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It's The Muppet Show,
with tonight's guest star, Mr. Joel Grey!
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[BAND PLAYING THEME MUSIC]
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♪ It's time to play the music ♪
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♪ It's time to light the lights ♪
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♪ It's time to meet the Muppets
On The Muppet Show tonight ♪
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♪ It's time to put on makeup ♪
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♪ It's time to dress up right ♪
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♪ It's time to raise the curtain
On The Muppet Show tonight ♪
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In our house we use paper plates,
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and every night after dinner
my wife erases the dishes.
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♪ To introduce our guest star ♪
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♪ That's what I'm here to do ♪
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♪ So it really makes me happy ♪
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♪ To introduce to you ♪
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Mr. Joel Grey!
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♪ Give 'em the old razzle dazzle ♪
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♪ Razzle dazzle 'em ♪
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♪ Willkommen, bienvenue ♪
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♪ Our show tonight will feature ♪
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♪ Some stuff that looks like this ♪
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[LAUGHING DIABOLICALLY]
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Yoo-hoo! Yoo-hoo!
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♪ But now let's get things started
On the most sensational, inspirational ♪
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♪ Celebrational, Muppetational ♪
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♪ This is what we call ♪
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♪ The Muppet Show ♪
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[AUDIENCE APPLAUDING]
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Welcome. And what a show
we have for you tonight.
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How would you like to see 4000 woodpeckers
performing an aerial ballet
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while 87 gorillas and two dozen elephants
do the Dance of the Sugar Plum Fairy?
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Well, forget it. Because, instead,
we've got Joel Grey as a guest star.
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Which, in a way, is like having all
the excitement of everything I mentioned
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without having to clean up afterwards.
34
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But right now, let's get things
rolling on The Muppet Show,
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where we have "Comedy Tonight."
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♪ Something familiar ♪
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♪ Something peculiar ♪
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♪ Something for everyone ♪
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♪ A comedy tonight ♪
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♪ Something appealing ♪
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♪ Something appalling ♪
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♪ Something for everyone
A comedy tonight ♪
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♪ Nothing with kings ♪
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♪ Nothing with crowns ♪
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♪ Bring on the lovers, liars and clowns ♪
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♪ Old situations ♪
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♪ No complications ♪
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♪ Nothing portentous or polite ♪
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♪ Tragedy tomorrow, comedy tonight ♪
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[LAUGHING DIABOLICALLY]
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[SCREAMING]
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♪ Nothing of fate ♪
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♪ Nothing of state ♪
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♪ Weighty affairs will just have to wait ♪
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Wait!
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♪ Nothing that's formal ♪
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♪ Nothing that's normal ♪
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♪ No recitations to recite ♪
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♪ Open up the curtain ♪
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♪ Comedy tonight ♪
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Well, the show is speeding along
very quickly this evening.
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Oh, yes. Someone must have told them
it's harder to hit a moving target.
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[LAUGHS]
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[HUMMING]
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-Hiya, Kermit.
-Oh, hi, there, Fozzie.
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Listen, you better go get ready.
Go in the dressing room and get ready.
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Dressing room. Uh, uh...
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I had a dressing room so small
all the mice were hunchbacked. Ha, ha.
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Please, Fozzie, no jokes right now,
I'm a tired frog.
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Tired frog.
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I knew a frog who got so tired
he fell asleep during his nap. Ha, ha.
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-Fozzie, what is this?
-Oh, see, it's my new act. Yeah.
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See, it's jokes on any subject.
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You tell the subject
and the bear does a joke on it.
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-Go ahead, go ahead, go ahead.
-Fozzie, please.
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Please.
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Take my wife... Please. Ha, ha.
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Why don't you just go in the dressing room
and get ready, okay?
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Dressing room.
I had a dressing room so small--
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-I heard it.
-Oh.
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But what do you think about the act, frog?
Mm?
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Well, Fozzie, um...
It's got possibilities.
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-Ah!
-Yeah. Why don't you work on it?
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-Oh, boy.
-Alone.
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Oh.
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Uh, alone.
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Alone.
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This bear was left alone.
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[BAND PLAYING BALLROOM DANCE MUSIC]
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Would you be interested
in seeing the Five Temptations?
