All language subtitles for theMunstersScaryLittXmas-faye-xvid

(SINGING) We wish you
a Merry Christmas

We wish you
a Merry Christmas

We wish you a Merry
Christmas and a Happy New Year

Good tidings we bring
for you and your kin

Good tidings on Christmas
and a Happy New Year

Now bring us
some figgy pudding

Now bring us
some figgy pudding

Now bring us
some figgy pudding...

Holy night

All is calm

All is bright

(HEAVY FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING)

That was lovely.
Cookies anyone?

(ALL SCREAMING)

Oh, goody. A James Brown
encore. Hot thang.

(WHOOPING)

(SIGHING)

Everyone's a critic.

(HUMMING)

How did the cookies go over?

Like garlic bread
at a vampire picnic.

Oh, people here are much
more health conscious
than back in the old country.

Anthrax scotchies are very
high in saturated fat.

Well, more for us
then, hmm? What
smells so good?

Herman Munster,
stop haunting my kitchen.

(CHUCKLING)

(SCREAMING)

Now, shoo.

Go help Grandpa and Marilyn
decorate the living room.

Oh, is the tree up?
Goody.

Oh, and please remind Grandpa
to check the stockings before
he hangs them.

Last year he forgot
to take the feet out.

(SINGING) it's Christmas
and the graveyard folk
have all come out to play

They're going to take...

Well, would you just
look at all this?

I don't think I've ever seen
halls decked quite as nicely.

If I didn't know any better,
I would think that this is
Santa's jolly-holly mausoleum.

I think Grandpa's got
a little interior decorator
in his blood.

That's where I got
the makings for
these mistletoes.

Mistle-toes?

Get it?

Uncle Herman, can you help
me charge up the lights?

Oh, happy to oblige.

(HERMAN EXCLAIMING IN DELIGHT)

It's beautiful.

Well, it's about the
prettiest tree I've ever seen.

Eddie's going to be so
excited when he sees this.

Kids, that's what
Christmas is all about.

I can't wait to see the happy
expression on his little face
when he sees this.

(GASPING)

Eddie. Eddie,
what do you think, huh?

Isn't this the most Christmassy
sight you've ever seen?

Well, maybe we should all
fan out a little bit
and let Eddie take it all in.

He's speechless.

We saved something for you,
Eddie.

You get to top off
the tree, Son.

(RAT SQUEAKS)

Oh, yes. Now...
Now it's perfect.

What do you think, Son?

A little buzzard whispered
into my ear that this could
be the merriest Christmas yet.

Yeah. I guess.

BOY: Get off me.

Hi, can I walk
with you?

Sure.

Hey. Hey. Hey.

Oh, no.
Hector Barberi.

Evasive action.

Are they
following us?

I'm too scared
to look.

I wish there was a full moon,
so I could change into
a werewolf.

Uh-huh. And then we could
both fly away in my
private Learjet.

Check it out.
Egghead and some
Munster cheese.

Anyone for an omelet?

Come on, Hector.
We just wanna go home.

Not till I say so,
wolf boy. Hey,
is that for me?

Come on,
give that back.

"Dear Santa,

(ALL CHUCKLING)

"This year I'd be very
grateful If you could
bring me the following:

"New torture spikes
for my iron maiden,

"a Mr. Maggot Head,
some cobra venom, and a
Little Pumper gas chamber."

BOY: That's sweet.

You're one sick puppy,
Munster.

Santa doesn't
visit freaks.

(GROANING)

Merry Christmas,
loser.

BOY: You're a loser,
man.

(BOYS LAUGHING)

Come on,
throw it here,
come on.

(SIGHS)

That Munster boy's been
digging up people's
flower beds again.

Oh, Merry Christmas, Eddie.

Christmas bites.

What's that you're holding?

Nothing.

Hmm. What's eating
him, I wonder?

Well, there goes the only guy
who cares about Christmas
more than I do.

Eddie, you're
covered in mud.

Have you been burying
your classmates
at recess again?

Something like that.
Uh, I'm going to bed now.

(CLOCK CHIMING)

Nighty-night, Eddie.
Time for bed.

Hi, champ.

Hi.

Hi, Wolfie.

Is something
bothering you?

Like about Christmas?

The doorknocker said
that you said it bites.

I don't know,
it's just not the same here.

Christmas was better back
in Transylvania. I mean,
I used to have so much fun.

Had the freezing cold,
making snowmen,

having fun with my friends.

I just miss home.

Christmas just isn't
the same here.

But we've got a new home,
here in America.

Maybe, but it doesn't
feel like home.

Doesn't feel like Christmas,
either.

Good night.

I love you.

Oh, Herman,
what are we going to do?

Besides full moons,
Christmas has always
been Eddie's favorite.

Don't worry,
Lily. I'll think
of something.

Okay, Munsters, we are in
the holiday crisis mode.
Eddie needs our help.

And I'll be poked
with a pitchfork before
I let him down.

Don't knock a little pitchfork
poking until you've tried it.

We have to make Eddie
feel like this is home.

Show him that Christmas here
can be just as wonderful as
it was in the old country.

So, we need to give Eddie
the perfect Transylvanian
Christmas?

Right. Now, what does
that mean, you might ask?

Presents.

Revelation, Herman.

But not just any present.

I'm talking
the ultimate present.

Imported directly
from Transylvania.

The Fears and Roebuck
holiday nightmare
catalogue.

Look here
at page 666.

"The Marquis de Sade,
Dungeon Action Playset."

MARILYN: It's so cute.
Look at the little
thumbscrews.

Plus the rack comes
complete with
stretch-o-matic action.

What little boy
wouldn't love
to have that?

Herman, we can't
afford this.

Nonsense, Lily,
it's Christmas.

I'll just have a little talk
with Mr. Gateman down
at the parlor.

I'm sure he'll be
happy to give me
an advance.

That's it?
That's your big plan?

A toy dungeon?

I think someone's
neck bolts are too tight.

If someone has
another idea,
I'd like to hear it.

Actually,

Eddie's homesick
for Transylvania.

I say we invite the family
from the old country and
throw a big Christmas party.

Now we're cooking.
Lily? Any ideas?

The reason LA doesn't
feel like home to Eddie
is because he's alienated.

He needs to get involved.

The Homeowner's Association
is having a big holiday
decorating contest.

I'm going to enter us
and get Eddie to help me.

That way he can feel
that he's really involved
in something.

Give me that chalk.

You people are making
this so complex,

so psychological.

All Eddie needs is snow.

All Eddie needs is an
old-fashioned Transylvanian
white Christmas.

