All language subtitles for The Pretender s04e11 Cold Dick.eng

At least Jarod could have led
us to a place near the Strip...

then I could have hit the craps table.

Well, hit this instead: single
malt, like you asked for.

And you're forgetting something.
Jarod didn't lead us here.

His friend told him to stay
here in an e-mail I intercepted.

He's been compromised
this time, and he's

gonna walk right into
our hands. -My hands.

Now go to your room.
-Oh, this is my room.

Our room. This is the honeymoon suite.

Not even after four of these. -Oh,
no, no. Miss Parker, it's perfect.

Why do you think Sydney and Lyle are
coming tomorrow? If Jarod came here...

and he saw a woman
and three men on the

register, well, he'd
-he'd know we're here.

This way, if -if you and I pretend...

to be the honeymoon couple,
well, he'd be none the wiser.

This was your idea. -Yeah.

I mean, it's a good one, isn't
it? Nobody'd believe you and Syd.

He's-He's middle-aged,
and he's Flemish.

And you, you're young and-unless you
think that you'd rather room with Lyle.

Centre's a sick place
but -but your own brother?

Relax, Romeo. That's as far as I go.

Take first watch. Anybody pulls into
that parking lot, send up a flare.

Okay. -Broots?

Fall asleep, it'll be a
hell of a wedding night.

Welcome to Sin
City-Las Vegas, Nevada.

A Pretender could win big
here -some other Pretender.

I've been rolling
nothing but snake eyes.

I should be having some fun in the
sun, and all I got is... frostbite.

They say luck is a lady.
That must be good luck.

Bad luck is definitely a
man, and he dresses funny.

Argyle tried to sell me to the
Centre a couple of years back.

Last year he almost got me killed.

Why should this year be any different?

Some days it doesn't pay
to answer your e-mail.

There are Pretenders among us.

I was taken from my family.

Thirty-six hours and
he's already demonstrating

more talent than any of our others.

How many people died
because of what I thought up?

Since I broke out, I've spent
every moment searching for my past.

He's a Pretender-

A genius who can become
anyone that he wants to be.

The Centre wants him
alive. -Preferably.

He defends the weak and
abused. -Life's a gift.

You a doctor? -I am today.

Look at me. Some genius.

I wish I could pretend
myself into some longjohns.

But in my own defense,
this all started

when Argyle decided
to become a Pretender.

As usual, his mouth was writing
checks his brain couldn't cash.

Hello?

Hello?

Ha! Prepare to die,
you mamaluke. Ow! Ooh!

Ah! Hey! Hey!

J-Man! You made it.
-Argyle, what are you doing?

I'm sorry, J-Dog. You saw the
door. This is a dangerous business.

And when you're the mac
daddy of private dicks...

the flyin' monkeys-all
they wanna do is

put you on the night
train to Emerald City.

You're lucky you
didn't get your ticket

punched, Richard Dixon,
private investigator.

Oh, no. I ain't Dick Dixon. I'm his
partner. -So why did you e-mail me?

Why don't you get him to help you?

Oh. Well, you see, this ain't
Double "D's" kind of gig.

This is what we in the industry
call a "multifacetal" type thing.

See, there's a lot of cross-purposing
entities, multicultural...

purposes, you know -all
of that and what not.

Good-bye, Argyle. -No, no, no! Wait!
J-Dog. J-Dog. You can't leave me.

You can't leave. You're all I got,
man. I'm in trouble, Jarod. Please.

Raymond Chandler had a secret
for writing detective stories.

"When in doubt, " he said, "have
somebody enter the room with a gun."

Okay, it's an ice-cream
cone. But it was pistachio...

and I'm allergic to pistachios.

You Dick Dixon? -Me? No. I'm
his partner. That's Dick Dixon.

Oh! Ow! -Think that hurt? Taste this.

Let's call this story
"Death by Double Dip."

Now, our pistachio-packing
friend will have to wait...

since the Pretender is now
Dick Dixon, private eye.

Let me give you the skinny. Argyle's

new job was another
epic work of fiction.

Dick Dixon isn't even around anymore.

He skipped town last
year buried in debt.

Argyle had only become
his partner a week earlier.

He was working the building
as a "hospitality technician."

And that's what he called
it. I call it "janitor."

