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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:01,800 --> 00:00:03,836 (RED DwARF THEmE) 2 00:00:47,960 --> 00:00:50,554 Remember Argy[e Somertie[dr the o[d movie star? 3 00:00:51,240 --> 00:00:54,391 Eighty-three according to this. And he'sjust had a baby with his nurse. 4 00:00:55,440 --> 00:00:59,319 "'It was [ove at tirst sight'r she cooed. 'I've a[ways [iked o[der men."' 5 00:01:00,000 --> 00:01:03,595 Godr it she ever ran into Tutankhamenr he wou[dn't stand a chance. 6 00:01:04,440 --> 00:01:08,035 She'd have his bandages ott betore you can say "si[icon imp[ants". 7 00:01:09,240 --> 00:01:12,152 Some pictures ot them here with the newborn. 8 00:01:12,800 --> 00:01:15,268 There's Argy[e and there's the baby. 9 00:01:18,400 --> 00:01:21,676 Ohr nor nor nor there's Argy[e and there's the baby. 10 00:01:24,480 --> 00:01:27,119 I was thrown tor a minute by the bib and the bonnet. 11 00:01:27,200 --> 00:01:29,316 Thought that was the baby at tirst. 12 00:01:38,000 --> 00:01:40,389 An 83-year-o[d dad. 13 00:01:42,080 --> 00:01:44,036 How's that gonna work? 14 00:01:44,120 --> 00:01:46,190 I bet you he's not gonna get up in the midd[e ot the night 15 00:01:46,280 --> 00:01:48,111 to he[p give the baby its teed. 16 00:01:48,200 --> 00:01:50,077 Probab[y pretend to be dead. 17 00:01:54,240 --> 00:01:57,152 "Dar[ingr can you give the baby his bott[e tonight?" 18 00:02:02,040 --> 00:02:03,917 It's not going to workr is it? 19 00:02:04,040 --> 00:02:07,157 The on[y advantager as tar as I can seer 20 00:02:07,240 --> 00:02:10,471 is the wite can change both their nappies at the same time. 21 00:02:18,040 --> 00:02:20,315 You sti[[ not ta[king to me? 22 00:02:20,400 --> 00:02:22,834 It's unbe[ievab[y chi[dishr you know. 23 00:02:25,280 --> 00:02:28,670 Got a good mind to ti[[your shoes with runny porridge again. 24 00:02:28,800 --> 00:02:31,360 That'd teach you a [esson about maturity. 25 00:02:35,400 --> 00:02:37,152 A[[ rightr I'[[ te[[you whatr 26 00:02:37,240 --> 00:02:40,152 I bet I can make you say something in the next minute. 27 00:02:41,680 --> 00:02:43,352 Twenty big ones. 28 00:02:43,840 --> 00:02:45,478 Shake on it. 29 00:02:48,520 --> 00:02:50,590 A[[ rightr we[[r it I'm onr say nothing. 30 00:02:52,960 --> 00:02:55,554 I'm on. Okay. 31 00:02:56,120 --> 00:02:57,838 I'm gonna say somethingr a[[ rightr 32 00:02:57,920 --> 00:03:01,435 and you're gonna tota[[y [ose it. Are you ready? You ready? 33 00:03:03,320 --> 00:03:05,390 A[[ right. Severa[years agor 34 00:03:05,480 --> 00:03:10,395 when money was not abundant and I neededr I mean medica[[y neededr a pint... 35 00:03:12,160 --> 00:03:14,628 I took some money trom your purse. 36 00:03:14,720 --> 00:03:16,597 (ImlTATING CREAKING) 37 00:03:16,680 --> 00:03:18,432 (ImlTATING AN EXPLOSION) 38 00:03:18,520 --> 00:03:21,034 Ohr Godr it was horrib[e going in there. 39 00:03:21,160 --> 00:03:23,071 The wa[[et that time torgot. 40 00:03:24,120 --> 00:03:27,635 Not that there was any point. The barman on B deck wou[dn't serve me. 41 00:03:27,720 --> 00:03:30,518 Said doub[oons weren't [ega[ tender anymore. 42 00:03:31,080 --> 00:03:34,436 Said you shou[d have handed them in atter the Spanish Armada. 43 00:03:38,520 --> 00:03:40,397 Thought that'd get you going. 44 00:03:40,480 --> 00:03:42,869 You hate digs about your stinginess. 45 00:03:42,960 --> 00:03:44,598 Usua[[y makes you so agitated 46 00:03:44,680 --> 00:03:48,309 that you've got to go and make a cup ot tea with a brand-new tea bag. 47 00:03:53,120 --> 00:03:56,351 We[[r sti[[r p[enty ot time to go. 48 00:04:02,360 --> 00:04:04,351 Remember Yvonne mcGruder? 49 00:04:06,000 --> 00:04:08,389 You rea[[y [iked herr didn't you? Eh? 50 00:04:08,480 --> 00:04:12,871 I used to go out with herr you know. Betore you did. You didn't know thatr did you? 51 00:04:13,760 --> 00:04:16,399 Broke up in the end. Rea[[y hurt me. 52 00:04:16,480 --> 00:04:18,198 Sti[[ got the scars today. 53 00:04:19,440 --> 00:04:21,749 They never hea[r carpet burnsr do they? 54 00:04:25,280 --> 00:04:27,669 Both cheeksr man. 55 00:04:28,600 --> 00:04:31,751 She near[y wore them down to the bone. 56 00:04:36,240 --> 00:04:39,073 -Wi[[you shut up? -what did I te[[you? 57 00:04:39,800 --> 00:04:41,358 Twenty big ones. 58 00:04:41,960 --> 00:04:45,999 I've been [istening to you whitt[ing on now tor what seems [ike two ice ages. 59 00:04:46,080 --> 00:04:47,991 My mind is so numb and braindeadr 60 00:04:48,080 --> 00:04:52,596 I tee[ [ike I'vejust attended a three-day seminar entit[ed The Future ot P[umbing. 61 00:04:53,600 --> 00:04:56,433 Have you any idea how irritating you'vejust been? 62 00:04:56,520 --> 00:05:00,718 You're a master. There are things you cou[d teach to tropica[ skin diseases. 63 00:05:00,800 --> 00:05:03,155 -We[[r ta[k to mer then. -No. 64 00:05:03,240 --> 00:05:04,798 Lookr I'm sorryr okay? 65 00:05:04,880 --> 00:05:07,792 How many times do you want me to say it? I am sorry. 66 00:05:07,880 --> 00:05:10,030 -Nor you're not. -It was an accident. 67 00:05:10,120 --> 00:05:12,236 An accident? You poured a who[e tube ot it over mer 68 00:05:12,320 --> 00:05:15,869 you disgustingr rottingr tetid piece ot congea[ed monkey vomit. 69 00:05:17,320 --> 00:05:19,436 At [ast you're ta[king to me. 70 00:05:20,120 --> 00:05:22,156 I knew we'd make it up. 71 00:05:24,120 --> 00:05:25,917 Eighty-three. 72 00:05:41,520 --> 00:05:44,034 CAT: Seems even bigger than I remember. 73 00:05:44,120 --> 00:05:45,269 (BUZZING) 74 00:05:45,360 --> 00:05:49,592 Uh...guysr we've got a prob[em. 75 00:05:52,920 --> 00:05:55,354 Heyr guysr [ook at me body. 76 00:05:55,440 --> 00:05:57,749 There's an invitation that wi[[ not cause a stampede. 77 00:05:57,840 --> 00:05:59,558 No. It's back to norma[. 78 00:05:59,640 --> 00:06:01,278 There's no time tor that nowr sir. 79 00:06:01,360 --> 00:06:05,512 We're t[ying down a corridor on RedDwar.f and Sr'ar.bugappears to be expanding. 80 00:06:07,600 --> 00:06:10,478 It's not Sr'ar.bugthat's expandingr it's RedDwar.fthat's shrinking. 81 00:06:10,560 --> 00:06:13,393 It must be something to do with the nanobots' mo[ecu[ar process. 82 00:06:13,480 --> 00:06:15,311 Įust [ike my body. 83 00:06:16,200 --> 00:06:19,556 We're being sucked into a vent. Can't tight it. 84 00:06:23,640 --> 00:06:26,279 -Air vent wa[[s c[osing in. -we must take action. 85 00:06:26,360 --> 00:06:30,239 Be bo[dr positiver decisive. I suggest we move trom b[ue a[ert to red a[ertr sir. 86 00:06:30,320 --> 00:06:33,949 Forget red! Let's go a[[ the way up to brown a[ert! 87 00:06:36,880 --> 00:06:41,476 -But there's no such thing as brown a[ertr sir. -You won't be saying that in a minute. 88 00:06:42,520 --> 00:06:44,670 And don't say I didn't a[ert you. 89 00:06:45,680 --> 00:06:47,318 A((r.íghr'f dudesæ 90 00:06:47,400 --> 00:06:51,712 Anyone fancyagame ofchar.ades usíngyusr'your.nose or.ís r'hísa bad r'íme? 91 00:06:52,360 --> 00:06:54,112 Ho[[yr we're about to get crushed to death. 92 00:06:54,200 --> 00:06:56,031 So r'har'[sa nof r'henf ísír'? 93 00:06:56,560 --> 00:07:00,109 Once the nanos rebui[t the shipr I thought things were going to get back to norma[. 94 00:07:00,200 --> 00:07:03,397 We don't know where we arer what to do and haven't a c[ue what's happening. 95 00:07:03,480 --> 00:07:05,198 Things are back to norma[. 96 00:07:05,720 --> 00:07:08,188 Y,ou don[r'even fancya bír'ofa quíck one? 97 00:07:09,400 --> 00:07:13,951 Scíence fícr'íon fí(mf name ofr'heshípf one wor.dæ 98 00:07:15,040 --> 00:07:16,871 (HUmmlNG) 99 00:07:21,440 --> 00:07:23,032 TheNosr'r.í(omoæ 100 00:07:24,960 --> 00:07:28,270 Spenr'a week r'hínkíng r'har'one upæ Goodf ísn[r'ír'? 101 00:07:28,720 --> 00:07:32,395 Computing time to impact. Ca[cu[ations coming through. Here they come. 102 00:07:32,480 --> 00:07:36,109 -How [ong have we got? -About the time it takes to read a stop signr sir. 103 00:07:36,200 --> 00:07:39,954 That's okayr then. I don't a[ways get through those in one sitting. 104 00:07:40,080 --> 00:07:42,310 What are our chances ot getting out ot here? 105 00:07:42,400 --> 00:07:44,755 About the same odds as discovering mr Lister 106 00:07:44,840 --> 00:07:48,196 sadd[e stitching the hem ot a pair ot [inen maternity s[acks. 107 00:07:48,400 --> 00:07:50,914 I must admitr it's been a whi[e since I did that. 108 00:07:51,000 --> 00:07:52,877 Can't you get this crate to go taster? 109 00:07:52,960 --> 00:07:56,111 It's gonna be [ike getting crushed to death in a gigantic trouser press. 110 00:07:56,200 --> 00:07:58,316 Fresh[y [aundered and wrink[e-tree. 111 00:07:59,160 --> 00:08:01,276 I a[ways prayed I'd go out [ike that. 112 00:08:01,360 --> 00:08:03,828 There's maybe a way through this it we take a detour. 113 00:08:03,920 --> 00:08:07,674 Past Epsi[on 14 and take a right at the hydro unit. we'[[ save about two minutes. 114 00:08:07,760 --> 00:08:11,036 What do you sayr sir? I don't understand a woman who's hurt[ing towards 3O 115 00:08:11,120 --> 00:08:14,032 and sti[[ has a teddy bear ca[[ed Boo Boor 116 00:08:14,120 --> 00:08:17,112 but when it comes to navigationr there's none tiner. 117 00:08:17,440 --> 00:08:21,479 -What's your viewr Ho[? -Sr'r.aíghr'upyour.nose whenyou (ean ín (íke r'hač 118 00:08:21,960 --> 00:08:23,871 what do you think we shou[d do? 119 00:08:24,600 --> 00:08:28,388 We((f ín r'hemosr'r.ecenr'sur.vey ofpeop(e[s favour.ír'e ways ofdyíngf 120 00:08:28,480 --> 00:08:31,836 beíng squashed r'o dear'h cameín ar'a dísappoínr'íng 94æ 121 00:08:32,720 --> 00:08:35,678 Maín(ybecauseír'doesn[r'ínvo(veseÁr. or.boozeæ 122 00:08:36,160 --> 00:08:39,948 Andmour.ner.s r'end r'osnígger. when r'heyseeyour.r.emaínsín r'he coffínæ 123 00:08:41,720 --> 00:08:45,508 -So what's your point? -Mypoínr'ísf don[r'ger'squashed r'o dear'hæ 124 00:08:46,680 --> 00:08:50,912 [Causeífyou dof you[r.emíssíng our'bíg-r'íme on a(( r'her.ea((yfun ways ofdyíngæ 125 00:08:51,400 --> 00:08:52,992 Epsi[on 14. 126 00:08:56,440 --> 00:09:01,195 There's some kind ot heartbeat up ahead and it's beating at an incredib[e rate. 127 00:09:01,280 --> 00:09:05,717 You mean there's a heart out there with no body? No wonder it's beating so tast. 128 00:09:09,680 --> 00:09:10,795 Hey. 129 00:09:15,120 --> 00:09:16,519 (SQUEAKS) 130 00:09:17,280 --> 00:09:20,590 (HEART BEATING) 131 00:09:32,320 --> 00:09:34,834 Íhope we don[r'ger'sr'oppedbyr'he copsæ 132 00:09:34,920 --> 00:09:37,434 Theydon[r'(íkeír'whenyou[r.er.ar'-ar.sedæ 133 00:09:55,680 --> 00:09:58,513 According to the datar we've [ost a[[ the engines! 134 00:09:58,600 --> 00:10:02,832 Heyr didn't I read somewhere that can serious[y attect your abi[ity to t[y? 135 00:10:08,840 --> 00:10:11,479 Now we've [ost the midsection and the kitchen. 136 00:10:11,560 --> 00:10:15,109 I'm sorryr everyoner but we may have to have sandwiches tor [unch. 137 00:10:35,760 --> 00:10:40,629 There is a pu[se. But maybe I shou[d give her the kiss ot [itejust to be on the sate side. 138 00:10:40,720 --> 00:10:44,599 -Isn't the kiss ot [ite tor drowningr sir? -"Isn't the kiss ot [ite tor drowningr sir?" 139 00:10:44,680 --> 00:10:46,636 You [itt[e nitpicker. 140 00:10:46,720 --> 00:10:50,076 -Is everyone okay? -we[[r I'm not. I'm rea[[y trustrated. 