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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:05,973 --> 00:00:07,475 [AUDIENCE CHEERING] 2 00:00:07,575 --> 00:00:10,311 [SIRENS BLARING] 3 00:00:47,047 --> 00:00:49,817 [AUDIENCE CHEERING] 4 00:01:06,934 --> 00:01:09,903 LIVE FROM SAN ANTONIO, TEXAS, 5 00:01:10,003 --> 00:01:13,407 HE'S TALL, DARK, AND CHICANO. 6 00:01:13,507 --> 00:01:15,676 PLEASE WELCOME GEORGE LOPEZ! 7 00:01:15,776 --> 00:01:19,113 [**] 8 00:01:19,213 --> 00:01:20,248 [CROWD CHEERING] 9 00:01:29,390 --> 00:01:33,461 * ALL MY FRIENDS KNOW THE LOW RIDER * 10 00:01:36,330 --> 00:01:40,201 * THE LOW RIDER IS A LITTLE HIGHER * 11 00:01:51,212 --> 00:01:53,147 [INAUDIBLE] 12 00:02:03,591 --> 00:02:07,195 * LOW RIDER DRIVES A LITTLE SLOWER * 13 00:02:10,464 --> 00:02:14,702 * LOW RIDER IS A REAL GOER * 14 00:02:22,610 --> 00:02:23,544 * HEY 15 00:02:36,890 --> 00:02:42,830 * LOW RIDER KNOWS EVERY STREET, YEAH * 16 00:02:44,498 --> 00:02:49,737 * LOW RIDER IS THE ONE TO MEET, YEAH * 17 00:02:52,806 --> 00:02:54,742 [CROWD CHEERING] 18 00:03:14,995 --> 00:03:19,400 LOPEZ: ÓRALE! 19 00:03:23,371 --> 00:03:25,205 ÓRALE! 20 00:03:25,306 --> 00:03:27,841 Crowd: ÓRALE! 21 00:03:27,941 --> 00:03:30,544 [SPEAKING IN SPANISH] 22 00:03:30,644 --> 00:03:32,380 [CROWD CHEERING] 23 00:03:48,496 --> 00:03:52,400 LET THEM HEAR YOU, EVERYBODY, WATCHING HBO ALL OVER THE WORLD! 24 00:03:52,500 --> 00:03:54,835 LET 'EM HEAR YOU, SAN ANTONIO! 25 00:03:54,935 --> 00:03:57,070 ÓRALE! 26 00:03:57,170 --> 00:04:00,173 ÓRALE! 27 00:04:00,274 --> 00:04:01,409 [SPEAKING IN SPANISH] 28 00:04:18,526 --> 00:04:22,262 I JUST SAID THANK YOU VERY MUCH FOR ALL OF YOUR SUPPORT. 29 00:04:24,365 --> 00:04:28,001 I FEEL THE RACIAL DIVIDE CLOSING AS I SPEAK. 30 00:04:31,405 --> 00:04:32,906 LOOK AT THAT GIRL. 31 00:04:33,006 --> 00:04:37,945 "LET'S GO, MADISON. THIS IS HOW THE SWINE FLU STARTED." 32 00:04:46,987 --> 00:04:49,323 I SOLD THIS MOTHERFUCKER OUT! 33 00:04:49,423 --> 00:04:50,958 [CROWD CHEERING] 34 00:04:51,058 --> 00:04:55,095 14,000 PEOPLE! 35 00:04:55,195 --> 00:04:58,298 IN A DOWN ECONOMY! 36 00:04:58,399 --> 00:05:01,469 I SOLD THIS MOTHERFUCKER OUT! 37 00:05:01,569 --> 00:05:03,303 IN A DOWN ECONOMY! 38 00:05:08,141 --> 00:05:13,013 IF YOU GOT 14,000 PEOPLE TO PAY TO SEE ONE MEXICAN, 39 00:05:13,113 --> 00:05:17,418 THAT'S NOT A DOWN ECONOMY. 40 00:05:17,518 --> 00:05:19,453 THAT'S LATINO TIME. 41 00:05:24,291 --> 00:05:26,460 "LET'S GO, MADISON. I'M SERIOUS." 42 00:05:28,829 --> 00:05:33,467 I WANT TO CONGRATULATE SONIA SOTOMAYOR, 43 00:05:36,737 --> 00:05:39,807 THE FIRST LATINA SUPREME COURT JUSTICE 44 00:05:39,907 --> 00:05:42,976 OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA! 45 00:05:47,448 --> 00:05:51,118 THAT SHIT'S GONNA GET DEEP. 46 00:05:51,218 --> 00:05:54,121 I'M A WISE LATINO. 47 00:05:54,221 --> 00:05:57,391 SHE'S A WISE LATINA. 48 00:05:57,491 --> 00:06:00,394 GOOD LUCK GETTING HER TO WEAR BLACK EVERY DAY. 49 00:06:01,629 --> 00:06:05,132 "I WEAR BLACK, BUT I'M NOT GONNA ZIP IT TO THE TOP. 50 00:06:07,134 --> 00:06:08,335 [SPEAKING IN SPANISH] 51 00:06:08,436 --> 00:06:10,871 I GOT NICE ONES. 52 00:06:10,971 --> 00:06:13,474 I CAN STILL ROLL WITH A LITTLE CLEAVAGE, I CAN TELL YOU." 53 00:06:16,544 --> 00:06:19,713 TO THE REPUBLICANS WHO VOTED NAY, 54 00:06:19,813 --> 00:06:22,816 31 OF YOU... 55 00:06:22,916 --> 00:06:26,386 WHO VOTED AGAINST SONIA SOTOMAYOR, 56 00:06:26,487 --> 00:06:27,821 TWO FROM THE STATE OF TEXAS... 57 00:06:27,921 --> 00:06:31,725 [AUDIENCE BOOS] 58 00:06:31,825 --> 00:06:35,028 KAY BAILEY HUTCHISON, LA CABRONA. 59 00:06:37,731 --> 00:06:44,004 TWO FROM THE GREAT STATE OF NEVADA, NEGATIVE, 60 00:06:44,104 --> 00:06:47,875 AND TWO FROM ARIZONA, INCLUDING JOHN MCCAIN. 61 00:06:47,975 --> 00:06:50,544 [AUDIENCE BOOS] 62 00:06:50,644 --> 00:06:53,346 TO ALL OF YOU WHO VOTED NO, 63 00:06:53,447 --> 00:06:54,314 I'D LIKE TO TAKE THIS OPPORTUNITY 64 00:06:54,414 --> 00:06:58,085 TO SAY FUCK YOU PUTOS. 65 00:06:58,185 --> 00:07:00,120 [CROWD CHEERING] 66 00:07:04,725 --> 00:07:07,895 [SPEAKING IN SPANISH] 67 00:07:07,995 --> 00:07:10,931 YOU WILL NEVER GET THE LATINO VOTE NOW. 68 00:07:11,031 --> 00:07:12,199 YOU'RE FUCKED. 69 00:07:14,802 --> 00:07:17,538 LOOK AT ALL THESE PEOPLE. THEY WILL NOT VOTE FOR YOU. 70 00:07:17,638 --> 00:07:21,041 TELL THEM YOU WILL NOT VOTE FOR THEM. 71 00:07:21,141 --> 00:07:22,810 [CROWD CHEERING] 72 00:07:25,479 --> 00:07:30,117 YOU WON'T WIN A PIE EATING CONTEST 73 00:07:30,217 --> 00:07:32,720 WITHOUT THE LATINO VOTE. 74 00:07:34,121 --> 00:07:37,558 "I THOUGHT YOU HAD THE BEST LEMON MERINGUE." 75 00:07:37,658 --> 00:07:38,859 "I DID, BUT THAT SON OF A BITCH 76 00:07:38,959 --> 00:07:41,662 MADE A FRITO PIE AND KICKED ME RIGHT OUT." 77 00:07:43,564 --> 00:07:46,900 I'M GOING TO SCARE EVERYONE TONIGHT. 78 00:07:47,000 --> 00:07:48,936 [CROWD CHEERING] 79 00:07:50,871 --> 00:07:52,940 THIS IS A GOOD WEEK FOR LATINOS. 80 00:07:53,040 --> 00:07:58,278 A LIVE HBO SPECIAL BY A MEXICAN-AMERICAN CHICANO. 81 00:07:58,378 --> 00:08:00,380 LIVE! 82 00:08:00,480 --> 00:08:02,916 AND I'M NOT SCARED. 83 00:08:07,020 --> 00:08:11,224 A SUPREME COURT JUSTICE WHO IS LATINA! 84 00:08:11,324 --> 00:08:12,492 TWO. 85 00:08:14,194 --> 00:08:20,901 AND CASH FOR CLUNKERS. 86 00:08:21,001 --> 00:08:24,171 I'M SO EXCITED I CAN'T GET IT OUT. 87 00:08:24,271 --> 00:08:27,675 AND CASH FOR CLUNKERS. 88 00:08:27,775 --> 00:08:29,577 THIS IS A MAGICAL WEEK FOR LATINOS. 89 00:08:33,180 --> 00:08:37,517 CASH FOR CLUNKERS. 90 00:08:37,618 --> 00:08:39,286 IF THERE'S ANYONE THAT CAN TURN A CAR 91 00:08:39,386 --> 00:08:40,621 INTO A CLUNKER LIKE THAT... 92 00:08:44,692 --> 00:08:47,094 IMAGINE ALL THE SPACE OUR DRIVEWAYS WILL HAVE 93 00:08:47,194 --> 00:08:51,665 NOW THAT THE CLUNKERS-- 94 00:08:51,765 --> 00:08:53,867 "WHERE'S YOUR DRUNK-ASS UNCLE GOING TO SLEEP?" 95 00:08:53,967 --> 00:08:56,369 "I DON'T KNOW. 96 00:08:56,469 --> 00:08:58,906 HE'S NOT GOING TO SLEEP IN THE CLUNKER." 97 00:09:03,310 --> 00:09:06,880 IT IS TIME THAT WE PUT SOME THINGS ON NOTICE, REALLY. 98 00:09:06,980 --> 00:09:09,583 I MEAN, WE'RE TOO PROUD A PEOPLE 99 00:09:09,683 --> 00:09:11,551 TO GET BLAMED FOR THE SWINE FLU 100 00:09:11,652 --> 00:09:14,554 AND BAD WEATHER-- EL NINO. 101 00:09:17,557 --> 00:09:21,461 THAT'S JUST RAIN. THAT AIN'T LATINO-RELATED. 102 00:09:21,561 --> 00:09:25,132 IF IT RAINS A LOT, EL NINO. 103 00:09:25,232 --> 00:09:28,168 IF IT RAINS MORE, LA NINA. 104 00:09:32,039 --> 00:09:33,741 THEY DON'T DO THAT TO ANY OTHER CULTURE. 105 00:09:33,841 --> 00:09:35,342 THEY DON'T DO IT TO THE AFRICAN-AMERICANS 106 00:09:35,442 --> 00:09:36,644 BECAUSE THEY'RE TOO PROUD 107 00:09:36,744 --> 00:09:38,078 AND THEY WOULD STAND UP AND SAY SOMETHING, 108 00:09:38,178 --> 00:09:41,048 AND WE NEED TO DO THAT. WE NEED TO SAY, "NO MORE." 109 00:09:44,752 --> 00:09:46,720 YOU HAVE NEVER BEEN WATCHING CNN 110 00:09:46,820 --> 00:09:49,089 AND HEARD THAT EL NEGRO WAS COMING. 111 00:09:52,225 --> 00:09:55,328 [CROWD CHEERING] 112 00:09:59,833 --> 00:10:00,567 FUCKIN' WIND WHIPPING. 113 00:10:00,668 --> 00:10:04,104 [BLOWING INTO MIC] 114 00:10:04,204 --> 00:10:04,638 "I SMELL KOOL-AID. 115 00:10:07,574 --> 00:10:08,809 TIA! 116 00:10:09,509 --> 00:10:12,012 [SPEAKING IN SPANISH] 117 00:10:13,313 --> 00:10:14,815 GET OUT OF HERE!" 118 00:10:22,355 --> 00:10:25,425 THEY'RE INTERVIEWING PEOPLE. "WHAT DID EL NEGRO DO TO YOU?" 119 00:10:25,525 --> 00:10:27,194 "FUCK, IT TOOK MY CHAIN." 120 00:10:30,698 --> 00:10:32,632 [SPEAKING IN SPANISH] 121 00:10:37,404 --> 00:10:38,806 NO MORE. 122 00:10:40,173 --> 00:10:46,646 AS LONG AS I'M ALIVE, A TORTILLA WILL ALWAYS BE A TORTILLA. 123 00:10:50,317 --> 00:10:53,721 IT CAN NEVER BE FLATBREAD. THAT'S BULLSHIT. 124 00:10:53,821 --> 00:10:58,959 A TORTILLA WILL ALWAYS BE A TORTILLA. 125 00:10:59,059 --> 00:11:00,994 IT WILL NEVER BE FLATBREAD. 126 00:11:01,094 --> 00:11:04,732 JUST BECAUSE YOU CAN'T MAKE IT, MOTHERFUCKERS, DON'T CHANGE IT. 127 00:11:13,741 --> 00:11:15,876 "LET'S JUST MAKE A CROISSANT, HEATHER." 128 00:11:19,947 --> 00:11:21,749 AS LONG AS I'M ALIVE, 129 00:11:21,849 --> 00:11:26,219 A BURRITO WILL ALWAYS BE A BURRITO. 130 00:11:28,856 --> 00:11:30,223 IT CAN'T BE A WRAP. 131 00:11:33,827 --> 00:11:36,897 IT'S GOT TO BE A BURRITO. 132 00:11:36,997 --> 00:11:39,366 AND A REAL ONE, THAT MAKES YOU FART WHILE YOU'RE CHEWING. 133 00:11:39,466 --> 00:11:41,401 [MIMICS FARTING] 134 00:11:46,473 --> 00:11:48,641 "I MIGHT EAT OVER HERE. 135 00:11:48,742 --> 00:11:50,811 I KNOW YOU'RE TRYING TO BAPTIZE THE BABY." 136 00:11:56,183 --> 00:11:59,319 IF THERE'S ONE THING ABOUT REAL MEXICAN FOOD, 137 00:11:59,419 --> 00:12:02,255 IT REMINDS YOU THAT YOUR HEART AND YOUR ASSHOLE 138 00:12:02,355 --> 00:12:03,991 CAN HAVE SEPARATE PULSES. 139 00:12:09,296 --> 00:12:11,364 YOU CAN BE ALL... 140 00:12:11,464 --> 00:12:14,401 [MIMICS FARTING AND HEARTBEATS] 141 00:12:17,137 --> 00:12:18,972 "THEY'RE NOT EVEN IN RHYTHM. 142 00:12:23,877 --> 00:12:26,046 I CAN'T EVEN CLEAN MYSELF-- 143 00:12:27,547 --> 00:12:29,783 HEY, LET'S GET THE HAIR DRYER." 144 00:12:35,222 --> 00:12:37,791 A REAL BURRITO. 145 00:12:37,891 --> 00:12:40,027 NOT A MCDONALD'S BREAKFAST BURRITO. 146 00:12:40,127 --> 00:12:43,463 "OH, MY GOD, I HEAR THEY'RE FANTASTIC." 