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1
00:02:02,089 --> 00:02:05,384
That's right.
She's got her mother's eyes.
2
00:02:05,551 --> 00:02:08,470
Or at least she's got
somebody's mother's eyes.
3
00:02:17,729 --> 00:02:19,523
Friend?
4
00:02:23,318 --> 00:02:25,237
Friend?
5
00:02:35,247 --> 00:02:38,333
Smarten up, honey. Monsters aren't
supposed to play hard to get.
6
00:02:44,506 --> 00:02:47,301
Sure, she wants a doctor.
They all want doctors.
7
00:03:09,614 --> 00:03:11,158
She hate me.
8
00:03:11,366 --> 00:03:13,827
Come on, sister, give him a break.
9
00:03:13,994 --> 00:03:15,912
Sure, he's got spark plugs
in his neck...
10
00:03:16,079 --> 00:03:18,290
...but at least his heart's
in the right place.
11
00:03:18,457 --> 00:03:20,083
Give or take a couple inches.
12
00:03:24,463 --> 00:03:27,924
- This place is dead, I'm taking off.
- Hold it a second, will you?
13
00:03:28,675 --> 00:03:30,093
What is this you're watching?
14
00:03:30,302 --> 00:03:32,387
We belong dead.
15
00:03:33,722 --> 00:03:36,641
Don't do it, Frank.
Don't pull the lever!
16
00:03:43,899 --> 00:03:46,943
I'm not surprised.
You just can't say no to some guys.
17
00:03:47,110 --> 00:03:49,613
- I'll see you Monday. I'm leaving.
- Leaving?
18
00:03:50,030 --> 00:03:52,032
Maddie, Maddie.
What are you doing, doing?
19
00:03:52,199 --> 00:03:53,992
David, David.
I'm leaving, leaving.
20
00:03:54,201 --> 00:03:56,536
What'll it do to the morale
of the worker bees...
21
00:03:56,703 --> 00:03:59,331
...when they see their queen
leaving two hours early?
22
00:04:02,084 --> 00:04:04,294
That's a risk I'm willing to take.
23
00:04:06,713 --> 00:04:08,924
- Why are you leaving?
- Why are you stopping me?
24
00:04:09,091 --> 00:04:11,676
- What if I was bored?
- What if I wanna get home early?
25
00:04:11,843 --> 00:04:14,054
- Big plans, huh?
- No, I wouldn't say big plans.
26
00:04:14,221 --> 00:04:17,390
- Actually I wouldn't even say plans.
- No plans on a Friday night?
27
00:04:17,557 --> 00:04:21,645
The day people get paid? The night
people get what rhymes with paid?
28
00:04:21,812 --> 00:04:24,564
- It happens.
- To you? Is Ripley aware of this?
29
00:04:24,731 --> 00:04:27,484
I had a date. He had to cancel.
He had to go to a wedding.
30
00:04:27,651 --> 00:04:29,069
His own.
31
00:04:29,236 --> 00:04:31,905
- Couldn't do both, huh?
- He said he met her yesterday.
32
00:04:32,072 --> 00:04:34,533
Something about sharing
an umbrella in the rain.
33
00:04:34,699 --> 00:04:36,409
Two straws and a banana daiquiri...
34
00:04:36,576 --> 00:04:39,162
- ...living a lifetime in one night.
- I know that girl.
35
00:04:39,329 --> 00:04:42,457
Why couldn't they have met
next week? I hate eating alone.
36
00:04:42,958 --> 00:04:45,836
Well, if there's nothing
else to discuss...
37
00:04:48,046 --> 00:04:50,048
- What are you doing?
- I just had a thought.
38
00:04:50,215 --> 00:04:52,342
- Better get you a doctor.
- I can't promise...
39
00:04:52,509 --> 00:04:54,970
...but if I get on the horn PDQ,
I may be able...
40
00:04:55,136 --> 00:04:57,848
...to lose a few rendezvous,
juggle a few jiggles...
41
00:04:58,014 --> 00:05:01,059
...and I might be able to free
up my schedule to squeeze you in.
42
00:05:01,226 --> 00:05:03,562
- Squeeze me in?
- Yeah. You know...
43
00:05:03,728 --> 00:05:05,230
...you and me...
44
00:05:05,397 --> 00:05:08,817
...go out. Do something together.
45
00:05:16,449 --> 00:05:18,577
My coat's upstairs.
46
00:05:26,209 --> 00:05:29,504
Well, I hadn't really expected this.
Though I don't see why not.
47
00:05:29,671 --> 00:05:31,840
It might be fun
doing something together.
48
00:05:32,007 --> 00:05:35,343
- Maybe we could see a movie.
- Yeah, sure, a movie.
49
00:05:35,510 --> 00:05:37,971
- There's a French film, it-
- French?
50
00:05:38,138 --> 00:05:41,558
- You mean, like, foreign?
- Well, what else would I mean?
51
00:05:41,725 --> 00:05:43,226
I don't know.
52
00:05:43,393 --> 00:05:45,520
Dirty?
53
00:05:48,273 --> 00:05:50,650
- Well, how about music, then?
- Now you're cooking.
54
00:05:50,817 --> 00:05:53,361
I know a nightspot,
perfect place to make you forget.
55
00:05:53,528 --> 00:05:55,196
- Forget what?
- It's already working.
56
00:05:55,363 --> 00:05:58,366
By nightspot, you mean
soft lights, quiet, a little piano?
57
00:05:58,533 --> 00:06:00,076
Very little piano. None at all.
58
00:06:00,243 --> 00:06:02,996
There's a guy on sax,
blows notes you can hear in Seattle.
59
00:06:03,163 --> 00:06:04,664
- This won't work.
- Dancing then.
60
00:06:04,831 --> 00:06:06,624
We go out, get totally sweated up-
61
00:06:06,791 --> 00:06:09,085
David, this isn't gonna work.
We're not going...
62
00:06:09,252 --> 00:06:11,838
...to agree on anything any more
than we ever agree.
63
00:06:12,005 --> 00:06:14,424
- I disagree.
- David, I'd just rather go home...
64
00:06:14,591 --> 00:06:17,093
...have a glass of wine
and slip into a bubble bath.
65
00:06:17,260 --> 00:06:19,888
Fine. Mind if we stop at my place
on the way?
66
00:06:20,096 --> 00:06:22,849
- David, why are we doing this?
- Maddie, it's Friday.
67
00:06:23,016 --> 00:06:26,561
We're single people, we owe it
to ourselves to find something to do.
68
00:06:26,770 --> 00:06:28,730
- We do?
- We do.
69
00:06:28,938 --> 00:06:30,398
- I know. Dinner.
- Dinner.
70
00:06:30,565 --> 00:06:33,485
Dinner. Hard to screw up,
we both like to eat.
71
00:06:33,651 --> 00:06:35,779
This time, you choose.
Anywhere you wanna go.
72
00:06:35,987 --> 00:06:38,323
- Anywhere? You sure?
- Anywhere. I'm sure.
73
00:06:38,531 --> 00:06:40,825
There's this restaurant
a couple blocks away...
74
00:06:40,992 --> 00:06:43,036
...supposed to have
wonderful seafood.
75
00:06:43,203 --> 00:06:45,872
- Seafood?
- Monday, David.
76
00:06:46,081 --> 00:06:47,540
Monday?
77
00:06:48,666 --> 00:06:49,709
- Ms. Hayes.
- Ms. DiPesto.
78
00:06:49,876 --> 00:06:52,212
- I was just coming in.
- I was just going out.
79
00:06:52,378 --> 00:06:54,506
What are the chances
of that happening?
80
00:06:54,714 --> 00:06:56,966
- You came to tell us something?
- You guessed?
81
00:06:57,175 --> 00:06:58,676
- What is it?
- I don't know.
82
00:06:58,843 --> 00:07:02,222
But a cousin of mine had it too.
Answered her door before anyone rang.
83
00:07:02,430 --> 00:07:05,058
No, I mean, what is it
you wanted to tell us?
84
00:07:05,308 --> 00:07:06,518
A man's here to see you.
85
00:07:06,684 --> 00:07:08,353
- We'll be right out.
- Bring him in.
86
00:07:08,520 --> 00:07:11,898
- My office is more appropriate.
- What's wrong with doing it right here?
87
00:07:13,691 --> 00:07:16,528
You are already here.
88
00:07:20,698 --> 00:07:22,909
How about this? No pressure.
89
00:07:23,076 --> 00:07:26,871
We go to your house, take off our
clothes, get some 90-weight motor oil...
