All language subtitles for Private Schulz - Episode 4

France capitulates!

At versailles, the F�hrer himself
accepts the surrender

from Marshal P�tain
in a symbolic ceremony.

It's a fitting end to a daring campaign.

Later, the F�hrer is driven round
the deserted streets

to see the sights of Paris.

A stop off
at the celebrated Eiffel Tower

witnesses the raising of the new flag

over this monument to steel
now in German hands.

Then it's back to Berlin
for a hero's welcome

to continue the work of state.

But not before the F�hrer,
with typical generosity,

has signed his autograph many times.

In future years,
what precious possessions these will be.

On reaching Berlin,
the people's joy knows no bounds,

and they show their appreciation
for our army's glorious achievements

in the only way they know.

Truly this is a great day for Germany
and the world!

Cheers.

- Quiet, please.
- Ladies and gentlemen, a toast.

To the F�hrer! To the German people!
And to a great German victory!

To the F�hrer!
To the German people!

And to a great German victory!

One more toast.

To the men of SS Counter-Espionage.

And may I say that I especially
do not forget those brave

and unsung heroes,

unknown to all except a few of us,

who parachuted into enemy territory

and never came back.

They are the eternal glory
of the fatherland.

To the men of SS Counter-Espionage.

I'm so, so sorry.
Sorry to interrupt the...

Uh, the party.

Do you have a Major Neuheim?

I'm Major Neuheim.

How do you do? I'm Kruger.

Gestapo. This is yours, I believe.

Mine?

How dare you come back alive?

We found him about a month...
Uh, was it?

They handed him over to us.
Thought he might be an enemy agent,

but we're so busy. A lot on.

We put him in cold storage
for a while, didn't we?

Nearly a month before
we got round to him.

Now, was it... Was it a month?

It was a month, wasn't it? Hmm.
Well, finally, we questioned him,

and when he'd recovered,
we questioned him again.

You see, we thought he might be
an English spy,

but he kept telling us...

He kept telling us
he worked for SS Counter-Espionage.

- But we didn't believe you, did we? Mmm?
- No.

No, no, we didn't.

Then we thought that he might be
an escaped lunatic.

There was an asylum hit by a bomb
in that area, wasn't there? Mmm?

And there were a lot of lunatics

roaming the countryside.
Well, look at him.

Lunatic.

But it turns out that he isn't
a lunatic at all.

Um, he's a member of your staff, Major.

Have you quite finished?

Finished? Um, finished.

I'm so sorry
about this misunderstanding.

No, really, I am.

All right?

Enjoy yourselves.

If you've any more like him in the SS,

I'd keep them at home, if I were you.

Um.

Well, come along! Drink up.
More champagne for everyone, Schumacher.

You come with me!

Enjoy yourselves!

I ought to have you shot! Good God!

I'm surrounded by incompetence
and copulation.

Get the hell out of here.

Colonel, sir, I'm sorry to disturb you.

We have something
really rather important

that we must be...

- Well?
- I had no choice.

Shut up, you imbecile!
To get caught by the Gestapo?

You deserve to end up in a madhouse.

- What happened over there?
- It was a fiasco.

I didn't ask for a description.
I asked what happened.

I know it was a fiasco.
Everything you touch is a fiasco.

Well, your agent in England
turned out to be working

for the British Secret Service.

- Melfort?
- Melfort.

Pinky Melfort?

I don't believe it.

I chose him personally for that job.

- Yes, I'm sure you did.
- I did.

Well, he's either always been working
for the British,

or the British have turned him.
They were literally waiting for me.

I could have been hanged.

Oh, stop moaning. If there's one thing
I can't stand, it's a moaner.

And what happened to the money
in the canister?

It's buried somewhere in Kent.

Ghent? Belgium!

Kent. England.

So, you accomplished nothing.

Your sole contribution
to the German war effort

has been to take a canister
of English money secretly out of Germany

and bury it secretly in Kent.

Well, I think that's
a very jaundiced way of putting it, sir.