147 00:12:43,563 --> 00:12:44,798 IT'S THAT BIG. 148 00:12:44,898 --> 00:12:47,367 WHERE HAVE YOU EVER SEEN A BURRITO THAT BIG? 149 00:12:47,467 --> 00:12:50,170 THEY SHOULD HAVE CALLED IT MCCACA. HOW ABOUT THAT? 150 00:12:55,809 --> 00:12:58,511 WOULD YOU LIKE TO TRY THE NEW MC-- 151 00:12:58,611 --> 00:13:01,815 NO. I'M GOOD. 152 00:13:07,888 --> 00:13:11,224 DON'T BASTARDIZE OUR CULTURE. 153 00:13:11,324 --> 00:13:12,259 IT'S TOO PROUD. 154 00:13:12,359 --> 00:13:14,828 [CROWD CHEERING] 155 00:13:14,928 --> 00:13:16,864 LEAVE US ALONE! 156 00:13:16,964 --> 00:13:20,500 WE DON'T WANT TO TALK TO YOU. LEAVE US ALONE. 157 00:13:22,469 --> 00:13:24,237 YOU DON'T THINK WE SPEAK ENGLISH? WE SPEAK ENGLISH. 158 00:13:24,337 --> 00:13:26,473 WE SPEAK SPANISH BECAUSE WE DON'T WANT TO TALK TO YOU. 159 00:13:29,709 --> 00:13:31,845 HOW ABOUT THAT? 160 00:13:31,945 --> 00:13:33,713 [SPEAKING IN SPANISH] 161 00:13:33,813 --> 00:13:35,748 "I'M GOING TO HAVE TO GOOGLE THAT. 162 00:13:35,849 --> 00:13:37,717 I DON'T KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS. TOMA." 163 00:13:37,817 --> 00:13:39,252 GOOGLE. 164 00:13:40,787 --> 00:13:43,056 YOU WALK UP TO US, "HI, DO YOU KNOW WHAT TIME THE MOVIE--" 165 00:13:43,156 --> 00:13:45,092 [SPEAKING IN SPANISH] 166 00:13:47,060 --> 00:13:48,495 "I DON'T KNOW NOSHING. 167 00:13:48,595 --> 00:13:49,729 [SPEAKING IN SPANISH] 168 00:13:49,829 --> 00:13:53,366 I--I CAN'T TALK TO MOUSE. 169 00:13:57,537 --> 00:13:59,973 I'LL BE RIGHT BACK, HANG ON. I CAN'T TALK... 170 00:14:02,742 --> 00:14:05,578 I CANNOT TALK TOO MUCH TO YOU." 171 00:14:11,751 --> 00:14:14,888 NOW CORPORATE AMERICA HAS MADE 172 00:14:14,988 --> 00:14:20,127 A FLAT BOTTOM TACO SHELL 173 00:14:20,227 --> 00:14:22,729 BECAUSE APPARENTLY SOME PEOPLE ARE TOO LAZY 174 00:14:22,829 --> 00:14:26,233 TO PICK IT UP FROM THE FUCKING SIDE. 175 00:14:26,333 --> 00:14:30,037 PICK IT UP, YOU LAZY CABRON. PICK IT UP! 176 00:14:30,137 --> 00:14:33,473 "MOM, HOW COME MY TACO IS NOT STANDING UP WAITING FOR ME? 177 00:14:33,573 --> 00:14:35,909 I'M NOT GOING TO EAT IT." 178 00:14:43,116 --> 00:14:46,453 CHANGE THE NAMES OF THE RESTAURANTS. 179 00:14:46,553 --> 00:14:49,156 APPARENTLY, THERE'S AN IMMIGRATION PROBLEM 180 00:14:49,256 --> 00:14:53,393 IN THE UNITED STATES. I DON'T THINK IT'S A PROBLEM, BUT... 181 00:14:56,596 --> 00:14:59,066 LOU DOBBS APPARENTLY THINKS IT'S SUCH A PROBLEM 182 00:14:59,166 --> 00:15:04,404 HE DEVOTES EVERY ONE OF HIS SHOWS TO IMMIGRATION. 183 00:15:04,504 --> 00:15:06,873 LOU DOBBS FROM CNN. 184 00:15:06,974 --> 00:15:08,475 [AUDIENCE BOOS] 185 00:15:09,676 --> 00:15:12,845 HE'S MARRIED TO A LATINA. 186 00:15:12,946 --> 00:15:18,518 JUST BECAUSE YOU CAN'T CONTROL YOURS, DON'T THROW US ALL OUT. 187 00:15:18,618 --> 00:15:21,188 THAT'S YOUR PROBLEM, VATO. 188 00:15:25,025 --> 00:15:28,361 JUST BECAUSE SHE TALKS BACK, DON'T THROW US OUT. 189 00:15:33,233 --> 00:15:35,602 ALL OF THE RESTAURANTS THAT HAVE BORDER IN THE TITLE 190 00:15:35,702 --> 00:15:37,904 SHOULD BE PICKETED BY LATINOS. 191 00:15:38,005 --> 00:15:42,842 ON THE BORDER, THE BORDER GRILL, THE BORDER CAFE. 192 00:15:42,942 --> 00:15:46,413 ON THE RIO. 193 00:15:46,513 --> 00:15:49,282 GO BACK TO WHERE YOU CAME FROM GRILL. 194 00:15:52,952 --> 00:15:55,222 AGAIN, THEY DON'T DO IT TO BLACK PEOPLE, 195 00:15:55,322 --> 00:16:00,260 ALTHOUGH SOUPLANTATION IS PRETTY CLOSE. 196 00:16:00,360 --> 00:16:02,962 THAT'S GACHO, IF YOU ASK ME. 197 00:16:03,063 --> 00:16:05,198 SOUPLANTATION. 198 00:16:10,170 --> 00:16:12,339 "YOUR MINESTRONE, SIR." 199 00:16:15,775 --> 00:16:17,010 THEY DON'T DO IT TO WHITE PEOPLE. 200 00:16:17,110 --> 00:16:20,147 HAVE YOU SEEN CRACKER BARREL? OH, YEAH. 201 00:16:21,981 --> 00:16:24,317 OH, YEAH, THEY GOT... 202 00:16:30,257 --> 00:16:33,926 YOU CAN'T SCARE ALL THE WHITE PEOPLE, THOUGH. 203 00:16:34,027 --> 00:16:37,030 "I'M FROM LAVERNIA, TEXAS, I DON'T GIVE A FUCK. 204 00:16:38,665 --> 00:16:41,368 I'M FROM LAVERNIA. 205 00:16:41,468 --> 00:16:45,105 * AND I'M PROUD TO BE AN AMERICAN * 206 00:16:45,205 --> 00:16:48,508 * AT LEAST I KNOW I'M FREE 207 00:16:48,608 --> 00:16:52,011 * CAN SOMEONE GET THESE MEXICANS * 208 00:16:52,112 --> 00:16:54,013 * THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME 209 00:17:05,492 --> 00:17:08,061 WE'RE TOO PROUD. 210 00:17:08,161 --> 00:17:09,129 OUR FOOD IS TOO GOOD. 211 00:17:13,166 --> 00:17:17,137 WE RAISE OUR KIDS TOUGH, SO WE ARE UNAFRAID. 212 00:17:20,006 --> 00:17:22,942 WE HAVE NO FEAR. 213 00:17:23,042 --> 00:17:26,213 NOT LIKE KIDS NOW. "OH, I'M SCARED, MOM." 214 00:17:29,849 --> 00:17:33,553 THEY GOT CHIPS IN THEIR NECK. 215 00:17:33,653 --> 00:17:37,757 THEY CAN'T LEAVE THE YARD. "OH, MY GOD!" 216 00:17:37,857 --> 00:17:39,792 AMBER ALERT, AMBER ALERT. 217 00:17:43,430 --> 00:17:45,098 WE USED TO GO MISSING FOR THREE DAYS, 218 00:17:45,198 --> 00:17:50,537 AND NO ONE WOULD HAVE GIVEN A SHIT ABOUT US. 219 00:17:53,840 --> 00:17:55,175 THEY WOULDN'T EVEN LOOK. 220 00:17:55,275 --> 00:17:59,546 "IT'S QUIET. I DON'T CARE WHERE HE IS. 221 00:17:59,646 --> 00:18:02,882 IT'S QUIET. I DON'T WANT HIM. I GOT FIVE KIDS. 222 00:18:02,982 --> 00:18:04,851 I'LL MAKE THEM LOOK LIKE SIX." 223 00:18:04,951 --> 00:18:08,388 MINGLE, MINGLE, INTERTWINE. 224 00:18:14,327 --> 00:18:17,364 IT'S THE NAMES THAT WE'RE GIVING THESE KIDS 225 00:18:17,464 --> 00:18:19,199 THAT'S MAKING THEM PUSSIES. 226 00:18:21,668 --> 00:18:24,604 TANNER. 227 00:18:24,704 --> 00:18:26,439 [SPEAKING IN SPANISH] 228 00:18:32,579 --> 00:18:34,281 APPLE. 229 00:18:36,883 --> 00:18:38,851 "MANZANA, GET OVER HERE!" WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT? 230 00:18:44,624 --> 00:18:46,559 BRYCE. 231 00:18:46,659 --> 00:18:49,862 "BRYCE!" 232 00:18:49,962 --> 00:18:52,199 SKYLER, SEQUOIA. 233 00:18:53,233 --> 00:18:58,271 AUSTIN, PHOENIX, DALLAS. WHAT THE...? 234 00:18:59,472 --> 00:19:03,109 YOU DON'T SEE MEXICANS DOING THAT. "GUADALAJARA? 235 00:19:03,210 --> 00:19:05,645 GET OVER HERE. GUADALAJARA?" 236 00:19:07,013 --> 00:19:09,182 "CALIENTE, GO AND GET DRESSED." 237 00:19:10,783 --> 00:19:12,352 WHAT KIND OF SHIT IS THAT? 238 00:19:20,627 --> 00:19:22,562 [CROWD CHEERING] 239 00:19:29,269 --> 00:19:32,272 CHANCE. CHANCE. 240 00:19:32,372 --> 00:19:36,276 CHANCE. A KID NAMED CHANCE. 241 00:19:36,376 --> 00:19:40,347 YOU COULD NOT NAME A LATINO KID CHANCE. 242 00:19:40,447 --> 00:19:44,751 "HOW COME MY NAME IS CHANCE?" 243 00:19:44,851 --> 00:19:46,686 "BECAUSE I DIDN'T THINK YOU WERE MINE. 244 00:19:53,826 --> 00:19:56,229 I THOUGHT THERE WAS A CHANCE THAT YOU WEREN'T. 245 00:20:00,967 --> 00:20:02,134 'CAUSE I SWEAR TO GOD, I PULLED OUT THAT NIGHT. 246 00:20:02,235 --> 00:20:07,974 I PULLED IT OUT. I PULLED IT OUT. 247 00:20:08,074 --> 00:20:10,877 BUT YOUR MOM PULLED ME BACK IN. 248 00:20:12,579 --> 00:20:17,384 SHE WAS BIGGER THAN ME AND SHE GOT ME. 249 00:20:17,484 --> 00:20:20,520 SO ALL MY NIGHT JUICE CAME OUT. 250 00:20:25,124 --> 00:20:26,259 AND SHE WAS BIGGER THAN ME. 251 00:20:26,359 --> 00:20:28,728 [SPEAKING IN SPANISH] 252 00:20:28,828 --> 00:20:32,899 THAT'S WHY I SHAVED MY PUBES, BECAUSE SHE GOT ME LIKE THAT." 253 00:20:40,172 --> 00:20:41,674 REAL NAMES-- 254 00:20:43,676 --> 00:20:45,545 FRANK, 255 00:20:45,645 --> 00:20:48,848 ROBERTO, 256 00:20:48,948 --> 00:20:50,783 FELIX. 257 00:20:50,883 --> 00:20:53,520 FUCKING RALPH. 258 00:20:53,620 --> 00:20:56,289 I HAD A FRIEND NAMED RALPH, WE CALLED HIM FUCKING RALPH. 259 00:20:56,389 --> 00:20:58,325 NOBODY EVER CALLED HIM RALPH. 260 00:20:58,425 --> 00:21:01,928 "FUCKING RALPH, LET'S GO." 261 00:21:02,028 --> 00:21:05,332 EVEN MY GRANDMOTHER. "WHO'S GOING TO THE MOVIES? 262 00:21:05,432 --> 00:21:07,300 YOU AND FUCKING RALPH AND WHO ELSE?" 263 00:21:13,640 --> 00:21:16,108 THEY'D CALL HIS NAME, HE WOULDN'T EVEN TURN AROUND. 264 00:21:16,208 --> 00:21:19,346 "RALPH MENDOZA, PLEASE COME TO THE FRONT DESK, RALPH MENDOZA." 265 00:21:23,916 --> 00:21:25,318 "FUCKING RALPH, THEY WANT YOU." OH. 266 00:21:28,287 --> 00:21:30,923 I'M FUCKING RALPH MENDOZA, HELLO. 267 00:21:36,929 --> 00:21:40,400 WE WEREN'T AFRAID OF THE DARK LIKE KIDS NOW. 268 00:21:40,500 --> 00:21:42,134 AFRAID OF THE DARK. 269 00:21:42,234 --> 00:21:49,175 "MOM, CAN YOU LEAVE MY HIGH SCHOOL MUSICAL NIGHT LIGHT ON?" 270 00:21:49,275 --> 00:21:50,410 [SPEAKING IN SPANISH] 271 00:21:57,350 --> 00:22:00,387 "THE LIGHT FROM ZAC EFRON COMFORTS ME." 272 00:22:06,359 --> 00:22:10,663 WE COULD HAVE NEVER ASKED OUR PARENTS TO LEAVE THE LIGHT ON. 273 00:22:10,763 --> 00:22:11,731 "HEY, MA..." 274 00:22:14,000 --> 00:22:17,003 [SPEAKING IN SPANISH] 275 00:22:17,103 --> 00:22:18,938 "ASK HER." "SHH." 276 00:22:20,640 --> 00:22:22,942 "I'M SCARED OF THE DARK." "ME TOO, STUPID. SHUT UP. 277 00:22:24,611 --> 00:22:27,447 HEY, MA, CAN YOU-- CAN YOU LEAVE THE LIGHT ON? 278 00:22:29,749 --> 00:22:31,484 "CAN YOU LEAVE THE LIGHT ON? 279 00:22:36,489 --> 00:22:39,058 ARE YOU PAYING THAT BILL? 280 00:22:39,158 --> 00:22:41,093 [CROWD CHEERING] 281 00:22:42,228 --> 00:22:45,732 ARE YOU PAYING THAT BILL? 282 00:22:48,701 --> 00:22:53,973 WHEN YOU PAY THAT BILL, YOU CAN LEAVE ALL THE FUCKING LIGHTS ON. 283 00:22:54,073 --> 00:22:56,543 I DON'T GIVE A SHIT. 284 00:22:56,643 --> 00:22:59,378 I DON'T GIVE A SHIT." 285 00:23:01,748 --> 00:23:03,583 AND THEN YOU GET BITCHED OUT IN TWO LANGUAGES. 286 00:23:03,683 --> 00:23:05,618 [SPEAKING IN SPANISH] 287 00:23:09,489 --> 00:23:12,459 "WHEN YOU PAY THAT BILL, YOU CAN LEAVE ALL-- 288 00:23:12,559 --> 00:23:16,062 YOU THINK IT'S DARK RIGHT NOW, I'LL MAKE IT PITCH... 289 00:23:16,162 --> 00:23:22,902 YOU THINK I'M PLAYING? 290 00:23:23,002 --> 00:23:24,504 AND I'M ON MY PERIOD, SO I'M STRONGER." 