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1
00:00:20,729 --> 00:00:21,980
- Mummy?
2
00:00:22,063 --> 00:00:23,148
Not now, sweetie.
3
00:00:24,149 --> 00:00:27,569
Mummy's visualising
the downfall of her enemy.
4
00:00:51,509 --> 00:00:53,553
Stupid little bastard almonds.
5
00:00:54,137 --> 00:00:55,972
They look fine to me.
6
00:00:56,056 --> 00:00:57,724
They have to be perfect.
7
00:00:57,807 --> 00:01:00,143
Nora has Jizzlord thinking
I'm some sort of chaos goblin,
8
00:01:00,226 --> 00:01:03,521
so I have to pretend to be a polite
and well-adjusted young lady
9
00:01:03,605 --> 00:01:05,523
at her little fucker's dumb,
shit birthday party.
10
00:01:05,607 --> 00:01:08,902
So, you're just gonna make sure
everyone has a lovely time then.
11
00:01:08,985 --> 00:01:11,237
Yeah. That'll fuckin' show her.
12
00:01:11,321 --> 00:01:14,741
I hate sleeping in the bath again.
13
00:01:19,287 --> 00:01:21,289
Wait, why you sleeping in the bath?
14
00:01:21,373 --> 00:01:23,458
- No, she didn't.
- Yes, she did.
15
00:01:23,541 --> 00:01:25,293
- No.
-Yes, she did.
16
00:01:25,377 --> 00:01:27,045
-I swear to you. I swear to you.
17
00:01:27,128 --> 00:01:28,296
-Honest.
- You're lying.
18
00:01:28,380 --> 00:01:30,465
-He's staying the night now?
-Carrie.
19
00:01:31,216 --> 00:01:32,592
Oh, God. No, no.
20
00:01:32,676 --> 00:01:35,512
I-I didn't mean it, like,
he's staying the night now. Gross.
21
00:01:35,595 --> 00:01:38,598
Why would it be gross?
Is it because they're both boys?
22
00:01:38,682 --> 00:01:41,267
No. No, no, no. That's, um…
23
00:01:41,976 --> 00:01:43,645
I love boys. And their boys in turn.
24
00:01:43,728 --> 00:01:46,022
I'm totally fine with this. Absolutely.
25
00:01:46,106 --> 00:01:49,609
I mean…
…I channel gay people all the time.
26
00:01:53,363 --> 00:01:55,407
Not that that means I couldn't be--
27
00:01:55,490 --> 00:01:59,953
Look, I think we could all self-examine
and find ways to prioritise respect.
28
00:02:00,745 --> 00:02:01,746
Hmm.
29
00:02:03,873 --> 00:02:05,875
You're gays.
Do you know how to make macarons?
30
00:02:05,959 --> 00:02:07,002
Yeah. I do, actually.
31
00:02:07,085 --> 00:02:09,004
- Uh…
32
00:02:09,087 --> 00:02:11,923
It's all about air.
33
00:02:12,007 --> 00:02:13,758
-Now, you're gonna whisk it up…
-Okay.
34
00:02:13,842 --> 00:02:15,552
…get those bubbles going.
35
00:02:15,635 --> 00:02:17,637
Can't believe Nora thinks
I'm holding you back.
36
00:02:17,721 --> 00:02:21,057
I'm a very good owner. I mean, girlfriend.
I've gotta stop saying that.
37
00:02:21,141 --> 00:02:23,977
I know. And Nora's gonna see that today.
38
00:02:24,060 --> 00:02:25,186
-I have a plan.
-Oh, yeah?
39
00:02:25,270 --> 00:02:27,480
-Yeah. So you know fire--
-We're not doing that.
40
00:02:27,564 --> 00:02:29,149
No, no, no. Wait, wait, wait.
41
00:02:29,232 --> 00:02:31,484
-So, I set the house on fire…
-No.
42
00:02:31,568 --> 00:02:33,445
-…then you swoop in and put it out…
-No.
43
00:02:33,528 --> 00:02:35,780
…then Nora has to accept you,
and we can live in harmony.
44
00:02:35,864 --> 00:02:39,409
Please do not set anything
on fire at this children's birthday party.
45
00:02:39,492 --> 00:02:41,244
So, what am I gonna do
with all this petrol?
46
00:02:41,870 --> 00:02:45,040
-I thought that was a gift.
-Exactly. No one will suspect a thing.
47
00:02:46,041 --> 00:02:47,667
- Give it to me.
-No, it'll work.
48
00:02:49,210 --> 00:02:51,296
Rob, Jen.
49
00:02:51,379 --> 00:02:54,341
So glad you could make it.
You've missed so many of these.
50
00:02:55,175 --> 00:02:56,634
-Is that for Alfie?
-Yes.
51
00:02:57,135 --> 00:02:58,094
It's petrol.
52
00:03:02,390 --> 00:03:04,351
- Oh, I love the beige.
53
00:03:04,434 --> 00:03:06,019
- You hate beige.
54
00:03:06,603 --> 00:03:11,733
I got you crinkly paper, hair ties,
caps of bottles. Hours of fun.
55
00:03:11,816 --> 00:03:14,819
-You weren't at my other birthdays.
-I'm sorry.
56
00:03:14,903 --> 00:03:19,157
I ran away, abandoning you and your mother
for reasons I still don't understand.
57
00:03:19,240 --> 00:03:22,035
Mummy said you were a spy
and had to leave to help save the world.
58
00:03:23,495 --> 00:03:25,830
Oh. Right. Yeah.
59
00:03:25,914 --> 00:03:28,541
I forgot you can just lie to children.
Yeah, that's what happened.
60
00:03:28,625 --> 00:03:31,336
All my other friends had their dads
at their birthdays.
61
00:03:31,419 --> 00:03:32,837
It made me sad.