He happened to be
scrubbing Dick Dixon's

abandoned office
when... she walked in.

I'm looking for Dick?

Excuse me?

You know-Dick.
-Dick?

Dick Dixon? -Oh. Oh. Dick Dixon.

Uh, yeah. Um, no. He's gone.

Gone? -Yeah. He took
the slow boat to China.

...that kind of thing.

Do you work for him?
-Do I work for him?

Yeah. -Do I work for him?
I am his nom de plume.

I'm his coup de grace. I am his

comrade-in-arms, you
know what I'm sayin'?

I am his partner, for Pete's
sake. -Um, you do his dirty work?

That's funny. This
mop-you see-I'm undercover.

I'm what we in the industry
call the "clandestinal" partner.

Whatever Dick wants, Argyle gets Dick.

"Argyle." That's an interesting name.

Yeah. My parents gave it to
me on account of my birthmark.

Hey, would you like
to see my birthmark?

No. -Oh, no.
I'm sorry. I-

I get that a lot. Please don't
cry. I hate to see a girl cry.

Here. Take this. There
you go. That's all right.

Say, what's your name? -Mona.

Like the Lisa? -Yeah.

That's very beautiful.

Listen, Mona. I can help. Talk to me.

Well, I'm a showgirl down
at the Club Ali Bar...

and my boss is in trouble.

Trouble? What's your boss's name?

Dirty Willy. -He doesn't bathe?

No. People just call him that.

He's a good man, takes care of us, and

all the girls have
comprehensive dental.

Wow. That's key. -And this bucket
of quarters is all he's got left.

And he told me to
give this to Mr. Dixon.

Okay.

I will get this to Mr. Dixon.

Willy knows things,
Mr. Argyle... -Oh, yeah?

things that he shouldn't know.

He needs protection.
-Consider it done, Ms. Lisa.

Argyle is on the case.

"Argyle is on the case"

Five words to send a
chill down your spine.

Argyle embraced the cliche, casting
himself in the starring role...

of a big-time private
eye extraordinaire.

Determined to help Mona, he made
his way back into the Club Ali Bar...

and, like a true detective,
was looking for clues-

anything he could find
that would lead him

to where or what
happened to Dirty Willy.

But he wasn't ready to be a star.

As soon as things got real, Argyle
wished he'd taken a bit part.

Dirty Willy.

He'd done the job, solved the
case. He had the killer cornered.

So Argyle did what Argyle does best.

He never saw the hit man. Who
could at that speed? -Woah!

He was pretty sure the killer
didn't see him-pretty sure.

Which brings us back to our
pistachio-packin 'porker.

He was wondering the same thing as me.

Where the hell is Mona?
-Well, I -I -I don't know.

She told me she was comin' to see
you, Dixon. And now she's gone?

Did she say where she was goin'?
-She hasn't told me anything.

Did she leave anything?
-Look. Normally,

I don't talk to gun-wielding thugs.

Yeah. Your mama must be real
proud of you now, eh, big boy?

No. She'd probably give me a lickin'.

My mama's dead.

Truth is, I'm not a thug. My
name is Mike. I'm Mona's brother.

Oh. Hi, Mike. -Hi.

It just ain't like
her not to check in.

Our parents died when
we were real little...

and I made a promise to Mom
that I'd take care of Mona.

I just gotta know if she's okay.

You will. Just as soon as we find out
anything, you'll be the first to know.

I promise. Right, partner? -Yeah.

Dick Dixon is on the case,
kickin' tail and takin' names.

You are Mr. Positivi-tivity, the
Shah of "I Can." Hey, now. Swell ride.

Like I always say, private
dick's gotta have a ragtop.

You are not going. -What
are you talkin' about?

I am not a detective.
You are not my partner.

If I'm going to help,
you stay outta my way.

That was extremely hostile.

I can't keep saving your life if you
keep lying yourself into a corner.

You have to think. -Hey!

I've been thinkin'.

I was -till I met you.

Now after you helped me and Pop last

year, I'm mendin' my
wicked ways, you know.

I ain't had nothin'
but honest jobs since.

Only thing missin' is the love of
my life. And I met her last week.

Mona's the one. -You
spent six minutes with her.

360 glorious seconds, J-Man. Somethin'
happened between us, I'm tellin' ya.

