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1
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Kenny: Whoever said
that time heals wounds
2
00:00:02,443 --> 00:00:04,289
clearly never got dumped.
3
00:00:04,712 --> 00:00:06,745
Ever since Brett broke up with me,
4
00:00:06,847 --> 00:00:09,981
the world has stopped turning,
the birds have gone quiet.
5
00:00:10,084 --> 00:00:11,817
Even the leaves have wilted away.
6
00:00:11,919 --> 00:00:14,052
I mean, it's winter, but still.
7
00:00:14,154 --> 00:00:18,256
I feel raw, like I'm trapped
in an early '90s music video.
8
00:00:18,358 --> 00:00:19,925
[Roxette's
"It Must Have Been Love" plays]
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00:00:20,027 --> 00:00:23,261
Lay a whisper
10
00:00:23,330 --> 00:00:25,897
On my pillow
11
00:00:25,999 --> 00:00:29,201
Leave the winter
12
00:00:29,269 --> 00:00:32,137
On the ground
13
00:00:32,206 --> 00:00:34,811
I wake up lonely
14
00:00:34,942 --> 00:00:38,110
There's air of silence
15
00:00:38,212 --> 00:00:40,779
In the bedroom
16
00:00:40,881 --> 00:00:43,749
And all around
17
00:00:43,851 --> 00:00:46,652
Touch me now
18
00:00:46,754 --> 00:00:49,254
I close my eyes
19
00:00:49,323 --> 00:00:52,124
And dream away
20
00:00:54,929 --> 00:00:57,629
It must have been love
21
00:00:57,731 --> 00:01:00,899
But it's over now
22
00:01:01,001 --> 00:01:03,569
It must have been good
23
00:01:03,671 --> 00:01:06,905
But I lost it somehow
24
00:01:07,007 --> 00:01:08,907
It must have been love
25
00:01:09,009 --> 00:01:10,008
[Pounding]
26
00:01:10,110 --> 00:01:11,243
But it's over now
27
00:01:11,345 --> 00:01:13,011
Turn that damn song off!
28
00:01:13,080 --> 00:01:15,914
- Ugh!
- It's seeping into my brain.
29
00:01:16,083 --> 00:01:17,082
Yeah, in my dream last night,
30
00:01:17,151 --> 00:01:18,417
I was about to do it with Blake Lively
31
00:01:18,519 --> 00:01:19,618
when I started singing it to her.
32
00:01:19,687 --> 00:01:20,852
So she turned me down.
33
00:01:20,921 --> 00:01:22,721
And then she morphed into a crab.
34
00:01:22,823 --> 00:01:24,856
And I screamed.
35
00:01:24,925 --> 00:01:27,459
Well, it's Valentine's Day,
36
00:01:27,528 --> 00:01:30,062
so someone has to make sure
Kenny doesn't walk into traffic.
37
00:01:30,097 --> 00:01:32,230
I would watch him,
but I'm hanging out with Ethan.
38
00:01:32,266 --> 00:01:34,866
Well, don't look at me.
I think it's a stupid holiday.
39
00:01:34,935 --> 00:01:37,369
It's just a marketing ploy
to get people to buy chocolates
40
00:01:37,438 --> 00:01:39,237
and teddy bears
and all those other things
41
00:01:39,339 --> 00:01:40,338
people just don't need.
42
00:01:40,374 --> 00:01:41,540
If that's your veiled attempt
43
00:01:41,608 --> 00:01:43,542
of getting me to thin out
my teddy bear collection,
44
00:01:43,577 --> 00:01:46,778
the joke is on you
because I just bought more!
45
00:01:46,814 --> 00:01:49,381
Valentine's day is a completely
impractical holiday.
46
00:01:49,450 --> 00:01:52,184
All you need is toothpaste
and a 12 pack of tube socks,
47
00:01:52,252 --> 00:01:53,785
which is what I will buy tonight
48
00:01:53,887 --> 00:01:55,620
as we celebrate our yearly tradition
49
00:01:55,689 --> 00:01:57,556
of going warehouse shopping at Valueco.
50
00:01:57,624 --> 00:02:01,126
Well, I am going to honor
my first Valentine's Day
51
00:02:01,195 --> 00:02:03,929
as a single man and not go to Valueco.
52
00:02:04,031 --> 00:02:05,831
- Pat, no!
- Pat, yes.
53
00:02:05,899 --> 00:02:08,767
I may be a little rusty,
but I am going out tonight.
54
00:02:08,836 --> 00:02:11,737
Try to meet a woman,
figure out what a tapa is.
55
00:02:11,805 --> 00:02:13,138
I think it's a fruit.
56
00:02:13,173 --> 00:02:14,573
I'll be your hype man, you know?
57
00:02:14,675 --> 00:02:17,042
But I would prefer to go to
a tapa-less bar. [topless]
58
00:02:17,077 --> 00:02:19,244
- I don't like fruit.
- Well, wherever you end up,
59
00:02:19,279 --> 00:02:21,646
- you're gonna take Kenny with you.
- No, no, no!
60
00:02:21,715 --> 00:02:23,548
This is supposed to be
my first Valentine's Day
61
00:02:23,650 --> 00:02:24,883
without a gloomy buzzkill.
62
00:02:24,952 --> 00:02:27,145
Oh, please. Kenny's not that bad.
63
00:02:27,223 --> 00:02:28,254
You won't even notice he's there.
64
00:02:28,322 --> 00:02:30,288
[Funeral dirge plays]
65
00:02:41,301 --> 00:02:43,068
Is that my sweater from J. Jill?
66
00:02:43,137 --> 00:02:46,404
I have to mourn,
and I don't own anything black.
67
00:02:46,440 --> 00:02:50,142
Okay, well, whatever helps you cope,
that's perfectly fine with me.