90
00:07:27,038 --> 00:07:30,291
...we rub it all over ourselves,
we see what we feel like doing.
91
00:07:31,084 --> 00:07:33,378
It doesn't have to be 90-weight.
92
00:07:35,505 --> 00:07:39,384
- This is Alan Tupperman.
- Ms. Hayes. Mr. Addison.
93
00:07:39,551 --> 00:07:41,886
You folks experienced
at missing-persons work?
94
00:07:42,095 --> 00:07:44,097
We've done as much
of that as anything.
95
00:07:44,305 --> 00:07:47,141
Good. I'd like you to locate
this woman.
96
00:07:48,977 --> 00:07:51,729
I'm prepared to pay you $5000 now...
97
00:07:51,938 --> 00:07:55,358
...and $25,000 more once you've
found her and brought her to me.
98
00:07:55,608 --> 00:07:57,318
- Do you have a photograph?
- Nope.
99
00:07:57,485 --> 00:07:59,195
- A name?
- Afraid not.
100
00:08:00,405 --> 00:08:01,948
Well, forgive me but I'm lost.
101
00:08:03,324 --> 00:08:06,327
This is gonna seem
a little unorthodox.
102
00:08:06,536 --> 00:08:09,330
Orthodox, unorthodox,
we have no religious preference.
103
00:08:09,497 --> 00:08:12,625
Had a rabbi client someone
was trying to kill for blowing his bris.
104
00:08:12,792 --> 00:08:15,628
- Go on, Mr. Tupperman.
- I don't know who this person is.
105
00:08:15,795 --> 00:08:17,881
- Excuse me?
- I don't know who this woman is.
106
00:08:18,047 --> 00:08:21,676
- I've never met this woman.
- Then why do you wanna find her?
107
00:08:22,302 --> 00:08:24,137
Ms. Hayes...
108
00:08:24,888 --> 00:08:26,389
...I'm 39 years old.
109
00:08:26,556 --> 00:08:29,976
I cleared more last year than my
father made in his entire lifetime.
110
00:08:30,435 --> 00:08:32,437
I get a new car
every two and a half years.
111
00:08:32,604 --> 00:08:36,065
I own a house, I own a boat.
I'm the kind of man who reads Playboy.
112
00:08:36,232 --> 00:08:39,402
The kind who doesn't leave home
without his American Express card.
113
00:08:39,569 --> 00:08:42,697
I shave twice a day because you never
know who you're gonna meet.
114
00:08:42,905 --> 00:08:46,075
I believe in God, but not necessarily
in any one religion.
115
00:08:46,451 --> 00:08:50,622
And I am miserably, terribly alone.
116
00:08:51,372 --> 00:08:54,709
- Breath problem?
- What does all that have to do with us?
117
00:08:54,917 --> 00:08:59,380
This represents everything I'm
looking for in a mate. In a partner.
118
00:09:00,131 --> 00:09:02,634
Am I sure she exists?
119
00:09:02,800 --> 00:09:04,927
I am not at all sure she exists.
120
00:09:05,136 --> 00:09:08,473
But if you can find her,
it's worth 30,000 to me.
121
00:09:08,681 --> 00:09:10,850
Lord knows I've been
out there for 20 years...
122
00:09:11,017 --> 00:09:14,520
...telling the lies men tell women,
and I can't find her.
123
00:09:16,064 --> 00:09:19,901
- You're serious.
- I'm more than serious, I'm committed.
124
00:09:20,068 --> 00:09:22,362
If you can find this woman,
I'll marry her.
125
00:09:23,404 --> 00:09:26,115
Alan, you know what you are?
A man ahead of your time.
126
00:09:26,282 --> 00:09:28,159
You've opened up
a new revenue source...
127
00:09:28,326 --> 00:09:30,036
- ...for detective agencies.
- He did?
128
00:09:30,203 --> 00:09:31,662
- I did?
- Sure, I can see it.
129
00:09:31,829 --> 00:09:34,832
Guys place their orders, walk
out with a girl of their dreams.
130
00:09:35,041 --> 00:09:39,045
Could have a menu. A trait from column
A, a trait from column B, like a deli.
131
00:09:39,462 --> 00:09:41,589
"Give me a brunette
who likes racquetball...
132
00:09:41,756 --> 00:09:44,592
...hold the breast, to go.
Better yet, I'll have her here."
133
00:09:46,052 --> 00:09:48,679
- Look, if you don't wanna help me-
- Alan, Alan, Alan.
134
00:09:48,846 --> 00:09:50,848
What makes you
think we're not interested?
135
00:09:51,015 --> 00:09:53,226
The real point is,
Mr. Tupperman, why us?
136
00:09:53,434 --> 00:09:55,603
We're detectives,
not a dating service.
137
00:09:55,812 --> 00:09:57,772
Have you been out there lately?
138
00:09:58,147 --> 00:10:02,276
I'm at my wit's end. Every night,
clubs, bars, searching...
139
00:10:02,485 --> 00:10:06,489
...computer dating, the personals,
never finding her.
140
00:10:06,656 --> 00:10:09,242
Starting to think
maybe she doesn't exist at all.
141
00:10:09,450 --> 00:10:11,619
Then it occurred to me,
maybe it wasn't her.
142
00:10:11,911 --> 00:10:14,497
Maybe it's me.
Maybe I don't know how to find her.
143
00:10:14,705 --> 00:10:17,959
It dawned on me that what
I've got here is a missing person.
144
00:10:18,167 --> 00:10:20,586
So why not go to people
trained to find people?
145
00:10:20,753 --> 00:10:24,006
Trained to find people solely
on the basis of a description.
146
00:10:24,882 --> 00:10:26,592
Look...
147
00:10:26,759 --> 00:10:31,305
...I know it sounds strange,
but give it some time. Mull it over.
148
00:10:31,472 --> 00:10:34,267
My address and phone number
are on the top of that list.
149
00:10:34,475 --> 00:10:37,728
There's a picture and a complete
description of me there as well.
150
00:10:39,772 --> 00:10:41,732
Think about it.
151
00:10:42,525 --> 00:10:44,402
I'll call you tomorrow.
152
00:10:46,779 --> 00:10:49,407
- My goodness.
- Mine too.
153
00:10:49,574 --> 00:10:51,909
- Well, you wanna know what I think?
- About what?
154
00:10:52,076 --> 00:10:55,079
- I think we shouldn't take this case.
- This is unusual.
155
00:10:55,413 --> 00:10:57,623
- What's the problem?
- You can't see it?
156
00:10:57,790 --> 00:11:00,835
All I can see is a man walks in,
puts 5 grand on the table...
157
00:11:01,002 --> 00:11:03,671
...offers us a chance to do
something different, unique.
158
00:11:03,838 --> 00:11:05,214
- A chance to-
- Pimp.
159
00:11:06,090 --> 00:11:07,383
- Pimp?
- Pimp.
160
00:11:07,592 --> 00:11:10,011
Well, I don't see that at all.
No, no, no, no, no.
161
00:11:10,177 --> 00:11:12,346
You've misunderstood.
We're finding a woman...
162
00:11:12,513 --> 00:11:14,640
...for a man for money.
And that's all.
163
00:11:15,349 --> 00:11:17,435
- No.
- What do you mean, no?
164
00:11:17,602 --> 00:11:19,729
Isn't this still a discussion?
165
00:11:19,896 --> 00:11:23,149
I'll abide by what you say, but
shouldn't there be discussion first?
166
00:11:23,357 --> 00:11:25,526
- Discuss it. I'm going home.
- Wait a second.
167
00:11:25,693 --> 00:11:28,029
What about Rambo, the steak,
dancing till dawn?
168
00:11:28,237 --> 00:11:29,614
Called because of stupidity.
169
00:11:29,780 --> 00:11:31,240
- You kill me.
- Lf only I could.
170
00:11:31,407 --> 00:11:34,827
- We're staring at a great case.
- I'm getting cavities listening to you.
171
00:11:34,994 --> 00:11:37,496
An opportunity to give a man
a second chance at life.
172
00:11:37,663 --> 00:11:39,415
- I'll be at home.
- You don't see it.
173
00:11:39,582 --> 00:11:42,209
Because it isn't there.
174
00:11:43,210 --> 00:11:45,171
But you're wrong, Maddie.
It is there.
175
00:11:45,338 --> 00:11:47,506
For once, we won't
be investigating a tragedy.
176
00:11:47,673 --> 00:11:49,216
We'll help someone get over one.
177
00:11:49,383 --> 00:11:52,053
We'll do something noble.
