All language subtitles for Portlandia s03e07 The Temp.eng

af Afrikaans
sq Albanian
am Amharic
ar Arabic Download
hy Armenian
az Azerbaijani
eu Basque
be Belarusian
bn Bengali
bs Bosnian
bg Bulgarian
ca Catalan
ceb Cebuano
ny Chichewa
zh-CN Chinese (Simplified)
zh-TW Chinese (Traditional)
co Corsican
hr Croatian
cs Czech
da Danish
nl Dutch Download
en English
eo Esperanto
et Estonian
tl Filipino
fi Finnish
fr French
fy Frisian
gl Galician
ka Georgian
de German
el Greek
gu Gujarati
ht Haitian Creole
ha Hausa
haw Hawaiian
iw Hebrew
hi Hindi
hmn Hmong
hu Hungarian
is Icelandic
ig Igbo
id Indonesian
ga Irish
it Italian
ja Japanese
jw Javanese
kn Kannada
kk Kazakh
km Khmer
ko Korean
ku Kurdish (Kurmanji)
ky Kyrgyz
lo Lao
la Latin
lv Latvian
lt Lithuanian
lb Luxembourgish
mk Macedonian
mg Malagasy
ms Malay
ml Malayalam
mt Maltese
mi Maori
mr Marathi
mn Mongolian
my Myanmar (Burmese)
ne Nepali
no Norwegian
ps Pashto
fa Persian
pl Polish
pt Portuguese
pa Punjabi
ro Romanian
ru Russian
sm Samoan
gd Scots Gaelic
sr Serbian
st Sesotho
sn Shona
sd Sindhi
si Sinhala
sk Slovak
sl Slovenian
so Somali
es Spanish
su Sundanese
sw Swahili
sv Swedish
tg Tajik
ta Tamil
te Telugu
th Thai
tr Turkish
uk Ukrainian
ur Urdu
uz Uzbek
vi Vietnamese
cy Welsh
xh Xhosa
yi Yiddish
yo Yoruba
zu Zulu
or Odia (Oriya)
rw Kinyarwanda
tk Turkmen
tt Tatar
ug Uyghur
Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:00,352 --> 00:00:03,840 [Church organ playing] 2 00:00:07,061 --> 00:00:08,526 [Record needle scratches] 3 00:00:08,561 --> 00:00:10,660 [Dance music plays] 4 00:00:12,662 --> 00:00:14,330 Now is the time... 5 00:00:14,365 --> 00:00:15,534 [Laughing] 6 00:00:15,568 --> 00:00:16,975 It's our time... 7 00:00:18,080 --> 00:00:20,715 [Song continues] 8 00:00:39,547 --> 00:00:41,116 Hey, shut this down! Uh, music off. 9 00:00:41,151 --> 00:00:42,685 We gotta shut down this wedding. 10 00:00:42,719 --> 00:00:44,820 Wait. What's going on? 11 00:00:44,855 --> 00:00:46,088 [Woman] Sorry, we've been getting a lot of complaints. 12 00:00:46,122 --> 00:00:48,790 We're here to enforce the ban on gay weddings. 13 00:00:48,825 --> 00:00:50,958 No. No, no, we're straight. 14 00:00:50,993 --> 00:00:52,861 Between the choreography and the dancing, 15 00:00:52,895 --> 00:00:55,131 this is one of the gayest weddings we've ever seen. 16 00:00:55,165 --> 00:00:57,134 - Cartwheels-- I distinctly saw a cartwheel. - Mm-hmm. 17 00:00:57,169 --> 00:00:58,603 Yes. 18 00:00:58,637 --> 00:01:00,171 And what about the father of the bride here? 19 00:01:00,205 --> 00:01:03,476 You know, I know the top hat never seems very gentlemanly, but 20 00:01:03,511 --> 00:01:07,147 it's kind of, uh, sort of in its own way a sort of grande madame. 21 00:01:07,181 --> 00:01:09,183 He could be the very front of a parade. 22 00:01:09,218 --> 00:01:11,654 Sorry for all the trouble that you clearly went through 23 00:01:11,688 --> 00:01:12,822 to plan this very, very gay wedding, 24 00:01:12,856 --> 00:01:15,125 but this is not going to happen. 25 00:01:15,159 --> 00:01:16,493 I knew we should have gone with Aerosmith. 26 00:01:16,527 --> 00:01:18,595 [Theme music playing] 27 00:01:38,246 --> 00:01:42,002 Sync and corrections by n17t01 www.addic7ed.com 28 00:01:47,465 --> 00:01:50,467 [Man's voice echoes] I am left with no choice but to step down as your mayor. 