All language subtitles for The Neighbors (2012) S02E04 The One with Interspecies F-R-I-E-N-D-S (1080p AMZN Webrip x265 10bit EAC3 5.1 - TheSickle)[TAoE]_track3_[eng]
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1
00:00:02,433 --> 00:00:03,774
Australian:
The orphaned elephant
Soon finds a new friend
2
00:00:03,774 --> 00:00:05,106
In a runt duckling
Named deedee.
3
00:00:05,106 --> 00:00:07,238
How is this a tv show?
4
00:00:07,238 --> 00:00:09,580
Oh, give it a chance, amber.
It's a whole marathon.
5
00:00:09,580 --> 00:00:12,113
And I was hoping
You'd enjoy watching it with me.
6
00:00:12,113 --> 00:00:14,115
I can certainly see
Why you would think that,
7
00:00:14,115 --> 00:00:18,049
Given my soft, gooey center
And extensive ducky collection.
8
00:00:18,049 --> 00:00:20,051
[ bogo trumpets ]
Debbie:
Welcome to game night! Whoo!
9
00:00:20,051 --> 00:00:22,022
[ sighs ]
The elderly.
10
00:00:22,022 --> 00:00:23,294
If we get out of here
And go to your house,
11
00:00:23,294 --> 00:00:24,395
I'll watch
Whatever you want.
12
00:00:24,395 --> 00:00:26,397
Deal.
After the next commercial.
13
00:00:26,397 --> 00:00:28,329
[ remote beeping ]
14
00:00:28,329 --> 00:00:29,700
While these species
Are different,
15
00:00:29,700 --> 00:00:32,203
Watch as they find
Common ground in their play.
16
00:00:32,203 --> 00:00:35,436
Okay, the game tonight
Is "Taboo."
17
00:00:35,436 --> 00:00:37,138
Teams are
Men versus women.
18
00:00:37,138 --> 00:00:39,110
Oh, perfect.
Me versus you three.
19
00:00:39,110 --> 00:00:40,571
Is this gonna start
Already?
20
00:00:40,571 --> 00:00:43,374
Okay, very simple rules.
The card has a word on it.
21
00:00:43,374 --> 00:00:46,347
You try to get your partner
To say it by giving clues.
22
00:00:46,347 --> 00:00:48,519
Oh, wait. Slow down.
It's just so complicated.
23
00:00:48,519 --> 00:00:51,352
I mean, when you humans
Moved unknowingly
24
00:00:51,352 --> 00:00:53,053
Into our gated community
Of aliens,
25
00:00:53,053 --> 00:00:54,755
I knew there was much
You had to teach us,
26
00:00:54,755 --> 00:00:56,787
But are we really ready
For "Taboo"?
27
00:00:56,787 --> 00:00:58,229
Oh, just ignore him.
28
00:00:58,229 --> 00:01:01,232
He gets expositional
When he gets nervous.
29
00:01:01,232 --> 00:01:04,064
Okay, okay, this first word
Is my favorite shade of --
30
00:01:04,064 --> 00:01:06,367
Lavender!
Oh! Good. Okay.
31
00:01:06,367 --> 00:01:08,539
Uh, next one --
My grandmother was born --
32
00:01:08,539 --> 00:01:10,201
Florida.
More specific.
33
00:01:10,201 --> 00:01:11,802
Uh, miami beach,
Backseat of a vega.
34
00:01:11,802 --> 00:01:15,106
Ding! We're unstoppable!
Yes! [ chuckles ]
35
00:01:15,106 --> 00:01:16,807
Okay, ooh, this is
My favorite color.
Red!
36
00:01:17,648 --> 00:01:19,510
Blue! Violet?
Hmm.
37
00:01:19,510 --> 00:01:21,352
Pass.
Okay.
38
00:01:21,352 --> 00:01:23,784
Uh, so, um, oh -- this word
Is also my middle name.
39
00:01:23,784 --> 00:01:25,216
Carol!
What?
40
00:01:25,216 --> 00:01:27,488
Stacy? Violet? Pass.
Hmm.
41
00:01:28,789 --> 00:01:30,761
Pass. Pass.
42
00:01:30,761 --> 00:01:32,323
Pass.
[ sighs ]
43
00:01:32,323 --> 00:01:34,094
Let me guess -- pass?
44
00:01:37,198 --> 00:01:39,870
[ crunching ] Um...
I got it!
45
00:01:39,870 --> 00:01:42,873
Sad man, domineering wife,
Poor eating habits,
46
00:01:42,873 --> 00:01:44,235
And a family
That doesn't respect him?
47
00:01:44,235 --> 00:01:45,876
I'd like
To switch teams.
48
00:01:48,179 --> 00:01:50,841
[ singsong voice ]
Someone's eating his feelings.
49
00:01:52,483 --> 00:01:53,814
[ american accent ]
Hey, buddy.
50
00:01:53,814 --> 00:01:55,586
You're greeting someone --
Saying hello.
51
00:01:55,586 --> 00:01:57,248
Heya, buddy.
52
00:01:57,248 --> 00:01:59,150
I don't know what
The fist thing -- I don't know.
53
00:01:59,150 --> 00:02:01,392
Heya, buddy.
Heya -- heya, buddy.
What is that?
54
00:02:01,392 --> 00:02:03,554
Hey! Hey!
J-j-just do
Something else besides --
55
00:02:03,554 --> 00:02:06,157
Ooh! Time's up! Time's up.
[ squeaking ]
56
00:02:06,157 --> 00:02:08,128
[ normal voice ]
It was "Friends," you idiot!
57
00:02:08,128 --> 00:02:09,600
Well, why didn't you try and
Get me there a different way?
58
00:02:09,600 --> 00:02:11,902
Why didn't you say, "The show
That made courteney cox famous"?
59
00:02:11,902 --> 00:02:13,804
W-what? "Cougar town?"
No, the first one.
60
00:02:13,804 --> 00:02:16,136
Courteney cox did something
Besides "Cougar town"?
61
00:02:16,136 --> 00:02:16,907
Ow.
