All language subtitles for Private Schulz - Episode 2

Goodwill is close
to the German heart.

This year is no different,

even though we live
under the shadow of war.

The nation celebrates,

taking a lead from the F�hrer.

But relaxation at home
must be purchased by eternal vigilance.

And our defences stand fast
against the senseless aggressor.

So let us join in sending greetings
to our men in the field,

to every Hans and Johann,
Peter and Fritz.

The German nation is behind them.

And at this Christmas time, the eternal
message "Goodwill to all men"

is extended to friend and enemy alike.

Though to our enemies we would also say,

"There can be no victory
against the German might,

"which rises invincible
and will never be crushed!"

And to our friends, "Keep faith.

"Peace is at hand.
Germany will be triumphant. "

Anything you need, just ask for it.

Remember, SCHULZ, forge for the F�hrer.

I shall make it my watchword, sir.

That's what I like to hear.

We'll show these defeatists
in the technical section of the SS.

We'll forge millions of five-pound
notes, every one of them perfect.

Well, as long as
they're not all the same, sir.

We really do need those serial numbers.

Don't you worry about that.

We've got an agent in London
working on it.

This had better work.

I've given the F�hrer my word.

- Oh, you can rely on it, sir.
- Oh, by the way,

from now on, I want you to resume
your listening duties

at the Salon Kitty.

Schumacher here has been
standing in for you.

Oh, must I, Major?

There's never anything of value
to report.

That's an order, SCHULZ!

Schumacher knows what an order is,
don't you, Schumacher?

- Yes, sir, an order is...
- Oh, shut up, Schumacher.

That's an order.

Besides, SCHULZ, patience is everything
in espionage.

The night you don't listen in
on one of those bedrooms

Right, Schumacher, back to Berlin.

Move!

"Forge for the F�hrer. "

He'd forgotten it was me who suggested

this whole counterfeiting operation.

And my thanks?

Return to duty snooping on
the sex lives of senior officers

in the bugged bedrooms of the brothel
known as the Salon Kitty.

Gentlemen.

Make yourselves at home.

Well, come and sit down, anyway. Relax.

They were
the cr�me de la cr�me, these men.

The finest forgers Germany could muster.

And between us, we were setting out
to try and ruin the British economy.

Now, you all heard what the Major said.

We're here to produce a great many
of these.

English five-pound notes,
or rather perfect copies of them.

Perfect?

Good enough to fool the Bank of England.

Look, Solly says you're a friend,
so can I be frank?

Go ahead.

I'm not complaining, you understand.

I'd rather be in Barracks 19
than having them kick my head in

somewhere else.

Maybe I'll even forget
I'm in a concentration camp sometimes.

So whatever you ask me to do,
I'll do. No arguments, nothing.

Only what you're asking can't be done.

Well, in the first place,
you have a paper problem.

It's been solved.

You ordered a couple of reams, maybe,
from the Bank of England?

Solly partly solved it years ago.

He found a high-quality linen in Turkey

that exactly matches the linen
this bank uses.

And there's a paper works in Stetten
has worked out the formula

for making the paper up.

With the watermark impressed?

With the watermark.

The paper'll start arriving shortly.

Now, what about the ink?

The dyes are being analysed
by a chemical works in Stuttgart

and they're very close to an answer.

And then you come
to the most difficult part of all.

The numbering.

And the cashier's signature,
date of issue

and the serial number must coincide
exactly with the date and series

already issued by the bank.

Now, nothing less will do.

Well, if you're just going
to print a few

and skip the country quickly,
it doesn't matter.

But you're talking of thousands.

No, my friend. Millions.

Then how will you find
the correct numbering system?

It will be done.
That's all I can tell you.

All the technical problems
will be solved, I promise you.

The rest is up to you.

I don't know.

Happy New Year.

Well, if you buy government bonds
at 87 and a half,

which is where they stand now,

and you hold them for three years,

and at a rate of three percent,
you make, oh, 21 and a half marks,

or nearly 22.5%,

which is a very good return
on your investment.