29 00:01:53,170 --> 00:01:55,138 [Phone rings] 30 00:01:57,942 --> 00:01:59,377 Hello? 31 00:01:59,411 --> 00:02:01,145 - Hi, this is the temp agency calling. - Uh-huh. 32 00:02:01,180 --> 00:02:03,115 We have a couple of city government positions today. 33 00:02:03,149 --> 00:02:05,684 We've got comptroller, water commissioner. 34 00:02:05,719 --> 00:02:08,888 I've been doing a lot of water commissioning stuff lately. 35 00:02:08,922 --> 00:02:12,159 - Is there anything else? - Uh, hold on. 36 00:02:12,194 --> 00:02:15,296 Oh. It says here mayor of Portland just stepped down. 37 00:02:15,331 --> 00:02:16,864 Need a temp to fill in. 38 00:02:16,899 --> 00:02:18,166 Could lead to a full-time job. 39 00:02:18,200 --> 00:02:19,835 Oh, hey, I'll take it. 40 00:02:19,869 --> 00:02:21,970 Okay, I'll send you the details. 41 00:02:22,005 --> 00:02:24,505 It'll probably start in the next few... [Hangs up] 42 00:02:26,744 --> 00:02:28,078 Hey. 43 00:02:28,112 --> 00:02:29,479 Oh, hey. 44 00:02:29,514 --> 00:02:31,081 Hey, I'm your new mayor. 45 00:02:31,116 --> 00:02:32,249 Who are you guys? 46 00:02:32,284 --> 00:02:33,317 - I'm Fred. - Carrie. 47 00:02:33,352 --> 00:02:34,753 Are you guys city officials? 48 00:02:34,787 --> 00:02:35,987 We're friends of the mayor. 49 00:02:36,022 --> 00:02:36,988 What's this ball? 50 00:02:37,023 --> 00:02:38,490 Oh, that's a chair. 51 00:02:38,524 --> 00:02:40,626 They told me the mayor went nuts. 52 00:02:40,660 --> 00:02:42,561 My suggestion is you don't say "nuts." 53 00:02:42,595 --> 00:02:45,698 I think our hope is that our mayor will be able to come back. 54 00:02:45,733 --> 00:02:46,666 Hey, Sam? 55 00:02:46,700 --> 00:02:48,101 Yes? 56 00:02:48,135 --> 00:02:49,202 Could you take this? 57 00:02:49,236 --> 00:02:50,770 Oof! 58 00:02:50,804 --> 00:02:52,004 Oh, wow. 59 00:02:54,274 --> 00:02:56,976 We like enthusiasm. You know, Mr. Mayor has tons of enthusiasm. 60 00:02:57,011 --> 00:02:58,511 What happened to the guy? 61 00:02:58,546 --> 00:03:00,013 This is him right here. That's a book he wrote. 62 00:03:00,047 --> 00:03:02,015 Oh, that's why he's sitting on the ball. 63 00:03:02,050 --> 00:03:03,584 - He's doing the core work. - Yeah. - Yeah. 64 00:03:03,618 --> 00:03:07,088 A lot of people talk about their core all the time, you know... 65 00:03:07,122 --> 00:03:10,025 Don't want an unhealthy mayor with no core, 66 00:03:10,059 --> 00:03:11,560 - that's for damn sure. - Yeah. - Yeah. 67 00:03:11,595 --> 00:03:13,029 So you've been all over the country, 68 00:03:13,063 --> 00:03:14,831 sort of on call everywhere. 69 00:03:14,865 --> 00:03:17,901 This is my first interim mayor kind of position. 70 00:03:17,935 --> 00:03:21,438 I'm just hoping it'll really work out to be something for me 71 00:03:21,472 --> 00:03:23,941 so I can get like, a, you know, permanent job, 72 00:03:23,975 --> 00:03:26,477 lay down roots and stuff. Like my friend Tammy. 73 00:03:26,511 --> 00:03:29,913 She went into El Paso and she was the temp mayor down there, 74 00:03:29,947 --> 00:03:31,214 and then the guy died-- 75 00:03:31,249 --> 00:03:32,149 The guy died? 76 00:03:32,183 --> 00:03:33,884 Yeah, he got killed. 77 00:03:33,918 --> 00:03:35,919 Murdered. 