291 00:23:25,772 --> 00:23:28,074 UHH... 292 00:23:30,209 --> 00:23:32,812 "GO TO SLEEP!" 293 00:23:37,116 --> 00:23:41,521 AND IN THOSE DAYS, KOTEX WERE HUGE, MAN. 294 00:23:43,422 --> 00:23:46,292 THEY LOOKED LIKE FUTONS. THEY WERE THE BIGGEST... 295 00:23:46,392 --> 00:23:47,827 IT CHANGED THE WAY THEY WALKED. 296 00:23:52,532 --> 00:23:53,332 EVEN THE FARTS WERE MUFFLED. 297 00:23:53,432 --> 00:23:55,668 [MIMICS MUFFLED FART] 298 00:23:58,137 --> 00:23:59,872 THEY'D DROP IT... 299 00:24:04,176 --> 00:24:06,045 THOSE WEREN'T MATTRESSES ON THE SIDE OF THE FREEWAY, 300 00:24:06,145 --> 00:24:07,614 THOSE WERE TAMPONS. 301 00:24:13,319 --> 00:24:15,688 NOW, YOU SEE, TAMPONS ARE LITTLE. 302 00:24:15,788 --> 00:24:17,490 THEY GOT LITTLE STRINGS, LITTLE APPLICATOR. 303 00:24:17,590 --> 00:24:19,992 YOU CAN GO ON WITH YOUR DAY. 304 00:24:42,281 --> 00:24:44,116 DIFFERENT. 305 00:24:44,216 --> 00:24:46,218 AND PARENTS WANT TO BE FRIENDS WITH THEIR KIDS. 306 00:24:46,318 --> 00:24:47,854 THAT'S WHERE YOU GO WRONG. 307 00:24:49,622 --> 00:24:50,657 YOU TRY TO BE FRIENDS! 308 00:24:53,793 --> 00:24:56,062 I HATED MY GRANDFATHER, 309 00:24:56,162 --> 00:24:59,331 I HATED MY GRANDMOTHER, 310 00:24:59,431 --> 00:25:01,000 AND I THINK I TURNED OUT OK. 311 00:25:01,100 --> 00:25:03,035 [CROWD CHEERING] 312 00:25:03,135 --> 00:25:05,237 HATED THEM! 313 00:25:08,407 --> 00:25:12,545 RESPECTED THEM, BUT HATED THEM. 314 00:25:12,645 --> 00:25:16,816 ONE DIED IN 1988, AND ONE WILL NOT DIE FOR SHIT! 315 00:25:18,951 --> 00:25:21,921 "I'M PAYING ALL THE BILLS. LET YOURSELF GO!" 316 00:25:28,861 --> 00:25:33,032 THEY GIVE THEIR KIDS CHOICES. WE DIDN'T HAVE CHOICES. 317 00:25:33,132 --> 00:25:37,236 WHATEVER YOUR PARENTS SAID WAS WHAT WAS GOING TO HAPPEN. 318 00:25:37,336 --> 00:25:39,271 [CROWD CHEERING] 319 00:25:41,407 --> 00:25:43,976 WE DIDN'T HAVE SHIT LIKE, 320 00:25:44,076 --> 00:25:44,543 "MASON? 321 00:25:47,546 --> 00:25:48,815 [SPEAKING IN SPANISH] 322 00:25:50,883 --> 00:25:55,622 DO YOU WANT KUNG FU PANDA ON BLU-RAY OR DVD?" 323 00:25:55,722 --> 00:25:57,657 [SPEAKING IN SPANISH] 324 00:25:59,892 --> 00:26:01,928 THESE WERE OUR CHOICES, "GET IN THE CAR 325 00:26:02,028 --> 00:26:04,196 OR I'LL GET YOUR ASS IN THE CAR. 326 00:26:06,532 --> 00:26:08,868 I'M STILL ON MY PERIOD. TRY IT." 327 00:26:16,442 --> 00:26:18,878 AFRAID. WE WEREN'T AFRAID. 328 00:26:18,978 --> 00:26:23,816 ON HALLOWEEN, WE DIDN'T NEED PARENTAL SUPERVISION. 329 00:26:23,916 --> 00:26:27,787 WE DIDN'T NEED TO WEAR REFLECTIVE VESTS 330 00:26:27,887 --> 00:26:29,689 AND HAVE OUR MOM WAIT AT THE DRIVEWAY 331 00:26:29,789 --> 00:26:33,325 WITH A FLASHLIGHT WITH A PUMPKIN AT THE END. 332 00:26:37,697 --> 00:26:40,867 "AVERY, I'M AT THE END OF THE BLOCK, OVER." 333 00:26:45,838 --> 00:26:48,407 WE WENT TRICK-OR-TREATING LATE. 334 00:26:48,507 --> 00:26:53,012 8:15, 9:15, ALMOST WHEN ALL THE CANDY WAS GIVEN OUT. 335 00:26:54,781 --> 00:26:57,383 AND WE LOOKED FOR THE KID WITH THE MOST CANDY. 336 00:26:59,485 --> 00:27:01,353 THAT'S HOW WE GOT OUR CANDY. 337 00:27:03,656 --> 00:27:04,891 YOU'D BE LOOKING-- "OH, SHIT, 338 00:27:04,991 --> 00:27:07,727 THE VAMPIRE, THE VAMPIRE, THE VAMPIRE." 339 00:27:13,332 --> 00:27:14,901 "LOOK AT ALL THE CANDY I GOT." 340 00:27:17,837 --> 00:27:18,805 "TAKE IT TO MY TIAS, WE'LL DIVIDE IT." 341 00:27:28,580 --> 00:27:29,716 [CROWD CHEERING] 342 00:27:36,022 --> 00:27:40,727 WE DON'T HAVE TWO WEEKS TO SIT IN FRONT OF BEST BUY 343 00:27:40,827 --> 00:27:42,628 WAITING FOR THE NEW PLAYSTATION. 344 00:27:42,729 --> 00:27:48,067 WE WORK. WE DON'T HAVE THAT KIND OF TIME. 345 00:27:48,167 --> 00:27:53,305 BUT THE DAY THEY COME OUT, WE GET ONE JUST LIKE YOU DO. 346 00:27:55,007 --> 00:27:58,110 BECAUSE WE WAIT FOR YOU TO GET YOURS. 347 00:27:58,210 --> 00:28:00,246 "OH, MY GOD!" 348 00:28:03,682 --> 00:28:04,784 "I FORGOT THE GAMES." 349 00:28:16,863 --> 00:28:21,633 IF A KID IS AFRAID, THEY TAKE AWAY EVERYTHING 350 00:28:21,734 --> 00:28:23,970 THAT MAKES THEM AFRAID IN THE HOUSE. 351 00:28:24,070 --> 00:28:27,874 FIRST OF ALL, THEY BABY PROOF EVERY HOUSE NOW. 352 00:28:27,974 --> 00:28:30,709 YOU CAN'T GET IN. YOU CAN'T-- "CAN I GET A SEVEN UP?" 353 00:28:30,810 --> 00:28:32,945 "YES, 34-6... 354 00:28:37,049 --> 00:28:39,185 DON'T LET RILEY SEE, PLEASE." 355 00:28:42,922 --> 00:28:44,857 WE DIDN'T HAVE A BABY PROOF HOUSE. 356 00:28:44,957 --> 00:28:46,392 SOMETIMES A 2-YEAR-OLD WITH A HAMMER 357 00:28:46,492 --> 00:28:48,427 WOKE YOUR ASS UP FROM A NAP. 358 00:28:54,333 --> 00:28:56,135 "GET HIM! GET HIM! 359 00:29:03,810 --> 00:29:06,045 SON OF A BITCH, HE WENT UNDER THE COUCH. 360 00:29:06,145 --> 00:29:09,481 GET THE WINDEX. I'LL GET HIM OUT. GET THE WINDEX." 361 00:29:11,483 --> 00:29:12,251 "AHHH!" 362 00:29:12,351 --> 00:29:15,221 "GET OUT OF THERE!" 363 00:29:20,993 --> 00:29:24,964 IF THEY'RE AFRAID OF DOGS, YOU TAKE THE DOGS AWAY. 364 00:29:25,064 --> 00:29:26,999 [MIMICS DOG BARKING] 365 00:29:36,708 --> 00:29:38,978 "ARE YOU AFRAID OF DOGS?" 366 00:29:39,078 --> 00:29:41,080 "CAN YOU EITHER PUT THAT DOG AWAY OR PUT HIM DOWN? 367 00:29:41,180 --> 00:29:43,582 TWO THINGS." 368 00:29:43,682 --> 00:29:44,783 US, WE'RE WALKING... 369 00:29:44,884 --> 00:29:46,819 [MIMICS DOG BARKING] 370 00:29:47,553 --> 00:29:50,289 [SPEAKING IN SPANISH] 371 00:29:52,791 --> 00:29:54,393 "I DON'T WANT TO STAY. 372 00:29:56,562 --> 00:29:58,497 [MIMICS DOG BARKING] 373 00:29:59,932 --> 00:30:02,334 I'M SCARED OF DOGS." 374 00:30:02,434 --> 00:30:05,037 "YOU'RE SCARED OF DOGS? 375 00:30:09,308 --> 00:30:10,476 HOLD HIM. 376 00:30:12,478 --> 00:30:14,680 HOLD HIM. HOLD HIM." 377 00:30:14,780 --> 00:30:16,082 [MIMICS DOG BARKING] 378 00:30:16,182 --> 00:30:17,383 "AAH!" 379 00:30:17,483 --> 00:30:19,618 "PET HIM! PET HIM! 380 00:30:19,718 --> 00:30:22,321 [MIMICS DOG BARKING] 381 00:30:22,421 --> 00:30:24,690 THAT'S HOW YOU LEARN. THAT'S HOW YOU LEARN. 382 00:30:24,790 --> 00:30:26,058 [MIMICS DOG BARKING] 383 00:30:26,158 --> 00:30:28,460 GIVE HIM A KISS. GIVE HIM A KISS." 384 00:30:30,629 --> 00:30:32,564 [MIMICS DOG BARKING] 385 00:30:41,707 --> 00:30:42,841 [CROWD CHEERING] 386 00:30:51,183 --> 00:30:53,285 NO KID WILL EVER DROWN NOW 387 00:30:53,385 --> 00:30:54,954 WITH ALL THE SHIT THEY WEAR TO SWIM. 388 00:30:57,323 --> 00:30:59,858 AN AIR VEST, 389 00:30:59,959 --> 00:31:01,860 FLOATIES, 390 00:31:01,961 --> 00:31:04,296 AN AIR HELMET 391 00:31:04,396 --> 00:31:07,766 WITH A SHIP TO SHORE WALKIE TALKIE. 392 00:31:07,866 --> 00:31:10,169 "MOM, CAN I HAVE A JUICE BOX? OVER." 393 00:31:13,739 --> 00:31:15,074 "SURE, BROOKLYN. OVER." 394 00:31:15,174 --> 00:31:18,310 "UM, CAN I HAVE A CHEESE STICK? THANK YOU, OVER." 395 00:31:25,817 --> 00:31:27,920 US, "HOW COME YOU'RE NOT SWIMMING?" 396 00:31:33,926 --> 00:31:35,661 "I'M ON MY PERIOD." 397 00:31:37,129 --> 00:31:39,932 "YOU'RE A BOY. COMO ON YOUR PERIOD? 398 00:31:45,837 --> 00:31:48,040 HOW COME YOU'RE NOT SWIMMING?" 399 00:31:48,140 --> 00:31:51,010 "I DON'T KNOW HOW." "YOU DON'T KNOW HOW? 400 00:31:52,411 --> 00:31:53,879 LEARN!" 401 00:31:53,980 --> 00:31:55,914 [GURGLING] 402 00:31:57,683 --> 00:32:00,319 "THROW IN THE DOG." EEK! AAH! 403 00:32:06,993 --> 00:32:08,927 "I THOUGHT HE DIDN'T KNOW-- 404 00:32:13,365 --> 00:32:15,434 WHAT IS THAT, MICHAEL PHILLIPS? 405 00:32:21,407 --> 00:32:25,211 PHILLIPS? 406 00:32:25,311 --> 00:32:27,413 I DON'T KNOW HIS NAME. THE MARIJUANA." 407 00:32:30,082 --> 00:32:32,384 [CROWD CHEERING] 408 00:32:38,490 --> 00:32:42,728 SMOKED WEED, GOT BUSTED. ALLOWED TO KEEP HIS JOB. 409 00:32:42,828 --> 00:32:44,863 THAT'S BULLSHIT. 410 00:32:44,963 --> 00:32:49,235 WE TEST POSITIVE, WE LOSE OUR JOBS. 411 00:32:49,335 --> 00:32:52,771 WHY, BECAUSE HE CAN SWIM? 412 00:32:52,871 --> 00:32:54,006 YOU THINK YOU CAN SWIM, MOTHERFUCKER? 413 00:32:54,106 --> 00:32:58,177 SWIM WITH SUITCASES, FULLY DRESSED, 414 00:32:58,277 --> 00:33:00,946 WITH A 16-MONTH-OLD AROUND YOUR NECK, MOTHERFUCKER, 415 00:33:01,047 --> 00:33:02,514 THAT WILL IMPRESS ME. 416 00:33:04,316 --> 00:33:06,818 YOU WANT TO WIN A GOLD MEDAL? SWIM LIKE THAT. 417 00:33:06,918 --> 00:33:08,054 [CHOKES] 418 00:33:12,824 --> 00:33:15,594 [SPEAKING IN SPANISH] 419 00:33:15,694 --> 00:33:19,131 THANK GOD HE CAN SWIM, BECAUSE HE'S UGLY DRY. YOU SEEN HIM? 420 00:33:20,999 --> 00:33:22,234 [SPEAKING IN SPANISH] 421 00:33:22,334 --> 00:33:24,536 "GET SOME CANDY, ONE OF THE MONSTERS IS HERE. 422 00:33:24,636 --> 00:33:25,171 GET SOME CANDY." 423 00:33:32,778 --> 00:33:36,515 RAISE YOUR KIDS TO BE TOUGH. YOU WILL NEVER BE DISAPPOINTED. 424 00:33:36,615 --> 00:33:38,717 WE'RE TOUGH. 425 00:33:41,487 --> 00:33:44,890 LISTEN, THERE WERE SEXUAL PREDATORS WHEN WE WERE KIDS. 426 00:33:44,990 --> 00:33:46,558 THEY DIDN'T FUCK US. 427 00:33:48,760 --> 00:33:51,730 BECAUSE WE PLAYED OUTSIDE. 428 00:33:51,830 --> 00:33:54,800 WE WALKED TO SCHOOL, WE FOUGHT AND GAVE HEADLOCKS 429 00:33:54,900 --> 00:33:58,404 AND KNOCKED EACH OTHER OUT. 430 00:33:58,504 --> 00:34:00,272 YOU THINK SOMEBODY IN THE VAN WAS GOING TO SCARE US 431 00:34:00,372 --> 00:34:02,808 WALKING IN THIRD GRADE TO SCHOOL? 432 00:34:02,908 --> 00:34:04,042 [MIMICS CAR HORN] 433 00:34:09,815 --> 00:34:11,217 [CROWD CHEERING] 434 00:34:17,689 --> 00:34:19,891 "COME ON, PUTO, GET OUT OF THE VAN. 435 00:34:19,991 --> 00:34:22,728 YOU WANT SOME DICK? COME AND GET IT. 436 00:34:25,997 --> 00:34:27,133 COME ON. 437 00:34:30,336 --> 00:34:32,738 * BOOTY, BOOTY, BOOTY EVERYBODY WANTS MY * 438 00:34:32,838 --> 00:34:35,774 * BOOTY, BOOTY, BOOTY 439 00:34:35,874 --> 00:34:37,743 COME ON, PUTO. 440 00:34:37,843 --> 00:34:40,212 I DON'T KNOW WHY YOU WANT IT. IT'S DIRTY, BUT COME ON." 441 00:34:46,418 --> 00:34:47,653 FEARLESS. 