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1
00:00:01,402 --> 00:00:02,733
Good morning, sunshine.
2
00:00:02,733 --> 00:00:06,077
See, now this is what I call
A nice, peaceful morning.
3
00:00:06,077 --> 00:00:07,238
You'll never guess
What we found
4
00:00:07,238 --> 00:00:08,709
When we went through
Your mail this morning.
5
00:00:08,709 --> 00:00:10,081
You went through our mail?
6
00:00:10,081 --> 00:00:11,242
Oh, we always go through
Your mail.
7
00:00:11,242 --> 00:00:12,543
It's like
A little mystery every day.
8
00:00:12,543 --> 00:00:14,385
What will we find
In the weavers' mailbox?
9
00:00:14,385 --> 00:00:17,188
Letters? Bills? Coupons?
10
00:00:17,188 --> 00:00:18,489
Oh, coupons are the best.
11
00:00:18,489 --> 00:00:21,392
29 cents off canned tomatoes
For a limited time only.
12
00:00:21,392 --> 00:00:22,753
Crazy, yo.
13
00:00:22,753 --> 00:00:24,495
(debbie) okay, guys,
You can't go through our mail.
14
00:00:24,495 --> 00:00:26,127
A person's mail
Is a private thing.
15
00:00:26,127 --> 00:00:28,429
Oh, yes. That's why it's placed
By a stranger
16
00:00:28,429 --> 00:00:31,202
In a box that's left at the end
Of your driveway, unattended.
17
00:00:31,202 --> 00:00:33,204
(scoffs) silly fools.
18
00:00:33,204 --> 00:00:34,735
Okay, what'd you find
In our mail?
19
00:00:34,735 --> 00:00:36,737
Well, in addition
To another letter
20
00:00:36,737 --> 00:00:39,110
From marty's sister in rehab...
21
00:00:39,110 --> 00:00:41,172
Her roommate relapsed again.
Mm-hmm. Saw that coming.
22
00:00:41,172 --> 00:00:42,343
Poor carla.
23
00:00:42,343 --> 00:00:44,375
There was also this--
24
00:00:44,375 --> 00:00:47,148
A new country club is opening
At a nearby golf development.
25
00:00:47,148 --> 00:00:49,380
You got invited
To an open house.
26
00:00:49,380 --> 00:00:50,381
We got one, too.
27
00:00:50,381 --> 00:00:52,223
(all) boo-yah!
28
00:00:52,223 --> 00:00:53,254
Wait a minute.
What'd you just say?
29
00:00:53,254 --> 00:00:54,385
(all) boo-yah!
30
00:00:54,385 --> 00:00:55,786
No, I meant
The invitation.
31
00:00:55,786 --> 00:00:59,059
From a new country club,
Huh?
32
00:00:59,059 --> 00:01:00,231
What is going on?
33
00:01:00,231 --> 00:01:02,593
I've never seen you guys
This excited before.
34
00:01:02,593 --> 00:01:04,235
Well, in the ten years
We've been on this planet,
35
00:01:04,235 --> 00:01:06,267
We've never been invited
To anything.
36
00:01:06,267 --> 00:01:07,698
What are you talking about?
37
00:01:07,698 --> 00:01:10,141
I had you for thanksgiving,
For christmas,
38
00:01:10,141 --> 00:01:11,442
Abby's birthday...
39
00:01:11,442 --> 00:01:12,803
Well, nothing good.
40
00:01:12,803 --> 00:01:14,805
Well, don't you see?
This is acceptance.
41
00:01:14,805 --> 00:01:16,677
This is the first time
That we've been invited
42
00:01:16,677 --> 00:01:19,210
To something
In the larger, outside world.
43
00:01:19,210 --> 00:01:23,214
Okay, guys, you do not
Wanna go to a country club.
44
00:01:23,214 --> 00:01:25,156
It's like the last bastions
Of white, snobby,
45
00:01:25,156 --> 00:01:27,118
Upper-crust society.
46
00:01:27,118 --> 00:01:28,259
Oh, I see.
47
00:01:28,259 --> 00:01:29,860
Few questions?
Mm-hmm?
48
00:01:29,860 --> 00:01:31,862
What do you mean by "White"?
What do you mean by "Snobby"?
49
00:01:31,862 --> 00:01:34,265
What do you mean
By "Upper crust"?
50
00:01:34,265 --> 00:01:37,198
Well, you know how every society
Has different social classes?
51
00:01:37,198 --> 00:01:38,769
Oh, no. Not on zabvron.
52
00:01:38,769 --> 00:01:41,202
We are all equal.
Some of us are very equal,
53
00:01:41,202 --> 00:01:43,604
Some are middle equal, and some
Are... Barely equal at all.
54
00:01:43,604 --> 00:01:45,236
They hardly deserve
Our scraps.
55
00:01:45,236 --> 00:01:47,208
They are beneath me.
56
00:01:47,208 --> 00:01:48,209
Peasants.
57
00:01:48,209 --> 00:01:51,212
Okay.
Well, then, in your terms,
58
00:01:51,212 --> 00:01:53,784
The very equal
Are the upper crust,
59
00:01:53,784 --> 00:01:55,486
And what you all
Just exhibited--
60
00:01:55,486 --> 00:01:57,188
That's snobbery.
61
00:01:57,188 --> 00:01:58,849
(whispers) oh.
Oh. Snobbery.
62
00:01:58,849 --> 00:02:00,191
What about "White"?
63
00:02:00,191 --> 00:02:03,824
Well, white is...
White. You know, race.
64
00:02:03,824 --> 00:02:06,227
Yeah. Like I'm white,
65
00:02:06,227 --> 00:02:08,229
Jackie is black,
66
00:02:08,229 --> 00:02:09,560
Reggie is asian,
67
00:02:09,560 --> 00:02:11,662
Little guy here is...
Pink.
68
00:02:11,662 --> 00:02:14,235
Pink. You guys know you're
Different races, right?
69
00:02:14,235 --> 00:02:15,236
Oh, no. We took on forms
70
00:02:15,236 --> 00:02:17,368
That span
The entire human spectrum.
71
00:02:17,368 --> 00:02:19,240
We can't really tell
Who's what.