62
00:02:16,907 --> 00:02:18,609
Could we just
Stop game night
63
00:02:18,609 --> 00:02:21,272
And watch some good old
Network tv, please?
64
00:02:21,272 --> 00:02:23,614
On a friday night?
[ scoffs ]
65
00:02:23,614 --> 00:02:24,915
No, gracias.
66
00:02:24,915 --> 00:02:29,750
♪♪♪
67
00:02:29,750 --> 00:02:33,584
♪ we came from outer space
And settled in new jersey ♪
68
00:02:33,584 --> 00:02:37,428
♪ we took names like larry bird
And jackie joyner-kersee ♪
69
00:02:37,428 --> 00:02:39,430
♪ then the humans
Moved next door ♪
70
00:02:39,430 --> 00:02:41,762
♪ started testing
All our limits ♪
71
00:02:41,762 --> 00:02:43,934
♪ so sit right down,
Enjoy the show ♪
72
00:02:43,934 --> 00:02:49,940
♪ we'll be done in 30 minutes ♪
73
00:02:49,940 --> 00:02:51,942
Family,
I think we can safely say
74
00:02:51,942 --> 00:02:54,505
We just learned
The human concept of boredom.
75
00:02:54,505 --> 00:02:56,947
They're the masters
In that shabizzle, yo.
76
00:02:56,947 --> 00:02:59,680
Father, urban slang
Is a bad look on you.
77
00:02:59,680 --> 00:03:01,752
Did it not strike you as odd
That debbie weaver
78
00:03:01,752 --> 00:03:02,883
Seemed to know
So little about me?
79
00:03:02,883 --> 00:03:05,185
Odd? No. Typical? Yes.
80
00:03:05,185 --> 00:03:06,217
But they're
Your friends.
81
00:03:06,217 --> 00:03:08,719
Eh, maybe
That's winding down.
82
00:03:08,719 --> 00:03:10,891
Just when I think marty weaver
And I are getting close,
83
00:03:10,891 --> 00:03:12,393
I am reminded
That the man and I
84
00:03:12,393 --> 00:03:14,865
Have absolutely nothing
In common.
85
00:03:14,865 --> 00:03:16,467
Perhaps
Our two species have...
86
00:03:16,467 --> 00:03:17,798
No business
Playing games together.
87
00:03:17,798 --> 00:03:19,870
Oh, you're just saying that
'cause you lost.
88
00:03:19,870 --> 00:03:22,973
Oh, deb, you only won because
Jackie knew every answer.
89
00:03:22,973 --> 00:03:24,875
I mean,
You didn't know a...
90
00:03:24,875 --> 00:03:26,877
Single thing about you.
91
00:03:26,877 --> 00:03:28,539
Totally whack.
92
00:03:28,539 --> 00:03:31,412
Oh, yes, dick,
I hear it now. It's not good.
93
00:03:31,412 --> 00:03:33,914
Perhaps the "B"
In bff stands for...
94
00:03:33,914 --> 00:03:36,387
Bad friend --
Why am I like that?
95
00:03:36,387 --> 00:03:38,749
Well, hon, you know,
You have a big personality.
96
00:03:38,749 --> 00:03:41,892
Well, that's just a nice way
Of saying "Self-absorbed."
97
00:03:41,892 --> 00:03:43,894
It's not even
That nice of a way.
98
00:03:43,894 --> 00:03:45,626
We should have called
Max and abby downstairs.
99
00:03:45,626 --> 00:03:46,897
They would have distracted
Dick butkus
100
00:03:46,897 --> 00:03:48,399
From counting every...
101
00:03:48,399 --> 00:03:49,930
10,000 calories
In 45 minutes.
102
00:03:49,930 --> 00:03:52,002
We need to help him
Take better care of himself.
103
00:03:52,002 --> 00:03:54,465
Oh, my poor,
Misguided ginger son.
104
00:03:54,465 --> 00:03:56,807
Marty weaver is
A nearly extinct dinosaur
105
00:03:56,807 --> 00:03:58,309
Trapped in a tar pit.
106
00:03:58,309 --> 00:04:00,541
And the tar is made
Of melted spray cheese.
107
00:04:00,541 --> 00:04:03,614
Then it falls to me.
I will save marty weaver.
108
00:04:03,614 --> 00:04:05,576
Dick, who are
You talking to?
109
00:04:05,576 --> 00:04:07,878
[ marty snoring ]
110
00:04:07,878 --> 00:04:09,850
Ohh.
Marty, roll over.
111
00:04:09,850 --> 00:04:13,484
You sound like louie anderson
Trying to get out of a pool.
112
00:04:13,484 --> 00:04:14,625
[ screams ]
113
00:04:14,625 --> 00:04:16,587
Deborah, may I speak
To you for a second?
114
00:04:16,587 --> 00:04:18,258
Dick,
How long have you been
115
00:04:18,258 --> 00:04:20,291
Standing there
Watching us sleep?
116
00:04:20,291 --> 00:04:21,992
Tonight?
Just a few minutes.
117
00:04:21,992 --> 00:04:24,465
Tonight?
Meet me down
In the kitchen.
118
00:04:24,465 --> 00:04:26,737
Okay.
119
00:04:28,369 --> 00:04:30,871
Dick, are you here
Because of jackie?
120
00:04:30,871 --> 00:04:33,003
Is she mad
I knew so little about her?
121
00:04:33,003 --> 00:04:35,706
Can we not get derailed with
The "All about debbie" show?
122
00:04:35,706 --> 00:04:37,277
Geez, dick.
123
00:04:37,277 --> 00:04:38,879
I can't stop thinking
About marty's eating.
124
00:04:38,879 --> 00:04:40,581
Okay, dick,
I'm gonna stop you right there
125
00:04:40,581 --> 00:04:42,413
Because I've been fighting
This losing battle for years.
126
00:04:42,413 --> 00:04:45,456
So unless you have
Some alien technology --
Even better.
127
00:04:45,456 --> 00:04:48,018
I make him think
He is helping me.