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Could you just show me a couple?
I'm not as young as I used to be.
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Two, three, four.
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Two, three, four.
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You know, George,
I come from a very old family.
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-Uh, mine's older.
-Oh, really? How old?
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Uh, my family's so old
it's been condemned.
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Two, three, four.
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Boy, my brother is really something.
He's got girls eating out of his hand.
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Oh?
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-Is he a lover?
-No, a waiter.
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Oh.
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You know, I'm really stuck on you.
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Oh, how sweet. You love me?
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No, I'm just stuck on you.
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Ah!
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Ooh! Ooh!
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NEWSCASTER:
Here's a Muppet news flash.
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Dateline: New York City.
A former circus daredevil
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who billed himself
as Boffo the Human Cannonball
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fired himself out of a cannon yesterday
into a crowd of holiday shoppers.
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Fortunately, there were no injuries
to the passersby.
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Boffo was not so lucky.
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Said his wife, the former Mrs. Boffo,
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"I guess I'll just have to
pick up the pieces and live my life."
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Ladies and gentlemen,
it is with great pride and pleasure
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that yours truly, Kermit the Frog,
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introduces the international star
of stage and screen, Mr. Joel Grey.
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Thank you, Kermit.
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I can't tell you what a pleasure
it is for me to be here
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appearing in the Muppet Cabaret.
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Never have I entertained
in such a place before.
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So unusual. So bizarre.
123
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The most incredible nightclub by far.
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♪ Willkommen, bienvenue, welcome ♪
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♪ Fremde ♪
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♪ Etranger ♪
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♪ Stranger ♪
128
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♪ Glucklich zu sehen ♪
129
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♪ Je suis enchanté ♪
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♪ Happy to see you ♪
131
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♪ Bliebe, reste, stay ♪
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♪ Willkommen ♪
133
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♪ Bienvenue ♪
134
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♪ Welcome ♪
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♪ Im cabaret ♪
136
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♪ Au cabaret ♪
137
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♪ To cabaret ♪
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Meine Damen und Herren.
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Mesdames et Messieurs.
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Ladies and gentlemen.
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-Guten Abend.
-Bonsoir.
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Good evening.
143
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Wie gehts?
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Comment ca va?
145
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Do you feel good?
146
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Ich bin euer Conferencier.
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Je suis votre compere.
148
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-I am your host.
-I am your guest.
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Gotcha.
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♪ Willkommen, bienvenue, welcome ♪
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♪ Im cabaret, au cabaret, to cabaret ♪
152
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Here life is beautiful.
The customers are beautiful.
153
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Even the orchestra is beautiful.
154
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Have you ever seen
such a beautiful orchestra?
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Well, maybe in a zoo.
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Even the dancers are beautiful.
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If your standards aren't too high.
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♪ Willkommen, bienvenue, welcome ♪
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♪ Im cabaret, au cabaret ♪
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♪ Wir sagen ♪
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♪ Willkommen, bienvenue, welcome ♪
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♪ Fremde, etranger ♪
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♪ Stranger ♪
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♪ Glucklich zu sehen ♪
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♪ Je suis enchanté ♪
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♪ Happy to see you ♪
167
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♪ Bliebe, reste, stay ♪
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♪ Wir sagen ♪
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♪ Willkommen, bienvenue, welcome ♪
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♪ Im cabaret ♪
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♪ Au cabaret ♪
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♪ To cabaret ♪
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Uh, another star in the tradition
of the late, great Boris Klinger.
174
00:10:00,975 --> 00:10:04,521
Boris Klinger?! Why, you old fool.
175
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Boris Klinger was the worst music-hall act
to ever step onto the stage.
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In your opinion, maybe,
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but more than 2000 people
attended his final performance.
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Yes, yes. Half of them brought the tar
and the rest brought the feathers.
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00:10:23,748 --> 00:10:25,333
Hiya, Hilda.
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Oh, hello, Fozzie.
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Fozzie, have you seen my glasses?
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Glasses, glasses. Uh...
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00:10:33,925 --> 00:10:36,428
I knew a minister once
who was so religious
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when he read the Bible,
he wore stained glasses.
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-What is this?
-It's my new act, see.
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Jokes on any subject. Yeah, pretty good,
huh? Nothing stops the old Fozzie Bear.
