack ♪
336
00:22:32,185 --> 00:22:34,854
♪ It's early to rise
And early in the sack ♪
337
00:22:34,938 --> 00:22:37,190
♪ Thank God I'm a country boy ♪
338
00:22:37,273 --> 00:22:39,317
♪ Simple kind of life
Never done me no harm ♪
339
00:22:39,442 --> 00:22:41,611
♪ I'm raising me a family
And working on a farm ♪
340
00:22:41,695 --> 00:22:44,239
♪ My days are all filled
With an easy country charm ♪
341
00:22:44,322 --> 00:22:46,366
♪ Thank God I'm a country boy ♪
342
00:22:46,449 --> 00:22:48,868
♪ Well, I got me a fine wife
I got me old fiddle ♪
343
00:22:48,952 --> 00:22:51,204
♪ The sun's coming up
I got cakes on the griddle ♪
344
00:22:51,329 --> 00:22:53,748
♪ Life ain't nothing
But a funny, funny riddle ♪
345
00:22:53,832 --> 00:22:56,334
♪ Thank God I'm a country boy ♪
346
00:22:56,418 --> 00:22:58,586
♪ Work's all done
And the sun's setting low ♪
347
00:22:58,670 --> 00:23:00,714
♪ I pull out my fiddle
And I rosin up my bow ♪
348
00:23:00,797 --> 00:23:03,216
♪ The kids are asleep
So I keep it kinda low ♪
349
00:23:03,299 --> 00:23:05,260
♪ Thank God I'm a country boy ♪
350
00:23:05,343 --> 00:23:07,512
♪ I'd play "Sally Goodin"
All day if I could ♪
351
00:23:07,595 --> 00:23:10,098
♪ But the Lord and the wife
Wouldn't take it very good ♪
352
00:23:10,181 --> 00:23:12,600
♪ I fiddle when I can
And I work when I should ♪
353
00:23:12,684 --> 00:23:14,769
♪ Thank God I'm a country boy ♪
354
00:23:14,853 --> 00:23:17,147
♪ Well, I got me a fine wife
I got me old fiddle ♪
355
00:23:17,230 --> 00:23:19,399
♪ The sun's coming up
I got cakes on the griddle ♪
356
00:23:19,482 --> 00:23:21,985
♪ Life ain't nothing
But a funny, funny riddle ♪
357
00:23:22,110 --> 00:23:24,612
♪ Thank God I'm a country boy ♪
358
00:23:25,697 --> 00:23:27,741
Yaa-ha!
359
00:23:27,824 --> 00:23:29,868
Whoo-hoo!
360
00:23:29,993 --> 00:23:31,745
-Whoo-hoo!
-Yahoo!
361
00:23:33,955 --> 00:23:36,124
♪ I wouldn't trade my life
For diamonds or jewels ♪
362
00:23:36,207 --> 00:23:38,501
♪ I never was one of them
Money-hungry fools ♪
363
00:23:38,626 --> 00:23:41,004
♪ I'd rather have my fiddle
And my farming tools ♪
364
00:23:41,129 --> 00:23:43,173
♪ Thank God I'm a country boy ♪
365
00:23:43,256 --> 00:23:45,508
♪ City folks driving
In a black limousine ♪
366
00:23:45,592 --> 00:23:47,927
♪ A lot of sad people think
That's mighty keen ♪
367
00:23:48,011 --> 00:23:50,263
♪ Folks, let me tell you
Exactly what I mean ♪
368
00:23:50,388 --> 00:23:52,640
♪ Thank God I'm a country boy ♪
369
00:23:52,724 --> 00:23:54,768
♪ Well, I got me a fine wife
I got me old fiddle ♪
370
00:23:54,851 --> 00:23:57,187
♪ When the sun's coming up
I got cakes on the griddle ♪
371
00:23:57,270 --> 00:23:59,689
♪ Life ain't nothing
But a funny, funny riddle ♪
372
00:23:59,773 --> 00:24:01,900
♪ Thank God I'm a country boy ♪
373
00:24:02,275 --> 00:24:04,152
[CLUCKING IN TUNE]
374
00:24:11,618 --> 00:24:13,578
♪ Fiddle was my daddy's
Till the day that he died ♪
375
00:24:13,661 --> 00:24:15,789
♪ He took me by the hand
And held me close to his side ♪
376
00:24:15,872 --> 00:24:18,416
♪ Said, "Live a good life
Play the fiddle with pride" ♪
377
00:24:18,541 --> 00:24:20,919
♪ Thank God I'm a country boy ♪
378
00:24:21,002 --> 00:24:22,921
♪ My daddy taught me young
How to hunt and how to whittle ♪
379
00:24:23,046 --> 00:24:25,548
♪ He taught me how to work
And play a tune on the fiddle ♪
380
00:24:25,632 --> 00:24:27,801
♪ Taught me how to love
And give just a little ♪
381
00:24:27,884 --> 00:24:30,053
♪ Thank God I'm a country boy ♪
382
00:24:30,178 --> 00:24:32,222
♪ Well, I got me a fine wife
I got me old fiddle ♪
383
00:24:32,305 --> 00:24:34,808
♪ As the sun's coming up
I got cakes on the griddle ♪
384
00:24:34,891 --> 00:24:38,353
♪ Life ain't nothing
But a funny, funny riddle ♪
385
00:24:38,436 --> 00:24:40,146
♪ Thank God I'm a country boy ♪
386
00:24:48,321 --> 00:24:50,490
That wraps it up for another one.
387
00:24:50,573 --> 00:24:54,619
We want to give our special thanks to our
very special guest star, Mr. Jim Nabors.
388
00:24:54,703 --> 00:24:57,205
Yeah, let's hear it from you all.
389
00:24:57,288 --> 00:25:00,709
-Jim, I hope you had a good time.
-I sure did, Kermit.
390
00:25:00,834 --> 00:25:04,796
But tell me, who was that little fella who
kept following me through after the show?
391
00:25:04,879 --> 00:25:07,465
That's Scooter.
His uncle owns the theater.
392
00:25:07,549 --> 00:25:09,634
-You called?
-No, I didn't.
393
00:25:09,718 --> 00:25:11,761
Oh, that's okay, Kermit. He was real nice.
394
00:25:11,845 --> 00:25:14,222
He picked up my coffee
and he picked up my wardrobe...
395
00:25:14,305 --> 00:25:18,601
Yeah, I even picked up his accent.
Well, golly!
396
00:25:19,227 --> 00:25:21,730
Be careful he doesn't try
to pick up your paycheck.
397
00:25:21,813 --> 00:25:24,024
-I'm shocked!
-I'm Fozzie.
398
00:25:24,107 --> 00:25:26,860
-I'm Piggy.
-I'm Animal.
399
00:25:26,943 --> 00:25:30,530
Well, I'm saying good night. We'll see
you all next time on The Muppet Show.
400
00:25:30,613 --> 00:25:34,367
-Golly.
-[IN UNISON] Golly.
401
00:25:35,618 --> 00:25:37,245
[BAND PLAYING THEME MUSIC]
402
00:26:19,871 --> 00:26:21,956
Pay up. They made it through another one.
403
00:26:22,040 --> 00:26:24,751
-Double or nothing, next week's show?
-You're on.
32882
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