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1
00:00:01,320 --> 00:00:04,839
Anyone watching, thinking we know
fuck all about knowing
2
00:00:04,840 --> 00:00:08,359
fuck all about owt,
needs to watch their back.
3
00:00:08,360 --> 00:00:12,359
So you've had your Labour
reclassifying skunk, sending prices
4
00:00:12,440 --> 00:00:16,439
sky-high, literally, literally,
taking the grass from its own roots.
5
00:00:17,800 --> 00:00:19,959
Now you've got your ConDemNation...
6
00:00:19,960 --> 00:00:23,359
Liberals noshing Tories like
altar boys picking dimps up!
7
00:00:23,360 --> 00:00:27,359
Have we had a national
fucking stroke or what?
8
00:00:28,000 --> 00:00:31,519
Is revolution a word,
or was it never?
9
00:00:31,520 --> 00:00:33,599
Anybody watching needs to know,
10
00:00:33,600 --> 00:00:36,879
we cope better than average
with irony in Chatsworth.
11
00:00:36,880 --> 00:00:39,879
Well, for fuck's sake,
we live in Manchester
12
00:00:39,880 --> 00:00:43,879
and they charge us for water!
13
00:00:44,080 --> 00:00:48,079
I wandered lonely as a clown,
necking mushrooms rarely found.
14
00:00:48,440 --> 00:00:52,239
This green and pleasant
land in ancient times...
15
00:00:52,240 --> 00:00:54,239
Yak, yak, yak, yak, yak, yak, yak,
yak, yak!
16
00:00:54,240 --> 00:00:57,519
It's not theirs any more.
17
00:00:57,520 --> 00:01:01,039
This is our England now.
18
00:01:01,040 --> 00:01:05,039
Paaaarty!
19
00:01:05,239 --> 00:01:09,439
Sync by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.com
20
00:01:09,920 --> 00:01:11,119
ALARM BEEPS
21
00:01:11,120 --> 00:01:14,079
I blame all those fat, short-haired,
22
00:01:14,080 --> 00:01:17,479
hairy bints who took a match
to their bras in the 60s.
23
00:01:17,480 --> 00:01:20,799
It's them feminists we've got to
thank for the way society looks
24
00:01:20,800 --> 00:01:24,639
down on anyone who stays at home
looking after the house and kids.
25
00:01:24,640 --> 00:01:27,239
People just don't
see our true value.
26
00:01:27,240 --> 00:01:31,239
We work 24 hours a day, seven days
a week for no pay or holidays.
27
00:01:33,480 --> 00:01:36,479
What we do isn't seen as work.
28
00:01:36,480 --> 00:01:40,359
You're only valued if you're
actually bringing in money.
29
00:01:40,360 --> 00:01:42,799
Don't even get so much
as a thank you.
30
00:01:42,800 --> 00:01:46,759
I just wish those mardy-arsed
lezzas had kept their saggy,
31
00:01:46,760 --> 00:01:49,999
old tits in their Double Ds!
32
00:01:50,000 --> 00:01:53,999
You want to get to bed
a bit earlier.
33
00:01:54,040 --> 00:01:55,719
Morning.
34
00:01:55,720 --> 00:01:56,759
I'll come back.
35
00:01:56,760 --> 00:01:58,879
No, you won't. Sit your arse down.
36
00:01:58,880 --> 00:02:00,679
You had breakfast?
37
00:02:00,680 --> 00:02:01,999
Just some toast.
38
00:02:02,000 --> 00:02:05,999
Bung a few eggs in the pan for Carl.
39
00:02:06,640 --> 00:02:08,319
What've we got on today?
40
00:02:08,320 --> 00:02:11,079
I need you to pull in all
outstanding debts.
41
00:02:11,080 --> 00:02:14,039
Cash flow problem.
42
00:02:14,040 --> 00:02:15,359
And shift that lot.
43
00:02:15,360 --> 00:02:17,559
And you're going to help.
44
00:02:17,560 --> 00:02:20,679
I need you back on the rounds now
Shane's doing his own thing.
45
00:02:20,680 --> 00:02:22,519
Your little holiday's over.
46
00:02:22,520 --> 00:02:25,119
It's time you started
pulling your weight again.
47
00:02:25,120 --> 00:02:26,279
And what about Cilla?
48
00:02:26,280 --> 00:02:30,279
She sleeps most of the day.
You'll be fine.
49
00:02:32,640 --> 00:02:33,919
There you go.
50
00:02:33,920 --> 00:02:37,919
And for you.
51
00:02:49,760 --> 00:02:53,199
Noooooooo!
52
00:02:53,200 --> 00:02:57,199
They are full of salt!
53
00:03:09,480 --> 00:03:13,479
♪ Bridal Chorus
54
00:03:17,440 --> 00:03:20,719
(MUSIC STOPS)
55
00:03:20,720 --> 00:03:23,239
I thought you were
having your hair done.
56
00:03:23,240 --> 00:03:26,759
She's off sick. What the hell
are you doing in my dress?
57
00:03:26,760 --> 00:03:30,199
Just giving it an airing. Besides,
you've no need for it any longer.
58
00:03:30,200 --> 00:03:31,799
What do you mean?
59
00:03:31,800 --> 00:03:33,639
He's not exactly
rushing to set a new date.
60
00:03:33,640 --> 00:03:36,719
I reckon he's just
stringing you along.
61
00:03:36,720 --> 00:03:38,999
Just take it off.
62
00:03:39,000 --> 00:03:41,479
You need to stop this
ridiculous daydreaming.
63
00:03:41,480 --> 00:03:43,159
It's no daydream.
64
00:03:43,160 --> 00:03:45,239
You think I'm going to spend
the rest of my days
65
00:03:45,240 --> 00:03:47,959
sleeping in the corner
of a bloody living room?
66
00:03:47,960 --> 00:03:51,959
Just where do you think
you're going to bag yourself a man?
67
00:03:53,040 --> 00:03:55,719
South Manchester Befrienders,
we're listening.
68
00:03:55,720 --> 00:03:58,879
Not a problem, you can ring us
any time. Bye-bye.
69
00:03:58,880 --> 00:04:00,759
Yes, course you can.
70
00:04:00,760 --> 00:04:02,759
'It'll be my second baby.'
71
00:04:02,760 --> 00:04:03,799
And how old are you?
72
00:04:03,800 --> 00:04:05,959
'I'm 18 next week.'
73
00:04:05,960 --> 00:04:08,559
PHONE RINGS
74
00:04:08,560 --> 00:04:10,119
Hello.'Hello?
75
00:04:10,120 --> 00:04:13,559
'I don't think I can carry on...'
76
00:04:13,560 --> 00:04:15,759
'Aye, and I'll be 60 next week.'
77
00:04:15,760 --> 00:04:18,519
That sounds like you have
a lot on your plate.
78
00:04:18,520 --> 00:04:21,999
Why don't we meet up
and you can tell me more about it.
79
00:04:22,000 --> 00:04:24,079
(MAN SCREAMS)
80
00:04:24,080 --> 00:04:28,079
Look, it's always better to talk
about your problems face to face.
81
00:04:37,360 --> 00:04:39,439
Oh, I live near there.
82
00:04:39,440 --> 00:04:43,439
Why don't we continue this
conversation over a cuppa?
83
00:04:56,040 --> 00:04:57,519
When's tea?