442 00:34:50,789 --> 00:34:52,124 AND NOW YOU CAN'T TOUCH A KID 443 00:34:52,224 --> 00:34:53,725 BECAUSE THEY'LL CALL CHILD PROTECTIVE SERVICES. 444 00:34:53,825 --> 00:34:54,960 "CHILD PROTECTIVE SERVICES." 445 00:34:55,060 --> 00:34:57,796 "YES, MY FATHER JUST ASSAULTED ME. 446 00:34:57,896 --> 00:35:01,900 MALE CAUCASIAN. YOU'RE IN TROUBLE, YOU SON OF A BITCH. 447 00:35:02,000 --> 00:35:04,636 MALE CAUCASIAN. YES. 448 00:35:04,736 --> 00:35:06,438 FROM LAVERNIA, TEXAS, YES. 449 00:35:08,740 --> 00:35:11,577 HE VOTED NAY AGAINST SOTOMAYOR. GET OVER HERE." 450 00:35:16,748 --> 00:35:21,086 THEY WOULD HIT US TO SEE IF WE'D CRACK-- IT WAS A GAME. 451 00:35:21,187 --> 00:35:22,321 "STAND RIGHT THERE." 452 00:35:27,759 --> 00:35:28,894 [SPEAKING IN SPANISH] 453 00:35:37,303 --> 00:35:40,606 "OK, GO PLAY. 454 00:35:40,706 --> 00:35:43,375 I TOLD YOU HE DON'T CRY. 455 00:35:43,475 --> 00:35:45,143 THREE PUTASOS AND NOT A WET EYE. 456 00:35:48,380 --> 00:35:51,683 TAKE A DOLLAR OUT OF MY WALLET, YOU DESERVE IT. 457 00:35:53,819 --> 00:35:55,321 AND SOME KLEENEX." 458 00:35:57,756 --> 00:36:01,393 MY GRANDMOTHER SMACKED THE SHIT OUT OF ME 459 00:36:01,493 --> 00:36:03,094 AND WOULD DARE ME TO CALL 911. 460 00:36:03,195 --> 00:36:04,396 "CALL THEM. 461 00:36:07,098 --> 00:36:09,801 I'M RIGHT HERE. CALL THEM. 462 00:36:09,901 --> 00:36:12,904 I'LL DIAL THE PHONE. I WILL DIAL THE PHONE." 463 00:36:18,877 --> 00:36:20,312 "911 EMERGENCY." 464 00:36:20,846 --> 00:36:22,214 "TELL THEM!" 465 00:36:26,485 --> 00:36:30,822 "MY GRANDMOTHER JUST SMACKED ME IN MY FACE." 466 00:36:30,922 --> 00:36:32,258 "TELL THEM WHY." 467 00:36:36,995 --> 00:36:38,830 "BECAUSE I'M STUPID, THAT'S WHY." 468 00:36:39,898 --> 00:36:41,199 "WHAT DID HE SAY?" 469 00:36:46,905 --> 00:36:50,309 FEARLESS. WE PLAYED OUTSIDE. 470 00:36:50,409 --> 00:36:53,979 WE GOT SCABS. NO KIDS GET SCABS. 471 00:36:54,079 --> 00:36:58,484 IT WAS FUN TO GET A SCAB AND PICK AT THAT SHIT FOR A WEEK. 472 00:36:58,584 --> 00:37:00,519 TRY TO PULL IT OFF IN ONE PIECE. 473 00:37:02,821 --> 00:37:04,690 DROP IT IN YOUR SODA. 474 00:37:04,790 --> 00:37:06,892 GOOD SHIT! 475 00:37:12,063 --> 00:37:14,165 WE PLAYED OUTSIDE. 476 00:37:14,266 --> 00:37:18,103 A MAGNIFYING GLASS? HOURS OF FUN. 477 00:37:18,203 --> 00:37:19,538 JUST WALK UP TO SOMEBODY-- 478 00:37:21,673 --> 00:37:22,808 "AAH!" 479 00:37:25,243 --> 00:37:26,812 "YOU DIDN'T FEEL IT, STUPID?" 480 00:37:30,482 --> 00:37:33,251 WE DIDN'T HAVE WEED. 481 00:37:33,352 --> 00:37:36,855 FIT. THAT GAME IS GACHO, MAN. 482 00:37:36,955 --> 00:37:40,792 'CAUSE YOU STAND ON IT, IT ALWAYS MAKES YOU 64 YEARS OLD 483 00:37:40,892 --> 00:37:45,531 AND 63% BODY FAT. 484 00:37:45,631 --> 00:37:47,265 AND THAT LITTLE MONITO, WHEN YOU'RE RUNNING ON THE PAD, 485 00:37:47,366 --> 00:37:49,468 IF YOU'RE NOT RUNNING FAST ENOUGH, 486 00:37:49,568 --> 00:37:53,372 THE LITTLE DOG LOOKS BACK, LIKE, WITH A DISGUSTED FACE. 487 00:37:56,475 --> 00:37:59,811 "COME ON, YOU FAT ASS, LET'S GO!" 488 00:37:59,911 --> 00:38:01,447 "HEY, FUCKING-- RELAX." 489 00:38:06,985 --> 00:38:09,621 THEY DON'T PLAY OUTSIDE. 490 00:38:09,721 --> 00:38:11,222 THEY PLAY INSIDE WITH GAMES 491 00:38:11,323 --> 00:38:13,224 THAT MAKE IT LOOK LIKE THEY PLAY OUTSIDE, 492 00:38:13,325 --> 00:38:14,560 AND THEY LOOK RETARDED 493 00:38:14,660 --> 00:38:15,894 IF YOU LOOK AT THEM THROUGH THE WINDOW. 494 00:38:30,976 --> 00:38:32,344 "COME AND EAT!" 495 00:38:32,444 --> 00:38:34,746 "I'M TRYING TO GET TO THE NEXT LEVEL." 496 00:38:38,384 --> 00:38:39,351 WE DIDN'T HAVE THAT SHIT. WHAT WAS OUR GAME? 497 00:38:52,230 --> 00:38:53,632 "COME AND EAT." 498 00:38:53,732 --> 00:38:55,901 "I'M TRYING TO GET TO THE NEXT LEVEL." 499 00:39:03,409 --> 00:39:05,477 THE ORIGINAL iTOUCH. 500 00:39:12,384 --> 00:39:14,420 AND THEY WOULD KNOW. 501 00:39:14,520 --> 00:39:15,454 "COME OVER HERE. 502 00:39:17,923 --> 00:39:19,791 SMELL THAT TOWEL. 503 00:39:19,891 --> 00:39:21,527 SMELL THE TOWEL! 504 00:39:24,530 --> 00:39:28,534 JACKING YOURSELF IN MY HOUSE. 505 00:39:28,634 --> 00:39:30,268 YOUR TIA DIED IN THAT ROOM, 506 00:39:30,368 --> 00:39:32,504 AND YOU'RE JACKING IN THE DEAD LADY ROOM. 507 00:39:34,239 --> 00:39:35,607 HOW DID I KNOW? 508 00:39:35,707 --> 00:39:39,411 I WENT TO DRY MYSELF, AND IT SCRATCHED MY FACE." 509 00:39:46,251 --> 00:39:46,552 COCHINO. 510 00:39:52,223 --> 00:39:53,592 FEARLESS. 511 00:39:53,692 --> 00:39:57,529 AND WE DIDN'T HAVE SEPARATE DINNERS FOR THE KIDS 512 00:39:57,629 --> 00:40:00,499 BECAUSE THEY DON'T EAT MEAT. "I DON'T LIKE MEAT, 513 00:40:00,599 --> 00:40:04,803 AND I DON'T LIKE VEGETABLE MEDLEYS." 514 00:40:04,903 --> 00:40:09,174 AND WHEN YOU MAKE ME A GRILLED CHEESE, CAN YOU CUT THE CRUST? 515 00:40:09,274 --> 00:40:12,010 BECAUSE I GET DIARRHEA." 516 00:40:13,178 --> 00:40:15,914 [SPEAKING IN SPANISH] 517 00:40:17,348 --> 00:40:20,318 WHEN WE WERE KIDS, WHATEVER YOUR MOM MADE 518 00:40:20,418 --> 00:40:23,354 EVERYBODY IN THE HOUSE ATE. 519 00:40:23,455 --> 00:40:26,257 [CROWD CHEERING] 520 00:40:26,357 --> 00:40:28,460 THERE WASN'T A SEPARATE DINNER! 521 00:40:29,728 --> 00:40:34,065 IF SHE MADE CHILE RELLENOS, EVERYBODY IN THAT HOUSE 522 00:40:34,165 --> 00:40:36,201 ATE A CHILE RELLENO. 523 00:40:36,301 --> 00:40:38,504 A 3-YEAR-OLD IN A PLAYPEN. 524 00:40:42,340 --> 00:40:45,176 "GET HIM A BEER, GET HIM A BEER." 525 00:40:48,046 --> 00:40:49,981 [BELCHES] 526 00:40:54,586 --> 00:40:56,622 WE HAD REAL FOOD, 527 00:40:56,722 --> 00:40:59,525 NOT FRUIT ROLL-UPS. 528 00:41:00,358 --> 00:41:03,829 "CAN I HAVE A FRUIT ROLL-UP?" 529 00:41:06,798 --> 00:41:09,200 A FRUIT ROLL-UP WRAPPED AROUND THEIR FINGERS-- 530 00:41:11,436 --> 00:41:12,571 WE HAD THE ORIGINAL ROLL-UP. 531 00:41:12,671 --> 00:41:16,207 A FLOUR TORTILLA WITH BUTTER AND SALT. 532 00:41:16,307 --> 00:41:18,143 [CROWD CHEERING] 533 00:41:18,243 --> 00:41:19,678 O.G.! 534 00:41:25,717 --> 00:41:28,520 AND YOU WERE SO POOR, YOU'D SUCK THE BUTTER OFF YOUR SHIRT. 535 00:41:30,556 --> 00:41:31,923 "ARE YOU GOING TO SUCK YOUR BUTTER?" 536 00:41:32,023 --> 00:41:32,991 "GET OUT OF HERE." 537 00:41:38,864 --> 00:41:41,967 WE DIDN'T HAVE ALL THAT BULLSHIT. 538 00:41:42,067 --> 00:41:44,302 GO-GURT. 539 00:41:44,402 --> 00:41:48,339 MANGO MADNESS, KIWI STRAWBERRY. 540 00:41:48,439 --> 00:41:50,942 CAPRI SUN. 541 00:41:51,042 --> 00:41:52,644 A PERFORATED STRAW. 542 00:41:55,180 --> 00:41:58,316 WE FRIED BOLOGNA. 543 00:41:58,416 --> 00:41:59,818 AND LOVED IT! 544 00:41:59,918 --> 00:42:03,521 FRIED... 545 00:42:03,622 --> 00:42:05,223 AND THAT GREASE WOULD COME OFF THAT SHIT-- 546 00:42:05,323 --> 00:42:07,258 [SLURPING] 547 00:42:11,029 --> 00:42:13,765 [LAUGHS] 548 00:42:16,768 --> 00:42:19,805 THAT SHIT WOULD SPARK BLUE 549 00:42:19,905 --> 00:42:23,675 AND WARP LIKE A CHI-CHI. WHOOP. JUST... 550 00:42:23,775 --> 00:42:26,678 "I'M GONNA WEAR IT. IT FITS. 551 00:42:26,778 --> 00:42:31,683 I DON'T NEED TO GET THE PLASTIC ONES, THE BOLOGNA WORKS. 552 00:42:31,783 --> 00:42:34,319 I'LL BE HOME BY 11:00. IT WON'T SMELL THAT BAD." 553 00:42:37,589 --> 00:42:38,690 REAL FOOD. 554 00:42:38,790 --> 00:42:44,029 AND WE ACTUALLY TALKED TO PEOPLE. 555 00:42:44,129 --> 00:42:45,664 WE DIDN'T TEXT. 556 00:42:48,233 --> 00:42:49,768 WE TALKED. 557 00:42:51,202 --> 00:42:53,038 "L.O.L. OH, MY GOD, LAUGH OUT LOUD." 558 00:42:53,138 --> 00:42:55,674 YOU KNOW WHAT? 559 00:42:55,774 --> 00:42:57,408 WE GOT OUR OWN. 560 00:42:57,508 --> 00:43:01,980 WE DON'T NEED YOURS ANYMORE, BUT THANK YOU FOR THE USE. 561 00:43:02,080 --> 00:43:05,483 WE DON'T NEED L.O.L. WE GOT OUR OWN. 562 00:43:05,583 --> 00:43:08,286 C.M.C. CASI MI CAGO. 563 00:43:12,691 --> 00:43:17,362 "LAST NIGHT I WENT TO THE SHOW. C.M.C." 564 00:43:17,462 --> 00:43:18,596 [SPEAKING IN SPANISH] 565 00:43:24,602 --> 00:43:27,272 WE DON'T NEED O.M.G. 566 00:43:27,372 --> 00:43:27,973 WE GOT OUR OWN. 567 00:43:28,073 --> 00:43:31,209 A.D.M. 568 00:43:31,309 --> 00:43:33,378 AY DIOS MIO. SAME SHIT. 569 00:43:34,545 --> 00:43:37,348 SAME... 570 00:43:37,448 --> 00:43:38,650 SHIT. 571 00:43:38,750 --> 00:43:41,987 ONLY WITH MORE FLAVOR. AY DIOS MIO. 572 00:43:43,722 --> 00:43:46,157 [SPEAKING IN SPANISH] 573 00:43:46,257 --> 00:43:46,792 PUT THEM TOGETHER. 574 00:43:49,695 --> 00:43:53,231 WOMEN ALWAYS SEND VERY LOVELY MESSAGES. 575 00:43:53,331 --> 00:43:56,567 X.O., HUG AND A KISS. 576 00:43:56,668 --> 00:44:00,171 OH, MY GOD, X.O., X.O. 577 00:44:00,271 --> 00:44:04,509 WE GOT ONE, MMLV. 578 00:44:04,609 --> 00:44:06,477 "MMLV? 579 00:44:06,577 --> 00:44:10,849 SHANNON, DO YOU KNOW WHAT THIS IS?" 580 00:44:10,949 --> 00:44:14,085 "HEY, YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS? THAT MEANS MAMAME LA VERGA." 581 00:44:16,654 --> 00:44:18,156 SHIT! 582 00:44:18,256 --> 00:44:19,290 GOT YOU! 583 00:44:19,390 --> 00:44:21,226 MAMAME LA VERGA. 584 00:44:21,326 --> 00:44:24,029 "GOOGLE, GOOGLE." 585 00:44:24,129 --> 00:44:25,663 "OH, MY GOD. 586 00:44:29,234 --> 00:44:31,202 I THOUGHT IT WAS ROMAN NUMERALS." 