And you can keep all of that
in your head, Professor?

Yes, my little one.

But I didn't come here
to practise my arithmetic.

Oh, I wish I were as clever as you.

You don't have to be.
If I looked like you,

I wouldn't have to be, either.

Um, do you... Do you think I should?

- Mmm?
- Buy 3% government bonds

at 87 and a half?

Why not? You can't lose.

My little dumpling.

Shall we go upstairs?

Do you think the war
will be over soon?

It could be over
by next summer, perhaps.

Oh, they said it would be over
by Christmas.

No, no, no.

No, my little dumpling, it could never
have been over by Christmas.

How can you be so sure?

I'm in a position to know.

I, um... I hear all sorts of things.

A position to know?

Oh, how intriguing.

Are, um... Are you engaged
in secret work?

Oh, my dear, Bertha.

Are you?

I think you are a spy.

You are. Admit it.

Come on, admit it, you are a spy.

Yes, as a matter of fact, I am.

Ah...

Ah, yes.

Well, I always knew you weren't
just a professor of mathematics.

Oh.

Oh, you naughty, naughty boy.

And what sort of work do you do, hmm?

Now, come on, tell me.

What are you laughing at?

- You!
- Me. Why?

Because you're the prettiest,
sexiest, most seductive

and clumsiest detective I've ever seen.

- What do you mean?
- Oh, come on, Bertha,

- take this off.
- No, no, tell me. What do you mean?

- My dear Bertha, you're priceless.
- Well, how am I priceless?

You know that I work
in the code-breaking department

of Military Intelligence.

You know, because Major Neuheim knows.

And Major Neuheim is such an ass,

he thinks a man has only got to
get on top of you

and then he'll tell you
everything you want to know.

That's not true!

My dear,

I even know
you've got this place bugged.

Do the SS really think we're such fools
in Military Intelligence?

I mean, look.

I even know
there's a little man in the basement

with ears on stalks,
hoping to hear some tale that Neuheim

can go running to the F�hrer with.

Little man in the basement, go home.

I suppose everybody knows.

I don't know if everybody knows,
but we know.

And you can tell that idiot Neuheim
from me, that the electrician

who wired this place up for him
was working for us.

Oh!

You're not angry with me, Bertha?

Mmm? I only told you
because I hate to see you

making such a fool of yourself
every time I come here.

You just aren't trained
for this kind of work.

Oh, come.

I've got a little present for you.

Mmm, some petrol.

- No.
- Ah!

A can of petrol.

Oh, well!

At least I don't have to go through
all that again with you.

Mmm.

Forgery isn't so much difficult
as vastly complicated.

It's a double operation,
paper and what you print on it.

Our first step in making the plates
was to blow up a genuine

English five- pound note
to many times its normal dimensions.

From this, we painstakingly made
an exact copy twice the size we wanted.

This was then photographed, reduced,
and eventually chemically etched

onto the plates.

The paper had to be spot-on, too.

Weight, texture and watermark
all absolutely perfect.

The Bank of England wouldn't be
convinced by anything less.

As I say, complicated,
but not impossible.

And we were achieving it, bit by bit,

except, that is, for the serial numbers.

They were the responsibility
of the technical section of the SS.

And I had no control over what they did.

Why the hell are those men
standing around

over there doing nothing?

Oh, they're being punished, sir.

They've been there three days already.

Oh, that's all right, then.

We're using
a photo-engraving process, sir,

to produce the prints.

Good God. How does it work?

Well, that's a genuine standard
English five-pound note.

We blow it up that size
so that our copyists won't miss

the slightest curl or twist
when preparing the artwork.

That's what these men are doing here.

SCHULZ, this is much too big, you know.

I was coming to that, sir.

Look at that. The ink's still wet.

When the artwork is finished,

it's photographed on this machine
over here.

And it's from this
that we get a negative.

- Please don't touch, sir!
- Good God, what is it, man?

- Dangerous chemicals?
- Fragile, as a matter of fact.

Is that all?

