Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:01,632 --> 00:00:03,134
Previously on
"The neighbors"...
2
00:00:03,134 --> 00:00:04,505
These are the weavers,
This is their new house,
3
00:00:04,505 --> 00:00:06,307
And these are
Their new neighbors.
4
00:00:06,307 --> 00:00:08,479
I'm larry bird,
Leader of this community
5
00:00:08,479 --> 00:00:10,311
And immediate neighbor
To your west.
6
00:00:10,311 --> 00:00:11,412
(debbie) we're just living
7
00:00:11,412 --> 00:00:13,184
Amidst golf cart driving
Pie makers
8
00:00:13,184 --> 00:00:14,485
With the names
Of professional athletes.
9
00:00:14,485 --> 00:00:16,317
I'm sure there's
An explanation for this.
10
00:00:18,789 --> 00:00:21,092
(children screaming)
We hope that you
Will consider staying.
11
00:00:21,092 --> 00:00:22,493
We believe there's much
We could learn
12
00:00:22,493 --> 00:00:23,654
From one another.
13
00:00:27,728 --> 00:00:29,500
(debbie sighs deeply)
14
00:00:29,500 --> 00:00:32,303
(chuckles)
15
00:00:32,303 --> 00:00:33,404
(thud)
16
00:00:33,404 --> 00:00:34,665
Debbie weaver!
17
00:00:34,665 --> 00:00:35,806
Oh!
18
00:00:35,806 --> 00:00:37,268
(sighs)
19
00:00:37,268 --> 00:00:38,609
Hi.
20
00:00:40,541 --> 00:00:41,542
Oh!
21
00:00:41,542 --> 00:00:42,643
I'm all right.
22
00:00:42,643 --> 00:00:45,146
Good to see you,
Lady friend.
23
00:00:45,146 --> 00:00:47,678
Yeah, it's been, like,
Two whole hours.
24
00:00:47,678 --> 00:00:48,819
Forgive me.
25
00:00:48,819 --> 00:00:50,351
I went two whole centuries
26
00:00:50,351 --> 00:00:53,154
Without any girlfriends
On zabvron.
27
00:00:53,154 --> 00:00:54,485
It's very hard
To have close friends
28
00:00:54,485 --> 00:00:57,057
When your husband's
A supreme leader.
Mm.
29
00:00:57,057 --> 00:00:59,059
But now I have you.
30
00:00:59,059 --> 00:01:01,132
Let us share gossip.
31
00:01:01,132 --> 00:01:02,233
So I was chatting
With dennis rodman
32
00:01:02,233 --> 00:01:04,335
At our weekly
Nuclear safety meeting...
33
00:01:04,335 --> 00:01:06,637
Wait. Nuclear what?
And he told me
34
00:01:06,637 --> 00:01:08,199
That venus williams
Caught mike tyson
35
00:01:08,199 --> 00:01:09,770
Feeding
Maria sharapova's alpaca
36
00:01:09,770 --> 00:01:12,243
Tulips from
Kareem adbdul-jabbar's garden.
37
00:01:12,243 --> 00:01:13,404
(squeals)
38
00:01:13,404 --> 00:01:15,476
I think we all know
What that means. (chuckles)
39
00:01:15,476 --> 00:01:16,807
Do we?
40
00:01:16,807 --> 00:01:18,149
Now I'll paint your claws
41
00:01:18,149 --> 00:01:20,851
While we wait for
Our lady clocks to synchronize.
42
00:01:23,314 --> 00:01:26,487
You have to really put
Your back into it...
I know, dad.
43
00:01:26,487 --> 00:01:29,390
Otherwise, the spaceship wax
Won't adhere.
I know, dad.
44
00:01:29,390 --> 00:01:32,163
And if meteor dust penetrates
The finish,
45
00:01:32,163 --> 00:01:33,494
Then you're in a real bind.
I know, dad.
46
00:01:33,494 --> 00:01:36,227
Concentric circles,
Not the opposite.
47
00:01:36,227 --> 00:01:38,269
Then you'll be
In real trouble.
48
00:01:38,269 --> 00:01:39,870
Polishing.
Polishing. Polishing.
49
00:01:39,870 --> 00:01:42,273
Go ahead. See if you can get
A high gloss.
50
00:01:42,273 --> 00:01:45,276
(rock music playing)
51
00:01:47,838 --> 00:01:50,341
Concentric circles.
52
00:01:50,341 --> 00:01:51,842
Is this cool or what?
53
00:01:51,842 --> 00:01:54,114
(man) ♪ hair blowing... ♪
54
00:01:54,114 --> 00:01:56,287
Hey, mr. Weaver.
55
00:01:56,287 --> 00:01:57,248
What are you doing?
56
00:01:57,248 --> 00:01:59,190
Hey, kiddo.
I'm changing the oil.
57
00:01:59,190 --> 00:02:01,352
Listen, call me "Marty."
58
00:02:01,352 --> 00:02:04,124
It would be my honor,
Mar... Ty.
59
00:02:04,124 --> 00:02:06,427
(shoes squeaking)
Reggie jackson!
60
00:02:06,427 --> 00:02:07,598
♪♪♪
61
00:02:07,598 --> 00:02:09,830
Time to push your father
Across the windshield.
62
00:02:09,830 --> 00:02:12,803
Or we could stay here
And watch marty change his oil.
63
00:02:12,803 --> 00:02:15,206
It's a classic
Human maintenance ritual.
64
00:02:15,206 --> 00:02:16,637
Stand back, marty.
65
00:02:16,637 --> 00:02:17,908
I'll lubricate your machine
66
00:02:17,908 --> 00:02:20,140
Before you can say,
"I am a lesser species."
67
00:02:20,140 --> 00:02:22,213
Knock yourself out, tron.
68
00:02:22,213 --> 00:02:23,544
♪♪♪
69
00:02:23,544 --> 00:02:25,316
Dad.
(spraying)
70
00:02:25,316 --> 00:02:27,147
Oh! Larry.
