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1
00:00:06,067 --> 00:00:07,868
( Jones )
We got a couple Of trespassers here,
2
00:00:07,968 --> 00:00:10,000
And there they are.
3
00:00:10,100 --> 00:00:11,601
( Garcia )
Time to chase them away.
4
00:00:15,834 --> 00:00:18,167
What the hell are you two
Doing out here, huh ?!
5
00:00:18,267 --> 00:00:19,834
What the hell
Are you kids doing out here ?
6
00:00:19,934 --> 00:00:20,868
It's too late.
7
00:00:20,968 --> 00:00:22,601
My partner
Asked you a question.
8
00:00:22,701 --> 00:00:24,734
We have no problem taking
Your little asses to jail.
9
00:00:24,834 --> 00:00:26,167
You wanna go to jail ?
10
00:00:26,267 --> 00:00:27,367
You wanna
Go to jail ?
11
00:00:27,467 --> 00:00:28,801
Or you wanna
Go to juvie, hmm ?!
12
00:00:28,901 --> 00:00:29,901
Huh ?!
13
00:00:30,000 --> 00:00:30,868
Why don't we call
Your parents ?!
14
00:00:30,968 --> 00:00:32,033
We'll call your parents,
Right now !
15
00:00:32,133 --> 00:00:33,567
Right now !!
16
00:00:33,667 --> 00:00:36,634
All right, okay,
Listen up, okay,
17
00:00:36,734 --> 00:00:39,601
Okay, we got a bigger group
Of y'all than i thought.
18
00:00:39,701 --> 00:00:40,901
And listen up, now,
19
00:00:41,000 --> 00:00:43,000
Y'all just clear on
Out of here, okay ?!
20
00:00:43,100 --> 00:00:46,067
Please, just go home,
Okay, you guys ?
21
00:00:46,167 --> 00:00:48,634
Please, seriously,
Just, please, go home.
22
00:00:48,734 --> 00:00:50,100
All right,
You know what ?
23
00:00:50,200 --> 00:00:51,701
My partner will count
To three, okay ?
24
00:00:51,801 --> 00:00:53,033
And you had better be gone !
25
00:00:53,133 --> 00:00:54,467
I'll do it,
I'll count.
26
00:00:54,567 --> 00:00:55,801
He will count !
27
00:00:55,901 --> 00:00:59,234
One... Two--
28
00:00:59,334 --> 00:01:00,667
( Screaming )
29
00:01:00,767 --> 00:01:02,100
You son of a ( bleep ) !
You son of a ( bleep ) !
30
00:01:02,200 --> 00:01:03,501
Mother ( bleep ) !
31
00:01:03,601 --> 00:01:05,667
We're being egged !
32
00:01:05,767 --> 00:01:07,267
( Bleep )
33
00:01:07,367 --> 00:01:09,133
( Screaming )
34
00:01:11,734 --> 00:01:12,901
Son of a bitch !
35
00:01:13,000 --> 00:01:13,968
God damn it !
36
00:01:14,067 --> 00:01:15,334
Aahhhhh !
Aahhhhh !
37
00:01:15,434 --> 00:01:17,100
My ankle, my ankle !
Just go without me !
38
00:01:17,200 --> 00:01:18,934
No, i will not
Go without you !
39
00:01:19,033 --> 00:01:20,200
You ( bleep ) !
40
00:01:20,300 --> 00:01:22,601
Go, go, go, go !
Son of a bitch !
41
00:01:22,701 --> 00:01:23,934
Aagghhhh !
42
00:01:24,067 --> 00:01:25,934
Stay down !
Stay down !
43
00:01:26,033 --> 00:01:27,334
Stay down !
44
00:01:27,434 --> 00:01:29,067
Son of a bitch !
45
00:01:29,167 --> 00:01:30,934
( Screaming )
46
00:01:33,267 --> 00:01:35,767
( Continuous screaming )
47
00:01:38,200 --> 00:01:40,067
Captioning made possible by
comedy central
48
00:01:40,167 --> 00:01:42,200
( Sirens blaring )
49
00:01:44,267 --> 00:01:46,501
Oh ho, oh, ho-ho !
50
00:01:52,000 --> 00:01:54,000
Aggghhhh !
51
00:01:54,100 --> 00:01:56,133
Here you go--
Lal-la, yeah...
52
00:01:56,234 --> 00:01:58,234
( Screaming )
53
00:02:01,267 --> 00:02:03,133
( Screaming )
54
00:02:03,234 --> 00:02:04,934
Oh-ho-ho !
55
00:02:14,868 --> 00:02:16,467
( Sirens blaring )
56
00:02:18,934 --> 00:02:20,400
( Man )
Good evening.
57
00:02:20,501 --> 00:02:22,601
I'm sheriff
Walter chechekevitch.
58
00:02:22,701 --> 00:02:24,801
I'd like to tell you
About an evening
59
00:02:24,901 --> 00:02:26,634
About, oh, 10 years ago.
60
00:02:26,734 --> 00:02:29,434
It was halloween eve.
61
00:02:29,534 --> 00:02:31,501
I'd been on the force
About 10 years,
62
00:02:31,601 --> 00:02:34,067
And i got the dreaded call,
63
00:02:34,167 --> 00:02:36,901
Domestic disturbance.