84
00:04:57,520 --> 00:05:01,519
I'll do it when I've finished
reading this.
85
00:05:20,240 --> 00:05:23,399
Look, you're three weeks behind
on your payments.
86
00:05:23,400 --> 00:05:25,319
Look, I know you're in there.
87
00:05:25,320 --> 00:05:29,319
I can hear your telly.
88
00:05:30,160 --> 00:05:34,159
Shit!
89
00:05:37,640 --> 00:05:41,639
Get here, you...
90
00:05:48,080 --> 00:05:52,079
I'll get you!
91
00:06:06,960 --> 00:06:10,959
You should go from happy hour
to happy day.
92
00:06:11,000 --> 00:06:14,999
Are we getting married?
93
00:06:15,560 --> 00:06:16,839
Libby, love...
94
00:06:16,840 --> 00:06:20,159
Everyone got pissed, there was a fight -
It's as good as a wedding.
95
00:06:20,160 --> 00:06:21,679
But we weren't blessed.
96
00:06:21,680 --> 00:06:25,279
I've been blessed twice before,
it really doesn't help.
97
00:06:25,280 --> 00:06:27,799
It's not going to make
any difference, is it?
98
00:06:27,800 --> 00:06:31,359
I already see you as me missus.
Karen, can I have another pint?
99
00:06:31,360 --> 00:06:35,359
What do you...
100
00:06:35,680 --> 00:06:38,039
You serious? That's all you took?
101
00:06:38,040 --> 00:06:40,959
Well, it's been a bit difficult,
you know, with Cilla and that.
102
00:06:40,960 --> 00:06:43,199
When your dad was inside,
I ran the business
103
00:06:43,200 --> 00:06:45,839
and looked after the lot of you
when you were kids.
104
00:06:45,840 --> 00:06:48,119
You stuck us in the library all day.
105
00:06:48,120 --> 00:06:50,039
Yeah.
106
00:06:50,040 --> 00:06:53,199
We can't survive on what
we've got coming in.
107
00:06:53,200 --> 00:06:55,439
Sort it.
I am.
108
00:06:55,440 --> 00:06:57,679
I'm trying to think of ways that
I can earn money
109
00:06:57,680 --> 00:07:01,679
and be at home with Cilla
at the same time, but...
110
00:07:04,160 --> 00:07:05,439
What you doing?
111
00:07:05,440 --> 00:07:08,399
Avril's opened my eyes up to
the wonder of the interweb.
112
00:07:08,400 --> 00:07:10,679
We're branching out.
113
00:07:10,680 --> 00:07:12,999
Selling worn knickers.
114
00:07:13,000 --> 00:07:15,239
It bleeding stinks!
115
00:07:15,240 --> 00:07:18,159
How'd you get it to
smell like actual piss?
116
00:07:18,160 --> 00:07:20,319
It is actual piss.
117
00:07:20,320 --> 00:07:23,279
I had to go and buy this because
I kept missing the bloody hole.
118
00:07:23,280 --> 00:07:26,959
Do you know what? I could do with
making a few bob off the internet.
119
00:07:26,960 --> 00:07:29,399
You want to get into kids things,
seem to really sell well.
120
00:07:29,400 --> 00:07:32,759
Sex -now that's something that
you'll always earn money from.
121
00:07:32,760 --> 00:07:36,759
Credit cards. Find a way of getting hold of
people's details and you're onto a winner.
122
00:07:48,320 --> 00:07:51,359
That thing can come down.
123
00:07:51,360 --> 00:07:52,959
What?
124
00:07:52,960 --> 00:07:55,399
You said I'd have blood on my hands
if I didn't put it up.
125
00:07:55,400 --> 00:07:56,479
Make your mind up.
126
00:07:56,480 --> 00:07:59,399
I've handed in my notice.
Waste of bloody time.
127
00:07:59,400 --> 00:08:02,359
Not been as fulfilling
as you'd hoped?
128
00:08:02,360 --> 00:08:03,879
You could say that.
129
00:08:03,880 --> 00:08:07,879
Maybe I've been a little hasty.
130
00:08:10,040 --> 00:08:14,039
Put it back!
131
00:08:16,680 --> 00:08:20,679
Hey, you haven't paid for that!
132
00:08:24,080 --> 00:08:25,639
What the fuck you doing!
133
00:08:25,640 --> 00:08:29,639
You're no better than a rapist.
Encouraging men to objectify women.
134
00:08:29,680 --> 00:08:32,999
Hear, hear!
135
00:08:33,000 --> 00:08:34,159
What's your problem?
136
00:08:34,160 --> 00:08:36,919
Some little scrote's been
mouthing off, going on at me
137
00:08:36,920 --> 00:08:38,079
to show him my tits.
138
00:08:38,080 --> 00:08:39,279
He can get in the queue.
139
00:08:39,280 --> 00:08:41,679
Might've guessed you'd be supportive
and understanding.
140
00:08:41,680 --> 00:08:43,319
You can't just shove 'em out
whenever it suits you.
141
00:08:43,320 --> 00:08:44,639
What?
142
00:08:44,640 --> 00:08:46,079
You're always giving blokes the
come-on when you're after something.
143
00:08:46,080 --> 00:08:48,039
No, I'm not!
144
00:08:48,040 --> 00:08:52,039
So, do I get any discount?
145
00:08:53,880 --> 00:08:57,599
That's just me being friendly.
146
00:08:57,600 --> 00:09:00,919
I'm looking for investment
in my internet venture.
147
00:09:00,920 --> 00:09:04,919
In return, I'm prepared to offer
10% equity in the new business.
148
00:09:10,880 --> 00:09:13,159
The type of ground-breaking website
I'm proposing
149
00:09:13,160 --> 00:09:16,959
has very low expenditure
for extremely high returns.
150
00:09:16,960 --> 00:09:20,719
It has the potential to produce
a constant revenue stream
151
00:09:20,720 --> 00:09:27,559
and I project gross profits of
200,000 over a three-year period.
152
00:09:27,560 --> 00:09:31,559
So, onto our target market.
153
00:09:32,400 --> 00:09:35,719
Kiddie fiddlers.
154
00:09:35,720 --> 00:09:39,519
I propose to launch a child porn
website that won't actually
155
00:09:39,520 --> 00:09:41,839
contain any sick pictures.
156
00:09:41,840 --> 00:09:45,799
The home page will lure our consumer
to subscribe to what
157
00:09:45,800 --> 00:09:47,519
they think will be jack-off heaven.
158
00:09:47,520 --> 00:09:49,839
But while they're
waiting for the site to download,
159
00:09:49,840 --> 00:09:51,799
we'll be ripping their
credit card details.
160
00:09:51,800 --> 00:09:53,759
And by the time they've
discovered it's a scam,
161
00:09:53,760 --> 00:09:57,359
we'll have run up the largest bill
that the nonces have ever seen.
162
00:09:57,360 --> 00:09:59,919
And we'll actually be
doing society a favour,
163
00:09:59,920 --> 00:10:02,279
because the website will
act as a deterrent.
164
00:10:02,280 --> 00:10:06,279
You know, make them nervous about
subscribing to other pervy sites.
165
00:10:06,560 --> 00:10:10,559
So, any questions?
166
00:10:12,080 --> 00:10:15,119
Yeah, just one major problem.
167
00:10:15,120 --> 00:10:17,359
You forgot to mention
it's totally illegal
168
00:10:17,360 --> 00:10:19,799
and that you could get sent down
if someone grassed.
