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1
00:00:01,402 --> 00:00:02,473
[ school bell rings ]
2
00:00:02,473 --> 00:00:04,275
Debbie: finish your
Pop-tarts, guys.
3
00:00:04,275 --> 00:00:07,278
Eat while you walk, baby.
You're gonna be late for school.
4
00:00:07,278 --> 00:00:11,112
It's too hot!
The filling's burning my mouth.
5
00:00:11,112 --> 00:00:12,743
Well, mouths heal
Really fast, sweetie.
6
00:00:12,743 --> 00:00:15,116
I'll feed her
Some neosporin later.
7
00:00:15,116 --> 00:00:16,417
I can't wait
To get my car out of the shop.
8
00:00:16,417 --> 00:00:18,419
This is killing me.
Killing you?
9
00:00:18,419 --> 00:00:20,291
I'm the one
Who has to drop you at work
10
00:00:20,291 --> 00:00:21,292
Every day this week.
11
00:00:21,292 --> 00:00:23,224
It's like
"Driving miss daisy."
12
00:00:23,224 --> 00:00:25,756
Oh, my god. Tad and
Larke hollander -- 10:00.
13
00:00:25,756 --> 00:00:28,299
Did they see us?
14
00:00:29,460 --> 00:00:31,132
Yep, they saw us.
Aw!
15
00:00:31,132 --> 00:00:32,303
I cannot
Stand those two.
16
00:00:32,303 --> 00:00:33,304
I know.
17
00:00:33,304 --> 00:00:34,805
Last week,
When their kid beat abby
18
00:00:34,805 --> 00:00:36,467
At the gymnastics meet,
Larke was all like,
19
00:00:36,467 --> 00:00:38,539
"Abby,
You did such a good job."
20
00:00:38,539 --> 00:00:40,711
It's more the way she said it
Than what she said.
21
00:00:40,711 --> 00:00:42,243
Ugh.
Yeah, no,
I know exactly what you mean.
22
00:00:42,243 --> 00:00:45,276
If I have to listen
To their "We're better than you"
23
00:00:45,276 --> 00:00:46,747
Breathy hyena laugh
One more time,
24
00:00:46,747 --> 00:00:49,250
I cannot be held
Responsible for what I do.
25
00:00:49,250 --> 00:00:50,251
[ horn honking ]
Oh!
26
00:00:50,251 --> 00:00:52,183
Oh, hi, guys!
Hi, guys!
27
00:00:52,183 --> 00:00:53,184
[ laughs ] You!
28
00:00:53,184 --> 00:00:54,485
Oh, I just love
That you guys
29
00:00:54,485 --> 00:00:57,188
Drop off your kids
Together, too.
Mm-hmm.
30
00:00:57,188 --> 00:01:00,191
There is nothing
Like a relaxing drive to school
31
00:01:00,191 --> 00:01:01,392
To digest
A big breakfast.
32
00:01:01,392 --> 00:01:04,064
[ both laughing, wheezing ]
33
00:01:04,064 --> 00:01:06,197
Today I made
A smoked salmon benedict
34
00:01:06,197 --> 00:01:07,698
On these homemade
Croissant that I do.
35
00:01:07,698 --> 00:01:11,071
It's just -- you know,
It's fun and easy.
36
00:01:11,071 --> 00:01:12,373
[ chuckles ]
So, guys, big day
For the weavers.
37
00:01:12,373 --> 00:01:14,245
Our fam
Wants to invite your fam
38
00:01:14,245 --> 00:01:18,449
To a big bash we are throwing
On halloween night.
39
00:01:18,449 --> 00:01:20,851
Here. Would you...
Bup. Yeah. Bup!
40
00:01:20,851 --> 00:01:22,513
[ laughter ]
41
00:01:22,513 --> 00:01:24,685
[ woman screams ]
[ both scream ]
42
00:01:24,685 --> 00:01:26,187
[ both laugh ]
43
00:01:26,187 --> 00:01:27,358
I -- scary, huh?
44
00:01:27,358 --> 00:01:30,221
I designed that.
I design cards now.
45
00:01:30,221 --> 00:01:32,563
So, are you guys in?
46
00:01:32,563 --> 00:01:35,226
You know, ooh, we,
Um, have, uh...
47
00:01:35,226 --> 00:01:36,397
Another party.
...Church.
48
00:01:36,397 --> 00:01:38,269
We have
A halloween church party.
49
00:01:38,269 --> 00:01:40,471
We're wiccan.
Yeah.
50
00:01:40,471 --> 00:01:43,174
Oh, well, you know what?
You're probably better off.
51
00:01:43,174 --> 00:01:46,137
We're having
A family-costume contest.
52
00:01:46,137 --> 00:01:48,139
You know, and we do
Have something really
Special planned.
53
00:01:48,139 --> 00:01:50,141
But, you know, whatever.
[ laughs ]
Tad, don't oversell it.
54
00:01:50,141 --> 00:01:51,111
Oh, aah, guilty.
55
00:01:51,111 --> 00:01:52,283
He's not, though.
56
00:01:52,283 --> 00:01:54,285
It really is --
It's quite a costume.
57
00:01:54,285 --> 00:01:56,747
[ both laughing, wheezing ]
58
00:01:59,290 --> 00:02:01,152
You know what?
We -- we could --
59
00:02:01,152 --> 00:02:03,294
We could probably
Make your party, after all.
60
00:02:03,294 --> 00:02:05,756
Yeah, and f.Y.I., we have
A pretty spectacular
61
00:02:05,756 --> 00:02:07,798
Family costume planned,
As well, so...
62
00:02:07,798 --> 00:02:09,700
Oh, good. Okay.
But what about
Your church party?
63
00:02:09,700 --> 00:02:10,861
We're thinking
Of quitting church.
64
00:02:10,861 --> 00:02:13,464
Too many parties.
Yeah.
65
00:02:13,464 --> 00:02:15,306
Fab!
That's such good news.
66
00:02:15,306 --> 00:02:18,309
Guys, no hands.
No hands!
67
00:02:18,309 --> 00:02:20,541
[ laughter ]
Oh, that's so --
That's so stupid.