128
00:04:48,018 --> 00:04:49,960
Oh, dick,
That's a bit obvious.
129
00:04:49,960 --> 00:04:51,862
It's like every
"I love lucy."
130
00:04:51,862 --> 00:04:53,564
Fine, but if marty's
Heart explodes...
131
00:04:53,564 --> 00:04:55,726
[ as ricky ricardo ]
...You got some
'splainin' to do!
132
00:04:56,897 --> 00:04:58,799
[ clock ticking ]
133
00:04:58,799 --> 00:05:00,831
[ snoring ]
134
00:05:00,831 --> 00:05:03,804
[ screams ]
135
00:05:03,804 --> 00:05:05,836
Marty weaver,
I need you to get me in shape.
136
00:05:05,836 --> 00:05:08,979
In a rare, adorable moment,
The frail duckling attempts
137
00:05:08,979 --> 00:05:11,812
To groom
The much larger elephant.
138
00:05:11,812 --> 00:05:13,984
I love watching you
Watch tv.
139
00:05:13,984 --> 00:05:16,887
Let's snuggle.
140
00:05:16,887 --> 00:05:20,691
A world of stop.
What are you doing?
141
00:05:20,691 --> 00:05:22,893
Footsie hands.
Isn't that a thing?
142
00:05:22,893 --> 00:05:23,994
It's two things.
143
00:05:23,994 --> 00:05:25,356
You either hold hands
Or you touch feet.
144
00:05:25,356 --> 00:05:27,358
You're so specific
About what you like.
145
00:05:27,358 --> 00:05:28,859
I'm doing the best I can,
All right?
146
00:05:28,859 --> 00:05:31,532
I'm sitting here listening
To you coo over a duck.
147
00:05:31,532 --> 00:05:34,365
Mm.
[ bogo trumpets ]
148
00:05:34,365 --> 00:05:36,707
[ yawns ]
149
00:05:36,707 --> 00:05:39,410
That's still so,
So wrong.
150
00:05:39,410 --> 00:05:42,913
Jack!
Hey, lar.
Hey, "Deh."
151
00:05:42,913 --> 00:05:44,915
Are you still watching
That insipid show?
152
00:05:44,915 --> 00:05:47,378
It's a 24-hour
Bogo and deedee marathon.
153
00:05:47,378 --> 00:05:48,979
We're up to episode 10
Of what usa today hails
154
00:05:48,979 --> 00:05:52,953
As "A heartwarming look
At an interspecies friendship."
155
00:05:52,953 --> 00:05:55,726
And against all odds,
My heart is thawing.
156
00:05:55,726 --> 00:05:57,628
Oh, grow a pair, amber.
157
00:05:57,628 --> 00:05:58,989
If I learned anything
158
00:05:58,989 --> 00:06:00,731
From last night's
Horrendously awful party,
159
00:06:00,731 --> 00:06:03,734
It's that interspecies
Friendships have their limits.
160
00:06:03,734 --> 00:06:06,397
Is that duck
Licking an elephant?
161
00:06:06,397 --> 00:06:08,399
This is gonna end
In a world of hurt.
162
00:06:08,399 --> 00:06:10,100
See you "Amb."
See you, reg.
163
00:06:10,100 --> 00:06:13,404
[ bogo trumpets,
Deedee quacks ]
164
00:06:13,404 --> 00:06:14,905
And I woke up
In the middle of the night,
165
00:06:14,905 --> 00:06:16,877
I was so upset
About that game.
166
00:06:16,877 --> 00:06:19,049
Well, also
Dick was staring at me.
167
00:06:19,049 --> 00:06:20,951
Do you know
He watches us sleep?
168
00:06:20,951 --> 00:06:23,113
Tuesdays and fridays
Are his shift.
169
00:06:23,113 --> 00:06:25,816
And that is going to be
A discussion for another day.
170
00:06:25,816 --> 00:06:26,957
But I felt so bad
171
00:06:26,957 --> 00:06:28,959
That I couldn't answer questions
About you.
172
00:06:28,959 --> 00:06:31,622
Like, what is
Your favorite color?
173
00:06:31,622 --> 00:06:33,424
Light rust.
Huh.
174
00:06:33,424 --> 00:06:35,626
Middle name?
Bus stop.
175
00:06:35,626 --> 00:06:37,798
See,
I should know that.
176
00:06:37,798 --> 00:06:40,471
I'm afraid I've let us
Become a one-sided friendship.
177
00:06:40,471 --> 00:06:41,732
How can I explain it?
178
00:06:41,732 --> 00:06:43,173
Is it like
When you dictate what we do
179
00:06:43,173 --> 00:06:45,576
And when we do it and what
Aspect of you we talk about,
180
00:06:45,576 --> 00:06:46,807
So that I know
Everything about you
181
00:06:46,807 --> 00:06:48,078
But you know
Absolutely nothing about me?
182
00:06:48,078 --> 00:06:52,082
Huh. That. Yes.
But I want to change.
183
00:06:52,082 --> 00:06:53,944
Let me
Follow you around today,
184
00:06:53,944 --> 00:06:55,616
Ask you questions,
Find out about you.
185
00:06:55,616 --> 00:06:57,948
Like right now,
What are you doing?
186
00:06:57,948 --> 00:07:01,922
Oh, I'm getting ready
To shoot my new video.
Huh.
187
00:07:01,922 --> 00:07:03,954
It's for fellow
Recorder enthusiasts.
188
00:07:03,954 --> 00:07:05,556
I have eight followers.
189
00:07:05,556 --> 00:07:08,198
Well, consider me your ninth.
How can I help?
190
00:07:08,198 --> 00:07:11,001
You could press
The red button, friend.
191
00:07:11,001 --> 00:07:12,863
You got it, friend!
192
00:07:12,863 --> 00:07:15,706
[ chuckling ] Okay.
All right.
193
00:07:15,706 --> 00:07:17,608
[ beep, chime ]
194
00:07:17,608 --> 00:07:19,940
[ clears throat ]
195
00:07:19,940 --> 00:07:23,814
[ recorder playing off-key ]
196
00:07:32,182 --> 00:07:33,724
[ clicking ]
197
00:07:37,187 --> 00:07:39,660
Are you writing messages
On your phone?