78 00:03:35,954 --> 00:03:37,555 But then she got promoted. She got the full-time job. 79 00:03:37,589 --> 00:03:40,424 She's really happy, got a good boyfriend. 80 00:03:40,459 --> 00:03:42,426 He's, uh, Mexican, but that's cool. 81 00:03:42,461 --> 00:03:43,795 He comes over the border, 82 00:03:43,829 --> 00:03:45,931 or she goes over the border to see him. 83 00:03:45,965 --> 00:03:47,867 If something like that could happen to me, 84 00:03:47,901 --> 00:03:49,335 it'd just be so great. 85 00:03:49,369 --> 00:03:51,704 We can set up an OK Cupid profile first thing. 86 00:03:51,738 --> 00:03:53,139 Christian mingle. 87 00:03:53,173 --> 00:03:55,708 You know? But I mean, of course I just want to do 88 00:03:55,743 --> 00:03:57,243 a good job for this city. 89 00:03:57,278 --> 00:03:59,579 Have you ever been here before? Ever been to Portland? 90 00:03:59,613 --> 00:04:01,048 No, I've never been to Portland. 91 00:04:01,082 --> 00:04:02,583 Would you mind taking me out 92 00:04:02,617 --> 00:04:04,885 so I could get a feel for the city? 93 00:04:04,919 --> 00:04:06,153 - Yeah. - Yeah. - All right, 94 00:04:06,187 --> 00:04:08,022 - well, mind going now? - All right. 95 00:04:08,056 --> 00:04:10,691 Let's tackle this mess! 96 00:04:10,726 --> 00:04:12,060 There's no mess, really. 97 00:04:18,934 --> 00:04:21,036 Yeah. So, anyway, it was actually excellent. 98 00:04:21,070 --> 00:04:24,539 It was one of the best meals I've had in Portland. 99 00:04:24,573 --> 00:04:26,541 Actually, I'm trying to place an order. 100 00:04:26,575 --> 00:04:28,410 Yeah, let's take two decafs, 101 00:04:28,444 --> 00:04:30,745 you want a decaf? You want a decaf, Tingles? 102 00:04:30,780 --> 00:04:33,248 [Screams] 103 00:04:33,282 --> 00:04:35,584 Welcome. Thank you for coming to the meeting of baristas 104 00:04:35,619 --> 00:04:36,619 and coffee shop workers 105 00:04:36,653 --> 00:04:37,853 throughout the city. 106 00:04:37,888 --> 00:04:40,255 We hereby begin a manifesto 107 00:04:40,290 --> 00:04:42,024 against customers and management. 108 00:04:42,058 --> 00:04:45,528 These rules need to protect us as the artists that we are. 109 00:04:45,562 --> 00:04:48,531 Just off the bat, one rule I can come up with is 110 00:04:48,565 --> 00:04:50,433 no talking when you come up to the counter. 111 00:04:50,468 --> 00:04:51,468 Yeah. 112 00:04:51,502 --> 00:04:53,436 I had a couple of idiots 113 00:04:53,471 --> 00:04:55,038 walk up to the counter the other day 114 00:04:55,072 --> 00:04:56,473 while I'm trying to sit there and look at them, 115 00:04:56,507 --> 00:04:57,307 and they're yapping away. 116 00:04:57,341 --> 00:04:59,008 Rule number one-- 117 00:04:59,043 --> 00:05:01,077 no chatter at counter. 118 00:05:01,111 --> 00:05:03,045 No bathroom use before you order. 119 00:05:03,080 --> 00:05:05,247 Don't even knock on the bathroom door! 120 00:05:05,282 --> 00:05:07,516 Of course there's someone in there taking a huge shit. 121 00:05:07,551 --> 00:05:08,950 - We make coffee! - Right. 122 00:05:08,985 --> 00:05:10,285 Thank you. 123 00:05:10,286 --> 00:05:12,084 That's selling out, man. 124 00:05:13,088 --> 00:05:14,355 Also, you know what's another good rule? 125 00:05:14,390 --> 00:05:16,024 - No questions. - Yeah. 126 00:05:16,058 --> 00:05:17,158 "What's good here?" 127 00:05:17,192 --> 00:05:19,928 You know what's not good here? You! 128 00:05:19,962 --> 00:05:21,796 - What?! What?! - No no no! I'm saying-- a customer! 