68
00:02:20,541 --> 00:02:23,544
Marty, we have got to win
That costume contest!
69
00:02:23,544 --> 00:02:25,716
It's become the new focus
Of my entire life.
Yes.
70
00:02:25,716 --> 00:02:26,747
Ohh.
71
00:02:26,747 --> 00:02:29,149
[ muttering ] Aah!
I know. I know.
72
00:02:29,149 --> 00:02:32,383
[ both laughing,
Wheezing mockingly ]
73
00:02:32,383 --> 00:02:33,884
♪♪♪
74
00:02:33,884 --> 00:02:37,728
♪ we came from outer space
And settled in new jersey ♪
75
00:02:37,728 --> 00:02:41,562
♪ we took names like larry bird
And jackie joyner-kersee ♪
76
00:02:41,562 --> 00:02:43,734
♪ then the humans
Moved next door ♪
77
00:02:43,734 --> 00:02:45,896
♪ started testing
All our limits ♪
78
00:02:45,896 --> 00:02:48,269
♪ so sit right down,
Enjoy the show ♪
79
00:02:48,269 --> 00:02:51,472
♪ we'll be done in 30 minutes ♪♪
80
00:02:51,472 --> 00:02:55,946
♪ children, have you ever met
The bogeyman before? ♪
81
00:02:55,946 --> 00:02:57,648
♪ no, of course, you haven't ♪
82
00:02:57,648 --> 00:03:00,180
♪ for you're much too good,
I'm sure ♪
83
00:03:00,180 --> 00:03:04,215
♪ don't you be afraid of him
If he should visit you ♪
84
00:03:04,215 --> 00:03:06,887
♪ he's a great big coward,
So I'll tell you what to do ♪
85
00:03:06,887 --> 00:03:10,261
Family,
I have an announcement.
86
00:03:10,261 --> 00:03:11,692
I was just in a thing
Called a jewish deli
87
00:03:11,692 --> 00:03:13,324
Because I was intrigued
By something in the window
88
00:03:13,324 --> 00:03:14,825
Called a kosher pickle.
89
00:03:14,825 --> 00:03:16,827
Oh, amber eats those
During lunch.
90
00:03:16,827 --> 00:03:19,330
It makes her kisses
Taste extra sour.
91
00:03:19,330 --> 00:03:20,601
Stay focused.
92
00:03:20,601 --> 00:03:21,872
Now, the man behind
The counter
93
00:03:21,872 --> 00:03:22,933
Told me about
A jewish holiday
94
00:03:22,933 --> 00:03:24,635
Called c-chanukah.
95
00:03:24,635 --> 00:03:28,509
Ooh, I love that "C-ch" sound
You just made. Tell me more.
96
00:03:28,509 --> 00:03:30,841
Well,
A very long time ago,
97
00:03:30,841 --> 00:03:33,314
A jewish temple
Was trashed by bad guys,
98
00:03:33,314 --> 00:03:34,885
And there was an oil lamp
In the temple
99
00:03:34,885 --> 00:03:36,547
That was never supposed
To go out.
100
00:03:36,547 --> 00:03:38,989
And there was only enough oil
To burn the lamp for one day.
101
00:03:38,989 --> 00:03:40,521
Jackie: let me guess.
102
00:03:40,521 --> 00:03:42,953
So the lamp burned for one night
And then ran out of oil.
103
00:03:42,953 --> 00:03:44,955
No, that little bit of oil
104
00:03:44,955 --> 00:03:47,728
Burned for eight days
Until they could get more.
105
00:03:47,728 --> 00:03:49,460
But how, papa?
106
00:03:49,460 --> 00:03:51,332
It was a miracle.
107
00:03:51,332 --> 00:03:52,463
So to celebrate,
108
00:03:52,463 --> 00:03:54,605
The jewishes light candles
And get presents
109
00:03:54,605 --> 00:03:56,307
Every night
For eight nights.
110
00:03:56,307 --> 00:03:58,309
I wish halloween
Was eight nights.
111
00:03:58,309 --> 00:04:00,941
Family, a mission.
112
00:04:02,012 --> 00:04:04,345
We shall take the two
Best holidays on this planet
113
00:04:04,345 --> 00:04:07,418
And combine them into one new,
Ultimate holiday.
114
00:04:07,418 --> 00:04:08,919
All right, I'm in!
115
00:04:08,919 --> 00:04:11,352
But how does one celebrate
Flag day-ramadan?
116
00:04:11,352 --> 00:04:13,984
No, woman. I'm talking
About challo-nukah-ween.
117
00:04:14,925 --> 00:04:16,327
Hanuk-loo-kah-wah-kah-kah-kah.
118
00:04:16,327 --> 00:04:17,858
Hallo-haka-hah!
119
00:04:17,858 --> 00:04:19,290
I have it!
120
00:04:19,290 --> 00:04:21,031
Drumroll, please, dick!
121
00:04:21,031 --> 00:04:22,463
[ sighs ]
122
00:04:25,396 --> 00:04:26,967
[ wheels squeaking ]
123
00:04:26,967 --> 00:04:28,539
Dick, I haven't got all day.
Come on. Pick up.
124
00:04:28,539 --> 00:04:29,670
[ sighs ]
125
00:04:32,603 --> 00:04:35,045
[ drumroll ]
126
00:04:35,045 --> 00:04:39,279
We shall combine...
Halloween and chanukah.
127
00:04:40,280 --> 00:04:43,283
It's called...
128
00:04:43,283 --> 00:04:44,555
Challoweenukah.
129
00:04:44,555 --> 00:04:46,457
Whoo-hoo-hoo!
Cool!
130
00:04:46,457 --> 00:04:48,619
Well, it's cute,
But it's no flamadan.
131
00:04:48,619 --> 00:04:49,620
[ rim shot ]
132
00:04:51,291 --> 00:04:53,964
So, halloween --
133
00:04:53,964 --> 00:04:56,296
I was thinking
I'd go as young yoko ono,
134
00:04:56,296 --> 00:04:57,798
And you could go
As old yoko ono
135
00:04:57,798 --> 00:04:59,400
Because we already have
The hair.