72
00:02:19,240 --> 00:02:22,142
It all seems a little ridiculous
To us, honestly.
73
00:02:22,142 --> 00:02:24,215
Yes, I'm embarrassed to admit
That after all this time here,
74
00:02:24,215 --> 00:02:27,178
You humans look
Pretty much the same.
75
00:02:27,178 --> 00:02:29,780
We differentiate you
Mostly by scent.
76
00:02:29,780 --> 00:02:32,553
Mm. If I were to plug my nose,
Can't tell you apart.
77
00:02:32,553 --> 00:02:33,924
(nasal voice) nope. Nothing.
78
00:02:33,924 --> 00:02:35,726
Can't tell who I'm talking to.
79
00:02:35,726 --> 00:02:36,887
All right.
Oh, come on.
80
00:02:36,887 --> 00:02:39,430
(sniffs) ah, there you are.
(chuckles)
81
00:02:39,430 --> 00:02:40,531
Yeah.
82
00:02:40,531 --> 00:02:42,933
Well, the rest are bills.
83
00:02:47,338 --> 00:02:48,539
Hey, babe.
84
00:02:49,600 --> 00:02:50,601
I want it, debbie.
85
00:02:50,601 --> 00:02:53,444
Oh, I don't know, marty.
86
00:02:53,444 --> 00:02:55,206
The kids aren't in bed yet.
87
00:02:55,206 --> 00:02:58,209
Can we pencil it in
For, like, next tuesday?
88
00:02:58,209 --> 00:02:59,780
No, I'm talking about
Getting into the country club.
89
00:02:59,780 --> 00:03:01,652
But next tuesday
Does sound good,
90
00:03:01,652 --> 00:03:03,414
So put me in the books
For that.
91
00:03:03,414 --> 00:03:04,415
Fine.
92
00:03:04,415 --> 00:03:07,218
So you're serious about this?
93
00:03:07,218 --> 00:03:09,920
This place looks amazing.
Check this out--
94
00:03:09,920 --> 00:03:13,494
It's got an outdoor
Year-round heated hot tub.
95
00:03:13,494 --> 00:03:15,866
Can you imagine floating
In warm water in the winter,
96
00:03:15,866 --> 00:03:17,328
Thinking about all
Of those people,
97
00:03:17,328 --> 00:03:20,301
Shoveling their driveways
Like a bunch of chumps?
98
00:03:20,301 --> 00:03:21,602
I don't know, marty.
99
00:03:21,602 --> 00:03:22,973
You know how I feel
About these kind of places.
100
00:03:22,973 --> 00:03:24,875
And why are you
So into it?
101
00:03:24,875 --> 00:03:27,438
I've never heard you mention
Joining a country club before.
102
00:03:27,438 --> 00:03:29,410
Because I never had
The chance before.
103
00:03:29,410 --> 00:03:31,482
At least let's go
To the open house tomorrow
104
00:03:31,482 --> 00:03:32,643
And check it out.
105
00:03:32,643 --> 00:03:34,545
Okay. If it means
So much to you, fine.
106
00:03:34,545 --> 00:03:35,916
But what are we gonna tell
The bird-kersees?
107
00:03:35,916 --> 00:03:38,789
They were so excited getting
An invitation to something.
108
00:03:38,789 --> 00:03:40,321
Yeah.
Well, here's the thing--
109
00:03:40,321 --> 00:03:43,354
I was thinking
We don't tell them.
110
00:03:43,354 --> 00:03:45,456
And I was also thinking,
Tomorrow--
111
00:03:45,456 --> 00:03:46,757
Not proud of this--
112
00:03:46,757 --> 00:03:48,429
But we sneak out.
113
00:03:48,429 --> 00:03:51,562
You know, high-school style.
114
00:03:54,665 --> 00:03:56,267
(larry sighs)
115
00:03:58,439 --> 00:04:00,741
(sighs)
116
00:04:00,741 --> 00:04:02,242
Wife?
Mm?
117
00:04:02,242 --> 00:04:03,944
I'm sighing for effect.
Please pay attention.
118
00:04:03,944 --> 00:04:05,846
I'm sorry, larry bird.
What's the matter?
119
00:04:05,846 --> 00:04:07,418
Well, I suppose
I'm disappointed that
120
00:04:07,418 --> 00:04:08,979
That country club
Turned out to be
121
00:04:08,979 --> 00:04:10,721
Such an undesirable place.
122
00:04:10,721 --> 00:04:12,753
Getting that invitation
Made me feel
123
00:04:12,753 --> 00:04:15,586
Like we'd finally arrived.
I felt...
124
00:04:15,586 --> 00:04:16,827
Special.
125
00:04:16,827 --> 00:04:18,489
So I went to the library,
126
00:04:18,489 --> 00:04:20,891
And it appears there's truth
To what debbie weaver said
127
00:04:20,891 --> 00:04:22,933
About humans having
Different races.
128
00:04:22,933 --> 00:04:24,535
Really? What did you learn?
129
00:04:24,535 --> 00:04:25,866
Well, there's a lot
Of books on the subject,
130
00:04:25,866 --> 00:04:26,867
So I had to skim,
131
00:04:26,867 --> 00:04:29,440
But it appears
That as an asian,
132
00:04:29,440 --> 00:04:32,443
I should love math,
Be a bad driver,
133
00:04:32,443 --> 00:04:35,005
And worship either
This guy
134
00:04:35,005 --> 00:04:36,046
Or this guy.
135
00:04:36,046 --> 00:04:39,380
Oh. I vote him.
He has a kind face.
136
00:04:39,380 --> 00:04:41,952
And you, mother,
As a black person,
137
00:04:41,952 --> 00:04:43,354
Depending on the source,
138
00:04:43,354 --> 00:04:45,015
Should either be
An american president,
139
00:04:45,015 --> 00:04:46,987
Put hot sauce
On everything,
140
00:04:46,987 --> 00:04:49,820
Or sweep the oscars
In 2002.
141
00:04:49,820 --> 00:04:51,021
That's achievable.