Do you know of
a better way of putting it?

I want a full written report

on this entire operation
by tomorrow morning.

In the meantime,
will you get out of those clothes,

and back into uniform?

Where did you get
that frock from anyway?

A French countess, sir.

- A French countess?
- Well, it belonged to her husband.

- He was a count.
- Yes, it looks like it.

I'll put it all in the report, sir.
It's a bit difficult to explain

- at the moment.
- I'm sure it is.

May I ask what the Major intends to do

with the operation in Barracks 19?

I'm going to break it up.
What do you think?

There'll be no more banknotes
coming from Barracks 19,

because we'll shortly have all
the English money we need.

The war is over, SCHULZ.

Well, well, well!

London
is a sea of fire,

as G�ring's bombers
fail to bring the defenceless population

to its knees.

As soon as each wave of planes
has passed,

our fire-fighting men are on the scene
in a desperate bid

to save life, limb and property.

Though they are never enough,
these gallant men turn out,

night after night,
to contain the flames.

And even if their efforts
are all too often in vain,

their selfless dedication to duty

can stand as an inspiring example
to us all.

Daylight comes
and Londoners count the cost

of their plucky defiance of the Bosh.

Westminster Abbey lies devastated,

its venerable age
no defence against the cowardly enemy.

Big Ben fared better, though.

He's still going,

which is just as well,
for, shaky hands or not,

he's counting off the last hours
of Hitler's mastery in the skies,

as our fighter pilots
take a terrible revenge

on the Luftwaffe
for its night- time raids.

"The Battle of Britain",
they're calling it already.

And if the Huns'performance
is anything to go by,

it'll be a bad day for them.

And bad days have a way
of turning into bad years.

Countess? Chateau?

You don't seriously expect me
to believe that, do you?

But it's true!

Threw herself at you?

That's the only way of describing it.

When she saw all that money,
I could have had anything.

- Anything?
- Yes, anything.

The things that I could've brought back
that I could've paid for.

You'd have come home
with a very expensive dose of the clap.

The French aristocracy
are riddled with it.

Some of us like our game
a bit high, Bertha.

If only I could
persuade Neuheim

not to close down those barracks.

Oh, it wouldn't do you any good.

Nothing does you any good in the end.

- Why do you say that?
- Because it's the truth.

You don't think much of me, do you?

Have you got any idea
what I've achieved?

Well, as far as I can see,
you've achieved very little.

I've achieved everything. Everything.

I created the greatest counterfeiting
organisation the world has ever seen.

Well, that's just what I mean.
And nobody knew anything about it.

No one was supposed
to know anything about it.

It was secret.

I created an English five-pound note
acceptable anywhere,

even to the Bank of England.

And that fool Neuheim
threw the whole thing away.

The money could be rolling off
the presses right now.

Only this time,
I'd make sure I got my share.

No, not you.

There's something about you, Gerhard.
I don't know what it is, but...

What do you mean, something about me?

Be precise.

You're a loser.
Oh, you're brilliant in some ways,

and you're certainly wasted
as Neuheim's clerk,

but you're flawed.

- Flawed?
- You're accident-prone.

It's as if you were born with a stumble.

- Born with a stumble?
- An inbuilt stumble

that always hits you
just as you're about

to cross the finishing line.

You're a born last-minute stumbler,
Gerhard, and I don't know

what you do about that.

And what are you? A winner?

What have you ever won,
lying in this bed all day?

When this war is over,
I shall be very comfortably off.

"Comfortably off. "

You probably have just about enough
to buy yourself a sweet shop

if you're lucky.

Oh, I don't know why I bother
talking to you.

Your mind's too small to grasp
what I'm trying to say.

Oh, well, what are you trying to say?

I'm saying, Bertha,
that I saw the future. My future.

I saw how life could be, and I'm not
gonna settle for anything less.

In a French chateau?

You sneer all you like. I had �50,OOO,

and I could have bought anything.

I could've bought you, Bertha,

from the tip of your toes
to your bleached head.