136
00:04:59,400 --> 00:05:00,901
Actually,
I'm going to spend halloween
137
00:05:00,901 --> 00:05:01,972
With my family
This year.
138
00:05:01,972 --> 00:05:04,605
Father is inventing
The greatest holiday
139
00:05:04,605 --> 00:05:06,607
Of all time.
140
00:05:06,607 --> 00:05:07,678
Oh.
141
00:05:07,678 --> 00:05:09,440
I-is that okay?
142
00:05:09,440 --> 00:05:10,981
Yeah. Totally.
143
00:05:10,981 --> 00:05:12,643
Are you sure?
144
00:05:12,643 --> 00:05:14,685
Uh-huh.
145
00:05:14,685 --> 00:05:16,086
Is this a thing?
146
00:05:16,086 --> 00:05:17,087
Not a thing.
147
00:05:17,087 --> 00:05:18,849
Reggie,
What do I always say?
148
00:05:18,849 --> 00:05:20,020
"Take your finger
Out of your nose, reggie.
149
00:05:20,020 --> 00:05:21,321
It's disgusting."
150
00:05:21,321 --> 00:05:22,393
True that.
151
00:05:22,393 --> 00:05:23,694
But I also say
I'm not the type of girl
152
00:05:23,694 --> 00:05:26,326
That needs to spend every second
With her boyfriend.
153
00:05:26,326 --> 00:05:27,658
Exactly -- it's one
Of ther easons that I'm glad
154
00:05:27,658 --> 00:05:29,029
I'm with you
And not crazy jane.
155
00:05:29,029 --> 00:05:30,861
Nor do I mind
That you once again
156
00:05:30,861 --> 00:05:32,002
Brought up
Your stalker soul mate
157
00:05:32,002 --> 00:05:33,864
While blowing me off
On a major holiday.
158
00:05:33,864 --> 00:05:34,965
It doesn't
Bother me at all.
159
00:05:34,965 --> 00:05:36,437
Great.
Great.
160
00:05:36,437 --> 00:05:39,009
Great...Is how I cleaned
This counter -- so great.
161
00:05:39,009 --> 00:05:40,010
Great, great, great.
162
00:05:40,010 --> 00:05:42,973
Hmm.
163
00:05:42,973 --> 00:05:44,845
Reggie, take your finger
Out of your nose.
164
00:05:44,845 --> 00:05:46,517
It's disgusting.
165
00:05:46,517 --> 00:05:49,450
Chanukah is a holiday
About miracles
166
00:05:49,450 --> 00:05:51,452
That lasts for eight days.
167
00:05:51,452 --> 00:05:55,486
And halloween is about
Candy and adorable costumes.
168
00:05:55,486 --> 00:05:56,657
And we shall combine
The two
169
00:05:56,657 --> 00:05:59,630
For an unprecedented
Eight days of candy...
170
00:05:59,630 --> 00:06:01,592
[ beeping ]
...Dreidels,
171
00:06:01,592 --> 00:06:02,663
Pumpkins, and miracles.
172
00:06:02,663 --> 00:06:03,994
Aww!
Aww!
Aww!
173
00:06:03,994 --> 00:06:05,095
Any questions?
174
00:06:05,095 --> 00:06:07,438
Yes, the, uh,
Cutie-patootie up front.
175
00:06:07,438 --> 00:06:08,569
Well --
Not you.
176
00:06:08,569 --> 00:06:09,940
The bite-sized ginger snap
To your left.
177
00:06:09,940 --> 00:06:11,442
It appears halloween
And chanukah
178
00:06:11,442 --> 00:06:12,973
Have nothing in common --
Annoying!
179
00:06:12,973 --> 00:06:14,074
Yes. You.
180
00:06:14,074 --> 00:06:15,776
What's the deal
With candy corn?
181
00:06:15,776 --> 00:06:18,108
It's not candy,
And it's not corn, so...
182
00:06:18,108 --> 00:06:19,610
No, not a good question.
Sorry.
183
00:06:19,610 --> 00:06:21,151
Yes.
184
00:06:21,151 --> 00:06:22,413
Is it "C-chanukah"
Or "Chan-ukah"?
185
00:06:22,413 --> 00:06:24,885
Who cares?
It's eight days. Yes.
186
00:06:24,885 --> 00:06:27,558
What is a miracle?
A miracle is an unexpected,
187
00:06:27,558 --> 00:06:29,389
Completely
Extraordinary event
188
00:06:29,389 --> 00:06:31,121
That occurs
When you least expect it.
189
00:06:31,121 --> 00:06:32,092
Oh, like when
We found out
190
00:06:32,092 --> 00:06:33,594
We were pregnant
With dick.
191
00:06:33,594 --> 00:06:34,965
No,
That was an accident.
192
00:06:34,965 --> 00:06:37,027
Hey, guys.
I'm sitting right here.
193
00:06:37,027 --> 00:06:39,770
You were planned.
194
00:06:39,770 --> 00:06:42,533
[ sighs ]
195
00:06:42,533 --> 00:06:44,034
Marty: so,
We're gonna come up
196
00:06:44,034 --> 00:06:47,107
With the ultimate
Family halloween costume.
197
00:06:47,107 --> 00:06:48,909
We're gonna
Go to the hollanders,
And we're going to --
198
00:06:48,909 --> 00:06:50,581
Well, how do I
Put this delicately?
199
00:06:50,581 --> 00:06:52,042
Demolish them!
200
00:06:52,042 --> 00:06:54,184
Kick their smug,
Spray-tanned butts!
201
00:06:54,184 --> 00:06:55,886
Yeah, but delicately.
202
00:06:55,886 --> 00:06:57,417
They think
They're so fancy
203
00:06:57,417 --> 00:07:00,120
With their good hygiene
And their top-shelf healthcare.
204
00:07:00,120 --> 00:07:02,953
"Ooh, we're the hollanders.
We have all our vaccinations.
205
00:07:02,953 --> 00:07:04,495
We can't
Get the smallpox."
206
00:07:04,495 --> 00:07:07,628
They deserve
Everything they got coming.
207
00:07:07,628 --> 00:07:10,961
And blake hollander is the most
Annoying kid in my class.