Helping a man find his future.
178
00:11:52,219 --> 00:11:53,304
- That's crap.
- What?
179
00:11:53,471 --> 00:11:55,848
You're so full of crap,
it's coming out your ears.
180
00:11:56,015 --> 00:11:57,558
Fine. Can I ask one question?
181
00:11:57,725 --> 00:12:00,519
Sure. You can ask me, but I'm
not gonna be here to answer.
182
00:12:00,728 --> 00:12:02,855
- Why'd he come to see you?
- What?
183
00:12:03,064 --> 00:12:05,524
Why did he come to you,
Maddie Hayes, detective-?
184
00:12:05,691 --> 00:12:07,443
What do you mean,
why come to see me?
185
00:12:07,652 --> 00:12:10,988
If he was looking to get lucky,
he could have gone to any detective...
186
00:12:11,155 --> 00:12:13,157
...mostly men.
Why did he come to you?
187
00:12:13,366 --> 00:12:15,785
- I have no idea.
- Because you're a woman, Maddie.
188
00:12:15,993 --> 00:12:19,038
Because he is looking for
a partner to share his life with.
189
00:12:19,246 --> 00:12:22,124
And who better to help him
find that partner than you?
190
00:12:23,125 --> 00:12:25,920
A sophisticated, intelligent,
beautiful woman.
191
00:12:31,634 --> 00:12:34,053
Are we working this weekend?
192
00:12:34,428 --> 00:12:37,723
- Pick me up tomorrow morning.
- You got it, partner.
193
00:12:38,724 --> 00:12:41,560
- You're still full of crap.
- So, what else is new?
194
00:12:44,438 --> 00:12:46,107
Now, where do we start?
195
00:12:46,273 --> 00:12:48,651
How do we find someone
who meets the requirements?
196
00:12:48,859 --> 00:12:51,654
- Never looked for a fantasy before?
- Not someone else's.
197
00:12:51,862 --> 00:12:53,197
First we get realistic.
198
00:12:53,364 --> 00:12:55,658
We look at the list
and act like it's a test.
199
00:12:55,825 --> 00:12:57,201
We get 60 percent, we pass.
200
00:12:57,410 --> 00:12:59,120
I think we have to do
more than pass.
201
00:12:59,328 --> 00:13:02,832
- I may stay up late with homework.
- A lot of thought went into this list.
202
00:13:02,998 --> 00:13:05,709
We should do our best to give him
what he's looking for.
203
00:13:05,918 --> 00:13:09,630
- You're right. What's he looking for?
- Let's see. A hard worker.
204
00:13:09,839 --> 00:13:12,383
- Somebody to do the ironing, got it.
- Good listener.
205
00:13:12,591 --> 00:13:15,261
- Follows orders, that's important.
- Doesn't overdress.
206
00:13:15,469 --> 00:13:18,139
Wears enough to keep out of jail.
I've looked for her.
207
00:13:18,347 --> 00:13:21,809
- Is this going to continue?
- I could read, but I'm driving.
208
00:13:22,017 --> 00:13:23,811
Has spent some time serving others.
209
00:13:24,019 --> 00:13:27,440
Cocktail waitress, good. Something
to fall back on during hard times.
210
00:13:27,648 --> 00:13:29,775
One of us is having trouble
interpreting.
211
00:13:29,984 --> 00:13:32,653
- That's all right. You'll catch on.
- I meant you.
212
00:13:32,820 --> 00:13:35,823
Me? No. Seems very clear
and to the point.
213
00:13:35,990 --> 00:13:39,785
Obviously not. I described a mature,
intelligent woman of substance...
214
00:13:39,994 --> 00:13:43,706
...you describe an oversexed pack
horse with a lobotomy and a G-string.
215
00:13:44,290 --> 00:13:48,460
Not true. I believe that good looks
and motor skills are important...
216
00:13:48,627 --> 00:13:50,629
...but more than that,
she's gotta be hot.
217
00:13:50,796 --> 00:13:53,257
- Young and hot.
- Move your organs into the '80s.
218
00:13:53,465 --> 00:13:55,676
This is the list of man
who wants more...
219
00:13:55,843 --> 00:13:58,262
...than grabbing some hair
to pull into his cave.
220
00:13:58,470 --> 00:14:01,098
It's what every man wants.
Somebody who looks good...
221
00:14:01,265 --> 00:14:04,101
...who turns the flame up
and makes him feel like a man.
222
00:14:04,310 --> 00:14:07,062
What about companionship
and laughter, what about fun?
223
00:14:07,271 --> 00:14:11,066
What are you talking about?
That stuff is what other guys are for.
224
00:14:11,609 --> 00:14:13,819
- I don't wanna do this with you.
- What's that?
225
00:14:14,028 --> 00:14:16,864
It's clear that once again
we are not seeing eye to eye...
226
00:14:17,031 --> 00:14:20,409
- ...which leaves us only one solution.
- You want me to pull over now?
227
00:14:20,576 --> 00:14:23,787
This is the situation I had in mind
when I suggested considering-
228
00:14:23,954 --> 00:14:25,956
- We'll each find our own woman.
- We what?
229
00:14:26,165 --> 00:14:30,002
We each find our own woman. I'll take
the high road and you'll take the low.
230
00:14:30,169 --> 00:14:33,172
- And may the better detective win.
- You serious?
231
00:14:33,339 --> 00:14:35,007
Right, you're always serious.
232
00:14:35,174 --> 00:14:37,885
Let me get this straight.
We each go our own way...
233
00:14:38,052 --> 00:14:39,637
...we find a woman on our own...
234
00:14:39,803 --> 00:14:43,182
...and we let Tupperman decide
who's done the best job?
235
00:14:44,183 --> 00:14:46,018
There's gotta be something wrong.
236
00:14:46,226 --> 00:14:47,895
- Why?
- I love it.
237
00:15:51,458 --> 00:15:55,087
You calling about the ad?
Please hold.
238
00:15:55,671 --> 00:15:58,257
You calling about the ad?
Please hold.
239
00:15:58,424 --> 00:16:00,134
Calling about the ad?
Please hold.
240
00:16:00,342 --> 00:16:04,763
So, Ms. Vance,
let's start at the beginning.
241
00:16:05,180 --> 00:16:07,141
Why don't you tell me about yourself.
242
00:16:07,766 --> 00:16:12,438
Well, I should make it clear
that I'm not the kind of person...
243
00:16:12,646 --> 00:16:15,691
Who normally answers
these kind of ads, but...
244
00:16:15,899 --> 00:16:17,401
Times being what they are...
245
00:16:18,110 --> 00:16:20,529
Men being what they are...
246
00:16:20,737 --> 00:16:24,074
I thought I'd, well, go out on a limb.
247
00:16:24,283 --> 00:16:25,617
I thought...
248
00:16:25,784 --> 00:16:28,245
...if this offer's legitimate...
249
00:16:28,454 --> 00:16:32,207
What the hell, let's give this
cowboy a jump and see what he's got.
250
00:16:32,416 --> 00:16:35,586
It's not that I have trouble
getting dates.
251
00:16:36,128 --> 00:16:38,255
Of course, I don't
have to tell you that.
252
00:16:38,547 --> 00:16:41,008
I just attract...
253
00:16:41,216 --> 00:16:42,676
The wrong kind of man.
254
00:16:43,302 --> 00:16:46,763
- And a lot of them.
- What was the question again?
255
00:17:10,078 --> 00:17:12,122
I think my background
speaks for itself.
256
00:17:12,331 --> 00:17:15,167
I won every science fair
at Klamath Falls High.
257
00:17:15,375 --> 00:17:17,711
- If you look at me...
- It's obvious that...
258
00:17:17,878 --> 00:17:19,379
I know how to please a man.
259
00:17:19,588 --> 00:17:22,049
- As long as he gets along with my...
- Pekingese.
260
00:17:22,257 --> 00:17:23,926
One thing I won't tolerate is...
261
00:17:24,134 --> 00:17:27,304
A man who doesn't floss or believe
in proper dental hygiene.
262
00:17:27,512 --> 00:17:31,350
As a matter fact, that's the reason
that I divorced my fourth husband.
263
00:17:31,558 --> 00:17:33,060
Or was it my second?
264
00:17:33,268 --> 00:17:35,771
Well, it wasn't Rufus,
I only slept with him.
265
00:17:35,979 --> 00:17:37,856
Maybe it was.
266
00:17:40,108 --> 00:17:41,735
What was the question again?
