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1
00:00:01,572 --> 00:00:03,034
You're the only one
Who agrees with me.
2
00:00:03,034 --> 00:00:04,135
Yeah. I don't get
The vampire thing, either.
3
00:00:04,135 --> 00:00:06,037
They're all
In such bad moods.
4
00:00:06,037 --> 00:00:07,208
I know.
They're so mopey.
5
00:00:07,208 --> 00:00:09,310
It's like, so you're undead.
6
00:00:09,310 --> 00:00:11,712
Cheer up and get a tan,
Am I right?
7
00:00:11,712 --> 00:00:12,713
You are right.
8
00:00:12,713 --> 00:00:14,215
(both blow raspberry)
9
00:00:14,215 --> 00:00:16,047
That was good.
Yeah?
10
00:00:16,047 --> 00:00:17,048
Just like I showed you.
11
00:00:17,048 --> 00:00:19,190
So, amber...
Well done, weaver.
12
00:00:19,190 --> 00:00:20,351
Thank you.
13
00:00:20,351 --> 00:00:22,123
What was that for?
14
00:00:22,123 --> 00:00:24,055
Nothing.
Um, what were you saying?
15
00:00:24,055 --> 00:00:26,257
Uh, well, um...
16
00:00:26,257 --> 00:00:28,028
I've been hearing
Quite a bit of talk
17
00:00:28,028 --> 00:00:29,029
About an upcoming dance.
18
00:00:29,029 --> 00:00:30,030
Yeah?
19
00:00:30,030 --> 00:00:32,133
And I was wondering if...
20
00:00:32,133 --> 00:00:33,634
You would...
21
00:00:33,634 --> 00:00:35,035
(speaks indistinctly)
Wow, amber, nice score.
22
00:00:35,035 --> 00:00:37,068
Thank you so much.
23
00:00:37,068 --> 00:00:39,110
Sorry. I'm totally distracted.
24
00:00:39,110 --> 00:00:40,611
Jeremy asked me
To the dance.
25
00:00:42,113 --> 00:00:43,114
Oh.
26
00:00:43,114 --> 00:00:44,245
I know. It's crazy.
27
00:00:44,245 --> 00:00:46,547
Every girl wanted him
To ask her, and he asked me.
28
00:00:46,547 --> 00:00:48,579
I feel like princess diana...
29
00:00:48,579 --> 00:00:50,121
Would have felt
30
00:00:50,121 --> 00:00:52,153
If prince charles wasn't
The product of inbreeding.
31
00:00:52,153 --> 00:00:53,454
(forced laugh)
32
00:00:56,657 --> 00:00:57,658
Huh.
33
00:00:58,659 --> 00:01:00,591
Why are you here
Right now?
34
00:01:00,591 --> 00:01:02,163
Grandma had better
Be dead.
35
00:01:02,163 --> 00:01:03,094
Grandma's fine, sadly.
36
00:01:03,094 --> 00:01:05,366
What is it that you could
Possibly be doing?
37
00:01:05,366 --> 00:01:07,238
I'm signing your father
And myself up
38
00:01:07,238 --> 00:01:08,439
As chaperones for the dance.
39
00:01:08,439 --> 00:01:11,071
Well, then I'm signing up
For the army. Afghanistan.
40
00:01:11,071 --> 00:01:13,104
I'm going to be
A minesweeper. Deal?
41
00:01:13,104 --> 00:01:14,475
I know this is
Horrible for you,
42
00:01:14,475 --> 00:01:15,776
But I'm doing it anyway,
43
00:01:15,776 --> 00:01:17,648
Because your father and I
Met at a dance,
44
00:01:17,648 --> 00:01:20,411
And I want to, and I deserve
To get something I want.
45
00:01:20,411 --> 00:01:22,813
But I will allow you
To give us three guidelines.
46
00:01:22,813 --> 00:01:24,585
No standing near me,
No looking at me,
47
00:01:24,585 --> 00:01:26,417
No dancing, period.
48
00:01:26,417 --> 00:01:28,759
Even--
That includes
The weaver running man.
49
00:01:28,759 --> 00:01:30,221
All right. Done.
50
00:01:30,221 --> 00:01:32,293
Although your father
Will be disappointed.
51
00:01:32,293 --> 00:01:34,094
If you break
Any of my rules,
52
00:01:34,094 --> 00:01:36,827
I will make out
With jeremy so hard,
53
00:01:36,827 --> 00:01:39,099
So in front of you,
54
00:01:39,099 --> 00:01:42,173
You won't be able to close
Your eyes without picturing
55
00:01:42,173 --> 00:01:44,275
Some guy's hand
Groping your daughter's butt.
56
00:01:44,275 --> 00:01:46,677
You'll try
To think of the beach,
57
00:01:46,677 --> 00:01:48,679
Or something happy
So you can sleep.
58
00:01:48,679 --> 00:01:50,811
But you won't be able to.
59
00:01:50,811 --> 00:01:52,313
His hands.
60
00:01:52,313 --> 00:01:54,445
My butt.
61
00:01:54,445 --> 00:01:56,317
All night.
62
00:01:57,618 --> 00:01:59,620
I think we'll all
Have a great time.
63
00:01:59,620 --> 00:02:01,352
Yeah. It should be good.
64
00:02:01,352 --> 00:02:03,294
Bye, sunshine.
65
00:02:03,294 --> 00:02:08,459
♪♪♪
66
00:02:08,459 --> 00:02:09,460
Oh.
Man.
67
00:02:09,460 --> 00:02:11,762
Now this is a suit.
68
00:02:11,762 --> 00:02:13,264
(laughs)
69
00:02:13,264 --> 00:02:15,866
The cummerbund was
The same blue as your eyes...
70
00:02:15,866 --> 00:02:17,638
And my eye shadow.
71
00:02:17,638 --> 00:02:19,240
Now you were saying
That high school dances
72
00:02:19,240 --> 00:02:21,312
Are not just about dancing?
73
00:02:21,312 --> 00:02:23,244
Right. They're kind of
Like a love war zone.
74
00:02:23,244 --> 00:02:25,916
There's heartbreak,
Pursuit, rejection...
