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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:01,168 --> 00:00:04,247 Anyone thinking we know fuck all needs to watch their back. 2 00:00:08,151 --> 00:00:11,270 So you've had your Labour reclassifying skunk, 3 00:00:11,271 --> 00:00:13,030 sending prices sky-high, 4 00:00:13,031 --> 00:00:17,030 literally, literally taking the grass from its own roots! 5 00:00:17,259 --> 00:00:19,857 Now you've got your ConDemNation... 6 00:00:19,858 --> 00:00:23,297 Liberals noshing Tories like altar boys picking dimps up! 7 00:00:23,298 --> 00:00:27,177 Have we had a national fucking stroke or what? 8 00:00:27,178 --> 00:00:30,697 Is revolution a word or was it never? 9 00:00:30,698 --> 00:00:32,777 Anybody watching needs to know, 10 00:00:32,778 --> 00:00:36,057 we cope better than average with irony in Chatsworth. 11 00:00:36,058 --> 00:00:38,377 Well, for fuck's sake, 12 00:00:38,378 --> 00:00:42,297 we live in Manchester and they charge us for water! 13 00:00:42,298 --> 00:00:48,132 I wandered lonely as a clown, necking mushrooms rarely found. 14 00:00:48,133 --> 00:00:51,852 This green and pleasant land in ancient times, 15 00:00:51,853 --> 00:00:53,730 yak yak yak yak yak yak yak yak yak! 16 00:00:54,095 --> 00:00:57,374 It's not theirs any more. 17 00:00:57,375 --> 00:00:59,854 This is our England now. 18 00:01:00,054 --> 00:01:07,254 Sync by honeybunny www.addic7ed.com 19 00:01:07,292 --> 00:01:09,211 My family's everything to me. 20 00:01:09,212 --> 00:01:10,731 They are me. 21 00:01:10,732 --> 00:01:12,851 I made them. 22 00:01:12,852 --> 00:01:16,091 Made them strong and resilient. 23 00:01:16,092 --> 00:01:19,891 It's a mother's duty to prepare kids for the harsh realities of life. 24 00:01:19,892 --> 00:01:21,411 I mean, it's not easy, is it? 25 00:01:21,412 --> 00:01:24,771 Taught them from day one, it's family first. 26 00:01:24,772 --> 00:01:27,611 I'll stick this up your fucking arse. 27 00:01:27,612 --> 00:01:30,331 To look out for each other, watch each other's backs. 28 00:01:30,332 --> 00:01:33,051 Cos as we all know, blood's thicker than water. 29 00:01:33,052 --> 00:01:36,291 I doubt you'd find it. You missed every other fucking hole. 30 00:01:36,292 --> 00:01:39,091 And you know what? They're a credit to me. 31 00:01:39,092 --> 00:01:41,571 Shut up, Micky! 32 00:01:41,572 --> 00:01:45,571 Mum! 33 00:01:45,852 --> 00:01:47,091 Fuck's sake! 34 00:01:47,092 --> 00:01:49,771 Shouldn't have got in the way, then, should you?! 35 00:01:49,772 --> 00:01:50,971 Shift, soft arse! 36 00:01:50,972 --> 00:01:52,691 Family is everything. 37 00:01:52,692 --> 00:01:55,651 Family's the be-all and end-all. 38 00:01:55,652 --> 00:01:57,131 The start and the finish. 39 00:01:57,132 --> 00:02:00,651 Family is king. 40 00:02:00,652 --> 00:02:02,971 Even when the King's long since departed, 41 00:02:02,972 --> 00:02:05,011 family lives on. 42 00:02:05,012 --> 00:02:09,011 And the hard fist that keeps you in line. 43 00:02:14,412 --> 00:02:16,171 I've had to leave it parked round there. 44 00:02:16,172 --> 00:02:18,051 You'll have to sort this with the brewery. 45 00:02:18,052 --> 00:02:19,491 I ain't got that kind of cash on me. 46 00:02:19,492 --> 00:02:22,851 Been fine to park here for years. Who the fuck's clamped it? 47 00:02:22,852 --> 00:02:25,331 Comes to something when you can't get a tit roll 48 00:02:25,332 --> 00:02:29,331 without your vehicle being impounded. 49 00:02:34,252 --> 00:02:37,691 That wasn't tackling, you were trying to put me in hospital. You saw it, Mark. 50 00:02:37,692 --> 00:02:40,691 Went in heavier than a fuckin' prop forward. It's footy, not rugby. 51 00:02:40,692 --> 00:02:43,371 Stop whining, you losers. 52 00:02:43,372 --> 00:02:46,531 Defend yourself. Should've given the bastard a slap. 53 00:02:46,532 --> 00:02:47,251 It's a game. 54 00:02:47,252 --> 00:02:48,411 A game with rules. 55 00:02:48,412 --> 00:02:50,211 Forget them and you're fucked. 56 00:02:50,212 --> 00:02:51,251 We're all fucked. 57 00:02:51,252 --> 00:02:52,651 Get real, will you, Jackson. 58 00:02:52,652 --> 00:02:56,091 The world's full of no marks like him, waiting to take what's yours. 59 00:02:56,092 --> 00:02:57,131 Don't get me wrong, 60 00:02:57,132 --> 00:02:59,571 try it again in the replay and I'll have you. 61 00:02:59,572 --> 00:03:00,491 You reckon? 62 00:03:00,492 --> 00:03:01,691 Anyone can make a mistake, 63 00:03:01,692 --> 00:03:03,811 but do it again and I'll eat you alive. 64 00:03:03,812 --> 00:03:05,531 That's more like it. 65 00:03:05,532 --> 00:03:06,611 You know it. 66 00:03:06,612 --> 00:03:07,451 Quick scoop before you head off? 67 00:03:07,452 --> 00:03:09,251 Too right. Ches! 68 00:03:09,252 --> 00:03:12,531 Nah, mate, got an early start. 69 00:03:12,532 --> 00:03:15,451 Jackson... better luck next time, lad. 70 00:03:15,452 --> 00:03:17,291 Surprised you asked him. 71 00:03:17,292 --> 00:03:17,971 Why? 72 00:03:17,972 --> 00:03:21,971 His lot don't drink, do they? 73 00:03:37,012 --> 00:03:40,811 Well, at least there's one name. I think it's one name. 74 00:03:40,812 --> 00:03:43,891 Conchita Maria Teresa Bonnita Ricardo Martinez. 75 00:03:43,892 --> 00:03:46,531 No, that's me. Just wanted to get the ball rolling. 76 00:03:46,532 --> 00:03:49,491 I thought you were doing a course on wiping babies arses. 77 00:03:49,492 --> 00:03:53,491 Doing drama, contemporary dance and needlecraft now. 78 00:03:54,932 --> 00:03:55,851 Needlecraft? 79 00:03:55,852 --> 00:03:57,731 Got to put a variety show on. 80 00:03:57,732 --> 00:04:00,491 The best act gets to perform in front of a Royal. 81 00:04:00,492 --> 00:04:02,691 So long as it's not Edward, or that ginger one. 82 00:04:02,692 --> 00:04:05,731 Or Charles. Or Willy. The one with the teeth and the horses. 83 00:04:05,732 --> 00:04:07,851 Or the old Greek one. Or the other ginger one. 84 00:04:07,852 --> 00:04:10,731 I just want to win it. All that lot think I'm a right retard. 85 00:04:10,732 --> 00:04:12,971 The Student's Union only thought I was there 86 00:04:12,972 --> 00:04:15,131 as part of a mental health awareness week. 87 00:04:15,132 --> 00:04:16,931 Am I the only one serving here? 88 00:04:16,932 --> 00:04:17,731 Yeah. 89 00:04:17,732 --> 00:04:18,771 Cheeky fuckers. 90 00:04:18,772 --> 00:04:20,971 You got showbiz running through your veins. 91 00:04:20,972 --> 00:04:23,451 Got a lot of stuff running through his veins, Mimi, 92 00:04:23,452 --> 00:04:25,131 I don't know if any of it's showbiz. 93 00:04:25,132 --> 00:04:27,851 My brother, his Uncle Robert, toured the clubs as a magician, 94 00:04:27,852 --> 00:04:29,051 and worked the liners too. 95 00:04:29,052 --> 00:04:30,131 Uncle Bobbi, yeah... 96 00:04:30,132 --> 00:04:30,731 Robert. 97 00:04:30,732 --> 00:04:32,891 I remember him saying cruising was his life. 98 00:04:32,892 --> 00:04:34,331 In the magic ring and all that. 99 00:04:34,332 --> 00:04:35,171 Circle. 100 00:04:35,172 --> 00:04:36,931 How come I've never met him? 101 00:04:36,932 --> 00:04:40,251 I got married, moved away and he had his career... Showbiz pals. 102 00:04:40,252 --> 00:04:43,331 I loved the bones of him but we moved in different worlds. 103 00:04:43,332 --> 00:04:46,091 He was globe-trotting and I was rearing a family. 104 00:04:46,092 --> 00:04:47,051 You should get in touch. 105 00:04:47,052 --> 00:04:50,611 You should get in touch. Do you think I haven't tried? 106 00:04:50,612 --> 00:04:52,051 With ya now, love. 107 00:04:52,052 --> 00:04:54,411 Ha-ha-ha-ha. 108 00:04:54,412 --> 00:04:58,411 Crack. 