It was like "electronical"
chemicals or something.

Pheromones, baby, I'm tellin' ya.

And now my future brother-in-law's
weepin' in his pistachio.

You gotta let me come with you,
J-ster. You gotta let me help her.

J-Man. J-Dog. Please,
I'm beggin' ya.

Please, please,
please, please, please.

There are certain
times in life when you

need to think with your
heart, not your head.

This wasn't one of those
times, but I thought

it was, so I made
the following mistake.

Please? -Get in.

Yeah, yeah.

Argyle is on the case. Come on!

How did I get in this nightmare?

Well, I-I remember I was
watching out for Jarod...

and you looked at
me with bedroom eyes,

like you wanted to do
the late-night creep.

I did not. We did not.

Well, how can you
be sure, Miss Parker?

For starters, pigs aren't
flying, hell hasn't frozen over...

and you're not the last man on earth.

What? -How's the stakeout going?

Sydney, how are you?

I... am fine.

Sweeper team says you
haven't reported in.

Huh. Something came up.

I... overslept, but -but
I was just getting dressed.

I'll be there tomorrow
with Lyle and Raines.

Parker, is everything all right?

I am rolling nothing but sevens.

You so much as hint at
this when they arrive...

I will amputate your head.

Well, what about this?
-There is no "this."

Nothing happened, Broots.

Like I said, it was a nightmare,
and I'm glad I woke up.

When you say things like that,
do you even consider my feelings?

What is it about me that
you find so repulsive?

You really want to know?
-Yes. I really want to know.

Okay.

Now you shut up and listen.

What I find so utterly
uninspiring about you...

is your idea of risk is
to go without deodorant.

When the bullets stop flying, you're
always the one shaking in the corner.

That, in the game of
life, is second string.

And-

Hey. Stop, and let me tell
you something, and you-

you shut up and listen.

You're right.

I have never taken a risk.

Because the whole time I've known
you, I've only wanted to take just one.

Which one would that be?

You're in your office.

It's late, and I sneak in.

In one hand I have gardenias, and in

the other I have a
bottle of single malt-

two of your favorite
things in the world.

And I find that little spot
on the nape of your neck...

and I just... rub it the right way...

to get rid of that migraine you
always get about 6:20 every night-

the one you never tell anyone about.

The truth is, if I
had just one shot...

you know what I'd do?

I would take your pain away.

Truth is, you'd be lucky
to get a scrub like me.

Do you hear that, Broots? -What?

Pigs are flying.

Life is strange.

One hour in the Nevada
sun, and I had more

unanswered questions than
the Warren Commission.

There was Dirty Willy's
murder to solve...

and Mona, the missing
showgirl, to track down.

But Argyle had to
see his father, Benny.

The old man used to
be obsessed with the

pope. I was about to
find out he converted.

Wayne Newton is more than a holy man.

He is the shaman of the Strip.
He's the duke of downtown.

Wayne Newton is Las
Vegas. -If you say so.

You know, I met him once, sort of?

My Adella and I, uh, saw
him in Vegas long ago.

Who'd have thought I'd be back
here in Vegas with Argyle...

livin' in this exquisite golf villa?

Fore!

Driving range is open. -Sorry.

Yeah. The only one
missin' is my Adella.

This week would've been
our 50th anniversary.

She was my inspiration, Jarod. She's

the reason I'm writin'
a song for Wayne.

Hey, Pop, we-we don't have
time for that. -Oh, sure we do.

The big "W, " he changed our lives...

so my Adella suggested that
I should write him a song...

sort of a companion
piece to "Danke Schoen."

She said, "Call it
'Auf Wiedersehen"'...

and here goes nothing.

Where's the song? -It's still a work

in progress. It'll
be ready by tomorrow.

What's happening tomorrow? -Uh, Wayne
is playin' in a charity tournament...

and he will be right there putting...

and I will be right here standing-

♪ When I hit him
with the razzamatazz ♪

You know, I've never actually played

golf, but, um, won't
that disturb his game?

Oh, yeah.

Well, yeah, but it's worth it for
my Adella's last wish, isn't it?

It's more than worth it.

Yeah. Good. -And the big
"W" will love it, Pop...

but we gotta get out of here. We
gotta catch ourselves a killer.

