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1
00:00:01,668 --> 00:00:03,587
Asta: Previously on
resident alien...
2
00:00:03,670 --> 00:00:05,523
David: I think this alien
is here to kill everybody.
3
00:00:05,547 --> 00:00:08,634
Alien Harry: You will
help me find my device.
4
00:00:08,717 --> 00:00:11,053
That's on the glacier.
You can't go there.
5
00:00:11,136 --> 00:00:13,305
Harry, don't go!
It's too dangerous.
6
00:00:13,388 --> 00:00:15,224
Not for me. Max: Harry!
7
00:00:15,766 --> 00:00:17,785
Lisa: You have kids? We
have a little boy named Max.
8
00:00:17,809 --> 00:00:18,977
Max.
9
00:00:19,061 --> 00:00:20,687
You should take my number.
Call anytime.
10
00:00:20,771 --> 00:00:23,899
Alien Harry: When I find my
device, I can finally kill them all.
11
00:00:23,982 --> 00:00:25,192
Asta: Harry.
12
00:00:25,275 --> 00:00:26,485
Don't move.
13
00:00:29,738 --> 00:00:32,741
I am what your people
call an extraterrestrial.
14
00:00:32,824 --> 00:00:34,493
An alien. Oh...
15
00:00:34,576 --> 00:00:35,994
Oh, I feel nauseous.
16
00:00:36,078 --> 00:00:38,080
You earn respect
through your actions, deputy.
17
00:00:38,163 --> 00:00:39,623
Did you make
your own murder board?
18
00:00:39,706 --> 00:00:41,667
Toxicology results.
Sam was poisoned.
19
00:00:41,750 --> 00:00:43,752
You don't respect me,
and you never have.
20
00:00:43,835 --> 00:00:44,962
I quit.
21
00:00:45,128 --> 00:00:47,798
D'arcy: I'm not quitting.
I'm gonna get us out of here.
22
00:00:49,550 --> 00:00:51,510
Asta: Tell me how
to help you. My leg.
23
00:00:51,593 --> 00:00:54,304
I will die
if you don't chop it off.
24
00:00:54,388 --> 00:00:56,890
Okay, look at me.
I won't let you die.
25
00:01:01,812 --> 00:01:03,689
Do my feet look
like watermelons?
26
00:01:03,772 --> 00:01:05,023
'Cause they feel like it.
27
00:01:05,107 --> 00:01:07,442
Sexiest watermelons
I've ever seen.
28
00:01:08,360 --> 00:01:11,780
Still so much to do before
Jack or joanie comes.
29
00:01:11,863 --> 00:01:14,741
We need crib sheets
and burp cloths.
30
00:01:14,866 --> 00:01:16,785
Couples massage.
31
00:01:16,868 --> 00:01:21,206
So where do we stand
on baby food?
32
00:01:21,790 --> 00:01:23,375
Jarred or homemade?
33
00:01:25,043 --> 00:01:26,712
I don't know.
I read somewhere homemade
34
00:01:26,795 --> 00:01:29,047
doesn't keep as well.
A little too lumpy.
35
00:01:29,131 --> 00:01:31,174
Plus, I've tried
baby applesauce,
36
00:01:31,258 --> 00:01:33,135
and it's freakin' delicious.
37
00:01:37,014 --> 00:01:38,056
What's happening?
38
00:01:44,354 --> 00:01:45,397
I don't know.
39
00:01:52,154 --> 00:01:54,323
Oh, my god.
40
00:01:59,995 --> 00:02:01,079
Honey!
41
00:02:08,503 --> 00:02:10,922
Honey, the baby.
42
00:02:14,217 --> 00:02:15,969
Uh... oh.
43
00:02:34,321 --> 00:02:35,697
You saw that, right?
44
00:02:59,054 --> 00:03:00,430
Alien Harry: I'm dead.
45
00:03:00,514 --> 00:03:03,600
But if I'm dead, why do I
feel so warm and squishy
46
00:03:03,684 --> 00:03:05,894
like I'm being hugged
by a cloud?
47
00:03:06,395 --> 00:03:07,479
Oh, no.
48
00:03:07,562 --> 00:03:09,523
This must be the afterlife.
49
00:03:09,606 --> 00:03:11,191
I'm in human heaven.
50
00:03:11,983 --> 00:03:13,735
It makes me want to kill myself.
51
00:03:13,819 --> 00:03:16,655
I see the morphine
is still working.
52
00:03:17,239 --> 00:03:18,865
Alien Harry:
What are you doing here?
53
00:03:19,533 --> 00:03:23,662
Why does the afterlife
look like a crappy cabin?
54
00:03:24,496 --> 00:03:25,956
Are you dead too?
55
00:03:26,623 --> 00:03:27,725
I didn't want to leave you alone
56
00:03:27,749 --> 00:03:28,959
after what you'd been through.
57
00:03:30,293 --> 00:03:32,963
Come on. You need to eat just
so you can get your strength back.
58
00:03:35,006 --> 00:03:36,049
Mmm.
59
00:03:40,929 --> 00:03:43,974
Now I know why you have
17 gallons of milk in your fridge.
60
00:03:46,518 --> 00:03:48,478
Okay, I need to change
your dressing.
61
00:03:51,898 --> 00:03:53,400
I think we should, you know,
62
00:03:53,483 --> 00:03:54,860
try to avoid suspicion.
63
00:03:54,943 --> 00:03:57,696
So I started looking into
getting you a prosthetic. I know...
64
00:03:57,779 --> 00:04:00,574
What the freakin' hell is that?
65
00:04:00,907 --> 00:04:02,284
That is my leg.
66
00:04:03,285 --> 00:04:04,870
It's regenerating.
67
00:04:06,163 --> 00:04:07,205
How is that even possible?
68
00:04:07,289 --> 00:04:11,293
My people are descendants
of octopuses.
69
00:04:11,585 --> 00:04:13,295
Soon it will grow longer,
70
00:04:13,378 --> 00:04:17,048
and then I will transform the
molecules into human shape.
71
00:04:17,132 --> 00:04:20,260
So you're telling me
eventually that thing
72
00:04:20,343 --> 00:04:21,595
will look like that one?
73
00:04:22,304 --> 00:04:26,558
Yes. Except for the mole
and the hangnail.
74
00:04:26,641 --> 00:04:28,852
I chewed my toenail
down too low.
75
00:04:31,980 --> 00:04:33,648
You can go now.
76
00:04:35,066 --> 00:04:36,109
Excuse me?
77
00:04:38,695 --> 00:04:40,405
I stayed up all night.
78
00:04:40,489 --> 00:04:42,407
I got supplies.
I dressed your wounds.
79
00:04:42,491 --> 00:04:44,409
I cleaned you up,
and this is how you thank me?
80
00:04:44,493 --> 00:04:45,994
I didn't ask you to stay.
81
00:04:46,077 --> 00:04:47,287
Well, I did.
82
00:04:47,996 --> 00:04:49,831
'Cause that's what humans do.
83
00:04:49,915 --> 00:04:51,625
They take care of one another.
84
00:04:52,459 --> 00:04:53,752
You know, when some...
85
00:04:54,461 --> 00:04:56,314
I'm sorry, I can't take you
seriously with that thing.
86
00:04:56,338 --> 00:04:58,381
What is wrong with it?
It's perfectly normal.
87
00:04:59,049 --> 00:05:01,760
Jesus, can you just
put a sock on it?
88
00:05:02,844 --> 00:05:04,513
It likes the fresh air.
89
00:05:04,596 --> 00:05:07,265
Also, it's not a thing.
It is a leg.
90
00:05:07,349 --> 00:05:09,017
You are leg-shaming me.
91
00:05:12,813 --> 00:05:13,939
Be careful with that.
92
00:05:15,232 --> 00:05:17,067
No. Please be careful.
93
00:05:18,235 --> 00:05:19,945
Do not press the black button.
94
00:05:20,028 --> 00:05:23,532
I'm not ready to radio
my people yet.
95
00:05:23,657 --> 00:05:25,325
This black button?
96
00:05:26,034 --> 00:05:27,077
Asta.
97
00:05:29,704 --> 00:05:31,331
Saythankyou. Thank you.
98
00:05:34,501 --> 00:05:35,544
Oh!