It's gelatine covered with an emulsion
of silver salts.

It's from this that we get the prints,

which you put onto plates like these.

These metal plates then become
the prints.

All these experiments have been
extremely successful, sir.

Oh.

- Don't wash your hands, sir.
- Why not?

It's acid.

Now, why couldn't the technical section
of the SS have done all this?

- It looks simple enough.
- Well, it's not that simple.

You see, there's no emulsion known
that will exactly duplicate

the depth and shading of the lines.

I see.

Why not?

Well, it's in the silver particles.

They're of an irregular shape

and they produce lines that look jagged

under a magnifying glass.

Yes, but wait a minute.

Are the Bank of England really likely
to do that?

- Use a magnifying glass, sir?
- Mmm.

Yes, sir.

They're a very suspicious lot,
the British.

I mean, sooner or later,
they're going to wonder why

there are more five-pound notes
in circulation than they had printed.

Yes.

They're a very suspicious lot,
the British.

You're in my way.

Well, we must get over
this little problem of jagged lines

and magnifying glasses.

Well, that's where Solly
and the team come in, sir.

They've retouched the plates.

It's unbelievable, the transformation
they can work on them.

I'm delighted to hear it.

Oh, look at that.

Would you like to see the paper, sir?

It's amazing. The watermark's perfect.

It's amazing. The watermark's perfect.

Some come out better than others, sir.

This is Solly. He's a perfectionist.

Is he?

Well, all things considered,

you seem to have everything
very much under control.

Yes, sir, we've solved
all of our problems.

- Then we're all ready to start printing.
- Except one.

What's that?

- The serial numbers, sir.
- Numbers?

Well, the whole operation
does depend on them.

Oh, that's right. I knew there was
something I had to tell you.

Our agent in London has reported
that he's made a contact

inside the printing works
of the Bank of England.

I have every confidence
that the relevant issues

will be in our hands shortly.

Forge ahead!

Carry on.

What did he want?

He's just checking
everything's on schedule.

Everything's on schedule except him.

Where are the serial numbers?

Look, Solly, how soon can you
get a good first print?

That depends.

- Why?
- Well, I want to keep him happy.

I want to keep them all happy.

I don't want them
suddenly losing interest.

Nobody's going to work faster
than he needs to.

Have you thought what's going to happen
to all of us

when we finish our work here?

Look, the most important thing
is to prove it can be done.

Then they'll commit themselves
to mass production,

then we can take all the time we like.

Then you'd better get
those serial numbers, quick.

You fools!

You bungling idiots!

Is that section of yours
good for nothing at all?

It's the sort of thing
that could happen to anyone, Major.

No! It could only happen to you,

and that section of yours!

You've ruined everything!
Do you know that? Everything.

- We can try again.
- It'll take weeks to get an agent

into the position that man was in.
And by that time, the Bank of England

may already be alerted
to what we're doing.

The alarm bells may already be ringing.

- It's unfortunate.
- Unfortunate?

Your whole section's unfortunate.

First you tell me it's impossible
to forge English five-pound notes.

Then when I show you how,
you lose the one man

who could have made it all possible.

Our chief agent in London,
if you please, has been picked up.

The man who made a contact
inside the printing works

of the Bank of England has been caught.

And do you know why?

Because when these fools forged
his papers,

where they should have printed
an I in his name, they have printed a J.

It's an old German habit,
which nobody noticed

except an elderly
English air-raid warden.

- Was there nobody else?
- No one!

We've got no one in the position
that agent was in.

You can get down to those barracks,
wind the operation up

and send everyone back
where they came from.

Could we invent the serial numbers?

It might work for a while.

You could invent them,
and I daresay you would.

But you would be the only one
fool enough to try and spend them!

Well, Major, I have made my report,
and now I'll leave.

I must, however, formally protest
at being spoken to this way

in front of a subordinate.

Oh, formally protest all you like.
What do I care?

You've wrecked a major operation
with your bungling.

The technical section did point out
that this scheme was impossible

in the first place.

However, one cannot argue
with a closed mind.