64
00:02:37,000 --> 00:02:38,801
And to make matters
Worse,
65
00:02:38,901 --> 00:02:43,367
That call was
To the dalton house.
66
00:02:43,467 --> 00:02:45,300
Ooh...
67
00:02:45,400 --> 00:02:48,667
As i made my way toward
That front gate,
68
00:02:48,767 --> 00:02:51,767
I turned
And i saw that grandma dalton
69
00:02:51,868 --> 00:02:53,734
Was coming down,
With that hatchet
70
00:02:53,834 --> 00:02:55,601
That she was carrying,
71
00:02:55,701 --> 00:02:58,934
And i raised my arm
To defend myself.
72
00:02:59,033 --> 00:03:01,968
Now, please,
I don't wanna see any of you
73
00:03:02,067 --> 00:03:06,367
Lose your hand
This halloween evening.
74
00:03:06,467 --> 00:03:10,067
Or any other appendage
For that matter.
75
00:03:10,167 --> 00:03:11,634
Trust no one.
76
00:03:11,734 --> 00:03:13,601
Not your fellow officer,
Tonight,
77
00:03:13,701 --> 00:03:16,534
Not your wife,
Not your husband,
78
00:03:16,634 --> 00:03:20,033
Not even a little kitty.
79
00:03:23,667 --> 00:03:26,334
Now, get on out there
And protect that community !
80
00:03:32,601 --> 00:03:34,200
( Sighing )
81
00:03:34,300 --> 00:03:35,567
( Laughter )
82
00:03:35,667 --> 00:03:36,834
That's really
How he lost his hand ?
83
00:03:36,934 --> 00:03:38,033
He didn't lose his hand.
84
00:03:38,133 --> 00:03:39,834
I could see his fingers
Through his thing.
85
00:03:39,934 --> 00:03:41,334
( Junior )
Sheriff check-your-shorts ?
86
00:03:41,434 --> 00:03:43,367
He's goofing.
87
00:03:43,467 --> 00:03:45,200
You don't remember
Last year ?
88
00:03:45,300 --> 00:03:46,601
He came in
And he was all--
89
00:03:46,701 --> 00:03:48,067
He had a peg leg.
Yeah.
90
00:03:48,167 --> 00:03:50,267
He does,
It's a little thing.
91
00:03:50,367 --> 00:03:52,400
Why are you
Wearing that ?
92
00:03:52,501 --> 00:03:54,767
Because, once again,
93
00:03:54,868 --> 00:03:56,968
I was told by each
And every one of you
94
00:03:57,067 --> 00:03:58,801
That you were coming to work
In costume today,
95
00:03:58,901 --> 00:04:01,367
And, once again,
Like the last eight years,
96
00:04:01,467 --> 00:04:03,601
I show up optimistically
In a costume,
97
00:04:03,701 --> 00:04:04,934
And i'm the only one
Wearing one,
98
00:04:05,033 --> 00:04:06,634
So, ha-ha, trudy.
99
00:04:06,734 --> 00:04:08,033
( Garcia )
Check-a-goof Came in with one.
100
00:04:08,133 --> 00:04:09,467
"Oh, what do we have there ?
It's my costume !"
101
00:04:09,567 --> 00:04:11,234
It's very funny.
102
00:04:11,334 --> 00:04:14,000
Guys, we all joke around,
But... But, seriously,
103
00:04:14,100 --> 00:04:15,968
The sheriff,
He's a crazy, old man,
104
00:04:16,067 --> 00:04:17,167
But he's absolutely right.
105
00:04:17,267 --> 00:04:18,601
Halloween is an awful night,
So watch your ass,
106
00:04:18,701 --> 00:04:19,567
Seriously, people.
107
00:04:19,667 --> 00:04:22,968
( Screaming )
108
00:04:23,067 --> 00:04:24,734
( Jones )
Hey, teetee.
109
00:04:24,834 --> 00:04:26,801
What's going on...
110
00:04:26,901 --> 00:04:28,534
What's the matter now,
Teetee ?
111
00:04:28,634 --> 00:04:30,067
Calm down !
112
00:04:30,167 --> 00:04:31,400
Slow your roll, lady,
All right ?!
113
00:04:31,501 --> 00:04:33,334
Let me tell you something,
Let me tell you something,
114
00:04:33,434 --> 00:04:35,667
Halloween ain't no joke,
Huh ?!
115
00:04:35,767 --> 00:04:37,133
Halloween
Ain't no joke.
116
00:04:37,234 --> 00:04:38,400
Halloween ain't no joke !
117
00:04:38,501 --> 00:04:41,067
Teetee, no-- teetee,
You made a killing tonight !
118
00:04:41,167 --> 00:04:42,634
No, you got a lot
Of candy, here !
119
00:04:42,734 --> 00:04:44,868
Hey !
Hey, i know you !
120
00:04:44,968 --> 00:04:46,467
Yeah, you know me.
121
00:04:46,567 --> 00:04:48,300
Hey, how you doing,
Brother ?!
122
00:04:48,400 --> 00:04:49,267
Yeah,
I'm good, i'm good.
123
00:04:49,367 --> 00:04:50,567
I'm very good.
124
00:04:50,667 --> 00:04:51,567
Who's that white boy
You with ?
125
00:04:51,667 --> 00:04:52,567
That's garcia,
You know him.