71
00:02:27,147 --> 00:02:28,179
Sorry. Sorry.
72
00:02:28,179 --> 00:02:30,181
(marty) ow! Ow!
73
00:02:32,183 --> 00:02:33,324
What now?
74
00:02:33,324 --> 00:02:35,186
Larry bird coated me in oil
75
00:02:35,186 --> 00:02:37,358
And then sponged me
With spaceship wax.
76
00:02:37,358 --> 00:02:41,192
Well, jackie joyner-kersee
Painted my nails.
77
00:02:41,192 --> 00:02:43,834
Apparently, it tells the story
Of her people.
78
00:02:43,834 --> 00:02:45,266
Oh, by the way,
79
00:02:45,266 --> 00:02:48,769
Mike tyson was spotted
Feeding maria sharapova's alpaca
80
00:02:48,769 --> 00:02:50,471
Kareem abdul-jabbar's flowers.
81
00:02:50,471 --> 00:02:51,902
Huh!
82
00:02:51,902 --> 00:02:53,374
(crunches)
83
00:02:53,374 --> 00:02:55,646
Okay, we need to start
Spending more time with humans.
84
00:02:55,646 --> 00:02:57,308
Yeah, we need more humans.
Yeah.
85
00:02:57,308 --> 00:02:59,410
That's a good idea.
Uh-huh.
86
00:02:59,410 --> 00:03:04,885
♪♪♪
87
00:03:04,885 --> 00:03:06,957
That's fantastic.
88
00:03:06,957 --> 00:03:08,919
Okay. Well, no, I'll just
Text you the address.
89
00:03:08,919 --> 00:03:10,261
Uh-huh. I'll see you
In a little bit.
90
00:03:10,261 --> 00:03:11,722
(sets phone down)
Scott and tracy are in?
91
00:03:11,722 --> 00:03:13,964
They are so in.
This is perfect.
Oh.
92
00:03:13,964 --> 00:03:15,396
My folks have the kids...
Mm.
93
00:03:15,396 --> 00:03:17,268
And we have four of our
Best couples locked and loaded
94
00:03:17,268 --> 00:03:18,329
For this evening.
Ohh!
95
00:03:18,329 --> 00:03:19,600
Huh?
I'm gonna go to the garage.
96
00:03:19,600 --> 00:03:20,971
I'm gonna get my poker table.
97
00:03:20,971 --> 00:03:22,603
I gotta get some fatty foods.
98
00:03:22,603 --> 00:03:24,275
What are you gonna do
With the girls?
99
00:03:24,275 --> 00:03:25,205
Well, there's
A new tapas restaurant.
100
00:03:25,205 --> 00:03:26,637
I've heard good things.
101
00:03:26,637 --> 00:03:29,410
A little girl talk, a little
Sangria, I'll be a new woman.
102
00:03:29,410 --> 00:03:31,282
You're great
When you drink sangria.
103
00:03:31,282 --> 00:03:33,814
I'm the best version of myself
When I drink sangria.
104
00:03:33,814 --> 00:03:37,288
This is what we need, honey--
A night with human friends,
105
00:03:37,288 --> 00:03:39,850
No explaining,
No green slime.
106
00:03:39,850 --> 00:03:41,392
Speaking of which,
107
00:03:41,392 --> 00:03:45,296
What are we gonna do
About, uh, you know?
108
00:03:45,296 --> 00:03:47,298
Right.
109
00:03:47,298 --> 00:03:50,000
We told them they could come
Over and feel our hair tonight.
110
00:03:50,000 --> 00:03:52,263
Oh, come on. Again?
They have their own hair.
111
00:03:52,263 --> 00:03:54,405
What is so special about
Our hair? I don't get it.
112
00:03:54,405 --> 00:03:56,437
Well, at least they stopped
Asking to put lotion on us.
113
00:03:56,437 --> 00:03:58,309
Yeah.
Yeah.
114
00:03:58,309 --> 00:04:00,541
Well, we're gonna have to come
Up with some kind of excuse,
115
00:04:00,541 --> 00:04:03,314
Okay, but we have to be gentle.
We don't want to upset larry.
116
00:04:03,314 --> 00:04:05,276
Why are you so worried about
Upsetting larry?
117
00:04:05,276 --> 00:04:06,347
You don't know?
No.
118
00:04:06,347 --> 00:04:08,248
It's a whole thing with him.
What?
119
00:04:08,248 --> 00:04:09,720
Because he's their leader,
120
00:04:09,720 --> 00:04:11,352
Every time he feels pain
Or rejection,
121
00:04:11,352 --> 00:04:13,023
The whole community
Feels it with him.
122
00:04:13,023 --> 00:04:14,024
Oh, please.
123
00:04:14,024 --> 00:04:16,327
I'm telling you. Watch.
124
00:04:16,327 --> 00:04:18,829
Hi, guys.
Hey. How are ya?
125
00:04:18,829 --> 00:04:20,361
(whirring)
126
00:04:20,361 --> 00:04:22,863
(tires screech,
Zabvronians sobbing)
127
00:04:22,863 --> 00:04:25,396
That's so mean!
128
00:04:25,396 --> 00:04:28,299
That was so hurtful.
129
00:04:28,299 --> 00:04:29,540
(zabvronians continue sobbing)
130
00:04:29,540 --> 00:04:33,344
Okay. A little white lie
Never killed anyone.
131
00:04:33,344 --> 00:04:34,575
(doorbell rings)
132
00:04:34,575 --> 00:04:35,746
Hey.
Hey.
133
00:04:35,746 --> 00:04:37,708
Come in. Come in.
We've been waiting.
134
00:04:37,708 --> 00:04:39,910
Hey, mr. Weaver.
135
00:04:39,910 --> 00:04:41,382
Hey! How you doing, kid?
136
00:04:41,382 --> 00:04:43,283
Mm. Mm. Mm.
