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Previously
On "The neighbors"...
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00:00:03,134 --> 00:00:04,635
These are the weavers,
This is their new house,
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00:00:04,635 --> 00:00:06,307
And these are
Their new neighbors.
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00:00:06,307 --> 00:00:08,479
I'm larry bird,
Leader of this community
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00:00:08,479 --> 00:00:10,311
And immediate neighbor
To your west.
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00:00:10,311 --> 00:00:11,442
(debbie) we're just living
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00:00:11,442 --> 00:00:13,184
Amidst golf cart-driving
Pie makers
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00:00:13,184 --> 00:00:14,485
With the names
Of professional athletes.
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00:00:14,485 --> 00:00:16,117
I'm sure there's
An explanation for this.
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(children screaming)
We hope that you will
Consider staying.
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00:00:21,092 --> 00:00:22,453
We believe there's much
We could learn
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00:00:22,453 --> 00:00:24,495
From one another.
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00:00:24,495 --> 00:00:27,298
(suspenseful music cue plays)
14
00:00:31,502 --> 00:00:32,663
(sets parking brake)
15
00:00:32,663 --> 00:00:35,035
This will be a good block
To hit.
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00:00:35,035 --> 00:00:36,807
Yeah. Oh. Wow.
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00:00:36,807 --> 00:00:39,140
Look at the size
Of this house.
(gasps)
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00:00:39,140 --> 00:00:41,041
Blinds are down,
No car in the driveway.
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00:00:41,041 --> 00:00:42,473
You thinking
What I'm thinking?
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00:00:42,473 --> 00:00:44,675
Bucket full
Of halloween candy
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00:00:44,675 --> 00:00:46,517
And "Please just take one"
Note.
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00:00:46,517 --> 00:00:47,678
(whispers) suckers.
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00:00:47,678 --> 00:00:48,779
(laughs)
(laughs)
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00:00:48,779 --> 00:00:50,681
Excuse me, parents?
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00:00:50,681 --> 00:00:52,523
You're setting a terrible
Example for your children.
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00:00:52,523 --> 00:00:53,824
You're aware of that,
Right?
27
00:00:53,824 --> 00:00:55,526
Do you have any idea
How many years
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00:00:55,526 --> 00:00:57,528
Your father and I have
Fantasized about
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00:00:57,528 --> 00:00:59,130
Not having to take you
Trick-or-treating
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00:00:59,130 --> 00:01:02,093
In an apartment building?
Big houses, open streets,
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00:01:02,093 --> 00:01:03,294
No more ringing doorbells
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00:01:03,294 --> 00:01:05,336
In a hallway
That smells like soup.
Ugh.
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00:01:05,336 --> 00:01:06,837
Kids, what's the weavers'
Favorite holiday
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00:01:06,837 --> 00:01:08,068
In the whole world?
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00:01:08,068 --> 00:01:09,500
Christmas!
Christmas!
36
00:01:09,500 --> 00:01:11,172
Aside from christmas!
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00:01:11,172 --> 00:01:12,673
Easter!
Thanksgiving!
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00:01:12,673 --> 00:01:14,175
No. Halloween.
You gotta say "Halloween."
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00:01:14,175 --> 00:01:15,346
Halloween!
Halloween!
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00:01:15,346 --> 00:01:17,248
Wow!
That's right!
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00:01:17,248 --> 00:01:18,679
(clapping)
Hey, we need
A plan of attack.
42
00:01:18,679 --> 00:01:20,351
What I'm thinking we should do
Is we get here early.
43
00:01:20,351 --> 00:01:23,184
We'll put max on one corner,
We'll put abby on the other.
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00:01:23,184 --> 00:01:24,815
We'll hit 'em
Right from each side.
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00:01:24,815 --> 00:01:26,717
(clicking)
46
00:01:29,460 --> 00:01:32,363
Hurry up! Let's go,
Let's go, let's go! Come on!
47
00:01:32,363 --> 00:01:36,567
(electricity humming,
Crackling)
(man) that's secure.
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00:01:36,567 --> 00:01:39,730
Hup, hup, hup, hup!
Hup, hup, hup, hup!
49
00:01:39,730 --> 00:01:41,172
Hup, hup, hup, hup!
50
00:01:44,235 --> 00:01:47,208
(hammering)
51
00:01:49,580 --> 00:01:52,443
Kids, go in the house.
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00:01:53,844 --> 00:01:57,188
So, guys, uh,
What's doin'?
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00:01:57,188 --> 00:01:58,689
Every year
Since we've arrived,
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00:01:58,689 --> 00:02:00,821
On the last day
Of your october,
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00:02:00,821 --> 00:02:03,424
Tiny devils have gathered
At our main gate
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00:02:03,424 --> 00:02:04,795
En masse, ready to invade.
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00:02:04,795 --> 00:02:07,528
In the past, our gate
Has kept them at bay.
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00:02:07,528 --> 00:02:11,362
Should they breach it...
We will rain hellfire
And fury upon them. (chuckles)
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00:02:11,362 --> 00:02:13,304
Rain hell upon them!
60
00:02:13,304 --> 00:02:15,336
(bow stretching)
61
00:02:15,336 --> 00:02:16,407
(arrow whooshes)
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00:02:20,771 --> 00:02:24,475
Good! Burn, little one!
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00:02:24,475 --> 00:02:26,177
What's our favorite holiday?
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00:02:26,177 --> 00:02:28,179
(weakly) halloween.
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00:02:28,179 --> 00:02:30,150
(flames whoosh)
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00:02:30,150 --> 00:02:32,583
♪♪♪
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00:02:35,586 --> 00:02:36,657
Hup, hup, hup...
Hup, hup, hup...
