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1
00:00:01,502 --> 00:00:02,733
I don't get it.
2
00:00:02,733 --> 00:00:04,375
What keeps happening
To the printer cartridges?
3
00:00:04,375 --> 00:00:06,407
Have you guys been stealing ink?
Yeah, mom, you know us kids.
4
00:00:06,407 --> 00:00:09,080
We just can't resist that sweet,
Sweet ink.
5
00:00:09,780 --> 00:00:11,442
There's a spare cartridge
In the home office.
6
00:00:11,442 --> 00:00:13,013
We have a home office?
7
00:00:13,013 --> 00:00:15,186
No. That's just what
Mom and dad call the room
8
00:00:15,186 --> 00:00:16,787
Where they keep all the crap
They haven't unpacked yet.
9
00:00:16,787 --> 00:00:19,120
One day, it is
Gonna be a home office.
10
00:00:19,120 --> 00:00:20,151
And your father and I
Are gonna have
11
00:00:20,151 --> 00:00:21,422
A big desk
With two computers,
12
00:00:21,422 --> 00:00:24,095
And I write a column
For the local newspaper
13
00:00:24,095 --> 00:00:25,226
Called "Debbie, do I?"
14
00:00:25,226 --> 00:00:27,728
"Dear debbie do I,
My mother has retreated
15
00:00:27,728 --> 00:00:30,731
"Into a fantasy world
Of nonexistent home offices.
16
00:00:30,731 --> 00:00:32,203
What do I do?"
17
00:00:32,203 --> 00:00:34,405
All right.
Marty: aah!
18
00:00:34,405 --> 00:00:37,037
Hurry, family.
To the home office.
19
00:00:39,039 --> 00:00:41,172
Abby: awesome!
Max: cool!
20
00:00:41,172 --> 00:00:42,343
This is so cool.
21
00:00:42,343 --> 00:00:44,275
I think a pipe burst.
22
00:00:44,275 --> 00:00:47,418
All right. It is
Man vs. Mold in this room.
23
00:00:47,418 --> 00:00:49,480
Max, abby,
You're on hauling duty.
24
00:00:49,480 --> 00:00:54,325
Oh, uh...I'm supposed to go
To jack's for a sleepover.
25
00:00:54,325 --> 00:00:57,158
A-and I just need
Some me time.
26
00:00:57,158 --> 00:00:58,659
Yeah.
Bye.
27
00:00:58,659 --> 00:01:01,092
Here. Let me grab
All my stuff for you.
28
00:01:01,092 --> 00:01:02,233
Oh, thank you, baby.
29
00:01:02,233 --> 00:01:04,235
That's a big help.
Thank you.
30
00:01:04,235 --> 00:01:07,838
This is all my stuff.
31
00:01:10,741 --> 00:01:13,744
We've made some mistakes
Along the way.
Yeah.
32
00:01:13,744 --> 00:01:16,247
♪♪♪
33
00:01:16,247 --> 00:01:20,281
♪ we came from outer space
And settled in new jersey ♪
34
00:01:20,281 --> 00:01:24,115
♪ we took names like larry bird
And jackie joyner-kersee ♪
35
00:01:24,115 --> 00:01:26,287
♪ then the humans
Moved next door ♪
36
00:01:26,287 --> 00:01:28,259
♪ started testing
All our limits ♪
37
00:01:28,259 --> 00:01:30,421
♪ so sit right down,
Enjoy the show ♪
38
00:01:30,421 --> 00:01:36,867
♪ we'll be done in 30 minutes ♪
39
00:01:36,867 --> 00:01:38,299
Scoot over, lollipop.
40
00:01:38,299 --> 00:01:40,371
I need to print out
My daily batch of résumés.
41
00:01:40,371 --> 00:01:43,204
"Bird-kersee
Family fun day"?
42
00:01:43,204 --> 00:01:45,276
What's this drivel
You're wasting our ink on?
43
00:01:45,276 --> 00:01:46,407
First of all,
You know very well
44
00:01:46,407 --> 00:01:48,179
That you stole that ink
From the weavers.
45
00:01:48,179 --> 00:01:50,141
Second,
These are the itineraries
46
00:01:50,141 --> 00:01:52,483
For the special day
I have planned for my parents.
47
00:01:52,483 --> 00:01:54,815
I'm going to show them
My favorite places on earth,
48
00:01:54,815 --> 00:01:57,748
Ending with the hidden hills
Mall parking lot,
49
00:01:57,748 --> 00:02:00,321
Where we will --
Wait. You're taking them
To our parking lot?
50
00:02:00,321 --> 00:02:01,792
Is nothing sacred?
51
00:02:01,792 --> 00:02:03,724
Do what you want,
But leave me out of it.
52
00:02:03,724 --> 00:02:05,396
And don't expect me
To pick up the pieces
53
00:02:05,396 --> 00:02:08,259
When your hippie,
Do-gooder parents desert you
54
00:02:08,259 --> 00:02:10,401
For whatever their next
Crazy cause of the week is.
55
00:02:10,401 --> 00:02:12,203
"Nice seeing you,
Daughter.
56
00:02:12,203 --> 00:02:13,664
"We have to
Abandon you now
57
00:02:13,664 --> 00:02:16,207
To help a martian
With a boo-boo."
58
00:02:16,207 --> 00:02:18,209
[ chuckles ] Spot-on impression,
Son-in-law.
59
00:02:18,209 --> 00:02:20,641
He's obviously had a lot
Of free time to work on it.
60
00:02:20,641 --> 00:02:23,574
So, how is
The job hunting going?