208
00:07:10,961 --> 00:07:14,034
He calls show-and-tell
"My time to shine."
209
00:07:14,034 --> 00:07:15,806
[ scoffs ]
210
00:07:15,806 --> 00:07:17,508
And whenever I play house
With lanie hollander,
211
00:07:17,508 --> 00:07:20,471
She makes me be the maid,
And I have to empty my pockets
212
00:07:20,471 --> 00:07:23,073
To prove I didn't steal
The good silver.
213
00:07:23,073 --> 00:07:25,576
I hate the hollanders!
214
00:07:25,576 --> 00:07:27,047
Hey, hey!
Weavers don't hate.
215
00:07:27,047 --> 00:07:28,679
We apprec--
Destroy!
216
00:07:28,679 --> 00:07:30,681
Really?! Come on!
217
00:07:30,681 --> 00:07:33,083
"Weavers don't hate.
We appreciate," is your line.
218
00:07:33,083 --> 00:07:35,455
Amber, we're gonna need
100% participation
219
00:07:35,455 --> 00:07:36,827
To pull this off.
220
00:07:36,827 --> 00:07:39,660
Yeah, I'm in. It's not like
I have anything better to do.
221
00:07:39,660 --> 00:07:41,131
That's so great.
You got nothing.
222
00:07:41,131 --> 00:07:42,232
Thank you for that.
223
00:07:42,232 --> 00:07:43,934
Okay.
Let's brainstorm.
224
00:07:43,934 --> 00:07:45,796
[ doorbell rings ]
225
00:07:45,796 --> 00:07:47,467
[ ukulele plays ]
226
00:07:47,467 --> 00:07:50,771
♪ what's spooky and miraculous
And lasts for eight days? ♪
227
00:07:50,771 --> 00:07:53,243
Larry,
Now is not a good time.
♪ the best holiday ♪
228
00:07:53,243 --> 00:07:57,107
♪ it's called challoweenukah ♪
Larry, we have to --
229
00:07:57,107 --> 00:07:59,880
♪ so, come spend
The next eight days with ♪
230
00:07:59,880 --> 00:08:02,553
Oh?
♪ me and jack-- ♪
231
00:08:02,553 --> 00:08:04,685
[ crickets chirping ]
232
00:08:04,685 --> 00:08:05,816
Didn't even get
To the bridge.
233
00:08:09,990 --> 00:08:11,822
All right, come on. What is
A good five-person costume?
234
00:08:11,822 --> 00:08:12,723
Everyone, think.
235
00:08:12,723 --> 00:08:14,795
We can be the seasons.
236
00:08:14,795 --> 00:08:16,266
There's only four,
Baby.
237
00:08:16,266 --> 00:08:17,628
Nuh-unh!
238
00:08:17,628 --> 00:08:19,770
Winter, spring,
239
00:08:19,770 --> 00:08:21,772
Summer, autumn,
240
00:08:21,772 --> 00:08:22,933
And fall.
241
00:08:24,605 --> 00:08:26,777
One problem
At a time.
242
00:08:26,777 --> 00:08:29,740
We will be celebrating
Challoweenukah
243
00:08:29,740 --> 00:08:31,081
Without the weavers
244
00:08:31,081 --> 00:08:33,744
Because they have callously
Rejected our invitation
245
00:08:33,744 --> 00:08:35,816
To join us
For challoweenukah.
246
00:08:35,816 --> 00:08:37,948
Chop-chop, everyone.
Let's get our challoweenukah on.
247
00:08:37,948 --> 00:08:41,952
Challoweenukah starts tonight.
It's spooky and miraculous.
248
00:08:41,952 --> 00:08:43,754
Be there or be square.
249
00:08:43,754 --> 00:08:46,797
Challoweenukah --
A new holiday by larry bird.
250
00:08:46,797 --> 00:08:48,699
Join me tonight.
251
00:08:48,699 --> 00:08:52,202
♪♪♪
252
00:08:52,202 --> 00:08:55,205
Nobody's gonna
Know we're the obamas.
253
00:08:55,205 --> 00:08:57,107
What if
We paint our faces?
254
00:08:57,107 --> 00:08:58,769
No, no.
No, abby.
That's a bad idea.
255
00:08:58,769 --> 00:08:59,840
What?
256
00:08:59,840 --> 00:09:02,112
♪♪♪
257
00:09:02,112 --> 00:09:04,114
[ hammering ]
258
00:09:09,820 --> 00:09:12,653
The dreidel won't spin.
259
00:09:12,653 --> 00:09:13,954
We don't need the weavers
260
00:09:13,954 --> 00:09:18,228
Any more than the maccabees
Needed the, um...Uh...
261
00:09:19,559 --> 00:09:21,561
Are you seriously
Looking at me for this?
262
00:09:23,634 --> 00:09:26,637
The cast of "Sex and the city."
Now, this could work.
263
00:09:26,637 --> 00:09:28,939
[ as samantha ] I don't know
What looks more delicious --
264
00:09:28,939 --> 00:09:33,604
That cosmo
Or the hunk serving it.
265
00:09:33,604 --> 00:09:35,305
No. Too creepy.
Absolutely not.
266
00:09:35,305 --> 00:09:36,707
♪♪♪
267
00:09:36,707 --> 00:09:38,048
[ crickets chirping ]
268
00:09:41,812 --> 00:09:44,815
Husband, we haven't
Had one trick-or-treater.
269
00:09:44,815 --> 00:09:47,357
This is worse
Than your one-man show.
270
00:09:47,357 --> 00:09:50,721
"Keep calm and larry on"
Was a masterpiece.
271
00:09:50,721 --> 00:09:52,623
Was it?
272
00:09:52,623 --> 00:09:56,096
See?
We're basket weavers
273
00:09:56,096 --> 00:09:58,829
'cause our last name
Is weaver!
274
00:09:58,829 --> 00:10:01,101
We had a better shot
At winning in blackface.
275
00:10:01,101 --> 00:10:03,774
Children?
276
00:10:03,774 --> 00:10:06,807
Come take treats
From my candy menorah.