142
00:04:51,021 --> 00:04:52,963
Father, do you think
Our failure to demonstrate
143
00:04:52,963 --> 00:04:55,065
These ridiculous
Human stereotypes in the past
144
00:04:55,065 --> 00:04:56,897
Is the reason why
We haven't been invited
145
00:04:56,897 --> 00:04:58,369
To more human social events?
146
00:04:58,369 --> 00:04:59,530
Perhaps.
147
00:04:59,530 --> 00:05:01,301
Tell me
What you know about me.
148
00:05:01,301 --> 00:05:04,004
You are
A white anglo-saxon protestant,
149
00:05:04,004 --> 00:05:05,436
Or "W.A.S.P."
150
00:05:05,436 --> 00:05:06,437
W.A.S.P.?
151
00:05:06,437 --> 00:05:08,609
And what do I,
As a w.A.S.P., do?
152
00:05:08,609 --> 00:05:11,412
Well, many things. First of all,
You can't jump...
153
00:05:11,412 --> 00:05:14,645
Uh-huh.
But can dance in a silly way
While biting your lower lip.
154
00:05:14,645 --> 00:05:15,946
Mm.
155
00:05:15,946 --> 00:05:17,788
(rhythmically)
Mm. Mm. Mm.
Ooh.
156
00:05:17,788 --> 00:05:19,089
You should
Love ugly sweaters...
157
00:05:19,089 --> 00:05:20,921
Mm-hmm.
Have no problem
Getting a bank loan,
158
00:05:20,921 --> 00:05:22,393
Pretend
You discovered countries
159
00:05:22,393 --> 00:05:23,954
When people were already
Living there...
(gasps)
160
00:05:23,954 --> 00:05:26,026
And you get
To be called a republican.
161
00:05:26,026 --> 00:05:28,599
Ooh. "Republican."
I do like the sound of that.
162
00:05:28,599 --> 00:05:31,962
Is there anything special
A pink person is supposed to do?
163
00:05:31,962 --> 00:05:34,835
I did read that your skin
Should burn easily in the sun.
164
00:05:34,835 --> 00:05:37,438
I'm on it!
(jackie) oh.
165
00:05:37,438 --> 00:05:40,010
(knocks on door)
They're all inside.
The coast is clear.
166
00:05:40,010 --> 00:05:42,743
(door whirring, engine starts)
167
00:05:42,743 --> 00:05:44,645
(debbie) jeez, marty, we were
In here for ten minutes.
168
00:05:44,645 --> 00:05:46,447
We almost passed out.
169
00:05:53,053 --> 00:05:55,556
Curious.
170
00:05:55,556 --> 00:05:59,089
(sniffing)
171
00:05:59,089 --> 00:06:01,792
Where do you think
The weavers are going?
172
00:06:01,792 --> 00:06:02,933
(all sniff)
173
00:06:07,097 --> 00:06:09,940
(indistinct conversations)
174
00:06:09,940 --> 00:06:11,101
(lowered voice) whoa!
175
00:06:11,101 --> 00:06:12,943
This place is gorgeous.
176
00:06:12,943 --> 00:06:14,875
It's simply exquisite.
177
00:06:14,875 --> 00:06:16,747
Okay, marty, just because
This is a fancy place
178
00:06:16,747 --> 00:06:18,849
Doesn't mean you need
To break out the big words.
179
00:06:18,849 --> 00:06:20,050
What, am I being
Too loquacious?
180
00:06:20,050 --> 00:06:21,412
(max) dad...
181
00:06:21,412 --> 00:06:23,854
They have
A soft serve machine!
182
00:06:23,854 --> 00:06:25,416
I see it, son. I see it.
183
00:06:25,416 --> 00:06:26,417
(abby) mommy, look!
184
00:06:26,417 --> 00:06:27,718
Pony riding!
185
00:06:27,718 --> 00:06:28,959
Oh!
(chuckles)
186
00:06:28,959 --> 00:06:31,662
Oh, my god, marty.
They have child care.
187
00:06:31,662 --> 00:06:34,725
I could put the kids away
For hours and be a grown-up.
188
00:06:34,725 --> 00:06:36,026
Fine with me.
189
00:06:36,026 --> 00:06:37,397
I can't believe
I'm gonna say this, marty,
190
00:06:37,397 --> 00:06:38,729
But I want it.
I want it bad.
191
00:06:38,729 --> 00:06:40,701
Okay, weavers, postures straight
And big words on.
192
00:06:40,701 --> 00:06:42,503
No big words.
No big words.
193
00:06:42,503 --> 00:06:43,504
Weavers on three.
194
00:06:43,504 --> 00:06:45,436
Un, deux, trois.
195
00:06:45,436 --> 00:06:47,037
(knocking on glass)
196
00:06:47,037 --> 00:06:49,039
Weavers, is that you?
197
00:06:49,039 --> 00:06:51,011
We followed your scent.
(jackie) hello!
198
00:06:51,011 --> 00:06:52,513
Can't you hear me?
199
00:06:52,513 --> 00:06:54,585
You're all staring at me
Like a goldfish.
200
00:06:54,585 --> 00:06:55,986
(zabvronians sniffing)
(dick) all I can smell is marty.
201
00:06:55,986 --> 00:06:57,187
(larry) definitely marty.
202
00:06:57,187 --> 00:06:58,589
(lowered voice) I told you
Not to wear cologne.
203
00:06:58,589 --> 00:07:00,120
It was a mistake.
204
00:07:04,895 --> 00:07:06,727
Hey! Ho ho! Hey.
Hey, larry, jackie.
205
00:07:06,727 --> 00:07:08,428
What are you guys
Doing here?
206
00:07:08,428 --> 00:07:10,160
Well, you left
Without telling us,
207
00:07:10,160 --> 00:07:12,162
And so we were curious
Where you went to.
208
00:07:12,162 --> 00:07:13,564
(larry) you came
To the club.
209
00:07:13,564 --> 00:07:14,905
This is why we have to
Go through your mail.
210
00:07:14,905 --> 00:07:16,467
You don't tell us
Everything.
211
00:07:16,467 --> 00:07:18,108
For example,
We had to read
212
00:07:18,108 --> 00:07:20,471
About debbie's mother's
Recent blind date.