Perhaps in future,
you will listen to our advice

and not the advice of a jumped-up clerk.

There must be something we can do.

You can get down to those barracks
and wind that operation up.

We can't just give up that easy, sir.

There must be a way.

- We should...
- Should what?

Remember the bumblebee, sir.

- Are you mocking me?
- Would I?

Then get down to the barracks
and wind it up!

Go on! Move!

Yes, sir.

There is something we could do, sir.

Do you have any genuine five-pound notes
in the office?

Heinrich,

there's someone to see you.

Mmm? On a Sunday morning, my love?

Exactly what I said.

Mmm. Is it one of my students?

No. He's in the SS.

SS!

- What does he want?
- He refused to say anything,

except he wants a word with you
in private.

You'd better show him in.

Well, you'll be late.

I won't keep you waiting long, my love.

I hope not, Heinrich.

Would you come through, please?

Thank you, Frau Bodelschwingh.

My husband can only give you a moment.

We're on our way to Mass.

You're most kind.

Good morning, sir.

Who are you?

Private Gerhard SCHULZ, SS Intelligence.
We're, um,

in the same business,
but we work for different firms.

Different firms? I don't know
what you're talking about.

I'd be very careful
what you say if I were you!

What do you want?

Well, I need your help, sir.

Oh, you have a personal problem?

No, well, it is personal in a way,
but it's for the good of the fatherland.

I help the fatherland in my own way.

Why should I talk to a private
in the SS anyway?

- Well, I do work for Major Neuheim.
- Neuheim!

Major Neuheim.

Ugh.

Why didn't that gentleman come himself?

And you can tell
that idiot Neuheim

that the electrician who wired
this place up for him

was working for us.

Malignant mathematical swine!

Well, it's a rather delicate matter.

And I'm led to believe
that our departments

aren't on the best of terms.

I have no idea
what you're talking about.

My department is
the Faculty of Mathematics

at the University of Berlin.

Excuse me, you'll have to go.

We're on our way to Mass.

You do blow a very good raspberry, sir.

I know, I was on the receiving end of it
the other night at Salon Kitty.

We must be going, Heinrich.

My dear, something important
has just come up.

On a Sunday?

Uh, yes.

Why don't you run along,

and I'll join you later?

Really, Heinrich. It's the only time
we ever have together.

Well, Professor,
why don't we sit down, relax,

now your wife's gone to church?

Are you threatening me?

Yes.

Then I have to tell you that
I consider your threats

to be empty ones.

You mean Frau Bodelschwingh
knows all about Salon Kitty?

No, but Neuheim would never dare
disclose such information

for the simple reason
that no one ever again

would use his salon.

Yes, that's true. He wouldn't.
But I would.

Oh, this is outrageous. I shall never
use that place again. Never.

Oh, don't say that, sir.

I'd hate to be
the cause of depriving you

of so much innocent pleasure.

I love my wife, you understand.

Yes, of course.

Well... Well, I... I respect her.

It's just that Bertha...
Bertha's just so...

Yes, she is, isn't she, sir? Mmm.

I share your feelings entirely.

I warn you, you'll get no money
out of me.

Sir, I wouldn't stoop
to blackmailing you for money.

Not on a professor's pay.

- What do you want, then?
- Your brain, sir.

And since there's no love lost between
Military Intelligence and the SS,

this was the only way I could think of

persuading you to lend them to me.

I don't follow you.

Well, you will have seen
one of these before, Professor.

Mmm, why yes, of course.
It's an English five-pound note.

- What of it?
- Now I have to tell you something

that will unfortunately put me
entirely in your hands.

I hope you won't think
of abusing this, sir.

That's hardly likely,
since you have a little secret

that puts me entirely in yours.

Thank you, Professor.

Well, now I've given us both something
to defend ourselves with.

You haven't given me anything, yet.

Well, here it is. Counter-Espionage,
my firm, is going into the business

of manufacturing
English five-pound notes.

Oh, forging.