277
00:10:06,807 --> 00:10:08,138
♪♪♪
278
00:10:08,138 --> 00:10:10,711
Oh, trick-or-treaters,
Where are you?
279
00:10:11,712 --> 00:10:14,014
Children?! Anyone?!
280
00:10:14,014 --> 00:10:15,886
[ crickets chirping ]
281
00:10:15,886 --> 00:10:17,888
Why doesn't anyone
Like my holiday?
282
00:10:17,888 --> 00:10:20,851
Oh, husband,
Maybe we should get ready
283
00:10:20,851 --> 00:10:22,793
To celebrate
Halloween classic.
284
00:10:22,793 --> 00:10:24,795
You can write off
Challoweenukah as --
285
00:10:24,795 --> 00:10:26,096
As a-a noble failure
286
00:10:26,096 --> 00:10:28,959
Like the american jury system
Or myspace.
287
00:10:28,959 --> 00:10:30,831
You want to give up?
288
00:10:30,831 --> 00:10:33,263
No, way, monet.
289
00:10:33,263 --> 00:10:35,035
We just need
One miracle.
290
00:10:35,035 --> 00:10:37,637
Face it, father. We should
Just have a regular halloween.
291
00:10:37,637 --> 00:10:38,839
No "Ukah"?
No "Ukah."
292
00:10:38,839 --> 00:10:40,270
A little "Ukah"?
No more "Ukah."
293
00:10:40,270 --> 00:10:41,942
Damn.
Hmm.
294
00:10:41,942 --> 00:10:44,144
You infidels
Give up if you want to.
295
00:10:44,144 --> 00:10:46,917
The weavers dismissed me.
Why shouldn't you?
296
00:10:46,917 --> 00:10:49,780
But we still have
Two days of challoweenukah left.
297
00:10:49,780 --> 00:10:51,782
And if the children
Won't come to me,
298
00:10:51,782 --> 00:10:55,125
Then I shall
Bring my holiday to them.
299
00:10:57,287 --> 00:10:59,659
Challoweenukah
May have been a bust,
300
00:10:59,659 --> 00:11:01,291
But I love
That you and I
301
00:11:01,291 --> 00:11:03,163
Are spending time together
Without amber.
302
00:11:04,735 --> 00:11:07,237
I can't figure out why
She isn't answering my texts.
303
00:11:07,237 --> 00:11:09,800
Oh, who knows why women
Do the things they do?
304
00:11:09,800 --> 00:11:10,901
It started
Around the time
305
00:11:10,901 --> 00:11:12,402
I told her
I was going to spend halloween
306
00:11:12,402 --> 00:11:14,404
With my family
And not her.
307
00:11:14,404 --> 00:11:15,806
It seems
Fairly obvious that she --
308
00:11:15,806 --> 00:11:18,278
That there's no way
Of knowing what's wrong.
309
00:11:18,278 --> 00:11:20,711
Are you ready to carve
Our jack-o-lanterns?
310
00:11:20,711 --> 00:11:22,883
Yeah.
311
00:11:22,883 --> 00:11:24,684
I'll get
The stencils.
312
00:11:25,886 --> 00:11:27,387
What?!
313
00:11:27,387 --> 00:11:28,889
Last year, he spent halloween
With amber.
314
00:11:28,889 --> 00:11:30,360
So this year,
He should spend it with me.
315
00:11:30,360 --> 00:11:31,421
Just like last month,
316
00:11:31,421 --> 00:11:33,093
He spent their anniversary
With her.
317
00:11:33,093 --> 00:11:35,225
So this month,
He'll have to spend it with me.
318
00:11:35,225 --> 00:11:36,827
Yeesh!
319
00:11:38,869 --> 00:11:41,371
[ indistinct conversations ]
320
00:11:41,371 --> 00:11:43,373
Max: remember I have karate
After school today.
321
00:11:43,373 --> 00:11:44,805
Nope, not going.
322
00:11:44,805 --> 00:11:46,276
We're hunkering down
And figuring out a costume
323
00:11:46,276 --> 00:11:47,938
For tonight
If it kills us.
324
00:11:47,938 --> 00:11:49,279
Why would
It kill us?
325
00:11:49,279 --> 00:11:50,881
Scram!
326
00:11:50,881 --> 00:11:53,283
Max: I still
Like basket weavers.
327
00:11:55,015 --> 00:11:57,417
Aah! Aah! Aah!
328
00:11:57,417 --> 00:12:00,450
Geez! How are we giving these
To our children?!
329
00:12:00,450 --> 00:12:02,352
Marty, you spit pop-tart
All over me!
330
00:12:02,352 --> 00:12:03,824
Aah!
331
00:12:03,824 --> 00:12:06,456
Oh, it's burning my skin.
These really are hot.
332
00:12:06,456 --> 00:12:08,458
[ horn honking ]
333
00:12:08,458 --> 00:12:09,800
Beep!
[ laughs ]
334
00:12:09,800 --> 00:12:11,832
Beep!
Uh-oh.
335
00:12:11,832 --> 00:12:14,004
Deb, you have some --
Some crumbs on your...
336
00:12:14,004 --> 00:12:16,807
Thanks, larke.
337
00:12:16,807 --> 00:12:18,108
Super-excited
For tonight.
338
00:12:18,108 --> 00:12:20,110
Yeah, well,
Our costumes can't lose.
339
00:12:20,110 --> 00:12:22,773
Well, then, how about
We make a friendly wager?
340
00:12:22,773 --> 00:12:25,515
Let's say $5,000 --
[ smack ]
341
00:12:25,515 --> 00:12:28,018
Honey, they can't afford that.
Have you seen their house?
342
00:12:28,018 --> 00:12:30,350
How about instead,
Whoever loses the contest
343
00:12:30,350 --> 00:12:32,352
Has to wear their
Ugly costumes to drop-off
344
00:12:32,352 --> 00:12:33,884
Every morning
For a week?
345
00:12:33,884 --> 00:12:35,485
[ chuckles ]
Ha ha!
346
00:12:35,485 --> 00:12:37,027
You got a deal.
347
00:12:37,027 --> 00:12:38,859
Well, then,
This is gonna be a hoot.
