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1
00:00:11,267 --> 00:00:14,167
I don't know, but i hope
He doesn't have stingers.
2
00:00:14,267 --> 00:00:16,100
Was it a fly
Or was it a bee?
3
00:00:16,200 --> 00:00:18,868
I have no problem if there's
A fly in the car.
4
00:00:18,968 --> 00:00:21,901
You should drive, and i'll look
For the flyswatter.
5
00:00:22,000 --> 00:00:23,834
Where'd he go?
I just saw him!
6
00:00:23,934 --> 00:00:25,267
Where?
He was on you.
7
00:00:25,367 --> 00:00:26,467
Is it a fly or a bee?
8
00:00:26,567 --> 00:00:27,634
Bup, bup, bup, bup, bup, bup!
9
00:00:27,734 --> 00:00:28,434
[ Crash ]
10
00:00:28,534 --> 00:00:30,300
[ Siren wailing ]
11
00:00:31,801 --> 00:00:33,501
[ Tires screech ]
12
00:00:33,601 --> 00:00:36,701
Oh-ho! Ohh-h-h!
13
00:00:42,100 --> 00:00:44,300
Aah! Aah! Aah!
14
00:00:44,400 --> 00:00:46,434
Hey, dog. Yeah.
15
00:00:52,501 --> 00:00:54,767
Ho! Ho! Ho!
16
00:01:04,868 --> 00:01:06,801
[ Siren wailing ]
17
00:01:09,033 --> 00:01:10,634
[ Together ]
...For which it stands,
18
00:01:10,734 --> 00:01:13,734
One nation under god...
Buddha...
19
00:01:13,834 --> 00:01:15,200
Indivisible...
20
00:01:15,300 --> 00:01:18,434
With liberty and justice
For all.
21
00:01:18,534 --> 00:01:19,434
Okay.
22
00:01:19,534 --> 00:01:20,501
Amen.
23
00:01:20,601 --> 00:01:22,901
What did you say?
24
00:01:23,000 --> 00:01:24,067
I said buddha.
25
00:01:24,167 --> 00:01:25,334
You said buddha?
26
00:01:25,434 --> 00:01:26,934
Mm-hmm.
27
00:01:27,033 --> 00:01:30,434
I didn't say anything when it
Was your turn to lead it.
28
00:01:30,534 --> 00:01:32,167
I'm not disrespecting you!
29
00:01:32,267 --> 00:01:37,167
Not everybody in this country
Believes in god.
30
00:01:37,267 --> 00:01:40,634
I do,
But other people don't,
31
00:01:40,734 --> 00:01:43,367
And i think that we should
Embrace everybody.
32
00:01:43,467 --> 00:01:44,901
I suppose at christmastime,
33
00:01:45,000 --> 00:01:47,033
You won't be wanting
Any gifts, buddha.
34
00:01:47,133 --> 00:01:48,701
I'm not saying that!
35
00:01:48,801 --> 00:01:50,534
Of course i want gifts.
36
00:01:50,634 --> 00:01:52,701
Officer!
I'm the one who called.
37
00:01:52,801 --> 00:01:55,100
I was just doing a standard
Delivery,
38
00:01:55,200 --> 00:01:56,734
And the next thing i know,
39
00:01:56,834 --> 00:01:59,200
This guy's shooting
Paintballs at me.
40
00:01:59,300 --> 00:02:00,567
I think i'm bruised.
41
00:02:00,667 --> 00:02:02,234
I got other mail to deliver,
42
00:02:02,334 --> 00:02:05,033
And it's like, i don't know
What's going on!
43
00:02:05,133 --> 00:02:06,234
[ Pop ]
44
00:02:06,334 --> 00:02:08,567
Oh, my god!
There he goes again!
45
00:02:08,667 --> 00:02:09,901
Whoa!
Stay low.
46
00:02:10,000 --> 00:02:11,434
Reno, reno, this is --
47
00:02:11,534 --> 00:02:13,133
Man: get out of here!
48
00:02:13,234 --> 00:02:17,167
Reno, this is 14-allen-28.
We got a situation here...
49
00:02:17,267 --> 00:02:18,701
I'm hit! I'm hit!
50
00:02:18,801 --> 00:02:21,400
We got a sniper firing
Paintballs at our vehicle.
51
00:02:21,501 --> 00:02:23,400
Someone get over here
Right away
52
00:02:23,501 --> 00:02:26,234
'Cause i'm not getting paid
Enough to deal with this.
53
00:02:26,334 --> 00:02:27,434
Thank you.
54
00:02:27,534 --> 00:02:30,601
It's lieutenant dangle's
Moving day,
55
00:02:30,701 --> 00:02:34,934
And he asked all of us to show
Up and help him move.
56
00:02:35,033 --> 00:02:38,133
Uh, hello, gentlemen.
How you doing?
57
00:02:38,234 --> 00:02:41,133
What am i gonna do?
He's my boss.
58
00:02:41,234 --> 00:02:43,434
[ Clears throat ]
Lieutenant!
59
00:02:47,434 --> 00:02:49,100
Hey, hey!
60
00:02:49,200 --> 00:02:50,901
Hey, man!
61
00:02:51,000 --> 00:02:52,167
Yeah.
62
00:02:52,267 --> 00:02:53,167
What up, blood?
63
00:02:53,267 --> 00:02:54,501
What's going on, man?