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00:02:36,657 --> 00:02:37,688
Okay, here we go.
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00:02:37,688 --> 00:02:40,261
The last day of october,
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00:02:40,261 --> 00:02:41,932
You are not being invaded.
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00:02:41,932 --> 00:02:45,266
It's a holiday.
It's called halloween.
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00:02:45,266 --> 00:02:47,198
Kids dress in scary costumes,
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00:02:47,198 --> 00:02:49,800
And they go door-to-door
Asking strangers for candy.
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00:02:49,800 --> 00:02:53,604
So, if I'm to believe
This--this... Hallo-feen--
75
00:02:53,604 --> 00:02:55,206
Halloween. Ween.
76
00:02:55,206 --> 00:02:56,247
Halloween-ween?
77
00:02:56,247 --> 00:02:57,908
No, no, no, no.
Just one "Ween."
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00:02:57,908 --> 00:03:00,511
(laughs)
Really? Really?
79
00:03:00,511 --> 00:03:03,514
You know what? Come inside.
We'll show you guys. Come on.
80
00:03:03,514 --> 00:03:04,855
Halloween-ween.
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00:03:04,855 --> 00:03:06,487
("Monster mash" playing)
(liquid bubbling)
82
00:03:06,487 --> 00:03:09,560
♪ I was working in the lab
Late one night ♪
83
00:03:09,560 --> 00:03:12,463
♪ when my eyes beheld
An eerie sight ♪
(marty) as you can see...
84
00:03:12,463 --> 00:03:14,395
(door closes)
Halloween's kind of our jam.
85
00:03:14,395 --> 00:03:16,527
I always do a buddy costume
With max,
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00:03:16,527 --> 00:03:18,829
And this year we're doing
Nemo and nemo's dad.
87
00:03:18,829 --> 00:03:21,302
Come on. Watch this.
88
00:03:21,302 --> 00:03:23,704
(on radio)
♪ we did the monster mash ♪
♪ the monster mash ♪
89
00:03:23,704 --> 00:03:24,705
Dad?
90
00:03:24,705 --> 00:03:26,206
Dad!
91
00:03:26,206 --> 00:03:29,340
My mom is dead,
And now I realize...
92
00:03:29,340 --> 00:03:31,912
(mouthing words)
I need my dad!
93
00:03:31,912 --> 00:03:33,714
(voice breaking) I'm nemo!
94
00:03:33,714 --> 00:03:36,847
(imitating albert brooks)
Nemo! Nemo!
95
00:03:36,847 --> 00:03:38,719
(normal voice) I've been
Working on my albert brooks,
96
00:03:38,719 --> 00:03:40,921
Like, all week.
How was I?
97
00:03:40,921 --> 00:03:42,923
You were fine.
The boy needs work.
98
00:03:42,923 --> 00:03:44,625
(debbie) and abby's rapunzel.
99
00:03:44,625 --> 00:03:46,857
Every year, abby gets
All clingy and shy
100
00:03:46,857 --> 00:03:48,429
On halloween night.
101
00:03:48,429 --> 00:03:51,001
Won't let go of our hands.
It's wonderful.
102
00:03:51,001 --> 00:03:52,833
(hands slap lightly)
Reminds us
That we're still needed.
103
00:03:52,833 --> 00:03:54,735
(chuckles)
And then there's amber.
104
00:03:54,735 --> 00:03:57,438
(suspenseful music cue plays)
105
00:03:57,438 --> 00:03:59,239
Is knocking too hard
For you?
106
00:03:59,239 --> 00:04:01,872
Is it too hard to make a fist
And bang it against a door?
107
00:04:01,872 --> 00:04:04,515
Learn to knock!
108
00:04:04,515 --> 00:04:06,647
She is full of
Piss and vinegar, this one.
109
00:04:06,647 --> 00:04:09,720
Amber and I do punny,
Topical political costumes.
(chuckles)
110
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Come on, amber, baby,
Tell them.
111
00:04:11,622 --> 00:04:13,554
Okay, fine.
Well, as you know,
112
00:04:13,554 --> 00:04:15,756
Last year I went
As the financial collapse.
113
00:04:15,756 --> 00:04:17,728
Yeah. She dressed
As a dollar sign,
114
00:04:17,728 --> 00:04:19,760
And then just fell down
Randomly.
115
00:04:19,760 --> 00:04:21,832
It was mom's idea.
It was basically genius.
116
00:04:21,832 --> 00:04:24,635
This year I'm going as
Obamacare. It's gonna be bril.
117
00:04:24,635 --> 00:04:27,298
Oh.
Halloween is
A real bonding experience
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00:04:27,298 --> 00:04:29,900
For amber and debbie. It gives
Them an opportunity to--
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00:04:29,900 --> 00:04:31,672
Everyone get out.
We should go.
120
00:04:31,672 --> 00:04:33,744
Let's go.
Go, go, go.
121
00:04:33,744 --> 00:04:37,548
You see, guys, you can
Stop preparing for war
122
00:04:37,548 --> 00:04:40,711
And start buying candy.
It's fun.
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00:04:40,711 --> 00:04:44,014
It seems somewhat
Harmless, husband.
To you, maybe.
124
00:04:44,014 --> 00:04:46,557
Every great leader in history
Is defined
125
00:04:46,557 --> 00:04:48,719
By the threat he protects
His people from.
126
00:04:48,719 --> 00:04:50,691
Your churchill had hitler.
127
00:04:50,691 --> 00:04:52,963
My father led the invasion
Of uranus.
128
00:04:52,963 --> 00:04:54,725
(laughs)
(laughs)
129
00:04:54,725 --> 00:04:57,828
Aw, you never laugh
At those with me.