348
00:12:38,859 --> 00:12:40,861
Ciao!
349
00:12:40,861 --> 00:12:42,192
Ciao.
350
00:12:42,192 --> 00:12:44,194
Ha ha!
351
00:12:44,194 --> 00:12:46,837
They didn't think
We could afford the bet!
352
00:12:46,837 --> 00:12:47,868
We can't.
I know!
353
00:12:47,868 --> 00:12:49,039
I hate them so much!
354
00:12:49,039 --> 00:12:50,871
I hate them, too.
355
00:12:50,871 --> 00:12:52,272
This is probably
Not the time,
356
00:12:52,272 --> 00:12:53,874
But you have pop-tart
In your hair.
357
00:12:53,874 --> 00:12:55,145
I know!
I smell it burning!
358
00:12:55,145 --> 00:12:57,878
[ indistinct conversations ]
359
00:12:57,878 --> 00:13:00,010
Children?
360
00:13:00,010 --> 00:13:01,882
Gather 'round!
361
00:13:01,882 --> 00:13:05,515
I've created
A magical new holiday.
362
00:13:05,515 --> 00:13:10,020
And the weavers don't care,
So I've brought it to you.
363
00:13:10,020 --> 00:13:11,491
Come closer.
364
00:13:11,491 --> 00:13:15,025
Come closer to my van.
365
00:13:15,025 --> 00:13:18,999
Now...Who wants candy?
366
00:13:18,999 --> 00:13:21,331
Mom!
[ children screaming ]
367
00:13:21,331 --> 00:13:23,333
[ telephone ringing ]
368
00:13:23,333 --> 00:13:25,335
[ police radio chatter ]
369
00:13:29,409 --> 00:13:30,911
Happy challoweenukah.
370
00:13:35,215 --> 00:13:37,217
Ohh. Amber still hasn't
Returned any of my texts.
371
00:13:37,217 --> 00:13:38,849
If only I knew
What I did to upset her.
372
00:13:38,849 --> 00:13:40,450
If she was happy,
I'd be happy.
373
00:13:40,450 --> 00:13:42,252
Oh, you're happy now.
No, I'm not.
374
00:13:42,252 --> 00:13:43,823
You're thrilled.
Don't over-think it.
375
00:13:43,823 --> 00:13:45,125
I feel like death!
376
00:13:45,125 --> 00:13:47,928
Oh, I can't! Ohh!
377
00:13:47,928 --> 00:13:49,129
Amber is upset
378
00:13:49,129 --> 00:13:50,500
Because she wants to spend
Halloween with you,
379
00:13:50,500 --> 00:13:52,062
But you have chosen to spend it
With your family instead.
380
00:13:52,062 --> 00:13:54,865
No way. She always says
She's not one of those girls.
381
00:13:54,865 --> 00:13:56,006
When women
On this planet say,
382
00:13:56,006 --> 00:13:57,367
"I'm not one of those girls,"
It means...
383
00:13:57,367 --> 00:13:58,568
[ valley girl accent ] "I'm
Definitely one of those girls,
384
00:13:58,568 --> 00:14:00,140
"But it would
Make me feel better
385
00:14:00,140 --> 00:14:02,943
If you pretended that I wasn't
But treated me like I was."
386
00:14:02,943 --> 00:14:04,975
That's so complicated!
387
00:14:04,975 --> 00:14:06,316
[ normal voice ]
I know, son.
388
00:14:06,316 --> 00:14:09,119
Females on earth
Can get a bit ridiculous.
389
00:14:09,119 --> 00:14:11,952
Mother, did you know
She felt this way all along
390
00:14:11,952 --> 00:14:14,424
And withheld the truth in order
To spend more time with me?
391
00:14:14,424 --> 00:14:16,957
Of course not!
392
00:14:16,957 --> 00:14:18,488
I'm not
One of those mothers.
393
00:14:18,488 --> 00:14:19,960
Okay, good.
394
00:14:19,960 --> 00:14:22,132
I'm gonna figure out
How to fix things with amber.
395
00:14:22,132 --> 00:14:24,594
Hmm.
Thank you, mother.
396
00:14:24,594 --> 00:14:27,297
I'm very proud of you,
Jackie joyner-kersee.
397
00:14:27,297 --> 00:14:28,939
You did
The right thing.
398
00:14:28,939 --> 00:14:32,142
I know.
I just wish it wasn't so hard.
399
00:14:32,142 --> 00:14:34,644
[ telephone ringing ]
Ohh, what the hell?!
400
00:14:36,606 --> 00:14:38,979
[ ringing continues ]
401
00:14:38,979 --> 00:14:42,312
Strange.
That's never done that before.
402
00:14:42,312 --> 00:14:43,914
Hmm.
403
00:14:43,914 --> 00:14:47,918
I got to say, guys,
We really did it.
404
00:14:47,918 --> 00:14:50,921
Blt, assemble.
405
00:14:50,921 --> 00:14:52,462
Max: this is awesome!
406
00:14:52,462 --> 00:14:53,463
[ laughs ]
407
00:14:53,463 --> 00:14:56,997
We might
Really win this thing.
408
00:14:56,997 --> 00:14:58,598
Okay, but you guys
Have to stand next to me.
409
00:14:58,598 --> 00:15:00,170
Out of context,
I look like poo.
410
00:15:00,170 --> 00:15:02,072
Oh, don't worry, honey.
We will not leave your side.
411
00:15:02,072 --> 00:15:03,433
Now, let's
Go wipe those smug looks
412
00:15:03,433 --> 00:15:04,935
Off the hollanders'
Nip-tuck faces!
413
00:15:04,935 --> 00:15:06,076
Yes!
414
00:15:06,076 --> 00:15:08,638
Larry bird is in jail!
Cancel all your plans!
415
00:15:08,638 --> 00:15:10,680
We have to go
To the police station right now
416
00:15:10,680 --> 00:15:13,043
And rescue him s--
Great costume.
417
00:15:13,043 --> 00:15:14,945
You guys should enter
It in a contest.
418
00:15:14,945 --> 00:15:16,346
Larry's in jail?!
