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1
00:00:11,234 --> 00:00:14,434
Get on the ground!
Get on the ground now!
2
00:00:14,534 --> 00:00:16,367
[ Bleep ]
3
00:00:16,467 --> 00:00:18,067
Sheriff's department!
4
00:00:18,167 --> 00:00:19,834
Get down! Get down now!
5
00:00:19,934 --> 00:00:22,734
God damn it!
6
00:00:22,834 --> 00:00:24,767
I don't see him!
7
00:00:24,868 --> 00:00:27,367
Those guys can run.
How you doin'?
8
00:00:27,467 --> 00:00:30,501
Give me that camera.
Give me that camera.
9
00:00:31,734 --> 00:00:33,567
[ Siren wailing ]
10
00:00:35,067 --> 00:00:36,767
[ Tires squeal ]
11
00:00:36,868 --> 00:00:39,968
Oh-ho! Ohh-h-h!
12
00:00:45,367 --> 00:00:47,567
Aah! Aah! Aah!
13
00:00:47,667 --> 00:00:49,701
Hey, dog. Yeah.
14
00:00:55,767 --> 00:00:58,033
Ho! Ho! Ho!
15
00:01:08,133 --> 00:01:10,067
[ Siren wailing ]
16
00:01:12,300 --> 00:01:14,634
Break up a fight
With those ugly twins.
17
00:01:14,734 --> 00:01:16,300
Did somebody send me this?
18
00:01:16,400 --> 00:01:18,501
They spelled "sheriff" wrong
On this letter,
19
00:01:18,601 --> 00:01:20,100
And it has
No return address.
20
00:01:20,200 --> 00:01:22,801
Bunch of crap in it.
21
00:01:22,901 --> 00:01:24,968
What is that?
22
00:01:25,067 --> 00:01:27,133
I don't know.
23
00:01:27,234 --> 00:01:30,033
Some kind of free detergent
Sample?
24
00:01:30,133 --> 00:01:33,634
Don't put it in your mouth
If it's detergent.
25
00:01:33,734 --> 00:01:36,734
It does taste a little bit
Detergenty.
26
00:01:36,834 --> 00:01:38,334
But usually they say --
27
00:01:38,434 --> 00:01:41,300
"Here's a coupon."
Is there a coupon with it?
28
00:01:41,400 --> 00:01:42,467
Well, maybe.
29
00:01:42,567 --> 00:01:44,033
Bathroom caulking.
30
00:01:44,133 --> 00:01:45,801
It is bathroom caulk.
31
00:01:45,901 --> 00:01:47,601
It says, "praise allah!"
32
00:01:47,701 --> 00:01:48,968
Oh, man.
33
00:01:49,067 --> 00:01:50,434
[ Bleep ]
34
00:01:50,534 --> 00:01:53,000
Praise allah.
35
00:01:53,100 --> 00:01:55,601
Good morning!
36
00:01:55,701 --> 00:01:58,667
We are from the department
Of homeland security.
37
00:01:58,767 --> 00:02:01,000
My name is captain
Duane hernandez.
38
00:02:01,100 --> 00:02:04,567
This is my assistant,
Lieutenant susie kim.
39
00:02:04,667 --> 00:02:07,200
This white powder
40
00:02:07,300 --> 00:02:10,801
That you have all been stuffing
Into your orifices
41
00:02:10,901 --> 00:02:14,300
Like so much confectionery
Is, in fact, anthrax.
42
00:02:14,400 --> 00:02:15,567
[ Gasps ]
43
00:02:15,667 --> 00:02:18,000
Oh, my god!
What the hell?
44
00:02:18,100 --> 00:02:19,200
[ Coughing ]
45
00:02:19,300 --> 00:02:21,367
Thanks for telling us now!
46
00:02:21,467 --> 00:02:24,834
It symbolizes --
It symbolizes anthrax.
47
00:02:24,934 --> 00:02:28,601
It could have been anthrax...
Is the point.
48
00:02:28,701 --> 00:02:30,701
Do you know
What i would like?
49
00:02:30,801 --> 00:02:33,033
I would like tickets
For the show.
50
00:02:33,133 --> 00:02:36,133
What is it, barbra streisand --
Her final tour --
51
00:02:36,234 --> 00:02:37,901
Maybe neil diamond?
52
00:02:38,000 --> 00:02:40,667
I want tickets for the show,
The show that's up your asses,
53
00:02:40,767 --> 00:02:43,367
Because that's where your heads
Are, up your asses!
54
00:02:43,467 --> 00:02:46,133
You must be doing a fantastic
Show up your own asses!
55
00:02:46,234 --> 00:02:49,300
Take your heads
Out of your asses!
56
00:02:49,400 --> 00:02:53,267
Lieutenant and i will show you
How to deal with terrorism,
57
00:02:53,367 --> 00:02:55,968
With biological and chemical
Attacks.
58
00:02:56,067 --> 00:03:00,300
In one week, you will be given
An exam on homeland security,
59
00:03:00,400 --> 00:03:01,901
And you will all pass.