213
00:07:20,471 --> 00:07:21,742
Set up through a friend
From church.
214
00:07:21,742 --> 00:07:23,614
After dinner,
The guy stole her tivo.
215
00:07:23,614 --> 00:07:25,746
Will she ever find love?
216
00:07:25,746 --> 00:07:26,947
Okay, great. So now
You know where we are,
217
00:07:26,947 --> 00:07:28,178
And now you can go home.
218
00:07:28,178 --> 00:07:29,179
I want to go in.
219
00:07:29,179 --> 00:07:30,180
No, no, no.
No, you don't.
220
00:07:30,180 --> 00:07:31,181
You don't wanna go in there.
221
00:07:31,181 --> 00:07:32,553
It's not what it looks like.
Yeah.
222
00:07:32,553 --> 00:07:34,454
Wait. Are you trying
To dissuade us?
223
00:07:34,454 --> 00:07:36,156
Why don't you want us
To see this country club?
224
00:07:36,156 --> 00:07:39,229
Because it's just a bunch
Of humans being... Humans.
225
00:07:39,229 --> 00:07:41,492
So we didn't think
That you would feel comfortable.
226
00:07:41,492 --> 00:07:43,133
Marty, I think
You're forgetting
227
00:07:43,133 --> 00:07:46,136
That we were invited here
In the mail. (scoffs)
228
00:07:46,136 --> 00:07:48,168
So thanks for your concern,
229
00:07:48,168 --> 00:07:49,740
But it's all good, bro.
230
00:07:49,740 --> 00:07:52,172
Yeah.
Plus now we've learned
About the different races,
231
00:07:52,172 --> 00:07:55,576
We now know even more about
How we're expected to act.
232
00:07:55,576 --> 00:07:57,247
Wait. Where did you learn
About race?
233
00:07:57,247 --> 00:08:03,483
Oh, I don't know.
Maybe I had a dream about it.
234
00:08:03,483 --> 00:08:04,484
Black.
235
00:08:04,484 --> 00:08:05,556
Yes.
236
00:08:05,556 --> 00:08:08,218
Hello. I'm jay easterling iii.
237
00:08:08,218 --> 00:08:10,060
I'm on
The membership committee.
238
00:08:10,060 --> 00:08:11,792
Uh, are you here
For the open house?
239
00:08:11,792 --> 00:08:13,594
We're here to investigate
The country club
240
00:08:13,594 --> 00:08:14,625
To see if we want to join.
241
00:08:14,625 --> 00:08:15,896
I'm a republican.
242
00:08:15,896 --> 00:08:17,067
I can get bank loans.
243
00:08:17,067 --> 00:08:18,829
What are you
Talking about, willis?
244
00:08:19,830 --> 00:08:20,831
Oh, my god.
245
00:08:20,831 --> 00:08:22,032
Um, well, uh, please,
246
00:08:22,032 --> 00:08:24,605
Uh, come in, and, uh,
Make yourself at home.
247
00:08:24,605 --> 00:08:28,138
Uh, talk to some of the members,
Enjoy some food, and, uh,
248
00:08:28,138 --> 00:08:29,580
Hopefully, it'll be a match.
249
00:08:29,580 --> 00:08:32,212
Wonderful. See, marty?
Nothing to worry about.
250
00:08:32,212 --> 00:08:34,585
(larry) family!
251
00:08:34,585 --> 00:08:38,589
My skin didn't burn in the sun.
I don't think I'm a pink.
252
00:08:42,192 --> 00:08:43,794
(indistinct conversations)
253
00:08:43,794 --> 00:08:45,796
(sighs)
What do we do?
254
00:08:45,796 --> 00:08:47,728
We do what people
Have been doing
255
00:08:47,728 --> 00:08:49,099
In these kinds of clubs
For generations--
256
00:08:49,099 --> 00:08:50,100
We try to impress.
257
00:08:50,100 --> 00:08:52,062
Use as many big words
As possible.
258
00:08:52,062 --> 00:08:53,233
Stupendous.
259
00:08:53,233 --> 00:08:54,765
Then--and I want to
Be clear, children,
260
00:08:54,765 --> 00:08:56,306
This is for today only--
261
00:08:56,306 --> 00:08:59,169
We are gonna distance ourselves
From our true friends
262
00:08:59,169 --> 00:09:01,572
In an effort
To further ourselves socially.
263
00:09:01,572 --> 00:09:02,843
Let's do this.
264
00:09:05,145 --> 00:09:07,618
We've been residing
In our hidden hills abode now
265
00:09:07,618 --> 00:09:10,821
For--what is it, darling?
Six months? Yeah.
Mm-hmm.
266
00:09:10,821 --> 00:09:13,183
Hi. I'm abigail weaver.
267
00:09:13,183 --> 00:09:14,324
How are you?
268
00:09:14,324 --> 00:09:16,026
(jackie laughs)
269
00:09:16,026 --> 00:09:20,330
I'm black, so I love to
Yell things out in movies.
270
00:09:20,330 --> 00:09:22,562
I don't know why, though.
271
00:09:22,562 --> 00:09:25,165
Are we pinks or what?
272
00:09:26,667 --> 00:09:27,668
Parking is abundant.
273
00:09:27,668 --> 00:09:30,901
Marty.
What are these? Eyeballs?
274
00:09:30,901 --> 00:09:33,173
We just met them
In the parking lot.
275
00:09:33,173 --> 00:09:36,046
But I do know why
The caged bird sings.
276
00:09:36,046 --> 00:09:37,207
No, I don't.
277
00:09:37,207 --> 00:09:38,749
Nobody knows.
278
00:09:41,081 --> 00:09:45,215
Just lovely.
279
00:09:45,215 --> 00:09:46,316
(zabvronians gasp) oh.
280
00:09:46,316 --> 00:09:48,058
(indistinct conversations)
281
00:09:48,058 --> 00:09:50,721
Oh!
Okay.
282
00:09:50,721 --> 00:09:53,193
It makes me think
Of the beautiful words
283
00:09:53,193 --> 00:09:55,696
Of your poet, john keats--
284
00:09:55,696 --> 00:09:58,999
"An endless fountain
Of immortal drink
285
00:09:58,999 --> 00:10:02,703
Pouring onto us
From the heaven's brink."
