All language subtitles for The.First.Day.Of.My.Life.2023.1080p.BluRay.5.1-WORLD.en

THE FIRST DAY OF MY LIFE

I thought I was the only one.

There are three million people
in this city.

Not easy to be the only one.

Why do you insist
on only doing the night shift?

Swap with someone, no?
Ask for day shift.

No, no, I'm fine with the night shift.

- I just want to understand why.
- We'll talk about it tomorrow.

Let me get you a coffee,
and make tomorrow into today.

Okay?

Two coffees, please.

Won't be long.

You said that last time.

No sign of it stopping.

Let's put that away, Arianna.

Anyway, I'm Emilia.

- Napoleone.
- Seriously?

Sorry.

You think he's a cop?

I don't know.

You here for the same reason as me?

I hope not.

I mean, I hope not for you.

Your coffees.

Thank you.

Don't look back.

How about some music?

I love Jazz when it rains.

You like jazz?

I love Jazz.

Give her a hand.

I can manage.

Come.

The rooms are on the second floor.

You'll find everything you need.

See you tomorrow morning at nine
in the breakfast room.

Good night.

DAY ONE

- I don't have any water in my room.
- Neither do I.

Does anyone know what's going on?

Did he do anything weird with you?

He pulled me out of the car
when I was about to shoot myself,

but no, nothing weird.

Good morning.

- Is this the breakfast room?
- Yes.

I don't see any food.

You can't eat or drink.
None of you can.

It's not down to me,
it's a fact. Sorry.

- There's no water in the bathrooms?
- Right.

- So we can't wash?
- You don't need to.

- Pee?
- Nope.

Are we dead?

- Neither dead, nor alive.
- Meaning?

- You weren't so curious last night.
- Last night I was in shock.

Today I want answers.

Daniele!

Imagine you're suspended in time.

What do you mean "suspended"?

You've given me a week.
It's only been a few hours.

Be patient. Daniele!

It's late!

I'm hungry.

Well? You not going to say hello?

Hi.

Let's go, it's late.

Everybody out. First stop.

Is that you?

Yes.

Sorry.

Why? It's exactly what I wanted.

You can get closer if you want.

They can't see you.

No, we can go.

When you've finished, I'll be in the car.

So, they can't see us?

No, no one can see you.

And you?

Can they see you?

When it's necessary.

When it's necessary, they can see me.

Can you imagine a station wagon
driving with no one at the wheel?

The body found this morning
in front of the Grand Hotel

is that of Emilia Fiore,
the ex gymnastics champion.

Apparently, she Jumped
from the hotel terrace.

Fiore won the silver medal
at the World Championships 2015,

silver medal at the
Olympics in Rio 2016...

I don't want to go in.

- They can't see you.
- I don't want to see them.

The first day's the most difficult,
then it gets better.

Trust me.

You know these guys?

Yeah.

This is...

this was our hangout.

We always come here for a drink.

The atmosphere's usually more cheerful.

That's Livia, Luciano.

And that's Max.

Max and I always partnered up.

Poor guy.

He was with me last night.

I wanted to say something.

Arianna was the best person I've ever met.

She used to call me Braveheart.

But I'm not brave.
I'm reckless, if anything.

She was the brave one.

She never backed down,
but she never fucked up.

She said, "They pay us to risk
our lives, not to throw them away."

If I'm still here,
it's also thanks to her.

For this reason,

she'll always be beside me.

To defend me from my recklessness.

Yeah, Arianna, you can always be
the one to turn on the siren,

and call HQ in that tiny voice
nobody could ever hear.

"You need to shout," I said to her.

No way.

She was even polite
when calling for back-up.

I always wanted to ask her out,

but never managed to.

Every night at the end of our shift,
I'd be about to, but then...

Just too shy.

Maybe if I had...

maybe if we'd spoken,

if I'd convinced her
to open up a little...

No, it wouldn't have made any difference.

Max, don't blame yourself.

Who knows?

To Arianna.

Weird day.

Are there that many of us?

Not that many.

Four in one night, in the same night...

That's many.

You think he turns up
if you're about to do it

or is it enough to think about it?

- If you're about to do it.
- You think?

- Otherwise it'd be a hell of a Job.
- It turned out worst for you.

At least, my body was on ice
in a morgue some place.

Yours was in the river in broad daylight.

You drew a much bigger crowd.

It was a nice turn-out.

