All language subtitles for Psych s02e07 you Dead.eng

I'm still waiting, Shawn.

Okay, I'm gonna take your pointy,
sad-faced guy for my horsey guy.

Stop, stop.
What is this piece called?

I call him Dwight.

- What is this one called?
- B.A. Baracus.

Look, Shawn, if you're gonna
play this game,

you're gonna have to learn
what the pieces are called.

What if I don't wanna
play this game?

Chess is important.
It's about strategy.

It's about anticipating
your opponent's next moves.

- This game is an allegory for life.
- An alle-what?

Look, when you're on the force,

you're gonna have to take in
huge amounts of information.

Alibis, motives, witness statements.
And trust me.

If you wanna win, this is not stuff
that you're gonna make up as you go.

Do you understand? And I want you
to focus and get serious.

What?
What are you trying to say?

- I can't remember what it's called.
- What did I just...

Never mind. I remember.

Checkmate.

Bye, dad.

- Tell me. Is he cheating on me?
- Jury's still out.

Do you have something that he's
touched recently?

I have the receipt from lunch.

I'm sensing that he
always takes you out for lunch.

That he never pays with a
credit card. Always cash.

- That's right.
- I'm also sensing that you

can only call him at the office
or on his cell phone.

- Never, ever at home?
- That's dead on.

You must get goosebumps
being around him.

- Oh, I get something.
- Daphne, I have good news and bad news.

The good news is he's not
seeing someone else.

The bad news...

- He's married.
- What?

Are you sure?

Just tell him a friend told
you he was married

and his face
will tell you the rest.

But... when the mourning period is over,
this is my friend Gus's card.

He's a good listener,
and he's willing to change

everything about himself for a girl.

Shawn, I do not... no, no.
You keep that. Please.

Shawn, we've reached
a certain level of success.

If you wanna keep doing these "is my
boyfriend cheating on me" cases,

you're gonna have to do
them without me.

Gus, you continue
to underestimate me.

I'll have you know
that right now, as we speak,

we're on our way to the office

to meet with two gentlemen
named Shockley and Goddard

- who have a very big case for us.
- So what are we talkin'?

Robbery? Missing persons?

They want us to look
into the serious matter of...

Well, that actually
wasn't in the e-mail.

- So how do you know it was real?
- They used all caps, Gus.

- The meeting's at 2:00. We better hurry.
- It's 2:18.

Well, somebody had to have the Belgian
chocolate fondue. Didn't they?

That was you, Shawn.

Well played, sir.

Just let me do the talking.
I don't want you to scare them off

with your non sequitur
ridiculousness.

Please tell me you're not
Mr. Shockley and Mr. Goddard.

Psych 207 :
"If You're So Smart, Then Why Are You Dead?"

o/~ I know you know o/~
o/~ that I'm not telling the truth o/~

o/~ I know you know o/~
o/~ they just don't have any proof o/~

o/~ embrace the deception? o/~

o/~ learn how to bend o/~
o/~ your worst inhibitions o/~

o/~ tend to psych you out in the end o/~

Synchro: Flolo, Arbu
www.forom.com

Okay, before one of us goes all crazy
and demands the other one apologize

for taking a case from a couple grade
schoolers, let's just hear them out.

- What can we do for you, gentlemen?
- One of our teachers is a murderer.

- Okay, I'm sorry. Please, continue.
- He's killed before.

And in two days,
he's gonna kill again.

And the cops don't listen to us
'cause we're kids.

Okay, well, since we're here, and
we don't have another meeting for...

A week, which one of your teachers is
going to do this terrible thing?

- We don't know.
- Who's been murdered?

- We don't know.
- Who's the next victim?

- We don't know.
- Perfect. I have no more questions.

- Shawn.
- I got nothing.

- Can we just start from the top?
- Yes. That's a great idea.

Well, Shock and I go to Meitner, and...

The Meitner school for gifted students?

- These kids are geniuses.
- Technically, near genius.

The school has some pretty cool stuff.
So we broke in late at night.

Say no more.

- Fight club.
- No, to hack into a space probe

and see if we could get it
to blink a word in old morse code.

Which word?

- Boobs.
- Boobs.

You went from all that trouble
just to get some nasa techs

- to scratch their heads?
- Yeah.