62
00:03:32,921 --> 00:03:35,382
No, no, no, no. Um, I'm here now,
63
00:03:35,465 --> 00:03:38,635
and I'm not going anywhere,
and I can get you more gifts.
64
00:03:38,718 --> 00:03:40,762
-What'd you like to play with?
-Money.
65
00:03:41,846 --> 00:03:46,768
♪ Nonces, nonces ♪
66
00:03:46,851 --> 00:03:50,188
Do you think nonces sounds better
in a C or a G?
67
00:03:50,814 --> 00:03:52,107
Oh, F-sharp.
68
00:03:52,190 --> 00:03:54,025
You've only ever dated girls, right?
69
00:03:55,026 --> 00:03:56,027
Uh, yeah.
70
00:03:56,611 --> 00:03:57,612
It's just…
71
00:03:57,696 --> 00:04:00,573
I'm going to a friend's party next week,
and I want you to come.
72
00:04:00,657 --> 00:04:04,703
But in the past
when I've started seeing someone like you,
73
00:04:04,786 --> 00:04:08,581
well, you don't know
if they're ready to make their debut.
74
00:04:11,543 --> 00:04:13,420
-Um…
- No, it's fine.
75
00:04:13,503 --> 00:04:15,130
It's too soon. I'm jumping ahead.
76
00:04:15,213 --> 00:04:18,299
Chill out Clark, you bloody maniac.
Uh, I'll do a coffee run.
77
00:04:18,383 --> 00:04:20,427
-A piccolo. Oat Piccolo.
-No. No, no. No.
78
00:04:20,510 --> 00:04:21,928
-No, no--
79
00:04:22,012 --> 00:04:24,180
No. I really, really like this.
I just, um--
80
00:04:24,264 --> 00:04:26,599
Well, I guess
I can't picture what it looks like yet.
81
00:04:26,683 --> 00:04:29,519
Like us, uh, socially.
Like, what if everything's different?
82
00:04:29,602 --> 00:04:32,188
-Sorry. That's a stupid reason. I didn't--
-No, there's no rush.
83
00:04:32,272 --> 00:04:34,024
We can fly under the radar for a bit.
84
00:04:34,733 --> 00:04:36,067
-Thank you.
85
00:04:38,778 --> 00:04:40,030
Hello!
86
00:04:43,074 --> 00:04:44,826
Am I having an LGBTQ+ stroke?
87
00:04:44,909 --> 00:04:47,871
I just want you guys to be super,
super comfortable in this flat.
88
00:04:49,456 --> 00:04:52,834
I got some flavoured vodka, little flags.
89
00:04:52,917 --> 00:04:55,128
I baked some cookies
in the shape of Kim Petras.
90
00:04:56,921 --> 00:04:59,466
-Mini quiches.
-What's gay about mini quiches?
91
00:04:59,549 --> 00:05:01,885
Oh, nothing. I-I just think they're fun.
92
00:05:01,968 --> 00:05:04,429
Ooh! I even got some poppers.
93
00:05:04,512 --> 00:05:06,264
Oh, uh, that's not--
94
00:05:06,348 --> 00:05:08,516
Hmm. Okay. Thank you, Carrie.
95
00:05:12,520 --> 00:05:13,938
Yas!
96
00:05:14,022 --> 00:05:15,607
Oh, okay, great. Yeah. Come up.
97
00:05:16,566 --> 00:05:19,194
-Who's that?
-Your vigilante friends.
98
00:05:19,277 --> 00:05:21,029
I thought I'd invite them over
to celebrate.
99
00:05:24,032 --> 00:05:26,242
You haven't told them?
You haven't told them.
100
00:05:26,326 --> 00:05:28,161
Oh, my God, I'm so sorry.
101
00:05:32,791 --> 00:05:34,501
Oh, God, hide the poppers!
102
00:05:35,710 --> 00:05:37,420
Okay, triage! What's gayest?
103
00:05:38,797 --> 00:05:41,341
What's straight music? Polka?
104
00:05:41,424 --> 00:05:42,926
Give me the phone!
105
00:05:43,677 --> 00:05:46,471
- Randall 3D printed a key.
106
00:05:46,554 --> 00:05:49,015
- Oh, so green.
- Sorry for barging in.
107
00:05:49,099 --> 00:05:50,433
-Ooh. Hello!
- Hi.
108
00:05:50,517 --> 00:05:53,019
-Oh, sick! This is my jam.
109
00:05:53,103 --> 00:05:55,146
- Hello.
110
00:05:55,230 --> 00:05:57,565
-Hey, Kash. How are you doing?
111
00:05:57,649 --> 00:05:59,359
So, why exactly are we here, Kash?
112
00:05:59,442 --> 00:06:02,654
Yeah. Carrie said we should all come over
to "radiate love".
113
00:06:02,737 --> 00:06:06,741
Something about, uh, a cocoon
and a beautiful butterfly.
114
00:06:06,825 --> 00:06:09,077
-It was pretty vague.
115
00:06:09,160 --> 00:06:11,871
He's probably got some new pathetic
project he wants us to be a part of.
116
00:06:11,955 --> 00:06:13,623
I only came over here to make fun of it.
117
00:06:15,000 --> 00:06:16,001
Yes.
118
00:06:16,960 --> 00:06:21,923
I am writing a musical,
and I want all of you to star in it.
119
00:06:23,842 --> 00:06:24,843
Well then.
120
00:06:26,261 --> 00:06:28,638
I really like musicals, so I'm in.
121
00:06:29,305 --> 00:06:30,515
It sounds really fun.
122
00:06:31,057 --> 00:06:32,058
Whoo!
123
00:06:32,851 --> 00:06:35,353
- Oh, can I just--
124
00:06:35,437 --> 00:06:37,605
- This is my new bike.
- Can I see the bell?