75
00:02:25,916 --> 00:02:27,378
So much rejection.
76
00:02:27,378 --> 00:02:29,420
And at this dance, marty and I
Had the whole shebang.
77
00:02:29,420 --> 00:02:31,582
It was a night
Of drama and tears,
78
00:02:31,582 --> 00:02:34,255
But in the end,
We realized...
79
00:02:34,255 --> 00:02:35,386
We were soul mates.
80
00:02:35,386 --> 00:02:36,557
How exhausting.
81
00:02:36,557 --> 00:02:38,459
Why wouldn't you skip
All that first part?
82
00:02:38,459 --> 00:02:39,690
Well, sometimes you
Have to get it wrong
83
00:02:39,690 --> 00:02:40,791
Before you get it right,
You know?
84
00:02:40,791 --> 00:02:42,263
Actually, we don't.
85
00:02:42,263 --> 00:02:43,794
Zabvronians are
So perfectly in tune
86
00:02:43,794 --> 00:02:45,596
With the universal truth
That we don't get it wrong.
87
00:02:45,596 --> 00:02:48,939
When it is time for two beings
To find each other,
88
00:02:48,939 --> 00:02:51,342
We are pulled onto our feet
By an intractable force
89
00:02:51,342 --> 00:02:52,873
And the same thing
Is happening to our mate,
90
00:02:52,873 --> 00:02:54,305
Wherever they may be.
91
00:02:54,305 --> 00:02:57,678
Hmm. And we are pulled by this
Force to a nearby holy space
92
00:02:57,678 --> 00:02:59,610
Which you call a love field.
93
00:02:59,610 --> 00:03:02,353
Oh, no. We--we don't
Call anything a love field.
94
00:03:02,353 --> 00:03:03,354
No?
(both) no.
95
00:03:03,354 --> 00:03:04,955
Well, anyway,
That's how we meet,
96
00:03:04,955 --> 00:03:07,658
And from that moment forward,
We are together
97
00:03:07,658 --> 00:03:09,860
And in harmony for all eternity.
98
00:03:09,860 --> 00:03:11,222
Well, not always
In har--
99
00:03:11,222 --> 00:03:13,364
In harmony for all eternity.
Sorry.
100
00:03:13,364 --> 00:03:16,297
Well, I wonder if
I'd like it being that easy.
101
00:03:16,297 --> 00:03:18,369
The whole drama of dating,
The "Will-they-won't-they?"
102
00:03:18,369 --> 00:03:20,731
That's what high school dances
Are all about.
103
00:03:20,731 --> 00:03:21,872
Well,
That and the cool suit.
104
00:03:21,872 --> 00:03:22,873
Oh, he still has his.
105
00:03:22,873 --> 00:03:24,375
You wanna see it, larry?
Come on.
106
00:03:24,375 --> 00:03:25,976
I honestly just wanted
To bring your newspaper
107
00:03:25,976 --> 00:03:28,579
And go ho--oh.
I always get sucked in.
108
00:03:28,579 --> 00:03:30,241
Debbie weaver,
109
00:03:30,241 --> 00:03:33,414
Will you tell me more about how
You met your soul mate marty?
110
00:03:33,414 --> 00:03:37,288
Let's make mimosas
And find the yearbooks, huh?
111
00:03:38,789 --> 00:03:40,291
She's pretty fast and loose
112
00:03:40,291 --> 00:03:41,692
With the excuses
For mimosas--
Shh, shh, shh.
113
00:03:41,692 --> 00:03:43,454
Mm.
114
00:03:43,454 --> 00:03:46,327
Oh. This is so great.
115
00:03:46,327 --> 00:03:48,259
Greg tansey was my date.
116
00:03:48,259 --> 00:03:50,461
Wait.
Marty wasn't your date?
117
00:03:50,461 --> 00:03:53,434
No. We went with other people.
That's the story.
118
00:03:53,434 --> 00:03:55,235
Oh.
So greg picks me up
119
00:03:55,235 --> 00:03:57,237
In this really cool car
He borrowed from his dad.
120
00:03:57,237 --> 00:03:58,809
Totally dreamy.
121
00:03:58,809 --> 00:04:01,442
He comes to the door
With the perfect corsage.
122
00:04:01,442 --> 00:04:02,643
Corsage?
123
00:04:02,643 --> 00:04:04,345
Oh, it's a flower
You strap to your wrist.
124
00:04:04,345 --> 00:04:06,547
It's what boys
Bring girls for dances.
125
00:04:06,547 --> 00:04:08,779
A wrist flower?
That sounds preposterous,
126
00:04:08,779 --> 00:04:10,621
And yet now
I really want one.
Right?
127
00:04:10,621 --> 00:04:13,253
Oh, I was so excited.
But then...
128
00:04:13,253 --> 00:04:14,325
He stood you up.
But marty,
129
00:04:14,325 --> 00:04:15,756
Who lived next door
And had much better hair,
130
00:04:15,756 --> 00:04:17,288
Took you anyway?
(gasps)
131
00:04:17,288 --> 00:04:19,530
No. Greg and I
Went to the dance.
132
00:04:19,530 --> 00:04:21,632
But he runs off
To hang with his guy friends,
133
00:04:21,632 --> 00:04:23,263
Totally leaving me alone.
134
00:04:23,263 --> 00:04:24,695
I was so embarrassed.
135
00:04:24,695 --> 00:04:27,037
I burst into tears
And ran outside.
136
00:04:27,037 --> 00:04:28,268
I know it's all
Going to be fine,
137
00:04:28,268 --> 00:04:29,970
But I'm still so nervous
That it won't be.
138
00:04:29,970 --> 00:04:31,271
So I pulled myself together,
139
00:04:31,271 --> 00:04:33,944
And I go inside to get myself
A glass of punch.
140
00:04:33,944 --> 00:04:36,347
And standing
By the punch bowl is...
141
00:04:36,347 --> 00:04:38,849
Greg tansey's father.
He wanted his car back.
142
00:04:38,849 --> 00:04:40,651
No. Marty.