419
00:15:16,346 --> 00:15:19,389
Does he even have I.D.
Or fingerprints?
420
00:15:19,389 --> 00:15:21,621
Come on, everyone.
Out of these costumes.
421
00:15:21,621 --> 00:15:22,993
We've got to go
Help him.
422
00:15:22,993 --> 00:15:24,254
Hurry!
Costumes off!
423
00:15:24,254 --> 00:15:26,096
[ all grunting ]
424
00:15:26,096 --> 00:15:27,397
All right,
Costumes stay on.
425
00:15:27,397 --> 00:15:28,698
Come on.
Okay, let's go.
426
00:15:28,698 --> 00:15:30,000
Screw it.
It's halloween.
427
00:15:30,000 --> 00:15:31,001
We won't be
The only ones
428
00:15:31,001 --> 00:15:32,232
At the police station
In costume.
429
00:15:32,232 --> 00:15:34,234
[ telephones ringing,
Indistinct conversations ]
430
00:15:34,234 --> 00:15:35,966
Nope.
We're the only ones.
431
00:15:35,966 --> 00:15:37,367
My bad.
432
00:15:37,367 --> 00:15:40,270
He's right over here.
433
00:15:40,270 --> 00:15:42,942
Oh, my darling husband!
434
00:15:42,942 --> 00:15:44,074
Wife!
435
00:15:44,074 --> 00:15:45,715
Get me out of this cage.
436
00:15:45,715 --> 00:15:49,079
They built a toilet
With no walls.
437
00:15:49,079 --> 00:15:51,481
And my roommate
Is not modest.
438
00:15:51,481 --> 00:15:53,483
Debbie:
Larry, why were you
439
00:15:53,483 --> 00:15:56,186
Trying to lure kids
Into a van with candy?
440
00:15:56,186 --> 00:15:57,387
Because I just
Wanted someone
441
00:15:57,387 --> 00:15:58,628
To celebrate
Challoweenukah with me.
442
00:15:58,628 --> 00:16:00,260
Challo-- what?
443
00:16:00,260 --> 00:16:02,592
Don't you remember
My invitation song?
444
00:16:02,592 --> 00:16:03,963
What? The thing
With the ukulele?
445
00:16:03,963 --> 00:16:04,634
Yes!
446
00:16:04,634 --> 00:16:06,166
You know, the next time
447
00:16:06,166 --> 00:16:08,999
Someone sings you
An invitation song, listen.
448
00:16:08,999 --> 00:16:10,500
[ voice breaking ]
'cause the chances are
449
00:16:10,500 --> 00:16:11,701
They worked
Very hard on it.
450
00:16:11,701 --> 00:16:12,972
Jackie: I'm sure they had
A very good reason
451
00:16:12,972 --> 00:16:15,005
For ignoring you,
Husband.
452
00:16:15,005 --> 00:16:19,479
Yeah, well, we were, uh,
Busy getting ready for a party.
453
00:16:19,479 --> 00:16:23,983
Oh, but I'm sure
It was a halloween fundraiser
454
00:16:23,983 --> 00:16:25,315
For sick children.
455
00:16:25,315 --> 00:16:27,587
No, we were trying to
Impress people we hate.
456
00:16:27,587 --> 00:16:30,420
Oh, but I'm sure
You hate them
457
00:16:30,420 --> 00:16:32,492
Because they hurt you
Or your loved ones.
458
00:16:32,492 --> 00:16:35,665
No, we hate them
Because they're rich and happy.
459
00:16:35,665 --> 00:16:38,528
Oh. So --
460
00:16:38,528 --> 00:16:41,031
They're good people, jackie!
We're the bad people!
461
00:16:41,031 --> 00:16:42,702
It's us. Right here.
462
00:16:42,702 --> 00:16:44,534
Someone tell me
What's happening here.
463
00:16:44,534 --> 00:16:46,376
And why is she
Dressed like poop?
464
00:16:46,376 --> 00:16:48,278
Did I not say
That I looked like poop?
465
00:16:48,278 --> 00:16:50,580
Blt, assemble.
466
00:16:52,412 --> 00:16:55,245
Max: still awesome!
467
00:16:55,245 --> 00:16:56,586
You should enter that
In a contest.
468
00:16:56,586 --> 00:16:57,687
Mm-hmm.
469
00:16:57,687 --> 00:16:58,788
Marty:
It's a good thing
470
00:16:58,788 --> 00:17:00,620
My cousin
Was on duty tonight, larry.
471
00:17:00,620 --> 00:17:02,092
Yes, congratulations
472
00:17:02,092 --> 00:17:03,623
On your well-connected
Police-officer cousin, marty.
473
00:17:03,623 --> 00:17:07,597
At least one weaver amounted
To something in this world.
474
00:17:07,597 --> 00:17:08,758
So fulfilling to help you,
Larry.
475
00:17:08,758 --> 00:17:10,430
Really
A priceless feeling.
476
00:17:10,430 --> 00:17:13,733
[ imaginary friend's "We are
The love we give" plays ]
477
00:17:13,733 --> 00:17:15,235
What's this?
478
00:17:15,235 --> 00:17:17,107
I hope I'm not too late,
Amber.
479
00:17:18,708 --> 00:17:22,242
I was hoping that we could go
As bacon and eggs this year.
480
00:17:22,242 --> 00:17:25,715
This is just
'cause you want to, right?
481
00:17:25,715 --> 00:17:27,777
'cause you know I --
I know.
482
00:17:27,777 --> 00:17:31,621
♪ the cable car begins to move ♪
You don't care.
483
00:17:35,385 --> 00:17:37,557
♪ you grab the bar ♪
I don't want to go
To the party.
484
00:17:37,557 --> 00:17:40,090
♪ I look at you ♪
I want to stay here
With reggie.
485
00:17:40,090 --> 00:17:43,633
But without you,
Your family's just an l.T.
486
00:17:43,633 --> 00:17:45,765
And nothing is more important
To your family
487
00:17:45,765 --> 00:17:47,667
Than their
Precious costume party.
488
00:17:47,667 --> 00:17:49,068
I don't get it, larry!
489
00:17:49,068 --> 00:17:51,401
Why is challoweenukah
So important to you?!