99
00:05:36,378 --> 00:05:37,420
Thank you.
100
00:05:45,095 --> 00:05:46,137
You're welcome.
101
00:05:48,682 --> 00:05:51,017
Please do not move.
102
00:05:51,101 --> 00:05:53,186
I'm going to work,
and I'll be back later.
103
00:05:53,270 --> 00:05:54,896
Alien Harry:
If all goes as planned,
104
00:05:54,980 --> 00:05:57,274
there won't be a "later."
105
00:05:57,941 --> 00:05:58,984
Yes.
106
00:06:00,360 --> 00:06:01,403
Later.
107
00:06:16,543 --> 00:06:17,586
Shit!
108
00:06:26,636 --> 00:06:27,846
I knew it.
109
00:06:28,763 --> 00:06:30,015
Why are you ignoring my calls?
110
00:06:31,933 --> 00:06:35,228
Um, I'm sorry.
I've just been so busy.
111
00:06:35,770 --> 00:06:37,147
Ooh.
112
00:06:37,230 --> 00:06:39,983
'Cause last night, you
sent me inside to get help,
113
00:06:40,066 --> 00:06:42,211
and when I came back out,
you and Harry were gone, so...
114
00:06:42,235 --> 00:06:44,195
Yeah, uh, sorry.
Harry was in bad shape.
115
00:06:44,279 --> 00:06:46,072
And I realized
we didn't have an mri machine.
116
00:06:46,156 --> 00:06:47,866
So I took him to the hospital
in braddock.
117
00:06:50,076 --> 00:06:51,119
What?
118
00:06:52,746 --> 00:06:55,874
I know you too well.
You're lying.
119
00:06:55,957 --> 00:06:57,459
I am not.
120
00:06:58,752 --> 00:07:00,962
Yeah, you are. You have a tell.
121
00:07:01,046 --> 00:07:02,464
Oh, really? What's my tell?
122
00:07:02,547 --> 00:07:04,799
Well, I can't tell you
because then you'd know
123
00:07:04,883 --> 00:07:06,402
what the tell is and you'd
hide the tell from me,
124
00:07:06,426 --> 00:07:07,820
and I wouldn't be
able to tell. It's like...
125
00:07:07,844 --> 00:07:09,971
Wow, you ever thought
about working for the CIA?
126
00:07:10,055 --> 00:07:12,015
Yeah, actually,
I'm waiting to hear back.
127
00:07:12,098 --> 00:07:13,266
Hey, asta.
128
00:07:13,350 --> 00:07:16,227
The doctor had me call braddock
to follow up on Harry's mri.
129
00:07:17,312 --> 00:07:19,064
But they have no record of it.
130
00:07:20,774 --> 00:07:23,443
That's a mistake. So I'll
take care of it. Thank you.
131
00:07:26,321 --> 00:07:28,031
Why is she staring
at you like that?
132
00:07:29,699 --> 00:07:30,992
What did you do?
133
00:07:31,076 --> 00:07:32,470
Don't you have better things
to do, Ellen?
134
00:07:32,494 --> 00:07:34,120
Maybe unpack the shipment
of catheters
135
00:07:34,204 --> 00:07:35,413
that came in this morning?
136
00:07:35,497 --> 00:07:37,165
Oh, right. The fun stuff.
137
00:07:42,087 --> 00:07:43,463
Got my eye on you, twelvetrees.
138
00:07:55,517 --> 00:07:57,268
Alien Harry:
The power source is damaged.
139
00:07:57,352 --> 00:07:59,896
Built to provide energy
for 5, 000 years
140
00:07:59,980 --> 00:08:01,815
but apparently
not built to withstand
141
00:08:01,898 --> 00:08:03,775
an unprotected fall
into a crevasse.
142
00:08:04,567 --> 00:08:07,112
Certain alien races implant
tiny transmitters
143
00:08:07,195 --> 00:08:09,656
into human beings
to monitor their activity.
144
00:08:09,739 --> 00:08:11,324
[H can find one of those,
145
00:08:11,408 --> 00:08:14,119
I can reverse engineer it
to reboot my device.
146
00:08:24,629 --> 00:08:26,214
Aah!
147
00:08:26,297 --> 00:08:27,340
Yeah.
148
00:08:29,092 --> 00:08:30,885
I heard you fell down
a crevasse.
149
00:08:31,261 --> 00:08:32,762
Did you find your radio?
150
00:08:33,304 --> 00:08:37,475
My radio is broken.
I'm trying to fix it.
151
00:08:37,559 --> 00:08:39,519
Well, maybe I can help.
152
00:08:39,602 --> 00:08:41,980
Is this it?
153
00:08:42,063 --> 00:08:43,189
Don't touch that.
154
00:08:44,941 --> 00:08:47,235
You need...
155
00:08:47,318 --> 00:08:48,445
_toleave.
156
00:08:49,154 --> 00:08:50,780
At least you're okay.
157
00:08:52,866 --> 00:08:54,451
If asta wasn't there,
158
00:08:54,993 --> 00:08:56,161
I would be dead.
159
00:08:56,703 --> 00:08:59,456
Except now she knows
the truth about me.
160
00:08:59,539 --> 00:09:00,665
You told her?
161
00:09:00,749 --> 00:09:03,710
I thought this whole alien
thing was just our secret.
162
00:09:03,793 --> 00:09:06,004
It stopped being a secret
163
00:09:06,087 --> 00:09:09,132
when you told your
little friend over there
164
00:09:09,215 --> 00:09:10,592
in the head covering.
165
00:09:10,675 --> 00:09:12,510
She must have followed me.
166
00:09:12,594 --> 00:09:14,554
Don't worry.
She's not gonna tell anyone.
167
00:09:15,138 --> 00:09:16,848
She swore to Allah.
168
00:09:17,432 --> 00:09:18,767
Allah knows?
169
00:09:19,267 --> 00:09:20,977
How many people have you told?
170
00:09:25,315 --> 00:09:27,067
Are you trying to cut me out?
171
00:09:27,150 --> 00:09:29,444
'Cause if it wasn't for me,
you'd be in Georgia by now.
172
00:09:29,527 --> 00:09:32,280
I made this truce happen.
I want in.
173
00:09:32,363 --> 00:09:33,782
You are so pushy.
174
00:09:35,450 --> 00:09:38,661
Looks like aliens are also
put off by strong women.
175
00:09:39,746 --> 00:09:42,123
Get used to it.
We're not going anywhere.
176
00:09:44,459 --> 00:09:45,739
What are you hiding under there?
177
00:09:45,919 --> 00:09:48,213
I covered it for a reason.
178
00:09:48,296 --> 00:09:50,507
It's his radio
so he can contact his people.
179
00:09:50,590 --> 00:09:52,634
But it's broken.
So he's trying to fix it.
180
00:09:52,717 --> 00:09:55,512
Why can't you just
go home on your spaceship?
181
00:09:59,474 --> 00:10:01,434
They took it, didn't they?
182
00:10:01,518 --> 00:10:03,311
How did you know that?
183
00:10:03,394 --> 00:10:06,189
Must be the government.
That means they're after you.
184
00:10:06,272 --> 00:10:08,149
It could be any of the agencies.
185
00:10:08,233 --> 00:10:10,777
But it's probably men in black.
186
00:10:10,860 --> 00:10:12,654
It's a top-secret agency
187
00:10:12,737 --> 00:10:15,532
that monitors
alien activity on earth.
188
00:10:15,615 --> 00:10:17,534
But they don't always
wear black,
189
00:10:17,617 --> 00:10:19,119
and they're not only men.
190
00:10:20,370 --> 00:10:23,498
Then why do they call them
"men in black"?
191
00:10:24,124 --> 00:10:27,418
'Cause it's cooler than calling
them "people in clothes."
192
00:10:27,919 --> 00:10:29,963
It's pretty obvious.
193
00:10:30,046 --> 00:10:31,506
I'm not worried.
194
00:10:32,215 --> 00:10:36,094
Once I fix my radio,
195
00:10:37,303 --> 00:10:38,847
they won't be a problem.
196
00:10:38,930 --> 00:10:40,014
I'm just missing a part.
197
00:10:40,098 --> 00:10:41,408
Have you tried
the hardware store?