64
00:02:54,601 --> 00:02:56,133
How's it going, blood?
All right.
65
00:02:56,234 --> 00:02:57,501
Thanks for coming by, man.
66
00:02:57,601 --> 00:02:59,067
Thanks for coming by.
67
00:02:59,167 --> 00:03:00,434
Yeah, no problem.
68
00:03:00,534 --> 00:03:01,934
You smell great, man.
69
00:03:02,033 --> 00:03:03,000
Great, great.
70
00:03:03,100 --> 00:03:04,367
It's really good.
71
00:03:04,467 --> 00:03:05,934
So i'm here.
72
00:03:06,033 --> 00:03:07,534
Let's do this.
73
00:03:07,634 --> 00:03:08,901
Awesome.
74
00:03:09,000 --> 00:03:11,367
This is torture.
You're not hot in that zip-up?
75
00:03:11,467 --> 00:03:12,467
It's pretty breezy.
76
00:03:12,567 --> 00:03:13,667
I got some other stuff.
77
00:03:13,767 --> 00:03:15,200
No, i'm fine.
78
00:03:15,300 --> 00:03:18,267
I got a whole other rig like
This if you want to, maybe.
79
00:03:18,367 --> 00:03:20,434
I'm gonna get you
Something, man.
80
00:03:20,534 --> 00:03:22,634
No, i'll just take this off,
Okay?
81
00:03:22,734 --> 00:03:25,267
You can take your shirt off
If you want, too.
82
00:03:25,367 --> 00:03:28,033
I might take my shirt off.
It's such a scorcher.
83
00:03:28,133 --> 00:03:29,567
Did garcia show up?
84
00:03:29,667 --> 00:03:32,801
No, it's so weird.
Everybody flaked, i guess.
85
00:03:32,901 --> 00:03:34,234
I called everybody.
86
00:03:34,334 --> 00:03:35,667
Am i the only one?
87
00:03:35,767 --> 00:03:38,501
You're the only one here.
It's weird.
88
00:03:38,601 --> 00:03:41,234
Everybody must have flaked,
I guess.
89
00:03:41,334 --> 00:03:44,133
Bunch of flakes.
Flaky, flaky, flaky.
90
00:03:46,234 --> 00:03:47,501
Aah! Aaaah!
91
00:03:47,601 --> 00:03:50,634
This better not crack
The windshield.
92
00:03:50,734 --> 00:03:51,901
You okay, sir?
93
00:03:52,000 --> 00:03:53,200
Stop it! Stop!
94
00:03:53,300 --> 00:03:55,467
Yeah, take your time, guys.
Come on!
95
00:03:55,567 --> 00:03:56,901
What do we got, ladies?
96
00:03:57,000 --> 00:03:58,501
We got a lunatic over here.
97
00:03:58,601 --> 00:04:00,834
He's assaulting
A government worker.
98
00:04:00,934 --> 00:04:03,367
I don't know how to handle
This situation.
99
00:04:03,467 --> 00:04:04,968
You guys need to take over.
100
00:04:05,067 --> 00:04:07,000
He's got a .36 caliber
Sap gun.
101
00:04:07,100 --> 00:04:09,367
Smoke and choke
Cover formation, okay?
102
00:04:09,467 --> 00:04:12,701
Hwah!
Hwah!
103
00:04:12,801 --> 00:04:13,901
Hurry!
104
00:04:14,000 --> 00:04:17,367
Two, one -- go! Go! Go! Go!
105
00:04:17,467 --> 00:04:18,667
Aaaaah!
106
00:04:18,767 --> 00:04:22,200
No mercy, no mercy,
No mercy!
107
00:04:22,300 --> 00:04:26,467
Suppressing fire on my count --
Two, one -- go! Hwah!
108
00:04:28,000 --> 00:04:31,634
Aah! Get out of here!
Get out of here!
109
00:04:31,734 --> 00:04:35,400
Whoo-hoo-hoo-hoo!
Whoo! Whoo! Whoo! Whoo! Whoo!
110
00:04:35,501 --> 00:04:36,868
Come on!
111
00:04:36,968 --> 00:04:38,567
I got you!
112
00:04:38,667 --> 00:04:40,501
No mercy! No mercy!
113
00:04:40,601 --> 00:04:42,200
[ Pellet shots ]
114
00:04:42,300 --> 00:04:43,300
Whoo!
115
00:04:45,634 --> 00:04:46,567
Freeze!
116
00:04:46,667 --> 00:04:47,901
I give -- aah!
117
00:04:48,000 --> 00:04:50,033
That's it.
Put it down!
118
00:04:50,133 --> 00:04:51,300
I said i give up!
119
00:04:51,400 --> 00:04:53,167
What the hell is wrong
With you?!
120
00:04:53,267 --> 00:04:55,100
Put it down.
Set it right there.
121
00:04:55,200 --> 00:04:56,501
Walk on out of here.
122
00:04:56,601 --> 00:04:59,067
Do you not know the rules
Of the game?!
123
00:04:59,167 --> 00:05:00,300
Take it easy.
124
00:05:00,400 --> 00:05:02,300
Whenever it's over,
You stop!
125
00:05:02,400 --> 00:05:04,200
[ Shouting indistinctly ]
126
00:05:04,300 --> 00:05:06,434
Hey, hey, hey!
Ho! Ho! Ho!
