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1
00:00:01,732 --> 00:00:03,304
Could someone
Pass the potatoes, please?
2
00:00:03,304 --> 00:00:04,335
You say "Potatoes,"
I pass "Pota-toes."
Ahh, ahh.
3
00:00:04,335 --> 00:00:05,336
Is there
Any salad left?
4
00:00:05,336 --> 00:00:08,179
Mi ensalada
Es su ensalada.
5
00:00:08,179 --> 00:00:10,411
Bread me.
6
00:00:10,411 --> 00:00:11,442
Take me to pound town.
7
00:00:11,442 --> 00:00:13,714
Explosion
In pound town.
8
00:00:13,714 --> 00:00:15,416
[ imitates explosion ]
[ chuckles ]
9
00:00:15,416 --> 00:00:17,188
A little schmutz
On your face, baby cake.
10
00:00:17,188 --> 00:00:19,520
Reggie, stop.
That's weird.
11
00:00:19,520 --> 00:00:21,652
Aww, that's so sweet.
He's taking care of you.
12
00:00:21,652 --> 00:00:24,024
Wiping things from your face,
Keeping you clean.
13
00:00:24,024 --> 00:00:25,326
I'm not in hospice,
Mom.
14
00:00:25,326 --> 00:00:27,758
Besides, you try going
On super-awkward dates
15
00:00:27,758 --> 00:00:29,760
Where your boyfriend
Just watches you eat.
16
00:00:29,760 --> 00:00:31,432
Amber, you know zabvronians
Don't eat food.
17
00:00:31,432 --> 00:00:34,405
But I didn't realize our dates
Were weird or awkward.
18
00:00:34,405 --> 00:00:35,406
You guys
Go on nice dates.
19
00:00:35,406 --> 00:00:36,467
Look, this sunday,
20
00:00:36,467 --> 00:00:37,438
You're going bowling
At 8:00, right?
21
00:00:37,438 --> 00:00:38,539
That's nice.
22
00:00:38,539 --> 00:00:39,810
Actually, we're not going
Plain bowling.
23
00:00:39,810 --> 00:00:41,072
We're going
Rock and bowling,
24
00:00:41,072 --> 00:00:43,274
And we moved
The reservation to 7:30
25
00:00:43,274 --> 00:00:45,116
Because you know
What they say.
26
00:00:45,116 --> 00:00:47,748
It's hard to get a rock and bowl
Reservation at 8:00.
27
00:00:47,748 --> 00:00:49,049
[ chuckles ]
28
00:00:49,049 --> 00:00:50,151
Pound town.
29
00:00:51,182 --> 00:00:52,623
7:30, huh.
[ cellphone beeps ]
30
00:00:52,623 --> 00:00:54,255
Ah. There it is.
31
00:00:54,255 --> 00:00:55,356
You already sent
The update to my calendar.
Thank you, reggie.
32
00:00:55,356 --> 00:00:57,158
Also awkward,
This bit where my dad
33
00:00:57,158 --> 00:00:59,530
Knows everything I do on dates
With my boyfriend.
34
00:00:59,530 --> 00:01:01,762
That's got to stop.
Absolutely not.
35
00:01:01,762 --> 00:01:04,135
My daughter is dating, and
It's actually working for me.
36
00:01:04,135 --> 00:01:05,336
I'm sleeping
Through the night.
37
00:01:05,336 --> 00:01:07,238
I don't wake up
Strangling my pillow anymore.
38
00:01:07,238 --> 00:01:08,439
Debbie,
Please tell them.
39
00:01:08,439 --> 00:01:11,402
He's strangling his pillow less.
It's true.
40
00:01:11,402 --> 00:01:13,244
[ door closes ]
Weavers.
41
00:01:13,244 --> 00:01:16,447
I have horrifying news.
You may want to sit down.
42
00:01:16,447 --> 00:01:18,449
Thank you.
43
00:01:18,449 --> 00:01:20,781
The ball and chain is out
Managing her burrito joint,
44
00:01:20,781 --> 00:01:23,784
Earning some benjamins buttons
To make it rain on my family.
45
00:01:23,784 --> 00:01:25,316
I said that right, yes?
46
00:01:25,316 --> 00:01:26,787
Killed it.
47
00:01:26,787 --> 00:01:28,119
I was home alone,
48
00:01:28,119 --> 00:01:30,261
And I finally got around
To watching golf.
49
00:01:30,261 --> 00:01:32,092
And to my abject horror,
50
00:01:32,092 --> 00:01:34,765
I discover it is the single most
Tedious activity
51
00:01:34,765 --> 00:01:36,197
On this
Or any other planet.
52
00:01:36,197 --> 00:01:38,329
How have you never
Watched golf before?
53
00:01:38,329 --> 00:01:39,800
Well, turns out
I had watched it.
54
00:01:39,800 --> 00:01:41,802
But what I thought were people
Walking somewhere to play golf
55
00:01:41,802 --> 00:01:43,534
Was actually
People playing golf.
56
00:01:43,534 --> 00:01:45,706
It's just walking around
With a stick.
57
00:01:45,706 --> 00:01:48,108
My family drive around
In golf carts.
58
00:01:48,108 --> 00:01:49,109
Look at my clothes.
59
00:01:49,109 --> 00:01:50,211
My entire life
60
00:01:50,211 --> 00:01:53,184
Is defined by a sport
I cannot stand.
61
00:01:53,184 --> 00:01:56,517
I'm not gonna wear
This golf shirt a second longer.
62
00:01:56,517 --> 00:01:59,150
[ grunts ]
63
00:01:59,150 --> 00:02:00,791
Damn this lycra.
64
00:02:04,855 --> 00:02:06,827
[ groans ] Damn it.