61
00:02:23,574 --> 00:02:26,447
Today, I'm applying to be v.P.
Of marketing at goldman sachs,
62
00:02:26,447 --> 00:02:28,919
Cfo at morgan stanley,
63
00:02:28,919 --> 00:02:31,452
Head chef at mario batali's
New restaurant.
64
00:02:31,452 --> 00:02:33,454
[ scoffs ]
Seems as if you're aiming
A little high,
65
00:02:33,454 --> 00:02:35,626
Considering
You're a trust-fund baby
66
00:02:35,626 --> 00:02:37,258
With zero work experience
On this planet.
67
00:02:37,258 --> 00:02:40,191
I think an entry-level job
Would be good for you.
68
00:02:40,191 --> 00:02:42,893
Make you feel less entitled,
Like one of the people.
69
00:02:42,893 --> 00:02:45,566
"The people"? Gross.
70
00:02:45,566 --> 00:02:49,400
I am a supreme leader
With a grace and intellect
71
00:02:49,400 --> 00:02:50,771
And that certain
"X" factor
72
00:02:50,771 --> 00:02:54,275
That separates the alec baldwins
From the stephen baldwins.
73
00:02:54,275 --> 00:02:56,247
Have you had any responses
To your applications?
74
00:02:56,247 --> 00:02:57,908
Define "Any."
One.
75
00:02:57,908 --> 00:03:01,482
Well, given
Your stringent definition, no.
76
00:03:01,482 --> 00:03:04,184
But who says you need
To wait for an invitation
77
00:03:04,184 --> 00:03:05,216
To get a job interview?
78
00:03:05,216 --> 00:03:07,218
Everyone.
79
00:03:07,218 --> 00:03:12,323
All right,
You condescending boho devils,
80
00:03:12,323 --> 00:03:14,194
The next time
I walk through that door,
81
00:03:14,194 --> 00:03:15,526
I shall have a job.
82
00:03:15,526 --> 00:03:17,968
Darling, he's still wearing
His bathrobe.
83
00:03:17,968 --> 00:03:19,470
Just give him a moment.
84
00:03:19,470 --> 00:03:21,302
[ rustling ]
Ooh!
85
00:03:21,302 --> 00:03:22,973
Doesn't count.
86
00:03:22,973 --> 00:03:24,435
I didn't come
Through the door.
87
00:03:26,907 --> 00:03:29,580
I'm here to become
Your new creative director.
88
00:03:29,580 --> 00:03:31,912
So, I'm looking
For eight figures.
89
00:03:31,912 --> 00:03:34,645
And I'll be direct --
I want them all to be a seven.
90
00:03:34,645 --> 00:03:37,648
Describe myself in three words?
91
00:03:37,648 --> 00:03:41,352
Not good at counting.
[ chuckles ]
92
00:03:41,352 --> 00:03:44,495
I have a passion for fashion
And a passion for magazines.
93
00:03:44,495 --> 00:03:46,827
Um, I do have one question.
94
00:03:46,827 --> 00:03:48,929
Is it pronounced "Vo-gay"
Or "Vo-gooey"?
95
00:03:48,929 --> 00:03:51,532
My greatest weakness?
Romantic comedies.
96
00:03:51,532 --> 00:03:53,864
Did you just
Hit a panic button?
97
00:03:53,864 --> 00:03:56,967
You did! I saw you!
98
00:03:56,967 --> 00:03:58,569
Reggie: "And that is why
I do not think
99
00:03:58,569 --> 00:04:00,771
J.D. Salinger's latest novel,
'the catcher in the rye,'
100
00:04:00,771 --> 00:04:03,444
Is going to resonate
With young readers."
101
00:04:03,444 --> 00:04:05,546
What are you doing?
102
00:04:05,546 --> 00:04:07,017
Just looking through
Some lame middle-school stuff.
103
00:04:07,017 --> 00:04:09,380
I'm probably
Gonna throw it all away.
104
00:04:09,380 --> 00:04:11,722
Oh, my god.
105
00:04:11,722 --> 00:04:13,554
This is the candy
I bought
106
00:04:13,554 --> 00:04:15,386
When I snuck
Into my first r-rated movie.
107
00:04:15,386 --> 00:04:17,257
We sat next
To some random old guy.
108
00:04:17,257 --> 00:04:18,289
And when
The usher passed by,
109
00:04:18,289 --> 00:04:19,930
I was like,
"Dad, pass the popcorn."
110
00:04:19,930 --> 00:04:21,292
It was totally awesome.
111
00:04:21,292 --> 00:04:22,893
And then afterwards,
He asked for my number,
112
00:04:22,893 --> 00:04:25,436
Which was less awesome.
I cannot believe
You saw a movie
113
00:04:25,436 --> 00:04:28,499
That the motion picture
Association of america
Did not approve for you!
114
00:04:28,499 --> 00:04:31,342
These are
From my first concert.
115
00:04:31,342 --> 00:04:32,803
We had to sneak in
Under the fence
116
00:04:32,803 --> 00:04:34,745
To get
Into the v.I.P. Area.
117
00:04:34,745 --> 00:04:36,046
Wow!
118
00:04:36,046 --> 00:04:39,910
You have so many cool stories
From before we met.
119
00:04:39,910 --> 00:04:41,582
Mnh!
120
00:04:41,582 --> 00:04:42,753
One time, I dressed up
121
00:04:42,753 --> 00:04:44,885
Like a carton of eggs
For halloween --
122
00:04:44,885 --> 00:04:46,557
I know. It was a month ago.
I was there.
123
00:04:46,557 --> 00:04:47,888
Oh, my god.