127
00:05:06,534 --> 00:05:07,734
[ Pellet shots ]
128
00:05:07,834 --> 00:05:09,067
Aah! I gave up!
129
00:05:09,167 --> 00:05:11,801
Junior!
I just had my hair colored!
130
00:05:11,901 --> 00:05:13,300
I said i give up!
131
00:05:15,901 --> 00:05:19,467
If you were on the moon,
And you could [bleep] wiegel,
132
00:05:19,567 --> 00:05:23,567
And then leave her on the moon,
You wouldn't [bleep] wiegel?
133
00:05:24,801 --> 00:05:26,868
Hell, no.
134
00:05:26,968 --> 00:05:28,067
hell, no.
135
00:05:28,167 --> 00:05:30,067
What kind of woman
You like then?
136
00:05:30,167 --> 00:05:33,133
She got all the right parts,
Just the wiring's screwy.
137
00:05:33,234 --> 00:05:36,033
It's like the flippers work,
And the bumpers work,
138
00:05:36,133 --> 00:05:39,267
It's just the wiring's screwy,
And the score's all wrong.
139
00:05:39,367 --> 00:05:42,234
Look at you,
With your tenderness.
140
00:05:42,334 --> 00:05:44,167
Mmm, my name is reggie,
141
00:05:44,267 --> 00:05:47,367
But all my friends
Call me sugarwolf.
142
00:05:47,467 --> 00:05:48,634
[ Howls ]
143
00:05:48,734 --> 00:05:51,167
[ Laughs ] i like that!
144
00:05:51,267 --> 00:05:53,734
Ooh, you just so tender.
145
00:05:53,834 --> 00:05:56,501
Let me take a look at you.
146
00:05:56,601 --> 00:06:01,868
Girl, you could take and put
A drink on that thing.
147
00:06:01,968 --> 00:06:04,467
[ Laughing ] stop, stop.
148
00:06:04,567 --> 00:06:09,000
You are so cute.
But you look so familiar.
149
00:06:10,434 --> 00:06:13,400
You -- your name is calvin.
150
00:06:13,501 --> 00:06:15,200
I used to babysit you.
151
00:06:15,300 --> 00:06:17,334
Your mama name is etta mae.
152
00:06:17,434 --> 00:06:18,400
Am i right?
153
00:06:18,501 --> 00:06:20,033
Is your name calvin?
154
00:06:20,133 --> 00:06:21,367
Miss raineesha?
155
00:06:21,467 --> 00:06:22,534
Come on now!
156
00:06:22,634 --> 00:06:25,200
Get the hell out --
Oh, my god!
157
00:06:25,300 --> 00:06:26,734
I always told you,
158
00:06:26,834 --> 00:06:29,300
When i used to keep you and
Your little brother,
159
00:06:29,400 --> 00:06:31,801
"Be the best...
Whatever you do in life."
160
00:06:31,901 --> 00:06:34,300
Didn't miss raineesha
Tell you?
161
00:06:34,400 --> 00:06:35,734
B-b-be the best.
162
00:06:35,834 --> 00:06:38,200
Be the best.
163
00:06:38,300 --> 00:06:41,467
I'm gonna see if you really
The best...
164
00:06:41,567 --> 00:06:44,200
At what you do.
165
00:06:44,300 --> 00:06:46,567
Stand up
And take your shirt off.
166
00:06:50,634 --> 00:06:51,901
Maybe we should...
167
00:06:52,000 --> 00:06:53,868
You should have something
To drink.
168
00:06:53,968 --> 00:06:55,400
You're gonna get dehydrated.
169
00:06:55,501 --> 00:06:57,334
...Chip-chop,
Get it going here.
170
00:06:57,434 --> 00:06:59,834
I'm gonna get you a drink.
No, i'm good.
171
00:06:59,934 --> 00:07:02,133
You don't want a drink?
No, i'm fine.
172
00:07:02,234 --> 00:07:04,400
Take a drink.
Seriously, i'm fine.
173
00:07:07,834 --> 00:07:09,667
I'm making margaritas!
174
00:07:14,834 --> 00:07:16,934
It's a mix tape!
175
00:07:20,567 --> 00:07:21,634
From mikano.
176
00:07:21,734 --> 00:07:23,367
My buddy gets mix tapes
177
00:07:23,467 --> 00:07:26,300
Of all the stuff they play
In the foam bar at mikano.
178
00:07:26,400 --> 00:07:28,167
Yeah.
179
00:07:28,267 --> 00:07:30,567
Moving da-a-a-y!
180
00:07:30,667 --> 00:07:32,901
Moving da-a-a-y!
181
00:07:33,000 --> 00:07:36,200
Hold up the margarita.
Margarita-a-a-as.
182
00:07:36,300 --> 00:07:37,701
Margarita-a-a-a.
183
00:07:40,968 --> 00:07:42,767
What do you think
Of williams?
184
00:07:42,868 --> 00:07:45,133
You go first.
How do you feel about her?
185
00:07:45,234 --> 00:07:47,067
She bugs the [bleep]
Out of me.
186
00:07:47,167 --> 00:07:48,767
Me too.
I can't stand her.
187
00:07:48,868 --> 00:07:51,434
Bugs the shit out of me.
And i try to be nice.
188
00:07:51,534 --> 00:07:52,634
Me too.
189
00:07:52,734 --> 00:07:54,634
I try to be nice.
But you know what?