267
00:18:10,764 --> 00:18:13,850
Blue Moon Detective Agency.
Strange calls in the night?
268
00:18:14,017 --> 00:18:16,311
Notes in your mailbox
by dawn's early light?
269
00:18:16,478 --> 00:18:18,480
Tell us about it,
let us get involved.
270
00:18:18,647 --> 00:18:21,900
We'll find the perv
and your problems will be solved.
271
00:18:23,777 --> 00:18:25,529
Hello?
272
00:18:27,781 --> 00:18:30,075
Why don't you say something?
273
00:18:34,037 --> 00:18:36,123
To you too.
274
00:18:36,873 --> 00:18:38,083
- I did it.
- Did what?
275
00:18:38,250 --> 00:18:39,501
- Found her.
- Found who?
276
00:18:39,668 --> 00:18:42,170
- The woman. The woman.
- The woman? What woman?
277
00:18:42,337 --> 00:18:46,425
- The one Tupperman is going to marry.
- Oh, that woman. Where is she?
278
00:18:46,633 --> 00:18:48,427
Right here.
279
00:18:54,015 --> 00:18:57,352
Molly, this is Agnes DiPesto.
Ms. DiPesto, this is Molly Lewis.
280
00:18:57,644 --> 00:18:59,479
- Very nice to meet you.
- Likewise.
281
00:18:59,646 --> 00:19:03,734
- Molly's a Rhodes scholar.
- Really? You study maps?
282
00:19:05,110 --> 00:19:06,611
Molly's a gourmet cook.
283
00:19:07,237 --> 00:19:10,282
- Really?
- Well, it's...
284
00:19:10,907 --> 00:19:13,243
Molly speaks three languages.
285
00:19:13,452 --> 00:19:16,037
Amazing. All at once?
286
00:19:18,039 --> 00:19:20,000
If anyone calls, we'll be in my office.
287
00:19:20,167 --> 00:19:22,169
Fine.
288
00:19:27,340 --> 00:19:29,593
Y'all come back now.
289
00:19:30,260 --> 00:19:32,179
That's tough to do.
290
00:19:34,097 --> 00:19:37,184
Blue Moon Detective Agency.
Strange calls in the night?
291
00:19:37,350 --> 00:19:40,395
Strange notes in the-? What?
292
00:19:41,021 --> 00:19:43,315
What do you mean, am I naked?
293
00:19:45,192 --> 00:19:47,861
I know it's a yes-or-no question.
294
00:19:52,699 --> 00:19:54,784
- People.
- I'll have to put you on hold.
295
00:19:54,951 --> 00:19:57,370
Something important's going on.
296
00:19:58,121 --> 00:20:00,457
As many of you know,
for the past several days...
297
00:20:00,624 --> 00:20:03,043
...I have been engaged in a quest.
298
00:20:03,210 --> 00:20:04,878
A journey...
299
00:20:05,170 --> 00:20:07,214
...an odyssey to find a woman.
300
00:20:07,380 --> 00:20:11,968
Wait, correction, not just a woman.
301
00:20:12,135 --> 00:20:15,472
Well, I have returned.
302
00:20:15,639 --> 00:20:18,225
Gentlemen, don your goggles.
303
00:20:23,230 --> 00:20:25,523
Just a word of warning here.
304
00:20:26,274 --> 00:20:28,610
You don't wanna look
directly at this woman.
305
00:20:28,777 --> 00:20:30,695
What you wanna do
is punch a pinhole...
306
00:20:30,862 --> 00:20:33,990
...in the center of a piece of paper
and watch her through that.
307
00:20:34,699 --> 00:20:36,409
But, hey...
308
00:20:36,868 --> 00:20:40,789
...you're all big boys.
You do what you want.
309
00:20:41,206 --> 00:20:43,416
Hey, Stevie.
310
00:21:01,184 --> 00:21:02,602
Anyone got a match?
311
00:21:06,231 --> 00:21:08,066
I gotta go!
312
00:21:12,904 --> 00:21:14,280
I don't know.
313
00:21:14,447 --> 00:21:16,491
I suppose, for me...
314
00:21:16,658 --> 00:21:19,369
...cayenne pepper represents...
315
00:21:19,536 --> 00:21:22,205
...a new food frontier...
316
00:21:22,372 --> 00:21:24,207
...you know?
317
00:21:25,208 --> 00:21:28,253
The search is over. Call off the dogs,
we done found the fox.
318
00:21:28,586 --> 00:21:31,881
- David.
- Excuse me. I'm a speed gloater.
319
00:21:32,090 --> 00:21:33,967
- David.
- Maddie, I looked everywhere.
320
00:21:34,134 --> 00:21:36,928
Over hill and dale, under Roy
and Dale, and suddenly...
321
00:21:37,095 --> 00:21:38,430
...there she was...
322
00:21:38,596 --> 00:21:40,515
...Stevie.
323
00:21:41,474 --> 00:21:43,351
- It's okay, I love it.
- Not now, David.
324
00:21:43,560 --> 00:21:45,854
Go on, Maddie, give her a spin.
Kick the tires.
325
00:21:46,021 --> 00:21:49,274
- You'll agree, there's no need to look-
- Addison!
326
00:21:56,948 --> 00:22:00,160
Go cut a switch.
Looks like the woodshed for David.
327
00:22:00,869 --> 00:22:03,413
If you two would excuse
us for a moment-
328
00:22:03,580 --> 00:22:05,415
Is this-? Is she-?
329
00:22:05,582 --> 00:22:07,959
No. No. No.
Two completely unrelated cases.
330
00:22:08,168 --> 00:22:11,629
I feel strongly about discussing
cases in front of unrelated people.
331
00:22:11,838 --> 00:22:16,885
We'd appreciate it if neither of you
discuss your cases either, understand?
332
00:22:27,604 --> 00:22:29,397
What...
333
00:22:29,939 --> 00:22:33,443
...do you think you're doing, parading
that-? That through my office?
334
00:22:33,651 --> 00:22:36,154
That that is gonna get us
a $25,000 bonus.
335
00:22:36,362 --> 00:22:38,114
- Oh, really?
- Oh, yes, really.
336
00:22:38,281 --> 00:22:41,159
You are even more naive,
David, than I imagined.
337
00:22:41,326 --> 00:22:42,911
Yeah, I'm just full of surprises.
338
00:22:43,077 --> 00:22:45,288
It so happens that
when you burst in here...
339
00:22:45,455 --> 00:22:48,082
...I was sitting with
Alan Tupperman's perfect match.
340
00:22:48,583 --> 00:22:50,627
- Who, her?
- Yes, her.
341
00:22:50,835 --> 00:22:52,921
She's a sensitive,
intelligent woman...
342
00:22:53,087 --> 00:22:56,466
...who would be insulted
to think she was in a kind of contest.
343
00:22:56,674 --> 00:22:59,010
Well, if that's your choice,
there is no contest.
344
00:22:59,219 --> 00:23:01,304
- What does that mean?
- It means it's over.
345
00:23:01,513 --> 00:23:03,515
If that's your choice, I have to agree.
346
00:23:03,681 --> 00:23:07,393
How can you present that woman to
Alan Tupperman with a straight face?
347
00:23:07,602 --> 00:23:11,272
- She doesn't meet his requirements.
- She meets two: Willing and female.
348
00:23:12,315 --> 00:23:15,568
You are taking this list too literally.
Read between the lines.
349
00:23:15,777 --> 00:23:18,404
- Don't you mean between the sheets?
- Maddie, admit it.
350
00:23:18,571 --> 00:23:20,323
Your approach was off base.
351
00:23:20,490 --> 00:23:22,992
You were looking for someone
who was the list.
352
00:23:23,159 --> 00:23:25,745
So you got what you got.
353
00:23:25,912 --> 00:23:28,248
I looked for someone
who could become the list...
354
00:23:28,414 --> 00:23:30,166
...who could grow to be his dream.
355
00:23:30,333 --> 00:23:33,127
Who could provide him with
a garden of earthly delights.
356
00:23:33,294 --> 00:23:37,382
Who could be more important to him
than water, air, Monday Night Football.
357
00:23:38,007 --> 00:23:40,677
I just met her, David,
she's only a woman.
358
00:23:41,594 --> 00:23:43,763
Only a woman?
359
00:23:44,806 --> 00:23:47,183
Were the '27 Yankees
only a baseball team?
360
00:23:47,350 --> 00:23:49,394
Are the Himalayas
only a bunch of hills?
361
00:23:49,560 --> 00:23:51,020
Are 36 inches only a yard?