169
00:10:19,800 --> 00:10:23,799
Who's going to admit they've
joined a child porn website?
170
00:10:25,960 --> 00:10:27,302
I'm in!
171
00:10:35,680 --> 00:10:37,839
Loosen your tie a bit more.
172
00:10:37,840 --> 00:10:41,839
He could do with looking younger.
173
00:10:45,120 --> 00:10:46,519
Right, get up there.
174
00:10:46,520 --> 00:10:48,199
What you doing?
175
00:10:48,200 --> 00:10:52,199
Don't worry, you'll be able to
afford 20 new pairs.
176
00:10:58,360 --> 00:11:02,359
Finished!
177
00:11:03,680 --> 00:11:07,479
I now pronounce this website
open for business!
178
00:11:07,480 --> 00:11:08,799
Yes!
179
00:11:08,800 --> 00:11:10,679
What's going on?
180
00:11:10,680 --> 00:11:11,719
We're going live!
181
00:11:11,720 --> 00:11:13,999
Come and have a look!
182
00:11:14,000 --> 00:11:17,999
Yeah!
183
00:11:49,680 --> 00:11:52,039
Come on!
184
00:11:52,040 --> 00:11:56,039
Should've stuck a bag on his head.
185
00:11:56,720 --> 00:12:00,719
Sod this, I'm off to bed.
186
00:12:01,520 --> 00:12:05,519
COMPUTER DINGS
187
00:12:10,520 --> 00:12:12,039
Yes!
188
00:12:12,040 --> 00:12:16,039
You mean, there's a perv there now,
at the other end?
189
00:12:20,240 --> 00:12:23,999
I'm going to find you and blow your
balls off, you sick fucker! Grrr!
190
00:12:24,000 --> 00:12:27,999
Quick! Transfer the money
into our account.
191
00:12:28,040 --> 00:12:29,599
What we going to buy?!
192
00:12:29,600 --> 00:12:31,039
Book us a week in Alicante!
193
00:12:31,040 --> 00:12:32,443
Ha-ha!
194
00:12:48,703 --> 00:12:52,702
(MOUTHS)
195
00:12:59,623 --> 00:13:03,262
Whoa! 'Kin' hell!
What you trying to do to me, woman?
196
00:13:03,263 --> 00:13:04,742
Oh.
197
00:13:04,743 --> 00:13:06,542
Must've bobbed off.
198
00:13:06,543 --> 00:13:07,822
What the hell you doing in that box?
199
00:13:07,823 --> 00:13:09,342
What the hell you doing in that box?
Checking what size it is.
200
00:13:09,343 --> 00:13:11,262
I'm flogging 'em.
201
00:13:11,263 --> 00:13:13,702
Earn 50 quid
for every one I shift.
202
00:13:13,703 --> 00:13:16,622
How the hell are you going to find
enough people on the cusp of death?
203
00:13:16,623 --> 00:13:17,942
Oh.
204
00:13:17,943 --> 00:13:18,982
PHONE RINGS
205
00:13:18,983 --> 00:13:21,742
What? What? What?
206
00:13:21,743 --> 00:13:23,062
Give it.
207
00:13:23,063 --> 00:13:25,022
G... Bastard.
208
00:13:25,023 --> 00:13:28,302
The helpline
are diverting calls here.
209
00:13:28,303 --> 00:13:31,502
I don't want to lose any business.
210
00:13:33,103 --> 00:13:37,022
Yes. I am sorry to hear
about your husband.
211
00:13:37,023 --> 00:13:41,022
I expect you're thinking
of following him to the other side.
212
00:13:46,503 --> 00:13:50,022
We can flog all this lot, and
I've transferred a stack of money.
213
00:13:50,023 --> 00:13:51,462
Become a right little
Richard Branson, hasn't he?
214
00:13:51,463 --> 00:13:52,742
Nice one, Micky.
215
00:13:52,743 --> 00:13:56,742
It needs to be manned 24/7, though,
so I've drawn up a little rota.
216
00:13:57,023 --> 00:14:01,022
Erm. There y'are.
217
00:14:04,143 --> 00:14:05,742
I've got school.
218
00:14:05,743 --> 00:14:08,222
Well, do you want to miss out
on any business?
219
00:14:08,223 --> 00:14:10,302
I thought we could set up
a few more sites.
220
00:14:10,303 --> 00:14:13,542
Stick this on, I'll take some pics.
We can do this one next.
221
00:14:13,543 --> 00:14:17,062
No way.
222
00:14:17,063 --> 00:14:21,062
There y'are.
223
00:14:25,703 --> 00:14:29,142
Not forgetting you.
224
00:14:29,143 --> 00:14:30,462
What's this?!
225
00:14:30,463 --> 00:14:32,222
Your cut.
226
00:14:32,223 --> 00:14:33,542
You taking me for a mug?
227
00:14:33,543 --> 00:14:34,542
What's your problem?
228
00:14:34,543 --> 00:14:36,062
I want the same as yous lot.
229
00:14:36,063 --> 00:14:37,302
Well, you're not a Maguire.
230
00:14:37,303 --> 00:14:39,622
It's my photos
that've been pulling them in.
231
00:14:39,623 --> 00:14:42,742
Yeah, but it was my idea
in the first place.
232
00:14:42,743 --> 00:14:45,662
Well, find someone else
to stick this on.
233
00:14:45,663 --> 00:14:47,742
Fine. You're sacked.
234
00:14:47,743 --> 00:14:50,342
You can't sack me!
I'm a business partner.
235
00:14:50,343 --> 00:14:52,782
Employee. Probably for the best.
236
00:14:52,783 --> 00:14:56,782
Getting a bit too old
for this game.
237
00:15:08,623 --> 00:15:12,622
Why don't you take a picture?
Knobheads.
238
00:15:13,183 --> 00:15:15,782
The youth of today. So charming.
239
00:15:15,783 --> 00:15:18,782
Is that little prick
still gobbing off?
240
00:15:18,783 --> 00:15:22,782
No, it's all sorted.
241
00:15:23,343 --> 00:15:24,662
Do you fancy walking me to the bus?
242
00:15:24,663 --> 00:15:28,662
Yeah, sure.
243
00:15:34,743 --> 00:15:36,982
Do you want to go out one night?
Just you and me.
244
00:15:36,983 --> 00:15:38,542
Yeah, sure.
245
00:15:38,543 --> 00:15:40,702
When you free?
246
00:15:40,703 --> 00:15:42,102
What?
247
00:15:42,103 --> 00:15:43,822
To go out.
248
00:15:43,823 --> 00:15:47,822
Out where?
249
00:15:48,663 --> 00:15:52,662
Who's he? He's not the one
who's been mouthing off, is he?
250
00:15:53,063 --> 00:15:57,062
He looks about ten! Why are you
making such a big deal about it?
251
00:15:58,303 --> 00:16:01,622
That's why you wanted me
to walk you.
252
00:16:01,623 --> 00:16:04,382
Carl!
253
00:16:04,383 --> 00:16:08,382
Hey, love! Show us yer tits!
254
00:16:09,743 --> 00:16:13,702
Oh, there you are.
Can you lend us a...?
255
00:16:13,703 --> 00:16:16,862
Got them for our honeymoon.
256
00:16:16,863 --> 00:16:20,862
Ohh! Stick 'em on, then.