Well, yes, you could call it that,
and due to my extensive business,

uh, experience, I've been put
in charge of the operation.

Now, our object is to undermine
the British economy.

- Are you serious?
- Yes.

Unfortunately, the whole operation
is about to flounder

on the rock of a single,
intractable problem.

We have failed
to get the correct numbers

to duplicate.

Well, I'm not surprised.
A very closely guarded secret.

It's a clever idea,
but I can't help you.

Well, I think you can, sir.

These numbers are not chosen
at random, are they?

- Mmm, no.
- Now, surely, the Bank of England,

like any other national bank,
must use a precise system

in selecting their numbers.

Otherwise, they wouldn't know
where they were.

Mmm, well, what of it?

Well, isn't this just a sort of code?

I mean, if you knew the system,
you'd know the code.

You'd know where it starts,
and where it ends.

And surely this would be
no more difficult for a man like you

to break this system down
than it would to break an enemy code.

And I understand you're the most
outstanding expert in that field.

It's a clever idea.

Uh, I never thought about it before.

Mmm...

Mmm, it is a very interesting idea.

I knew it would interest you, sir.

It's more like a cipher than a code.

Obviously, there must be
a numbering system.

The dates, the signature, the figures,

they must run in series,
but there will be breaks.

Then there's the letters.
Yes, now, that is a complication.

How do they do it?

Uh, I'll talk to our own bank.

I imagine the principles
on which they issue notes

and their numbering systems
can't be very much different

from any other. That'll put me,
so to speak, at least inside the head

of the issuing authority,
the code makers.

Why didn't I think of that?

From then on, of course,
it's partly luck,

stumbling on a meaningful
sequence and so on.

To break a cipher you need three things.

First, a high degree of intelligence.

Second, endless patience.

And third,
innumerable variations to play with.

How many of these have you got?

Would 400 do, sir?

It's a start. I might need some more.

- Uh, may I keep these?
- Yes, of course.

I'll take great care of them.

What's this?

This is a receipt, sir.

Would you sign it at the bottom?
I'm sorry about this.

It's not that I don't trust you,

it's that Major Neuheim
doesn't entirely trust me.

Well, he doesn't actually say so,
but I usually know what he's thinking.

You know...
You know, you're a very clever man.

In my opinion, you're wasted in the SS.

Oh, I don't know, sir.

I hope to do rather well.

Well, I mustn't keep you from church.

Mustn't keep Frau Bodelschwingh waiting.

Yes, yes, of course.
I'll start on this this evening.

Yes, sir, if you would, sir.
It is urgent.

I'd be most grateful
if you'd give it top priority.

- Absolutely.
- And of course not a word of this

- to anyone.
- No, I understand.

- That is very important.
- Of course.

- You are a Catholic, aren't you, sir?
- Yes.

You go to confession regularly,
I suppose?

Well, well, well, what of it?

Do be careful what you say.

You never know
who you're talking to these days.

Hmm.

I'd won a reprieve
for the scheme.

But for how long?

Solly and his team worked long hours,

perfected the techniques
they would ultimately use

if and when the serial numbers
became available.

Week after week went by.

My only hope
was Professor Bodelschwingh.

And that obviously
was a rapidly receding one.

All this time I was fighting
a rear guard action against Neuheim.

...those serial numbers soon,
I shall shoot myself.

And then where will you be?

And worst of all,

it looked as if we were about
to win the war.

Contact. German air power
takes to the skies

to cover the push through Holland.

Meanwhile, under cover
of the bombardment,

land forces march in
to complete the successful operation.

All Europe gives way
before our irresistible forces,

here seen pushing resolutely forward

from victory to victory.

Veteran campaigners, as they are now,

they take no notice of the difficulties.

A bit of mud and rain
makes no difference to them.

They only have one idea.
To get through to the Channel.

Peace returns to these war-torn
low countries.

The local people
can return to their homes,

secure now in the protection
of the German army.

They're certainly tired
of allied bombing,

which has been heavy and indiscriminate,
as these pictures show.