198
00:07:39,660 --> 00:07:41,962
No.
[ cellphone whooshes ]
199
00:07:43,093 --> 00:07:44,665
I'm sorry.
200
00:07:44,665 --> 00:07:46,897
I said today would be all
About you, and it still is.
201
00:07:46,897 --> 00:07:49,239
It's okay. You probably won't
Like what's coming next, either.
202
00:07:49,239 --> 00:07:50,841
I have
A big hair appointment.
203
00:07:50,841 --> 00:07:53,944
Ooh, a salon!
I love jackie day!
204
00:07:53,944 --> 00:07:56,677
As a matter of fact, let's
Get rid of all distractions.
205
00:07:56,677 --> 00:07:57,778
Give me your phone.
206
00:07:57,778 --> 00:08:01,882
Girl power! Girl day!
Let's go!
207
00:08:01,882 --> 00:08:03,083
Boom.
208
00:08:03,083 --> 00:08:05,916
Hey, no one disturb us,
Okay?!
209
00:08:05,916 --> 00:08:08,619
We're diving
Into lake jackie!
210
00:08:08,619 --> 00:08:10,791
[ cellphone chimes ]
211
00:08:14,094 --> 00:08:15,726
And...
212
00:08:15,726 --> 00:08:18,198
We're headed
To lake jackie.
[ cellphone whooshes ]
213
00:08:18,198 --> 00:08:19,900
Hey, dick, can I let you
In on a secret?
214
00:08:19,900 --> 00:08:21,732
Bro code in full effect.
215
00:08:21,732 --> 00:08:23,133
I know this is hard
To believe,
216
00:08:23,133 --> 00:08:25,005
But I haven't exercised
In six months.
217
00:08:25,005 --> 00:08:28,709
But now I can get a little
Work in while I help you.
218
00:08:28,709 --> 00:08:29,940
Mm-hmm.
219
00:08:29,940 --> 00:08:32,743
Now, what is it
You'd like to do?
220
00:08:32,743 --> 00:08:33,914
Do you want to
Increase muscle mass
221
00:08:33,914 --> 00:08:35,145
Or do you want to
Just tone up?
222
00:08:35,145 --> 00:08:37,988
Yes.
Okay. All right.
223
00:08:37,988 --> 00:08:40,020
You know what we need to do?
We're gonna start slow.
224
00:08:40,020 --> 00:08:41,852
This is a treadmill.
225
00:08:41,852 --> 00:08:43,223
Ooh!
226
00:08:43,223 --> 00:08:45,856
Now, this is the best way
To get your heart rate up.
227
00:08:45,856 --> 00:08:47,998
[ beep ]
To do that I usually just watch
Hoda and kathie lee
228
00:08:47,998 --> 00:08:50,030
Get hammered
On the "Today" show.
229
00:08:50,030 --> 00:08:51,602
Yeah, I hear you.
230
00:08:51,602 --> 00:08:53,764
Okay, why don't you come
Around here? We'll start slow.
231
00:08:53,764 --> 00:08:57,908
And hop up on there.
Okay, start slow.
232
00:08:57,908 --> 00:09:00,941
And I'll give you some music
For inspiration.
233
00:09:00,941 --> 00:09:02,943
[ beeping ]
234
00:09:02,943 --> 00:09:06,947
[ treadmill whirring ]
235
00:09:06,947 --> 00:09:08,248
Aah!
[ bang, rattle ]
236
00:09:08,248 --> 00:09:10,050
Ow.
237
00:09:13,954 --> 00:09:15,225
With a long journey
Ahead of them,
238
00:09:15,225 --> 00:09:17,658
Bogo gives the duckling
A ride on his back.
239
00:09:17,658 --> 00:09:18,689
[ bogo trumpets ]
Seriously?
240
00:09:18,689 --> 00:09:20,631
[ gasps ]
You couldn't write this.
241
00:09:20,631 --> 00:09:22,863
Why is my son
On your back?
242
00:09:22,863 --> 00:09:24,194
Larry, I was teaching him
How to use the treadmill.
243
00:09:24,194 --> 00:09:25,736
He slipped,
And he hurt his ankle.
244
00:09:25,736 --> 00:09:28,198
[ gasps ]
Oh, my precious boy!
245
00:09:28,198 --> 00:09:31,672
Damn it, marty!
He had such beautiful ankles!
246
00:09:31,672 --> 00:09:33,343
You see, I told you
Somebody would get hurt!
247
00:09:33,343 --> 00:09:34,605
Father,
You were talking about
248
00:09:34,605 --> 00:09:36,006
A cuddly little duckling
And an elephant.
249
00:09:36,006 --> 00:09:38,208
And I still am.
Oh, that's nice, larry!
250
00:09:38,208 --> 00:09:39,980
That's real nice!
Oh! Oh!
251
00:09:39,980 --> 00:09:41,712
Yelling won't help him.
252
00:09:41,712 --> 00:09:44,685
How do you feel?
I think I'm all right.
253
00:09:44,685 --> 00:09:46,316
Okay, good.
254
00:09:46,316 --> 00:09:48,358
[ bleating ]
255
00:09:48,358 --> 00:09:51,722
That's normal, right?
256
00:09:51,722 --> 00:09:53,694
What do we do?
What do we do?
257
00:09:53,694 --> 00:09:55,195
I'll call jackie.
Ooh, I'll call debbie.
258
00:09:55,195 --> 00:09:57,698
[ speed-dialing ]
259
00:09:57,698 --> 00:09:59,700
[ ringtones play ]
260
00:10:02,332 --> 00:10:04,334
[ cellphones vibrating ]
261
00:10:07,878 --> 00:10:11,882
And sometimes they don't like it
Here if you don't buy product.
262
00:10:11,882 --> 00:10:14,715
So you should --
Jackie, come on.
I know today is your day.
263
00:10:14,715 --> 00:10:15,846
But I've been
To a salon before.