125
00:06:37,689 --> 00:06:39,399
No, don't touch it!
126
00:06:39,482 --> 00:06:40,608
-Oh, Chris.
127
00:06:40,692 --> 00:06:42,110
-Oh, don't worry.
128
00:06:42,193 --> 00:06:44,237
-I'm not going to wrestle you again.
-Good. Yeah.
129
00:06:44,863 --> 00:06:46,406
-What are you doing here?
-Oh.
130
00:06:46,489 --> 00:06:49,117
Just dropped off the little soldier
his presents. It's nothing big.
131
00:06:49,200 --> 00:06:50,660
It's just a bike, a new tablet,
132
00:06:50,744 --> 00:06:53,913
and some saving bonds
for when he goes off to university.
133
00:06:53,997 --> 00:06:56,458
That's so nice. You're such a good friend.
134
00:06:56,541 --> 00:06:59,002
Yeah, well… Been checking in on him
the last few years.
135
00:06:59,085 --> 00:07:00,128
Kid needs a dad, you know?
136
00:07:01,379 --> 00:07:03,882
It's about 12-and-a-half presents--
137
00:07:03,965 --> 00:07:06,009
Here he is!
138
00:07:06,092 --> 00:07:08,678
Hey! Happy birthday, Son.
139
00:07:09,429 --> 00:07:11,097
I'm glad you're home, Daddy.
140
00:07:19,356 --> 00:07:21,566
Ooh, what a lovely spread, Nora.
141
00:07:21,649 --> 00:07:22,859
Are those madeleines?
142
00:07:22,942 --> 00:07:24,861
-Yes. They're from the organic bakery…
-Ooh.
143
00:07:24,944 --> 00:07:26,529
…on Titheley Street.
144
00:07:26,613 --> 00:07:28,406
Oh. Then not home-made?
145
00:07:29,366 --> 00:07:30,992
-No, but--
- It's just that, um,
146
00:07:31,076 --> 00:07:32,619
the shop-bought ones have
sulphites in them.
147
00:07:33,203 --> 00:07:35,372
Hmm. It's a shame.
148
00:07:35,997 --> 00:07:36,998
I made macarons.
149
00:07:37,582 --> 00:07:38,833
-Ooh.
-They're home-made.
150
00:07:38,917 --> 00:07:41,628
No one wants your almond shit-cakes.
151
00:07:41,711 --> 00:07:43,797
- Oh! They're amazing.
-Oh!
152
00:07:43,880 --> 00:07:45,382
-Mmm. So airy.
- Mmm.
153
00:07:45,465 --> 00:07:47,926
- They're delicious.
-They taste like a badger's arsehole.
154
00:07:48,426 --> 00:07:49,886
Uh…
155
00:07:51,388 --> 00:07:53,390
- So-- Sorry.
156
00:07:53,473 --> 00:07:54,891
Uh, I have a cold.
157
00:07:54,974 --> 00:07:58,019
-So my taste is off.
158
00:07:58,603 --> 00:07:59,771
- Oh.
159
00:08:02,857 --> 00:08:05,068
-What are you doing?
-Just being nice.
160
00:08:07,862 --> 00:08:08,863
Hmm.
161
00:08:10,407 --> 00:08:12,242
♪ I love it how you do that thing, yeah ♪
162
00:08:12,325 --> 00:08:14,953
♪ Show my how you do that thing
How you do that thing ♪
163
00:08:15,453 --> 00:08:16,579
Oops.
164
00:08:17,205 --> 00:08:18,581
Stop titting my macarons.
165
00:08:20,792 --> 00:08:22,377
Come on.
166
00:08:22,460 --> 00:08:25,005
Yell at me. Make a scene.
167
00:08:25,088 --> 00:08:27,716
There is nothing that you can do
that will get under my skin, Nora.
168
00:08:27,799 --> 00:08:29,676
-I'm impenetrable.
-Hmm.
169
00:08:29,759 --> 00:08:31,219
Well, Rob seems to think so.
170
00:08:31,720 --> 00:08:33,471
♪ Make it boom, boom, boom
Till it pop ♪
171
00:08:33,555 --> 00:08:36,099
I'm right, aren't I?
You still haven't done it, right?
172
00:08:36,182 --> 00:08:39,477
Rob and I fucked on the first date.
Didn't even make it to the bed.
173
00:08:40,103 --> 00:08:43,398
If I was you,
I'd be wondering if he even liked me.
174
00:08:43,481 --> 00:08:45,108
♪ You can get it if you got it ♪
175
00:08:57,704 --> 00:08:59,372
No! You're poor!
176
00:08:59,998 --> 00:09:02,334
Hey, Jen! I've cracked the dad thing.
177
00:09:02,417 --> 00:09:03,460
Alfie likes me,
178
00:09:03,543 --> 00:09:07,505
and I've got this feeling that if anyone
hurts him, I'll kill them with a hammer.
179
00:09:07,589 --> 00:09:08,715
So, it's all good.
180
00:09:08,798 --> 00:09:11,092
That's great. We're having sex. Now.
181
00:09:11,176 --> 00:09:12,177
I'm on a roll today!
182
00:09:13,053 --> 00:09:16,931
It's a dramatic retelling
of our time as vigilantes.
183
00:09:17,015 --> 00:09:18,683
So you need someone to play the hero.
184
00:09:19,392 --> 00:09:20,935
-I graciously accept.
- No.
185
00:09:21,019 --> 00:09:23,772
I'll be playing the hero. It's important
to stay faithful to the true story.
186
00:09:23,855 --> 00:09:27,192
Right. So, does that mean
it will end with you running away
187
00:09:27,275 --> 00:09:29,194
-and getting dumped by your girlfriend?
188
00:09:29,277 --> 00:09:30,987
That's-- No.
189
00:09:31,071 --> 00:09:34,240
Um, well, no, obviously the artist has
to take some creative licence, right?