And the Maginot Line stands deserted,

having proved no defence
against the F�hrer's superior strategy.

Churchill's empty
boasts look more foolish.

Germany can be proud
of her fighting heroes

commanded by the F�hrer's
brilliant strategy.

France's vaunted Maginot Line
has proved useless.

It can only be a short time till we
are raising the flag of the Third Reich

in London.

I have the distinct impression, Solly,

time is running out.

- For who?
- For us.

It's the war. It's going too fast.

It'll be over soon.

Who'll want English
five-pound notes then?

No news from your professor?

I thought you were a bit optimistic.

Oh, all these highly skilled men.

All this beautiful equipment.

It's a criminal waste, Solly.

We'll never get
a chance like this again.

They showed us a glimpse of paradise,
but the buggers won't let us in.

I'm not worried about paradise.
That doesn't worry me, you understand.

What really worries me is if they'll
let me back into Spandau jail.

I really liked that place.

I've let you down, Solly.

We must get those serial numbers.

That'll be Neuheim, what do you bet?

Threatening to shoot himself again.

Barracks 19.

Professor Bodelschwingh,

how nice to hear from you.

How's Frau Bodelschwingh?

Oh, I'm sorry to hear that.

Can it be cured?

Professor, do you have anything
to report?

Yes! Yes, that's what
I'm calling you about.

Listen. Fascinating.

Absolutely a most fascinating exercise.

I think I've done it.

I think I've solved the whole problem.

- Are you there?
- Yes.

Yes, Professor. You say you think
you've solved the problem?

Yes, yes. I really think I have.

You know, you're a very clever chap.

I think I'm a clever chap, too.

I've made a major breakthrough.

In solving your problem, I've invented
a new deciphering technique

which could win the war for us.

Let me tell you how it works.

You see, ciphers, unlike codes,
are systematic substitutes.

Professor, not on the phone.

My God, you're quite right.
What am I doing?

You see, I'm so excited.

Yes, well, we must remain calm.

Icy calm.

Iron self-control is required of us all.

Now, you say you think
you've solved the problem

- of the serial numbers.
- Yes, yes, I do.

Have you any five-pound notes there?

Genuine ones, of course.

Solly, five-pound notes.

Yeah, five-pound notes.

What do you want
me to do with them, sir?

Well, if I'm right,

I should be able to forecast
the upper and lower limits

of the serial number
on the note you are holding

if you give me the date of its issue.

This one is July the 10th, 1936.

Just a minute. July the 10th, 1936.

1936. The signature should be
KO Peppiatt.

July the 10th.

The letters should be AU.

And the serial number should lie between

65002 and 65501.

This is signed Peppiatt.

And it is AU 65389.

I knew it. I knew it!

Have you... Have you another one there?

Another one.

This one is the 17th of August, 1938.

17th of August, 1938.

1938, the signature
should be Peppiatt again.

17th of August.

Ah, the letters should be TK.

And the serial number should lie between

38754 and 38986.

This one is TK 38766.

You're absolutely right, Professor.

I've done it.

We've broken the numbering system
of the Bank of England.

Gentlemen...

Gentlemen, we're in business at last.

- Good night to you.
- Good night, madam.

You're early.
You're not on duty till 10:OO.

- I want to talk to you.
- Oh, not now.

I'm tired. I've only just got up.

- Bertha...
- You're not going to offer me

forged clothing coupons again, are you?

No, of course not.

- Who do you think I am?
- I'm not sure.

Anyway, I've told you, I can't do it
with anyone below the rank of Major.

Good night, Gerhard.

What about British banknotes?

Where would you get British banknotes?

Well, never you mind.

Would you take them?

- Are they genuine?
- Of course they are.

Think I've got my own printing press?

- All right, let's see them.
- Not here.

- Downstairs.
- No.

Upstairs, in your room.

All right.

I see you're still in underwear,
Herr Krauss.

Who are you?

Don't remember me? SCHULZ.

SCHULZ? SCHULZ?

Well, I can't have changed that much.

Your underwear hasn't.