TV, reporters.

Like the good old days.

Not funny.

Can I bum one?

An athlete who smokes?

I'm dead and paralyzed, remember?

Or paralyzed and dead, you choose.

Who do you think he is?

Someone who wants us
to change our perspective.

I've already changed my perspective.

It's 50 centimeters lower now,
and it sucks.

You're right. It's not that great.

But it's the only one you got.

Besides this.

Stop! what are you doing?

You think we can die twice?

Even more than twice.

- Hi.
- Are they asleep?

- I sure hope so.
- How did it go yesterday?

- Four.
- Damn!

I haven't had four in one night in ages.

- One's a boy.
- Yeah.

What did you do?

We went to the river first.

The body of one
of them was being fished out.

With the boy?

I'd have avoided that.

I had to do it.

I got a very skeptical guy.
I wanted to give him a shock.

- A funeral might have been better.
- Maybe later.

- How did you get on?
- Got three.

Tomorrow's the last day.

I'm really tired. Today I tried
to dig into their wishes but...

I did them more harm than good.

You know what I do with the wishes?
I start right away.

The last day can be very dangerous.

I'm optimistic.
I think all three will make it.

Can I borrow the car?
Mine is making a weird noise.

Obviously! It's clocked
over a million kilometers.

- I have to leave. It'd be risky.
- The keys are on the desk.

- I'll leave it in the garage.
- Put some gas in it.

Obviously!

DAY TWO

You're drinking coffee?

I'm imagining I'm drinking it.

It's what I miss most.

Me too.

Maybe that's what will save our lives.

Drinking good coffee again.

Good morning.

That's not Just chance.

You know I had a daughter?

It was a basketball court
very much like this one.

I often went to see her play.

I was a fan.

They were winning.

She stopped center...

court, she passed the ball,
her team moved for the hoop.

But Olivia Just stood there.

She had a stunned look in her eyes.
She looked at me,

and then dropped...

to the ground.

Brugada syndrome.

What's that?

Her heart had an expiration date,
like milk.

Asymptomatic diseases don't warn you.

It can happen anywhere. In bed,

at school,

or on a basketball court like this one.

How old was Olivia?

Sixteen.

That's not fair.

You're right. It's not.

I don't like feeling sorry for myself.

I've always been a glass half-full person.

That is until God decided
to piss in the glass.

I'm not dead?

For the moment, no.

I can't even die.
I'm a loser to the very end.

Forty donuts weren't enough.

You tried to kill yourself with 40 donuts?

I'm diabetic.
I thought it would work.

Mom.

Any news?

No, nothing significant.

The situation's critical, but stable.

Sorry, how could you have let him
binge on all those donuts?

He's a YouTuber. He's famous
For eating huge quantities of food.

- He has a million followers.
- Nine hundred thousand.

It's normal for him to eat that much.

Yes, but not for a diabetic.

He can't consume all that glucose.

- He takes insulin.
- I skipped it.

He didn't this time.

Are you sure?

Of course.

- That's very strange.
- He could have died.

Daniele is always so careful.
He never skips a shot.

Haven't you understood?

Forgive me, this is
a rather delicate question...

Come on, say it.

Could he have skipped it on purpose?

Not possible.

Yes, it's possible.

- Daniele was a happy child.
- That's not true.

Show the doctor one of Daniele's videos.

Why don't my parents get it?

- They can't imagine it.
- But the doctor did.

Who wants to give me a chance?

Don't worry, I won't tell you
that everything will be fine.

On the contrary,

I'll tell you it's a disaster out there,

and we're going to have
to put some things back together.

And I'll tell you that we can do it,

and we can do it if we start now,
all of us together.

Well?

Who's going to give me that chance?

There aren't many of us.

Come on, I trust you. who trusts me?

- What's your name?
- Nicolas.

Nicolas...

Stand up.

If Nicolas is here
it's because he's in pain.

But maybe he's also looking For something.

Let's make a deal, Nicolas.

You tell me what you're looking for...

and I'll help you change your perspective.

- Okay.
- Know why?

Do any of you know why?

Because I won't allow any
of you to be lost, not one.

- What do you love, Nicolas?
- Singing.

You want to sing here for everyone?

- I can't.
- Yes, you can.

Try. One verse, just one.

- Of what?
- You choose.

Don't stop.

Louder. Let everyone hear it.

Thank you.