109 00:05:00,732 --> 00:05:04,731 Jesus, what charity is it this time? 110 00:05:07,172 --> 00:05:08,291 You serious? 111 00:05:08,292 --> 00:05:09,371 BAP. 112 00:05:09,372 --> 00:05:10,251 Tit? 113 00:05:10,252 --> 00:05:11,651 BAP. Tit? 114 00:05:11,652 --> 00:05:14,531 BAP. 115 00:05:14,532 --> 00:05:15,891 BAP. 116 00:05:15,892 --> 00:05:17,571 British Alliance Party. 117 00:05:17,572 --> 00:05:19,891 Raffle tickets for their social club. 118 00:05:19,892 --> 00:05:21,931 Wouldn't thought you'd fit their demograph. 119 00:05:21,932 --> 00:05:23,691 And why would that be? 120 00:05:23,692 --> 00:05:27,691 On account of you being black, black, black, black and black. 121 00:05:28,452 --> 00:05:30,651 That's not what they're about. 122 00:05:30,652 --> 00:05:33,531 Compulsory repatriation, a complete ban on immigration, 123 00:05:33,532 --> 00:05:35,691 and laws discriminating against gays and women. 124 00:05:35,692 --> 00:05:37,011 What else could they be about? 125 00:05:37,012 --> 00:05:37,731 Whatever. 126 00:05:37,732 --> 00:05:41,731 See ya. 127 00:05:44,292 --> 00:05:47,131 Jamie's doing his nut. You shouldn't have clamped him. 128 00:05:47,132 --> 00:05:48,331 Bastards. 129 00:05:48,332 --> 00:05:50,931 Err, WE shouldn't've clamped him, Micky. 130 00:05:50,932 --> 00:05:53,491 That's me, you and Manchester Clamping Solutions. 131 00:05:53,492 --> 00:05:56,051 He won't pay up, will he? You know what he's like. 132 00:05:56,052 --> 00:05:57,091 Who gives a shit? 133 00:05:57,092 --> 00:05:58,251 I do. 134 00:05:58,252 --> 00:05:59,971 I put money into it, I've got a say. 135 00:05:59,972 --> 00:06:01,011 No, you haven't. 136 00:06:01,012 --> 00:06:02,411 You're a silent partner. 137 00:06:02,412 --> 00:06:04,611 Now shut the fuck up. 138 00:06:04,612 --> 00:06:06,411 It'll kick off. 139 00:06:06,412 --> 00:06:09,211 For fuck's sake, stop whining, will ya? 140 00:06:09,212 --> 00:06:10,531 I'll take it off, all right. 141 00:06:10,532 --> 00:06:13,331 Why do you and Jamie always have to have a pop at each other? 142 00:06:13,332 --> 00:06:16,131 Why can't you just get on? You're brothers, for fuck sake. 143 00:06:16,132 --> 00:06:18,291 Nothing more than a biological accident, Micky. 144 00:06:18,292 --> 00:06:19,971 If I hadn't been the fastest swimmer 145 00:06:19,972 --> 00:06:22,931 or Dad decided to have one off the wrist instead of impregnating Mam, 146 00:06:22,932 --> 00:06:25,091 we wouldn't even be having this conversation. 147 00:06:25,092 --> 00:06:27,411 Look, Jamie is a cunt. 148 00:06:27,412 --> 00:06:30,731 A prize cunt who thinks and cares about no-one other than himself. 149 00:06:30,732 --> 00:06:32,251 Believe. 150 00:06:32,252 --> 00:06:36,251 Fuck's sake! 151 00:06:40,612 --> 00:06:41,851 Fucking amateurs. 152 00:06:41,852 --> 00:06:43,051 Won't they charge you more? 153 00:06:43,052 --> 00:06:46,011 You'll be destroying their property and them clamps aren't cheap. 154 00:06:46,012 --> 00:06:47,491 It's a scam. 155 00:06:47,492 --> 00:06:50,771 You get yourself a phoney license, stick a few photocopied signs up. 156 00:06:50,772 --> 00:06:51,971 You're wrong there, Jamie... 157 00:06:51,972 --> 00:06:55,051 They're subcontracted and endorsed by Manchester Clamping Solutions 158 00:06:55,052 --> 00:06:57,051 and are operating according to local by-laws 159 00:06:57,052 --> 00:06:58,531 and governmental legislations. 160 00:06:58,532 --> 00:06:59,611 How the fuck would you know? 161 00:06:59,612 --> 00:07:01,371 I heard it somewhere. 162 00:07:01,372 --> 00:07:03,731 Why don't you go back in the pub, I'll handle this. 163 00:07:03,732 --> 00:07:04,811 You? 164 00:07:04,812 --> 00:07:08,171 You don't want to mess with these guys, Jamie. I've seen them. 165 00:07:08,172 --> 00:07:11,411 You've seen them? What do they look like? 166 00:07:11,412 --> 00:07:13,211 About that big. 167 00:07:13,212 --> 00:07:14,411 Chinese. 168 00:07:14,412 --> 00:07:16,971 Triads. Hard fuckers. 169 00:07:16,972 --> 00:07:20,091 Micky, do me a favour, will ya? 170 00:07:20,092 --> 00:07:22,051 Look, this is too dangerous. 171 00:07:22,052 --> 00:07:23,651 We can't afford to lose you. 172 00:07:23,652 --> 00:07:26,371 I'll handle it, you go back in there. 173 00:07:26,372 --> 00:07:28,611 You'll make Connor an orphan, 174 00:07:28,612 --> 00:07:31,971 the poor kid will grow up not knowing his dad. 175 00:07:31,972 --> 00:07:35,091 I'll talk about you, obviously, and keep your memory alive, but... 176 00:07:35,092 --> 00:07:39,011 Micky, will you fuck off?! 177 00:07:39,012 --> 00:07:41,251 Oi, the fuck you doing? 178 00:07:41,252 --> 00:07:42,771 It's all right, I'm on it. 179 00:07:42,772 --> 00:07:45,531 That's my property. 180 00:07:45,532 --> 00:07:49,131 You? Thought you said it belonged to a Chinese dwarf? 181 00:07:49,132 --> 00:07:50,291 No, it's my new business. 182 00:07:50,292 --> 00:07:52,211 It's all sorted now. No harm done. 183 00:07:52,212 --> 00:07:54,931 You're parked illegally, you've damaged a clamp. 184 00:07:54,932 --> 00:07:55,971 That'll be 70 quid. 185 00:07:55,972 --> 00:07:57,051 In your dreams. 186 00:07:57,052 --> 00:07:59,491 Pay the fine, or I'll just keep putting it on. 187 00:07:59,492 --> 00:08:00,931 And I'll just keep cutting it off. 188 00:08:00,932 --> 00:08:02,211 I'll pay it. 189 00:08:02,212 --> 00:08:04,451 Keep your fucking nose out. 190 00:08:04,452 --> 00:08:07,691 I won't tell you again. 191 00:08:07,692 --> 00:08:09,131 Fuck do you think you are? 192 00:08:09,132 --> 00:08:11,491 He's your brother, you know, we're brothers! 193 00:08:11,492 --> 00:08:14,211 The guy who's about to reach down and rip out your fucking lungs. 194 00:08:14,212 --> 00:08:17,851 That's enough! 195 00:08:17,852 --> 00:08:21,851 Oh, for fuck's sake. 196 00:08:28,772 --> 00:08:30,131 Guess who won the raffle? 197 00:08:30,132 --> 00:08:31,091 Fix. 198 00:08:31,092 --> 00:08:32,531 Heil Hitler. 199 00:08:32,532 --> 00:08:36,051 What the fuck? 200 00:08:36,052 --> 00:08:37,571 What've you won? 201 00:08:37,572 --> 00:08:41,571 Dinner at the Meat and Two Veg restaurant. 202 00:08:41,772 --> 00:08:42,891 In Burnley. 203 00:08:42,892 --> 00:08:44,611 Fucking Burnley?! 204 00:08:44,612 --> 00:08:46,891 All home grown produce, British beef. 205 00:08:46,892 --> 00:08:49,091 Ever heard of Stockholm Syndrome, Jackson? 206 00:08:49,092 --> 00:08:52,011 They're not brainwashing me. It's sport, not politics. 207 00:08:52,012 --> 00:08:54,291 They're decent people once you get to know them. 208 00:08:54,292 --> 00:08:57,531 They used to say the same thing about Mengele, "He's not too bad 209 00:08:57,532 --> 00:09:00,971 "once you scratch the surface, get over that whole genocide thing." 210 00:09:00,972 --> 00:09:04,211 They just want us to look after ourselves. 211 00:09:04,212 --> 00:09:05,251 Brits. 212 00:09:05,252 --> 00:09:07,931 State the economy's in, charity begins at home. 213 00:09:07,932 --> 00:09:11,931 We need to take care of our own before we can help anybody else. 214 00:09:13,572 --> 00:09:16,291 He'll be invading Poland next. 215 00:09:16,292 --> 00:09:18,011 How do you think? 216 00:09:18,012 --> 00:09:19,691 Karen, get him some water. 217 00:09:19,692 --> 00:09:22,771 What are you up to? 218 00:09:22,772 --> 00:09:26,171 They're obliged by law to accept membership from all walks of life... 219 00:09:26,172 --> 00:09:29,171 black, Asian, gay, whatever - and I want to see if they will. 220 00:09:29,172 --> 00:09:31,171 I want to see if they genuinely accept me 221 00:09:31,172 --> 00:09:32,971 or they're just paying lip service. 