126
00:04:52,667 --> 00:04:53,734
It's me, james garcia.
127
00:04:53,834 --> 00:04:54,868
You know him.
128
00:04:54,968 --> 00:04:56,067
I don't know you !
129
00:04:56,167 --> 00:04:57,367
Yeah,
You want a profile ?
130
00:04:57,467 --> 00:04:59,934
Profile, profile,
That's me.
131
00:05:00,033 --> 00:05:02,467
( Grunting )
132
00:05:02,567 --> 00:05:05,801
No, no, no, no, no !
Teetee, you'd better stop it.
133
00:05:05,901 --> 00:05:07,534
Stop it, teetee !
134
00:05:07,634 --> 00:05:09,133
( Screaming )
135
00:05:09,234 --> 00:05:10,868
Come on, sweetheart !
Come on, baby !
136
00:05:10,968 --> 00:05:12,234
Nuh-uh, no !
137
00:05:12,334 --> 00:05:13,767
No, she's trying
To hump me, now, man.
138
00:05:13,868 --> 00:05:15,300
No, ugh !
139
00:05:15,400 --> 00:05:16,968
Okay,
You know what ?
140
00:05:17,100 --> 00:05:20,234
Why don't we--
Let's go to the car, okay ?
141
00:05:20,334 --> 00:05:21,968
Teetee--
142
00:05:22,067 --> 00:05:24,133
I got--
I got her.
143
00:05:24,234 --> 00:05:25,968
I got her, uh-huh.
144
00:05:26,067 --> 00:05:29,601
Teetee--
Can you get--
145
00:05:29,701 --> 00:05:31,834
Teetee !
No, teetee !
146
00:05:31,934 --> 00:05:33,734
Boy, i feel
Like i'm rich !
147
00:05:33,834 --> 00:05:35,467
We got white people
Driving us around !
148
00:05:35,567 --> 00:05:36,567
Yeah.
149
00:05:36,667 --> 00:05:37,801
You know
What i'm saying ?
150
00:05:37,901 --> 00:05:39,701
Like he's a chauffeur,
And like we--
151
00:05:39,801 --> 00:05:41,200
We're the important people
In the back.
152
00:05:41,300 --> 00:05:42,234
"Driving miss teetee".
153
00:05:42,334 --> 00:05:43,667
Huh ?!
Yeah.
154
00:05:46,067 --> 00:05:48,667
Every year on halloween night,
155
00:05:48,767 --> 00:05:50,901
The neighborhood kids
Get a real gas
156
00:05:51,033 --> 00:05:53,901
Out of coming over
To trudy wiegel's house,
157
00:05:54,000 --> 00:05:56,334
And nabbing one of her cats.
158
00:05:56,434 --> 00:05:58,334
This year,
I've set up a sting operation,
159
00:05:58,434 --> 00:06:02,267
So i've got a taxidermied cat
On my front lawn.
160
00:06:02,367 --> 00:06:04,167
He was real at one time.
161
00:06:04,267 --> 00:06:09,934
That was tigger,
He died of an ingrown de-claw.
162
00:06:10,033 --> 00:06:12,434
But, so far, no takers.
163
00:06:12,534 --> 00:06:16,534
Holy crap, we got one,
We got one !
164
00:06:16,634 --> 00:06:20,100
Holy hell !
Holy hell !
165
00:06:20,200 --> 00:06:22,701
I can see you !
I see you !
166
00:06:22,801 --> 00:06:24,601
Holy-- hey !
167
00:06:24,701 --> 00:06:26,000
Ah, trudy !
168
00:06:26,100 --> 00:06:27,667
( Dangle )
Wiegel, we were Patrolling the alley.
169
00:06:27,767 --> 00:06:31,367
Thank god you're here,
We followed two korean kids.
170
00:06:31,467 --> 00:06:32,667
They were in this alley,
171
00:06:32,767 --> 00:06:36,000
And we thought we'd come up
And check on them.
172
00:06:36,100 --> 00:06:37,300
Oh, hell !
173
00:06:37,400 --> 00:06:38,434
Because we thought they were
Doing all this stuff.
174
00:06:38,534 --> 00:06:39,734
Well, good thing
You were here.
175
00:06:39,834 --> 00:06:41,267
Thanks for scaring
Those guys away.
176
00:06:41,367 --> 00:06:42,467
You know, we could probably--
177
00:06:42,567 --> 00:06:43,534
We could probably
Get them in pursuit.
178
00:06:43,634 --> 00:06:44,934
I'll catch them !
179
00:06:45,033 --> 00:06:48,067
Yeah, go !
I'll hold the fort here !
180
00:06:48,167 --> 00:06:49,567
( Dangle )
Yeah, look for korean kids,
181
00:06:49,667 --> 00:06:51,901
And you'll see--
You'll know.
182
00:06:52,000 --> 00:06:54,634
Here--
Here, take one, joe.
183
00:06:54,734 --> 00:06:57,300
Get over that--
That, uh...
184
00:06:59,734 --> 00:07:02,968
( Bleep ),
She's coming back.
185
00:07:11,834 --> 00:07:13,501
Did you guys see them ?
The koreans ?
186
00:07:13,601 --> 00:07:14,868
He got away.