I could've owned you, body and soul,

all with a suitcase full of fake fivers.

Not everything has a price!

Money buys everything.

People, information, goods, services,
loyalty. It buys...

Now what have you thought of?

Let me get this straight.

You're suggesting that those foreigners

who are secretly spying for us
in their own country

should be paid
in forged English five-pound notes?

Yes, sir.

You are suggesting that we should
reward those brave friends of Germany,

who daily risk their lives
to provide us with vital information,

that we reward them
with counterfeit money?

It's very good counterfeit.

It's the most immoral proposal
I've ever heard.

- Yes, sir.
- It's utterly dishonourable.

Yes, Major.

And yet,

there's a devilish irony in it.

Irony, sir?

In England paying for the services
of Germany's agents abroad.

And when you think of it,
in paying those foreign swine

who insist on English currency
in forged English five-pound notes!

Exactly. It serves them right for having
such little faith in the German mark.

Exactly! It's rough justice!

Very rough, sir. Also, we could buy up
valuables in the occupied countries.

Jewellery, works of art.

Jewellery, works of art.

And it would cost Germany nothing.

No.

No.

Because England would be paying
for them.

Sit down, SCHULZ.

Let me get you a drink!

Do you know, this could revolutionise
the entire concept of war finance.

It could become possible

to fight a war
entirely at the expense of the enemy.

Something wrong, Major?

You don't suppose the British
are already doing it, do you?

Oh, I doubt it.

They would never think of it.

No.

No.

I like it.

We'll have to go into mass production,
of course.

We'll need to produce
millions and millions of banknotes

without loss of quality.

- Millions, sir.
- We'll buy up Europe!

We'll set up a distribution centre
somewhere to coordinate

all the activities
and find a brilliant financial brain

to run it.

And not only brilliant,
but completely honest.

The opportunities for corruption
will be enormous.

Do you realise that the man
who runs this operation

could make himself
a millionaire overnight?

May I make a suggestion, Major?

And under those circumstances,
no one should be exposed

to that temptation but myself.

- Exactly.
- I'll put it straight to the F�hrer,

but I'm sure he'll agree,

provided the whole thing is kept secret
from the Ministry of Economics.

Schumacher, come in here.

Schumacher's been looking after
Barracks 19 while you've been away.

Schumacher, get down to Barracks 19
and tell that team of crooks

and swindlers that if they thought
I was winding up the operation,

they were wrong!

We are going to double production.

Yes, sir!

It's a splendid idea, SCHULZ.

I wonder why
I never thought of it before?

It will need great secrecy, SCHULZ,

the right hand must never know
what the left hand is doing.

I should've guessed
what he meant.

Within weeks, he'd requisitioned
a castle in the mountains,

miles from anywhere.

This was to be his headquarters.

But even better than that,

he was only responsible
to Hitler himself.

It was, he said,
"one of the Reich's top priorities".

Where's the Commandant?
He's supposed to be here to meet me.

He sent me to show you up, sir.

Did he? Very well, then, lead the way.

Yes, sir.

That was months ago.

And that's a long time in the Army.

Time enough, anyway, for me to have lost

my position of trust in Barracks 19.

Schumacher, blue- eyed boy that he was,

was in charge,

leaving me further away
from the money than ever.

It was agonising.

You know, I never tire of watching
those notes come off that machine.

It's the most fascinating sight
I think I've ever seen.

Schmidt? You ready?

- Coming.
- Well, come on, then!

Gruber, on the other hand,
is the least fascinating sight

I think I've seen.

Sign the book.

Is that your new guard?

Why didn't you bring him in for coffee?

I think he's got friends here
he talks to.

Thanks for the coffee, Gerhard.
I'll see you next month.

You know, I've been coming here
once a month for the last eight months.

Every time you hand me this case,
you get the same look on your face.

What look is that?

Like you're handing over
your life's work.

- Don't run off with it, will you?
- You're joking.

With Gruber sitting beside me?