198
00:10:41,432 --> 00:10:42,892
They have everything.
199
00:10:42,976 --> 00:10:45,436
My dad even bought
a pair of pajamas there.
200
00:10:46,521 --> 00:10:49,566
Unless you know someone
who has been in contact
201
00:10:49,649 --> 00:10:50,984
with other aliens, then I'm...
202
00:10:51,067 --> 00:10:52,485
What is the expression?
203
00:10:53,945 --> 00:10:56,614
"Shit out of luck."
204
00:10:57,157 --> 00:10:59,576
If you don't stop using that
kind of language around us,
205
00:10:59,659 --> 00:11:01,595
we're gonna have to wash
your mouth out with soap.
206
00:11:01,619 --> 00:11:02,912
Go ahead. I like soap.
207
00:11:02,996 --> 00:11:04,622
I eat it all the time.
208
00:11:04,914 --> 00:11:07,292
Shit, ass, piss, dink.
209
00:11:07,375 --> 00:11:09,419
Where is the soap?
I'm so hungry.
210
00:11:11,838 --> 00:11:15,133
Wait, I know where you can go
to find alien stuff.
211
00:11:27,187 --> 00:11:28,646
Hey. Where are you going?
212
00:11:28,730 --> 00:11:33,067
I need to go pick up
a missing piece for my radio.
213
00:11:33,818 --> 00:11:36,029
No. You are not
driving with one leg.
214
00:11:37,447 --> 00:11:38,489
Whoa!
215
00:11:39,949 --> 00:11:41,117
Your leg grew back.
216
00:11:41,201 --> 00:11:43,286
Just like I said itwould.
217
00:11:44,829 --> 00:11:46,748
Now I have got to go.
218
00:11:48,708 --> 00:11:51,544
Okay. Even as a pretend
doctor, you have to know
219
00:11:51,628 --> 00:11:53,397
that the medication
still stays in your system.
220
00:11:53,421 --> 00:11:56,132
I just took more. I'll be fine.
221
00:12:01,012 --> 00:12:02,805
Which one is my truck?
222
00:12:03,890 --> 00:12:04,933
Okay.
223
00:12:05,016 --> 00:12:06,684
Give me these.
224
00:12:06,976 --> 00:12:08,228
I will drive you.
225
00:12:09,479 --> 00:12:10,855
Where are we going?
226
00:12:12,065 --> 00:12:14,108
Wow. We're really gonna do this.
227
00:12:19,197 --> 00:12:20,740
Are they supposed to be me?
228
00:12:22,325 --> 00:12:24,452
My people are not a costume.
229
00:12:26,120 --> 00:12:27,497
Welcome to my life.
230
00:12:31,584 --> 00:12:33,711
Oh, this is gonna be fun.
231
00:12:42,929 --> 00:12:45,890
Kind of cool that I'm here
with an actual alien.
232
00:12:46,432 --> 00:12:47,725
I feel special.
233
00:12:47,809 --> 00:12:50,311
You're not special.
You're common.
234
00:12:50,937 --> 00:12:52,188
That's oddly less offensive now
235
00:12:52,272 --> 00:12:53,731
that I know you're
from outer space.
236
00:12:56,109 --> 00:12:57,652
Here you go. Thank you.
237
00:12:58,569 --> 00:13:02,198
Okay. So what now?
238
00:13:06,411 --> 00:13:08,746
Man: Our ancestors had teachers.
239
00:13:08,830 --> 00:13:12,709
The engineering knowledge came
from the extraterrestrials.
240
00:13:12,792 --> 00:13:14,627
Finally, a little credit.
241
00:13:14,711 --> 00:13:16,754
I like this
high-haired gentleman.
242
00:13:17,630 --> 00:13:19,382
He's told us not to blow it
243
00:13:19,465 --> 00:13:22,260
'cause he knows
it's all worthwhile
244
00:13:22,343 --> 00:13:25,221
he told me,
"let the children lose it..."
245
00:13:25,305 --> 00:13:26,931
The moon landing was a sham.
246
00:13:27,015 --> 00:13:29,892
It was all filmed
on a sound stage by kubrick.
247
00:13:29,976 --> 00:13:32,562
The astronauts did land
on the moon.
248
00:13:32,645 --> 00:13:33,855
Good.
249
00:13:33,938 --> 00:13:36,858
And their bodies were taken
over before they returned.
250
00:13:36,941 --> 00:13:37,984
What?
251
00:13:38,192 --> 00:13:41,070
Man 2: And we find evidence
of this all around the world.
252
00:13:41,154 --> 00:13:44,157
Mayans, everyone talks
about their calendar,
253
00:13:44,240 --> 00:13:46,993
but they never gave credit
for their day planner.
254
00:13:47,076 --> 00:13:49,954
We have the grays.
Insidious assholes.
255
00:13:50,038 --> 00:13:53,124
The arcturians. Jerks, so cheap.
256
00:13:53,207 --> 00:13:54,250
Little green men.
257
00:13:54,334 --> 00:13:57,837
They are cute,
but they so know it.
258
00:13:57,920 --> 00:14:00,089
The mantis.
One of them owes me money.
259
00:14:00,173 --> 00:14:02,925
And the blue avians.
260
00:14:04,761 --> 00:14:06,095
They're actually very nice.
261
00:14:18,066 --> 00:14:19,734
Well, don't you two look cozy?
262
00:14:20,777 --> 00:14:22,987
Hello, sheriff.
263
00:14:23,780 --> 00:14:25,782
Do you have anything
you want to say to me?
264
00:14:27,450 --> 00:14:28,659
Well, I don't know.
265
00:14:29,035 --> 00:14:30,715
Do you have anything
you want to say to me?
266
00:14:32,080 --> 00:14:33,664
In that case, yes.
267
00:14:34,999 --> 00:14:36,042
Have a good day.
268
00:14:36,834 --> 00:14:38,669
Goodbye, Lewis.
I'll see you on Thursday.
269
00:14:43,299 --> 00:14:44,342
Thursday.
270
00:14:45,259 --> 00:14:46,344
What's Thursday?
271
00:14:46,928 --> 00:14:48,262
We're having lunch.
272
00:14:48,721 --> 00:14:50,515
She's sitting here
probably trash-talking me,
273
00:14:50,598 --> 00:14:53,226
and you buying her lunch?
I see how it is.
274
00:14:54,060 --> 00:14:55,269
She didn't say anything.
275
00:14:55,770 --> 00:14:59,190
In fact, she mostly listened.
You could use that.
276
00:15:00,650 --> 00:15:01,859
What is that supposed to mean?
277
00:15:01,943 --> 00:15:05,113
Your relationship with Liv
reminds me of me and your mom
278
00:15:05,196 --> 00:15:06,614
before she up and left me.
279
00:15:07,448 --> 00:15:08,783
You mean when she died?
280
00:15:08,866 --> 00:15:10,159
I'll never forgive her for that.
281
00:15:10,618 --> 00:15:13,371
Your mother was sharp.
She always challenged me.
282
00:15:13,996 --> 00:15:15,373
When I messed up,
283
00:15:15,456 --> 00:15:16,999
she wouldn't let me off the hook
284
00:15:17,083 --> 00:15:19,085
until I took steps to fix it.
285
00:15:20,336 --> 00:15:21,963
You mightwant to think
about that one.
286
00:15:23,673 --> 00:15:25,383
Order me a burger.
Be right back.
287
00:15:26,008 --> 00:15:28,594
Hey, hey, hey. Dad, dad.
288
00:15:28,678 --> 00:15:31,222
Hey, hey!
It's okay to ask for help.
289
00:15:31,931 --> 00:15:33,099
Look who's talking.
290
00:15:43,526 --> 00:15:46,404
If you think
what you got is enough
291
00:15:46,487 --> 00:15:48,656
then god gonna call your bluff
292
00:15:48,739 --> 00:15:51,284
you got a long road ahead
293
00:15:52,618 --> 00:15:54,245
longer than you think
294
00:15:54,328 --> 00:15:56,706
a long road ahead
295
00:16:06,716 --> 00:16:08,676
Liv: Sam's toxicology
results are in.
296
00:16:08,759 --> 00:16:11,596
Botulinum toxin a
levels are through the roof
297
00:16:11,679 --> 00:16:12,847
Sam was poisoned.