257
00:16:31,343 --> 00:16:34,862
Like what you see?
258
00:16:34,863 --> 00:16:38,862
And I can make these go faster
than helicopter blades.
259
00:16:46,703 --> 00:16:50,022
Well, you going to stick them on,
or what?
260
00:16:50,023 --> 00:16:52,822
On our wedding night or your funeral.
261
00:16:52,823 --> 00:16:56,102
Whichever comes first.
262
00:16:56,103 --> 00:16:58,462
Oh, come on, Lib.
You can't do this to a man!
263
00:16:58,463 --> 00:17:02,462
You know what you've got to do.
264
00:17:08,743 --> 00:17:12,742
What are you looking for?
265
00:17:12,863 --> 00:17:15,942
This.
266
00:17:15,943 --> 00:17:19,942
Just got to knock one out.
267
00:17:21,743 --> 00:17:23,582
Why don't you try that one?
268
00:17:23,583 --> 00:17:25,542
The solid walnut.
269
00:17:25,543 --> 00:17:27,022
If you don't want your family
to know you're a penniless alcoholic.
270
00:17:27,023 --> 00:17:28,702
'Kin' hell!
271
00:17:28,703 --> 00:17:32,702
PHONE RINGS
272
00:17:33,343 --> 00:17:37,342
South Manchester Befrienders.
273
00:17:41,863 --> 00:17:44,302
Can't we stick her on powder?
274
00:17:44,303 --> 00:17:47,142
This contraption's ripping
the bleeding nipples off me.
275
00:17:47,143 --> 00:17:51,142
No! It's been proven - kids raised
on breast milk are higher achievers.
276
00:17:52,743 --> 00:17:54,182
Still raking it in?
277
00:17:54,183 --> 00:17:58,182
No-one's subscribed for ages now.
278
00:17:59,663 --> 00:18:03,662
Pervs must be
tipping each other off.
279
00:18:07,183 --> 00:18:11,182
KNOCK ON DOOR
280
00:18:20,423 --> 00:18:22,742
Hi. I'm really...
281
00:18:22,743 --> 00:18:26,382
I'm sorry to bother you, Micky,
but you're my last resort.
282
00:18:26,383 --> 00:18:28,342
I'm really desperate.
283
00:18:28,343 --> 00:18:32,342
Would you be a gent and loan me the use
of your TV and lounge for five minutes?
284
00:18:37,343 --> 00:18:39,782
Yeah, yeah. Just passing that knob
I was telling you about.
285
00:18:39,783 --> 00:18:41,782
Telling 'em what?
286
00:18:41,783 --> 00:18:45,782
That we're about to take you
to the cleaners. Laters.
287
00:18:45,903 --> 00:18:47,382
Set up a website
with my mates from school.
288
00:18:47,383 --> 00:18:48,662
Micky...
289
00:18:48,663 --> 00:18:52,662
Pictures on there of all of us.
They can't get enough of it.
290
00:18:58,543 --> 00:19:00,942
Yeah, yeah.
The world's gone bloody mad.
291
00:19:00,943 --> 00:19:03,342
Never thought I'd live to see
the day a pair of poofs
292
00:19:03,343 --> 00:19:04,782
could mince down the aisle together.
293
00:19:04,783 --> 00:19:06,182
'They've no shame.'
294
00:19:06,183 --> 00:19:09,902
I've heard they even use
penis-shaped confetti.
295
00:19:09,903 --> 00:19:11,862
'I'm better off out of it.'
296
00:19:11,863 --> 00:19:14,382
Time to shift on to the next life.
297
00:19:14,383 --> 00:19:17,742
Let's hope that place
isn't taken over by bloody Poles.
298
00:19:17,743 --> 00:19:20,982
So, you're contemplating suicide?
299
00:19:20,983 --> 00:19:24,982
No. In the middle
of actually doing it.
300
00:19:26,063 --> 00:19:30,062
Well, have you ever given
your funeral any thought?
301
00:19:31,863 --> 00:19:33,462
You must be Trevor.
302
00:19:33,463 --> 00:19:37,462
I didn't realise you were a cripple, or whatever
word it is I'm meant to use these days.
303
00:19:38,383 --> 00:19:42,302
Cripple's fine. Political correctness
has been this country's downfall.
304
00:19:42,303 --> 00:19:46,302
A woman after me own heart.
305
00:19:46,663 --> 00:19:50,422
Just had a three-mile bus journey
sat next to some window-licker.
306
00:19:50,423 --> 00:19:53,342
I don't know why we did away
with asylums.
307
00:19:53,343 --> 00:19:55,182
My thoughts exactly.
308
00:19:55,183 --> 00:19:57,262
Used to be a cracking day out.
309
00:19:57,263 --> 00:19:59,782
Would you like to try
the pine first?
310
00:19:59,783 --> 00:20:02,342
Stylish, yet affordable.
311
00:20:02,343 --> 00:20:06,342
Shoes!
Oh.
312
00:20:13,223 --> 00:20:16,182
How does it feel?
313
00:20:16,183 --> 00:20:18,302
The lining's making me itch.
314
00:20:18,303 --> 00:20:19,342
You'll be dead, you daft bugger.
315
00:20:19,343 --> 00:20:22,262
Which is the most expensive?
316
00:20:22,263 --> 00:20:25,782
The less that thieving Government get
of mine when I'm gone, the better.
317
00:20:25,783 --> 00:20:27,262
That'll be the mahogany.
318
00:20:27,263 --> 00:20:29,622
So...live here alone?
319
00:20:29,623 --> 00:20:32,302
No!
320
00:20:32,303 --> 00:20:33,862
Oh.
Share with my daughter,
321
00:20:33,863 --> 00:20:37,502
and the rabble
she got herself involved with.
322
00:20:37,503 --> 00:20:38,902
No, er, husband?
323
00:20:38,903 --> 00:20:40,302
God, no!
324
00:20:40,303 --> 00:20:41,702
Ah.
325
00:20:41,703 --> 00:20:43,502
Once bitten...
326
00:20:43,503 --> 00:20:44,862
Which one would you like
to be buried in?
327
00:20:44,863 --> 00:20:48,542
Well...I guess the mahogany.
328
00:20:48,543 --> 00:20:51,662
Oozes class.
329
00:20:54,103 --> 00:20:58,102
We must celebrate.
330
00:21:00,863 --> 00:21:04,862
Where's the stepladders?
331
00:21:09,263 --> 00:21:11,862
Oh, my God - look at that!
332
00:21:11,863 --> 00:21:14,142
No way, look.
Here's one of me in Blackpool.
333
00:21:14,143 --> 00:21:16,822
Who'd have thought
you'd grow up to be such a hunk?
334
00:21:16,823 --> 00:21:20,822
Ah, check out our Jamie
with his dodgy hair!
335
00:21:21,103 --> 00:21:25,102
Perfect. Give it here.
336
00:21:33,023 --> 00:21:37,022
Those pubic hair-dodgers
won't be able to resist you.
337
00:21:41,463 --> 00:21:42,542
Who's idea was that?
338
00:21:42,543 --> 00:21:43,942
Who's idea was that?
Um...
339
00:21:43,943 --> 00:21:47,942
Mine.
340
00:21:48,823 --> 00:21:52,822
Fucking genius!
341
00:21:56,623 --> 00:22:00,342
No, you don't!
342
00:22:00,343 --> 00:22:01,902
Trevor.