- Come on, Gus. That's kinda funny.
- While reconfiguring the receiver,

we accidentally tapped into
a cell phone call

being made from the Meitner campus.
It was staticky.

But we heard a deep, gravelly voice
talking to their cousin.

- Someone named Muriel.
- And you want us to figure out why

someone would name their kid Muriel?

The voice said something like,

"I'm not gonna be pushed
into a corner again."

are you sure it wasn't
dirty dancing?

And then we also heard verbatim
"if I have to, I'll kill him.

"It won't be my first time.
By wednesday, he's a goner."

A goner?
It may have been James Cagney.

Shawn, can I have a minute?

We're taking this case.

You want to take this case?

It's a chance to go undercover
in high school a la 21 Jump Street.

Obviously, I'm Johnny Depp.

Sadly, you can only pass
for Holly Robinson.

Why can't I be Richard Grieco?

Why would you want to be
Richard Grieco?

Isn't this the part where you say,

"there ain't no case here, Shawn."
just a couple kids crying wolf.

I don't sound like Richard
Roundtree, Shawn.

- Why are you so eager?
- Same as you.

I was a king in high school.

Just because you carried a
scepter doesn't make you a king.

- That's because I was In Macbeth.
- Dude, you played banquo's kid.

You guys, can you help us?

Is a lizard's skin dry and cracked?

We believe that it is.

Guess what today is.

It's not one of those
touchy-feely holidays

invented by card companies
to goad me into buying a present

for somebody I couldn't care
less about, is it?

- No, today's our anniversary.
- Come again?

It's been one year to the day
that I came to Santa Barbara

and we got partnered up.

- I didn't get you a present.
- I don't want a present.

That's what all women say.

But believe me, deep down,
you want a present.

My soon-to-be ex-wife
always hated what I gave her.

- What did you give her?
- Cash, mostly.

Anyway, this anniversary means that
my one-year probation period is over.

So what I want, that is,

what would be good,
what I'm trying to say is...

I think I'm entitled
to be primary on a case.

How late are the shops open tonight?

Chief Vick says molding
young officers is your duty.

And she's already approved this.

Now give me a case.

Fine.

Let's see.

Homicide.

That's a bit messy for your
first time. Hi-tech burglary.

You need a lot of forensics
for that one. Bake sale slap fight.

Seems easy, but believe me,
I worked one once.

- Had to call in S.W.A.T.
- Oh, come on.

All right.

Couple kids came in complaing
about one of the teachers.

Are you sure there's nothing of
lower priority for me to handle?

Lesson number one, O'Hara.

There are no small cases,
only small detectives.

Let's roll.

Ah, high school.

You know, I've always wanted to prove
that one of our teachers was a monster.

You remember our freshman music
teacher, Mrs. Jorgenstorm?

- She was a nightbreed.
- She was not.

- She used to date Craig Sheffer.
- She did not.

She wore a ton of make-up
and lived in a cemetery.

- Next to a cemetery.
- So she claimed.

If I remember correctly, you were always
too afraid to follow her home.

- So any leads yet?
- Hold it there, Doogie.

First things first.
Where do I get a juice box?

- And does it come in grape-a-licious?
- Shouldn't you be doing psychic stuff?

Someone could be killed in the next
48 hours. Possibly one of us.

If you're so smart,
why don't you solve the thing?

Midterms? Duh.

I need to maintain my G.P.A.
to keep my scholarship stipend.

All right, all right, all right.
Clearly, we have to get inside.

What's our cover gonna be?
Wait, I've got it.

You're the preppy jerk who's dating
the girl I'm in love with.

I'm the lonely cafeteria guy who mows
lawns and has a heart of gold.

Let it go, Shawn.
You can't pass for a teenager.

Yeah, he's right.
You got rhytids around the eyes.

- What did he just say to me?
- Crow's feet.

Do you squint or make
funny faces a lot?

You guys are all nuts.

If I grew my hair out, raised my
voice an octave, I could...

Stop, Shawn.
I've already worked it out.

We're documentarians working on a
new film called "Teeniuses in the mix".

- Teeniuses?
- Yes.

Really, dude?

You've got Teeniuses right
on the tip of your tongue?

- In the mix.
- We already got your cover story.