222 00:09:32,972 --> 00:09:34,211 And what if they are? 223 00:09:34,212 --> 00:09:36,931 Then I expose the two-faced Fascist bastards 224 00:09:36,932 --> 00:09:38,971 for who they are and close 'em down. 225 00:09:38,972 --> 00:09:41,691 Thought we were going to have to call an ambulance. 226 00:09:41,692 --> 00:09:42,651 Do you want 'owt getting, mate? 227 00:09:42,652 --> 00:09:43,931 I bit me tongue. 228 00:09:43,932 --> 00:09:45,531 How could you do this to your own? 229 00:09:45,532 --> 00:09:48,371 This wouldn't have happened if Shane hadn't have clamped the van. 230 00:09:48,372 --> 00:09:49,451 Jamie should've paid up. 231 00:09:49,452 --> 00:09:51,371 What's it got to do with you, little Hitler? 232 00:09:51,372 --> 00:09:53,731 We're business partners. 233 00:09:53,732 --> 00:09:55,491 Business partners. 234 00:09:55,492 --> 00:09:57,531 Your brother's sitting here concussed 235 00:09:57,532 --> 00:09:59,651 and you're still tearing at each other. 236 00:09:59,652 --> 00:10:02,611 What's it going to take for you to grow the fuck up?! 237 00:10:02,612 --> 00:10:05,771 I'm ashamed to call you family! 238 00:10:05,772 --> 00:10:09,771 I recognise those dulcet tones. 239 00:10:14,612 --> 00:10:15,611 Robert? 240 00:10:15,612 --> 00:10:17,171 You came. Uncle Robert! 241 00:10:17,172 --> 00:10:19,211 Bobbi, with an I. 242 00:10:19,212 --> 00:10:23,211 Like Liza. Minnelli, that is, not Tarbuck. 243 00:10:23,852 --> 00:10:27,851 No kiss for your little sis? 244 00:10:33,252 --> 00:10:37,251 Fuck me. 245 00:10:37,778 --> 00:10:39,521 I'm sorry to hear about you and Paddy. 246 00:10:39,522 --> 00:10:41,360 You hated the fuckin' sight of him. 247 00:10:41,361 --> 00:10:44,720 Well, true enough. Micky traced me down via my agent, 248 00:10:44,721 --> 00:10:48,720 said you'd been looking for me. Said you'd been missing me. 249 00:10:48,841 --> 00:10:50,400 I missed you too, you know. 250 00:10:50,401 --> 00:10:53,560 Just one minute you were seeing that gobshite, 251 00:10:53,561 --> 00:10:55,840 next minute you were up the duff, married, 252 00:10:55,841 --> 00:10:57,520 then at the wrong end of the M62. 253 00:10:57,521 --> 00:10:58,640 Whirlwind romance. 254 00:10:58,641 --> 00:11:00,000 Shotgun wedding. 255 00:11:00,001 --> 00:11:03,000 You know, I did try and keep in touch 256 00:11:03,001 --> 00:11:04,960 I did a few gigs here, years back. 257 00:11:04,961 --> 00:11:07,000 Gave you a knock, but you were never in. 258 00:11:07,001 --> 00:11:10,240 Meems! 259 00:11:10,241 --> 00:11:11,120 Shhh! 260 00:11:11,121 --> 00:11:12,160 Shhh! 261 00:11:12,161 --> 00:11:16,160 Did write. 262 00:11:17,841 --> 00:11:21,040 I just thought you were dropping a hint. So I took it. 263 00:11:21,041 --> 00:11:22,400 You're my baby brother. 264 00:11:22,401 --> 00:11:25,800 If only we had mobiles in them days, eh? E-mails.. 265 00:11:25,801 --> 00:11:27,440 Well, we're here now, aren't we? 266 00:11:27,441 --> 00:11:30,920 Hepburn sisters, back together again at last. 267 00:11:30,921 --> 00:11:34,880 I'll be Audrey, you can be the one with the voice like a man. 268 00:11:34,881 --> 00:11:36,120 Robert, listen. 269 00:11:36,121 --> 00:11:37,160 I hate to say this but... 270 00:11:37,161 --> 00:11:39,600 Bobbi. Nobody's called me Robert in an age. 271 00:11:39,601 --> 00:11:40,640 Bob... 272 00:11:40,641 --> 00:11:41,720 Bob... ..Bi. 273 00:11:41,721 --> 00:11:42,000 Bob... 274 00:11:42,001 --> 00:11:43,560 Bob... ..Bi. 275 00:11:43,561 --> 00:11:46,000 Bobbi, it might be an idea 276 00:11:46,001 --> 00:11:50,000 to tone down the whole showbiz angle while you're here. 277 00:11:50,681 --> 00:11:53,320 Just cut the camp shit. People round here 278 00:11:53,321 --> 00:11:55,720 like the women to be women and the men to be men. 279 00:11:55,721 --> 00:11:57,880 Don't we all! No, I hear you. 280 00:11:57,881 --> 00:11:59,320 I hear you. 281 00:11:59,321 --> 00:12:01,000 Good. 282 00:12:01,001 --> 00:12:02,280 Suitcase is at ours. 283 00:12:02,281 --> 00:12:05,520 No brother of mine's staying in a scabby B&B. 284 00:12:05,521 --> 00:12:08,320 Micky's on the couch, you'll have his room. 285 00:12:08,321 --> 00:12:10,080 (Did you change the sheets?) 286 00:12:10,081 --> 00:12:11,120 Yeah. 287 00:12:11,121 --> 00:12:13,120 (Get rid of the wanky hankies?) 288 00:12:13,121 --> 00:12:15,400 Thanks, Micky love. That's very kind of you. 289 00:12:15,401 --> 00:12:18,200 You're family. The only other uncles I've got 290 00:12:18,201 --> 00:12:22,200 are either dead or in, erm...Argentina. 291 00:12:24,881 --> 00:12:25,960 I need to get back to work. 292 00:12:25,961 --> 00:12:28,040 How about I take my favourite nephew 293 00:12:28,041 --> 00:12:32,040 for a proper drink, a real drink? C'mon. 294 00:12:34,241 --> 00:12:38,240 Two days max and he's out of here. Get that? 295 00:12:43,761 --> 00:12:46,280 Shane. 296 00:12:46,281 --> 00:12:47,880 You kept that fucking quiet. 297 00:12:47,881 --> 00:12:50,680 Yeah, when I was a kid, I always thought he was the magician 298 00:12:50,681 --> 00:12:51,720 not the fucking assistant. 299 00:12:51,721 --> 00:12:52,760 What's the big deal? 300 00:12:52,761 --> 00:12:55,360 He looks like a woman. 301 00:12:55,361 --> 00:12:57,240 Mam's sung his praises for years. 302 00:12:57,241 --> 00:12:58,560 Why wouldn't she mention he was a tranny? 303 00:12:58,561 --> 00:13:00,440 It obviously doesn't matter to her. 304 00:13:00,441 --> 00:13:03,120 They were dead happy to see each other. 305 00:13:03,121 --> 00:13:07,120 He's the only family she's got besides you lot. Don't spoil it. 306 00:13:08,081 --> 00:13:09,560 What the fuck is that supposed to be? 307 00:13:09,561 --> 00:13:11,200 (PATTY) Transvestite. 308 00:13:11,201 --> 00:13:13,240 A man who likes to eat, drink, 309 00:13:13,241 --> 00:13:14,800 and be Mary. 310 00:13:14,801 --> 00:13:17,960 It takes balls to be a tranny. And a penis. 311 00:13:17,961 --> 00:13:19,000 I should know. 312 00:13:19,001 --> 00:13:21,120 What big hands you've got! 313 00:13:23,801 --> 00:13:26,160 LAUGHTER 314 00:13:26,161 --> 00:13:28,520 Have I got cunt written on my forehead? 315 00:13:28,521 --> 00:13:29,560 No, Mimi. 316 00:13:29,561 --> 00:13:33,280 Then don't treat me like one and the same goes for my sist... 317 00:13:33,281 --> 00:13:37,280 brother. 318 00:13:38,081 --> 00:13:39,920 Spread the word. 319 00:13:39,921 --> 00:13:43,920 Cheers. 320 00:13:47,561 --> 00:13:48,040 8, please, guys. 321 00:13:48,041 --> 00:13:50,600 Third cup replay we've lost on the trot. 322 00:13:50,601 --> 00:13:52,720 We need to up the training regime... 323 00:13:52,721 --> 00:13:54,920 few less lagers and a few more 5k runs. 324 00:13:54,921 --> 00:13:56,280 10k runs. 325 00:13:56,281 --> 00:13:58,000 We'll put a programme together. 326 00:13:58,001 --> 00:14:00,680 Still time to finish the season with a bit of dignity. 327 00:14:00,681 --> 00:14:02,280 That's what I like - a bit of positivity. 328 00:14:02,281 --> 00:14:03,280 A bit of delusion. 329 00:14:03,281 --> 00:14:06,520 There you go. 330 00:14:06,521 --> 00:14:07,800 Eh, lads, 331 00:14:07,801 --> 00:14:10,040 what do blondes say after sex? 332 00:14:10,041 --> 00:14:10,960 Thanks, guys. 333 00:14:10,961 --> 00:14:11,960 LAUGHTER 334 00:14:11,961 --> 00:14:13,960 Lads, we're off for a bit of scran if you fancy it? 335 00:14:13,961 --> 00:14:15,800 We've got plans. Where are you off? 336 00:14:15,801 --> 00:14:17,680 Chinky. 337 00:14:17,681 --> 00:14:20,600 Prick! 338 00:14:20,601 --> 00:14:21,840 It's a joke. 339 00:14:21,841 --> 00:14:24,520 Like the one you just laughed along with. 340 00:14:24,521 --> 00:14:27,640 Come on, mate. He's just having a bit of fun. It's just a word. 341 00:14:27,641 --> 00:14:30,080 Yeah, like Paki or nigger. 