129 00:05:21,831 --> 00:05:22,664 Hey! 130 00:05:22,698 --> 00:05:25,567 - Okay, we'll just... - The customer, not you! 131 00:05:25,601 --> 00:05:27,702 Be clear about that! 132 00:05:27,736 --> 00:05:29,204 [Man] That's not what we're here for! 133 00:05:29,238 --> 00:05:31,306 I apologize. I meant in general, 134 00:05:31,340 --> 00:05:33,175 the customer. You! 135 00:05:33,209 --> 00:05:36,211 That's another thing. "Do we have anything sweet?" 136 00:05:36,245 --> 00:05:39,748 No. We've just got these one boring little square sconey things. 137 00:05:39,782 --> 00:05:41,883 You understand, fresh-baked goods over there? 138 00:05:41,918 --> 00:05:44,987 Leave it to the bakeries, friend. 139 00:05:45,022 --> 00:05:46,556 Or are you not a friend? 140 00:05:46,590 --> 00:05:49,792 He's fine. I can vouch for him. 141 00:05:49,827 --> 00:05:52,095 Next, I think we can all agree, 142 00:05:52,129 --> 00:05:54,864 - absolutely no cell phones. - No cell phones. 143 00:05:54,898 --> 00:05:57,133 Yeah. You know what? Shut your mouth! 144 00:05:57,167 --> 00:05:58,067 Me? Why me? 145 00:05:58,101 --> 00:05:59,435 Hey! 146 00:05:59,469 --> 00:06:00,336 Why do I need to shut my mouth? 147 00:06:00,370 --> 00:06:01,670 I want to speak! 148 00:06:01,705 --> 00:06:03,205 We're here to speak, all of us! 149 00:06:03,240 --> 00:06:05,942 No, man, I was talking about the customers. 150 00:06:05,976 --> 00:06:08,377 Oh. I thought because you were looking in my direction 151 00:06:08,412 --> 00:06:09,445 and you were raising your voice it was about me. 152 00:06:09,479 --> 00:06:10,779 No. 153 00:06:10,814 --> 00:06:12,181 I was representing the customer. 154 00:06:12,215 --> 00:06:15,885 That was a figurative representation of a-- 155 00:06:15,919 --> 00:06:17,053 Nothing to do with you. 156 00:06:17,087 --> 00:06:18,788 Maybe we should be more clear on that. 157 00:06:18,822 --> 00:06:20,222 No, that's fine. Let's get back to these rules. 158 00:06:20,257 --> 00:06:22,058 I'm not gonna do that uniform thing. 159 00:06:22,092 --> 00:06:24,994 You think you-- 160 00:06:25,028 --> 00:06:26,729 you think you're unique? 161 00:06:26,763 --> 00:06:29,265 Whatever. Go ahead and look like everybody else 162 00:06:29,299 --> 00:06:30,999 in every other coffee shop, apron boy. 163 00:06:33,571 --> 00:06:35,063 _ 164 00:06:39,009 --> 00:06:42,011 Hey. You know the rules. No personal literature or signage. 165 00:06:42,045 --> 00:06:44,680 So why don't I just take that from you? 166 00:06:44,715 --> 00:06:47,383 There we go. 167 00:06:47,417 --> 00:06:51,053 Also, the bathrooms are out of toilet paper, 168 00:06:51,088 --> 00:06:52,621 if you could look into that for me. 169 00:06:52,656 --> 00:06:54,423 Thanks, Daniel. 170 00:06:57,127 --> 00:06:57,632 [Screams] 171 00:06:58,298 --> 00:06:59,665 Hi, I'm Alicia 172 00:06:59,700 --> 00:07:00,667 from the Portland Milk Advisory Board. 173 00:07:00,701 --> 00:07:02,335 And I'm Royce. She's my boss. 174 00:07:02,369 --> 00:07:03,436 I don't consider it a demotion. 175 00:07:03,470 --> 00:07:05,204 I consider it a promotion 176 00:07:05,239 --> 00:07:06,439 to something lesser. 177 00:07:06,473 --> 00:07:08,908 And I'm gonna organize the holiday party. 