Personally, I'm not sure
that I see the merits of a class

in paranormal studies,
but we do let the students

choose one guest instructor a semester.

C. Everett Koop was crushed
that he didn't get it.

What is this?
Like a study hall?

Oh, no. Recess.

Does it Smell Like Teen Spirit in here?

So tell me, Headmaster, can a former
applicant request his or her file?

Oh, no. Why?

Oh, for the general public's general
welfare. You know, generally.

Debbie will give you the forms
you'll need to sign.

- An application, Gus?
- Just curious.

You applied to this school
back in the day. Didn't you?

- And you didn't tell me about it.
- Who can remember that far back?

W-whoa, is that why you cried
for a month when we were ten?

Because they rejected you?
Get down.

Excuse me. O'Hara.

Lesson number two.
Cops don't wait in line.

They go straight to the front.
Even at Starbucks.

Hi, SPBD. Can I please get the class
schedules for these students? Thank you.

Lesson number three.

Don't say "please",
don't say "thank you,"

and definitely don't say "hi."
Spirit Squad auditions

were over ten years ago. You're
an authority figure. Act like it.

Ever heard "you catch more flies
with honey"?

Lesson number four.

Don't quote cornpone country bumpkin
sayings to your commanding officer.

- How many lessons are there?
- 638.

Welcome to the Meitner
school for gifted children.

- How may we... It's a miracle.
- Thank God, you're all right.

We heard a cop named Lassie died.
Jules, tell me you got the flowers.

Lassie three was a retired police dog.

From the obit, it's amazing
what you two had in common.

- Strong, dedicated, loyal.
- Bouts with ringworm. Expressive eyes.

Goes like this after he poops.

Seriously, are you guys
working my case?

Case? What case?
No, no, no, no.

They've been after me
for a while to teach a class.

What do we say?

Oh! Right.

Stay out of our way
and don't get involved, Spencer.

This place is overwhelming.
Where do we even start?

Easy. Who were the eyes and ears
of Dufman elementary?

Mr. Graves, the custodian.
We had a special bond.

Custodians have access
to the building at night.

He could be our bad guy.

If he has a deep and gravelly voice,
he's el suspecto primero.

How you doing?

I'm mopping up vomit.
How do you think I'm doing?

By the way, those mats in front of
the doors are to rub your shoes on.

Thanks for the extra work.

Sorry about that. Uh, I'm Shawn
Spencer, psychic lecturer.

And I sense that something
is amiss in your universe.

- Yeah, my lumbago's flaring up.
- Nope, not that.

Something a little more
out of the ordinary...

Something... anything?

Can't you just tell me
what you're looking for?

Did something happen here
on Friday night?

- Nope. Nothing springs to mind.
- I can sense you're lying.

The spirits tell me that your
little pants are on fire.

Fine. I found this weird gold pin
when I had to work late Friday night.

When I mopped this area, no pin. But when
I circled back to wax, there it was.

So you're saying it got here
in the middle of the night?

Who do I look like?
Jake and the fatman?

All I know is that after two weeks in
the lost and found, it's mine. Legit.

Where is this lost and found?

Who loses a microscope and
doesn't come looking for it?

Ear infection medicines. Inhalers.

What appears to be 168 pairs
of hideous eyeglasses.

S.X.Y. Apparently, our perp is
so sexy, he felt the need.

to die cast it onto steel
and wear it on his lapel.

That's not an s.

That's the integral sign in calculus
for the area under the curve xy.

Whoever was skulking around here
after hours must be a math teacher.

How many math teachers work here?
Four or five tops?

18.

It's all right. I have a plan.

It's a scary one. We'll have to rely
on all our animal instincts.

We... are going to the teachers' lounge.

Try to blend in. Act natural.

How 'bout these kids today, huh?

Oh, my god, look
at this selection of donuts.

This is pathetic.

Who left a tenth?
I wanna know how that makes sense.

- You...
- Shawn, focus. Math teacher.

- There's no math teachers here.
- How do you know?

That guy's been wearing goggles.
He's clearly a chem lab teacher.

Violin hickey.

Music teacher.

However, a gym teacher
could be more our speed.

Hey, buddy. Uh, we're new here.

And we were told to see a math teacher
specializing in calculus.