68
00:02:50,177 --> 00:02:52,377
Just don't play that song again.
69
00:02:52,446 --> 00:02:53,645
I won't.
70
00:02:56,683 --> 00:02:58,717
...play it.
71
00:02:58,819 --> 00:03:01,019
It must have been love
72
00:03:01,121 --> 00:03:03,695
But it's over now
73
00:03:03,820 --> 00:03:07,058
Synced & corrected by kinglouisxx
www.addic7ed.com
74
00:03:07,995 --> 00:03:09,895
Where are you taking Eileen tonight?
75
00:03:09,997 --> 00:03:12,330
Oh, no, I'm spending
the evening with mother.
76
00:03:12,432 --> 00:03:14,332
We're gonna dust off the old Slanket
77
00:03:14,434 --> 00:03:16,468
and relive the magic that was "iCarly."
78
00:03:16,570 --> 00:03:19,170
Wait, you're not seeing your girlfriend?
79
00:03:19,273 --> 00:03:21,973
Oh, no, don't tell me
Eileen's still doing
80
00:03:22,075 --> 00:03:23,909
her stupid Valueco ritual.
81
00:03:24,011 --> 00:03:27,212
Eileen: Damn right she is.
And let me tell you why.
82
00:03:27,314 --> 00:03:29,948
There's no crowds.
Everything's two-for-one.
83
00:03:30,050 --> 00:03:31,016
It's heaven.
84
00:03:31,118 --> 00:03:33,084
You should be spending tonight with him.
85
00:03:33,186 --> 00:03:34,219
Oh, it's okay.
86
00:03:34,321 --> 00:03:36,288
I respect her wishes
not to observe the holiday,
87
00:03:36,390 --> 00:03:40,125
unless you're reconsidering because Cupid
hit you with his little love arrow.
88
00:03:40,193 --> 00:03:42,894
I am not moved by a flying fat man-baby.
89
00:03:42,996 --> 00:03:45,563
Enjoy the rest of your
no-big-deal Tuesday.
90
00:03:52,053 --> 00:03:53,905
You are a Valentine's Day Scrooge.
91
00:03:54,007 --> 00:03:55,140
I am not.
92
00:03:55,242 --> 00:03:56,975
Clive's known about this
since the day after Christmas,
93
00:03:57,077 --> 00:03:59,477
when they started putting up
all the Valentine's stuff.
94
00:03:59,579 --> 00:04:01,913
You know that's how stores
try to monetize love.
95
00:04:02,015 --> 00:04:03,481
You know who else does that?
96
00:04:03,583 --> 00:04:04,549
Pimps.
97
00:04:04,651 --> 00:04:06,084
They're a lot less
in-your-face about it.
98
00:04:06,186 --> 00:04:07,285
Well, I enjoy the holiday,
99
00:04:07,387 --> 00:04:09,220
but I'm not doing
anything special, either.
100
00:04:09,256 --> 00:04:11,423
Why don't you stop by here
before Valueco?
101
00:04:11,525 --> 00:04:12,891
We're doing inventory tonight.
102
00:04:12,960 --> 00:04:14,825
Oh, perfect! I love inventory!
103
00:04:14,910 --> 00:04:16,145
Do I get a clipboard and a checklist
104
00:04:16,239 --> 00:04:17,796
and one of those little
clicker counters?
105
00:04:17,898 --> 00:04:19,130
We don't have one of those.
106
00:04:19,232 --> 00:04:21,232
Oh, okay. That's fine.
I have one at home.
107
00:04:21,301 --> 00:04:23,802
How am I the one who's single?
108
00:04:23,904 --> 00:04:24,903
[Sighs]
109
00:04:24,972 --> 00:04:27,973
Yes, I would like some tapa.
110
00:04:35,515 --> 00:04:38,350
Hey, just don't get
in your head tonight, okay?
111
00:04:38,452 --> 00:04:41,353
We're just regular dudes hanging out
on a regular Tuesday.
112
00:04:41,455 --> 00:04:42,984
But it's Valentine's.
113
00:04:43,093 --> 00:04:44,601
I had this entire day planned
114
00:04:44,687 --> 00:04:46,458
since the moment
Brett and I started dating.
115
00:04:46,560 --> 00:04:49,468
Who says it's Valentine's Day?
Some stupid calendar?
116
00:04:49,562 --> 00:04:51,830
It might offer
a daily inspirational quote,
117
00:04:51,932 --> 00:04:53,631
but it can't tell us what day it is.
118
00:04:53,734 --> 00:04:55,600
All right.
119
00:04:57,104 --> 00:04:59,537
[Ohio Players'
"Love Rollercoaster" playing]
120
00:05:02,442 --> 00:05:05,243
You know what? It's...
This is not a big deal.
121
00:05:05,312 --> 00:05:07,553
It's, uh...
It's just a bunch of balloons.
122
00:05:07,639 --> 00:05:10,849
Yeah. Just pretend
it's heart disease awareness.
123
00:05:10,917 --> 00:05:12,484
Brett's uncle has a bad heart.
124
00:05:12,586 --> 00:05:14,252
Now I'll never get to meet him.
125
00:05:14,321 --> 00:05:16,821
You know what,
it's all about your perspective.
126
00:05:16,890 --> 00:05:19,891
See, if you... if you turn it
upside-down, you get a butt.
127
00:05:19,960 --> 00:05:22,293
If you point it out, boobies!
128
00:05:22,362 --> 00:05:24,305
Brett's uncle has boobies.
129
00:05:24,383 --> 00:05:26,498
That's how they diagnosed
his heart disease.
130
00:05:26,566 --> 00:05:29,567
Come on, buddy.
Let's try and cheer up, okay?
131
00:05:29,636 --> 00:05:32,604
Let's not talk about Brett
anymore or his uncle's breasts.