65
00:02:06,827 --> 00:02:10,661
♪♪♪
66
00:02:10,661 --> 00:02:14,505
♪ we came from outer space
And settled in new jersey ♪
67
00:02:14,505 --> 00:02:18,169
♪ we took names like larry bird
And jackie joyner-kersee ♪
68
00:02:18,169 --> 00:02:20,511
♪ then the humans
Moved next door ♪
69
00:02:20,511 --> 00:02:22,673
♪ started testing
All our limits ♪
70
00:02:22,673 --> 00:02:24,845
♪ so sit right down,
Enjoy the show ♪
71
00:02:24,845 --> 00:02:31,222
♪ we'll be done in 30 minutes ♪
72
00:02:31,222 --> 00:02:32,523
What you doing?
73
00:02:32,523 --> 00:02:34,255
Just trying to get this
Fantasy trade to go through.
74
00:02:34,255 --> 00:02:35,486
Rosenbaum
Is such a sucker.
75
00:02:35,486 --> 00:02:36,827
If I can
Pull this off,
76
00:02:36,827 --> 00:02:38,729
I'll be able to start
Three running backs this week,
77
00:02:38,729 --> 00:02:39,890
And it would be huge.
78
00:02:39,890 --> 00:02:42,393
Wow, three running backs.
That would be --
79
00:02:42,393 --> 00:02:44,235
Nope. I can't.
80
00:02:44,235 --> 00:02:46,237
Marty, we need to talk
About reggie and amber.
81
00:02:46,237 --> 00:02:47,398
Uh-huh.
82
00:02:47,398 --> 00:02:48,899
If reggie keeps
Telling you everything,
83
00:02:48,899 --> 00:02:50,441
You're gonna
Drive amber away from him.
84
00:02:50,441 --> 00:02:53,173
[ chuckles ]
Suck it, rosen-clown!
85
00:02:53,173 --> 00:02:54,475
[ chuckles ]
86
00:02:54,475 --> 00:02:56,277
You're not listening
To a thing I'm saying, are you?
87
00:02:56,277 --> 00:02:57,948
Just buy a new one,
Hon.
88
00:02:57,948 --> 00:03:00,180
You have an extra wide receiver
And your lineup's illegal.
89
00:03:00,180 --> 00:03:02,213
No, it's not.
I double-checked it twice.
90
00:03:02,213 --> 00:03:04,615
Unbelievable.
91
00:03:04,615 --> 00:03:06,787
Takes two parents, marty --
Two.
92
00:03:06,787 --> 00:03:08,619
All right, hon.
I'll just eat it cold.
93
00:03:08,619 --> 00:03:10,961
Don't worry.
[ sighs ]
94
00:03:10,961 --> 00:03:15,266
Oh, there's
My brown sugarplum.
95
00:03:15,266 --> 00:03:17,828
I have so much to tell you.
I watched golf.
96
00:03:17,828 --> 00:03:19,600
It was awful.
97
00:03:19,600 --> 00:03:21,572
We're gonna have to change
Our sporting identity.
98
00:03:21,572 --> 00:03:23,404
All these things happened today.
It was crazy.
99
00:03:23,404 --> 00:03:25,276
I've been dying
To speak to you.
100
00:03:25,276 --> 00:03:27,608
Well, I'm exhausted.
Can we talk about this tomorrow?
101
00:03:27,608 --> 00:03:29,680
Oh, but we've
Barely seen each other.
102
00:03:29,680 --> 00:03:31,512
I thought we could snuggle
And recap our days
103
00:03:31,512 --> 00:03:33,213
While my hands hydrate.
104
00:03:33,213 --> 00:03:35,346
Husband, I love you.
105
00:03:35,346 --> 00:03:36,817
You light up my life.
106
00:03:36,817 --> 00:03:38,589
But right now,
All I really want to do
107
00:03:38,589 --> 00:03:40,291
Is sit alone
On our comfy couch
108
00:03:40,291 --> 00:03:41,652
And snuggle
With chelsea handler.
109
00:03:41,652 --> 00:03:44,495
Oh! She's so snarky.
110
00:03:44,495 --> 00:03:46,997
And I love how she pretends
That she's 38.
111
00:03:46,997 --> 00:03:49,360
Such chutzpah.
Can I watch with you?
112
00:03:49,360 --> 00:03:50,561
Oh.
113
00:03:50,561 --> 00:03:52,703
Well, I just really
Want to decompress, husband.
114
00:03:52,703 --> 00:03:55,836
Maybe you can find something
To occupy yourself with
115
00:03:55,836 --> 00:03:57,468
That isn't me.
116
00:03:57,468 --> 00:03:59,470
You understand,
Don't you?
117
00:03:59,470 --> 00:04:00,741
[ smooches ]
118
00:04:04,975 --> 00:04:09,680
Why do I keep you so silky
When there's no one to hold?
119
00:04:09,680 --> 00:04:12,983
Okay, three hours
To first game kickoff, guys.
120
00:04:12,983 --> 00:04:14,855
Max, talk to me.
121
00:04:14,855 --> 00:04:16,287
War room is ready.
122
00:04:16,287 --> 00:04:17,928
We're logged in
To all three fantasy leagues,
123
00:04:17,928 --> 00:04:20,431
And I have the streaming
Real-time injury updates
124
00:04:20,431 --> 00:04:21,992
Coming in live.
125
00:04:21,992 --> 00:04:23,534
Abby, dvr status?
126
00:04:23,534 --> 00:04:25,035
Espn stays hot all day.
127
00:04:25,035 --> 00:04:27,368
We're recording
The pre-game show now.
128
00:04:27,368 --> 00:04:29,440
There was a conflict
Between a pre-pre-game show
129
00:04:29,440 --> 00:04:33,574
And one of mommy's recordings,
But mommy ain't here, is she?
130
00:04:33,574 --> 00:04:34,675
That's my girl.
131
00:04:34,675 --> 00:04:38,309
[ vuvuzela blows ]
132
00:04:38,309 --> 00:04:40,511
♪ olé, olé, olé, olé ♪
133
00:04:40,511 --> 00:04:43,013
Hi, larry.
What's with the jersey?