124
00:04:47,888 --> 00:04:49,920
Okay,
So, a few years ago,
125
00:04:49,920 --> 00:04:52,593
My friend and I snuck
Into hugh jackman's trailer
126
00:04:52,593 --> 00:04:55,025
On the set
Of that fighting-robot movie.
127
00:04:55,025 --> 00:04:56,727
[ clicks tongue ]
Oh!
128
00:04:56,727 --> 00:04:58,068
What a nice guy.
129
00:04:58,068 --> 00:05:02,032
Crazy cool.
130
00:05:02,032 --> 00:05:04,074
So, I have arranged
All my favorite places
131
00:05:04,074 --> 00:05:05,506
By geographical location
132
00:05:05,506 --> 00:05:08,479
And allotted one half-hour
Per activity.
Oh!
133
00:05:08,479 --> 00:05:11,342
The last few pages
Are blank for scrapbooking!
134
00:05:11,342 --> 00:05:13,984
Ooh!
Can the butkus get in
On your day of fun?
135
00:05:13,984 --> 00:05:16,387
Oh, darling, I'm just not sure
You can keep up.
136
00:05:16,387 --> 00:05:19,019
Puh-lease, girl.
Let me just put on my kicks.
137
00:05:19,019 --> 00:05:20,721
[ clears throat ]
138
00:05:22,022 --> 00:05:25,696
The baby rabbit
Goes through the tunnel
139
00:05:25,696 --> 00:05:28,729
And over the log and --
No!
140
00:05:28,729 --> 00:05:34,034
Over the fence and through
The log and under the tunnel.
141
00:05:34,034 --> 00:05:35,666
No!
142
00:05:35,666 --> 00:05:39,510
The baby rabbit
Goes around the log...
143
00:05:40,911 --> 00:05:42,743
[ sighs ]
Have a great day.
144
00:05:42,743 --> 00:05:44,415
I'll just get my coat.
145
00:05:44,415 --> 00:05:46,016
Let's do a selfie.
146
00:05:46,016 --> 00:05:48,549
[ camera shutter clicks ]
[ chuckles ]
147
00:05:48,549 --> 00:05:51,852
Grandson, your hair looks
A little less proud than usual.
148
00:05:51,852 --> 00:05:53,684
Is something wrong?
The weavers had a flood,
149
00:05:53,684 --> 00:05:56,126
And they made me realize
I've got no cool stories.
150
00:05:56,126 --> 00:05:58,128
But I'm gonna come up with one
If it kills me.
151
00:05:58,128 --> 00:06:00,060
Dick, sidekick me.
152
00:06:00,060 --> 00:06:02,062
Ohh!
153
00:06:02,062 --> 00:06:05,696
[ grunts ] Thank you.
Now come help me.
154
00:06:05,696 --> 00:06:07,538
Did he just say
The weavers had a flood?
155
00:06:07,538 --> 00:06:08,939
Yes, he did.
156
00:06:08,939 --> 00:06:10,771
Perhaps we should
Go check on them.
157
00:06:10,771 --> 00:06:13,804
They may need our help.
Yes!
158
00:06:15,646 --> 00:06:17,377
I'm ready!
[ door closes ]
159
00:06:17,377 --> 00:06:20,751
Where are they?
160
00:06:20,751 --> 00:06:22,983
Maybe it's good
That this happened, you know?
161
00:06:22,983 --> 00:06:24,955
Help us get the home office
On its feet.
162
00:06:24,955 --> 00:06:25,956
Oh, totally.
163
00:06:25,956 --> 00:06:27,117
[ splash ]
There's a mouse!
164
00:06:27,117 --> 00:06:29,620
Oh!
It's a dead mouse
Floating over there.
165
00:06:29,620 --> 00:06:31,462
Power through.
Power through!
All right.
166
00:06:31,462 --> 00:06:34,665
Hey! This is
My old little-league mitt!
167
00:06:34,665 --> 00:06:36,967
I remember the day
My dad gave me this.
168
00:06:36,967 --> 00:06:38,599
He said,
"Here you go, moron.
169
00:06:38,599 --> 00:06:40,601
"Maybe this glove will help
Your game, because right now,
170
00:06:40,601 --> 00:06:41,932
"I can't tell
If you're playing the outfield
171
00:06:41,932 --> 00:06:43,133
Or coming
Out of the closet."
172
00:06:43,133 --> 00:06:45,536
Mm.
Yeah, he's sweet.
173
00:06:45,536 --> 00:06:47,578
Hello, hello!
Is everybody okay in here?
174
00:06:47,578 --> 00:06:49,079
Oh, hey, guys.
Yeah, we're fine. We're fine.
175
00:06:49,079 --> 00:06:50,811
Don't try to
Talk us out of it.
176
00:06:50,811 --> 00:06:54,084
We're here to help.
Floods are kind of our thing.
177
00:06:57,448 --> 00:06:59,920
[ elevator bell dings ]
178
00:06:59,920 --> 00:07:02,493
[ sighs ]
179
00:07:02,493 --> 00:07:05,095
Let me guess --
Job interview.
180
00:07:05,095 --> 00:07:07,097
One of many.
181
00:07:07,097 --> 00:07:08,459
Me, too.
182
00:07:08,459 --> 00:07:10,701
These companies
Are incapable of realizing
183
00:07:10,701 --> 00:07:12,202
How much
I have to offer.
184
00:07:12,202 --> 00:07:13,504
[ scoffs ]
Tell me about it!
185
00:07:13,504 --> 00:07:15,165
I went to junior college
For four years,
186
00:07:15,165 --> 00:07:17,207
And these h.R. Reps
Keep being like,
187
00:07:17,207 --> 00:07:18,769
"Want to work
In the mailroom?"