587 00:44:37,675 --> 00:44:38,810 [CROWD CHEERING] 588 00:44:41,679 --> 00:44:44,282 THANK YOU SO MUCH. 589 00:44:44,382 --> 00:44:47,052 YOU TOTALLY ROCK. MY COCK IS SO HARD. THANK YOU. 590 00:44:50,155 --> 00:44:51,857 MWAH? 591 00:44:51,957 --> 00:44:54,092 THE GAYEST ONE OF ALL. 592 00:44:54,192 --> 00:44:56,494 MWAH. 593 00:44:56,594 --> 00:44:58,096 MWAH! 594 00:44:59,230 --> 00:45:00,531 WE GOT ONE BETTER. JUST SEND... 595 00:45:00,631 --> 00:45:04,903 E.O., E.O., E.O., E.O., E.O., E.O., E.O. 596 00:45:05,003 --> 00:45:09,374 "I SENT YOU A KISS, AND ALL I GOT WAS... 597 00:45:09,474 --> 00:45:11,910 E.O., E.O., E.O., E.O. 598 00:45:12,010 --> 00:45:13,511 THAT'S NOT ROMANTIC." 599 00:45:13,611 --> 00:45:14,880 "YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT IT IS. 600 00:45:14,980 --> 00:45:19,050 E.O., E.O., E.O., E.O., E.O., E.O., E.O., E.O. 601 00:45:23,454 --> 00:45:26,792 THAT'S ROMANTIC TO ME. 602 00:45:26,892 --> 00:45:28,860 E.O., E.O., E.O., E-- 603 00:45:33,765 --> 00:45:36,935 YOU DIDN'T SEE AT THE END I PUT FIVE A'S. AAAAA!" 604 00:45:43,441 --> 00:45:48,646 ALL OF OUR SAYINGS IN SPANISH DON'T TRANSLATE IN ENGLISH. 605 00:45:48,746 --> 00:45:50,581 LIKE THE ONES IN ENGLISH DON'T TRANSLATE. 606 00:45:50,681 --> 00:45:55,520 WE DON'T USE JUMPING JEHOSAPHAT. 607 00:45:55,620 --> 00:45:58,489 JEEPERS CREEPERS. 608 00:45:58,589 --> 00:46:00,258 LAND O' GOSHEN. 609 00:46:00,358 --> 00:46:04,195 GREAT SCOTT. 610 00:46:04,295 --> 00:46:04,930 YIKES. 611 00:46:06,998 --> 00:46:10,836 LATINOS-- "THE POLICE!" "YIKES!" 612 00:46:12,503 --> 00:46:14,305 SHIT DON'T... 613 00:46:14,405 --> 00:46:17,242 IT DON'T WORK. 614 00:46:17,342 --> 00:46:18,443 [MIMICS SIREN] 615 00:46:18,543 --> 00:46:19,811 "I TOLD YOU YIKES!" 616 00:46:25,783 --> 00:46:30,889 AND OURS... DON'T TRANSLATE TO ENGLISH. 617 00:46:30,989 --> 00:46:31,823 VALES VERGA? 618 00:46:34,893 --> 00:46:37,095 DON'T TRANSLATE. 619 00:46:37,195 --> 00:46:38,897 "WHAT HAPPENED WITH YOU AND SHAWN?" 620 00:46:38,997 --> 00:46:42,100 "WELL, I GAVE HIM SEVERAL OPPORTUNITIES TO BE A FRIEND, 621 00:46:42,200 --> 00:46:44,535 AND IN THE END HE WAS WORTH WEINER. 622 00:46:47,238 --> 00:46:49,274 VALES VERGA. 623 00:46:49,374 --> 00:46:51,843 SO DISAPPOINTING. I THOUGHT WE'D BE FRIENDS FOREVER, 624 00:46:51,943 --> 00:46:55,413 AND IN THE END, HE WAS WORTH WEINER." 625 00:47:01,286 --> 00:47:02,453 A TODA MADRE. 626 00:47:02,553 --> 00:47:04,455 DOESN'T TRANSLATE. 627 00:47:04,555 --> 00:47:08,026 [SPEAKING IN SPANISH] 628 00:47:08,126 --> 00:47:11,462 "HOW WAS THE SHOW?" "OH, MY GOD, IT WAS ALL TO THE MOTHER. 629 00:47:14,165 --> 00:47:16,234 IT WAS ALL TO THE MOTHER. 630 00:47:17,668 --> 00:47:19,070 YIKES." 631 00:47:22,240 --> 00:47:24,842 AGUAS. 632 00:47:24,943 --> 00:47:28,546 WHEN THERE'S IMPENDING DOOM, WE YELL... 633 00:47:28,646 --> 00:47:29,981 AGUAS! 634 00:47:32,783 --> 00:47:35,353 DOESN'T WORK IN ENGLISH. 635 00:47:35,453 --> 00:47:39,057 "SHARON, WATERS!" 636 00:47:39,157 --> 00:47:44,062 "GOD. THANK GOD YOU YELLED WATERS. 637 00:47:44,162 --> 00:47:45,363 I WASN'T SURE IF IT WAS FLAT OR SPARKLING, 638 00:47:45,463 --> 00:47:47,598 THEN I MOVED OUT OF THE WAY ANYWAYS." 639 00:47:48,499 --> 00:47:51,036 NO QUEREMOS PEDO. 640 00:47:51,736 --> 00:47:54,572 MY PERSONAL FAVORITE. 641 00:47:54,672 --> 00:47:57,408 [SPEAKING IN SPANISH] 642 00:47:59,377 --> 00:48:03,248 "WHAT'S YOUR PROBLEM, BUDDY?" "HEY, WE DON'T WANT ANY FARTS. 643 00:48:06,051 --> 00:48:08,019 WE DON'T WANT ANY FARTS. 644 00:48:08,119 --> 00:48:10,621 MY BUDDIES AND I JUST WANT TO HAVE A COUPLE BEERS. 645 00:48:10,721 --> 00:48:12,857 WE'RE NOT LOOKING FOR ANY FARTS. 646 00:48:12,958 --> 00:48:16,327 OR AS A MATTER OF FACT, ANY QUEEFS. 647 00:48:18,896 --> 00:48:21,366 WE DON'T WANT FARTS OR QUEEFS, SIR. 648 00:48:21,466 --> 00:48:25,636 JUST WANT TO WATCH A FANTASTIC BADMINTON MATCH, THAT'S ALL." 649 00:48:27,438 --> 00:48:30,041 DIFFERENT. 650 00:48:30,141 --> 00:48:34,045 AND THE POLICE FIGHT CRIME LIKE IT'S 1950. 651 00:48:34,145 --> 00:48:38,083 NONE OF THE SHIT THAT THEY HAVE WORKS ON LATINOS. 652 00:48:38,183 --> 00:48:42,020 TASER? THAT SHIT DON'T WORK ON US. 653 00:48:42,120 --> 00:48:44,622 WHEN YOU GREW UP POOR, YOU GOT SHOCKED BY SHIT 654 00:48:44,722 --> 00:48:48,193 EVERY MOTHERFUCKING DAY. 655 00:48:48,293 --> 00:48:52,363 A TOASTER. A CURLING IRON. 656 00:48:52,463 --> 00:48:54,865 A BLENDER. A LAMP. 657 00:48:54,966 --> 00:48:56,167 YOU PLUG IT IN-- 658 00:48:59,204 --> 00:49:00,972 "YOU BETTER USE THAT LIGHT." 659 00:49:06,277 --> 00:49:07,478 TASER DON'T WORK ON US. 660 00:49:07,578 --> 00:49:10,481 "SIR? FREEZE." 661 00:49:16,254 --> 00:49:18,656 "OR WHAT WILL BE THE RAMIFICATIONS? 662 00:49:21,126 --> 00:49:25,230 I'M ALL FUCKED UP. HEY. 663 00:49:25,330 --> 00:49:29,234 WHAT PARTICULAR LEAD DO YOU HAVE ON THE AGENDA?" 664 00:49:31,102 --> 00:49:32,303 YOU CAN ALWAYS TELL WHEN LATINOS ARE DRUNK 665 00:49:32,403 --> 00:49:35,273 WHEN WORDS DON'T FIT IN OUR VOCABULARY. 666 00:49:36,907 --> 00:49:38,043 AND FIRST OF ALL, WE'RE NEVER DRUNK. 667 00:49:38,143 --> 00:49:40,578 WE GET ALL FUCKED UP. 668 00:49:40,678 --> 00:49:42,547 [CROWD CHEERING] 669 00:49:42,647 --> 00:49:44,449 I'VE NEVER BEEN DRUNK! 670 00:49:46,017 --> 00:49:48,753 I HAVE NEVER BEEN DRUNK, 671 00:49:48,853 --> 00:49:51,489 BUT I'VE BEEN ALL FUCKED UP. 672 00:49:55,526 --> 00:49:58,229 "THERE SEEMS TO BE AN EXORBITANT AMOUNT 673 00:49:58,329 --> 00:50:00,698 OF BEAUTIFUL LADIES AT THIS GATHERING." 674 00:50:05,603 --> 00:50:06,104 COCHINO! 675 00:50:12,043 --> 00:50:14,679 TASER DON'T WORK. 676 00:50:14,779 --> 00:50:16,347 "FREEZE!" 677 00:50:20,385 --> 00:50:22,753 "AW. PICA, PICA, PICA. 678 00:50:23,454 --> 00:50:25,823 PICA. 679 00:50:25,923 --> 00:50:28,393 PICA, PICA, PICA, PICA. 680 00:50:28,493 --> 00:50:29,627 PICA." 681 00:50:30,928 --> 00:50:34,999 THEN YOUR MOM COMES OUT. "I SMELL HAIR, WHAT HAPPENED?" 682 00:50:35,100 --> 00:50:36,601 "HE SHOCKED ME." 683 00:50:39,070 --> 00:50:41,339 "HE CAN FIX YOUR HIP, TIA. LET HIM HIT YOU." 684 00:50:44,742 --> 00:50:49,046 THE POLICE HAVE A GUN 685 00:50:49,147 --> 00:50:52,083 THAT SHOOTS BAGS OF BEANS. 686 00:50:55,486 --> 00:50:56,187 BAGS... 687 00:50:58,389 --> 00:51:00,658 TO DETER ASSAILANTS. THEY MIGHT AS WELL SAY MEXICANS. 688 00:51:00,758 --> 00:51:02,360 THEY SAY ASSAILANTS, BUT... 689 00:51:04,829 --> 00:51:06,631 THEY'RE GOING TO SHOOT BEANS... 690 00:51:09,167 --> 00:51:10,435 AT LATINOS. 691 00:51:12,837 --> 00:51:14,372 "FREEZE!" 692 00:51:23,181 --> 00:51:25,183 "FUCKING RALPH, THEY'RE SHOOTING BEANS. 693 00:51:27,185 --> 00:51:30,955 BOIL THE WATER AND PUT THEM IN THE POT. 694 00:51:31,055 --> 00:51:32,790 I'M GOING TO GO GET SOME MORE. 695 00:51:35,893 --> 00:51:36,261 COME ON, PUTO. 696 00:51:42,500 --> 00:51:43,168 GRACIAS. 697 00:51:50,775 --> 00:51:52,710 [CROWD CHEERING] 698 00:52:02,720 --> 00:52:04,655 THAT'S RIGHT. 699 00:52:07,525 --> 00:52:11,296 SHOOTING BAGS OF BEANS AT MEXICANS. 700 00:52:12,763 --> 00:52:14,299 WHAT DO THEY SHOOT AT BLACK PEOPLE, CHICKEN WINGS? 701 00:52:14,399 --> 00:52:16,501 WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT? 702 00:52:16,601 --> 00:52:17,768 "FREEZE!" 703 00:52:17,868 --> 00:52:19,837 "MOTHERFUCK-- 704 00:52:22,607 --> 00:52:24,409 DAMN. 705 00:52:24,509 --> 00:52:26,877 WHAT'S A BROTHER GOT TO DO TO GET A BUCKET? 706 00:52:27,978 --> 00:52:29,447 HOLLER." 707 00:52:33,384 --> 00:52:35,553 FEARLESS, BABY! 708 00:52:37,855 --> 00:52:39,624 CAN YOU IMAGINE WHITE PEOPLE? "WHAT HAPPENED, HILLARY?" 709 00:52:39,724 --> 00:52:41,526 "I GOT HIT BY A SCONE. 710 00:52:44,595 --> 00:52:46,264 I JAYWALKED, AND A SCONE HIT ME. 711 00:52:50,067 --> 00:52:51,168 A BANANA BREAD MUFFIN." 712 00:52:57,875 --> 00:52:59,277 WE LIVE IN A DIFFERENT TIME. 713 00:52:59,377 --> 00:53:04,415 LISTEN, THERE ARE 47 MILLION LATINO PEOPLE 714 00:53:04,515 --> 00:53:06,116 IN THE UNITED STATES. 715 00:53:06,217 --> 00:53:07,352 [CROWD CHEERING] 716 00:53:11,155 --> 00:53:14,259 47 MILLION. 717 00:53:14,359 --> 00:53:16,327 AND ONLY GETTING BIGGER. 718 00:53:21,832 --> 00:53:26,070 IF I WAS A NONLATINO, I'D BE LAYING OUT IN THE SUN 719 00:53:26,170 --> 00:53:28,373 TRYING TO GET DARK LIKE A SON OF A BITCH! 720 00:53:33,043 --> 00:53:35,513 YOU'RE MARRIED TO HIM. THAT'S NOT GOING TO SAVE YOU. 721 00:53:41,286 --> 00:53:43,488 ALTHOUGH IT DOES HELP. 722 00:53:43,588 --> 00:53:44,989 IT HELPS HIM IF HE EVER WANTS TO BUY A VAN. 723 00:53:45,089 --> 00:53:46,223 "CAN YOU CO-SIGN, HONEY?" "FANTASTIC." 724 00:53:52,229 --> 00:53:56,033 WE ARE LOSING OUR WOMEN TO CAUCASIANS 725 00:53:56,133 --> 00:53:57,835 BECAUSE THEY'RE ROMANTIC, 726 00:53:57,935 --> 00:53:59,203 THEY TELL YOU THEY LOVE YOU, 727 00:53:59,304 --> 00:54:02,440 THEY NURTURE YOU, THEY SUPPORT YOU. 728 00:54:02,540 --> 00:54:05,476 ALL SOBER. THAT'S FUCKING AMAZING. 729 00:54:07,645 --> 00:54:10,415 THEY LOVE YOU SOBER. THAT'S-- I CAN'T-- 730 00:54:10,515 --> 00:54:11,749 I DON'T UNDERSTAND IT. SOBER. 731 00:54:11,849 --> 00:54:13,751 "OH, MY GOD, HONEY. 732 00:54:13,851 --> 00:54:16,120 YOU TOTALLY MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH BETTER. 733 00:54:16,220 --> 00:54:18,222 DID YOU GET MY BBM AND MY FACEBOOK 734 00:54:18,323 --> 00:54:19,990 AND MY MYSPACE? I SENT YOU A TWITTER. 735 00:54:20,090 --> 00:54:22,960 DID YOU GET MY TWITTER? 736 00:54:23,060 --> 00:54:28,032 I LOVE YOU SO MUCH. I LOVE WHEN WE CLIMAX TOGETHER." 737 00:54:28,132 --> 00:54:29,266 [SPEAKING IN SPANISH] 738 00:54:32,537 --> 00:54:35,272 NO TWO LATINOS HAVE EVER COME TOGETHER. 739 00:54:35,373 --> 00:54:39,644 MAYBE ONE ON ONE STREET AND ONE IN ANOTHER TOWN. 740 00:54:39,744 --> 00:54:40,311 BY ACCIDENT. 