(imitates explosion)
137
00:04:43,283 --> 00:04:44,555
(imitates explosion)
(laughs)
138
00:04:44,555 --> 00:04:46,687
Okay, if I'm not feeling hair
Within five seconds,
139
00:04:46,687 --> 00:04:48,319
There's gonna be a problem.
140
00:04:48,319 --> 00:04:51,422
Hey. So we have
Some, uh, bad news, guys.
141
00:04:51,422 --> 00:04:54,024
We are going to have to
Cancel tonight.
142
00:04:54,024 --> 00:04:55,496
It seems we totally forgot
143
00:04:55,496 --> 00:04:57,728
We have friends coming over
Tonight, so...
144
00:04:57,728 --> 00:04:58,999
(inhales deeply)
From bayonne.
145
00:04:58,999 --> 00:05:00,731
Oh, wonderful,
Debbie weaver.
146
00:05:00,731 --> 00:05:03,404
I cannot wait to meet
Your other friends.
147
00:05:03,404 --> 00:05:04,605
Uh...
148
00:05:04,605 --> 00:05:06,607
We would love for you guys
To come tonight...
149
00:05:06,607 --> 00:05:08,579
Yeah, but it's--
It's a real jersey crowd,
150
00:05:08,579 --> 00:05:10,881
You know, it's a couple
Of blue-collar dudes
151
00:05:10,881 --> 00:05:12,443
And some housewives. Ugh.
152
00:05:12,443 --> 00:05:14,345
Yeah, and you guys
Being so alien-y,
153
00:05:14,345 --> 00:05:17,648
You might not fit in, and it's
Leaving too much to chance.
154
00:05:17,648 --> 00:05:20,921
Yeah. As much as we would
Love to have you guys there...
155
00:05:20,921 --> 00:05:23,093
Oh, we would so love
To have you.
So much.
156
00:05:23,093 --> 00:05:24,595
Yeah.
Yeah.
157
00:05:24,595 --> 00:05:26,357
But please don't come.
158
00:05:26,357 --> 00:05:27,758
It's really important
That you don't come.
Yeah.
159
00:05:27,758 --> 00:05:28,899
Okay?
Okay. Don't come.
160
00:05:28,899 --> 00:05:30,531
Stay put.
161
00:05:30,531 --> 00:05:31,632
Stay here.
Stay in the living room.
162
00:05:31,632 --> 00:05:32,903
It's so nice here.
Yeah.
163
00:05:32,903 --> 00:05:35,366
Yeah.
Mm-hmm.
164
00:05:35,366 --> 00:05:36,937
(door closes)
165
00:05:36,937 --> 00:05:39,610
Are you thinking
What I'm thinking?
166
00:05:39,610 --> 00:05:42,413
I think they want us to come.
We should shave their heads.
167
00:05:42,413 --> 00:05:46,046
Then we could feel their hair
Anytime we felt like it.
168
00:05:47,117 --> 00:05:48,649
Hello, mother.
169
00:05:48,649 --> 00:05:50,881
Oh, hello, reggie jackson.
170
00:05:52,923 --> 00:05:55,355
(sighs)
171
00:05:55,355 --> 00:05:57,388
Is something troubling you,
Reggie?
172
00:05:57,388 --> 00:06:00,431
It's my father.
He refuses to fit in.
173
00:06:00,431 --> 00:06:02,833
Why can't he be more
Like marty weaver?
174
00:06:02,833 --> 00:06:04,935
Marty is so cool.
175
00:06:04,935 --> 00:06:06,397
Yes.
176
00:06:07,538 --> 00:06:09,400
You seem troubled as well,
Mother.
177
00:06:11,542 --> 00:06:13,574
I'm debbie weaver's
Best friend.
178
00:06:13,574 --> 00:06:15,406
It's clear she wants me there
Tonight.
179
00:06:15,406 --> 00:06:17,478
She's just worried
I won't fit in.
180
00:06:17,478 --> 00:06:21,812
Oh, if only I knew how to behave
Like a real human,
181
00:06:21,812 --> 00:06:24,555
Like a real housewife.
182
00:06:26,417 --> 00:06:27,688
I borrowed
Amber's telephone.
183
00:06:27,688 --> 00:06:30,891
She watches this television
Program religiously.
184
00:06:30,891 --> 00:06:32,693
They watch television
On their telephones?
185
00:06:32,693 --> 00:06:34,124
Don't ask.
(beep)
186
00:06:34,124 --> 00:06:36,997
(woman) aah!
(crash)
187
00:06:36,997 --> 00:06:40,571
Oh.
It's exactly what
You're looking for, mother.
188
00:06:40,571 --> 00:06:42,633
New jersey housewives.
189
00:06:42,633 --> 00:06:44,404
Real housewives.
190
00:06:44,404 --> 00:06:46,437
They seem very...
191
00:06:46,437 --> 00:06:48,639
Mentally imbalanced.
192
00:06:48,639 --> 00:06:51,442
They don't just give anyone
Television shows, mother.
193
00:06:51,442 --> 00:06:54,815
These women must be
Pillars of society.
194
00:06:54,815 --> 00:06:56,086
You're right, reggie.
195
00:06:56,086 --> 00:06:58,549
Tell me more about
These real housewives.
196
00:06:58,549 --> 00:07:01,822
Best I can tell, the job
Of a real housewife is
197
00:07:01,822 --> 00:07:04,124
To denigrate
Other housewives...
Done.
198
00:07:04,124 --> 00:07:06,627
Stir up controversy
Whenever possible...
Easy.
199
00:07:06,627 --> 00:07:09,660
Talk about how rich
Your husband is...
Well, hello.
200
00:07:09,660 --> 00:07:11,161
And occasionally,
201
00:07:11,161 --> 00:07:13,904
Say really melodramatic things
Directly to camera.
202
00:07:13,904 --> 00:07:16,136
But why?
203
00:07:16,136 --> 00:07:18,839
(woman gasps) beautiful!
(man) marty, this is great!
204
00:07:18,839 --> 00:07:20,110
I know, right?