It's funny!
130
00:04:57,828 --> 00:04:58,929
(marty) yeah.
Please.
131
00:04:58,929 --> 00:05:03,734
And I protect my people
From october the 31st.
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00:05:03,734 --> 00:05:05,706
Every year, I guide them
Safely through the evening,
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00:05:05,706 --> 00:05:07,878
And they celebrate me for it.
134
00:05:07,878 --> 00:05:09,980
It's my war,
And I want to keep it.
135
00:05:09,980 --> 00:05:13,013
(children shouting playfully)
136
00:05:13,013 --> 00:05:16,417
All the other kids
Are planning halloween costumes.
137
00:05:16,417 --> 00:05:18,989
I have no costume.
I feel so alone.
138
00:05:18,989 --> 00:05:21,722
You can put together a good,
Easy costume last minute.
139
00:05:21,722 --> 00:05:22,893
Homeless guy's a good one.
140
00:05:22,893 --> 00:05:24,855
No, my father
Would never approve.
141
00:05:24,855 --> 00:05:28,028
It's not a political statement
About the homeless.
142
00:05:28,028 --> 00:05:31,331
Just rub some dirt
On your face.
143
00:05:31,331 --> 00:05:33,904
(laughs) oh, no.
My father hates the homeless.
144
00:05:33,904 --> 00:05:34,905
That's not the issue.
145
00:05:34,905 --> 00:05:37,868
He just believes halloween
Is dangerous.
146
00:05:37,868 --> 00:05:39,740
Our dad is super
Into halloween.
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00:05:39,740 --> 00:05:42,042
We do a costume together
Every year.
148
00:05:42,042 --> 00:05:44,915
Wait. You do a costume
With your dad?
149
00:05:44,915 --> 00:05:48,519
Yeah, every year
Max does a costume with him.
Abby!
150
00:05:48,519 --> 00:05:51,422
I'm talking to--
I'm sorry.
151
00:05:51,422 --> 00:05:52,983
I didn't catch your name.
152
00:05:52,983 --> 00:05:55,025
Emma.
I'm talking to emma here.
153
00:05:55,025 --> 00:05:56,987
Hey, a bunch of us
Are trick-or-treating
154
00:05:56,987 --> 00:05:58,389
As zombies together.
155
00:05:58,389 --> 00:06:00,030
Our parents drink margaritas
In the street
156
00:06:00,030 --> 00:06:01,632
While we go door-to-door.
157
00:06:01,632 --> 00:06:03,964
You go to the doors
Without your parents?
158
00:06:03,964 --> 00:06:05,866
Of course. We're not 5.
159
00:06:05,866 --> 00:06:08,869
Whoa.
160
00:06:08,869 --> 00:06:10,871
(school bell rings)
161
00:06:10,871 --> 00:06:12,803
My mother told me that
Your halloween costume
162
00:06:12,803 --> 00:06:14,445
Is going to be
Health care-related?
163
00:06:14,445 --> 00:06:16,647
If you want
A partner in crime,
164
00:06:16,647 --> 00:06:18,509
I could go as
The individual mandate.
165
00:06:18,509 --> 00:06:19,880
No, thanks.
Death panel?
166
00:06:19,880 --> 00:06:21,682
Reggie, I was lying
To my parents.
167
00:06:21,682 --> 00:06:24,615
I hear everyone's pre-gaming
Halloween at the fro-yo place,
168
00:06:24,615 --> 00:06:26,817
And I need to jump-start
My popularity,
169
00:06:26,817 --> 00:06:28,419
So despite
My better judgment,
170
00:06:28,419 --> 00:06:30,961
I've decided to sex up
My costume this year.
171
00:06:30,961 --> 00:06:31,892
Canadian health care.
172
00:06:31,892 --> 00:06:33,794
I don't want to wear
A costume!
173
00:06:33,794 --> 00:06:36,597
You have to!
I'm going as a slutty magician.
174
00:06:36,597 --> 00:06:39,470
If I do it alone, then I'm
Just a slut with a rabbit.
175
00:06:39,470 --> 00:06:40,901
But if you do it,
It's a thing.
176
00:06:40,901 --> 00:06:43,003
Whatever.
'sup, amber?
177
00:06:43,003 --> 00:06:45,776
'sup, hair?
(snaps fingers)
What's up?
178
00:06:45,776 --> 00:06:49,409
You know, "Gossip girl" does
Actually have kind of a point.
179
00:06:49,409 --> 00:06:51,041
I can't be too obvious
About it.
180
00:06:51,041 --> 00:06:54,485
I have to be stealth sexy.
It's got to be a thing.
181
00:06:54,485 --> 00:06:57,448
Okay, fine. Reggie, you can be
My costume partner this year.
182
00:06:57,448 --> 00:06:59,019
So, death panel,
'cause I feel like
183
00:06:59,019 --> 00:07:01,021
It's got the most upside.
Would you stop?
184
00:07:01,021 --> 00:07:02,893
We're going as a slutty nurse
And a hot doctor.
185
00:07:02,893 --> 00:07:04,725
You have 24 hours
To figure it out.
186
00:07:04,725 --> 00:07:06,196
What--wait, amber, can I
At least tell you my idea
187
00:07:06,196 --> 00:07:09,429
I had for death panel?
'cause it's pretty sexy.
188
00:07:09,429 --> 00:07:10,801
Amber?
189
00:07:12,102 --> 00:07:15,706
Okay, I'm gonna put
A pin in right here.
190
00:07:15,706 --> 00:07:18,008
(imitating albert brooks)
You put a pin in my tuchus!
191
00:07:18,008 --> 00:07:20,170
(normal voice)
That's albert brooks.