134
00:04:43,013 --> 00:04:46,887
Oh, uh, long expositional story.
Do you have 30 seconds?
135
00:04:46,887 --> 00:04:49,890
Mm.
I was lying in bed last night
Covered in hand lotion.
136
00:04:49,890 --> 00:04:51,592
I mean, I was just
Slathered in it.
137
00:04:51,592 --> 00:04:52,823
20 seconds, larry.
138
00:04:52,823 --> 00:04:54,325
My wife told me
To find something
139
00:04:54,325 --> 00:04:56,867
To occupy myself with
Which isn't her.
140
00:04:56,867 --> 00:05:00,371
So, I'm going to transition
From golf fanatic
141
00:05:00,371 --> 00:05:01,932
To football fanatic.
142
00:05:01,932 --> 00:05:04,675
Please, will you
Teach me football?
143
00:05:04,675 --> 00:05:05,776
What do you think?
144
00:05:05,776 --> 00:05:08,779
New guy
Gets the crap seat.
145
00:05:08,779 --> 00:05:11,041
Oh! Ohh.
146
00:05:11,041 --> 00:05:13,844
Mm-hmm. You'll be stuck there
For a while.
147
00:05:15,486 --> 00:05:17,788
Anyone
Interested in brunch?
148
00:05:17,788 --> 00:05:20,951
No? Oh, that's right.
It's sunday. I'm alone.
149
00:05:20,951 --> 00:05:22,322
Frittata for one,
I guess.
150
00:05:23,323 --> 00:05:25,596
Hey, guys. What's up?
151
00:05:25,596 --> 00:05:27,398
Short expositional story.
Do you have 20 seconds?
152
00:05:27,398 --> 00:05:31,101
I do.
So, after a 20-hour shift,
I passed out in front of the tv.
153
00:05:31,101 --> 00:05:32,963
I wake up this morning
Facedown on the couch.
154
00:05:32,963 --> 00:05:34,465
And the last thing
I remember
155
00:05:34,465 --> 00:05:36,807
Is chelsea handler making fun
Of that hispanic dwarf,
156
00:05:36,807 --> 00:05:38,369
In ways
That sounded vicious...
157
00:05:38,369 --> 00:05:39,910
[ chuckling ]
...But were actually
Quite charming.
158
00:05:39,910 --> 00:05:41,111
[ chuckles ]
159
00:05:41,111 --> 00:05:42,813
Go on.
160
00:05:42,813 --> 00:05:44,114
So, I wake up
To find reggie jackson
161
00:05:44,114 --> 00:05:45,976
In a nearly
Apoplectic state.
162
00:05:45,976 --> 00:05:47,748
Reggie jackson,
Explain.
163
00:05:47,748 --> 00:05:49,580
I love amber and want her
To have a proper human date
164
00:05:49,580 --> 00:05:52,122
Where I don't make things
Awkward, but I don't know how.
165
00:05:52,122 --> 00:05:54,024
Oh.
Talk to me,
Debbie weaver.
166
00:05:54,024 --> 00:05:56,857
Help me put some "Love"
In my "Actually."
167
00:05:56,857 --> 00:05:58,058
Oh, reggie.
168
00:05:58,058 --> 00:06:00,030
"Love actually"
Doesn't exist in this house
169
00:06:00,030 --> 00:06:01,932
Between september
And super bowl sunday.
170
00:06:01,932 --> 00:06:04,635
There is no love.
There is only lovie smith.
171
00:06:04,635 --> 00:06:06,797
Lovie smith was the head coach
Of the chicago bears,
172
00:06:06,797 --> 00:06:09,470
And there's no surgery
That can make me un-know this.
173
00:06:09,470 --> 00:06:10,941
The only thing
That I do know
174
00:06:10,941 --> 00:06:13,474
Is one day, you're a love-struck
16-year-old girl
175
00:06:13,474 --> 00:06:15,646
Who's boyfriend calls you
Every other night
176
00:06:15,646 --> 00:06:17,478
At exactly 8:00 p.M.
177
00:06:17,478 --> 00:06:19,650
The next thing you know,
It's 20 years later,
178
00:06:19,650 --> 00:06:21,552
And your marriage
Has taken a backseat
179
00:06:21,552 --> 00:06:24,014
To all things
New york giants.
180
00:06:24,014 --> 00:06:25,556
In the next three months,
181
00:06:25,556 --> 00:06:27,387
He'll have less
Of a dialogue with you
182
00:06:27,387 --> 00:06:29,389
Than adam rosenbaum
And the rest of the members
183
00:06:29,389 --> 00:06:31,061
Of the tim-teblows
Division
184
00:06:31,061 --> 00:06:34,725
Of greater new jersey
Fantasy-football league.
185
00:06:34,725 --> 00:06:37,097
[ breathes deeply ]
186
00:06:38,499 --> 00:06:40,000
I'm sorry.
What was your question?
187
00:06:40,000 --> 00:06:41,972
Reggie jackson,
Please remind me and your father
188
00:06:41,972 --> 00:06:43,934
To stop apologizing
For long expositional stories.
189
00:06:43,934 --> 00:06:45,736
Amen.
190
00:06:45,736 --> 00:06:47,037
Oh, reggie,
You're a sweet kid,
191
00:06:47,037 --> 00:06:48,679
But I can't help you
Get into my daughter's pants.
192
00:06:48,679 --> 00:06:50,180
Why on earth would
I want to wear her pants?
193
00:06:50,180 --> 00:06:52,182
Well, that helps.
Debbie, please.
194
00:06:52,182 --> 00:06:54,044
I want to
Make amber happy,
195
00:06:54,044 --> 00:06:56,186
But I also crave
Marty's approval.
196
00:06:56,186 --> 00:06:57,888
You know what?
197
00:06:57,888 --> 00:06:59,990
You don't have to
Tell marty anything.