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I wish something would.
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Wood, wood. Two bears go into the woods--
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Never mind, I've found my glasses.
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Found, found, found...
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Well, Joel, you know,
I just can't tell you
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how pleased we are
to have you with us here tonight.
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-Thanks very much, Kermit.
-You know,
194
00:11:06,791 --> 00:11:09,711
I understand you come from an old
show-business family, don't you?
195
00:11:09,836 --> 00:11:10,962
Yes, actually--
196
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You appeared on-stage
at the ripe old age of 10, huh?
197
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-Yes--
-Yeah, mm-hm.
198
00:11:15,717 --> 00:11:18,219
I understand you were also born
in Cleveland, Ohio,
199
00:11:18,303 --> 00:11:20,764
but now you live in New York
with your wife Jo,
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00:11:20,847 --> 00:11:23,350
and your two children Jimmy and Jennifer.
201
00:11:23,475 --> 00:11:26,478
Plus three cats, two dogs,
a turtle and three Frisbees.
202
00:11:26,561 --> 00:11:28,855
-How do you know all that?
-Let me ask you something.
203
00:11:28,980 --> 00:11:32,108
Well, now that you're with us,
why don't you, uh...
204
00:11:32,233 --> 00:11:35,820
why don't you just tell us
a little about yourself?
205
00:11:36,863 --> 00:11:39,366
Actually, there's not much left to tell.
206
00:11:40,075 --> 00:11:41,201
Oh.
207
00:11:42,369 --> 00:11:44,204
Boy, what a dull guest.
208
00:11:45,580 --> 00:11:49,000
Dull, my foot. Why, that young man
is one of the all-time greats.
209
00:11:49,125 --> 00:11:50,752
Do you hear me? One of the greats.
210
00:11:50,877 --> 00:11:54,130
Well, you'll get no argument
from me on that.
211
00:11:54,255 --> 00:11:57,884
That may be the first time we ever agreed
on anything in our lives.
212
00:11:58,009 --> 00:12:02,514
No. We once agreed
in the summer of 1912, yes.
213
00:12:02,597 --> 00:12:03,682
What was that?
214
00:12:03,765 --> 00:12:07,894
We agreed that Kaiser Bill
looked silly in a hat. Heh, heh.
215
00:12:07,977 --> 00:12:09,312
Remember?
216
00:12:09,396 --> 00:12:10,522
No.
217
00:12:15,402 --> 00:12:18,822
Ah, Turkey. Land of my dreams.
218
00:12:18,905 --> 00:12:22,033
All the Turkish delights:
The Turkish women,
219
00:12:22,117 --> 00:12:24,285
the coffee, the towels.
220
00:12:25,245 --> 00:12:28,289
In every way my heart belongs to Turkey.
221
00:12:28,373 --> 00:12:31,668
But lo,
what lovely Eastern maiden approacheth?
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00:12:31,793 --> 00:12:33,878
[WHISPERS] Pachalafaka. Ha, ha.
223
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♪ Pachalafaka ♪
224
00:12:38,633 --> 00:12:40,760
♪ Pachalafaka ♪
225
00:12:41,386 --> 00:12:45,515
♪ They whisper it all over Turkey ♪
226
00:12:45,890 --> 00:12:47,976
♪ Pachalafaka ♪
227
00:12:48,226 --> 00:12:50,395
♪ Pachalafaka ♪
228
00:12:51,021 --> 00:12:55,275
♪ It sounds so romantic and perky ♪
229
00:12:55,650 --> 00:12:57,777
♪ Oh, I know that phrase ♪
230
00:12:57,861 --> 00:13:00,280
♪ Will make me thrill always ♪
231
00:13:00,405 --> 00:13:04,993
♪ For it reminds me of you, my sweet ♪
232
00:13:05,285 --> 00:13:07,537
♪ Just the mention of ♪
233
00:13:07,662 --> 00:13:09,998
♪ That tender word of love ♪
234
00:13:10,290 --> 00:13:14,377
♪ Gives my heart a jerkish Turkish beat ♪
235
00:13:15,170 --> 00:13:17,505
♪ I won't say "c'est bon" ♪
236
00:13:17,881 --> 00:13:19,924
♪ Or "l'amour toujours" ♪
237
00:13:20,425 --> 00:13:25,055
♪ For they can't express
What I'm feeling ♪
238
00:13:25,388 --> 00:13:27,182
♪ Even "mairzy doats" ♪
239
00:13:27,515 --> 00:13:29,768
♪ Or other foreign quotes ♪
240
00:13:30,310 --> 00:13:34,814
♪ Don't seem to be quite so appealing ♪
241
00:13:34,939 --> 00:13:37,609
♪ But pachalafaka ♪
242
00:13:37,692 --> 00:13:39,944
♪ Pachalafaka ♪
243
00:13:40,195 --> 00:13:45,241
♪ Takes me back with you
To passionate desert scenes ♪
244
00:13:45,325 --> 00:13:47,744
♪ And it's where we'll stay ♪
245
00:13:47,827 --> 00:13:50,080
♪ Till the very day ♪
246
00:13:50,330 --> 00:13:55,168
♪ We find out what "pachalafaka" means ♪
247
00:13:55,418 --> 00:14:02,425
♪ We find out what "pachalafaka" means ♪
248
00:14:06,179 --> 00:14:07,430
Argh!