286
00:10:02,703 --> 00:10:05,075
It also make me think
Of poo.
287
00:10:05,075 --> 00:10:08,238
All right. That's it.
I'll be right back.
288
00:10:08,238 --> 00:10:10,610
Can I talk to you?
289
00:10:10,610 --> 00:10:11,882
Let me know what I miss.
290
00:10:11,882 --> 00:10:13,383
(exhales)
291
00:10:13,383 --> 00:10:16,046
Okay, we've got a problem.
292
00:10:16,046 --> 00:10:18,789
Yes, we do. It's a little
Too awesome in there.
293
00:10:18,789 --> 00:10:20,290
I think it's going well.
294
00:10:20,290 --> 00:10:22,252
No. Honestly, larry,
It's not.
295
00:10:22,252 --> 00:10:24,224
You gotta stop
Acting so weird, man.
296
00:10:24,224 --> 00:10:26,056
I think I'm fitting in
Just fine.
297
00:10:26,056 --> 00:10:27,297
I'm gonna tell you this
As a friend--
298
00:10:27,297 --> 00:10:28,799
You guys are not
Fitting in.
299
00:10:28,799 --> 00:10:31,161
This club is never going to
Invite you guys to join.
300
00:10:31,161 --> 00:10:32,663
And if you keep
Acting this way,
301
00:10:32,663 --> 00:10:34,765
You're gonna hurt my family's
Chances of getting in.
302
00:10:34,765 --> 00:10:36,106
Then why would they
Have invited us?
303
00:10:36,106 --> 00:10:38,308
They must've thought--
They didn't invite you, okay?
304
00:10:38,308 --> 00:10:39,740
It's an open house.
305
00:10:39,740 --> 00:10:41,171
They invite anyone who happens
To own a mailbox.
306
00:10:41,171 --> 00:10:43,213
Everyone's invited.
307
00:10:43,213 --> 00:10:45,015
You're not special, okay?
308
00:10:45,015 --> 00:10:47,948
Oh.
309
00:10:47,948 --> 00:10:49,980
Oh. I see.
310
00:10:52,953 --> 00:10:54,084
Larry.
311
00:10:54,084 --> 00:10:56,426
(larry) everyone's invited.
(jackie) oh.
312
00:11:05,295 --> 00:11:07,197
I feel like I just
Beat a kitten to death
313
00:11:07,197 --> 00:11:08,969
With a bag of puppies.
(whispers) oh.
314
00:11:08,969 --> 00:11:10,200
Thank you
For your donation.
315
00:11:10,200 --> 00:11:12,743
Excuse me, mr. Easterling.
316
00:11:12,743 --> 00:11:14,244
Can I have a sec?
317
00:11:14,244 --> 00:11:16,246
You came with
The bird-kersees, right?
Well...
318
00:11:16,246 --> 00:11:18,678
They certainly do have
Interesting viewpoints
319
00:11:18,678 --> 00:11:20,150
On things.
320
00:11:20,150 --> 00:11:22,082
Well, that's exactly what
I wanted to talk to you about.
321
00:11:22,082 --> 00:11:24,284
I hope that their behavior
Doesn't reflect negatively
322
00:11:24,284 --> 00:11:26,256
On my family's chances here.
323
00:11:26,256 --> 00:11:29,119
Oh. Well, this just got
A little awkward.
324
00:11:29,119 --> 00:11:31,722
Uh... I've been talking
To some of the members,
325
00:11:31,722 --> 00:11:34,394
And we're gonna ask
The bird-kersees to join...
326
00:11:34,394 --> 00:11:37,167
And not you.
327
00:11:38,769 --> 00:11:41,101
What--what's a big word
For "Crap"?
328
00:11:45,736 --> 00:11:47,307
(sighs)
How did this happen, huh?
329
00:11:47,307 --> 00:11:48,779
That place was ours.
330
00:11:48,779 --> 00:11:51,181
And now the bird-kersees
Are in, and we're out?
331
00:11:51,181 --> 00:11:53,283
Oh! Good-bye, child care...
332
00:11:53,283 --> 00:11:54,484
And fancy drinks
333
00:11:54,484 --> 00:11:57,047
While children are
In child care.
334
00:11:57,047 --> 00:11:58,989
You know what
That easterling guy told me?
335
00:11:58,989 --> 00:11:59,990
Will it hurt?
336
00:11:59,990 --> 00:12:01,752
Turns out that that place
337
00:12:01,752 --> 00:12:03,193
Is basically
The most forward-thinking club
338
00:12:03,193 --> 00:12:05,295
In new jersey.
339
00:12:05,295 --> 00:12:07,257
They go out of their way
To welcome mixed families--
340
00:12:07,257 --> 00:12:09,199
Asian, black...
341
00:12:09,199 --> 00:12:10,330
Pink.
342
00:12:10,330 --> 00:12:12,502
Oh, that makes it
Even more painful.
343
00:12:12,502 --> 00:12:14,234
They're inclusive.
344
00:12:14,234 --> 00:12:16,206
That's exactly the kind of club
I'd want to belong to.
345
00:12:16,206 --> 00:12:17,407
(sighs)
346
00:12:17,407 --> 00:12:19,069
Oh, I hope larry and jackie
Don't find out
347
00:12:19,069 --> 00:12:21,141
That's the reason
They were accepted.
348
00:12:21,141 --> 00:12:24,214
I know. They were so proud
Of themselves for fitting in.
I know.
349
00:12:24,214 --> 00:12:25,946
I mean, larry was
Really dancing
350
00:12:25,946 --> 00:12:27,818
After he got the news,
Wasn't he?
(chuckles) mm.
351
00:12:27,818 --> 00:12:30,080
He almost
Bit through his lip.
Oh.
352
00:12:30,080 --> 00:12:32,022
Man, I really wanted this!
353
00:12:32,022 --> 00:12:33,984
(pats leg)
I know. I know.
354
00:12:33,984 --> 00:12:35,225
But how's this?
355
00:12:35,225 --> 00:12:36,887
The money we would have
Spent on that club,
356
00:12:36,887 --> 00:12:38,758
We use to build
A hot tub out back.