343
00:22:01,903 --> 00:22:05,302
I assumed he was a burglar.
344
00:22:05,303 --> 00:22:08,102
See why I don't want
my daughter to marry him?
345
00:22:08,103 --> 00:22:10,862
Needs a bloody good haircut.
Scruffy bugger.
346
00:22:10,863 --> 00:22:14,902
What's she doing with him?
Oh, scared of being alone.
347
00:22:14,903 --> 00:22:18,262
Aren't we all?
I suppose.
348
00:22:18,263 --> 00:22:21,142
If you've got the opportunity
to be with someone,
349
00:22:21,143 --> 00:22:25,142
you should grab it with both hands.
350
00:22:27,623 --> 00:22:31,622
We're supposed to be
celebrating your purchase.
351
00:22:38,943 --> 00:22:41,982
Ah.
352
00:22:41,983 --> 00:22:45,982
Here's to being six feet under.
353
00:22:47,583 --> 00:22:50,302
Oh, it hasn't stopped.
They're mad for us.
354
00:22:50,303 --> 00:22:54,142
It's obviously me that's pulling
'em in, innit? Look - cute as fuck.
355
00:22:54,143 --> 00:22:56,862
Nah,
I reckon it's me they're after.
356
00:22:56,863 --> 00:22:57,862
I mean, who could resist
that little smile?
357
00:22:57,863 --> 00:23:01,262
I'm getting trading standards
onto you.
358
00:23:01,263 --> 00:23:02,302
Do you mind knocking?
359
00:23:02,303 --> 00:23:05,382
Those photos are ancient.
You're a load of fat cunts now.
360
00:23:05,383 --> 00:23:07,342
I am not fat!
361
00:23:07,343 --> 00:23:08,222
You nicked all my business.
362
00:23:08,223 --> 00:23:12,222
And?
363
00:23:16,223 --> 00:23:20,222
Bollocks!
364
00:23:26,000 --> 00:23:27,399
Morning.
365
00:23:27,400 --> 00:23:29,079
Oh!
366
00:23:29,080 --> 00:23:30,719
Couldn't wait to see you.
367
00:23:30,720 --> 00:23:32,559
How did you get in?
368
00:23:32,560 --> 00:23:35,559
Kitchen window was open.
369
00:23:35,560 --> 00:23:36,959
How long've you been there?
370
00:23:36,960 --> 00:23:38,279
Since three.
371
00:23:38,280 --> 00:23:40,599
Couldn't sleep.
372
00:23:40,600 --> 00:23:42,479
Fancy a morning out?
373
00:23:42,480 --> 00:23:46,479
Well...
374
00:23:46,600 --> 00:23:48,039
Ooh..
375
00:23:48,040 --> 00:23:52,039
♪ Raindrops keep falling on my head
376
00:23:52,400 --> 00:23:56,399
♪ Just like the guy whose feet
are too big for his bed
377
00:23:56,800 --> 00:23:58,839
♪ Nothing seems to fit
378
00:23:58,840 --> 00:24:02,839
♪ Those raindrops are
falling on my head
379
00:24:02,880 --> 00:24:05,039
♪ They keep falling
380
00:24:05,040 --> 00:24:09,039
♪ So I just did me some
talking to the sun
381
00:24:10,600 --> 00:24:14,599
♪ And I said I didn't like
the way he got things done
382
00:24:15,480 --> 00:24:17,879
♪ Sleeping on the job
383
00:24:17,880 --> 00:24:21,319
♪ Those raindrops are
falling on my head
384
00:24:21,320 --> 00:24:22,959
♪ They keep falling
385
00:24:22,960 --> 00:24:26,959
♪ But there's one thing I know
386
00:24:28,480 --> 00:24:32,119
♪ The blues they send
to meet me won't... ♪
387
00:24:32,120 --> 00:24:35,519
It's so nice to have someone
to do things with.
388
00:24:35,520 --> 00:24:38,239
Usually I have to bride...
389
00:24:38,240 --> 00:24:42,239
bribe, people to push me places.
390
00:24:45,080 --> 00:24:47,999
We're a long time dead.
391
00:24:48,000 --> 00:24:51,999
We should be living life
to the full....taking risks.
392
00:24:54,360 --> 00:24:57,879
There's no need for either of us
393
00:24:57,880 --> 00:25:01,879
ever to be lonely again.
394
00:25:03,240 --> 00:25:07,159
Would you do me the honour of...
395
00:25:07,160 --> 00:25:10,439
..dying with me.
396
00:25:10,440 --> 00:25:11,719
What?!
397
00:25:11,720 --> 00:25:15,719
A suicide pact. It's perfect.
If we let nature take its course,
398
00:25:17,160 --> 00:25:21,159
one of us will be left on this earth
alone for months, maybe even years.
399
00:25:21,520 --> 00:25:24,639
Killing ourselves at the same time
400
00:25:24,640 --> 00:25:27,159
guarantees we leave
exactly the same time.
401
00:25:27,160 --> 00:25:28,759
I'm not ready to die.
402
00:25:28,760 --> 00:25:32,759
Oh, I don't mean now,
we'll get married first.
403
00:25:33,640 --> 00:25:35,519
You want to marry me?
404
00:25:35,520 --> 00:25:39,519
Of course.
Do you want to marry me?
405
00:25:40,280 --> 00:25:41,319
Yes.
406
00:25:41,320 --> 00:25:44,319
Good, I've been in touch
with the registry office,
407
00:25:44,320 --> 00:25:47,199
they've got a cancellation.
This afternoon.
408
00:25:47,200 --> 00:25:49,719
This afternoon?!
409
00:25:49,720 --> 00:25:52,519
Isn't...
Isn't it a bit quick?
410
00:25:52,520 --> 00:25:54,639
Why delay something
that's inevitable.
411
00:25:54,640 --> 00:25:58,639
I knew I wanted you to be my wife
the moment I set eyes on you.
412
00:26:14,840 --> 00:26:18,839
Hiya.
413
00:26:19,680 --> 00:26:23,679
Show us yer tits!
414
00:26:34,320 --> 00:26:35,919
Didn't know it was Halloween.
415
00:26:35,920 --> 00:26:38,839
It's to stop guys just seeing me
416
00:26:38,840 --> 00:26:42,839
as an instrument for
their sexual pleasure.
417
00:26:49,000 --> 00:26:50,519
It's working.
418
00:26:50,520 --> 00:26:52,199
What's he done now?
419
00:26:52,200 --> 00:26:55,999
He just doesn't seem that
bothered about getting married.
420
00:26:56,000 --> 00:26:57,399
What man is?
421
00:26:57,400 --> 00:27:01,399
They know that's when
the blow jobs are going to stop.
422
00:27:03,680 --> 00:27:06,319
Aren't you going to congratulate us.
423
00:27:06,320 --> 00:27:08,079
Married!
424
00:27:08,080 --> 00:27:10,159
I'm moving in to Trevor's.
425
00:27:10,160 --> 00:27:12,359
You're not pregnant are you?
426
00:27:12,360 --> 00:27:14,319
All a bit quick in't it?
427
00:27:14,320 --> 00:27:15,839
What would you like dear?
428
00:27:15,840 --> 00:27:18,839
Dubonnet.
429
00:27:18,840 --> 00:27:20,479
Dubonnet and a lemonade please.
430
00:27:20,480 --> 00:27:21,519
OK.