249
00:14:09,974 --> 00:14:12,060
[APPLAUSE]
250
00:14:15,355 --> 00:14:19,901
To ensure that the quality and moral
content of this show is above reproach,
251
00:14:19,984 --> 00:14:23,405
I, Sam the American Eagle,
252
00:14:23,488 --> 00:14:28,243
am proud to present the singing duet
of Wayne and Wanda.
253
00:14:28,326 --> 00:14:30,620
Besides being tremendous singers,
254
00:14:30,704 --> 00:14:31,996
they're church people.
255
00:14:38,962 --> 00:14:42,007
♪ Don't know why ♪
256
00:14:42,090 --> 00:14:45,510
♪ There's no sun up in the sky ♪
257
00:14:45,635 --> 00:14:47,637
♪ Stormy weather ♪
258
00:14:48,138 --> 00:14:49,889
[THUNDER ROARING]
259
00:14:53,393 --> 00:14:55,645
I told you they were all wet.
260
00:14:55,770 --> 00:14:57,689
[BOTH LAUGHING]
261
00:14:57,772 --> 00:15:01,401
You have got to do something
about that Fozzie Bear.
262
00:15:01,484 --> 00:15:04,279
-Yes, he's driving us bananas.
-Yes.
263
00:15:04,362 --> 00:15:08,908
Yeah, if he don't stop with those jokes
on any subject, I'll kill him.
264
00:15:09,034 --> 00:15:12,454
I tell you, guys, I don't really know
exactly what to do about it.
265
00:15:12,537 --> 00:15:14,706
Shh! Here he comes.
266
00:15:14,789 --> 00:15:18,335
Well, now that's a thought. If you don't
like his jokes, don't say anything.
267
00:15:18,418 --> 00:15:20,962
-Oh.
-Uh...
268
00:15:21,046 --> 00:15:24,549
How you doing, Kermit?
How you doing, George?
269
00:15:24,674 --> 00:15:26,301
How you doing, George?
270
00:15:27,552 --> 00:15:29,304
Oh...
271
00:15:29,429 --> 00:15:34,726
I get it. The old silent treatment, huh?
Gonna be quiet on Fozzie, huh? Uh...
272
00:15:34,809 --> 00:15:36,978
Let's see. Quiet, quiet, quiet.
273
00:15:37,062 --> 00:15:41,066
Yeah, I knew a town that was so quiet,
when someone turned the lights off,
274
00:15:41,191 --> 00:15:43,818
everybody yelled, "What was that?"
275
00:15:43,943 --> 00:15:45,362
No, no.
276
00:15:45,445 --> 00:15:49,449
She had "yes, yes" in her eyes,
but "no nose" on her face.
277
00:15:50,283 --> 00:15:52,827
-Uh, tell you, Fozzie...
-Yeah, terrific, huh? Yeah.
278
00:15:52,952 --> 00:15:56,247
Well, these jokes of yours
are starting to bug everybody.
279
00:15:56,331 --> 00:15:57,832
Bug, bug, bug...