I got me a song to write.
-Catch you later, Pop.

It was nice to see Benny
again, but Argyle was right.

We did have a killer to catch. So we
went back to the scene of the crime.

Okay. Uh, Dirty Willy
bought it right about here...

and I saw the killer
standing right over there.

Hey, funny face, this
area's off limits, all right?

I got top-notch talent makin'
their way through here...

to the most glorious
stage in Las Vegas...

and I can't have you or that
thing you call a suit in the way.

Let me explain. -No. There's no

explainin' that, and
who the hell are you?

My name is Dick Dixon.
-You're Dick Dixon?

Oh! -You slept with
my wife, you scumball!

I don't even know your wife. -Thrifty

Suites, number 38.
Ring a bell, pumpkin?

Hey, hey, hey, half-pint,
this ain't about

your old lady givin'
room service, all right?

We're tryin' to find Mona Jeffries.
-Yeah, well, I ain't seen her.

What are you gonna do
about it, tough guy?

You see that? There goes my Chivas.

Where'd you learn how to
do that? -I ran a dojo once.

Now tell us what
you know. -Okay. I'll

tell you what I told
the cops, all right?

Mona ain't your typical
showgirl, all right? She-

She won't show her cones,
and she saves her dough.

She bought a condo
outside of town. -Where?

Okay! God! I'll tell ya! Geez!

I got your back, J-Man.
-Oh, that's very comforting.

Either my Mona's real messy, J-Man,
or somethin' real bad happened to her.

You can stop right there.
Let's see some I. D.

The I. D.'s out in the car. My name
is Dick Dixon. -You're Dick Dixon?

Yes. -You slept with
one of our deputies.

She left the force 'cause of you.

I seem to have that effect on people.

What happened here?
-Been a while since

you cracked your
detective handbook, huh?

We got a report of a disturbance. Door
was jimmied, place had been trashed...

but her car keys, purse and
valuables are still here.

Mona was leaving?
-No. She was kidnapped.

You gonna get that?

Those are the late-night creepers.

It is the honeymoon suite.

Oh, yeah. Thank you very much.

Oh, Syd. You're here early.
-I thought something was wrong.

Oh, no. No.

No. As a matter of fact, Things
are gonna be different from now on.

Broots, you are gonna pay for...

using all the hot water, you moron!

You were saying, Broots?

Syd, please tell me
you're here to relieve me.

Being cooped up with Felix Ungar here
makes me glad to see your sorry mug.

Lyle and I are registered at Caesars.

Separate rooms?

Well, separate suites.

Lyle will be here later.
Perhaps we can take over.

Hopefully, I won't have plugged Broots
before then. Call me when he gets here.

What? -I thought things were
gonna be different between us.

There is no "us."

At least... not that they know of.

Could you imagine what
they would do if they knew?

Right. Right. We don't-We don't wanna
give them any ammunition, now do we?

Speaking of which...

my clip is empty.

Oh, yeah. I get it, baby.

But if we're gonna do
this -we gotta do it right.

I've always had a little fantasy
I want to live out with you.

But first I want you to call me...

"Puff Daddy."

Say it. Say it.

Puff...
-Daddy.

Oh!

They say that life is
stranger than fiction.

Mine certainly has been,
and this was no exception.

Mona was kidnapped, but by whom?

Whatever trouble her boss, Dirty Willy,
found, it had certainly found her...

and it was only a matter
of time before it found us.

I did what Syndey always taught me:
When in doubt, go back to the evidence.

A couple of things just don't make any

sense. According to
the autopsy report...

what killed Dirty Willy was low
levels of oxygen in his tissues...

due to hypothermia-extreme cold.

He froze to death. In Vegas?

And he had several ice
pick holes in his hands.

I'm thinkin' torture.

Wait a second, J-Man.

You don't think who's ever
doin' this might, you know...

poke Mona like that? -Let's hope not.

According to this file, he
is the number one suspect:

Constantin Falzone -an extortionist
for the Posavac crime family.

What other part of your two-plus-two
case don't add up to four?

Dirty Willy weighed over 300 pounds.

Frozen or not, that's a lot of
Willy for one man to carry around.

Wait. What are you sayin',
"J"? -There were two killers...

who tortured Dirty Willy
and froze him to death.

Question is, what did
they want out of him?