In Southern California?

You are looking
at Eastern Europe's
preeminent alchemist.

I could make it snow
in your pants if I want.

Well, I'd rather you didn't,
if it's all the same to you.

All it takes, is a little
of this, a little of that,
a bit of MSG,

and, poof,
instant blizzard.

So, what we have now
is a four-step plan.

Everybody's gonna pitch in.

I'll get the money
for the present.

Marilyn, you send out
the invitations for the
Christmas party.

And, Lily, you enter us
into the decoration contest.

And, Grandpa,
you make it snow
but not in my pants.

It's gonna be the best
Christmas Eddie's ever seen.

(CHUCKLING)

Oh, Herman.

I just love it when you
get all "take charge"

(CHUCKLING)

Bonus? You want a bonus?

Well, you see, Mr. Gateman,
there's a special gift
I'd like to get for Eddie.

And I figured that,
well, since, you know,
it is Christmas...

Christmas, you want to
talk about Christmas?

Oh! This time of year
used to send
my business soaring!

Faulty wiring
on dried-up Christmas trees.

(EXCLAIMING)

Broken dampers
on chimney flues!

Drinking and driving!

(EXCLAIMING)

But now,
with safety restrictions,

fire codes,
designated drivers,

I'm lucky if I can pay
my crematorium bills
at the end of the month.

Advance?

You're lucky I don't
fire your lame carcass
on the spot.

The party's gonna rock,

and these family photos
are a great way to remember
everyone to invite.

By the way, who's this?

Oh. That's your uncle
Ramahn Ptah.

He was in line
to be a Pharaoh.

But they went to
the party system
and he lost the vote.

Don't invite him.
He's into those
pyramid schemes.

Oh, looks good.

Is that gonna make
it snow for Eddie?

No. It's gonna make
reality fade for Grandpa.

(SPOT GROWLING)

Hi, Spot.

Feels good, huh?

Why do things
always have to change,
huh, boy?

We're stuck in this
lousy place where
the sun hurts my eyes

and Hector Barberi
makes fun of my fangs.

And you, you're not even
allowed out of the house.

(GROWLING)

If I can't have
a Transylvanian Christmas,

I don't want Christmas at all.

Burn, Spot.

(SPOT BURPS)

There you are.

Alrighty, Edna.

You are now officially entered
into the Christmas decorations
contest.

(CHUCKLING)

You think you're gonna
win again this year?

Oh that certainly
would be nice.

But winning first class
ribbon six years in a row
does seem a lot to hope for.

My money's on you.

I mean, that display you
did last year with the
square-dancing elves?

Santa's ho-ho-hoe-down!

Excuse me. Is this where
we sign up for the
decorating contest?

Munster? You're entering?

Well, hello, Edna.

Why, yes, Eddie and I
are gonna bond a little
and decorate the house.

Say hello
to Mrs. Dimwitty,
Eddie.

Hi.

Shake.

Oh, I'm not touching that.

(GROWLING)

Probably just as well.
He's overdue
for his flea dip.

(GASPING)

(EXCLAIMING)

Good luck in
the contest, Edna.

That's my neighbor.

(EXCLAIMS)

(SCREAMING)

(TIRES SCREECHING)

(CRASHING)

Oh. Oh.
Are you all right?

Yeah. Thanks
for the assist.

Well, what happened?

It's embarrassing to admit it,
but I saw you and got
distracted.

Oh, gosh.
I'm so sorry.

I've always been
the ugliest member
of my family.

You're the ugliest?

Well, yes. I don't have
any neck-bolts,
fangs or fur,

and I don't have half
the fashion sense
my aunt Lily does.

Okay, now I know,
you're kidding.

You've got a great
sense of humor.

Thanks.

I guess.

Oh, and thanks for helping
me pickup my invitations.

No problem.

"Marilyn Munster."

Beautiful name
for a beautiful girl.

Beautiful?

Are you okay?

Um.

I have to, you know,
go now.

Hey. Wait. You forgot one.

(SIGHS)

California girls

(READING)

I guess she must know
someone in the cast.

Grandpa?

Huh?

Do you think a guy
could find me attractive?

(STAMMERING) Well,
that's a very
interesting question.

Because I met this guy today
who said that I was beautiful.

Well, of course he did.
Appearances aren't everything.

You have a good heart.
The guy that gets you
is lucky.

Who is that boy?

Well, I don't know.

I kind of panicked
and ran away
before I got his name.

(EXCLAIMING)

Soup.

(LAUGHING)

We're gonna have a white
Christmas for real.

Bananas are curvy
and apples are spherical.

Bring into this circle
a cool winter miracle.

This is gonna be
tougher than I thought.

Get the blow-dryer.

EDDIE: Oh, cool.

What is it?
What is it?

A Marquis de Sade
Dungeon Action Playset.

You've made me
the happiest wolf-boy
in the world.

Look at yourself,
Herman Munster.

You talking to me?

Darn, darn, darn right.

I've got to lay off
the hemlock.

Eddie needs your help
and you're moping around
feeling sorry for yourself.

I don't have any money.

Then get off your lumpy,
green keister
and find some.

(SIGHING)

He's right.
I mean, I'm right.

I've got to start seeking
alternative sources of income.

HERMAN: Good day,
madam. I...

(WOMAN SCREAMING)

(GLASS SHATTERING)

(ALL SCREAMING)

(GLASS SHATTERING)

(INAUDIBLE)

(ALL SIGHING IN RELIEF)

(WOLF HOWLING)

(GROWLING)

Something to be proud of,
isn't it, Eddie?

Decorating the house,
getting involved
with the neighborhood.

I'm tired of decorating.
Can I take a break?

Are you sure?

Oh, yeah.

(SIGHING)

Well, all right then.

But I'll need your help
later when it's time to
string the mealy worms.

Okay.

Ooh. I'm out of my
league here.

I wish I could find an expert
on Christmas spirit.

(CHUCKLING)

Ho, ho, ho, ho.

Polar Bear to Icehouse.

Polar Bear to Icehouse.
Do you copy?

ELF: That's a roger,
Polar Bear.

That last turn
was a little wiggy.

I think there's something
wrong with Vixen's hoof.

I copy that, Polar Bear.
We'll check it when you
touchdown.

Speed diagnostic
test prediction.

Okay.

Let's open her up and see
what this baby's got under
the hood.

Ho, ho, ho.

Oh. Lefty, Larry.

Mind the weight
distribution back there.

We seem to have picked
up a bit of a wobble.

Sure thing, boss.
You got it, chief.