143
00:04:40,651 --> 00:04:44,555
He had gone to the dance
With this trashy girl,
144
00:04:44,555 --> 00:04:46,387
Lisa biscotti.
145
00:04:46,387 --> 00:04:48,789
And they were having
A horrible time, too.
146
00:04:48,789 --> 00:04:50,791
So he poured me
A glass of punch,
147
00:04:50,791 --> 00:04:52,393
Had me laughing right away.
148
00:04:52,393 --> 00:04:53,964
I thought we spoke
For five minutes.
149
00:04:53,964 --> 00:04:56,367
It ended up being
Almost an hour.
150
00:04:56,367 --> 00:04:58,429
Time flew because
You were in love.
(exhales)
151
00:04:58,429 --> 00:04:59,500
Exactly.
152
00:04:59,500 --> 00:05:01,432
So we decided to break it off
With our dates,
153
00:05:01,432 --> 00:05:03,834
We met on the dance floor,
154
00:05:03,834 --> 00:05:07,077
He pulled me in close,
155
00:05:07,077 --> 00:05:10,010
And we danced
To "Dream weaver."
156
00:05:10,010 --> 00:05:12,012
Which is your name.
157
00:05:12,012 --> 00:05:14,485
It was perfect, because
Your name is in the song.
158
00:05:14,485 --> 00:05:16,747
You are getting it now.
159
00:05:16,747 --> 00:05:18,419
Wow.
160
00:05:18,419 --> 00:05:20,320
That's why I want to chaperone
This dance, you know?
161
00:05:20,320 --> 00:05:21,922
Sometimes it's nice
To have a reminder
162
00:05:21,922 --> 00:05:23,354
Of where it all started.
163
00:05:23,354 --> 00:05:24,755
I think a high school dance
164
00:05:24,755 --> 00:05:27,398
Sounds like the most exciting,
Romantic place in the world.
165
00:05:27,398 --> 00:05:28,429
Ooh.
166
00:05:28,429 --> 00:05:30,731
Let's watch john hughes movies
About dances
167
00:05:30,731 --> 00:05:33,333
And make more mimosas.
168
00:05:34,735 --> 00:05:35,866
(lowered voice)
They're mostly orange juice.
169
00:05:35,866 --> 00:05:38,369
I think she has it
Under control. I really do.
170
00:05:40,971 --> 00:05:42,413
(door closes)
171
00:05:42,413 --> 00:05:44,475
Husband, I want
A "Will-they-won't-they."
172
00:05:44,475 --> 00:05:46,717
Fine. Order one on amazon.
173
00:05:46,717 --> 00:05:48,479
You can put it
On the credit card.
No.
174
00:05:48,479 --> 00:05:51,852
I want a dramatic story
About how you won me.
175
00:05:51,852 --> 00:05:54,485
The way we got together
Was so easy.
176
00:05:54,485 --> 00:05:55,526
So boring.
177
00:05:55,526 --> 00:05:57,688
Oh, yes.
The universe drew us together
178
00:05:57,688 --> 00:06:00,491
Through space and time
To a perfect union.
179
00:06:00,491 --> 00:06:02,463
What a snooze festival.
180
00:06:02,463 --> 00:06:04,635
I want drama, pursuit.
181
00:06:04,635 --> 00:06:06,597
I want you
To chase me.
182
00:06:06,597 --> 00:06:08,399
What, into the kitchen?
Metaphorically.
183
00:06:08,399 --> 00:06:10,541
You want me to metaphorically
Chase you into the kitchen?
184
00:06:10,541 --> 00:06:14,445
I want you to win me
After a twisty, turny story
185
00:06:14,445 --> 00:06:16,076
Where it seems like you won't,
186
00:06:16,076 --> 00:06:17,808
Filled with disappointment
And wrist flowers,
187
00:06:17,808 --> 00:06:20,481
And then,
Just when all is lost,
188
00:06:20,481 --> 00:06:23,153
A dreamy car.
189
00:06:23,153 --> 00:06:24,485
But I already won you.
190
00:06:24,485 --> 00:06:26,386
Have you?
Have I?
191
00:06:26,386 --> 00:06:29,520
Oh, that's not
How you do it.
192
00:06:29,520 --> 00:06:31,462
I'm going to storm out
Dramatically.
193
00:06:31,462 --> 00:06:32,893
Oh, darling,
Don't be ridiculous!
194
00:06:32,893 --> 00:06:34,725
You're taking me
To that dance!
195
00:06:34,725 --> 00:06:36,797
Oh... Come on, pumpkin!
196
00:06:36,797 --> 00:06:39,530
Ugh. I guess this is
What I'm doing this week.
197
00:06:39,530 --> 00:06:42,102
♪♪♪
198
00:06:42,102 --> 00:06:45,135
(man) ♪ I have a crush on ♪
199
00:06:45,135 --> 00:06:48,479
♪ crush on miss johnson ♪
200
00:06:48,479 --> 00:06:51,141
♪ I have a crush on ♪
201
00:06:51,141 --> 00:06:53,844
♪ crush on miss johnson ♪
Ooh.
202
00:06:59,850 --> 00:07:03,023
Hello. I'm reggie.
203
00:07:03,023 --> 00:07:04,595
I noticed you
Don't have any friends
204
00:07:04,595 --> 00:07:06,557
And might be desperate
For a date.
205
00:07:06,557 --> 00:07:08,659
That's true.
I'm giselle...
206
00:07:08,659 --> 00:07:09,930
Like the model.
207
00:07:09,930 --> 00:07:10,931
Great.
208
00:07:10,931 --> 00:07:12,002
So I recently learned
209
00:07:12,002 --> 00:07:13,604
That the way you find
Your soul mate
210
00:07:13,604 --> 00:07:15,205
Is to go to the dance
With the wrong person,
211
00:07:15,205 --> 00:07:16,867
Who you then break up with
212
00:07:16,867 --> 00:07:18,769
After you find your soul mate
At the punch bowl.
213
00:07:18,769 --> 00:07:20,170
So I was wondering,
214
00:07:20,170 --> 00:07:22,543
Would you like to be
My wrong person,
215
00:07:22,543 --> 00:07:24,545
The one I will dump?