God, look at this place!
205
00:07:20,110 --> 00:07:22,212
It is nice.
It's a fricking castle!
206
00:07:22,212 --> 00:07:25,015
Congratulations.
Floors are bamboo.
207
00:07:25,015 --> 00:07:26,977
Ooh, from bayonne to bamboo.
Look at you guys.
208
00:07:26,977 --> 00:07:28,819
You did it! This is great.
Huh?
209
00:07:28,819 --> 00:07:30,050
Come on.
We'll give you the tour,
210
00:07:30,050 --> 00:07:31,522
The the rest of the gang
Will be here soon.
211
00:07:31,522 --> 00:07:33,524
Great little development,
By the way.
212
00:07:33,524 --> 00:07:34,585
What are the neighbors like?
213
00:07:39,730 --> 00:07:41,762
Regard me, husband.
214
00:07:44,094 --> 00:07:45,596
What are you wearing?
215
00:07:45,596 --> 00:07:47,638
I am dressed like
A real housewife.
216
00:07:47,638 --> 00:07:49,640
Which you would know if you
Just bought us a telephone
217
00:07:49,640 --> 00:07:51,471
To watch television on.
218
00:07:51,471 --> 00:07:53,644
I will not have my family
Mindlessly sitting
219
00:07:53,644 --> 00:07:55,946
Around a telephone
Watching television all day.
220
00:07:55,946 --> 00:07:57,508
(grunts)
221
00:07:57,508 --> 00:07:59,610
Well, I'm going to join
Debbie weaver
222
00:07:59,610 --> 00:08:01,011
And her female friends.
223
00:08:01,011 --> 00:08:03,514
Do you think marty weaver
Would allow me to sit quietly
224
00:08:03,514 --> 00:08:05,185
And learn the customs
Of his poker night?
225
00:08:05,185 --> 00:08:06,587
Nonsense.
226
00:08:06,587 --> 00:08:09,489
You have nothing to learn
From those men.
227
00:08:09,489 --> 00:08:11,261
But you may watch
As I dominate them,
228
00:08:11,261 --> 00:08:14,224
And then you'll see whose
Customs are worth learning.
229
00:08:16,897 --> 00:08:18,028
(sighs)
230
00:08:18,028 --> 00:08:19,600
(doorbell rings)
231
00:08:19,600 --> 00:08:21,802
♪♪♪
232
00:08:21,802 --> 00:08:23,133
I'm here to dominate the men.
233
00:08:23,133 --> 00:08:24,174
(imitates new jersey accent)
And I'm here
234
00:08:24,174 --> 00:08:26,006
To hang with the bitches.
235
00:08:31,912 --> 00:08:33,113
What are we gonna do?
236
00:08:33,113 --> 00:08:34,244
I just wanted a night
With normal human beings.
237
00:08:34,244 --> 00:08:37,147
And what the hell is she
Wearing? What are we gonna do?
238
00:08:37,147 --> 00:08:38,518
I don't know.
You don't know?
239
00:08:38,518 --> 00:08:40,090
I don't know.
Mork and mindy are
Making small talk
240
00:08:40,090 --> 00:08:42,252
With our friends in our
Living room. Think, marty!
241
00:08:42,252 --> 00:08:45,125
Well, we can't exactly
Ask them to leave.
Why not?
242
00:08:45,125 --> 00:08:46,757
Why not?
Why not?
243
00:08:46,757 --> 00:08:48,058
Because the second
We hurt larry's feelings,
244
00:08:48,058 --> 00:08:49,099
The whole neighborhood's
245
00:08:49,099 --> 00:08:51,001
Gonna run into the streets
Crying and wailing.
246
00:08:51,001 --> 00:08:53,063
You wanna explain that
To our friends or should I?
247
00:08:53,063 --> 00:08:54,304
So we have no choice.
248
00:08:54,304 --> 00:08:56,136
We just gotta get through it
As quickly as possible.
249
00:08:56,136 --> 00:08:58,068
Like the time you made me watch
"Downtown abbey."
250
00:08:58,068 --> 00:08:59,209
"Downton abbey."
251
00:08:59,209 --> 00:09:00,310
What? Down--down--I know.
I thought that was--
252
00:09:00,310 --> 00:09:01,572
Who does maggie smith play?
253
00:09:01,572 --> 00:09:02,743
She played abbey.
254
00:09:02,743 --> 00:09:03,914
Oh, come on!
255
00:09:03,914 --> 00:09:05,075
No, I'm kidding.
I loved it. Look...
256
00:09:05,075 --> 00:09:07,047
Common enemy.
(woman laughs)
257
00:09:07,047 --> 00:09:08,178
Let's get 'em.
258
00:09:08,178 --> 00:09:09,149
Okay.
259
00:09:10,681 --> 00:09:12,052
(crickets chirp)
260
00:09:12,052 --> 00:09:14,184
Son, come feel the felt.
261
00:09:14,184 --> 00:09:16,587
Dad, I really don't think you're
Supposed to feel the felt.
262
00:09:16,587 --> 00:09:18,689
If they didn't want you
To feel the felt,
263
00:09:18,689 --> 00:09:20,290
They wouldn't call it--
Okay, so what do you say
We ante up and play?
264
00:09:20,290 --> 00:09:21,762
Here we go.
265
00:09:21,762 --> 00:09:24,194
So... What are the origins
266
00:09:24,194 --> 00:09:26,867
Of your involvement
With marty weaver?
267
00:09:26,867 --> 00:09:27,998
(man) oh, we're lifers.
268
00:09:27,998 --> 00:09:29,269
Me and this jackass
Go all the way back
269
00:09:29,269 --> 00:09:30,300
To trenton elementary.
270
00:09:30,300 --> 00:09:31,902
Jackass.
271
00:09:31,902 --> 00:09:34,174
And, uh, pete over there--
We went to college together.
272
00:09:34,174 --> 00:09:35,145
He was my best man.