Listen, Walter,

this is a purely hypothetical question,
but say he wasn't.

- Wasn't?
- Sitting beside you.

Then there'd be somebody else.

It's not so easy when there are
two of you

and they keep changing you about.

Come in here.

Say that somebody was me.

I mean, if Gruber got sick up here,
I'd have to go in his place.

It nearly happened once before.

Say that was me,
sitting beside you in the car.

You mean hypothetically?

Absolutely.

Let me ask you a hypothetical question.

Go on.

Why should Gruber fall sick here
when he's as strong as an ox?

Because a teaspoonful of copper sulphate
could fell an ox.

Hypothetically.

Oh, come on, Walter.
They're all making a fortune

up at that castle, you know that.

Everybody at the distribution centre's
getting rich, but not you and not me.

There's over �2 million
in that suitcase,

acceptable anywhere in Europe
for what they are.

Genuine five-pound notes.

A man could buy himself
into any country in the world

with what's in that case.

What about travel documents,
passports, visas?

Solly can make the best travel documents
you've ever seen.

All he needs is your photograph.

We do it all the time up here.

We've got a special unit.

Are you sure you'd be chosen
to take his place?

Certain. All you've gotta do
is get him inside the barracks

for a cup of coffee next time
you come up.

Leave the rest to me.

Won't he taste it?

- No.
- Copper sulphate, I mean.

No, I'll put plenty of sugar in it.

- Where would you go?
- Anywhere.

Switzerland.

Okay.

Start it rolling.

You took your time.

I'll see you in a month!

Even the freezing
snows of Russia do not provide refuge

for the great enemy, Bolshevism.

And never before in this conflict
has the German military spirit

been more cruelly tested
than in the sub- zero temperatures

of the eastern front.

Progress is often slow.

And our seasoned battle troops
have to ignore the terrible conditions

as they push deeper and deeper

into the heart
of the evil Stalin's empire.

It's an environment that tests men
and machines to the limit.

But thanks to special equipment
and lubricating oils,

the exhausted Soviet forces
are thrust daily further back

on their last line of defence.

The occupation of Kiev is imminent,

and the road to Moscow is opened.

German tanks have pierced
the Stalin line at all decisive points.

Heavy fighting is taking place
all around the city of Leningrad.

Complete German victory is now assured.

Careful.
The ink's not absolutely dry on yours.

They're beautiful, Solly.

Well, I hope you make it.

Listen, you should be coming with us.

We could work it.
We could smuggle you out.

No.

If you're caught, you go to jail,
but if I'm caught...

Isn't that going to happen anyway?

Look, you know what maniacs
they are in here.

If they win the war,
they'll have no more use for you.

And if they lose,
they'll do it out of spite.

- Probably.
- Well, why not, then?

Because I give less
for your chances going

than I do for mine staying.

If I'm going to die, I'd like to feel
that the least possible blame

attaches to me.

Well, if I get to Geneva,
I'll open an account for you.

That's all I want.

If I ever do get out of this mess,
I'd like to know

I got somewhere to go in my old age.

If I don't, well,

I shan't need much where I'm going.

Why don't you come in?

I'll wait here.

Oh, come on, Gruber,
stretch your legs a bit.

You haven't seen the printing press,
have you?

It's fascinating.

I said, I'll wait here.

AU 67543 to 68542.

- Cz 45682...
- Excuse me a minute, Corporal.

Take over, Becker.

Cz...

Your consignment's nearly ready.

Did you have a good trip down?

Where's Gruber?

He's outside.

Well, bring him in. The coffee's ready.

He won't come in.

Perhaps you'd better forget it.

We can't.
All the travel documents are ready.

Listen, tell him you've both gotta sign
for the money.

Well, tell him anything,
but get him in here.

And Walter, bring him down the end.
The coffee's there.

65389.

66388.

Schmidt and Gruber
have arrived, Corporal.

They'll be back in a minute.

Gruber!

We've both gotta sign for the money.
It's a new rule.

Hello, Gruber, it's nice to see you.