Thank you.

We're starting over as well today
with this expression...

Thank you, Napoleone.

Tragedy has taken him from us.

But his ideas, his words,

his energy, are all still here among us.

You were one of those "Live your life
to the fullest" bullshit gurus?

Yes. A bullshit guru.

His work will guide us.

And now, just like he used to do,
I want to show you how we hold...

happiness in our hands.

You just have to change your perspective.

Who wants to give me a chance?

Come on, who trusts me?

What a crock of shit!

It's all utter bullshit!

Why not tell them what really happened?

Why don't you tell them
Napoleone killed himself?

I understand you're upset.
We all are.

Napoleone told us all a load of bullshit.

I was naive to believe him,
just like you all were.

Idiots!

How much did you pay to be here?

Five hundred?
A thousand euros? How much?

Not so much For some take-away happiness,

but it's far too much for a con.

You want to be happy?

Get up and leave.

Maybe out there,
you'll actually find happiness.

Leave!

You can't keep believing him.
He jumped off a fucking bridge!

Was that part of the show?

No.

- It must have been staged.
- No, it's not staged.

- How do you know?
- She's my wife.

One, two, three,

Four, start again.

One, two, three, four,
five, six, seven, eight,

- nine, ten...
- what are you doing?

- Jumping.
- I want to lose weight.

- But it's so hard.
- It takes time.

You can't expect to get thin in an hour.

I used to spend entire days in the gym.

Enough.

Sorry, can you not hear that noise?

It's true, you know?

She used to train For 12 hours a day even.

Look how good she was here.

- Is that you?
- Yes. I was 18.

The finals in Stuttgart.

Where did you get this video?

The beam!

I'm strongest on the beam.

- Where were you here?
- World Championship, Rotterdam 2010.

The European Championship!

Damn, look at those buns of steel!

Did you win?

Came in second.

Another medal!

London. Second again.

I was six here.

Such a pain in the neck.
I couldn't keep still.

How did you get these videos?

No. That's not me.

Not me either.

It's funny.

So?

What were you trying to prove?

We all fall? It's normal to fall?

All the others got back up on their feet.

I ended up in this fucking wheelchair.

The problem isn't your legs.

Who the fuck are you?

What do you want?

How do you know what the problem is?

Don't tell me now
that everything's in my head,

and time will heal all wounds.

That's not how it is.

Because we don't need time, got it?

Man-Who-Hasn't-Even-Got-A-Name,
we don't need time!

But we do.

Time takes away the pain...

unfortunately.

One day I'll teach you how to do it.

How long have you and Greta been married?

It hurt to see her,
if that's what you want to know.

A lot.

But it doesn't change things.

I know, it's painful
to watch life go on without us.

Not because liFe is wonderful or terrible,

but because life goes on anyway.

Often in the most surprising ways.

No surprise, in my case.

No?

That guy on stage was Zeno.

My partner.
He's always been in love with her.

He's moving to Milan. He'll ask her
to join him, and she will.

A new city will help Greta forget.

No surprises.

What if you're wrong?

Good night.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry I laughed.

No, you couldn't have known.

Anyway, falls are always funny.

Except when you're the one falling
with millions of people watching.

I was just about to win.

- What are you doing awake?
- We're watching TV.

Listen.

That YouTube thing, was it your idea?

No, Dad's.

- Have you always eaten so much?
- Yeah.

Then one day Dad said,
"Why don't we make a video?"

He filmed me while I ate
Four chickens in six minutes.

- I saw that video.
- Everyone saw it.

In a matter of seconds, there was
only a pile of bones on your plate.

It went viral immediately.

Hundreds of thousands of views.

That's how it started.

Dad chose my name.
He said it was an American thing,

so 'Johnny Big Boy' would work.

What did your friends say?

I didn't have any friends.

But that was okay.

No one noticed me in school.

I was...

invisible, like now.

But then that stupid video took
my invisibility from me,

and everyone started making fun of me.

People online even told me to kill myself.

That's why I like it here.

I feel protected.

I don't think staying here's an option.

Don't you miss your parents?

They'll be missing you, for sure.

DAY THREE

Today I won't tell you
that everything is fine,

I'll tell you it's a disaster out there!

Very funny.

You and I do almost the same job.

Yes, but you still need
to fine-tune your method.

- CofFee.
- Donuts.

- Warm croissants.
- Hamburgers, fries...