216
00:07:24,545 --> 00:07:26,777
Can we still take pictures
At my parents' house?
217
00:07:26,777 --> 00:07:27,778
Sure.
218
00:07:27,778 --> 00:07:29,119
Okay. Awesome.
219
00:07:29,119 --> 00:07:30,551
You can meet my turtle.
220
00:07:30,551 --> 00:07:32,553
That's weird, but I'll
Pick you up at 8:00.
221
00:07:32,553 --> 00:07:34,585
Okay.
222
00:07:34,585 --> 00:07:35,856
(crickets chirping)
223
00:07:35,856 --> 00:07:36,857
(jangle)
224
00:07:36,857 --> 00:07:40,030
Your date has arrived.
225
00:07:40,030 --> 00:07:42,192
Oh, honey,
You look beautiful.
226
00:07:44,565 --> 00:07:46,767
I even pulled out
The rhinestones.
227
00:07:46,767 --> 00:07:48,939
My neck will be green
By 10:00.
228
00:07:48,939 --> 00:07:49,940
(laughs)
229
00:07:49,940 --> 00:07:52,573
Oh, oh. And...
230
00:07:52,573 --> 00:07:55,506
I got you a boutonniere.
231
00:07:55,506 --> 00:07:56,977
You got me flowers?
232
00:07:56,977 --> 00:07:58,909
I didn't realize
We were going all out.
233
00:07:58,909 --> 00:08:00,110
You want me to wear the suit?
I could--
234
00:08:00,110 --> 00:08:01,782
No, you look handsome.
235
00:08:01,782 --> 00:08:04,484
Good, 'cause I don't think I can
Hold my stomach in all night.
236
00:08:04,484 --> 00:08:05,956
Come here.
237
00:08:05,956 --> 00:08:07,217
Mm.
238
00:08:07,217 --> 00:08:10,060
Okay. This whole
Touching each other thing,
239
00:08:10,060 --> 00:08:11,862
This is the last of that.
240
00:08:11,862 --> 00:08:14,565
Wow.
Oh, she's an angel.
241
00:08:14,565 --> 00:08:15,926
And thus ends
Our talking for the night.
242
00:08:15,926 --> 00:08:17,828
(car horn honks)
Is jeremy outside?
243
00:08:17,828 --> 00:08:19,530
Bring him in here.
We wanna meet him.
244
00:08:19,530 --> 00:08:20,871
Oh, I need pictures.
Right.
245
00:08:20,871 --> 00:08:23,203
Well, then you'd better borrow
Someone's hubble telescope,
246
00:08:23,203 --> 00:08:25,505
Because that's as close as
You're going to get to us.
247
00:08:25,505 --> 00:08:26,577
Just one.
No.
248
00:08:26,577 --> 00:08:28,639
Just one of me and you?
Not happening.
249
00:08:28,639 --> 00:08:30,641
Marty, marty,
Take a picture.
Almost. Almost.
250
00:08:30,641 --> 00:08:31,682
Okay.
Now. Now. Now.
251
00:08:31,682 --> 00:08:33,513
Now.
(beeps)
252
00:08:33,513 --> 00:08:35,145
Nope. All door.
253
00:08:35,145 --> 00:08:37,618
Ah!
254
00:08:37,618 --> 00:08:38,849
Oh, I hope she has fun.
255
00:08:38,849 --> 00:08:40,220
I hope it's magical.
256
00:08:40,220 --> 00:08:41,922
Well, I hope it's platonic.
257
00:08:41,922 --> 00:08:43,754
And I hope
That jeremy's a eunuch.
258
00:08:43,754 --> 00:08:44,925
(whispers) well...
Are we picking them up,
259
00:08:44,925 --> 00:08:46,557
Or are they gonna
Meet us here?
260
00:08:46,557 --> 00:08:48,258
What? Who them?
What are you talking about?
261
00:08:48,258 --> 00:08:52,062
(dance music playing)
262
00:08:52,062 --> 00:08:54,204
Guys? Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey.
263
00:08:54,204 --> 00:08:55,205
Break it up.
264
00:08:55,205 --> 00:08:56,306
No roughhousing!
265
00:08:56,306 --> 00:08:58,869
Take it to the shower
Where it belongs!
266
00:08:58,869 --> 00:08:59,870
Go. Go.
267
00:08:59,870 --> 00:09:01,672
(both laugh)
268
00:09:01,672 --> 00:09:03,714
If the boys just wanted
To hang out with each other,
269
00:09:03,714 --> 00:09:06,046
Why did they
Even bring us?
270
00:09:06,046 --> 00:09:07,978
I have no idea.
271
00:09:07,978 --> 00:09:09,680
Well, I'm so glad I came.
272
00:09:09,680 --> 00:09:12,322
You know what, though, larry?
Jackie seems a little upset.
273
00:09:12,322 --> 00:09:14,625
You should go talk to her,
I think.
274
00:09:14,625 --> 00:09:16,887
Oh, no. Don't worry.
I know my wife.
275
00:09:16,887 --> 00:09:18,558
You know what we should do?
276
00:09:18,558 --> 00:09:20,030
Let's go outside
Where the kids smoke
277
00:09:20,030 --> 00:09:21,161
And watch 'em scatter
Like cockroaches.
278
00:09:21,161 --> 00:09:23,664
Oh, marty weaver,
You are fun. (laughs)
279
00:09:23,664 --> 00:09:25,596
You're fun!
Don't you start
With me, big boy.
280
00:09:25,596 --> 00:09:27,037
Oh, you wanna start
With me?
Oh, you wanna start
Something, do you, big boy?
281
00:09:27,037 --> 00:09:28,699
Yeah, I wanna start with you.
I'm gonna start with you.
282
00:09:28,699 --> 00:09:31,171
Sometimes it's hard
To stay attracted to them.
283
00:09:31,171 --> 00:09:32,643
So hard.