192
00:07:20,170 --> 00:07:22,543
So, larry bird
Can't know about this,
193
00:07:22,543 --> 00:07:24,645
But I quietly explained
To the community
194
00:07:24,645 --> 00:07:26,647
Your interpretation
Of halloween-ween.
195
00:07:26,647 --> 00:07:28,879
Not interpretation, jackie,
Common knowledge.
196
00:07:28,879 --> 00:07:31,652
Okay. Listen,
Debbie weaver,
197
00:07:31,652 --> 00:07:33,123
You are
Our first human friends,
198
00:07:33,123 --> 00:07:35,025
And this is
Our first human holiday,
199
00:07:35,025 --> 00:07:37,588
And we'd like to learn
More about it.
200
00:07:37,588 --> 00:07:38,589
And larry bird?
201
00:07:38,589 --> 00:07:39,890
Don't worry
About larry bird.
202
00:07:39,890 --> 00:07:41,231
I told him his hair
Looked limp.
203
00:07:41,231 --> 00:07:43,193
He'll be deep-conditioning
For hours.
204
00:07:43,193 --> 00:07:44,935
You know, we would love
To help you out, jackie,
205
00:07:44,935 --> 00:07:47,538
But we are planning our own
Halloween right now.
206
00:07:47,538 --> 00:07:48,839
(imitating albert brooks)
Is it just me,
207
00:07:48,839 --> 00:07:50,470
Or is anyone else
Schvitzing in here?
208
00:07:50,470 --> 00:07:51,942
Okay, marty,
Enough from you.
209
00:07:53,073 --> 00:07:55,976
Skirt needs to be shorter.
Neckline needs to be deeper.
210
00:07:55,976 --> 00:07:59,109
Are you making a statement that
Without national healthcare,
211
00:07:59,109 --> 00:08:02,252
People won't be able
To afford full-length skirts?
212
00:08:02,252 --> 00:08:03,984
Yeah. Totally.
213
00:08:03,984 --> 00:08:06,587
You know what?
I'm just gonna do it myself.
214
00:08:06,587 --> 00:08:08,919
Oh, god. Oh, god.
215
00:08:08,919 --> 00:08:09,960
This is not happening.
216
00:08:09,960 --> 00:08:12,022
You tell me
That this is not happening.
217
00:08:12,022 --> 00:08:13,023
I think she finally outgrew
218
00:08:13,023 --> 00:08:15,896
Punny, topical halloween
Costumes, marty.
219
00:08:15,896 --> 00:08:18,799
I think our...
Baby's gone slutty.
220
00:08:18,799 --> 00:08:22,102
No! Our baby
Has not gone sl--hey, kids!
221
00:08:22,102 --> 00:08:25,075
What's up, max?
Costume's almost finished.
222
00:08:25,075 --> 00:08:28,939
Change of plans. I'm going
As a zombie this year.
223
00:08:28,939 --> 00:08:30,911
But you know, max, come on,
224
00:08:30,911 --> 00:08:33,243
We trick-or-treat
As a family, you know?
225
00:08:33,243 --> 00:08:35,716
Huh? We buddy up, huh?
226
00:08:35,716 --> 00:08:37,818
And abby is afraid
To let go of our hands.
227
00:08:37,818 --> 00:08:38,889
Actually...
228
00:08:38,889 --> 00:08:41,652
I want to go to the doors
By myself this year,
229
00:08:41,652 --> 00:08:42,853
Like a big girl.
230
00:08:44,825 --> 00:08:48,198
Oh. What's happening, babe, huh?
231
00:08:48,198 --> 00:08:51,602
I'm falling. Honey,
Tell me what's happening.
I don't know.
232
00:08:51,602 --> 00:08:53,133
What's happening is
That you now have the time
233
00:08:53,133 --> 00:08:54,935
To teach us about
Halloween-ween.
234
00:08:54,935 --> 00:08:56,937
Halloween.
One "Ween."
235
00:08:56,937 --> 00:08:57,968
Halloween-one-ween.
236
00:08:57,968 --> 00:08:59,610
(both) halloween!
237
00:09:04,044 --> 00:09:05,245
All right, everybody,
Listen up!
238
00:09:05,245 --> 00:09:07,017
First lesson of halloween
Is trick-or-treating.
239
00:09:07,017 --> 00:09:08,849
Which we taught
Our own kids...
240
00:09:08,849 --> 00:09:10,150
(yells)
Before they abandoned us!
241
00:09:10,150 --> 00:09:13,053
(normal voice)
Hold your pillowcases out!
(door closes)
242
00:09:13,053 --> 00:09:15,155
What is the meaning of this?!
243
00:09:15,155 --> 00:09:17,557
Does this have to do
With halloween-ween?
244
00:09:17,557 --> 00:09:20,791
Was this a ruse? Does my hair
Look lifeless or not?
245
00:09:20,791 --> 00:09:22,633
No, no. It lacked luster.
246
00:09:22,633 --> 00:09:26,136
Liar.
Now I'm over-conditioned.
247
00:09:26,136 --> 00:09:28,068
Everyone back to your homes!
248
00:09:28,068 --> 00:09:29,569
Everyone stop!
249
00:09:29,569 --> 00:09:30,841
They want to learn about this,
250
00:09:30,841 --> 00:09:32,342
And if you're not going
To teach them, I will.
251
00:09:32,342 --> 00:09:35,045
The only thing you're teaching
Them is insubordination.
252
00:09:35,045 --> 00:09:36,006
Zabvronians, tell him.
253
00:09:36,006 --> 00:09:37,778
Halloween-ween sounds fun!
254
00:09:37,778 --> 00:09:38,979
Halloween-ween means candy!