273
00:09:35,145 --> 00:09:37,778
And who supplanted him?
274
00:09:39,349 --> 00:09:41,081
To ladies' night!
275
00:09:41,081 --> 00:09:42,212
(women) whoo!
276
00:09:42,212 --> 00:09:44,184
And to this sangria,
May it rest in peace,
277
00:09:44,184 --> 00:09:45,956
'cause I'm about to kill it.
278
00:09:45,956 --> 00:09:47,187
Ooh. Sorry.
(ice cubes clink)
279
00:09:47,187 --> 00:09:49,189
(imitating new jersey accent)
Watch it, tramp!
280
00:09:49,189 --> 00:09:52,723
Maybe it's no big thing to spill
It all over your skank wrap,
281
00:09:52,723 --> 00:09:56,196
But some of us are
Dripping in class and luxury.
282
00:09:56,196 --> 00:09:58,699
(under breath)
What the hell?
283
00:09:58,699 --> 00:10:01,371
(chair scrapes floor)
(lowered voice)
Jackie, what are you doing?
284
00:10:01,371 --> 00:10:02,602
(normal voice) don't worry,
Debbie weaver.
285
00:10:02,602 --> 00:10:04,174
I've been studying
Real housewives
286
00:10:04,174 --> 00:10:05,936
On one
Of your telephone programs.
287
00:10:05,936 --> 00:10:07,207
Oh, no. Jackie!
288
00:10:07,207 --> 00:10:08,608
(imitating new jersey accent)
So, tracy...
289
00:10:08,608 --> 00:10:10,340
(debbie) oh.
How does it feel to know
290
00:10:10,340 --> 00:10:13,884
That liz has the hots
For your husband?
291
00:10:15,245 --> 00:10:17,718
So we're not crazy.
292
00:10:17,718 --> 00:10:19,349
To be honest,
I didn't really think
293
00:10:19,349 --> 00:10:21,822
That liz was interested
In tracy's husband,
294
00:10:21,822 --> 00:10:23,193
But dinner was getting
A little bit boring,
295
00:10:23,193 --> 00:10:25,926
So I thought I'd spice things up
A little bit.
296
00:10:25,926 --> 00:10:27,127
So how long
Has it been going on?
297
00:10:27,127 --> 00:10:29,059
There is nothing happening.
298
00:10:29,059 --> 00:10:31,201
Okay? We just play
"Words with friends" at night,
299
00:10:31,201 --> 00:10:33,734
And sometimes we do that little
Chat thing in the corner.
300
00:10:33,734 --> 00:10:36,707
(singsongy)
Uh-oh. Things just got real.
301
00:10:39,639 --> 00:10:43,273
Three wizards
And two princesses. I win again.
302
00:10:43,273 --> 00:10:46,416
Observe, reggie, your father
Dominating the humans.
303
00:10:46,416 --> 00:10:48,118
The other humans,
Because what,
304
00:10:48,118 --> 00:10:49,680
We're--we're all humans,
Right?
305
00:10:49,680 --> 00:10:51,952
Okay, so, larry, listen,
I want to thank you
306
00:10:51,952 --> 00:10:53,253
For stopping by and playing
With us, but--
307
00:10:53,253 --> 00:10:58,258
But now it is time to move on to
The true point of the evening--
308
00:10:58,258 --> 00:11:00,691
Honoring our fathers.
309
00:11:00,691 --> 00:11:02,232
Now where I'm from--
310
00:11:02,232 --> 00:11:04,194
The u.K.
He's from the u.K.
311
00:11:04,194 --> 00:11:06,096
Oh, yes. Yes, of course.
312
00:11:06,096 --> 00:11:08,368
Now on uk,
When males gather,
313
00:11:08,368 --> 00:11:11,401
It is important to pay tribute
To our fathers.
314
00:11:11,401 --> 00:11:14,044
Reggie, emit a yelp of honor
For papa.
315
00:11:14,044 --> 00:11:16,206
I don't want to.
They don't do that here.
Emit for papa.
316
00:11:16,206 --> 00:11:17,748
I don't want to.
I don't want to.
317
00:11:17,748 --> 00:11:19,179
Emit--emit for papa.
Emit for papa!
318
00:11:21,051 --> 00:11:22,312
Moo!
319
00:11:22,312 --> 00:11:24,785
(high-pitched voice) moo!
320
00:11:24,785 --> 00:11:25,956
Thank you.
321
00:11:28,688 --> 00:11:30,090
Okay,
So that awkwardly concludes
322
00:11:30,090 --> 00:11:32,963
The father tribute portion
Of our poker game.
323
00:11:34,194 --> 00:11:36,426
My old man would've turned 75
This week.
324
00:11:36,426 --> 00:11:38,168
(man) he was a good man.
325
00:11:38,168 --> 00:11:40,370
He was
A coldhearted bastard.
326
00:11:40,370 --> 00:11:42,232
The only time he ever said
"I love you"
327
00:11:42,232 --> 00:11:44,234
Was through his trach hole
328
00:11:44,234 --> 00:11:47,007
As he lay dying
In his hospital bed.
329
00:11:47,007 --> 00:11:48,278
(hisses)
330
00:11:48,278 --> 00:11:50,340
(raspy voice)
I love you, son.
331
00:11:52,342 --> 00:11:54,745
Hey, at least you heard it,
Man.
332
00:11:54,745 --> 00:11:56,987
At least he heard it.
Right, fellas?
333
00:11:56,987 --> 00:12:00,220
(shouting indistinctly)
Oh, yeah! Well, you didn't wear
Underwear to my wedding!
334
00:12:00,220 --> 00:12:02,322
Oh, well, news flash--your baby
Looks like ed asner!
335
00:12:02,322 --> 00:12:04,094
Oh! Don't you dare talk
About my baby!
336
00:12:04,094 --> 00:12:06,396
(mouths words)
You're gonna stab me? Over--
337
00:12:06,396 --> 00:12:10,130
Tracy, put the knife down.