178 00:07:08,942 --> 00:07:11,277 Don't drink milk. Just forget about milk. 179 00:07:11,311 --> 00:07:13,179 We will come back to you when we have an alternative-- 180 00:07:13,213 --> 00:07:15,681 You! Come on! 181 00:07:15,716 --> 00:07:17,550 I'm just trying to put some spice-- I don't know. 182 00:07:17,584 --> 00:07:18,617 We're gonna make some changes, so 183 00:07:18,652 --> 00:07:20,052 no more milk here. 184 00:07:20,086 --> 00:07:21,353 And if you see us in the street, 185 00:07:21,387 --> 00:07:22,988 give us a firm handshake and say, "hey, 186 00:07:23,023 --> 00:07:24,448 y'all are all right." 187 00:07:28,929 --> 00:07:30,530 - Hey, guys. - Hi. - Hi. 188 00:07:30,564 --> 00:07:31,398 We're gonna do two for lunch today? 189 00:07:31,432 --> 00:07:33,133 - Yes. - Yep. 190 00:07:33,167 --> 00:07:34,734 Okay. Would you like to sit inside, outside-- 191 00:07:34,769 --> 00:07:35,836 - Outside. - On the patio, then? 192 00:07:35,870 --> 00:07:36,770 Yes, please. 193 00:07:36,805 --> 00:07:39,673 [Bell tolls, man screams] 194 00:07:39,708 --> 00:07:40,841 Sun is-- 195 00:07:40,876 --> 00:07:42,810 Yeah, just right in my eyes. 196 00:07:42,844 --> 00:07:46,313 Am I gonna get a sunburn that's gonna be in the shape of my hand on my face? 197 00:07:46,348 --> 00:07:47,314 It is casting a shadow. 198 00:07:49,151 --> 00:07:50,618 We could move you guys inside if you like. 199 00:07:50,652 --> 00:07:51,986 Did Rosa Parks move? 200 00:07:52,020 --> 00:07:53,921 No. 201 00:07:53,955 --> 00:07:55,256 I'm sorry. Could we borrow those menus right there? 202 00:07:55,290 --> 00:07:56,190 If we could just build-- 203 00:07:56,224 --> 00:07:58,726 Put it towards you. 204 00:07:58,760 --> 00:07:59,927 - Damn it! - This is great. 205 00:07:59,961 --> 00:08:01,062 This is great. This is fine. Thank you. 206 00:08:01,096 --> 00:08:02,062 There we go. 207 00:08:02,097 --> 00:08:02,996 The sun is still coming in. 208 00:08:03,031 --> 00:08:04,064 Oh, it is. 209 00:08:04,099 --> 00:08:04,965 I can see it on your face. Sir! 210 00:08:05,000 --> 00:08:07,301 - Hey, Ryan? Not working. - Yeah. 211 00:08:07,335 --> 00:08:09,270 Okay. Let me just get this out of here then. Hold on just a second. 212 00:08:09,304 --> 00:08:10,838 - Watch my hair. - Yeah. 213 00:08:10,872 --> 00:08:14,408 - Do you have any sunglasses? Some shades? - This is ridiculous. 214 00:08:14,442 --> 00:08:15,676 Is there anything inside? 215 00:08:15,710 --> 00:08:17,010 We've really gotten a lot busier. 216 00:08:17,045 --> 00:08:18,045 We have our lunch. We'd like to eat. 217 00:08:18,079 --> 00:08:19,780 First available, right now. 218 00:08:19,815 --> 00:08:21,715 - Okay, you want to go first available? - Yes. 219 00:08:21,750 --> 00:08:23,083 You make my life bad. 220 00:08:27,756 --> 00:08:29,857 Who puts us in the table by the sun? 221 00:08:29,892 --> 00:08:30,858 The penetrating heat! 222 00:08:30,893 --> 00:08:31,926 I lost my appetite. 223 00:08:31,961 --> 00:08:32,994 And I'm starving. 224 00:08:33,029 --> 00:08:34,462 That salad is delicious. 225 00:08:34,497 --> 00:08:35,663 I bet it is. 226 00:08:35,698 --> 00:08:37,332 I will do whatever it takes for you guys to-- 227 00:08:37,366 --> 00:08:38,466 My ears are hot. 228 00:08:38,500 --> 00:08:39,734 I mean, what is that? 229 00:08:39,769 --> 00:08:41,502 How about this? 230 00:08:41,537 --> 00:08:44,404 You hold it up there, I'm gonna eat my meal and then we'll switch. 