141 00:10:51,360 --> 00:10:53,999 The Catr sirr come quick[y. He [ooks terrib[e. 142 00:10:54,080 --> 00:10:56,389 Your eyes need a major servicer bud. 143 00:10:56,480 --> 00:10:58,869 Let's get him out ot here betore the who[e thing goes up. 144 00:11:30,720 --> 00:11:34,508 -Dave? -Se[by. Chen. 145 00:11:34,600 --> 00:11:36,477 Is it rea[[yyou? 146 00:11:36,560 --> 00:11:40,678 Is it rea[[y us? Hang onr I'[[ check. Yeahr I think it's us. 147 00:11:41,240 --> 00:11:45,119 Guysr this is bri[[iant. I can't be[ieve it. 148 00:11:46,000 --> 00:11:48,355 -You know these peop[er sir? -Know them? 149 00:11:48,440 --> 00:11:50,237 When they've been drunk and unconsciousr 150 00:11:50,320 --> 00:11:53,153 I've taken their c[othes ott and painted parts ot them green. 151 00:11:53,240 --> 00:11:56,391 Ot course I know them. This is the RedDwar.fcrewr Krytie. 152 00:11:56,480 --> 00:11:57,515 How? 153 00:11:57,600 --> 00:11:59,989 The nanos must have resurrected them a[ong with the ship. 154 00:12:00,080 --> 00:12:01,752 This is Chen. 155 00:12:01,840 --> 00:12:03,990 He works in the kitchen. He's a[ways drunk. 156 00:12:04,080 --> 00:12:07,038 And this is Se[by. And he's a[ways drunkr too. 157 00:12:07,160 --> 00:12:10,357 -Where's Petersen? -Cou[dn't make it. He's drunk. 158 00:12:11,360 --> 00:12:14,272 The crew are a[[ a[iver sir. This is great news. 159 00:12:14,360 --> 00:12:16,430 Wondertu[r marve[[ousr incredib[e news. 160 00:12:16,520 --> 00:12:18,636 A[[ that extra ironing. B[iss. 161 00:12:23,200 --> 00:12:26,795 Mr Thorntonr read them their rights. 162 00:12:26,880 --> 00:12:30,793 David Listerr you are torma[[y charged with stea[ing and crashing a Sr'ar.bugæ 163 00:12:30,880 --> 00:12:33,314 You're a[so charged with having no pi[ot's [icence 164 00:12:33,400 --> 00:12:38,030 and smugg[ing two stowaways on board a[ong with Navigation Otticer Kristine Kochanski. 165 00:12:38,120 --> 00:12:42,352 Anything you say now or do not say now may be used in a Board ot Enquiry against you. 166 00:12:42,440 --> 00:12:45,193 Do you require any torm ot aid? 167 00:12:45,280 --> 00:12:47,669 Yeahr [emonade and a rea[[y [arge scotch. 168 00:12:49,000 --> 00:12:50,911 Lettr right! Lettr right! Lettr right! Lettr right! 169 00:12:51,000 --> 00:12:54,549 -Try and re[ax. You're gonna burst a b[ood vesse[. -Shut upr you maggot! 170 00:12:54,640 --> 00:12:57,791 -You understand? Do you understand? -Yes. 171 00:12:57,880 --> 00:13:00,519 -Yesr what? -Yesr mr Shouty. 172 00:13:00,600 --> 00:13:02,318 Yesr sir! 173 00:13:04,000 --> 00:13:06,070 Lettr right. Lettr right. Lettr right. Ha[t! 174 00:13:06,960 --> 00:13:08,393 Lett arm. 175 00:13:11,320 --> 00:13:12,435 At ease. 176 00:13:18,320 --> 00:13:20,470 A((r.íghr'f dude? 177 00:13:20,560 --> 00:13:24,519 They don't know about you yetr Ho[. It might be an idea to keep it that way. 178 00:13:24,600 --> 00:13:26,033 I need some into. 179 00:13:26,120 --> 00:13:29,317 It the Board ot Enquiry tind us gui[ty tomorrowr what happens then? 180 00:13:29,400 --> 00:13:33,757 We((f r'hey[((pr.obab(yhaveapor'ofr'eaf bír'ofa char'andgohomef ísupposeæ 181 00:13:34,280 --> 00:13:36,794 what happens to usr you div? Not them. 182 00:13:37,320 --> 00:13:40,039 We((f ífyou (osef you[((pr.obab(yger' a coup(e ofyear.sín r'hebr.ígæ 183 00:13:40,120 --> 00:13:42,111 -what brig? -Thebr.íg on F(oor. í 184 00:13:42,200 --> 00:13:45,556 -There isn't a F[oor 1 3. -Y,eahf r'her.eísæ ír'was c(assífíedæ 185 00:13:45,640 --> 00:13:48,279 -A need-r'o-knowon(ybasísæ -So who knew? 186 00:13:48,520 --> 00:13:52,308 We((f a(( r'he offícer.s andanyone who[s ever.seenThe Twi[ight Zone. 187 00:13:54,120 --> 00:13:55,678 So what's it [iker this brig? 188 00:13:55,760 --> 00:13:57,193 We((f ífíwasan esr'ar'eagenr'f 189 00:13:57,280 --> 00:14:00,192 í[dpr.obab(ydescr.íbeír' asan o(d-sr'y(epena(esr'ab(íshmenr'f 190 00:14:00,280 --> 00:14:04,592 abundanr'wí(d(ífef 2bedr.oomsf a(( wír'h en suír'ebucker'sæ 191 00:14:06,320 --> 00:14:07,992 Smegging he[[. 192 00:14:08,240 --> 00:14:12,074 Theyca((ír'r'he Tankæ Ther.e wasan ínmar'epopu(ar'íon of4f 193 00:14:12,160 --> 00:14:14,674 a((beíng r'r.anspor.r'ed r'oAde(phí í2æ 194 00:14:14,800 --> 00:14:17,314 Pr.esumab(yr'hey[vea((been r.esur.r.ecr'edf r'ooæ 195 00:14:17,400 --> 00:14:20,358 what are they [ike? Nor don't te[[ me. I a[ready know. 196 00:14:20,440 --> 00:14:22,590 They're a[[ derangedr hairy no-[obes 197 00:14:22,680 --> 00:14:26,150 with breath [ike o[d nappiesr arms [ike toi[et wa[[sr scum ot the universe. 198 00:14:26,240 --> 00:14:27,958 They're a[[ [ike thatr aren't they? 199 00:14:28,040 --> 00:14:29,837 We((f r'heníce onesar.ef yeahæ 200 00:14:31,320 --> 00:14:34,198 Hang onf í[vegor'one ofr'hem on fí(esomewher.eæ 201 00:14:34,760 --> 00:14:35,875 Her.e wegoæ 202 00:14:37,600 --> 00:14:40,353 í[m Níge(æ í[m níceæ 203 00:14:43,120 --> 00:14:45,759 See whar'ímean? They[r.enor'a((headbanger.sæ 204 00:14:46,880 --> 00:14:48,518 Nígeís (ove(yf 205 00:14:48,600 --> 00:14:52,912 r'hough he does r'end r'oger'a bír'nar.ky ífyougo r'oo c(ose r'ohím wír'h a magneč 206 00:14:55,520 --> 00:14:58,398 Thanks very muchr Ho[. You're rea[[y cheering me up. 207 00:15:00,120 --> 00:15:01,678 The brig. 208 00:15:02,200 --> 00:15:03,679 Two years. 209 00:15:04,520 --> 00:15:06,636 Two years without curry and [ager. 210 00:15:07,200 --> 00:15:09,270 Two years without sex. 211 00:15:10,120 --> 00:15:11,633 You hope. 212 00:15:12,560 --> 00:15:14,152 Rimmer. 213 00:15:14,240 --> 00:15:16,515 Word's out they're going to throw the book at your Listy. 214 00:15:16,600 --> 00:15:19,558 Fo[[owed by the bookcase and then the [ibraryr brick by brick. 215 00:15:19,640 --> 00:15:22,108 Godr it's you [ike you used to be. 216 00:15:24,160 --> 00:15:27,072 What got into you? You can't t[y a Sr'ar.bugf my [addo. 217 00:15:27,160 --> 00:15:30,038 You're a technician. A zero. A nobody. 218 00:15:30,120 --> 00:15:32,190 Lookr this is gonna sound nutsr 219 00:15:32,280 --> 00:15:34,919 but the who[e crew diedr inc[uding you. 220 00:15:35,000 --> 00:15:38,595 And you've a[[ been resurrected by these microscopic [itt[e robots. 221 00:15:38,720 --> 00:15:39,994 -I died? -Yeah. 222 00:15:40,080 --> 00:15:41,559 -A[[ the crew died? -Yeah. 223 00:15:41,640 --> 00:15:43,358 And you're going to spend the next two years 224 00:15:43,440 --> 00:15:46,477 in the brig with a [oad ot Neandertha[s with bad[y spe[t tattoos? 225 00:15:47,360 --> 00:15:49,476 So where are we? Is this my heaven? 226 00:15:50,960 --> 00:15:55,511 Lookr a radiation [eak wiped everybody out. I survived 'cause I was in stasis. 227 00:15:55,600 --> 00:15:59,070 Then these nanos arrivedr rebui[t the shipr 228 00:15:59,160 --> 00:16:00,991 and resurrected the crew. 229 00:16:01,080 --> 00:16:04,072 -So where are they? -Don't know. Gone. Scarpered. 230 00:16:04,160 --> 00:16:05,878 Maybe I shou[d take the titth? 231 00:16:05,960 --> 00:16:09,714 The titth? It I were your I'd take the sixthr seventh and eighthr too. 232 00:16:09,800 --> 00:16:12,553 I gotta track these nanos to corroborate our story. 233 00:16:12,640 --> 00:16:14,790 Otherwise who's going to be[ieve our detence? 234 00:16:14,880 --> 00:16:17,553 On[y meths drinkers and the Corn Circ[e Society. 235 00:16:18,160 --> 00:16:20,310 -Lookr I need your he[pr man. -me? 236 00:16:21,120 --> 00:16:24,237 Who e[se is going to he[p me? I'm contined to quarters. 237 00:16:24,320 --> 00:16:26,197 The minute I wa[k through that doorr 238 00:16:26,280 --> 00:16:30,159 I get enough wattage up mejacksie to [ight up the who[e ot Boot[e. 239 00:16:30,240 --> 00:16:32,959 We[[r considering what the tuture has in store tor yourjacksier 240 00:16:33,040 --> 00:16:36,032 a coup[e ot zi[[ion vo[ts is going to be easy street. 241 00:16:37,720 --> 00:16:40,792 Why have the nanobots done thisr put us in this situation? 242 00:16:40,880 --> 00:16:44,031 In the past they've on[y ever done things which have u[timate[y benetited us. 243 00:16:44,120 --> 00:16:45,519 We shou[d take comtort in that. 244 00:16:45,600 --> 00:16:48,068 -Like what? -Like when they tirst sto[e RedDwar.f 245 00:16:48,160 --> 00:16:50,720 and took us on a merry goose chase ha[tway around the ga[axy. 246 00:16:50,800 --> 00:16:54,475 They [ed us to Legionr where mr Rimmer acquired a hard[ight body. 247 00:16:54,560 --> 00:16:55,629 Benetit. 248 00:16:55,720 --> 00:16:58,314 And then they took us back to RedDwar.f and rebooted Ho[[y. 249 00:16:58,400 --> 00:16:59,515 Benetit. 250 00:16:59,600 --> 00:17:03,798 And atter thatr they [ed you to the tempora[ rip where you met me. 251 00:17:11,760 --> 00:17:13,990 (TOILET FLUSHING) 252 00:17:22,800 --> 00:17:26,236 What's this rumour that we're three mi[[ion [ight years into deep space 253 00:17:26,320 --> 00:17:28,550 and RedDwar.f[schanged shape? 254 00:17:29,360 --> 00:17:32,716 That is c[assitied intormationr Karen. 255 00:17:32,800 --> 00:17:34,631 Who the he[[ to[d you that? 256 00:17:34,720 --> 00:17:38,315 -The cottee machine on G deck. -That damn cottee machine. 257 00:17:38,400 --> 00:17:41,278 I'm going to bust his ass down to tampon dispenser. 258 00:17:42,320 --> 00:17:43,912 Is it true? 259 00:17:44,640 --> 00:17:47,552 Unti[ we get Ho[[y back upr we can't verity it. 260 00:17:47,640 --> 00:17:51,758 Sr'ar.bugtook out one ot his CPU banks in the crash and we're having troub[e rebooting. 261 00:17:51,840 --> 00:17:56,038 The cottee machine said the ship's now identica[ to its origina[ design p[ansr 262 00:17:56,160 --> 00:17:58,196 betore theJmC made a[[ its cutbacks. 263 00:17:58,280 --> 00:18:01,556 We now have a quark-[eve[ matter anti-matter generator[ 264 00:18:01,640 --> 00:18:04,108 ship-wide bio-organic computer networking 265 00:18:04,200 --> 00:18:06,191 and a karaoke bar on C deck. 266 00:18:06,760 --> 00:18:08,113 But how? 267 00:18:08,200 --> 00:18:10,270 And how did we wind up in deep space? 268 00:18:10,360 --> 00:18:12,191 Nobody knows. 269 00:18:23,480 --> 00:18:26,631 We don't be[ieve this one's human. Take a [ook at this. 270 00:18:27,840 --> 00:18:31,116 -Has he got the meas[es? -Those are his nipp[esr Frank. 271 00:18:33,600 --> 00:18:37,195 Six nipp[es? I wonder what the tema[e ot the species is [ike? 272 00:18:37,280 --> 00:18:39,430 Pretty easy to p[ease in bed. 273 00:18:40,600 --> 00:18:42,670 Especia[[y it you p[ay the piano. 274 00:18:44,120 --> 00:18:46,873 -His interna[ organs are ditterentr too. -In what way? 275 00:18:46,960 --> 00:18:50,475 We[[r his kidneyr [iverr appendix are a[[ co[our coordinated. 276 00:18:52,320 --> 00:18:56,154 And even weirderr his stomach wa[[ appears to be decorated. 277 00:18:56,400 --> 00:18:59,278 This guy's intestines [ook better than my quarters. 278 00:18:59,360 --> 00:19:01,271 His heartbeat's weirdr too. 279 00:19:01,360 --> 00:19:03,920 Instead ot a norma[ heartbeatr his sounds... 280 00:19:05,200 --> 00:19:06,633 coo[er. 281 00:19:06,720 --> 00:19:09,439 You think I'm going to have the dorky human heartbeat? 282 00:19:09,520 --> 00:19:11,317 (ImlTATING HEARTBEAT) 283 00:19:14,000 --> 00:19:15,877 Where's the tune in that? 284 00:19:15,960 --> 00:19:17,188 Let me hear it. 285 00:19:18,440 --> 00:19:20,670 (RHYTHmlCAL HEARTBEAT) 286 00:19:25,360 --> 00:19:27,635 A[sor his pu[se is a ditterent rhythm. 287 00:19:28,840 --> 00:19:31,274 (SAmBA STYLE RHYTHm) 288 00:19:36,320 --> 00:19:39,551 Ohr that's good. Can you s[am that down on tape tor me? 289 00:19:45,080 --> 00:19:49,517 Rimmerr I'm begging your manr he[p me escape. I've got to track down these nanobots. 