All language subtitles for SPENDTHRIFT

Young man, it is my duty to inform you
that you've dissipated your inheritance.

That is, what there was of it .. to put
it plainly: you have nothing left!

Absurd, ridiculous .. my father left me
twenty million dollars. Where is it?

I'll tell you where it is. First of all
the inheritance tax cut it in half.

Then the Federal tax took a slice.
─ There were mortgages to be paid.

He left a million to a university.
─ And another million to a hospital.

There were disbursements and attorneys
fees and other administrative expenses.

Gentlemen, I've heard enough.

I take it I'm as poor as the proverbial
mouse that lived in a church.

I have paintings in my
home that cost a fortune.

But I haven't got a dollar in cash to
have my picture taken for a passport.

If I want to travel I've got to use my
aeroplane, my motor or my yacht.

But I haven't got a
nickel for a streetcar.

My library has rare and costly books, yet
I haven't got a penny for a newspaper.

It's all very clear. I'm a millionaire
who has everything but money.

Gentlemen, I bid you good-day.
I'm going to play polo.

Excuse me boss .. I was
just .. fixing the keyhole.

Gents, he fixed the keyhole. If there's
a charge, you pay. I have no money.

What's the matter? Didn't you
get any dough from these guys?

When you looked through the keyhole,
what did you see? ─ Nothing.

That's what I got from these
guys .. nothing .. come on.

Boss, you were great. You beat
those boys single-handed.

Thanks for the praise Bill, but don't
forget to say kind words to the ponies.

Oh they're great boss. If I had the
money I'd buy them from you.

Why do you think I want to sell them?
─ You might .. because you're broke.

It's tough to be broke,
especially when you are rich.

Yeah, nowadays it seems nobody's
got any money except the poor.

Thanks for the beating Middleton.
─ Towny, we did it again.

Nice work Towny .. you did a good job.

You did not so bad yourself.
─ I could do better if I had your pony.

What do you want for them?
─ Thanks old man, but not for sale.

Not even if the price is right.

There's not enough money in
the world to buy those ponies.

I raised them myself.
You know .. sentiment.

Are you dining at home tonight?
─ Yes, why don't you drop over.

Thanks, we will. ─ Drink anything?
─ Anything? Haha .. everything.

I like Carlton .. he's a swell player.
But he's pretty badly mounted though.

I think I'll give him
a couple of ponies.

Gee boss, you do nothing but give
things away ever since I've known you.

Two ponies for this guy, a car to that
guy, a trip to Europe for this guy ..

Why don't you do something
for yourself once in a while?

Bill, I don't think I'd know how to do
anything for myself. I never had to.

You'll learn.

How are all the horses Pop?
─ Fine, Mr Middleton. In grand shape.

I worked Gallant here this
morning, the half in 47:2.

He's ready to win at any time.

Frenzy here did a mile and a quarter
in 2:06, and he's ready to win any time.

This one here sir I walked
myself, and he's ready to win.

Better run him tomorrow. Make sure.

And big Hawk here, he gallops over the
hurdles .. he jumps like he's got wings.

And he's ready to win any time.

Right you are. Mr Jeffries wants to know
when you're going to pay that feed bill.

I'll pay him as soon as we win a race.
─ I'll tell him that.

And we're ready to win any time?

And Senator Gordon wants to give
you $50,000 .. for Black Mamba.

$50,000?
─ What's that?

You'll be selling Black Mamba will you?

Oh, I'm begging your pardon sir.
I didn't know it was you, Mr Middleton.

Set your mind at ease Boots. Black
Mamba's not for sale. How is she?

How is she? Eddie, bring Mamba here. I
want Mr Middleton to take a look at her.

She isn't coughing any more, is she?
─ She isn't. I worked her this morning.

She did the quarter in 23, the
half in 47, and the mile in 1:36.

If you don't mind me saying so ..

She'll win the Kentucky Derby or
my name is not "Boots O'Connell".

How are all the foals?
─ Fine. Come and look at the new ones.

Wait until you see them. You'll be proud
to say that you bred them yourself.

There he is. Isn't he a fine looking
lad? Look at the withers on him.

And he's got a head like his father.

Sure would love to have a
picture of him at this age.

And you will have .. jump in
the car .. I've got a camera.

Bill, how are we going to
get the horse to Louisville?

Ask me something easy. How do I know?
─ Well, there's no money to ship her.

No money? I'll print some for you.
─ Beg pardon, sir. Excuse me asking.

How will you get to Kentucky?
─ Hop in Boots.

Bill, didn't you get the tickets?
─ With what? I don't know what money is.

Maybe your Uncle Morton will help you?
─ Maybe. Don't worry Pop.

I won't, sir.

What's that?
─ I don't know.

The doctor said to give it to you.
─ Well, I won't take it.

But you must. The doctor says it's good.
─ Well then, let him take it!

But the doctor isn't sick.
─ I know, but he ought to be.

That's what's the matter with the world.

All the patients are sick and
all the doctors are healthy.

It ought to be the other way round.
─ Come on, take it.

I won't take it! I won't take anything.
─ Mr Middleton!

You've got a terrible temper.
─ Yeah, I know I have.

You'd have a temper too.

If you had a good-for-nothing nephew
like that Townsend Middleton.

I can't do anything with him.
I can't do anything with him.

Well, looks like the nurse can't do
anything with you. ─ No.

Neither can you. What do you want here?

I'm going to the Kentucky Derby.
─ Well, what's holding you up?

Money .. I can't go unless I
ship my horse .. how about it?

Not a penny!

I asked you five years ago
to let me handle your affairs.

You said: "No. I'll handle
my own affairs".

I didn't come to listen to a sermon.
─ No, you came here for money.

He did not. He came here to
invite you to the Derby with him.

Wouldn't you like to see it? Would you
like to see your nephew win the Derby?

I don't want to see any Derby.
I don't care anything about a Derby.

You don't? And you, who owned one of
the finest racing stables in the country.

Didn't you win the Derby twice?
And the Grand National?

All with horses that you bred yourself.
And you don't want to see the Derby?

Shame on you!
─ You don't want to miss it uncle.

Kentucky .. the Bluegrass.
The bugle-blowers .. they're off!

Well, so are you! Get out! Get out!
─ Mr Middleton.

What's going on here?
─ It's none of your business.

Mr Middleton, don't speak like
that to me. I am your doctor.

Well, why don't you get a shave?
─ An impossible patient Mr Middleton.

What are you trying to do? Slander me?
I'm paying you fifty dollars a visit.

I know you are, and I'm sorry to say you
are throwing your money away. ─ What?

Fifty dollars a visit and I'm not making
any improvement. I want my money back.

It's your own fault Mr Middleton. In a
week you'd be alright if you do as I say.

If you go on like this, you'll
never be able to get out of bed.

Oh I won't eh? Get out of the room!
Get out, I tell you. .. get out!

All of you, get out!

Eleanor! Eleanor!
─ Yes, Mr Middleton?

Don't "yes" me.
─ What can I do Mr Middleton?

Get my car ready for me. I hope to see
my nephew win the Kentucky Derby.

Here's to the winner of the next
Derby .. Towny Middleton!

Towny Middleton!

Black Mamba!
─ Black Mamba!

Come on, drink up here .. here, a
pastry .. one of the little ones there.

I wonder if Towny is going to take
us to the races. ─ I Wonder.

If it isn't Mr Humber the track
president. Glad to see you.

And you Topsy Martin. Glad so see you.

We can't say the same for you.
Where do I get a drink?

I want to dance.
─ I want a drink. My feet are tired.

Drink is no good for tired feet.
─ Neither is dancing.

Besides, you don't know how to dance.
─ I do. I've been dancing for 58 years.

Then sit down and give yourself a rest.

Boss, there's a lot of excitement in the
neighborhood. Special trains and cars.

I think a lot of people
are going in aeroplanes.

Everybody's going to the Derby to see
Black Mamba running. Can you beat that?

Everybody but you and me and the horse.
Say it ain't true .. say it ain't true.

I'm afraid it is.

What's the matter with Popsy? He owns
the railroad. Won't he stake you a car?

I don't want him to know how I am fixed.

Hello Middleton, you know I'm still in
the market for those ponies of yours.

So am I.
─ Me too. All eight of them.