Professor Hahn handles
all remedial math.

That qualifies as remedial.

What's calculus? The one
with the blocks and the shapes?

- Do you know where we can find him?
- You can catch him at the end of the day.

- He's in my carpool.
- Sweet! Gus, this school has a carpool.

- Answer to our prayers.
- Why?

Gus managed to get his car impounded.
He parked on a statue.

- I'm contesting the ticket.
- Here's the thing.

We had to take the bus
to school today.

I accidentally gave myself a wedgy.
Gus had to sit next to the girl who peed.

Why are you telling me all of this?

I thought it seemed obvious.
Can we get a lift home?

So must be fun being a gym teacher.
You get to play sports all day.

I teach gym at a school
full of prodigy nerds.

I start off my day
by getting 300 notes

excusing kids from gym class
because of rickets or IBS.

I tossed a ball at a student once.

He wet his pants. And his parents
filed a civil suit against me.

Professor Hahn.
Hahn.

Math teacher, right?

Yes. Are you the new psychic lecturer?

That I am. I'm getting a feeling about
you. Are you a right said Fred fan?

- Are you too sexy for your shirt?
- Excuse me.

I'm sensing you're so sexy it hurts.

Oh. How'd you find that?

Hey, moron. Right up here.

I'm sensing Riley
may have forgotten

because you didn't use
the carpool last Friday.

Wow, that's right. I stayed late.
Okay, right here. Stop right here.

Deep voice.
Missed the carpool on Friday.

Sounds like our guy.
Now we've just gotta figure out

why and how he's gonna kill somebody.

And one more thing. If you are late
picking me up in the morning,

I will tear your head off.

Maybe just the how.

Are you prepared
for your psychic seminar?

Gus, please.

Any leads? I'm adapting this
into a Nancy Drew fanfic.

I believe whoever's involved
is in the vicinity.

We made notes for you. Bullet
points you might wanna try to hit.

- Don't show any fear.
- Don't split any infinitives.

- Don't dangle your participles.
- At least not in public.

Look, if I understood
what you guys were saying,

I'd still be a virgin.
Now, run along. Go to class.

Really?

Hahn is here.

The seminar's open to both
students and teachers, Gus.

I personally extended Hahn
an invitation so I can grill him

in front of a live studio audience.

If he's killed before,
I'll get him to confess.

How're you gonna interrogate someone
and teach a class at the same time?

First the carrot, then the stick.

You don't even know
what that means, do you?

Leave me alone.

Phsysics.

The physics of psychics.

I'm professor Shawn Spencer.

I will be your psychic ferryman
over the river Styx.

That's Gus. My ferry.

- Hello.
- Each one of us is born with a kernel

of what I like to dub
paranormalevolance.

I, however, was born
with an extra normal amount.

Two cops to be exact.
Allow me to demonstrate.

Congratulations on getting
your braces removed.

That doesn't mean you're psychic.
Maybe you're just hyper-observant.

You wear that white
sweatshirt everyday.

Shall I tell the class why?

You.

You, young man.

A little aloe will do wonders
for that combination skin.

And perhaps you should use
more care while shaving.

Or, just wait until you can grow
facial hair altogether.

You could've just smelled
my aftershave on the way in.

How 'bout a real test?
I'll write the answer on the board.

And I'll tell you the question.
Have at it, young Trebek.

- Trebek, I said.
- This is jeopardy!

- Potent potables.
- Questions that start with p.

The smartass who thinks he's
gonna make me look silly.

Who is this guy?

Your negativity is really
impeding my psychic ability.

- Or you're just a big fraud.
- Go to the principal's office.

- Wait a sec.
- Get out of here, go.

Go. Go, get out of here.
Get out of here.

None of you should be friends
with him.

Psst. Hahn.

Professor Hahn.

I'm getting something from you.

A kind of darkness. Yes.

I see you clearly.

With a target.

I shop at Target.

Sure, but, but, I...

I see you on a cell phone
with your cousin.

Plotting, planning.
Something secret.

Yes.

Yes, I've been planning a...

Surprise party for my sister-in-law.
She's impossible to surprise.

That's amazing.

Yeah, well, if she's gonna have
puppies, she's gonna have puppies.

There's nothing we can do about it.
Look, if you had her fixed like I...