187
00:07:14,968 --> 00:07:16,033
Oh, man.
188
00:07:16,133 --> 00:07:18,834
Holy crap !
Tigger !
189
00:07:18,934 --> 00:07:22,834
Tigger !
Tigger ?
190
00:07:22,934 --> 00:07:24,968
Here, kitty,
Kitty, kitty, kitty !
191
00:07:25,067 --> 00:07:26,868
Here, kitty, kitty,
Kitty, kitty !
192
00:07:26,968 --> 00:07:28,567
Oh !
193
00:07:28,667 --> 00:07:30,367
It's awful,
Just awful.
194
00:07:30,467 --> 00:07:33,467
Oh !
Oh, jim !
195
00:07:33,567 --> 00:07:36,267
Another halloween,
They got me.
196
00:07:36,367 --> 00:07:37,834
They got me.
197
00:07:37,934 --> 00:07:39,100
The ( bleep ) koreans.
198
00:07:39,200 --> 00:07:40,868
The ( bleep ) koreans.
Yeah.
199
00:07:50,133 --> 00:07:53,667
This is private property, sir,
Sir, this is private property.
200
00:07:53,767 --> 00:07:55,133
Private property, sir.
201
00:07:55,234 --> 00:07:56,267
Put your hands
Up in the air.
202
00:07:56,367 --> 00:07:57,434
Hands in the air,
Hands in the air.
203
00:07:57,534 --> 00:07:58,534
Hands in the air,
Hands in the air, sir !
204
00:07:58,634 --> 00:07:59,734
Hand in the air !
205
00:07:59,834 --> 00:08:01,100
Trick or treat.
206
00:08:01,200 --> 00:08:04,334
Eiee !
Eiee !
207
00:08:04,434 --> 00:08:05,601
You guys wanna come in
For some candy ?
208
00:08:05,701 --> 00:08:07,067
No, thank you.
209
00:08:07,167 --> 00:08:08,334
Another 1018.
210
00:08:08,434 --> 00:08:12,934
One thing that i cannot stand
About halloween...
211
00:08:13,033 --> 00:08:15,200
What is this fascination
212
00:08:15,300 --> 00:08:18,300
With people putting
Firecrackers up cat's butts ?
213
00:08:18,400 --> 00:08:21,567
I don't understand
Why that's fun.
214
00:08:21,667 --> 00:08:23,434
I don't like kids
Begging for food.
215
00:08:23,534 --> 00:08:24,901
No.Okay ?
216
00:08:25,000 --> 00:08:28,334
I think it's a whole thing
That is setting them off
217
00:08:28,434 --> 00:08:30,534
For welfare living,
Okay ?
218
00:08:30,634 --> 00:08:31,868
Because there they are,
219
00:08:31,968 --> 00:08:33,567
They're going
Out of their house,
220
00:08:33,667 --> 00:08:35,033
They're blowing up stuff,
221
00:08:35,133 --> 00:08:36,801
They're showing up with a bag
And they're begging for food.
222
00:08:36,901 --> 00:08:39,100
That's gonna set the pattern
For the rest of their life.
223
00:08:39,200 --> 00:08:40,601
They're not gonna
Want to work on a job.
224
00:08:40,701 --> 00:08:42,267
They're gonna beg for money.
225
00:08:42,367 --> 00:08:44,601
They're gonna beg
For food checks, okay ?
226
00:08:44,701 --> 00:08:46,367
I gotta disagree.
227
00:08:46,467 --> 00:08:48,133
I trick-or-treated
As a kid,
228
00:08:48,234 --> 00:08:49,601
And i am not on welfare.
229
00:08:49,701 --> 00:08:51,434
I have always been
Gainfully employed.
230
00:08:51,534 --> 00:08:52,801
Well, you're one
Of the lucky ones.
231
00:08:59,300 --> 00:09:01,167
Where are you going ?!
Where are you going ?!
232
00:09:01,267 --> 00:09:04,067
Back up.
233
00:09:04,167 --> 00:09:06,267
What are you doing tonight ?
Defacing some property ?
234
00:09:06,367 --> 00:09:07,968
Starting a fire, maybe ?
235
00:09:08,067 --> 00:09:10,133
That's nice,
"Satan is my friend."
236
00:09:10,234 --> 00:09:11,801
What's up ?
What's going on ?
237
00:09:11,901 --> 00:09:13,501
What are we doing here ?
What are we doing here ?
238
00:09:13,601 --> 00:09:14,834
Just having a little fun
On halloween--
239
00:09:14,934 --> 00:09:16,067
Satan's birthday.
240
00:09:16,167 --> 00:09:17,200
Yeah, sounds like a blast,
Satan's birthday ?
241
00:09:17,300 --> 00:09:18,334
Yeah.
242
00:09:18,434 --> 00:09:20,000
Hate to break it to you,
Satan doesn't exist.
243
00:09:20,100 --> 00:09:22,601
Let's all sit down,
Let's all sit down.
244
00:09:22,701 --> 00:09:24,334
Yeah, on the ground.
245
00:09:24,434 --> 00:09:26,734
Let's talk about
The true spirit
246
00:09:26,834 --> 00:09:28,734
Of halloween here.
247
00:09:28,834 --> 00:09:32,434
Halloween
Is a celebration
248
00:09:32,534 --> 00:09:34,501
Of the changing
Of the seasons.