188
00:07:18,769 --> 00:07:21,512
No, dream killer,
I don't.
189
00:07:21,512 --> 00:07:22,843
I'm done
Applying for lame jobs.
190
00:07:22,843 --> 00:07:25,145
I'm not a "Work your way up"
Kind of guy.
191
00:07:25,145 --> 00:07:29,520
I'm a zuckerberg.
Oh, me, too,
But in the body of a winklevoss.
192
00:07:29,520 --> 00:07:31,552
[ chuckles ]
No need to state the obvi.
193
00:07:31,552 --> 00:07:33,183
[ elevator bell dings ]
I'm raffi.
194
00:07:33,183 --> 00:07:36,086
Larry.
195
00:07:36,086 --> 00:07:37,628
You should come hang out
196
00:07:37,628 --> 00:07:39,490
With me and my buddies
At the coffee shop.
197
00:07:39,490 --> 00:07:42,833
They have the best fair-trade
Guatemalan cold brew.
198
00:07:42,833 --> 00:07:44,164
You insky?
199
00:07:44,164 --> 00:07:45,836
[ elevator bell dings ]
Got to be honest.
200
00:07:45,836 --> 00:07:48,138
I'm only getting maybe
One out of every three words,
201
00:07:48,138 --> 00:07:51,802
But, raffi,
I am so insky.
202
00:07:56,847 --> 00:07:59,479
Larry, this is my crew.
203
00:07:59,479 --> 00:08:01,952
Boom!
[ smooches ] Bam!
204
00:08:01,952 --> 00:08:03,253
Zip.
205
00:08:03,253 --> 00:08:05,085
And this is where we work.
206
00:08:05,085 --> 00:08:07,087
You make coffee?
207
00:08:07,087 --> 00:08:11,091
Make coffee? No.
Blog about coffee? Soon.
208
00:08:11,091 --> 00:08:12,222
You know
A good web designer?
209
00:08:12,222 --> 00:08:15,065
You mean you just
Stay here all day,
210
00:08:15,065 --> 00:08:18,929
Working on your own stuff,
Looking effortlessly cool?
211
00:08:18,929 --> 00:08:20,931
Eh, pretty much.
212
00:08:20,931 --> 00:08:22,202
[ gasps ]
213
00:08:22,202 --> 00:08:25,035
My people.
214
00:08:28,709 --> 00:08:33,884
♪♪♪
215
00:08:33,884 --> 00:08:36,016
[ sniffs ]
216
00:08:36,016 --> 00:08:39,790
Larry bird,
Like the basketball player.
217
00:08:39,790 --> 00:08:42,522
Molé, like the sauce.
218
00:08:42,522 --> 00:08:43,694
♪ I didn't mind ♪
219
00:08:43,694 --> 00:08:45,956
This is my photo blog.
220
00:08:45,956 --> 00:08:48,659
I write haikus
On band-aids,
221
00:08:48,659 --> 00:08:52,603
Then I put them on my body
And photograph myself.
222
00:08:52,603 --> 00:08:54,164
♪ I promise ♪
223
00:08:54,164 --> 00:08:56,136
So,
I can work on anything,
224
00:08:56,136 --> 00:08:58,869
Even if it's stupid
Like molé's thing?
225
00:08:58,869 --> 00:09:00,170
♪ of course ♪
226
00:09:00,170 --> 00:09:01,812
Holy molé!
227
00:09:01,812 --> 00:09:04,815
That's what
I should have named my blog.
228
00:09:04,815 --> 00:09:08,679
All right,
Hold the door.
229
00:09:08,679 --> 00:09:11,822
Okay, guys,
We rented a wet vac.
230
00:09:11,822 --> 00:09:13,884
What's going on, guys?
231
00:09:13,884 --> 00:09:15,886
Well, we came up
With a rudimentary
Organizational system
232
00:09:15,886 --> 00:09:17,557
Based on what we used
To help the victims
233
00:09:17,557 --> 00:09:18,989
Of the lava tsunami
On jupiter.
234
00:09:18,989 --> 00:09:22,733
And, debbie, I found
This picture of you and marty.
235
00:09:22,733 --> 00:09:25,596
And you're in a white dress.
Oh, yes.
236
00:09:25,596 --> 00:09:26,937
Oh, that's our wedding.
[ chuckles ]
237
00:09:26,937 --> 00:09:28,599
My mom thought
The dress was a bit too much
238
00:09:28,599 --> 00:09:30,771
And the hairdo
Made me seem desperate.
239
00:09:30,771 --> 00:09:33,243
You look perfect!
240
00:09:33,243 --> 00:09:36,576
I do?
Hey, and check out
That stud you're marrying.
241
00:09:36,576 --> 00:09:38,008
Oh, well --
I don't know
What happened to you!
242
00:09:38,008 --> 00:09:40,851
I know. I know.
My dad says once I hit 30
243
00:09:40,851 --> 00:09:42,853
That I lost what little looks
I had, so...
244
00:09:42,853 --> 00:09:45,355
Well, I was gonna say
You've only gotten handsomer.
245
00:09:45,355 --> 00:09:47,688
What?
Deb, what's happening?
246
00:09:47,688 --> 00:09:49,820
Well, I think
This is what it's like
247
00:09:49,820 --> 00:09:53,363
When you have good parents,
Or at least ones that are sober.
248
00:09:53,363 --> 00:09:55,896
There you are.
I've been looking all over.