Sorry gentlemen,
they're not for sale.

See here Middleton, I understand you
are going abroad for a year or two.

You don't want the ponies on your
hands while you're away, do you?

I don't mind. ─ Make us an offer.
─ $20,000 for the string.

Well, he'd be giving them away.
Who'll say 25? Who'll say 25?

I'll say 25.
─ I heard 25, who'll say 35?

Who'll say 35? Who'll give 35 to buy
the finest Polo ponies in the world?

Keep it up. Don't lose your voice.

Not me. I didn't get elocution
lessons for nothing.

Who'll say 35? Who'll say 35?
Who'll say 35 besides me?

I will. I'll give you 35.
Middleton, what do you say?

I think you like to
do business with Bill.

Alright Bill, I'll give you
$35,000 for the string.

Make it $37,500 and the deal is closed.
─ The deal is closed.

You got a good bargain.
─ I think so too.

I hated to sell those
ponies Bill, but I had to.

I know you did. Now, what are
we going to do with the dough?

First, I'll give a $1,000 to the servants.
How much do I owe you?

You mean that liquor I sold you when
I was bootlegging? For 27 grand?

Oh forget about it,
I drank most of it myself.

I tell you what I'll do. I'll
give $35,000 to Ransom.

It will save Greenhill Manor
for a little while.

What's that leave us?
─ Let me see .. $1,500.

What? To get us to Louisville?
That will only get us a freight car.

I'm not particular. Are you?
─ No, neither is Black Mamba.

Well boss .. how do
you like being a hobo?

I don't mind it .. as a
matter of fact I enjoy it.

Sure like to hear you talk like
that .. it shows you're not a snob.

Thanks Boots, I'm glad
you understand me.

And who doesn't. You're
not so hard to figure out.

You said it Boots, he's just like
me .. open and above board.

Let's talk about the Derby.

That's right, let's talk
about Louisville.

Let's talk about how we get back.
You know, we've got one-way tickets.

What made you think of that?

He's always thinking like
that .. Bill, you are a pessimist.

A "pessimist"? What's that?

It's a man who's never
happy unless he's sad.

Ah, I'm no pessimist .. I'm an octopus.

Ride her well, but keep her off the
pace until you get to the home stretch.

From then on .. you know what to do.

Black Mamba, if you've never run before,
run today .. this is Boots talking.

I'm depending on you Mamba.
I know you won't let me down.

I wish you all the luck in the world.
─ The same to both of us.

Sally, that's Townsend Middleton,
millionaire. Try and get to know him.

He wouldn't care nothing about me.
We ain't nothing, we ain't got nothing.

What are you talking about? We are
one of the first families of Kentucky.

We're one of the first families,
but we're down to our last dollar.

How much you got in your purse?

A dollar .. a dollar-eighty.

Well I got twenty cents. Let's pool it
and bet two dollars on Black Mamba.

Alright .. meanwhile, I'll ask
Mr Middleton if he's going to win.

Good luck Willy.

Why don't you and Pops use my box.
─ Thank you.

I beg your pardon.
─ Oh, thank you.

You're Mr Middleton, aren't you?
─ How did you know?

Who doesn't know you? Is Black
Mamba going to win today?

I think so .. I hope so.
─ So do I .. I bet on it.

Can I see you to your box?
─ I'd rather not go back to my box.

My dad's got a load of old
Majors and Colonels there.

Well come and sit in my box.
─ Oh, thank you so much.

That's what I call
"Southern hospitality".

Yes, I'm just a Yankee
with a Southern complex.

Who do you think will win the big race?
─ I'm going to win it with my horse.

Who is that?
─ Black Mamba.

Oh Daddy, I thought I left you up at
the clubhouse with General Green.

I just came down to get a hot-dog.
I'm superstitious about it.

If I don't eat a hot-dog when
I got to the races .. I don't win.

Mr Middleton, I'd like you to know
my father. ─ How do you do, sir?

I'm Colonel Barnaby. I have 5,000 acres
of the best tobacco in all Christendom.

Barnaby? I've heard that name before.

You should have. There were sixteen of
us in the Confederate Army. Sixteen, sir.

We're going up to Mr Middleton's box.

Yes sir, yes sir. I'm
glad we're doing it.

Mr O'Connell, Boots and Bill, this is
Colonel Barnaby and his daughter, Sally.

How do you do, sir.
─ Howdy, howdy.

Glad to know you all.

I take it Colonel, you are
backing Mr Middleton's horse?

I made a small wager, but if you folks
think she'll win, I'll press my bet.

I think she'll win Colonel. I hope so.
─ If you think so, I think so.

I'll go down and bet $10,000 on her.
─ But Daddy, you've bet $10,000 already.

Then I'll make it $20,000.

When a Barnaby bets .. he bets.

How do you like those glasses, Popsy?
─ Fine, but the track is too far away.

No wonder .. you're looking
through the wrong end.

Is that better?
─ Yes, alright but ..

Now the track is too close.
─ So are you.

You are boiling all over me.
You take a look Mr Middleton.

See the horses?
─ No .. where are they?

Right there on the track.
─ Well, where's the track?

That will be enough.
I'll tell you all about it.

"Well there they are now. Each
and every horse is in his own stall."

"That's Black Mamba making that trouble.
She's the only filly in the Derby."

"Looks like they're straightened up
now .. ready to go .. and they're off!"

"They're all crowding at the start,
all anxious to get the best break."

"Oh, oh, what's that? One jockey is off
and the horse has lost his rider!"

Hear that boss? Which horse lost it's
rider? I hope it isn't Black Mamba.

Can you beat that for
luck .. it is Black Mamba.

"Each and every jockey is out
to win, and here they come now."

"It is Black Mamba without a rider, owned
by Mr Middleton the millionaire playboy."

"She's out of it now. You can't
win a race without a jockey."

"And now it's Fancy Free in front, Patsy
Light second, and Audacity is third."

"Ladies and gentlemen, this is a race,
a real race. A real Kentucky Derby."

"A race for 3-year-olds. The finest
race horses in America."

"With the best jockeys in the world.
They're on the back stretch now."

"Audacity is now in front, Patsy Light
is second and Fancy Free is third."

"And the little filly without
her rider, she keeps on going."

"Black Mamba is still running. But
she's running without her jockey."

"Now on the home stretch. Audacity in
front and Patsy Light challenging."

"And it's going to be a fighting finish.
And there they go for the line."

Tough luck, boss .. tough luck.

Fourteen horses in the race and
it had to be our jockey that falls off.

Come on, there's lots
more races to be won.

I knew that jockey was no good. He's
been hanging out in cafés every night.

No wonder he can't ride in the
daytime. He's a night rider.

Mr Middleton, I'm awfully sorry.
You must have lost a fortune.

No I didn't. I didn't have it to lose.
─ Oh, go on ..

Everybody knows you're one of
the richest men in the country.

If you want to think that, go ahead.
─ But I do. Makes it so exciting.

You are not only rich, you're charming.

If my nephew had any sense he would
have glued that jockey to the saddle.

Well now there is nothing
left to do but dance.

Oh Middleton, can you dance?
─ Yes, but I'm not dancing with you.

I think you are a wonderful sport.
You've had such a miserable day.

Why cry over spilt milk? Especially when
we're drinking wine. Here's to you.

Here's to you.

Towny, I've been looking for you.
─ Stop looking, here I am.

Ask me to sit down, I'm no floor-walker.
─ Alright, sit down.

I'm Topsy Martin, who are you?
─ Sally Barnaby. ─ Where's Popsy?

Outside, talking to your uncle. I had to
leave, they were both talking too much.

Probably about Black Mamba losing her
rider. I'm the only one who doesn't care.

Isn't he wonderful? He's so unconcerned.
─ I'll say he is, especially about me.

Ask me to have a drink will you.
─ I'm sorry.

You're local talent, aren't you?
─ Yes, I was born here.

Pardon my Southern accent.
─ I can take it.

Girls, I've got a great idea. I'm going
to give a party .. Captain, Captain!

Yes sir?

I want to reserve this room tonight for
me and my guests. ─ You sure can, sir.

Will be about 30 of us. Better have a
100 quarts of wine. Will 100 be enough?

Better make it 101 in case
somebody drops in.