Would you be kind enough to keep driving?

- Where are we going?
- To visit someone.

- Who?
- Someone.

Shall we play a game?

'Who Am I?' We'd always play it
on trips when I was little.

Okay.

- I'll start. Male or female?
- Male.

- Is he famous?
- No.

- Over or under 50?
- Under.

- Italian or foreign?
- Italian.

- Do any of us know him?
- No.

Dead or alive?

We had to come here?

It's a bit like house hunting for us.

Excuse me, who's this?

Simone.

How can anyone refuse
an offer like mine? How?

Instead of being stuck there,
you could have been here.

He was supposed to be one of us?

How come you couldn't convince him?

It happens sometimes.

Too bad. He looks nice.

He's missed out on a lot of things.

The four of you.

He missed out on the four of you.

- Where are you off to?
- The movie theater.

You guys go in.

I'll be right back.

Where's he going?

To take a piss?

This place makes me anxious.

And the other places didn't?

Here I am.

Just made.

Here.

- It's hot.
- Smells like butter.

- Can we eat it?
- The popcorn?

- Yes.
- No.

Then why did you give it to us?

Can we watch a movie
without the smell of fresh popcorn?

Sit down.

- What are we watching?
- People.

People, what?

There are many people waiting
For you in your future.

You don't know them yet,
but they're there,

some closer in time,
some farther, but there.

Do you want to meet some of them?

Yes or no?

- Okay.
- Good.

Focus!

Easy!

- I'll take them.
- Watch, it's hot.

Can you pass me a piate?

- Thank you.
- You're welcome.

- You didn't eat them aii?
- No, none so far.

- You coming back?
- Yes!

My God...

- That's it?
- That's it.

- What does it mean?
- I don't know.

Just a few of the people
who will be part of your life, if...

Now it's Emilia's turn.

Doiiy?

Doiiy, come here.

Emilia?

Emilia?

Doiiy!

Come, come.

Good giri, come here.

Well?

Next up, Daniele.

They're all waiting for me?

Can I see it again?

Quiet! There's another one.

Let's see the last one.

Are these the people
who will make us happy?

They're the most important.

- So the ones who'll make us happy.
- The important ones are important.

They don't necessarily make us happy.

Who was that boy in the video?

I don't know.

Come on, you can answer that at least.

- I don't know. I don't make them.
- No? So who makes them?

How can the most important thing
in my future be a dog?

- There was a man too.
- Out of focus.

But he was there.

But the Oscar for Best Film
goes to Daniele.

I want to see it again.
It was too fast.

Don't complain!
I took you into the future.

Well, I liked it.

- Especially the donuts part.
- What a wonderful way to end it all.

Donuts are what I love most in the world.

Nobody realized.

All I had to do is not take any insulin.

- Was the bridge your first choice?
- It's a classic.

- I wasn't as original as you.
- It was hard to choose.

Car exhaust fumes give you
too much time to reconsider.

You can't take your life
with shopping bags.

They're too light, too flimsy.

I'd have liked the bridge as well.

But it's complicated with a wheelchair.

Lack of accessibility.

Today you're almost likable.

It won't last.

Anyway, I'd like to remind you all
that this boy,

after attempting suicide with 40 donuts,

the first thing he said
the next morning was, "I'm hungry!"

DAY FOUR

Attention, please. Train arriving.

Stand back from the yellow iine.

Attention, please. Train arriving.

Stand back from the yellow iine.

Yesterday, everything seemed so normal.

Sure, four walking dead

talking about the best way
to commit suicide?

What do you mean "unfortunately"?

You said time takes the pain away,

but why unfortunately?

Because I'm scared of the pain going away.

It kept me company for so long.

It kept me up all night.

And then...

one night I slept.

When I woke up, I thought
the pain would eventually go.

I lost my daughter.

I don't want to lose anything else of her.

- Where is he?
- What's wrong?

Where is he?

Where is he?

Here I am.

I want out, now!

We said one week.

Well, I changed my mind.

I'm sorry. You can't.

You know why I gave in to this?
You know what the trick is.

- There are no tricks!
- Oh, yes, there are!

How many people say no after seeing
you flying around like a pigeon?

How many?

Who the gives you the right to butt
into someone's life right then?

Do you know what it takes to get there?

Do you?

Yes, I do.

No...

you don't know.

Maybe some people don't want to be saved.