249
00:09:55,896 --> 00:09:57,127
If we leave now,
250
00:09:57,127 --> 00:09:58,929
We can go through the car wash
Before it closes.
251
00:09:58,929 --> 00:10:00,931
It's like being born.
252
00:10:00,931 --> 00:10:02,202
Oh.
253
00:10:02,202 --> 00:10:04,004
Uh, sweetheart, I don't think
We're gonna be able
254
00:10:04,004 --> 00:10:06,076
To tour your favorite places
On earth today.
255
00:10:06,076 --> 00:10:09,179
You see,
The weavers had a flood.
They need us.
256
00:10:09,179 --> 00:10:12,212
Maybe we could
Do your day tomorrow, hmm?
257
00:10:12,212 --> 00:10:15,215
Of course.
What's another day?
258
00:10:15,215 --> 00:10:16,917
And maybe if I pitch in,
259
00:10:16,917 --> 00:10:19,720
We can finish up in time to do
A few of the things on my list.
260
00:10:19,720 --> 00:10:20,821
Yes!
261
00:10:20,821 --> 00:10:24,825
Oh, oh,
My fourth-grade report card!
262
00:10:24,825 --> 00:10:27,327
Could you look at all the a's
And say something
263
00:10:27,327 --> 00:10:29,960
Besides "Don't tell boys
You're smart"?
264
00:10:29,960 --> 00:10:33,934
[ cellphone beeps ]
Now, do you want the safe option
Or the risky option?
265
00:10:33,934 --> 00:10:35,265
The prank call
Didn't become
266
00:10:35,265 --> 00:10:37,367
A crazy-story staple
By playing it safe.
267
00:10:37,367 --> 00:10:39,740
[ cellphone beeps ]
Risky me.
268
00:10:39,740 --> 00:10:40,871
Woman: hello?
Hello, ma'am?
269
00:10:40,871 --> 00:10:43,173
Do you have a daughter?
Yes.
270
00:10:43,173 --> 00:10:46,346
Well, she's been
In a horrible car accident.
271
00:10:46,346 --> 00:10:47,948
[ screams ]
Uh, no, never mind.
272
00:10:47,948 --> 00:10:49,379
No, no. No, no, she's hasn't.
What are you talking about?
273
00:10:49,379 --> 00:10:51,051
I am so sorry.
274
00:10:51,051 --> 00:10:52,823
Dick,
What's wrong with you?
275
00:10:52,823 --> 00:10:55,956
[ indistinct shouting ]
I'm a dark, little dude.
276
00:10:57,688 --> 00:11:00,691
How's the sorting going
Out there?
277
00:11:00,691 --> 00:11:02,933
Hello?
278
00:11:02,933 --> 00:11:06,837
Mommy? Daddy?
279
00:11:06,837 --> 00:11:10,801
Even more beautiful
In person.
280
00:11:10,801 --> 00:11:13,343
Really?
281
00:11:13,343 --> 00:11:14,875
And seeing me in white,
You're not thinking,
282
00:11:14,875 --> 00:11:16,076
"Who are you trying to fool,
Deborah?"
283
00:11:16,076 --> 00:11:18,448
I don't even know
What that means, sweetheart.
284
00:11:18,448 --> 00:11:20,811
You're the best mom.
285
00:11:20,811 --> 00:11:22,112
Oh.
286
00:11:22,112 --> 00:11:24,054
Marty: yeah!
Look at you.
287
00:11:24,054 --> 00:11:27,387
Father: now, you know,
I may have never seen
288
00:11:27,387 --> 00:11:28,919
Anybody
Throw a baseball before,
289
00:11:28,919 --> 00:11:32,823
But if that wasn't perfect form,
I don't know what is.
290
00:11:32,823 --> 00:11:35,125
Well [chuckles] Thank you,
Mr. Joyner-kersee.
291
00:11:35,125 --> 00:11:36,326
Oh, come on, marty.
292
00:11:36,326 --> 00:11:37,467
Call me
By my zabvronian name.
293
00:11:37,467 --> 00:11:38,969
It's daddy.
294
00:11:38,969 --> 00:11:40,931
Oh, well, you know what?
295
00:11:40,931 --> 00:11:42,803
That would probably be
A little bit weird
296
00:11:42,803 --> 00:11:44,935
Because here on earth,
That means --
297
00:11:44,935 --> 00:11:47,207
Great catch, marty!
Thanks, daddy!
298
00:11:50,841 --> 00:11:53,013
I can't believe
You're doing this.
299
00:11:53,013 --> 00:11:54,945
It's got scandal
Written all over it.
I know.
300
00:11:54,945 --> 00:11:57,347
But as miley cyrus
Taught me,
301
00:11:57,347 --> 00:11:59,920
You don't get a good story
By keeping your clothes on.
302
00:11:59,920 --> 00:12:01,351
Let's do this!
303
00:12:04,925 --> 00:12:06,927
Brother, don't!
304
00:12:11,031 --> 00:12:14,204
I'm doing it.
305
00:12:14,204 --> 00:12:15,906
I'm skinny dipping!
306
00:12:15,906 --> 00:12:19,239
Turns out,
This is not an "Omg" moment.
307
00:12:19,239 --> 00:12:20,941
Cover up, tramp.
308
00:12:23,473 --> 00:12:25,916
I've decided
To work on a tumblr
309
00:12:25,916 --> 00:12:28,348
About how to have the grace,
Intellect,
310
00:12:28,348 --> 00:12:31,521
And "X" factor
Of a supreme leader.
311
00:12:31,521 --> 00:12:33,023
Hmm.