249
00:09:34,601 --> 00:09:36,100
All right,
You ever heard of wicca ?
250
00:09:36,200 --> 00:09:37,934
Wicca ?
251
00:09:38,033 --> 00:09:39,701
It's an earth-based
Religion.
252
00:09:39,801 --> 00:09:40,801
Okay ?
There is no devil.
253
00:09:40,901 --> 00:09:43,534
There is no horned god,
All right ?
254
00:09:43,634 --> 00:09:44,968
He doesn't exist.
255
00:09:45,067 --> 00:09:47,100
There are
Gods and goddesses.
256
00:09:47,200 --> 00:09:49,634
I don't know what this
Little shindig is,
257
00:09:49,734 --> 00:09:51,334
And that better be
Light beer.
258
00:09:51,434 --> 00:09:53,100
That better be light beer.
259
00:09:53,200 --> 00:09:55,367
It's gonna go straight
To your gut.
260
00:09:55,467 --> 00:09:57,400
You're gonna have a beer belly
By the time you're 17.
261
00:09:57,501 --> 00:09:59,400
It's not attractive,
It's not sexy.
262
00:10:02,567 --> 00:10:04,067
This is for funsies, okay ?
263
00:10:04,167 --> 00:10:07,033
I don't know why we have
To make this big smigilla
264
00:10:07,133 --> 00:10:08,234
About this stuff.
265
00:10:08,334 --> 00:10:09,934
I mean, i'm here
To scare people.
266
00:10:10,033 --> 00:10:13,100
... Traumatized here,
And the woman here.
267
00:10:13,200 --> 00:10:14,801
Scared
Half out of her mind.
268
00:10:14,901 --> 00:10:17,467
Again, scared,
Say it again, "scared".
269
00:10:17,567 --> 00:10:18,767
Scary house.
270
00:10:18,868 --> 00:10:20,000
It's called
A "scary house".
271
00:10:20,100 --> 00:10:21,100
Okay, every year,
I do this.
272
00:10:21,200 --> 00:10:22,400
I have never had anybody--
273
00:10:22,501 --> 00:10:24,601
Have you ever been
Called out to my house ?
274
00:10:24,701 --> 00:10:25,968
Never, never.
275
00:10:26,067 --> 00:10:27,100
Well, i don't know
If i have,
276
00:10:27,200 --> 00:10:28,434
But i know
The sheriff's department has.
277
00:10:28,534 --> 00:10:29,901
Well, okay, that was something
Totally different,
278
00:10:30,000 --> 00:10:31,467
And that i was pardoned for.
279
00:10:31,567 --> 00:10:33,801
When i'm in there,
I'm in character, okay ?
280
00:10:33,901 --> 00:10:35,767
And i'm not steve marmilla.
281
00:10:35,868 --> 00:10:37,300
Okay ?
I'm a-- ooh !
282
00:10:37,400 --> 00:10:38,567
You know, i'm a-- ooh !
283
00:10:38,667 --> 00:10:41,400
Rib cage,
I'm a ghoul of the night.
284
00:10:41,501 --> 00:10:43,434
If i should happen to brush up
Against, you know--
285
00:10:43,534 --> 00:10:44,667
Don't, hey, ho--
286
00:10:44,767 --> 00:10:45,901
I'm sorry.
287
00:10:46,000 --> 00:10:47,133
What i find outrageous
Is that she didn't feel,
288
00:10:47,234 --> 00:10:48,501
Like, a brush
Up against her breast.
289
00:10:48,601 --> 00:10:50,534
She felt a human penis
In a bowl, okay ?
290
00:10:50,634 --> 00:10:52,300
That's the statement
That she gave my partner.
291
00:10:52,400 --> 00:10:53,501
What ?!
292
00:10:53,601 --> 00:10:54,968
A human penis
In a spaghetti bowl.
293
00:10:55,067 --> 00:10:58,968
She-- these are--
That is entrails of doom.
294
00:10:59,067 --> 00:11:01,334
Well, you don't deny
That this is spaghetti ?
295
00:11:01,434 --> 00:11:03,501
You do not deny that this
Is spaghetti ?
296
00:11:03,601 --> 00:11:04,834
Oh, you caught me !
It's spaghetti !
297
00:11:04,934 --> 00:11:06,100
Yeah, that's your bowl,
Right there.
298
00:11:06,200 --> 00:11:07,167
What the hell
Is happening here ?
299
00:11:07,267 --> 00:11:09,400
This is crazy,
It's absolutely crazy.
300
00:11:09,501 --> 00:11:10,634
That's your bowl,
Right, sir ?
301
00:11:10,734 --> 00:11:12,601
And what's
With this hole here ?
302
00:11:12,701 --> 00:11:14,400
What's the hole
Here for ?
303
00:11:14,501 --> 00:11:16,534
It's the entrails !
304
00:11:16,634 --> 00:11:18,734
Agggh !
Agggghh !
305
00:11:18,834 --> 00:11:20,767
Entrails...
306
00:11:20,868 --> 00:11:23,968
Do you deny that
That could fit a human penis ?
307
00:11:24,067 --> 00:11:26,734
If the hole fits,
Wear it, sir.
308
00:11:26,834 --> 00:11:30,000
If the hole fits,
Wear it.What ?!