That's easy, baby-cash,
do-re-mi, J-Man.

Everybody knows Falzone
collects around town...

so maybe Dirty Willy couldn't
come up with the green...

and the twins get P. O.'d with him.

Twins? -Falzone's got these
Frigidaires that work for him.

Calls 'em his caddies. -Caddies? Why?

Falzone-Sin
City old-timer.

Doesn't care about
shopping malls, pirate

ships or the Eiffel
Tower in the desert.

He's only interested in
cash... and a three handicap.

J-Rod, those two goons killed
Dirty Willy and kidnapped my Mona.

I say we waste 'em and snag Falzone.

No. We meet Falzone out
there on his own turf.

But you don't know how to play.

It's all geometry and physics.
How hard could that be?

Sydney always taught me, the most

difficult Pretends
have an inner secret.

Once you reveal that
secret, it comes naturally.

In 56 minutes, I found the
secret to a perfect golf game.

I'll share it with you sometime.

The twins were impressed,
just like I said.

Falzone wanted to take me on.

Then I told them I was Dick Dixon.

Guess which one's married.

The twins promised to get us
to Falzone, which they did.

However, in true Chandleresque fashion,
we found out it was with a twist.

Someone else had gotten to him first.

And to think I wasted 56 minutes.

Raymond Chandler always
said, "The best way to

get a reader's attention
is with a dead body."

But of course, Chandler
wasn't writing this one.

I got balls!

I got balls.

Unbe-friggin-lievable. People
actually throw these away.

And that makes them yours.
-Possession is 9/10ths.

You oughta know. I hear
Dick Dixon steals wives.

And I hear you hang Dirty Willys. And
now you've kidnapped Mona Jeffries.

How come I get the
feeling you cheat at golf?

If you're not cheating,
you're not playing.

Hey, we want Mona back.
-Who are you-Little Dick?

All right. I'll show
you little, ya big freak.

Hey. Dirty Willy never came up short,
so there's no reason to kill him.

As for Mona, a Viagra-poppin'
man such as myself...

can only pray to enjoy a
muffin like that in the morning.

All right. That's it.
You and me gonna throw

right now, paisan. I
had it with this mook.

Hey. I got no beef with Dirty
Willy. I got no beef with you, Dixon.

Mona asked me for help. She said that
Dirty Willy was gettin's queezed...

by, um, a couple of goons by
the name of the Frost Brothers.

The Frost Brothers?
-The Frost Brothers.

Now I got my finger
in every casino in this

whole town. I never
heard of these guys.

Okay? So that's it. That's all I know.
All right? Are we done? Are we done?

Let's go. -Let's go.

Give me my balls.

Room service.

I was just talkin' to the manager. You
won't believe what he was telling me.

And what would that be, Mr.
Broots? -Glad you could join us.

Centre employees of opposite
genders don't room together.

Just show him.

Taken by a security camera at
McCarran International Airport.

It's of Jarod heading for
the runway. He skipped town.

Your theory isn't holding.
It's time to go home.

No, but the-the e-mail said that he
was gonna be here. W-We have to stay.

Broots, it's over. -No. I
just talked to the manager.

He took a reservation last night
under the name of "Jarod Siegel"-

as in "Bugsy Siegel, "
the man who created Vegas.

A reservation doesn't
mean he's gonna show.

We're leaving. -We're staying.

Did he just ignore us?

You wanna barge in here and
try and scare me? You go ahead.

But don't question my
skills. I'm not second

string anymore. I do a
job, and I do it well.

And if your paranoid minds can't take
that, then you can go chase that photo.

Miss Parker and I will catch Jarod.

Enjoy your breakfast.

You better hope we catch
Jarod, or we're through.

You mean us? -I mean our necks.

As Argyle and I drove
back to Benny's...

we knew that without the mysterious
Frost Brothers, there was no Mona...

and no dream for Argyle.

But Argyle 's dream wasn't
the only one in jeopardy.

Oh, those bastards. Bastards, all
of them! -Benny, what happened?

There I am. I am standing
there in the bunker.

I am halfway into my
"overature, " and they grab me.

Wayne's bodyguards. -Oh, bite
your tongue. Wayne's people...

would never do that with a rake.

Ah, it was those lowlifes that work

for the other half
of Wayne's threesome-

those "mugicians" with the big hair?