Did you have a good trip down?

It was all right.
Where's this book I've got to sign?

In the dispatch room.
Hey, there's plenty of time.

Relax. Have a cup of coffee.

Go on. It's real coffee, not ersatz.

I don't like real coffee.

Well, what do you mean
you don't like real coffee?

Everybody likes real coffee.

Well, I don't. I like ersatz coffee.

Now, where's this book I've gotta sign?

Let's get the cash and get out of here.

Hey, don't drink that. That's Gerhard's.
I'm just pouring yours.

Oh.

I'm signing the book.

Why?

What do you mean why?

Schmidt signs the book,
not you.

Schmidt?

- I'll sign the book.
- Did you hear what he said?

- No.
- I'll see you outside.

Your coffee's getting cold.

How was I to know
he didn't like real coffee?

Look, everybody likes real coffee.

Forget it, Gerhard,
luck just doesn't run your way.

I must have been mad
to think you could bring this off.

- Which is mine?
- That one.

Look, let's try again.

What are you trying to do to me?

Look, you've made Gruber suspicious now.

I've got a nice, safe little number
picking up cash

and delivering it to the castle.

And I get well-paid
and nobody shoots me.

I must have been insane listening
to you.

I should get rid of that
before some idiot drinks it.

Oh, no, it can't be.

Poor Schmidt, eh?

Yeah.

Don't understand it.
So sudden to be taken ill like that.

What do you think it was?

Burst appendix, apparently.

Just shows you. You never know.

Could've been me, could've been you.

No, I've had mine out.

Could've been you, though.

Hello, Gruber. Where's Schmidt?

He was taken ill at the barracks.

- So you have the money.
- Yes.

Come along.
I'll take you to Major Neuheim.

How many rounds of ammunition?

Good God.

Yes.

Grenades?

Just a minute. Come!

I'm sorry, Major.
It's the messenger from Barracks 19.

Well, bring him in.

Yes, well, I'll send someone down
to negotiate with them.

How much are they asking?

One million, is that all?

Well, of course we've got
that much here.

That's a mere bagatelle.

What?

I'm very well, thank you.

Whereabouts are they located?

Djevo?

Yes, of course I know where Djevo is.

It's somewhere between
Krak�w and the Adriatic.

Well, our courier will be with you
in 48 hours.

Yes.

Goodbye.

- You're very late.
- Yes, I'm sorry, sir.

- It was Schmidt.
- Yes, they telephoned me

from the barracks and told me
Schmidt had collapsed.

- What's wrong with him?
- Burst appendix, apparently.

Can it be repaired?

- Um, it'll take some time, sir.
- I see.

How much did you bring?

- Two and a half million.
- Mmm.

Ow!

Are those notes top quality?

- First grade, Major.
- Good.

You've... You've never been
up here before, have you?

No, sir. You seem to have everything
very well organised.

Yes, I have, I have.

You know, that little
inspiration of mine

was the best day's work I ever did.

It's amazing the things
that are for sale

in Europe at the moment.

Look at that.

I bet you don't know what that is.

- That's a Canaletto, sir.
- That's a Can...

How did you know that?

Well, it's the style. It's unmistakable.

- Is it genuine?
- Of course it's genuine.

You don't suppose I'd buy a fake,
do you?

Look at the style, it's unmistakable.

Must have cost you a fortune, Major.

No, no, no.

Not really.

�10,OOO. I'd say that was a bargain.
Wouldn't you?

Absolutely.

Especially since we make
the money ourselves.

You have no finesse, SCHULZ.

How are things at the barracks?

Well, it's coming on very well, sir.
We got the old press working

24 hours a day.

We're making over a half a million notes
a week, cut and dried,

half of those top quality.

Excellent.

SCHULZ, you qualified
for SS Counter-Espionage

because of your knowledge
of languages, didn't you?

Sir?

I don't suppose you know
a smattering of Serbo-Croat, do you?

Well, I used to live in Yugoslavia
when I was boy,

just for a short while, sir.