60
00:03:02,000 --> 00:03:05,067
The lieutenant and i
Are here to help you.
61
00:03:05,167 --> 00:03:06,968
Nothing to be afraid of...
62
00:03:07,067 --> 00:03:10,801
Except terrorism and biological
And chemical weapons.
63
00:03:10,901 --> 00:03:12,934
We will see you shortly.
64
00:03:13,033 --> 00:03:15,734
Have a nice day.
65
00:03:15,834 --> 00:03:16,767
Ten-hut.
66
00:03:16,868 --> 00:03:19,234
As you were.
67
00:03:21,267 --> 00:03:23,300
Oh, man, we are screwed.
68
00:03:31,534 --> 00:03:33,367
That's
An important question --
69
00:03:33,467 --> 00:03:36,400
"Do i feel like reno is prepared
For a terrorist attack?"
70
00:03:39,167 --> 00:03:41,234
No.
71
00:03:41,334 --> 00:03:43,567
No, my answer was gonna be,
"What kind?"
72
00:03:43,667 --> 00:03:46,200
But then my response,
No matter what you said,
73
00:03:46,300 --> 00:03:48,734
Was gonna be no, so i really
Don't think so.
74
00:03:48,834 --> 00:03:51,467
I don't think terrorism's
Gonna come to reno.
75
00:03:51,567 --> 00:03:54,267
I don't think there's
Anything here they want.
76
00:03:54,367 --> 00:03:56,367
No, especially
During the winter
77
00:03:56,467 --> 00:03:59,567
Because we got snow, and they'd
Have to put chains on.
78
00:03:59,667 --> 00:04:01,767
Putting snow chains
On your camel --
79
00:04:01,868 --> 00:04:03,701
They don't know
How to do that.
80
00:04:03,801 --> 00:04:07,434
Did anyone notice the garbage
Can we just passed
81
00:04:07,534 --> 00:04:09,467
About 30 meters behind us?
82
00:04:09,567 --> 00:04:11,901
No.
There was a garbage can?
83
00:04:12,000 --> 00:04:14,334
It's not garbage day,
Is it?
84
00:04:14,434 --> 00:04:15,467
No, it's --
85
00:04:15,567 --> 00:04:17,734
You should have
Noted that.
86
00:04:17,834 --> 00:04:19,033
It's not tuesday.
87
00:04:19,133 --> 00:04:20,601
Remember, gentlemen --
88
00:04:20,701 --> 00:04:23,234
Eyes and ears peeled...
At all times.
89
00:04:23,334 --> 00:04:25,400
Just make it
A part of your --
90
00:04:25,501 --> 00:04:28,834
Your everyday...Being.
91
00:04:28,934 --> 00:04:32,000
But, if i can ask you,
Mr. Hernandez --
92
00:04:32,100 --> 00:04:34,000
Of course.
Captain --
93
00:04:34,100 --> 00:04:36,601
There are
No stupid questions.
94
00:04:36,701 --> 00:04:39,167
Uh, are we
In charge of trash?
95
00:04:39,267 --> 00:04:42,167
That truck's pretty
Suspicious looking.
96
00:04:42,267 --> 00:04:43,667
"United we stand."
97
00:04:43,767 --> 00:04:45,801
Don't fool nobody with that
Bumper sticker.
98
00:04:45,901 --> 00:04:48,734
See, i feel like some of these
People are trying too hard.
99
00:04:48,834 --> 00:04:51,033
I feel like when the truck
Of anthrax comes,
100
00:04:51,133 --> 00:04:53,634
It's gonna have a "united
We stand" bumper sticker
101
00:04:53,734 --> 00:04:55,434
And a "bush/cheney"
On the back.
102
00:04:55,534 --> 00:04:57,367
And a toby keith damn tape
Playing.
103
00:04:57,467 --> 00:05:00,067
Exactly right, and it's gonna
Be the trojan horse --
104
00:05:00,167 --> 00:05:01,834
Except it's not gonna be
A horse.
105
00:05:01,934 --> 00:05:04,200
It's probably gonna be an f-150
Or something.
106
00:05:04,300 --> 00:05:07,100
911 call
Of a suspicious person.
107
00:05:07,200 --> 00:05:09,834
Yeah, here we go.
108
00:05:09,934 --> 00:05:11,767
Sheriff's department!
109
00:05:11,868 --> 00:05:13,467
[ Knocks on door ]
110
00:05:13,567 --> 00:05:15,501
This is the right address.
111
00:05:15,601 --> 00:05:17,267
Sheriff's department!
112
00:05:17,367 --> 00:05:19,300
Hey, hey, hey, wait, wait.
113
00:05:19,400 --> 00:05:21,300
This is one of the tests.
114
00:05:21,400 --> 00:05:23,200
This is gonna be a test.
115
00:05:23,300 --> 00:05:24,868
Suspicious person.
116
00:05:24,968 --> 00:05:28,834
Right. It's gonna be, uh,
Some sort of bomb or a gas.