741 00:54:43,714 --> 00:54:44,515 'CAUSE DUDES DON'T WAIT. "AH!" 742 00:54:44,615 --> 00:54:47,352 [SNORES] 743 00:54:49,820 --> 00:54:52,690 [MIMICS FART] 744 00:54:52,790 --> 00:54:54,959 "GET OFF." 745 00:54:58,529 --> 00:55:00,865 WE DON'T EVEN KNOW-- THAT'S HOW LITTLE WE KNOW ABOUT SEX. 746 00:55:00,965 --> 00:55:02,800 WE DON'T EVEN KNOW THAT WOMEN CAN HAVE AN ORGASM. 747 00:55:02,900 --> 00:55:06,236 "I DIDN'T KNOW. 748 00:55:06,337 --> 00:55:09,073 I THOUGHT THAT YOU NEED A... 749 00:55:09,173 --> 00:55:10,775 THEY DON'T HAVE NOTHING. 750 00:55:12,977 --> 00:55:15,880 THAT'S WHY I THOUGHT-- I WENT FAST BECAUSE..." 751 00:55:17,948 --> 00:55:21,185 WE KNOW SO LITTLE. 752 00:55:21,285 --> 00:55:23,020 I ASKED MY TIA IF SHE MASTURBATED. 753 00:55:23,120 --> 00:55:27,358 [SPEAKING IN SPANISH] 754 00:55:27,458 --> 00:55:31,829 "I'M NOT A LESBIAN TO BE TOUCHING MYSELF. 755 00:55:31,929 --> 00:55:33,898 [SPEAKING IN SPANISH] 756 00:55:33,998 --> 00:55:36,834 AND THERE'S SO MUCH HAIR, I'M NOT GONNA FIND NOTHING ANYWAY. 757 00:55:36,934 --> 00:55:39,437 NADA. 758 00:55:39,537 --> 00:55:42,339 I LOST MY RING TRYING IT ONE TIME." 759 00:55:51,015 --> 00:55:53,684 IT'S ALL RIGHT TO MASTURBATE. LISTEN. 760 00:55:53,784 --> 00:55:57,955 LADIES, IF YOU'RE UNHAPPY IN YOUR RELATIONSHIP, GO GET-- 761 00:55:58,055 --> 00:55:59,990 [MIMICS VIBRATOR] 762 00:56:06,897 --> 00:56:08,833 [SNORES] 763 00:56:10,034 --> 00:56:12,770 THEY DON'T TALK BACK. 764 00:56:12,870 --> 00:56:15,272 IT'S RELIABLE, 765 00:56:15,372 --> 00:56:18,075 IT NEVER LIES, 766 00:56:18,175 --> 00:56:20,911 AND YOU ALWAYS KNOW WHERE IT IS. 767 00:56:22,880 --> 00:56:24,615 [MIMICS VIBRATOR] 768 00:56:26,884 --> 00:56:29,219 "AAH! 769 00:56:29,319 --> 00:56:31,422 LORD, THAT'S EXCITING!" 770 00:56:33,123 --> 00:56:34,425 EVEN LITTLE SONGS-- 771 00:56:34,525 --> 00:56:36,461 [MIMICS VIBRATOR BUZZING MELODICALLY] 772 00:56:46,637 --> 00:56:49,840 LATINAS, DON'T BE EMBARRASSED. 773 00:56:49,940 --> 00:56:51,208 GET ONE. 774 00:56:51,308 --> 00:56:52,443 [MIMICS VIBRATOR] 775 00:56:55,012 --> 00:56:56,981 NOT ON YOUR NECK! 776 00:57:02,086 --> 00:57:04,021 [MIMICS VIBRATOR] 777 00:57:04,121 --> 00:57:06,090 THE KIDS WILL KNOCK. 778 00:57:08,425 --> 00:57:10,528 "WHAT'S GOING ON IN THERE?" 779 00:57:12,196 --> 00:57:16,333 "I'M ON THE INTERNET. 780 00:57:16,433 --> 00:57:18,703 LOOKING FOR PRIVATE SCHOOLS." 781 00:57:20,170 --> 00:57:25,510 "WELL, WHATEVER YOU'RE DOING, IT'S MAKING THE TV SQUIGGLE." 782 00:57:28,378 --> 00:57:30,380 [SPEAKING IN SPANISH] 783 00:57:30,481 --> 00:57:32,517 [MIMICS VIBRATOR] 784 00:57:34,885 --> 00:57:37,555 IN THE OLD DAYS, YOU'D HAVE TO USE YOUR FINGERS. 785 00:57:37,655 --> 00:57:39,023 IT TOOK FOUR DAYS. 786 00:57:39,123 --> 00:57:41,025 THAT SHIT TOOK FOREVER. 787 00:57:41,125 --> 00:57:43,060 [SCAT SINGING] 788 00:58:03,714 --> 00:58:06,416 YOU GO GET FINGERPRINTED. 789 00:58:06,517 --> 00:58:09,854 "MRS. MENDOZA, YOU DON'T HAVE PRINTS." 790 00:58:13,658 --> 00:58:16,794 "I WAS IN A FIRE AS A LITTLE GIRL. 791 00:58:16,894 --> 00:58:20,798 I TRIED TO SAVE A CAT, AND I BURNED MY-- 792 00:58:20,898 --> 00:58:23,500 I WENT LIKE THAT IN THE FIRE, BUT-- 793 00:58:24,602 --> 00:58:27,572 USE THESE TWO. THEY'RE THE SAME." 794 00:58:31,308 --> 00:58:33,477 GET A VIBRATOR. JUST BE HAPPY BEING THERE ALL DAY. 795 00:58:33,578 --> 00:58:35,646 [MIMICS VIBRATOR] 796 00:58:35,746 --> 00:58:36,947 WITH YOUR HEAD TURNED SIDEWAYS. 797 00:58:37,047 --> 00:58:38,415 THAT'S WHEN YOU'RE COMPLETELY GONE. 798 00:58:38,515 --> 00:58:39,650 [MIMICS VIBRATOR'S BATTERY DYING] 799 00:58:46,924 --> 00:58:50,227 "COME ON, FELIPE. COME ON, FELIPE! 800 00:58:50,327 --> 00:58:51,662 [MIMICS VIBRATOR] 801 00:58:51,762 --> 00:58:54,565 HEY! TAKE THE BATTERIES OUT OF YOUR PLAYSTATION 802 00:58:54,665 --> 00:58:57,101 AND ROLL THEM UNDER THE DOOR! 803 00:58:57,201 --> 00:58:59,570 I DON'T CARE IF YOU'RE USING IT, DO IT!" 804 00:59:07,712 --> 00:59:10,681 MAKE YOURSELF HAPPY SEXUALLY HOWEVER YOU DO IT. 805 00:59:10,781 --> 00:59:13,984 DON'T BE-- IT'S NOT-- DO WHATEVER MAKES YOU HAPPY. 806 00:59:14,084 --> 00:59:17,487 LIFE IS TOO SHORT NOT TO HAVE AN ORGASM EVERY DAY. 807 00:59:17,588 --> 00:59:19,824 [CROWD CHEERING] 808 00:59:23,661 --> 00:59:24,729 PUT THAT ON A PILLOW. LOOKS GOOD. 809 00:59:28,432 --> 00:59:29,499 BECAUSE WOMEN WILL GET SLOPPY. YOU'LL BE ON THE COUCH, 810 00:59:29,600 --> 00:59:31,301 YOU'LL JUST FALL ASLEEP-- 811 00:59:31,401 --> 00:59:33,604 [MIMICS VIBRATOR] 812 00:59:33,704 --> 00:59:34,705 THEN YOUR MAN WILL COME HOME, AND HE'LL SIT DOWN. 813 00:59:54,224 --> 00:59:54,725 "WHERE DID YOU GET THAT? 814 00:59:57,161 --> 00:59:58,929 WHAT IS THAT?" 815 00:59:59,029 --> 01:00:02,332 "IT-- IT'S TO MAKE TORTILLAS. 816 01:00:05,502 --> 01:00:09,406 IT'S AN ELECTRIC TORTILLA MAKER. 817 01:00:09,506 --> 01:00:10,240 LOW IS FOR CORN-- 818 01:00:10,340 --> 01:00:13,543 [MIMICS VIBRATOR] 819 01:00:13,644 --> 01:00:14,378 AND HIGH IS FOR FLOUR." 820 01:00:14,478 --> 01:00:16,947 [MIMICS VIBRATOR] 821 01:00:22,286 --> 01:00:23,988 "HOW COME IT'S BLACK?" 822 01:00:27,557 --> 01:00:29,660 "BECAUSE IT'S A GEORGE FOREMAN." 823 01:00:33,263 --> 01:00:35,700 [CROWD CHEERING] 824 01:00:48,846 --> 01:00:51,015 ENJOY YOUR LIFE EVERY DAY. 825 01:00:51,115 --> 01:00:55,519 LISTEN-- I TURNED 48 YEARS OLD IN APRIL. 826 01:00:55,619 --> 01:00:58,422 TWO WEEKS AFTER... 827 01:00:58,522 --> 01:01:00,190 TWO WEEKS AFTER I TURNED 48, 828 01:01:00,290 --> 01:01:01,992 I SAT ON MY BALLS FOR THE FIRST TIME. 829 01:01:02,092 --> 01:01:05,229 THAT'S... 830 01:01:05,329 --> 01:01:07,732 WHAT A PRESENT THAT WAS. 831 01:01:07,832 --> 01:01:08,933 ENJOY YOUR LIFE WHEN YOU'RE YOUNG. 832 01:01:09,033 --> 01:01:12,469 YOU GET OLD, YOUR HUEVOS ARE HANGING. 833 01:01:12,569 --> 01:01:17,341 I'VE SAT DOWN A MILLION TIMES, NEVER SAT ON MY BALLS. 834 01:01:17,441 --> 01:01:20,711 I SAT DOWN IN A MEETING-- AAH! 835 01:01:20,811 --> 01:01:22,346 AND EVERYBODY IN THERE WAS OLD. 836 01:01:22,446 --> 01:01:24,348 "DID YOU JUST SIT ON YOUR BALLS? 837 01:01:24,448 --> 01:01:27,151 YOU JUST TURNED 48, RIGHT? 838 01:01:30,387 --> 01:01:32,923 WELL, NEXT TIME YOU FART, YOU'RE GOING TO PISS. 839 01:01:34,825 --> 01:01:36,460 AND A YEAR FROM NOW, YOU'LL BE TAKING A SHIT, 840 01:01:36,560 --> 01:01:39,496 YOUR BALLS WILL HIT THE WATER. 841 01:01:39,596 --> 01:01:42,266 WELCOME TO THE CLUB. 842 01:01:42,366 --> 01:01:46,070 NOW WHEN I SIT DOWN I GOT TO LIFT THEM UP LIKE A BABY BIRD. 843 01:01:50,775 --> 01:01:52,709 [COOING] 844 01:01:56,246 --> 01:01:58,949 ENJOY YOUR BODY 845 01:01:59,049 --> 01:02:01,852 WHEN IT'S YOUNG, WHEN IT'S TIGHT, 846 01:02:01,952 --> 01:02:06,924 WHEN IT'S FRESH, WHEN YOUR FARTS DON'T SMELL. 847 01:02:07,024 --> 01:02:09,159 WHEN YOU'RE 20, AND YOU LET ONE OUT 848 01:02:09,259 --> 01:02:12,729 PSSH. "I'M SORRY." "OH, NO, THAT'S BEAUTIFUL. 849 01:02:12,830 --> 01:02:16,133 IT'S GOT A LITTLE BIT OF SANDALWOOD. 850 01:02:19,569 --> 01:02:20,871 PASSION FRUIT?" 851 01:02:23,407 --> 01:02:27,344 "I HAD A SNAPPLE YESTERDAY." "OH, YEAH, YOU CAN TELL." 852 01:02:30,080 --> 01:02:33,417 YOUR BUTT IS SO TIGHT IT CATCHES IT WHILE IT COMES OUT. 853 01:02:33,517 --> 01:02:34,618 WHOOP. 854 01:02:34,718 --> 01:02:35,853 "THANK YOU." "YOU'RE WELCOME. 855 01:02:35,953 --> 01:02:39,023 THAT COULD HAVE BEEN EMBARRASSING." 856 01:02:39,123 --> 01:02:41,325 WHEN YOU'RE OLD, YOU'RE ASLEEP, THE FARTS WAKE YOU UP. 857 01:02:41,425 --> 01:02:43,360 [MIMICS FARTING] 858 01:02:45,762 --> 01:02:48,866 "WHAT IS FUCK IS THAT? WHO'S OUT THERE? 859 01:02:53,103 --> 01:02:54,538 GET THE GUN. I HEARD A CAT OUT OUTSIDE. 860 01:02:54,638 --> 01:02:56,907 [MIMICS FARTING] 861 01:02:57,007 --> 01:02:58,775 I THINK MY RIDE'S HERE." 862 01:03:01,011 --> 01:03:06,050 CERTAIN SEXUAL POSITIONS SHOULD ONLY BE FOR THE YOUNG. 863 01:03:07,952 --> 01:03:11,188 69, ONLY FOR THE YOUNG. 864 01:03:13,190 --> 01:03:17,261 55 YEARS OF A CULO BEING A CULO IS NOT ATTRACTIVE. 865 01:03:20,965 --> 01:03:21,866 YOU WANT THAT RIGHT THERE? 866 01:03:25,302 --> 01:03:29,206 A WOMAN WHO'S HAD FOUR KIDS, AND SHE PEES WHEN SHE LAUGHS. 867 01:03:35,846 --> 01:03:38,315 AN OLD PENIS. 868 01:03:38,415 --> 01:03:41,285 YOU CAN SMELL IT COMING. "GET IT OUT OF HERE. 869 01:03:41,385 --> 01:03:42,953 I SMELLED YOU COMING AROUND THE CORNER. 870 01:03:43,053 --> 01:03:44,421 GET IT OUT OF HERE. 871 01:03:44,521 --> 01:03:49,026 YOU DIDN'T CLEAN UNDER THE SKIN, FUCKING LIAR. GET--" 872 01:03:49,126 --> 01:03:52,029 YOU WANT THAT IN YOUR MOUTH? I DON'T THINK SO. 873 01:03:52,129 --> 01:03:56,100 THAT MEAT IS GAMIER THAN ELK. YOU DON'T WANT THAT-- 874 01:03:58,735 --> 01:04:00,871 [GAGS] 875 01:04:00,971 --> 01:04:02,639 YOU'RE GAGGING, AND YOU THINK THAT HE'S INTO IT. 876 01:04:02,739 --> 01:04:03,340 "YEAH, BABY. TAKE IT. 877 01:04:03,440 --> 01:04:07,711 [GAGGING] 878 01:04:07,811 --> 01:04:09,213 THAT'S RIGHT. TAKE IT ALL. TAKE IT ALL." 879 01:04:09,313 --> 01:04:12,516 [GAGGING] 880 01:04:12,616 --> 01:04:15,185 "IT'S NOT EVEN IN." 881 01:04:16,586 --> 01:04:18,522 [GAGGING] 882 01:04:24,061 --> 01:04:25,862 YOU WANT TO BE 69-ING WITH SOMEBODY, 883 01:04:25,963 --> 01:04:27,531 IT'S LIKE THE CAR FELL OFF THE JACK. 884 01:04:27,631 --> 01:04:27,998 WHOMP! 885 01:04:33,503 --> 01:04:34,905 "I CAN'T BREATHE. 886 01:04:37,774 --> 01:04:40,377 I CAN'T-- I CAN'T BREATHE. 887 01:04:41,611 --> 01:04:44,281 I GOT A PAIN IN MY CHEST. 888 01:04:46,850 --> 01:04:48,552 AND I CAN'T BREATHE." 889 01:04:48,652 --> 01:04:51,421 [MIMICS FART] 890 01:04:51,521 --> 01:04:53,457 [SPEAKING IN SPANISH] 891 01:04:55,960 --> 01:04:58,462 "THANK GOD YOU DID THAT. THE SPRAY WOKE ME UP. 892 01:05:02,699 --> 01:05:03,700 GACHO. 