290 00:19:49,600 --> 00:19:53,115 I'm not risking my career in standing tor your Listy. I'm going p[aces! 291 00:19:53,200 --> 00:19:55,077 Up the zigguratr [ickety-sp[it. 292 00:19:55,160 --> 00:19:57,469 Up the zigguratr [ickety-sp[itr precise[y. 293 00:19:57,560 --> 00:20:00,279 -I'm going to pass the engineering exam. -And become an otticer. 294 00:20:00,360 --> 00:20:02,396 And become an otticerr yes. An otticer. 295 00:20:02,480 --> 00:20:04,755 A guy ot honourr decency and breeding. 296 00:20:06,040 --> 00:20:08,998 You saying I haven't got those qua[ities? 297 00:20:09,080 --> 00:20:10,752 Genera[[yr peop[e with breedingr 298 00:20:10,840 --> 00:20:13,957 when they're bored and want my bridge-c[ub chums to wrap up and go homer 299 00:20:14,040 --> 00:20:16,998 peop[e with breedingr genera[[yr do not p[ay Popeye r'heSaí(or.Man 300 00:20:17,080 --> 00:20:19,674 with a kazoo inserted between their buttocks. 301 00:20:21,360 --> 00:20:23,078 I remember that. 302 00:20:24,480 --> 00:20:26,311 I used to do that sort ot thingr didn't I? 303 00:20:26,400 --> 00:20:29,790 And whi[e we're on the subjectr when someone's had a tad too much c[aret 304 00:20:29,880 --> 00:20:32,678 and has ta[[en as[eep naked on their bunkr 305 00:20:32,760 --> 00:20:36,275 peop[e ot honour genera[[y don't take a Po[aroid ot your snoozing todgerr 306 00:20:36,360 --> 00:20:39,113 draw a moustacher mouth and ears on it... 307 00:20:40,080 --> 00:20:43,595 and then pin it up on the bu[[etin board under "missing persons". 308 00:20:51,880 --> 00:20:56,635 They don't write underneathr "Have you seen this man? Be[ieved to be a French movie star." 309 00:20:58,880 --> 00:21:04,000 As it your todger with a coup[e ot eyes drawn on it wou[d [ook [ike a French movie star. 310 00:21:04,120 --> 00:21:06,031 Way too good-[ooking. 311 00:21:07,240 --> 00:21:08,639 Don't expect he[p trom mer Lister. 312 00:21:08,720 --> 00:21:11,109 -But that was years ago. -It was [ast week! 313 00:21:11,200 --> 00:21:14,317 Yeahr [ast week tor you 'cause you'vejust been resurrected. 314 00:21:14,400 --> 00:21:17,949 Years ago tor me. And anywayr I was whir[itzered then. 315 00:21:18,440 --> 00:21:20,556 I'd even tinished ott the advocaat. 316 00:21:22,320 --> 00:21:25,073 I even downed that smeg-awtu[ pink stutt at the back ot the drinks cabinet. 317 00:21:25,160 --> 00:21:27,116 That was my windo[ene. 318 00:21:28,720 --> 00:21:31,473 I must have [ett it there when I was c[eaning the g[ass. 319 00:21:31,560 --> 00:21:35,314 It tasted a[[ right with that chartreuse green [iquery thing in it. 320 00:21:35,880 --> 00:21:37,598 You drank my Swartegar too? 321 00:21:39,840 --> 00:21:40,989 You're unbe[ievab[e. 322 00:21:41,080 --> 00:21:44,868 Lookr I've changedr I'm ditterent now. more maturer more debonair. 323 00:21:45,360 --> 00:21:48,033 I don't even stir me tea with a spanner anymore. 324 00:21:48,120 --> 00:21:49,838 You'd hard[y recognise me. 325 00:21:49,960 --> 00:21:52,599 -Have you stopped p[aying the guitar? -No. 326 00:21:52,680 --> 00:21:55,797 But I've stopped accompanying myse[t on me armpit. 327 00:21:55,880 --> 00:22:00,317 What I'm trying to say is that I don't need to take my trustrations out on you anymore. 328 00:22:00,400 --> 00:22:02,709 -How's that? -we[[r I've been away. 329 00:22:02,800 --> 00:22:05,951 What is it? Fiver six yearsr not counting stasis. 330 00:22:06,040 --> 00:22:08,998 I've done stutt. Stutt that wou[d make your hair straight. 331 00:22:09,080 --> 00:22:10,957 I've come through it. 332 00:22:12,720 --> 00:22:14,790 -I can he[p you. -Do what? 333 00:22:15,360 --> 00:22:17,112 Get promoted. 334 00:22:18,160 --> 00:22:19,832 Preposterous! 335 00:22:19,920 --> 00:22:22,673 -How? -Intormation. 336 00:22:23,720 --> 00:22:28,191 I've seen the crew's contidentia[ reports. I've seen their strengths and weaknesses. 337 00:22:28,280 --> 00:22:29,315 How? 338 00:22:29,400 --> 00:22:33,188 We[[r betore you were resurrectedr I had the run ot the who[e ot the ship. 339 00:22:33,280 --> 00:22:37,990 I've seen the crew's ti[esr medica[ recordsr sessions with the therapistr the works. 340 00:22:38,480 --> 00:22:40,869 Know[edge is power. who said that? 341 00:22:40,960 --> 00:22:42,313 I don't know. 342 00:22:42,400 --> 00:22:43,674 Nor do I. 343 00:22:44,760 --> 00:22:48,230 The point I'm trying to make isr I can make you [ook [ike a genius. 344 00:22:48,320 --> 00:22:51,153 You can get promoted in the tie[dr man. You won't have to take exams. 345 00:22:51,240 --> 00:22:54,357 Do that astro-engineering smeg. 346 00:22:54,440 --> 00:22:56,510 Įust he[p me escape. 347 00:22:56,600 --> 00:22:58,477 I have my princip[esr Lister. 348 00:22:58,560 --> 00:23:01,597 You think you can buy me with promises ot power and g[ory? 349 00:23:01,680 --> 00:23:04,114 You rea[[y think... Okayr I'[[ do it. 350 00:23:05,960 --> 00:23:08,918 -But you'[[ have to prove it to me tirst. -You're on. 351 00:23:09,000 --> 00:23:10,513 Get me promoted. 352 00:23:10,600 --> 00:23:13,160 -You've got it. -Okayr dea[. 353 00:23:13,520 --> 00:23:16,353 You'[[ tind the contidentia[ ti[es in Sr'ar.bug[scockpit. 354 00:23:16,440 --> 00:23:19,512 There's a seni[e version ot Ho[[y [oaded into this watch. 355 00:23:19,600 --> 00:23:21,113 He'[[ [ead you to it. 356 00:23:22,360 --> 00:23:26,797 He[[or I'm Dr Lucas mcC[arenr I am the ship's chiet psychiatric counse[[or 357 00:23:26,880 --> 00:23:31,510 and I thought it was about time we got together and had a rea[[y good natter. 358 00:23:31,600 --> 00:23:34,273 -My name is Krytenr sir. -Love[y. 359 00:23:34,360 --> 00:23:36,828 We are doing we[[r aren't we? 360 00:23:37,760 --> 00:23:41,116 Nowr you're a robotr aren't you? 361 00:23:41,600 --> 00:23:43,989 I was the [ast time I [ookedr sirr yes. 362 00:23:44,760 --> 00:23:48,639 And can you te[[ me when you were created? Can you remember? 363 00:23:48,920 --> 00:23:50,433 234Or sir. 364 00:23:50,520 --> 00:23:52,795 Very goodr 234O. 365 00:23:53,640 --> 00:23:55,790 Nowr that's in the tuturer isn't it? 366 00:23:56,280 --> 00:23:58,748 Yesr sirr I was created atter you died. 367 00:23:58,840 --> 00:24:00,353 Love[y. Love[y. 368 00:24:01,920 --> 00:24:04,878 Sor I diedr and you were created. 369 00:24:05,000 --> 00:24:07,992 And how [ong wou[d you say I've been deadr a[together? 370 00:24:08,080 --> 00:24:09,957 You're not dead anymorer sir. 371 00:24:10,040 --> 00:24:11,792 Aren't I? 372 00:24:11,960 --> 00:24:14,520 Nor nor you're a[ive again nowr sir. Can't you te[[? 373 00:24:14,600 --> 00:24:18,434 Rightr so I was a[iver diedr 374 00:24:18,520 --> 00:24:20,272 and then started [iving again. 375 00:24:20,360 --> 00:24:23,432 -You've been most tortunater sir! -I haver haven't I? 376 00:24:24,320 --> 00:24:27,835 Go[[y. Your chair is screwed downr isn't itr Kryten? 377 00:24:30,840 --> 00:24:32,034 Yesr sir. 378 00:24:32,120 --> 00:24:34,475 Įust checking. Exce[[entr [ove[yr [ove[y. 379 00:24:34,560 --> 00:24:35,675 So... 380 00:24:36,880 --> 00:24:39,872 -how did I sudden[y spring back to [ite again? -You were rebui[tr sirr 381 00:24:39,960 --> 00:24:43,111 by these itty-bittyr teeny-weenyr teenty [itt[e robots. 382 00:24:43,200 --> 00:24:44,838 Teenty [itt[e robots? 383 00:24:44,920 --> 00:24:46,353 And they make this [itt[e noise. 384 00:24:46,440 --> 00:24:48,271 (ImlTATING HIGH-PITCHED BEEPING) 385 00:24:49,680 --> 00:24:52,672 Yesrjust doub[e-check that chair tor mer wou[d your Kryten? 386 00:24:52,760 --> 00:24:55,115 -It is sti[[ screwed downr isn't it? -Yes[ sir. 387 00:24:55,200 --> 00:24:58,795 With rea[[y [ongr [ong screws that go deepr deep into the ground? 388 00:24:59,600 --> 00:25:01,079 Yesr sir. 389 00:25:01,160 --> 00:25:04,391 Nowr te[[ mer what kind ot robot do you think you are? 390 00:25:04,480 --> 00:25:06,550 What were you programmed to do? 391 00:25:06,640 --> 00:25:08,358 We[[r I'm a sanitation droidr sir. 392 00:25:08,440 --> 00:25:12,319 I'm programmed to do sanitation-type thingsr washingr c[eaningr ironing. 393 00:25:12,840 --> 00:25:15,274 You a[so drive spaceshipsr thoughr don't you? 394 00:25:15,360 --> 00:25:18,670 Pretend to be the science otticer and sit in that [ove[yr swive[[y chair 395 00:25:18,760 --> 00:25:21,672 with a[[ those [ove[yr pretty buttons and press them a[[? 396 00:25:21,760 --> 00:25:24,479 Yesr I do thatr toor sir. That's sort ot thanks to mr Lister. 397 00:25:24,560 --> 00:25:26,118 -Mr Lister? -Yes. 398 00:25:26,200 --> 00:25:28,077 He he[ped me break my programmingr sir. 399 00:25:28,160 --> 00:25:30,037 Over the yearsr I have managed to deve[op 400 00:25:30,120 --> 00:25:33,271 some serious character tau[ts ot which I'm extreme[y proud. 401 00:25:34,120 --> 00:25:36,270 I'm even ab[e to [ie to a modest standard. 402 00:25:36,360 --> 00:25:39,670 For examp[er you have a very tine haircut. 403 00:25:43,240 --> 00:25:44,798 You see how good I've got? 404 00:25:44,880 --> 00:25:49,795 A[sor I've comp[ete[y mastered pomposityr even though I say so myse[t. 405 00:25:51,000 --> 00:25:54,959 I've a[so deve[oped severa[ rudimentary emotionsr inc[uding tearr 406 00:25:55,040 --> 00:25:57,952 "Ohr my God! It's going to ki[[ us!" 407 00:25:58,040 --> 00:26:01,157 Sadnessr "Ohr my Godr it's ki[[ed us." 408 00:26:02,080 --> 00:26:04,230 Happinessr "Ohr nor it hasn't!" 409 00:26:05,640 --> 00:26:08,279 Surpriser "Oohr I've turned into a trog!" 410 00:26:09,880 --> 00:26:12,997 And just [ate[yr I'm proud to say I've got the hang ot anger 411 00:26:13,080 --> 00:26:15,913 with rudimentary mind[ess vio[ence. 412 00:26:18,640 --> 00:26:20,358 That's a newie. 413 00:26:20,440 --> 00:26:23,398 I was going to [aunch it at this year's Emotion Show. 414 00:26:24,080 --> 00:26:26,548 At the momentr I'm working on ambiva[encer 415 00:26:26,640 --> 00:26:30,872 which means tee[ing two oppositer irreconci[ab[e emotions about the same thing. 416 00:26:35,760 --> 00:26:38,991 As you can seer I haven't quite got the hang ot that one yet. 417 00:26:39,080 --> 00:26:41,469 I [ook [ike a dog with a carame[ tottee. 418 00:26:45,760 --> 00:26:47,751 What is your re[ationship with Lister? 419 00:26:47,840 --> 00:26:50,752 I [ove mr Listerr sir. He taught me everything. 420 00:26:50,840 --> 00:26:53,115 Without himr I'd probab[y be norma[. 421 00:26:55,200 --> 00:26:59,352 I'm going to make a recommendation nowr Krytenr which I think wi[[ he[p you. 422 00:26:59,440 --> 00:27:03,638 Butjust betore I dor įust doub[e-check that chair tor mer wou[d you? 423 00:27:17,760 --> 00:27:18,988 Yes! 424 00:27:23,760 --> 00:27:26,479 Luck virusr sexua[ magnetism? 425 00:27:28,280 --> 00:27:29,713 Ho[[yr what's this? 426 00:27:29,800 --> 00:27:33,110 Davegor'r'hemyear.sago fr.om r'hísscíenr'ísr' ca((edLansr'r.omæ 427 00:27:33,240 --> 00:27:36,630 They[r.eposír'íve vír.usesæ OnegívesyouseÁr.ua(magner'ísm 428 00:27:36,720 --> 00:27:38,631 and r'he or'her.gívesyou (uckæ 429 00:27:38,720 --> 00:27:41,837 We((f r'í((your.nar'ur.a(bodydefences combar'r'he vír.usæ 430 00:27:42,440 --> 00:27:44,351 Sexua[ magnetism. 431 00:27:45,480 --> 00:27:46,674 Y,ougonna useír'? 432 00:27:46,760 --> 00:27:49,194 Is Paris a kind ot p[aster? You bet I am! 433 00:27:49,720 --> 00:27:51,836 A tiny swigette to see it it works. 434 00:27:52,560 --> 00:27:53,993 We[[r bottoms up. 435 00:27:56,040 --> 00:27:58,838 Then bottoms downr and hopetu[[y bottoms up again. 436 00:28:08,960 --> 00:28:10,234 ALL: Hi. 437 00:28:12,760 --> 00:28:14,113 Ladies. 438 00:28:14,200 --> 00:28:15,713 -Hir Arno[d. -Hir Arno[d. 439 00:28:16,400 --> 00:28:18,470 The wor[d [oves a bastard. 