298
00:16:13,931 --> 00:16:16,767
Maybe with Insulin
as the method of delivery,
299
00:16:17,477 --> 00:16:20,271
all he or she would need to do
is inject the toxin
300
00:16:20,354 --> 00:16:23,024
into a single Insulin vial
301
00:16:23,107 --> 00:16:25,568
and wait for Sam to use it.
302
00:16:30,323 --> 00:16:32,158
Ooh...
303
00:16:32,241 --> 00:16:33,993
Son of a bitch.
304
00:16:35,411 --> 00:16:37,246
Wake up in the morning
305
00:16:37,330 --> 00:16:38,831
rise and shine
306
00:16:40,291 --> 00:16:43,878
wake up in the morning
rise and shine
307
00:16:45,379 --> 00:16:48,382
wake up in the morning
rise and shine...
308
00:16:48,466 --> 00:16:51,135
Hey, sheriff, have a seat.
I'll be with you in about ten.
309
00:16:52,053 --> 00:16:54,222
Yeah, well, I ain't here
on grooming business.
310
00:16:54,305 --> 00:16:56,516
I'm here on official
sheriff's business.
311
00:16:56,599 --> 00:16:58,309
I see you do Botox injections.
312
00:16:58,392 --> 00:16:59,435
Yeah.
313
00:16:59,894 --> 00:17:02,605
You'll need about 20 units
for that furrowed brow.
314
00:17:03,397 --> 00:17:04,440
Well, I got news for you.
315
00:17:04,524 --> 00:17:06,651
I like to furrow,
and I like the lines.
316
00:17:07,235 --> 00:17:08,861
Abigail Hodges,
you're under arrest
317
00:17:08,945 --> 00:17:10,238
for the murder of Sam Hodges.
318
00:17:10,863 --> 00:17:12,365
What? What are you
talking about?
319
00:17:12,448 --> 00:17:13,634
I'll tell you
what I'm talking about.
320
00:17:13,658 --> 00:17:15,298
You see, iwent through
your phone records,
321
00:17:15,326 --> 00:17:16,827
and I found repeated calls,
322
00:17:16,911 --> 00:17:18,871
and I mean a shit ton
of them, to one number.
323
00:17:18,955 --> 00:17:20,581
You know who it belonged to?
324
00:17:20,665 --> 00:17:21,707
Thomas Hoffman.
325
00:17:23,209 --> 00:17:25,437
Okay, fine. We
are casually seeing each other.
326
00:17:25,461 --> 00:17:27,439
But are you gonna arrest me
for having a social life?
327
00:17:27,463 --> 00:17:28,506
Can't a widow move on?
328
00:17:28,589 --> 00:17:30,025
Well, of course,
a widow can move on.
329
00:17:30,049 --> 00:17:31,759
The only problem is those calls,
330
00:17:32,134 --> 00:17:34,178
they started way
before Sam died.
331
00:17:35,179 --> 00:17:36,865
You see, I think you wanted
to get rid of Sam
332
00:17:36,889 --> 00:17:38,729
'cause you was having
an affair. That's motive.
333
00:17:39,100 --> 00:17:40,476
Oh, nowjust hang on a second...
334
00:17:40,560 --> 00:17:42,353
All you needed was
high levels of botulism,
335
00:17:42,436 --> 00:17:44,230
which you clearly had access to.
336
00:17:44,313 --> 00:17:45,791
Then you took that poison,
and you put it
337
00:17:45,815 --> 00:17:47,775
in Sam's Insulin bottle.
And then from there,
338
00:17:47,858 --> 00:17:49,586
it was a ticking timebomb
just waiting to go off.
339
00:17:49,610 --> 00:17:50,754
No, just... and it finally did.
340
00:17:50,778 --> 00:17:52,256
Turn around and put your
hands behind your back. Sheriff.
341
00:17:52,280 --> 00:17:54,490
Turn around. You have
the right to remain silent.
342
00:17:54,574 --> 00:17:56,014
Anything you say can
and will be used
343
00:17:56,075 --> 00:17:57,493
against you in a court of law.
344
00:17:57,577 --> 00:17:58,953
You got the right
to an attorney.
345
00:17:59,036 --> 00:18:00,413
If you cannot afford
an attorney,
346
00:18:00,496 --> 00:18:02,873
I'd be surprised because
this salon is bangin'.
347
00:18:02,957 --> 00:18:06,419
Ooh, ooh
348
00:18:10,840 --> 00:18:12,049
what is it you're looking for
349
00:18:12,133 --> 00:18:14,176
at an alien experiencer panel?
350
00:18:14,927 --> 00:18:16,637
I'll know when I see it.
351
00:18:25,855 --> 00:18:28,941
Thank you. Hi, I'm Peter bach.
352
00:18:29,942 --> 00:18:31,694
Most of you know me
from my podcast
353
00:18:31,777 --> 00:18:33,988
as "the alien tracker."
354
00:18:34,071 --> 00:18:36,115
I have spent 15 years
355
00:18:36,198 --> 00:18:38,951
working at the Carl
sagan center at SETI.
356
00:18:39,410 --> 00:18:41,078
I've been
a government consultant.
357
00:18:41,162 --> 00:18:43,748
And ifyou've read my books,
you'll know I possess
358
00:18:43,831 --> 00:18:46,667
a special skill set
that makes aliens fear me.
359
00:18:46,751 --> 00:18:49,712
And, of course,
I had my own encounter,
360
00:18:49,795 --> 00:18:52,131
which was, well,
361
00:18:52,923 --> 00:18:55,176
terrifying to say the least.
362
00:18:55,843 --> 00:18:57,219
So it's my honest belief
363
00:18:57,303 --> 00:18:59,889
that aliens walk amongst us.
364
00:18:59,972 --> 00:19:02,892
And my mission has become
to find aliens,
365
00:19:02,975 --> 00:19:04,477
to trap them,
366
00:19:04,560 --> 00:19:06,854
and, well...
367
00:19:09,774 --> 00:19:13,903
One shot of this...
368
00:19:13,986 --> 00:19:17,198
10,000 volts, I can
knock out an elephant.
369
00:19:19,325 --> 00:19:21,452
You okay? Yes.
370
00:19:22,745 --> 00:19:24,455
I'm not an elephant.
371
00:19:24,538 --> 00:19:27,249
Peter: I also found that
talking about my encounter
372
00:19:27,333 --> 00:19:29,960
helped me feel
a sense of control.
373
00:19:30,086 --> 00:19:33,089
And I'd like you to think
of this as a safe forum
374
00:19:33,172 --> 00:19:34,423
where you can do the same.
375
00:19:35,049 --> 00:19:36,967
So please, come on up
376
00:19:37,051 --> 00:19:39,178
and share with the room
377
00:19:39,261 --> 00:19:41,097
with no judgment,
378
00:19:41,180 --> 00:19:42,820
so we can all hear
about your experiences.
379
00:19:45,267 --> 00:19:48,437
I was driving home
late one night
380
00:19:48,521 --> 00:19:51,065
when this blue light
381
00:19:51,148 --> 00:19:53,234
beamed through
the roof of my car.
382
00:19:53,317 --> 00:19:55,486
I woke with these
triangular cuts.
383
00:19:55,569 --> 00:19:56,737
I was paralyzed.
384
00:19:56,821 --> 00:19:59,615
And lesions on my stomach
and across my back.
385
00:19:59,699 --> 00:20:01,200
It was horrible.
386
00:20:02,576 --> 00:20:04,704
It's etched on my brain forever.
387
00:20:04,829 --> 00:20:10,292
They strapped me to this
cold, hard metal surface.
388
00:20:10,376 --> 00:20:11,836
They're monsters. And...
389
00:20:11,919 --> 00:20:13,295
And they are here to kill us.
390
00:20:13,379 --> 00:20:16,674
Took this long tubular rod
391
00:20:17,174 --> 00:20:21,595
and they put it in my...
392
00:20:26,392 --> 00:20:29,061
He was going to say his asshole.
393
00:20:29,145 --> 00:20:31,272
Asta: One night,
a few months ago,
394
00:20:31,355 --> 00:20:34,024
my ex-husband
and I were fighting,
395
00:20:34,567 --> 00:20:37,027
which is sort of a usual
thing for us.
