All language subtitles for Torrente V Mision Eurovegas 2014 URBiN4HD

Omsynkad av misterkuk

Take it easy!

One at a time!

Stand back!
Come on, stand back!

You'll knock over the railing!

Get back!

Let us in!

My papers are in order!

Three robberies! Two rapes!
What else do I have to do?

We told you, it's full!
No one else can come in!

It can't be full!

That guy just came out!

This is prison, not a parking lot!
Fire a round in the air.

Torrente!

Great to see you!

What did they do to you
in there?

You look worn out, older,
like somebody else.

So do you, Cuco.
Did I say a damn word?

Cuco is somebody else,
Mr. Torrente.

He spent a year in detox
on my ranch. He's a new man.

Who the fuck is this?

My cousin Jesusin.
I told you about him

when we were in Marbella.

He looks pretty damn stupid.

He's a good person.

Got a suitcase or something?

The clothes on my back.

Let's hit the road!

I really missed you, Torrente!
I thought about you a lot

while you were in jail.

Hey, nothing wrong with
being in jail, okay?

Not everyone can say
they had an experience like that.

You're a free man now.
We can go anywhere you want.

Must have been the Catalonians.

Things got out of hand when they got
their independence last year.

But we can clean it up
and it'll be like new.

Cheer up!

Sir... sir...

Fresh flowers for tomb,
2,000 pesetas. For baby.

Have you got 2,000 pesetas, kid?

I can't even look at it!

Let's go, I can't be here.

Come on, Torrente.
It's okay.

Where do you want to go now?

I want to get my car back.

I left it with Peladilla
to watch it.

Wait until you see it, cuz.
A collector's edition.

A tuned-UP machine!

There's a man living
in your car.

- It's a black guy!
as the night.

Is nothing sacred in this country?

Nobody respects anything!

No!

Damn you!

You destroyed it!
Damn you all!

Damn you!

VICENTE CALDERON STADIUM

- It's okay, Mr. Torrente.
- Get up, you'll get dirty.

Besides, they built it
somewhere else.

No.

It can't be.
My whole life dedicated

to upholding and serving the law.

Handing out justice

with criteria and "Spartanian" discipline!

My only goal was to help Spain
achieve greatness!

And after being
unjustly incarcerated,

I get out and witness
this infamy! This misery!

This moral and ethical decadence!
This disgrace! This godlessness!

Keep it together, Torrente.

It's over.
No more Mister Perfect Citizen.

No more Mister Example
of Model Behavior and Civility.

They better get ready,
because from now on,

from this moment on,
they can consider me...

an outlaw.

OPERATION EUROVEGAS

Tonight's news is brought to you by
Cascajares Chicken Roast.

This morning
President Mariano Rajoy

met with opposition leader
Pablo Iglesias

to sign the new salary reduction
agreement into law.

The new average salary
will be 98,000 pesetas.

We went into the street
to ask the public

how they're managing since
our expulsion from the European Union,

the disappearance of the euro

and the return of the peseta.

The peseta?
Spanish, as usual.

Great, great. It's fine.

The peseta? Of course.

Our dear peseta.

Total disaster. We're not conscious
of the debt we have to pay,

which is in euros, with pesetas,
losing their value...

Viva España! Dubari dubari doo,
Andalusia I love you.

The new pesetas once again
are a part of our daily lives.

As you can see, some people
still have their doubts.

AH euro accounts have been
automatically turned to pesetas,

while 16% of those accounts have been
confiscated by the government

to reduce the national debt.

Valencia has been chosen for
the world's largest radioactive dump.

The dump, which will open
in 2020

and will be built
on the Mediterranean coast,

will be a goldmine for the area...

Ben appetit, NH. Torrente.

Thanks.

That's more like it.

I'm starting to feel better.

Some fried churros.

Are you gonna eat those?

No, they're for the road.
Our mission is starting. Let's go.

The best way
to tune up your intellect.

Human relations.

Okay, Okay-

- Your turn, kid.
- I can't. I have a girlfriend now.

Besides, I'm against
exploiting women.

Exploiting women?
What bullshit.

Your cousin is paying this whore
good money.

This South American
has a family to feed.

Hey, I'm Spanish!

I'm paying off my master's degree
in renewable energy.

That's it, keep studying.

Wanna give it a shot?

I'm against exploiting women too.

But hey, as long as I'm the one
paying for it...

Find anything down there?

What a disgrace. People don't get high
in these places anymore.

Not quite, Torrente.
You can still find something.

People are back since
official said the crisis is over.

- I thought you quit.
- I did, I'm clean now.

Well, a little Diazepam,
Clorazepam, Ketamine,

Vicodine, Roipnol...

and children's aspirin.

Look, Torrente!

What the fuck is that?

My Mortadelo collection.

My cousin is awesome.

When a chick falls asleep,
he gives her a Mortadelo.

He puts his balls over her eyes
with a pair of glasses

and his dick covering her nose,
then he takes a photo.

Young people have degenerated
beyond belief.

Out of the way, kid.

The stuff accumulates
on the edge of the lid.

This is where you can find some.

I got something there,
I just don't know what.

Juan Carlos!

The laws have ignored us,
treated us like trash.

But it's time to rebel.

Yeah, we should hold up a bank
or something.

A bank? That's for low-lifes.

We have class, style!

We're going to rob three
Eurovegas casinos in one night.

That's impossible, Mr. Torrente.

Why impossible?

Because only one is finished
and operational.

Damn, that's even better!

Your cousin's a real ball buster.

Here... I feel free here.

This is where I fit in.

- Eurovegas?
- No, damn it.

The nightlife, the hookers,
the vice, the casino...

I'm an outlaw.

But Mr. Torrente.

Why do I have to pay for
all three of us?

Look, kid.
Consider it an investment...

You'll have to give me that bottle.
No drinking outside the gambling area.

- Says who?
- Says me.

Look, little man.

The other six dwarfs
are looking all over for you.

It's a surprise party
and they're all there:

David the Gnome, the Smurfs...
You're the only one missing.

Maybe you'd rather talk
to my friend.

I don't understand why
they still call this Eurovegas.

They've thrown us out
of the European Community.

I would call it Spanish Las Vegas.

Sure. Prettier, sounds better,
more Spanish...

Or maybe the Francisco Franco
Grand Hotel Casino.

At first they called it Hispavegas.

Adelson fell through
and the city took over the project.

Yeah, I remember. Well, then?

Then the ex-president's relatives
got involved,

and ex Terra Mitica executives,

ex El Palau consultants...

Say no more.

Finally they ended up buying
the name back from Adelson.

- For a shitload of cash.
- Some things never change.

Come on, handouts for everyone!

Know who else is a good kid?
He was in my block.

- Who?
- Urdangarin.

We played handball

in the yard with Barcenas.
The bastard always stole the ball.

Chink!
What's the problem?

Scram!

We give them all the retail stores
and now we can't get rid of them.

I didn't waste any time
in jail.