280
00:15:57,957 --> 00:16:00,251
ALL:
Bug out!
281
00:16:00,335 --> 00:16:02,754
Bug out? What kind of joke is that?
282
00:16:02,837 --> 00:16:05,090
Well, that was no joke, Fozzie.
283
00:16:05,215 --> 00:16:07,425
That was my wife.
284
00:16:08,426 --> 00:16:10,720
Hi, Joel. Hey, why the hat?
285
00:16:10,845 --> 00:16:13,932
I got my new car outside, Gonzo.
You wanna go for a spin?
286
00:16:14,015 --> 00:16:15,433
Sure.
287
00:16:15,975 --> 00:16:18,103
Gonzo. Hey.
288
00:16:18,186 --> 00:16:22,607
Relax, relax. I didn't mean actually
go for a spin, It's just a phrase, like...
289
00:16:22,732 --> 00:16:25,276
You don't actually bite the hand
that feeds you, do you?
290
00:16:25,360 --> 00:16:27,737
I mean, one doesn't eat
one's heart out, does one?
291
00:16:27,862 --> 00:16:30,490
I mean, one doesn't talk
through one's hat.
292
00:16:30,573 --> 00:16:33,410
I hope not, I can talk for myself.
293
00:16:34,244 --> 00:16:36,121
I think I'm going bananas.
294
00:16:36,871 --> 00:16:39,499
I thought you were going for a spin.
295
00:16:41,376 --> 00:16:43,503
You're in for a special treat
tonight, folks,
296
00:16:43,586 --> 00:16:46,673
as Fozzie Bear,
the comedy star of our show,
297
00:16:46,756 --> 00:16:49,300
displays his ready wit and nimble mind
298
00:16:49,384 --> 00:16:52,387
in a test of comedy
that would stump the best.
299
00:16:52,470 --> 00:16:56,641
You just name a subject and Fozzie Bear
will instantly give you a joke.
300
00:16:56,725 --> 00:17:01,563
So here he is now, the fastest fur
in the west, Mr. Fozzie Bear!
301
00:17:01,646 --> 00:17:03,773
Thank you, thank you. Yeah. Mwah.
302
00:17:03,857 --> 00:17:07,527
Thank you. Mwah. Love you. Yeah.
303
00:17:07,652 --> 00:17:11,281
Here I am, Fozzie Bear, jokes on request.
304
00:17:11,406 --> 00:17:14,701
You name anything, any word, any subject,
305
00:17:14,784 --> 00:17:18,413
and I, Fozzie Bear,
will hit you with a great joke about it.
306
00:17:18,496 --> 00:17:22,417
Don't be afraid, just yell 'em out
and I'll yell 'em back. Come on!
307
00:17:22,542 --> 00:17:24,377
Amoeba.
308
00:17:24,461 --> 00:17:25,503
Huh?
309
00:17:25,587 --> 00:17:27,922
-He said "amoeba."
-Hm.
310
00:17:28,006 --> 00:17:31,801
Uh... amoeb--
Sorry, no foreign words. Next.
311
00:17:31,885 --> 00:17:34,429
-The word is only foreign to you.
-That's right.
312
00:17:34,512 --> 00:17:36,598
Anybody else? Over there?
313
00:17:36,681 --> 00:17:39,642
-You said any word.
-And he said "amoeba."
314
00:17:39,726 --> 00:17:42,812
-Right.
-Right. Amoeba. Uh, uh...
315
00:17:42,937 --> 00:17:44,314
Could I come back to that?
316
00:17:44,439 --> 00:17:46,649
-Fake.
-Fake. He's a fake.
317
00:17:46,733 --> 00:17:48,068
-Fake.
-Fake.
318
00:17:48,151 --> 00:17:51,279
Fake? Fake? Fake, am I?
319
00:17:51,363 --> 00:17:53,531
Okay, that does it.
Give me that word again.
320
00:17:54,157 --> 00:17:55,909
[IN UNISON] Amoeba!
321
00:17:56,409 --> 00:17:58,036
Right. Amoeba.
322
00:17:58,912 --> 00:18:00,830
Two amoebas walked out of a bar.
323
00:18:00,914 --> 00:18:03,917
One amoeba says to the other,
"Say, is that the sun or the moon?"