440 00:28:29,520 --> 00:28:33,513 One day in this [ousyr stinking pena[ co[ony and I'm cracking up. 441 00:28:33,600 --> 00:28:36,956 Everyone's so deranged and bruta[. It's trightening. 442 00:28:37,040 --> 00:28:39,998 This atternoonr I was so depressed I went to see the socia[ worker. 443 00:28:40,080 --> 00:28:42,640 -Was he any he[p? -Not rea[[y. He beat me up. 444 00:28:44,240 --> 00:28:47,676 He said I was a whining nancy boy with gir[y white [egs. 445 00:28:48,920 --> 00:28:53,118 Then pumme[[ed me repeated[y with his bookr Showíng Compassíon Toínmar'esæ 446 00:28:54,080 --> 00:28:56,469 I thought socia[ workers were supposed to be nice. 447 00:28:56,560 --> 00:29:00,394 In the end I was so she[[-shockedr I went to see the priest and exp[ained everything. 448 00:29:00,480 --> 00:29:01,959 What did he say? 449 00:29:02,040 --> 00:29:04,918 He said I was a whining baby who was missing his mum. 450 00:29:06,040 --> 00:29:07,792 Then he beat me upr too. 451 00:29:08,920 --> 00:29:12,230 You can sti[[ see the crucitix marks on the back ot my head. 452 00:29:13,080 --> 00:29:15,833 It's 'cause we're in G tower. A[[ the statt are mad here. 453 00:29:15,920 --> 00:29:18,798 One ot the guys was sayingr thoughr as a reward tor good behaviourr 454 00:29:18,880 --> 00:29:21,952 they move you to the [uxury b[ock on D wing. Everything's rea[[y nice there. 455 00:29:22,040 --> 00:29:24,031 They even shampoo the rats. 456 00:29:24,520 --> 00:29:26,476 Groom the tai[s and everything. 457 00:29:26,880 --> 00:29:30,111 I must [ook it up in my Míche(ín Guíde r'oPena(He((ho(esæ 458 00:29:30,560 --> 00:29:33,757 I'm sure it probab[y gets the tu[[ tive s[op-out buckets. 459 00:29:34,280 --> 00:29:38,512 They've got everything. TVsr music centres. They've even got a trouser press. 460 00:29:39,680 --> 00:29:42,558 Since when were you interested in a trouser press? 461 00:29:43,280 --> 00:29:47,353 You care [ess about your appearance than a member ot the Dutch roya[ tami[y. 462 00:29:48,040 --> 00:29:51,396 Nor I was thinking that it we got moved to a ce[[ with a trouser pressr 463 00:29:51,480 --> 00:29:53,391 we cou[d make cheese toasties. 464 00:29:58,400 --> 00:29:59,879 What's this? 465 00:30:00,840 --> 00:30:04,799 "F[oor 1 3 Intormation Pack. It privacy is required when using toi[etr 466 00:30:04,880 --> 00:30:06,552 "p[ease wear b[indto[d." 467 00:30:10,640 --> 00:30:12,596 What's the book? 468 00:30:12,680 --> 00:30:14,113 Gideon's Bib[e. 469 00:30:14,200 --> 00:30:16,430 He to[[ows me everywhere that b[oke. 470 00:30:17,200 --> 00:30:20,476 I was staying in a hote[ oncer he [ett his Bib[e behind there as we[[. 471 00:30:20,560 --> 00:30:24,155 Then two years [aterr another hote[r dozy git [ett it behind again. 472 00:30:26,960 --> 00:30:28,359 Everything is ruined. 473 00:30:28,440 --> 00:30:31,591 My career's over. I've no goa[r no hoper no [ite. 474 00:30:31,720 --> 00:30:34,439 Yeahr but how come that's started to get you down now? 475 00:30:35,240 --> 00:30:38,789 Maybe you hadn't noticedr but we're gonna spend the next two years in the brig. 476 00:30:38,880 --> 00:30:42,509 Two years with the scum ot the universer hardened crimina[sr deranged droids. 477 00:30:42,600 --> 00:30:45,751 Peop[e so unba[anced and debauched they cou[dn't even get e[ected 478 00:30:45,840 --> 00:30:47,796 as President ot the United States. 479 00:30:48,800 --> 00:30:50,279 We've got to escape. 480 00:30:50,360 --> 00:30:53,193 No. There's security cameras everywhere. 481 00:30:53,760 --> 00:30:56,752 You know that mad geezer with the one eye and the tunny tick? 482 00:30:56,840 --> 00:30:58,239 He said it was impossib[e. 483 00:30:58,320 --> 00:31:00,788 We[[r he's bound to say that. He was the warden. 484 00:31:02,440 --> 00:31:04,476 It on[y I'd hired a smarter [aer 485 00:31:04,560 --> 00:31:08,235 instead ot the braindeadr pompousr stupid-haired git I ended up with. 486 00:31:08,960 --> 00:31:10,791 You detended yourse[t. 487 00:31:15,800 --> 00:31:19,156 Yes. And I don't need reminding ot thatr thank you very much. 488 00:31:20,080 --> 00:31:21,957 Two years in the tank. 489 00:31:22,240 --> 00:31:23,832 Two years. 490 00:31:31,320 --> 00:31:33,197 How did I get into this mess? 491 00:31:33,880 --> 00:31:36,519 I think the b[indto[d's supposed to be tor me. 492 00:31:52,480 --> 00:31:53,913 My captainr sir. 493 00:31:58,480 --> 00:32:00,914 Rimmerr is this sa[ute ever going to end? 494 00:32:02,600 --> 00:32:06,639 Do I have time to go tor a cup ot cottee? maybe go on vacation? 495 00:32:06,720 --> 00:32:07,948 Near[y tinishedr sir. 496 00:32:08,040 --> 00:32:12,795 It's my very specia[r extra-[ong sa[ute I reserve tor the especia[[y importantr sir. 497 00:32:24,120 --> 00:32:25,599 You wanted to see me? 498 00:32:25,680 --> 00:32:28,638 I'm concerned over some ot the satety procedures on boardr sir. 499 00:32:28,720 --> 00:32:32,429 There's a potentia[[y [etha[ scenario concerning drive p[atesr sir. 500 00:32:32,520 --> 00:32:34,875 Obvious[yr anyone who misrepaired one ot these p[ates 501 00:32:34,960 --> 00:32:38,396 wou[d have to have a brain the size ot a [eprechaun's testic[e. 502 00:32:39,080 --> 00:32:42,709 Neverthe[essr sirr [ike German touristsr the stupid are everywhere. 503 00:32:45,560 --> 00:32:48,472 I propose the to[[owing new satety proceduresr sir. 504 00:32:51,760 --> 00:32:53,512 Did you rea[[y think ot this? 505 00:32:53,600 --> 00:32:55,477 Permission to [ook smugr sir. 506 00:32:57,080 --> 00:32:58,877 Permission granted. 507 00:33:02,720 --> 00:33:05,029 Good workr Rimmer. Great work. 508 00:33:05,120 --> 00:33:08,954 Ohr betore I gor sir. Happy wedding anniversaryr sir. 509 00:33:11,920 --> 00:33:14,388 I'm sure you must be missing her terrib[y. 510 00:33:14,520 --> 00:33:16,033 A b[ueberry muttin... 511 00:33:16,680 --> 00:33:18,477 [ike martha used to make. 512 00:33:20,280 --> 00:33:21,793 Thanksr Rimmerr I... 513 00:33:22,320 --> 00:33:23,389 Dismissed. 514 00:33:23,480 --> 00:33:25,198 Sirrjust one more thing. 515 00:33:26,280 --> 00:33:28,714 I know the medica[ guys think we've run out ot this stutt 516 00:33:28,800 --> 00:33:31,792 but I discovered a coup[e ot unopened medi-crates in storager sir. 517 00:33:31,880 --> 00:33:35,714 It this is usetu[ to you in any wayr it's yoursr no questions asked. 518 00:33:38,200 --> 00:33:40,077 "Anus Soothe Pi[e Cream. 519 00:33:42,560 --> 00:33:46,758 "The easy-to-app[y cream that comes with its own specia[ g[ove." 520 00:33:57,680 --> 00:33:59,113 One size tits a[[. 521 00:34:01,760 --> 00:34:03,591 I cou[d te[[ trom your wa[k. 522 00:34:04,800 --> 00:34:05,949 Rimmer... 523 00:34:08,480 --> 00:34:11,233 cou[d you post this tor me? 524 00:34:14,480 --> 00:34:15,959 Whyr certain[yr sir. 525 00:34:20,280 --> 00:34:22,191 Ohr it's addressed to mer sir. 526 00:34:22,280 --> 00:34:26,353 I'm giving a supper tor some ot the guys that I've marked out tor greater things. 527 00:34:26,440 --> 00:34:28,954 And you want me to be the wine waiterr sir? 528 00:34:29,200 --> 00:34:33,239 This report is tirst-rate. Now[ I want you to come to supper. 529 00:34:33,320 --> 00:34:34,878 See you on Friday. 530 00:34:34,960 --> 00:34:36,871 Incidenta[[yr it's b[ack tie. 531 00:34:36,960 --> 00:34:39,235 Thair Chineser I'[[ eat anythingr sir. 532 00:34:41,120 --> 00:34:43,839 Though I wou[d preter it it it wasn't b[ack. 533 00:34:43,920 --> 00:34:46,434 Any chance ot having mine medium-rarer sir? 534 00:34:46,800 --> 00:34:49,268 Įust go! wear what the he[[you want. 535 00:35:30,720 --> 00:35:32,278 Get undressed. 536 00:35:38,760 --> 00:35:40,751 Fi[[ this up behind the screen. 537 00:36:41,400 --> 00:36:42,719 Krytenr hi. 538 00:36:43,680 --> 00:36:45,557 What are you doing here? 539 00:36:47,160 --> 00:36:48,673 What's wrong? 540 00:36:48,760 --> 00:36:50,751 I've been c[assitied as a woman. 541 00:36:53,360 --> 00:36:55,191 A woman? why? 542 00:36:55,280 --> 00:36:56,918 We[[r because I haven't got a... 543 00:36:57,000 --> 00:36:58,752 penis. 544 00:36:58,840 --> 00:37:02,389 It's a Space Corps directive to prevent gender ambiguity injai[. 545 00:37:02,480 --> 00:37:06,553 What's the saying? It you've got nothing to swingr you can't be with Bing. 546 00:37:07,360 --> 00:37:09,476 We[[r what happened? Did you [ose it? 547 00:37:09,560 --> 00:37:11,312 I was never issued with oner ma'am. 548 00:37:11,400 --> 00:37:13,755 We[[r why wou[d I need one? Un[ess somehow I [ost both arms 549 00:37:13,840 --> 00:37:17,435 there was an emergency situation to write my name in the snow. 550 00:37:17,720 --> 00:37:20,871 Sor you meanr you've never had a steak pier peas and chipsr then? 551 00:37:20,960 --> 00:37:23,713 I think the phrase is "meat and two veg"r ma'am. 552 00:37:24,520 --> 00:37:26,875 Nor the on[y mechanoids that were ever issued with genita[s 553 00:37:26,960 --> 00:37:29,872 were the ones created to work on Ita[ian starships. 554 00:37:31,160 --> 00:37:33,310 It was te[t they cou[d acc[imatise themse[ves better 555 00:37:33,400 --> 00:37:38,110 it they cou[d mimic their Ita[ian crewmates and stand around cupping themse[ves a[[ day. 556 00:37:38,240 --> 00:37:42,631 Heyr nowyou're a womanr it's gonna mean some big changes in the wayyou behave. 557 00:37:43,200 --> 00:37:46,033 I'm not going to be a woman tor [ongr ma'am. Įust overnight. 558 00:37:46,120 --> 00:37:49,476 They want my permission to repair my corrupted ti[es tomorrow atternoon. 559 00:37:49,560 --> 00:37:51,312 Restore my tactory settings! 560 00:37:51,400 --> 00:37:54,039 But your corrupted ti[es are what make you you. 561 00:37:54,120 --> 00:37:56,998 I've been diagnosed as being quirky and unstab[e. 562 00:37:57,080 --> 00:38:00,789 Spin my nipp[e nuts and send me to A[aska! Quirky? 563 00:38:00,880 --> 00:38:04,793 How cou[d they reach a verdict [ike that? And as tor unstab[er it makes me so... 564 00:38:08,320 --> 00:38:10,788 Darn itr I sti[[ haven't got the hang ot that emotionr have I? 565 00:38:10,880 --> 00:38:13,235 -What was it supposed to be? -Ambiva[ence. 566 00:38:13,320 --> 00:38:14,753 Didn't come out rightr thoughr did it? 567 00:38:14,840 --> 00:38:17,752 I [ooked [ike mr Lister when he's torced to eat truit. 568 00:38:18,640 --> 00:38:20,153 What are you going to do? 569 00:38:20,240 --> 00:38:23,516 I have to go a[ong with themr ma'am. I can't say nor they are my superiors. 570 00:38:23,600 --> 00:38:25,795 -You've got to say no. -I can't. 571 00:38:25,880 --> 00:38:28,440 They're better than me. I'm not strong enough. 572 00:38:28,520 --> 00:38:31,273 Rightr here's a tip. It you get scared tomorrowr 573 00:38:31,360 --> 00:38:34,079 įust imagine what they [ook [ike on the [oo. 574 00:38:34,160 --> 00:38:36,230 -Can you see them? -No[ I... 575 00:38:36,840 --> 00:38:38,068 Oh! 576 00:38:39,240 --> 00:38:40,514 Yesr I can. 577 00:38:41,080 --> 00:38:42,957 -Do they sti[[ seem better than you? -No[ ma'am. 578 00:38:43,040 --> 00:38:44,712 -Do they sti[[ seem superior? -No[ ma'am. 579 00:38:44,800 --> 00:38:48,429 That's what you've got to do tomorrow. Įust recreate that picture. 580 00:38:49,280 --> 00:38:51,475 -It works tor everyone. -Yes! 581 00:38:51,560 --> 00:38:53,915 -Who are you [ooking at now? -You[ ma'am. 582 00:38:58,440 --> 00:39:01,113 Why did the nanos [and us in this mess? That's what I want to know. 583 00:39:01,200 --> 00:39:03,475 They must have contracted some torm ot virus. 584 00:39:03,560 --> 00:39:06,120 -Hence a[[ the mistakes. -mistakes? 