190
00:07:54,734 --> 00:07:57,267
The minute you don't laugh
At one of her jokes
191
00:07:57,367 --> 00:07:59,667
That isn't really funny,
She turns on you.
192
00:07:59,767 --> 00:08:02,868
She was looking at me the other
Day -- i told dangle this.
193
00:08:02,968 --> 00:08:04,868
I thought
She was gonna bite me.
194
00:08:04,968 --> 00:08:08,033
I thought she was gonna rip
The vein right out of my neck.
195
00:08:08,133 --> 00:08:10,267
I thought she was gonna take
A machete
196
00:08:10,367 --> 00:08:11,534
And rip my throat out.
197
00:08:11,634 --> 00:08:13,167
She doesn't have a machete.
198
00:08:15,133 --> 00:08:16,934
What are you doing out here
Today, terry?
199
00:08:17,033 --> 00:08:18,100
What?
200
00:08:18,200 --> 00:08:19,767
What are you doing
Out here today?
201
00:08:19,868 --> 00:08:21,434
Just watching over stuff.
202
00:08:21,534 --> 00:08:24,334
Looks like maybe you're doing
A little prostitution
203
00:08:24,434 --> 00:08:26,734
Out here today, terry,
Is that possible?
204
00:08:26,834 --> 00:08:28,234
No, i'm not.
I'm so not.
205
00:08:28,334 --> 00:08:30,634
Terry, are you on anything
Today?
206
00:08:30,734 --> 00:08:32,701
I'm not.
I quit everything.
207
00:08:32,801 --> 00:08:34,200
I don't even drink.
208
00:08:34,300 --> 00:08:36,667
You seem a little jittery
Right now, terry.
209
00:08:36,767 --> 00:08:38,667
You're not on
Any substance?
210
00:08:38,767 --> 00:08:39,901
I had skittles.
211
00:08:40,000 --> 00:08:41,901
You're jittery
From skittles?
212
00:08:42,000 --> 00:08:45,133
Yes.
Interesting.
213
00:08:45,234 --> 00:08:46,901
Your eyes are real dilated.
214
00:08:47,000 --> 00:08:49,801
They seem to be jogging around
A little bit.
215
00:08:49,901 --> 00:08:52,634
Have you ever had skittles?
It's all sugar.
216
00:08:52,734 --> 00:08:55,400
[ Singsong voice ]
I heard a rumor.
217
00:08:55,501 --> 00:08:57,167
What's that, ter?
218
00:08:57,267 --> 00:09:01,300
Mexican werewolves are coming up
From mexico and selling crack.
219
00:09:01,400 --> 00:09:02,701
Mm-hmm.
220
00:09:02,801 --> 00:09:06,834
Well, we'll get to that, terry,
When that happens.
221
00:09:06,934 --> 00:09:08,100
In the meantime,
222
00:09:08,200 --> 00:09:09,734
What we have to deal with
Is you,
223
00:09:09,834 --> 00:09:11,534
And you not being
On this corner,
224
00:09:11,634 --> 00:09:13,000
Not prostituting yourself
225
00:09:13,100 --> 00:09:14,901
And not hopping yourself up
On skittles,
226
00:09:15,000 --> 00:09:17,601
Which i'm sure is a code name
For a new kind of crack.
227
00:09:17,701 --> 00:09:19,167
It's not. It's so not.
228
00:09:19,267 --> 00:09:21,601
Anyway, say it,
Don't spray it.
229
00:09:21,701 --> 00:09:23,067
That's my new motto.
230
00:09:23,167 --> 00:09:25,434
Terry,
Why don't you move along?
231
00:09:25,534 --> 00:09:27,467
Be careful.
He's gonna break his neck.
232
00:09:27,567 --> 00:09:29,934
We ought to paint that on the
Side of our car --
233
00:09:30,033 --> 00:09:31,334
"Say it, don't spray it."
234
00:09:38,334 --> 00:09:40,467
Don't you [bleep]
Eyeball me!
235
00:09:40,567 --> 00:09:43,534
Cot! Now [bleep]
236
00:09:46,501 --> 00:09:47,934
[ Chuckles ]
237
00:09:48,033 --> 00:09:51,167
Hey, kids. All right, well,
Let's go on with the tour.
238
00:09:51,267 --> 00:09:53,067
All right, junior deputies,
239
00:09:53,167 --> 00:09:56,567
Uh, as future members of the
Washoe county law enforcement,
240
00:09:56,667 --> 00:09:59,567
It's, uh, your privilege
To get a v.I.P. Tour,
241
00:09:59,667 --> 00:10:01,868
A little behind-the-scenes
Action,
242
00:10:01,968 --> 00:10:04,634
A little for-your-eyes-only
Type of stuff.
243
00:10:04,734 --> 00:10:06,200
This here's a jail cell.
244
00:10:06,300 --> 00:10:07,968
Sorry it smells like jizz
245
00:10:08,067 --> 00:10:10,367
But, uh, i think
That's just jizz
246
00:10:10,467 --> 00:10:13,334
See this wall up here?
We got the glass partition
247
00:10:13,434 --> 00:10:16,701
That separates the prisoner from
The sheriff's department.
248
00:10:16,801 --> 00:10:18,300
Anybody got a guess
249
00:10:18,400 --> 00:10:20,801
Why we don't use metal bars
Up there anymore?
250
00:10:20,901 --> 00:10:22,801
It's actually
A pretty funny story.