- Do you need something?
- Yes, actually.

- Well?
- Well, what?

Well, order me off the phone.

You need me to work,
and I'm wasting time.

That's a nice touch.

I've been reviewing
the statement we took

from the kids on campus.
They said whoever this teacher is,

he's already killed once,
and he's going to kill again.

- Right.
- Right.

It strikes me that it's difficult to solve
a crime that hasn't happened yet, so...

why don't we focus our attention
on the murder that already has?

- Makes sense.
- Great.

These are the case files
for every unsolved homicide

in the Santa Barbara area
over the last five years.

Lot of paper cuts there.

- Have fun.
- No...

I need you to review these

and tell me if there are any
connections with the Meitner faculty.

Yeah...
I'm not gonna do that.

You delegate this background
stuff all the time.

To me, usually. Almost always
when I have dinner plans.

Now...

Go through these with a fine-tooth comb
and tell me what you find.

- If it's not too much trouble.
- O'Hara, you are drunk with power.

I know! Isn't it great?

And that amazing demonstration
is phsysics at work.

It's like thinking of a song, and then,
bam! It's the next tune on the radio.

Or... Or that moment when you
know it's right to kiss a girl.

That's when you use the power.

Professor Hahn.

- I'm still sensing something from...
- Um, professor?

Call me sensel.

- How can we harness...
- Uh, uh, uh. Sensei.

- Sensel.
- Yes.

How can we harness this power
to help us um...

Kiss girls?

I'll take it from here, Shawn.

Oh, I don't know, Gus.

Now may not be the time to impede
their psycho-sexual development.

Well, maybe you've forgotten
that I was the one who took

the hottest girl
in school to the prom.

That's because I told her
you were dying.

Otherwise, I would have had
to pay for the limo myself.

Let me take this, please.

Gus, my ferry.

Thank you, Shawn.

Now, kissing someone for the first
time can be tricky business.

I like to employ the
Kadeem Hardison method.

When you're on a date...

Uh, uh, I can sense a question
forming in all of your minds.

If it's "who is Kadeem Hardison?",

or "how do we ask someone on a date?"
put 'em down.

Listen, it's not your fault.

Just look at this class.
You're all a bunch of dudes.

Um, we're girls.

That's awkward.

I'll cover all the dating stuff
in my next seminar.

"Puberty : Monster or
misunderstood friend?"

That kid I sent to the office
had some weird zit cream on.

Professor Enrico.

Guster. Burton Guster.

You interviewed me for admission?

- Math prodigy.
- I interview people all the time.

Was this recently?

Semi-recent.

20 years ago.

But I tap-danced
in trochaic tetrameter.

- Made you wanna cry.
- That rings a bell.

So... Visiting the old alma mater?

- No, I went to public school.
- Really?

Could've sworn
I recommended admission.

Either way, I assume a person
with your skills ended up at JPL

or some kind of think tank?

Actually, I ended up
in pharmaceuticals.

You know... Curing stuff.

Well, keep up the good work.

Thank you.

Dude.
You didn't even mention Magic head.

Guys, we're freaking out.

We're pretty sure
professor Hahn is our guy.

- So turn him in to the cops.
- Not without proof.

- Know anything about him?
- The only time we see him

is when he gets his espresso
in the morning before homeroom.

- There's an espresso bar here on campus?
- Wait!

Wasn't Hahn involved in that thing?
You remember that thing?

- The thing with the other thing?
- No, no. Just the first thing

from five years ago.
When the student attacked the professor?

Oh, yeah, that could've been Hahn.

Some student attacked Hahn and he made
sure the Headmaster expelled him.

Who's the student that attacked him?

According to the school computers,

the only kid to be expelled in the
last ten years was a Lester Baekeland.

What are you doing?

Getting the plague, apparently.

God.

Babcock, Babette,
Battra something...

Baekeland.

God.

I can see why you wanted
to go here, Gus.

They keep meticulous records
of everything just like you.

Expelled for cheating.

Dude, there's a transcript
of his hearing.

- What does it say?
- The kid claimed

Hahn busted him for cheating...

Then tried to extort his scholarship
money from him to stay quiet.

Hahn denies it.

Headmaster, of course, sides
with the teacher. The kid gets expelled.