893 01:05:03,800 --> 01:05:04,901 AND WHEN THEY'RE DOING THAT, 894 01:05:05,002 --> 01:05:07,304 THAT'S WHEN THEY WANT TO TALK SEXY. 895 01:05:07,404 --> 01:05:08,939 "TALK SEXY TO ME. 896 01:05:12,309 --> 01:05:13,777 TALK SEXY." 897 01:05:13,877 --> 01:05:14,979 [MIMICS FART] 898 01:05:15,079 --> 01:05:16,246 "ALL RIGHT!" 899 01:05:18,415 --> 01:05:21,318 "AM I TIGHT?" 900 01:05:22,252 --> 01:05:24,588 "WHAT?" "AM I TIGHT?" 901 01:05:29,759 --> 01:05:32,062 "WITH YOUR FAMILY OR WHAT? 902 01:05:34,798 --> 01:05:36,066 TIGHT? 903 01:05:40,237 --> 01:05:43,740 PEOPLE HAVE COME OUT OF THERE. YOU'RE TIGHT. 904 01:05:43,840 --> 01:05:46,443 PEOPLE HAVE COME OUT OF THERE. 905 01:05:46,543 --> 01:05:49,113 THERE'S ONE IN TWO YEARS IN COLLEGE. TIGHT. 906 01:05:52,816 --> 01:05:54,718 TIGHT WITH MONEY, SURE." 907 01:05:57,854 --> 01:06:01,258 ENJOY YOUR BODY WHEN IT'S YOUNG, 908 01:06:01,358 --> 01:06:05,762 AND IT WORKS AND EVERYTHING IS IN THE RIGHT PLACE. 909 01:06:05,862 --> 01:06:08,832 LIFE IS TOO SHORT. ENJOY YOURSELVES! 910 01:06:08,932 --> 01:06:10,067 [CROWD CHEERING] 911 01:06:14,771 --> 01:06:16,973 TELL YOUR KIDS THEY CAN BE WHATEVER THEY WANT TO BE 912 01:06:17,074 --> 01:06:19,276 AS LONG AS THEY SET THEIR MIND TO IT. 913 01:06:19,376 --> 01:06:23,313 THEY CAN BECOME PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES. 914 01:06:23,413 --> 01:06:25,182 [CROWD CHEERING] 915 01:06:25,282 --> 01:06:28,552 THEY CAN BECOME A SUPREME COURT JUSTICE. 916 01:06:28,652 --> 01:06:30,087 IT'S BEEN DONE! 917 01:06:33,890 --> 01:06:37,694 THERE ARE A LOT OF LATINOS OUT THERE, AND THE REPUBLICANS-- 918 01:06:37,794 --> 01:06:39,196 I'D BE A LITTLE AFRAID, YOU KNOW? 919 01:06:39,296 --> 01:06:42,699 I'D BE A LITTLE AFRAID TO NOT HAVE OUR VOTE. 920 01:06:42,799 --> 01:06:44,901 YOU NEED OUR VOTE, 921 01:06:45,001 --> 01:06:48,038 YET YOU WANT TO GET RID OF US OUT OF THIS COUNTRY. THAT'S-- 922 01:06:49,139 --> 01:06:53,310 WHEN HOTEL ROOMS CAN CLEAN THEMSELVES. 923 01:06:55,179 --> 01:06:59,316 WHEN FOOD CAN COOK ITSELF. 924 01:06:59,416 --> 01:07:02,552 WHEN LITTLE WHITE BABIES CAN RAISE THEMSELVES. 925 01:07:06,022 --> 01:07:10,460 THEN MAYBE WE'LL LEAVE THIS COUNTRY! 926 01:07:10,560 --> 01:07:12,262 MAYBE! 927 01:07:13,430 --> 01:07:17,267 BUT UNTIL YOU START DOING SHIT FOR YOURSELVES, 928 01:07:17,367 --> 01:07:20,637 THE ONLY QUESTION YOU NEED TO ASK YOURSELF IS, 929 01:07:20,737 --> 01:07:23,507 WHAT CAN BROWN DO FOR YOU? 930 01:07:23,607 --> 01:07:26,343 [CROWD CHEERING] 931 01:07:36,153 --> 01:07:38,988 THE REPUBLICANS ARE IN TERRIBLE SHAPE. 932 01:07:39,089 --> 01:07:41,258 THAT DUDE THAT LIED TO HIS OLD LADY 933 01:07:41,358 --> 01:07:46,096 ABOUT HIKING THE APPALACHIAN TRAIL SO HE COULD GET SOME-- 934 01:07:46,196 --> 01:07:47,631 SCANDALOUS! 935 01:07:47,731 --> 01:07:51,768 ESCANDALOSO! 936 01:07:51,868 --> 01:07:53,103 AND A LATINA TO BOOT. 937 01:07:53,203 --> 01:07:57,441 I'M TELLING YOU, LATINAS GOT SOME MAGICAL CHARMS. 938 01:07:57,541 --> 01:08:03,213 IT WILL MAKE YOU LIE ABOUT GOING TO THE APPALACHIAN TRAIL. 939 01:08:03,313 --> 01:08:05,014 ONLY A WHITE WOMAN-- "GOOD LUCK, HON. 940 01:08:05,115 --> 01:08:07,784 PLEASE TAKE SOME SUNBLOCK." A LATINA-- 941 01:08:07,884 --> 01:08:09,819 [SPEAKING IN SPANISH] 942 01:08:11,455 --> 01:08:15,225 "SIT YOUR FUCKING ASS DOWN." 943 01:08:15,325 --> 01:08:17,527 "I'M NOT GOING TO BE ABLE TO GO, MAN. SHIT. 944 01:08:17,627 --> 01:08:18,094 SHE TOLD ME NO." 945 01:08:25,702 --> 01:08:27,171 PEOPLE ARE CONCERNED ABOUT THEIR HEALTH. 946 01:08:27,271 --> 01:08:31,007 RUSH LIMBAUGH, I HEARD, JUST LOST 90 POUNDS. 947 01:08:31,107 --> 01:08:33,877 RUSH LIMBAUGH LOST 90-- IT'S HARD TO EAT 948 01:08:33,977 --> 01:08:36,680 WHEN YOUR TONGUE IS UP THE REPUBLICAN PARTY'S ASS. 949 01:08:38,215 --> 01:08:40,850 IT'S HARD TO EAT. 950 01:08:42,819 --> 01:08:44,854 THAT'S A POWERFUL DIET. 951 01:08:48,024 --> 01:08:50,294 THERE ARE A LOT OF POLITICIANS THAT WILL BE LATINOS, 952 01:08:50,394 --> 01:08:52,095 AND THERE ARE A LOT NOW WHO ARE LATINOS. 953 01:08:52,196 --> 01:08:55,399 SARAH PALIN-- LATINA. 954 01:08:55,499 --> 01:08:56,766 PALIN. 955 01:09:01,471 --> 01:09:06,176 SHE'S GOT ALL THE SIGNS-- SHE WORKS AND HER HUSBAND DON'T. 956 01:09:07,511 --> 01:09:09,679 LATINA! 957 01:09:13,317 --> 01:09:16,586 SHE TALKS A LOT OF SHIT. HUSBAND DON'T SAY ONE WORD. 958 01:09:18,188 --> 01:09:19,155 LATINA. 959 01:09:23,560 --> 01:09:28,565 HAS AN INFANT AND A GRANDKID THE SAME AGE! 960 01:09:30,367 --> 01:09:33,503 [SPEAKING IN SPANISH] 961 01:09:33,603 --> 01:09:35,205 LATINA! 962 01:09:39,008 --> 01:09:40,910 THE ONLY THING I QUESTION IS SHE QUIT HER GOVERNMENT JOB. 963 01:09:41,010 --> 01:09:42,846 THAT'S VERY UN-LATINO. 964 01:09:42,946 --> 01:09:45,315 ESPECIALLY BEFORE A HOLIDAY. 965 01:09:46,983 --> 01:09:50,754 BARACK OBAMA? LATINO. 966 01:09:50,854 --> 01:09:53,590 [SPEAKING IN SPANISH] 967 01:09:55,392 --> 01:09:58,228 HAS ALL THE SIGNS. 968 01:09:58,328 --> 01:10:00,330 LIVES IN A HOUSE THAT'S NOT HIS. 969 01:10:07,604 --> 01:10:11,641 TRIED TO SETTLE A RACIAL DISPUTE WITH ALCOHOL. 970 01:10:11,741 --> 01:10:12,376 LATINO! 971 01:10:17,213 --> 01:10:20,450 THAT'S USUALLY HOW THEY START, SHIT. 972 01:10:20,550 --> 01:10:22,786 THEY HAD A BEER SUMMIT. 973 01:10:22,886 --> 01:10:25,221 THEY DRANK ONE FUCKING BEER. 974 01:10:25,322 --> 01:10:28,725 FOR LATINOS, WE CALL THAT BREAKFAST. 975 01:10:28,825 --> 01:10:32,195 ONE BEER. 976 01:10:32,296 --> 01:10:33,530 THEY SHOULD HAVE HAD A TEQUILA SUMMIT. 977 01:10:33,630 --> 01:10:36,165 THEY'VE THEY'D HAVE LOVED EACH OTHER. 978 01:10:36,266 --> 01:10:38,702 "I LOVE YOU, MAN. 979 01:10:38,802 --> 01:10:41,204 I LOVE YOU SO MUCH." 980 01:10:41,305 --> 01:10:43,006 "I'M SORRY I ARRESTED YOU 981 01:10:43,106 --> 01:10:44,741 BECAUSE YOU DIDN'T HAVE YOUR KEY." 982 01:10:46,242 --> 01:10:47,344 "DON'T WORRY ABOUT THAT SHIT. 983 01:10:51,180 --> 01:10:53,750 I'M SORRY I CALLED YOU STUPID." 984 01:10:56,119 --> 01:10:57,754 LATINO. 985 01:10:57,854 --> 01:10:59,323 HIS MOTHER-IN-LAW IS LIVING WITH HIM, 986 01:10:59,423 --> 01:11:01,725 HELPING THEM RAISE HIS TWO KIDS. 987 01:11:07,864 --> 01:11:09,265 LATINO. 988 01:11:11,501 --> 01:11:13,202 EVERY TIME HE LEAVES THE HOUSE, COULD GET SHOT. 989 01:11:13,303 --> 01:11:14,771 THAT'S VERY LATINO. 990 01:11:17,541 --> 01:11:20,209 EVERY DUDE THAT HANGS WITH HIM HAS GOT A GUN. 991 01:11:20,310 --> 01:11:21,678 THAT'S MEXICAN. 992 01:11:23,179 --> 01:11:24,314 [MIMICS GUNFIRE] 993 01:11:26,750 --> 01:11:29,953 THERE ARE A LOT OF PEOPLE. BRAD PITT? 994 01:11:30,053 --> 01:11:31,388 MEXICAN. 995 01:11:33,957 --> 01:11:36,993 MARRIED TO A WOMAN WHO'S BEEN MARRIED TWICE. 996 01:11:41,197 --> 01:11:42,899 COVERED IN TATTOOS. 997 01:11:48,405 --> 01:11:50,740 HALF HIS KIDS AREN'T HIS. 998 01:11:50,840 --> 01:11:52,776 [CROWD CHEERING] 999 01:11:56,813 --> 01:11:58,515 LATINO! 1000 01:12:03,152 --> 01:12:06,322 JESUS CHRIST, LATINO. 1001 01:12:09,459 --> 01:12:10,727 CARPENTER. 1002 01:12:14,230 --> 01:12:16,766 ACCUSED OF A CRIME HE DID NOT COMMIT. 1003 01:12:22,506 --> 01:12:24,374 THOUGHT HIS MOM WAS A VIRGIN. LATINO! 1004 01:12:32,982 --> 01:12:36,786 THE SHAM-WOW GUY? 1005 01:12:36,886 --> 01:12:38,822 BURRO LATINO. 1006 01:12:38,922 --> 01:12:41,124 ANYBODY WHO THINKS THEY CAN CLEAN THE WHOLE HOUSE 1007 01:12:41,224 --> 01:12:42,459 WITH ONE FUCKING RAG 1008 01:12:47,130 --> 01:12:49,132 IS BURRO LATINO! 1009 01:12:51,000 --> 01:12:52,836 AND YOU JUST RINSE IT, AND IT'S AS GOOD AS NEW. 1010 01:12:52,936 --> 01:12:54,671 [SPEAKING IN SPANISH] 1011 01:12:57,641 --> 01:13:01,745 WE ARE TOO PROUD A PEOPLE, AND IT'S CHANGING. 1012 01:13:01,845 --> 01:13:05,882 YOU SEE IT IN THE ACCENTS, YOU SEE IT IN THE LANGUAGE. 1013 01:13:05,982 --> 01:13:07,350 YOU SEE IT EVERYWHERE. 1014 01:13:07,451 --> 01:13:11,755 WE DO ALL THE WORK NOBODY ELSE WANTS TO DO. 1015 01:13:15,959 --> 01:13:19,295 IF AN IMMIGRANT IS TAKING YOUR JOB, 1016 01:13:19,395 --> 01:13:21,965 THEN YOU GOT A FUCKED-UP JOB. 1017 01:13:24,167 --> 01:13:25,702 "WHAT HAPPENED, SCOTT?" 1018 01:13:25,802 --> 01:13:31,007 "WELL, I WAS SELLING FLOWERS ON THE SIDE OF THE FREEWAY... 1019 01:13:31,107 --> 01:13:34,210 UNTIL RAMON CAME. 1020 01:13:34,310 --> 01:13:37,547 I WAS MAKING 13, $14 A MONTH, AND THAT SON OF A BITCH..." 1021 01:13:39,549 --> 01:13:44,020 WE DO ALL THE THINGS NO ONE WANTS TO DO. 1022 01:13:44,120 --> 01:13:48,057 WHEN YOU WANT A WALL BUILT IN THE MIDDLE OF THE SUMMER, 1023 01:13:48,157 --> 01:13:51,461 AND YOU WANT IT BUILT FAST 1024 01:13:51,561 --> 01:13:54,397 AND YOU WANT IT BUILT CHEAP 1025 01:13:54,498 --> 01:13:57,000 AND YOU WANT IT BUILT WITHOUT A PERMIT... 1026 01:13:57,100 --> 01:13:59,035 [CROWD CHEERING] 1027 01:14:04,674 --> 01:14:06,810 WHO WILL YOU CALL? 1028 01:14:06,910 --> 01:14:07,811 [**] 1029 01:14:07,911 --> 01:14:10,647 [CROWD CHEERING] 1030 01:14:21,791 --> 01:14:27,130 WHEN YOU WANT TO GO BACK TO WORK BECAUSE YOU'VE HAD A BABY 1031 01:14:27,230 --> 01:14:30,534 AND YOU WANT TO RESUME YOUR BRILLIANT CAREER, 1032 01:14:30,634 --> 01:14:33,169 BUT YOU WANT TO BRING SOMEONE INTO THE HOUSE 1033 01:14:33,269 --> 01:14:35,839 TO CARE FOR THAT YOUNG CHILD 1034 01:14:35,939 --> 01:14:37,574 WHILE YOU GO ON WITH YOUR CAREER 1035 01:14:37,674 --> 01:14:38,808 AND SOMEONE CAN NURTURE 1036 01:14:38,908 --> 01:14:42,111 AND PRACTICALLY RAISE YOUR CHILD FOR YOU 1037 01:14:42,211 --> 01:14:45,148 AND YOU WANT IT DONE FOR $3 AN HOUR, WHO DO YOU CALL? 1038 01:14:45,248 --> 01:14:47,183 [**] 1039 01:14:50,520 --> 01:14:52,689 I WOULD NOT LEAVE MY KID WITH A LATINA. 