284
00:09:36,206 --> 00:09:41,181
♪♪♪
285
00:09:41,181 --> 00:09:43,213
(splattering)
286
00:09:43,213 --> 00:09:45,155
(shutters clicking)
287
00:09:45,155 --> 00:09:47,157
(speaks indistinctly)
288
00:09:47,157 --> 00:09:48,889
♪♪♪
289
00:09:48,889 --> 00:09:50,861
It's interesting--
Mondays and wednesdays,
290
00:09:50,861 --> 00:09:52,162
I do upper bod,
Tuesdays and thursdays,
291
00:09:52,162 --> 00:09:53,824
I do lower.
Fridays are cardio.
292
00:09:53,824 --> 00:09:57,127
But today, I was doing squats,
When I realized...
293
00:09:57,127 --> 00:10:00,631
It's friday.
294
00:10:00,631 --> 00:10:02,633
So what'd you do?
(exhales)
295
00:10:02,633 --> 00:10:05,075
Switched to cardio.
296
00:10:05,075 --> 00:10:06,176
♪♪♪
297
00:10:06,176 --> 00:10:08,078
I can't believe
That he's your date.
298
00:10:08,078 --> 00:10:09,810
She's his date.
299
00:10:09,810 --> 00:10:10,811
I should get your number.
300
00:10:10,811 --> 00:10:12,242
I'm gonna start
Texting you now.
301
00:10:12,242 --> 00:10:17,818
♪♪♪
302
00:10:17,818 --> 00:10:18,919
Oh, my.
303
00:10:18,919 --> 00:10:21,191
It really is
Quite magical, isn't it?
304
00:10:21,191 --> 00:10:22,693
It's nice.
305
00:10:22,693 --> 00:10:24,895
Sometimes I light candles
And sit in my closet.
306
00:10:24,895 --> 00:10:26,056
It's nice, too.
307
00:10:26,056 --> 00:10:27,097
Okay.
308
00:10:29,399 --> 00:10:31,902
I'm going to the punch bowl
To wait for my soul mate.
309
00:10:31,902 --> 00:10:33,063
Can I stand near you?
310
00:10:33,063 --> 00:10:35,305
Or would you like me
To keep my distance?
311
00:10:35,305 --> 00:10:37,207
Giselle...
312
00:10:37,207 --> 00:10:39,109
Keep your distance.
313
00:10:39,109 --> 00:10:43,013
(dance music playing)
314
00:10:43,013 --> 00:10:45,015
Oh, my god.
That was awesome.
315
00:10:45,015 --> 00:10:47,217
Girls, you missed it. We chased
Down these kids with a flask.
316
00:10:47,217 --> 00:10:49,119
They tried to get away
By jumping over these bushes,
317
00:10:49,119 --> 00:10:50,881
But they fell in face-first.
318
00:10:50,881 --> 00:10:52,022
(snorts and laughs)
There was blood.
319
00:10:52,022 --> 00:10:54,054
I love chaperoning.
320
00:10:54,054 --> 00:10:56,186
Husband! I want
To be "Pretty in pinked,"
321
00:10:56,186 --> 00:10:57,758
And I want it now.
322
00:10:57,758 --> 00:10:59,429
You're completely
Dropping the ball.
323
00:10:59,429 --> 00:11:01,191
Oh, I disagree.
I think I'm doing great.
324
00:11:01,191 --> 00:11:03,293
You didn't even
Give me a wrist flower.
325
00:11:03,293 --> 00:11:05,836
Wh-why would I kill one
Of my flowers for you?
326
00:11:05,836 --> 00:11:08,198
Because you are
Trying to get me.
327
00:11:08,198 --> 00:11:09,139
But I already have you.
328
00:11:09,139 --> 00:11:13,143
♪♪♪
329
00:11:13,143 --> 00:11:14,404
Larry, you should
Go after her.
330
00:11:14,404 --> 00:11:17,848
Like I said, I know my wife.
Now is not the time.
331
00:11:17,848 --> 00:11:20,781
Oh! Below-the-waist
Touching on the dance floor!
332
00:11:20,781 --> 00:11:22,082
I'll be with you in a sec.
333
00:11:22,082 --> 00:11:24,314
Crazy. He's having fun.
334
00:11:24,314 --> 00:11:27,257
So, think you could hang with
Your date for, like, a minute?
335
00:11:27,257 --> 00:11:29,159
Wait, are you--
You really mad at me?
336
00:11:29,159 --> 00:11:32,192
I thought we were chaperoning.
Is this a date?
337
00:11:32,192 --> 00:11:33,323
Well, yeah.
338
00:11:33,323 --> 00:11:35,265
I wanted to relive
The night we fell in love.
339
00:11:35,265 --> 00:11:36,426
(chuckles)
340
00:11:36,426 --> 00:11:39,830
How about I go see if
The d.J. Has "Dream weaver,"
341
00:11:39,830 --> 00:11:41,171
And then you give
Your old man a dance,
342
00:11:41,171 --> 00:11:43,433
Because I still have
Some funky moves.
343
00:11:43,433 --> 00:11:44,434
Oh, you do?
Yeah, you wanna see?
344
00:11:44,434 --> 00:11:46,076
Let's see.
Wanna see it?
345
00:11:46,076 --> 00:11:47,307
Remember this one?
Oh. I like it.
346
00:11:47,307 --> 00:11:48,839
You like this, when I
Do this with the arms?
347
00:11:48,839 --> 00:11:50,741
The attitude?
348
00:11:50,741 --> 00:11:53,483
Oh, my god. Stop. Stop.
349
00:11:53,483 --> 00:11:54,484
Go get me some punch.
All right.
350
00:11:54,484 --> 00:11:56,346
All right, be right back.
351
00:11:56,346 --> 00:11:59,219
♪♪♪
352
00:11:59,219 --> 00:12:00,991
Hey, reggie,
What are you doing?
353
00:12:00,991 --> 00:12:02,192
Debbie weaver told me
354
00:12:02,192 --> 00:12:04,124
About how humans meet their
Soul mates by the punch bowl.
355
00:12:04,124 --> 00:12:05,195
So I'm here.
356
00:12:05,195 --> 00:12:07,958
No, buddy, that's just how
Debbie and I got together.
357
00:12:07,958 --> 00:12:09,259
That's not everybody's story.