I always said there was a touch
of the Slav in you, SCHULZ.

There certainly is not.

Yes.

Well,

- how would you like a trip out?
- Out?

Out. To Yugoslavia.

Well, I do have some leave due
for me, sir.

Yes.

Well, I need someone to take
a million pounds into Yugoslavia,

to buy up some arms
and organise the shipment back here.

- Did you say a million pounds, sir?
- That's all. It's quite simple.

There's a group of partisans
at a place called Djevo.

Now, Djevo is, um... Here.

The British have been parachuting
arms and ammunition into the area.

But the partisans
don't want them any more.

In fact, they've packed up
and gone home.

But the British still keep
dropping them supplies.

Ah, well, that's typical
of the Anglo-Saxon mind, sir.

If you cancel a magazine, they keep
delivering it weeks afterwards.

Really? That's amazing.

Well, anyway, this group of partisans
has now built up such an arsenal

of unwanted armaments,
they've offered them to us.

Germany needs arms.

The only courier I've got who speaks
Serbo-Croat has gone down

with laryngitis.

Well, I'd consider it an honour
and a privilege, sir,

to go on such an important mission.

Excellent.

Gruber will accompany you.

You'll leave for Yugoslavia
first thing in the morning.

I'll have all the papers ready by then.

In the meantime, get yourself
a bed and a meal.

You'll find the food here is excellent.

I should take advantage of it
if I were you.

I will, sir.

I choose the menu myself.

I can't stand this place.

Nothing to do but drink and sleep.

And the food's terrible.

I thought it might be.

Well, it's a change for me, Gruber.

Well, you can keep it.

Look at them, bored out of their minds.

Nothing better to do
than get drunk all night.

A disgrace to the German army.

Oh, I don't know. It looks as if
it's got its compensations.

It's all new to you, SCHULZ, isn't it?

You'll learn.

I'll see you in the morning.

Oh!

Oh, I beg your pardon.

Excuse me, Fr�ulein,
would you care to join me?

- May I?
- Oh, yes, please. Be my guest.

Thank you.

Uh, Private Gerhard SCHULZ

at your service.

How polite you are.

Gertrude Steiner. Frau Gertrude Steiner.

Well,

what a wonderful time
you must all have up here.

Sometimes.
But it's pretty boring mostly.

Same old faces, you know.

Like those.

Well, you should be
where I've just come from.

This is a different world.

I didn't think it would take you long.

I want these typed by tomorrow morning,
Frau Steiner. Most urgent.

- Yes, Major.
- And, SCHULZ, Frau Steiner is

is a respectable war widow.

This isn't the Salon Kitty,
so control your animalistic impulses.

Well, I am sorry, Herr SCHULZ,
but I really will have to go.

The major is most particular
about his orders.

But I can, um... I can give you a hand
with those later on.

Thank you, but you wouldn't know
the way he likes things done.

But I would.

- You would?
- Yes, you see,

up until six months ago,
I was Major Neuheim's clerk.

- I don't believe it.
- Yeah, it's true.

- Let me get you another drink.
- Well, what a coincidence.

So you know the major well.

Oh, yes, I know the major.

In fact, I'd go so far as to say
I know a lot more about him

than he would like.

What will you have?

A Dubonnet.

Excuse me, a Dubonnet
and a schnapps, please.

I mean, take all this, for example.

Oh, yes, it's a brilliant idea.

Major Neuheim told me
it came to him in a flash

while he was having tea
with the F�hrer.

Oh, did he? Well,

it wasn't entirely his own idea.

I mean, he did have help.

- You mean you?
- Yes.

Well, I had a hand in it.
On the imaginative side.

Excuse me.

Oh, um, keep the change.

Thank you.

I wouldn't say it was entirely
my own idea, but...

Well, I needn't be modest.

This whole thing wouldn't have happened
without me.

But you're still a private.

Well, in this life, Frau Steiner,
talent is rarely rewarded,

especially in wartime.