Perhaps someone needed to be left alone.

What the fuck's going on?

- You tried again?
- It's never happened to you?

What? You tried again?

Yes. I tried again,
but, as you can see, I'm still here.

Why? Didn't you think of us?

Us?

Us who, us what? What?

You think you're at an AA meeting?

"I'm Emilia, it's been three days
since I tried to kill myself."

I'm nothing like you.

I'm nothing like any of you, okay?

- Everyone got it?
- No!

- We're hurting Just like you.
- How do you know how I'm hurting?

How do any of you know?

I wake up in the morning
Feeling like my child died.

Like I'm stuck in a wheelchair,
or my parents don't care about me.

Every morning.

But nothing's really happened to me.

I hurt and I don't know why.

I don't know the reason.

Lucky you.

You're letting him go?

Hey, what's-your-name, answer me!

Day off today.

Napoleone!

Napoleone, stop!

Will you stop?

Who the fuck do you think you are?

You're going to make us all lose hope.

I don't care.

Your wife was right.

You're a fucking fraud!

Stop!

Stop!

Stop!

Stop!

Stop!

I'm a fraud? And you?

Are you nuts? You almost killed me.

Didn't you hear?
We can't even die when we want.

- Why?
- I've had enough.

- Enough of what?
- Everything.

Everything, what?

Fighting.

- Why?
- Because I don't know how to win.

- You were about to.
- But then I fell.

- And...?
- And that fucking wheelchair...

is the only place I feel at peace.

Doesn't look like it.

You wanted to kill yourself.

- What else was there to do?
- Keep going.

But why?

Because maybe it's worth it.

If you still need it, it's here.

Fucking life coach.

Yes.

I'm a fucking life coach.

- You can see me?
- Yes.

- You can hear me?
- Yes.

You're thinking I'm crazy?

No.

Well... maybe a little bit.

When I feel as bad as this,

there's a game I always play.

I look around, at people.

I think that in 80, 100 years tops,
they won't be here anymore.

That cop there.

Or that little boy
with the dragon-shaped balloon.

None of us will be here anymore.

Other people with the same struggles,

worries and fears
will have substituted us.

Then other people will substitute them.

So on this very bench
another distraught young woman

will be sitting with a guy bumbling crap.

That's Just how replaceable we are.

But at the same time we're also unique.

No one's life will ever be like our own.

- You're an angel!
- No.

You're an angel.

- He said "like a pigeon."
- what?

Napoleone said "flying around
like a pigeon".

So he can fly.

What? I don't understand.

Did you always understand your daughter?

Well, sometimes I did, sometimes I didn't.

Why didn't my parents notice?

They said I was happy.
How's that possible?

Well, sometimes you've got
to help parents to understand you.

I even wrote them a letter.

If they had found it,
they'd have understood.

- You think?
- Sure. Of course.

Go.

CLEARANCE SALE

So what's so special about this guy?

He puts me in a tough spot.

You've got to accept that even you
might lose someone one day.

I know. It's happened to everyone.
It'll happen to me.

- But it can't be him.
- Why not?

There's something of me in him.

There's always something of us
in them. Or we wouldn't be here.

- Here you go.
- It's for you.

Thank you.

He got me questioning things today.

Let him do it.

Let him do it.

- Can't do that.
- You could, if you wanted to.

But I don't want to.

Anyway, it's a moot point. He's left.

- He'll be back.
- I don't think so.

There are my guys.

It's their first day.

They're so fragile in the beginning.

- What are you starting with today?
- The car wash.

A classic!

Don't eat too much. It's bad for you.

I really hated what I was doing.

I'd get up freaked out about going
to the office, same time and things.

Then one morning, I came out of the subway

at my usual stop,
and on the sidewalk, by the wall,

I saw this homeless guy
working on his abs.

Working on his abs!

Why would a homeless guy
be working on his abs?

I got to the office
with that image in my head.

Almost without realizing it,

I walked into my boss's office and quit.

- Why?
- Dunno.

I don't know.

I remember all I thought was...

that I wanted a nice lunch at home.

I hadn't had lunch at home in ten years.

And then a nice nap.

My favorite word since then is relativism.

Relativism.

Sounds good. I like it.

Anyway,

- I'm Tommaso.
- Emilia.

This Thursday's my birthday.

- Happy birthday.
- Thank you.

I've invited friends for drinks
at La Piccola Vineria.