312
00:12:33,023 --> 00:12:35,926
"You're either born with
An 'x' factor or you aren't,
313
00:12:35,926 --> 00:12:38,058
So try to
Be born with it."
314
00:12:38,058 --> 00:12:40,060
Ooh, that is epic!
315
00:12:40,060 --> 00:12:42,162
[ computer beeps ]
Wait a minute.
316
00:12:42,162 --> 00:12:43,994
What -- what happened
To my life-advice website?
317
00:12:43,994 --> 00:12:45,836
Your trial period
Expired.
318
00:12:45,836 --> 00:12:47,968
There's a new policy
Where you only get
319
00:12:47,968 --> 00:12:50,470
An hour of wi-fi
For every $5 purchase,
320
00:12:50,470 --> 00:12:52,772
So time to muffin up,
Hombre.
321
00:12:52,772 --> 00:12:54,244
Who do I talk to
About this?
322
00:13:00,480 --> 00:13:06,316
I am larry bird, cfo, president,
And sole subscriber
323
00:13:06,316 --> 00:13:08,418
Of the website
"Supreme like me,"
324
00:13:08,418 --> 00:13:11,221
As well as consulting producer
Of holymolé.Org.
325
00:13:11,221 --> 00:13:13,894
And I deserve
Free wi-fi!
326
00:13:13,894 --> 00:13:17,567
Look, I don't
Make the rules around here.
327
00:13:17,567 --> 00:13:20,000
You buy a cup of coffee,
I give you a slip.
328
00:13:20,000 --> 00:13:22,332
Fine. You're going to
Force my hand.
329
00:13:25,836 --> 00:13:28,038
Free internet
For everyone!
330
00:13:28,038 --> 00:13:30,410
Come get your password!
331
00:13:30,410 --> 00:13:32,983
Viva la wi-fi!
Ha ha!
332
00:13:36,917 --> 00:13:39,189
Here's a wi-fi password.
No purchase necessary.
333
00:13:39,189 --> 00:13:42,452
When you blog about me,
Blog well.
334
00:13:42,452 --> 00:13:44,454
Wi-fi password.
335
00:13:44,454 --> 00:13:46,596
What the hell's
Going on here?
336
00:13:46,596 --> 00:13:49,129
Just free wi-fi utopia.
Who are you?
337
00:13:49,129 --> 00:13:51,031
The owner.
Oh.
338
00:13:51,031 --> 00:13:52,933
Uh, sorry about that,
Alan.
339
00:13:52,933 --> 00:13:56,206
Here. Put a round of lattes
On my old man.
340
00:13:56,206 --> 00:13:57,938
That should
Cover the free internet.
What?
341
00:13:57,938 --> 00:14:00,140
You have a credit card
From your father?
342
00:14:00,140 --> 00:14:01,241
Uh, yeah.
343
00:14:01,241 --> 00:14:03,413
Most of us do.
That's how we pay for stuff.
344
00:14:03,413 --> 00:14:06,046
[ gasps ]
Oh, my god.
345
00:14:06,046 --> 00:14:08,348
You're just a bunch
Of spoiled, rich kids
346
00:14:08,348 --> 00:14:10,350
Living off your parents!
347
00:14:10,350 --> 00:14:12,022
No wonder
You can't find jobs!
348
00:14:12,022 --> 00:14:15,525
You lazy,
Self-entitled...
349
00:14:15,525 --> 00:14:18,488
Trust-fund brats.
350
00:14:18,488 --> 00:14:22,432
Harsh, man,
I am only 34.
351
00:14:22,432 --> 00:14:25,465
Listen,
This is all my doing.
352
00:14:25,465 --> 00:14:28,368
I've had a tough time lately.
My in-laws have moved in.
353
00:14:28,368 --> 00:14:30,140
I'm unemployed.
354
00:14:30,140 --> 00:14:31,972
Winter's really
Drying out my hair.
355
00:14:31,972 --> 00:14:33,473
Look, pal,
You're not the only one
356
00:14:33,473 --> 00:14:34,644
Out there
Trying to make it.
357
00:14:34,644 --> 00:14:36,476
It's tough out there
For everyone, all right?
358
00:14:36,476 --> 00:14:37,978
I got a high-schooler
Who can't seem to stay
359
00:14:37,978 --> 00:14:39,980
Under a thousand texts
A month,
360
00:14:39,980 --> 00:14:41,311
And I just dropped
A half a grand
361
00:14:41,311 --> 00:14:43,583
Taking my littlest
To the justin bieber concert.
362
00:14:43,583 --> 00:14:46,356
But at least she caught
His tank top, so priceless!
363
00:14:46,356 --> 00:14:48,388
I, too,
Have expensive children.
364
00:14:48,388 --> 00:14:51,021
If money can't buy you
Happiness, no one told my kids.
365
00:14:51,021 --> 00:14:52,562
Well, yeah, that's what
I'm talking about, you know?
366
00:14:52,562 --> 00:14:54,664
That's why I got
The new internet policy.
367
00:14:54,664 --> 00:14:56,366
In light
Of today's debacle,
368
00:14:56,366 --> 00:14:58,528
I know
This is a pretty long shot,
369
00:14:58,528 --> 00:15:01,371
But do you have
Any openings here?
370
00:15:01,371 --> 00:15:04,104
I'll do anything --
Whatever you need.
371
00:15:04,104 --> 00:15:09,079
I'm ready
To start at the bottom.
372
00:15:11,111 --> 00:15:12,943
Reggie: [ screams ]
373
00:15:12,943 --> 00:15:15,585
Oh, my god.
What are you doing?