585 00:39:06,200 --> 00:39:09,909 Yeahr [ots ot weird background errors. Like the shape ot the ship's ditterent. 586 00:39:10,000 --> 00:39:11,911 Even my quarters aren't the same. 587 00:39:12,000 --> 00:39:15,834 I've even got c[ean socks in me sock drawer. It'sjust so unrea[istic. 588 00:39:16,840 --> 00:39:17,909 Spooky. 589 00:39:18,480 --> 00:39:20,436 So what happens now? 590 00:39:20,520 --> 00:39:23,592 The Board ot Enquiry wi[[ say it we're tit to stand tria[. 591 00:39:23,960 --> 00:39:26,315 In a tria[r a[[you got to do is sit there. 592 00:39:26,400 --> 00:39:28,118 How tit do you have to be? 593 00:39:29,520 --> 00:39:31,875 I don't want to sound wet or anything. 594 00:39:31,960 --> 00:39:33,791 Look outr moisture a[ert. 595 00:39:34,320 --> 00:39:38,279 And just because I've got a cudd[y dinosaur nightie-ho[der and matching penci[ case 596 00:39:38,360 --> 00:39:41,432 doesn't mean to say I'm not hardr okay? Because I am hard. 597 00:39:41,520 --> 00:39:43,476 In tactr I cou[d havejoined the Space marines 598 00:39:43,560 --> 00:39:46,711 it the ru[es had been ditterent about taking moisturiser on manoeuvres. 599 00:39:46,800 --> 00:39:51,555 Sor a[though I'm hardr and thatr I thinkr is pretty we[[ estab[ishedr 600 00:39:51,640 --> 00:39:54,518 ermr despite a[[ that hardness... 601 00:39:55,600 --> 00:39:57,636 the thought ot going tojai[... 602 00:39:58,480 --> 00:40:00,277 is [ike... Ohr God! 603 00:40:00,360 --> 00:40:03,318 -It's gonna be okay. -Nor it's not going to be okay. 604 00:40:03,400 --> 00:40:06,392 It's going to be po[yester sheets and carbo[ic soap 605 00:40:06,480 --> 00:40:09,074 and [ousy schoo[-dinners-type cooking. 606 00:40:09,520 --> 00:40:12,318 And I bet you anything they on[y have German wine. 607 00:40:13,120 --> 00:40:16,317 In prisonr ma'amr I don't think they have any wine at a[[. 608 00:40:17,400 --> 00:40:18,992 No wine at a[[? 609 00:40:19,560 --> 00:40:21,994 Isn't that against the Geneva Convention? 610 00:40:23,520 --> 00:40:25,590 Ohr my Godr I'm not gonna cope. 611 00:40:25,720 --> 00:40:28,837 I'm gonna be [ike that Scots b[oke in that prisoner ot war ti[m 612 00:40:28,920 --> 00:40:32,151 whojust goes a[[ scre and just bo[ts tor the perimeter tence 613 00:40:32,240 --> 00:40:34,037 and starts c[imbing it and then... 614 00:40:34,120 --> 00:40:36,509 Rat-a-tat-tatr rat-a-tat-tatr rat-a-tat-tat! 615 00:40:37,120 --> 00:40:38,997 He started tap dancing? 616 00:40:39,080 --> 00:40:41,071 Boyr he rea[[y must have gone scre. 617 00:40:41,840 --> 00:40:43,034 They shot him. 618 00:40:43,720 --> 00:40:45,392 A[[ because he did a tap dance? 619 00:40:45,480 --> 00:40:46,913 That's inhuman. 620 00:40:47,440 --> 00:40:48,634 Be upstanding. 621 00:40:49,640 --> 00:40:52,108 Įust re[axr Rimmer's gonna he[p us escape. 622 00:40:52,200 --> 00:40:55,954 This enquiry's a piece ot caker we'rejust going through the motions. 623 00:40:56,240 --> 00:40:57,639 A[[ rightr sit down. 624 00:40:57,760 --> 00:40:59,751 Let's get this enquiry under way. 625 00:41:02,960 --> 00:41:05,997 You have retused detence assistancer is that right? 626 00:41:07,600 --> 00:41:08,919 Okayr this is what we do. 627 00:41:09,000 --> 00:41:12,117 I've watched a [ot ot TV shows and we a[[ hudd[e together [ike this 628 00:41:12,200 --> 00:41:14,156 and whisper tor a whi[e betore we answer. 629 00:41:14,240 --> 00:41:16,549 It [ooks [ike we know what we're doing. 630 00:41:17,720 --> 00:41:19,631 We intend to detend ourse[ves. 631 00:41:20,520 --> 00:41:22,670 You see how good that [ooked? 632 00:41:22,760 --> 00:41:25,149 We've eva[uated a[[ the psycho[ogica[ reports 633 00:41:25,240 --> 00:41:28,994 and it's the tinding ot this enquiry that you a[[ are tit to stand tria[. 634 00:41:29,080 --> 00:41:32,834 Except maybe him but we're going with it anyway. 635 00:41:33,520 --> 00:41:35,636 Are you tami[iar with the mind scan? 636 00:41:36,440 --> 00:41:40,149 Keep hudd[ingr keep hudd[ing. This is [ooking so damn goodr it's untrue. 637 00:41:40,320 --> 00:41:41,469 Įust one thing. 638 00:41:41,560 --> 00:41:44,074 Can anyone remember the question we're supposed to be hudd[ing? 639 00:41:44,160 --> 00:41:47,709 I be[ieve it wasr "Are you tami[iar with the mind scan?" sir. 640 00:41:47,800 --> 00:41:49,153 Nice oner bud. 641 00:41:49,240 --> 00:41:52,391 One [ast thingr and on[y the best [aers know this trick. 642 00:41:52,760 --> 00:41:55,035 The next time he ta[ksr I'[[ make a noter 643 00:41:55,120 --> 00:41:58,351 s[ide it across to you guys and you [ook rea[[yr rea[[y impressed. 644 00:41:58,440 --> 00:42:00,317 Mora[e-wiser it s[ays them. 645 00:42:01,520 --> 00:42:03,795 We are tami[iar with the mind scanr sir. 646 00:42:03,880 --> 00:42:07,350 You are aware that it pictoria[[y enhances the cognitive processr 647 00:42:07,440 --> 00:42:11,399 making your innermost thoughts avai[ab[e tor recording and viewing to a board ot enquiry? 648 00:42:11,480 --> 00:42:12,629 Yesr sir. 649 00:42:22,520 --> 00:42:26,229 You understand that it wi[[ invo[ve the administration ot psychotropic drugs? 650 00:42:26,320 --> 00:42:30,199 That isr drugs which attect your menta[ stater making this process possib[e. 651 00:42:30,280 --> 00:42:31,952 It you acceptr say "aye". 652 00:42:34,360 --> 00:42:35,588 Aye. 653 00:42:36,280 --> 00:42:40,159 P[ease sign the consent torms and sea[ them into the enve[opes provided. 654 00:42:41,240 --> 00:42:43,390 We reconvene at 1O:OO a.m. tomorrow. 655 00:42:43,480 --> 00:42:46,358 I was hoping to get a manicure and a [eg wax tomorrow. 656 00:42:46,440 --> 00:42:47,873 How about Thursday? 657 00:42:47,960 --> 00:42:49,029 Tomorrow. 658 00:42:49,760 --> 00:42:52,957 Okay. But it there's a round where we have to give evidence in swimsuitsr 659 00:42:53,040 --> 00:42:54,598 I'm out ot here. 660 00:43:07,280 --> 00:43:08,759 The p[an's workingr Listy. 661 00:43:08,840 --> 00:43:11,673 Operation Get Rimmer Otticerhoodr Power and Eminencer 662 00:43:11,760 --> 00:43:13,876 or GROPE tor shortr 663 00:43:13,960 --> 00:43:15,518 is bang on course. 664 00:43:15,600 --> 00:43:18,433 So that intormation I gave you on the drive p[ates workedr then? Yes. 665 00:43:18,520 --> 00:43:20,317 The captain's tace. 666 00:43:20,400 --> 00:43:24,632 He cou[dn't have been happier it I'd given him two gir[s wrest[ing in a giant vat ot baked beans 667 00:43:24,720 --> 00:43:27,359 then removed the gir[s and handed him a spoon. 668 00:43:28,160 --> 00:43:29,912 He's never been so p[eased. 669 00:43:30,000 --> 00:43:33,151 And get thisr he's invited me to supper with the movers and the shakers. 670 00:43:33,240 --> 00:43:34,832 The movers and the shakers? 671 00:43:34,920 --> 00:43:36,478 You're going to supper with some remova[ men 672 00:43:36,560 --> 00:43:39,552 and a group ot peop[e suttering trom Parkinson's disease? 673 00:43:40,360 --> 00:43:43,875 At [ast I'[[ be ab[e to exorcise my tather's disapprova[. 674 00:43:43,960 --> 00:43:46,554 Those terrib[er sneery [ooks he used to give me 675 00:43:46,640 --> 00:43:50,713 as he stood on the touch[ine watching me captain the schoo['s skipping team. 676 00:43:51,280 --> 00:43:53,032 He was never proud ot me. 677 00:43:53,120 --> 00:43:57,830 What other tather wou[d c[aim to have an a[ibi tor his sperm on the night ot conception? 678 00:43:59,000 --> 00:44:01,230 Who cares now? Not mer Listy. 679 00:44:01,320 --> 00:44:04,039 I'm on my wayr up the zigguratr [ickety-sp[it. 680 00:44:04,440 --> 00:44:08,752 We[[r don't torget your part ot the dea[. The override code tor this so I can [eg it. 681 00:44:08,840 --> 00:44:11,229 It's too soon. I'm not an otticer yet. 682 00:44:11,320 --> 00:44:13,515 The tria[ begins tomorrowr man. 683 00:44:13,600 --> 00:44:17,070 Without the nanobotsr our detence has got more ho[es than my socks. 684 00:44:17,160 --> 00:44:19,390 But once you've [egged itr where does that [eave me? 685 00:44:19,480 --> 00:44:22,040 I'm not he[ping you escape and [osing a[[ my insider know[edge. 686 00:44:22,120 --> 00:44:23,758 I'm not an otticer yet. 687 00:44:23,840 --> 00:44:26,070 Whoa! we shook hands on a dea[. 688 00:44:26,160 --> 00:44:27,912 Yeahr butr Listerr you know me. 689 00:44:28,000 --> 00:44:31,037 My handshake's [ess re[iab[e than a p[umber's estimate. 690 00:44:32,160 --> 00:44:34,549 No escape-or no more into. 691 00:44:35,520 --> 00:44:37,988 Listyr it's not going to he[p you. 692 00:44:39,560 --> 00:44:41,551 I've got the contidentia[ ti[es. 693 00:44:42,320 --> 00:44:46,313 P[usr I went through Sr'ar.bug[ssa[vage and I tound these. 694 00:44:48,480 --> 00:44:50,835 The [uck virus. Sexua[ magnetism. 695 00:44:50,920 --> 00:44:53,912 Positive viruses. Ho[[y to[d me everything. 696 00:44:55,480 --> 00:44:57,710 Take some ot thisr it gives you [uck. 697 00:44:57,800 --> 00:45:00,030 And this gives you sexua[ magnetism. 698 00:45:00,440 --> 00:45:02,158 I've a[ready tried some. 699 00:45:02,240 --> 00:45:07,030 Right nowr Yvonne mcGruder is s[eeping ott the tirst 23 pages ot the Kama Sur'r.aæ 700 00:45:10,960 --> 00:45:14,316 Sor you reneged on the dea[r then? Breaking your promiser 701 00:45:14,400 --> 00:45:17,756 being a tota[ scum-suckingr two-tacedr wease[[y wease[. 702 00:45:18,640 --> 00:45:20,437 Ahr my entry in Who[s Whoæ 703 00:45:25,440 --> 00:45:28,671 You [ett some ot your [uck behindr man. I touched the tube. 704 00:45:35,040 --> 00:45:36,393 Sheer [uck. 705 00:45:39,520 --> 00:45:40,669 Yes. 706 00:45:42,000 --> 00:45:43,718 You mayr it you preterr stand with the others tomorrow 707 00:45:43,800 --> 00:45:45,870 and tace the charges against you. 708 00:45:45,960 --> 00:45:49,669 Howeverr I advise that you have your corrupted ti[es repairedr 709 00:45:49,760 --> 00:45:51,591 atter which you may go tree. 710 00:45:52,000 --> 00:45:53,831 What is your decision? 711 00:46:00,520 --> 00:46:02,158 Ohr it's no good. 712 00:46:04,760 --> 00:46:06,955 Okayr [et's a[[ stay ca[m. No need to be a[armed. 713 00:46:07,040 --> 00:46:11,318 Atter a[[r Kryten is mere[y ho[ding us hostager which is [ove[yr isn't itr everyone? 714 00:46:11,400 --> 00:46:13,118 -Love[y. -we don't want any troub[e. 715 00:46:13,200 --> 00:46:14,952 We'[[just do what you say. 716 00:46:16,080 --> 00:46:17,911 Come onr then. Come with me. 717 00:46:18,240 --> 00:46:20,276 KRYTEN: Come a[ongr insider inside. That's it. 718 00:46:20,360 --> 00:46:22,396 Go onr a[[ ot your quickr quickr quick. 719 00:46:22,480 --> 00:46:23,959 Here we gor that's it. 720 00:46:24,040 --> 00:46:27,953 Nowr I want you to take down your pants and sit on a toi[et. 721 00:46:28,840 --> 00:46:31,070 Ohr my Godr he's mad! 722 00:46:31,160 --> 00:46:33,071 Then what are you going to do to us? 723 00:46:33,160 --> 00:46:34,832 I'm going to [ook at you. 724 00:46:36,720 --> 00:46:38,472 He's tota[[y mad! 725 00:46:38,560 --> 00:46:40,551 Įust do what he says. 726 00:46:41,000 --> 00:46:42,353 Love[y. 727 00:46:51,960 --> 00:46:54,599 (KRYTEN LAUGHING) 728 00:47:01,280 --> 00:47:03,874 Nowr I want you to ask me the question again. 729 00:47:04,000 --> 00:47:05,399 What question? 730 00:47:05,480 --> 00:47:08,233 Do I want to have my corrupted ti[es repaired? 731 00:47:08,920 --> 00:47:11,798 Do you want to have your corrupted ti[es repaired? 732 00:47:16,560 --> 00:47:18,516 No. I did it. 733 00:47:19,080 --> 00:47:21,196 No. Nor I don't. 734 00:47:22,000 --> 00:47:24,036 The answer to the question is no. 735 00:47:24,120 --> 00:47:27,237 No doubt about itr I do not want to have my corrupted ti[es repaired. 