358
00:12:09,259 --> 00:12:11,231
Oh.
359
00:12:11,231 --> 00:12:15,806
(sighs)
So I am so confused.
360
00:12:15,806 --> 00:12:17,337
What's my soul mate story?
361
00:12:17,337 --> 00:12:20,170
Buddy, don't let the ladies
Get into your head, okay?
362
00:12:20,170 --> 00:12:22,913
Stories are just that--
Stories.
363
00:12:22,913 --> 00:12:24,514
Can I tell you a secret?
364
00:12:24,514 --> 00:12:26,817
That dance
That we met at?
365
00:12:26,817 --> 00:12:28,819
When I went outside
To break it off with my date,
366
00:12:28,819 --> 00:12:32,152
She was very upset,
So I tried to comfort her.
367
00:12:32,152 --> 00:12:37,257
And then, you know, one thing
Led to another, and...
368
00:12:37,257 --> 00:12:38,388
You get what I'm saying?
369
00:12:38,388 --> 00:12:39,990
Not if there's subtext.
370
00:12:39,990 --> 00:12:43,363
We made out in the library,
Up against a bunch of books.
371
00:12:43,363 --> 00:12:45,866
I didn't even officially
Break up with her.
372
00:12:45,866 --> 00:12:48,939
You know, so then when I got
Back, debbie was there,
373
00:12:48,939 --> 00:12:51,071
And, you know,
"Dream weaver,"
374
00:12:51,071 --> 00:12:53,043
And blah, blah,
Blah, blah, blah.
375
00:12:53,043 --> 00:12:56,076
So you see,
No one ever really knows
376
00:12:56,076 --> 00:12:58,208
How they found
Their soul mate.
377
00:12:58,208 --> 00:13:01,411
Or if their marriage
Was based on lies!
378
00:13:01,411 --> 00:13:02,452
No, no, honey,
I wasn't saying--
379
00:13:02,452 --> 00:13:04,384
"Blah, blah,
Blah, blah, blah"?
380
00:13:04,384 --> 00:13:06,817
Ugh! Animal!
381
00:13:06,817 --> 00:13:08,859
♪♪♪
382
00:13:08,859 --> 00:13:11,361
You didn't see her
Standing there?
383
00:13:11,361 --> 00:13:14,394
Like, while we were talk--
Never saw her?
384
00:13:19,229 --> 00:13:20,570
(crying)
385
00:13:20,570 --> 00:13:22,432
High school dances suck.
386
00:13:22,432 --> 00:13:23,503
Guys suck.
387
00:13:23,503 --> 00:13:25,375
Why don't they
Stop doing that?
388
00:13:25,375 --> 00:13:27,377
I don't know.
We don't do that.
389
00:13:27,377 --> 00:13:29,339
Not as much, no.
390
00:13:29,339 --> 00:13:31,111
(girl crying)
391
00:13:31,111 --> 00:13:32,913
Oh...
392
00:13:32,913 --> 00:13:35,445
Here you go, sweetheart.
393
00:13:35,445 --> 00:13:37,517
That's the worst part.
394
00:13:37,517 --> 00:13:39,319
Oh, god.
395
00:13:39,319 --> 00:13:45,555
♪♪♪
396
00:13:45,555 --> 00:13:51,031
Hey. Why aren't you
Dancing with your date...
397
00:13:51,031 --> 00:13:52,602
And her turtle?
398
00:13:52,602 --> 00:13:55,165
I don't really
Feel like it.
399
00:13:55,165 --> 00:13:57,007
Mm.
400
00:13:57,007 --> 00:13:58,308
So what's up with you
Tonight?
401
00:13:58,308 --> 00:14:00,340
You've been lurking
By the punch bowl,
402
00:14:00,340 --> 00:14:01,611
And now you're sulking.
403
00:14:01,611 --> 00:14:05,015
Acting a little
Moody vampire-y, huh?
404
00:14:05,015 --> 00:14:08,548
Just a little sad
Because...
405
00:14:08,548 --> 00:14:12,052
I thought tonight
Would be the night when...
406
00:14:12,052 --> 00:14:13,323
When I told you something.
407
00:14:13,323 --> 00:14:16,056
Reggie, I've been
Waiting for this.
408
00:14:16,056 --> 00:14:18,488
You have?
Yeah.
409
00:14:18,488 --> 00:14:21,031
Well, I mean, I didn't know that
Aliens could swing that way,
410
00:14:21,031 --> 00:14:22,562
But it's so cool
To be gay.
411
00:14:22,562 --> 00:14:24,464
(mutters)
Alien gay.
412
00:14:24,464 --> 00:14:26,096
Totally rock 'n' roll, man.
413
00:14:26,096 --> 00:14:28,338
No. Amber, no.
I am not the gay.
414
00:14:28,338 --> 00:14:30,600
I thought tonight would be
The night that you realized
415
00:14:30,600 --> 00:14:34,544
That you'd gotten it wrong
With jeremy the jock...
416
00:14:34,544 --> 00:14:36,907
And that I'm your soul mate.
417
00:14:36,907 --> 00:14:40,911
Oh.
418
00:14:40,911 --> 00:14:43,353
Reggie,
I think you're great,
419
00:14:43,353 --> 00:14:47,257
But until tonight,
You were my only friend.
420
00:14:47,257 --> 00:14:51,491
And you're probably still
My only real friend.
421
00:14:51,491 --> 00:14:55,966
I just don't know if I really
See you that other way.
422
00:14:55,966 --> 00:14:58,198
♪♪♪
423
00:14:58,198 --> 00:14:59,529
I'm sorry.
424
00:15:02,973 --> 00:15:05,205
This is the worst thing
I've ever felt!
425
00:15:05,205 --> 00:15:08,078
My stomach is burning!
My heart's aching!
426
00:15:08,078 --> 00:15:10,280
I think I'm gonna die!
427
00:15:10,280 --> 00:15:11,411
Oh! My son!
428
00:15:11,411 --> 00:15:13,443
What--what do I do?
Is he dying?
(panting)
429
00:15:13,443 --> 00:15:15,515
How do I fix it?
Does this help?