117
00:05:28,934 --> 00:05:34,067
There's smoke coming out from
Underneath this, uh, kid pool.
118
00:05:34,167 --> 00:05:36,634
See it?
Right over there.
119
00:05:36,734 --> 00:05:40,267
Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho!
Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho!
120
00:05:40,367 --> 00:05:42,634
Right there! Right there!
Right there!
121
00:05:42,734 --> 00:05:44,367
What you doin' down there?
122
00:05:44,467 --> 00:05:45,734
Just hangin' out.
123
00:05:45,834 --> 00:05:48,534
Just hangin' out
Under the kid pool, huh?
124
00:05:48,634 --> 00:05:50,734
Why you got
Your boot off, sir?
125
00:05:50,834 --> 00:05:52,501
Why you got your boot off?
126
00:05:52,601 --> 00:05:54,167
I didn't do [bleep]
127
00:05:54,267 --> 00:05:56,834
Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey!
Hey! Hey!
128
00:05:56,934 --> 00:05:58,400
Jesus christ!
129
00:05:58,501 --> 00:06:00,567
No, no, no, no, no!
Freeze! Freeze!
130
00:06:00,667 --> 00:06:02,667
Put the boot down.
Put the boot down.
131
00:06:02,767 --> 00:06:05,734
I'm gonna shoot your boot if you
Do not put it down right now.
132
00:06:05,834 --> 00:06:07,133
Don't shoot the boot, man!
133
00:06:07,234 --> 00:06:08,767
3...2...
134
00:06:08,868 --> 00:06:09,934
All right.
135
00:06:10,033 --> 00:06:11,801
Oh [bleep] get down!
136
00:06:11,901 --> 00:06:14,133
I'm pointing a gun at you.
137
00:06:14,234 --> 00:06:15,834
Sir, you got, in the house,
138
00:06:15,934 --> 00:06:18,133
Do you have any serin gas
Or anthrax?
139
00:06:18,234 --> 00:06:19,734
I got a carton of smokes.
140
00:06:19,834 --> 00:06:22,567
What do you guys want to stop
[Bleep] me up?
141
00:06:22,667 --> 00:06:25,267
There's nothing in my boot.
It's just a regular boot.
142
00:06:25,367 --> 00:06:27,234
Powder -- there's powder
In the boot.
143
00:06:27,334 --> 00:06:28,834
There's powder in the boot?
144
00:06:28,934 --> 00:06:30,634
That could be gold bond
Or johnson's --
145
00:06:30,734 --> 00:06:33,133
That's dr. Scholl's powder
Because i got a thing.
146
00:06:33,234 --> 00:06:34,601
Don't taste it.
147
00:06:34,701 --> 00:06:36,934
I wouldn't taste the
Dr. Scholl's powder, man.
148
00:06:37,033 --> 00:06:38,400
It's dr. Scholl's powder.
149
00:06:38,501 --> 00:06:42,467
You're at the park
With your family.
150
00:06:42,567 --> 00:06:45,801
No biggie.
Having a picnic.
151
00:06:45,901 --> 00:06:50,100
Your little girl
Is playing hopscotch.
152
00:06:50,200 --> 00:06:55,167
Your little boy comes back
With a frankfurter.
153
00:06:55,267 --> 00:06:57,167
He looks at you and says,
154
00:06:57,267 --> 00:07:01,100
"Daddy, why is the hot-dog man
Wearing a turban?"
155
00:07:01,200 --> 00:07:03,901
Too late.
Boom! Explosion.
156
00:07:04,000 --> 00:07:07,400
You get up,
You look at your hands.
157
00:07:07,501 --> 00:07:10,734
They're covered
With green slime.
158
00:07:10,834 --> 00:07:12,133
What do you do?
159
00:07:12,234 --> 00:07:14,033
Hazmat chemical shower.
160
00:07:14,133 --> 00:07:16,200
Ridiculously simple to use.
161
00:07:16,300 --> 00:07:18,234
Lieutenant and i
Will show you how.
162
00:07:18,334 --> 00:07:21,133
Volunteer!
163
00:07:21,234 --> 00:07:22,534
Wiegel?
164
00:07:22,634 --> 00:07:26,501
The first thing you must do
Is disrobe.
165
00:07:29,801 --> 00:07:32,133
[ Gasps ]
166
00:07:32,234 --> 00:07:33,467
Into the shower!
167
00:07:33,567 --> 00:07:36,334
Commence hose-down.
168
00:07:36,434 --> 00:07:39,934
This is a granule emollient
Solution.
169
00:07:42,267 --> 00:07:45,434
Gently. Good. Good.
170
00:07:45,534 --> 00:07:47,968
It's a very gentle,
Soft process.
171
00:07:48,067 --> 00:07:49,467
The earlobes.
172
00:07:49,567 --> 00:07:53,067
Especially the earlobes.
They are very sensitive...
173
00:07:53,167 --> 00:07:55,934
To biological and chemical
Solutions.
174
00:07:56,033 --> 00:07:58,634
Scrubbing a downward motion.