251
00:10:22,901 --> 00:10:25,367
We had this fella in here --
Crystal meth tweaker fella.
252
00:10:25,467 --> 00:10:26,934
And he was here all night,
253
00:10:27,033 --> 00:10:28,834
And he would stick his head
In the toilet
254
00:10:28,934 --> 00:10:31,501
And fill it with water and
[Spits] spit it on the floor.
255
00:10:31,601 --> 00:10:34,567
By morning, there was about
A half an inch of water
256
00:10:34,667 --> 00:10:36,400
All over the cell in here.
257
00:10:36,501 --> 00:10:39,534
Then he climbed up there, and
You see that light fixture?
258
00:10:39,634 --> 00:10:41,901
He yanked it down out of
The ceiling,
259
00:10:42,000 --> 00:10:43,901
And he pulled the wires
Apart.
260
00:10:44,000 --> 00:10:46,901
He attached them to either side
Of the metal bars.
261
00:10:47,000 --> 00:10:49,734
So in the morning, one of the
Deputies came in,
262
00:10:49,834 --> 00:10:52,501
Touched his key to open
The damn door,
263
00:10:52,601 --> 00:10:55,200
And he blew up like
A goddamn s'more.
264
00:10:55,300 --> 00:10:57,834
Bam! Just fried that
Son of a bitch.
265
00:10:57,934 --> 00:11:01,701
You could smell the burn all the
Way through the station.
266
00:11:01,801 --> 00:11:05,133
His belt buckle, it got so hot,
It, like butter --
267
00:11:05,234 --> 00:11:08,634
It just fell right through the
Leather of his belt.
268
00:11:08,734 --> 00:11:12,033
And it kept going, and it sliced
His balls off --
269
00:11:12,133 --> 00:11:14,834
Cauterized those balls
As it was going,
270
00:11:14,934 --> 00:11:17,534
So there wasn't even a drop
Of blood.
271
00:11:17,634 --> 00:11:20,868
Two balls on the ground.
No blood -- cauterized.
272
00:11:20,968 --> 00:11:23,133
Any questions?
273
00:11:23,234 --> 00:11:26,167
All right, let's keep going
With the goddamn tour.
274
00:11:32,701 --> 00:11:35,100
[ Knocks on door ]
275
00:11:35,200 --> 00:11:36,534
Sheriff.
276
00:11:36,634 --> 00:11:38,367
Woman: yeah.
277
00:11:38,467 --> 00:11:39,601
I have seen it all.
278
00:11:39,701 --> 00:11:40,968
Hey, you know what?
279
00:11:41,067 --> 00:11:43,234
Hey, look, look,
Before you judge me,
280
00:11:43,334 --> 00:11:44,434
You don't know me.
281
00:11:44,534 --> 00:11:46,400
All right,
You don't know me.
282
00:11:46,501 --> 00:11:48,167
Can i just say a couple
Of things?
283
00:11:48,267 --> 00:11:50,033
Because i feel like
I'm being judged.
284
00:11:50,133 --> 00:11:52,234
I'm not judging you.
I'm not here to judge you.
285
00:11:52,334 --> 00:11:54,367
I just want to let you know
A couple things.
286
00:11:54,467 --> 00:11:56,367
I have a weird tan
Because i play tennis.
287
00:11:56,467 --> 00:11:58,033
That's number one.
288
00:11:58,133 --> 00:12:00,467
Number two, yes, i have a dildo
Strapped to my head,
289
00:12:00,567 --> 00:12:02,033
But let me
Explain something.
290
00:12:02,133 --> 00:12:03,634
Oh, my --
You don't know me!
291
00:12:03,734 --> 00:12:06,000
Let me explain something
To you, all right?
292
00:12:06,100 --> 00:12:08,067
This is very --
You don't know me.
293
00:12:08,167 --> 00:12:11,234
People got different things that
Turn you on or whatever.
294
00:12:11,334 --> 00:12:13,434
I'm not here to find out
Any of that.
295
00:12:13,534 --> 00:12:16,501
In my past life, i believe i was
Something with a horn,
296
00:12:16,601 --> 00:12:18,000
Like a unicorn.
297
00:12:18,100 --> 00:12:20,300
Let's put a period on the end
Of that sentence,
298
00:12:20,400 --> 00:12:22,234
And we're done talking
About that.
299
00:12:22,334 --> 00:12:25,567
Okay, look. Everyone's got
Their thing, right?
300
00:12:25,667 --> 00:12:28,400
They got their little
Eroticism zones.
301
00:12:28,501 --> 00:12:31,133
You're a gay...
You don't know me!
302
00:12:31,234 --> 00:12:32,234
Silence.
303
00:12:32,334 --> 00:12:34,067
I'm putting my heart
On my sleeve.
304
00:12:34,167 --> 00:12:36,834
And you're putting something
Else on your head, sir!
305
00:12:36,934 --> 00:12:39,400
I'm just here to help you.
I'm here to help you.
306
00:12:39,501 --> 00:12:41,701
Everything about what you just
Did is wrong.
307
00:12:41,801 --> 00:12:44,033
Not only did you just slap me
With brutality,
308
00:12:44,133 --> 00:12:46,868
You mocked the fact that i have
Put my heart on my sleeve.
309
00:12:46,968 --> 00:12:48,801
I said, "i got a dildo
On my head."