I made great contacts.

Special friends.

Sure, little buddies.

That happens in jail.

The more the merrier.

Are you stupid?

Hey, I think it's great.

I'm a meat and fish lover too.
Anything to pass the time.

Professional contacts!

Follow me.

This place has cameras everywhere.

Hundreds, even in the toilets.
Look.

That's a camera.

That is too, but concealed.

Stop acting like idiots, damn it!

It's an ironclad fortress.

That's a security guard
over there.

So is that, but in plain clothes.

What's that?

That?

That's an old hag.

The security in this place
is a work of art.

Okay, then.

In jail I made contact with
the person who designed all this.

He oversaw the construction
of the casino.

America's greatest expert
on security systems

and all the casinos in Las Vegas.

John Marshall.

"Joan Marsha"?

"Joan Martians".

John Marshall.

That's what I said, "Joan Marsha".

"Joan Martians".

- This is it.
- But Torrente...

This is the address.

Can we just show up like this
without calling first?

Sure.

- You're sure he's expecting us?
- I said yes.

This is scaring me.

Cut the bullshit, damn it!

My contact in jail was reliable.

Sure, that's why he was in jail.

Follow me.

It's open.
Let's go inside.

Damn! Nice pad.

- Very classy.
- Good lord.

Now we're talking.

Torrente, look!

Damn!

Awesome.

It's all here, the whole robbery
in perfect detail.

Freeze!
Against the wall.

Hey!

We're the good guys.

- Spread your legs.
- This is Jose Luis Torrente.

Mr. Marshall is expecting him.

True.

Since yesterday.

- I thought I said to come alone.
- Yes.

But these guys
are like my right hands.

Quickly.

Sir.

You're wondering why
I need someone like you.

I mean you're handicapped.

Remember the movie
"Ocean's Eleven?"

Danny Ocean planned a robbery
with his gang

of ex-combatants.

The old classic.
Great flick.

No, "Ocean's Eleven,"
the one with George Clooney.

Don't be ridiculous. He means the one
with Frank Sinatra. The good one.

Frank who?

You're fucking kidding me.

He's like the American Fary.

People I can trust, capable

and well-trained.

That's obvious, Marshall,
my friend.

You're in good hands.

You won't find a man on the force
with a better reputation.

- You just got out of jail.
- Shut up.

We'll put together
a group of people

disenchanted with the system

but with clean records

and spotless trajectories
within security forces.

"Don't worry," Marshall.
Piece of cake.

We'll see about that, Torrente.

Damn it...

We'll fix this in no time,
Mr. Marshall.

Watch out!

No problem, no problem...

Here's a rag, I'll dry it.

Okay, the list says

one computer specialist,
two explosives experts,

one midget acrobat,

one pretty seductive actress
and one...

one gas...

I don't know what it says.

We sure got lucky.
That American is hot shit.

He's the one who got lucky.

It's not every day you find
quality professionals like us.

What's up, Damian?

Torrente!
Long time no see.

- Cuco, Jesusin...
- What's up?

What's up, bro?

How are you GUYS?

I hope you don't need money...

We're looking for those kids
who were in the joint with me.

The ones who cracked
the IRS computers.

Since they got here
I have the whole workshop

digitalized.

They're phenomenal.

- I see that.
- Whiskers!

Teeth!

How are you, boys?

You don't know it,
but you just won the lottery.

Juani?

Juani.

Juana Ines.

You owe me 3,000 pesetas.
I brought you from the airport.

I heard Antoñito sold the bar
for a better business,

but I wasn't expecting this.

Look! Manolito!

Hey!

What's up, Torrente?

- How's it going?
- You know, pulling my own.

Pulling, get it?

You said it!

Hey, Torrente.
Well, there you have it.

Working like Chinamen!

Listen up, kids!

We're planning the heist
of the century.

Be discreet.

We might be able to use
a few of you.

Soon you'll be swimming
in 5,000-peseta bills.

But you can't all go.
We only need Manolito...

- Good!
- Torrente.

Remember, I'm the best
at doing my thing.

Yeah, but nobody knows
what that is.

Antoñito, can you speak English?

Good night, buenas noches.

You're hired.

Torrelavega.

- You're Catalonian, right?
- Yes, from Lleida.

Then you get to stay here
and pull the cart.

How's that for independence?

A midget acrobat.
Where can we get one of those?

Remember the midget bullfighting?

We might have to check
the bull rings.

No, that gives me goosebumps!

My cousin's against bullfighting.

Come on, Cuco!
It's a national pastime!

- I can't see animals suffer.
- Nonsense.

Ban bullfighting and
Spain goes to dog.

Right on, Mr. Torrente.
Bullfighting is the best!

You like it, huh?

I'd kill for it!

You look like you've got
a little banderillero in you.

I've been there, done that.

Oh, yeah?
What happened?

- I had a problem.
- What problem?

Flat feet.

Torrente.

Maybe we can find a circus midget.
There's a circus nearby.

Great idea, kid.

- You've been investigating.
- No, I saw that poster.

GREAT HOLIDAY CIRCUS

Even though your proposal is illegal,
it sounds interesting.

I haven't committed many crimes.

I worked as a movie stuntman
one time

and I stole some melons
when I was a kid...

No, this is a classy job.

Then count me in.
I'm sick of the circus anyway.

Yeah, but are you sure
you're an acrobat?

You don't believe me?

You might as well say
the monkey's a trapeze artist.

I'd have to believe it.
Fine, you're a midget. But an acrobat?

- You don't know who you're talking to.
- No, I don't.

Watch.

Damn.

Shit, he is good.

Damn!

He's got skills.

- Excellent "acrobat."
- Look.

I don't understand you
with your mouth full.

- With his mouth empty either.
- That's true.

Damn.

Torrente, my girlfriend's
not a midget,

but she's shorter than that guy.

Let's go see.

Look, there she is.

What's up, Chickie?

Why are you here? I told you
I was meeting my friends, damn it!

She's short and dear!

She's got a temper,
since she's quitting too.

But she's a sweetheart.

Stop talking about me!

Shoo! Shoo!

Shoo! What shoo?

She's got a temper, that microbe.

Seriously, my girlfriend
is like a two for one.

Midget acrobat and hot chick.

Midget, yes. Acrobat, we'll see.

But hot chick?
Get the fuck out of here.

We should talk about

how screwed up our standards
of beauty are nowadays.

No, she has to be a fox.

The type your cock gets all
veiny over.

And if she's a little slutty,
even better.

That would be a two for one.

That one.

The fat one?

No, gross. The other one.

Oh, that one.

She's a friend of my girlfriend's.
But she's a little skanky.

She's the one we need.

I don't understand
this guy's handwriting.

Are you sure this says
"gas man?"

Yes, that's what it says.
"Gas man."

They deliver tanks of butane.

What the hell does he want
one of them for?

Maybe he needs a gas expert.

I could have handled that myself.

How's that for gas?

Spicy food sure is nasty.