342 00:14:30,081 --> 00:14:32,600 That never fails to have me pissing myself > 343 00:14:32,601 --> 00:14:34,880 laughing every time I hear it, eh, Jackson? 344 00:14:34,881 --> 00:14:38,880 Rolling on the floor. Splitting my fuckin' sides. 345 00:14:47,721 --> 00:14:51,720 Everyone knows he's in the wrong. Shane's a dickhead. You're smarter. 346 00:14:52,361 --> 00:14:54,880 Just shrug it off for the sake of the family. 347 00:14:54,881 --> 00:14:56,360 The bigger man walks away. 348 00:14:56,361 --> 00:14:58,600 You know you're right. We know you're right. 349 00:14:58,601 --> 00:14:59,920 It's not like losing face. 350 00:14:59,921 --> 00:15:03,920 It's another bit of hassle we could do without. Please. For me. 351 00:15:07,681 --> 00:15:09,200 OK. For you. 352 00:15:09,201 --> 00:15:11,040 My little West End Wendy! 353 00:15:11,240 --> 00:15:12,440 Now, I don't wanna *** in ya, 354 00:15:12,921 --> 00:15:14,720 but you've got a show in a few days 355 00:15:14,721 --> 00:15:17,120 and you haven't got one fucking act. So... 356 00:15:17,121 --> 00:15:19,080 Can I get everyone's attention, please? 357 00:15:19,081 --> 00:15:21,200 Now, anyone with an artistic flair 358 00:15:21,201 --> 00:15:24,480 that they don't mind showing - nothing pornographic... 359 00:15:24,481 --> 00:15:27,920 can sign up to perform in Micky's Variety Show. 360 00:15:27,921 --> 00:15:31,920 This is your chance to show us... 361 00:15:33,481 --> 00:15:36,560 what you can do. 362 00:15:36,561 --> 00:15:38,200 Oh, forgot to say. 363 00:15:38,201 --> 00:15:42,200 Anyone who is participating, it's free ale all night. 364 00:15:42,241 --> 00:15:44,960 What the fuck you doing? I can't shell out for this. 365 00:15:44,961 --> 00:15:46,920 You don't have to. Charge on the door. 366 00:15:46,921 --> 00:15:48,960 You'll make your money back in no time. 367 00:15:48,961 --> 00:15:49,960 Mum, sort this out, will you? 368 00:15:49,961 --> 00:15:51,120 Oh, Mimi, 369 00:15:51,121 --> 00:15:55,120 isn't he gorgeous when he's riled? If I wasn't his auntie... 370 00:16:10,241 --> 00:16:12,040 You all right? 371 00:16:12,041 --> 00:16:12,840 Why wouldn't I be? 372 00:16:12,841 --> 00:16:13,960 You don't look like 373 00:16:13,961 --> 00:16:16,360 someone who's found their long-lost brother, 374 00:16:16,361 --> 00:16:18,000 the one you said you worshipped. 375 00:16:18,001 --> 00:16:19,000 I'm made up to see him. 376 00:16:19,001 --> 00:16:22,240 So made up, you want him out the house in 24 hours? 377 00:16:22,241 --> 00:16:23,280 Drop it, eh? > 378 00:16:23,281 --> 00:16:25,840 Leave it, Micky! 379 00:16:25,841 --> 00:16:27,840 Karen says she needs some more vodka, 380 00:16:27,841 --> 00:16:31,840 crisps and nuts from the cellar. 381 00:16:38,881 --> 00:16:42,880 Gullibility obviously runs in the family. 382 00:16:45,241 --> 00:16:46,600 Micky! 383 00:16:48,441 --> 00:16:52,440 Just sort it. 384 00:16:57,281 --> 00:17:00,880 He reckons it's time me and you had a talk. 385 00:17:00,881 --> 00:17:04,880 And I think he's right. 386 00:17:18,401 --> 00:17:19,640 All the wives take their turn. 387 00:17:19,641 --> 00:17:22,600 Ah, that is so considerate. Thanks. 388 00:17:22,601 --> 00:17:26,600 Otherwise it means one person ends up doing the whole lot, week after week. 389 00:17:26,721 --> 00:17:30,720 Which wouldn't be right at all, would it? 390 00:17:31,241 --> 00:17:32,320 Oops. 391 00:17:32,321 --> 00:17:33,640 Oh, for fuck's... 392 00:17:33,641 --> 00:17:36,720 I do yours out of some misplaced sense of obligation. 393 00:17:36,721 --> 00:17:40,720 The SS can do their own. 394 00:17:42,881 --> 00:17:44,840 They take turns cooking for each other too. 395 00:17:44,841 --> 00:17:46,440 Fuck right off! 396 00:17:46,441 --> 00:17:48,440 It'll help me infiltrate the group! 397 00:17:48,441 --> 00:17:51,640 You're a trainee teacher, not a member of MI-bleeding-5. 398 00:17:51,641 --> 00:17:52,800 No way. Please. 399 00:17:52,801 --> 00:17:53,880 No! 400 00:17:53,881 --> 00:17:55,160 If I stand any chance of bringing them down... 401 00:17:55,161 --> 00:17:57,560 And who put you in charge of social justice? 402 00:17:57,561 --> 00:17:59,320 Someone needs to make a stand. 403 00:17:59,321 --> 00:18:01,360 And that someone is you?! 404 00:18:01,361 --> 00:18:04,800 Jackson, you can't even put a fucking shelf up! 405 00:18:04,801 --> 00:18:06,560 They're coming for dinner tonight. 406 00:18:06,561 --> 00:18:08,880 DOOR CLOSES 407 00:18:08,881 --> 00:18:12,240 WATER TRICKLES 408 00:18:12,241 --> 00:18:14,720 What are you fucking doing? 409 00:18:14,721 --> 00:18:16,880 That vodka's gone right through me - I'm pissing like a shire horse. 410 00:18:16,881 --> 00:18:19,560 Well, I don't want to see your dangly bits! 411 00:18:19,561 --> 00:18:23,560 Try standing up against the wall and doing it like a normal man! 412 00:18:23,721 --> 00:18:25,720 Normal? And what the fuck is normal? 413 00:18:25,721 --> 00:18:26,680 Certainly not you. 414 00:18:26,681 --> 00:18:28,720 You have no idea what it's like to be me... 415 00:18:28,721 --> 00:18:31,560 You're not the only one with facial hair and haemorrhoids. 416 00:18:31,561 --> 00:18:33,000 ..how bad my life was when you pissed off! 417 00:18:33,001 --> 00:18:34,360 At least you had a life! 418 00:18:34,361 --> 00:18:37,800 All my life was spent coping with being your sister, 419 00:18:37,801 --> 00:18:41,480 while you were swanning round being Quentin fuckin' Crisp. 420 00:18:41,481 --> 00:18:43,480 I had to deal with the fallout! 421 00:18:43,481 --> 00:18:45,760 Quentin fuckin' Crisp?! I'm not a gay man. 422 00:18:45,761 --> 00:18:49,280 I'm a woman, OK, born with a cock. 423 00:18:49,281 --> 00:18:51,120 Definition of a woman with a cock - man. 424 00:18:51,121 --> 00:18:52,480 I feel like a woman inside! 425 00:18:52,481 --> 00:18:55,640 Oh, yeah? Well, I feel like bleedin' Pamela Anderson inside, 426 00:18:55,641 --> 00:18:59,120 but not much chance of you seeing me in fuckin' Baywatch, is there?! 427 00:18:59,121 --> 00:19:00,640 I'm a woman! 428 00:19:00,641 --> 00:19:01,680 Cock! 429 00:19:01,681 --> 00:19:02,320 Woman! 430 00:19:02,321 --> 00:19:03,440 Woman! Cock! 431 00:19:03,441 --> 00:19:03,640 Woman! 432 00:19:03,641 --> 00:19:07,480 Woman! Cock, cock, cock. 433 00:19:07,481 --> 00:19:11,120 Fighting your battles for you, defending you 434 00:19:11,121 --> 00:19:13,840 while you pranced round the streets in Ma's heels! 435 00:19:13,841 --> 00:19:17,840 You were a self-indulgent, spoilt little bastard! 436 00:19:18,161 --> 00:19:23,434 You've got no idea what I went through, the pain that I suffered 437 00:19:23,561 --> 00:19:27,000 and all that time you were laughing at me, Mimi! 438 00:19:27,001 --> 00:19:29,120 I was screaming for help. 439 00:19:29,121 --> 00:19:31,985 I was begging for somebody to give me their hand 440 00:19:31,986 --> 00:19:34,185 and all that time you were laughing at me, 441 00:19:34,186 --> 00:19:38,185 taking the piss while I was drowning. 442 00:19:38,466 --> 00:19:42,465 I was drowning. 443 00:19:46,826 --> 00:19:50,825 Urgh! Your bollock's out. 444 00:19:55,456 --> 00:19:59,175 It was like the Crying Game all over again, only in 3D. 445 00:19:59,176 --> 00:20:03,175 Are you two OK now? 446 00:20:05,176 --> 00:20:07,295 If I'd have known. 447 00:20:07,296 --> 00:20:10,175 If we'd have talked, your burden could've been lighter. 448 00:20:10,176 --> 00:20:13,135 We could've gone on Trisha or that gobshite on Granada. 449 00:20:13,136 --> 00:20:16,895 Talked things through, reached an understanding. 450 00:20:16,896 --> 00:20:19,015 A resolution. 