132
00:05:32,706 --> 00:05:33,838
Okay.
133
00:05:33,907 --> 00:05:36,674
But Brett was my first real
relationship, and I messed it up.
134
00:05:36,743 --> 00:05:38,009
He told me he loved me
and then I told him I loved him
135
00:05:38,045 --> 00:05:39,611
and then I took it back
and then he dumped me
136
00:05:39,679 --> 00:05:41,646
- and now I'm single forever.
- That is not true.
137
00:05:41,748 --> 00:05:43,247
There are plenty of other fish
in the sea.
138
00:05:43,310 --> 00:05:45,150
Fish was Brett's favorite food.
139
00:05:45,218 --> 00:05:47,952
And his favorite
body of water was the sea.
140
00:05:48,021 --> 00:05:49,036
[Groans]
141
00:05:51,625 --> 00:05:53,224
He's totally gonna ruin this night.
142
00:05:53,327 --> 00:05:54,859
That balloon stuff
was some of my best work,
143
00:05:54,928 --> 00:05:56,127
so I-I don't know what else to do.
144
00:05:56,229 --> 00:05:58,430
I have waited 18 years for this.
145
00:05:58,498 --> 00:06:00,899
And this is supposed to be
the night that romance finds me.
146
00:06:01,001 --> 00:06:02,367
[Door opens]
147
00:06:02,469 --> 00:06:05,070
Here it comes.
148
00:06:05,105 --> 00:06:07,305
And there it goes.
149
00:06:07,407 --> 00:06:08,773
My dad's really good in bed.
150
00:06:08,842 --> 00:06:10,942
I know this because he had
three children with my mom.
151
00:06:11,011 --> 00:06:12,310
- She didn't even like him.
- Hey!
152
00:06:12,412 --> 00:06:13,345
What was that?
153
00:06:13,413 --> 00:06:16,047
What is happening?
154
00:06:16,083 --> 00:06:17,882
They're consoling him.
155
00:06:17,951 --> 00:06:21,286
Almost like they're attracted
to his sadness.
156
00:06:21,355 --> 00:06:23,688
Is she... Is she petting him?
157
00:06:23,757 --> 00:06:25,490
Yeah, and the other one's
giving him a treat.
158
00:06:25,592 --> 00:06:28,660
He's like a puppy in a park
attracting every woman in sight.
159
00:06:28,762 --> 00:06:30,195
[Chuckles]
160
00:06:32,165 --> 00:06:34,099
He's our puppy.
161
00:06:35,535 --> 00:06:38,169
Our sad, gay puppy.
162
00:06:42,142 --> 00:06:46,511
The night we met,
I knew I needed you so
163
00:06:46,580 --> 00:06:48,480
Happy Valentine's Day!
164
00:06:48,582 --> 00:06:49,781
This is not inventory.
165
00:06:49,883 --> 00:06:51,983
I knew it was the only way
to get you to come.
166
00:06:52,052 --> 00:06:52,884
Hmm.
167
00:06:52,986 --> 00:06:55,453
Let's see. One liar... check.
168
00:06:55,555 --> 00:06:58,523
Come on, ladies!
It's time to play Spin the Bottle!
169
00:06:58,592 --> 00:06:59,724
Oh, this is ridiculous.
170
00:06:59,793 --> 00:07:02,293
Just be glad it's not
Seven Minutes in the Closet.
171
00:07:02,362 --> 00:07:03,561
Try 17 years.
172
00:07:03,630 --> 00:07:04,763
Whoo!
173
00:07:04,831 --> 00:07:09,768
Oh, hey, somebody owes me a kiss!
174
00:07:09,836 --> 00:07:11,236
He knows he's gay, right?
175
00:07:11,271 --> 00:07:13,638
He's wearing a choker.
I think he's aware.
176
00:07:13,740 --> 00:07:16,241
Valentine's Day
is Steve's favorite holiday.
177
00:07:16,309 --> 00:07:17,976
I'm a 3 on the Kinsey scale.
178
00:07:18,078 --> 00:07:20,712
This is the one time a year
I get to mix it up.
179
00:07:20,781 --> 00:07:22,947
Watch out, Eileen. You might be next.
180
00:07:23,016 --> 00:07:25,150
I'd rather drink the tears
of all your prom dates.
181
00:07:25,252 --> 00:07:26,084
Ooh!
182
00:07:26,186 --> 00:07:28,520
Scrooge is alive and well.
183
00:07:28,622 --> 00:07:30,855
I happen to believe
in the spirit of this night.
184
00:07:30,957 --> 00:07:32,157
Also, my astrologist said
185
00:07:32,259 --> 00:07:34,926
that I'm going to collide
with a strong man in uniform.
186
00:07:35,028 --> 00:07:36,795
Is this the astrologist
you pay in cold cuts?
187
00:07:36,930 --> 00:07:37,595
[Scoffs]
188
00:07:37,664 --> 00:07:39,297
- Oh!
- Oh!
189
00:07:39,366 --> 00:07:40,832
- Hi.
- Hi.
190
00:07:40,901 --> 00:07:42,385
Um, I was dropping off a shipment,
191
00:07:42,487 --> 00:07:44,702
and I was wondering if there was someone
that could sign for it.
192
00:07:44,805 --> 00:07:47,138
- I can help you with that.
- Oh, great.
193
00:07:47,207 --> 00:07:48,339
- Oh!
- Oh!
194
00:07:48,442 --> 00:07:49,340
Oh!
195
00:07:49,409 --> 00:07:51,476
- Oh, my. So sorry.
- Oh.
196
00:07:51,545 --> 00:07:53,413
- Um...
- Oh.
197
00:07:53,538 --> 00:07:55,046
Oh, my God, I'm so sorry.
198
00:07:55,148 --> 00:07:56,247
You have just a little something...