324
00:18:04,042 --> 00:18:07,253
And the other amoeba says,
"I don't know, I don't live around here."
325
00:18:07,337 --> 00:18:09,714
I did it! I did it! Ha, ha!
326
00:18:09,798 --> 00:18:10,799
STATLER:
He's right.
327
00:18:10,882 --> 00:18:11,883
[BOTH CHUCKLING]
328
00:18:11,966 --> 00:18:13,927
He did it. He's okay.
329
00:18:14,052 --> 00:18:17,972
He certainly did.
What does "amoeba" mean, anyway?
330
00:18:18,056 --> 00:18:20,558
I don't know,
I don't live around here either.
331
00:18:20,642 --> 00:18:21,768
Oh.
332
00:18:23,311 --> 00:18:25,313
Now the Muppet Players
are proud to present
333
00:18:25,438 --> 00:18:28,441
a little-known classic
of Arthur Conan Doyle
334
00:18:28,525 --> 00:18:33,780
entitled Sherlock Holmes and the Case
of the Disappearing Clues.
335
00:18:38,993 --> 00:18:41,913
Sherlock Holmes here, Watson there.
336
00:18:41,996 --> 00:18:44,958
Oh, Mr. Holmes, I'm so glad you're here.
337
00:18:45,041 --> 00:18:48,044
It's murder, Mr. Holmes. Murder.
338
00:18:48,128 --> 00:18:49,421
[PIANO STRIKES DRAMATIC CHORD]
339
00:18:49,504 --> 00:18:51,047
Just calm down, my dear lady.
340
00:18:51,131 --> 00:18:54,551
Dr. Watson and I will have this case
solved in no time. Right, Watson?
341
00:18:54,676 --> 00:19:00,598
Of course. Holmes can solve any crime
by a simple process of deduction.
342
00:19:00,682 --> 00:19:05,353
Yes, sir. The body of Lord Bottomley
is right over there.
343
00:19:07,439 --> 00:19:11,401
Great heavens! Don't look, Watson.
It's too horrible to gaze upon.
344
00:19:11,484 --> 00:19:14,487
What manner of fiend could have done this?
345
00:19:14,571 --> 00:19:19,325
Actually, I'm Fielding, the butler.
Lord Bottomley lies over there.
346
00:19:21,619 --> 00:19:23,747
He's been shot, Holmes.
347
00:19:25,206 --> 00:19:26,708
Yes, yes.
348
00:19:27,625 --> 00:19:29,794
Hm. Give me a moment.
349
00:19:29,878 --> 00:19:31,713
Mm-hm.
350
00:19:33,131 --> 00:19:34,799
Of course!
351
00:19:34,883 --> 00:19:37,802
I arrest Fielding, the butler,
for the murder of Lord Bottomley.
352
00:19:37,886 --> 00:19:40,138
-Amazing.
-Preposterous.
353
00:19:40,263 --> 00:19:44,392
Elementary. The butler's fingerprints
are on this glass.
354
00:19:47,520 --> 00:19:50,523
Here is a photo of the
butler committing the murder.
355
00:19:54,152 --> 00:19:57,280
The weapon in question,
registered in the butler's name.
356
00:20:00,408 --> 00:20:04,537
And finally an eyewitness, the maid,
who will seal his doom.
357
00:20:04,621 --> 00:20:06,164
Excuse me, miss.
358
00:20:14,673 --> 00:20:18,093
So you see, Watson,
pure deduction on the face of the evidence
359
00:20:18,176 --> 00:20:23,473
brings us to the only possible conclusion,
and that is that the butler did it.
360
00:20:23,556 --> 00:20:28,937
But, Holmes, there is no evidence,
so your logic is wrong.
361
00:20:29,020 --> 00:20:30,939
Logic is never wrong, Watson.
362
00:20:31,022 --> 00:20:35,235
If there is no evidence that the butler
did it, and I certainly didn't do it,
363
00:20:35,318 --> 00:20:37,570
then the inescapable conclusion, Watson...
364
00:20:37,654 --> 00:20:40,448
-Yes, yes?
-... is that you're the murderer.
365
00:20:51,459 --> 00:20:55,380
-Mm. He's tough.