430
00:15:15,515 --> 00:15:17,317
She thought I was gay.
431
00:15:17,317 --> 00:15:19,119
Well...
Okay, I'm sorry, guys,
432
00:15:19,119 --> 00:15:21,391
But there's not much you can do
To make this go away.
433
00:15:21,391 --> 00:15:22,692
But the good news
Is you're not dying.
434
00:15:22,692 --> 00:15:24,624
It just feels like it.
435
00:15:24,624 --> 00:15:26,526
How can humans stand this?
436
00:15:26,526 --> 00:15:29,199
Well, often,
We eat our way through it.
437
00:15:29,199 --> 00:15:30,660
Sad songs help.
438
00:15:30,660 --> 00:15:32,963
And making out
With drummers.
439
00:15:32,963 --> 00:15:34,664
But mostly,
You just need time.
440
00:15:34,664 --> 00:15:36,536
That's the big one.
441
00:15:36,536 --> 00:15:38,208
I gotta feel like this
For a long time?
442
00:15:38,208 --> 00:15:40,210
Yeah. And probably
More than once.
443
00:15:40,210 --> 00:15:41,471
What?!
444
00:15:41,471 --> 00:15:44,414
You may think that you
Totally found your soul mate.
445
00:15:44,414 --> 00:15:46,546
And she doesn't feel
The same way,
446
00:15:46,546 --> 00:15:48,578
But that just means
You weren't soul mates.
447
00:15:48,578 --> 00:15:50,080
Aah!
So get back out there,
448
00:15:50,080 --> 00:15:52,582
And keep looking,
'cause you will find her.
449
00:15:52,582 --> 00:15:55,455
Yes. Like debbie weaver
Will find her real soul mate.
450
00:15:55,455 --> 00:15:58,228
Tonight she suffers
Because she has learned
451
00:15:58,228 --> 00:16:00,630
It isn't marty, but she
Will get back out there,
452
00:16:00,630 --> 00:16:02,962
And she will find him,
Despite her age.
453
00:16:02,962 --> 00:16:05,595
No. No.
That's not it at all.
454
00:16:05,595 --> 00:16:08,468
I mean, marty may have been
A completely revolting
455
00:16:08,468 --> 00:16:09,639
Little monster
Of a 16-year-old,
456
00:16:09,639 --> 00:16:12,172
But he made me laugh
That night instead of cry.
457
00:16:12,172 --> 00:16:13,743
And there have been
A million times since
458
00:16:13,743 --> 00:16:16,006
Where he has turned
My tears into laughter,
459
00:16:16,006 --> 00:16:18,548
Often via
The weaver running man...
460
00:16:18,548 --> 00:16:20,480
Which he doesn't
Even know is funny.
461
00:16:20,480 --> 00:16:24,114
He doesn't even know it.
462
00:16:24,114 --> 00:16:27,087
He is my soul mate.
463
00:16:27,087 --> 00:16:32,092
And that is
The universal truth.
464
00:16:32,092 --> 00:16:34,594
Honey, stop texting him
And move on.
465
00:16:34,594 --> 00:16:39,369
There are drummers
In your future. Trust me.
466
00:16:39,369 --> 00:16:42,402
Wow. She knows a lot.
467
00:16:42,402 --> 00:16:44,204
Yes, she does.
468
00:16:44,204 --> 00:16:46,606
I think I'm gonna
Go back to the dance.
469
00:16:46,606 --> 00:16:48,538
Go, my son.
470
00:16:48,538 --> 00:16:50,610
I'm so proud of you.
471
00:16:50,610 --> 00:16:52,642
And I am going home.
472
00:16:52,642 --> 00:16:55,014
Because my soul mate,
473
00:16:55,014 --> 00:16:56,586
And the man
Who I am destined
474
00:16:56,586 --> 00:16:59,149
To spend
All of eternity with,
475
00:16:59,149 --> 00:17:01,351
Is a jackass.
476
00:17:03,593 --> 00:17:07,227
(music playing in distance)
477
00:17:07,227 --> 00:17:08,558
The library, huh?
478
00:17:08,558 --> 00:17:10,730
Reliving old memories?
479
00:17:10,730 --> 00:17:13,263
Well, all the good
Sulking spots were taken
480
00:17:13,263 --> 00:17:16,266
By crying, kissing,
Or puking teenagers, so...
481
00:17:16,266 --> 00:17:18,037
Deb...
482
00:17:19,739 --> 00:17:21,611
I'm so sorry.
483
00:17:21,611 --> 00:17:23,773
Well, you should be.
484
00:17:23,773 --> 00:17:28,248
Because this--
This is officially a thing.
485
00:17:28,248 --> 00:17:29,549
You were a weasel,
486
00:17:29,549 --> 00:17:32,582
And you will hear about it
For the rest of time.
487
00:17:32,582 --> 00:17:35,054
(gary wright's "Dream weaver"
Playing)
488
00:17:35,054 --> 00:17:36,786
So why are you smiling?
489
00:17:36,786 --> 00:17:39,159
Because lisa biscotti
May have taken my story,
490
00:17:39,159 --> 00:17:42,732
But tonight, we are
Takin' back the library.
491
00:17:42,732 --> 00:17:46,236
♪ ooh, dream weaver ♪
492
00:17:46,236 --> 00:17:50,670
♪ I believe you can
Get me through the night ♪
493
00:17:50,670 --> 00:17:53,403
This was a good place to sulk.
494
00:17:53,403 --> 00:17:57,307
♪♪♪
495
00:17:57,307 --> 00:17:58,648
Hi, giselle.
496
00:17:58,648 --> 00:18:00,610
I've learned something
Really interesting tonight--
497
00:18:00,610 --> 00:18:02,252
My turtle likes rap.
498
00:18:04,514 --> 00:18:07,317
Sorry about
How I've been acting.
499
00:18:07,317 --> 00:18:09,619
It's okay.
I'm a little weird.
500
00:18:09,619 --> 00:18:11,861
It's okay.
I bet I'm weirder.
501
00:18:11,861 --> 00:18:13,663
That's unlikely.
502
00:18:13,663 --> 00:18:15,195
I'm weirder.