309
00:11:30,100 --> 00:11:32,434
I'm gonna teach you
A little spell.
310
00:11:32,534 --> 00:11:34,334
We're gonna
Call it a "spell".
311
00:11:34,434 --> 00:11:36,901
You can call it
A "magical rite",
312
00:11:37,000 --> 00:11:38,501
Whatever.
313
00:11:38,601 --> 00:11:39,801
But if you need
To get back at somebody,
314
00:11:39,901 --> 00:11:42,601
And take your power back,
What you can do is, "a",
315
00:11:42,701 --> 00:11:45,234
Get a personal object
From that person.
316
00:11:45,334 --> 00:11:48,133
Summon the energies
Of the four winds.
317
00:11:48,234 --> 00:11:53,367
You're gonna chant,
"Fire... Malice... Fear..."
318
00:11:53,467 --> 00:11:55,434
Fire, malice, fear.
319
00:11:55,534 --> 00:11:56,667
Times three.
320
00:11:56,767 --> 00:11:58,133
Times three.
321
00:11:58,234 --> 00:11:59,968
"So and so..."
322
00:12:00,067 --> 00:12:01,601
Justin timberlake.
323
00:12:01,701 --> 00:12:03,868
"... Feel my treachery."
324
00:12:03,968 --> 00:12:05,200
Do you have time
To hang out with us
325
00:12:05,300 --> 00:12:06,367
For a little bit
Tonight ?
326
00:12:06,467 --> 00:12:07,567
I would love to
327
00:12:07,667 --> 00:12:09,434
'Cause candles
Smell really good.
328
00:12:09,534 --> 00:12:11,767
I'd actually like to find out
Where you got those.
329
00:12:11,868 --> 00:12:17,567
( Williams )
Oh, look at this, here, What do we have here ?
330
00:12:17,667 --> 00:12:19,667
Ugh !
331
00:12:19,767 --> 00:12:21,167
Get back !
Move !
332
00:12:21,267 --> 00:12:24,267
Get back !
333
00:12:28,400 --> 00:12:30,167
What's wrong with you,
Huh ?!
334
00:12:30,267 --> 00:12:31,801
This is foolish.
335
00:12:31,901 --> 00:12:33,334
This is the oldest trick
In the book !
336
00:12:33,434 --> 00:12:35,367
"Oh, i'm gonna go out
And get a bag of boo-boo.
337
00:12:35,467 --> 00:12:37,000
"I'm gonna put it
On the man's doorstep.
338
00:12:37,100 --> 00:12:38,467
"He's gonna come outside,
339
00:12:38,567 --> 00:12:39,734
"See the bag,
Bom-bom-bom !
340
00:12:39,834 --> 00:12:41,968
"Step on the bag, then, he got
Boo-boo all on his foot."
341
00:12:42,067 --> 00:12:44,000
That is foolishness !
342
00:12:44,100 --> 00:12:45,234
I'm gonna go on
And tell you right now,
343
00:12:45,334 --> 00:12:46,334
I knew what you was gonna do,
'Cause, what ?
344
00:12:46,434 --> 00:12:48,100
I got eyes
In the back of my head.
345
00:12:48,200 --> 00:12:49,300
And i'm gonna go on
And tell you right now,
346
00:12:49,400 --> 00:12:51,000
It's halloween,
347
00:12:51,100 --> 00:12:53,067
And i'm gonna
Let you slide,
348
00:12:53,167 --> 00:12:55,501
But the next time,
It's gonna be me and you.
349
00:12:55,601 --> 00:12:56,701
You understand ?
350
00:12:56,801 --> 00:12:59,968
Now, get to getting...
I said, git !
351
00:13:00,067 --> 00:13:03,234
Now, you go on and continue
To have a safe night.
352
00:13:05,601 --> 00:13:09,501
Halloween...
Agghhh !
353
00:13:09,601 --> 00:13:13,634
What did you do ?!
What did you do ?!
354
00:13:13,734 --> 00:13:15,667
All my makeup was in there !
355
00:13:25,734 --> 00:13:27,501
I'll tell you,
It's real scary
356
00:13:27,601 --> 00:13:30,234
To be a police officer
On halloween.
357
00:13:30,334 --> 00:13:33,901
One year, i remember,
We had free candy out.
358
00:13:34,000 --> 00:13:35,834
You know,
Someone had brought in
359
00:13:35,934 --> 00:13:37,968
Free candy for everyone
In the station,
360
00:13:38,100 --> 00:13:41,100
And i near choked to death
On a jolly rancher.
361
00:13:41,200 --> 00:13:42,567
You take your life
362
00:13:42,667 --> 00:13:43,868
In your own hands
In this business,
363
00:13:43,968 --> 00:13:46,033
Especially,
Around halloween.
364
00:13:46,133 --> 00:13:48,601
Halloween
Is truly hell on earth
365
00:13:48,701 --> 00:13:50,767
For a law enforcement
Officer.
366
00:13:50,868 --> 00:13:54,634
I wouldn't wish what happens
To us on my worst enemy.
367
00:13:54,734 --> 00:13:58,567
People wanna ( bleep ) us up
On halloween.
368
00:13:58,667 --> 00:14:02,400
Was it your car that had
The port-a-potty dumped ?