255
00:09:38,979 --> 00:09:40,981
It will be a great way
To meet men.
256
00:09:40,981 --> 00:09:42,052
(jackie) it is settled.
Wife!
257
00:09:42,052 --> 00:09:44,685
Everybody, trick or treat!
258
00:09:48,088 --> 00:09:49,760
(debbie) okay, good job,
Everybody!
259
00:09:49,760 --> 00:09:52,923
Mary lou retton, we have
We have a few notes for ya.
260
00:09:52,923 --> 00:09:56,126
See? You can
Dress as anything.
261
00:09:56,126 --> 00:09:57,968
Something you've always
Wanted to be,
262
00:09:57,968 --> 00:09:59,900
Someone you admire,
263
00:09:59,900 --> 00:10:01,201
Something punny
And topical...
264
00:10:01,201 --> 00:10:03,974
(yells)
With a light political bent!
265
00:10:03,974 --> 00:10:07,107
Yes, uh, I have a question
At the back. Supreme leader.
266
00:10:07,107 --> 00:10:09,209
You claim that
Halloween-ween is safe.
267
00:10:09,209 --> 00:10:12,382
You claim that we may
Confidently open our gates
268
00:10:12,382 --> 00:10:13,984
On october the 31st,
269
00:10:13,984 --> 00:10:17,047
But how can you be sure
That the people wearing costumes
270
00:10:17,047 --> 00:10:20,150
Are not concealing weapons...
271
00:10:20,150 --> 00:10:21,151
For murder?
272
00:10:21,151 --> 00:10:23,293
(all murmur)
273
00:10:23,293 --> 00:10:26,026
Seems like a stretch.
274
00:10:26,026 --> 00:10:28,098
Whose side are you on?
275
00:10:28,098 --> 00:10:31,061
(suspenseful music playing)
276
00:10:36,366 --> 00:10:37,367
It's not so bad.
277
00:10:37,367 --> 00:10:38,669
I hate it.
278
00:10:38,669 --> 00:10:40,711
I'm not very happy
With myself, either,
279
00:10:40,711 --> 00:10:42,112
If it's any consolation.
280
00:10:42,112 --> 00:10:43,643
It is.
It's not.
281
00:10:43,643 --> 00:10:44,644
I'm out.
282
00:10:45,716 --> 00:10:47,247
(door opens, closes)
283
00:10:47,247 --> 00:10:48,248
Did she leave?
284
00:10:48,248 --> 00:10:49,680
She's gone.
285
00:10:49,680 --> 00:10:53,423
May the odds
Be ever in your favor.
286
00:10:53,423 --> 00:10:55,155
(doorbell rings)
Ooh.
287
00:10:56,226 --> 00:10:57,958
Trick or treat.
288
00:10:57,958 --> 00:10:59,389
(clatter)
Oh.
289
00:10:59,389 --> 00:11:01,261
I got that wrong,
Didn't I?
290
00:11:01,261 --> 00:11:02,963
Um, is reggie here?
291
00:11:02,963 --> 00:11:04,064
We have to be
At the fro-yo place,
292
00:11:04,064 --> 00:11:05,335
And we're already late.
293
00:11:05,335 --> 00:11:06,336
(sexy voice)
Hello, amber.
294
00:11:06,336 --> 00:11:08,969
(normal voice)
Oh, crap.
295
00:11:08,969 --> 00:11:11,171
When you said hot doctor
And sexy nurse,
296
00:11:11,171 --> 00:11:13,243
I just assumed
You'd wanna be the doctor.
297
00:11:13,243 --> 00:11:15,005
Good god, man.
298
00:11:15,005 --> 00:11:15,946
You know what? It's fine.
299
00:11:15,946 --> 00:11:17,808
We can go as sexy nurse
300
00:11:17,808 --> 00:11:19,780
And asian transgender
Or something.
301
00:11:19,780 --> 00:11:22,753
It's still a thing.
Come on.
302
00:11:23,984 --> 00:11:25,285
Good night, mother.
303
00:11:25,285 --> 00:11:27,057
Trick or treat.
304
00:11:27,057 --> 00:11:30,020
(door closes)
So, the betrayal continues.
305
00:11:30,020 --> 00:11:31,962
Oh, dial it down,
Drama queen.
306
00:11:31,962 --> 00:11:34,925
I know how you feel
About me doing this.
307
00:11:34,925 --> 00:11:36,096
Like it or not,
I am participating
308
00:11:36,096 --> 00:11:37,968
In this fun human ritual.
309
00:11:37,968 --> 00:11:40,931
(chuckles) tonight...
310
00:11:40,931 --> 00:11:42,302
We will receive
Trick-or-treaters.
311
00:11:42,302 --> 00:11:44,274
Our youngest
Will be a trick-or-treater.
312
00:11:44,274 --> 00:11:46,476
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Slow your rolls.
313
00:11:46,476 --> 00:11:48,979
Dick butkus
Is trick-or-treating?
314
00:11:48,979 --> 00:11:51,081
Yes. Tonight out little dick
Turns tricks with the weavers.
315
00:11:52,813 --> 00:11:54,284
(doorbell rings)
316
00:11:54,284 --> 00:11:57,017
Hey, dick. Are you...
317
00:11:57,017 --> 00:11:58,849
You told me to dress
As someone I admire,
318
00:11:58,849 --> 00:12:00,921
So I dressed as you,
Debbie weaver.
319
00:12:00,921 --> 00:12:02,492
Oh.
320
00:12:02,492 --> 00:12:04,925
And this is
My marty weaver puppet.
321
00:12:04,925 --> 00:12:06,997
Okay.
322
00:12:06,997 --> 00:12:09,760
Why am I the puppet,
And not her?