You mean to say, all this,
and never even a word of thanks?

Well, that's the way it goes.

I think that's terrible.

Well, you know the Major.

Tell me, does he still need everything
in quadruplicate?

Only this morning he was complaining
because he couldn't find something

- in the files.
- That's because he can't be bothered

to learn how it's organised.
He used to drive me insane.

Always putting things in the wrong place
and then blaming me.

And if anything went right,
he'd take the credit.

He hasn't changed.

So, you're a widow, Frau Steiner?

Oh, please. Gertrude.

Gertrude.

Frau Steiner is so formal.

Gertrude.

Yes, he was a pilot,
killed in the first year of the war.

I'm sorry to hear that.

Oh, well, it's all in the past now.

So, now you're here.

Handling the mad Major.

Well, it could be worse.

It's the evenings that are the problem.

That's about the best this place
can offer for company.

Where would you like to be,
if you had the choice?

Oh, I don't know. Anywhere.

I've had enough of the war.

You've had enough of the war?

- Does that shock you?
- No, not at all.

It's just that...
Well, ever since my husband was killed,

anything to do with the war
frightens me.

- I'm sorry.
- No, well, don't apologise.

That's how I feel exactly.

As it happens, Neuheim's sending me off
to Yugoslavia for a couple of days,

- so I shall be out of it.
- Yugoslavia? Where?

That's supposed to be secret.

Trieste.

You must be going through Trieste.

- I suppose so.
- Oh, what a wonderful place.

If only I were going.

We'll only be passing through.

Oh, just imagine.
You could drop me off there

and pick me up later.

- I could?
- Three whole days to enjoy myself.

How would you get out of this place?

Oh, I've got a few days' leave coming.
I can take them at any time.

But it's quite against the rules
to give people lifts.

I shouldn't even suggest it.

And you know the Major and
what he'd be like if he'd found out.

- He'd have you shot.
- Oh, I doubt it.

I mean, when you've known the Major
as long as I have,

you can always get round him.
He's no problem.

No, I suppose he wouldn't be.

You are obviously a most remarkable man.

I'm really glad we met.

But I must get this typing done.

- No time for dreams.
- Remember what I said.

- There's so much of it.
- Well, let me have a look.

Well, let me get you another drink
while you're looking at it.

- Oh, no, let me.
- No, please, I insist.

- Same again?
- Uh, yes.

I'm so glad you came.

I never get to see my friends.

And to be frank,
the people here are rather boring

and terribly unsophisticated.

The men especially.
They only think of one thing.

Drinking?

Oh, you're like a breath of fresh air.

One could talk to you
about so many things.

Books, for example. Music.

Theatre.

I'll bet you're even interested
in grand opera.

I am, as a matter of fact.

There you are. You see? One can tell.

Only, I can't stand Wagner.

Not that you're not interested
in other things as well.

- I can see that.
- Oh, yes. Definitely.

But like me, you think there are
so many more important things in life.

Oh, yes.

We're so alike, Gerhard.

You see,

I think there are people
with sentiment and people without.

I think we're people with sentiment,
don't you?

Oh, yes.

You don't often meet them.

Oh, no.

Would you really like to go to Trieste?

I can't think of anything better.

- Unless it was...
- What?

- No, I shouldn't say that.
- No, go on.

- No.
- You were gonna say,

"Unless it was out of the war for good. "

- Shh.
- No, it's all right.

You can say that to me.

You see, I may not come back
from Yugoslavia.

But where would you go?

Anywhere.

Anywhere out of the war.

But that takes money.

I mean, three days in Trieste,
but how could you afford

to stay away for good?

What would you think
if I said money's no problem?

I'd think you were trying to get
a respectable woman into trouble.

Really.

- Really?
- Yes, really. Cross my heart.

I mean, it's no worse
than Neuheim's art collection, is it?

Why shouldn't we?

- But where?
- Switzerland.

Oh, if only it were possible.

Just imagine it. Switzerland.
Out of the war for good.

It is possible.