199
00:08:00,387 --> 00:08:01,985
There you go.
200
00:08:02,344 --> 00:08:03,922
Perfect.
201
00:08:03,990 --> 00:08:06,124
Oh, come on.
202
00:08:06,226 --> 00:08:07,759
Then when Kenny came out to me,
I was like,
203
00:08:07,861 --> 00:08:10,361
"Hey, I love you
no matter who you love."
204
00:08:10,464 --> 00:08:12,330
I scooped him up in my big arms
205
00:08:12,432 --> 00:08:14,799
and hugged him
for what seemed like days.
206
00:08:14,901 --> 00:08:16,422
That is so sweet.
207
00:08:16,539 --> 00:08:18,670
I want to hug you. Can I hug you?
208
00:08:18,772 --> 00:08:20,872
If you feel like you need to.
209
00:08:24,010 --> 00:08:26,744
I lose everything.
210
00:08:26,847 --> 00:08:29,280
Oh, we didn't order this.
211
00:08:29,349 --> 00:08:31,916
Your gay brother's having a hard time,
212
00:08:32,018 --> 00:08:33,551
so it's on the house.
213
00:08:35,822 --> 00:08:38,296
And you said we wouldn't find
anyone to hook up with tonight.
214
00:08:38,374 --> 00:08:39,257
[Coughs]
215
00:08:39,359 --> 00:08:41,192
Look, you can't let
a break-up destroy you.
216
00:08:41,294 --> 00:08:43,983
If you had this Valentine's Day
planned, why not do it anyway?
217
00:08:44,064 --> 00:08:45,763
I know a girl who got left at the altar
218
00:08:45,865 --> 00:08:47,832
but still went
on her honeymoon to Jamaica.
219
00:08:50,937 --> 00:08:51,836
Was it you, Liz?
220
00:08:51,938 --> 00:08:53,605
Yeah, mon.
221
00:08:53,707 --> 00:08:54,939
How was the calamari?
222
00:08:55,008 --> 00:08:58,009
Do you think your brother's
hungry for anything else?
223
00:08:58,111 --> 00:09:00,044
Um, I saw you had a seafood tower,
224
00:09:00,146 --> 00:09:02,080
but he's also a surf-and-turf guy.
225
00:09:02,182 --> 00:09:04,082
So do you also have a meat tower?
226
00:09:04,184 --> 00:09:06,351
Sure do.
227
00:09:06,453 --> 00:09:09,721
There's a little jazz club
around the corner.
228
00:09:09,823 --> 00:09:13,825
Maybe the two of us could
sneak away and grab some tapas?
229
00:09:13,927 --> 00:09:14,926
[Laughter]
230
00:09:15,028 --> 00:09:17,128
Let me just go check on the little guy,
231
00:09:17,197 --> 00:09:18,963
and, uh, I'll be right back.
232
00:09:19,065 --> 00:09:22,934
233
00:09:23,036 --> 00:09:25,536
Where is my little guy?
234
00:09:25,639 --> 00:09:27,939
Jimmy, where's Kenny?
235
00:09:28,041 --> 00:09:29,907
I don't know. I thought he was with you.
236
00:09:30,010 --> 00:09:32,243
We lost our gay puppy.
237
00:09:32,345 --> 00:09:33,444
We got a dog?
238
00:09:33,546 --> 00:09:35,146
No. You meant Kenny.
239
00:09:35,248 --> 00:09:36,180
Oh, Jimmy.
240
00:09:37,246 --> 00:09:39,863
Oh, sorry. I forgot my Valueco card.
241
00:09:39,933 --> 00:09:41,730
- I'll be right out of your hair.
- That's okay.
242
00:09:41,792 --> 00:09:44,388
We were just finishing up
some active listening.
243
00:09:44,466 --> 00:09:46,849
I hear you say it makes you
feel alone in the universe
244
00:09:46,927 --> 00:09:49,520
when we talk about astronomy,
but it's my favorite subject.
245
00:09:49,632 --> 00:09:52,566
And I hear you say astronomy
is your favorite subject,
246
00:09:52,635 --> 00:09:54,535
but black holes really scare me.
247
00:09:54,604 --> 00:09:55,569
I hear you.
248
00:09:55,638 --> 00:09:56,637
I hear you.
249
00:09:56,706 --> 00:09:58,739
As usual, I'm confused but not worried.
250
00:09:58,808 --> 00:10:00,313
So carry on.
251
00:10:00,407 --> 00:10:01,308
Mom, if you want to stick around
252
00:10:01,410 --> 00:10:03,244
for a little bit, we're about
to play The Game of Life.
253
00:10:03,312 --> 00:10:04,612
Yeah, it's more fun with three people.
254
00:10:04,680 --> 00:10:06,016
Are you sure you don't
want to exchange cards
255
00:10:06,079 --> 00:10:07,414
and serenade each other?
256
00:10:07,517 --> 00:10:09,150
No, Ethan has a shaky vibrato.
257
00:10:09,218 --> 00:10:10,451
I'd never let it happen.
258
00:10:10,520 --> 00:10:13,020
Well, you two are weird. But I'm in.
259
00:10:13,089 --> 00:10:14,889
Great. This is gonna be
so fun, Mrs. O'Neal.
260
00:10:14,991 --> 00:10:15,723
Ah!
261
00:10:15,825 --> 00:10:17,158
I'm always the red car.
262
00:10:19,162 --> 00:10:20,594
What's going on?
263
00:10:20,630 --> 00:10:22,630
Uh, have you seen Kenny?
264
00:10:22,698 --> 00:10:25,166
- Isn't he with you?
- Yes! Yes.
265
00:10:25,268 --> 00:10:27,835
Uh, but have you...
but have you seen him,
266
00:10:27,870 --> 00:10:29,948
you know, on, like, a deeper level?