190
00:09:34,324 --> 00:09:35,617
-So…
191
00:09:35,700 --> 00:09:38,411
I have to shoot off, lads. I've got a gig.
192
00:09:38,495 --> 00:09:41,706
But as long as I can do the pyrotechnics,
I'm in.
193
00:09:41,790 --> 00:09:43,917
I've got a bunch of Semtex
I need to shift.
194
00:09:44,000 --> 00:09:45,377
I can't see why that would be a problem.
195
00:09:46,127 --> 00:09:47,128
-See ya.
-See ya.
196
00:09:47,212 --> 00:09:48,380
Who would I play?
197
00:09:48,463 --> 00:09:50,632
You would play
the love interest of the hero.
198
00:09:50,715 --> 00:09:53,259
Surely Gregor would be playing
your love interest.
199
00:09:55,011 --> 00:09:56,471
-What, why?
-Uh, are we forgetting
200
00:09:56,554 --> 00:09:59,057
about the frankly electric sexual tension
between these two?
201
00:09:59,140 --> 00:10:00,058
Mmm.
202
00:10:00,141 --> 00:10:02,394
-Come on. It's classic enemies to lovers.
-Excuse me?
203
00:10:05,021 --> 00:10:06,898
Megan.
Could you come with me for a moment?
204
00:10:06,981 --> 00:10:08,274
-Why?
-Girl stuff.
205
00:10:08,358 --> 00:10:12,070
Yeah, but what kind of girl stuff?
Boys, pregnancy, fun shoes,
206
00:10:12,153 --> 00:10:14,656
endometriosis, pets, small ones--
207
00:10:15,240 --> 00:10:16,241
Okay.
208
00:10:20,245 --> 00:10:21,955
I could play the love interest.
209
00:10:23,206 --> 00:10:24,916
Just need a room.
210
00:10:25,000 --> 00:10:27,127
I'm having a poo!
211
00:10:34,134 --> 00:10:35,593
I know this is a kid's birthday party,
212
00:10:35,677 --> 00:10:37,512
but how are there kids
literally everywhere?
213
00:10:37,595 --> 00:10:43,268
I will make this child disappear
using magic.
214
00:10:43,351 --> 00:10:45,895
- Ooh!
-It's not magic.
215
00:10:45,979 --> 00:10:47,647
You can just teleport things.
216
00:10:47,731 --> 00:10:50,400
Uh, shut up. You're ruining it.
217
00:10:50,483 --> 00:10:51,651
He can teleport people.
218
00:10:52,235 --> 00:10:55,321
Alakazoo, be rid of you!
219
00:10:59,242 --> 00:11:01,619
To places without children in them.
220
00:11:01,703 --> 00:11:04,789
Hesto, presto, reappearo.
221
00:11:09,085 --> 00:11:10,962
Um, that-that's not my child.
222
00:11:11,046 --> 00:11:12,922
Where did Tommy go?
223
00:11:13,006 --> 00:11:14,883
-Yeah, it is.
-No, it's not.
224
00:11:20,013 --> 00:11:22,515
-I knew it.
-He's not ready for everyone to know.
225
00:11:22,599 --> 00:11:25,143
He's currently convincing them to star
in a musical with him.
226
00:11:25,226 --> 00:11:27,395
So, I don't know
how much longer you expect
227
00:11:27,479 --> 00:11:29,272
the gay cat to stay
in its fruity little bag.
228
00:11:30,190 --> 00:11:32,233
I feel so bad.
229
00:11:32,317 --> 00:11:34,444
I put him in this terrible position.
230
00:11:34,527 --> 00:11:37,405
I can only imagine
how much he must be struggling.
231
00:11:37,489 --> 00:11:38,865
♪ Bumhole ♪
232
00:11:39,491 --> 00:11:42,077
- ♪ Bumhole ♪
233
00:11:42,160 --> 00:11:46,247
♪ Bumhole, bum-bum-bumhole ♪
234
00:11:46,331 --> 00:11:48,625
♪ Bumhole, bum-bum-bumhole ♪
235
00:11:48,708 --> 00:11:50,001
Wait.
236
00:11:51,836 --> 00:11:53,004
I've got an idea.
237
00:11:53,838 --> 00:11:57,008
Hey. Can you make two adults disappear
somewhere private
238
00:11:57,092 --> 00:12:00,303
for, I don't know,
like, six to nine minutes?
239
00:12:01,054 --> 00:12:02,222
Oh.
240
00:12:02,305 --> 00:12:04,307
I see. Nice.
241
00:12:04,391 --> 00:12:07,394
Ew! Just do it. I'll give you a tenner.
242
00:12:21,074 --> 00:12:22,575
Kevin, is it?
243
00:12:23,493 --> 00:12:24,494
Let's have a chat.
244
00:12:30,250 --> 00:12:32,335
It's so quiet.
245
00:12:32,836 --> 00:12:34,546
And child-free.
246
00:12:34,629 --> 00:12:35,797
And Carrie-free.
247
00:12:35,880 --> 00:12:36,965
And Kash-free.
248
00:12:43,346 --> 00:12:45,890
It's my responsibility to fix this.
249
00:12:45,974 --> 00:12:48,351
Why are you skulking in the hallway?
250
00:12:48,435 --> 00:12:51,146
We have to convince the guys
that Kash is totally straight.
251
00:12:51,229 --> 00:12:53,773
I could say that he fingered me.
Would that help?
252
00:12:54,816 --> 00:12:58,111
-No.
-But we could throw them off the scent.
253
00:12:58,194 --> 00:12:59,320
Say that we're dating.
254
00:12:59,404 --> 00:13:02,032
Yeah. Yes.
255
00:13:02,115 --> 00:13:04,617
Duplicate Clark, you are a genius.