No, I don't remember you. Thank you.

Oh, wait a minute. Yes, I do.

You're that bloody clerk
who dropped me in it.

Listen, this is a respectable place.

There's no riff-raff allowed.
What are you doing here?

Didn't you go into Postal Censorship?

Yes, that was the idea.

So you've come here to go through
the girls' letters, have you?

- Very shrewd.
- No, I'm a client.

I've been moved, sir. Up.

Up? I should think you'd had to have
climbed up a bloody mountain

to afford these prices.

Even with my contracts,
I can hardly afford the place.

Well, let's say I make a lot of money.

For the fatherland, of course.

Yes, rather. We all do, naturally.

It's our patriotic duty.

Uh, you're not in supplies now,
by any chance?

Sir?

I was just wondering if perhaps
the next contract might...

No, no. No, no.

Good. Well, SCHULZ,

it's very good to see ex-employees
doing so well for themselves.

It shows I've got a nose for talent.

I thought that about you
when I first met you, sir.

It's funny.
I've not seen you round here before.

- No, it's my first time.
- Is it?

All right, well, get stuck in.

That's what I intend to do, sir.

I regard it as my patriotic duty.

Patriotic duty. Yeah, that's very good.

Patriotic duty. Very funny.

Well, enjoy yourself,
for the fatherland.

- Where the hell have you been?
- I'm sorry.

Well, show me.

There. That should do it.

Come on.

Oh, can't we do this
in a more civilised way?

Have a drink first?

Gerhard, I think it would be more
civilised to show me the money first.

You're so mercenary.

I know. And you're so idealistic.

May I see the notes?

Well, it wouldn't hurt you
to have a few ideals, Bertha.

I'm saving up for them,
that's why I have to be so mercenary.

Good God. You seriously don't think
they're forged, do you?

I can't afford to take a chance.

- Don't you trust anybody?
- No.

- Not even me?
- Especially not even you.

Especially not even no one.

What are you looking for?

Well, the wavy lines show up jagged
and uneven on a forgery.

It has something to do with the crystals
they use in the photo-engraving process.

Wherever did you learn that?

It's in my survival kit.

All sorts of tips.

Yes. They appear to be genuine.

- I shall need another one.
- Another one?

What rate of exchange are you using?

The pound's pretty strong, you know.

If I ever have to change these,

it'll have to be on the black market.

They'll be subject to a discount.

Can I see that other note?

What for?

Where did you get it?

- From a client.
- Anyone I know?

- Why?
- Let me have a look at it.

All right.

What are you laughing at?

- Nothing.
- It's not forged.

Is it?

It's as genuine as the ones I gave you.

Why do you want British banknotes?
What's wrong with the German mark?

My mother died when I was two.

My father when I was 15.

And he left me 10,000 marks,

his life savings.

It was to be my nest egg
for when I got married.

Well, that was in 1923.

And 1923 was the year
of the great inflation.

One day I got a letter from the bank,

returning his 10,000 marks.

Actually, they enclosed a million-mark
note. It was the smallest they had.

And the stamp on the envelope
cost five million.

Somehow I never regained my faith
in the mark after that.

- Bertha.
- Hmm?

Why don't you marry me?

What?

Why don't you marry me?

What for?

Well, I'd...
I'd like to take you away from all this.

But I like it here.

Look, if you married me,

I promise you you'd be rich.

I mean, richer than you ever dreamt of.

Oh?

And how would you do that?

Because I'm involved in a scheme

in which I shall literally
make millions.

Millions?

Well, you keep your millions,

I'm happy with this.

Oh, you're just a peasant at heart.

You can't see further
than the next crop.

"Wildest dreams. "

I doubt if you've ever had any.

Probably not.

And even if I did,
I doubt if you'd be in them.

The trouble is we're both from
the same Berlin gutter, Gerhard.

I deserve something better than you

and to be fair,

you deserve something better than me.

I've waited a long time for this.

Good evening, SCHULZ.

Schumacher, arrest him.

Fr�ulein, outside.