310
00:12:48,901 --> 00:12:50,501
You don't have
To point it out
311
00:12:50,601 --> 00:12:52,400
By slapping the [bleep]
On my head.
312
00:12:52,501 --> 00:12:54,067
I don't have keys
For these.
313
00:12:54,167 --> 00:12:55,634
This is how you make wine
314
00:12:55,734 --> 00:12:57,367
If you need to make wine
While you're in prison.
315
00:12:57,467 --> 00:12:59,200
What you do is you take
A plastic bag,
316
00:12:59,300 --> 00:13:00,968
And you put in a little bit
Of water.
317
00:13:01,067 --> 00:13:02,767
You put in either raisins
Or tomatoes.
318
00:13:02,868 --> 00:13:04,601
You can't put in
Too much sugar.
319
00:13:04,701 --> 00:13:06,701
Nobody's gonna complain
It's too sweet.
320
00:13:06,801 --> 00:13:08,467
Scrape that in there.
321
00:13:08,567 --> 00:13:10,934
And that's all yeast is --
Just a little bit of bread mold.
322
00:13:11,033 --> 00:13:13,367
Tie up that bag.
You got to put a straw in it.
323
00:13:13,467 --> 00:13:15,467
'Cause if it doesn't have
A ventilator
324
00:13:15,567 --> 00:13:18,367
For the gas to come out,
That thing's just gonna blow up.
325
00:13:18,467 --> 00:13:20,300
Boom!
The whole cell will stink.
326
00:13:20,400 --> 00:13:23,133
14 days, leave it under your
Bunk, and that will ferment.
327
00:13:23,234 --> 00:13:24,868
You got
Some pretty good wine.
328
00:13:24,968 --> 00:13:26,734
You can sell that
For cigarettes.
329
00:13:26,834 --> 00:13:28,934
You can sell that
For not getting [bleep]
330
00:13:29,033 --> 00:13:30,734
By some
Of the bigger fellas.
331
00:13:33,367 --> 00:13:34,634
You got the margaritas?
332
00:13:34,734 --> 00:13:36,067
Got 'em.
Let's do it.
333
00:13:36,167 --> 00:13:38,133
The margaritas. Oh.
334
00:13:38,234 --> 00:13:40,234
Aw, yeah, all right.
335
00:13:40,334 --> 00:13:41,234
Okay.
336
00:13:41,334 --> 00:13:42,334
Sorry.
337
00:13:42,434 --> 00:13:45,467
I got margaritas all over.
338
00:13:45,567 --> 00:13:47,467
See ya!
339
00:13:50,634 --> 00:13:53,734
And...Here we are. Ahh.
340
00:13:53,834 --> 00:13:56,033
[ Gear clicks ]
341
00:13:56,133 --> 00:13:58,534
bienvenidos.
342
00:14:00,467 --> 00:14:02,868
casa de dangle.
What do you think?
343
00:14:02,968 --> 00:14:04,367
What the [bleep]?
344
00:14:04,467 --> 00:14:07,534
What do you mean,
"What the [bleep]?"
345
00:14:07,634 --> 00:14:10,200
Dangle,
We just moved 45 feet.
346
00:14:10,300 --> 00:14:14,000
You could have done all this
[Bleep] yourself.
347
00:14:14,100 --> 00:14:15,901
We moved over 100 feet.
348
00:14:16,000 --> 00:14:18,868
I've dealt with your damn
Advances for years now,
349
00:14:18,968 --> 00:14:20,400
And i'm sick of it, okay?
350
00:14:20,501 --> 00:14:22,701
I'm sick of it.
I'm straight, okay?!
351
00:14:22,801 --> 00:14:25,000
You ever heard of
Sexual harassment?
352
00:14:25,100 --> 00:14:26,601
You ever hear of that?!
353
00:14:26,701 --> 00:14:29,767
What do you take me for --
A punk-ass or what?
354
00:14:29,868 --> 00:14:33,167
[Bleep] you! [Bleep] you!
I can't believe this!
355
00:14:33,267 --> 00:14:35,033
I had [bleep] to do today!
356
00:14:35,133 --> 00:14:37,000
[ Crying ] i just wanted --
357
00:14:37,100 --> 00:14:39,534
Save that [bleep].
Save it, okay?
358
00:14:39,634 --> 00:14:41,367
[ Crying ] i'm so lonely,
359
00:14:41,467 --> 00:14:44,133
And i didn't have anybody
To help me.
360
00:14:44,234 --> 00:14:46,601
A new low --
A new [bleep] low!
361
00:14:46,701 --> 00:14:48,834
I'm just lonely,
That's all,
362
00:14:48,934 --> 00:14:51,734
And i didn't have anybody
To help me.
363
00:14:54,033 --> 00:14:55,934
I'm going inside now.
364
00:14:56,033 --> 00:14:58,267
[ Crying continues ]
365
00:15:02,167 --> 00:15:04,267
I'm sorry if i like you.
366
00:15:05,934 --> 00:15:07,767
[ Sniffles ]
367
00:15:07,868 --> 00:15:10,200
[ Crying continues ]
368
00:15:20,467 --> 00:15:24,033
Well, i'll try anything once,
I guess.
369
00:15:27,501 --> 00:15:29,167
Hey, jimmy?
370
00:15:31,734 --> 00:15:34,033
Hey, man, i'm s--
I'm sorry.
371
00:15:34,133 --> 00:15:37,033
That was --
That was way out of line.