396
00:20:39,530 --> 00:20:41,741
I finally decided
I'd had enough,
397
00:20:41,824 --> 00:20:43,242
so I ran out,
398
00:20:43,325 --> 00:20:47,538
but I wasn't sure if I
was doing the right thing.
399
00:20:49,165 --> 00:20:50,708
And then I saw it.
400
00:20:51,417 --> 00:20:54,420
It was a fire in the sky,
401
00:20:55,838 --> 00:20:57,757
like a guiding light.
402
00:20:59,175 --> 00:21:01,093
It gave me strength.
403
00:21:02,344 --> 00:21:04,430
Strength to move on
and never look back.
404
00:21:06,265 --> 00:21:08,142
Months later,
I came into contact
405
00:21:08,225 --> 00:21:11,520
with who I now know
was the occupant of that ufo.
406
00:21:12,938 --> 00:21:15,608
Something about him
made me feel safe.
407
00:21:17,943 --> 00:21:19,320
And not alone.
408
00:21:21,113 --> 00:21:24,158
And I know that that's not
what you all have experienced.
409
00:21:24,241 --> 00:21:26,368
But trust me,
410
00:21:26,452 --> 00:21:28,496
based on my encounter,
411
00:21:28,996 --> 00:21:31,207
I don't think they're monsters.
412
00:21:33,250 --> 00:21:35,795
I think some of them
are hereto do good.
413
00:21:41,634 --> 00:21:43,469
Alien Harry: Nope!
414
00:21:44,512 --> 00:21:45,763
Ben: Wow.
415
00:21:46,597 --> 00:21:48,057
Abigail Hodges.
416
00:21:48,140 --> 00:21:50,100
Who would have thought? Heh.
417
00:21:50,184 --> 00:21:54,188
Well, congratulations on solving
the case. You must be happy.
418
00:21:54,313 --> 00:21:56,065
Yeah, well,
you know, a man died.
419
00:21:56,148 --> 00:21:57,959
So there really isn't very
much to be happy about.
420
00:21:57,983 --> 00:22:00,444
Of course. I just meant...
421
00:22:01,403 --> 00:22:04,824
Well, you did use up a lot of
resources dragging the lake.
422
00:22:04,907 --> 00:22:06,867
Like, a tremendous
amount, actually,
423
00:22:06,951 --> 00:22:09,620
that I'm still trying to
justify to the town council.
424
00:22:09,870 --> 00:22:12,748
Probably can't afford
to have Patience family day
425
00:22:12,832 --> 00:22:13,999
this year on the town green.
426
00:22:14,083 --> 00:22:16,544
But hey, you got
to the bottom it.
427
00:22:16,627 --> 00:22:18,420
Uh-huh. That's what's important.
428
00:22:18,504 --> 00:22:20,664
Yeah, that's right. That's
what's important. Thank you.
429
00:22:22,967 --> 00:22:25,469
Okay. Yeah.
430
00:22:35,563 --> 00:22:38,649
Hello to you, Jay.
What can I get for you?
431
00:22:38,732 --> 00:22:41,026
We have a happy hour
special on ipas.
432
00:22:41,694 --> 00:22:45,364
Are you offering me a drink?
I'm not even 18 yet.
433
00:22:45,489 --> 00:22:50,953
I meant to offer you a juice
in an opaque mug.
434
00:22:51,078 --> 00:22:52,830
Well, actually,
I just came in to ask
435
00:22:52,913 --> 00:22:54,874
if I could interview you
for the school paper.
436
00:22:54,999 --> 00:22:57,626
Everyone in town
is talking about the rescue.
437
00:22:59,712 --> 00:23:02,548
I'm so sick of people
making a big deal about this.
438
00:23:02,631 --> 00:23:04,550
You don't have to put me
on a pedestal.
439
00:23:04,633 --> 00:23:07,845
It won't take long, and I'm
only doing it for the extra credit.
440
00:23:07,970 --> 00:23:10,973
Oh, well, in that case...
441
00:23:13,100 --> 00:23:16,061
Thanks.
It's only a few questions.
442
00:23:16,812 --> 00:23:19,523
Ask away. All right.
443
00:23:20,399 --> 00:23:23,319
So, you were an olympic skier.
444
00:23:24,695 --> 00:23:29,074
What was it like to wipe out and
lose in front of the whole world?
445
00:23:31,827 --> 00:23:32,995
Not awesome.
446
00:23:33,078 --> 00:23:36,874
Would you consider
yourself a fallen hero
447
00:23:36,957 --> 00:23:38,834
because you were a hero
and then you fell?
448
00:23:39,293 --> 00:23:41,712
Hmm. Mmm.
449
00:23:42,671 --> 00:23:45,799
Um, I don't know.
I thought this interview
450
00:23:45,883 --> 00:23:48,886
was supposed to be
about the rescue thing.
451
00:23:49,345 --> 00:23:51,388
I'm establishing background.
Cooi.
452
00:23:51,764 --> 00:23:53,474
So what happened to your hand?
453
00:23:53,557 --> 00:23:56,727
Fractured it. First time I
fell down the crevasse.
454
00:23:57,311 --> 00:23:58,604
You fell down a crevasse?
455
00:23:59,229 --> 00:24:01,690
Yeah. What did you
think happened?
456
00:24:02,608 --> 00:24:05,986
I don't know. I thought you were
stuck on top of the mountain.
457
00:24:06,070 --> 00:24:07,990
You climbed out with your
hand looking like that?
458
00:24:08,322 --> 00:24:09,865
Vveh, yeah. Kind of had to.
459
00:24:10,908 --> 00:24:12,368
I was 30 feet down.
460
00:24:12,451 --> 00:24:14,078
Asta and Harry
were down even further.
461
00:24:14,161 --> 00:24:17,039
I knew any rescue effort would have
to wait until the storm had passed,
462
00:24:17,122 --> 00:24:20,209
at which point,
it would be too late
463
00:24:20,292 --> 00:24:23,170
as we would have all gone
into hypothermia
464
00:24:23,253 --> 00:24:24,380
and be dead.
465
00:24:25,297 --> 00:24:26,632
Asta could have died?
466
00:24:29,134 --> 00:24:31,428
Yeah. She could have.
467
00:24:31,512 --> 00:24:34,264
I mean, we all
could have died, actually.
468
00:24:35,724 --> 00:24:37,017
We're pretty lucky.
469
00:24:39,061 --> 00:24:41,522
You know what, I, um,
470
00:24:41,605 --> 00:24:44,358
I think I'll take thatjuice
in the opaque mug now.
471
00:24:46,485 --> 00:24:49,071
You bitch. I almost lost you.
472
00:24:50,030 --> 00:24:52,324
Ow. Oh.
473
00:24:52,992 --> 00:24:55,452
Oh, I'm okay.
474
00:24:56,036 --> 00:24:57,871
Judy: Ijustfeel like...
475
00:24:58,706 --> 00:25:01,309
You should probably, like, buy me a
drink or something 'cause I'm like... ugh.
476
00:25:01,333 --> 00:25:04,003
My nerves are like fried eggs.
477
00:25:05,462 --> 00:25:07,089
D'arcy: We're gonna do
two sodas.
478
00:25:07,172 --> 00:25:09,049
One with vodka.
479
00:25:09,174 --> 00:25:13,053
When iwoke up,
I had no idea where I was.
480
00:25:13,262 --> 00:25:15,514
I mean, one minute,
I was in bed,
481
00:25:15,597 --> 00:25:18,475
and the next minute,
I was lying in a ditch
482
00:25:18,559 --> 00:25:20,185
by the side of the road.
483
00:25:20,269 --> 00:25:22,104
And they put something in me.
484
00:25:22,187 --> 00:25:23,230
Look.
485
00:25:24,773 --> 00:25:28,027
I don't know why,
but they're following me.
486
00:25:28,110 --> 00:25:30,154
They're listening.
487
00:25:30,571 --> 00:25:32,031
Look, you can see it.
488
00:25:35,951 --> 00:25:39,163
Alien Harry: Alien technology.
That's it.
489
00:25:46,879 --> 00:25:49,381
Hey, honey. Hi.