256
00:13:07,787 --> 00:13:09,581
I'll say it anyway. Can't hurt.
257
00:13:11,332 --> 00:13:13,043
♪ Bumhole, bumhole ♪
258
00:13:15,045 --> 00:13:17,714
♪ Bumhole, bumhole
Bumhole, bumhole ♪
259
00:13:19,090 --> 00:13:20,300
♪ Bumhole, bumhole ♪
260
00:13:21,843 --> 00:13:25,805
I know you've all noticed
the unbearable tension between us.
261
00:13:25,889 --> 00:13:28,016
And yes, mm-hmm.
262
00:13:28,099 --> 00:13:30,143
The rumours are true.
Clark is my boyfriend.
263
00:13:31,853 --> 00:13:33,355
-Oh, no, no, no. It's fine.
- Hmm.
264
00:13:33,438 --> 00:13:35,190
I told them already. They're chill.
265
00:13:35,273 --> 00:13:38,026
- Mm-hmm.
-It actually made a really cool preset.
266
00:13:38,109 --> 00:13:40,278
♪ I'm dating a man
Bumhole ♪
267
00:13:42,113 --> 00:13:43,156
♪ Man
Bumhole, bumhole ♪
268
00:13:43,823 --> 00:13:44,699
♪ Man ♪
269
00:13:45,950 --> 00:13:47,285
♪ Bumhole
I'm dating a man ♪
270
00:13:47,369 --> 00:13:49,871
-I thought I'd really, really messed up.
271
00:13:49,954 --> 00:13:51,873
-Are you sure that you're okay?
-Mm-hmm. Yeah.
272
00:13:51,956 --> 00:13:54,167
-We're good.
- I'm not really surprised.
273
00:13:54,250 --> 00:13:55,585
I mean, he's punching, but…
274
00:13:58,129 --> 00:13:59,381
Okay. Time to re-merge.
275
00:14:00,924 --> 00:14:03,635
No. Maybe I want to date Carrie.
276
00:14:03,718 --> 00:14:05,011
-Huh?
-What?
277
00:14:05,095 --> 00:14:08,640
I've never said anything, but Carrie's
given me the perfect opportunity.
278
00:14:09,140 --> 00:14:10,475
I'm straight.
279
00:14:15,814 --> 00:14:17,023
Kash fingered me.
280
00:14:19,192 --> 00:14:20,944
I can't believe it's taken us this long.
281
00:14:21,444 --> 00:14:23,238
It's finally just the two of us.
282
00:14:24,280 --> 00:14:25,824
-And sex.
283
00:14:29,411 --> 00:14:31,746
- What the fuck?
- Where did that bed come from?
284
00:14:31,830 --> 00:14:32,831
Oh, my God!
285
00:14:32,914 --> 00:14:34,082
Uh, um--
286
00:14:34,165 --> 00:14:36,167
How could this possibly have happened?
287
00:14:36,251 --> 00:14:37,585
How inappropriate!
288
00:14:38,211 --> 00:14:40,547
I want to apologise for Jen's behaviour.
289
00:14:40,630 --> 00:14:43,883
-Is that Daddy? What's Daddy doing?
-He's just having a little lie-down.
290
00:14:43,967 --> 00:14:46,886
I have tried
and tried to make this work,
291
00:14:46,970 --> 00:14:50,765
but I think Jen has just proven
what we've all been thinking.
292
00:14:51,474 --> 00:14:52,809
We can't coexist.
293
00:14:53,643 --> 00:14:56,146
-Rob, you're gonna have to choose.
-Choose what?
294
00:14:56,229 --> 00:14:57,981
- Do the right thing and decide.
- See that?
295
00:14:58,064 --> 00:15:00,859
-It's me and Alfie…
296
00:15:00,942 --> 00:15:04,070
-…or Jen.
-Oh, finally. I'm so tired.
297
00:15:04,154 --> 00:15:06,990
-Go on, Jizz. Tell her.
-Like he even has to think about it.
298
00:15:09,909 --> 00:15:11,119
I have to think about it.
299
00:15:11,202 --> 00:15:12,704
-What?
-What?
300
00:15:13,788 --> 00:15:15,206
I'm not straight.
301
00:15:15,290 --> 00:15:17,584
Well, maybe, one in a million of you is.
302
00:15:17,667 --> 00:15:19,419
And he's in love with Carrie.
303
00:15:20,628 --> 00:15:21,838
Oh, God. Uh--
304
00:15:21,921 --> 00:15:24,257
What do I, uh--
305
00:15:27,761 --> 00:15:30,513
If I date you, then you'll be--
But then you'll be s-- Clark.
306
00:15:31,264 --> 00:15:32,932
So sorry. Clarks. Sorry.
307
00:15:33,016 --> 00:15:36,144
Kash, oh, uh-- And I've already-- Sorry.
Sorry. Sorry.
308
00:15:36,227 --> 00:15:39,314
Uh, someone tell me what to do.
Kash, what's best for you?
309
00:15:39,397 --> 00:15:43,568
Carrie, you are the least selfish person
I've ever met.
310
00:15:44,402 --> 00:15:46,196
-Thank you.
-That's not a compliment.
311
00:15:46,279 --> 00:15:47,822
-No.
- Oh.
312
00:15:47,906 --> 00:15:49,574
You can't live your life for other people.
313
00:15:49,657 --> 00:15:51,451
I mean, everything you've done today
314
00:15:51,534 --> 00:15:53,870
is 'cause you were terrified
what someone else was gonna think.
315
00:15:54,579 --> 00:15:56,081
Got to be more selfish.
316
00:15:56,164 --> 00:15:57,832
Tell us how Carrie feels!
317
00:15:57,916 --> 00:16:00,835
-About all of this.
- Yeah.
318
00:16:00,919 --> 00:16:02,337
Why don't you take the mic?