372
00:15:37,133 --> 00:15:39,200
I-i'm sorry about that, jim.
373
00:15:39,300 --> 00:15:40,300
[ Sniffles ]
374
00:15:40,400 --> 00:15:41,300
You okay?
375
00:15:41,400 --> 00:15:42,801
I'm all right.
376
00:15:42,901 --> 00:15:46,501
I just, uh...Got margarita
All over these clothes.
377
00:15:46,601 --> 00:15:49,467
Dude, let me help you
Take that off.
378
00:15:49,567 --> 00:15:52,901
Wait, hang on.
I'm gonna put on a record.
379
00:15:55,434 --> 00:15:57,968
You got some on your shirt,
Too.
380
00:16:02,834 --> 00:16:04,801
Oh, my goodness gracious.
381
00:16:04,901 --> 00:16:08,734
That one trustee we had --
The one that came in,
382
00:16:08,834 --> 00:16:12,234
I think it was the day
Before...Yesterday?
383
00:16:12,334 --> 00:16:15,200
He's in the cell
On the far right.
384
00:16:15,300 --> 00:16:16,868
[ Gasps ] cute!
385
00:16:16,968 --> 00:16:18,467
Isn't he cute?
386
00:16:18,567 --> 00:16:20,968
Oh, my gosh, he is yummy!
387
00:16:21,067 --> 00:16:22,467
He is very...
388
00:16:22,567 --> 00:16:24,567
He is totally yummy.
389
00:16:24,667 --> 00:16:26,701
I say muy delicioso.
390
00:16:26,801 --> 00:16:27,701
Oh.
391
00:16:27,801 --> 00:16:28,968
He cute.
392
00:16:29,067 --> 00:16:32,033
I was like, "when is he
Gonna be free?"
393
00:16:32,133 --> 00:16:34,501
All right. [ Grunts ]
394
00:16:34,601 --> 00:16:37,567
How you doing tonight, sir?
395
00:16:37,667 --> 00:16:39,934
I'm doing all right.
396
00:16:40,033 --> 00:16:41,801
We got a call
About a week ago
397
00:16:41,901 --> 00:16:43,968
About some ufo activity
In the area,
398
00:16:44,067 --> 00:16:46,901
And we just wanted to come
And assure everybody here
399
00:16:47,000 --> 00:16:49,434
That the government officially
Is telling us
400
00:16:49,534 --> 00:16:51,901
That they were just testing
A new missile.
401
00:16:52,000 --> 00:16:53,601
So that's all that was.
402
00:16:53,701 --> 00:16:56,801
I don't know what the hell
Y'all are talking about.
403
00:16:56,901 --> 00:16:59,868
We got a call from a couple
Of people in the area
404
00:16:59,968 --> 00:17:01,667
That said that they saw ufos.
405
00:17:01,767 --> 00:17:04,934
Some of them said they saw
A light go across the sky.
406
00:17:05,033 --> 00:17:07,334
Up here? This sky, right?
Right here.
407
00:17:07,434 --> 00:17:10,167
Some people said it landed,
And a couple people said,
408
00:17:10,267 --> 00:17:12,467
Oh, they saw people get sucked
Up into it.
409
00:17:12,567 --> 00:17:15,634
But, officially, the government
Is saying, "never happened."
410
00:17:15,734 --> 00:17:17,767
They saw people
Get sucked up into it?
411
00:17:17,868 --> 00:17:20,000
So officially, you're okay.
412
00:17:20,100 --> 00:17:23,100
And nothing
Is gonna happen to you.
413
00:17:23,200 --> 00:17:24,133
All right.
414
00:17:24,234 --> 00:17:26,167
Unofficially...Look out.
415
00:17:26,267 --> 00:17:29,367
You take it easy,
All right?
416
00:17:29,467 --> 00:17:31,601
I got y'all's number.
417
00:17:31,701 --> 00:17:33,033
All righty.
418
00:17:33,133 --> 00:17:34,567
[ Chuckling ]
419
00:17:34,667 --> 00:17:35,567
Shh.
420
00:17:35,667 --> 00:17:36,767
I love that joke.
421
00:17:36,868 --> 00:17:38,167
It's too easy.
422
00:17:38,267 --> 00:17:40,901
It's like shootin' fish in
A barrel, lady.
423
00:17:41,000 --> 00:17:42,868
[ Laughs ]
424
00:17:42,968 --> 00:17:44,934
All right, we're good.
We're cool.
425
00:17:45,033 --> 00:17:46,734
That cracks me up
Every time.
426
00:17:46,834 --> 00:17:49,267
I think you should let him
Borrow your belt.
427
00:17:49,367 --> 00:17:51,501
White people are crazy.
Y'all hear me?
428
00:17:51,601 --> 00:17:54,901
Mm-mm-mm-mm-mm-mm.
429
00:17:55,000 --> 00:17:57,667
Who can guess what
"Circle the wagons" means?
430
00:17:57,767 --> 00:17:59,767
That is when
You put three bunks
431
00:17:59,868 --> 00:18:02,834
Like the circling up of the
Wagons in a wagon train
432
00:18:02,934 --> 00:18:04,267
In an old cowboy movie,
433
00:18:04,367 --> 00:18:06,667
And they have the sheets
Hanging down
434
00:18:06,767 --> 00:18:09,934
So you can't see what's going on
Inside the four bunks.