Torrente, don't be disgusting.

I meant tear gas and explosives.

- That one packed a punch.
- Smells rotten.

Look, here's your friend.
The delivery man.

Butane!

- Cuco!
- What's up, Genaro?

What's up, dude?

Right there, come on!

- How are you?
- Great.

Glad to hear it.
My brother...

I see he joined the family business.
What's up, Ricardito?

Hello.

Cuco.

I can't leave him alone at home,
he loses it. He's a bit...

Yeah, a "borderliner"...

Genaro, this is Mr. Torrente.

The guy setting up
that little job I mentioned.

What are you?

The brains of the family?

What?

Say what?

I'm grateful for what you're doing
for me, but the company said

if I screw up again, they'll fire me.
The other day...

Listen, kid.
Are you a fucking idiot?

What?

Are you a fucking idiot?

What, what?

We're offering you the chance
to make millions.

And you're worried about
your shitty job.

Mr. Torrente,
show a little respect.

This is a steady job,
your thing is fishy...

Hey! Your truck!
It's rolling away!

No!

The lever!

Stop! Stop!

Oh my God!

Ricardito, you took off
the hand brake!

The lever!

Holy shit!

Wow.

Okay-

Anyway, kid.

You don't have to worry
about that job anymore.

Come to this address tonight.

They'll set you up.

Don't bring him along.
Come by yourself, okay?

What is that?

That's...

That's a technician.

Yeah, he wasn't on your list, but
in Spain we always bring one along.

What kind of technician?

General. We call him
"the all around technician."

Can he be trusted?

He's the gas man's brother.

Gas man?

Genaro Martin Lafuente,

three years at Madrid Gas,
six years

at Spain Gas,
military service in Melilla.

The gas man you asked for
on the list, Mr. Marshall.

Hard to find, but...

Blast man!

I said we needed a blast man
to blast a hole!

Mr. Torrente, I think
he's insulting us.

Yes, he doesn't sound very happy.
Mr. Marshall...

Hey, take it easy.
We're okay.

This is wrong.

This ellipse is calculated wrong.

- What?
- It's wrong.

If we multiply the logarithm
by the quotient, the result

is inferior to the variable

that determines the equation,

which means there's a constant error
between 5 and 11 decimals

in each of the measurements

that have been taken.

Ricardito is like Rain Man.

Don't send him out for bread,
but he's a math whiz.

The midget acrobat you asked for

and the "attractive actress."

Excuse me, but nobody
has told me what this is all about.

What?

She says she's down
for anything you want.

If there's a special job,
I charge separately.

Me too.

Keep quiet, midget.
Don't be overanxious.

Excellent, son.

Thank you.

Next Saturday we're going to steal
two billion pesetas

from the main Eurovegas casino

during the World Cup Final

between Argentina and Catalonia.

But first we must take
a series of steps without which

it will be impossible
to carry out the operation.

The first step consists of...

stealing a magnetic bracelet
from a casino security guard.

That will give us access the day
of the robbery to the corridors

that lead straight to the elevator
to the vault.

We've been watching this guy.
He goes down to the parking lot

for his car every day
at the same time.

That's where we'll be waiting
to jump him.

What do my brother and I do?

Nothing.

It's already 3 against 1.

Even if I were alone, the Nelson Pinch
I learned at the academy

can immobilize anyone in seconds.

Got a light?

What?

Torrente, the bracelet.

Then why are we here?

Fuck if I know.

Cuco, why are they here?

It wasn't today?

Don Jose Luis, all this time working
without a snack.

You shouldn't have gone
to the trouble.

Some powdered pastry balls

and a little muscatel
will hit the spot.

- Your friends look so pitiful...
- Hands off!

- ...and you're way too skinny.
- Thanks, you're a doll.

You're welcome to stay here

while your place is getting fixed up.

With your friends.

Every since my Nuria
went to Germany

to work in a frozen food factory

and my Rafa got married,

my niece Amparito and I
are all alone here.

Look, there she is.

Amparito!

Hey, Torrente!

Long time no see.
You look great!

And that's not a line.
You look great!

What brings you here?

Thanks to your aunt Reme's
kindness and hospitality,

she said we could stay here
while my place is getting remodeled.

Your place? I thought the bank
took it away.

Amparito's such a joker!

I didn't know you walked
old people now.

- Hey, watch it!
- He's my beau.

Beau?
He's an antique.

A little respect.

I've learned to not let passion
get the best of me

and appreciate a man
for his internal qualities.

I bet his wallet is full
of internal qualities.

You have no idea
how much I've missed you.

You haven't called much
since Marbella.

What is this awful creature?

Ricardito!

Don't worry, ma'am.
He's harmless.

He only attacks
if he feels threatened.

Shoo! Shoo!

Shoo!

Fucking bozo!

This is the bad thing
about surveillance missions.

The time waiting.

What to do?

Wanna jerk each other off?

Jerk off?

My cousin says
you're really good at that.

- Well...
- To pass the time, right?

- Sure.
- None of that gay stuff.

No gay stuff, never.

Where I'm from
we grab it like this,

squeeze it like a chicken's neck

and spank the tip...
Wham, barn...

Wham, barn...

until it pops.

That's gotta hurt.

- Try it.
- Hey, what are you doing?

Wait, it's caught in the zipper!

The coolest thing is to drain
your brain of all the oxygen.

What do you mean?

- Like this.
- Stop!

The asphyxiation thing.

But be careful,
some guys keel over.

- Look, a plastic bag.
- Here.

Now we're talking!

Enjoy the trip!

Party time!

Here we go.

Okay, Okay-

Okay-

Cool, huh?

Pretty nice, huh, Torrente?

Nice?

I'll show you nice, you homo!

Mr. Torrente, over there!

There!

He's not alone,
he's with some buff guy.

It doesn't matter.

We stick with the plan.
Let's go.

- 3,500 sit-ups a day.
- Damn.

3,500. Can you do that?
That's what it takes.

Got a light?

Light?

Spare change?

Take it easy, kid.

Jesusin!

Go ahead, take him on!

Attack!

Come on, champ!
Let's go!

No... Bite him!

Bite him!

Cuco!

- Torrente, the bracelet!
- Perfect.

Let's go!

Wait, his wallet...
Damn, a 92/3 cell phone.

Come on!

Let's go!

Right, let's go!

The code to open the vault
changes every day.

The casino manager gets
the new codes every Friday

and keeps them in his PC
at home.

So we need to get the keys

to get in the day of the robbery
and decipher the code.

You mean I have to fuck him.

Sluts like you have
tons of tricks

to get stuff without dropping
your panties,

but hey, it's up to you.

Charm him, slim him a mickey

and when he's groggy,
you clean him out.

You see?
The midget knows her stuff.

But you can't take his keys
or he'll suspect.

You have to take a mold
with this special putty.

We'll handle the rest.
Right, Torrente?

It's a perfect plan.
Seamless.

Mr. Torrente, do you know where
this lady keeps the aspirin?