It's a good thing they didn't
bring their tigers, boy.

Whew. -So Wayne
never heard your song?

No. And I know he would've
loved it. He would've loved it.

Of course he would have.

What's the matter with him?
-We haven't found Mona yet.

Oh, boy. Oh, boy. It's
always a girl, isn't it?

Let me let you in on
a little tiny secret.

He's just exactly like me.

No. -Oh, yes. I was
wild. I was unchecked...

until my Adella tamed me.

I still remember that trip to Vegas.
We wanted to get away from it all.

Dr. Kanapa had told us that we
wouldn't be able to have a family...

and I know it was
really tough for her.

But my Adella-

God, she looked so beautiful
the night we went to see Wayne.

Ya never saw a polka dot
dress like that in your life.

Well, big Wayne-

he picks her out of the whole crowd...

and he sang "Danke
Schoen" right to her.

It was...
-Like a dream.

Yeah. That night, Adella came
back to the motor court...

all giddy from Wayne's show, you know?

And we drove the cattle
across the prairie

all night long, if
you catch my meaning...

and... we were blessed.

You conceived Argyle.
-Rolled a hard eight.

So now, when I see him
goin' through all this-

I think, "Where would I be today
if it weren't for my Adella?"

She was your Mona.

Jarod...

ya gotta find that girl for my boy.

It seems everybody who
met Mona wanted her:

Argyle, her brother, Falzone.

It got my detective gears spinning.

Look, buddy boy. I followed
her home once-okay, twice.

Nick had known everything about Mona:

where she lived, how
she saved her money.

Maybe he knew who the
Frost Brothers were.

But I swear, I never heard of the Frost
Brothers. -It was almost a dead end.

Almost. -Dixon.

Deputy Wyatt hadn't
punched me the first

time we met. Guess
he figured I was due.

Oh, this is gettin'
really old. -You tryin'

to destroy three months
of real police work?

We almost got Falzone for
extortion. -So get him.

After you talked to him? You
of all people should know...

there's only one way to do things
in this town: the Vegas way.

What about the Frost Brothers way?

What's that place got to
do with anything? -Place?

Place? -Place?

Place. It's an abandoned meat-packing
plant outside town. So what?

Mona? Mona?

Mona?

Mona! Mona!

Mona. -I didn't think you'd come.

Oh, you're so cold. L-Let's get you
out of here. -Argyle, these two guys-

They had masks on. They grabbed me.

They've been trying to get me to
tell them what Dirty Willy told me.

But I can't tell them that secret,
'cause I can't do that to Willy.

Well, you could tel I us the
secret, Mona. -Tell us later.

We have to get out of here right now.

Yeah. We need to get
you back to your brother.

Brother? I don't have a brother.

Sure you do. Two of'em.

Argyle, say hello to
the Frost Brothers.

It was a case to make
Ray Chandler proud.

Let's review. Our two sheriff
deputies, Wyatt and Mike...

they killed Dirty Willy -tortured
him, froze him, hung him.

But what did they want out
of him? Money? Do-re-mi?

You won't be surprised if
I tell you the answer is no.

Dirty Willy had one dirty
little secret left...

and these guys were trying to
get it out of Mona... and us.

It's been eight hours. Start
talking. -I got nothin' to say.

You just don't get it, do you,
Dixon? We do things the Vegas way.

Now, Mona's brother here is
gonna drive her into the desert.

If he doesn't hear from me in 30,
she's gone, and I ice the two of you.

Oh, and I keep the dog.

Don't give 'em anything,
Argyle. Not one quarter!

Ah, put a sock in it, Dog.

That was a strange thing to say.

Yeah, right -especially
since dogs don't wear socks.

Not Dog. Mona. She said, "not a

quarter." "Don't give
them one quarter."

Well, J-Man, Mona left a bucket full
of quarters in Dick Dixon's office.

Dirty Willy's secret.
Whatever he was tryin'

to protect must have
been in that bucket.

Wyatt! -Hey, what the
hell are you doin'?

I'm gonna give him
what he wants. Wyatt!

There it is.

Look, Willy. If you
pay us what we need...

we won't need to get rough with you.

Falzone wasn't extorting money
from Willy and his club. You were.