431
00:27:21,520 --> 00:27:24,479
He's railroaded you
into this, hasn't he?
432
00:27:24,480 --> 00:27:26,279
Yes. And I'm glad he did.
433
00:27:26,280 --> 00:27:28,079
I haven't felt this alive in years.
434
00:27:28,080 --> 00:27:29,599
It's ridiculous.
435
00:27:29,600 --> 00:27:33,159
You're just jealous. I've found
a man who actually wants to commit.
436
00:27:33,160 --> 00:27:36,039
Congratulations!
Who would've thought your own mum
437
00:27:36,040 --> 00:27:40,039
would beat you down the aisle.
438
00:28:08,760 --> 00:28:12,279
♪ Change my pitch up
Smack my bitch up...
439
00:28:12,280 --> 00:28:14,679
What are you doing,
you fucking fat lesbian?
440
00:28:14,680 --> 00:28:17,199
♪ Change my pitch up
Smack my bitch up...
441
00:28:17,200 --> 00:28:20,879
Oh, shit,
what are you fucking doing? Oh!
442
00:28:20,880 --> 00:28:24,879
♪ Change my pitch up
Smack my bitch up
443
00:28:29,880 --> 00:28:31,679
Get off me!
444
00:28:31,680 --> 00:28:35,679
Come here, you...
445
00:28:46,520 --> 00:28:48,799
BANGING AT DOOR
446
00:28:48,800 --> 00:28:49,719
PC World!
447
00:28:49,720 --> 00:28:53,719
Laptop, took it to be repaired.
448
00:28:55,800 --> 00:28:59,119
Police Constable World.
449
00:28:59,120 --> 00:29:00,119
What's going on?!
450
00:29:00,120 --> 00:29:01,719
You're all under arrest
451
00:29:01,720 --> 00:29:05,719
for manufacturing and
distributing child pornography.
452
00:29:09,360 --> 00:29:11,319
I better start packing.
453
00:29:11,320 --> 00:29:14,279
I think we're forgetting something.
454
00:29:14,280 --> 00:29:18,279
We need to consummate the marriage.
455
00:29:31,040 --> 00:29:35,039
(GASPS)
456
00:29:35,720 --> 00:29:38,919
You can't keep us
locked up any longer!
457
00:29:38,920 --> 00:29:42,479
Got a young baby I need to feed.
458
00:29:42,480 --> 00:29:44,879
I think they can see that.
459
00:29:44,880 --> 00:29:48,879
Your udders need a wipe.
460
00:29:50,920 --> 00:29:53,159
Why the fuck didn't you
delete everything first!?
461
00:29:53,160 --> 00:29:56,199
I couldn't, it wouldn't turn on.
462
00:29:56,200 --> 00:29:58,439
D'you even realise the shit
you've got us in?!
463
00:29:58,440 --> 00:30:00,879
Everything'll be fine.
464
00:30:00,880 --> 00:30:01,999
We're being done for kiddie porn.
465
00:30:02,000 --> 00:30:03,959
D'you know how long we could get?!
466
00:30:03,960 --> 00:30:06,919
I won't be around to see my
little princess growing up.
467
00:30:06,920 --> 00:30:09,799
They'll soon realise there's
no sick pictures on there.
468
00:30:09,800 --> 00:30:11,359
I've had to leave Carl in charge.
469
00:30:11,360 --> 00:30:14,679
He'll cope,
good head on his shoulders.
470
00:30:14,680 --> 00:30:16,719
Micky, he's a Gallagher.
471
00:30:16,720 --> 00:30:18,159
We'll lose the business.
472
00:30:18,160 --> 00:30:18,799
And the house.
473
00:30:18,800 --> 00:30:19,799
And Cilla.
474
00:30:19,800 --> 00:30:21,159
What?
475
00:30:21,160 --> 00:30:23,879
Well, they're bound to get
social services involved.
476
00:30:23,880 --> 00:30:27,319
Look, all I wanted was to make
sure I was around for Cilla.
477
00:30:27,320 --> 00:30:29,199
I'm not having her
playing second fiddle
478
00:30:29,200 --> 00:30:30,319
to the business like us lot did.
479
00:30:30,320 --> 00:30:32,839
Me and your dad were
always there for you.
480
00:30:32,840 --> 00:30:36,159
You might've been there physically.
481
00:30:36,160 --> 00:30:40,159
I wrote a story for school once,
I was dead proud of it.
482
00:30:40,600 --> 00:30:44,599
You said you'd read it once
you'd done the cashing up.
483
00:30:45,160 --> 00:30:49,159
I sat there all night
waiting for you to finish.
484
00:30:49,880 --> 00:30:51,679
You were too busy in the morning.
485
00:30:51,680 --> 00:30:55,439
I had to hand it in that day.
486
00:30:55,440 --> 00:30:59,439
Well, I'm going to read
every single story Cilla writes.
487
00:31:00,960 --> 00:31:03,319
I'm going to make sure
she has a good future.
488
00:31:03,320 --> 00:31:07,079
I don't want her turning out like me.
489
00:31:07,080 --> 00:31:10,119
Now, they've got nothing on us,
490
00:31:10,120 --> 00:31:14,119
and we'll be walking out of here
in no time.
491
00:31:28,360 --> 00:31:30,599
Show us yer tits!
492
00:31:30,600 --> 00:31:33,999
Ha! Nice!
493
00:31:34,000 --> 00:31:36,999
Ah!
494
00:31:37,000 --> 00:31:40,999
Ah! My leg!
495
00:32:07,240 --> 00:32:11,239
What the fuck are
you dreaming about?
496
00:32:15,840 --> 00:32:17,879
Can't remember.
497
00:32:17,880 --> 00:32:19,719
What's happening?
498
00:32:19,720 --> 00:32:22,519
Child pornography charges
have been dropped.
499
00:32:22,520 --> 00:32:24,319
I fucking told you!
500
00:32:24,320 --> 00:32:28,319
We've been charged with fraud.
501
00:32:35,560 --> 00:32:36,599
What you doing?
502
00:32:36,600 --> 00:32:39,439
I thought a solicitor might help,
being as I'm about
503
00:32:39,440 --> 00:32:42,799
to be sent down till
my pubes have turned grey!
504
00:32:42,800 --> 00:32:45,279
The hearing's this afternoon!
505
00:32:45,280 --> 00:32:47,279
Hello?
506
00:32:59,693 --> 00:33:01,892
Ah...
507
00:33:01,893 --> 00:33:03,372
Ah, morning.
508
00:33:03,373 --> 00:33:07,372
Well, morning.
509
00:33:07,453 --> 00:33:11,452
You OK?
510
00:33:11,653 --> 00:33:15,652
Still a little shell shocked.
511
00:33:17,293 --> 00:33:21,292
Libby's father left me with nothing,
even took the rent money.
512
00:33:21,813 --> 00:33:25,812
I told myself I'd never trust
another man as long as I lived.
513
00:33:26,573 --> 00:33:30,572
Glad you did.
514
00:33:30,933 --> 00:33:34,932
You're the first man to hold me
since he legged it.
515
00:33:38,293 --> 00:33:41,172
I've realised....
516
00:33:41,173 --> 00:33:45,172
I've just existed
these past 40 years.
517
00:33:53,973 --> 00:33:57,972
(FARTS)
518
00:34:07,511 --> 00:34:11,390
This is fascinating. It's all
about that ancient Mayan calendar.