357
00:12:38,758 --> 00:12:41,161
That way, we could still
Sit in warm water in the winter
358
00:12:41,161 --> 00:12:44,364
And laugh at all the chumps who
Are shoveling their driveways.
359
00:12:44,364 --> 00:12:47,167
Come on. It'll be fine.
360
00:12:47,167 --> 00:12:49,800
Before you know it,
You'll forget all about it.
361
00:12:49,800 --> 00:12:50,871
(door opens)
362
00:12:50,871 --> 00:12:53,443
Hi, guys. How you doing?
363
00:12:53,443 --> 00:12:56,877
Looks like somebody fits in
Better than somebody else.
364
00:12:56,877 --> 00:12:59,209
Who could it be?
It's us!
365
00:12:59,209 --> 00:13:03,013
Wife, I was going to say that.
I was gonna rub it in his face.
366
00:13:03,013 --> 00:13:04,454
We discussed this.
It was my idea.
367
00:13:04,454 --> 00:13:06,456
I'm sorry. I-I got excited.
Go now.
(sighs)
368
00:13:06,456 --> 00:13:08,959
I can't go now
Because you've ruined it.
369
00:13:08,959 --> 00:13:10,290
Next thing you know,
You're going to ruin
370
00:13:10,290 --> 00:13:12,022
My whole guest pass bit.
Oh, right!
371
00:13:12,022 --> 00:13:14,064
Since you can't get
Into the club on your own,
372
00:13:14,064 --> 00:13:15,966
Larry bird was going
To offer you a guest pass
373
00:13:15,966 --> 00:13:16,967
So he can really
Rub it in.
374
00:13:16,967 --> 00:13:18,368
Woman!
(gasps)
375
00:13:18,368 --> 00:13:19,900
Oh, honey,
I'm so sorry.
376
00:13:19,900 --> 00:13:21,371
(exhales) oh.
Go ahead.
377
00:13:21,371 --> 00:13:22,833
Do your thing.
378
00:13:24,304 --> 00:13:27,978
The only way
You can get into the club
379
00:13:27,978 --> 00:13:29,880
Is if you use
One of our guest passes.
380
00:13:29,880 --> 00:13:31,241
(both laugh)
381
00:13:31,241 --> 00:13:32,542
Better be
An awesome hot tub.
382
00:13:32,542 --> 00:13:34,314
(larry)
Let's go to the club.
383
00:13:34,314 --> 00:13:37,317
(latin music playing)
384
00:13:37,317 --> 00:13:40,250
♪♪♪
385
00:13:40,250 --> 00:13:42,893
(woman)
♪ you wanna cha-cha-cha? ♪
386
00:13:42,893 --> 00:13:46,326
♪♪♪
387
00:13:52,562 --> 00:13:55,065
♪ cha-cha-cha? ♪
(man) ♪ why not? ♪
388
00:13:55,065 --> 00:13:58,068
♪♪♪
389
00:14:07,847 --> 00:14:08,848
Oh! Hi!
390
00:14:11,351 --> 00:14:13,283
Ooh! Come on.
391
00:14:15,125 --> 00:14:16,126
(clatters)
392
00:14:17,257 --> 00:14:19,429
(man) ♪ cha-cha-cha? ♪
♪ why not? ♪
393
00:14:19,429 --> 00:14:23,593
♪♪♪
394
00:14:25,395 --> 00:14:30,300
(men) ♪ why not cha-cha-cha? ♪
395
00:14:30,300 --> 00:14:31,541
(brakes squeak)
396
00:14:31,541 --> 00:14:34,444
Hello. My god,
That's a big hat.
397
00:14:34,444 --> 00:14:36,106
It's our hot tub.
398
00:14:36,106 --> 00:14:38,648
Well, you can put
The hot tub hat away,
399
00:14:38,648 --> 00:14:40,911
Because I just heard
From mr. Easterling
400
00:14:40,911 --> 00:14:42,612
That a spot could
Be opening up at the club.
401
00:14:42,612 --> 00:14:44,054
Seriously?
402
00:14:44,054 --> 00:14:45,615
Yes. An elderly couple
Has just been diagnosed
403
00:14:45,615 --> 00:14:47,387
With walking pneumonia.
404
00:14:47,387 --> 00:14:49,219
They may not survive,
405
00:14:49,219 --> 00:14:51,291
So... Pip-pip. Come along.
406
00:14:51,291 --> 00:14:53,093
Marty, don't.
407
00:14:53,093 --> 00:14:55,495
You know he's up to something.
Let it go, all right?
408
00:14:55,495 --> 00:14:57,327
You didn't get into the club.
It's over.
409
00:14:57,327 --> 00:14:59,129
I don't want it to be over.
410
00:14:59,129 --> 00:15:01,031
It's not over.
411
00:15:01,031 --> 00:15:02,602
It's far from over.
412
00:15:02,602 --> 00:15:04,404
Okay.
413
00:15:04,404 --> 00:15:06,906
What are you doing?
414
00:15:06,906 --> 00:15:09,509
Larry, I want you
To look me in the eye
415
00:15:09,509 --> 00:15:11,081
And tell me--
416
00:15:11,081 --> 00:15:13,643
Do they really want
To see marty at that club?
417
00:15:13,643 --> 00:15:16,316
Well, I--
And before you answer,
I want you to think
418
00:15:16,316 --> 00:15:19,319
Of how you really
Don't know me that well
419
00:15:19,319 --> 00:15:23,493
And how I might be capable
Of doing...
420
00:15:23,493 --> 00:15:25,655
Anything.
421
00:15:25,655 --> 00:15:27,027
Uh...
422
00:15:27,027 --> 00:15:28,698
He's lying!
Damn it, boy!
423
00:15:28,698 --> 00:15:30,230
He just wanted
To trick marty to the club
424
00:15:30,230 --> 00:15:31,401
So he could slap
A guest pass on him
425
00:15:31,401 --> 00:15:33,533
And take a picture.
Hold the line, people!
426
00:15:33,533 --> 00:15:35,335
We were winning here!