Liz, you sit down.
338
00:12:10,130 --> 00:12:12,232
(imitates new jersey accent)
Well, if you ask me--
I didn't.
339
00:12:12,232 --> 00:12:14,334
And, jackie, I don't want you
To say another word
340
00:12:14,334 --> 00:12:16,506
Until you and I have spoken
In private.
341
00:12:16,506 --> 00:12:18,268
(woman) oh!
Well, here we go.
342
00:12:18,268 --> 00:12:20,270
That is classic debbie.
343
00:12:20,270 --> 00:12:21,341
(singsongy) mom's here!
344
00:12:21,341 --> 00:12:22,773
Ooh!
345
00:12:22,773 --> 00:12:24,775
What is that supposed to mean,
Tracy?
346
00:12:24,775 --> 00:12:26,917
Oh, please. You're always
Telling us what to do.
347
00:12:26,917 --> 00:12:29,219
It's, like, who died and made
You queen of new jersey?
348
00:12:29,219 --> 00:12:32,222
Because the last time I checked,
It was still mrs. Bon jovi.
349
00:12:32,222 --> 00:12:34,354
Oh!
350
00:12:34,354 --> 00:12:38,288
The truth is, the mrs. Bon jovi
Reference was lost on me, but--
351
00:12:38,288 --> 00:12:39,529
Jackie, shut up!
352
00:12:39,529 --> 00:12:41,992
Stop talking to the wall!
353
00:12:41,992 --> 00:12:43,233
I've had enough.
354
00:12:43,233 --> 00:12:46,236
All I wanted was a relaxing
Evening out with my girlfriends.
355
00:12:46,236 --> 00:12:48,768
This is exactly why I didn't
Want you to come tonight.
356
00:12:48,768 --> 00:12:50,470
(normal voice) you didn't
Want me to come?
357
00:12:50,470 --> 00:12:52,342
I was lying.
358
00:12:52,342 --> 00:12:54,404
That is what people do when
They're trying to be polite.
359
00:12:54,404 --> 00:12:55,906
Do I have to spell it out
For you?
360
00:12:55,906 --> 00:12:57,447
I did not want you to come.
361
00:13:02,352 --> 00:13:05,785
If you bitches
Will excuse me...
362
00:13:09,289 --> 00:13:10,520
Can't this wait?
363
00:13:10,520 --> 00:13:13,363
These father tributes
Can be very moving.
364
00:13:13,363 --> 00:13:15,125
Although pete's got a bit weird,
Didn't it?
365
00:13:15,125 --> 00:13:16,796
Yes, it did.
366
00:13:16,796 --> 00:13:18,798
I can't take it anymore, larry.
All I wanted to do was
367
00:13:18,798 --> 00:13:20,270
Drink beer
And play poker with my buddies.
368
00:13:20,270 --> 00:13:21,471
You're ruining my night.
369
00:13:21,471 --> 00:13:24,534
I mean, the least you could do
Is try and fit in.
370
00:13:24,534 --> 00:13:26,236
I continue to be mystified
371
00:13:26,236 --> 00:13:28,879
By this human concept
Of fitting in.
372
00:13:28,879 --> 00:13:32,242
If I wish to do as I please,
Whose life am I ruining?
373
00:13:32,242 --> 00:13:33,343
(reggie) mine.
374
00:13:33,343 --> 00:13:35,245
Reggie?
375
00:13:35,245 --> 00:13:37,447
You wanted
My father tribute.
376
00:13:37,447 --> 00:13:39,389
Here you go.
377
00:13:39,389 --> 00:13:41,451
I will never forget my father,
378
00:13:41,451 --> 00:13:44,955
How he brought me to a strange
Planet without ever asking me,
379
00:13:44,955 --> 00:13:47,597
And now he then refused
To adapt.
380
00:13:47,597 --> 00:13:51,261
It's called felt because it's
Fuzzy, not because you feel it.
381
00:13:51,261 --> 00:13:52,863
They don't pay tributes
To their fathers.
382
00:13:52,863 --> 00:13:54,965
They drink beer
And talk sports.
383
00:13:54,965 --> 00:13:57,868
And the cards aren't called
Wizards and princesses.
384
00:13:57,868 --> 00:14:00,140
They're called
Goblins and mamas.
385
00:14:00,140 --> 00:14:02,973
Uh...
386
00:14:02,973 --> 00:14:05,375
I hate you.
387
00:14:07,447 --> 00:14:09,479
(front door opens and closes)
388
00:14:09,479 --> 00:14:12,122
Larry, I don't want you
To get upset about that.
389
00:14:12,122 --> 00:14:14,324
Don't--just--I want--
Don't be sad now.
390
00:14:14,324 --> 00:14:15,485
You should--
Larry, don't be--
391
00:14:15,485 --> 00:14:17,888
Larry. Larry, easy!
392
00:14:17,888 --> 00:14:19,289
Oh, no, his son hates him!
393
00:14:19,289 --> 00:14:22,462
I can't take it anymore.
I'm going to jump.
394
00:14:26,566 --> 00:14:28,368
Are you all right?
395
00:14:28,368 --> 00:14:30,400
I'm fine!
396
00:14:38,078 --> 00:14:40,880
(door opens)
397
00:14:40,880 --> 00:14:42,282
Hey.
398
00:14:42,282 --> 00:14:44,584
There's no need
To waste your girls' night
399
00:14:44,584 --> 00:14:46,556
In here with me,
Debbie weaver.
400
00:14:46,556 --> 00:14:49,019
You should go back
To your real friends.
401
00:14:49,019 --> 00:14:51,161
Actually, everyone else left.
402
00:14:51,161 --> 00:14:53,893
What do you mean,
My "Real friends"?
403
00:14:53,893 --> 00:14:57,968
Well, clearly, I misunderstood
Our relationship.
404
00:14:57,968 --> 00:15:00,230
Ooh. No, don't sit. Oh!