198
00:06:59,990 --> 00:07:01,692
At least
One of the weaver women
199
00:07:01,692 --> 00:07:03,053
Can spend the day
With her man.
200
00:07:03,053 --> 00:07:05,926
I'm gonna help you romance
The crap out of my daughter.
201
00:07:05,926 --> 00:07:07,598
Why on earth
Would I want to --
202
00:07:07,598 --> 00:07:08,629
It's just an expression,
Reggie.
203
00:07:12,903 --> 00:07:14,505
Okay, reggie,
Let's do dinner at your house
204
00:07:14,505 --> 00:07:16,937
So you and amber
Can have some privacy.
205
00:07:16,937 --> 00:07:19,069
Ooh, let's do
A cheese course.
206
00:07:19,069 --> 00:07:21,211
Oh, do we really need
A nappetizer -- a nap --
207
00:07:21,211 --> 00:07:23,173
An appetizer?
208
00:07:23,173 --> 00:07:24,845
What? Sleepy.
209
00:07:24,845 --> 00:07:26,176
Listen, I have not
Shared a meal with my husband
210
00:07:26,176 --> 00:07:29,550
On a football sunday
In a solid 15 years.
211
00:07:29,550 --> 00:07:30,951
It happened
To my mother before me.
212
00:07:30,951 --> 00:07:33,784
It's the curse
Of the women in my family,
213
00:07:33,784 --> 00:07:35,225
And you are gonna help me
Break that curse.
214
00:07:35,225 --> 00:07:37,858
My daughter is gonna have
Sunday dinner with her man.
215
00:07:37,858 --> 00:07:39,129
Do you have
One of these?
216
00:07:39,129 --> 00:07:41,592
Yes. It's a hat.
217
00:07:41,592 --> 00:07:42,893
It is not.
218
00:07:42,893 --> 00:07:45,866
I have some facebook photos
I should probably delete.
219
00:07:45,866 --> 00:07:47,898
Hmm.
Hello, nerds.
220
00:07:47,898 --> 00:07:51,802
Oh, hello.
You must be my wife.
221
00:07:51,802 --> 00:07:53,504
I'm sorry. I didn't know
Who you were for a minute.
222
00:07:53,504 --> 00:07:56,907
I've been so wildly engaged
In my new favorite sport --
223
00:07:56,907 --> 00:07:58,108
Football.
224
00:07:58,108 --> 00:08:00,150
Pass chips, reggie.
225
00:08:01,882 --> 00:08:03,153
Yeah! Ha!
226
00:08:03,153 --> 00:08:04,855
I've never felt
So human.
227
00:08:06,957 --> 00:08:08,218
Mm! Nice hat.
228
00:08:10,260 --> 00:08:12,262
No.
229
00:08:12,262 --> 00:08:14,795
Announcer: second and 4
On the 41 and...
230
00:08:14,795 --> 00:08:16,627
Why do I get
The crap seat?
231
00:08:16,627 --> 00:08:19,199
'cause you joined last.
That makes you a rookie, rookie.
232
00:08:19,199 --> 00:08:21,832
Yeah! Sports!
[ whistle blows ]
233
00:08:21,832 --> 00:08:23,804
Yes!
Oh, field goal!
234
00:08:23,804 --> 00:08:25,676
No, that's a first down,
Larry.
235
00:08:25,676 --> 00:08:27,978
I got this, dad.
Pay attention, birdman.
236
00:08:27,978 --> 00:08:29,810
Those fat guys wrestle,
Wrestle, wrestle.
237
00:08:29,810 --> 00:08:31,742
Then the handsome one
238
00:08:31,742 --> 00:08:33,714
Throws the ball
As hard as he can.
239
00:08:33,714 --> 00:08:35,986
And then one of the jumpy guys
Tries to catch it.
240
00:08:35,986 --> 00:08:39,519
If you're lucky, someone pretty
Sings in the middle.
241
00:08:39,519 --> 00:08:41,992
Is this sports
Or a broadway musical?
242
00:08:41,992 --> 00:08:45,195
Either way, yes, please.
243
00:08:45,195 --> 00:08:47,898
Okay, let's start
With the main course.
244
00:08:47,898 --> 00:08:49,299
It needs
To show effort.
245
00:08:49,299 --> 00:08:52,933
Oh, here's a recipe for
Crêpes au saumon sauce mornay.
246
00:08:52,933 --> 00:08:54,034
Every word of that
247
00:08:54,034 --> 00:08:55,305
Sounds like something
Amber would hate.
248
00:08:55,305 --> 00:08:56,867
Which reminds me,
249
00:08:56,867 --> 00:08:59,269
Doesn't amber
Only eat fast food?
250
00:08:59,269 --> 00:09:01,111
I know you think
I'm overreacting, guys,
251
00:09:01,111 --> 00:09:02,913
But you haven't
Been through football.
252
00:09:02,913 --> 00:09:04,214
Marty answers
Everything I say with,
253
00:09:04,214 --> 00:09:06,216
"Buy a new one, babe."
254
00:09:06,216 --> 00:09:09,019
Time is precious, jackie,
And we never get enough of it,
255
00:09:09,019 --> 00:09:11,882
Especially with the people we
Want to spend it with the most.
256
00:09:11,882 --> 00:09:14,054
So, what do you say,
Pal, huh?
257
00:09:14,054 --> 00:09:15,225
Will you let me teach you
How to make
258
00:09:15,225 --> 00:09:17,658
My dream sunday dinner
For my daughter?
259
00:09:17,658 --> 00:09:19,730
Let's go.
260
00:09:21,061 --> 00:09:24,595
Okay. Let me see you
Crack an egg, reggie.
261
00:09:24,595 --> 00:09:27,037
I am so sorry.
262
00:09:27,037 --> 00:09:28,198
[ ding ]
263
00:09:28,198 --> 00:09:29,569
Oh, are you serious?
264
00:09:29,569 --> 00:09:31,872
Come on. Put some muscle
Into it, babe.