490
00:17:51,401 --> 00:17:52,802
Because it's not fair!
491
00:17:52,802 --> 00:17:54,274
Every few weeks,
492
00:17:54,274 --> 00:17:57,107
You get to explain
A new holiday to us.
493
00:17:57,107 --> 00:18:00,280
Larry, if we're annoying you,
We'll stop.
494
00:18:00,280 --> 00:18:02,312
No, we love celebrating
With you guys.
495
00:18:02,312 --> 00:18:04,184
You gave jackie
A thanksgiving dinner
496
00:18:04,184 --> 00:18:05,285
With her sisters,
497
00:18:05,285 --> 00:18:08,118
All of us our first
Christmas morning,
498
00:18:08,118 --> 00:18:10,120
And remember dick's face
499
00:18:10,120 --> 00:18:11,791
When he blew out
His birthday candles?
500
00:18:11,791 --> 00:18:14,794
I thought it would be nice if,
For once,
501
00:18:14,794 --> 00:18:17,467
I could be the one
Doing that to your faces.
502
00:18:17,467 --> 00:18:21,631
♪ you grab the bar,
I look at you ♪
Stupid, I know.
503
00:18:21,631 --> 00:18:24,634
We're gonna be dressed as bread
For a week, aren't we?
504
00:18:24,634 --> 00:18:26,776
Well, at least
We're not the poop.
505
00:18:26,776 --> 00:18:27,707
Larry.
506
00:18:29,139 --> 00:18:33,343
Could we spend challoweenukah
With your family?
507
00:18:33,343 --> 00:18:37,347
♪ this is not
Some one-way mirror ♪
Well, I mean, if that's
What you all want,
508
00:18:37,347 --> 00:18:40,820
♪ looking out
At the world we're in ♪
I-I mean,
I-I-I won't stop you.
509
00:18:40,820 --> 00:18:45,595
[ thunder crashes ]
♪ we are the love,
We are the love we give ♪
510
00:18:45,595 --> 00:18:48,458
It's really coming down
Out there.
511
00:18:48,458 --> 00:18:49,729
Max: we should
Probably stay in
512
00:18:49,729 --> 00:18:51,901
And give out candy
To the kids who are already out.
513
00:18:51,901 --> 00:18:53,163
We don't have enough.
514
00:18:53,163 --> 00:18:55,165
Officer watson
Confiscated all my candy.
515
00:18:55,165 --> 00:18:56,836
I have only
One bag left.
516
00:18:56,836 --> 00:18:59,369
And how will we make
One bag last all night
517
00:18:59,369 --> 00:19:01,541
On this,
The eighth night?
518
00:19:01,541 --> 00:19:03,173
Well, I think
With the storm --
519
00:19:03,173 --> 00:19:04,844
There aren't
Gonna be many kids out.
520
00:19:04,844 --> 00:19:07,217
There might be enough
Just to last the night.
521
00:19:07,217 --> 00:19:09,419
It's a miracle.
522
00:19:09,419 --> 00:19:11,421
[ thunder crashes ]
523
00:19:11,421 --> 00:19:13,753
Debbie: oh, boy.
I think a tree hit the power.
524
00:19:13,753 --> 00:19:16,256
Abby: it sure
Is dark in here.
525
00:19:16,256 --> 00:19:18,258
[ thunder crashes ]
Oh, wow!
526
00:19:18,258 --> 00:19:19,759
Jackie: not to worry.
527
00:19:19,759 --> 00:19:21,361
This should last us
Through the night.
528
00:19:21,361 --> 00:19:25,235
This is even more
Like the oil.
529
00:19:25,235 --> 00:19:26,566
Dad,
We're following it.
530
00:19:26,566 --> 00:19:28,568
You don't have to hit
Everything so hard.
531
00:19:28,568 --> 00:19:30,600
[ knock on door ]
532
00:19:32,602 --> 00:19:34,274
Trick or treat!
533
00:19:34,274 --> 00:19:36,806
We're celebrating
Challoweenukah.
534
00:19:36,806 --> 00:19:38,177
I can explain.
535
00:19:38,177 --> 00:19:40,680
Challoweenukah
Is a combination of --
536
00:19:40,680 --> 00:19:41,751
Well, you know what?
537
00:19:41,751 --> 00:19:45,385
Hey, larry.
You want to take this one?
538
00:19:45,385 --> 00:19:47,387
A long, long time ago,
539
00:19:47,387 --> 00:19:49,789
I was in a thing
Called a jewish deli,
540
00:19:49,789 --> 00:19:52,562
Intrigued by something
Called a kosher pickle.
541
00:19:52,562 --> 00:19:56,566
An old man told me
About a wonderful holiday
542
00:19:56,566 --> 00:19:57,967
Called chanukah.
543
00:19:57,967 --> 00:19:58,968
Chanukah...
544
00:19:58,968 --> 00:20:00,800
Best challoweenukah
Ever, huh?
545
00:20:00,800 --> 00:20:02,672
Definitely top five.
546
00:20:06,336 --> 00:20:07,237
Have a nice day, guys.
547
00:20:07,237 --> 00:20:08,538
Yeah, we love you.
548
00:20:08,538 --> 00:20:10,240
Max:
We love you, too.
549
00:20:10,240 --> 00:20:13,943
We're really sorry
About what we're about to do.
550
00:20:13,943 --> 00:20:15,745
Abby: truly, deeply.
551
00:20:15,745 --> 00:20:18,718
Who are you,
Crazy bread lady?!
552
00:20:18,718 --> 00:20:21,551
Stay away from me!
Come on, abby!
553
00:20:21,551 --> 00:20:23,393
Let's get away
From these strangers
554
00:20:23,393 --> 00:20:25,855
Who we don't know
And aren't our parents!
555
00:20:26,896 --> 00:20:29,259
Remember,
We gave you life!
556
00:20:29,259 --> 00:20:31,561
And a beautiful
Challoweenukah!
557
00:20:34,003 --> 00:20:35,605
This feels wrong.
558
00:20:35,605 --> 00:20:38,768
Yeah. Let's go, baby.
40253
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