427
00:15:35,335 --> 00:15:37,467
We could have made fun
Of marty for weeks!
428
00:15:37,467 --> 00:15:38,468
♪ he's not good enough ♪
429
00:15:38,468 --> 00:15:40,110
Say it with me. Come on.
430
00:15:40,110 --> 00:15:41,271
You know what, larry?
I'm gonna whup your ass!
431
00:15:41,271 --> 00:15:43,373
Well, whup away,
Little man!
432
00:15:43,373 --> 00:15:45,345
Oh!
Aah!
433
00:15:46,316 --> 00:15:49,179
Don't you guys
Fight with your legs?
434
00:15:49,179 --> 00:15:50,250
Okay, enough.
435
00:15:50,250 --> 00:15:52,282
You wanna know
Why he wants it so bad?
436
00:15:52,282 --> 00:15:55,325
Why he's jumping at any bait
You're throwing his way?
437
00:15:55,325 --> 00:15:56,356
Honey, you don't
Have to explain.
438
00:15:56,356 --> 00:15:59,389
Because he is
From south bayonne,
439
00:15:59,389 --> 00:16:01,561
And that is
The worst part of bayonne.
440
00:16:01,561 --> 00:16:02,993
(larry claps hands)
Bayonne!
441
00:16:02,993 --> 00:16:04,434
Okay, honey,
Easy on bayonne.
442
00:16:04,434 --> 00:16:06,236
And the people
Like the people at that club
443
00:16:06,236 --> 00:16:07,297
Looked down on him,
444
00:16:07,297 --> 00:16:09,399
Made him wonder
If he was good enough,
445
00:16:09,399 --> 00:16:10,970
If he'd ever fit in.
446
00:16:10,970 --> 00:16:12,402
It's really
About the pool.
447
00:16:12,402 --> 00:16:14,374
So he used big words
And he tried to impress,
448
00:16:14,374 --> 00:16:17,107
Never realizing
That who and what he was
449
00:16:17,107 --> 00:16:18,548
Is so special already
450
00:16:18,548 --> 00:16:20,250
That he doesn't have to
Prove himself to anyone,
451
00:16:20,250 --> 00:16:22,382
Not even himself.
452
00:16:22,382 --> 00:16:24,384
Oh, marty weaver...
453
00:16:24,384 --> 00:16:25,555
Yeah.
454
00:16:25,555 --> 00:16:26,756
I'm gonna hug him.
455
00:16:26,756 --> 00:16:28,318
Yeah.
You don't have
To do--okay.
456
00:16:28,318 --> 00:16:30,360
Yeah. All right.
Yeah, we could do that. Oh.
457
00:16:30,360 --> 00:16:31,391
Doesn't anybody care
458
00:16:31,391 --> 00:16:33,023
That my feelings
Might be hurt, too?
459
00:16:33,023 --> 00:16:36,166
I mean, I might be lashing out
Just because I was stung,
460
00:16:36,166 --> 00:16:38,728
Because my best friend
On this planet
461
00:16:38,728 --> 00:16:41,671
Didn't think
We were good enough.
462
00:16:41,671 --> 00:16:42,672
All right, larry.
463
00:16:42,672 --> 00:16:44,304
Come on. Bring it in.
464
00:16:44,304 --> 00:16:46,236
Bring it in. Come on.
465
00:16:46,236 --> 00:16:47,377
Right here.
Hug it out.
466
00:16:47,377 --> 00:16:48,378
Give it.
There you go.
467
00:16:48,378 --> 00:16:51,141
Get it. That's it. Okay.
468
00:16:51,141 --> 00:16:53,243
See, this is exactly
Why I hate country clubs.
469
00:16:53,243 --> 00:16:55,415
They make some people
Feel like they belong
470
00:16:55,415 --> 00:16:56,786
And other people
Like they don't belong.
471
00:16:56,786 --> 00:16:58,218
Perhaps we should resign.
472
00:16:58,218 --> 00:17:00,250
No, no, no, no.
Don't do that.
473
00:17:00,250 --> 00:17:02,322
It's, uh,
Actually a great club,
474
00:17:02,322 --> 00:17:03,723
And you're great people.
475
00:17:03,723 --> 00:17:06,156
They're lucky to have you.
Thank you, marty.
476
00:17:06,156 --> 00:17:09,329
To my complete surprise,
That means a lot.
477
00:17:09,329 --> 00:17:11,061
Enjoy it, guys.
It's a great place.
478
00:17:11,061 --> 00:17:12,432
And the fact
That they overlooked
479
00:17:12,432 --> 00:17:13,633
All your weird behavior
480
00:17:13,633 --> 00:17:15,705
And took you in anyway
Because you're...
481
00:17:15,705 --> 00:17:17,707
No. No.
482
00:17:17,707 --> 00:17:20,310
What do you mean,
Took us in anyway?
483
00:17:20,310 --> 00:17:22,072
It doesn't matter.
What doesn't matter?
484
00:17:22,072 --> 00:17:24,114
Is there a reason
Other than our greatness
485
00:17:24,114 --> 00:17:26,176
That they asked us
To join?
486
00:17:26,176 --> 00:17:28,378
Well... It's a good thing.
They're progressive,
487
00:17:28,378 --> 00:17:29,419
And they want
To include people
488
00:17:29,419 --> 00:17:31,281
Of different races
And backgrounds.
489
00:17:31,281 --> 00:17:33,183
It was just a minor fact
That got you over the hump--
I know. I think it--
490
00:17:33,183 --> 00:17:34,684
Where did
Larry bird go?
491
00:17:40,660 --> 00:17:42,132
(whimpers)
492
00:17:42,132 --> 00:17:43,833
All right, come on.
Let's get in the van.
493
00:17:43,833 --> 00:17:45,095
(doors close)
494
00:17:45,095 --> 00:17:48,298
(whirring)
495
00:17:48,298 --> 00:17:50,440
Larry! Come on, larry!
496
00:17:50,440 --> 00:17:52,572
Larry, this is ridiculous!
Where are you going?
497
00:17:52,572 --> 00:17:54,344
I'm a man on fire!
498
00:17:54,344 --> 00:17:56,106
Husband, please.
Enough of this.