Except there's one problem.

- What?
- Well, Gruber.

You know, that lout I came in with.

Oh, Gruber, yes.

Well, he'd never let us
get away with it.

He's the last-ditch type.

You know the sort. He's fanatical.

- I wonder if I...
- What?

I don't know if it would work, but...

- Go on.
- Supposing I told him

we were going to Trieste,
and that you were going to

drop me off there, and on the way back,

I could promise him a good time.
You know.

- You mean...
- Mmm-hmm.

Wouldn't you mind?

But we wouldn't be going back
to Trieste, would we?

- Oh, no.
- Do you think it would work?

Oh, yes.

We could dump him in the mountains.

On the way to Switzerland.

So it would take him a long time
to walk back.

Oh!

Poor Gruber.

Hey, you're wonderful!

So are you.

What do you think?

Shall we leave this mad world behind
and risk everything?

Why not?

- Oh, Gerhard.
- Oh, Gertrude.

Frau Steiner, didn't I say
those papers were urgent?

Yes, Major, I was just going.

And secret, for God's sake!
OO tomorrow morning on my desk,

- Frau Steiner.
- Yes, Major.

- Not a minute later.
- You will bear in mind

what I said, Frau Steiner?

How could I forget, Herr SCHULZ?

And thank you
for your very pleasant company.

- Good night.
- Good night.

Until we meet again.

Frau Steiner, you will take
my painting with you.

I'm reliably informed it's a Veronese.

You will find somewhere suitable
to hang it.

Yes, Major.

Follow me.
- I should have known.

An animal jailbird like you.

The moment you set eyes on a woman
all you think about is copulation.

I assure you, Major,
there was nothing further from my mind.

Well, you won't get the chance

because she'll be typing all night.

And you're off
to Yugoslavia in the morning.

And good riddance to you.

Well, if it won't go through
the door, chop a bit off it.

I said I'd meet her about here.

I must say,
it's very good of you, Gruber.

Letting me give her a lift, I mean.

- Think nothing of it.
- No, I mean it.

I know it's against the rules.

Very decent of you.

There she is.

- Hello.
- Hello.

Allow me.

Cigarette?

Light?

What's going on?

You're not, for one.

Out.

Out!

But I thought we were gonna dump him.

No, we're going to dump you.

We've been planning this for ages,
just waiting for the right moment.

I could never get Schmidt
to fall for it.

Out!

- Out where?
- Just out.

- I'll take that.
- Oh, come on, Gruber.

It's my money. I made it.

Start walking.

Go on.

Well, then, Gruber stopped
the car and pulled a gun on me.

He forced me out of the car
and took the key to the handcuffs

and then he drove off.

I had to walk for nearly eight hours
before I found a house.

And... Ooh.

Where do you suppose Gruber is now?

I don't know, Major. Probably slipped
across the border to Switzerland.

Dropped out of sight.

- You think so?
- I don't know, sir,

but I sincerely hope he gets caught.

He deserves to be shot.

He has been caught.

And he has been shot.

He's been caught? Shot?

Not by us, alas.

He was caught speeding
by the Italian police.

And would you believe it?
Elected to shoot it out.

He lost the election.

One thing you forgot to mention
in your little saga

was that my secretary, Frau Steiner,
was in the car with him!

Quite hysterical by this time
and tearing her fingernails

out in handfuls.

She confessed.

Everything.

- Everything?
- Everything!

You are a totally corrupt human being!

Shifty, slimy, slinky and sly.

All you've ever thought about
is lining your own pockets

and by God, you'll pay for it!

Guard.

Guard!

You take this man to the guardroom.
He's under arrest.

I shall take a great personal interest
in your court-martial, SCHULZ.

You fell
from the very high standards

of personal conduct
set everywhere by the SS

and abused a position of trust.

While all around you
worked selflessly for nation,

party and F�hrer,

you thought only of personal gain.

I have no hesitation in sentencing you
to three years in a labour camp,

where some effort will be made
in the direction

of your political regeneration.