503
00:18:15,195 --> 00:18:18,698
My closest relationship
Is with a green creature
504
00:18:18,698 --> 00:18:23,102
Who spends most of its life
Hiding in its shell.
505
00:18:23,102 --> 00:18:24,674
I can relate.
506
00:18:28,178 --> 00:18:32,111
So... Why don't I go grab us
A couple of glasses of punch?
507
00:18:32,111 --> 00:18:33,813
Make it three?
508
00:18:39,649 --> 00:18:40,650
Husband.
509
00:18:40,650 --> 00:18:42,622
(omd's "If you leave" playing)
510
00:18:42,622 --> 00:18:43,693
Drama!
511
00:18:43,693 --> 00:18:45,195
Happy ending!
512
00:18:45,195 --> 00:18:46,596
They will.
513
00:18:46,596 --> 00:18:48,298
Are you winning me?
514
00:18:48,298 --> 00:18:49,629
I hope I am.
515
00:18:49,629 --> 00:18:51,561
But maybe I'm too late.
516
00:18:51,561 --> 00:18:53,763
No. No. You are just in time.
517
00:18:53,763 --> 00:18:55,665
I was sure
That all was lost.
518
00:18:55,665 --> 00:18:56,766
Well, I had to make you
Feel that way
519
00:18:56,766 --> 00:18:58,508
For this to be so good,
Right?
520
00:18:58,508 --> 00:19:00,470
(gasps)
521
00:19:00,470 --> 00:19:02,612
It was a long con.
522
00:19:02,612 --> 00:19:04,314
Whose car is this?
523
00:19:04,314 --> 00:19:06,716
I have no idea. Some brat.
524
00:19:06,716 --> 00:19:08,318
You happy?
525
00:19:08,318 --> 00:19:13,223
It's exactly
What I wanted. (gasps)
526
00:19:14,524 --> 00:19:16,526
Like I keep saying--
527
00:19:16,526 --> 00:19:17,687
I know my wife.
528
00:19:17,687 --> 00:19:19,459
♪ you gotta say you will ♪
529
00:19:19,459 --> 00:19:22,732
♪ I touch you once,
I touch you twice ♪
Mmm.
530
00:19:22,732 --> 00:19:24,434
Those little bastards
Are smoking again.
Ohh.
531
00:19:24,434 --> 00:19:25,435
Hey! You!
532
00:19:25,435 --> 00:19:27,467
Oh!
(thud)
533
00:19:27,467 --> 00:19:28,638
♪ I need you now ♪
534
00:19:28,638 --> 00:19:31,601
(ballad playing)
535
00:19:31,601 --> 00:19:32,602
Oh.
536
00:19:32,602 --> 00:19:33,803
Hi. Sorry.
537
00:19:33,803 --> 00:19:35,675
No. I'm sorry.
538
00:19:39,649 --> 00:19:42,782
Are you all right?
539
00:19:42,782 --> 00:19:44,884
I'm sorry about
What I said before.
540
00:19:44,884 --> 00:19:46,656
I hope it doesn't
Make things weird.
541
00:19:46,656 --> 00:19:48,888
No. I'm sorry.
542
00:19:48,888 --> 00:19:51,521
We're cool.
543
00:19:51,521 --> 00:19:52,722
It's all cool.
544
00:19:52,722 --> 00:19:53,723
Great.
545
00:19:53,723 --> 00:19:54,824
♪♪♪
546
00:19:54,824 --> 00:19:56,726
On the bright side,
547
00:19:56,726 --> 00:19:59,799
Turns out turtle girl
Is actually quite interesting.
548
00:19:59,799 --> 00:20:03,273
Who knows? Maybe my spot
Was next to the dance floor,
549
00:20:03,273 --> 00:20:05,405
Not the punch bowl.
550
00:20:05,405 --> 00:20:09,739
(man) ♪ unmeasurable,
Unchanging all the time ♪
551
00:20:09,739 --> 00:20:12,211
I love this song!
552
00:20:12,211 --> 00:20:14,384
They used it in "True blood,"
My favorite show.
553
00:20:14,384 --> 00:20:16,686
Some people think that I look
Like the main vampire guy.
554
00:20:16,686 --> 00:20:18,748
Do you think so?
I met him in a mall once.
555
00:20:18,748 --> 00:20:20,820
We have the same jaw
And we both squint.
556
00:20:20,820 --> 00:20:22,852
Other people think that I look
Like if matt damon
557
00:20:22,852 --> 00:20:24,824
And ethan hawke
Had a baby together.
558
00:20:24,824 --> 00:20:26,396
I don't know
About that, though.
559
00:20:26,396 --> 00:20:28,828
My auntie june thinks that
I look like milla jovovich.
560
00:20:28,828 --> 00:20:30,660
What's that supposed to mean?
She's a girl.
561
00:20:30,660 --> 00:20:32,662
My grandpa said that
I look like warren beatty.
562
00:20:32,662 --> 00:20:34,934
I have no idea...
563
00:20:34,934 --> 00:20:46,015
♪♪♪
564
00:20:53,423 --> 00:20:55,385
Break it up.
565
00:20:57,887 --> 00:20:59,459
Hey, hey, hey, hey!
566
00:20:59,459 --> 00:21:00,960
That's the second time!
567
00:21:09,038 --> 00:21:09,939
(switch clicks)
568
00:21:11,771 --> 00:21:13,803
Seriously?
569
00:21:13,803 --> 00:21:14,974
Oh, shoot.
570
00:21:14,974 --> 00:21:16,506
That's sad.
571
00:21:16,506 --> 00:21:18,047
Leave the bra!
572
00:21:18,047 --> 00:21:20,279
Oh! Okay! Go! Go!
573
00:21:20,279 --> 00:21:22,752
I don't want to see the two
Of you in here ever again!
574
00:21:22,752 --> 00:21:23,883
Is that clear?
575
00:21:23,883 --> 00:21:25,715
Crystal!
576
00:21:25,715 --> 00:21:26,716
(boys laughing)
577
00:21:26,716 --> 00:21:28,057
I can hear you.
40333
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