265
00:09:31,872 --> 00:09:33,744
Here we go.
All right, two more.
266
00:09:33,744 --> 00:09:34,805
Come on.
267
00:09:34,805 --> 00:09:36,947
Be a big boy. Come on.
I can't.
268
00:09:36,947 --> 00:09:39,610
Come on. Score before the half!
I need the points!
269
00:09:39,610 --> 00:09:40,911
Win one
For the tipper gore.
270
00:09:40,911 --> 00:09:41,912
Husband.
271
00:09:41,912 --> 00:09:44,084
Mm-hmm? Yes, muffin?
What?
272
00:09:44,084 --> 00:09:47,958
Well, I just wanted to talk
To you for a moment, I guess.
273
00:09:47,958 --> 00:09:49,960
What, with me working
So much
274
00:09:49,960 --> 00:09:51,962
And you so interested
In this football,
275
00:09:51,962 --> 00:09:56,967
I-I don't know -- I'm...Suddenly
Feeling a little insecure,
276
00:09:56,967 --> 00:09:59,099
And I needed to see my boo,
You know?
277
00:09:59,099 --> 00:10:00,931
Mm-hmm. Sounds great.
Hmm.
278
00:10:00,931 --> 00:10:03,804
Go ahead.
Buy a new one.
279
00:10:03,804 --> 00:10:05,806
[ tv chatter ]
280
00:10:07,738 --> 00:10:09,840
So, to make cheese,
281
00:10:09,840 --> 00:10:14,244
You steal the baby cow's milk
Then add bacteria.
282
00:10:14,244 --> 00:10:15,385
Okay, don't ruin cheese
For me, reggie.
283
00:10:15,385 --> 00:10:16,887
Debbie weaver,
You weren't overreacting.
284
00:10:16,887 --> 00:10:17,888
You were
Under-reacting.
285
00:10:17,888 --> 00:10:19,189
This isn't
About football.
286
00:10:19,189 --> 00:10:20,821
This is about reminding
Our husbands
287
00:10:20,821 --> 00:10:23,353
Of the shared experience of
Being on this planet together.
288
00:10:23,353 --> 00:10:24,855
Mother, please.
289
00:10:24,855 --> 00:10:26,957
There's more than enough cheese
In this room already.
290
00:10:26,957 --> 00:10:29,860
What?
291
00:10:29,860 --> 00:10:32,733
[ up-tempo music plays ]
292
00:10:32,733 --> 00:10:34,364
Okay, that's halftime.
293
00:10:34,364 --> 00:10:35,365
Now what?
294
00:10:35,365 --> 00:10:36,937
Well, now,
We won't see it,
295
00:10:36,937 --> 00:10:39,139
But the coach gets to give
A great speech
296
00:10:39,139 --> 00:10:40,971
Like al pacino
In "Any given sunday."
297
00:10:40,971 --> 00:10:42,242
Pacin-who?
298
00:10:42,242 --> 00:10:44,274
Ah. I'll show you.
299
00:10:44,274 --> 00:10:46,376
[ beep ]
300
00:10:48,018 --> 00:10:52,652
[ as al pacino ]
Thing is...
301
00:10:52,652 --> 00:10:55,926
Life is all about inches.
302
00:10:55,926 --> 00:10:57,858
Football is, too.
303
00:10:57,858 --> 00:11:03,193
I mean, man, in both games,
The margin for error is tiny.
304
00:11:03,193 --> 00:11:04,364
Jackie: we cannot fail.
305
00:11:04,364 --> 00:11:06,036
We cannot falter.
306
00:11:06,036 --> 00:11:08,739
Because we are not
Just fighting for a dinner.
307
00:11:08,739 --> 00:11:11,171
We are fighting
For a way of life.
308
00:11:11,171 --> 00:11:15,005
Marty: you jump too late
Or too early,
309
00:11:15,005 --> 00:11:18,008
You're too slow or too fast,
And you're out of luck.
310
00:11:18,008 --> 00:11:19,980
This is a battle
Of the forces of good
311
00:11:19,980 --> 00:11:21,982
Against the forces of evil.
312
00:11:21,982 --> 00:11:25,685
This is a battle
For sunday.
313
00:11:25,685 --> 00:11:28,458
On this team,
We fight for those inches.
314
00:11:28,458 --> 00:11:30,821
Hell, yeah!
Hoo-ah!
315
00:11:30,821 --> 00:11:33,794
In this family,
We fight for each other.
316
00:11:33,794 --> 00:11:34,795
Whee!
317
00:11:34,795 --> 00:11:36,266
I will not go quietly.
318
00:11:36,266 --> 00:11:40,300
I will not lose sundays
With my family.
319
00:11:40,300 --> 00:11:43,203
Because those inches
All added together,
320
00:11:43,203 --> 00:11:47,377
That's what makes us
Winners or losers!
321
00:11:47,377 --> 00:11:50,981
Dude, you got almost
All the words wrong.
322
00:11:50,981 --> 00:11:53,814
That's football, guys.
323
00:11:53,814 --> 00:11:55,285
That's all it is.
324
00:11:55,285 --> 00:11:57,717
Then what happens?
325
00:11:57,717 --> 00:11:58,849
[ normal voice ] Well, then
There's a couple of commercials
326
00:11:58,849 --> 00:12:00,320
And the game comes back on.
327
00:12:06,096 --> 00:12:08,428
[ inhales deeply ]
We did it, jackie.
328
00:12:08,428 --> 00:12:11,731
We created the sunday dinner
To end all sunday dinners.
329
00:12:11,731 --> 00:12:12,803
End them?
330
00:12:12,803 --> 00:12:14,104
But I thought that we were
Trying to --
331
00:12:14,104 --> 00:12:16,236
No, it's an expression,
Jackie.
Excuse me.
332
00:12:16,236 --> 00:12:18,368
I don't want to complain,
But it's starting to feel
333
00:12:18,368 --> 00:12:19,940
Like I'm not involved
In my own date.