264
00:10:15,846 --> 00:10:17,988
Oh. Hi!
265
00:10:17,988 --> 00:10:20,150
All: jackie!
266
00:10:20,150 --> 00:10:22,823
Wow, miss popularity,
Look at you.
267
00:10:22,823 --> 00:10:25,796
[ chuckles ]
Hi, shirley.
268
00:10:25,796 --> 00:10:26,927
Jackie j!
The curls are working, girl.
269
00:10:26,927 --> 00:10:29,629
Okay?
270
00:10:29,629 --> 00:10:31,261
When I don't understand
The words that they're using,
271
00:10:31,261 --> 00:10:34,004
I just say "Okay"
As if it's a question.
272
00:10:34,004 --> 00:10:36,206
Okay. Okay?
273
00:10:36,206 --> 00:10:37,637
Well...
274
00:10:37,637 --> 00:10:40,841
Valerie, I see you're
Finally reading "Gone girl."
275
00:10:40,841 --> 00:10:42,342
Isn't it
As good as I said?
276
00:10:42,342 --> 00:10:44,014
How long
Have you been coming here?
277
00:10:44,014 --> 00:10:46,677
Oh, just a few months,
Ever since I saw a documentary
278
00:10:46,677 --> 00:10:48,378
About black women
And their hair.
279
00:10:48,378 --> 00:10:50,981
Apparently,
It's a whole thing.
Huh. Who knew?
280
00:10:50,981 --> 00:10:54,184
Mm. Relaxers
And afros and weaves.
Oh, my.
281
00:10:54,184 --> 00:10:56,927
But the salon experience
Is not just about hair.
282
00:10:56,927 --> 00:10:59,930
We also talk
About husbands and children
283
00:10:59,930 --> 00:11:02,793
And something called
A "Rihanna" who apparently
284
00:11:02,793 --> 00:11:04,895
Has no sense
And keeps going back.
285
00:11:04,895 --> 00:11:06,767
Oh, I love it!
286
00:11:06,767 --> 00:11:08,238
Introduce me.
Show me around.
287
00:11:08,238 --> 00:11:10,400
You've never said that
To me before.
288
00:11:10,400 --> 00:11:13,073
Jackie, this is now
A two-sided friendship.
289
00:11:13,073 --> 00:11:16,306
I want to see your side.
Okay.
290
00:11:16,306 --> 00:11:19,780
Shirley, I want to
Introduce you to somebody.
291
00:11:19,780 --> 00:11:22,112
You brought
Your accountant?
292
00:11:22,112 --> 00:11:24,084
Okay?
No, no.
293
00:11:24,955 --> 00:11:26,957
Sorry.
I'm debbie weaver.
294
00:11:26,957 --> 00:11:28,288
Hello, debbie.
295
00:11:28,288 --> 00:11:30,891
So, you came to hold
Jackie's hand on her big day?
296
00:11:30,891 --> 00:11:34,264
Shirley talked me
Into trying a new hairstyle.
297
00:11:34,264 --> 00:11:35,796
I'm getting
My hair braided.
298
00:11:35,796 --> 00:11:37,928
Oh, wow!
Braids -- those are fun.
299
00:11:37,928 --> 00:11:39,269
[ chuckles ]
300
00:11:39,269 --> 00:11:40,771
Hey, as long as we're
Doing things your way,
301
00:11:40,771 --> 00:11:41,772
Maybe I should get some.
302
00:11:41,772 --> 00:11:44,474
[ gasps ] Fun!
We can be twins.
303
00:11:44,474 --> 00:11:46,476
Shirley?
Tonya,
Get the white girl a smock!
304
00:11:46,476 --> 00:11:49,139
Yay.
[ chuckles ]
305
00:11:49,139 --> 00:11:52,242
Come on.
306
00:11:52,242 --> 00:11:54,484
It should just be
A few more minutes
And the doctor will be in.
307
00:11:54,484 --> 00:11:57,788
Hold on, mustache.
It's been over an hour.
308
00:11:57,788 --> 00:11:59,019
For an emergency room,
309
00:11:59,019 --> 00:12:01,151
You don't act
Like it's an emergency.
310
00:12:01,151 --> 00:12:03,894
Larry!
Thank you, nurse. Thank you.
311
00:12:03,894 --> 00:12:06,126
For the third time,
I'm telling you
312
00:12:06,126 --> 00:12:07,958
You have to be polite
Or they ignore you.
313
00:12:07,958 --> 00:12:09,760
Please, larry,
Just trust me.
314
00:12:09,760 --> 00:12:11,762
Said the man
Who destroyed my son's chance
315
00:12:11,762 --> 00:12:13,363
At a career
In ankle modeling.
316
00:12:13,363 --> 00:12:15,806
Do you carry those around
With you?
317
00:12:15,806 --> 00:12:17,868
There was a vending machine.
Back off.
318
00:12:17,868 --> 00:12:22,212
Larry, are you 100% sure
That the x-ray machine's
319
00:12:22,212 --> 00:12:24,514
Not gonna show
That he's an alien under this?
320
00:12:24,514 --> 00:12:28,478
Of course. It's not a suit.
How stupid can you be?
321
00:12:28,478 --> 00:12:30,350
You know, I really miss
The debbie-jackie buffer,
322
00:12:30,350 --> 00:12:32,352
Because this, just you and me,
It doesn't work for me.
323
00:12:32,352 --> 00:12:33,753
Blah, blah,
Blah, blah, blah, fart.
324
00:12:33,753 --> 00:12:36,086
I'm getting milk.
[ sighs ]
325
00:12:36,086 --> 00:12:40,360
Poor dick.
Would tv cheer you up?
326
00:12:40,360 --> 00:12:43,363
I'll never say no
To "Pretty little liars."
327
00:12:43,363 --> 00:12:45,465
But there's no remote.
328
00:12:45,465 --> 00:12:48,338
Hey!
329
00:12:48,338 --> 00:12:50,340
You!
[ telephone rings ]
330
00:12:50,340 --> 00:12:53,974
My son
Needs a tv remote.