175
00:07:58,734 --> 00:08:03,033
Sometimes it takes more
Than one washing
176
00:08:03,133 --> 00:08:07,767
Let the chemicals wash down
Away from the vital organs.
177
00:08:07,868 --> 00:08:09,100
Focus, people.
178
00:08:09,200 --> 00:08:10,901
This is about fighting
The terrorists.
179
00:08:11,000 --> 00:08:12,801
This is america.
180
00:08:12,901 --> 00:08:13,834
We are free.
181
00:08:13,934 --> 00:08:15,801
This is the face of freedom!
182
00:08:15,901 --> 00:08:17,801
This is the face of freedom!
183
00:08:17,901 --> 00:08:20,367
Johnson: i have to be next.
I have to be next.
184
00:08:23,634 --> 00:08:26,000
There is a man.
185
00:08:26,100 --> 00:08:29,534
He is, perhaps, turkish.
186
00:08:29,634 --> 00:08:32,601
He is attacking you.
187
00:08:32,701 --> 00:08:33,834
Mm-hmm.
188
00:08:33,934 --> 00:08:37,100
In his left hand, he holds
A switchblade.
189
00:08:37,200 --> 00:08:40,834
In his right hand, he's holding
A plastic comb.
190
00:08:40,934 --> 00:08:43,868
You have one bullet
In your revolver,
191
00:08:43,968 --> 00:08:46,601
And you do not want
To kill him.
192
00:08:46,701 --> 00:08:48,167
Where do you shoot?
193
00:08:48,267 --> 00:08:49,801
Right in the nuts.
194
00:08:58,067 --> 00:09:00,033
Maybe you should do
The talking.
195
00:09:00,133 --> 00:09:01,467
Yeah, i'll do the talking.
196
00:09:01,567 --> 00:09:03,801
Ho! Ho!
Ho, ho, ho, ho, ho.
197
00:09:03,901 --> 00:09:04,934
Hey, hey.
198
00:09:05,033 --> 00:09:06,100
Oh, hell no.
199
00:09:06,200 --> 00:09:08,234
Oh, gary, lyle.
What's going on?
200
00:09:08,334 --> 00:09:11,100
How you doin', jimmy-jam?
I'm doin' all right.
201
00:09:11,200 --> 00:09:12,901
What's up tonight, fellas?
202
00:09:13,000 --> 00:09:16,133
We're just having ourselves
An expression of free speech.
203
00:09:16,234 --> 00:09:17,501
Well, you know what?
204
00:09:17,601 --> 00:09:19,167
You can't do that,
And you know that.
205
00:09:19,267 --> 00:09:21,234
Okay, but last time,
It was a cornfield.
206
00:09:21,334 --> 00:09:23,367
This is now my yard.
This is my property.
207
00:09:23,467 --> 00:09:25,133
Well, i respect that,
208
00:09:25,234 --> 00:09:27,434
But we can't have this kind
Of public display going on.
209
00:09:27,534 --> 00:09:29,734
You're lighting a damn cross
In your own yard?
210
00:09:29,834 --> 00:09:32,534
Oh, see,
That's not a cross.
211
00:09:32,634 --> 00:09:34,968
That's a "t" for tolerance.
212
00:09:35,067 --> 00:09:36,367
It's a "t" for truth.
213
00:09:36,467 --> 00:09:38,434
It's a "t"
For turning the corner.
214
00:09:38,534 --> 00:09:40,067
Fire it up.
No! Ho! Ho!
215
00:09:40,167 --> 00:09:42,167
No, you are not lighting
That up.
216
00:09:42,267 --> 00:09:43,501
Don't light that up!
217
00:09:43,601 --> 00:09:45,667
I'm losing my tolerance
Right now.
218
00:09:45,767 --> 00:09:47,200
Flame on. Here we go.
219
00:09:47,300 --> 00:09:48,601
Do not flame on.
220
00:09:48,701 --> 00:09:50,934
Do not [bleep] light that thing,
All right?
221
00:09:51,033 --> 00:09:53,400
I'm getting a lot of hostility
Off of you.
222
00:09:53,501 --> 00:09:55,133
All right, well --
223
00:09:55,234 --> 00:09:58,234
That's a "t" for team because
I understand it now.
224
00:09:58,334 --> 00:10:01,000
Now we're all on a team.
You're my teammate.
225
00:10:01,100 --> 00:10:03,501
Hey, hey, you know what?
D-t-a-m-f-s --
226
00:10:03,601 --> 00:10:05,634
Don't take another
[Bleep] step,
227
00:10:05,734 --> 00:10:08,734
And don't you light that
[Bleep] cross, all right?
228
00:10:08,834 --> 00:10:10,801
You see?
No, no.
229
00:10:10,901 --> 00:10:13,567
Give us a hug.
No, no, no.
230
00:10:13,667 --> 00:10:16,667
Flame on!
Do not flame on. No!
231
00:10:16,767 --> 00:10:19,234
Oh! Oh [bleep]
Son of a bitch.