323
00:12:09,760 --> 00:12:12,332
(laughs)
(laughs)
324
00:12:12,332 --> 00:12:13,964
(sighs)
(imitates debbie's sigh)
325
00:12:13,964 --> 00:12:17,067
Um, all right, well,
We should hit the road
326
00:12:17,067 --> 00:12:21,011
If we want to get the the fancy
Candy bucket neighborhood early.
327
00:12:21,011 --> 00:12:24,975
(both) kids, let's go!
328
00:12:24,975 --> 00:12:26,877
You know, we could still
Make this fun.
329
00:12:26,877 --> 00:12:29,279
You know, even though max
Isn't doing a buddy costume,
330
00:12:29,279 --> 00:12:32,452
And abby wants to go
To the doors on her own.
331
00:12:32,452 --> 00:12:34,925
And they've completely
Ruined halloween for me.
332
00:12:34,925 --> 00:12:37,227
(both) marty...
333
00:12:37,227 --> 00:12:40,230
(suspenseful music playing)
334
00:12:58,208 --> 00:13:01,111
I hope you're all happy
With your decision.
335
00:13:01,111 --> 00:13:04,955
For ten years I have led you
Safely through this night.
336
00:13:04,955 --> 00:13:09,089
But who am I
To get in the way of candy?
337
00:13:09,089 --> 00:13:14,124
So allow these marauders
To storm our gates.
338
00:13:14,124 --> 00:13:18,098
What do I know?
I'm only the supreme leader.
339
00:13:18,098 --> 00:13:19,799
Maybe he has a point.
Yeah.
340
00:13:19,799 --> 00:13:21,101
Husband,
You're frightening them.
341
00:13:21,101 --> 00:13:23,103
They should be frightened.
342
00:13:23,103 --> 00:13:25,005
They should all be frightened
To have an opinion
343
00:13:25,005 --> 00:13:27,077
That doesn't align with mine.
344
00:13:27,077 --> 00:13:30,540
And now you will all
Pay the price.
345
00:13:32,082 --> 00:13:33,813
Open the gates!
346
00:13:33,813 --> 00:13:38,248
(clicks, gate whirs)
347
00:13:38,248 --> 00:13:41,021
Hold...
348
00:13:45,025 --> 00:13:48,028
Hold...
349
00:13:51,431 --> 00:13:55,135
Hold!
350
00:13:55,135 --> 00:13:57,137
(gate creaks)
351
00:13:57,137 --> 00:14:00,040
(crickets chirping)
352
00:14:00,040 --> 00:14:02,142
Let's go!
353
00:14:02,142 --> 00:14:03,143
(children screaming)
354
00:14:03,143 --> 00:14:06,977
Flee! Flee! Flee!
355
00:14:06,977 --> 00:14:08,348
Aah!
356
00:14:08,348 --> 00:14:12,022
(screaming continues)
357
00:14:17,287 --> 00:14:20,290
Trick or treat!
Trick or treat!
358
00:14:20,290 --> 00:14:23,133
(screaming continues)
359
00:14:23,133 --> 00:14:27,097
Take shelter in my home!
360
00:14:27,097 --> 00:14:29,099
(screaming)
I will protect you!
361
00:14:35,405 --> 00:14:36,646
Happy halloween-ween.
362
00:14:36,646 --> 00:14:39,149
(knock on door)
(zabvronians gasp)
363
00:14:43,153 --> 00:14:44,184
(knocking on door)
364
00:14:44,184 --> 00:14:46,556
(boy) trick or treat!
Trick or treat!
365
00:14:46,556 --> 00:14:47,918
Well...
366
00:14:47,918 --> 00:14:50,991
Did I not warn you
How frightening
367
00:14:50,991 --> 00:14:53,093
And dangerous tonight would be?
368
00:14:53,093 --> 00:14:55,095
You did.
He warned us!
369
00:14:55,095 --> 00:14:56,496
Who do we fear?
370
00:14:56,496 --> 00:14:57,497
(all) strangers.
371
00:14:57,497 --> 00:14:59,099
And when
Do we fear them most?
372
00:14:59,099 --> 00:15:00,370
Halloween-ween!
373
00:15:00,370 --> 00:15:02,672
But who protects you
On that day?
374
00:15:02,672 --> 00:15:05,275
(chanting) larry bird!
Larry bird!
375
00:15:05,275 --> 00:15:08,608
Larry bird!
Larry bird!
376
00:15:08,608 --> 00:15:11,381
Larry bird!
Larry bird!
377
00:15:11,381 --> 00:15:15,986
Good neighborhood,
Good candy, good costumes.
378
00:15:15,986 --> 00:15:17,147
Hey, max.
379
00:15:17,147 --> 00:15:18,118
Hey, emma.
380
00:15:18,118 --> 00:15:19,619
Come on. We go up to the doors,
381
00:15:19,619 --> 00:15:21,221
And our parents follow behind.
382
00:15:25,155 --> 00:15:27,127
Can I have my mom
Make you a cocktail?
383
00:15:27,127 --> 00:15:28,128
Oh, that'd be nice.
384
00:15:28,128 --> 00:15:29,599
(imitating marty)
You sure, hon?
385
00:15:29,599 --> 00:15:31,661
Didn't you have a martini
While we were getting ready?
386
00:15:31,661 --> 00:15:32,932
(imitating debbie)
It calms me.
387
00:15:32,932 --> 00:15:35,105
And are we really
Judging right now?
388
00:15:35,105 --> 00:15:37,007
Why don't you clear
Your internet history
389
00:15:37,007 --> 00:15:39,109
Once in a while?
390
00:15:39,109 --> 00:15:39,970
That's okay, emma.