331
00:12:53,974 --> 00:12:57,777
I said
My son needs a remote.
332
00:12:57,777 --> 00:12:59,249
I'm sorry. If you'll just
Give me a few more minutes.
333
00:12:59,249 --> 00:13:02,913
No. My son wants to watch
"Pretty little liars."
334
00:13:02,913 --> 00:13:05,555
He needs a remote, and I
Don't see why he has to wait.
335
00:13:05,555 --> 00:13:08,088
He loves
"Pretty little liars."
336
00:13:08,088 --> 00:13:09,519
Just find him a remote!
337
00:13:09,519 --> 00:13:10,961
Like I said!
338
00:13:10,961 --> 00:13:14,794
Give my son the remote!!
339
00:13:19,229 --> 00:13:21,401
Thank you very much.
340
00:13:21,401 --> 00:13:22,402
[ sniffs ]
341
00:13:22,402 --> 00:13:24,074
[ laughter ]
342
00:13:24,074 --> 00:13:25,535
Ah, is it
Such a hair-don't,
343
00:13:25,535 --> 00:13:28,038
That it doubles back
And becomes a hair-do?
344
00:13:28,038 --> 00:13:30,110
[ laughter ]
Almost.
345
00:13:30,110 --> 00:13:31,511
It's so tight
I can't stop smiling.
346
00:13:31,511 --> 00:13:32,812
Is that normal?
347
00:13:32,812 --> 00:13:35,485
Girl, nothing about you
Is normal. Okay?
348
00:13:35,485 --> 00:13:36,816
[ laughter ]
349
00:13:36,816 --> 00:13:39,419
I'll tell you
What else isn't normal...
350
00:13:40,590 --> 00:13:43,093
...Later.
351
00:13:43,093 --> 00:13:45,425
I've never
Had my hair hurt.
352
00:13:45,425 --> 00:13:47,928
Hey, valerie, you tell walter
If he doesn't stop his nonsense,
353
00:13:47,928 --> 00:13:50,000
You're bringing over shirley
To give him some braids.
354
00:13:50,000 --> 00:13:52,502
[ laughter ]
Speaking of,
It's been almost two hours.
355
00:13:52,502 --> 00:13:53,603
Is anybody
Gonna braid my hair?
356
00:13:53,603 --> 00:13:56,536
[ gasps ] Jackie,
Has it been that long?
357
00:13:56,536 --> 00:13:58,208
I have to get home
And start dinner.
358
00:13:58,208 --> 00:14:00,971
Of course. You're ready to go,
So I guess we're going.
359
00:14:00,971 --> 00:14:02,442
Oh, jackie, I didn't --
Didn't you?
360
00:14:02,442 --> 00:14:05,575
You even managed
To take this over. Unbelievable.
361
00:14:05,575 --> 00:14:08,448
Thank you so much, debbie, for
Putting me be in charge today.
362
00:14:08,448 --> 00:14:09,950
Did you learn
A lot about me
363
00:14:09,950 --> 00:14:12,622
While you talked
And you got my hair?
364
00:14:12,622 --> 00:14:14,284
Oh, jackie, I'm sorry.
365
00:14:14,284 --> 00:14:17,187
I just wanted
Your friends to like me.
366
00:14:17,187 --> 00:14:19,489
Congratulations.
They do. I don't.
367
00:14:19,489 --> 00:14:21,561
Oh, jackie, wait!
368
00:14:21,561 --> 00:14:23,533
[ sighs ]
369
00:14:23,533 --> 00:14:25,395
I look like predator.
370
00:14:25,395 --> 00:14:27,567
Oh, my god,
Alien versus predator.
371
00:14:27,567 --> 00:14:28,638
Jackie, wait!
372
00:14:32,472 --> 00:14:33,974
However, bogo misunderstands
373
00:14:33,974 --> 00:14:36,276
Deedee's wing flapping
As an act of aggression.
374
00:14:36,276 --> 00:14:38,278
Come on, jackie.
I said I was sorry.
375
00:14:38,278 --> 00:14:40,350
[ groans ]
Yes, you did.
376
00:14:40,350 --> 00:14:42,182
Reggie jackson, the house
Is locked. Where's your father?
377
00:14:42,182 --> 00:14:43,383
Dick fell.
What?!
378
00:14:43,383 --> 00:14:45,355
They're at the hospital.
I'll drive you.
379
00:14:45,355 --> 00:14:48,288
No, thank you.
I do not need your help,
And I never will again.
380
00:14:48,288 --> 00:14:52,492
Although I don't know
Where the hospital is
381
00:14:52,492 --> 00:14:54,294
And we don't have a car,
So could you --
Let's go.
382
00:14:54,294 --> 00:14:56,226
Thank you.
383
00:14:58,028 --> 00:15:00,500
Did your mom
Macrame her head?
384
00:15:00,500 --> 00:15:02,502
[ monitor beeping ]
385
00:15:06,606 --> 00:15:08,078
I swear to you
386
00:15:08,078 --> 00:15:09,609
I pushed the button for raisins
And this came out.
387
00:15:09,609 --> 00:15:12,983
Sorry it's been such a wait.
I'm doctor cohan.
388
00:15:12,983 --> 00:15:15,145
Hey, there, little fella,
You got an owie?
389
00:15:15,145 --> 00:15:17,247
Here's a lollipop for being
Such a real big-boy trouper.
390
00:15:17,247 --> 00:15:20,951
Oh.
Is he friggin' serious
With this?
391
00:15:20,951 --> 00:15:23,423
Now, we're gonna take your son
For an x-ray
392
00:15:23,423 --> 00:15:25,996
And see
If that ankle's broken.
393
00:15:25,996 --> 00:15:27,297
Broken? Poor dick.
394
00:15:27,297 --> 00:15:29,599
Promise me
He'll get the best care --
395
00:15:29,599 --> 00:15:31,101
Not that obamacare
396
00:15:31,101 --> 00:15:33,933
That fox news says
Kills old people
397
00:15:33,933 --> 00:15:36,236
And lets illegal mexicans
Get gay-married.