Aspirin? Here.

The best thing for your head.
Brandy.

- Should I pour it on my head?
- No!

Rub it on your balls, dummy.
Drink it!

Good evening.

I'm the casino manager.
Can I give you a hand?

Can you stick it in the crack?

I mean the key.

Yes.

That was easy!

You're a man of skill.

Would you like
to have a drink with me?

I hate drinking alone.

And besides,
I drink from the bottle.

Look, Miss. I'm very busy.

And I think you've had enough
to drink. If you'll excuse me...

What a schmuck!

Don't worry. I think we're going
to need the heavy artillery.

- Like my friend Chelo.
- Chelo?

If her artillery is heavier than yours,
we'll need a dolly.

Good evening.

Hi.

Can I help you?

My door is resisting.
Can you give me a hand?

These doors should open
automatically

before a beautiful woman
like yourself. May I?

All set.

If you need anything else,
I'm entirely at your disposal.

Entirely?

Let's go inside, handsome.
See if you resist less than the door.

They're inside.

What the hell.
You only live once!

- Come here.
- No, you come here.

Whatever you say!

This view is getting me horny.

Hey, as long as we're here...

Wanna give it a stroke?

Don't be ridiculous, for God's sake!

The thing is filling up with blood.

I even feel dizzy.

What are you doing?

Here, give me your hand.
Feel how hard it is!

No, you filthy pig!

Take that thing off your head!
Look, they're almost done.

Great work, ma'am.
You knocked him out.

Miss.

Having sex with you
must be double the pleasure.

First the sex,

and then when you get off.

Don't be rude!

Okay, the copy is ready.

We have the keys. We need
to splite before he wakes up.

Hey, Torrente.

The room's already paid for.
How about a quickie?

Who do you take me for?

Paqui, tell Cuco
I'm going to be a little late.

I need to stay here
and wipe fingerprints.

Look at this dump.
What a country.

Don't complain, your guys
won the last election again.

My guys?
They're all the same, man.

The government is full of crooks.

I'm blown away, Torrente.

Don't tell me you've gone
Occupy Wall Street on us!

Watch your mouth, kid!

Being full of sleazebags
is one thing,

comparing me to those
hippie wannabes is another.

Now I've heard it all.
What we need is a heavy hand.

You sound like
you want Franco back.

Son, don't get me started...

This is it.
Let's go inside.

The karate ones are out of style.
Grab the merchandise and get going.

Here we are.

Torrente,
I thought you weren't coming.

- I've got your keys.
- Great, Cabañas.

Step into my office.

- Quite a factory you've got here.
- And there's more.

There you have it.
Spain is now fifth in the world

in creating child labor.
That's what I call progress!

Incredible. And it's nice to see
most of the kids are Spanish.

Yeah.

Keep up the good work,
sweetheart!

Pretty girl.

Hey!

Don't touch them,
some haven't been vaccinated.

Kid, that's dangerous.

Come on, kids!

There's a piece of bread for you
if you reach 20 pairs before nightfall.

You're so generous
with your workers.

They love it.

Right this way, Torrente.
The keys are in here.

- But there's one thing.
- What?

They were sticky.
The putty had something white on it.

It looked like semen.

What are you talking about?
That's impossible.

- I'm serious.
- What nonsense!

- There you go.
- They're perfect.

You're the best!

Look, I know you're preparing
something big.

I have to be in on it.

You'd only get in the way.

I'm more capable
than any of your men.

You're damaged goods.
You're defective.

- Want me to prove it?
- Hey, take it easy.

With the tall one.
Bring it on, putz!

Come on, putz!
Attack me if you've got the balls!

Cabañas!

We'll come back another day
and pay for the keys.

The street is nearby.

Gas man...
How could you be so stupid?

Come on, you couldn't read
his handwriting either.

Luckily I know the perfect guy.
An expert in blasting holes.

And he was unjustly kicked off
the force, just like me.

No, no.

Torrente?

Sonsoles!

Weren't you in jail?

Judicial error.

Is your husband home?

He's not here! He's not here!

Cuadrado!
How's it going?

Is that chick pea stew?
Hers is delicious.

- Great. Come on.
- Where are you going?

Yummy! Chick pea stew!

Hold on!
Where are you going?

Nobody knows criminal
procedure like you, Cuadrado.

Heists, robberies,
and especially blasting holes!

You're our man.

I already said no, Torrente.

I lead a quiet life now.

I live with dignity...

Hey, don't exaggerate.

I have a decent steady job.

Cleaning and security
at an arcade facility.

And you were a bad influence.

Ramiro is a weak man.

And you surrounded him
with vice and floozies.

Yeah, right.
Like I put a gun to his head.

Actually I wish I could,
Torrente, but...

No! This time he won't fall
into your trap.

It's your call, Cuadrado.
This is serious.

We're talking about
not being poor anymore.

About grabbing the bull
by the horns.

But most of all, about not being
slaves to the system anymore

and living like real men!

But hey,

it's up to you.

Let's go, boys.

Boys!

We haven't had dessert yet.

There is dessert, right, ma'am?

Keep it coming, Marshall!
Be generous.

Don't be stingy-

Spread the wealth.

Persian Gulf!

Me too, me too.

Me very brave, huge balls.

Your legs... in Vietnam, kaput, no?

We leave nothing to improvisation.

Here's to your balls, Marshall.

Here's to my balls.

Fucking Marshall...
He's a riot.

Holy shit.
What a smoke-out.

You're high off your asses.

Cowabunga, Torrente.

What bastards.
Didn't wait long, did you?

Young people are depraved.

Do you want to be rich?

Do you want to be a millionaire'?

Do you want to be happy
and forget your troubles?

Rob Eurovegas!

Dad? Dad!

- A robbery.
- How much?

A couple billion, Dad.

I hooked up Cuco
and his really smart cousin.

A first-rate group.
We even have an American assistant.

I know it goes against
the values you taught me,

defending justice,
fighting crime,

but it's a lot of dough!

Money deteriorates moral values,
with very few exceptions.

It's too hot in here, Dad.

Yes, it is.

The AC is broken and we need
replacement parts from Chicago.

I'm your friend, Torrente.

I trust you.

You're the best, Torrente.

Torrente!

Torrente!

Torrente!

Torrente.

Torrente!

Your friends are here
waiting for

your work meeting.

Thanks, Reme.

I was meditating.

Okay-

Okay, Okay-

Let's go over the whole
operation one more time.

Step by step to make sure
everything is clear.

Please!

Right.

Marshall will guide us with the cameras
at headquarters, his house.

Our computer technicians
will never leave his side

to make sure everything
runs smoothly.

By the way, you should be there
already.

Ricardito said to wait
until breakfast was served.

Who gives the orders here?
This retard or me?

No.

No, what?

- We can't without breakfast.
- That's right.

Goddamn it!
Get the fuck out of here!

Move your asses!

Sorry about that.

We have to follow a hierarchy.
Iron discipline.