369
00:14:02,501 --> 00:14:03,467
The whole--
370
00:14:03,567 --> 00:14:06,234
Well, yeah.
371
00:14:06,334 --> 00:14:08,934
You were in it,
Though.
372
00:14:09,033 --> 00:14:11,300
Yeah,
I don't know how--
373
00:14:11,400 --> 00:14:12,534
They were very organized,
Those little ( bleep ).
374
00:14:12,634 --> 00:14:13,934
Mm-hmm.
375
00:14:14,033 --> 00:14:18,200
We've got another "o.K. Corral"
Here at the liquor store.
376
00:14:18,300 --> 00:14:20,133
It's another crazy halloween,
Oh my god.
377
00:14:20,234 --> 00:14:22,300
Dangle !
378
00:14:22,400 --> 00:14:24,667
What happened ?
379
00:14:24,767 --> 00:14:26,834
( Dangle sobbing )
380
00:14:26,934 --> 00:14:30,267
Jones got this one !
Jones got this one !
381
00:14:30,367 --> 00:14:32,267
He got this one !
382
00:14:32,367 --> 00:14:33,300
What happened ?
383
00:14:33,400 --> 00:14:34,667
We got five ?
384
00:14:34,767 --> 00:14:36,467
We got five--
No, calm down !
385
00:14:36,567 --> 00:14:38,267
What happened ?
What happened ?
386
00:14:38,367 --> 00:14:39,968
Don't walk through it,
Don't contaminate it.
387
00:14:40,067 --> 00:14:41,534
What happened ?
388
00:14:41,634 --> 00:14:42,767
What happened ?!
389
00:14:42,868 --> 00:14:45,534
( Sobbing )
390
00:14:45,634 --> 00:14:47,767
Am i gonna have to smack you ?
I can't understand you.
391
00:14:47,868 --> 00:14:49,067
Take it easy.
392
00:14:49,167 --> 00:14:51,868
It's okay !
It's okay !
393
00:14:51,968 --> 00:14:54,934
( Johnson gasping )
394
00:15:05,734 --> 00:15:06,968
I'm gonna ride
With him !
395
00:15:07,067 --> 00:15:08,601
( Crying )
396
00:15:08,701 --> 00:15:11,133
It's all right,
It's all right.
397
00:15:11,234 --> 00:15:13,801
It's okay, baby.
398
00:15:13,901 --> 00:15:17,434
It's okay,
Come on, now.
399
00:15:17,534 --> 00:15:20,667
It's okay,
It's okay.
400
00:15:20,767 --> 00:15:26,801
( Laughter )
401
00:15:26,901 --> 00:15:28,234
Happy halloween !
402
00:15:28,334 --> 00:15:29,767
Happy halloween !
403
00:15:29,868 --> 00:15:32,267
Thanks, man,
Thanks !
404
00:15:36,601 --> 00:15:37,868
♪ ... Mash
405
00:15:37,968 --> 00:15:39,267
♪ He did
The monster mash ♪
406
00:15:39,367 --> 00:15:41,200
♪ The monster mash
407
00:15:41,300 --> 00:15:42,934
♪ It was a graveyard
Smash ♪
408
00:15:43,033 --> 00:15:44,734
♪ He did the mash
409
00:15:44,834 --> 00:15:46,868
♪ It caught on
In a flash... ♪
410
00:15:46,968 --> 00:15:48,434
Hey, you guys.
411
00:15:48,534 --> 00:15:51,634
Lloyd, i'm gonna need a bottle
Of jagy and six shots.
412
00:15:51,734 --> 00:15:53,033
What is this about,
Jones ?
413
00:15:53,133 --> 00:15:55,300
You'll see,
You'll see.
414
00:15:55,400 --> 00:15:57,868
Jones had something
That i think
415
00:15:57,968 --> 00:15:59,200
He probably
Wanted all of us to see,
416
00:15:59,300 --> 00:16:01,868
So just bear with me,
All right ?
417
00:16:01,968 --> 00:16:03,767
( All gasping )
418
00:16:03,868 --> 00:16:05,434
( Johnson )
Sorry, no, that's not it !
419
00:16:05,534 --> 00:16:08,300
Just look at wiegel's cat suit
Or something.
420
00:16:08,400 --> 00:16:09,868
Why did you bring that
Up in here ?
421
00:16:09,968 --> 00:16:11,167
That's not it,
That's not it !
422
00:16:11,267 --> 00:16:12,601
Whoa !
Wow.
423
00:16:12,701 --> 00:16:15,334
Okay, all right,
Sorry, sorry.
424
00:16:15,434 --> 00:16:16,901
That's not it.
425
00:16:17,000 --> 00:16:18,067
( Wiegel )
How do you know he wanted us To see--
426
00:16:18,167 --> 00:16:19,734
Whoa !
Whoa !
427
00:16:19,834 --> 00:16:20,934
That's not it !
428
00:16:21,033 --> 00:16:22,367
You are a whore.
429
00:16:22,467 --> 00:16:23,767
Oh, shut up,
Okay, okay, okay.
430
00:16:23,868 --> 00:16:25,501
That's great.
431
00:16:25,601 --> 00:16:27,801
( Jones )
I've had a lot in my day, You know that ?
432
00:16:27,901 --> 00:16:29,434
You know who's
A booty call ?