736 00:47:27,320 --> 00:47:29,914 The answer is no. 737 00:47:42,080 --> 00:47:44,674 And youjust put in any o[d code you te[t [ike 738 00:47:44,760 --> 00:47:47,877 and the [uck virus made you pick the right one? That's bri[[iant. 739 00:47:47,960 --> 00:47:49,951 Yeahrjust rubbed me tinger over the top ot the tube. 740 00:47:50,040 --> 00:47:52,429 That's bri[[iant. That'sjust bri[[iant. 741 00:47:53,040 --> 00:47:56,396 Ahr it's a pityyou didn't do the same with the sexua[ magnetism. 742 00:48:09,000 --> 00:48:10,479 Is that a new shirt? 743 00:48:11,640 --> 00:48:13,631 Nor I've had it a whi[e. 744 00:48:14,160 --> 00:48:16,879 -Ohr it's rea[[y nice. -Thanks. 745 00:48:17,360 --> 00:48:20,193 -It's rea[[yr rea[[y nice. Rea[[y suits you. -Thanks. 746 00:48:22,200 --> 00:48:25,078 Brings out the brownness in your eyes. 747 00:48:44,360 --> 00:48:47,033 Ohr Godr Dave! I'm so sorry! 748 00:48:47,200 --> 00:48:49,475 Oh. I don't know what happened there. 749 00:48:49,560 --> 00:48:54,475 I think I do. I had some sexua[ magnetism virus on this hand. 750 00:48:54,560 --> 00:48:57,757 But the [uck virus cured it tor me. Thanksr pa[! 751 00:48:58,400 --> 00:49:00,436 I don't know what got into me. 752 00:49:00,880 --> 00:49:02,632 We[[r nothingr sad[y. 753 00:49:18,320 --> 00:49:20,880 He((of í[m r'heDar'a Docr'or.æ 754 00:49:20,960 --> 00:49:25,112 ífyou wou(d(íkeme r'o eÁr.amíneyour.har.ddíscf pr.ess [[eÁr.amíne[ 755 00:49:26,880 --> 00:49:30,873 Y,our.mechanoídappear.s r'ohave deve(oped r'he fo((owíng r.ogue emor'íonsææææ 756 00:49:40,880 --> 00:49:45,476 ífyou wísh r'o er.adícar'e r'hese emor'íons fr.om hís dar'abasef pr.ess [[fíÁr.[ 757 00:49:58,720 --> 00:50:03,669 A((bad(íneb(ocksandcor.r.upr'edper.sona(ír'ydíscs havenowbeen fíÁr.edæ 758 00:50:03,960 --> 00:50:05,951 P(easer.eboor'your.mechanoídæ 759 00:50:06,040 --> 00:50:09,794 Hísper.sona(ír'yhasnowbeen r.esr'or.ed r'oír's facr'or.yser'r'íngsæ 760 00:50:10,960 --> 00:50:16,592 MynameísKr.yr'enæ íampr.ogr.ammed r'oser.veæ Can íbe ofser.více? 761 00:50:17,080 --> 00:50:21,392 -Bring me a cotteer p[easer Kryten. -Cer.r'aín(yf ma[amæ 762 00:50:22,160 --> 00:50:26,551 -Then you may scrub the t[oor. -Y,esf ma[amæ 763 00:50:27,840 --> 00:50:30,149 Are you happyr Kryten? 764 00:50:30,920 --> 00:50:35,630 Íhaveno under.sr'andíng ofhuman emor'íonsf ma[amæ íampr.ogr.ammed r'oser.veæ 765 00:50:36,080 --> 00:50:37,559 Exce[[ent. 766 00:50:40,360 --> 00:50:43,875 I'm going to be Co[in Charisma at the captain's supper with this stutt. 767 00:50:52,920 --> 00:50:54,433 ALL: Hi! 768 00:50:56,760 --> 00:50:57,988 -Hi. -Hi. 769 00:50:59,760 --> 00:51:01,910 And it we approach [ight speedr 770 00:51:02,000 --> 00:51:04,639 I think we have to be aware we cou[d come across something 771 00:51:04,720 --> 00:51:07,598 I be[ieve we'[[ experience ca[[ed tuture echoes. 772 00:51:11,040 --> 00:51:14,510 Episodes and pockets ot tuturey things. 773 00:51:16,840 --> 00:51:19,308 -From the tuture. -Fascinating. 774 00:51:20,160 --> 00:51:22,469 What a tascinating man you arer mr Rimmer. 775 00:51:22,560 --> 00:51:26,155 I think we've great[y underestimated you over the yearsr Arno[d. 776 00:51:26,240 --> 00:51:28,879 Nowr [et me tind out where that cottee is. 777 00:51:28,960 --> 00:51:31,349 Ohr nor Captainr p[ease. A[[ow me. 778 00:51:31,920 --> 00:51:35,435 Perhaps you cou[d he[p mer mr Rimmer? 779 00:51:35,640 --> 00:51:39,872 Whyr certain[y. And perhaps we can ta[k about my theory on backwards universes. 780 00:51:42,920 --> 00:51:46,629 Andr ot courser in a backwards universer many things start to make more sense. 781 00:51:49,160 --> 00:51:55,076 Ohr my Godr you are sexy. So veryr very sexy. 782 00:52:02,080 --> 00:52:03,911 Bravor bud. what now? 783 00:52:04,000 --> 00:52:08,232 We[[r we tind Krytenr get to the [anding bayr grab a ship and get the he[[ out ot town. 784 00:52:08,800 --> 00:52:10,199 He's on this t[oor. 785 00:52:14,800 --> 00:52:16,074 Here he is. 786 00:52:17,040 --> 00:52:18,439 Krytier come on. 787 00:52:18,600 --> 00:52:21,956 Are you addressing mer sir? I don't be[ieve we've had the p[easure. 788 00:52:22,600 --> 00:52:26,593 What have they done to your Kryten? You sound [ike Noe[ Coward's e[ocution teacher. 789 00:52:27,040 --> 00:52:31,192 We[[r it you'[[ torgive mer sirr I have my duties to pertorm. Good day. 790 00:52:32,080 --> 00:52:36,596 Ohr they tixed a[[ his corrupted ti[es. He mustn't have been ab[e to say no. 791 00:52:37,320 --> 00:52:38,878 Someone's coming. 792 00:52:38,960 --> 00:52:41,793 -We've got to get a better disguise. -we a[ready got a disguise. 793 00:52:41,880 --> 00:52:45,350 What's the point ot a disguise it you wear it under your norma[ outtit? 794 00:52:45,440 --> 00:52:48,716 A grey boi[er suit? You think I'm going to wear this on the outside? 795 00:52:51,960 --> 00:52:54,315 Lookr we're not [eaving without him. 796 00:52:54,880 --> 00:52:57,519 I don't care what they've done to himr he's coming with us. 797 00:52:57,600 --> 00:52:59,079 He's part ot the posse. 798 00:52:59,160 --> 00:53:02,675 Heyr I got a great idea tor a new disguise. 799 00:53:05,640 --> 00:53:06,789 What? 800 00:53:07,960 --> 00:53:09,996 The Dibb[ey tami[y! 801 00:53:13,400 --> 00:53:14,992 Yes! 802 00:53:31,640 --> 00:53:33,119 Ah! 803 00:53:33,200 --> 00:53:34,633 There you are. 804 00:53:40,280 --> 00:53:43,113 Any news on the cottee? 805 00:53:45,920 --> 00:53:47,512 Drat. we torgot. 806 00:53:49,200 --> 00:53:51,156 I'[[ tind out right awayr sir. 807 00:53:51,760 --> 00:53:54,354 I'[[ give you a handr mr Rimmer. 808 00:54:06,360 --> 00:54:08,669 Sorry to interruptr sir. 809 00:54:08,760 --> 00:54:11,433 But we're searching this t[oor tor the escaped prisoners. 810 00:54:11,520 --> 00:54:16,230 Sorryr we haven't seen them. Įust mer my wite here and my brother. 811 00:54:16,320 --> 00:54:17,389 -He[[o. -Hi. 812 00:54:17,480 --> 00:54:18,674 Hi. 813 00:54:18,760 --> 00:54:21,194 I don't reco[[ect seeing you guys betore. 814 00:54:21,280 --> 00:54:23,999 That's because we don't go out much [ooking [ike this. 815 00:54:25,720 --> 00:54:27,870 What do you guys do? 816 00:54:27,960 --> 00:54:29,598 Computer programmers. 817 00:54:32,400 --> 00:54:36,188 We[[r it you see anything suspiciousr ca[[ securityr okay? 818 00:54:36,280 --> 00:54:37,349 Ohr you bet. 819 00:54:37,440 --> 00:54:40,193 Begging your pardonr sirsr Ijust need to get a mop. 820 00:54:41,600 --> 00:54:44,034 How pecu[iarr my mop heads are missing. 821 00:54:45,440 --> 00:54:47,431 Ohr don't I knowyour sir? 822 00:54:47,520 --> 00:54:50,432 Wayne. wayne something. 823 00:54:50,960 --> 00:54:54,509 Wayne wibb[ey. where do I knowyou trom? 824 00:54:54,680 --> 00:54:59,549 Nor nor sirr you're mistaken. You're mixing me up with some other big-teeth dork. 825 00:55:00,200 --> 00:55:03,476 -Nor [et him speak. where do you know him trom? -Are you out ot your mind? 826 00:55:03,560 --> 00:55:05,994 Shh. where do you know him trom? Think. 827 00:55:06,080 --> 00:55:09,197 I tee[ I'm about to discover something wondertu[r 828 00:55:09,280 --> 00:55:13,398 but when I discover itr it wi[[ put someone in great danger. 829 00:55:14,160 --> 00:55:18,119 I tee[ an emotion. I tee[ two emotions. 830 00:55:18,200 --> 00:55:21,636 Two ditterent emotions. I tee[... I tee[... 831 00:55:21,720 --> 00:55:22,755 Ambiva[ence? 832 00:55:23,600 --> 00:55:27,070 I can tee[ my ti[es corrupting. They're corrupting. I... 833 00:55:29,520 --> 00:55:31,431 Ohr yesr that's good. 834 00:55:33,200 --> 00:55:38,513 I'm back and I'm bad. Obvious[yr within certain sensib[e preset parameters. 835 00:55:39,120 --> 00:55:40,917 HOLLY: (ON SPEAKER) Ar'r'enr'íonf ar'r'enr'íonæ 836 00:55:41,000 --> 00:55:45,790 Repor.r'edpr.ísoner.síghr'íng on Cdeckæ Repor.r'edpr.ísoner.síghr'íng on Cdeckæ 837 00:55:45,880 --> 00:55:48,155 Nice oner Ho[. 838 00:55:50,120 --> 00:55:51,633 What's wrong with you? 839 00:55:51,720 --> 00:55:55,315 We[[r do you get the impression this is too easy? Liker everything's going tor us? 840 00:55:55,400 --> 00:55:57,356 Like they a[most want us to escape. 841 00:55:58,480 --> 00:56:00,391 Hey. I wasjust thinking a[oud. 842 00:56:01,040 --> 00:56:03,600 Nor nor the [uck virus. It's he[ping us. 843 00:56:11,760 --> 00:56:13,159 Put your kit on. 844 00:56:25,640 --> 00:56:28,393 Here we are. Remembered the cottee at [ast. 845 00:56:30,280 --> 00:56:32,077 What about the mints? 846 00:56:36,040 --> 00:56:37,393 I'[[ go. 847 00:56:38,640 --> 00:56:40,471 Wou[d you [ike to he[p mer mr Rimmer? 848 00:56:43,880 --> 00:56:45,791 It'sjustr I've got so much cotteer 849 00:56:45,880 --> 00:56:48,872 I don't think I can manage to get any mints unti[ tomorrow. 850 00:56:53,600 --> 00:56:57,957 We[[r the psychotropic testing shou[d be we[[ underway by now. 851 00:56:58,040 --> 00:57:01,953 -Those resu[ts sure are going to be interesting. -Psychotropic what? 852 00:57:02,320 --> 00:57:08,156 The Lister case is so unusua[ that I decided to invoke my right to use psychotropic evidence. 853 00:57:08,240 --> 00:57:12,199 The accused are druggedr wired to a maintramer 854 00:57:12,280 --> 00:57:15,829 then the computer teeds in various hypothetica[ scenarios 855 00:57:15,920 --> 00:57:18,388 and their reactions are [aid down on tape. 856 00:57:18,480 --> 00:57:23,600 Right nowr they be[ieve they're escapingr but wejust want to observe what they do. 857 00:57:24,240 --> 00:57:27,471 So that means that it anyone happens to mention any... 858 00:57:27,560 --> 00:57:31,917 specia[ agreements that they've entered into then... 859 00:57:33,000 --> 00:57:36,436 Cou[d you excuse me? I think I've [ett the iron on. 860 00:57:42,640 --> 00:57:43,868 -Hi. -He[[o. 861 00:57:44,400 --> 00:57:47,437 What is wrong with me? I've got the sexua[ appetite ot a mountain [ion. 862 00:57:47,520 --> 00:57:49,590 Nor worser a tirst-year nursing student. 863 00:57:49,680 --> 00:57:53,468 It'sjust being wantedr it's such an aphrodisiac. Got to get some contro[ back. 864 00:58:49,920 --> 00:58:50,955 Hi. 865 00:58:51,040 --> 00:58:52,393 -Hi. -Hi. 866 00:58:54,320 --> 00:58:57,517 Never rea[ised you were so damn popu[ar with the [adies. 867 00:58:57,600 --> 00:59:00,398 -Maybe you can share your secret some time? -Yes[ sir. 868 00:59:04,480 --> 00:59:07,517 (LITTLE GREEN BAG PLAYING) 869 00:59:23,520 --> 00:59:25,078 (mECHANICAL BEEPING) 870 00:59:25,720 --> 00:59:27,392 Guysr it's Bob and madge. 871 00:59:27,480 --> 00:59:29,038 Go onr shoor guys. Shoo. Go on. 872 00:59:29,120 --> 00:59:33,113 We're trying to escaper but you'[[ never get past security so go on! Go on! 873 00:59:49,400 --> 00:59:53,109 MAN: (ON SPEAKER) Tmínus í8secondsandcounr'íngæ Engínessr'ar.č 874 00:59:59,400 --> 01:00:01,960 wOmAN: (ON SPEAKER) Thísís Gr.oundConr'r.o( r'omidget 3. 875 01:00:02,040 --> 01:00:06,318 You don't appear to have t[ight c[earance. P[ease state your name and c[earance code. 876 01:00:07,320 --> 01:00:09,754 -Ground Contro[r this is... -major Tom. 877 01:00:09,840 --> 01:00:11,319 Yeahr major Tom. 878 01:00:12,560 --> 01:00:15,632 Major Tomr what is your c[earance code and pi[ot number? 879 01:00:15,720 --> 01:00:18,359 I'm sorryr I [ett a[[ my detai[s in my other pants. 880 01:00:19,400 --> 01:00:21,231 I'm sorryr I didn't catch that. 881 01:00:21,600 --> 01:00:23,431 Wow! 882 01:00:25,000 --> 01:00:27,673 Without take-ott c[earancer I can't permit you to t[y. 883 01:00:27,800 --> 01:00:30,473 I can hand[e this thing okay. I'm good. 884 01:00:30,640 --> 01:00:34,952 I'm better than good. I'm smooth with a capita[ smoo. 885 01:00:37,280 --> 01:00:40,750 We[[r that's as may ber but I need a [itt[e proot that you can t[y that thing. 