It's the only way.
Am I right?

- Where was I?
- Torrente...

The boys said you sent them
on an errand

without food in their stomachs?

Now that you've had
your "Nesquack" and all that,

we can get back to work.

The robbery is tomorrow,

the day of the Final.

The final what?

- Please...
- Chickie,

the World Cup Final.

Catalonia vs. Argentina.

Everybody knows that.

Okay-

We'll be divided into four teams,

each with a specific function.

But we'll be in constant contact
on the radio.

Is the robbery going to be
in English?

We'll do it in Spanish.

Besides, I'll be the one
giving orders on the transmitters.

Marshall will be there
to supervise,

sitting around.

The first group will be me, Cuco,

his girlfriend,

and Cuadrado.

We'll work from room 141
in the casino hotel,

which Chickie and Cuadrado
will have checked into beforehand.

Room 141 is located
above the casino computer room.

That's where all the surveillance
cameras are connected.

After a series
of precise calculations

are made by Cuadrado,
our blast expert,

we'll open up the floor
and place explosive charges inside

to blow a hole in the right spot.

We'll detonate the charges
at exactly the right time.

Beforehand, at 3 in the afternoon,
a second group,

momentarily led by Cuco and me,
will arrive at a sewer opening

a few hundred yards away
from the casino.

Excuse me.

Can we take my brother along?

He's anti-social, if I leave him
alone at home we're in trouble.

If this keeps up,
things are going to get ugly.

This second group
will climb down the sewer,

proceed through
the electrical tunnels

and will reach a strategic spot
where the structure is not as thick.

The high quantity
of explosive material

must be transported with
great delicacy and precision.

By the way,

I told Marshall we'd have no problem
providing the explosives ourselves.

I don't want to burn my contacts.

Can any of you get them?

Me.

Your friend Genaro
is finally proving useful.

I'm gonna make a call.

Who are you calling?

411.

Information?

Sure, they can get anything.
They did Ricardito's Communion.

Retards make Communion?

Hi there.

My friends and I
are robbing a casino.

We need explosives...

Hang up right now! Put an ad
in the paper while you're at it!

I'll call you back.

- Take it easy.
- Thanks, Jesusin.

The next team
will consist of Antoñito.

Very impressive.
Very good, Antoñito.

The casino has placed
a giant screen in one of its bars

for people to watch the World Cup.

You'll get there early
to hand out air horns

and vuvuzelas to the fans.

What's a vuvuzela?

Where were you
when Spain won the World Cup?

Those fucking trumpets!

Spain won the World Cup?

Anyway...

When we're ready,
I'll call Antoñito on the radio

to sound his air horn.

People will copy him like sheep

and the place will get
fucking noisy as hell,

which is when we'll detonate
the charges to open the hole.

The hole will be above
the computer room, remember?

Okay, then.

Cuadrado will help Chickie
put on her harness

and he'll lower her down.
Since she's a midget,

she can fit into any orifice.

It's only a like 20 feet anyway.

You can't let the girl
do something that dangerous!

Reme, got any of that great
fried pork fat in the kitchen?

- I'll go check.
- Thanks.

Chickie will be wearing glasses
with a camera allowing Marshall

to watch everything from home.
He'll tell her which wires to pinch

and plug in to give him access
to the casino surveillance cameras.

Excellent.

Very cool!

Oops! I didn't know
you were in a meeting.

Excuse me, I need to use
the bathroom.

There he goes, at the best part.

- Yes.
- No.

Yes, Amparito.
Don't be silly.

Come on, I'm the man
of your dreams.

What? You're a sleazebag.

No! I've changed,
I've settled down.

And I've got a lot of money
coming my way.

I'm going to make a queen
out of you.

You sure know how
to seduce a woman.

Money, tons of it!

You're a romantic at heart.

Come on, get on your knees.

If I do this,
what will you think of me?

If you don't bite me,
only good things.

Stick it in all the way,
that's it.

Torren-agh...

If you don't gag,
it's not a real blowjob.

Oh, that's nice.
Like that...

All the way in...

Amparito, are these your panties?

No, they're my aunt's.

Now give me a Segovian.

- Segovian?
- Yeah.

The suckling pig.
Swallow it whole.

But without me I don't think...

Okay, then.

Where were we?

The robbery.

- Thanks, Gerardo.
- Genaro, sir.

Whatever.

Like I was saying,

Cuco and I will access
the private area

with the bracelet we took
from the security guard.

Once there, Marshall
will record the empty corridors

and play the recording
in a loop

to throw off the guards
in the control room.

Then we can walk freely
to the elevator

that will take us down
to the vault.

On our way down the corridor,

Cuco and I will take out
any guards we run into.

How will we take them out?

Cuco, please! I can't believe
you're asking me that.

You were with me in Marbella.

I'm one of the best in Europe
at hand-to-hand combat

and martial arts.

Okay, we'll take a rifle with
tranquilizer darts just in case.

We'll wear gas masks
in the elevator.

Then we'll use a canister of tear gas
on the last two guards.

You're wondering what will happen
once Cuco and I

reach the door of the vault,
aren't you?

That's where Jesusin comes in.

With the keys we stole
from the casino manager,

you'll have to go to his house.

Once inside, you'll have to find
his office.

Then you'll hack his PC
with a special device

and decipher the code.

The fried pork fat.

I think you'll have trouble
getting the code, Torrente.

Good grief.

Once we get the code,

Jesusin will give us the numbers
of the combination to open it.

Once Cuco and I have
the money in the bags,

we'll call the bomb squad

and they'll blast open a hole
we can escape through.

I'm not keen on explosives.

They're too dangerous.

Reme...

Don't you have some dusting
or vacuuming to do?

No.

No.

How about some more goodies?

These vultures ate all the pork fat
and some of us didn't get any.

Okay, I'll go check.

Right. We'll climb down to the sewer
through the hole we blasted open.

Then we'll haul ass back to the sewer
opening where we parked the van.

We'll climb up and take off
before the police even realize.

If any of us makes
a single mistake

the whole plan is fucked.
You got that?

Why are you looking at me?

Who should I look at, him?
He makes me nervous.

He has a toad face.

The meeting point after the robbery
will be Marshall's house,

where we'll split the loot
in 11 nearly equal shares.

I want more money.

You owe me 6,000 pesetas
in whiskey, plus interest!

Okay-

Your demand is duly noted,
but we'll see.

Now listen up.

Once we split the money,

we can't see or talk to each other
for a few weeks

so we don't raise suspicion.

You're each free to do
whatever you want with your share,

as long as you show
no signs of sudden wealth.

How about some
pork rind sandwiches?

Can't say no to that.
Save one for me.

- Hold on.
- Leave one for me at least.

Thanks!

Ready?

ROBBERY D DAY

Room 141 isn't available.

I'm sorry, but the room you booked

isn't room 141, it's room 114.

I may have made a mistake.
But we want room 141.

Yes, Miss, but room 141
is occupied.