334
00:12:19,940 --> 00:12:21,371
Stay out of this.
Oh, mind your
Own business, reggie.
335
00:12:21,371 --> 00:12:23,343
It's perfect.
Go invite her.
336
00:12:23,343 --> 00:12:24,374
[ sighs ]
337
00:12:24,374 --> 00:12:26,046
[ beeping ]
338
00:12:26,046 --> 00:12:28,378
Don't text her an invitation.
Do it like a man.
339
00:12:28,378 --> 00:12:30,050
[ beep ]
340
00:12:30,050 --> 00:12:31,281
Siri, tell my woman
341
00:12:31,281 --> 00:12:33,954
To bring her fine behind
Down here for dinner.
342
00:12:33,954 --> 00:12:36,086
What is wrong
With you?
343
00:12:36,086 --> 00:12:37,127
There it is.
344
00:12:37,127 --> 00:12:38,288
Marty, I am
Really enjoying this,
345
00:12:38,288 --> 00:12:39,790
But I do
Have one question.
346
00:12:39,790 --> 00:12:41,431
The ball is
Shaped like an egg
347
00:12:41,431 --> 00:12:43,233
And they rarely touch it
With their feet.
348
00:12:43,233 --> 00:12:46,066
Why isn't the game
Called "Handegg"?
349
00:12:46,066 --> 00:12:48,438
Can someone
Get him out of here?
350
00:12:48,438 --> 00:12:50,240
Marty:
Oh, hey. Hey, hey.
351
00:12:50,240 --> 00:12:51,441
You're a little dressed up
For rock and bowling, no?
352
00:12:51,441 --> 00:12:54,444
Change of plans.
Not going rock and bowling.
353
00:12:54,444 --> 00:12:55,775
Change of plans?
Wait a minute.
354
00:12:55,775 --> 00:12:56,877
[ cellphone beeps ]
No, no, no.
355
00:12:56,877 --> 00:12:58,378
My calendar still says
"Rock and bowling."
356
00:12:58,378 --> 00:13:00,110
Why wasn't
My calendar updated?
357
00:13:00,110 --> 00:13:01,852
What's going on?
358
00:13:01,852 --> 00:13:03,013
Sounds like my son
Is trying to --
359
00:13:03,013 --> 00:13:04,885
Score!
Score!
360
00:13:04,885 --> 00:13:06,386
Yeah!
Touchdown!
361
00:13:06,386 --> 00:13:08,218
Sports.
362
00:13:08,218 --> 00:13:10,861
[ accordion playing ]
Debbie: ♪ hush, hush ♪
363
00:13:10,861 --> 00:13:13,193
♪ keep it down now ♪
364
00:13:13,193 --> 00:13:17,467
♪ voices carry ♪
365
00:13:17,467 --> 00:13:18,929
I search
For the words.
366
00:13:18,929 --> 00:13:22,372
Welcome to your not weird
Or awkward romantic date.
367
00:13:23,834 --> 00:13:25,235
Mommies,
Will you be joining us?
368
00:13:29,009 --> 00:13:30,340
[ chuckles ]
369
00:13:32,382 --> 00:13:36,186
Is someone playing
"Voices carry" on the accordion?
370
00:13:36,186 --> 00:13:39,289
[ accordion plays in distance ]
371
00:13:39,289 --> 00:13:41,391
Does he know
Any other songs?
372
00:13:41,391 --> 00:13:44,054
Your mom said this was the most
Romantic song of all time.
373
00:13:44,054 --> 00:13:45,155
Is it not?
374
00:13:45,155 --> 00:13:46,496
Well, it's about
30 years old
375
00:13:46,496 --> 00:13:49,159
And features a guy telling
His girlfriend to shut up,
376
00:13:49,159 --> 00:13:51,501
So not...Really.
377
00:13:53,904 --> 00:13:55,235
What's going on,
Reggie?
378
00:13:55,235 --> 00:13:56,907
Why wasn't this
On the calendar?
379
00:13:56,907 --> 00:13:58,368
Um...
380
00:13:58,368 --> 00:14:00,410
Because the calendar
Is stupid, marty.
381
00:14:00,410 --> 00:14:01,571
I was trying
To tell you that,
382
00:14:01,571 --> 00:14:03,573
But you weren't
Listening to me.
383
00:14:03,573 --> 00:14:05,515
So -- so, you went
Behind my back?
384
00:14:05,515 --> 00:14:07,547
Everything happens behind
Your back this time of year.
385
00:14:07,547 --> 00:14:10,550
Marty, what are you doing?
The game's still on.
386
00:14:10,550 --> 00:14:13,553
I tried to pause it,
But abby threatened to bite me.
387
00:14:13,553 --> 00:14:16,426
Husband, are you here
To join us for dinner?
388
00:14:16,426 --> 00:14:18,388
Join you for dinner? Oh, no.
I'm way too busy for that.
389
00:14:18,388 --> 00:14:20,390
The only thing I want to join
Is marty's fantasy league.
390
00:14:20,390 --> 00:14:23,533
The good one --
The one with the funny jews.
391
00:14:23,533 --> 00:14:25,365
I'm starting to get worried
That this is getting awkward.
392
00:14:25,365 --> 00:14:27,237
Come with me, romeo.
Okay.
393
00:14:27,237 --> 00:14:29,539
Husband,
Stay for dinner.
394
00:14:29,539 --> 00:14:32,072
I want to cuddle and connect
Emotionally with you.
395
00:14:32,072 --> 00:14:33,904
Oh, now you do.
396
00:14:33,904 --> 00:14:36,146
You didn't care about
Cuddling and emotional
Connection last night
397
00:14:36,146 --> 00:14:38,949
When you left me
For that vodka-soaked trollop.
398
00:14:38,949 --> 00:14:40,410
I was exhausted
From working all --
399
00:14:40,410 --> 00:14:41,952
You know what?
I give up.