374
00:15:15,585 --> 00:15:17,647
I'm going to do something
Worth telling you about,
375
00:15:17,647 --> 00:15:19,319
Even if it kills me!
376
00:15:19,319 --> 00:15:21,651
And it might literally kill me,
So I got to tell you right now
377
00:15:21,651 --> 00:15:23,493
That you look slamming
In that turtleneck.
378
00:15:23,493 --> 00:15:25,625
I'm sorry
For being so raunchy!
379
00:15:25,625 --> 00:15:28,398
What do you mean,
A story worth telling me?
380
00:15:28,398 --> 00:15:29,929
I have
Nothing to tell you,
381
00:15:29,929 --> 00:15:31,501
And I'm worried that you're
Gonna get bored of me!
382
00:15:31,501 --> 00:15:32,662
Are you insane?
383
00:15:32,662 --> 00:15:34,034
Reggie, every day,
384
00:15:34,034 --> 00:15:36,006
You look at something
I take for granted
385
00:15:36,006 --> 00:15:38,008
Like it's the coolest thing
In the world.
386
00:15:38,008 --> 00:15:42,342
And by the way, this right here,
Me talking you off a roof,
387
00:15:42,342 --> 00:15:46,316
This counts
As a crazy story.
388
00:15:46,316 --> 00:15:49,319
Oh, thank you.
389
00:15:49,319 --> 00:15:51,121
I'll be right down.
390
00:15:51,121 --> 00:15:53,023
And you better watch yourself
In that turtleneck,
391
00:15:53,023 --> 00:15:57,227
Because when I get down,
I'm going to...Hug you close.
392
00:15:58,688 --> 00:16:01,391
Oh. What's this?
393
00:16:01,391 --> 00:16:05,565
Oh, that's a gift certificate
To an all-you-can-eat buffet.
394
00:16:05,565 --> 00:16:09,069
My mom gave it to me because
She missed my graduation.
395
00:16:09,069 --> 00:16:11,501
She said that we were gonna have
A big celebration lunch
396
00:16:11,501 --> 00:16:13,503
The next day,
Just the two of us.
397
00:16:13,503 --> 00:16:18,078
Oh.
Well, let's just say
I still have the certificate.
398
00:16:18,078 --> 00:16:21,211
Oh. I'm sure there's a very good
Reason why she wasn't there.
399
00:16:21,211 --> 00:16:23,553
There was a fire sale
At a store called boom boom
400
00:16:23,553 --> 00:16:25,485
That sold
Irregular tube tops.
401
00:16:25,485 --> 00:16:26,686
Besides, I don't think
402
00:16:26,686 --> 00:16:30,290
There's ever a good reason
To ignore your child.
403
00:16:30,290 --> 00:16:32,292
No.
404
00:16:32,292 --> 00:16:33,523
Oh!
405
00:16:33,523 --> 00:16:35,365
Husband!
406
00:16:35,365 --> 00:16:37,697
What's the matter?
We have to go.
407
00:16:37,697 --> 00:16:39,529
We've let our helpfulness
Get in the way
408
00:16:39,529 --> 00:16:41,771
Of spending time
With our daughter!
409
00:16:41,771 --> 00:16:44,434
Oh, damn!
This always happens!
410
00:16:44,434 --> 00:16:46,476
[ sighs ]
411
00:16:46,476 --> 00:16:48,138
You're leaving now,
Aren't you?
Mm-hmm.
412
00:16:48,138 --> 00:16:51,411
But we need a ride.
Oh! I'll drive you.
413
00:16:51,411 --> 00:16:53,243
Daddy,
Where did you go?!
414
00:16:54,444 --> 00:16:59,119
No. It's okay, because his name
Is daddy, so it's not weird.
415
00:17:01,451 --> 00:17:02,622
Thanks for the ride,
Weavers.
416
00:17:02,622 --> 00:17:04,594
Well, no. Thank you
For all your help.
417
00:17:04,594 --> 00:17:07,557
Yeah, and all that stuff we have
That brought back bad memories?
418
00:17:07,557 --> 00:17:09,399
Well, we now have good ones
To go with them.
419
00:17:09,399 --> 00:17:11,431
Thank you.
Good night, guys.
420
00:17:11,431 --> 00:17:13,633
Good night.
Bye.
421
00:17:13,633 --> 00:17:16,666
[ sighs ] Parentless again.
Well, at least
We have our kids.
422
00:17:16,666 --> 00:17:19,809
Do we?
They abandoned us.
Yeah, they did.
423
00:17:19,809 --> 00:17:21,811
We had lousy parents,
We became lousy parents,
424
00:17:21,811 --> 00:17:23,373
And now
We have lousy kids.
425
00:17:23,373 --> 00:17:24,374
[ sighs ]
426
00:17:24,374 --> 00:17:26,216
Froyo?
Always.
427
00:17:32,652 --> 00:17:37,827
Last stop --
Hidden hills mall parking lot.
428
00:17:37,827 --> 00:17:40,660
You done cleaning
Up the weavers' flood?
429
00:17:40,660 --> 00:17:43,663
No, we just realized there was
Someplace more important
430
00:17:43,663 --> 00:17:45,495
That we needed to be.
431
00:17:45,495 --> 00:17:46,636
We're so sorry,
Jackie.
432
00:17:46,636 --> 00:17:48,638
It's just
That when you have
433
00:17:48,638 --> 00:17:50,500
The world's
Most capable daughter,
434
00:17:50,500 --> 00:17:53,443
It's easy to forget
That she needs you, too.
435
00:17:53,443 --> 00:17:55,405
Well, she does.