Then unoccupy it.
Make them change rooms.

Who gives a shit!

It's the room right above
the computer room!

Well, that's okay.

Honey...

We'll take this room.

You like scandal.

No...

You should be ashamed of yourself!
A man your age.

Such a young girl.

You could be her father.

Even her grandfather!

She's a friend.

Oh, a friend.

Sleazebag.

Pervert.

Corrupting minors!

Cradle robber!

Show off.

Fucking dwarf!

I'm about to call hotel security.

Mr. Alonso.

I'm not busy on Saturday anymore.

That's great!

If it's great or not
depends on you.

You caught me on a good day.

There's your key.

Torrente, we have
a tiny little problem.

We didn't get the room.

Torrente!

Take it easy, Marshall.

I have to stay on top of these guys
to get things right.

I'll just have to send Cuco
to supervise the explosives.

But that's okay,
he's completely reliable.

Careful, here it comes!

We have to do this
with pinpoint accuracy.

That stuff blows up
just looking at it.

Don't worry, I never lose my cool.

This is pathetic.
We have to abort the mission.

We're canceling, Torrente.

No, don't worry.

We just have our own way
of doing things here.

That's exactly what worries me.

Relax, I'm telling you.

Things are rolling along smoothly
just like you.

One more mistake
and we cancel the mission.

- Got it?
- I got it, I got it.

We've almost got the room
figured out.

I guarantee from this moment on
not a single mistake will be made.

How does this work?

It's backwards. There.

There.

They classified
and reached the Final,

but obviously we came here to win.

Let's hear what Catalonia's coach,
Tomas Roncero, has to say.

Good evening, Jose.

We all know Jorge D'Alessandro
is a great coach,

but I think tonight
We'll have nothing to say.

We let our play do the talking.
Catalonia hired me

to make football history
and we will.

Babe, the match is about to begin.

If your mom doesn't want to come,
that's fine.

Don't be pushy, you only just
came out of the bathroom.

Hurry up, ma'am!

Always rushing me...

An Argentinean scarf!
She's provoking me.

- Are you expecting someone?
- Me?

Who is it?

Room service!

- We didn't order anything.
- Compliments of the hotel.

Oh, in that case...

Torrente!

I'm starting to hand out
the trumpets.

Take one!

Take one!

Take one already,
you're pissing me off!

You don't want one?

Goddamn it!

How could you forget
the electric saw?

The banging is fine,
but if you keep moving around

we can't watch the game.

Is he gonna bitch the whole time?

What did I say?

Keep quiet or I'll gag you.

He's bitter because we eliminated them
in the first round.

Don't get in my shorts...

Leave him alone,
he's holding a hammer.

Always getting in people's shorts
and then nothing.

They have no team.
They can't play worth shit.

6-0 against Gambia,
Dani Guiza as coach.

- They're hopeless.
- That's it.

I've heard enough.
Time for the bag. Here we go.

What are you doing?

Cuco, put this guy
in the bathroom.

I've got it.

Take this bag off me!

What are you doing?

At least give me a radio!

He's touching my tits!

On the outside, with no intent.

Cuadrado!
Grab the granny.

Fucking hell.

This is the last step.

- It's ready, Torrente.
- Good.

This is ready too.

Ready, Antoñito?

Yes, I'm ready.

It's party time.

Shut the fuck up!

- I'm rooting for my team!
- Shut up already.

Sir, you can't come in here
with that.

What did I do?
I'm rooting for my team!

I'm rooting for my team.
What did I do?

Antoñito!

Now what, Torrente?

Don't worry, Marshall.
We have an idea.

Or we need to come up with one.

Torrente, check out Argentina.

Look at that finesse.
They're dangerous.

- Skinny Pastore...!
- He shoots...

Goal!

Argentina scores!

Argentina is close
to winning the World Cup!

Damn!

Geez, I should have been
a bullfighter.

Shit.

They must have heard
the explosion!

- It was pretty damn loud.
- This could never work.

Relax, I'll handle it.

Hi.

- Is my husband in there?
- No, he's busy.

He forgot his vegetable soup.
His cholesterol...

I can't believe it!
What is this?

So this was the plan!
Tag-teaming the floozy!

Floozy?
Watch your mouth!

Take it easy!

Hands off!

Let go!

That's my hand, lady!

Let me go!

The referee holds up
the yellow card.

It's not funny.

You killed her!

She's not dead,
she's tough as nails.

We're in trouble
when she wakes up.

That's true.
Damn, what a lady.

It's plaster! Fucking dog
scared the shit out of me.

I think the knot is tight enough.

You forgot the pulley,
the tripod with the motor, everything.

Relax, I'll lower her by hand.

- We're counting on you, Chickie.
- That's what worries me.

Hey!

I won't let you down.

I trust you, Cuadrado. Let's go.

- Chickie, hold on tight.
- Okay.

Here we go.

I thought you were dressing up
as a guard too.

Please, kid. Different class.
I'm undercover.

Be careful!

Careful!

Gently!

Careful when you reach the floor.

Slow down.

Dude, slow down!

The wire, Marshall...

Here we go.

Take out the device.

Okay-

What's this for?

It's a splitter.

A what?

It connects ports.

Damn it, I shouldn't have gotten
stoned before this.

Connector RJ45.

I don't understand any of this!

1-02-53-D.

Talk to me in colors, damn it.

The red wire and the yellow wire.

Okay, connected.

Cameras connected.

Marshall, we're ready.
Just give the word.

Recording empty corridor,
connecting loop.

You can go in, Torrente.

Let's go.

Okay, Ramiro, let's go!

Go ahead, Torrente.

I've sent the image
of the empty corridor

to the control room.

Look at them, we're too nice.

We taught them to touch pass
and now they're showing off.

They're nastier than a camel
with phlegm in its ear.

Look at how they run.
They don't know where they're going.

Keep going, you're clear.

Are we going the right way?

Stop. Be careful.

There's a guard
in the corridor on the right.

Can I shoot him?
Can I?

You? Don't be ridiculous.

Let's go.

The last two guards

are at the elevator to the vault.

Okay-

Let me shoot them,
I have good aim.

You can't shoot for shit!

I always won at the fair.

This isn't a fair,
it's the heist of the century!

Relax, I know what I'm doing!

Hey, no problem.

I'm immune to all drugs.

I prefer the day shift,
I get tired at night.

Damn it...

Cuco! You're gonna fuck this up.

They had to anesthetize me 3 times
when they operated on my foreskin.

This has no effect on me.
It's like...

Why?

Fucker won't go down!

The bastard...

Help!

Help!

Kid!

Here, wake up.
You wanted to shoot somebody.

Here, this guy seems to like it.

Help!

- Easy, Chickie.
- Careful!

You're safe.

Goddamn it!

Quickly!
There's interference.

I can't believe you're still
working at age 70.

It's disgraceful
that they raised

the retirement age to 72.

Then you demand an explanation
and they blow you off.