"Mind the weight
distribution back there."

(GRUNTING)

Larry, Larry.

Why'd you do that?

Because I'm cold
and I'm overworked,

and I'm tired of taking orders
from that snowsuit-stretching
slave-driver up there.

I want a vacation.

Somewhere where it's
warm and sunny,

there's hot sand
and plenty of cold beer.

(LAUGHING)

And rubbing tanning
lotion on supermodels?

Surgically enhanced
supermodels.

(LAUGHING)

BOTH: Silicone.
Silicone. Silicone.

Oh, hush boys.
You're spooking Blitzen.

Give me a blizzard.

Give me the big one
from the Pole.

Where the fa-la-la-la-la am I?

What am I doing here?

Who are you people?

Somebody around here has been
naughty and I want answers.

Uh..."Naughty" is
a very strong word.

Oh, look! Elves!

You guys are so cute.

She thinks we're cute.

I heard.
Pinch me.

Ow! Not so hard,
you moron.

Lefty, Larry,
behave yourselves, you boys.

We're gonna find out
where we are.

You're in
Mockingbird Heights,
California.

I'm Marilyn Munster
and this is my grandpa.

He accidentally
transported you here.

California?

Two days before Christmas,
and I'm in bah-humbuggin'
California?

Oh, pardon my Norse, miss.

It's just that
it's a bad time for me,

what with Christmas Eve
tomorrow night and all.

Hey, Larry,
I just found religion

(LAUGHING)

She defies the
laws of physics.

It'd take me an hour
to climb up that.

BOTH: But it'd be
worth the trip.

Look, Grandpa, isn't it?

I need to get back to the
North Pole right away.

Or there's going to be
a lot of very disappointed
children this Christmas.

LARRY: Oh, my, my, my.

You can send me back there,
can't you?

Stop that!
Can't you?

Are you kidding me?

I am Eastern Europe's
preeminent alchemist.

All it takes is
a little magic.

Why don't we give the
magic a rest, Grandpa,

before you turn him into
a lunch-box or something?

Let's try this
the safe way.

I'll just call
the airlines.

This is great.
For once, we're getting
what we want for Christmas.

The night off.

Oh.

Well, what about
all the little
boys and girls?

It'll teach them
to deal with
disappointment.

We're in
Southern California,
dude.

They've got it all here.
Surfing, ball games,
mud wrestling.

Naked beaches?

All-girl
volleyball teams.

Yes. I'd like to book
a flight to the
North Pole please.

(GROANING)

Hey, face it.

As long as Sir Tub-a-lot
is stuck here, the party
light is lit.

Yes.

Tell them he's
the original frequent flier.

The passenger's name
is Kringle, first name
Kris. Hello?

(DIAL TONE)

Hello?

Hello?

They hung up.

Well, maybe
it's for the best.

I hate traveling
by plane.

I don't understand how
they keep the darn things
in the air.

Well, are we ready
to stoop to use
my magic?

After all, I am...

ALL: Eastern Europe's
preeminent alchemist.

We know already.

We should ask
Uncle Herman
and Aunt Lily first.

Oh, yes.
They'll know
what to do.

Oh, good.

No, no, no. We can't do that.
You know how they get.

They become upset,
they blow things
out of proportion.

They'll take away
my chemicals.

Got it all under control.
Relax. Trust me.

(SCOFFING)

All right, Eddie,
throw the switch.

(REACTOR WHIRRING)

That nuclear reactor
that Grandpa installed
sure is a life saver.

Especially
with our summer
air-conditioning bills.

(GASPING)

I've never seen
a house this festive.

Now aren't you proud
of what we did together?

Yeah. I guess.

Oh.

I know you're sad,
Eddie.

But you can let yourself
be a little proud
of what we've done.

After all,
people are impressed
with you.

Excuse me,
are you Lily Munster?

Why, yes.
And you are?

Bob Pawlikowski.

I'm the chair
of the voting committee.

Oh. A pleasure
to meet you.

Well, this is it.

We're thinking
about calling it
"Santa, bloody Santa."

How cheery.

Uh-oh.

And this is
my son, Eddie.
He's the artist.

That's your son?

(CHUCKLING)
I thought he was
one of the decorations.

(GROWLING)

Oh, great flaming bunions.
What is that?

That's Eddie's creation,
Randolph the Rabid Reindeer.
Show him, Eddie.

Come on, Mom.

Please?

(GROWLING)

(EXCLAIMING IN DISGUST)

That's real
dog foam, too.

Us Munsters don't
skimp when it comes
to Christmas.

It's absolutely horrifying.

You're too kind.

The final vote isn't
until Christmas morning.

But as far as your
display is concerned,

I'm afraid things
look pretty bleak.

Oh, wonderful.

That's exactly the effect
we were aiming for.

Oh, he said something to her.

He said something to her
and she looks happy.

Lily Munster looks happy.

(SNORING)

Poor dear, a day's work
and he's just dead.

LARRY: What do we do now?

I say we do
some bar hopping.

How about mud wrestling?
Can we see mud wrestling?

Nothing mends a broken heart
like a mud-caked bikini model.

(CHUCKLING)

Let's make tracks while
Captain Wide Load
is distracted.

Par...

(SHUSHING)
Sleeping. Come on.

(WHISPERING)
Party. Party.

I hate to be a pest,
Grandpa, but I'm really
starting to get nervous.

I mean, the clock
is ticking and
we're still here.

(CHUCKLING)

Not to worry.
Your teleportation
potion is right here.

Whoa! Radioactive.

(SINGING) Four mockingbirds
Three French hens

Two turtle doves
And a partridge in a pear tree

On the eighth day of Christmas
My true love sent to me

Eight maids a-milking
Seven swans a-swimming

Six geese a-laying

Five golden rings

(ALL SCREAMING)

Sisters! Come.

We've still got four more
days to get through...

Phooey.

(SIGHING)

Just look at
this place, Eddie.

Awash with
Christmas gloom.

Good work, Son.

You must be
the proudest little
wolfie-boy around, huh?

Well, as long
as Mom's happy.

No matter what I do,
nothing seems
to excite him.

I thought he'd at least start
to snap out of it by now,
but so far, zero.

Seeing him like this,
it really breaks my heart.

Oh, how's the extra
cash-scheme going?

Well, you know us Munsters,
Lily. Moonlighting's what
I do best.

No luck, huh?

Plenty of it.

All bad.
Oh.

But I'm not gonna
let this beat me, Lily.

I know that I'm
going to get a job.

And I'm more
motivated than ever now.