499
00:17:56,106 --> 00:17:57,807
(golf cart tires squeal)
500
00:17:57,807 --> 00:17:58,808
(clatters)
501
00:17:58,808 --> 00:18:00,350
Larry, come on!
This is a van.
502
00:18:00,350 --> 00:18:01,651
(tires squealing)
You're in a golf cart.
503
00:18:01,651 --> 00:18:04,254
You're not gonna run me
Off the road in a golf cart.
504
00:18:04,254 --> 00:18:07,117
(thud, clatters)
505
00:18:07,117 --> 00:18:09,489
(whirring)
506
00:18:09,489 --> 00:18:10,690
(brakes squeak)
507
00:18:10,690 --> 00:18:11,861
(honks horn)
508
00:18:11,861 --> 00:18:14,364
(whirs)
509
00:18:18,268 --> 00:18:20,630
(tires squeal)
510
00:18:22,872 --> 00:18:25,575
So we were not worthy,
After all?
511
00:18:25,575 --> 00:18:28,208
Uh...
512
00:18:28,208 --> 00:18:29,379
(woman gasps)
Mr. Bird!
513
00:18:29,379 --> 00:18:32,582
We were chosen
Just to fill some quota.
514
00:18:32,582 --> 00:18:36,446
Well... We will not be
Your token mixed family.
515
00:18:36,446 --> 00:18:40,350
What? Clearly, you're not
The token mixed anything.
516
00:18:40,350 --> 00:18:42,352
Nearly half
Of the membership is--
Silence.
517
00:18:42,352 --> 00:18:45,124
The weavers weren't able
To join your club
518
00:18:45,124 --> 00:18:46,856
Simply because they're
An upper-middle-class
519
00:18:46,856 --> 00:18:48,728
White family,
And that's revolting.
520
00:18:48,728 --> 00:18:50,530
Haven't upper-middle-class
White families
521
00:18:50,530 --> 00:18:51,831
Been through enough?
522
00:18:53,733 --> 00:18:58,368
We came here to this land
Knowing no one.
523
00:18:58,368 --> 00:19:00,810
And it occurs to me
That the weavers,
524
00:19:00,810 --> 00:19:03,473
For all their
Screaming and yelling,
525
00:19:03,473 --> 00:19:05,645
Were the first ones
To accept us.
526
00:19:05,645 --> 00:19:08,378
(woman) aw.
And I don't know
What a bayonne is,
527
00:19:08,378 --> 00:19:09,379
But if that's
Where they're from,
528
00:19:09,379 --> 00:19:10,750
It must be
A pretty magical place.
529
00:19:10,750 --> 00:19:12,282
(under breath)
No, it's not.
530
00:19:12,282 --> 00:19:13,723
And I don't know
What sort of joint
531
00:19:13,723 --> 00:19:15,785
You're running here,
Buster,
532
00:19:15,785 --> 00:19:17,487
But here's
What I do know--
533
00:19:17,487 --> 00:19:18,728
If I had a club,
534
00:19:18,728 --> 00:19:20,860
I'd be putting an invitation
In their mailbox
535
00:19:20,860 --> 00:19:22,662
Every day until they came.
536
00:19:22,662 --> 00:19:25,435
And until the day
When well-to-do white folk
537
00:19:25,435 --> 00:19:27,166
Have the same chances
As everyone else,
538
00:19:27,166 --> 00:19:29,499
My family quits.
539
00:19:31,301 --> 00:19:32,302
Family, come on.
540
00:19:32,302 --> 00:19:33,773
Yes. Oh, sorry.
541
00:19:33,773 --> 00:19:36,576
(lowered voice) I--his heart was
In the right place, I-I think.
542
00:19:36,576 --> 00:19:37,807
(lowered voice) let's get
The hell out of here
543
00:19:37,807 --> 00:19:39,709
Before someone calls
The n.A.A.C.P.
Right.
544
00:19:46,556 --> 00:19:48,258
(dick) hello,
Debbie weaver.
Oh!
545
00:19:48,258 --> 00:19:49,389
Jeez!
546
00:19:49,389 --> 00:19:51,291
Dick butkus,
What are you doing here?!
547
00:19:51,291 --> 00:19:53,423
It's, like,
2:00 in the morning.
548
00:19:53,423 --> 00:19:55,225
Sometimes
I come here to think.
549
00:19:55,225 --> 00:19:56,226
You do?
550
00:19:56,226 --> 00:19:57,297
I either sit here
In the kitchen
551
00:19:57,297 --> 00:19:59,529
Or go upstairs
And take a shower.
552
00:19:59,529 --> 00:20:00,530
(gasps)
553
00:20:00,530 --> 00:20:03,403
Everything okay?
554
00:20:03,403 --> 00:20:05,535
Well, I don't know
Who I am.
555
00:20:05,535 --> 00:20:07,407
There's a lot of that
Going around.
556
00:20:07,407 --> 00:20:08,438
I'm not a pink,
557
00:20:08,438 --> 00:20:11,811
Or a w.A.S.P.
Or asian or black.
558
00:20:11,811 --> 00:20:15,485
I wanna be judged
By who I am on the outside, too.
559
00:20:15,485 --> 00:20:17,417
Listen, sweetie.
560
00:20:17,417 --> 00:20:19,849
None of us can change
Who we are on the outside.
561
00:20:19,849 --> 00:20:22,221
So what's really important
562
00:20:22,221 --> 00:20:24,354
Is who we are
On the inside.
563
00:20:24,354 --> 00:20:27,597
Actually, I can change
Who I am on the outside.
564
00:20:27,597 --> 00:20:29,359
Dick, no! No, please!
565
00:20:29,359 --> 00:20:30,700
(whoosh)
566
00:20:33,303 --> 00:20:35,765
(dick's voice) hola.
567
00:20:35,765 --> 00:20:38,438
Didn't know
You could do that.
568
00:20:38,438 --> 00:20:40,370
I'm going to bed.
569
00:20:40,370 --> 00:20:41,811
Adios.
570
00:20:41,811 --> 00:20:44,914
Buenas noches.
571
00:20:44,914 --> 00:20:47,277
Ay, debbie weaver.
40896
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