362
00:23:51,938 --> 00:23:53,523
This is not a game, David.
363
00:23:53,731 --> 00:23:56,901
We're trying to help a man
with his most important decision.
364
00:23:57,110 --> 00:23:59,946
We're helping Alan Tupperman
make a choice to live with...
365
00:24:00,113 --> 00:24:01,906
...for the rest of his life.
366
00:24:02,073 --> 00:24:03,992
Brenda Boring?
367
00:24:04,200 --> 00:24:06,244
Not a choice he wants to live with.
368
00:24:06,452 --> 00:24:09,998
You don't know her. She's perfect
for him. She'd make a wonderful wife.
369
00:24:10,206 --> 00:24:11,541
Right, I know the type.
370
00:24:11,708 --> 00:24:16,045
Good little dancer, all the girls like her,
don't even mind the hair on her mole.
371
00:24:16,212 --> 00:24:20,174
- You are a repugnant human being.
- It's a gift.
372
00:24:20,341 --> 00:24:23,386
Where'd you hook this halibut
in case we wanna throw her back?
373
00:24:23,594 --> 00:24:26,347
Where I found her is hardly the point.
The point is...
374
00:24:26,514 --> 00:24:30,435
...I conducted a methodical search and
came up with the best possible person.
375
00:24:30,643 --> 00:24:32,562
Then maybe I'll just go ask her.
376
00:24:32,729 --> 00:24:35,273
On my line at the supermarket,
okay, all right?
377
00:24:37,275 --> 00:24:39,569
She had a fascinating cart.
378
00:24:39,736 --> 00:24:42,071
All kinds of greens, spices, herbs.
379
00:24:42,822 --> 00:24:45,116
- Supermarket, Maddie?
- So what?
380
00:24:45,283 --> 00:24:47,577
That doesn't make her
less qualified for Alan.
381
00:24:47,785 --> 00:24:51,497
Yeah, right. Medium looks,
buys her own food, a potent combo.
382
00:24:51,706 --> 00:24:53,750
You still don't see
how important this is.
383
00:24:53,916 --> 00:24:55,585
This isn't just another blind date.
384
00:24:55,793 --> 00:24:57,670
We have to find a woman
he can love...
385
00:24:57,837 --> 00:25:01,215
...be his friend, share her life with him
while he shares his with her.
386
00:25:01,382 --> 00:25:05,219
This is about romance, David.
It matters, and I wanna do it right.
387
00:25:05,428 --> 00:25:06,763
So do I.
388
00:25:06,929 --> 00:25:11,059
But I guess my right and your right
are two different things. So...
389
00:25:11,267 --> 00:25:13,394
- So?
- So I guess we're not gonna find out...
390
00:25:13,561 --> 00:25:17,106
...whose right is right until
Mr. T finds Mrs. Right for himself.
391
00:25:18,357 --> 00:25:21,986
Like you said,
may the better detective win.
392
00:25:39,545 --> 00:25:42,924
Yo, Stevie, you wanna bring
that moneymaker in my office?
393
00:26:04,987 --> 00:26:09,700
There's nothing wrong with a woman
being aggressive, taking the initiative.
394
00:26:09,867 --> 00:26:12,328
What's the worst that can happen?
395
00:26:15,414 --> 00:26:19,293
Blue Moon Detective Agency. Running
a pageant, need to know if any girls...
396
00:26:19,460 --> 00:26:22,505
...posed for photos showing more
than a competition would allow?
397
00:26:22,672 --> 00:26:24,632
Give us a call
and we'll find out now.
398
00:26:24,882 --> 00:26:27,051
We have sources at
major men's magazines...
399
00:26:27,260 --> 00:26:30,638
...and we use them to help
keep your beauty pageant clean.
400
00:26:31,138 --> 00:26:32,473
It's okay.
401
00:26:32,640 --> 00:26:36,102
You could stop breathing
into the phone, it's me.
402
00:26:37,228 --> 00:26:38,938
It's him!
403
00:26:40,565 --> 00:26:41,899
Well...
404
00:26:42,066 --> 00:26:44,026
Hey, wait a second.
405
00:26:44,443 --> 00:26:48,322
- You haven't heard anything either?
- Lf you mean, did Molly call, no.
406
00:26:48,531 --> 00:26:50,616
- Gee, I'm surprised.
- Surprised?
407
00:26:50,783 --> 00:26:53,286
Well, I'm sure she got home
early last night.
408
00:26:53,452 --> 00:26:55,955
- Obviously Stevie hasn't called.
- Obviously.
409
00:26:56,163 --> 00:26:58,457
No doubt looking for someone
to help her dial.
410
00:26:58,666 --> 00:27:01,335
- Very cute.
- All those numbers, all those buttons-
411
00:27:01,544 --> 00:27:03,921
- You're milking it.
- We'll know soon enough.
412
00:27:04,130 --> 00:27:05,214
- You worried?
- Me?
413
00:27:05,381 --> 00:27:06,507
- You.
- Not me.
414
00:27:06,716 --> 00:27:09,385
Me neither. I can wait around all day.
415
00:27:10,845 --> 00:27:12,471
Me too.
416
00:27:12,680 --> 00:27:15,808
The only reason Tupperman didn't call
is because he hit pay dirt.
417
00:27:16,017 --> 00:27:17,768
- Excuse me?
- You're excused.
418
00:27:17,977 --> 00:27:19,478
- "Hit pay dirt"?
- Hit pay dirt.
419
00:27:19,645 --> 00:27:21,314
Rounded third and slid into home.
420
00:27:21,564 --> 00:27:24,567
- I don't wanna know what that means.
- You know what that means.
421
00:27:24,775 --> 00:27:26,569
You are the crudest man
I've ever met.
422
00:27:26,777 --> 00:27:28,696
You ought to get around more.
423
00:27:30,906 --> 00:27:32,825
She's right here, Ms. Lewis.
424
00:27:32,992 --> 00:27:35,536
It's Molly! She'll be right with you.
425
00:27:37,496 --> 00:27:39,749
Do either of you know how
to say that in Italian?
426
00:27:39,915 --> 00:27:41,792
Give me that!
427
00:27:42,084 --> 00:27:45,296
Molly, it's Maddie Hayes.
Tell me everything.
428
00:27:47,673 --> 00:27:50,926
Gee, I feel terrible about this.
429
00:27:52,511 --> 00:27:54,597
Now, I know what
you're all thinking...
430
00:27:54,764 --> 00:27:58,267
...but don't you know how much
I hate being right all the time?
431
00:27:58,517 --> 00:28:02,021
Let's get the Tuppermans a wedding
gift. Call Stevie, see what they need.
432
00:28:02,188 --> 00:28:05,149
I'm so sorry, Molly.
433
00:28:05,316 --> 00:28:08,027
So how is old Molly?
434
00:28:08,235 --> 00:28:10,529
Guess love isn't totally
blind after all, is it?
435
00:28:10,738 --> 00:28:12,073
Leave me alone, Addison.
436
00:28:12,281 --> 00:28:15,159
I hope they ask Molly
to be the old maid of honor.
437
00:28:15,326 --> 00:28:18,621
- I don't wanna do this.
- I wonder what it was that put Stevie...
438
00:28:18,788 --> 00:28:21,415
- ...over the top?
- For your information...
439
00:28:21,582 --> 00:28:24,960
...I just got off the phone with
a woman with little self-esteem left.
440
00:28:25,127 --> 00:28:28,547
With a catch in her voice, tears
in her eyes and a knife in her heart.
441
00:28:28,756 --> 00:28:31,300
And that means a guy
can't make a couple jokes?
442
00:28:34,011 --> 00:28:36,514
- Men.
- You rang?
443
00:28:36,722 --> 00:28:40,851
Why is it every decision, every
thought, every ounce of behavior...
444
00:28:41,018 --> 00:28:44,188
...can be traced back to a place
just south of their belt buckles?
445
00:28:44,897 --> 00:28:46,816
- You figured that out, huh?
- Why...
446
00:28:46,982 --> 00:28:49,235
...given a choice between
a woman of beauty...
447
00:28:49,401 --> 00:28:53,072
...and a woman of substance
will a man always choose the looks?
448
00:28:53,239 --> 00:28:55,741
- God.
- You're a perfect example, you know.
449
00:28:55,908 --> 00:28:59,119
- Good to be perfect at something.
- Your attitudes towards Molly...
450
00:28:59,286 --> 00:29:01,747
...how can you be so insensitive,
so uncaring?
451
00:29:01,956 --> 00:29:04,583
- I'm dying to hear.