-And, uh... now the inescapable conclusion
366
00:20:55,463 --> 00:20:59,509
is that with no evidence and no killer,
there was no murder.
367
00:20:59,592 --> 00:21:00,593
Ah.
368
00:21:01,219 --> 00:21:02,595
[SNEEZES]
369
00:21:02,679 --> 00:21:04,097
Gesundheit.
370
00:21:06,766 --> 00:21:08,810
[APPLAUSE]
371
00:21:10,478 --> 00:21:12,731
NEWSCASTER:
Here's a Muppets news flash.
372
00:21:13,732 --> 00:21:15,734
Dateline: Brooklyn, New York.
373
00:21:15,859 --> 00:21:18,987
Harry Oblong,
a retired New York City bus driver,
374
00:21:19,112 --> 00:21:21,364
said that he is holding that state
as a hostage
375
00:21:21,489 --> 00:21:25,368
and will not release it
until he is paid $50 million in cash.
376
00:21:25,869 --> 00:21:30,123
Mr. Oblong, whom state officials say
is not playing with a full deck,
377
00:21:30,206 --> 00:21:33,376
says he will not disclose the whereabouts
of the state of New York,
378
00:21:33,501 --> 00:21:37,380
but does say it has enough food and water
to last for ten more days.
379
00:21:40,342 --> 00:21:44,637
Tonight, the Great Gonzo has dug deep
into his limitless repertoire
380
00:21:44,763 --> 00:21:48,892
to bring us an act never before seen
on any stage anywhere in the world.
381
00:21:48,975 --> 00:21:51,686
And with his luck,
it never will be seen again.
382
00:21:51,770 --> 00:21:55,398
Ladies and gentlemen,
the greatest of all Gonzos.
383
00:21:55,482 --> 00:21:57,442
[FANFARE]
384
00:21:57,525 --> 00:22:00,153
Tonight, dear patrons of the arts,
385
00:22:00,278 --> 00:22:05,909
I will, with this sledgehammer,
demolish this vintage automobile
386
00:22:05,992 --> 00:22:09,662
to the music of the "Anvil Chorus."
387
00:22:11,790 --> 00:22:17,253
After which I will eat the crankcase
a cappella.
388
00:22:18,004 --> 00:22:20,173
[ORCHESTRA PLAYING "THE ANVIL CHORUS"]
389
00:22:21,174 --> 00:22:23,259
[BOOING]
390
00:22:27,138 --> 00:22:30,850
Yokels! Rubes!
What do you know about great art?
391
00:22:30,934 --> 00:22:35,146
Aw, that does it,
I'm giving up performing.
392
00:22:35,230 --> 00:22:37,399
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
393
00:22:38,650 --> 00:22:40,318
Hey, Gonzo.
394
00:22:40,402 --> 00:22:42,987
You can call me "Great."
395
00:22:43,071 --> 00:22:45,073
Listen, uh, Great,
396
00:22:45,198 --> 00:22:48,702
I was just watching your act,
you know, from off-stage,
397
00:22:48,827 --> 00:22:51,830
and a couple of things occurred to me,
as one artist to another.
398
00:22:51,955 --> 00:22:54,874
Do you think I should wear a top hat?
399
00:22:54,958 --> 00:22:57,585
It's more than a top hat, Gonz.
400
00:22:57,711 --> 00:23:00,880
I think it's the basic act, actually.
401
00:23:00,964 --> 00:23:04,884
I think what you need is some pizazz.
You know what that means?
402
00:23:04,968 --> 00:23:07,095
Let me show you.