519
00:34:11,391 --> 00:34:14,670
They reckon it ends on
the 21st December 2012.
520
00:34:14,671 --> 00:34:17,990
Apparently, the sun will
rise to a unique point and
521
00:34:17,991 --> 00:34:20,270
that'll be the end of the world.
522
00:34:20,271 --> 00:34:24,270
In that case we don't have to
worry about our livers then, do we?
523
00:34:26,231 --> 00:34:30,030
Look who I
found asleep in the garden shed.
524
00:34:30,031 --> 00:34:32,670
He didn't even notice
you weren't at home?
525
00:34:32,671 --> 00:34:36,670
I could pack my bags and
leave, he wouldn't notice.
526
00:34:37,271 --> 00:34:39,670
Ohh... Glass of water please, Karen.
527
00:34:39,671 --> 00:34:43,670
We're off.
528
00:34:44,951 --> 00:34:46,230
Ah, thank you.
529
00:34:46,231 --> 00:34:47,350
Oi, look after her.
530
00:34:47,351 --> 00:34:51,350
Oh, yeah, I will.
531
00:34:51,471 --> 00:34:55,470
In case you miss us.
532
00:34:55,791 --> 00:34:58,190
You shouldn't have.
533
00:34:58,191 --> 00:35:02,190
Are you all right?
534
00:35:07,311 --> 00:35:09,510
PHONE RINGS
535
00:35:09,511 --> 00:35:11,310
Bye then.
536
00:35:11,311 --> 00:35:13,190
See you in a bit, Patty.
537
00:35:13,191 --> 00:35:16,310
Yeah.
Right, thanks.
538
00:35:16,311 --> 00:35:19,030
They've arrived at court.
I should be there.
539
00:35:19,031 --> 00:35:20,910
I'll cover.
540
00:35:20,911 --> 00:35:24,910
Make up for trashing
the place last night.
541
00:35:25,511 --> 00:35:29,510
Karen, your family need you.
542
00:35:30,271 --> 00:35:34,270
Carl.
543
00:35:36,071 --> 00:35:36,750
Nah, no way.
544
00:35:36,751 --> 00:35:40,750
It's in your job description.
545
00:35:42,991 --> 00:35:45,950
Er... Carl?
546
00:35:45,951 --> 00:35:48,870
I could give you a hand, love.
547
00:35:48,871 --> 00:35:52,870
No, thanks. I don't want
all the stock going missing.
548
00:36:02,791 --> 00:36:04,950
Libby Croker, will you marry me?
549
00:36:04,951 --> 00:36:05,990
Oh, get up, Frank.
550
00:36:05,991 --> 00:36:07,550
You're only saying it because
I've been nagging you all week.
551
00:36:07,551 --> 00:36:08,750
No!
552
00:36:08,751 --> 00:36:11,630
I'm saying it because I
want you to be me wife.
553
00:36:11,631 --> 00:36:15,630
Then why don't you
do anything about it?
554
00:36:16,831 --> 00:36:20,830
I wanted it to be a surprise.
555
00:36:21,151 --> 00:36:23,990
What? Have you planned the wedding?
556
00:36:23,991 --> 00:36:26,550
Oi, anyone serving or what?
557
00:36:26,551 --> 00:36:30,190
John, John. We're having a
private conversation. Do you mind?
558
00:36:30,191 --> 00:36:32,030
So what do you say?
559
00:36:32,031 --> 00:36:33,630
Yes!
560
00:36:33,631 --> 00:36:36,790
When is it?
561
00:36:36,791 --> 00:36:40,550
They reckon
it ends on the 21st December 2012.
562
00:36:40,551 --> 00:36:44,550
22nd of December. 2012.
563
00:36:44,791 --> 00:36:46,990
That's ages away.
564
00:36:46,991 --> 00:36:49,870
Yeah, but gives us a chance to
565
00:36:49,871 --> 00:36:51,990
save up for a decent honeymoon.
566
00:36:51,991 --> 00:36:55,990
Abroad, like.
I want to do it properly this time.
567
00:36:56,031 --> 00:37:00,030
Now, let me assist the future
Mrs Gallagher in the distribution
568
00:37:00,231 --> 00:37:01,990
of alcoholic beverages.
569
00:37:01,991 --> 00:37:03,790
No, you're all right. I can cope.
570
00:37:03,791 --> 00:37:05,710
Libby, Libby...
571
00:37:05,711 --> 00:37:08,710
You're going to be me wife.
572
00:37:08,711 --> 00:37:11,110
We're a team. A partnership.
573
00:37:11,111 --> 00:37:15,110
We need to start
as we mean to go on.
574
00:37:16,831 --> 00:37:20,390
Do you, erm, want a drink?
575
00:37:20,391 --> 00:37:24,390
Nah, I'm all right.
576
00:37:29,111 --> 00:37:32,470
I owe you an apology.
577
00:37:32,471 --> 00:37:34,310
You were right.
578
00:37:34,311 --> 00:37:37,950
I was overreacting.
579
00:37:37,951 --> 00:37:41,150
Do you want me to have a word with
the prick?
580
00:37:41,151 --> 00:37:45,150
It's OK, it's all sorted.
I reckon he's learnt his lesson.
581
00:37:46,751 --> 00:37:50,750
Oi. Show us yer tits!
582
00:37:53,111 --> 00:37:57,110
Aaaaah! Aaah shit!
583
00:37:57,191 --> 00:38:01,190
You bitch!
584
00:38:02,391 --> 00:38:06,390
And what do the defence have to say?
585
00:38:06,831 --> 00:38:10,830
Your honour!
586
00:38:12,111 --> 00:38:16,110
My family and I have become
the victims in all of this.
587
00:38:17,391 --> 00:38:20,390
The finger of guilt
was immediately pointed.
588
00:38:20,391 --> 00:38:22,510
We're completely innocent.
589
00:38:22,511 --> 00:38:26,510
You'd have to be fuckin' Rambo to
touch up any of the kids round here.
590
00:38:27,391 --> 00:38:30,990
I'm sorry. Apologies for
blaspheming, your honour.
591
00:38:30,991 --> 00:38:32,910
But the country's gone mad.
592
00:38:32,911 --> 00:38:35,870
Kiddie fiddling's become
a national obsession.
593
00:38:35,871 --> 00:38:37,950
I couldn't even take a photograph
594
00:38:37,951 --> 00:38:41,910
of me mate's little nephew
as a shepherd in his nativity play.
595
00:38:41,911 --> 00:38:44,230
I mean, what are people scared of?
596
00:38:44,231 --> 00:38:46,190
That some pervert will get
a stiffy
597
00:38:46,191 --> 00:38:49,350
looking at him with a tea towel
shoved on his head?
598
00:38:49,351 --> 00:38:52,310
Don't get me wrong - I want
to see proper paedos strung up.
599
00:38:52,311 --> 00:38:56,310
You know, the ones who get stuck in
before there's grass on the pitch.
600
00:38:56,591 --> 00:38:59,550
But well, you can't always be
100% sure they're legal, can you?
601
00:38:59,551 --> 00:39:02,750
Anyway, most 15-year-olds
enjoy a good shafting.
602
00:39:02,751 --> 00:39:05,910
The hormones are raging.
We targeted nonces
603
00:39:05,911 --> 00:39:09,030
in an effort to ensure that
they wouldn't have money left
604
00:39:09,031 --> 00:39:13,030
for sweets or puppies, or whatever
they use to get their end away.