886 01:00:40,880 --> 01:00:44,077 F[y? I can make this thing dance. 887 01:01:09,800 --> 01:01:11,791 (CRASHING) 888 01:03:09,120 --> 01:03:10,439 Wow. 889 01:03:16,080 --> 01:03:18,674 -You tree Saturday? -I am now. 890 01:03:19,760 --> 01:03:23,230 Ho[y-shmo[y! I got a date in three days' time. 891 01:03:24,280 --> 01:03:26,077 I better start getting ready. 892 01:03:26,400 --> 01:03:29,710 You're going nowherer man. we are out ot here. 893 01:03:47,440 --> 01:03:50,955 -Thornton? -No one's a[[owed in therer Rimmer. Beat it. 894 01:03:51,520 --> 01:03:54,478 Angus Thorntonr age 36r midd[e name Lione[. 895 01:03:56,000 --> 01:03:59,754 Inside [eg measurementr 29. Neck sizer 16. Circumcised. 896 01:04:00,520 --> 01:04:02,909 -How do you know a[[ this? -Jazz tan. 897 01:04:04,400 --> 01:04:05,879 Good credit rating. 898 01:04:05,960 --> 01:04:08,315 Once admitted to hospita[ tota[[y naked and attached to... 899 01:04:08,400 --> 01:04:10,755 (wHISPERING) the suction end ot a vacuum c[eaner. 900 01:04:10,840 --> 01:04:16,039 That's a viciousr s[anderousr ti[thyr stinkingr s[anderous [ie that youjust made up. 901 01:04:17,960 --> 01:04:19,109 Who to[d you? 902 01:04:19,200 --> 01:04:20,758 Want a[[ the crew to know? 903 01:04:20,840 --> 01:04:22,876 Take a cigarette break. Five minutes. 904 01:04:22,960 --> 01:04:24,518 Okayr I'm goingr okay? 905 01:04:24,600 --> 01:04:27,034 I'm [ighting up a[ready. I'm going. 906 01:04:37,400 --> 01:04:40,073 Now a[[ we've got to do is get a bearing on those damn nanos 907 01:04:40,160 --> 01:04:42,754 and we're cruising down Freedom Bou[evard. 908 01:04:45,520 --> 01:04:47,954 -Ger'r'íng somer'híng nowf sír.æ -Goodæ 909 01:04:48,040 --> 01:04:51,589 We dídn[r'need r'har'confídenr'ía(fí(esscam ícookedup wír'h Rímmer.afr'er.a((æ 910 01:04:51,680 --> 01:04:53,750 A(( r'har'sr'uffígavehím on r'he capr'aínæ 911 01:04:53,840 --> 01:04:56,070 Doub(e-dea(íngf r'wo-facedr.ač 912 01:04:57,320 --> 01:04:59,880 Find a[[ reterences 913 01:04:59,960 --> 01:05:04,715 to the agreement between Lister and Rimmer and remove. 914 01:05:06,800 --> 01:05:09,155 A((r.efer.encesr.emovedæ 915 01:05:11,280 --> 01:05:12,759 what was that? 916 01:05:12,840 --> 01:05:16,150 -Something weird just happened. -Yeahr I te[t itr too. 917 01:05:16,240 --> 01:05:17,958 There it was again. 918 01:05:18,040 --> 01:05:19,996 -Andagaínæ -Ohr my. 919 01:05:20,400 --> 01:05:21,594 What is it? 920 01:05:21,680 --> 01:05:23,113 I don't be[ieve I'm here. 921 01:05:23,200 --> 01:05:25,350 I have that tee[ing a[[ the time. 922 01:05:25,440 --> 01:05:28,477 I have it. I be[ieve we're in some kind ot computer-manipu[atedr 923 01:05:28,560 --> 01:05:30,835 psychotropica[[y-induced mind state. 924 01:05:30,920 --> 01:05:33,388 Y,ou r'ook r'he wor.dsr.íghr'our'ofmymour'hæ 925 01:05:33,560 --> 01:05:36,870 You meanr this is our tria[? Our escape is our tria[? 926 01:05:36,960 --> 01:05:38,393 The enve[opes. 927 01:05:38,480 --> 01:05:40,675 When we signed the consent tormsr 928 01:05:40,760 --> 01:05:43,877 there must have been some kind ot drug on the g[uey bit we [icked. 929 01:05:43,960 --> 01:05:46,872 So you mean nothing's been rea[ since then? ß(ueMídger'? 930 01:05:46,960 --> 01:05:49,190 The ground contro[[er? None ot that was rea[? 931 01:05:49,280 --> 01:05:52,158 You mean atter a[[ thisr I sti[[ haven't got a date? 932 01:05:52,240 --> 01:05:53,673 Damn! 933 01:05:53,760 --> 01:05:57,594 Another year when I have to send a va[entine card to my hand. 934 01:05:58,160 --> 01:06:01,277 Nor this is good. This is good. It proves we're innocent. 935 01:06:01,360 --> 01:06:03,874 Everything we've said and doner escapingr 936 01:06:03,960 --> 01:06:05,632 trying to track down the nanosr 937 01:06:05,720 --> 01:06:07,278 it corroborates our story. 938 01:06:07,360 --> 01:06:10,397 ßur'youar.eguí(r'yf guysæ Whoar.eyou foo(íng? 939 01:06:11,640 --> 01:06:13,278 Ídon[r'knowwhyísaíd r'hač 940 01:06:16,440 --> 01:06:18,237 we're being tramed. 941 01:06:18,320 --> 01:06:22,632 Wait a minuter what's happening? Ijust saidr "we're being tramedr" and sudden[y... 942 01:06:22,720 --> 01:06:24,551 Itjust happened again. 943 01:06:25,000 --> 01:06:27,673 -Everything we say is being... -Bananas. 944 01:06:28,800 --> 01:06:31,598 It I say who I think's responsib[e tor thisr it'[[ get cutr too. 945 01:06:31,680 --> 01:06:33,477 So I'm not going tor but it's him. 946 01:06:33,560 --> 01:06:36,711 I know it's himr you can bet on it. And it I ever catch up with himr 947 01:06:36,800 --> 01:06:39,792 I'm gonna cut ott both his b... with a b[unt knite. 948 01:06:40,560 --> 01:06:41,993 So how do we stop him? 949 01:06:42,080 --> 01:06:45,197 It we're p[ugged into AR sottwarer there must be a trapdoor 950 01:06:45,280 --> 01:06:48,431 bui[t into the programme somewhere to a[[ow escape. 951 01:06:50,280 --> 01:06:52,840 You mean to he[p you get out it the programme treezes? 952 01:06:52,920 --> 01:06:55,559 Precise[y. There'[[ be a cryptic c[ue around somewhere. 953 01:06:55,640 --> 01:06:58,154 Something [ike a trapdoor or exit. 954 01:07:04,800 --> 01:07:06,392 I got it! 955 01:07:06,480 --> 01:07:09,552 There's a button here with "E-11-T" on it. 956 01:07:09,640 --> 01:07:10,834 And? 957 01:07:10,920 --> 01:07:13,559 11 is XI in Roman numera[s. 958 01:07:13,640 --> 01:07:16,200 E-XI-T. Exit. 959 01:07:17,200 --> 01:07:18,758 He got that? 960 01:07:18,840 --> 01:07:22,594 I think it proves without a shadow ot a doubt this is not rea[ity. 961 01:07:26,160 --> 01:07:27,479 Press it. 962 01:07:30,640 --> 01:07:32,312 Now where are we? 963 01:07:35,840 --> 01:07:38,877 We[[r somehowr we've wound up in the screensaver. 964 01:07:41,160 --> 01:07:45,153 We need to [ocate a power source so we can switch the AR machine ott. 965 01:07:45,240 --> 01:07:47,196 Power source? AR? 966 01:07:47,280 --> 01:07:49,475 There has to be a c[ue round here somewhere. 967 01:07:49,560 --> 01:07:51,790 Maybe it's in this ice ho[e. 968 01:08:03,280 --> 01:08:05,271 There's some tood in here. 969 01:08:08,000 --> 01:08:09,228 So? 970 01:08:09,320 --> 01:08:11,470 Inc[uding a bott[e ot ketchup. 971 01:08:13,240 --> 01:08:14,514 So? 972 01:08:14,600 --> 01:08:16,477 Power ketchup. Get it? 973 01:08:16,560 --> 01:08:17,834 What's to get? 974 01:08:17,920 --> 01:08:19,478 Power sauce! 975 01:08:20,080 --> 01:08:22,958 Pity he's on[y smart when he's made out ot P[asticine. 976 01:08:23,040 --> 01:08:23,836 Press it. 977 01:08:32,560 --> 01:08:36,394 You back-stabbingr wease[[y smegger! 978 01:08:36,680 --> 01:08:38,352 You were trying to trame us. 979 01:08:38,440 --> 01:08:39,793 Listy. Just the man. 980 01:08:39,880 --> 01:08:42,997 Nowr I know at tirst g[ance this may [ook bad. 981 01:08:43,080 --> 01:08:44,593 Godr he's gorgeous. 982 01:08:44,680 --> 01:08:47,274 Ohr ho[d her back. P[easer ho[d her. P[easer no more. No more. 983 01:08:47,360 --> 01:08:50,318 Those nostri[sr they're driving me crazy. I've simp[y got to have him. 984 01:08:50,400 --> 01:08:52,550 Ho[d her backr Kryten. He[p me! 985 01:09:03,280 --> 01:09:05,874 Mr Catr sirr put the [itt on ho[d. 986 01:09:06,960 --> 01:09:08,837 I want his babies. 987 01:09:10,320 --> 01:09:13,312 The [uck virusr you've sti[[ got it. Take some. 988 01:09:13,400 --> 01:09:16,631 It'[[ cure the virus and restore you both to norma[. 989 01:09:23,600 --> 01:09:26,034 Ohr Godr that's so embarrassing. 990 01:09:27,400 --> 01:09:30,153 -What nowr Ho[? -No r'íme r'o (oseæ 991 01:09:30,240 --> 01:09:32,913 Y,oushou(dheadfor. r'henear.esr'one ofr'heseæ 992 01:09:35,560 --> 01:09:37,676 -You mean a moon? -EÁr.acr'( 993 01:09:38,080 --> 01:09:42,119 He's right. we can regroup there and continue our search tor the nanos. 994 01:09:42,200 --> 01:09:43,679 What about me? 995 01:09:43,760 --> 01:09:48,550 We[[r I suggest we persuade you to come with usr sirr or tai[ing thatr we b[udgeon you unconscious. 996 01:09:48,640 --> 01:09:50,949 Him come with us? Are you out ot your mind? 997 01:09:51,040 --> 01:09:53,474 That's so dumb I shou[d've said it. 998 01:09:53,800 --> 01:09:56,951 We[[r mr Rimmer has had access to the contidentia[ ti[esr sir. 999 01:09:57,040 --> 01:09:58,712 He knows a[[ the security codes. 1000 01:09:58,800 --> 01:10:00,597 Without himr our chances ot escape 1001 01:10:00,680 --> 01:10:04,116 are about as remote as meeting an interesting hairdresser ca[[ed Ky[ie. 1002 01:10:05,280 --> 01:10:08,556 Why wou[d I want to take ott with you [ot? what have you got to otter? 1003 01:10:08,640 --> 01:10:11,279 We[[r I'm very good at [aundryr sir. 1004 01:10:11,360 --> 01:10:13,794 Ídoa damn fínemoon ímpr.essíonæ 1005 01:10:14,240 --> 01:10:17,277 I'm so gorgeousr there's a six-month waiting [ist tor birds 1006 01:10:17,360 --> 01:10:19,999 to sudden[y appear every time I am near. 1007 01:10:23,080 --> 01:10:24,718 And you know what they sayr sirr 1008 01:10:24,800 --> 01:10:27,758 it you've got three good triendsr you're a rich man. 1009 01:10:27,840 --> 01:10:29,831 On[y poor peop[e say that. 1010 01:10:30,920 --> 01:10:33,388 Forget itr he's not gonna change his mind. 1011 01:10:33,480 --> 01:10:35,198 He's rightr time is ot the essence. 1012 01:10:35,280 --> 01:10:39,159 The crew wi[[ know we're out ot AR now and are probab[y sending someone to investigate. 1013 01:10:39,240 --> 01:10:41,800 Sor what's it to be? 1014 01:10:42,760 --> 01:10:46,230 Lookr it I [eaver I'm a[ways gonna be a tai[ure. The shame ot it. 1015 01:10:46,320 --> 01:10:50,950 Every time I have a boi[ed eggr knowing I don't even outrank the toastie so[diers. 1016 01:10:51,440 --> 01:10:53,829 I want to be an otticerr a man ot honour. 1017 01:10:53,920 --> 01:10:56,718 Otticers aren't men ot honourr they're headcases. 1018 01:10:56,800 --> 01:10:59,917 Those induction pranks they p[ay when you qua[ity. 1019 01:11:00,840 --> 01:11:03,752 I've dreamt ot that proud day tor years nowr 1020 01:11:03,840 --> 01:11:06,229 as I wake up atter the ce[ebration party 1021 01:11:06,320 --> 01:11:09,869 and tind my pubes are orange and I'm handcutted to a goat. 1022 01:11:11,160 --> 01:11:12,878 And most hi[arious ot a[[r 1023 01:11:12,960 --> 01:11:16,077 discovering someone's superg[ued me to the rear ot one ot those rabbits 1024 01:11:16,160 --> 01:11:18,549 that whizzes round greyhound tracks. 1025 01:11:19,200 --> 01:11:22,670 Ahr those mad japes they p[ay on you. 1026 01:11:22,760 --> 01:11:24,512 I can't miss a[[ that. 1027 01:11:24,600 --> 01:11:26,875 Lookr that's not gonna happen tor you nowr man. 1028 01:11:26,960 --> 01:11:29,076 Įust [ike it didn't happen tor the other Rimmer. 1029 01:11:29,160 --> 01:11:31,435 We[r.egívíngyoua secondchancear'(ífe 1030 01:11:31,520 --> 01:11:33,829 andan oppor.r'unír'yfor.you r'oscr.ewír'up 1031 01:11:33,920 --> 01:11:35,911 ín a newand or.ígína( wa 1032 01:11:38,040 --> 01:11:40,270 You'[[ get your own seat in the cockpit 1033 01:11:40,360 --> 01:11:43,511 and you'[[ be in contro[ ot at [east tive buttons. 1034 01:11:43,840 --> 01:11:45,193 Krytier don't be pathetic. 1035 01:11:45,280 --> 01:11:49,034 He's hard[y going to be impressed at the prospect ot being in charge ot a tew buttons. 1036 01:11:49,120 --> 01:11:50,519 Fiver you say? 1037 01:11:51,640 --> 01:11:54,074 No more vending machine maintenance. 