Now that I'm doing it
for Eddie,
I can't give up.

Oh, no. Grandpa!

He died with his boots off.

What happened?
What was that noise?

It's Grandpa.

He... He...

Wow, that was hot.

I nearly singed the hair
right off the top of my feet.

Grandpa?
I demand
an explanation.

It's entirely my fault.

We made an unscheduled
stopover,

and Grandpa was just trying
to help me and the boys
go home.

Where are those elves?

Santa? Santa Claus?
Is it really you.

(EXCLAIMING IN JOY)

(SANTA GROANING)

You're hurting him.

My spine!

(GROANING)

Oh, it's okay.
Sorry.

Herman, right?

He knows my name.
Santa Claus knows my name.

Look who it is, Son.
It's Santa himself.

Now doesn't that
set your Christmas
spirit soaring?

Go over there
and don't be nervous.
Say hello to him.

(STAMMERING) You can sit
on his lap later.

Hi.

You must be, Eddie, right?

(CHUCKLING)

How'd you know my name?

I'm Santa Claus, son.
It's my job.

(SIGHING)

(LAUGHING)

That belly.
It really does shake
like a bowl of jelly.

No more hugs.

Oh, sorry.

364 days out of every year,
all I do is prepare
for this one night.

I just can't miss it.

Don't worry.
Grandpa's on the case.

Yeah. Sooner or later,
he's bound to luck out
and get the spell right.

Well, I hope so,
for all the children's sake.

Nothing like a little
black widow's tea
to calm the nerves.

Oh, thank you,
Mrs. Munster.

Um-hmm.

(THUMPING)

Well, Eddie, is there
anything you'd like
to ask Santa Claus,

as long as we've got
the man right here?

No, that's okay.
Thanks.

Oh. Okay.

Well, Santa, do you mind
if I ask you something?

Go right ahead, Herman.

Let me do this the formal way.

(GROANING)

Santa? Santa,
how do you do it, hmm?

I mean, how do you
deliver all those gifts

to all those children all over
the world in one night, hmm?

And how do you fit those
zillion toys Into the one,
big burlap bag?

(GROANING)

I'm gonna black out now.

Herman, I think I hear
bones crunching.

Oh!

Oh, sorry, sorry.

Sometimes I wonder what
pauper's grave they dug
my brains out of.

Oh, no,
it's all right,
Herman.

My lap's built up
quite a few calluses
over the years.

(GRUNTING)

Oh, and that
lumbar pinch.

SANTA: Oh, what's that?
That...

It's addressed to me.

What is that, Eddie?

It's nothing.

Is that your letter
to Santa?

It must have gotten
lost in the mail.
No worry, though.

I can put in an
express order for you.

No thanks.
That's okay.

See, I didn't mail it
for a reason this year.

I don't want anything
from anybody.

I just want
Christmas to be over.

Well, I just...
I don't know
what to do.

I've never seen
Eddie like this.

And, Santa,
maybe you could...

Oh? Might I talk
to him?

Oh, Santa.

That would be
wonderful.

(GROANING)

Fine scorpion farm
you've got there.

They're tricky to raise.

Careful. You hold them too
close to the stinger,
you might snap the tail.

You know about scorpions?

Oh, I know about
a lot of things.
I was your age once.

Granted, it was hundreds
of years ago, but nothing
ever changes that much.

Yeah?

Bet your parents never
made you move to a whole
another country.

Oh, they sure did.

One time my dad moved us all
to Greenland so he could look
for work as a toymaker.

I hated Greenland.

It was bitterly cold and the
only kids around to play with
were Viking children.

Nothing meaner
than a young Viking.

Then you haven't met
Hector Barberi.

Oh, I know Hector.

Don't worry, he's on my
"coal and deer-droppings"
list this year.

(SANTA CHUCKLING)

So what'd you do
about Greenland?

Made the best of it.

Passed the time
by learning to build toys.

Pretty soon, I had some
friends, and Greenland
actually felt like home.

Well, that's easy for you,
I mean, you're Santa Claus.

And you're Eddie Munster.

And that's something pretty
special, if you ask me.

Things will get better, son.

But denying yourself the joy
of Christmas won't make it
happen any faster.

(CHUCKLING)

(SINGING)
The little Lord Jesus

Lay down His sweet head

The stars in the bright sky
Look down where He lay

The li...

What's the matter?
Cat got your tongue?

You know,
he tried that with me,
but I got his first.

Wanna see?

(SCREAMING)

Oh, poop!

I'm never gonna hear
a song all the way
through.

(EXCLAIMS IN DISGUST)

Oh, yes.

This display is magnificent.

Are you serious?

Naturellement.

Obviously a tip of the hat
to the Artaudian theater
of cruelty.

Please, Peter.
Please.

Where are the Artaud's
signature Dadaist tropes?

Note the interplay
between the positive
and negative space.

Oh, yes.

This is clearly
Grand Guignol.

Touch�, Gerald.

The juxtaposition using
the iconography of Christmas

should make for scathing
social commentary.

Wouldn't you say?

Yeah. I was just
thinking that.

Excuse me.

"Marilyn Munster, 1313,
Mockingbird Lane."

(SIGHING)

This is it.
She's got to be here.

(KNOCKING)

Um.

(EXCLAIMS)

Proper etiquette states that
three, short, crisp knocks
are acceptable form.

Anything more than that,
is rude.

And on a personal note,
bloody painful.

Sorry, Mr. Talking
Doorknocker.

Not at all.

And please, call me Clive.

Okay. I promise
not to say a word.

I just want to hear you sing.

I'm sorry.

I promise not to interrupt.

Just sing your
Christmas carol to me.

(SINGING)
Jingle bells, jingle bells

Jingle all the...

Marilyn?

Uncle Herman?

This is...
Tom.

Ah.
The boy I've been
talking about.

You mean you're not
here to sing for me?

Sorry.

Darn. Darn. Darn.

Very nice to meet you,
young man.

(CLEARING THROAT)

Wow. I can't believe
you're here.

Me neither.

How did you find me?

I got your address
off one of those
invitations you dropped.

Oh.

I wanted to let you know
that my band is playing
at this club,

and if you're
interested...

Hog Heaven?

Yeah. It's kind
of a rough place.

Bikers, bar brawls,
that kind of thing.
But, you know.

Oh, well,
it sounds nice.

Tell you what,
we've got kind of a lot
going on around here tonight.

But if I can, I'll be there.

Sounds good.

That green guy
is your uncle?

Yeah. Mom's side
of the family got
all the looks.

Oh.

Well, maybe I'll
see you later.