605
00:39:13,551 --> 00:39:16,590
But when they barged
in our home yesterday,
606
00:39:16,591 --> 00:39:20,150
we were thrown into a nightmare.
607
00:39:20,151 --> 00:39:24,150
We're the heroes in all of this,
not the villains.
608
00:39:28,351 --> 00:39:32,350
Thank you.
609
00:39:35,231 --> 00:39:38,630
Case dismissed.
610
00:39:38,631 --> 00:39:41,390
Who's a clever boy then, Mickey?
611
00:39:41,391 --> 00:39:42,990
Wrong date on warrant.
612
00:39:42,991 --> 00:39:46,990
Improper police paperwork.
613
00:39:49,511 --> 00:39:50,950
This is the living room.
614
00:39:50,951 --> 00:39:54,950
Aha.
615
00:39:58,951 --> 00:40:00,350
Do you watch Corrie?
616
00:40:00,351 --> 00:40:01,390
Of course.
617
00:40:01,391 --> 00:40:02,590
Good.
618
00:40:02,591 --> 00:40:06,590
Could've been the
shortest marriage in history.
619
00:40:16,511 --> 00:40:20,510
There.
620
00:40:21,711 --> 00:40:23,070
I'd better unpack.
621
00:40:23,071 --> 00:40:24,670
Ah, that can wait.
622
00:40:24,671 --> 00:40:28,070
I've a little surprise.
623
00:40:28,071 --> 00:40:30,590
I suppose you could call it
624
00:40:30,591 --> 00:40:34,590
a wedding present.
625
00:40:40,791 --> 00:40:44,470
This one's for you. The mahogany.
626
00:40:44,471 --> 00:40:45,990
I bought mine years ago.
627
00:40:45,991 --> 00:40:48,030
Well, I...!
628
00:40:48,031 --> 00:40:52,030
I'm not going to pass those
things every time I come in.
629
00:40:52,311 --> 00:40:54,190
You can shift them in the spare room.
630
00:40:54,191 --> 00:40:58,190
No need for that.
631
00:41:09,311 --> 00:41:10,830
Go on.
632
00:41:10,831 --> 00:41:14,830
Surprise me.
633
00:41:20,751 --> 00:41:24,750
I didn't realise you...
634
00:41:26,631 --> 00:41:28,070
Am I not enough to live for?
635
00:41:28,071 --> 00:41:30,470
Oh, Patty.
636
00:41:30,471 --> 00:41:33,750
I thought you'd change your mind once
we were married.
637
00:41:33,751 --> 00:41:35,670
I thought you'd want to be with me.
638
00:41:35,671 --> 00:41:37,030
Oh, believe me, I do!
639
00:41:37,031 --> 00:41:41,030
That's why I still want
you to come with me.
640
00:41:44,511 --> 00:41:48,510
We could have a good life!
641
00:41:48,991 --> 00:41:52,990
You only feel like this because
you've been on your own so long.
642
00:41:54,551 --> 00:41:57,550
Once you have
people round you, people
643
00:41:57,551 --> 00:42:00,190
who need you, everything changes.
644
00:42:00,191 --> 00:42:02,990
Patty! I've been ringing
your helpline for years.
645
00:42:02,991 --> 00:42:04,270
I know, I know!
646
00:42:04,271 --> 00:42:06,310
It's only a matter of time.
647
00:42:06,311 --> 00:42:07,630
Yes, but not today.
648
00:42:07,631 --> 00:42:09,470
Your daughter has her own life now.
649
00:42:09,471 --> 00:42:13,470
You wouldn't want to die alone
in some grotty nursing home.
650
00:42:14,871 --> 00:42:18,870
No, but...
651
00:42:21,951 --> 00:42:25,470
Come with me, Patty.
652
00:42:25,471 --> 00:42:29,470
Today.
653
00:42:34,071 --> 00:42:38,070
You OK?
654
00:42:41,151 --> 00:42:45,150
Just see it as going away on our
honeymoon...that will last eternity.
655
00:42:52,511 --> 00:42:56,510
See you on the other side.
656
00:43:02,151 --> 00:43:03,830
Five...four...
657
00:43:03,831 --> 00:43:07,830
three...
658
00:43:07,911 --> 00:43:10,790
..two...
659
00:43:10,791 --> 00:43:12,470
..one.
660
00:43:12,471 --> 00:43:16,470
Ahh!
661
00:43:56,351 --> 00:43:57,750
I'm having a few problems.
662
00:43:57,751 --> 00:44:00,110
Not on the kitchen table, Carl!
663
00:44:00,111 --> 00:44:04,110
How d'you get that?
664
00:44:04,351 --> 00:44:06,390
Punter wouldn't pay
their instalment.
665
00:44:06,391 --> 00:44:09,590
Which one?
666
00:44:09,591 --> 00:44:11,910
Walker.
667
00:44:11,911 --> 00:44:13,150
Debbie Walker?
668
00:44:13,151 --> 00:44:15,470
A woman?
669
00:44:15,471 --> 00:44:16,910
Where are the babies?
670
00:44:16,911 --> 00:44:18,230
At the creche.
671
00:44:18,231 --> 00:44:22,230
What bleeding creche?
672
00:44:26,271 --> 00:44:28,870
What?!
673
00:44:28,871 --> 00:44:31,350
I'm taking you off the rounds, mate.
674
00:44:31,351 --> 00:44:33,350
You've got enough
on your plate here.
675
00:44:33,351 --> 00:44:36,790
I'll start helping
out with Cilla more.
676
00:44:36,791 --> 00:44:38,830
I'll do her night feeds. Mondays.
677
00:44:38,831 --> 00:44:41,950
Not on a bingo night.
678
00:44:41,951 --> 00:44:44,870
(MICKEY) 'We all end up with
some sort of baggage
679
00:44:44,871 --> 00:44:48,070
'but the thing that determines
whether you'll be carting round a
680
00:44:48,071 --> 00:44:51,870
'little Gucci or a fuck-off Samsonite
for the rest of your life,
681
00:44:51,871 --> 00:44:55,230
'it's all about how much is
invested in you as a nipper.
682
00:44:55,231 --> 00:44:59,230
'I may not be bringing
in any actual money...
683
00:44:59,951 --> 00:45:03,070
'..but what I do is priceless.
684
00:45:03,071 --> 00:45:06,950
'After all,
I'm busy creating the future.'
685
00:45:06,951 --> 00:45:08,798
When was the last time you slept?
686
00:45:08,798 --> 00:45:09,637
Last Tuesday.
687
00:45:09,638 --> 00:45:12,837
Oh, for fuck's sake.
688
00:45:12,838 --> 00:45:15,597
One in four people in this
country are mentally unstable.
689
00:45:15,598 --> 00:45:16,775
Will I get used to it?
690
00:45:16,775 --> 00:45:19,654
We'll have that place like a
palace by the time we finish.
691
00:45:19,655 --> 00:45:23,174
If your husband's out, I'll come
round and sort your pipes out.
692
00:45:23,175 --> 00:45:24,334
He's having an affair.
693
00:45:24,335 --> 00:45:25,974
What?!
694
00:45:25,975 --> 00:45:29,454
I want the pair of yous out my
house. You're not welcome.
695
00:45:29,455 --> 00:45:31,136
This is the devil's work!
696
00:45:31,336 --> 00:45:41,536
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