That means Hahn is a blackmailer.

Maybe he threatened
the wrong person this time.

Gus?

Gus.

I got in.

I applied, and I got in.
That means a lot, buddy.

You'd rather stay with
your best friend than...

- You know, have a future.
- No, Shawn.

It says, "parents of applicant
refused admission."

if I'd known I'd gotten in,
I would've been ghost.

This place has a direct line
to the ivy league.

- Why would my parents turn it down?
- I don't know...

- Maybe it was just too expensive.
- I could've gotten financial aid, Shawn.

Half the kids here are
on scholarships with stipends.

Can we not obsess about this right now?
We do have a murder to prevent.

I'm not obsessing, Shawn.

I just found out that the course of my
life may have been changed by my parents.

- You've seen sliding doors.
- I most certainly have not.

- Yes, you did.
- Dude, I have not seen sliding doors.

It was me, you, and Missy Isaacs.
What are you talking about?

I'm talking about a Gwyneth Paltrow
vehicle that I know I never saw.

Please.
I know you're home.

This is my fifth message.
Call me back.

They're just screening my calls
until I've let this go.

But it's not gonna happen.

Gus, let's face it.

Your parents thought splitting us up
at a young age was a mistake.

And I can't say I blame them.

For a while, I was your only
friend that wasn't imaginary

or an action figure of some kind.

Shawn, if anything, my parents
wanted me to stay in public school

so that I would stand out
compared to people like you.

- Yeah. No holes in that theory.
- I don't know which is worse.

My parents dodging my calls,

or you volunteering me to pick up
a murderer first thing in the morning.

Dude, it is your turn
to drive the carpool.

What's our plan?

Today is murder day.

Speaking of murder day, is that
really what you're wearing?

Shawn, in about two minutes, we're gonna
be in a confined space with a killer.

Please tell me
you have a good reason.

Of course I have
a good reason, Gus.

This time, it'll be just you,
me, and him,

and I will totally break him down.

That's Hahn's house.

Or...

Maybe it'll just be you and me.

Well, according to our
arson investigator,

here is our murderer.

Apparently, there was a slight
gas leak in the stove.

Overnight, the room fills
with natural gas,

the coffee pot clicks on in the morning,
there's a spark, and ka-boom.

No, I'm sensing it was
definitely more of a ka-blam.

- So you're saying this was an accident?
- Arson investigator says

there's no sign of foul play.

The only time we see him is
when he gets his espresso

in the morning before homeroom.

Wait, I'm having a vision.

Hahn preferred Italian coffee.
Espresso.

Why would he be brewing coffee here

if he was gonna get his fix
in the morning at school?

I'm sensing our killer brought
the coffee machine here

and used it as a detonator
after creating the gas leak.

What killer, Spencer?

- Our expert says it's an accident.
- I say murder.

It's what drew me
to this wretched place.

Talk to the girl
who makes the espresso.

I usually don't do this, but I have
a strong sense she'll back this up.

Hahn had a cup
first thing every morning.

What do you call those coffee people?
They're not...

- Cashiers. They're not waitresses.
- Barista.

Gus, if you don't know
the answer, don't make up words.

Dude, Hahn was broke.

No wonder he's a blackmailer.

The due date for the payment is
the same as murder day. Coincidence?

I think not.

It was staticky.

But we heard a deep, gravelly
voice talking to their cousin.

Someone named Muriel.

We are so on this case now.

It's your call, O'Hara.

Either it's an accident
and we're done,

or it's a homicide, and there's
a killer on the loose.

I don't buy this accident
angle for a second.

Those kids practically said
this would happen.

Let's bring them back in
for questioning.

If you confess now,
name your accomplices,

I will let the D.A. know
that you cooperated and maybe,

just maybe, no guarantees.
Just maybe...

They'll cut you a break.

It's terrible.

- What?
- Am I scared?

Am I quaking?
No, that was what I call :

"lower case mad."
You need to be :

"upper case mad."

Those strange kids
are in interrogation B.

Listen, O'Hara.

Given your slightly,
pedestrian performance

and the fact that this has
now jumped to a straight-up homicide

- maybe I should take over as lead.
- But, why? It's my case.