If you'd like to come, feel free.

I get it. You'll think about it.

Yes.

- Bye.
- Bye.

Daniele?

Daniele?

Where's Olivia's dad?

He left when she was two.

You know who that man was in your video?

He wasn't a man, he was young.

Either way, he's me.

Understand?
The guy in your video is me.

How do you know?

We were in the garden of my house.

What kind of music did your daughter like?

Will you stop touching everything?
You'll break it. Leave it.

Get out of this room. Go!

I didn't bring you here
so you could do as you like.

Didn't your parents teach you
any manners either?

I owe Napoleone my life.

And so do hundreds of other people.

You helped us make sense of things.

Even if this doesn't make
any sense at all.

Feels like we're getting married again.

Same place,

same guests, only a little older...

And I'm dead.

Three.

Excellent opening.

That's how many times
Napoleone asked me out

before I accepted.

- That's true.
- What took me so long?

Because from the moment I met him,

I felt there was
something incomprehensible in him.

Something beautiful...

mixed up with something dark.

Napoleone knew how to save people.

He doled out energy

while he skillfully hid
the pain in his life.

The more he saved others,
the more he died inside,

consumed by the demons
that he was so good at fighting

but only for others.

I'm sorry I didn't realize
you were slipping away from my liFe.

I keep asking myself if
there is something I could have done.

- No.
- Yes.

There was something,

but now it's too late.

Let's stand up and pray together.

Who are you?

Now you're free to do whatever you want.

You said no one could see us.

I made an exception.

Why?

Free will.

We have it as well.

Maybe I didn't want to be seen.

Of course you wanted to be seen.

- The others?
- They're back.

Everyone?

Almost.

I'm tired, Ma.

Get under the blankets. It's cold.

I'm sorry...

about before.

It doesn't matter.

I was angry with myself, not with you.

Hip hop.

My daughter's favorite music was hip hop.

Thank you.

Go to sleep.

You were going to teach me.

It's easy.

You take a deep breath...

but don't inhale all the smoke.
Keep it in your throat.

Then, shape your lips
like you were pronouncing an "U".

And let the smoke out with little coughs.

Like this.

I didn't expect you back.

What am I going to do out there?

I can't drink, I can't eat,
I can't even kill myself.

Now you can.

Why did you change your mind?

Because you need me.

- I need you?
- Yes.

Otherwise you'll lose them all.

You're presumptuous.

So are you.

- The others come back?
- Are you worried about them?

No, just curious.

Curious, or do you want
to start saving people again?

- What will you have them do tomorrow?
- What would you have them do?

An ordinary day.

Just a normal day.

DAY FIVE

Thanks.

Thank you.

Can we?

You can.

No tricks?

No, no tricks.

Yummy!

I apologize for yesterday.

You abandoned us.
Apology not accepted.

- I'll wash the dishes.
- Not enough.

Then you can ask me For whatever you want.

- What do you mean?
- Exactly what I said.

Tell me your wish, and I'll grant it.

Any wish?

- No bizarre wishes.
- Is asking to fly bizarre?

Very bizarre.

- How about seeing my parents?
- That's fine.

- I'd like them to find my letter.
- Alright.

- It's in the right-hand pocket.
- I know.

Emilia?

A new dress.

Red.

You'll find it in your room this evening.

Arianna?

You know what I want.

But you have to ask me.

- When it's just the two of us.
- Okay.

- I don't want anything.
- You don't have a wish?

No.

You sure?

Sure.

Apart from Jumping in front of a train?

How did you find out Emilia could walk?

Her shadow.

In the dog video.
It was of someone standing.

I wonder if she noticed.

Don't tell her.

She needs to get there on her own.

Why do you want a red dress?

The last time you had an affair?

That's not on the agenda anymore.

You look like it wasn't even
before you ended up in a wheelchair.

Yeah.

I always ended up with the wrong guy.

Married men, guys with girlfriends.

My destiny's to come in second,
in everything.

I never won a gold medal.

Always silver, silver, silver.

Second place was a nightmare for me.
I even went to a psychologist.

It's actually a syndrome.
The eternal runner-up.

She said it was
because I was scared of winning.

Bullshit.

For me it was
because I wasn't good enough.

But in the end, being second isn't so bad.

Take me, for example. I was married.

My husband had another woman
and I didn't know.

In the end, after Olivia was born,

he left me for his mistress.