403
00:23:07,178 --> 00:23:12,350
♪ Just give 'em the old razzle dazzle ♪
404
00:23:12,976 --> 00:23:15,061
♪ Razzle dazzle 'em ♪
405
00:23:16,354 --> 00:23:20,650
♪ Give 'em an act
With lots of flash in it ♪
406
00:23:20,734 --> 00:23:25,030
♪ And the reaction will be passionate ♪
407
00:23:25,113 --> 00:23:29,492
♪ Give 'em the old hocus-pocus ♪
408
00:23:30,952 --> 00:23:33,246
♪ Bead and feather 'em ♪
409
00:23:33,621 --> 00:23:35,331
♪ How can they see ♪
410
00:23:35,415 --> 00:23:41,796
♪ With sequins in their eyes? ♪
411
00:23:41,880 --> 00:23:46,509
♪ What if your hinges all are rusting? ♪
412
00:23:46,593 --> 00:23:51,014
♪ What if, in fact,
You're just disgusting? ♪
413
00:23:51,473 --> 00:23:53,433
♪ Razzle dazzle 'em ♪
414
00:23:53,516 --> 00:23:58,021
♪ And they'll never catch wise ♪
415
00:23:59,272 --> 00:24:03,276
♪ Give 'em the old razzle dazzle ♪
416
00:24:03,777 --> 00:24:05,779
♪ Razzle dazzle 'em ♪
417
00:24:07,489 --> 00:24:11,326
♪ Back since the days of old Methuselah ♪
418
00:24:11,409 --> 00:24:13,286
♪ Everyone loves ♪
419
00:24:13,411 --> 00:24:15,580
♪ The big bamboozler ♪
420
00:24:15,663 --> 00:24:19,709
♪ Give 'em the old three-ring circus ♪
421
00:24:19,793 --> 00:24:22,754
♪ Stun and stagger 'em ♪
422
00:24:23,505 --> 00:24:29,260
♪ When you're in trouble
Go into your dance ♪
423
00:24:31,429 --> 00:24:35,433
♪ Though you are stiffer than a girder ♪
424
00:24:35,517 --> 00:24:39,396
♪ They let you get away with murder ♪
425
00:24:40,021 --> 00:24:45,694
♪ Razzle dazzle 'em
And you got a romance ♪
426
00:24:47,445 --> 00:24:51,324
♪ Give 'em the old razzle dazzle ♪
427
00:24:52,659 --> 00:24:54,452
♪ Razzle dazzle 'em ♪
428
00:24:55,328 --> 00:24:59,332
♪ Give 'em an act that's unassailable ♪
429
00:24:59,457 --> 00:25:03,461
♪ They'll wait a year
Till you're available ♪
430
00:25:03,545 --> 00:25:07,674
♪ Give 'em the old double whammy ♪
431
00:25:08,299 --> 00:25:10,427
♪ Daze and dizzy 'em ♪
432
00:25:11,302 --> 00:25:18,309
♪ Show 'em the first-rate sorcerer
You are ♪
433
00:25:19,269 --> 00:25:23,231
♪ Long as you keep 'em way off balance ♪
434
00:25:23,314 --> 00:25:24,858
♪ How can they spot ♪
435
00:25:24,983 --> 00:25:27,610
♪ You got no talents? ♪
436
00:25:27,944 --> 00:25:29,654
♪ Razzle dazzle 'em ♪
437
00:25:29,738 --> 00:25:31,614
♪ Razzle dazzle 'em ♪
438
00:25:31,865 --> 00:25:33,867
♪ Razzle dazzle 'em ♪
439
00:25:33,950 --> 00:25:38,329
♪ And they'll make you a star ♪
440
00:25:38,413 --> 00:25:40,540
[AUDIENCE CHEERING AND APPLAUDING]
441
00:25:42,876 --> 00:25:46,838
Well, with an act like that,
anybody can get applause.
442
00:25:52,135 --> 00:25:55,430
Joel, we really wanna thank you
for being with us on the show tonight,
443
00:25:55,513 --> 00:25:58,391
and I want you to know
you'll always be willkommen here.
444
00:25:58,475 --> 00:26:01,186
[IN GERMAN ACCENT] Dankeschon,
Herr Kermit. It was mein pleasure.
445
00:26:01,269 --> 00:26:03,521
Keep working on that accent,
it might come in handy.
446
00:26:03,605 --> 00:26:04,647
Mm...
447
00:26:04,731 --> 00:26:08,276
Thank you all for joining us,
and join us next week for The Muppet Show.
448
00:26:08,401 --> 00:26:10,445
[IN NORMAL VOICE] The Muppet Show.
449
00:26:10,528 --> 00:26:12,655
[BAND PLAYING THEME MUSIC]
450
00:26:53,697 --> 00:26:56,199
-More! More!
-Not so loud.
451
00:26:56,324 --> 00:26:58,410
They may hear you.
34441
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