Which was fine when it was just
kids telling tales, but

there are certain nuances involved
in a murder investigation which

- require a more experienced touch.
- Nuances?

The chief says
I'll learn by being primary.

- Yeah, but...
- But what?

There was an explosion.

I've never had a case
with an explosion before.

I've had assault and burglary cases.

Once I even had a murder by thermometer.
But I never had an explosion.

Come on, haven't you ever pictured
yourself trying to out run a fireball

down a dark tunnel?

No.

Obviously, due to recent events,
we are taking a closer look

at everything surrounding the school,
including the statement you gave to us.

You mean when we predicted
someone was going to die today?

And they did?

- Well, that. And...
- Watch your mouth, kid.

Okay, you're not fooling anybody.
We know what's going on here.

What he means is...

Please tell us again about
the phone call you overheard.

No. Tell us about
your relationship with Hahn.

- You little son of a...
- Lassiter, stop. They're teenagers.

We're sorry.

Lesson 63.

- Do not apologize to the perp.
- They're not perps.

- You don't know that.
- You two aren't really acquainted with

game theory or prisoner's
dilemma, are you?

He means you two don't really
get the good cop bad cop dyad.

- Are you guys, like, together?
- No, she's way out of his league.

But no ring. Given his age,
I'm guessing divorced.

- I... Wha... Sorry. What?
- Still can't talk about it.

So it's relatively recent then?

I'm getting separated. Not divorced.

Did you ever just listen
to her problems,

- rather than always trying to solve them?
- No, you had to be the big tough cop,

didn't you?
You never let her inside.

See this, Brainiac?

This is what's waiting for you when
you turn 18. You're gonna graduate,

and get your diploma,
and then, bam!

We're taking a trip down
to the docks.

That doesn't look very intimidating
with, uh, you know, the one arm.

When did my house become
a daycare center?

Dad, you've been bugging me for
months to fix your computer.

I finally bring the
geek squad in to do it,

and now you're gonna give me
a hard time?

Thank you.

Hahn had someone's juvenile record.

Maybe he dug up something
on our killer's past, which means

- we have to hack into the juvie database.
- Yeah, I'm with you

except for the part about
coming to my dad's house.

Well, according to the kids,
the hacking may come back to us.

Now the authorities will be led
to an antique computer

purchased by a former cop.
Can you say wild goose chase?

Jeez, this computer is ancient.

I didn't realize Colecovision
was still in business.

All right, I'm in.

Muriel juvenile hall
slash halfway house.

What am I looking for?

I'm sensing our investigation
centers on the year 1991.

'91?

There's nothing
but a bunch of photos here.

Click on the top right.

That's that kid I sent
to the principal's office.

Kirk Godel.

Why the hell is a photo from today
mixed in with photos from '91?

It's not.

This photo was taken 15 years ago.

I'm having a vision.

The man from Snowy River.

Eddie Macon's run.

Spartacus.

- Kirk Douglas!
- Yes.

See if there's a student named Kirk.

The registrar gave me access
to all their files.

It's perfectly normal, you know.

- What is?
- The anxiety of being in charge.

I can sense you have the weight
of the world on your shoulders.

I just really wanna
get this right.

Oh. I've got something.

Kirk Godel.

Godel.

It's almost pronounced like girdle
because of the omelet on the "o."

- Pretty sure that's an umlaut.
- I've heard it both ways.

Let's see.
No juvenile record, only child.

All stats match up with his school
records. Nothing out of the ordinary.

- Let's see what Google says.
- Uh, search it with the word Muriel.

Oh, here's an article from
the Muriel County newsletter.

According to this article,
Kirk Godel and his parents

died five years ago in a car crash.

There should be a death certificate
on file, but there's no sign of it.

What the hell is going on?

A little aloe will do wonders
for that combination skin.

Circle your horses, Jules. We're about
to crack your case like an egg.

And then, we'll make some umlauts.
With shallots.

And justice.

Please take your seats.

Good, I'm glad you're all
on time for phsysics two.

The wrath of Khan.

Today's lecture will cover
come uppance.

And how to solve a crime
in a crowded room.

Someone here
is living a lie.

Someone in this room
is a ghost-faced killah.

It's not you.

But you have to do something
about the hair immediately.

Okay? I'd start now.

You.