And the dirty fat boy
recorded me doin' it.

All the time you
just wanted that tape,

it was right there.
-Nice work, detectives.

Willy was just tryin' to
get that tape to Dick Dixon.

So now you got it. Call
your deputy and let Mona go.

Poor Willy didn't even know
that Dick Dixon had skipped town.

Wait a second. You're not Dick Dixon?

No.

Loser.

Oh, hi, there.

Let me outta
this. -Uh-uh.

You know, you should
be protecting people-

not extorting from them.

But I guess that's what they
call the "Vegas way, " right?

Oh, yeah. -Well, we've
already tried that.

Let's try the Jarod way. -No! No! No!

You're totally whacked. -You
don't know the half of it.

You're going to make a call. You're

going to let Mona
go. -I don't think so.

Loser.

Oh. Ooh, that's harder than golf.

You're outta your
mind. -Make the call.

No. -Uh, loser.

Last chance.

Loser. -Okay.

Fore! -Wyatt finally made the call.

And so did I-to the F.. B. I.

When they arrived at the office, they
found a killer waiting for them...

along with the
evidence to convict him-

all courtesy of the
mysterious Richard W. Dixon.

But the story isn't over.

I still have one more job to do.

Anything?

Nothing.

Which is what we're gonna be
when we get back to the Centre.

It was fun while it
lasted -Puff Daddy.

Miss-

Hoo. I guess I'm not a scrub anymore.

I hope you like Renewal Wing, 'cause
I'm gettin' you a gift certificate.

The Centre reeducators can wipe
this entire weekend from your brain.

Well, you better tell
them that Broots caught me.

Don't have to. We're
a team, aren't we...

Dr. Funkenstein?

Well, that all depends
on one thing, baby.

Am I your Puff Daddy?

Oh, yeah, baby.

And I wanna get funked up.

Oh, I have to watch?

You get to watch.

I'll tell you what, Mr. Funkadelic.

If we're gonna do
this, let's do it right.

It's my turn to live out a fantasy.

Bald men have always driven me crazy.

And it takes more than
one to really satisfy me.

Mr. Wiggles, get in here!

No.

Miss Parker, what about us?

No.

No. No.

No!

What the-Ah! Mr. Wiggles. Ow.

I told you not to fall asleep.

I was asleep? -Yeah.

The whole time? -Yes, Rip Van Winkle.

You were makin' some weird noises too.

And by the way, what
exactly is a "Puff Daddy"?

Like I said, I have
one more thing to do.

But it isn't this... dream.

It's somebody else's.

Can I help you
with that? -Why, I-

Oh, God. Oh, God.

If you knew, sir, how much I've
wanted to meet-This is an honor, sir.

This is an honor. -Listen.
Third row, polka dot dress.

Sir? -Adella.

She was wearin' a polka
dot dress. -You are a god.

Listen. I understand there's
something you'd like me to hear.

Well, as a matter of fact, uh,
you probably wouldn't wanna-

You know-
-I'd love to.

You would? -I would.

Yeah?

Okay. Here we go.

♪ AufWiedersehen, baby ♪

♪ AufWiedersehen ♪

♪ It means good-bye, my baby♪

♪ I don't know why I feel this pain ♪

♪ It's not my goiter ♪

♪ But let's reconnoiter ♪

♪ So even though I'm on that
far-off desert in Morocco ♪

-# I'm feelin' rocko, but
I wanna do this refrain #

♪ AufWiedersehen ♪

♪ AufWiedersehen ♪♪

Whoo!

Well, that was unmistakably you.

That's just the first verse.
There's more to come. -I cannot wait.

Uh, listen. I wanna see
you all tonight at my show.

You'll be my guest. I'll leave
your names at the front door.

And by the way, I want you to know
that Adella was my inspiration too.

Oh, thank you, sir. Thank
you. -See you. See you tonight.

What a guy.

Thank you. -My pleasure.

That could be the worst
song I've ever heard.

I know. But to him it
was a dream come true.

Guess they mean a lot to you, huh?

He listened. He liked it.
-Standing room only, Pop.

Speaking of a lot, thank
you for that donation.

It was for a good cause.

You know, I don't think
I ever got your name.

Well, everyone in town
calls me Dick Dixon.

You're Dick Dixon? -Yes.

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