405
00:15:00,230 --> 00:15:03,403
That's a dirty floor
And some bare thighs.
406
00:15:03,403 --> 00:15:06,406
I thought I finally had
A girlfriend,
407
00:15:06,406 --> 00:15:10,210
And all I wanted to do
Was be there for you.
408
00:15:10,210 --> 00:15:12,512
That's really sweet,
Actually.
409
00:15:13,543 --> 00:15:15,285
(crying) I'm sorry.
410
00:15:15,285 --> 00:15:17,547
Sangria has some real high highs
For me
411
00:15:17,547 --> 00:15:19,549
And some real low lows.
412
00:15:19,549 --> 00:15:21,491
Well, I understand now
That you don't want me around,
413
00:15:21,491 --> 00:15:23,553
So I won't be ruining any more
Of your nights.
414
00:15:23,553 --> 00:15:27,057
Oh, can we do this
Standing up, please?
415
00:15:28,528 --> 00:15:29,629
No?
416
00:15:29,629 --> 00:15:33,403
Okay. (inhales deeply)
417
00:15:33,403 --> 00:15:34,464
Ah.
418
00:15:34,464 --> 00:15:37,407
Jackie,
I love having you around.
419
00:15:37,407 --> 00:15:39,209
It's just that you
And larry bird
420
00:15:39,209 --> 00:15:40,410
Are still new at all this,
421
00:15:40,410 --> 00:15:43,313
And sometimes marty and I
Need to be around people
422
00:15:43,313 --> 00:15:45,475
Who we don't have to explain
Everything to.
423
00:15:45,475 --> 00:15:47,177
I understand.
424
00:15:47,177 --> 00:15:48,478
Larry and I are constantly
Complaining about
425
00:15:48,478 --> 00:15:51,621
How we have to dumb everything
Down for you and marty.
426
00:15:51,621 --> 00:15:53,523
It's quite tedious, actually.
427
00:15:53,523 --> 00:15:56,356
Well, apparently, you're not
The only friend of mine
428
00:15:56,356 --> 00:15:58,358
Who finds me tedious.
429
00:15:58,358 --> 00:16:00,090
What?
430
00:16:00,090 --> 00:16:03,433
Oh, you're not bothered by
What tracy said, are you?
431
00:16:03,433 --> 00:16:07,998
It's so obvious
That she's just jealous.
432
00:16:09,569 --> 00:16:11,071
Go on.
433
00:16:11,071 --> 00:16:13,403
Did you see the way those women
Looked at your house?
434
00:16:13,403 --> 00:16:14,504
Really?
435
00:16:14,504 --> 00:16:17,677
(laughs)
Total bamboo-envy.
436
00:16:17,677 --> 00:16:20,010
Also, you have the best hair.
437
00:16:20,010 --> 00:16:22,412
Oh. Not tonight, I don't.
438
00:16:22,412 --> 00:16:23,683
(clicks tongue)
439
00:16:23,683 --> 00:16:26,386
Jackie, you're so pretty.
440
00:16:26,386 --> 00:16:30,390
I mean, your dress is terrible,
But you're so pretty.
441
00:16:30,390 --> 00:16:32,492
I told you,
Highs and lows.
442
00:16:33,763 --> 00:16:35,395
So...
443
00:16:35,395 --> 00:16:37,467
We really are
Girlfriends then?
444
00:16:37,467 --> 00:16:38,598
Oh, jackie.
445
00:16:38,598 --> 00:16:41,371
We're crying on the floor
Of a public bathroom.
446
00:16:41,371 --> 00:16:45,235
We're the definition
Of girlfriends.
447
00:16:45,235 --> 00:16:47,477
Larry?
448
00:16:47,477 --> 00:16:48,578
Larry?
449
00:16:48,578 --> 00:16:50,040
Go away!
450
00:16:50,040 --> 00:16:53,213
I'm busy being happy.
451
00:16:53,213 --> 00:16:54,784
Look, you got to admit,
The kid's got a point.
452
00:16:54,784 --> 00:16:57,247
Would it kill you
To try a little harder to adapt?
453
00:16:57,247 --> 00:16:58,488
Adapt?
454
00:16:58,488 --> 00:17:01,691
Do you know how ridiculous
That sounds to me?
455
00:17:01,691 --> 00:17:04,654
Imagine trying to fit in
To a civilization
456
00:17:04,654 --> 00:17:07,427
Run by well-meaning
But mindless gerbils.
457
00:17:07,427 --> 00:17:08,558
Oh, well, I don't think
That we--
458
00:17:08,558 --> 00:17:10,430
Imagine having to eat
Like gerbils,
459
00:17:10,430 --> 00:17:12,662
Sleep like gerbils,
Bathe like gerbils.
460
00:17:12,662 --> 00:17:14,564
Yeah, okay, I--
Just to clarify,
461
00:17:14,564 --> 00:17:17,637
You are to me
As gerbils are to you.
462
00:17:17,637 --> 00:17:20,410
(clicks tongue) wow. I mean,
I guess I didn't realize
463
00:17:20,410 --> 00:17:21,671
How much you hate it here,
Larry.
464
00:17:21,671 --> 00:17:23,513
I don't. I just...
465
00:17:24,674 --> 00:17:27,117
I fear it may be
A very long time
466
00:17:27,117 --> 00:17:30,380
Before we return to zabvron,
467
00:17:30,380 --> 00:17:34,124
And I worry my children will
Forget where they come from.
468
00:17:35,455 --> 00:17:37,527
Well, you know,
469
00:17:37,527 --> 00:17:39,529
Listen, I--
470
00:17:39,529 --> 00:17:41,531
When I was growing up,
471
00:17:41,531 --> 00:17:43,163
We would have sunday supper.
472
00:17:43,163 --> 00:17:46,236
Every week, my mom would make
Nice veal parm,
473
00:17:46,236 --> 00:17:48,198
And I always figured that
When I had my own family,
474
00:17:48,198 --> 00:17:49,369
I would do the same thing,
475
00:17:49,369 --> 00:17:52,272
But, you know,
Max has soccer on sunday
476
00:17:52,272 --> 00:17:54,744
And abby has gymnastics,
And...