400
00:14:41,952 --> 00:14:43,954
You and football
Can have each other.
401
00:14:43,954 --> 00:14:44,955
[ sniffs ]
402
00:14:44,955 --> 00:14:46,256
What's going on, babe?
403
00:14:46,256 --> 00:14:47,918
I'm sick of football,
Marty.
404
00:14:47,918 --> 00:14:49,559
And I don't want to be
The type of wife
405
00:14:49,559 --> 00:14:50,921
That says
This kind of thing,
406
00:14:50,921 --> 00:14:53,063
But I'm sick of you disappearing
Every sunday.
407
00:14:53,063 --> 00:14:55,525
I am way more interesting
Than football, marty.
408
00:14:55,525 --> 00:14:57,127
Ask anyone.
409
00:14:57,127 --> 00:14:59,369
Are you talking playoff football
Or regular season?
410
00:14:59,369 --> 00:15:02,572
Larry, would you excuse us
For a minute?
411
00:15:02,572 --> 00:15:05,405
Uh, yes, I have, uh,
Some things to attend to.
412
00:15:05,405 --> 00:15:08,008
Tom brady and referees.
413
00:15:08,008 --> 00:15:10,510
Sports.
414
00:15:12,682 --> 00:15:16,546
I am so sorry that our
Not weird or awkward date
415
00:15:16,546 --> 00:15:18,548
Ended up being
Even more weird and awkward
416
00:15:18,548 --> 00:15:20,550
Than any
Of our other dates.
417
00:15:20,550 --> 00:15:21,691
Are you kidding?
418
00:15:21,691 --> 00:15:25,395
Reggie, as bat-poop crazy
As tonight was,
419
00:15:25,395 --> 00:15:27,527
Look at where we are.
420
00:15:27,527 --> 00:15:29,199
I mean, we snuck out,
421
00:15:29,199 --> 00:15:32,532
I'm here with you
And my favorite meal.
422
00:15:32,532 --> 00:15:34,204
There are stars.
423
00:15:34,204 --> 00:15:36,566
This is the most romantic date
I've ever been on.
424
00:15:36,566 --> 00:15:38,468
This is a good date?
425
00:15:38,468 --> 00:15:41,341
Yes. It's a normal
Teenage date.
426
00:15:41,341 --> 00:15:43,143
It's perfect.
427
00:15:43,143 --> 00:15:45,615
♪ don't leave me here alone ♪
428
00:15:45,615 --> 00:15:47,517
♪ don't tell me
That we've grown ♪
429
00:15:47,517 --> 00:15:50,950
♪ so out of love
In just a little while ♪
430
00:15:50,950 --> 00:15:54,524
There was one thing
That I planned on my own
431
00:15:54,524 --> 00:15:58,358
That our mothers
Didn't know about.
432
00:15:58,358 --> 00:16:00,360
Okay.
433
00:16:00,360 --> 00:16:02,532
I was gonna eat
For the first time.
434
00:16:02,532 --> 00:16:03,963
Not just because
435
00:16:03,963 --> 00:16:05,395
You don't like me
Sitting there staring at you,
436
00:16:05,395 --> 00:16:08,538
But because I thought
It would bring us closer.
437
00:16:08,538 --> 00:16:11,241
Reggie.
438
00:16:11,241 --> 00:16:12,702
If you're gonna eat
For the first time,
439
00:16:12,702 --> 00:16:15,475
You might as well do it with the
Most delicious food on earth.
440
00:16:15,475 --> 00:16:17,077
Chocolate milkshake.
441
00:16:17,077 --> 00:16:19,579
♪ oh-oh, oh, oh-oh, oh ♪
442
00:16:19,579 --> 00:16:20,580
Hmm.
443
00:16:20,580 --> 00:16:23,253
♪ oh-oh, oh, oh-oh, oh ♪
444
00:16:29,419 --> 00:16:31,461
Mm.
445
00:16:31,461 --> 00:16:32,592
[ gulps, burps ]
446
00:16:32,592 --> 00:16:33,763
[ chuckles ]
447
00:16:33,763 --> 00:16:37,127
[ gags, vomits ]
448
00:16:39,399 --> 00:16:42,432
What was that?
449
00:16:45,475 --> 00:16:48,138
Okay,
We're just gonna...
450
00:16:48,138 --> 00:16:50,640
It's okay.
451
00:16:52,482 --> 00:16:55,145
Marty: I didn't, uh --
I didn't realize
452
00:16:55,145 --> 00:16:58,318
That me watching football
Bothered you so much.
453
00:16:58,318 --> 00:17:00,120
I thought
It was our schtick.
454
00:17:00,120 --> 00:17:03,693
"He watches football too much,
She goes to flea markets.
455
00:17:03,693 --> 00:17:06,526
They hate each other's things,"
You know?
456
00:17:06,526 --> 00:17:08,498
Yeah. No.
457
00:17:08,498 --> 00:17:10,500
No?
458
00:17:10,500 --> 00:17:13,503
Do you remember
When we first started dating
459
00:17:13,503 --> 00:17:15,535
In high school
How I used to call you?
460
00:17:15,535 --> 00:17:17,207
8:00 every other night.
That's right.
461
00:17:17,207 --> 00:17:19,539
Do you realize
How hard it was for me
462
00:17:19,539 --> 00:17:20,670
Not to call you
Every night?
463
00:17:20,670 --> 00:17:22,312
It drove me nuts.
464
00:17:22,312 --> 00:17:25,445
Things have changed
A lot since high school.
465
00:17:25,445 --> 00:17:28,218
No, they haven't.
No, not at all.
466
00:17:28,218 --> 00:17:31,221
I'm -- I'm sorry, deb.
467
00:17:31,221 --> 00:17:34,524
I guess after all these years,
I still --
468
00:17:34,524 --> 00:17:36,055
I find it hard to believe
469
00:17:36,055 --> 00:17:38,158
That you would rather spend
More time with me than less.