451 00:20:19,016 --> 00:20:22,695 But from now on, my casa, su casa. 452 00:20:22,696 --> 00:20:24,175 English, please. 453 00:20:24,176 --> 00:20:26,655 It means her house is my house, love. 454 00:20:26,656 --> 00:20:28,975 As long as you want to stay, you're welcome. 455 00:20:28,976 --> 00:20:30,295 Such a lot to catch up on. 456 00:20:30,296 --> 00:20:34,295 Come here, love. 457 00:20:34,656 --> 00:20:36,775 And one more thing you need to know. Jamie and Shane 458 00:20:36,776 --> 00:20:40,215 obviously aren't too comfortable having me around, so, er... 459 00:20:40,216 --> 00:20:41,495 I might as well say this here. 460 00:20:41,496 --> 00:20:44,575 We had a homo in the footie team and they were cool with him. 461 00:20:44,576 --> 00:20:46,415 I mean, apart from touching him during a tackle. 462 00:20:46,416 --> 00:20:48,335 Or bending down for the ball. 463 00:20:48,336 --> 00:20:50,295 Or him kissing them if they scored. 464 00:20:50,296 --> 00:20:52,815 And the showers. And well, having him on the team but... 465 00:20:52,816 --> 00:20:54,935 Erm... I've rehearsed this a million times 466 00:20:54,936 --> 00:20:58,575 and I've never got it right, so, er, 467 00:20:58,576 --> 00:21:02,575 forgive my, er, bluntness. Robert Hepburn's...days 468 00:21:04,696 --> 00:21:08,695 on earth...are numbered. 469 00:21:09,056 --> 00:21:12,375 It's the AIDS, isn't it? It's God's judgement. 470 00:21:12,376 --> 00:21:15,175 You've been smitten. I fucking knew it! 471 00:21:15,176 --> 00:21:16,855 Oh, sweet Jesus, I could be next! 472 00:21:16,856 --> 00:21:17,775 Mimi... 473 00:21:17,776 --> 00:21:20,695 I told your dad more than once - it's not in God's plan. 474 00:21:20,696 --> 00:21:22,535 Mimi, love... 475 00:21:22,536 --> 00:21:24,935 If he'd had meant us to do it like that 476 00:21:24,936 --> 00:21:28,695 he'd've made it easier to get it in! 477 00:21:28,696 --> 00:21:32,095 Mimi! It's not fucking AIDS, OK, it's not AIDS! 478 00:21:32,096 --> 00:21:34,415 I've been living as a woman for years. 479 00:21:34,416 --> 00:21:35,575 With a woman? 480 00:21:35,576 --> 00:21:39,575 As. Undergoing psychiatric evaluation, hormone therapy. 481 00:21:40,256 --> 00:21:42,975 And now I'm just waiting to get the nod. 482 00:21:42,976 --> 00:21:46,975 Come on, I've always said that me John Thomas gets in the way. 483 00:21:48,016 --> 00:21:49,015 Well, pretty soon it won't. 484 00:21:49,016 --> 00:21:50,655 John Thomas? 485 00:21:50,656 --> 00:21:51,615 Snip! 486 00:21:51,616 --> 00:21:55,615 Ooh! 487 00:21:56,816 --> 00:21:59,695 They're here! You're fucking kidding! 488 00:21:59,696 --> 00:22:02,815 One word out of place and I will rip their heads off 489 00:22:02,816 --> 00:22:06,415 and shit down their necks. 490 00:22:06,416 --> 00:22:07,975 All right? 491 00:22:07,976 --> 00:22:08,895 Come in. 492 00:22:08,896 --> 00:22:11,895 You must be Avril. I hope you like white. 493 00:22:11,896 --> 00:22:14,455 I like most whites. 494 00:22:14,456 --> 00:22:16,535 Thanks for coming, mate. 495 00:22:16,536 --> 00:22:17,695 Our pleasure. 496 00:22:17,696 --> 00:22:21,695 Welcome. 497 00:22:21,936 --> 00:22:22,135 This is Ellen. 498 00:22:22,136 --> 00:22:25,695 Hiya. 499 00:22:25,696 --> 00:22:29,695 Jackson. Coats. 500 00:22:33,496 --> 00:22:37,495 Go on through. 501 00:22:40,306 --> 00:22:42,465 Two G&T's, please, Micky. 502 00:22:42,466 --> 00:22:45,665 The Scouse transvestite. Hardly convincing. 503 00:22:45,666 --> 00:22:46,905 Why's that? 504 00:22:46,906 --> 00:22:50,905 The wrong shade of orange for a start. 505 00:22:53,146 --> 00:22:55,865 Dina wants to audition for the talent night. 506 00:22:55,866 --> 00:22:59,025 Hardly talent. Even I can do that. 507 00:22:59,026 --> 00:23:03,025 She's got a grip like a python. The punters call her the penis fly trap. 508 00:23:03,106 --> 00:23:04,705 The things she can't do with her libia... 509 00:23:04,706 --> 00:23:06,425 Anyone can smoke a cigar. 510 00:23:06,426 --> 00:23:10,425 What...like that? 511 00:23:16,946 --> 00:23:17,945 Admittedly, not. 512 00:23:17,946 --> 00:23:20,025 No, no, but I'm going to fucking learn one day. 513 00:23:20,026 --> 00:23:23,745 Right, Micky, get her third on the bill, behind that deaf kid that did 514 00:23:23,746 --> 00:23:26,425 the yodelling, you know... 515 00:23:26,426 --> 00:23:28,225 Audience is going to need perking up after that, I think. 516 00:23:28,226 --> 00:23:31,265 And, er, me and Bobbi'll be rehearsing a little special 517 00:23:31,266 --> 00:23:32,945 something too, won't we? 518 00:23:32,946 --> 00:23:36,945 Mm-hm, sister act. 519 00:23:39,626 --> 00:23:43,625 Shane's clamping anything with wheels. I'm worried for my mobility. 520 00:23:46,306 --> 00:23:48,745 They've only clamped the bloody pram! 521 00:23:48,746 --> 00:23:52,745 Bastards! 522 00:23:55,106 --> 00:23:57,025 My punters are too scared to park. 523 00:23:57,026 --> 00:23:58,745 How are the acts going to get their gear in here, Micky? 524 00:23:58,746 --> 00:24:02,745 Where are your tutors expected to park their cars? 525 00:24:04,266 --> 00:24:05,825 What've you done to Shane? 526 00:24:05,826 --> 00:24:07,385 I don't know what you're talking about. 527 00:24:07,386 --> 00:24:09,545 He's not answering his phone. 528 00:24:09,546 --> 00:24:10,585 Well, maybe he's tied up. 529 00:24:10,586 --> 00:24:14,585 You've done something. Where is he? 530 00:24:16,626 --> 00:24:19,385 Bastaaaard! 531 00:24:19,386 --> 00:24:23,105 Fucking kill you! 532 00:24:23,106 --> 00:24:24,145 Whoa! You said you'd back off! 533 00:24:24,146 --> 00:24:24,945 What is going on? 534 00:24:24,946 --> 00:24:26,705 I'm just showing our Shane what an inconvenience it is 535 00:24:26,706 --> 00:24:29,305 when you're clamped. 536 00:24:29,306 --> 00:24:30,825 He's not worth it. 537 00:24:30,826 --> 00:24:31,865 Pack it in! 538 00:24:31,866 --> 00:24:33,905 You said you'd walk! 539 00:24:33,906 --> 00:24:35,985 You'd do best to remember who pays your wages. 540 00:24:35,986 --> 00:24:39,985 Yeah, time for you to nail your colours, Micky. 541 00:24:40,666 --> 00:24:42,665 He's in on the business. 542 00:24:42,666 --> 00:24:44,345 Silent partner. 543 00:24:44,346 --> 00:24:46,865 You work for me or you work for him. 544 00:24:46,866 --> 00:24:50,865 Not both. It's time to choose. 545 00:24:55,986 --> 00:24:57,425 Smells fantastic, don't you think, Ellen? 546 00:24:57,426 --> 00:24:58,425 Mmm. 547 00:24:58,426 --> 00:25:00,145 It's an old family recipe. 548 00:25:00,146 --> 00:25:04,145 Braised crocodile cheeks in an apricot and prickly pear sauce. 549 00:25:05,866 --> 00:25:09,385 It's a delicacy where my family come from. 550 00:25:09,386 --> 00:25:13,385 Just pulling your leg. Creole Chicken. 551 00:25:15,306 --> 00:25:16,305 Really nice of you to invite us. 552 00:25:16,306 --> 00:25:18,065 That's entirely down to Jackson. 553 00:25:18,066 --> 00:25:22,065 I wouldn't normally piss on a member of the BAP if he were on fire. 554 00:25:26,586 --> 00:25:28,625 We've got a bad reputation. 555 00:25:28,626 --> 00:25:30,145 Something we're working on. 556 00:25:30,146 --> 00:25:31,505 How, exactly? 557 00:25:31,506 --> 00:25:32,985 Well, we're opening doors. 558 00:25:32,986 --> 00:25:35,865 If you're British born and bred, you're welcome. 559 00:25:35,866 --> 00:25:38,745 But we all know that's to fit in with a legal requirement. 560 00:25:38,746 --> 00:25:42,185 You wouldn't do it if you didn't have to. 561 00:25:42,186 --> 00:25:46,185 Eat. 562 00:25:46,706 --> 00:25:47,985 Avril's every right to be suspicious. 563 00:25:47,986 --> 00:25:49,985 Country's gone to the dogs. 564 00:25:49,986 --> 00:25:51,185 Agreed? 