267
00:10:30,049 --> 00:10:31,972
I just feel like we never
really look at each other.
268
00:10:32,074 --> 00:10:34,141
- Nope.
- Aah!
269
00:10:34,243 --> 00:10:35,843
And they're weird, too.
270
00:10:35,912 --> 00:10:37,652
I keep texting Kenny, and all I get back
271
00:10:37,723 --> 00:10:40,548
are these three dots that keep
disappearing. What is that?
272
00:10:40,650 --> 00:10:42,082
Well, that means he's typing
something and then erasing it.
273
00:10:42,118 --> 00:10:46,654
Or it could be he's tied up trying
to text us back using only his nose.
274
00:10:46,756 --> 00:10:48,689
What's going on? Where's Kenny?
275
00:10:48,791 --> 00:10:49,857
Um, we split up.
276
00:10:49,926 --> 00:10:52,159
We are doing a Valentine's Day
scavenger hunt.
277
00:10:52,228 --> 00:10:53,294
So, come on, Jimmy.
278
00:10:53,329 --> 00:10:55,629
Let's go find that spatula so we can go.
279
00:10:57,800 --> 00:10:59,466
Found the spatula!
280
00:10:59,535 --> 00:11:00,901
That's a ladle.
281
00:11:01,003 --> 00:11:04,238
- Dad.
- Fine. We lost him.
282
00:11:04,307 --> 00:11:05,873
Spatula.
283
00:11:06,008 --> 00:11:08,642
- Tongs, Jimmy.
- How could you lose him?
284
00:11:08,744 --> 00:11:10,277
Because we got distracted by women.
285
00:11:10,379 --> 00:11:12,346
And a seafood/meat tower.
286
00:11:12,448 --> 00:11:15,082
I have pork chop in my pocket.
287
00:11:15,184 --> 00:11:19,553
Shannon, you keep tabs on everyone.
Do you have any idea where he may be?
288
00:11:19,622 --> 00:11:21,856
I'd check his Instagram.
He can't keep off of it.
289
00:11:21,924 --> 00:11:22,957
Ah! Yes!
290
00:11:23,025 --> 00:11:24,892
He just posted something
from the Rainbow Grind.
291
00:11:24,961 --> 00:11:25,960
That was quick.
292
00:11:26,062 --> 00:11:28,662
Yeah, I only follow Kenny
and a squirrel.
293
00:11:28,731 --> 00:11:29,597
[Chuckles]
294
00:11:29,699 --> 00:11:31,565
Who I also suspect is Kenny.
295
00:11:31,667 --> 00:11:33,901
All right, let's go.
296
00:11:33,970 --> 00:11:35,336
This would have been the first stop
297
00:11:35,438 --> 00:11:38,038
on our perfect Valentine's date.
298
00:11:38,107 --> 00:11:41,175
I was calling it A Journey Toward Love.
299
00:11:41,277 --> 00:11:43,544
I would have eaten the dark.
300
00:11:43,613 --> 00:11:45,980
You would have eaten the milk.
301
00:11:46,082 --> 00:11:46,914
So us.
302
00:11:47,016 --> 00:11:48,616
Classic Brenny.
303
00:11:48,684 --> 00:11:51,552
Did his boyfriend dump him,
or did he die?
304
00:11:51,621 --> 00:11:55,055
I don't know, but he's eating
all of our chocolates.
305
00:11:55,157 --> 00:11:56,824
Not to sound insensitive,
306
00:11:56,926 --> 00:12:00,027
but you're ruining our date
with your sadness.
307
00:12:00,062 --> 00:12:02,129
I mean, if Brett has chosen
to opt out of our relationship,
308
00:12:02,198 --> 00:12:04,164
that's fine, but it doesn't mean
that I still can't enjoy
309
00:12:04,267 --> 00:12:05,366
the night that I had planned.
310
00:12:05,468 --> 00:12:06,867
After this, I'm going to see
311
00:12:06,936 --> 00:12:09,270
a special 20th anniversary
showing of "G.I. Jane,"
312
00:12:09,305 --> 00:12:10,738
who, now that I think of it,
313
00:12:10,806 --> 00:12:13,440
is another strong, independent
person who doesn't need a man.
314
00:12:13,509 --> 00:12:15,209
Mm! That would make a strong caption.
315
00:12:15,311 --> 00:12:18,324
Well, you should probably
get to your movie.
316
00:12:18,402 --> 00:12:20,147
I'm sure it's going to be
really crowded.
317
00:12:20,216 --> 00:12:21,048
You're right.
318
00:12:21,150 --> 00:12:23,350
And you know what, you guys...
319
00:12:23,419 --> 00:12:25,719
hang onto this.
320
00:12:28,024 --> 00:12:31,191
I'm so glad I'm not into guys.
321
00:12:31,294 --> 00:12:34,128
$10,900, $11,000.
322
00:12:34,163 --> 00:12:35,629
You totally wiped me out.
323
00:12:35,698 --> 00:12:39,367
Well, you got married, had three kids,
and became a flight attendant,
324
00:12:39,445 --> 00:12:41,535
so you kind of did the work for me.
325
00:12:41,637 --> 00:12:43,771
So I guess it's just down to you and me.
326
00:12:43,839 --> 00:12:45,639
But it's not fun with two people.
327
00:12:45,741 --> 00:12:47,841
Ethan, you can put your pegs in my car.
328
00:12:47,910 --> 00:12:49,476
That's against the rules.
329
00:12:49,578 --> 00:12:50,611
Then I quit.
330
00:12:50,713 --> 00:12:51,612
What? You can't quit.
331
00:12:51,714 --> 00:12:53,213
You're winning. You love winning.
332
00:12:53,282 --> 00:12:55,516
But if he's losing, am I really winning?
333
00:12:55,618 --> 00:12:57,651
[Gasps] My own daughter.