319
00:16:03,088 --> 00:16:05,548
Use your voice. Live your truth.
320
00:16:10,637 --> 00:16:11,805
Oh, no, wait--
321
00:16:11,888 --> 00:16:13,306
Don't-- Don't smell it.
322
00:16:19,229 --> 00:16:20,230
Honestly--
323
00:16:20,313 --> 00:16:23,441
-Ooh.
-Uh, sometimes it gets stuck like that.
324
00:16:23,525 --> 00:16:24,776
Just ignore it.
325
00:16:33,326 --> 00:16:36,871
We broke up,
but we still live together.
326
00:16:36,955 --> 00:16:38,790
And work together, which I don't--
327
00:16:40,125 --> 00:16:42,043
I don't particularly love,
328
00:16:43,670 --> 00:16:48,091
and then I asked you
to set me up with my work crush.
329
00:16:48,174 --> 00:16:49,926
And you end up dating him instead.
330
00:16:50,010 --> 00:16:51,261
- Hmm.
331
00:16:51,344 --> 00:16:53,847
- And it's, like, hello!
332
00:16:53,930 --> 00:16:57,767
That's a bit effed up,
actually. And I'm not okay with it.
333
00:16:58,977 --> 00:17:00,186
Not because you're both boys,
334
00:17:00,270 --> 00:17:02,355
-but because we've only just broken up…
-No, no.
335
00:17:02,439 --> 00:17:04,649
…and you're already getting serious
with someone else
336
00:17:04,733 --> 00:17:07,944
like we didn't even mean
anything to each other,
337
00:17:08,028 --> 00:17:11,114
like it's easy, and I don't like it.
338
00:17:11,197 --> 00:17:13,575
-I just-- I just don't like it.
-Yes.
339
00:17:13,658 --> 00:17:16,244
And I want you to pay me back
for rent since we moved in.
340
00:17:16,327 --> 00:17:17,454
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
341
00:17:18,371 --> 00:17:19,497
That's enough for one day.
342
00:17:24,210 --> 00:17:26,171
Thank you. Thank you.
343
00:17:26,254 --> 00:17:27,297
-Whoo!
- Aw.
344
00:17:27,380 --> 00:17:29,841
Well, uh, do you want to go out?
345
00:17:31,634 --> 00:17:32,635
No.
346
00:17:34,346 --> 00:17:35,347
I'm sorry.
347
00:17:35,972 --> 00:17:37,307
I need to focus on myself.
348
00:17:37,891 --> 00:17:40,268
-What are we gonna do with straight Clark?
349
00:17:40,352 --> 00:17:42,812
Oh, I'm not straight. No. Ew.
350
00:17:42,896 --> 00:17:45,315
I just wanted to go
to a nice restaurant or something.
351
00:17:45,398 --> 00:17:49,527
You only ever get me to do chores
or take shifts or FaceTime Mum or--
352
00:17:49,611 --> 00:17:51,488
-Hey.
353
00:17:51,988 --> 00:17:53,573
Drama queen.
354
00:17:53,656 --> 00:17:57,077
There's nothing to even think about.
Look, I'll make the decision for you.
355
00:17:57,160 --> 00:17:58,703
Me. There, done, now let's go.
356
00:17:59,371 --> 00:18:03,500
Look, if it was just you or Nora,
it'd be simple, but a kid needs their dad.
357
00:18:04,334 --> 00:18:06,378
You do, and you're big.
358
00:18:08,171 --> 00:18:11,466
But I've blindly trusted you so far,
and it's worked out.
359
00:18:11,549 --> 00:18:13,468
So, if you tell me to pick you, I will.
360
00:18:13,551 --> 00:18:15,011
-You're a good owner.
361
00:18:16,096 --> 00:18:17,389
You're not my pet anymore.
362
00:18:18,556 --> 00:18:19,599
It's up to you.
363
00:18:20,850 --> 00:18:23,061
-It's up to me.
364
00:18:23,770 --> 00:18:24,896
Oh, no. It's up to me.
365
00:18:24,979 --> 00:18:27,273
How do I decide? I can't decide.
Oh, it's too hard.
366
00:18:27,357 --> 00:18:29,192
I hate agency.
I don't want it. Take it back.
367
00:18:29,275 --> 00:18:30,819
Fucking free will.
368
00:18:30,902 --> 00:18:32,862
-Does your nut in, doesn't it?
-What are you?
369
00:18:32,946 --> 00:18:34,447
Human piñata.
370
00:18:35,281 --> 00:18:36,533
Kids love it.
371
00:18:36,616 --> 00:18:39,119
We're kind of in the middle
of a private conversation here.
372
00:18:39,202 --> 00:18:42,080
We had the same problem, me and the ex,
when we broke up a few years back.
373
00:18:42,163 --> 00:18:44,290
We couldn't figure out
who should take the dog.
374
00:18:44,791 --> 00:18:47,585
So we let the dog decide,
and, um…
375
00:18:47,669 --> 00:18:48,670
…they pick right.
376
00:18:49,796 --> 00:18:52,674
Animal instinct. Fucking infallible.
377
00:18:55,885 --> 00:18:58,888
♪ We got nothing to lose
We got nothing to lose ♪
378
00:19:01,725 --> 00:19:04,394
Whatever happens,
379
00:19:04,477 --> 00:19:07,230
I have to admit I've come to respect you
as a worthy adversary.
380
00:19:07,313 --> 00:19:08,314
-Really?
-No.
381
00:19:08,398 --> 00:19:09,649
The idea of being beaten by you
382
00:19:09,733 --> 00:19:11,818
is the most humiliating thing
I could imagine.
383
00:19:13,611 --> 00:19:16,448
-Psst, psst, psst. Psst, psst, psst.
-Hey, don't. That's cheating.