- They don't listen.
- They're cowards.

Cowards and sinners.
Sinners going straight to hell.

Someone has to restart
the connections.

I don't know.

Antoñito, come up to room 141
right away.

I can't, I'm busy.

It's a matter of life or death!

I have a shot at the jackpot,
damn it!

He's a tough one, isn't he?

Let's go.

Mr. Martians, Mr. Martians.

This isn't going too well.

"Listen, listen."

I can't see anything
on your camera.

I bumped my head,
it must be broken.

Then I need images

- from your cell phone.
- Okay, hold on.

Coming right up.

Open Bluetooth, camera and send.

You can't sleep now,
you'll fuck up the plan!

Haven't you got something
to pick you up?

Yeah, I have some glue.

But I don't sniff it, I lick it.

It's a glue stick. That works?

Faster than a speeding bullet!

Okay, the gas masks.

What the fuck is this?

It was late and the shops
were closed.

And there was no room
in the bag for them.

Okay-

The canister.

Torrente, it's stuck to my hand.

All I'm asking is
if it's crossed your mind.

No.

- Not even when you were younger?
- Not then and not now. No.

You have?

- No way.
- You have.

- You have.
- No way.

- You've been with a guy.
- Yeah, right.

- You have.
- No.

- In your home town...
- No!

- You've tried it.
- No!

Shit...

Who's there?

- Shit!
- Sorry about that!

- You broke my nose!
- Stop the bleeding!

Who the fuck are you guys?

Take a deep breath, fuckers!

Get that fucking thing
out of here!

- You haven't heard the latest.
- You don't say.

Even better. They've stopped Phase 2
of the casino expansion.

- Get that thing out of here!
- Bastard!

- Time for your siesta.
- Come on.

Don't worry, Chickie.
I'm coming to rescue you.

There it is.

Jesusin, send me the code.

Marshall, damn it...

What the fuck?

The countdown has begun.
You have one minute.

Jesusin, the code!

One minute, one minute!

We don't have one minute!

Okay, let's see.

Give me a second, Mr. Torrente.

Jesusin... holy fucking shit!

The number isn't coming up.

- He said it's not there.
- He gets flustered sometimes.

Okay, here come the numbers.

Hurry the fuck up!

Hey, I can't work under pressure.

Come and do it yourself.
I'm having a rough time here.

Come on, cuz!

Come on, damn it!

I've got it!

Four, six...

Five...

Zero...

Seven...

One...

Four...

Two...

There's a number missing.

What the fuck?
This number is missing.

There's a number missing,
damn it!

I don't know, it's stuck!

It's stuck, wait a second!

- Come on, Jesusin!
- We're fucked.

It won't stop!

The fucking last number!

I've got it!

Two, Mr. Torrente.

Two! Two!

Two!

The alarm!

Come on, Torrente!

What are you doing?

- Stop, damn it!
- I'm getting dizzy!

Fuck!

Stop raising and lowering me!

That fucking hurt!

I'm falling...

I'm getting dizzy!

Not again!

Goddamn it!

Goddamn it!

Goddamn it! Goddamn...

And the government thinks
people will vote for them again

because they lowered sales tax
to 42%.

Give me a fucking break!

It's a miracle!
It's a miracle!

Olé, pesetas! Olé, pesetas!

Hallelujah! Hallelujah! Hallelujah!

You idiot!

Not a single peseta stays behind.
Fill the bags.

And you saw Catalonia,
we knew it would spread.

Now the Basques want the same thing.
The grass is always greener.

What will happen next?

Theme Parks asking for independence
so they can be like Monaco!

- Antoñito!
- We're good!

And Chickie?

I'm going to give her
mouth-to-mouth

to redeem her.

That's Antoñito.

Gross, man! Get off me!

Look, Torrente!
Works of art!

Great works of "picturesqueness."

Like in the casinos
in Las Vegas.

And that?

What is this?

Shit!

Damn, kid.

Fucking unbelievable!

Good lord. And the French
brag about the Mona Lisa.

Now that's art.

I'm getting all emotional.

- You know, Stendhal Syndrome.
- "Standard."

No wonder.

Red with orange,
orange with brown,

brown, green, blue, blue, white,

black, orange, okay.

Have you made the connections?

Yeah, we're all set.
How are you doing?

- This is ready to go.
- Ready!

No, no, no!

They've opened the hole.
Let's go.

- But...
- Right there.

Look at all of them.
They're going in.

They want something.

You guys went a little overboard!

- Where's Genaro?
- Genaro!

He's over there.

And there.

And there too.

Oh, no!

You wanna talk to him?

- Get that away from me.
- Oh my God, Torrente!

More money to split up.

I can't...

I can't...

Torrente?

Torrente.

Torrente?

Torrente.

Torrente...

Hurry, Ricardito. Climb up!

We left your wife up there!

Thank God.

Come on, let's go!

We have to wait for the others.

Don't be absurd! This place
will be swarming with cops!

We can't endanger the money!

My girlfriend!

Always yapping about that midget!
You can meet up with her later!

You're right.

When she sees we're not here,
she'll go straight to Marshall's house.

Then she won't see you.
There's a change of plan.

We're going to Reme's,

we'll split the money
and disappear forever.

Yes, sir.

Then I have to call my girlfriend
and my cousin Jesusin.

Eenie, meenie, miney, moe.
Catch a weenie by the toe.

We have to split up the money.

We have to wait for the others.

What are you talking about?
Finders keepers!

How's it going, Torrente?
Everything okay?

Great, "fantastic," Mr. Marshall.

This was the meeting point, right?

No, Torrente.

This was not the meeting point,
not our meeting point.

But luckily

you're just like me.

Ambitious,

stingy

and disloyal, but...

an imbecile.

Hey!

Torrente, where's his wheelchair?

In war, they say one must never reveal
his weaknesses to the enemy.

But I think they should.

The problem is, I don't have any.

So I make them up.

Marshall, this is a mistake.
We can work it out.

Don't worry about it, Torrente.

With your criminal record
and all the clues you guys left,

you'll go right back to prison.

Meanwhile,

I have clean hands...

He's taking Paqui too!

Wrong, schmucko.

Nobody's taking me,
I'm walking out of here.

Did you really think

I would choose to stay with
the ugly stupid guys?

Did she call us ugly?

Son of a bitch!

He took the money!
He took the money!

Torrente, they have firearms!

They're going to the airport
in La Moraleja.

I heard them before. They have
a plane ready to leave the country.

We have to stop them.

I put Whiskers' cell phone
in Marshall's pocket.

We can track him with mine.

Let's go! To the truck!

What's up, Mr. Torrente?
Have we got the money or not?

Not at the moment.
But at least we have an awesome car.

To the airport!

Manolito, you guys wait for the others
and catch up to us in the truck.

That will take forever!
You'd better not run with the money!

Please! What kind of person
do you think I am?

Let's go!

I don't like this anymore,
I want to go home.

It's too late for that, Ricardito.
Let's go.