391
00:15:39,970 --> 00:15:42,372
I already had
A martini at home.
392
00:15:45,275 --> 00:15:46,646
(gruff voice)
See you later.
393
00:15:46,646 --> 00:15:49,219
(groans)
394
00:15:49,219 --> 00:15:52,022
Sweetie, are you
Scared of the zombies?
395
00:15:52,022 --> 00:15:54,954
No.
They're not
Real zombies, abby.
396
00:15:54,954 --> 00:15:56,456
I'm not scared.
397
00:15:56,456 --> 00:15:58,688
(imitating debbie) our kids
Don't need us anymore, marty.
398
00:15:58,688 --> 00:16:01,091
(imitating marty) good, then
Maybe you'll finally get a job.
399
00:16:01,091 --> 00:16:02,492
Are you serious
With this?
400
00:16:02,492 --> 00:16:04,064
It wasn't me!
It was the puppet!
401
00:16:04,064 --> 00:16:05,495
I can't control the puppet!
402
00:16:05,495 --> 00:16:07,497
Can't this wait?
403
00:16:07,497 --> 00:16:10,000
I hate to miss another
Round of mea culpas.
404
00:16:10,000 --> 00:16:12,642
Husband, I'm sick
Of bickering about this.
405
00:16:12,642 --> 00:16:14,974
Can you please
Just admit what this is?
406
00:16:14,974 --> 00:16:18,008
(sighs) they need
To rely on me, wife.
407
00:16:18,008 --> 00:16:20,250
They need to need me.
408
00:16:20,250 --> 00:16:23,283
If I lose that, I...
(sighs)
409
00:16:23,283 --> 00:16:25,155
My beautiful husband,
410
00:16:25,155 --> 00:16:27,157
Do you have any idea
How impressive you are?
411
00:16:27,157 --> 00:16:29,489
Oh, stop it.
412
00:16:29,489 --> 00:16:32,162
Wait. Was there more? 'cause I
Feel like I cut you off.
413
00:16:32,162 --> 00:16:35,065
Halloween-ween is only
One day a year,
414
00:16:35,065 --> 00:16:36,426
But you lead us every day.
415
00:16:36,426 --> 00:16:39,999
You provide safety.
You provide us counsel.
416
00:16:39,999 --> 00:16:41,501
You do everyone's hair.
417
00:16:41,501 --> 00:16:45,275
You have an impossible job
And you do it brilliantly.
418
00:16:45,275 --> 00:16:47,006
I work so hard.
419
00:16:47,006 --> 00:16:48,508
I even work weekends.
420
00:16:48,508 --> 00:16:49,609
I know.
421
00:16:49,609 --> 00:16:51,411
But you make it look
So easy.
422
00:16:51,411 --> 00:16:54,314
Well, I have the best wife.
423
00:16:54,314 --> 00:16:56,416
(clicks tongue)
Husband,
424
00:16:56,416 --> 00:16:58,388
They don't need
To be frightened.
425
00:16:58,388 --> 00:17:01,191
All they want is to learn,
But they need a leader.
426
00:17:01,191 --> 00:17:05,625
If you lead,
They will follow.
427
00:17:07,157 --> 00:17:09,529
(children shouting playfully
In distance)
428
00:17:09,529 --> 00:17:12,532
That's one long, dark
Walkway.
429
00:17:12,532 --> 00:17:14,464
Are you sure you don't want
Daddy to hold your hand
430
00:17:14,464 --> 00:17:16,106
And walk you to the door?
431
00:17:16,106 --> 00:17:18,808
I'm sure. (sighs)
432
00:17:20,670 --> 00:17:23,243
Are you sure, because it's
A pretty scary front lawn,
433
00:17:23,243 --> 00:17:26,045
And you never know what's
Hiding behind the cauldron!
434
00:17:26,045 --> 00:17:27,347
(imitating debbie)
Marty, let's use fear
435
00:17:27,347 --> 00:17:28,518
To manipulate our children.
436
00:17:28,518 --> 00:17:29,819
(imitating marty)
You're the boss, dear.
437
00:17:29,819 --> 00:17:30,820
Dick, enough!
Dick, enough!
438
00:17:30,820 --> 00:17:32,051
(doorbell rings)
439
00:17:33,553 --> 00:17:35,485
All right, all right.
Um...
440
00:17:35,485 --> 00:17:38,158
They're just... (under breath)
Children in costumes.
441
00:17:38,158 --> 00:17:39,459
Huh?
What did he say?
442
00:17:41,431 --> 00:17:43,533
They're just children
In costumes.
443
00:17:43,533 --> 00:17:45,565
(sighing)
We're not under attack.
444
00:17:45,565 --> 00:17:48,438
It's just
A ridiculous human holiday.
445
00:17:48,438 --> 00:17:50,500
The children just want candy.
446
00:17:50,500 --> 00:17:52,802
(doorbell rings)
(screaming)
447
00:17:52,802 --> 00:17:54,504
Enough! Observe!
448
00:17:56,406 --> 00:17:59,409
(children screaming in distance)
449
00:18:11,121 --> 00:18:12,862
Trick or treat!
450
00:18:12,862 --> 00:18:14,194
(candy clatters)
451
00:18:17,627 --> 00:18:19,729
Whoo! You did it!
You did it!
452
00:18:19,729 --> 00:18:21,501
All right!
Good job!
What did you get?
453
00:18:23,803 --> 00:18:26,376
I said, trick or treat.
454
00:18:30,340 --> 00:18:31,481
(whispering) slowly...
455
00:18:31,481 --> 00:18:33,343
Slowly...
456
00:18:33,343 --> 00:18:35,215
Slowly.