- Just comes with the territory.
452
00:29:04,792 --> 00:29:06,335
- The territory?
- The territory.
453
00:29:06,585 --> 00:29:09,839
- What, you mean being a man?
- You figured that out yourself?
454
00:29:10,047 --> 00:29:15,094
Let me get this straight, Miss Made-a-
Million-Bucks-Off-My-Physical-Beauty.
455
00:29:15,302 --> 00:29:19,598
It's not just me, but all men who are
insensitive, uncaring, selfish. Right?
456
00:29:19,765 --> 00:29:21,767
- You learn quickly.
- A smart mother.
457
00:29:21,934 --> 00:29:24,228
- No doubt.
- You know what I can't figure out?
458
00:29:24,395 --> 00:29:26,647
- Left from right?
- What you're so upset about.
459
00:29:26,814 --> 00:29:29,900
I'm upset because there's
a shattered woman who, as we speak...
460
00:29:30,067 --> 00:29:32,027
...is dealing with
the pain of rejection.
461
00:29:32,236 --> 00:29:35,990
- What do you mean? I asked you out.
- I'm talking about Molly. Poor Molly.
462
00:29:36,198 --> 00:29:39,535
Poor Molly. Rich Maddie.
Rich David. I'm sorry.
463
00:29:39,702 --> 00:29:41,453
All you can think about's the money?
464
00:29:41,662 --> 00:29:45,416
May I take a second to remind you our
client was Mr. Tupperman, not Molly.
465
00:29:45,583 --> 00:29:47,626
Mr. Tupperman looked
pretty happy now...
466
00:29:47,793 --> 00:29:51,297
...when he handed us this check
for $25,000. Happy and spent.
467
00:29:51,505 --> 00:29:53,799
- You're not concerned about Molly?
- Nope.
468
00:29:54,008 --> 00:29:55,968
About what she's going through
and feels?
469
00:29:56,176 --> 00:29:58,053
- No, no, no, no.
- Well, I am.
470
00:29:58,262 --> 00:30:00,472
- Good. And?
- And...
471
00:30:00,639 --> 00:30:03,267
...if we can find a Stevie
for Mr. Tupperman...
472
00:30:03,434 --> 00:30:05,394
...we can find a Mr. Tupperman
for Molly.
473
00:30:05,561 --> 00:30:08,439
Wait, wait. Wait a second.
Slow down. The plot's twisting.
474
00:30:08,647 --> 00:30:11,442
We owe her this. We're responsible.
We got her hopes up.
475
00:30:11,650 --> 00:30:13,235
What you mean, "we," paleface?
476
00:30:13,444 --> 00:30:16,822
- Okay, me. I did it. I owe this to her.
- Owe what to her?
477
00:30:17,031 --> 00:30:18,907
- I'm going to find her a man.
- A man?
478
00:30:19,116 --> 00:30:21,160
- A man.
- Wait. Two minutes ago...
479
00:30:21,327 --> 00:30:23,245
...you said men are
uncaring and selfish.
480
00:30:23,454 --> 00:30:25,831
True! But they beat sleeping alone.
481
00:30:32,713 --> 00:30:35,049
Let me get this straight.
We're going in here...
482
00:30:35,549 --> 00:30:38,761
...tell Molly Lewis how sorry we are
Tupperman picked Stevie...
483
00:30:38,969 --> 00:30:41,680
- That's right.
- ...then find someone else for her...
484
00:30:41,847 --> 00:30:44,516
- ...for free?
- For free.
485
00:30:44,850 --> 00:30:47,561
Maddie, let me make a last pitch
for the American way...
486
00:30:47,728 --> 00:30:50,272
...where people get what they
pay for and vice versa.
487
00:30:50,606 --> 00:30:52,608
See, we're locked
in a vicious cycle here.
488
00:30:52,816 --> 00:30:54,777
Find two for Tupperman,
leaving Molly.
489
00:30:54,943 --> 00:30:58,322
Find two men for her, leaving some
other clown. Find two babes for him.
490
00:30:58,489 --> 00:31:00,115
I could spend the rest of my life...
491
00:31:00,199 --> 00:31:02,076
cruising for burgers I can't eat.
492
00:31:02,493 --> 00:31:04,620
Get out of the car, David.
493
00:31:04,828 --> 00:31:07,039
This isn't the way
lacocca would handle it.
494
00:31:18,092 --> 00:31:22,012
Functional. Uninteresting.
Past its prime.
495
00:31:22,179 --> 00:31:24,765
Got "Molly" written all over it.
496
00:31:29,311 --> 00:31:30,979
Molly?
497
00:31:31,271 --> 00:31:33,190
Molly.
498
00:31:34,900 --> 00:31:37,945
David, come look in here.
499
00:31:38,904 --> 00:31:40,572
Molly.
500
00:31:46,954 --> 00:31:50,290
Molly, it's David and Maddie.
501
00:31:51,875 --> 00:31:53,710
Molly?
502
00:31:56,046 --> 00:31:57,881
Must be in her minimalist period.
503
00:31:58,048 --> 00:32:00,843
I'm sorry, the house
isn't ready to be shown.
504
00:32:01,051 --> 00:32:03,720
- The house?
- Yes. Now, I'm not even putting up...
505
00:32:03,887 --> 00:32:05,889
...a for-rent sign
till I get a chance...
506
00:32:06,056 --> 00:32:08,392
...to put another coat of paint
on the place.
507
00:32:08,600 --> 00:32:12,604
There's been a misunderstanding.
We're looking for a Molly Lewis.
508
00:32:12,813 --> 00:32:15,899
- You friends of hers?
- Not friends. Not really.
509
00:32:16,108 --> 00:32:19,778
She doesn't live here anymore. She
cleared all her stuff out this morning.
510
00:32:19,945 --> 00:32:21,321
Said she was getting married.
511
00:32:21,488 --> 00:32:22,948
- Married?
- Married?
512
00:32:23,156 --> 00:32:27,411
She lived here eight years, and she
didn't even give me one day's notice.
513
00:32:27,619 --> 00:32:29,830
I mean, "Keep the
security deposit," she said-
514
00:32:29,997 --> 00:32:32,165
- Sorry to bother you.
- As if that makes up...
515
00:32:32,332 --> 00:32:34,543
...for losing somebody
you lived next door to-
516
00:32:34,710 --> 00:32:37,546
- We'll let ourselves out.
- And took you to church on Sunday.
517
00:32:37,713 --> 00:32:39,798
Watched the mail
when you were gone.
518
00:32:41,341 --> 00:32:43,427
- I don't believe it.
- You don't want to.
519
00:32:43,635 --> 00:32:45,929
We just talked to him.
You heard what he said.
520
00:32:46,138 --> 00:32:48,849
He changed his mind.
A man does have that prerogative.
521
00:32:49,016 --> 00:32:51,935
I don't get it. Good-looking guy...
522
00:32:52,102 --> 00:32:54,396
...no damage on any
of the major senses.
523
00:32:54,563 --> 00:32:56,773
No way he takes
Ms. Prissy over Ms. March.
524
00:32:56,982 --> 00:32:59,526
Admit it, David. I won. Molly won.
525
00:32:59,735 --> 00:33:04,031
Tupperman won.
But best of all, romance won.
526
00:33:04,239 --> 00:33:05,991
Mind if I puke in your purse?
527
00:33:07,618 --> 00:33:10,078
I'm not admitting a thing.
Not till I have proof.
528
00:33:10,287 --> 00:33:11,872
What kind of proof?
529
00:33:30,932 --> 00:33:32,559
You know what? You seem naked.
530
00:33:32,726 --> 00:33:35,270
- Naked?
- Naked.
531
00:33:37,356 --> 00:33:40,525
- Don't stare. It's not polite.
- No, I'm talking about your strut.
532
00:33:40,692 --> 00:33:42,778
- My strut?
- Your strut.
533
00:33:42,944 --> 00:33:46,156
This morning when Molly called,
I could have sworn I saw a strut.
534
00:33:46,323 --> 00:33:48,075
- Not a strut, a stride.
- A stride?
535
00:33:48,283 --> 00:33:49,701
A stride.
536
00:33:49,868 --> 00:33:51,995
We helped a client.
Made some money.
537
00:33:52,204 --> 00:33:55,957
I was feeling happy, proud. Full of good
feelings over what we'd accomplished.
538
00:33:56,166 --> 00:34:00,170
Full of yourself for what you'd
accomplished. Or thought you had.