What's the problem?
Can't you speed up?

Look, there's his car!

Stop here.

They're still here.

The element of surprise
is in our favor. Let's go!

The plane was abandoned here

with everything else.
We checked, it works perfectly.

And they built all this for
the 2028 Madrid Olympics. Damn!

Yeah, but they didn't get the bid
so it's all abandoned.

Come on!

No, it's "Let's go."

We have him located.
He's in the boarding area.

We can ambush them.

They're stronger,
but we're smarter.

Let's go!

Freeze! Nobody move!

Torrente?

I wasn't expecting
to see you here.

Looks like I'll have to kill you.

You may not realize
that we outnumber you.

No, Marshall.

There are less of you,
and we're better.

"We?"

Guys!

Guys!

Torrente, you're pathetic.

I can tell you're Spanish.

That's why you conquered
South America

and we conquered North America.

Losing is in your genes.

It's wrong to call
an Athletico fan a loser.

But using the words "pathetic"
and "Spanish" in the same sentence...

You'll pay for that!

Stop, suckers!

The game is over!

Give us the money
or I'll waste the broad!

By any chance do you think silicon

will work as a bulletproof vest?

Hey! These are natural!

Torrente, go with God.

Awesome work, kid!

Grab the cash and let's go!

Not so fast.

The money's coming with us.

Bring the bags over here, Fatso.

Fatso?

Torrente, get in!

There are cops everywhere!

Come on, get in!

No, not the truck.

I have a better idea.

Welcome to Captain Cudilleros'
fifth tutorial.

Today I'm going to show you
how to take off in a 747.

Internet is awesome, kid.

You can learn anything
from how to fry an egg

to making an atomic bomb
with used batteries.

I don't know about this,
Mr. Torrente...

Between this and your experience
fumigating the cabbage fields back home,

it's a piece of cake.

- I was a little boy!
- It's like riding a bike.

Just watch the video
and start pressing buttons.

Hit it.

We're moving, you see?

Torrente!

Torrente!

I'll be right back.

- ...firmly and blow.
- Come on, we're leaving!

Please bring me a piña colada.

- Do I look like a stewardess?
- And some olives!

Ricardito decided
he didn't want to fly

and he jumped out
when we started moving.

That bozo? Fuck him.
Who cares? More money for us.

- That's why you bothered me?
- No, because the police are here.

The police! Goddamn it...

The police!
The police are here!

Jesusin, let's go!
We have to accelerate.

The police are here.
Let's go!

Accelerating is easy,
but then how do we take off?

We'll figure it out as we go along.

Hold on tight!

Torrente! Torrente!

I'll be right back.

Okay, friends.
That concludes my first

tutorial. Don't miss Part 2

where I'll explain the mechanics
behind a perfect take off.

What's wrong?

Look who's out there!
You won't believe it!

It's Marshall!

I thought we killed him!

We have to throw something at him.

Here...

Welcome to my second tutorial...

- The ice cream cart.
- Not the ice cream!

Pull me up!

Pull me up, you bastards!

- Climb up!
- Torrente!

Marshall, stop!

- Torrente, we'll help you!
- A rope!

Quick!

A rope in a plane?

This might work!

Grab it!

Now everybody pull
towards the aisle!

Come on, Torrente!

You made it!

Torrente, Jesusin is calling you!

We have to take off!

- What's up?
- Look up ahead!

Damn!

Mother of God!

We have to fly right now.
Like birds. See that lever?

- This?
- Pull it.

Here we go!

Goodbye!
Goodbye, Marshall!

I turned on the automatic pilot.
Where to?

To Torremolinos, kid!

SOMEWHERE LOST
IN SOUTH AMERICA

Damn, this doesn't look like
Torremolinos to me.

As long as there's whiskey,
hookers

and other cultural activities to spend
our money on, the farther the better.

We've been walking for two hours.

These look like coca leaves.

Don't be greedy,
pick some for everyone.

- Spread the wealth.
- Don't be stingy.

- No fighting.
- Save some for later.

Torrente!
There are snails over here!

Hey, the money's falling out.

Damn it, there's a hole
in this thing.

We can't lose a single bill.

What the fuck?

What is this?

It can't be!

- What the hell?
- It's full of fake bills!

They're fake! They're fake!

Fuck!

I don't care, I want my share!

BE LIVE CANOA - DOMINICAN REPUBLIC
HOTEL PARADISE

Auntie! Auntie!

You don't know
what you're missing.

This place is paradise.
And tomorrow we're flying to Hawaii.

You should have come!

Sweetie, I hate flying.

I'm just fine here
at the Parador in Toledo.

I see you made a little friend!

This guy? He's the stud
I rented on the Internet.

He's a bit Gothic,
but he does crazy shit to me.

What I don't understand

is how you changed the bags
without anyone noticing.

When Ricardito said he didn't trust
the American

and asked me to help him,
I didn't think twice.

Grab the money and we'll take it
to a tax haven.

That morning Ricardito prepared
the bags with the fake money

and left them in the container
by the sewer.

Since he came out first,
he quickly changed them.

Then I went back for the bags
with the real money.

My baby is so smart!

I imagine Mr. Torrente and the boys
will come back for their share.

Of course.

That's why we're spending it
as fast as we can, right, honey?

Let's go back to the room,
I'll give you a Segovian.

Or a titty-hump.

Anything you want, baby.
But not here.

Ricardo, we're in a foreign country!

Ricardo, behind the palm tree!
Not here!

IN THE SAME PLACE LOST
IN SOUTH AMERICA AS BEFORE...

BUT FARTHER AWAY...

I invented this. It's my creation.

Coconut water.

And La Ina dry sherry.

- The latest cocktail.
- Anything else?

Watch it!
I'll bash your head in!

I'll shove this tray
down your throat!

I love Spanish women
when they're angry.

Whiskers!

Teeth!

You're an embarrassment!
You're pissing me off!

You bring shame on all of Spain!

Lotion on the house, one dollar.

Thighs, 50 cents.

Hey, handsome.
Will you rub some on me?

Fucking hell.

Clean towels!

Towels!

Towels!

Mr. Torrente, these girls
don't look Spanish to me.

Probably Swedish.

You've got sand in your belly button.
Want me to take it out?

Torrente!

Come quick! The black guy's
about to sell to the ladies!

Excuse me, ladies.

I'm the one who sells coral necklaces
and ivory elephants here!

Look, you black bastard.
This is our territory.

You guys are always freeloading!

This guy's nuts.
You're the only foreigner here.

- What?
- He's right, actually.

You're taking sides
with the black guys?

This fucking Spaniard comes here
to take our business!

Business? You just climbed
out of a tree!

Listen closely, Whitey...

- Did you call me Whitey?
- Yes.

Jesus, put that down
and kick this guy's ass.

Come on, boys!
Let them have it!

Why are you still here?
The movie's over. Go home, damn it.

Haven't you got lives?

Hey! Can anybody tell me
who won the match?