Your heart is pure.
I'd say lose the earring,

but I actually think
he pulls it off.

But you.
Y...

Why do they always run?

Don't they know
it makes them look guilty?

You need this guy?

Thank you,
Detective Lassiter.

Have a seat.

- You mind telling us what we're doing here?
- Well,

as the beautiful, industrious,

Detective O'Hara has already gathered...

You're not the real Kirk Godel, are you?

Will the real Kirk Godel
please stand up?

I don't think
that's gonna happen.

You stole the real Kirk Godel's identity
so that you could get into this school.

But there's more to this case
than stolen identity.

Yes...

I'm sensing a much darker,
diabolical past.

You did a stint in juvie
for causing someone's death.

15 years ago.

- What, are you, nuts? He's a kid.
- True.

So how could
this be possible, class?

Time travel.

He cryogenically froze himself

- in order to travel to the future.
- No.

He's a clone of the original.

You know what?
Just never mind, guys.

Save it for your online role playing.

He's wearing make-up.

- Is he gay?
- No.

Well, maybe.

Look, I don't...
I don't know.

But the reason he's wearing make-up
is because he is actually 30,

- trying to pass for a teenager.
- 30?

- What kind of moisturizer do you use?
- Class, I would advise you take notes.

There will be a test on this.

You were always the smartest
kid in your class,

but with juvie on your record,
you couldn't get into college.

Then one day, you read a story about
a 15 year old from your hometown

who died in a fiery car crash.

And that was the real Kirk Godel.

And you had a light bulb moment.

All your life, people thought
you were younger than you looked,

so you decided to
take advantage of that

and hit a huge re-set button
on your life.

You forged Kirk's documents.

Then you went online and
deleted his death certificate.

A new identity plus your
natural intelligence

meant you were
a cinch to make Meitner.

Now you would graduate from one of
the best high schools in the country,

get a scholarship to the ivys,

and become a young captain
of industry.

And it was all rolling along
beautifully until Hahn...

discovered your dirty little secret.

He blackmailed you
for your scholarship stipend.

He needed money to make
a bank payment by Wednesday,

money you weren't willing to pay.

You were so distraught,
you called your cousin to vent.

You decided that the only way
out was to kill Hahn,

and make it look
like an accident.

Finally, you hacked in and deleted

all records that
you were ever in juvie.

Brilliant until the end.

Well, until this...
Until this last part.

When you got caught.

On the wild line.

Like a salmon.

Pencils down.

Come on.

Cuff him, O'Hara.

Here, use mine.

You've earned it.

Anything else I need to learn?

There's one last lesson.

Forget all the other lessons
and know that you're a good cop.

You know I'm gonna need
those cuffs back, right?

Good.

- Martinsdale.
- Macendale.

Jay Macendale.

Once we had the name, it was
pretty easy to track the rest.

When he was 15,
he stole a car on a dare,

accidentally killed a pedestrian.
And that's what got him in juvie.

I can't believe he passed himself off
as a teenager for this long.

I don't know, dad.
Slap a wig on you,

you're the spitting image of
yourself when I was a kid.

What is that supposed to mean?

What's his problem?

- He finally got a hold of his parents.
- Don't tell me it was too expensive.

My file said I qualified
for financial aid.

Quality of life?

They have 24-7 slushy machines there.

The lockers are made with teak.
That's the strongest wood.

These pieces look like they're hand-carved,
Shawn. What's with the generosity?

I saw you were still using the ratty
board with the plastic pieces

so I went ahead
and shoplifted this for you.

I'm kidding. I bought it.

Those kid geniuses turned me
on to a great IPO.

Now, remember, I win,
I get the truck for a week.

All right, how 'bout, I win,
you wash the truck for a week?

Yeah, I really don't understand
what that means.

I'm out there in a pair of jean shorts...

- Continuously washing the vehicle for a...
- Shawn... Focus...

Focus.

Too far to drive?

You derailed my future
because dad hates curvy roads?

I could've been
the next Wittgenstein.

I never got carsick a day in my life.

Gus doesn't deal
very well with surprises.

I'll talk to you later, Mom!

You never told him I was the one
who ran over his dog, did you?

Dad, no.

One thing at a time.

Thank god that dog was 17.

Checkmate.

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