539
00:34:10,013 --> 00:34:13,892
No answer. It could be the happy
couple doesn't wanna be interrupted.
540
00:34:16,686 --> 00:34:18,772
Or maybe he checked out.
541
00:34:18,939 --> 00:34:22,317
Isn't that like young lovers,
not to waste any time?
542
00:34:22,484 --> 00:34:24,694
You dirty...
543
00:34:36,081 --> 00:34:39,209
Hi. Any way I can leave a message
for Alan Tupperman?
544
00:34:39,417 --> 00:34:41,586
I don't believe so. I believe
Mr. Tupperman...
545
00:34:41,753 --> 00:34:43,880
...and his wife checked out
a half an hour-
546
00:34:44,047 --> 00:34:45,423
Whoa, back up, his wife?
547
00:34:45,757 --> 00:34:48,885
- Yes, Mrs. Tupperman.
- Mrs. Tupperman.
548
00:34:49,052 --> 00:34:51,096
- Kind of short?
- No.
549
00:34:51,263 --> 00:34:56,393
This woman was a tall redhead,
very attractive, never uses ashtrays.
550
00:34:59,479 --> 00:35:01,565
You don't say.
551
00:35:01,773 --> 00:35:04,109
- Sure she was his wife?
- The credit card said...
552
00:35:04,276 --> 00:35:06,278
...Mr. And Mrs. Tupperman.
553
00:35:06,444 --> 00:35:08,697
See? I heard them
say that they were...
554
00:35:08,905 --> 00:35:11,867
...on their way home
to Connecticut this morning.
555
00:35:14,703 --> 00:35:16,663
Thank you very much.
556
00:35:22,294 --> 00:35:24,421
- "Yoo-hoo" who?
- You. We have a problem.
557
00:35:24,588 --> 00:35:26,173
- We? Me or thee?
- Definitely we.
558
00:35:26,339 --> 00:35:28,800
- Tupperman's already got a wife.
- A what?
559
00:35:28,967 --> 00:35:31,970
A wife. He checked in
under the name of Mr. And Mrs.
560
00:35:32,137 --> 00:35:34,097
He came to us for a wife.
That's bigamy.
561
00:35:34,264 --> 00:35:36,266
- Wait. The bigamy gets bigger.
- Bigger?
562
00:35:36,433 --> 00:35:38,852
When he left, it wasn't
with wife one or Molly.
563
00:35:39,019 --> 00:35:41,146
- It was with Stevie.
- Stevie?
564
00:35:41,313 --> 00:35:43,398
Do you think he's planning
on marrying both?
565
00:35:43,565 --> 00:35:47,485
It'd make him the biggest bigamist
in bigamy history. Try saying that fast.
566
00:36:02,792 --> 00:36:04,878
How you doing?
567
00:36:06,129 --> 00:36:08,673
I guess we got our Friday night date
after all, huh?
568
00:36:09,591 --> 00:36:11,801
Some big spender.
569
00:36:11,968 --> 00:36:14,095
The redeye flight to Connecticut.
570
00:36:14,304 --> 00:36:17,140
Don't pretend you're not impressed.
We're sleeping together.
571
00:36:17,307 --> 00:36:20,560
Maybe they just ran off
to a justice of the peace.
572
00:36:20,727 --> 00:36:23,605
Maybe we're too late.
Maybe they're all already married.
573
00:36:23,813 --> 00:36:26,941
If we're too late, we're too late.
It's not the end of the world.
574
00:36:27,108 --> 00:36:29,986
- The marriage isn't legal, that's all.
- That's all?
575
00:36:30,195 --> 00:36:33,365
That's all. They got it done.
They can get it undone.
576
00:36:33,740 --> 00:36:36,660
You have got to be the single
most unromantic human being...
577
00:36:36,826 --> 00:36:38,286
...on the face of the planet.
578
00:36:38,495 --> 00:36:41,790
Yeah, well,
it's something I work at.
579
00:36:41,998 --> 00:36:45,418
Marriage isn't just a ceremony.
It isn't just a piece of paper.
580
00:36:45,919 --> 00:36:51,049
A woman gets married for the first
time only once in her life. Once.
581
00:36:51,216 --> 00:36:54,761
There's only one first wedding.
There's only one first wedding day.
582
00:36:55,178 --> 00:36:59,391
- You've given this a lot of thought.
- Wake me when we get to Connecticut.
583
00:37:20,203 --> 00:37:22,205
Sleep tight.
584
00:37:25,166 --> 00:37:27,669
Don't let the bedbugs bite.
585
00:37:45,603 --> 00:37:48,940
I feel funny confronting him.
Maybe we should call the police.
586
00:37:49,107 --> 00:37:52,068
There's a scene. "Arrest this man.
We set him up for a date...
587
00:37:52,235 --> 00:37:54,195
...and he didn't need one."
588
00:38:09,544 --> 00:38:11,462
The guy must be very stupid
or very rich.
589
00:38:11,629 --> 00:38:13,756
- What makes you say that?
- Nothing but bills.
590
00:38:13,923 --> 00:38:17,343
Mostly for the missus. I'm surprised
he can afford to remarry.
591
00:38:17,510 --> 00:38:19,179
And re-remarry.
592
00:38:19,345 --> 00:38:23,641
- Hasn't the guy ever heard of cheating?
- No one's home. What do we do?
593
00:38:28,980 --> 00:38:31,399
- Give me your shoe.
- What are you gonna do with it?
594
00:38:31,566 --> 00:38:32,650
- Open the door.
- Really?
595
00:38:32,817 --> 00:38:35,987
- Really.
- This I've gotta see.
596
00:38:41,326 --> 00:38:43,870
- Simple.
- I can't believe you did that!
597
00:38:44,037 --> 00:38:46,706
Did what? How else
were we gonna get in?
598
00:38:47,582 --> 00:38:49,542
What's the matter with your shoes?
599
00:38:49,751 --> 00:38:53,588
Nothing. Largely because I don't let
people smash windows with them.
600
00:38:54,881 --> 00:38:57,508
Tampering with the mail,
breaking and entering.
601
00:38:57,675 --> 00:38:59,844
It's only 10:30 in the morning, David.
602
00:39:00,011 --> 00:39:03,056
- We've already broken two laws.
- Tupp-
603
00:39:03,222 --> 00:39:06,559
Tupperman's still ahead.
He's marrying three women.
604
00:39:06,935 --> 00:39:09,812
Why don't you look down here.
I'll go check in the bedroom.
605
00:39:10,563 --> 00:39:12,357
Go ahead.
606
00:40:03,324 --> 00:40:04,492
- So?
- So?
607
00:40:04,659 --> 00:40:07,161
No Tupperman, no Mrs. Tupperman.
What do we do now?
608
00:40:07,328 --> 00:40:10,039
- Give me a minute.
- Take two. Did you see any pictures?
609
00:40:10,206 --> 00:40:11,874
The Color Purple. Made me blue.
610
00:40:12,041 --> 00:40:14,961
No, I mean of Mrs. Tupperman.
I'm curious to see who it is...
611
00:40:15,128 --> 00:40:18,381
...he's leaving for Stevie and Molly.
612
00:40:18,548 --> 00:40:20,717
- Hello.
- Hello.
613
00:40:20,883 --> 00:40:24,971
I'm the man from next door.
I- I heard the glass...
614
00:40:25,138 --> 00:40:27,598
...and I- I'd noticed
the rental car out front.
615
00:40:27,807 --> 00:40:29,684
Cousin Alan promised
to leave us a key.
616
00:40:29,851 --> 00:40:33,354
Yeah. I- I saw people
moving around in here.
617
00:40:33,521 --> 00:40:35,481
At first, I thought
Mr. Tupperman...
618
00:40:35,648 --> 00:40:39,819
...had returned home from the hospital,
maybe make it to the funeral?
619
00:40:40,027 --> 00:40:41,279
- Hospital?
- Funeral?
620
00:40:42,363 --> 00:40:47,660
You mean, you folks hadn't heard
anything about the...? The car crash?
621
00:41:02,925 --> 00:41:04,385
I hate the convenience of it.
622
00:41:04,552 --> 00:41:07,805
The church being around the corner?
Lots of people look for that.
623
00:41:08,014 --> 00:41:09,807
No, Tupperman comes to us
for a wife.
624
00:41:09,974 --> 00:41:12,435
We find he already has one.
Then he loses a wife.
625
00:41:12,602 --> 00:41:14,729
- You accusing him of murder?
- Guess I am.
626
00:41:14,896 --> 00:41:18,649
Look at the bright side. He's not as big
a bigamist as he once was.