384
00:19:16,531 --> 00:19:20,118
-Psst, psst, psst, psst, psst, psst.
385
00:19:20,201 --> 00:19:23,371
Psst, psst, psst, psst, psst.
386
00:19:23,455 --> 00:19:27,876
-Psst, psst, psst, psst, psst.
387
00:19:42,307 --> 00:19:43,308
Jen?
388
00:19:50,273 --> 00:19:51,274
You're home.
389
00:20:17,676 --> 00:20:22,639
♪ This is probably
How I get myself killed ♪
390
00:20:22,722 --> 00:20:24,307
I know we don't have a session, but…
391
00:20:25,684 --> 00:20:26,976
Come in.
392
00:20:45,704 --> 00:20:47,789
Mummy doesn't like
that I'm ginger.
393
00:20:47,872 --> 00:20:50,250
She says it doesn't fit her "anaesthetic".
394
00:20:56,589 --> 00:20:59,634
What's the point in doing the right thing
if you don't get rewarded for it?
395
00:20:59,718 --> 00:21:00,760
It's bullshit.
396
00:21:01,761 --> 00:21:05,432
The act of doing the right thing is,
in and of itself, the reward.
397
00:21:06,766 --> 00:21:09,811
No, I can't do it.
It is bullshit actually, isn't it?
398
00:21:09,894 --> 00:21:11,312
I really thought he'd pick me.
399
00:21:15,650 --> 00:21:19,821
Can you imagine some really nice Scotch?
400
00:21:22,115 --> 00:21:24,659
- Harder! Harder!
401
00:21:24,743 --> 00:21:26,327
- Harder!
402
00:21:31,082 --> 00:21:33,126
Yeah, yay.
403
00:21:35,420 --> 00:21:36,504
Cheer up, silly.
404
00:21:36,588 --> 00:21:38,923
-We're a family again.
-I miss Jen.
405
00:21:39,007 --> 00:21:40,717
If it helps,
we can pretend that she's died.
406
00:21:42,052 --> 00:21:45,972
Sorry.
Um, you're very tall and shiny,
407
00:21:46,056 --> 00:21:48,558
but I don't really like anyone but Jen.
408
00:21:48,641 --> 00:21:51,144
Oh, he's joking.
409
00:21:51,227 --> 00:21:52,979
So cute.
410
00:21:53,063 --> 00:21:55,815
You do like me.
You picked me because you like me.
411
00:21:55,899 --> 00:21:58,193
Uh, okay.
Um, I wa-- I wasn't clear enough.
412
00:21:58,276 --> 00:21:59,486
I'm not attracted to you.
413
00:21:59,569 --> 00:22:01,780
Oh, I think
he's just disorientated.
414
00:22:01,863 --> 00:22:03,114
Don't ing embarrass me.
415
00:22:06,201 --> 00:22:07,577
Are you all right, Nora?
416
00:22:09,162 --> 00:22:11,498
Sorry.
417
00:22:11,581 --> 00:22:13,333
I'm joking.
418
00:22:13,416 --> 00:22:16,044
We are such jokers.
419
00:22:17,671 --> 00:22:19,756
-I don't get it.
420
00:22:23,885 --> 00:22:27,097
I actually needed this.
421
00:22:28,640 --> 00:22:30,850
I spent most of the day
with this one client,
422
00:22:30,934 --> 00:22:33,520
the most boring man in the world.
I'm not shitting you.
423
00:22:33,603 --> 00:22:36,815
The inside of his head is a perfect
replica of the set of the Top Gear studio.
424
00:22:36,898 --> 00:22:40,276
At least not so messy though.
425
00:22:40,360 --> 00:22:41,653
Oh, better messy than boring.
426
00:22:42,696 --> 00:22:45,281
I think you're the first client
427
00:22:45,365 --> 00:22:47,492
I'd willingly spend time with
in the outside world.
428
00:22:49,577 --> 00:22:51,037
It's not that chaotic.
429
00:22:51,121 --> 00:22:53,623
Look, we're making progress.
430
00:22:57,419 --> 00:22:58,420
Here.
431
00:23:02,465 --> 00:23:03,842
Here's my personal number.
432
00:23:05,677 --> 00:23:08,054
If you ever wanna talk about anything,
just call me.
433
00:23:10,890 --> 00:23:12,517
-Probably just text.
-Jesus Christ.
434
00:23:12,600 --> 00:23:15,145
-Why can't you people speak on a phone?
435
00:23:18,314 --> 00:23:21,317
I'm-I'm confused.
Are you two back together sexwise?
436
00:23:21,401 --> 00:23:22,485
-Yes.
-No. Huh?
437
00:23:23,278 --> 00:23:24,529
I'm only here for Alfie.
438
00:23:24,612 --> 00:23:27,240
- A kid needs his dad.
-That's what I've always said.
439
00:23:27,323 --> 00:23:29,784
But I guess, when he's 18,
I can go back to Jen.
440
00:23:29,868 --> 00:23:32,579
-He's seven now, so that's--
441
00:23:33,747 --> 00:23:34,914
Oh, no.
442
00:23:34,998 --> 00:23:36,374
Shut up, Chris!
443
00:23:37,542 --> 00:23:38,752
He didn't say anything.
444
00:23:38,835 --> 00:23:40,670
-We should tell him.
445
00:23:43,631 --> 00:23:45,967
The night you disappeared, you caught us.
446
00:23:46,760 --> 00:23:48,053
-In your bed.
447
00:23:49,179 --> 00:23:50,722
-ing and ing.
448
00:23:50,805 --> 00:23:53,433
We thought that's why you left,
449
00:23:53,516 --> 00:23:56,811
but I-I-I guess
it must've, like, triggered your power.
450
00:23:57,395 --> 00:24:00,899
You didn't abandon anyone,
but you just…
451
00:24:00,982 --> 00:24:04,361
…you got cucked so hard,
you turned into a cat.