565 00:25:51,186 --> 00:25:53,665 We're all getting ready for that spring, summer, 566 00:25:53,666 --> 00:25:55,345 autumn and winter of discontent. 567 00:25:55,346 --> 00:25:58,625 So your party isn't waging a war against race any more. 568 00:25:58,626 --> 00:26:01,225 It's a class war now. 569 00:26:01,226 --> 00:26:04,345 The country's being run by a gang of public schoolboys who don't 570 00:26:04,346 --> 00:26:06,585 know the meaning of doing without. 571 00:26:06,586 --> 00:26:10,585 A millionaire boys' club, who've got the temerity to tell us to tighten 572 00:26:11,186 --> 00:26:13,865 our belts while they're heading off to their holiday homes in Barbados. 573 00:26:13,866 --> 00:26:15,225 So it's equality you're after? 574 00:26:15,226 --> 00:26:19,225 We're after British people being treated fairly. Put first. 575 00:26:19,746 --> 00:26:21,505 We've got a march this Saturday. 576 00:26:21,506 --> 00:26:24,545 Lefties and students are onto it. Some contacts of the 577 00:26:24,546 --> 00:26:26,865 police have told me they're going to meet us mob-handed. 578 00:26:26,866 --> 00:26:28,585 You're cancelling, I hope? 579 00:26:28,586 --> 00:26:32,305 We've got a democratic right to our opinion. The march is going ahead. 580 00:26:32,306 --> 00:26:36,305 They won't be able to chant their usual racist insults at us. 581 00:26:37,026 --> 00:26:41,025 Not once they've clocked our poster boy. 582 00:26:45,466 --> 00:26:46,985 You up for it? 583 00:26:46,986 --> 00:26:50,985 Deffo. 584 00:26:54,786 --> 00:26:56,865 You know as well as I do, 585 00:26:56,866 --> 00:26:59,745 that march will turn into a riot- and you'll be at the front of it. 586 00:26:59,746 --> 00:27:01,185 It won't come to that. 587 00:27:01,186 --> 00:27:04,105 If you're lucky enough not to end up in the morgue, you'll lose your job. 588 00:27:04,106 --> 00:27:05,425 That won't happen. 589 00:27:05,426 --> 00:27:09,425 Will you take your fucking head from up your arse 590 00:27:09,746 --> 00:27:13,625 and wake up to what it is you're getting involved in, Jackson!? 591 00:27:13,626 --> 00:27:17,145 Anyone accuses me of going along with what that lunatic's preaching 592 00:27:17,146 --> 00:27:19,505 and I remind them I was the one that leaked this. 593 00:27:19,506 --> 00:27:21,625 What is it? 594 00:27:21,626 --> 00:27:25,625 A list of every BAP member registered to vote in the UK. 595 00:27:26,386 --> 00:27:30,385 Where d'you get it? 596 00:27:40,546 --> 00:27:43,785 I get this to the papers before the march and I save a few heads being kicked. 597 00:27:43,786 --> 00:27:45,625 He'll know it's you. 598 00:27:45,626 --> 00:27:48,065 Not me. 599 00:27:48,066 --> 00:27:50,465 I'll ask Chesney to do it. 600 00:27:50,466 --> 00:27:52,025 Stop worrying. 601 00:27:52,026 --> 00:27:53,625 Come here. 602 00:27:53,626 --> 00:27:57,625 I've got it covered. 603 00:28:01,466 --> 00:28:03,265 You nervous, Michael? 604 00:28:03,266 --> 00:28:05,225 You've every fucking right to be. 605 00:28:05,226 --> 00:28:07,345 These are your two choices. 606 00:28:07,346 --> 00:28:08,865 It's all down to you. 607 00:28:08,866 --> 00:28:12,585 And over to the lovely Roberta for that last-minute reminder. 608 00:28:12,586 --> 00:28:15,545 Thank you. Eh, stop it, cheeky! 609 00:28:15,546 --> 00:28:19,545 OK, choose Jamie and you condemn Shane and Kelly to a life on the 610 00:28:19,666 --> 00:28:23,665 outside, with absolutely no back-up whatsoever from any Maguire. 611 00:28:24,466 --> 00:28:28,225 Within weeks they'll be sleeping rough, forced to sell what little 612 00:28:28,226 --> 00:28:31,305 they do have, in order to survive! 613 00:28:31,306 --> 00:28:33,425 And choice B, please, Roberta. 614 00:28:33,426 --> 00:28:35,985 Ooh, choice B, Shane. 615 00:28:35,986 --> 00:28:38,105 By choosing him, you'll essentially 616 00:28:38,106 --> 00:28:41,385 be dismantling the family business, which means that you and Shane 617 00:28:41,386 --> 00:28:44,625 will not be able to work for the family, therefore rendering the family 618 00:28:44,626 --> 00:28:47,225 business, by definition, redundant! 619 00:28:47,226 --> 00:28:49,385 Do remember, though, Michael, choice B 620 00:28:49,386 --> 00:28:53,385 carries the hidden bonus of a return for your ma to the Holy Land! 621 00:28:56,826 --> 00:28:58,545 That's right. Mum will get an all-expenses paid, 622 00:28:58,546 --> 00:29:02,545 one-way trip all the way back to the banks of the Mersey! 623 00:29:03,746 --> 00:29:05,985 Michael, it's time to... 624 00:29:05,986 --> 00:29:09,025 Make your choice! 625 00:29:09,026 --> 00:29:12,305 Choose! Choose! Choose! Choose! 626 00:29:12,306 --> 00:29:16,305 Choose! Choose! Choose! Choose! 627 00:29:39,186 --> 00:29:40,785 It's time, Micky. 628 00:29:40,786 --> 00:29:41,425 We need a decision. 629 00:29:41,426 --> 00:29:42,665 Not yet. 630 00:29:42,666 --> 00:29:43,185 Do it now. 631 00:29:43,186 --> 00:29:44,425 I can't! 632 00:29:44,426 --> 00:29:45,305 You're going to have to. 633 00:29:45,306 --> 00:29:46,225 I need more time. 634 00:29:46,226 --> 00:29:47,265 Well, you haven't got it. 635 00:29:47,266 --> 00:29:48,585 But I need an extension. 636 00:29:48,586 --> 00:29:52,145 Look, there's too much to consider at such short notice. 637 00:29:52,146 --> 00:29:54,025 You know what I'm like. It takes me half an hour 638 00:29:54,026 --> 00:29:56,265 to decide which side of bed to get out of in the morning! 639 00:29:56,266 --> 00:29:59,385 There's only one side you can get out, you daft twat. 640 00:29:59,386 --> 00:30:01,105 Your bed's against a wall. 641 00:30:01,106 --> 00:30:05,105 It was a metaphor! Cornflakes, Weetabix, Coco Pops. 642 00:30:05,226 --> 00:30:09,225 Black socks, white socks, sports socks, boxers, Y-fronts, G-string! 643 00:30:13,346 --> 00:30:15,425 There's too many decisions to make as it is! 644 00:30:15,426 --> 00:30:17,065 Micky, what colour do you want these? 645 00:30:17,066 --> 00:30:20,665 How the fuck should I know, you s...! 646 00:30:20,666 --> 00:30:24,665 Sorry, Karen. Two soft whites, please. 647 00:30:28,786 --> 00:30:31,105 Is it true, then? You're just waiting for the snip? 648 00:30:31,106 --> 00:30:33,505 Oh, jungle drums been banging, have they? 649 00:30:33,506 --> 00:30:35,225 What do you do with it while you're waiting? 650 00:30:35,226 --> 00:30:37,665 I mean, where do you put it? 651 00:30:37,666 --> 00:30:40,785 Well, let me get the drinks in and then 652 00:30:40,786 --> 00:30:43,945 I'll tell you all you need to know. 653 00:30:43,946 --> 00:30:45,665 Mimi, love, can I get a G&T 654 00:30:45,666 --> 00:30:48,785 and whatever my new best mates are having? 655 00:30:48,786 --> 00:30:50,665 These are on me, love. 656 00:30:50,666 --> 00:30:54,585 Aw. 657 00:30:54,586 --> 00:30:57,585 You know, I was always the one with the talent. And the looks. 658 00:30:57,586 --> 00:31:01,545 People used to say to me I was more of a woman than she could ever be. 659 00:31:01,546 --> 00:31:05,545 They did! No, they did! 660 00:31:11,066 --> 00:31:12,745 Spag bol all right for you, Bobbi? 661 00:31:12,746 --> 00:31:16,145 You know me. Love a bit of spick. 662 00:31:16,146 --> 00:31:17,425 Are my slacks ready yet, Meems? 663 00:31:17,426 --> 00:31:21,425 Oh, upstairs. I'll just give them a quick once-over with the iron. 664 00:31:25,146 --> 00:31:26,625 You know, we're not that different, me and you. 665 00:31:26,626 --> 00:31:27,625 No? 666 00:31:27,626 --> 00:31:28,345 No. 667 00:31:28,346 --> 00:31:29,985 You mean apart from you being a two-faced shit 668 00:31:29,986 --> 00:31:33,385 and slagging off me mam behind her back? 669 00:31:33,386 --> 00:31:34,385 It's grown teeth. 