Who is going to drink all that wine?
─ Don't worry, you'll get yours.

How about some food?

They'll be food. A party's
no good without food.

Hello Bill .. remember Sally?
─ Yes.

I'm giving a party in her honor.

We got some nice Chinese pheasant.
─ That sounds good. Get thirty of them.

You like pheasant, Bill?
─ Sure, especially if they're Chinese.

Darned clever, those Chinese pheasants.
─ I've never eaten any pheasant.

They must be heavenly.
─ Oh, you'll like them, ma'am.

We serve them with a special
dressing and Hawaiian pineapple.

Is that the way you like them, sir?
─ Yeah, with rye bread and sauerkraut.

Yes sir.
─ We'd better have terrapin.

I'm sorry sir, we have no terrapin.
─ Can't you catch some?

Well pardon me, I'll have to
call off another engagement.

Wait. Don't disappoint me. I'm
giving this party for you, you know.

I should say not. I'm going to eat
those Chinese pheasants if it kills me.

I said 100 quarts of wine,
but you'd better make it 200.

Yes sir!

Are you giving, a party or a pageant?
─ Leave him alone, will you.

If he wants to spend, let him spend.

What do you mean "spend". He ain't
got nothing in his pockets but holes.

Don't get excited Bill. I'm going to give
that girl the best party she's ever had.

Do me a favor Topsy. Get her to
come to New York. ─ When?

With us, tonight.

Hey, have you got a razor in your purse?
─ Why? You want to shave at the table?

No .. I want to cut my throat.

Sir, there is a Colonel Barnaby
wishes to see you at the bar.

What will it be? Swords or pistols?
─ I don't know, but I'll find out.

Where shall I send the body?
─ If no-one calls in 30 days it's yours.

Colonel, were you at
the Battle of Bull-run?

Yes indeed .. and I was
the last man to run.

Give me a glass of water.
─ Yes sir, Colonel.

Colonel, you have something to say?
─ Indeed I have.

I've got 5,000 acres of the finest
tobacco in all Christendom.

I know it. I'm not
interested in real estate.

But you're interested in my daughter.
How dare you, how dare you!

How dare I what?

What are you doing with my
little bumble-bee?

Just entertaining her.
─ Well, well .. that's different.

Have some of my private stock.

Mr Middleton .. may I speak
to you for a moment?

You'd better get down to the stable.
They're going to take Mamba away.

Bill, go to the stable. They're trying
to take the horse away from us.

Leave it to me.

Why send Bill there? Why don't you go?
You can talk better than he can.

He'll only start a fight. You'd better
get down there. ─ Alright, come on.

Where you going, Towny?
─ Hello Sally. You know Boots don't you?

Yes of course .. you aren't going
to leave me here alone are you?

Sally, you go back with
Topsy. I'll be right back.

What are you going to do?
─ What I was sent down here to do.

I'm going to take this horse
away from who owns it.

You're going to do what?
─ You Mr Middleton? ─ I am.

Well sir, we have an attachment against
for $37,000. You want to pay it?

Could you give me a little more time?
─ No sir.

I'm afraid we'll have to
put a seal on your barn.

You mean a trained seal?
─ No sir. This one.

Now we're in a fix. What
are we going to do next?

First thing to do is to find your uncle.
Maybe he'll give you some dough.

Good idea. If he saves Black Mamba for
us, we'll invite him to Sally's party.

There ain't going to be no party.
I cancelled it. ─ You did?

Yeah, and if you don't hurry, there
ain't going to be no horse.

????

You guys going back to the courthouse?
─ Yes.

Well, I'll be right over there with
Senator Luffing. He'll take care of this.

Let him come.

Hey boots .. are you in there?

Sure I'm in here .. where are you?
─ I'm out here.

That's where I'd like to be.
─ We'll have you out in two minutes.

I knew this trip wouldn't do you any good.
─ Well, you mind your own business.

But I'm your nurse.
─ Well, mind your own business anyway.

Mr Middleton, don't excite yourself.
─ And you mind your own business, too.

Remember what the doctor said.
─ Wait until I get hold of that doctor.

When I get through with
him, he'll need a doctor.

Uncle Morton, you've got to help me.
─ Are you in trouble again?

Listen to me for a moment.
I'll explain everything.

You've been explaining
things all your life.

You've got to listen, I'm in a bad spot.
I gambled everything on Mamba and lost.

And it looks like I'll lose her too. I'd
rather have anything happen but that.

I need $37,000 to save her.
─ $37,000?

Do you suppose I carry that
around in my breast pocket?

You don't have to give me the cash,
just give me a draft. ─ A draft?

Yeah that's it, a draught. Get me
out of this draught, both of you.

Get me out of this draught!

$37,000 .. who does he
think I am? Santa Claus?

$37,000.

It looks like we're being dispossessed.
─ Oh, don't worry Mr Middleton.

It is always darkest just before dawn,
and something is bound to happen.

Yes, but it seems as if
it always happens to me.

We'll get out of this mess alright, sir.
─ I hope so.

Pop, let me tell you something.

A man who was born with a silver spoon
in his mouth is at a great disadvantage.

He doesn't know the value of a dollar.
─ I guess you're right, sir.

I know I am.

I wish I was born to poor parents and
had to battle my way through life.

I'm no good to myself or anybody else.
─ Ah now, now sir.

They don't come any better than
you are. You have your faults.

But with all your faults, you're a much
better man than you think you are.

You are generous and kind.
You had money and you spent it.

And that's more than some millionaires
will do. Furthermore, you love horses.

And show me the man that loves horses
and nothing bad can come of him.

What? What in the name of ..

How did you do it? Where'd you get her?
─ Nobody knows, not even the Sheriff.

Well so far so good, but how
do we get her to Long Island?

Whose car is that?
─ Uncle Morton's.

Let's put it on. He'll never
know the difference.

That's a good idea .. Eddie .. Eddie!
─ Here I am.

Come here .. put Mamba on
uncle Morton's private car.

Come on Mamba .. I don't think
uncle Morton is going to like this.

They told me to do it,
I guess I got to do it.

First time I ever do it. Having
a horse riding in a private car.

I ain't going to put you in no barn,
I know that .. come on Mamba.

How can I thank you? You've
done me a great favor.

I did a favor for myself. You think I'd
let them take Mamba away from us?

Certainly not. Come on, get in Popsy's
car. Ride with us. ─ Who's "us"?

Popsy, Topsy, me and the little
lady you met in the box.

No thanks, I'll be riding
home with the horse.

How many hot-water
bottles have you got?

Twelve.
─ I told you to get twenty-four.

The doctor said you didn't like it hot.
─ Now, wait until I see him.

I'll make it hot for him.
─ Now don't excite yourself.

Huh? Oh you're right, you're
right. I've got to be quiet.

What I need is rest and quiet.

[ loud banging ]

Stop that noise!

Mr Middleton, remember
your high blood-pressure.

Yes, that's right. How high is it?
─ A hundred and ninety.

[ loud banging ]

Cut that out! What's going on in there?

[ horse whinny ]

I'll settle them .. let me at
them .. let me at them!

I'll bet that's my nephew, that
worthless good-for-nothing.

Who is responsible for this?

Who put that nag in this car?
─ Begging your pardon, sir.

This is no nag. This is Black
Mamba, a thoroughbred.

I don't care if it's a thoroughbred
To me it's just a nag.

I want it taken off my car!
─ Just a moment Mr Middleton.

Aren't you ashamed for talking that way?
About the grandest of all animals?

Man's best friend, the horse.

There is no more faithful animal in the
world. It responds to every kindness.

And in return it gives you devotion
that is beautiful to behold.

Why didn't a King once cry:

"A horse, a horse,
my Kingdom for a horse."

What King?
─ Richard the third.

It was the fourth.
─ It was the third.

The lady's right, it was the third.
─ I'm sorry, sir.

Why so sentimental about horses?
─ I've been with them all my life, sir.

I raised this one from a baby.
I fed her with my own hands.

I beg your pardon, sir.
But, I love her.

Oh well .. if you love her,
then that's a different matter.

But what's she doing in my car?
─ There's nowhere else to put her.

Why not? They've a horse-car here.

Sure, sir. But you can't put her there
unless you've the money to pay her fare.

Please don't put her off Mr Middleton.