1040 01:14:52,789 --> 01:14:57,827 A LATINA RAISED ME AND BEAT THE SHIT OUT OF ME. 1041 01:14:57,927 --> 01:15:01,731 YOU'RE MAKING A HUGE MISTAKE! 1042 01:15:01,831 --> 01:15:04,033 YOU DON'T WANT YOUR BABY'S FIRST WORDS TO BE, 1043 01:15:04,133 --> 01:15:05,902 "PAY HER MORE! 1044 01:15:06,002 --> 01:15:08,672 PAY HER MORE!" 1045 01:15:11,040 --> 01:15:12,542 "SHE TALK?" 1046 01:15:16,880 --> 01:15:19,749 I WISH WE HAD THE FREE TIME 1047 01:15:19,849 --> 01:15:25,121 THAT OTHER PEOPLE HAVE TO PLAY SUDOKU, TO SCRAPBOOK. 1048 01:15:25,221 --> 01:15:29,726 TO GET IN FOOTBALL POOLS AND FANTASY FOOTBALL LEAGUES. 1049 01:15:31,695 --> 01:15:36,600 TO BIRD WATCH. I WISH WE HAD ALL OF THAT TIME. 1050 01:15:36,700 --> 01:15:39,468 WE DON'T HAVE THAT TIME BECAUSE WE WORK. 1051 01:15:39,569 --> 01:15:41,104 WE DON'T RUN. 1052 01:15:41,204 --> 01:15:43,573 WE'RE NOT RUNNING IN THE AFTERNOON TO WORK OUT, 1053 01:15:43,673 --> 01:15:45,675 JUST BECAUSE, WITH AN IPOD ON. 1054 01:15:49,212 --> 01:15:50,714 "THAT'S MY SONG." 1055 01:15:55,484 --> 01:15:56,686 WE AIN'T GOT THAT KIND OF TIME! 1056 01:15:56,786 --> 01:16:00,056 AND IF WE DID RUN THROUGH IN THE STREETS, 1057 01:16:00,156 --> 01:16:01,190 HOW FAR WOULD WE GET? WE'D BE RUNNING... 1058 01:16:01,290 --> 01:16:04,027 [MIMICS POLICE SIREN] 1059 01:16:19,208 --> 01:16:22,278 WE'RE NOT GOING BACK TO MEXICO, SO... 1060 01:16:22,378 --> 01:16:25,114 THOSE 12 MILLION PEOPLE ARE NOT GOING BACK TO MEXICO, 1061 01:16:25,214 --> 01:16:26,883 SO LET'S FORGET THAT ARGUMENT RIGHT NOW. 1062 01:16:26,983 --> 01:16:28,918 WE'RE NOT GOING BACK TO MEXICO. 1063 01:16:29,018 --> 01:16:31,354 [CROWD CHEERING] 1064 01:16:31,454 --> 01:16:33,957 BUT I WILL MAKE YOU A DEAL. 1065 01:16:34,057 --> 01:16:36,192 ON THE MAYFLOWER, 1066 01:16:36,292 --> 01:16:38,594 THE ORIGINAL ILLEGAL ALIENS CAME TO THE UNITED STATES. 1067 01:16:41,197 --> 01:16:45,635 THERE WERE PEOPLE ALREADY HERE WHEN THE MAYFLOWER LANDED. 1068 01:16:49,939 --> 01:16:52,676 WE WILL GO BACK TO MEXICO 1069 01:16:52,776 --> 01:16:55,378 AND WE WILL REBUILD THE MAYFLOWER 1070 01:16:55,478 --> 01:16:58,481 AND SEND 12 MILLION ANCESTORS 1071 01:16:58,581 --> 01:17:01,751 OF THE ORIGINAL ILLEGAL IMMIGRANTS 1072 01:17:01,851 --> 01:17:04,420 BACK TO GREAT BRITAIN. 1073 01:17:04,520 --> 01:17:06,289 WE GO, 1074 01:17:08,257 --> 01:17:10,159 YOU GO. 1075 01:17:14,163 --> 01:17:16,800 "I GOT PILATES. THAT'S NOT GOING TO WORK." 1076 01:17:18,067 --> 01:17:22,939 BECAUSE WE CAN BUILD THE MAYFLOWER LIKE THAT. 1077 01:17:23,039 --> 01:17:25,008 WE DON'T EVEN NEED HAMMERS. WE'LL USE OUR HEELS. 1078 01:17:27,143 --> 01:17:28,845 "WHAT ARE YOU DOING?" "WE'RE BUILDING A MAYFLOWER." 1079 01:17:28,945 --> 01:17:30,880 [SPEAKING IN SPANISH] 1080 01:17:39,789 --> 01:17:42,726 I APPRECIATE ALL OF YOUR SUPPORT, SAN ANTONIO. 1081 01:17:42,826 --> 01:17:44,327 I LOVE HBO... 1082 01:17:44,427 --> 01:17:45,895 [CROWD CHEERING] 1083 01:17:45,995 --> 01:17:47,964 FOR LETTING ME DO THIS. 1084 01:17:50,066 --> 01:17:54,570 SOLD OUT THE AT&T CENTER IN SAN ANTONIO, TEXAS. 1085 01:17:54,670 --> 01:17:56,272 [CROWD CHEERING] 1086 01:17:59,108 --> 01:18:00,777 ONE MAN! 1087 01:18:02,145 --> 01:18:05,614 NO WATER. 1088 01:18:05,715 --> 01:18:09,052 NO TOWEL. 1089 01:18:09,152 --> 01:18:12,221 NO STOOL. 1090 01:18:12,321 --> 01:18:14,090 ONE KIDNEY. SOLD OUT! 1091 01:18:14,190 --> 01:18:15,792 [CROWD CHEERING] 1092 01:18:28,271 --> 01:18:29,906 IT IS OUR TIME. 1093 01:18:32,408 --> 01:18:36,145 IN FIVE YEARS, WHEN WE'RE THE MAJORITY OF PEOPLE... 1094 01:18:36,245 --> 01:18:41,217 FIVE YEARS! 1095 01:18:41,317 --> 01:18:43,219 FIVE YEARS. 1096 01:18:43,319 --> 01:18:45,021 WHEN WE BECOME THE MAJORITY OF PEOPLE, 1097 01:18:45,121 --> 01:18:48,191 I PROMISE ALL THE NONLATINO PEOPLE 1098 01:18:48,291 --> 01:18:51,527 THAT WE WILL SHOW YOU THE SAME RESPECT 1099 01:18:51,627 --> 01:18:54,230 AND SAME DIGNITY THAT YOU SHOWED US. 1100 01:18:54,330 --> 01:18:55,631 [CROWD CHEERING] 1101 01:18:55,731 --> 01:19:00,169 I'LL MAKE THAT PROMISE TO YOU TONIGHT. 1102 01:19:00,269 --> 01:19:04,841 THE SAME RESPECT AND THE SAME DIGNITY YOU SHOWED US, 1103 01:19:04,941 --> 01:19:08,411 WE WILL IN TURN SHOW YOU. 1104 01:19:08,511 --> 01:19:11,114 SO WHEN YOU DRIVE YOUR CARS, 1105 01:19:11,214 --> 01:19:15,919 PLEASE HAVE YOUR DRIVER'S LICENSE AND REGISTRATION. 1106 01:19:18,687 --> 01:19:20,790 AND PROOF OF CITIZENSHIP, PLEASE! 1107 01:19:26,830 --> 01:19:28,631 WHEN YOU'RE STANDING OUT FRONT OF HOME DEPOT, 1108 01:19:28,731 --> 01:19:31,267 WE MAY PICK YOU UP. WE MAY. 1109 01:19:35,171 --> 01:19:37,874 LISTEN TO THIS. LET ME SEE YOUR ARM, BROTHER. 1110 01:19:37,974 --> 01:19:39,175 CHECK THIS OUT. CAN WE PUT A CAMERA 1111 01:19:39,275 --> 01:19:41,410 ON THIS CAT'S ARM RIGHT HERE? 1112 01:19:43,813 --> 01:19:47,683 THIS DUDE HAS MY FACE TATTOOED ON HIS ARM. 1113 01:19:47,783 --> 01:19:51,787 STAND UP. SHOW THIS-- YOU GOT TO SEE THAT. 1114 01:19:51,888 --> 01:19:53,823 [CROWD CHEERING] 1115 01:19:56,125 --> 01:19:59,728 THIS BROTHER HAS MY FACE TATTOOED-- 1116 01:19:59,829 --> 01:20:01,497 THAT'S AMAZING. 1117 01:20:01,597 --> 01:20:05,068 THANK YOU FOR THAT. I APPRECIATE THAT. RESPECT. 1118 01:20:05,168 --> 01:20:08,704 RESPECT. 1119 01:20:08,804 --> 01:20:09,939 I LOOK GOOD, TOO. 1120 01:20:12,341 --> 01:20:15,411 YOU BETTER NOT HAVE ERIC ESTRADA ON THAT OTHER FUCKING ARM. 1121 01:20:19,648 --> 01:20:21,717 ALL RIGHT. DO YOU HAVE ERIC ESTRADA ON THE OTHER ARM? 1122 01:20:21,817 --> 01:20:24,053 LET ME SEE. FUCK THAT PUTO TWICE. 1123 01:20:27,156 --> 01:20:30,393 NOBODY WANTS TO BUY YOUR LAND, HOME BOY. GO AWAY. 1124 01:20:32,828 --> 01:20:34,663 WHEN YOU EXTEND YOUR HAND IN FRIENDSHIP, 1125 01:20:34,763 --> 01:20:35,999 THEN MAYBE WE CAN PUT THIS GRUDGE AWAY, 1126 01:20:36,099 --> 01:20:39,135 BUT UNTIL THEN YOU WILL CONTINUE TO BE INSULTED 1127 01:20:39,235 --> 01:20:45,341 BY GEORGE LOPEZ, EVERY OPPORTUNITY GEORGE LOPEZ GETS. 1128 01:20:45,441 --> 01:20:48,611 IT IS MY TIME NOW. 1129 01:20:48,711 --> 01:20:50,980 AND YOU'RE NOT A REAL COP, CABRON. 1130 01:20:51,080 --> 01:20:54,517 YOU JUST PLAYED ONE ON TV 55 FUCKIN' YEARS AGO. 1131 01:20:54,617 --> 01:20:57,020 SO TAKE THE UNIFORM OFF, PONCH. 1132 01:21:03,526 --> 01:21:06,362 EVEN NOVELAS DON'T WANT YOU, AND THEY'LL HIRE ANYBODY. 1133 01:21:11,134 --> 01:21:14,337 WHEN WE'RE OLDER, AND WE'RE GRANDKIDS-- 1134 01:21:14,437 --> 01:21:16,372 AND OUR GRANDPARENTS, AND WE'RE GRANDPARENTS, 1135 01:21:16,472 --> 01:21:18,407 AND WE'RE TELLING SCARY STORIES TO OUR GRANDKIDS, 1136 01:21:18,507 --> 01:21:22,011 IT'S NOT GOING TO BE ABOUT ROBOTS AND DINOSAURS 1137 01:21:22,111 --> 01:21:23,746 AND TRANSFORMERS. 1138 01:21:23,846 --> 01:21:26,515 IT'S GOING TO BE REAL STORIES. 1139 01:21:26,615 --> 01:21:28,617 [SPEAKING IN SPANISH] 1140 01:21:28,717 --> 01:21:32,255 "YOUR GRANDPA IS GOING TO TELL YOU A SCARY STORY. 1141 01:21:32,355 --> 01:21:38,427 A LONG, LONG TIME AGO WHEN YOUR GRANDPA WAS A LITTLE BOY, 1142 01:21:38,527 --> 01:21:42,631 THERE USED TO BE PEOPLE WHO HAD WHITE SKIN." 1143 01:21:44,267 --> 01:21:46,002 "AAH! 1144 01:21:51,474 --> 01:21:53,642 REALLY, GRANDPA?" 1145 01:21:53,742 --> 01:21:56,245 "REALLY, MIJO, LIKE THE MAN WHO CUTS OUR GRASS." 1146 01:21:58,681 --> 01:22:00,383 I LOVE YOU! GRACIAS! 1147 01:22:00,483 --> 01:22:02,385 ÓRALE! 1148 01:22:02,485 --> 01:22:05,488 VIVA LA RAZA! 1149 01:22:05,588 --> 01:22:08,357 THANK YOU, AMERICA! 1150 01:22:08,457 --> 01:22:10,859 THANK YOU! 1151 01:22:10,960 --> 01:22:12,528 GOOD NIGHT! 1152 01:22:12,628 --> 01:22:14,663 OW! 1153 01:22:14,763 --> 01:22:16,699 [CROWD CHEERING] 1154 01:22:18,334 --> 01:22:20,970 [**] 1155 01:22:31,614 --> 01:22:35,985 * ALL MY FRIENDS KNOW THE LOW RIDER * 1156 01:22:38,154 --> 01:22:42,258 * THE LOW RIDER IS A LITTLE HIGHER * 1157 01:22:53,369 --> 01:22:56,439 THANK YOU. I LOVE YOU. THANK YOU. 1158 01:23:05,214 --> 01:23:08,984 * LOW RIDER DRIVES A LITTLE SLOWER * 1159 01:23:12,155 --> 01:23:17,660 * LOW RIDER IS A REAL GOER * 1160 01:23:17,760 --> 01:23:19,695 [CROWD CHEERING] 1161 01:23:23,499 --> 01:23:25,034 * HEY 1162 01:23:31,074 --> 01:23:33,008 [INAUDIBLE] 1163 01:23:38,347 --> 01:23:42,151 * LOW RIDER KNOWS EVERY STREET, YEAH * 1164 01:23:42,251 --> 01:23:44,153 THANK YOU VERY MUCH. GOOD NIGHT. GRACIAS. 1165 01:23:46,389 --> 01:23:51,294 * LOW RIDER IS THE ONE TO MEET, YEAH * 1166 01:24:14,150 --> 01:24:18,787 * LOW RIDER DON'T USE NO GAS NOW * 1167 01:24:20,989 --> 01:24:24,227 * LOW RIDER DON'T DRIVE TOO FAST * 1168 01:24:28,931 --> 01:24:30,065 [**] 1169 01:24:48,617 --> 01:24:51,220 * TAKE A LITTLE TRIP TAKE A LITTLE TRIP * 1170 01:24:51,320 --> 01:24:55,424 * TAKE A LITTLE TRIP AND SEE * 1171 01:24:55,524 --> 01:24:59,061 * TAKE A LITTLE TRIP TAKE A LITTLE TRIP * 1172 01:24:59,162 --> 01:25:02,465 * TAKE A LITTLE TRIP WITH ME * 1173 01:25:02,565 --> 01:25:06,869 * ALL MY FRIENDS KNOW THE LOW RIDER * 1174 01:25:08,304 --> 01:25:13,609 * THE LOW RIDER IS A LITTLE HIGHER * 1175 01:25:36,265 --> 01:25:40,703 * LOW RIDER DRIVES A LITTLE SLOWER * 1176 01:25:43,172 --> 01:25:47,643 * LOW RIDER IS A REAL GOER * 1177 01:25:54,683 --> 01:25:55,818 * HEY 1178 01:26:09,465 --> 01:26:14,770 * LOW RIDER KNOWS EVERY STREET, YEAH * 1179 01:26:15,804 --> 01:26:17,740 * LOW... 77747

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