334
00:12:57,720 --> 00:13:00,955
Have you been corrupted
by this holiday, too?
335
00:13:01,023 --> 00:13:02,990
Maybe, but I don't
want to leave Ethan out.
336
00:13:03,092 --> 00:13:07,261
Your selfless gesture makes me feel
very validated in this relationship.
337
00:13:07,296 --> 00:13:09,163
I hear you say
I make you feel validated,
338
00:13:09,265 --> 00:13:11,298
and that makes my heart flutter
with happiness.
339
00:13:11,367 --> 00:13:13,398
And I hear my heart
filling with disappointment
340
00:13:13,476 --> 00:13:15,235
and my gut filling with bile.
341
00:13:15,338 --> 00:13:17,937
I'm going to Valueco.
342
00:13:18,119 --> 00:13:19,285
[Sighs]
343
00:13:21,177 --> 00:13:22,443
What was that?
344
00:13:22,545 --> 00:13:23,577
A drop in the bucket.
345
00:13:23,679 --> 00:13:25,379
You should see her on Earth Day.
346
00:13:25,448 --> 00:13:27,014
Where's your upper hand?
347
00:13:27,083 --> 00:13:29,049
It's hard to picture
you and Kenny as friends.
348
00:13:29,118 --> 00:13:30,517
You're so much fun.
349
00:13:30,586 --> 00:13:32,333
I know.
350
00:13:32,474 --> 00:13:34,326
I really bring him out of his shell.
351
00:13:34,443 --> 00:13:37,057
Well, I'm just glad we're finally alone.
352
00:13:37,159 --> 00:13:39,626
Allison, hi. Have you seen Kenny?
353
00:13:39,695 --> 00:13:43,130
He's, uh... He's about yea high,
gay as a tulip.
354
00:13:43,199 --> 00:13:46,266
I know what he looks like.
I'm his best friend.
355
00:13:46,369 --> 00:13:47,401
And he left.
356
00:13:47,470 --> 00:13:49,036
[Groans] Did he say where he was going?
357
00:13:49,105 --> 00:13:50,971
He said something
about seeing "G.I. Jane."
358
00:13:51,040 --> 00:13:53,240
Oh, God. He could be anywhere.
359
00:13:53,275 --> 00:13:55,976
Pretty sure he's in a movie
theater seeing "G.I. Jane."
360
00:13:56,078 --> 00:13:57,144
This is all my fault.
361
00:13:57,213 --> 00:13:59,013
If I hadn't made him my gay puppy,
362
00:13:59,115 --> 00:14:01,115
[sighs] none of this
would have happened.
363
00:14:01,217 --> 00:14:02,449
You must feel awful.
364
00:14:02,551 --> 00:14:04,952
I wish you could go feel awful
over there.
365
00:14:05,054 --> 00:14:05,919
Oh!
366
00:14:06,022 --> 00:14:08,088
I see. Okay.
367
00:14:08,124 --> 00:14:10,824
I am dedicating this Valentine's Day
368
00:14:10,926 --> 00:14:13,961
to finding and supporting
my sad, gay son,
369
00:14:14,063 --> 00:14:15,462
wherever he may be.
370
00:14:15,531 --> 00:14:17,865
That is the sweetest thing
I have ever heard.
371
00:14:17,933 --> 00:14:19,900
I wish there more men
in the world like you.
372
00:14:20,002 --> 00:14:20,868
Oh.
373
00:14:20,936 --> 00:14:22,636
I'm his son. I'm just like him.
374
00:14:22,705 --> 00:14:23,837
I want to kiss you.
375
00:14:23,939 --> 00:14:25,706
And give you a free scone.
376
00:14:26,675 --> 00:14:27,641
That's nice.
377
00:14:27,743 --> 00:14:29,777
We don't even need Kenny.
378
00:14:29,879 --> 00:14:32,112
We just need the idea of him.
379
00:14:32,214 --> 00:14:34,114
Jimmy.
380
00:14:34,183 --> 00:14:36,050
It's not our year.
381
00:14:36,152 --> 00:14:37,451
Come on.
382
00:14:39,121 --> 00:14:41,488
Mm, baby, you're coming home with me.
383
00:14:41,590 --> 00:14:43,257
[Grunts]
384
00:14:43,292 --> 00:14:45,759
Would you like a quesadilla?
385
00:14:45,828 --> 00:14:48,044
Mm! A sample that hasn't been pawed at?
386
00:14:48,142 --> 00:14:49,341
Yes, please.
387
00:14:49,443 --> 00:14:51,799
We're pushing the pepper jack
because it's about to turn.
388
00:14:51,901 --> 00:14:54,635
Oh, I'll risk it. [Chuckles]
389
00:14:54,737 --> 00:14:55,669
Quiet night, huh?
390
00:14:55,704 --> 00:14:57,137
Most people prefer not to spend
391
00:14:57,206 --> 00:14:59,873
their most romantic night
of the year in a cold warehouse.
392
00:14:59,942 --> 00:15:01,475
Well, they don't know
what they're missing
393
00:15:01,577 --> 00:15:04,011
'cause I could do this
literally forever.
394
00:15:04,113 --> 00:15:09,149
Rotisserie chicken is still $4.99.
395
00:15:11,253 --> 00:15:12,119
Ohh.
396
00:15:12,221 --> 00:15:13,620
It's just a coincidence.
397
00:15:15,124 --> 00:15:19,593
Oh, baby, you're coming home with me.
[Chuckles]
398
00:15:19,695 --> 00:15:21,228
Oh, my God.
399
00:15:21,330 --> 00:15:24,331
Is she the ghost
of my Valentine's future?
400
00:15:24,400 --> 00:15:25,899
Am I really Scrooge?
401
00:15:25,968 --> 00:15:27,601
You do kind of give off that vibe.