I hope so.

Bye.

Bye.

Bye.
Bye.

Oh, to be young
and in love again.

Oh, my gosh.

I've got to find
something to wear.

How could you
forget your ID?

I'm 608 years old and
I've got a full beard.

I wasn't expecting
to get carded.

You're three feet
six inches tall,
your toes jingle.

Someone was bound
to ask.

Lefty. Larry.
Good news, boys.

Grandpa has figured out
the missing ingredient
to his teleportation potion.

Marshmallow fudge
SnackWell's cookies.

Yes.

Those suckers never
cease to amaze me.

We're going back?
There's no way
we're going back.

No way we're
going back. No.

Absolutely no.
We can't go back.

We've got to stay here.
We're gonna party. Come on.

No, wait. We can't go back.
Wait. No, no, no, no. Wait.

We can't go back. Wait. Wait.

Come on. Come on.
Let's go. Come on.

Elves.

Grandpa,
how long will it take?

Oh, about an hour.

In the meantime,
Grandpa's bushed.

(WINGS FLAPPING)

Got to get my beauty sleep.

An hour?

I've got to get back and
finish making those toys
for the children.

Boys?

Boys?

Now where've those
elves got to?

Oh well, they're elves,
you know. They're probably
off doing something jolly.

What'd you hit me for?

Because, I'm mad,
and you're close.

I'm telling you.
I've had it.
I'm not going back.

What're we
gonna do?

Something we
should have done
a long time ago.

Cancel Christmas.

We're gonna put
the Load Warrior
out of commission.

How are we gonna
do that?

I don't know.
Let me think.

Let me think.

(CHUCKLING)
Larry, this is it.

Santa's about
to have himself
a sleepy little Christmas.

Now where did I
put my keys?

You know, sometimes I swear
I'd lose my head if it wasn't
bolted on.

You know, I'm so excited.
I'll be home in one hour.

Well, in the meantime,
I've got to go out and
get some supplies

for my new job.
Telephone solicitation.

I'm trying to work
my own Christmas
magic here.

You know, Herman,
I could help you
with whatever you need.

No, thank you, Santa.
No, I'd rather do it
myself and for Eddie.

Well, I'm sure you'll
do just great.

I think so.
I'm a people-pleaser.

Oh. There it is.

Pardon me.

(EXCLAIMING)

Okay, Mr. Stitches just
left out the front door.

Hurry up and add the sleep
potion so we can get out
of here.

Sleep potion. Right.

All set at this end.

(BOTH CHUCKLING)

(SINGING) Someone's
in the kitchen with Lefty

Someone's in the
kitchen I know

We'll give Santa
sleeping potion

And Christmas Eve
will be no go

Hang on,
I'll be right back.

Okay.

(CLEARING THROAT)

(IN HIGH-PITCHED VOICE)
Oh, Santa?

Snack time.

Did somebody say "snack"?

I could have sworn
that I heard...

Figgy pudding.

What a wonderful family.

Bizarre, frightening,
but wonderful.

(BURPING)

(GASPING)

I think something
went wrong.

"Dessert transmogrification
elixir?"

Congratulations,
Chestnut-head.

You just turned
Santa into fruitcake.

I did?

Okay, look at
the bright side.

We did want Santa
out of commission.
Let's face it.

You can't get much more
out of commission than

being magically transformed
into a holiday dessert.

This clears the way
for us to have
a little fun

(LAUGHING)

I say we check out
this place tonight.

Hog Heaven.

Hot music, cold beer,
dancing.

Whoa, but before
we go anywhere,

I say we check out
Grandpa's lab and do
a little redecorating.

Great idea. Oh, that lab
is so dingy and cramped.

We can really open it up
a bit, add some light.

Experiment with colors.

We can create a flow
from the stairs.

Please.

I don't mean
really redecorate it.

I mean, trash the place
so nobody can fix Santa.

One thought.

What if, while
we're gone, someone
tries to eat Santa?

Never happen.
Nobody likes fruitcake.

Oh, hello. Hello.
Mrs. Tesseract?

Yes, my name is Herman
and I'm with Consolidated
Air Conditioning.

Do you find your home
stuffy and uncomfortable?

Do you find yourself
soaked with sweat
on hot summer days?

Hmm? Oh, yes, certainly.

Do you find yourself soaked
with sweat on hot summer days?

Uh, yes, yes, yes.
I'm a big believer
in discipline.

My, aren't you
the curious one?

A night gown and big boots.

How about you?

Well, I guess you won't be
needing an air conditioner
then.

I'm sorry to trouble you.

Santa?

You have to see
this Munster display.

It's something
really special.

You really like
that monstrosity?

Well, Fran. It seems
you missed the obvious
tip of the hat

to the Artaudian
theater of cruelty.

FRAN: I did?
It jumps right out at me.

But with my extensive
background in art.

Maybe if we squint.

Oh, no. The judges
are lingering.

That's a bad sign.

(WHISTLING)

Is that whistling I hear?

Well, it's hard to be totally
grouchy when you got
Santa Claus in your house.

He's pretty cool
for an old guy.

Old? He's only 970.

And he doesn't look
a day over 400.

Yoo-hoo. Bob. Bob. Yoo-hoo.

How nice.

Edna's coming over
to admire our decorations.

Oh, dear.

So, what do you say
we leave this ugly,
inappropriate lawn

and walk across the
street to my house

for some delicious
decorations?

Oh, I mean, dessert.

I suppose a tiny little
bite wouldn't hurt.

Oh. Herman, Edna Dimwitty
is outside and I don't have
a Christmas present for her.

(GASPING)

A fruitcake.

Perfect.

Oh, Herman.

You're the best.

Dessert?
My favorite word.

But the judging.

Oh, it can wait.

Last one back to Edna's
is defective light bulb.

Edna.

Oh? Oh, what does
she want?

Well, go on.
Go on.

I'll catch up.

Edna.

Merry Christmas, Edna.

From my family
to yours.

Fruitcake? I can use this.

Hey. Thanks, Munster.
Your present is
in the mail.

Lily. We're, ah,
missing something.

Something big and red
and with a twinkle
in his eye.

Santa?

Oh, my.
Are you sure
he's missing?

We haven't
seen him
for hours.

He could be lost
somewhere, or hurt.
We've got to find him.

Munsters,
let's move out.

(HOWLING)

(SNORING)

Pardon me, Mr. Sweep.
Have you seen Santa?

You really didn't
have to go to all
this trouble, Edna.

No trouble.

Not for my favorite people
in the whole darn
neighborhood.