433
00:16:29,534 --> 00:16:31,234
Is williams.
434
00:16:31,334 --> 00:16:34,000
Williams
Is a damn booty call.
435
00:16:34,100 --> 00:16:36,167
I'm a booty call ?
436
00:16:36,267 --> 00:16:38,000
I'm a booty call,
Jonesy ?
437
00:16:38,100 --> 00:16:40,267
I'm sorry--
This is not--
438
00:16:40,367 --> 00:16:41,567
I thought it was cued up,
You guys.
439
00:16:41,667 --> 00:16:42,968
I'm sorry.
440
00:16:43,067 --> 00:16:44,834
( Johnson )
What ?
441
00:16:44,934 --> 00:16:46,400
Garcia's impotent.
442
00:16:46,501 --> 00:16:49,467
( Bleep ) damn it !
Son of a bitch !
443
00:16:49,567 --> 00:16:51,834
No--
444
00:16:51,934 --> 00:16:54,701
Something that dangle would hate
Anyone to know about him,
445
00:16:54,801 --> 00:16:56,834
Dangle wears a toupee.
446
00:16:56,934 --> 00:16:59,434
It is not a toupee !
It is not a toupee !
447
00:16:59,534 --> 00:17:00,701
It is not a toupee !
448
00:17:00,801 --> 00:17:02,033
( Screaming )
449
00:17:02,133 --> 00:17:03,968
It is--
450
00:17:04,067 --> 00:17:07,033
If i were to die on duty,
451
00:17:07,133 --> 00:17:10,067
You know, serving reno,
Protecting reno...
452
00:17:10,167 --> 00:17:12,467
You've though
About that, huh ?
453
00:17:12,567 --> 00:17:14,667
I mean, if i were to die,
That's how i'd die.
454
00:17:14,767 --> 00:17:16,434
I'd like to die on the force.
455
00:17:16,534 --> 00:17:18,434
And, you know,
I don't want any tears,
456
00:17:18,534 --> 00:17:22,167
I don't want a huge fanfare
Or anything.
457
00:17:22,267 --> 00:17:28,868
... Just go to lloyd's bar,
And have a shot of jagy.
458
00:17:28,968 --> 00:17:31,067
Hey.
459
00:17:31,167 --> 00:17:34,934
Do 10,
10 shots each.
460
00:17:35,033 --> 00:17:39,434
And every time, say "jones".
461
00:17:39,534 --> 00:17:41,567
Jones.
462
00:17:41,667 --> 00:17:42,767
Let's go, guys.
463
00:17:42,868 --> 00:17:43,934
I can't even
Do one !
464
00:17:44,033 --> 00:17:45,434
Shut up,
You'll do 10.
465
00:17:45,534 --> 00:17:47,367
He was drunk,
You guys.
466
00:17:47,467 --> 00:17:50,601
I'd just like to say,
To all of you...
467
00:17:53,634 --> 00:17:56,467
It's not a toupee,
It's, uh, it's, uh--
468
00:17:56,567 --> 00:17:58,234
It's human hair.
469
00:17:58,334 --> 00:17:59,734
Who gives
A ( bleep ) ?
470
00:18:10,501 --> 00:18:13,334
( Sighing )
471
00:18:27,000 --> 00:18:30,200
( Garcia )
Jonesie...
472
00:18:30,300 --> 00:18:34,367
( Tearing up )
I'm gonna miss you, jones.
473
00:18:34,467 --> 00:18:36,934
I'm gonna miss you,
Man.
474
00:18:42,000 --> 00:18:42,868
Boo !
475
00:18:42,968 --> 00:18:43,968
( Screaming )
476
00:18:44,067 --> 00:18:45,701
( Laughing )
477
00:18:45,801 --> 00:18:47,767
( Screaming )
478
00:18:50,167 --> 00:18:51,868
( Garcia )
You son of a bitch !
479
00:18:51,968 --> 00:18:54,701
( Chaotic screaming )
480
00:18:54,801 --> 00:18:56,734
( Williams )
I cannot believe You did this !
481
00:18:56,834 --> 00:18:59,267
( Whispering )
Wiegel's coming, Wiegel's coming.
482
00:18:59,367 --> 00:19:01,801
Let's do it again,
Let's do it again.
483
00:19:01,901 --> 00:19:04,534
( Chuckling )
484
00:19:04,634 --> 00:19:06,400
Shhh !
Shhh !
485
00:19:10,767 --> 00:19:14,434
( Pretend sobbing )
486
00:19:16,434 --> 00:19:18,734
Hey, you guys.
487
00:19:31,934 --> 00:19:34,300
( Sobbing )
Have this.
488
00:19:39,367 --> 00:19:40,234
Boo !
489
00:19:40,334 --> 00:19:41,667
( Screaming )
490
00:19:41,767 --> 00:19:43,801
( Gunshots )
491
00:19:59,234 --> 00:20:01,667
( Jones gasping )
492
00:20:10,367 --> 00:20:13,767
Guys ?
493
00:20:13,868 --> 00:20:16,734
Guys !
494
00:20:20,834 --> 00:20:31,067
Captioning made possible by
comedy central
495
00:20:31,167 --> 00:20:34,434
( Screaming )
496
00:20:34,484 --> 00:20:39,034
Repair and Synchronization by
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