436
00:17:55,405 --> 00:17:58,748
[ sighs ]
437
00:17:58,748 --> 00:18:03,453
So...Tell me,
Why is this parking lot
438
00:18:03,453 --> 00:18:06,416
One of your most
Favorite places on earth?
439
00:18:06,416 --> 00:18:08,758
It's not
The parking lot.
440
00:18:08,758 --> 00:18:11,391
It's that four-way
Intersection.
441
00:18:11,391 --> 00:18:14,093
Oh!
442
00:18:14,093 --> 00:18:16,726
Oh, oh,
This will not end well.
443
00:18:16,726 --> 00:18:17,867
Oh!
444
00:18:17,867 --> 00:18:20,270
♪♪♪
445
00:18:25,475 --> 00:18:29,809
[ both chuckle ]
Now I've seen everything!
446
00:18:29,809 --> 00:18:31,481
You think
A setup like that
447
00:18:31,481 --> 00:18:34,344
Would end
In constant catastrophe.
♪ old friend ♪
448
00:18:34,344 --> 00:18:37,547
But somehow, everyone
Figures out how to coexist.
449
00:18:37,547 --> 00:18:38,718
♪ I tried hard to understand ♪
450
00:18:38,718 --> 00:18:41,591
Humans get
A bad rap sometimes.
451
00:18:41,591 --> 00:18:44,424
But I've found
That more often than not,
452
00:18:44,424 --> 00:18:47,527
They manage to look out
For one another...
453
00:18:47,527 --> 00:18:49,499
♪ I'm headed back ♪
454
00:18:49,499 --> 00:18:51,661
...And come through
For each other
455
00:18:51,661 --> 00:18:53,833
When you least expect it.
♪ 'cause your heart
Could use a hand ♪
456
00:18:53,833 --> 00:18:57,467
[ indistinct conversation ]
457
00:18:57,467 --> 00:19:00,510
And maybe all those things
I just said
458
00:19:00,510 --> 00:19:03,473
Don't totally apply
To intersections.
459
00:19:03,473 --> 00:19:09,619
But that is why this is one
Of my favorite places on earth.
460
00:19:09,619 --> 00:19:13,453
Thank you
For sharing it with us.
461
00:19:13,453 --> 00:19:15,885
I can see
Why you love it here.
462
00:19:15,885 --> 00:19:18,258
It's my pleasure.
463
00:19:22,762 --> 00:19:25,435
You're leaving again,
Aren't you?
464
00:19:25,435 --> 00:19:28,438
There's a tribe
On a neighboring moon
465
00:19:28,438 --> 00:19:31,501
That's suffering
A terrible famine.
466
00:19:31,501 --> 00:19:34,344
And your father has such a way
With irrigation.
467
00:19:34,344 --> 00:19:38,478
No, of course.
I understand.
468
00:19:38,478 --> 00:19:40,250
[ sniffles ]
469
00:19:40,250 --> 00:19:42,882
For the scrapbook.
470
00:19:42,882 --> 00:19:44,454
[ camera shutter clicks ]
471
00:19:44,454 --> 00:19:47,717
[ camera whirs ]
472
00:19:47,717 --> 00:19:49,889
I'm home!
473
00:19:49,889 --> 00:19:52,492
And this trust-fund brat
Of a son-in-law
474
00:19:52,492 --> 00:19:55,465
Just got himself
An entry-level jo-- oh.
475
00:19:55,465 --> 00:19:57,427
You said you didn't
Want to be here
476
00:19:57,427 --> 00:20:00,300
To pick up the pieces,
So you can just go.
477
00:20:00,300 --> 00:20:04,674
Oh, my darling,
Don't you know?
478
00:20:04,674 --> 00:20:08,838
Picking up your pieces
Is the only job I'd do for free.
479
00:20:13,513 --> 00:20:15,545
[ sighs ]
480
00:20:15,545 --> 00:20:17,687
How was
The four-way intersection?
481
00:20:17,687 --> 00:20:19,819
Not the same without me,
Right?
482
00:20:19,819 --> 00:20:21,651
Not at all.
483
00:20:21,651 --> 00:20:24,654
Really slow day.
484
00:20:24,654 --> 00:20:26,356
You're lying.
485
00:20:26,356 --> 00:20:29,359
What did I miss?
486
00:20:29,359 --> 00:20:32,532
All right, fine.
487
00:20:32,532 --> 00:20:35,265
There were
Four cars at once.
488
00:20:35,265 --> 00:20:37,967
[ gasps ]
The ultimate
Right-of-way challenge.
489
00:20:37,967 --> 00:20:40,510
Hot damn!
490
00:20:40,510 --> 00:20:43,343
Paint the scene for me.
It was a little bit windy.
491
00:20:43,343 --> 00:20:46,476
♪ 'cause your heart
Could use a hand ♪
S.U.V.S, sedans,
What are we talking?
492
00:20:46,476 --> 00:20:49,749
[ indistinct conversation ]
493
00:20:57,927 --> 00:21:00,890
Ooh, great catch, tiger.
Thanks, debbie.
494
00:21:00,890 --> 00:21:02,332
You look radiant,
By the way.
495
00:21:02,332 --> 00:21:03,633
You look like
The kind of girl
496
00:21:03,633 --> 00:21:04,794
A man would
Want to spend a life with.
497
00:21:04,794 --> 00:21:06,336
Oh.
498
00:21:06,336 --> 00:21:10,340
And you have the arm
Of a professional ballplayer.
499
00:21:12,572 --> 00:21:14,904
It's not the same.
Nope.
500
00:21:14,904 --> 00:21:17,006
Froyo?
Yeah. Always.
37051
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