490
00:25:50,966 --> 00:25:54,595
Why do I smell fish?
Because I made branzino.
491
00:25:59,141 --> 00:26:00,893
Tonight's supposed to be
taco night.
492
00:26:01,769 --> 00:26:03,663
Does that mean that tacos
are moving to tomorrow night?
493
00:26:03,687 --> 00:26:04,938
Because that's spaghetti.
494
00:26:05,022 --> 00:26:07,691
Will you relax, just try to
get out of your comfort zone?
495
00:26:07,775 --> 00:26:08,817
Yeah, but...
496
00:26:08,901 --> 00:26:10,444
Max is at the movies with sahar.
497
00:26:10,527 --> 00:26:12,780
So I invited a friend over
with her husband.
498
00:26:14,615 --> 00:26:16,867
I want you to meet them.
You're gonna love them.
499
00:26:16,950 --> 00:26:19,995
Yep. Maybe we could
do fish tacos.
500
00:26:22,581 --> 00:26:24,249
This is my husband, Ben.
501
00:26:24,333 --> 00:26:26,418
Ben, this is Sarah
and Richard Houston.
502
00:26:26,502 --> 00:26:28,212
Oh, come on. We're friends.
503
00:26:28,295 --> 00:26:30,422
You can call him dick.
504
00:26:30,547 --> 00:26:32,216
Well, we're having fish.
505
00:26:35,719 --> 00:26:38,514
Peter: I want to thank you all
for coming and for sharing.
506
00:26:38,597 --> 00:26:39,681
Come down and visit me.
507
00:26:39,765 --> 00:26:41,600
We have a booth
on the con floor.
508
00:26:41,934 --> 00:26:44,478
A lot of cool merchandise.
Thank you.
509
00:26:48,273 --> 00:26:50,025
Excuse me.
510
00:26:50,275 --> 00:26:52,111
Wait. Harry,
where are you going?
511
00:26:55,656 --> 00:26:57,241
Man: Alien tracker, hold up.
512
00:26:57,324 --> 00:26:58,742
Woman: Alien tracker!
513
00:26:58,826 --> 00:27:00,369
Woman 2: Can I get an autograph?
514
00:27:02,412 --> 00:27:04,915
I'm sorry. Excuse me.
I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
515
00:27:10,838 --> 00:27:12,422
Woman: Yeah. You're welcome.
516
00:27:31,150 --> 00:27:32,568
Uh, sorry. It's my turn.
517
00:27:35,946 --> 00:27:37,030
Do you mind?
518
00:27:37,114 --> 00:27:39,741
I'm going to cut that alien
technology out of your arm,
519
00:27:39,825 --> 00:27:41,076
and then I'm going to leave.
520
00:27:43,203 --> 00:27:45,164
Aah! What the hell? Shh. Quiet.
521
00:27:47,082 --> 00:27:48,917
Aah! It's not alien. It's a bb.
522
00:27:49,418 --> 00:27:51,628
A bb got lodged in my
arm when I was a kid. What?
523
00:27:51,712 --> 00:27:53,797
Okay, I lied.
What is wrong with you?
524
00:27:54,047 --> 00:27:55,424
You're the one with the knife,
525
00:27:55,549 --> 00:27:57,718
you freakin' psycho.
526
00:28:02,806 --> 00:28:04,433
What the hell is going on?
527
00:28:04,892 --> 00:28:07,603
What are you looking
for? And don't lie.
528
00:28:07,686 --> 00:28:09,062
I think I deserve at least that.
529
00:28:12,691 --> 00:28:15,444
When the grays abduct a human,
530
00:28:15,694 --> 00:28:18,488
they leave alien technology
implanted on their body.
531
00:28:19,573 --> 00:28:21,450
It is a transmitter.
532
00:28:21,533 --> 00:28:24,036
It is a way for them
to track the victim.
533
00:28:24,161 --> 00:28:26,330
I need to find one.
534
00:28:27,372 --> 00:28:29,124
Is that why we're here?
535
00:28:29,625 --> 00:28:32,461
So you can rip an implant
out of some poor person's arm?
536
00:28:32,544 --> 00:28:37,382
It's for my radio. The implant
is made of an alien metal.
537
00:28:37,966 --> 00:28:39,134
Ineedit
538
00:28:50,771 --> 00:28:52,356
The alien tracker is after me.
539
00:28:53,315 --> 00:28:54,566
He can see me like Max.
540
00:28:55,525 --> 00:28:58,111
Asta: I don't understand.
The rest is self-explanatory.
541
00:28:58,195 --> 00:29:00,781
His name is alien tracker.
542
00:29:00,948 --> 00:29:04,326
Maybe we should go then. Yes.
543
00:29:05,619 --> 00:29:07,931
Kate: Itwas, like... I mean, he
designed the whole thing himself,
544
00:29:07,955 --> 00:29:10,332
the whole thing.
He made it all on his own.
545
00:29:10,415 --> 00:29:11,667
Oh, I'm so sad.
546
00:29:11,750 --> 00:29:13,310
I thought Max was
gonna be here tonight.
547
00:29:13,377 --> 00:29:15,254
We're so looking forward
to meeting him.
548
00:29:15,337 --> 00:29:16,672
Right, honey?
549
00:29:16,755 --> 00:29:19,299
Oh, yeah. Yeah. I love kids.
550
00:29:19,675 --> 00:29:21,385
We want them,
but the doctor said
551
00:29:21,510 --> 00:29:23,595
Sarah's probably too old.
552
00:29:23,762 --> 00:29:27,474
I'm sorry. I'm sure that
it will happen for you two.
553
00:29:27,557 --> 00:29:30,477
Meanwhile, enjoy
the freedom, 'cause kids are a lot.
554
00:29:30,560 --> 00:29:32,145
Mmm.
555
00:29:32,396 --> 00:29:34,236
That's why it's so nice
having some adult time.
556
00:29:34,606 --> 00:29:35,983
Right, honey?
557
00:29:36,650 --> 00:29:40,487
Fun fact, more people die choking on
branzino bones per year than heart disease.
558
00:29:42,197 --> 00:29:43,907
Honey, could you help me
with dessert?
559
00:29:48,036 --> 00:29:50,330
Sweetie, you haven't said
two words all night.
560
00:29:51,790 --> 00:29:53,750
I'm pulling
all of the weight here.
561
00:29:53,875 --> 00:29:57,462
Well, I'm sorry. I think not having tacos
has kind of thrown me off my game.
562
00:29:58,005 --> 00:29:59,089
Look, I'm trying.
563
00:29:59,172 --> 00:30:02,217
You spent the last half hour playing
medical examiner with your fish bones.
564
00:30:02,301 --> 00:30:04,970
Well, if it makes you feel any
better, I swallowed most of them.
565
00:30:05,512 --> 00:30:06,972
Uh, it doesn't
make me feel better.
566
00:30:07,097 --> 00:30:08,140
Okay. I feel terrible.
567
00:30:09,182 --> 00:30:12,311
I really like Sarah and dick.
568
00:30:12,394 --> 00:30:14,604
And it's nice to have
couple friends who we can
569
00:30:14,688 --> 00:30:17,941
have over for dinner.
Can you try?
570
00:30:18,025 --> 00:30:20,986
Okay.
Look, I'll be more sociable.
571
00:30:21,069 --> 00:30:23,655
I'll talk to dick
about candle making.
572
00:30:24,031 --> 00:30:26,199
Yeah, sure.
573
00:30:26,700 --> 00:30:28,869
Or something else.
574
00:30:29,745 --> 00:30:32,873
What? You don't... what?
You don't like my candles?
575
00:30:33,248 --> 00:30:37,669
No, I mean,
of course I love them.
576
00:30:38,128 --> 00:30:39,504
It's just,
577
00:30:40,088 --> 00:30:42,716
it's not really exciting
dinner conversation.
578
00:30:43,050 --> 00:30:44,092
Hmm.
579
00:30:44,301 --> 00:30:47,888
Not sure I want to live
in that world, but okay.
580
00:30:48,388 --> 00:30:50,140
Just leave the baby
talk to me, okay?
581
00:30:50,223 --> 00:30:51,475
I'm the mother-to-be.
582
00:30:51,558 --> 00:30:52,785
Well, that's not what
the doctor said.