402
00:15:27,703 --> 00:15:30,137
[Sighs]
403
00:15:30,239 --> 00:15:33,377
This is perfect.
I'd much rather be here alone.
404
00:15:33,463 --> 00:15:35,042
I get all the popcorn to myself,
405
00:15:35,111 --> 00:15:36,150
and I don't have to listen
406
00:15:36,236 --> 00:15:38,545
to Brett do that annoying thing
with his straw.
407
00:15:38,647 --> 00:15:40,247
[Straw squeaking]
408
00:15:40,349 --> 00:15:43,183
Can you stop that?
409
00:15:43,285 --> 00:15:45,118
Oh, sorry. No. I'm not doing this.
410
00:15:45,220 --> 00:15:47,788
It's something my ex-boyfriend did.
Yeah, he dumped me.
411
00:15:47,890 --> 00:15:49,590
This was supposed to be
our Valentine's date.
412
00:15:49,692 --> 00:15:50,824
[Chuckles]
413
00:15:50,926 --> 00:15:52,893
[Squeaking continues]
414
00:15:52,995 --> 00:15:55,762
- It's so annoying, right?
- Yeah, it is.
415
00:15:56,999 --> 00:15:59,032
You know why I love this movie?
416
00:15:59,135 --> 00:16:02,169
Because of the wisdom
of Master Chief John Urgayle,
417
00:16:02,271 --> 00:16:06,039
who says, "Pain is your friend.
418
00:16:06,142 --> 00:16:08,408
It will keep you awake and angry!
419
00:16:08,477 --> 00:16:10,043
But you know the best thing about pain?
420
00:16:10,146 --> 00:16:12,546
It lets you know you're not dead yet!"
421
00:16:12,648 --> 00:16:13,647
all: Shh! Shh! Shh! Shh!
422
00:16:13,749 --> 00:16:15,841
Oh, please. I'm not spoiling anything.
423
00:16:15,924 --> 00:16:18,358
This movie's 20 years old.
424
00:16:18,554 --> 00:16:20,120
[Camera shutter clicking]
425
00:16:20,222 --> 00:16:21,755
I'm gonna have to ask you to leave.
426
00:16:21,857 --> 00:16:22,956
What? No, please.
427
00:16:23,025 --> 00:16:25,244
I have to watch this movie
in order to heal myself.
428
00:16:25,330 --> 00:16:27,049
Nobody kicked Liz out of Jamaica.
429
00:16:27,127 --> 00:16:28,252
Well, I'm kicking you out of here,
430
00:16:28,307 --> 00:16:29,706
unless you want to be arrested.
431
00:16:29,869 --> 00:16:32,332
Okay, fine. I'll leave peacefully.
432
00:16:32,434 --> 00:16:34,900
Okay, just so you know,
half the relationships in here
433
00:16:34,962 --> 00:16:36,962
are going to end,
statistically speaking.
434
00:16:37,072 --> 00:16:38,166
Yeah.
435
00:16:38,275 --> 00:16:41,283
Some probably tonight.
It's gonna be you two!
436
00:16:42,892 --> 00:16:45,056
I just need chocolates or cards
437
00:16:45,134 --> 00:16:47,734
or those hearts
with the stupid writing on them.
438
00:16:47,829 --> 00:16:49,696
Why is all this Easter stuff out?
439
00:16:49,731 --> 00:16:50,897
It's not tomorrow yet.
440
00:16:50,999 --> 00:16:52,832
Please don't let it be too late.
441
00:16:52,868 --> 00:16:54,801
It's not too late. It's not too...
442
00:16:54,903 --> 00:16:56,503
[Panting]
443
00:17:00,943 --> 00:17:01,975
Oh!
444
00:17:02,044 --> 00:17:04,544
Clive! What are you doing here?
445
00:17:04,646 --> 00:17:06,776
I listened to what you said.
446
00:17:06,854 --> 00:17:08,425
I thought I could get some sweet deals.
447
00:17:08,503 --> 00:17:11,084
I got six shrimp rings
and a paper shredder.
448
00:17:11,153 --> 00:17:12,452
Oh, don't listen to me.
449
00:17:12,521 --> 00:17:14,721
I don't know what I'm talking about.
450
00:17:14,790 --> 00:17:17,357
I was completely wrong
about Valentine's Day.
451
00:17:17,459 --> 00:17:18,858
- You were?
- Yes.
452
00:17:18,927 --> 00:17:21,627
It seemed fake and stupid to me
453
00:17:21,713 --> 00:17:24,130
because I didn't know
what people were feeling.
454
00:17:24,232 --> 00:17:28,001
I mean, I knew all this time
that something was missing.
455
00:17:28,070 --> 00:17:30,637
I thought it was warehouse shopping.
456
00:17:30,739 --> 00:17:34,240
But now I know what was missing was you.
457
00:17:34,309 --> 00:17:40,146
I feel it, Clive.
I feel the magic of the season.
458
00:17:40,248 --> 00:17:43,416
Clive Murray...
459
00:17:43,518 --> 00:17:45,118
will you be my Valentine?
460
00:17:45,220 --> 00:17:46,086
Yeah.
461
00:17:46,154 --> 00:17:48,555
It's a pack of Peeps.
462
00:17:48,624 --> 00:17:50,567
Hell to the yes.
463
00:17:50,592 --> 00:17:53,760
464
00:17:53,829 --> 00:17:55,207
Okay, Dad, this is crazy.
465
00:17:55,278 --> 00:17:57,597
He wasn't at the Rainbow Grind.
He wasn't at the movies.
466
00:17:57,699 --> 00:17:58,698
He's not gonna be here.
467
00:17:58,800 --> 00:18:00,834
Hey, read his post.
468
00:18:00,902 --> 00:18:05,071
It's a squirrel with a Santa hat.