So, how's that judging coming?
Made any decisions yet?

Standards are very
high this year.

But don't worry,
you're one of
the front runners.

Along with the Munsters.

The Munsters?

That display of theirs
is very sophisticated art.

Did you know that I imported
decorations from France
this year at great expense?

I hear the Munsters got theirs
at a Halloween clearance sale.

But we can talk
about that over dessert.

So, what's on the menu?

Oh, my!

That cake is incredible.

Time to cut the little
fella up and eat him.

(MUFFLED CHATTERING)

Oh, don't mind me.

I'm just so excited by the
competition this year that
I can't contain myself.

(EXCLAIMING)

See?

(MUFFLED SCREAMING)

Edna? Is everything
all right?

Yes.

Never better.

(MUFFLED SCREAMING)

I'll just be one second.

(GURGLING)

(GURGLING STOPS)

(SIGHING)

A novelty item, you see?
It's got a microchip in it.

(MUFFLED SCREAMING RESUMES)

(ALL EXCLAIMING)

Wait. Where do you
people think you're going?

This is obviously
the wrong time.

Oh, no. You don't understand.

It's not me.
It's the Munsters.

This fruitcake
is on their side.

It wants me
to lose the contest.

Well. I think we all
understand how temperamental
baked goods can be.

(CHUCKLING)

Too much eggnog.

No. No!

No!

We scoured every inch
of Mockingbird Heights.

I am so exhausted.

You could douse me
with holy water
and I wouldn't budge.

How do you expect to hide
a guy as fat as Santa?

Oh, my gosh! Do you think
maybe Spot got hungry and...

No, no. I checked his bowl.
There's still half a mail
carrier in there.

Well, Spot does like
to snack, you know.

That's not funny, Grandpa.

I'm sure Santa's out there
somewhere and wherever he is,

he's perfectly safe.

What'd I say?

I'm sure
Santa's fine, Eddie.

Then why did he
leave us like this?

You don't think
he just walked away
from Christmas, do you?

I'm sure
it's not like that.

(SNIFFLING)

Oh.

(KNOCKING AT DOOR)

Seems like
someone's tapping,

tapping at
our front door.

Edna, what
a lovely surprise.

Can the sweet stuff,
Munster.

I happen to know you
deliberately sabotaged me.

You and your trick
screaming fruitcake.

Edna, I assure you I don't
know anything about a
screaming fruitcake.

Although, I do have a recipe
for one that bleeds.

You've got a lot of gall,
Munster.

Oh. You're right,
where are my manners?
Would you like to come in?

I wouldn't set foot in there
if a pack of rabid dogs were
after me.

Of course, why would you
be cooped up indoors

when you can be outside
frolicking with rabid dogs?

(MUMBLING)

Don't be a stranger, Edna.

(SIGHING)

Two visits in one day.

We really are
starting to fit in.

The funniest thing
just happened.

Edna Dimwitty thinks this
fruitcake screamed at her.

The fruitcake is back.

It's like a yummy
dessert boomerang.

Oh, I love you,
pussycat, bolts and all.

I love you too, dear.

(MUFFLED SCREAMING)

Santa, is that you in there?

The mystery is solved.

Somebody slipped Santa my
dessert transmogrification
elixir.

Your what?

It's a potion that turns
you into a fruitcake.

Well, what's
the point of that?

Well, it's a cure,
so you won't be a fruitcake.

Now, Grandpa, how many times
have we told you about these
frivolous spells and potions?

And what about the
time that you asked me

to conjure up the Sunday
funnies three days early?

You don't call that frivolous?

Well, I was going out of town
and Little Orphan Annie
was in a real jam.

I had to find out
how things turned out.

Yeah. Santa.

Santa? Don't you
worry about a thing.

We're going to go down into
the lab and have you back

to normal in the
Saint Nick of time.

Now, all we have to do is
reverse the formula for
the elixir.

My lab.

My beautiful lab.

Well, you can fix Santa,
can't you?

Without my lab,
I couldn't fix a martini.

That Christmas fairy
looks familiar.

No. You can't
get away with this.

Santa, can you
hear me in there?

I should've known you wouldn't
give up on Christmas.

Well, without being mutated,
I mean.

You're the best.

Please hurry, Mom.
We need Santa back.

Oh, I'm doing
the best that
I can, Eddie.

Why isn't Grandpa
helping you?

Oh, well...

Grandpa had to
take a little rest.

Come on, Grandpa. You've got
to come out of there sometime.

No. I'm a loser.

I used to be Eastern Europe's
preeminent alchemist.

Now I'm just the guy
who turned Santa
into a giant hamburger.

Fruitcake.

What's the difference?
He's not Santa anymore.

You see, Eddie, when I was
a little girl, Grandpa used
to show me all his tricks.

We turned wine
into weevils, synthesized
the bubonic plague,

oh, there was no
end to the fun.

And now, thanks
to this handy cookbook,
modern conjuring is a snap,

using ordinary
household items.

Oh. Would you hand me that can
of gecko tongues, dear?

You can do it, Mom.

I hope so.

(SIGHING)

There. Finished.

Herman, why does your
steamboat have wheels?

It's a ducky.

You see, I figured that
since Santa's so far
behind schedule,

that I'd help him out
by making a few toys, hmm?

One down,
and fourteen million to go.

(GRUNTING)

These people are sick.

Sick.

(SCREAMING)

(IN HIGH-PITCHED VOICE)
Help me.

Help me.

(YELLING)

(THUDDING)

(COUGHING)

Cross your fingers.

Three times
for luck.

(THUNDER RUMBLING)

Oh, gracious.
It's working.

(MUFFLED SCREAMING)

(MUFFLED SOBBING)

Well, back to the
drawing board.

Oh, dear. Now
I'm not even getting
the holiday right.

Darn, darn, darn.
This is hopeless.

Well, let's not
give up,
Herman Munster.

Go down to Grandpa's lab
and see if any of his
blowfish bile survived.

Maybe that's
what I'm missing.

That's my Lily. She's got
a true never-say-die
attitude.

Well, I'm a vampire,
dear, I can't.

Eddie? Marilyn?

(EXCLAIMS)

What are you kids
doing down here?

We're trying
to figure out

who trashed
Grandpa's lab.

Sounds like
a long shot to me.

Wait a minute.

What is it,
wolf-boy?

I smell something.

Elves.

HERMAN: Elves did this?

Santa's adorable
little mop-top elves?

Santa's trusty
never-say-die helpers?

Well, I don't mind saying,
I feel a little bit betrayed.