Well alright then. I'll let her stay.

But I'm not doing this for that
good-for-nothing nephew of mine.

I'm doing this for you.
─ Thank you, sir.

It's kind of cold here, isn't it?
─ It is, but I can turn on the steam.

No, no, no .. don't do that.
Steam is bad for a horse's lungs.

Hey nurse .. give this young lady
some of my hot-water bottles.

I don't want that horse
to catch pneumonia.

It's fine.

Try that .. that ought to fix it.

It's come along fine. Go to the Derby
next year and I'll rub the other leg.

You girls like a little drink?

Yes, I'd like a champagne cocktail.
─ I'd like a mint julep.

I'm dying to see New York.
I'm crazy to ride in the subway.

Anyone is. You'll find out.

It's nice to see the things
you always hear about.

The theaters, the nightlife, the
cafés, and all with champagne.

And the Chinese pheasant.
─ I've never eaten any.

You haven't? New York is just full
of Chinese pheasants. ─ Really?

Why, every Chinaman in
New York has got a pheasant.

Did you ever see the Brooklyn Bridge?
─ Twice. Once going and once coming.

Was it nice?

The bottom of the bridge isn't
much. I saw it from a yacht.

A yacht .. has Towny got a yacht?

No. He had one, but they
cut him down to a rowboat.

Come in.
─ Open up.

Well, I'll be seeing you.
─ Must you go?

No, I mustn't .. but you want me to.

What a day. What a day.
─ Cheer up, Yankee.

Things can't be that bad.
─ Yes they can .. they are.

Oh come on, you're fooling. How could
a man like you be anything but happy?

Strange as it seems,
I'm everything but happy.

I'm afraid you're acting Towny. I think
you're just looking for sympathy.

I don't know how much trouble other
folk have, but I certainly got my share.

Trouble? What trouble can you have?

Money, friends, a beautiful home.
Why, you've got everything.

You are wrong Sally.
Especially about my money.

I know .. you're selfish.
Wealthy men are all alike.

You got everything and you want twice
as much. You're a naughty boy, Towny.

No I'm not. You don't understand.
Take my house for instance, it is ..

It isn't big enough. You want a castle
with a 1000 rooms and gold in every one.

You're a bad, bad boy, Towny.
─ I'm quite sure I'm not that selfish.

So am I .. deep down in your
heart all you want is happiness.

That's all I want .. happiness.

What's going on in there? Will he fall
for that doll with the "Mame" dialect?

Sure, he's in there holding her hand.

I used to hold my wife's hands. But that
was to keep her from slugging me.

I wonder how that thing
in there is going to end.

I don't know, but I'm afraid
Cupid hit him with an arrow.

Cupid hit me with an arrow
once, but it was poisoned.

Yeah, but this is love.

Love? That's the tenth
word in a telegram.

Popsy asleep?
─ Asleep? I think he's dead.

Come on, let's dance.
─ I'm wrong .. I'm dead.

Eleanor, have you ever been married?
─ No sir, never. ─ Neither have I.

That shows both you and I have got good
sense .. nobody should be married.

Marriage always spoils a
most beautiful friendship.

You're quite right sir, but we must have
marriage or there wouldn't be children.

There shouldn't be any children.
Children have no brains.

A man ought to be thirty years
of age before he was born.

What's this .. a letter from my nephew?
There's one thing I will say for him.

He's done a lot of silly things. But he's
never been fool enough to get married.

Dear Uncle, you are cordially
invited to my wedding.

Tomorrow afternoon at 4:00.
Your loving nephew .. Townsend.

Well I ..

Eleanor, take a letter.
─ Yes, sir.

Townsend Middleton.

Young man, my first impression of
you was correct: you are a moron.

I always thought you a half-wit. I was
charitable .. you have no brains at all.

If you have any intelligence, you have
a very clever way of concealing it.

That's all.
─ Shall I sign your name to it?

Yes, sign it six times,
and put a bomb in it!

Well .. in an hour from now,
you'll be a married man.

Say .. did you tell her you are broke?
─ She knows everything .. almost.

Ah, then she's marrying you for
love .. I thought that was passé.

Passé? Are you going highbrow on me?
─ No, I got it from a crossword puzzle.

Your bags are all packed Mr Townsend.

You will find your woolly pyjamas
at the bottom of this bag.

They say it's awful
cold in Atlantic City.

So please by careful and take
two blankets on your bed.

There's a sweet old thing.
Been with us for forty years.

Did she ever get paid?

Can I do anything for you Mr Townsend?
─ No thanks, Beuhl.

But I want you to be my Best Man.
─ You don't mean that, sir?

Yes I do. There won't be
anyone present but the help.

Bill, you'll give the bride away.
─ I don't know anything about her.

What are you blubbering about?
─ What's the matter Beuhl?

I don't know whether I'm unhappy,
or whether I'm crying for joy.

You had better make your mind up.
─ I can hardly believe it, sir.

I was in this house when you were
born, I watched you grow up.

And when you were so high, I would give
you rides on my back in this very room.

Now here I am .. going to
be Best Man at your wedding.

There's loyalty for you. I bet
you never cried like that.

Yeah, once when my mother
tried to give me castor oil.

Isn't anybody coming
here for the wedding?

Oh sure, everybody .. but no guests.

No guests?
─ No, just the servants.

Beuhl, Enrico and me, and
Mr O'Connell .. and Boots.

Boots? That's missed
Mr O'Connell's daughter.

They live in the stable, don't they?
─ No, not in it .. over it.

The horses live by themselves.

I don't blame them. If I were a
horse, I'd pick my company too.

Oh Boots is a lovely girl, she has been
here ever since she was a little baby.

And Mr Townsend is crazy about her.
─ How interesting.

And she's crazy about him, too.

They are crazy about each other.
─ No, they're not. They're just crazy.

Good morning Beuhl.
─ Good morning.

I played that horse you gave me.
─ He didn't win, did he.

Not the race he was in.

Come on you, come on. Cheer up.
It's not a funeral you are going to.

It might just as well be.
─ The top of the morning to you, Bill.

The same to you, and you too, Boots.
You look like a million dollars.

What are you supposed to be doing?
─ Decorating the place.

What good is a wedding without flowers?

Better let me do it, you don't
know the first thing about it.

Ah, it's a woman's job anyway. Come
on Pop, you and I will have a drink.

What's the matter, Boots?

You ask me that?

I cut myself on one of the rose thorns.
─ Oh, I'm sorry. Let me see it.

Where? .. I don't see anything.

Well I'll kiss it. Maybe it
will make it feel better.

Come on now, you mustn't cry.
It's my wedding day.

Well sir, the last wedding
I went to was my own.

The only wedding a guy shouldn't go to.

To be sure, you've got to go to it.
How are you going to get married?

You shouldn't be.
─ What do you mean?

You know, marriage isn't so bad.
─ The marriage ain't.

It's the after-effects.
─ Were you ever married?

Twice .. I'm a two-time loser.

We've had a lot of fun, you and I.
─ Sure, we've had that.

Remember when we took the young hunters
over the hedges and across the fields?

And they ran away with us.

And we didn't get home until the
moon came up to show us the way.

Those were the happy days,
Boots. Let's drink to them.

Yes, it was the happiest time.

Will I ever forget it.

Remember when you wouldn't let me shoot
a deer because you said it had sad eyes?

Oh come on Boots, what are you crying
about? This is no time to be crying.

Well .. is there going to
be a wedding here or not?

I'm ready if you are.

[ door knock]

That's either a Minister or a Sheriff.

A Minister.
─ Bill, have you got the ring?

Yeah.

I had it .. I had it upstairs.

While you were getting dressed.

I can't think what I did with it.

I took it out of the box.

Can you beat that? I put it on
my finger so I wouldn't forget it.

That's 20 pairs of shoes, 10 pairs of
sandals and 10 pairs of street- shoes.

I'll take them all. Charge them
to Mr Townsend Middleton.

I'll take the sable scarf
and this mink coat.

Charge them to
Townsend Middleton.

I'll take this one too.

That makes 12 dresses and 12 hats, and
charge them to Townsend Middleton.

I'll take these pearls .. and these
emeralds .. and these diamond clips.

Charge them to Townsend Middleton.

You've been too extravagant dear.
You've been throwing money away.