435
00:18:10,033 --> 00:18:12,834
And inside the four bunks,
About two dozen boys
436
00:18:12,934 --> 00:18:16,100
Just [bleep] the [bleep] out
Of this little mormon kid.
437
00:18:16,200 --> 00:18:18,133
Now, they don't want
To break your jaw
438
00:18:18,234 --> 00:18:20,534
'Cause they want your jaw
To still be able to work.
439
00:18:20,634 --> 00:18:22,701
So what it does is it takes out
Your teeth,
440
00:18:22,801 --> 00:18:25,334
And then they just [bleep]
The [bleep] out of this boy.
441
00:18:25,434 --> 00:18:28,067
We came in, and there wasn't
Really anything left.
442
00:18:28,167 --> 00:18:30,934
They [bleep] him, [bleep] him,
They [bleep] his back.
443
00:18:31,033 --> 00:18:32,467
They bent up his shoulders
444
00:18:32,567 --> 00:18:34,501
And [bleep]
With the shoulder blades.
445
00:18:34,601 --> 00:18:36,267
[Bleep] up [bleep], man.
446
00:18:36,367 --> 00:18:38,968
We came in here and all the
Convicts were like, you know,
447
00:18:39,067 --> 00:18:41,367
"He was [bleep] to death
Before we got here."
448
00:18:41,467 --> 00:18:43,934
So we couldn't really point the
Finger at nobody
449
00:18:44,033 --> 00:18:45,934
'Cause it was either all
Or nothing,
450
00:18:46,033 --> 00:18:48,200
And you ain't gonna book
Two dozen people.
451
00:18:48,300 --> 00:18:50,200
So that's when we started
452
00:18:50,300 --> 00:18:54,000
Bolting the bunks to the wall
Like that, uh...
453
00:19:01,367 --> 00:19:04,734
As you may know
Or may not know,
454
00:19:04,834 --> 00:19:07,367
Dangle is in the hospital.
455
00:19:07,467 --> 00:19:10,100
And, uh --
[ Clears throat ]
456
00:19:10,200 --> 00:19:11,601
What happened?
457
00:19:11,701 --> 00:19:15,901
He can't [bleep] walk, okay?
Can we leave it alone?
458
00:19:16,000 --> 00:19:18,167
The masseuse girl
Is on the way,
459
00:19:18,267 --> 00:19:20,334
So password is,
"It's a deal."
460
00:19:20,434 --> 00:19:22,033
I'll say it into the mike.
461
00:19:22,133 --> 00:19:24,300
Calvary rolls in.
"It's a deal."
462
00:19:24,400 --> 00:19:26,434
Are you...
Uhhhhhhh.
463
00:19:26,534 --> 00:19:29,734
You called
For the sensual massage?
464
00:19:29,834 --> 00:19:32,300
Yeah,
I called for vivian.
465
00:19:32,400 --> 00:19:35,300
Just relax.
Vivian is my mother.
466
00:19:35,400 --> 00:19:39,100
She sends me out to do
The sensual massage.
467
00:19:39,200 --> 00:19:41,734
I'm sure
You will enjoy it.
468
00:19:41,834 --> 00:19:44,934
[ Laughs ]
469
00:19:45,067 --> 00:19:47,701
Okay, okay, okay.
That's a deal.
470
00:19:47,801 --> 00:19:50,634
That's a deal.
Okay, that's a deal.
471
00:19:50,734 --> 00:19:53,400
Give it a second.
Give it a second.
472
00:19:53,501 --> 00:19:55,501
Hey, watch this.
Look at this.
473
00:19:55,601 --> 00:20:01,667
Pinocchio...And pinocchio's
Popular older brother.
474
00:20:01,767 --> 00:20:03,400
"Hey, pinocchio."
"Oh, hi!"
475
00:20:03,501 --> 00:20:05,501
"Hey, where's
Your older brother?"
476
00:20:05,601 --> 00:20:08,167
"Yeah, i've been lying.
I've been lying a lot.
477
00:20:08,267 --> 00:20:14,634
I lied five times last night.
Whoo!"
478
00:20:20,267 --> 00:20:22,067
I was watching you
Guys from the lockers
479
00:20:22,167 --> 00:20:24,000
'Cause i was starting
To get suspicious
480
00:20:24,100 --> 00:20:25,100
That every time
I went into the shower,
481
00:20:25,200 --> 00:20:26,200
Everybody leaves
All of a sudden.
482
00:20:26,300 --> 00:20:27,501
Dangle: she's about
To have a seizure.
483
00:20:27,601 --> 00:20:29,734
No, i'm not.
I'm about to start crying.
484
00:20:29,834 --> 00:20:31,601
There's a difference
Between --
485
00:20:31,701 --> 00:20:33,868
Bite it...
In case it happens.
486
00:20:33,968 --> 00:20:35,667
Are you okay,
You think?
487
00:20:35,767 --> 00:20:38,133
Let me check her pulse.
488
00:20:38,234 --> 00:20:41,133
Just in case.
Hold. Hold.
489
00:20:41,234 --> 00:20:42,534
It's gas.
490
00:20:42,634 --> 00:20:44,400
It's gas.
It's not --
491
00:20:44,501 --> 00:20:47,434
Ew, it is gas.
It is gas.
492
00:20:47,534 --> 00:20:49,133
Oh.
Ew!
493
00:20:49,183 --> 00:20:53,733
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