398
00:15:36,236 --> 00:15:37,567
No, he's not
From around here.
399
00:15:37,567 --> 00:15:41,111
Dick's gonna be fine, larry.
Fine is not okay!
400
00:15:41,111 --> 00:15:43,573
On my home planet,
The "Fine" get banished
401
00:15:43,573 --> 00:15:46,576
To a bleak, filthy moon
For the broken and weak,
402
00:15:46,576 --> 00:15:48,418
Not unlike your canada.
403
00:15:48,418 --> 00:15:49,980
I would just ignore him
'cause he gets emotional.
404
00:15:49,980 --> 00:15:52,382
[ honks ]
I have a responsibility
To the state
405
00:15:52,382 --> 00:15:54,384
To report
Psychotic behavior.
406
00:15:54,384 --> 00:15:55,685
No. No.
Larry, it's okay.
407
00:15:55,685 --> 00:15:58,388
Dick is gone now so you can drop
The home-planet act
408
00:15:58,388 --> 00:16:01,231
Before the doctor brings
In the state,
409
00:16:01,231 --> 00:16:02,562
With all the questions.
410
00:16:02,562 --> 00:16:05,265
Oh, yes. Yes.
Don't need that.
411
00:16:05,265 --> 00:16:08,368
Okay, so assure the doctor
That this was all just a big...
412
00:16:08,368 --> 00:16:09,699
Dolphin?
Story.
413
00:16:09,699 --> 00:16:11,371
For his...
Son?
414
00:16:11,371 --> 00:16:12,372
Son.
Yes, my son.
415
00:16:12,372 --> 00:16:13,373
On point.
That's right.
416
00:16:13,373 --> 00:16:15,705
And larry knows
That dick loves
417
00:16:15,705 --> 00:16:19,349
Stories about aliens
And home planets.
Science fiction.
418
00:16:19,349 --> 00:16:21,481
Right, and you were
Just trying to make dick...
Laugh.
419
00:16:21,481 --> 00:16:23,383
That's right.
He's not crazy.
420
00:16:23,383 --> 00:16:24,714
He's just a...
Dolphin.
421
00:16:24,714 --> 00:16:27,087
No!
Oh. Father.
422
00:16:27,087 --> 00:16:28,258
That's right.
That's right.
423
00:16:28,258 --> 00:16:30,190
And despite
Our differences
424
00:16:30,190 --> 00:16:34,294
And our inability to communicate
Without our wives,
425
00:16:34,294 --> 00:16:36,096
We do share
One thing in common.
426
00:16:36,096 --> 00:16:38,198
Don't we, larry?
We're both...
427
00:16:38,198 --> 00:16:40,270
Dads.
Dads.
428
00:16:42,332 --> 00:16:45,335
And that is how
You win "Taboo," my friend.
Oh, yeah.
429
00:16:45,335 --> 00:16:48,638
Okay, well,
That was weird.
430
00:16:48,638 --> 00:16:50,340
I'll be back
With the x-ray results.
431
00:16:50,340 --> 00:16:51,641
Where's my little dick?
432
00:16:51,641 --> 00:16:54,644
Oh.
Oh, husband,
I heard your danger honk.
433
00:16:54,644 --> 00:16:55,645
Oh.
434
00:16:55,645 --> 00:16:58,348
And...
I'm just gonna go.
435
00:16:58,348 --> 00:17:00,490
[ indistinct talking over p.A. ]
436
00:17:04,254 --> 00:17:06,226
So, what you got going
On top there, deb?
437
00:17:06,226 --> 00:17:08,228
Did you guys spend the day
At sandals?
438
00:17:08,228 --> 00:17:10,360
She stole
My hairstyle.
439
00:17:10,360 --> 00:17:11,561
I didn't
Steal anything.
440
00:17:11,561 --> 00:17:13,563
I was just trying to do
Your thing on your day.
441
00:17:13,563 --> 00:17:16,566
Every lady at that salon
Loved you and forgot about me.
442
00:17:16,566 --> 00:17:18,238
Go ahead and say it.
443
00:17:18,238 --> 00:17:20,240
The reason why
You know nothing about me
444
00:17:20,240 --> 00:17:23,773
And you talk so much
Is because I'm boring.
445
00:17:23,773 --> 00:17:26,776
Do you honestly think I would
Spend so much time with you
446
00:17:26,776 --> 00:17:27,817
If you were boring?
447
00:17:27,817 --> 00:17:30,450
I don't know.
Well, let me be clear.
448
00:17:30,450 --> 00:17:32,622
You are the opposite
Of boring.
449
00:17:32,622 --> 00:17:36,186
You are the most exciting friend
I have ever had.
450
00:17:36,186 --> 00:17:39,429
You speak 10 languages.
4,000.
451
00:17:39,429 --> 00:17:41,431
You're great at everything.
452
00:17:41,431 --> 00:17:43,463
You're an alien.
453
00:17:43,463 --> 00:17:46,796
How could
I make this better?
454
00:17:46,796 --> 00:17:49,169
Maybe remember
I wasn't always the alien.
455
00:17:49,169 --> 00:17:51,701
Back home, I was the normal one.
I was you.
456
00:17:51,701 --> 00:17:53,543
My girlfriends and I
Would sit around
457
00:17:53,543 --> 00:17:56,176
And talk about nothing
And swap secrets
458
00:17:56,176 --> 00:17:58,408
And decapitate
Foreign marauders.
459
00:17:58,408 --> 00:18:02,412
I just want to be a friend,
An equal.
460
00:18:02,412 --> 00:18:04,083
Get over here.
461
00:18:04,083 --> 00:18:06,085
Come on.
462
00:18:06,085 --> 00:18:08,388
Oh, how I loathe
The resolution hug.
463
00:18:08,388 --> 00:18:10,620
Good news -- just a sprain,
Not a break.
464
00:18:10,620 --> 00:18:12,322
He'll be up and around
In a few days.
465
00:18:12,322 --> 00:18:14,324
Hurrah!
Resolution!