231 00:08:44,439 --> 00:08:46,006 All right. That's perfect. 232 00:08:46,041 --> 00:08:50,010 Thank you. This is a nice moment between us. 233 00:08:50,044 --> 00:08:52,346 What? What's a "lolent"? 234 00:08:52,380 --> 00:08:54,848 This is a really great moment between us right now! 235 00:09:00,421 --> 00:09:01,521 Okay, right here. 236 00:09:01,556 --> 00:09:02,722 Great. 237 00:09:02,757 --> 00:09:03,857 You can get in the front. 238 00:09:03,891 --> 00:09:05,325 Give you a good tour of Portland. 239 00:09:05,359 --> 00:09:07,360 Oh boy, good. 240 00:09:07,395 --> 00:09:08,228 I like the front. 241 00:09:10,964 --> 00:09:11,998 This is Southeast Portland. 242 00:09:12,032 --> 00:09:14,667 Oh, yeah? Jesus! 243 00:09:14,702 --> 00:09:17,568 A lot of people on bikes everywhere, right? 244 00:09:17,602 --> 00:09:20,470 - Yeah, a lot of bikes. - It doesn't remind me of any other city 245 00:09:20,505 --> 00:09:22,338 that I've ever worked in or been to. 246 00:09:22,373 --> 00:09:25,608 For instance, I was the comptroller in Dallas. 247 00:09:25,642 --> 00:09:27,443 The had a lot of traffic there. 248 00:09:27,478 --> 00:09:29,379 Uh-huh. 249 00:09:29,413 --> 00:09:30,980 There's a car. 250 00:09:32,283 --> 00:09:33,784 A lot of boutiques, yeah? 251 00:09:33,818 --> 00:09:36,887 Where's the malls and the big box stores? 252 00:09:36,921 --> 00:09:38,389 They're out in the suburbs. 253 00:09:38,423 --> 00:09:40,691 That's cute! 254 00:09:40,726 --> 00:09:42,893 Look at that cute little girl's sweater. 255 00:09:42,927 --> 00:09:44,228 I'm gonna get that for my granddaughter. 256 00:09:44,262 --> 00:09:46,730 No, this place is for dogs. 257 00:09:46,765 --> 00:09:48,098 This is all dog sweaters. 258 00:09:49,334 --> 00:09:51,535 That is stupid. You gotta admit. 259 00:09:51,569 --> 00:09:53,704 Dogs. Sweaters. 260 00:09:53,738 --> 00:09:54,972 Stupid in a good way. 261 00:09:56,055 --> 00:09:59,673 So this is, uh... one of our popular movie theaters. 262 00:09:59,777 --> 00:10:03,947 Rosemary's Baby. That's a movie from the '60s, right? 263 00:10:03,982 --> 00:10:07,284 - Yeah. - Yeah. We have a lot of old movie houses in Portland 264 00:10:07,318 --> 00:10:08,385 that show art and ind-- 265 00:10:08,419 --> 00:10:09,820 How many screens they got in there? 266 00:10:09,854 --> 00:10:11,121 Just one. 267 00:10:11,156 --> 00:10:14,624 When I was in Phoenix they had the multiplex theaters 268 00:10:14,659 --> 00:10:17,528 showing all the superheroes type thing. 269 00:10:17,562 --> 00:10:19,463 Oh, yeah, yeah. Maybe one of these days, you know, 270 00:10:19,497 --> 00:10:21,865 on Tuesday or Wednesday, we'll go take you to a movie or something. 271 00:10:21,899 --> 00:10:23,734 If I finish my work, sure. 272 00:10:23,768 --> 00:10:25,936 - Okay. - Okay. 273 00:10:28,840 --> 00:10:31,608 Isn't that guy a little old to be on a skateboard? 274 00:10:31,642 --> 00:10:33,276 He's like 48 or something. 275 00:10:33,311 --> 00:10:36,179 Skateboarding is sort of the golf of Portland. 276 00:10:36,213 --> 00:10:37,614 People do it when they're older. 277 00:10:37,648 --> 00:10:39,916 Yeah, but when you get to be his age, 278 00:10:39,951 --> 00:10:42,419 you gotta leave fun behind and start concentrating 279 00:10:42,454 --> 00:10:45,255 on retirement and that kind of stuff. 