Do you know the penalty
for embezzling funds in wartime

is death by shooting?

Wait outside, Schumacher.

I'm amazed.

Did you really think
you'd get away with it?

May I ask, Major, how you discovered
the notes were missing?

By installing my own system
of bookkeeping, that's how.

- Does that surprise you?
- No, sir.

Doesn't surprise me at all.

Have a care, SCHULZ.

You'll live to regret it
if I have you shot.

Just remember that.

Sit down.

I've just come from the F�hrer.

He's seen the notes we produced

and he's delighted
with the whole operation.

In fact, he's given me
his personal commendation.

- Oh, congratulations, sir.
- Thank you.

He's also agreed
to mass-produce the notes

if we can successfully place
in circulation in England

two million pounds of them.

I think it could be done, don't you?

- Place them in circulation? Yes, sir.
- Yes.

And I've decided
you're the man to do it.

Really? I thought we were going
to drop them

out of an aeroplane over England.

We are, we are.

But we're going to drop you with them.

- Drop me with them?
- Yes.

You mean jump out of an aeroplane?

Yes.

Don't look so glum about it.

They give you a parachute.

Well, why can't we just scatter them
out of the plane?

Because that fool Fritsch
and his Ministry of Economics

will get to hear about it, and
they're violently opposed to the idea.

Frankly, the F�hrer can't afford
to offend Doctor Funk.

He wants the whole thing kept secret.

So we'll inject them secretly
into the British bloodstream.

- You mean, I will.
- Yes.

All you've got to do
is to spend the money unobtrusively.

And then get back to Germany,
if you can.

Others will then follow.

How do you spend
two million pounds unobtrusively?

We have thought of that.

It shouldn't be hard.

In the first place,
we have friends in England.

They're businessmen and they'll help.

And in the second place,
there are many ways of spending money

without attracting attention.

On the black market, for instance.
At racetracks and in gambling halls.

You can buy businesses and property.

We'll put you in touch with solicitors.

You could even invest
in the film industry.

That's money right down the drain.

And what happens if I get caught?

Well, as an enemy agent,

you could, in theory, be shot.

And in practice?

In practice, you could also be shot.

But then you could be shot
if you stay here.

So you wouldn't actually
be worse off, would you?

You know, I would have thought you
would have welcomed this opportunity.

No, sir. Oddly enough, I don't.

To be perfectly frank,
I don't want to go.

I don't understand.

What do you mean, you don't want to go?

Well, I can't think
of a better way of putting it.

I simply don't want to go.
In fact, I refuse to go.

This is a job for a volunteer.

I'm definitely not volunteering.

Go!

Go!

Kick, kick!

Kick!

Kick!

- Go!
- Oh, no.

Go!

Go!

You've got your identity card,
your ration book, and your gas mask?

- Yes, sir.
- Now, don't forget

to set the explosive device

before you bury the canister.

Then if anyone finds it
and tries to open it...

I'll make sure no one finds it, sir.

They'd better not, SCHULZ.
That canister is your bank.

Two million pounds
to spend as you like.

There is your bowler hat.

You've got your cyanide capsule?

Yes, sir.

Don't use it unless you have to.

No, sir.

That's very good advice, sir.

Well, good luck.

Don't forget the bumblebee.

I'm sending Schumacher along with you

as your dispatcher.

Now that simply means he'll be there to
give you a helping hand when you jump.

For Germany and the F�hrer!

The way the war is going in France,

we'll be in England
before you spend half that money.

A brave man, sir.

Yes. A brave German man.

Are you quite sure they're still
wearing bowler hats in England?

Quite sure, sir.

With plus fours?

Well, too late now.

We're nearly there. Get ready.

How do you feel?

How would you feel?

As soon as you've gone,
I'll throw the canister after you.

All right?

I've just thought of something.

What?

Tomorrow's Sunday.

The shops will be shut.

Go!

Go!

Go!

How now brown cow.

How now brown cow.

Good morning.
A pint of Guinness, please.

A pint of Guinness.

Oh, no.