466
00:18:14,324 --> 00:18:16,196
[ groaning ] Okay.
467
00:18:16,196 --> 00:18:17,397
Oh, my son.
468
00:18:17,397 --> 00:18:22,402
Okay, good. So,
Can we please get out of here?
469
00:18:22,402 --> 00:18:24,204
I guess your plan
To get him healthier
470
00:18:24,204 --> 00:18:25,405
Didn't really work out,
Huh?
471
00:18:25,405 --> 00:18:28,578
Wrong. Today,
I got marty his friend back.
472
00:18:28,578 --> 00:18:30,580
Study after study
Has proven friendship
473
00:18:30,580 --> 00:18:32,242
Is the best thing
For the heart.
474
00:18:32,242 --> 00:18:34,644
Aww.
475
00:18:34,644 --> 00:18:36,646
His cholesterol is on you,
Debbie.
476
00:18:36,646 --> 00:18:38,848
Ever hear
Of an egg white?
477
00:18:40,850 --> 00:18:44,824
Woman:
As a busy mom, I can't let
My adult diaper slow me down.
478
00:18:44,824 --> 00:18:46,496
Mute.
That's why I use --
479
00:18:46,496 --> 00:18:48,298
[ beep ]
I can't watch
That commercial anymore.
480
00:18:48,298 --> 00:18:50,500
Who's that happy about being 40
And wearing a diaper?
481
00:18:50,500 --> 00:18:52,402
Well, I'm guessing
482
00:18:52,402 --> 00:18:55,435
This is the last
Commercial break, right?
And then it's over.
483
00:18:55,435 --> 00:18:59,269
[ sighs ] I'm really gonna miss
That cold, awkward elephant.
484
00:18:59,269 --> 00:19:01,311
You see, for me, it's really
All about the duckling.
485
00:19:01,311 --> 00:19:03,243
I used to hate
Soft and fluffy,
486
00:19:03,243 --> 00:19:05,875
But now I just
Want to squeeze his little face
487
00:19:05,875 --> 00:19:07,417
And tell him
I love him.
488
00:19:07,417 --> 00:19:08,878
Yes, I do.
489
00:19:08,878 --> 00:19:11,321
[ gasps ]
What's happening to me?
490
00:19:11,321 --> 00:19:13,653
Oh, my god,
The show's back on!
Oh!
491
00:19:13,653 --> 00:19:14,654
[ beep ]
492
00:19:14,654 --> 00:19:15,725
[ quacking ]
493
00:19:15,725 --> 00:19:18,658
[ bogo trumpeting ]
494
00:19:20,730 --> 00:19:22,392
Give me your foot.
495
00:19:27,567 --> 00:19:29,899
Stupid,
Fluffy duckling.
496
00:19:29,899 --> 00:19:31,241
Ooh, here we go --
Last scene.
497
00:19:31,241 --> 00:19:32,272
[ door opens ]
498
00:19:32,272 --> 00:19:34,444
Jackie: we're home!
Welcome back.
499
00:19:34,444 --> 00:19:35,505
Thank you.
500
00:19:35,505 --> 00:19:36,906
Australian:
And as another day ends,
501
00:19:36,906 --> 00:19:39,249
The elephant and the duckling
Prepare for sleep.
502
00:19:39,249 --> 00:19:40,450
[ both yawn ]
[ bogo trumpets ]
503
00:19:40,450 --> 00:19:41,951
Over their time together,
504
00:19:41,951 --> 00:19:44,714
They took on each other's
Habits and behaviors.
505
00:19:44,714 --> 00:19:47,817
They've become less aware
Of their differences.
506
00:19:47,817 --> 00:19:51,261
But some differences are so big
They're insurmountable.
507
00:19:51,261 --> 00:19:53,463
On our last day of filming,
508
00:19:53,463 --> 00:19:55,795
Bogo the elephant
Tried to show affection
509
00:19:55,795 --> 00:19:58,468
And rolled over
On top of the duckling.
510
00:19:58,468 --> 00:19:59,799
[ deedee squawks ]
[ crunch ]
511
00:19:59,799 --> 00:20:00,830
[ all gasp ]
512
00:20:00,830 --> 00:20:02,832
Oh.
My.
God.
513
00:20:02,832 --> 00:20:05,935
[ laughs ]
Oh, that's hilarious!
514
00:20:05,935 --> 00:20:07,437
Finally, a show besides
"Cougar town"
515
00:20:07,437 --> 00:20:09,279
That knows how to end
With a big laugh.
516
00:20:09,279 --> 00:20:11,881
[ chuckling ]
Oh, I love it.
517
00:20:16,316 --> 00:20:18,318
Hello, recorder enthusiasts!
Good news!
518
00:20:18,318 --> 00:20:21,651
My song today is
Going to be hanson's "Mmmbop!"
519
00:20:21,651 --> 00:20:23,323
But first, I thought
That I would address
520
00:20:23,323 --> 00:20:25,825
Some of your online comments,
So...
521
00:20:25,825 --> 00:20:28,998
For rikers inmate 6432,
522
00:20:28,998 --> 00:20:31,000
I do not play
A lot of musical instruments,
523
00:20:31,000 --> 00:20:33,363
So I do not know
What a skin flute is.
524
00:20:33,363 --> 00:20:35,965
But starting a band with you
Sure sounds like fun!
525
00:20:35,965 --> 00:20:38,838
So, today's
Extra-special treat --
526
00:20:38,838 --> 00:20:41,811
I will be accompanied
By my best, best friend,
527
00:20:41,811 --> 00:20:44,314
Debbie weaver, on drums.
528
00:20:44,314 --> 00:20:48,848
A 1, a 2, a 1-2-3-4!
529
00:20:48,848 --> 00:20:51,351
[ drums banging,
Recorder playing off-key ]
530
00:20:56,426 --> 00:20:58,728
Hey! Yeah!
531
00:20:58,728 --> 00:21:01,391
Keep rocking,
Recorder enthusiasts!
532
00:21:01,391 --> 00:21:02,892
Good night, hidden hills!
Aah!
39606
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