232
00:10:19,334 --> 00:10:20,901
Oh, [bleep] [bleep]
233
00:10:21,000 --> 00:10:23,901
Somebody should get a hose.
234
00:10:24,000 --> 00:10:25,701
You know,
He's accident prone.
235
00:10:25,801 --> 00:10:27,567
This is not
A complete surprise.
236
00:10:27,667 --> 00:10:29,334
Well, lieutenant here
237
00:10:29,434 --> 00:10:33,434
Has studied at cambridge,
Oxford, the university of seoul.
238
00:10:33,534 --> 00:10:35,133
Am i missing anything?
239
00:10:35,234 --> 00:10:38,133
The university of new delhi.
I'm sorry.
240
00:10:38,234 --> 00:10:41,334
You have that master's degree
There, also.
241
00:10:41,434 --> 00:10:42,934
She breeds koi fish,
242
00:10:43,033 --> 00:10:46,667
She's a kickboxing champion
In her weight division.
243
00:10:46,767 --> 00:10:48,334
And the class above.
244
00:10:48,434 --> 00:10:50,100
And the class above.
245
00:10:50,200 --> 00:10:54,067
As for myself, i studied at the
Bloomfield community college
246
00:10:54,167 --> 00:10:56,033
Through affirmative action.
247
00:10:57,801 --> 00:11:00,167
There are five dwarfs.
248
00:11:00,267 --> 00:11:02,834
One of them speaks french.
249
00:11:02,934 --> 00:11:03,834
Okay.
250
00:11:03,934 --> 00:11:06,234
One speaks portuguese.
251
00:11:06,334 --> 00:11:08,400
The others are mute.
252
00:11:08,501 --> 00:11:11,100
You have only one bullet.
253
00:11:11,200 --> 00:11:13,567
Which one do you shoot?
254
00:11:13,667 --> 00:11:16,901
Tick tock, tick tock.
Which one do you shoot?
255
00:11:17,000 --> 00:11:21,234
[ Sighs ]
Um...The black one.
256
00:11:22,367 --> 00:11:24,868
I never said
There was a black one.
257
00:11:24,968 --> 00:11:26,367
But you are correct.
258
00:11:26,467 --> 00:11:27,501
I am?
259
00:11:27,601 --> 00:11:29,868
Yes, you are thinking
Outside the box.
260
00:11:29,968 --> 00:11:31,400
I am?
Excellent. Yes.
261
00:11:31,501 --> 00:11:32,567
[ Sighs ]
262
00:11:32,667 --> 00:11:34,901
You know, no one has ever,
263
00:11:35,000 --> 00:11:38,100
Ever made me feel smart
Like you.
264
00:11:38,200 --> 00:11:40,567
You've got to be kidding me.
265
00:11:40,667 --> 00:11:42,834
No. I mean, they treat me
266
00:11:42,934 --> 00:11:46,400
Like i'm some kind of
Retarded monkey.
267
00:11:46,501 --> 00:11:50,300
What i'm trying to tell you,
My flower,
268
00:11:50,400 --> 00:11:52,734
Is to let yourself bloom.
269
00:11:52,834 --> 00:11:55,567
Can you feel my hand
Touching your face?
270
00:11:55,667 --> 00:11:57,634
I can feel.
I can feel it.
271
00:11:57,734 --> 00:11:58,934
Okay?
Okay.
272
00:11:59,033 --> 00:12:00,868
That is energy.
Yeah.
273
00:12:00,968 --> 00:12:04,300
That is love coming to you
From the universe,
274
00:12:04,400 --> 00:12:08,367
Telling you, "hey, woman.
Hey, lady.
275
00:12:08,467 --> 00:12:10,534
"Maybe unbutton
The top of your shirt.
276
00:12:10,634 --> 00:12:12,400
Is that going
To hurt anybody?"
277
00:12:12,501 --> 00:12:13,567
No.
278
00:12:13,667 --> 00:12:14,567
No.
279
00:12:14,667 --> 00:12:16,367
"Maybe look a little bit hot.
280
00:12:16,467 --> 00:12:18,300
Is that going to hurt anybody?"
281
00:12:18,400 --> 00:12:19,634
No.
282
00:12:19,734 --> 00:12:23,701
And by helping yourself,
You're helping your country.
283
00:12:23,801 --> 00:12:25,634
By helping your country,
284
00:12:25,734 --> 00:12:30,367
You are defeating those dirty,
Dirty, dirty, bad bastards...
285
00:12:30,467 --> 00:12:32,234
Who want to defeat us.
286
00:12:32,334 --> 00:12:34,067
So bloom.
287
00:12:34,167 --> 00:12:37,701
Bloom, damn you, bloom.
288
00:12:37,801 --> 00:12:41,334
Bloom, damn you, bloom.
289
00:12:41,434 --> 00:12:43,868
[ Humming ]
290
00:12:59,567 --> 00:13:03,033
Captain duane hernandez
Is like --
291
00:13:03,133 --> 00:13:04,400
[ Sighs ]
292
00:13:04,501 --> 00:13:06,801
He's not just
An amazing captain.