670 00:31:34,386 --> 00:31:35,545 She's me mam. 671 00:31:35,546 --> 00:31:37,305 She's my sister. 672 00:31:37,306 --> 00:31:38,465 I'll tell her. 673 00:31:38,466 --> 00:31:40,705 No, you won't. You know as well as I do, if you let 674 00:31:40,706 --> 00:31:43,545 her know that I really think she's a fat, fucking ugly, embarrassing waste 675 00:31:43,546 --> 00:31:45,905 of space, it'd break her heart. 676 00:31:45,906 --> 00:31:46,865 Don't. 677 00:31:46,866 --> 00:31:49,945 Leaving me alone in Liverpool was the best favour she ever did. 678 00:31:49,946 --> 00:31:53,745 The only reason I'm here is cos I've nowhere else to go. 679 00:31:53,746 --> 00:31:57,185 Are you going to tell her that as well? 680 00:31:57,186 --> 00:32:00,625 No. You haven't got the balls, Micky. 681 00:32:00,626 --> 00:32:04,625 Why don't you wait a few weeks? You can have mine. 682 00:32:04,826 --> 00:32:05,545 I'll tell her. 683 00:32:05,546 --> 00:32:09,545 Meems! Micky's got something he'd like to say. 684 00:32:10,546 --> 00:32:12,265 No, I was just saying, 685 00:32:12,266 --> 00:32:14,545 I'm really looking forward to your duet with Uncle Robert. 686 00:32:14,546 --> 00:32:17,425 Steal the show. 687 00:32:17,426 --> 00:32:18,545 It's Bobbi. 688 00:32:18,546 --> 00:32:22,545 It's fucking Robert. 689 00:32:31,451 --> 00:32:35,450 All right, Frank? 690 00:32:38,186 --> 00:32:42,185 I'm so high, I don't wanna come down, Jimi. 691 00:32:42,866 --> 00:32:46,865 See you on the flip side. 692 00:32:49,866 --> 00:32:53,865 CROWD CHEER 693 00:32:53,986 --> 00:32:57,225 Wanker. 694 00:32:57,226 --> 00:32:59,225 Was hoping you'd be in. 695 00:32:59,226 --> 00:33:03,225 Get in the car. 696 00:33:11,386 --> 00:33:13,545 Some fucker robbed the membership list. 697 00:33:13,546 --> 00:33:15,945 We've got a lot of support up on high 698 00:33:15,946 --> 00:33:18,505 but people'll be terrified to back us if this gets out. 699 00:33:18,506 --> 00:33:22,505 If it gets out? 700 00:33:24,386 --> 00:33:26,745 I always keep this memory stick on me. 701 00:33:26,746 --> 00:33:30,385 Mate of mine's a journo at the paper that got contacted. 702 00:33:30,386 --> 00:33:34,225 He dialled 1471, got the number, we did a bit of research. 703 00:33:34,226 --> 00:33:37,465 Found out who it was. 704 00:33:37,466 --> 00:33:38,745 Go on. 705 00:33:38,746 --> 00:33:41,585 That little Paki bastard you know. Chesney? 706 00:33:41,586 --> 00:33:45,585 Listen - Ches isn't politically minded, not in that sense. 707 00:33:46,026 --> 00:33:49,145 He went through my stuff in the changing rooms while we played footy. 708 00:33:49,146 --> 00:33:51,345 So what will you do, give him a hiding? 709 00:33:51,346 --> 00:33:53,705 Gonna make an example of him. 710 00:33:53,706 --> 00:33:55,225 What do you mean, an example? 711 00:33:55,226 --> 00:33:58,825 A couple of the lads are on their way over, tooled up. 712 00:33:58,826 --> 00:34:01,225 We're gonna have a few cocktails. 713 00:34:01,226 --> 00:34:02,265 Cocktails? 714 00:34:02,266 --> 00:34:06,265 Always have a few drinks at a barbie, don't you? 715 00:34:13,426 --> 00:34:16,105 Mimi, same again. 716 00:34:16,106 --> 00:34:17,145 Yeah, OK. 717 00:34:17,146 --> 00:34:20,705 It can't have been easy growing up knowing what you knew. 718 00:34:20,706 --> 00:34:22,865 That you were trapped. 719 00:34:22,866 --> 00:34:25,025 I can't imagine what that must feel like. 720 00:34:25,026 --> 00:34:26,825 I can. 721 00:34:26,826 --> 00:34:28,545 Well, everyone's got their burden. 722 00:34:28,546 --> 00:34:30,865 How come it's taken this long? 723 00:34:30,866 --> 00:34:32,945 Having his cock cut off? 724 00:34:32,946 --> 00:34:36,265 Didn't have the confidence, or the backing of me family either. 725 00:34:36,266 --> 00:34:40,145 It can't have been easy news for your mother and father to absorb. 726 00:34:40,146 --> 00:34:43,985 When Rodney said he was a philatelist, I couldn't get out of bed for a month. 727 00:34:43,986 --> 00:34:46,785 You expect that from the older generation. But the one place 728 00:34:46,786 --> 00:34:50,785 I expected just a little bit of support was from my own sister. 729 00:34:50,986 --> 00:34:52,585 And it never came. 730 00:34:52,586 --> 00:34:56,585 I tried to end it all a few times. 731 00:34:57,186 --> 00:35:01,185 A scream for help that was never answered. 732 00:35:01,386 --> 00:35:04,225 Abandoned at 16, mam and dad dead. 733 00:35:04,226 --> 00:35:06,985 With the burden of a penis you never wanted. 734 00:35:06,986 --> 00:35:08,745 When I had my appendix out, 735 00:35:08,746 --> 00:35:10,905 they gave me it in a jar. Are you thinking... 736 00:35:10,906 --> 00:35:11,945 No. 737 00:35:11,946 --> 00:35:15,945 Here you go, girls. Run off my feet here. 738 00:35:18,466 --> 00:35:19,185 Everything all right? 739 00:35:19,186 --> 00:35:23,185 Fine. 740 00:35:28,946 --> 00:35:31,425 We need to get some bread rolls, 741 00:35:31,426 --> 00:35:33,145 mayo, cans of tuna, cans of ham. 742 00:35:33,146 --> 00:35:35,745 We can rustle up a decent buffet between us. 743 00:35:35,746 --> 00:35:38,505 When the going gets tough, the tough go shopping. 744 00:35:38,506 --> 00:35:41,265 I'll get a few bob out of petty cash. Will you go for it? 745 00:35:41,266 --> 00:35:43,625 What, in these heels? 746 00:35:43,626 --> 00:35:46,385 Well, I'd rather have ham. 747 00:35:46,386 --> 00:35:48,825 I'll put cheese on a bit... 748 00:35:48,826 --> 00:35:50,825 Bastards! 749 00:35:50,826 --> 00:35:52,305 Come here! 750 00:35:52,306 --> 00:35:53,665 I know your dad! 751 00:35:53,666 --> 00:35:57,665 Yeah? Well, I fuckin' don't! Dickhead. 752 00:35:57,746 --> 00:36:01,745 Least we know he's in. Soon as the lads arrive, we're on. 753 00:36:02,426 --> 00:36:05,745 Time for you to prove yourself. We're shaping history, Jackson. 754 00:36:05,746 --> 00:36:09,745 You should be proud. 755 00:36:11,866 --> 00:36:15,145 It'll be fine, son, the show. It's gonna be great, I can feel it. 756 00:36:15,146 --> 00:36:16,225 You reckon? 757 00:36:16,226 --> 00:36:19,305 The whole estate's buzzing. Gonna be one to remember. 758 00:36:19,306 --> 00:36:20,945 Proud of you. 759 00:36:20,946 --> 00:36:22,545 Yeah? 760 00:36:22,546 --> 00:36:25,345 Well, not everyone could organise a night like this. 761 00:36:25,346 --> 00:36:27,585 Takes a lot of dedication and skill. 762 00:36:27,586 --> 00:36:30,025 And don't forget, there's a little of Bobbi's 763 00:36:30,026 --> 00:36:34,025 DNA running through them veins. 764 00:36:35,946 --> 00:36:37,945 Decision time. 765 00:36:37,946 --> 00:36:39,425 Time to make your choice, Micky. 766 00:36:39,426 --> 00:36:42,025 I can't, I need a slash! 767 00:36:42,026 --> 00:36:45,585 Fuck's sake. Straight in, straight out. We've got plans to make. 768 00:36:45,586 --> 00:36:49,585 We've got plans to make. 769 00:37:11,266 --> 00:37:12,585 'We need some bread rolls.' 770 00:37:12,586 --> 00:37:13,945 'Will you go for it?' 771 00:37:13,946 --> 00:37:17,945 'What, in these heels?' 772 00:37:23,026 --> 00:37:27,025 You can work this to your advantage, soft arse. 773 00:37:27,026 --> 00:37:29,665 All you've ever done is give to those bastards 774 00:37:29,666 --> 00:37:33,505 and what have they given you in return? Their respect? Their love? 775 00:37:33,506 --> 00:37:35,745 Fuck off, they love me. 776 00:37:35,746 --> 00:37:38,145 They've got a fucked-up way of showing it. 777 00:37:38,146 --> 00:37:42,145 But it's hardly surprising with the parenting that you've had. 778 00:37:43,746 --> 00:37:47,065 50-50. 