Yeah. Well, just
imagine how poor
Santa must feel.

It's the night before
Christmas Eve and his
own men turned on him.

I wonder where those
little stinkers got to?

How did this
get down here?

Tom gave me
this flyer.

I stuck it
on the fridge.

Do you think
the elves brought
it down here?

Hey. Maybe
that's where
they went.

Kids? I think it's time
we paid a visit
to Hog Heaven.

(ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)

Are you sure this is
what the kids are wearing
these days?

How are we gonna find
these two little losers?

Well, they don't
exactly fit in.

I'm glad you
could make it.

I'm glad to be here.

Uh, so you guys are rehearsing
for some sort of performance
art piece? Is that it?

Let me buy you
a drink. Hey!

What's your poison?
Strychnine.

What's yours?

How about something
non lethal?

All right.
Virgin bloody Mary.

Light on the
virgin's blood,
if you don't mind.

Hello, boys.

What? What
do you want?

I think you know.

What we did was
between us and that
jolly old suet sack.

This has nothing
to do with you.

Hey. I thought elf tossing
was Thursday nights.

Nothing to do with us?
You guys are ruining
Christmas.

You have to help us change
the fruitcake back into
Santa Claus.

Before you guys showed up,
I couldn't have cared less
about Christmas.

But Santa showed me
how important it really is.

Now thanks to you guys,
there won't even be
a Christmas.

Please.

Don't "Oh, please" us.

What you did broke
Eddie's heart.

And that puts you two
at the top of
my "naughty list."

Now just imagine

all the kids in all the world
who are gonna wake up tomorrow

and find nothing
under their trees.

If you don't come
help us, Christmas
won't even happen.

Sorry, we've got
better things to do.
Right, Larry?

Larry!

Fine. Well, I hope
you two are darn
proud of yourselves.

Come on, kids.

I've got to run because
we're, like, storming out
and everything.

But maybe I could
come back
and see you later.

That is
if you didn't mind.

Mind? I can't wait to hear
what the story is with
the little...

Guys in tights.

Okay.

Do you think we're
being too selfish?

No. I don't think
we're being selfish.

Everybody's entitled
to a little fun.

I couldn't help
but overhear
your conversation.

Hot damn.

I used to think short
guys were really hot.

I even used to have
fantasies about elves.

But you guys are really
uncool. Shame on you
for ruining Christmas.

I'll make this fast,
Santa.

You look like
you need to go out.

(BARKING)

Ta-da!

Oh, Santa!
You fixed Santa.

Christmas is saved.

Not entirely,
I'm afraid.

What do you mean?

It's so late,
I couldn't possibly
make it home in time,

to load my sleigh
and make my ride.

Well, we could help.
I made a ducky.

And I'm sure that
we could find
a sleigh somewhere.

Oh, it's more
complicated than that.

I need elfin magic.

Elfin magic?

Elves are magical creatures.
They bend the laws of physics.

That's how I can
make millions of toys,

fit them on one tiny sled
and make all my deliveries
in one night.

The elves are my secret.

Well, let us
be your secret.

We can all
pitch in together.

MARILYN: Yeah.
Thank you, Eddie.

But this is one problem
good intentions can't solve.

Millions of disappointed
boys and girls.

Start your engines,
the elves are in the house.

What do you holiday
wreckers want?

Oh, we thought about
what you said.

You were right.

We acted like a couple
of jerks. But we want
to make up for it.

Besides, the babe
at the bar dissed us.

But we haven't got
any toys to distribute.

Got it covered.

How? Even with your magic,
we don't have the manpower.

(CHUCKLING)

Let's make some Christmas.

(EXCLAIMING)

I hear you guys
needed some help.

All right.

Where's Grandpa?

Oh, he's down in the lab
working on something
with Lefty and Larry.

But, at least he's
not sulking in
his coffin anymore.

Look up.

Hope you don't mind.

Mind?

I insist.

Oh, Eddie, look.

A Christmas kiss
underneath the mistletoe.

Yuck.

You said it,
kid.

(CHATTERING)

You guys are
gonna love this.

Now, you know me Santa,

I'm always on the lookout
for work-saving methods.

Usually hiding behind
the paint shed.
But go on.

Well, I've been noodling
on an idea

that would keep us
from busting our butts
all year long.

Ladies and gentlemen!

Or whatever else
you consider yourselves,

allow me to present to you,

the Toymaster 6000.

With Herman Munster interface.

LEFTY: Observe.

Why, this even better
than the ones back home.

Still warm, too.

And it can make just about
any kind of toy you want.

All we have to do is
show Herman a picture here,

and it comes out there.

How fast
can it work?

Ah, we've got this baby
tweaked to the max.

We'll have no problems
cranking out plenty of toys,
just in time for Santa's run.

Great. That means we're gonna
save Christmas after all.

Boys, I'm impressed!

Why, if we had one
of these machines
back at the north pole,

we could increase
production ten times over.

And that would allow us
to give all you elves,

a couple of months
vacation every year,

on the company nickel,
of course.

You mean it?

Trust me, you guys
deserve a vacation.

Just one thing though.

No more fruitcake
shenanigans.

Deal?

Deal.

It was his idea.
Shut up.

You mean you want
me to do this again?

Yes.

You are coming to the
north pole next Christmas,
aren't you, Herman?

Are you kidding? I'd love to.

What are we waiting for?
We've got a holiday to save.

(ORGAN PLAYING)

That's the way.

Well done, Tommy.
Thank you, Marilyn.

How's it going, Slammer?

That's right. Keep it coming.
Keep it coming.

Oh, Lily.
Why, thank you so much.

Plenty more where
these came from.

Randolph Derkins
gets the chemistry set.

Check.
Alrighty then.

Bag the sucker.

I love
that trick.

Trade secret.

Now, who's next?

(TIRES SCREECHING)

Come on, Grandpa.

Come on, Grandpa.

Why is it always,
"Come on, Grandpa?"

Why can't it be,
"Sit here and relax, Grandpa?"

I'm almost 800 years old.
I can't keep doing this stuff.

Here we are.

Don't you think
this is the perfect
vehicle for Santa

to be making his
appointed rounds in?

You're gonna get us shot.

Grandpa, please.

Now, it's not like our
domestic situation doesn't
merit a little drastic action.

Besides,

it's not like we're stealing,
we're commandeering.

And what are you
gonna tell the cops

when they pull us over
for commandeering
city property?

Well, we'll tell them
that Santa Claus needs it.

Besides,
who can say no to Santa Claus?

You going somewhere, pops?