I didn't spend so much. Only $12,000.

$12,000 is a lot of money these days.

Are you finding fault with me?

I'm not finding fault, but I think
you ought to take it easy.

Well, I hope we're not going
to quarrel on our honeymoon.

Here's a funny situation. You two having
cross words and I'm doing a crossword.

That's very funny.
─ I don't see anything to laugh at.

Oh .. excuse me.

I don't mean to be quarreling with you,
but I do object to your extravagance.

I don't think I'm so extravagant.
─ I do. You spent $300 for one hat.

With blue feathers.

Hey boss, how do you spell
"bird"? .. with an "i" or with a "u"?

With an "i". Leave me alone will you.

What if I did spend $300 for
a hat? It's not the first time.

I was once bought a hat that cost $400.

And if I want to spend $400 for
a hat, I'll spend $400 for a hat.

Or $500, or $600, or a $1000.

Hey .. what great General
was buried in Grant's tomb?

Napoleon.

Don't be angry dear, I didn't
mean anything I said.

You did mean it! You said everything
in front of that horrid man.

Forget it. Be a good
girl and stop crying.

I won't stop crying.
I won't stop crying!

We're on our honeymoon and yet we fight
as if we've been married for 20 years.

It's all your fault.
─ I know it, but please stop crying.

I didn't mean to hurt your
feelings, really I didn't.

But you did hurt them.
─ I know it and I'm sorry.

Telegraph for Mr Middleton, sir.

Hey, what kind of fruit starts
with a "b"? ─ Apple?

Apples don't start with a "b".
─ Sure .. "baked" apples.

Boss, I've got bad news.
Pop O'Connell kicked off

Oh that's awful.
─ I don't know how Boots took it.

Poor Boots, this will break her heart.
─ It sure will, she's got nobody now.

Nope, nobody but me.
─ And me. ─ What's the trouble?

We just had bad news.
Pop O'Connell died last night.

I'm afraid we'll have to go right home.
─ Go home? For what reason?

He's nothing to you. Only a trainer.
─ You don't get it. I worry about Boots.

The girl will grieve herself to death.
I've got to go back and look after her.

This is a fine honeymoon.

I've never been so unhappy in my life.

Boots can take care of herself can't she?
─ I'm afraid not. We've got to go back.

We don't have to go back to her,
and we won't go back to her!

Please be a good girl and stop
crying. Come on, please stop.

I'll get you that Rolls Royce.
─ Will you?

A limousine, the biggest one they've got.
─ The red one? That I saw this morning?

Phone the Rolls Royce concession and
send that red limousine right over.

It costs twenty-five thousand.

Twenty-five thousand? I'll beat
them down to twenty-four.

Oh Towny!

Well here we are, back at the old home.
─ Yeah, and I hope it is still ours.

Old-timer, it's nice to be back.
─ Glad to see you back, sir.

Madison was lovely,
but give me Greenhill Manor.

Well, aren't you coming in?

A little later, dear. I'll take
a walk around the stables.

He thinks more of those
horses than he does of me.

Oh you're too suspicious.

Brady. You take good care of my car.
─ Yes ma'am.

Boots, I can't tell you how sorry I am.

Your father was a grand man.

He was loved by everyone who knew
him. He loved horses and they loved him.

Sure, but what am I
going to do without him?

You're going to carry on,
just as he'd want you to.

You mean, you are going
to let me stay here?

Here and nowhere else.
You belong here.

You will let me train the horses?
─ Why not?

What's more, I'm going to give you
one. What do you think of that?

I'm going to give you Black Mamba.
─ It's no time for fooling, Mr Middleton.

I'm not fooling .. and don't
call me Mr Middleton.

I am "Towny" to you, the
same as I am to everyone else.

Alright Towny. But I couldn't be taking
Black Mamba. That wouldn't be fair.

If you don't take her, Mr Ransom will.

Have they tried to take
the horse from you?

They are trying to. But if I give
her to you, they can't do it.

We'll settle that right now. Come on.

Hey there.
─ I beg your pardon?

How do you spell "cents"?

"Cents"? What kind of "cents"?

The kind you have in your
head, or dollars and cents?

Dollars and cents. That's all
you've got on your mind, ain't it?

What do you mean?
─ You know what I mean.

You got this guy buying you cars and
diamonds and he hasn't got a quarter.

What do you think of that, huh?
─ Oh, hasn't he?

Well, if he has he's
holding out on himself.

Well he may not have any cash and he
may be going to lose Greenhill Manor.

But he still has Black Mamba
and she's worth $50,000.

And you think you are
going to get her? Ha!

I'd like to know who
else is going to get her.

Yeah, well we'll see about that.
─ You bet we will. ─ Yeah.

And another thing.

His uncle, who's worth thirty million
dollars isn't going to live much longer.

And Townsend Middleton is the sole heir.

Bill .. Bill.
─ Here I am, boss.

Get a piece of paper
and take this down.

Okay.

I, Townsend Middleton ..

For the sum of one dollar ..

Hereby sell, assign and deliver
to Valerie "Boots" O'Connell.

I can't spell "Valerie".
I'll say "Boots".

My racehorse "Black Mamba".

To have and to hold the same forever.
─ What's this? Am I hearing right?

Right and left!

It means the owner of Black Mamba is
nobody else but Valerie Boots O'Connell.

You can't do that!

Yes I can. If I don't, Ransom
will take the horse away.

How about me? I'm entitled to
some consideration around here.

Sure, if I'm going to be starting
you any trouble Towny ..

"Towny"?
─ Sure, that's his name ain't it?

You won't be any trouble. I want you
to have Black Mamba and you've got her.

Thank you.

Methinks the lady is having a tantrum.

A tantrum? A seven-letter
word for "nuts".

How long are you going to stay with us?
─ Indefinitely my son .. indefinitely.

I don't know what that means, but
it sounds like a long, long time.

By the way, I want you
and Sally to be happy.

And I'm going to make it my
business to be with you all the time.

I'm not only going to be her father,
I'm going to be yours .. where is she?

Where is my little bumble-bee. I want
to congratulate her. Where is she?

You'll find her in the room
at the head of the stairs.

I'm going right up.

Boy .. take my luggage to
my room and unpack it.

This is going to be a happy family.

A happy family!

Where is she? Where is she?

Ah, my little bumble-bee.
I knew you would do it.

I knew you'd do it.
─ Do what?

Why, you're the wife of a millionaire.

And I've come to live with you
to make your happiness complete.

How did you get here?

I came all the way from Louisville
on a truckload of lettuce.

Did you eat anything?
─ Been on a vegetable diet for 3 days.

That isn't very elegant food
for a Kentucky Colonel.

No it ain't .. I'd like to sink my
teeth into a porterhouse steak.

Well so would I .. but there
isn't a bite to eat in the house.

What kind of talk is that
from a millionaire's wife?

Did you ever hear of a
millionaire without money?

What are you talking about?
─ That's what I married.

A wealthy man who hasn't
got a nickel to his name.

You mean to say that you've
been humbugged?

I thought I'd never want for
anything as long as I lived.

But all I married was a tramp
with blue blood in his veins.

He's not only hasn't got any money,
he doesn't even love me.

What do you mean?

He's in love with his
trainer's daughter.

They haven't got me
fooled. Neither of them.

But I'll show them who's
boss around here.

I wonder if her mother is
coming up from Kentucky too?

She can't get away.

She's taking care of that 5,000 acres of
the "finest tobacco in all Christendom".

Townsend .. Townsend!

Oh, I don't like that "Townsend".
I'll take a walk in the garden.

Who was that who just went out?
─ It was just Bill.

Yes, and he talking about me too,
wasn't he? ─ No, Honey. No.

Don't "Honey" me. I'm getting sick
and tired of things around here.

You've got to get him off the place.

I can't do that.

He's been with me for years.
─ I don't care anything about that.

I'm going to get rid of him.
He's not going to live in my house.

Do you want me to tell
him, or will you tell him?

I can't tell him to get out.
─ You tell him or I will!

Wait!

Alright .. I'll tell him.

Beuhl.
─ Madam?

We won't be needing your services
any longer and you can leave at once.

Tell the rest of the servants they are
discharged and have them leave with you.

Old pal, it's tough to have
to do this but .. I'm in a spot.