627
00:41:23,112 --> 00:41:25,865
- I don't see him anywhere.
- A lot of people here.
628
00:41:26,032 --> 00:41:28,743
- Alan couldn't get out of the hospital.
- Excuse me.
629
00:41:28,910 --> 00:41:31,996
- I'll miss her so.
- I've heard she was a good woman.
630
00:41:32,163 --> 00:41:34,916
Yes, I heard that too.
The self-reliant type.
631
00:41:35,082 --> 00:41:39,170
- Described her as independent.
- Had to be, all the traveling Alan did.
632
00:41:39,337 --> 00:41:44,050
That's probably why she kept
to herself like she did.
633
00:41:44,217 --> 00:41:46,260
- No Tupperman, eh?
- No Tupperman.
634
00:41:46,427 --> 00:41:48,179
- Try the hospital?
- Certainly.
635
00:41:52,225 --> 00:41:54,936
Talk about an uncanny resemblance.
636
00:41:55,436 --> 00:41:59,232
- Oh, David.
- Oh, Maddie.
637
00:42:01,359 --> 00:42:03,986
- Oh, Stevie.
- Oh, Stevie.
638
00:42:43,985 --> 00:42:46,112
Sorry to hear about the missus.
639
00:42:46,362 --> 00:42:49,198
I'm just not sure which missus
to be sorry about.
640
00:42:49,407 --> 00:42:51,075
I'm sorry? I don't understand.
641
00:42:51,283 --> 00:42:53,661
If you don't understand,
we're in big trouble.
642
00:42:53,828 --> 00:42:56,872
Went to your house.
Let ourselves in.
643
00:42:57,164 --> 00:42:58,791
Damnedest thing.
644
00:42:59,000 --> 00:43:01,877
It's full of all kinds of stuff
belonging to Mrs. Tupperman.
645
00:43:02,586 --> 00:43:05,214
Clothes, makeup...
646
00:43:05,673 --> 00:43:08,759
...mail. But not a picture
of the lady anywhere.
647
00:43:08,968 --> 00:43:13,055
- My wife's camera-shy. That a crime?
- Of course not.
648
00:43:13,222 --> 00:43:15,474
But you know
what else isn't a crime?
649
00:43:16,058 --> 00:43:18,644
Killing someone who doesn't exist.
650
00:43:18,978 --> 00:43:22,398
- I don't know what you mean.
- Wait a minute. Neither do I.
651
00:43:22,606 --> 00:43:25,025
Insurance companies
don't pay off without a body.
652
00:43:25,234 --> 00:43:27,653
Do you know
what he's talking about?
653
00:43:27,862 --> 00:43:31,657
- What are you talking about?
- It was a great idea...
654
00:43:31,824 --> 00:43:34,243
...inventing a wife for yourself.
655
00:43:34,660 --> 00:43:38,414
Who's not gonna believe it? Why would
someone lie about something like that?
656
00:43:38,622 --> 00:43:40,082
So...
657
00:43:40,249 --> 00:43:43,627
...a couple of years ago, you went out,
bought some clothes...
658
00:43:44,879 --> 00:43:48,549
...sent them to the cleaners once a
week, opened some charge accounts...
659
00:43:49,383 --> 00:43:52,928
...not to mention
the old joint checking.
660
00:43:53,262 --> 00:43:55,973
But most important,
you took out a life-insurance policy.
661
00:43:56,140 --> 00:43:58,225
- When did you figure this out?
- During the commercial.
662
00:43:58,434 --> 00:44:00,895
- That's absurd.
- So a couple years go by...
663
00:44:01,061 --> 00:44:04,732
...business isn't what it was. You
decide to cash in but you need a body.
664
00:44:04,899 --> 00:44:06,775
To be the Mrs. Tupperman
who never was.
665
00:44:06,942 --> 00:44:10,362
That's why he came to see us.
Not to find a wife, to find a body.
666
00:44:10,571 --> 00:44:13,199
- Do you realize what we just did?
- Found the climax?
667
00:44:13,365 --> 00:44:15,576
- At the same time.
- Shall we have a cigarette?
668
00:44:15,743 --> 00:44:17,244
Please don't make me use this.
669
00:44:18,829 --> 00:44:20,331
- Molly.
- Golly.
670
00:44:20,831 --> 00:44:23,334
Alan, get into your chair.
671
00:44:24,919 --> 00:44:27,338
Molly, I don't understand. Again.
672
00:44:27,505 --> 00:44:29,882
There's nothing to understand.
673
00:44:31,050 --> 00:44:35,763
You were right, I needed
a body to perish in a car accident...
674
00:44:35,930 --> 00:44:38,224
...and you sent her to me,
Stevie.
675
00:44:38,390 --> 00:44:42,228
But then there was another knock
at the door, another woman.
676
00:44:42,645 --> 00:44:44,980
I wasn't prepared for that.
677
00:44:45,147 --> 00:44:47,566
I panicked, now I had to kill two.
678
00:44:47,733 --> 00:44:51,237
I invited her in,
and then a funny thing happened.
679
00:44:51,403 --> 00:44:53,030
We fell in love.
680
00:44:53,239 --> 00:44:55,282
I knew it. I knew it, I knew it.
681
00:44:55,449 --> 00:44:58,202
I knew it the minute
they saw each other.
682
00:44:58,577 --> 00:45:00,621
Never mind.
683
00:45:23,018 --> 00:45:25,062
Hospital food.
684
00:45:25,771 --> 00:45:27,106
Look at the bright side.
685
00:45:27,273 --> 00:45:30,693
She's definitely not a woman
who ties men up for a living.
686
00:45:31,402 --> 00:45:33,570
Gotta hand it to the guy...
687
00:45:33,737 --> 00:45:35,364
...make-believe wife...
688
00:45:35,531 --> 00:45:37,324
...doesn't nag...
689
00:45:37,491 --> 00:45:39,326
...never gets a headache.
690
00:45:39,493 --> 00:45:42,830
Doesn't make a stink when you
stay out a little late with the boys.
691
00:45:42,997 --> 00:45:44,665
And...
692
00:45:45,541 --> 00:45:47,376
...at the end of the year...
693
00:45:47,543 --> 00:45:50,170
...you can still
write her off your taxes.
694
00:45:50,337 --> 00:45:51,964
David, what are you doing?
695
00:45:52,131 --> 00:45:54,466
Little off around the ears,
Ms. Hayes?
696
00:45:54,633 --> 00:45:58,303
What am I doing? It's not, "What
am I doing," it's, "What are we doing?"
697
00:45:58,470 --> 00:46:02,266
- And we are going after them.
- David, untie me.
698
00:46:02,474 --> 00:46:04,727
- Where's your sense of fair play?
- David!
699
00:46:04,893 --> 00:46:07,354
Molly's pushing a guy
with a cast on his leg.
700
00:46:07,521 --> 00:46:10,482
We gotta do something
to even up the odds.
701
00:46:40,763 --> 00:46:42,556
Let's go. Come on.
702
00:46:44,641 --> 00:46:47,644
- Faster, faster.
- I'm trying, I'm trying.
703
00:46:47,811 --> 00:46:50,981
- Slower, slower.
- Later, later.
704
00:46:57,780 --> 00:47:02,075
Now, to lift the lids, we'll cut here.
705
00:47:02,242 --> 00:47:05,871
And to lift the jowls, we'll...
706
00:47:06,038 --> 00:47:09,374
...lift and tuck through here.
707
00:47:12,795 --> 00:47:14,630
Gangway!
708
00:47:30,938 --> 00:47:36,151
Oh, doctor! Doctor! I decided
I like my face the way it is.
709
00:47:36,360 --> 00:47:39,488
Give it up. You've been caught
with your pants down, jig's up.
710
00:47:39,696 --> 00:47:41,573
Oh, yeah?
711
00:47:43,158 --> 00:47:44,868
David!
712
00:47:48,372 --> 00:47:49,915
High and outside, ball two.
713
00:47:52,668 --> 00:47:54,127
David!
714
00:47:55,170 --> 00:47:56,588
Go!
715
00:48:04,304 --> 00:48:06,515
You'd better run.
716
00:48:19,695 --> 00:48:21,697
Molly!
717
00:48:24,616 --> 00:48:26,618
Over there.
718
00:48:31,081 --> 00:48:32,624
Addison, don't-
719
00:48:44,970 --> 00:48:46,596
Get me off this man.
720
00:48:46,763 --> 00:48:49,725
What are you so upset about?
He's not even married yet.
59684
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