583
00:30:52,809 --> 00:30:55,062
Hey, listen, asshole.
Just do your job.
584
00:30:55,270 --> 00:30:56,438
Keep them engaged
585
00:30:56,521 --> 00:30:58,361
so I can go on a little
reconnaissance mission.
586
00:30:58,440 --> 00:31:00,609
I did an Internet deep dive
and found pictures of Ben
587
00:31:00,692 --> 00:31:03,278
making these shitty candles.
Ask him about it.
588
00:31:03,445 --> 00:31:04,672
Kate: Hope everyone's
in the mood for pie.
589
00:31:04,696 --> 00:31:06,573
Lisa: Oh. Can't wait.
590
00:31:06,823 --> 00:31:08,950
May I use your powder
room first? Of course.
591
00:31:12,245 --> 00:31:15,624
I have to say, these are
really, really nice candles.
592
00:31:15,791 --> 00:31:17,709
What are they made of? Soy?
593
00:31:17,834 --> 00:31:19,461
Well, actually, there are...
594
00:31:19,544 --> 00:31:22,464
Yeah, there are several
different kinds of, um...
595
00:31:22,589 --> 00:31:25,092
Not sure. I don't know.
596
00:31:26,718 --> 00:31:29,012
Just a regular
store-bought candle.
597
00:31:41,191 --> 00:31:42,234
Mmm.
598
00:31:43,568 --> 00:31:46,196
Okay, um, keep moving.
I got this.
599
00:31:48,532 --> 00:31:51,410
Oh, my god.
You're the alien tracker.
600
00:31:51,493 --> 00:31:55,038
I have listened to every
episode of your podcast.
601
00:31:55,122 --> 00:31:57,499
I was wondering if maybe I
could get a selfie with you.
602
00:31:58,125 --> 00:32:02,921
And this crazy dude came in
and tried to stab me with a scalpel.
603
00:32:03,213 --> 00:32:06,383
Why are you just staring at
me? Are you gonna help me?
604
00:32:06,466 --> 00:32:07,843
Can we just go look for him?
605
00:32:10,470 --> 00:32:11,638
I'm not crazy.
606
00:32:12,848 --> 00:32:16,184
Hmm, hmm, hmm.
Hey, can I help you?
607
00:32:16,351 --> 00:32:18,562
I need to hide. Can you leave?
608
00:32:19,020 --> 00:32:20,230
What are you hiding from?
609
00:32:21,857 --> 00:32:24,067
The alien tracker.
He's chasing me.
610
00:32:27,779 --> 00:32:31,074
He thinks I'm an alien.
611
00:32:31,241 --> 00:32:34,703
Um... he's a crazy guy.
612
00:32:34,786 --> 00:32:38,039
Well, I have no problem
hiding aliens.
613
00:32:38,999 --> 00:32:40,459
Wait a minute.
614
00:32:40,917 --> 00:32:43,587
You are that hair guy,
615
00:32:43,670 --> 00:32:45,755
the one who knows
all about ancient monuments.
616
00:32:45,839 --> 00:32:48,633
Yeah, that's me.
Would you like a signed copy?
617
00:32:51,011 --> 00:32:54,306
I would rather have
flower-shaped fruit.
618
00:33:52,280 --> 00:33:55,325
Hey, what are you doing up here?
619
00:33:55,492 --> 00:33:57,494
I know. I'm such a snoop, right?
620
00:33:57,577 --> 00:33:59,162
I just love
your decorating style.
621
00:33:59,246 --> 00:34:01,286
I had to see what the rest
of the house looked like.
622
00:34:01,456 --> 00:34:03,917
You could have asked for a tour.
623
00:34:09,047 --> 00:34:11,049
I'll be honest with you.
624
00:34:12,425 --> 00:34:19,307
This whole "not being able to
have kids" thing is really hard.
625
00:34:20,350 --> 00:34:22,602
And I just wanted
to see your son's room.
626
00:34:25,021 --> 00:34:26,565
I'm sorry.
627
00:34:26,690 --> 00:34:27,857
Yeah.
628
00:34:28,191 --> 00:34:30,110
Just don't give up.
629
00:34:30,193 --> 00:34:31,913
Women are having babies
older and older now.
630
00:34:31,987 --> 00:34:33,029
You just never know.
631
00:34:33,154 --> 00:34:35,782
I'm actually not the problem.
632
00:34:35,865 --> 00:34:38,493
Dick only said that because
he's so self-conscious.
633
00:34:38,577 --> 00:34:41,788
But he has very low motility.
634
00:34:41,997 --> 00:34:43,957
Look, if you want to get
a taste for it,
635
00:34:44,040 --> 00:34:45,750
you can babysit
Max whenever you want.
636
00:34:45,834 --> 00:34:47,961
Oh, I would love that.
637
00:34:49,296 --> 00:34:51,381
I'll take such good care of him.
638
00:34:54,426 --> 00:34:59,389
What's interesting is that the
masonry style of delphi, cuzco,
639
00:34:59,472 --> 00:35:02,851
or sacsayhuaman
are virtually identical,
640
00:35:02,934 --> 00:35:05,729
and they're considered
"navels of the world"
641
00:35:05,812 --> 00:35:08,106
where deities
descended from the sky
642
00:35:08,189 --> 00:35:11,526
and imparted knowledge
to the local population.
643
00:35:11,860 --> 00:35:15,405
So those places are on two
opposite ends of the planet,
644
00:35:15,488 --> 00:35:17,782
and they have the same stories.
645
00:35:18,116 --> 00:35:21,953
So you have to wonder if
these people had been visited
646
00:35:22,037 --> 00:35:23,663
by the same beings.
647
00:35:23,747 --> 00:35:27,042
And if so, then you have
to ask the question,
648
00:35:27,125 --> 00:35:30,003
"who were they
and where did they come from?"
649
00:35:31,671 --> 00:35:34,883
You should be on television.
Okay.
650
00:35:34,966 --> 00:35:38,094
I have to go.
I hope I didn't bore you.
651
00:35:39,971 --> 00:35:41,848
You're out of fruit flowers.
652
00:35:41,931 --> 00:35:43,683
I left you the honeydew melon.
653
00:35:43,975 --> 00:35:46,478
They taste like
old women's perfume.
654
00:36:00,575 --> 00:36:03,370
Kate doesn't love
the whole candle thing?
655
00:36:03,453 --> 00:36:05,373
I accidentally spilled
some wax on her head once.
656
00:36:05,455 --> 00:36:06,456
She lost some hair.
657
00:36:06,581 --> 00:36:07,791
Yeah. What are you gonna do?
658
00:36:07,874 --> 00:36:11,378
Yeah, I get it. You know,
Sarah can get pretty particular
659
00:36:11,461 --> 00:36:12,754
about the things I do too.
660
00:36:12,879 --> 00:36:13,922
Mmm-hmm. So yeah.
661
00:36:14,005 --> 00:36:15,799
Very passionate,
very passionate ladies.
662
00:36:15,882 --> 00:36:17,217
Oh, that's one word for it.
663
00:36:21,429 --> 00:36:24,099
Want to fire it up?
Show you how it's done.
664
00:36:24,182 --> 00:36:26,351
Yes, yes. You sure?
665
00:36:26,434 --> 00:36:27,936
Please, yeah, yeah. Oh! Oh.
666
00:36:28,019 --> 00:36:29,312
Oh!
667
00:36:29,396 --> 00:36:30,647
Okay.
668
00:36:37,028 --> 00:36:39,781
I just find it pretty relaxing.
669
00:36:39,864 --> 00:36:41,116
Yeah.
670
00:36:41,199 --> 00:36:44,411
Helps me cope with the
pressures of being mayor,
671
00:36:45,370 --> 00:36:48,164
especially after the town
doctor was murdered.
672
00:36:50,333 --> 00:36:53,128
That's horrible. Yeah, yeah.
673
00:36:53,837 --> 00:36:55,380
We did just make
an arrest though.
674
00:36:55,463 --> 00:36:58,258
And it was the first
murder in Patience
675
00:36:58,341 --> 00:37:00,385
since, like, the 1800s.
676
00:37:00,927 --> 00:37:03,263
I've always wanted
to say, you know,
677
00:37:03,888 --> 00:37:06,725
"not on my watch, buddy."