Maybe she'll calm down in a day
or two and you can come back.

In the meantime, you go to the
Princeton Hotel and live there.

Don't worry about the
bills, I'll pay them.

When she cools off, you can take her
for a walk for half a mile Eddie.

Miss O'Connell? I've
something to say to you.

I've been talking to Mr Middleton.

We've decided that you must
leave the premises at once.

I don't understand.

There is no further
explanation necessary.

We want you to pack your
belongings and leave at once.

Mr Middleton's orders.

Mr Middleton, things have taken
a terrible turn at Greenhill Manor.

We've all been fired.

And the Sheriff's foreclosed the place.
There's only one way we can save it.

Yes .. I know, you are going
to ask me for money.

But I'm going to give you something
in return for it. ─ What's that?

I'm going to sell you Black
Mamba for $100,000.

How do you know I want Black Mamba?
─ How can you help but want her?

You're a racing man all your life. Now
you can get the best horse in the world.

I'll train her for nothing.

And she'll win the handicap as far as
a country boy can throw an apple.

It'll flush your cheeks and you'll
feel like a young man again.

You bet, as young as a baby.

Who is this man? What is his name?
─ Mr William Terence McGuire.

A fine gentleman, a man of honor.
─ I have been for years.

Hey, that's a pretty strong grip
you got. How old are you?

Me? I was sixty-one on my last birthday.
─ How do you keep looking so young?

I eat the right kind of food and I never
took a drop of medicine in my life.

Well, I'm always taking medicine. Say,
maybe you can give me some good advice?

What do you suppose is wrong with me?

I tell you. You buy the horse and let me
train her, and hire Bill to train you.

Well, do I look like a horse?
─ No, but I'll have you eating like one.

The first thing to do is to get rid
of those nurses and doctors.

Doctor .. fifty dollars a visit.
I'll get rid of that doctor today.

A nice big roast beef, that's what you
need. With the gravy oozing out of it.

Not dripping, but oozing out. A big
heap of mashed potato with butter on it.

With asparagus and sliced tomatoes.
─ And couldn't I have some corn?

Corn on the cob! And a
big hunk of lemon pie.

If you want to add a couple of bottles
of beer, that rounds it out nicely.

I'm getting to feel better already.

I could have some of that right now.
─ You will!

Sure, and we'll get a chef
to prepare it for you.

And a lot of other servants to take
good care of you. What do you say?

Bring them all up here,
and your Black Mamba too.

Hello.

It's that phony Colonel I told you about.
Talk to him, get a load of this guy.

I bet he tells you about
the 5,000 acres.

Hello.

This is Colonel Barnaby
of Kentucky speaking.

I've got 5,000 acres of the finest
tobacco in all Christendom.

Well, I don't smoke tobacco.
─ That ain't what I called you up about.

My daughter happens to be
married to your nephew.

And they haven't got a
penny between them.

Yeah, and I suppose you want me
to take care of them. Is that it?

Well, not exactly.

My daughter and I would like to come
and see you, and talk matters over.

Bill, they want to come over here.

Let them come over. Let's
hear what they got to say.

Alright Captain.
─ Colonel!

Alright Colonel, come on over.
─ Well, you see ..

We're "on foot" over here. Would you
send your limousine for us?

Yes, alright.

You say this fellow's a windbag, Bill?
─ You'll find out.

Wait until you meet him face-to-face.
You'd wish you'd met him back-to-back.

Hey .. my grandfather used to own a
place like this .. only twice as large.

Save that for uncle Morton.

Henry, give me a hand with this outfit.

It can make it .. I'll just
mike up the roof light.

I'll run the wire through here and
put the recorder on the floor.

They'll never see it.

Sir .. this has been the
happiest day of my life.

It's always an honor to meet a Middleton.
─ You bet it is .. good, sturdy stuff.

The Middletons go back
as far as the Pilgrims.

I know it sir. That's the only reason
I let my daughter marry your nephew.

Uncle Morton, we are in
dreadful circumstances.

But I wouldn't think of accepting
one penny of your money.

No sir .. we'll handle
this thing ourselves.

But .. of course .. if you want
to help Townsend out.

He's your kin.
─ Well ..

I'm not ready to discuss finances just
now, but I'll talk with my nephew.

Thank you sir.

If you ever come down to Kentucky, I
want you to visit me and my plantation.

I got 5,000 acres of the finest
tobacco in all Christendom.

Goodbye uncle Morton.

Good day, sir.
─ Good day, sir.

Oh, Bill.

Hey Bill .. I don't know,
but they sounded alright.

It looks to me as though
Townsend .. is a scalawag.

I wouldn't put much stock in what they
say. They're a pair of phony-baloneys.

I wouldn't be too sure about that.
─ No? I'll have the proof in a while.

What do you mean?

Oh nothing, only I put a
Dictagraph in your car.

If they say anything about you on the
way home, you'll hear it on the record.

You thought I was going to desert
you and the babies, didn't you.

But I've come back to take care of
you. You're coming along with me.

Boots .. what are you doing here?

Queenie's had pups. They're too young
to be moved, so I've come back for them.

Will you be giving me a hand?

With a litter like that you'll
need both my hands.

Boots, I'm sorry for everything
that's happened.

I don't blame you. Women can
be awful mean when they want to.

Not all women.

Sure, it's a lover's quarrel.
You'll be making it up soon.

I don't know. It doesn't look like that.

How's everything with uncle Morton?
─ Of fine.

You know what he had for breakfast
this morning? ─ What?

Two big slices of ham, four
eggs and two bottles of beer.

Well I'm glad the turn of events
has boosted uncle's appetite.

It sure has that. He's the
happiest man in the world.

Boots, I know why you sold Black Mamba.
I know what you did with the money.

How am I ever going to repay you?
─ What are you talking about?

The Sheriff told me everything.

I know you gave Ransom
enough to save the estate.

And I'm going to kiss you if it's
the last thing I ever do in my life.

Now we'll hear what they think of you.
I know what they think about me.

Get a load of this.
─ Where you going?

I thought I'd take it on the lam. They
might say something nice about you.

"Sally, my little bumble-bee,
just as I thought."

"A miserly old skinflint,
that's all he is."

"The Middletons. They can trace
their family back to the Pilgrims."

"I bet they were just a
lot of horse-thieves."

"Sally, I think we're wasting time
waiting for that old buzzard to die."

"He's good for another fifty years."

"Daughter, we'd better look for another
prospect .. we'll get no money here."

All you said about
those two isn't bad enough.

There just a couple of sidewinders.
All they're after is my money.

Get me Ransom on the phone.
I'll fix the whole lot of them.

Including Townsend for getting
mixed up with such riffraff.

They're a lot of .. what did you say
they were? ─ Phony-baloneys.

Yeah, yeah. That's it .. phony-baloneys!

Hello? Mr Ransom?
Hold the wire. Here he is.

Hello? Ransom? How much you got
coming to you on Greenhill Manor?

$200,000? Alright, you'll have
my check in the morning.

But get those tenants out by 6 o'clock
tonight .. yes, all of them!

I'm taking over the
place myself .. goodbye.

That'll fix him.

Well, my little bumble-bee and
I are going back to Louisville.

How about the fare?

The fare?

I got forty-two dollars.
Will that be enough?

It's all you got, ain't it?
─ It's all I've got.

Then it's enough.

Forty-two dollars? Why Daddy,
we'll have to ride on the bus.

Yeah, and I never thought I'd see the
day that a Barnaby would ride on a bus.

Here comes one now.

Boy .. if I never see you again,
it will be soon enough for me.

I ought to shoot you down like a dog.

Those are my sentiments too.
Goodbye and good luck.

Sir .. do you know who I am?

Colonel Barnaby. I've got 5,000 acres
of the finest tobacco in all Christendom.

This is my daughter Sally. The
prettiest girl in all of Kentucky.

She thought she married a
millionaire, but he ain't got a penny.

Now boy, start this car and get us out of
here before I shoot you down like a dog.

Hello pal.
─ Bill, what are you doing here?

I heard you were losing Greenhill Manor.
I've come over to tell you I was sorry.

Thanks pal, I knew you
wouldn't turn against me.

Not me. Pals is pals. I got some
dough in the kitty. You want ..

No, no. I don't need anything.