477
00:17:54,744 --> 00:17:57,677
Amber doesn't believe in meat
As a source of food.
478
00:17:57,677 --> 00:18:00,510
She always struck me as the most
Evolved gerbil in your family.
479
00:18:00,510 --> 00:18:01,751
Yeah, she is. Thank you.
480
00:18:01,751 --> 00:18:04,854
Look, larry,
I had to adjust.
481
00:18:04,854 --> 00:18:07,657
So now every once in a while,
I make eggplant parm,
482
00:18:07,657 --> 00:18:09,559
And the kids love it.
Amber, too.
483
00:18:09,559 --> 00:18:12,822
She stopped calling it
Murder sauce, which is nice.
484
00:18:12,822 --> 00:18:15,595
Look, you have to find ways
To keep your culture alive,
485
00:18:15,595 --> 00:18:17,467
But...
486
00:18:17,467 --> 00:18:21,171
You also have to be willing
To adapt.
487
00:18:21,171 --> 00:18:24,674
Sound advice, marty weaver.
488
00:18:24,674 --> 00:18:26,536
Long walk to get there,
But sound advice.
489
00:18:26,536 --> 00:18:28,208
Yeah.
490
00:18:28,208 --> 00:18:29,539
I know.
491
00:18:29,539 --> 00:18:31,341
I thought the story
Would never end.
492
00:18:31,341 --> 00:18:32,582
I was beginning to panic.
493
00:18:32,582 --> 00:18:34,414
Okay, we're done.
494
00:18:39,549 --> 00:18:41,221
I, um,
495
00:18:41,221 --> 00:18:43,793
I looked into it.
496
00:18:43,793 --> 00:18:45,655
The people
On the playing cards
497
00:18:45,655 --> 00:18:49,259
Are referred to
As "Kings" and "Queens."
498
00:18:50,700 --> 00:18:52,832
I didn't know that.
499
00:19:01,711 --> 00:19:03,613
I stole it
From the weavers.
500
00:19:03,613 --> 00:19:05,815
They have seven.
501
00:19:05,815 --> 00:19:07,717
More televisions than people.
502
00:19:12,482 --> 00:19:13,883
(beep)
503
00:19:23,493 --> 00:19:25,695
Oh, this is
An excellent show.
504
00:19:25,695 --> 00:19:29,339
Oh, father, this isn't a--
505
00:19:29,339 --> 00:19:31,741
Yes. You're--you're right.
506
00:19:31,741 --> 00:19:35,505
It's a--that's
A very popular program.
507
00:19:35,505 --> 00:19:38,177
I can see why.
508
00:19:38,177 --> 00:19:41,551
(woman laughing)
I'm filling up with warmth.
509
00:19:41,551 --> 00:19:44,684
Step one of my healing process!
510
00:19:44,684 --> 00:19:46,786
(zabvronians laugh)
511
00:19:46,786 --> 00:19:50,560
Whee!
512
00:19:50,560 --> 00:19:53,663
(zabvronians cheering)
513
00:19:56,626 --> 00:19:58,468
Milady.
514
00:19:59,629 --> 00:20:01,231
What's scary is
515
00:20:01,231 --> 00:20:04,474
That this isn't even
The craziest part of my night.
516
00:20:04,474 --> 00:20:07,237
Same here.
517
00:20:07,237 --> 00:20:08,738
How was girls' night?
518
00:20:08,738 --> 00:20:09,779
(inhales sharply)
519
00:20:09,779 --> 00:20:12,642
We got into a bar fight.
520
00:20:12,642 --> 00:20:14,213
How was guys' night?
521
00:20:14,213 --> 00:20:18,348
Everyone talked about
Their dads and cried.
522
00:20:18,348 --> 00:20:21,391
(pixies' "Where is my mind?"
Playing)
523
00:20:24,694 --> 00:20:29,329
♪ with your feet on the air
And your head on the ground ♪
524
00:20:30,430 --> 00:20:33,563
I think I really like them,
Marty.
525
00:20:33,563 --> 00:20:35,705
I know. I know.
526
00:20:35,705 --> 00:20:37,567
Me, too.
527
00:20:37,567 --> 00:20:40,970
♪ your head will collapse
If there's nothing in it ♪
528
00:20:40,970 --> 00:20:42,712
♪ and you'll ask yourself ♪
529
00:20:42,712 --> 00:20:46,376
So I don't want to alarm you,
But, um...
530
00:20:46,376 --> 00:20:49,679
Larry bird stole
Our flat screen.
531
00:20:49,679 --> 00:20:51,821
Okay.
532
00:20:51,821 --> 00:20:54,554
♪♪♪
533
00:20:58,788 --> 00:21:01,791
(crickets chirping)
534
00:21:12,772 --> 00:21:16,306
(gulps)
535
00:21:18,778 --> 00:21:19,949
(beep)
536
00:21:19,949 --> 00:21:22,812
(gasps)
537
00:21:22,812 --> 00:21:26,015
Oh,
I did not see that coming.
38709
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Akan
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bemba
Bengali
Bihari
Bosnian
Breton
Bulgarian
Cambodian
Catalan
Cebuano
Cherokee
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Dutch
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Faroese
Finnish
Galician
Georgian
German
Guarani
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hebrew
Hmong
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Kinyarwanda
Kirundi
Kongo
Korean
Krio (Sierra Leone)
Kurdish
Kyrgyz
Laothian
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luganda
Luo
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mauritian Creole
Moldavian
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Montenegrin
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Persian
Polish
Portuguese (Brazil)
Portuguese (Portugal)
Quechua
Romanian
Romansh
Russian
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Sesotho
Setswana
Seychellois Creole
Shona
Sindhi
Sinhalese
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Tigrinya
Tonga
Turkish
Turkmen
Ukrainian
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Wolof