In the long run, the second won.

Daniele!

Daniele!

Are you getting undressed?

Look at him!

You can't go for a swim.

The water's cold.
You just ate. It's dangerous.

I'm already dead!

It's warm!

I mean...

really warm, like bathtub-water warm.

You come as well!

This is so cool!

Where's our house?

Your house, I mean.

That way, more or less.

Have any of you decided yet?

I felt good today.

Like, half-happy.

I even had fun a bit.

How many people
do you think are happy right now?

In this very moment,
out of all those people in this city,

how many people
do you think are actually happy?

Watch.

Now, we'll turn on one light
at a time for each happy person.

One, two, three, four, five...

Five seconds have gone by,
and the number has already changed.

I can't guarantee you'll be happy.

One day you'll be lit, one day you won't.

What matters is that you miss
that feeling of happiness.

Maybe by missing it,
you'll keep wanting to find it.

DAY SIX

Hello, Arianna.

Where's my daughter?

She's dead, Arianna.

So?

Where is she?

The reason I chose to stay is for her.

At least tell me if she's somewhere.

If she still exists,

in some shape or form?

Yes.

She still exists.

Where?

Please.

This is my place.

That's where Mattia Carboni lived.

They went to school together.
Olivia was crazy about him.

Why that look?

Didn't you know?

And that streetlight,

right in front of your bedroom window.

It always kept you company
as you waited for her to come home.

There's the swing she jumped from
and got 12 stitches on her chin.

There, see?

You smiled.

You didn't realize it, but you smiled.

Olivia's there.

Right there.

You might not notice,
but you will smile again.

And it's thanks to her.

There, see? You did it again.

Keep her with you, Arianna.

Don't worry.

You won't lose the pain.
You'll Just make sense of it.

It's not enough.

I'm sorry. It's not enough.

Hi, Mom. Hi, Dad.

Giusy used to be my oniy friend,
but she was laughing as well.

She said I'd doubled in size.

"Doubied" was being nice about it.

The other kids who weren't nice,
were all caiiing me "the fat shit".

Marco Moraie started, then everyone eise.

They'd kick me in the butt,
they stole things from me,

they even peed on my snack.

They said I was a pig
and so I'd eat it anyway.

I never wanted to make that video.

I didn't want to become Johnny Big Boy,

but you told me it was good
and we needed the money.

It was a good opportunity.
So, I said okay.

I didn't say yes, I said okay.

If it was okay with you,
it was okay with me.

It ended up being not okay with me.
They all insulted me.

"One time Colucci told me
he felt sorry for me."

I feel sorry For myself a little as well.

No, actually, lots.

So, Mom, I've made up my mind.
Don't wake me up.

"Just let me sleep."

It's not our fault.

Understand? We couldn't have known.

Did you hear me?

Don't talk to her like that.

As soon as he wakes up,
we need to talk to him.

Understand, sweetheart?
We need to talk.

We could send him to a psychologist.

Loads of famous kids go.
There's nothing to be ashamed of.

I don't want to be famous anymore!

You read it. He doesn't want
to do the videos.

We won't make him do them anymore.

You hear that?

- You don't have to do them anymore.
- YouTube was just the beginning.

- We could try the movies.
- You haven't understood anything!

We could change his school
to get away from the bullies.

There would only be other bullies
and then others.

Again with this school?

That's enough.

- He hates it.
- That's not true!

- He has to study.
- Alright, he can home-school.

We'll get him a teacher who'll come
and do lessons at home.

I'm hungry.
Let's go to the snack bar.

Anyway, I'll be his manager from now on.

Enough of those swindlers
who do nothing but steal from him.

You hear that?

Dad will deal with everything.

You concentrate on waking up.

And quickly!
We're losing a lot of followers!

Come on, Johnny Big Boy.

It's over.

Now you can sleep.

PEDIATRIC INTENSIVE CARE UNIT

EMERGENCY ROOM

Hello, Arianna.

Hello, Mom.

Hi, Olivia.

I'm sorry.

Why the hell did you let me go?

- Now you can defend yourself.
- Defend myself?

From my parents?

When we're little, we grow up
thinking our parents' love is good.

It's good. Period.

That's not always the case.

Sometimes, For lots
of different reasons...

even our parents can harm us.

Even if they are the most important
people in our lives?

Even if they're the most important
people in our lives.