Bill, I brought this all on myself.

I'm going to battle it through
and start from the very bottom.

What do you mean?
─ I'm going to get a job.

You? You never worked in your life.
─ I'm going to have to get used to it.

I don't know what to do but
I'm going to do something.

Where you going? Can I
drive you somewhere?

No thanks Bill. I'll just take a little walk.

You sure you don't need something?
─ If I do, I'll call you.

Well don't forget, you
know me. .. pals is pals.

Home James .. around
the park and then home.

Well, I'm going to do something
I never did before.

I give up. What are you going to do?
─ I'm going to go to work. ─ What?

Wait, don't say another word.
I have to have a drink.

I knew it would knock you
for a twister, but it's the truth.

Wonders never cease. I've known
the Middletons over fifty years.

First time I ever heard of one going
to work. ─ I'll set a precedent.

Well, you're going to work, eh?
What on earth can you do?

That's where come in.
You'll give me a job.

You're the President of the G&R Railroad
aren't you? ─ Chairman of the board.

And you're responsible for
every dollar they make.

You'll get a chance to put
another feather in your cap.

This is going to be good.
─ You bet it is.

I went to a Radio Station.

And told them I know more about
sport than anyone in America.

Did they believe you?
─ They agreed with me.

I told them I'd like to go on the air to
cover sports: racing, boating, hockey.

Well, when do you start?
─ As soon as I get a sponsor.

And he's it!
─ That's why I'm here.

A railroad of the air? Whoever heard
of it? ─ Nobody. You'll be first.

What can you say for a railroad?

Now that I've got a sponsor, I'll
give you an audition .. come on.

Wait a minute. I have
to change my clothes.

Wait, I've got to put my socks on.

And put your shoes on
too. One on each foot.

I've got to have another drink of water.
─ You've had eight already.

My tongue is stuck to the roof of my
mouth. I can't help it, I'm nervous.

What are you nervous about? There
is nobody here but you and me.

Look in that room. They're all listening
in. Have you ever seen such faces?

Are you ready Mr Middleton?
─ Yes.

Here's the microphone. Step up to
it please, don't be afraid. Step up.

Remember, this is for
the honor of the family.

Quiet, young lady, quiet.
We're about to start.

I introduce that well-known sportsman
and playboy, Mr Townsend Middleton.

Stand by me.
─ "Well, you ready?"

Sure.
─ Go ahead.

Friends of Radio-Land, I'm going to
cover the entire field of sports.

And I intend to do so with
an unbiased viewpoint.

I'm going to do my
best to be a sportsman.

That's why I've chosen for my
first broadcast "sportsmanship".

What is "sportsmanship"?
I'll tell you what it is.

It's fair play.

It's decency .. it's honesty.

If you play in a game or
engage in a contest of any kind.

You can't always win. Someone
has to lose, it may be you.

If a man doubts the honesty in sports,
it's because he lacks sportsmanship.

And there is just as much sportsmanship
in life as there is in sports.

Regardless of who wins, there will always
be a few skeptics ready to cry "fake".

A man who doesn't like horses
always attacks racing.

I've been an owner and a
breeder for years, and I love it.

That's why I've chosen this as my
first broadcast. I'm going to defend it.

This is my first subject:
"Is racing honest"? I say it is.

"Wait a minute, that's alright. But what
will you say about my railroad?"

"That's what I'm going to pay for."
─ Sit down .. sit down!

He'll talk about your railroad.
Say something about his railroad.

What will I say?
─ Oh anything. Make it up.

When you travel on the G&R Railroad,
you travel the safe way and the same way.

No matter when you go, or
where you go, take the G&R.

Our slogan is "Comfort,
Speed and Courtesy".

It makes no difference who you are,
if you should wish to go afar.

Be sure you get aboard a car,
that travels on the G&R.

Our dining-room is a symphony of
snow-white linen and gleaming silver.

When you eat in the dining-car on the
G&R, you enjoy every morsel of food.

Because it's tasty, it's
delicious .. it's heavenly.

Why? Because it's the G&R.
─ That's it, that's it. That's great.

Who's got a contract? Get me a
contract .. get me a contract, now.

I want to sign him up right
away. Oh, wait a minute.

How much do they give
these fellows for doing this?

Their salaries range
from $500 to $5,000.

Alright .. I'll give you
a $1,000 a week to start.

Is that enough?

I need another glass of water.

Bill .. for the first time in my life
I begin to feel proud of Townsend.

How long has he been working now?

He's been broadcasting for 15 weeks. He's
the most famous mouthpiece on the air.

Gee, it was a great description he gave
of the fight the other night, wasn't it.

I loved it when he broadcast the hockey
game. He made it sound so realistic.

He's getting a $1,000 a
week now, Mr Middleton.

Will you stop talking about money.
You sound like that Sally Barnaby.

Bad girl. Don't be mentioning her name.

I wonder what happened to the
Colonel and his bee-loved daughter?

I guess they're down on that 5,000 acres
of the finest tobacco in all Christendom.

So Townsend's getting $1,000 a week,
and he's been on the air for 15 weeks.

Well .. he should have $15,000.

But I'll bet he hasn't a penny.
─ That's a bet you'll lose Mr Middleton.

I got a letter from him, he's in
Chicago .. just listen to this.

"Dear Bill, I've just finished my
fifteenth week on the radio."

"And I've got over $12,000
in a savings account."

"How's that for a guy who doesn't
know how to handle money?"

"I will be in New York soon
to broadcast the handicap."

"And tell Boots I hope I'll be able to
announce that Black Mamba wins."

"Give my kindness to uncle Morton,
and remember me to all the servants."

"By the way, I haven't heard a word from
Sally and the Colonel since they left."

"Which is good news to me.
Your old pal, Towny."

And here's one for you, Boots.

"P.S. Put your arms around Boots
and give her a kiss for me."

You want me to pay it for him?

Sure. I'll be taking
it direct or not at all.

[ door knocks ]

Come in.

Congratulations my son,
congratulations!

We just heard about the
fabulous salary you're getting.

We've come to take you back
in to the bosom of our family.

We're going to show you how to save
your money. You need a manager.

And I've come to look
after your business.

Thanks .. but I've been doing pretty
well looking after my own business.

Here's some business you overlooked.
I'm going to make it my business.

"All my love" .. and he signed it.

What is it? What is it?
─ A love letter to Boots.

Give it to me, Honey.

Ha .. this ought to be worth $50,000.

I've never told you two what I really
think of you. I'm going to tell you now.

You are both a couple of
low, conniving swindlers.

You are my wife, I'm sorry to say.
But I know I can buy you off, can't I.

Just as I thought.

That's all you want, just a little money.
─ Not so little.

Keep your mouth shut, or I'll throw you
out .. now let me tell you something.

You caught me when I didn't know my left
hand from my right. I was in a daze.

I didn't know about women. I don't know,
but I know more than I did then.

I didn't propose to you, you proposed
to me. And like a chump I fell for it.

The only reason you proposed to me was
that you thought I had plenty of money.

Well, you were fooled, weren't you.

You too, you big bag of wind.

I ought to shoot you down like a dog.
─ Don't bluff me with that business.

The only thing you shoot
is hot air and plenty of it.

I'll tell you what I'll do.

I'll give you $10,000 to call
it off .. give me a divorce.

We want twenty-five.
─ And not a penny less.

I said I'd give you ten.

Come on Daddy .. we'll
fight this out in court.

This letter won't sound so
good, when the jury hears it.

Maybe we should have taken the $10,000.
Half a loaf is better than none.

We'll get what's coming
to us .. leave it to me.

Leave it to you and we'll get nothing.
─ Don't worry Honey.

We'll get our share .. if we don't,
I'll shoot him down like a dog.

Get me The Baldwin Detective
Agency in Louisville.

What do you suppose he's doing?

You don't reckon he's had
you followed and watched?

I told you to be careful.

Hello, is this The Baldwin
Detective Agency?

This is Townsend Middleton speaking.

How many men did you have
following Mrs Middleton?

Two? And that information
is authentic?

You are sure .. and you've
got photographs too.

That's fine. Send them to the Governor
Hotel in Chicago .. thank you, goodbye.

I say we'd better take the $10,000.
─ Alright .. but let me do the talking.

[ door knocks ]

Come in.