779 00:37:47,919 --> 00:37:50,540 Come on. Come away with me. 780 00:37:50,935 --> 00:37:55,459 Sun all year round, sandy beaches and all the cock you could handle. 781 00:37:55,935 --> 00:37:59,934 Come on. 782 00:38:03,255 --> 00:38:04,814 Jamie! Shane! 783 00:38:04,815 --> 00:38:08,814 They're gonna shit on you for the rest of your life if you let them. 784 00:38:17,268 --> 00:38:21,267 Bang on time. 785 00:38:29,188 --> 00:38:33,187 You know the drill, boys. 786 00:38:35,912 --> 00:38:39,911 Soon as it's alight, chuck the can into the flames and walk. 787 00:38:42,712 --> 00:38:44,711 No. 788 00:38:44,712 --> 00:38:46,171 Everything I've worked for, 789 00:38:46,172 --> 00:38:48,776 everything I've built up over the past ten years has been 790 00:38:48,777 --> 00:38:51,736 fucked over by that little bastard, and he's gonna pay. 791 00:38:52,510 --> 00:38:56,509 Get your fucking bala on. 792 00:39:06,400 --> 00:39:10,079 Mark, Mark, Mark, please! I'll do anything. 793 00:39:10,080 --> 00:39:14,079 Stand up for your rights, Jackson. That's all I'm asking you to do! 794 00:39:14,080 --> 00:39:17,639 Get out! Everyone out! Get out! 795 00:39:17,640 --> 00:39:20,119 What's going on? 796 00:39:20,120 --> 00:39:23,639 Fuck! 797 00:39:23,640 --> 00:39:27,639 Piss off, love. 798 00:39:36,560 --> 00:39:38,439 I've got your back, Jimi! 799 00:39:38,440 --> 00:39:42,439 Cheers, Frank. 800 00:39:45,520 --> 00:39:49,519 Bastard! 801 00:40:01,600 --> 00:40:05,399 It was me who copied your membership list. If I see you again, 802 00:40:05,400 --> 00:40:09,239 or have any trouble from you, it'll find its way to the national press. 803 00:40:09,240 --> 00:40:13,239 You got that? Good. 804 00:40:18,040 --> 00:40:22,039 And this is for Ches. 805 00:40:30,200 --> 00:40:33,959 You robbed the takings from your own sister? 806 00:40:33,960 --> 00:40:36,519 Oh, what can I say? I'm sorry. 807 00:40:36,520 --> 00:40:39,159 I'm still trying to get my head round this. 808 00:40:39,160 --> 00:40:43,159 From your own flesh and blood? 809 00:40:43,360 --> 00:40:47,039 Oh, cut the bullshit, please, will ya, girl? Flesh and blood? 810 00:40:47,040 --> 00:40:49,919 We never even fucking liked each other. 811 00:40:49,920 --> 00:40:52,519 We misunderstood each other. 812 00:40:52,520 --> 00:40:54,319 We were young, immature. 813 00:40:54,320 --> 00:40:56,399 Mimi, can I just set the record straight here? 814 00:40:56,400 --> 00:40:59,839 You've said often enough I was never the brother that you wanted. 815 00:40:59,840 --> 00:41:01,439 Well, here's the funny thing, 816 00:41:01,440 --> 00:41:04,479 you were never the fucking sister I wanted. 817 00:41:04,480 --> 00:41:06,199 Watch your fucking mouth. 818 00:41:06,200 --> 00:41:09,319 Think I'm frightened of you? You think cos I dress like this, 819 00:41:09,320 --> 00:41:11,999 I can't handle myself? Back the fuck off, pretty boy. 820 00:41:12,000 --> 00:41:14,759 Leave it, Jamie. 821 00:41:14,760 --> 00:41:18,239 Your ma said she used to be embarrassed of me. 822 00:41:18,240 --> 00:41:22,239 Well, it was nothing to what I felt when I'd see her waddling down the street 823 00:41:22,360 --> 00:41:26,359 with her fucking bubble perm and her fucking shellsuits. 824 00:41:26,680 --> 00:41:29,239 More of a woman than you'll ever be, though. 825 00:41:29,240 --> 00:41:32,079 That's debatable. 826 00:41:32,080 --> 00:41:34,999 There wasn't one ounce of femininity about you 827 00:41:35,000 --> 00:41:37,119 when we were being dragged up. 828 00:41:37,120 --> 00:41:40,919 When I got up in the morning, it was to get the house ready 829 00:41:40,920 --> 00:41:43,359 and you to school. 830 00:41:43,360 --> 00:41:45,639 Then I nursed my ma till she died, 831 00:41:45,640 --> 00:41:48,319 then I helped my dad deal with the grief. 832 00:41:48,320 --> 00:41:52,319 When was I supposed to find time to paint my nails and do my hair? 833 00:41:52,440 --> 00:41:56,399 Oh, the trials of St Mimi. Be careful, the stigmata will start playing up. 834 00:41:56,400 --> 00:41:57,439 Watch your mouth! 835 00:41:57,440 --> 00:42:01,439 If you want fucking knocking out by a pre-op, Shane, you just go for it. 836 00:42:01,920 --> 00:42:05,919 Leave us, the three of ya. 837 00:42:18,600 --> 00:42:22,599 What will it cost to go from pole to hole? 838 00:42:23,160 --> 00:42:25,159 You mean to complete my dream? 839 00:42:25,160 --> 00:42:27,999 Give me the life I should have had, but never did? 840 00:42:28,000 --> 00:42:31,999 Give me the start I should have had? 841 00:42:36,120 --> 00:42:40,119 Priceless. 842 00:42:46,640 --> 00:42:50,639 Bye, Bobbi. 843 00:43:00,840 --> 00:43:03,119 You let Bobbi go? 844 00:43:03,120 --> 00:43:06,279 With the cash? Why? 845 00:43:06,280 --> 00:43:08,279 Cos he's my brother. 846 00:43:08,280 --> 00:43:12,239 Sort of. And that's what you do. 847 00:43:12,240 --> 00:43:15,519 And any more talk of choosing sides, 848 00:43:15,520 --> 00:43:18,759 and Bobbi won't be the only one getting his cock cut off. 849 00:43:18,760 --> 00:43:22,759 Comprende? 850 00:43:24,440 --> 00:43:25,919 She might have a point. 851 00:43:25,920 --> 00:43:29,919 Yeah. But you're fucking barred. 852 00:43:41,440 --> 00:43:44,919 Listen, listen. Right, if anything goes wrong, improvise, yeah? 853 00:43:44,920 --> 00:43:48,039 The audience won't give a fuck, they'll be pissed anyway. 854 00:43:48,040 --> 00:43:52,039 Let's get that royal seal of approval! 855 00:43:52,880 --> 00:43:55,079 And remember, there's no "I" in showbiz. 856 00:43:55,080 --> 00:43:58,359 Yeah, there is. 857 00:43:58,360 --> 00:44:00,039 Ready? 858 00:44:00,040 --> 00:44:04,039 Go break your legs! 859 00:44:32,360 --> 00:44:36,359 Someone get that pin off her, for fuck's sake. 860 00:44:47,880 --> 00:44:51,879 ♪ One can go out to a movie, looking for a special treat 861 00:44:58,920 --> 00:45:02,919 ♪ Yeah, one can take a walk in the moonlight 862 00:45:03,200 --> 00:45:05,719 ♪ Thinking that it's really nice 863 00:45:05,720 --> 00:45:08,479 ♪ Oh, but two walking hand in hand 864 00:45:08,480 --> 00:45:11,439 ♪It's like adding just a pinch of s... 865 00:45:11,440 --> 00:45:14,759 ♪ Oh, it takes two, baby 866 00:45:14,760 --> 00:45:17,879 ♪ It takes two, baby 867 00:45:17,880 --> 00:45:19,639 ♪ Me and you.... ♪ 868 00:45:19,640 --> 00:45:21,519 'Face facts. 869 00:45:21,520 --> 00:45:24,159 'No family's perfect.' 870 00:45:24,160 --> 00:45:27,359 'Might appear to be on the surface, but open it up 871 00:45:27,360 --> 00:45:32,510 'and you find all the shit no-one wants to acknowledge even exists. 872 00:45:33,560 --> 00:45:37,559 'You've got to take your head out of the sand in the end. 873 00:45:37,840 --> 00:45:40,359 'All families are fucked. 874 00:45:40,360 --> 00:45:44,359 'Ignore that advice at your peril.' 875 00:45:45,323 --> 00:45:49,322 Is it possible to be in love with two people at the same time? 876 00:45:50,483 --> 00:45:51,425 Jamie! 877 00:45:51,776 --> 00:45:54,154 You're losing Libby. 878 00:45:54,155 --> 00:45:57,394 We sit outside his house and talk, sometimes for hours. 879 00:45:57,395 --> 00:46:01,085 That turned your nipples so hard, you could have my eyes out. 880 00:46:01,086 --> 00:46:03,125 Licky-lick equals win-win. 881 00:46:03,126 --> 00:46:06,245 Ravage me with your tongue, you dirty savage! 882 00:46:06,246 --> 00:46:08,925 Leave tonight. Don't ever come back. 883 00:46:08,926 --> 00:46:10,631 I don't want to marry you, Frank. 884 00:46:10,831 --> 00:46:21,031 Sync by honeybunny www.addic7ed.com 885 00:46:21,081 --> 00:46:25,631 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0 66003

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