293
00:13:06,901 --> 00:13:12,334
Duane has -- duane has shown me
That i can be...
294
00:13:12,434 --> 00:13:16,901
The trudy wiegel that no one
Ever knew that i could be.
295
00:13:17,000 --> 00:13:20,534
Um...I --
My voice has dropped,
296
00:13:20,634 --> 00:13:23,067
My shoulders have opened,
My scoliosis, i feel like,
297
00:13:23,167 --> 00:13:25,067
Has almost completely
Corrected itself,
298
00:13:25,167 --> 00:13:26,834
I'm no longer
Lactose intolerant.
299
00:13:26,934 --> 00:13:28,234
It's amazing.
300
00:13:28,334 --> 00:13:31,234
Je ne sais quoi.
[ Chuckles ]
301
00:13:31,334 --> 00:13:32,868
Je ne sais quoi.
302
00:13:32,968 --> 00:13:35,601
Oh, my lord.
303
00:13:35,701 --> 00:13:39,133
Hey, y'all need to arrest
That man right there.
304
00:13:39,234 --> 00:13:42,200
You need to arrest that man
Right there.
305
00:13:42,300 --> 00:13:44,868
He was trespassing
On my property.
306
00:13:44,968 --> 00:13:47,968
I hit him tonight, last night,
I hit him the night before.
307
00:13:48,067 --> 00:13:50,501
'Cause he come right across
My property line.
308
00:13:50,601 --> 00:13:52,901
Where's your property line?
I don't see it.
309
00:13:53,000 --> 00:13:55,334
Right there.
I got it marked off.
310
00:13:55,434 --> 00:13:57,734
I got two cigarette butts
There.
311
00:13:57,834 --> 00:14:01,000
It extends out this way,
It comes back this way.
312
00:14:01,100 --> 00:14:03,367
I'm sitting there last night,
All right?
313
00:14:03,467 --> 00:14:06,133
I'm getting a little high,
And i said, "jackass,
314
00:14:06,234 --> 00:14:08,734
"Why don't you come over
And keep me company?
315
00:14:08,834 --> 00:14:11,167
I got enough doobies
For the both of us."
316
00:14:11,267 --> 00:14:12,634
So he comes over.
317
00:14:12,734 --> 00:14:14,968
The next thing i know...
He's out like a light.
318
00:14:15,067 --> 00:14:17,067
So y'all are doing drugs
In there?
319
00:14:17,167 --> 00:14:19,167
You have possession
Of drugs here?
320
00:14:19,267 --> 00:14:21,267
I don't have anything
In there now
321
00:14:21,367 --> 00:14:23,901
'Cause that jackass smoked
Everything i had.
322
00:14:24,000 --> 00:14:26,334
So you were smoking
Marijuana cigarettes?
323
00:14:26,434 --> 00:14:28,334
I was smoking,
We were drinking,
324
00:14:28,434 --> 00:14:31,501
We had some pills in there.
Y'all are missing the point.
325
00:14:31,601 --> 00:14:32,934
Well, give us the point.
326
00:14:33,033 --> 00:14:35,067
I'll show you the point
Right here.
327
00:14:35,167 --> 00:14:36,901
This right here
Is the point.
328
00:14:37,000 --> 00:14:38,200
That's the point.
329
00:14:38,300 --> 00:14:40,067
That's not a point,
That's a line.
330
00:14:40,167 --> 00:14:41,734
Hold on one second.
331
00:14:41,834 --> 00:14:44,300
She's doing all these things
That obviously is illegal.
332
00:14:44,400 --> 00:14:46,133
We can't take her in
Because...
333
00:14:46,234 --> 00:14:47,667
We don't see anything.
334
00:14:47,767 --> 00:14:49,968
We gotta get a situation
Here where we can, uh...
335
00:14:50,067 --> 00:14:51,567
Okay, cool.
336
00:14:51,667 --> 00:14:55,701
Okay, ma'am, so you're saying
That this is your property.
337
00:14:55,801 --> 00:14:59,968
This right here -- that right
There is my property line.
338
00:15:00,067 --> 00:15:02,968
But when he comes --
Ho! Hey, hey, hey!
339
00:15:03,067 --> 00:15:05,801
I swear to god,
I'll knock you out.
340
00:15:05,901 --> 00:15:07,734
There you go.
You did it.
341
00:15:07,834 --> 00:15:09,300
You wait till i come back!
342
00:15:09,400 --> 00:15:10,801
Watch your head, ma'am.
343
00:15:10,901 --> 00:15:13,167
That jackass is gonna get
His nuts bit off.
344
00:15:13,267 --> 00:15:16,100
You're gonna get your nuts bit
Off when i get back,
345
00:15:16,200 --> 00:15:18,167
So get ready!
Get ready for that!
346
00:15:18,267 --> 00:15:19,834
Get ready for some nut-bitin'
347
00:15:19,934 --> 00:15:22,067
Because that's
What you're gonna get!
348
00:15:22,167 --> 00:15:24,634
Call the doctor.
Get that looked at, okay?