Dad, this means nothing.
469
00:18:05,173 --> 00:18:06,640
[Sighs] Jimmy, read the caption.
470
00:18:06,708 --> 00:18:07,874
"I'm over Valentine's Day.
471
00:18:07,943 --> 00:18:09,743
I wish I could go back to Christmas."
472
00:18:09,811 --> 00:18:12,445
Kenny and Brett met in the choir
room during Christmastime.
473
00:18:12,514 --> 00:18:13,647
I promise you he is here.
474
00:18:13,715 --> 00:18:16,116
[Piano playing]
475
00:18:16,218 --> 00:18:17,717
[Sighs]
476
00:18:17,819 --> 00:18:20,966
Hey, buddy. What are you doing?
477
00:18:21,082 --> 00:18:23,723
I took myself on a date
to make myself feel better,
478
00:18:23,792 --> 00:18:25,426
but I'm not Liz, mon.
479
00:18:25,496 --> 00:18:28,695
I can't just book a flight,
enjoy the touch of a local fisherman,
480
00:18:28,797 --> 00:18:30,163
and magically feel better.
481
00:18:30,232 --> 00:18:32,766
This night has made me feel
even more alone.
482
00:18:32,868 --> 00:18:34,167
This is my alone chord.
483
00:18:34,269 --> 00:18:35,635
[Minor chord plays]
484
00:18:35,737 --> 00:18:37,971
It's from "Music Man."
485
00:18:38,073 --> 00:18:39,139
[Dissonant notes play]
486
00:18:39,241 --> 00:18:40,306
[Sighs]
487
00:18:40,409 --> 00:18:42,609
Come on, little buddy.
488
00:18:42,711 --> 00:18:45,378
Let's get you away from this sad piano.
489
00:18:45,480 --> 00:18:46,546
You are so light.
490
00:18:46,648 --> 00:18:48,848
Thank you. I haven't been eating.
491
00:18:52,888 --> 00:18:54,387
[Grunts]
492
00:18:54,489 --> 00:18:56,790
[Clears throat]
493
00:18:56,858 --> 00:18:59,759
Took me 16 years
to get my first boyfriend,
494
00:18:59,828 --> 00:19:02,123
and I lost him in six weeks.
495
00:19:02,239 --> 00:19:04,497
And one of those weeks, he had strep,
so it doesn't even count.
496
00:19:04,599 --> 00:19:08,489
Well, hey, look, it took me 18 years
to have my first Valentine's Day,
497
00:19:08,560 --> 00:19:10,503
and it didn't work out so well, either.
498
00:19:10,572 --> 00:19:15,408
But you are gonna have many,
many more boyfriends in your life.
499
00:19:15,477 --> 00:19:17,711
And some will last weeks.
Some will last months.
500
00:19:17,779 --> 00:19:20,346
Some will last a night!
501
00:19:22,317 --> 00:19:23,750
I was going to say
502
00:19:23,785 --> 00:19:27,120
was that hopefully one
will last a lifetime.
503
00:19:27,155 --> 00:19:30,523
But for now you go through
as much heartache as you need.
504
00:19:30,625 --> 00:19:32,325
Do you mean it?
505
00:19:32,394 --> 00:19:34,427
Yes, of course.
506
00:19:34,529 --> 00:19:37,497
Look...
507
00:19:37,599 --> 00:19:40,734
If you want to cry or talk,
508
00:19:40,802 --> 00:19:43,970
even if you want to play
that song again,
509
00:19:44,072 --> 00:19:46,806
then you go right ahead and do it.
510
00:19:46,908 --> 00:19:47,741
Right, Jimmy?
511
00:19:47,843 --> 00:19:49,609
Yep. Yeah.
512
00:19:49,711 --> 00:19:53,546
We're here for you, so you... play it.
513
00:19:53,648 --> 00:19:54,714
Okay.
514
00:20:00,255 --> 00:20:02,689
You know what, I don't need it.
515
00:20:02,758 --> 00:20:03,823
Oh, thank God.
516
00:20:03,925 --> 00:20:06,927
I said it was okay. It wasn't okay.
517
00:20:07,099 --> 00:20:10,911
- Hey, are you sure?
- Yeah.
518
00:20:11,098 --> 00:20:12,685
But I am gonna Instagram you guys
519
00:20:12,786 --> 00:20:14,601
'cause you made my Valentine's Day.
520
00:20:14,703 --> 00:20:17,203
Wait, uh, is it regular feed
or squirrel feed?
521
00:20:17,305 --> 00:20:18,137
Oh, squirrel feed.
522
00:20:18,240 --> 00:20:19,639
That's where all the good stuff goes.
523
00:20:19,741 --> 00:20:21,908
Oh, you know, I noticed that.
524
00:20:22,010 --> 00:20:23,877
You guys kind of look like a couple.
525
00:20:23,979 --> 00:20:25,144
Yeah, a couple of studs.
526
00:20:25,247 --> 00:20:26,045
[Both chuckle]
527
00:20:26,147 --> 00:20:27,113
No, like a couple.
528
00:20:27,215 --> 00:20:29,015
Like, you're even wearing the same coat.
529
00:20:32,549 --> 00:20:35,484
- More wine?
- Of course.
530
00:20:43,394 --> 00:20:44,626
To Valentine's Day.
531
00:20:44,728 --> 00:20:49,064
You know, I get it.
This place is very peaceful.
532
00:20:49,166 --> 00:20:51,718
Does anybody know
where they keep the rakes?
533
00:20:52,002 --> 00:20:54,039
They're having a two-pack special.
534
00:20:54,132 --> 00:20:55,637
Please get me out of here.
535
00:20:55,706 --> 00:20:58,781
You're gonna have to wait 20 minutes.
I'm getting my tires changed.
536
00:20:58,831 --> 00:21:03,381
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