452
00:24:04,444 --> 00:24:07,197
It's a tale as old as time.
453
00:24:07,947 --> 00:24:09,115
So Alfie is
454
00:24:09,908 --> 00:24:11,159
not mine.
455
00:24:12,243 --> 00:24:13,495
He's lying.
456
00:24:13,578 --> 00:24:15,622
- Alfie isn't his--
-He is!
457
00:24:16,623 --> 00:24:18,541
-Prove it.
- You dye his hair!
458
00:24:19,125 --> 00:24:22,003
-You do. He's really ginger.
-That proves nothing.
459
00:24:22,087 --> 00:24:24,547
Chris isn't ginger.
460
00:24:25,131 --> 00:24:27,842
-Aren't I?
461
00:24:27,926 --> 00:24:29,260
Oh!
462
00:24:31,680 --> 00:24:34,641
- I started dyeing it at uni.
463
00:24:35,558 --> 00:24:37,936
Thought the horrific bullying would stop.
464
00:24:39,396 --> 00:24:41,981
Let's do the cake!
465
00:24:43,400 --> 00:24:44,859
It's organic tonka bean!
466
00:24:44,943 --> 00:24:46,444
Does she know
his penis is still out?
467
00:24:46,528 --> 00:24:47,862
Come on, everybody!
468
00:24:47,946 --> 00:24:53,368
Oh, what are you all looking at,
you gawking ?
469
00:24:53,451 --> 00:24:55,620
- Oh, no. She's not perfect.
470
00:24:55,704 --> 00:24:59,165
- Nora.
-She's not perfect!
471
00:24:59,249 --> 00:25:03,461
Well, no you, ing morons!
472
00:25:03,545 --> 00:25:04,796
You want madeleines?
473
00:25:04,879 --> 00:25:06,923
I'll give you madeleines!
474
00:25:08,717 --> 00:25:10,719
- Whoa!
475
00:25:15,098 --> 00:25:19,602
I get up at 4:00 a.m.
476
00:25:20,228 --> 00:25:24,107
I haven't eaten sugar in 15 years,
477
00:25:24,190 --> 00:25:28,278
and this is the thanks I get?
478
00:25:28,361 --> 00:25:30,071
Oh, not the cake, Nora.
479
00:25:31,239 --> 00:25:33,033
Oh, ing Christ. That's good.
480
00:25:33,116 --> 00:25:36,453
This, um, might be a lot to take in,
481
00:25:36,536 --> 00:25:38,705
but I've wanted to tell you this
for so long.
482
00:25:39,289 --> 00:25:40,582
Oh, my God.
483
00:25:41,958 --> 00:25:45,378
Oh, go on, judge me, you uptight .
484
00:25:45,462 --> 00:25:47,088
-I've always hated you.
485
00:25:47,172 --> 00:25:48,256
Nora…
486
00:25:48,340 --> 00:25:49,799
I've always hated all of you.
487
00:25:51,092 --> 00:25:52,552
I'm your real dad.
488
00:25:52,635 --> 00:25:55,847
-And I love you so, so much.
- You can all suck my [bleep]!
489
00:25:56,514 --> 00:25:57,515
Get out.
490
00:25:58,350 --> 00:26:01,936
Get out of my house, .
491
00:26:02,020 --> 00:26:03,688
Get out!
492
00:26:03,772 --> 00:26:05,982
Do you have any games on your phone?
493
00:26:06,066 --> 00:26:07,692
Oh, go on. Take a picture, [bleep]!
494
00:26:07,776 --> 00:26:08,985
I'll give you my best angle!
495
00:26:09,069 --> 00:26:11,571
-Yes.
- That's right. It's my [bleep]!
496
00:26:11,654 --> 00:26:12,655
Yeah.
497
00:26:15,909 --> 00:26:18,036
[Kash, Jizzlord, Carrie
babbling, speaking indistinctly]
498
00:26:18,119 --> 00:26:19,704
- She's here.
- She's here.
499
00:26:21,039 --> 00:26:23,333
- She's coming.
500
00:26:23,416 --> 00:26:24,626
Jen, I'm free!
501
00:26:24,709 --> 00:26:26,127
-The kid isn't his.
502
00:26:26,211 --> 00:26:28,338
My best friend
and my wife are having an affair,
503
00:26:28,421 --> 00:26:30,090
and I was deeply, deeply unhappy.
504
00:26:30,173 --> 00:26:31,508
Isn't that great?
505
00:26:31,591 --> 00:26:33,802
Now there's nothing
that can come between us.
506
00:26:35,595 --> 00:26:36,763
Oh.
507
00:26:41,935 --> 00:26:43,186
What did you do?
508
00:26:48,692 --> 00:26:51,027
Is it normal that
when things go wrong in your life,
509
00:26:51,111 --> 00:26:52,987
you just wanna go all in
and ruin everything?
510
00:26:53,071 --> 00:26:54,948
Pretty much.
511
00:26:55,031 --> 00:26:56,241
In for a penny.
512
00:27:07,252 --> 00:27:11,131
♪ Riding on any wave
That is the luck you crave ♪
513
00:27:11,214 --> 00:27:13,341
♪ They don't believe it now ♪
514
00:27:16,177 --> 00:27:17,554
Mum?
515
00:27:19,055 --> 00:27:22,142
Can I go back to the party now?
516
00:27:38,491 --> 00:27:42,412
♪ Riding on anything
Anything's good enough ♪
517
00:27:42,495 --> 00:27:46,249
♪ Who would've thought it of
Someone like you? ♪
518
00:27:46,332 --> 00:27:50,253
♪ Just as they brought me round
Now that they brought you down ♪
519
00:27:50,337 --> 00:27:54,257
♪ Roundabout and roundabout
Who wants a life anyway? ♪37917
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