349
00:15:24,734 --> 00:15:27,167
And just don't cross the line,
Sir, okay?
350
00:15:27,267 --> 00:15:29,200
Don't cross that line,
Jackass!
351
00:15:29,300 --> 00:15:30,801
You'll get your nuts bit.
352
00:15:33,300 --> 00:15:36,434
What do you do
To work out?
353
00:15:36,534 --> 00:15:41,901
'Cause, my god, you're, uh,
You're really, uh...Fit.
354
00:15:42,000 --> 00:15:45,801
So every morning, about
Two hours before sunrise,
355
00:15:45,901 --> 00:15:49,234
I strip down naked,
I go out to the ocean,
356
00:15:49,334 --> 00:15:50,968
And i swim two miles.
357
00:15:51,100 --> 00:15:53,067
Usually -- it's weird.
358
00:15:53,167 --> 00:15:57,400
Usually when i see
A fun outfit like that, i...
359
00:15:57,501 --> 00:15:59,434
I think
How it would look on me,
360
00:15:59,534 --> 00:16:01,734
And i don't feel that
With you at all.
361
00:16:01,834 --> 00:16:04,133
I don't find myself looking
And saying,
362
00:16:04,234 --> 00:16:07,234
"Oh, wouldn't it be fun to wear
What susie's wearing?"
363
00:16:07,334 --> 00:16:09,801
I didn't mean to touch
Your hair like that.
364
00:16:09,901 --> 00:16:12,067
God, you're hot.
Where is that coming from?
365
00:16:12,167 --> 00:16:14,667
I don't know what the hell is
Wrong with me today.
366
00:16:14,767 --> 00:16:17,167
I'm sorry. I didn't just say,
"God, you're hot."
367
00:16:17,267 --> 00:16:19,434
I'm just all mixed up today,
Susie.
368
00:16:19,534 --> 00:16:21,734
Did you have something
Funny to eat?
369
00:16:21,834 --> 00:16:23,634
No, no,
It's not my stomach.
370
00:16:23,734 --> 00:16:26,400
It's lower than that.
371
00:16:26,501 --> 00:16:27,567
I see.
372
00:16:27,667 --> 00:16:30,300
Is it a hernia or...
373
00:16:31,534 --> 00:16:34,934
I'll be all right.
374
00:16:38,167 --> 00:16:40,300
Now, now, now, look --
375
00:16:40,400 --> 00:16:44,434
I ordered this escort
About 35 minutes ago.
376
00:16:44,534 --> 00:16:47,234
[ Knock on door ]
Oh, all right. Here she is.
377
00:16:47,334 --> 00:16:49,434
Thank you.
You have a good night.
378
00:16:49,534 --> 00:16:52,200
Yeah, come on in.
How you doin'? It's open.
379
00:16:52,300 --> 00:16:53,200
Mm-hmm.
380
00:16:53,300 --> 00:16:54,801
Well, well, how you doin'?
381
00:16:54,901 --> 00:16:56,234
I'm good. How are you?
382
00:16:56,334 --> 00:16:58,701
I'm not bad. I ain't bad.
Look at you.
383
00:16:58,801 --> 00:16:59,934
Look at me.
384
00:17:00,033 --> 00:17:01,734
Yeah, now, in this picture,
385
00:17:01,834 --> 00:17:05,501
You look about 30 years younger
Than you are right now.
386
00:17:05,601 --> 00:17:07,868
This is an old picture,
Isn't it?
387
00:17:07,968 --> 00:17:08,868
Mom!
388
00:17:08,968 --> 00:17:10,400
Oh, baby.
389
00:17:10,501 --> 00:17:12,400
Uh, uh...
390
00:17:12,501 --> 00:17:15,667
What the hell, mom?
391
00:17:15,767 --> 00:17:18,400
I just...
Honey... I...
392
00:17:18,501 --> 00:17:20,434
That's clementine's mother,
Beulah.
393
00:17:20,534 --> 00:17:23,167
This is not the first time
This has happened, actually.
394
00:17:23,267 --> 00:17:25,200
[ Sighs ]
395
00:17:25,300 --> 00:17:26,667
Hey, beulah.
396
00:17:26,767 --> 00:17:29,601
She makes
A fabulous apricot pie.
397
00:17:33,734 --> 00:17:37,434
Am i surprised of the level
Of preparedness
398
00:17:37,534 --> 00:17:39,701
At the department of reno?
399
00:17:39,801 --> 00:17:44,534
I'm surprised at the lack of
Preparedness that they have.
400
00:17:44,634 --> 00:17:46,534
And if i were surprised,
401
00:17:46,634 --> 00:17:49,968
I would have to probably hide
My surpriseness from you
402
00:17:50,067 --> 00:17:53,267
Because it's my job not to be
Surprised by anything.
403
00:17:53,367 --> 00:17:55,701
Even two years ago --
You were there --
404
00:17:55,801 --> 00:17:58,868
They had a surprise birthday
Party for me. "Surprise!"
405
00:17:58,968 --> 00:18:01,767
And i was surprised inside,
But i couldn't react.