(candy clatters)
457
00:18:35,215 --> 00:18:37,116
Thank you.
458
00:18:49,128 --> 00:18:50,860
(cheering)
459
00:18:50,860 --> 00:18:52,862
To your homes!
460
00:18:52,862 --> 00:18:55,905
Give the tiny humans
The crap they desire!
461
00:18:55,905 --> 00:18:58,268
To our homes!
To our homes!
462
00:18:58,268 --> 00:19:00,840
To our homes!
To our homes!
463
00:19:00,840 --> 00:19:04,644
Babe, looks like halloween
Is me and you from now on.
464
00:19:04,644 --> 00:19:06,716
Well, hopefully we'll
Outgrow it, too, one day.
465
00:19:06,716 --> 00:19:08,918
Look how much they gave me!
466
00:19:08,918 --> 00:19:10,220
Wow!
Oh, boy!
467
00:19:10,220 --> 00:19:13,853
Yeah. She said, "Aw,
You don't have any candy yet,"
468
00:19:13,853 --> 00:19:16,356
And then she gave me
All of this candy.
469
00:19:16,356 --> 00:19:17,657
(whistles)
Here.
470
00:19:17,657 --> 00:19:18,828
You hold it.
471
00:19:18,828 --> 00:19:23,693
That way, every person
Will think I have no candy.
472
00:19:23,693 --> 00:19:25,835
That way,
They'll give me more.
473
00:19:25,835 --> 00:19:30,340
So you're saying you need us
For your candy scam?
474
00:19:30,340 --> 00:19:31,871
Huh?
475
00:19:31,871 --> 00:19:33,743
It sounds like you're saying
You need your parents
476
00:19:33,743 --> 00:19:35,845
In order to cheat adults
Out of candy.
477
00:19:35,845 --> 00:19:38,208
Listen, you are you in or not?!
478
00:19:38,208 --> 00:19:39,549
Baby!
Of course we're in.
479
00:19:39,549 --> 00:19:41,311
Hey. I, um...
480
00:19:41,311 --> 00:19:44,354
I think I want to do
A few houses with you guys.
481
00:19:44,354 --> 00:19:45,585
Honey, is everything okay?
482
00:19:45,585 --> 00:19:46,916
Yeah, it's just...
483
00:19:46,916 --> 00:19:49,659
I think emma wants to be
My girlfriend.
484
00:19:49,659 --> 00:19:52,322
I don't know if I'm ready
For all that.
485
00:19:52,322 --> 00:19:55,395
Half of me still thinks
Girls are gross.
486
00:19:55,395 --> 00:19:57,767
So what you're saying is,
487
00:19:57,767 --> 00:19:59,969
You think halloween
Is still a little bit scary?
488
00:19:59,969 --> 00:20:02,972
And you need us,
In new, more important ways?
489
00:20:02,972 --> 00:20:04,904
What's happening here?
490
00:20:04,904 --> 00:20:06,976
Thought I'd find you here.
491
00:20:06,976 --> 00:20:09,208
We bailed on the frozen yogurt
Pre-party.
492
00:20:09,208 --> 00:20:11,381
There were, like,
85 slutty nurses there.
493
00:20:11,381 --> 00:20:13,713
But only one exotic lady-boy.
494
00:20:13,713 --> 00:20:15,345
Again, that was not
A compliment.
495
00:20:15,345 --> 00:20:17,917
Turns out, to my dismay,
I have more self-respect
496
00:20:17,917 --> 00:20:19,689
Than the average
16-year-old.
497
00:20:21,551 --> 00:20:22,952
Hey. Come on, guys.
498
00:20:22,952 --> 00:20:24,554
What do you say we hit
A few more houses
499
00:20:24,554 --> 00:20:26,726
Before I return lady-boy
Here to his brothel?
500
00:20:26,726 --> 00:20:28,358
Come on, guys.
501
00:20:29,599 --> 00:20:31,431
(sighs)
Wait!
502
00:20:31,431 --> 00:20:33,533
(imitating debbie)
I just wanted to say,
503
00:20:33,533 --> 00:20:36,906
I love you kids
Very, very much.
504
00:20:36,906 --> 00:20:38,007
(imitating marty)
What your mother said.
505
00:20:38,007 --> 00:20:39,669
I have no opinions
Of my own.
506
00:20:39,669 --> 00:20:40,910
Okay, you know what, dick?
507
00:20:40,910 --> 00:20:42,912
The puppet goes
After tonight.
508
00:20:42,912 --> 00:20:45,375
("Monster mash" playing)
(liquid bubbling)
509
00:20:45,375 --> 00:20:47,016
♪ they did the mash ♪
510
00:20:47,016 --> 00:20:48,818
♪ they did the monster mash ♪
511
00:20:48,818 --> 00:20:50,420
♪ the monster mash ♪
512
00:20:50,420 --> 00:20:51,951
♪ it was a graveyard smash ♪
513
00:20:51,951 --> 00:20:53,283
♪ they did the mash ♪
514
00:20:58,858 --> 00:21:00,259
So?
515
00:21:00,259 --> 00:21:01,991
It was
A magical halloween-ween.
516
00:21:01,991 --> 00:21:04,294
I told you there was
Nothing to be afraid of.
517
00:21:04,294 --> 00:21:05,835
And you were right.
Mm.
518
00:21:05,835 --> 00:21:07,667
Now I just want to sit back
519
00:21:07,667 --> 00:21:10,670
And share the holiday
With my two sons.
520
00:21:10,670 --> 00:21:13,873
We're home!
Did quite well.
521
00:21:15,875 --> 00:21:18,978
I'm sorry. This holiday
Is just not for me.
37813
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