Young man.

We got down in the lobby and we
started talking the whole thing over.

And we decided we acted too hastily.
─ Is that so? ─ Yes.

We asked you before for $25,000.

And now we think the price is
too steep .. what do you think?

I don't want to be unreasonable, Towny.

Now, you offered $10,000. We'll take it.

While you were down in the lobby I
decided I'm not giving more than $5,000.

Well .. that ain't enough.
─ Go back to the lobby and think it over.

We couldn't accept $5,000, could
we Sally? ─ By no means!

Second thoughts, I'm not even going to
give you $5,000, I'll only give $2,500.

$2,500? Do you realize Sally has got to
go to Reno? And I've got to go with her?

Come to think of it,
you don't need $2,500.

She only needs six weeks
in Reno to get a divorce.

At the Riverview Hotel you can
get a room for 2 dollars a day.

4 dollars a day for both of you. That's
28 dollars a week. 6 weeks is ..

One hundred and twenty ..
a hundred and .. sixty-eight.

200 dollars to take care of
the food, that's 368 dollars.

Why, the railroad fare
is 50 dollars apiece.

Why makes you think you go on a
railroad? You got to Reno on a bus.

A bus?
─ A Barnaby on a bus?

Yeah, you know how it feels.
You've been on one before.

I'll tell you what I'll do. I'll give
you a $1,000, take it or leave it.

Young man .. I ..
─ We'll take it! ─ Okay.

A $1,000 isn't much, but it's
worth that to get rid of him.

I thought you told me
this fellow was a dumbo.

I thought he was, but I'm
beginning to believe you are.

I'll trouble you for that letter.

What's that?

"In full consideration for all past,
present and future claims .."

"That I may have against Townsend
Middleton for support and maintenance."

What does this mean?

It means that he and I
are no longer married.

Young man, if you ever come to Kentucky.
─ I know, you'll shoot me down like a dog.

"I'm watching the Army and Navy
game and it's the last minute of play."

"The Army's on the Navy's ten-yard
line and there they go."

"The ball is passed. Looks like
a forward pass .. it is."

"Brewster has the ball, he drops back
and throws it over the line and .."

"O'Hanlon knocks it down. That was an
attempt to pass from Brewster to Casey."

"And there is the gun. The
Navy wins six-to-nothing."

"Townsend Middleton speaking. Hope you'll
be with me tomorrow at the big handicap."

"The favorite is Black Mamba. If you
don't mind me saying, I hope she wins."

"In case you are thinking of going to
the race, don't forget to use the G&R."

"It's the safe way and the same way."

"We will now hear the Navy band.!

Bill. ─ Yes, sir?
─ That's my nephew.

Yeah, and he's my pal.
─ And he's my friend.

And you know something .. I now believe
he's the best broadcaster in the world.

He sure is.
─ He's got a voice as smooth as silk.

You said it. All warm and wide.
─ Here's those reporters.

Hey, well what is this? A
photographer's convention?

No, sir. We've come to interview you
about tomorrow's handicap. Who will win?

How do I know? I'm no mind-reader.

We know you're not, but you've a horse
in the race. You must know something.

You're mistaken. He doesn't
know a thing about it.

No, I don't know anything about it. All
I know is I've got a horse in the race.

But I don't know who'll win, do I?
─ No sir, but ..

I do so! Black Mamba's going to win.
That's who is going to win.

And don't forget, Townsend Middleton
will broadcast the race. He's my nephew.

Townsend Middleton? Oh,
he's settled down, hasn't he.

I should say he has. He
works for a living now.

And he gets a $1,000 a week.
─ Good for him.

But what we want to know is .. have
you shipped Black Mamba to the track?

I should say not. I'm taking her
down there myself, in a van.

Bill, you're a great driver. This is it.

Come on uncle Morton, I'll help you out.
─ I don't want help. I'll get off myself.

Alright, alright. I was
only trying to be polite.

Polite. That's why I fired my
nurse, she was too polite.

Always helping me do something
when there was nothing to do.

Polite people make me sick.

Did you get off the wagon safely?
─ Of course I did.

What do you think I am, an invalid?
─ Sorry.

Don't be sorry .. Bill, get me a dozen
hot-dogs and bring them to my box.

A dozen?
─ Yes, a dozen!

And if you want any, you get
some for yourself. ─ Okay.

Black Mamba .. you are
running in the Middleton silks.

And I want you to run like
you've never run before.

She'll do her best, she's as sound
as a dollar .. I think she'll win.

You think she'll win .. I hate people
who think .. I know she'll win.

"Here we are in Maryland folks. It's
a beautiful day for a beautiful race."

"Horses are on their way to the post.
They'll be off in a few moments."

"Ladies and gentlemen."

"The winner of this race will be
the finest 3-year old in America."

"Number 12 coming through
the gate now is Black Mamba."

"Owned my Morton Middleton
the multi-millionaire."

"Let's take a look at the odds."

"Irish Maid and Southern
Master are well placed."

But it's that little filly
Black Mamba with best odds.

They're all nervous, but it's
Black Mamba who broke out."

"She's a temperamental
filly but she'll be alright."

"They're putting her back in the
stall now. They're all straight."

"And they're off!"

Come on! Come on!

Come on! Come on! Come on Black Mamba!

Watch that horse!

Hold the place! Hold!

Come on! Come on! Come on!

She's doing it!

I don't know who won this race,
ladies and gentlemen.

We'll have to wait for a photograph.
It was a photograph finish.

Surely, Black Mamba won by that much!

That much? Why she won by that much!

Bill, how much did she win by?
─ That much.

We'll know when they look at the photos
if it was Black Mamba or Irish Maid.

It's tight, but I think Black Mamba won.
─ It looked like Irish Maid to me.

Too close for my eyes.
─ Too close for mine too.

But the camera sees everything.

Ha! Photographs!

Since when have you had to look at a
photograph to know who won a horse-race?

And those judges .. they're crazy.

Here comes the picture now.

Number 12, Black Mamba.
─ Just by a whisker.

Irish Maid is second
and Fancy Free third.

"Number 12 .. 5 .. and 3."

There it is! The number! We've won!

Of course we've won! You can't
fool those photographs.

No, you can't fool those judges either.
─ No, I should say not.

Why, those are the finest
judges in the world.

The race winner was Black Mamba.

I'll get to the owner and see
if he wants to say a few words to me.

I'm proud to say, he's my uncle.

Uncle Morton, will you say a few words?

No, I won't say a few words.
You know how I feel about you.

Come on uncle, forget how you feel.
─ I'll do no such thing.

You just won the greatest race of the
year. You're not sore at me are you?

You've been a bad boy for 20 years, you
expect me to forgive you in a minute?

Yes I do.

Alright I will. Give me the
microphone, I'll say a few words.

Ladies and gentlemen .. well.
I haven't anything to say.

Here Boots, you say something.
─ Sure, I'll say something.

I'm very happy that Black Mamba won the
race, as I'm the trainer of the horse.

But I don't really deserve any credit.

The real credit belongs to Mr Townsend
Middleton, who bred the horse.

A little correction. Miss O'Connell gave
me the credit for winning this race.

She's wrong. Only person to get credit
is Miss O'Connell for training the horse.

And I'll try and get Mr Middleton
to say a few words. Come on.

Alright, I'll say something. Ladies
and gentlemen, all I have to say is ..

I don't know how to make a speech. I
know some words, but can't think of any.

Here Bill, you say something.
─ Hello anybody!

We want you to know we're glad Mamba
won. And we think she was very lucky.

Luck had nothing to do with it. Mamba
was the best horse and ran a great race.

Boots O'Connell was the trainer. She's
the sweetest little trainer I ever saw.

And it won't surprise me if Boots and
Townsend were married in the future.

Boots, if I asked you to do me
a favor, would you do it?

I might. What's the favor?

Will you marry me?

I don't know what to say.
─ I do .. I was right!

Boots O'Connell and my nephew Townsend,
will be married in the very near future.

And I invite you all to the wedding.

Hey, you know what you've done? You've
invited 60 million people. ─ I know.

Don't forget folks, you all to come to
the wedding and bring all your friends.

What do you say Boots?
Will you marry me?

Sure .. I don't want to be
disappointing sixty million people.

And their friends.

t-g