Well, actually,
my son-in-law and I

are commandeering this
sleigh because Santa Claus

needs it to deliver
all his toys tonight.

Uh-huh. You wanna step
out of the vehicle, sir?

Is there a problem, officer?

There's no problem. No.

I got no problem.
No problem with anybody.

There's no problem
at all. No!

No problem at all.
No problem at all.

Well, you see?

You mention Santa,
and suddenly everything's
all right.

Yes.

Well, that looks
like everything.
Mount up, boys.

We've got a long night
ahead of us.

You know, Santa,

I was noticing that you've got
some extra room in the front
seat, and...

Well, I was wondering,
do you ever think about

bringing along, you know,
an extra helper?

Extra helper?
Why? I've got the boys.

Yes. Well,
it's just that I mean,

if you were to ever meet
someone whose lifelong
dream was

to make your Christmas Eve
ride with you, well,

then you'd have
a lot of room for him.

Uh, even if
he was "heroically
proportioned."

Hmm, never thought of that.

What a wonderful idea.
Boys? Take a note.

Starting next Christmas,
we bring along one lucky
passenger with us on our ride.

Got you, boss.

Thank you, Herman.

You've made some little
boy or girl very happy.

Well, whoop-de-doo
for them.

Oh, and Herman...

Hmm? What's this?

Early Christmas gift.
Open it.

Oh. It's a Santa suit.

It's a uniform.

And you'd better put it on
quick if you want to come
with us tonight.

(GASPING)

I'll be back in two shakes
of a harpy's pinfeather.

(SCREAMING)

What a great Christmas.

I wonder if anyone's as
caught up in the spirit
of the season as we are?

Um-hmm.

Santa. I just had
a terrible thought.

Oh?

Now that we've got the
presents, the sleigh
and the elves,

how are we gonna get the
sleigh to, you know, fly?

Well, that's where the
reindeer come in, Eddie.

Don't you ever watch any of
those TV Christmas specials?

But we don't
have any reindeer.

Well, we're going
to have to improvise.

Rocko?
Yeah?

Knuckles?
Yo.

Slammer?
Yeah?

Zero?
Yeah.

Chopper?
Yo.

Bomber?
What?

Bammer?
Yo.

Cool.

Bye, Lily.

Bye, pussycat.

(SANTA GROANING)

Sorry, Santa.

Oh, Herman.

Sorry.

You know, Santa,

I understand about the sleigh,
but what are we going to do
about the...

Reindeer?

(LAUGHING)

Well, we had
to improvise, Herman.

The elves whipped up
a magic harness
to make them fly.

Pretty neat,
huh?

Are you guys all right
with this?

Sure. Santa promised me
a choo-choo.

You know, Eddie,

I couldn't have
done it without you.

Well, I'm just glad
I could help.

And besides, I'd do anything
to make sure Hector got his
coals on time.

Don't forget the
deer droppings.

Come on, Herman.
The children are waiting.

Prepare for lift off.

Oh, boy. Oh, boy. Oh, boy.

On Leadfoot, on Rocco,
on Knuckles and Slammer.

On Zero, on Chopper,
on Bomber and Bammer.

(EXCLAIMING)

It's working, Mom.
It's working.

We did it.

Christmas is going
to happen on schedule.

Merry Christmas to all
and to all a good night.

Don't wait up for me, Lily.

Merry Christmas.

ALL: Merry Christmas.

No... No,
Santa, don't...

No, don't retire. No.

Santa, no, I couldn't
possibly take over for you.

SANTA: Merry Christmas,
Herman.

Ho, ho, ho, ho.

What?

Long night. I must've dozed.

Bye, Santa.

"Dear Herman,

"Since you've been
so busy helping me,

"I thought I'd help you
with your Christmas
shopping for Eddie.

"Love, Santa."

Santa, you shouldn't have.

But I'm glad you did.

Lily.

I'm afraid I've missed
almost all of Christmas. I...

Lily, you look beautiful. I...

ALL: Merry Christmas.

They've been arriving
all morning long.

Merry Christmas.

Go put this under
the tree, Eddie, hmm?

Everyone is here, too.

The headless horseman made it.
And your cousin Rosemary.

Rosemary?
Rosemary's here?
Where?

Oh, I don't know,
but she left Junior
over there.

(FARTING)

Oh, no. I'm not
changing that.

(ROCK AND ROLL MUSIC PLAYING)

(WHOOPING)

This is some party,
huh, Uncle Herman?

You betcha.
Thanks for all
your help there, Tom.

Hey, no problem,
Mr. Munster.

Ow!

A Christmas costume party,
that's the kind of idea
that could really catch on.

Yeah.

(BOTH LAUGHING)

Did somebody show up
in a costume?

Not that I know of.

Well, he's a tad
confused, but he's
a nice person, you know?

He saw beneath Marilyn's
homely exterior to what
a beautiful person she is.

Well, did you get
a load of him?

Beggars can't
be choosers.

(LAUGHING)

Oh, Lily.
Lily, you'll bury me.
Again.

Not now, boy scout,
I am working here.

I've got to tell you,
Edna, it was
close this year.

You and the Munsters
were neck and neck
all the way.

Could we just get
to the part where
you announce the winner?

Oh, right, of course.

It is with great pride that
I award you, Edna Dimwitty...

Look, it's snowing
at the Munsters.

Look.

Son of a gun.
He made it snow.

Way to go, Santa.

Oh, wow.
That's really pretty.

Excuse me?
Could we finish?

Pretty? It's perfect.

Hello?

I'd like to change my vote.

So would I.

Well, let's get
over there.

Oh, no. I won.

Oh, I was... I was gonna be
winner six years in a row.

Congratulations, Eddie.

You've won first prize
in the Homeowners Association
decoration contest.

All right.

We won, Eddie. We won.

Now, our whole family will
feel we're living in a weird
neighborhood.

Just look
at that trophy.

I've never won
anything before.

You see, Eddie?
We came together,
worked hard

and now we're the talk
of the neighborhood.

And the best is yet to come,
Eddie.

Why don't you
open your present?

A Marquis de Sade
Dungeon Action Playset!

Merry Christmas, Pop.

Merry Christmas, Son.

(ORGAN PLAYING)

(SINGING) it's Christmas
and the graveyard folks
are coming out to play

The skeletons and zombies
sing a ghoulish rondelet

The goblins wear
their jingle bells

And wait for Santa's sleigh

Good tidings
of mayhem and gore

Blood on the floor

May your Christmases
be scary evermore

(ALL CHEERING)

Merry Christmas.
Happy New Year.

{{}}