678
00:37:06,808 --> 00:37:11,187
Butyeah, it was on my watch.
679
00:37:14,441 --> 00:37:17,402
Think I might have been across
the street when it happened.
680
00:37:23,032 --> 00:37:25,034
Do you like pumpkin spice?
681
00:37:29,998 --> 00:37:31,875
Mmm. That was close.
682
00:37:32,751 --> 00:37:36,004
It's like everybody is talking
about me like I'm some big hero...
683
00:37:36,087 --> 00:37:38,339
Close to you...
684
00:37:38,465 --> 00:37:41,050
Except for the two people
whose lives I actually saved
685
00:37:41,134 --> 00:37:44,804
that incidentally are both
completely ignoring me.
686
00:37:46,014 --> 00:37:48,057
Close to you...
687
00:37:48,141 --> 00:37:50,226
I should be hanging out
with my friend right now.
688
00:37:50,351 --> 00:37:54,898
Bitch, I'm your friend. We're
closer than you and asta.
689
00:37:55,398 --> 00:37:57,025
We shared a boyfriend
in high school.
690
00:37:57,108 --> 00:37:59,569
You mean the guy that you
slept with behind my back?
691
00:37:59,652 --> 00:38:01,613
I grabbed his dick,
and he was into it.
692
00:38:01,696 --> 00:38:03,573
So what am I
supposed to do, say "no"?
693
00:38:03,656 --> 00:38:04,824
Oh, yeah. Fair point.
694
00:38:06,451 --> 00:38:09,579
It just, like, bothers me
I can't get a hold of them.
695
00:38:09,662 --> 00:38:11,080
I've been texting all day.
696
00:38:11,331 --> 00:38:13,583
I don't know. Maybe
something happened to her.
697
00:38:13,958 --> 00:38:16,836
Maybe they're not okay. I don't
know. It's kind of freaking me out.
698
00:38:16,920 --> 00:38:19,464
Yeah, probably something
bad did happen to her.
699
00:38:19,547 --> 00:38:21,341
I don't know. She
probably got kidnapped
700
00:38:21,466 --> 00:38:23,510
or something or, like,
people are after her
701
00:38:23,593 --> 00:38:26,095
and, like, she's in the back
of a car, like, in a trunk,
702
00:38:26,179 --> 00:38:29,015
like, screaming and,
like, pounding and, hke_.
703
00:38:29,098 --> 00:38:30,683
Or she could be dead.
704
00:38:30,767 --> 00:38:32,527
She could be dead
in a ditch somewhere, like,
705
00:38:32,560 --> 00:38:37,232
covered in blood and, like,
intestines are, like, trailing out...
706
00:38:37,315 --> 00:38:38,900
Is this supposed to
help me feel better?
707
00:38:39,108 --> 00:38:41,986
Okay. So we're gonna
switch gears over to karaoke.
708
00:38:42,529 --> 00:38:45,698
First up, we have our own
Liv baker singing a song for us.
709
00:38:45,907 --> 00:38:47,450
Come on.
710
00:38:54,666 --> 00:38:58,294
Oh, whoa
711
00:39:00,380 --> 00:39:05,051
it must have been cold there
in my shadow
712
00:39:08,012 --> 00:39:13,601
to never have sunlight
on your face
713
00:39:16,104 --> 00:39:20,733
you were content to let me shine
714
00:39:20,817 --> 00:39:22,777
that's your way
715
00:39:24,112 --> 00:39:28,575
you always walked a step behind
716
00:39:31,369 --> 00:39:36,249
So I was the one
with all the glory
717
00:39:36,416 --> 00:39:37,834
what the hell is happening?
718
00:39:38,251 --> 00:39:44,507
While you were the one
with all the strength
719
00:39:46,968 --> 00:39:53,308
a beautiful face
without a name for so long
720
00:39:54,684 --> 00:39:59,564
a beautiful smile
that hides the pain
721
00:40:01,524 --> 00:40:06,863
did you ever know
that you're my hero?
722
00:40:09,198 --> 00:40:15,079
And everything
I would like to be?
723
00:40:17,123 --> 00:40:23,296
I can fly higher than an eagle
724
00:40:25,048 --> 00:40:30,303
you are the wind
beneath my wings
725
00:40:34,432 --> 00:40:36,017
okay.
726
00:40:42,065 --> 00:40:44,525
Guess I'm deputy again.
727
00:40:56,079 --> 00:40:57,455
Oh, shit.
728
00:40:59,958 --> 00:41:02,251
I first learned the concept
of two for one
729
00:41:02,335 --> 00:41:05,713
when there was a sale on
day-old baguettes at the market.
730
00:41:11,344 --> 00:41:13,429
But having this alien tracker
in my grips
731
00:41:13,513 --> 00:41:15,890
and discovering he was
implanted with the very chip
732
00:41:15,974 --> 00:41:18,685
I need is even more exciting
733
00:41:18,768 --> 00:41:21,604
than getting an extra
two-foot-long crouton.
734
00:41:22,480 --> 00:41:23,648
Don't move.
735
00:41:23,856 --> 00:41:27,235
I'm taking that alien
technology out of your neck.
736
00:41:27,318 --> 00:41:30,863
No, wait. Where is my baby?
737
00:41:31,823 --> 00:41:32,865
What baby?
738
00:41:32,949 --> 00:41:36,494
The one you took out of my
wife 30 years ago on the bus.
739
00:41:36,577 --> 00:41:39,122
We don't do that.
That's the grays.
740
00:41:39,205 --> 00:41:40,289
You're a gray.
741
00:41:40,373 --> 00:41:43,292
How dare you!
Please don't take it out.
742
00:41:43,376 --> 00:41:46,295
It's the only way they can
find me if they come back.
743
00:41:46,504 --> 00:41:48,840
It's the only way
I'll ever meet my son.
744
00:41:50,550 --> 00:41:52,260
They're not coming back for you.
745
00:41:53,511 --> 00:41:55,763
They already got
what they wanted.
746
00:42:05,231 --> 00:42:06,607
I recognize you.
747
00:42:06,691 --> 00:42:08,609
You were in that
experiencer panel.
748
00:42:08,735 --> 00:42:09,861
Mmm, yeah.
749
00:42:09,944 --> 00:42:11,696
I heard what you said up there.
750
00:42:11,779 --> 00:42:14,657
It was very touching.
But you should be careful.
751
00:42:16,200 --> 00:42:17,994
What do you mean?
For all you know,
752
00:42:18,286 --> 00:42:21,497
your alien is a Christopher
Columbus of the sky.
753
00:43:11,672 --> 00:43:14,592
Let's go. I got what I needed.
754
00:43:14,801 --> 00:43:16,385
Well, that makes me nervous.
755
00:43:16,469 --> 00:43:18,262
Don't worry. I didn't hurt him.
756
00:43:19,555 --> 00:43:21,974
He was on his knees,
thanking me.
757
00:43:22,308 --> 00:43:25,686
You're a monster.
You're welcome.
758
00:43:28,356 --> 00:43:30,191
Alien Harry:
There are no monsters.
759
00:43:31,192 --> 00:43:34,278
Beings do what needs to be
done in order to survive.
760
00:43:48,584 --> 00:43:50,002
Asta!
761
00:43:51,254 --> 00:43:53,881
No bye, no aloha...
762
00:43:55,049 --> 00:43:56,843
Are you in there?
763
00:43:58,845 --> 00:44:02,890
Gone with a rock promoter
764
00:44:09,105 --> 00:44:11,899
A rock promoter...
765
00:44:12,400 --> 00:44:14,485
Aah!
766
00:44:14,819 --> 00:44:16,112
Ow, shit!
767
00:44:18,197 --> 00:44:20,324
And now may die
768
00:44:24,996 --> 00:44:29,500
oh, the treats
769
00:44:34,046 --> 00:44:35,840
saw it on the wall
770
00:44:35,923 --> 00:44:38,676
"motherhood means mental freeze"
771
00:44:41,888 --> 00:44:43,389
freezeheads
772
00:44:44,891 --> 00:44:47,602
no aloha
773
00:44:50,813 --> 00:44:53,357
I know, I saw
774
00:44:53,858 --> 00:44:55,860
and now may die
53153
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