- Can I keep on being invisible?
- No, that's not possible.

Can I stay with you?

No, you can't stay with me,

but there will be many other people
who'll take my place.

- Those you showed me in the video?
- And more people still.

Will they love me?

Some of them will.

Next stop, Termini.

Stop!

Give me your hand.

I knew you could fly.

Yes, but don't tell anyone.

What is it?

He has a girlfriend.

- No, he doesn't.
- Look, her.

Just a friend.

- Who wants to be a girlfriend.
- But she's not.

She will be.

- You try and get him.
- He'll get together with her.

- Not if you get out.
- No!

Let's go.

- Emilia...
- Please.

Let's go.

Sorry.

Sorry I'm late.

Greta doesn't deserve this.

She couldn't do anything for me.
She has to know.

So you do have a wish.

- I have to speak to her.
- Not possible.

- There must be a way to communicate.
- No, unfortunately.

- Then I'm going.
- Wait.

You choose something?

I'm not hungry, thanks.

You have to eat something.

I want more wine.

Greta, I don't want to rush you,
but have you thought about it?

A radical change is what you need.

Come with me to Milan.

Say no.

- I can't see myself in Milan.
- Good girl.

It's beautiful now.

- So you go to Milan.
- Why not?

Napoleone loved this city.

Yes.

I love this city.

Another reason you should leave,
at least for a bit.

I can't.

Why can't you?

Don't push her.

Greta...

I'm pregnant.

You're pregnant?

Yes.

- Tell me it isn't true.
- Yes.

- Why didn't you tell me?
- Why didn't you tell him?

I was scared he wouldn't want it.

Because we're old and...

I don't know. I was waiting
For the right moment.

I was confused.

I don't know. I don't know.

- Maybe if I'd told him...
- You can't know that.

Don't even think it.

The boy in the video's my son?

Greta...

everything's okay.

No, everything is not okay.

DAY SEVEN

DANIELE WAS HERE

Come on. Let's go.

Can I ask one last question?

Afterwards...

will we remember us?

Why do you insist
on only doing the night shift?

- I just want to understand why.
- We'll talk about it tomorrow.

Let me get you a coffee,
and make tomorrow into today.

Okay?

Hi, sweetheart. I'm running iate.

Take the eggplant bake out
of the freezer, please.

See you later. Bye.

Thiniy slice an onion, then...

Dad's champ! Going
to make a new video?

- Yes.
- Go, Big Boy!

We want a million
and a half followers! Go!

Add thyme and basil...

What did you do?

- What's wrong with you?
- Nothing.

It went off.

- You shattered the window.
- Max, let's go.

- Where?
- Just go.

While you sauté the onion
in extra-virgin olive oii...

cut the zucchini into cubes.

Chop an eggplant and siice two peppers.

Oh, my God, Daniele! Oh, God!

How many did you eat?
Daniele, answer me!

How many donuts did you eat?

Oh, God! Where's your insulin?
Where is it?

- Where the fuck's the insulin?
- It's here.

- Come on!
- But I don't need it.

- How many donuts did you eat?
- I threw them away.

- Where?
- Out the window, into the garden.

- You stayed.
- Come on, grab your stuff.

- Your Jacket. Let's go.
- Where?

Quiet!

What do I have to do?

My words didn't work,
let's try yours. Tell me what to do.

First of all, call me by name.

Okay. Napoleone.

Now you should come closer,
look me in the eyes,

and try to understand why I'm doing it.

I know why you're doing it.

Because everything
in life is pushing us to end it.

The world is a grueling place.
Just being alive wears you out.

This should really be
the natural way to die.

The letter should be written
by those who stay,

not by those who end it.

They owe us an explanation.

- Doesn't a baby change anything?
- You almost made me doubt.

If I saw him being born,
I wouldn't have the guts to do it.

I told you.

You should leave people like me alone.

It's people like you
that I can't leave alone.

I used to wake up like the most
terrible things had happened to me,

but nothing had happened.

And I didn't listen either to a man
who did everything to save me.

And now I miss
that bit of life I didn't live.

And I'd do anything
to have those seven days back...

and be able to choose again.

I chose a bridge as well.

It's a classic.

I told you, you and I are alike.

Not alike. The same.

Let's go. He didn't come.

He'll be at home.

Come on, get in.

High up, huh?

Who are you?

THE FIRST DAY OF MY LIFE