470
00:17:40,330 --> 00:17:42,792
Oh, marty.
471
00:17:42,792 --> 00:17:45,335
[ sighs ]
The game's still on.
472
00:17:45,335 --> 00:17:46,796
You can go watch
The end if you want.
473
00:17:46,796 --> 00:17:49,339
No. No.
474
00:17:49,339 --> 00:17:53,543
The only tight end
I want to watch is yours.
475
00:17:53,543 --> 00:17:55,575
[ gasps ]
476
00:17:57,807 --> 00:18:00,510
Will you
Dance with me?
477
00:18:03,253 --> 00:18:05,555
Maestro.
478
00:18:05,555 --> 00:18:09,489
[ "Voices carry" plays ]
479
00:18:13,193 --> 00:18:15,195
[ tv chatter ]
480
00:18:18,568 --> 00:18:20,270
What are
You doing here?
481
00:18:20,270 --> 00:18:21,601
Oh.
482
00:18:21,601 --> 00:18:23,573
I dramatically
Stormed out of my own home
483
00:18:23,573 --> 00:18:25,475
And then realized
I had nowhere to go.
484
00:18:25,475 --> 00:18:29,309
You really would rather
Watch football than be with me?
485
00:18:29,309 --> 00:18:30,510
Yes.
486
00:18:31,811 --> 00:18:35,515
No. I was putting on
A bit of a show.
487
00:18:35,515 --> 00:18:38,348
[ sighs ]
488
00:18:38,348 --> 00:18:40,390
It's kind of a stupid game,
To be honest.
489
00:18:40,390 --> 00:18:42,522
And, um, I've done
A brilliant job of hiding it,
490
00:18:42,522 --> 00:18:44,454
But I don't think
I understand it.
491
00:18:44,454 --> 00:18:45,695
[ chuckles ]
492
00:18:45,695 --> 00:18:48,858
I don't like you...
493
00:18:48,858 --> 00:18:51,301
Working all the time,
Wife.
494
00:18:51,301 --> 00:18:53,163
I don't like
That the only way
495
00:18:53,163 --> 00:18:55,465
That you can decompress
Is by doing it alone.
496
00:18:55,465 --> 00:18:57,807
Oh, I shouldn't
Have said that.
497
00:18:57,807 --> 00:18:59,138
This stupid game's
498
00:18:59,138 --> 00:19:00,810
Shown me the other side
Of things, and...
499
00:19:00,810 --> 00:19:01,811
[ shudders ]
500
00:19:01,811 --> 00:19:03,513
...I didn't like it
Very much.
501
00:19:03,513 --> 00:19:06,516
So,
Even if I am tired,
502
00:19:06,516 --> 00:19:08,518
I'd much rather
Be tired with you.
503
00:19:08,518 --> 00:19:12,182
You've always been my favorite
Form of decompression, l.B.
504
00:19:12,182 --> 00:19:13,453
Good.
505
00:19:13,453 --> 00:19:14,724
Well,
Spending time with you
506
00:19:14,724 --> 00:19:17,657
Has always been
My favorite sport.
507
00:19:17,657 --> 00:19:18,728
Now, settle down,
Husband.
508
00:19:18,728 --> 00:19:20,530
There's no need
For a cheese course.
509
00:19:20,530 --> 00:19:22,362
[ chuckles ]
I beg your pardon?
510
00:19:22,362 --> 00:19:25,795
It's an inside joke...
I think.
511
00:19:25,795 --> 00:19:27,467
I don't know.
I'm exhausted.
512
00:19:27,467 --> 00:19:30,640
And it's been a long day
Full of monologues.
513
00:19:30,640 --> 00:19:32,442
[ crowd cheers ]
Hmm.
514
00:19:32,442 --> 00:19:37,847
Oh! Good. Giants won.
Marty will be so pleased.
515
00:19:37,847 --> 00:19:43,383
♪ ain't worth your time ♪
516
00:19:43,383 --> 00:19:45,755
♪ yes, I do believe ♪
517
00:19:45,755 --> 00:19:50,390
♪ that if everything
That we need is here ♪
Think football's not such
A bad game after all.
518
00:19:50,390 --> 00:19:52,962
What a night, america.
What a game.
519
00:19:52,962 --> 00:19:54,964
♪ and tell me
How to love you good ♪
520
00:19:54,964 --> 00:19:56,766
On a beautiful fall night
In new jersey,
521
00:19:56,766 --> 00:19:59,299
Two opposing teams
Gave it all they had,
522
00:19:59,299 --> 00:20:02,472
Scratching and clawing
For every yard.
523
00:20:02,472 --> 00:20:04,604
There were twists and turns,
Ups and downs,
524
00:20:04,604 --> 00:20:07,477
Five lead changes,
But in the end,
525
00:20:07,477 --> 00:20:10,480
The close game ended the way
Close games usually end.
526
00:20:10,480 --> 00:20:12,442
The home team came out on top.
527
00:20:12,442 --> 00:20:14,444
♪ yes, I do believe ♪
528
00:20:14,444 --> 00:20:20,450
♪ that if everything
That we need is here ♪
529
00:20:20,450 --> 00:20:25,295
♪ tell me how
To love you good ♪
530
00:20:32,362 --> 00:20:35,665
Okay, so golf is out,
Football is out.
531
00:20:35,665 --> 00:20:38,468
I present horse racing.
It's very silky.
532
00:20:41,341 --> 00:20:43,843
Ahh. Comfy.
533
00:20:43,843 --> 00:20:46,846
I can really move
In this one.
534
00:20:50,820 --> 00:20:52,822
This one
Makes me suspect
535
00:20:52,822 --> 00:20:54,584
You three are just
Having a laugh at me.
536
00:20:56,456 --> 00:20:57,827
[ chuckles ]
That's it.
537
00:20:57,827 --> 00:20:59,529
We're going back to golf.
538
00:20:59,529 --> 00:21:01,761
Boring as hell,
But at least we look amazing.
39259
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