406
00:18:01,868 --> 00:18:04,234
And it's sad sometimes
Because people --
407
00:18:04,334 --> 00:18:06,234
They went
To a lot of trouble.
408
00:18:06,334 --> 00:18:09,000
My parents came, and they hid,
And "surprise!"
409
00:18:09,100 --> 00:18:11,334
And still,
I cannot show surpriseness
410
00:18:11,434 --> 00:18:13,801
Because that's not what
We get paid for.
411
00:18:13,901 --> 00:18:16,367
You gotta admit,
Susie kim's kind of hot.
412
00:18:16,467 --> 00:18:19,234
I'm gonna tell you like
My grandmama told me --
413
00:18:19,334 --> 00:18:21,767
Don't nothing like bones
But a dog, huh?
414
00:18:21,868 --> 00:18:24,033
All i'm saying is
The girl is bony,
415
00:18:24,133 --> 00:18:26,067
And i won't play
No word games,
416
00:18:26,167 --> 00:18:28,701
Like i say, "oh, she's bony,
She's a bone.
417
00:18:28,801 --> 00:18:31,934
Oh, now you want to bone her."
That's not funny to me.
418
00:18:32,033 --> 00:18:34,634
That is not funny.
That's stupid.
419
00:18:34,734 --> 00:18:35,834
That's stupid.
420
00:18:35,934 --> 00:18:37,334
You don't even like --
421
00:18:37,434 --> 00:18:39,934
You don't even like
Shrimp fried rice.
422
00:18:40,033 --> 00:18:42,767
What does "d.D.E.O.D."
Stand for?
423
00:18:42,868 --> 00:18:46,100
D.D.E.O.D.?
424
00:18:46,200 --> 00:18:50,567
Dark...Dude...Eating...
425
00:18:50,667 --> 00:18:54,000
Oriental delights?
426
00:18:54,100 --> 00:18:55,567
No.
427
00:18:55,667 --> 00:18:59,234
Well, you know, i'm thinking
That you and i
428
00:18:59,334 --> 00:19:01,434
Could make, like, a tiger.
429
00:19:01,534 --> 00:19:03,067
Yeah, a "blasian."
430
00:19:03,167 --> 00:19:05,133
Tiger woods. [ Growls ]
431
00:19:09,934 --> 00:19:13,067
I love you.
432
00:19:13,167 --> 00:19:15,701
You are not getting none.
That is not working.
433
00:19:18,667 --> 00:19:19,868
[ Both coughing ]
434
00:19:19,968 --> 00:19:21,300
Go! Go, go, go, go.
435
00:19:21,400 --> 00:19:22,367
God damn!
436
00:19:22,467 --> 00:19:24,334
What do we got here,
Ladies?
437
00:19:24,434 --> 00:19:26,934
Damn, girl,
Thank youyou look good!
438
00:19:27,033 --> 00:19:28,767
We got a situation here.
439
00:19:28,868 --> 00:19:32,334
We've been smelling this noxious
Fume all day that you can smell,
440
00:19:32,434 --> 00:19:34,734
And got a lot of people
Feeling sick.
441
00:19:34,834 --> 00:19:37,100
I think what we got
Is bioterrorism.
442
00:19:37,200 --> 00:19:39,901
We all in the same ball park
On bioterrorism?
443
00:19:40,000 --> 00:19:42,434
Evacuate your people
Calmly and slowly.
444
00:19:42,534 --> 00:19:44,934
Take your people out
Calmly and slowly.
445
00:19:45,067 --> 00:19:48,067
I need a visual check on the
Perimeter and all the quadrants.
446
00:19:48,167 --> 00:19:49,601
Here's what we need to do --
447
00:19:49,701 --> 00:19:51,567
We gotta get a sniper
Up on the roof.
448
00:19:51,667 --> 00:19:53,734
We need a helicopter
With a searchlight.
449
00:19:53,834 --> 00:19:55,801
We're gonna need
The hazmat team stat.
450
00:19:55,901 --> 00:19:57,133
Call washington.
451
00:19:57,234 --> 00:19:58,901
Wiegel: oh, my god!
452
00:20:16,400 --> 00:20:19,667
I trained in
Survival and evasion
453
00:20:19,767 --> 00:20:23,501
In indonesia, with
A native village
454
00:20:23,601 --> 00:20:26,901
With a tribe,
A lifetime ago.
455
00:20:27,000 --> 00:20:30,000
And i was symbolically
Circumcised...
456
00:20:30,100 --> 00:20:33,667
And the village elders
Took vines from a mango tree
457
00:20:33,767 --> 00:20:36,667
And strapped biscuits
To my thing.
458
00:20:36,767 --> 00:20:42,501
And then, i had to do
A ritual for manhood spirit.
459
00:20:42,601 --> 00:20:43,901
Have you ever
Run 55 kilometers
460
00:20:44,000 --> 00:20:46,100
With a hard biscuit strapped
To your thing?
461
00:20:46,150 --> 00:20:50,700
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