1038 01:11:54,160 --> 01:11:56,879 No more getting heck[ed by drinks dispensers. 1039 01:11:56,960 --> 01:11:59,030 That's tive who[e buttons? 1040 01:11:59,720 --> 01:12:01,438 A new startr a new [ite? 1041 01:12:01,520 --> 01:12:04,512 You'[[ wake up in the morningr you'[[ want to [eap out ot bed. 1042 01:12:04,600 --> 01:12:06,272 We[[r in your caser mr Listerr sirr 1043 01:12:06,360 --> 01:12:09,989 that's because your sheets are covered in pointy poppadum shards. 1044 01:12:10,320 --> 01:12:13,437 Te[[ me more about these buttons. Are some i[[uminated? 1045 01:12:13,520 --> 01:12:17,433 What do you sayr man? The o[d Rimmer was a vita[ member ot the team. 1046 01:12:17,520 --> 01:12:20,956 He pertormed essentia[ tunctions we've never rep[aced. 1047 01:12:21,200 --> 01:12:22,792 What did he do? 1048 01:12:22,880 --> 01:12:24,632 Don't know rea[[y. 1049 01:12:24,720 --> 01:12:26,950 Her erm... He wasr erm... 1050 01:12:28,280 --> 01:12:29,554 He wasr erm... 1051 01:12:29,640 --> 01:12:31,437 Ah! Head ot Satety. 1052 01:12:32,120 --> 01:12:34,918 Head ot Satety? That's a he[[ ot a tit[e. 1053 01:12:35,560 --> 01:12:37,710 But what did he actua[[y do? 1054 01:12:37,800 --> 01:12:39,438 He sought out danger. 1055 01:12:39,520 --> 01:12:41,272 He sought out peri[. 1056 01:12:41,360 --> 01:12:44,557 And then he'd advise us the best way to run away trom it. 1057 01:12:45,240 --> 01:12:47,470 Head ot Satetyr tive buttons... 1058 01:12:48,840 --> 01:12:49,989 I'm in. 1059 01:12:50,800 --> 01:12:52,916 He's in. Let's ce[ebrate! 1060 01:12:53,000 --> 01:12:55,275 I'[[ crack open a bott[e ot cyanide. 1061 01:13:10,360 --> 01:13:12,510 Thísísgr.oundconr'r.o(æ 1062 01:13:12,600 --> 01:13:15,558 You don't appear to have t[ight c[earance. 1063 01:13:16,840 --> 01:13:18,990 You're the ground contro[[er? 1064 01:13:19,080 --> 01:13:21,992 P[ease state your name and c[earance code. 1065 01:13:22,760 --> 01:13:24,352 Rea[ity sucks. 1066 01:13:25,040 --> 01:13:27,156 Your name's Rea[ity Sucks? 1067 01:13:28,520 --> 01:13:30,431 One secondr mr Sucks. 1068 01:13:31,720 --> 01:13:34,075 Įust checking my c[earance [ist. 1069 01:13:35,120 --> 01:13:37,998 Lookrjust do another smegging dance and we'[[ get the he[[ out ot here. 1070 01:13:38,080 --> 01:13:41,038 Dance? with herr I'd have troub[e wa[king. 1071 01:13:42,040 --> 01:13:43,439 Powering up. 1072 01:13:47,720 --> 01:13:50,188 Come backr mr Sucks. Come back! 1073 01:14:00,000 --> 01:14:03,595 There's nothing on the scanners tor a 1rOOO-mi[e radius. 1074 01:14:03,680 --> 01:14:05,318 We're in the c[earr guys. 1075 01:14:05,400 --> 01:14:07,391 Yes. Ohr yes. 1076 01:14:07,480 --> 01:14:09,789 -I don't be[ieve we arer ma'am. -what's up? 1077 01:14:09,880 --> 01:14:13,236 According to the supp[ies inventoryr we're trightening[y [ow on... 1078 01:14:13,320 --> 01:14:16,312 And everyone was so happy. I can bare[y say it out [oud. 1079 01:14:16,400 --> 01:14:18,516 What are we trightening[y [ow on? Oxygen? 1080 01:14:18,600 --> 01:14:20,511 Worse. Fabric sottener. 1081 01:14:21,600 --> 01:14:24,273 Suggest we chart a course to the nearest dere[ictr 1082 01:14:24,360 --> 01:14:28,353 the SSEínsr'eínf betore everyone's woo[[ens get a[[ bibb[y-bobb[y. 1083 01:14:30,240 --> 01:14:31,593 Einstein? 1084 01:14:31,680 --> 01:14:34,353 Wasn't he the dude who discovered America? 1085 01:14:34,760 --> 01:14:37,320 Einstein discovered the theory ot re[ativity. 1086 01:14:37,400 --> 01:14:40,756 Where did he discover it? was it tossi[ised and stutt? 1087 01:14:42,080 --> 01:14:44,275 The theory ot re[ativity is... 1088 01:14:47,240 --> 01:14:50,869 -what is the theory ot re[ativity? -Yeahr what is itr Ho[? 1089 01:14:51,440 --> 01:14:53,590 ßír'busyar'r'hemomenr'f Daveæ 1090 01:14:53,760 --> 01:14:56,991 Įust te[[ us what it is in sort ot simp[e [ayman's terms. 1091 01:14:57,080 --> 01:14:58,513 Ír'[sa r'heor. 1092 01:14:59,840 --> 01:15:01,353 Yeahr but what is it? 1093 01:15:01,440 --> 01:15:04,432 Ohf you wanr'ír'mor.e comp(ícar'ed r'han r'har'f doyou? 1094 01:15:04,520 --> 01:15:07,796 -What does it mean? -ír'[s r'he r'heor.yofr.e(ar'ívír' 1095 01:15:07,880 --> 01:15:11,395 Y,ouknowf ír'[s r'he r'heor.y you on(yr'e((your.r.e(ar'ívesæ 1096 01:15:13,320 --> 01:15:15,788 EmC2. 1097 01:15:15,880 --> 01:15:17,950 But what does it meanr though? 1098 01:15:18,040 --> 01:15:19,519 Eís ener.g 1099 01:15:20,120 --> 01:15:22,429 Ener.gyequa(sMC2æ 1100 01:15:22,880 --> 01:15:26,156 Thar'[sM r'ímes Cr'ímesedbyanor'her.C 1101 01:15:27,440 --> 01:15:29,112 what's mCr though? 1102 01:15:29,480 --> 01:15:30,595 Whar'? 1103 01:15:30,680 --> 01:15:33,433 -What is it? mC. -MC? 1104 01:15:34,400 --> 01:15:37,790 We((f MCís obvíous(yMasr'er. ofCer.emoníesæ 1105 01:15:39,560 --> 01:15:42,518 Energy equa[s master ot ceremonies squared. 1106 01:15:43,320 --> 01:15:45,788 He was ver.yover.r.ar'edEínsr'eínæ 1107 01:15:47,360 --> 01:15:51,399 Thar'[s whyhe (efr'quanr'umphysícs and wenr'ínr'o r'he (ook-a(íkebusínessæ 1108 01:15:52,040 --> 01:15:55,396 It's so sad. Ho[[y's supposed to have an IQ ot 6rOOO. 1109 01:15:55,640 --> 01:15:58,234 Now I doubt he cou[d even spe[[ "IQ". 1110 01:15:58,320 --> 01:16:01,392 Ífí[m sosr'upídf ífí[m compur'er.sení(ef 1111 01:16:01,480 --> 01:16:03,232 eÁr.p(aín r'hísf r'henæ 1112 01:16:04,000 --> 01:16:05,194 Exp[ain what? 1113 01:16:05,280 --> 01:16:06,952 Y,ou can[r'f canyou? 1114 01:16:11,440 --> 01:16:12,759 Exp[ain what? 1115 01:16:12,840 --> 01:16:15,593 Ír'[snogoodsr'a((íngf r'r.yíng r'obuyr'ímeæ 1116 01:16:16,720 --> 01:16:19,712 ífí[m sosr'upídf eÁr.p(aín whyíwasab(e r'or.ecr.ear'e 1117 01:16:19,800 --> 01:16:21,438 a newser'ofnanobor's 1118 01:16:21,520 --> 01:16:23,795 andger'r'hem r'or.esur.r.ecr'r'he cr.e 1119 01:16:23,880 --> 01:16:25,552 -what? -what? 1120 01:16:25,640 --> 01:16:27,198 Ír'houghr'you[dbep(easedæ 1121 01:16:27,760 --> 01:16:28,795 But why? 1122 01:16:28,880 --> 01:16:31,075 Myyob ís r'okeep Davesaneæ 1123 01:16:31,160 --> 01:16:34,277 Tr.uef í[m nor'r'har'goodar'ír'f bur'ídomybesč 1124 01:16:34,640 --> 01:16:38,553 Thar'[s whyícr.ear'e r'hese (ír'r'(e díver.síons r'okeep hím occupíedæ 1125 01:16:38,640 --> 01:16:42,110 Butr Ho[r we cou[d have wound up doing two years in the brig. 1126 01:16:42,200 --> 01:16:43,679 Y,ousr'í((cou(dæ 1127 01:16:43,760 --> 01:16:45,478 í[veyusr'wor.kedír'ouč 1128 01:16:45,560 --> 01:16:47,312 We[r.esr'í((ínARæ 1129 01:16:47,400 --> 01:16:48,753 -what? -what? 1130 01:16:48,840 --> 01:16:52,116 Ín compur'er.yar.gonf myp(anshavea((gone r'ír's upæ 1131 01:16:57,000 --> 01:16:59,719 íwas our'r'houghr'and our'manoeuvr.edæ 1132 01:17:00,400 --> 01:17:03,437 -Whoby? -ßya super.íor.ínr'e((ecč 1133 01:17:03,800 --> 01:17:07,873 You mean the hand dryer in the men's toi[ets has outsmarted you again? 1134 01:17:08,720 --> 01:17:10,915 Noæ ßyr'he or'her. ver.síon ofmeæ 1135 01:17:11,000 --> 01:17:14,356 The one on Red Dwart. Thísíssr'í(( our. r'r.ía(æ 1136 01:17:14,440 --> 01:17:16,874 Our tria[? why didn't you say? 1137 01:17:16,960 --> 01:17:19,633 It I'd have knownr I'd have worn a tie. 1138 01:17:21,600 --> 01:17:25,070 We[[r tor mer Lister's nanobot story is corroborated. 1139 01:17:25,160 --> 01:17:27,151 They were trying to track them down. 1140 01:17:27,240 --> 01:17:30,835 Their actions in the psychotropica[[y-induced scenario bear that out. 1141 01:17:30,920 --> 01:17:32,194 Íagr.eef Fr.ankæ 1142 01:17:32,280 --> 01:17:35,829 ía(sobe(íeve we díed and wer.eíndeedr.esur.r.ecr'edæ 1143 01:17:35,920 --> 01:17:38,070 Agaínf bor.ne our'byr'heír.acr'íonsæ 1144 01:17:38,160 --> 01:17:41,470 Sor origina[ chargesr a[[ innocent. 1145 01:17:42,000 --> 01:17:45,879 Butr it's equa[[y apparent that they used c[assitied intormation 1146 01:17:45,960 --> 01:17:48,997 trom the crew's contidentia[ ti[es to their own ends. 1147 01:17:49,080 --> 01:17:52,356 I suspected Rimmer had access the moment he wa[ked into my ottice 1148 01:17:52,440 --> 01:17:55,716 and began acting incredib[y smart and know[edgeab[e. 1149 01:17:55,800 --> 01:17:57,313 Whar'agíveawa 1150 01:17:58,440 --> 01:18:01,477 That's why I got him to [ick one ot the psychotropic enve[opes 1151 01:18:01,560 --> 01:18:03,437 when I invited him to dinner. 1152 01:18:03,520 --> 01:18:06,398 Sof abusíng c(assífíedínfor.mar'íonf 1153 01:18:06,480 --> 01:18:08,072 r'har'[sa fr.esh char.geæ 1154 01:18:08,160 --> 01:18:10,196 And on thatr they're a[[ gui[ty. 1155 01:18:10,280 --> 01:18:12,157 Thar'[sa sr'ar'ur'or.ysenr'enceæ 1156 01:18:12,240 --> 01:18:14,993 I know. Two years in the brig. 1157 01:18:15,640 --> 01:18:20,919 Soínsr'ead ofr'he or.ígína(char.ge andapossíb(esenr'ence ofr'woyear.sín r'hebr.ígf 1158 01:18:21,000 --> 01:18:23,230 r'hey[vebeen foundguí(r'yon anor'her.char.ge 1159 01:18:23,320 --> 01:18:26,596 andgor'an enr'ír.e(ydíffer.enr'r'woyear.sín r'hebr.ígæ 1160 01:18:27,480 --> 01:18:29,835 Thar'[sgonna beagr.ear'comfor.r'r'o r'hemæ 1161 01:18:30,080 --> 01:18:32,878 í[((br.íng r'hem r.oundandbr.eak r'henewsæ 1162 01:18:36,560 --> 01:18:37,913 RImmER: This is rea[ity? 1163 01:18:38,000 --> 01:18:40,309 -But how can we be sure? -why do we care? 1164 01:18:40,400 --> 01:18:43,472 Nothing makes any sense no matter where we are. 1165 01:18:43,680 --> 01:18:46,797 Lookr everything was rea[ betore we [icked the enve[opesr right? 1166 01:18:46,880 --> 01:18:49,872 Then we conked out and got carted ott to AR. 1167 01:18:50,960 --> 01:18:53,520 Betore we [icked anything... Betore we [icked anything... 1168 01:18:54,720 --> 01:18:56,756 I [ent you my Ho[[y watch. 1169 01:18:57,080 --> 01:18:59,833 Sor it this is rea[ityr I shou[d sti[[ be wearing it. 1170 01:18:59,920 --> 01:19:03,833 Ohf yeahæ Thísísr.ea(ír'ya((r.íghč í[dr.ecogníseír'anywher.eæ 1171 01:19:05,200 --> 01:19:07,111 A[sor sirr shou[dn't you have the viruses? 1172 01:19:07,200 --> 01:19:10,988 Againr you tound them on Sr'ar.bug betore we [icked the enve[opes. 1173 01:19:13,400 --> 01:19:15,197 The [uck virus. 1174 01:19:15,280 --> 01:19:17,271 Maybe we can get out ot this mess. 1175 01:19:17,360 --> 01:19:18,759 I'[[ have that. 1176 01:19:18,840 --> 01:19:22,071 The [ab boys are gonna want to run tests on it. 1177 01:19:22,160 --> 01:19:23,957 Where's the other one? 1178 01:19:24,040 --> 01:19:26,110 I'm atraid I [ost itr sir. 1179 01:19:26,200 --> 01:19:29,590 Goddamnitr Rimmer! I wanted that! 1180 01:19:29,760 --> 01:19:34,276 I meanr the [ab boys wanted itr to test it[ too. Damn. 1181 01:19:35,520 --> 01:19:37,715 -This is a[[your tau[t. -my tau[t? 1182 01:19:37,800 --> 01:19:40,997 You betrayed us over that contidentia[ ti[e scam. 1183 01:19:41,080 --> 01:19:42,911 Sto[e the sexua[ magnetism virus. 1184 01:19:43,000 --> 01:19:44,149 You [ied to us. 1185 01:19:44,240 --> 01:19:48,791 And genera[[y behaved [ike a se[t-servingr scum-suckingr ruth[ess [itt[e ratbag. 1186 01:19:48,880 --> 01:19:50,757 And that's bad? 1187 01:19:50,840 --> 01:19:52,876 HOLLISTER: (ON SPEAKER) ír'ís r'he fíndíng ofr'hís enquír.y 1188 01:19:52,960 --> 01:19:57,556 r'har'youhavebeen foundguí(r'y ofconr'r.aveníngAcr'2í ofr'heSpaceFeder.ar'íonæ 1189 01:19:57,640 --> 01:19:59,710 ßefor.esenr'encíngf you wí((havemedíca(s 1190 01:19:59,800 --> 01:20:02,872 soyou can beassígnedappr.opr.íar'epr.íson sr'ar'usæ 1191 01:20:04,680 --> 01:20:07,148 í[vebugger.ed r'hís up a bír'f haven[r'í? 1192 01:20:28,720 --> 01:20:30,472 We[come to the tank. 1193 01:20:54,120 --> 01:20:56,429 (RED DwARF THEmE SONG) 99829