280 00:10:45,290 --> 00:10:48,993 Hey, those are some cute frames. 281 00:10:49,027 --> 00:10:50,894 I can always use new frames. 282 00:10:50,929 --> 00:10:53,798 Those are for dogs. 283 00:10:53,832 --> 00:10:55,966 I've been a lot of places, but nothing's like this. 284 00:10:57,002 --> 00:11:00,337 I suppose. 285 00:11:00,372 --> 00:11:04,141 You know, I'm really worried about people here, to be honest with you. 286 00:11:04,176 --> 00:11:08,179 It seems like everybody's just lost in a dream world. 287 00:11:08,213 --> 00:11:11,415 One thing. Your airport is like only-- 288 00:11:11,449 --> 00:11:13,380 it's 20 minutes to and from. 289 00:11:13,414 --> 00:11:15,781 That's not how cities are. 290 00:11:15,815 --> 00:11:18,873 Cities are like you gotta go like an hour and a half 291 00:11:18,907 --> 00:11:20,705 to get to the airport. 292 00:11:20,740 --> 00:11:23,599 I'm concerned because I have to answer to my temp agency 293 00:11:23,633 --> 00:11:26,496 and I'm trying to turn this into a job. 294 00:11:26,530 --> 00:11:30,327 I like to help, you know? That's-- oh, thank you. 295 00:11:30,361 --> 00:11:32,924 Uh, those are for dogs. 296 00:11:35,291 --> 00:11:36,800 Okay. 297 00:11:36,835 --> 00:11:37,699 Sorry. 298 00:11:42,482 --> 00:11:47,047 She was a silent star of stage and screen 299 00:11:47,081 --> 00:11:49,846 a Hollywood movie star 300 00:11:49,880 --> 00:11:51,678 [Watch beeping] 301 00:11:51,713 --> 00:11:52,945 Hey, I gotta take off. 302 00:11:52,979 --> 00:11:55,378 We all taking off? 303 00:11:55,411 --> 00:11:57,343 - What is that? - Taking off? 304 00:11:57,378 --> 00:11:58,276 Just trying to-- 305 00:11:58,311 --> 00:12:00,075 Where are you going? 306 00:12:00,109 --> 00:12:03,240 I've got-- I think it's-- what's the circle? 307 00:12:03,274 --> 00:12:06,438 Guys, I don't want to be late. 308 00:12:06,472 --> 00:12:07,504 All right, sounds great. 309 00:12:07,538 --> 00:12:10,070 You're being weird. 310 00:12:10,105 --> 00:12:11,469 He's never had to go anywhere. 311 00:12:11,503 --> 00:12:12,936 No. None of us have. 312 00:12:13,534 --> 00:12:14,681 _ 313 00:12:14,735 --> 00:12:17,267 I can't get this open. Can you help me? 314 00:12:17,301 --> 00:12:19,731 I'll try. 315 00:12:19,766 --> 00:12:22,264 Oh, hey! Let me help you out with that. 316 00:12:22,298 --> 00:12:23,462 Thank you. I'm thirsty. 317 00:12:27,995 --> 00:12:28,994 Oh. Thank you. 318 00:12:29,028 --> 00:12:30,759 [Watch beeps] 319 00:12:30,793 --> 00:12:32,925 Oh. Hey, I gotta take off again. Catch you back later here. 320 00:12:32,959 --> 00:12:35,024 I just don't understand why you keep running off to places. 321 00:12:35,058 --> 00:12:36,889 You know how pretty you are? 322 00:12:36,923 --> 00:12:39,021 Do you have any idea how your hair flows? 323 00:12:39,056 --> 00:12:41,686 It's just... I want to disappear into it. 324 00:12:41,720 --> 00:12:42,686 Do I look like I'm lying? 325 00:12:42,720 --> 00:12:43,785 Yes. 326 00:12:43,820 --> 00:12:46,185 - Yeah. - Does it-- why? 327 00:12:46,186 --> 00:12:47,686 _ 328 00:12:47,784 --> 00:12:51,318 He went down this pathway and took a right on stark. 329 00:12:51,351 --> 00:12:52,717 And then I saw this guy. 330 00:12:52,751 --> 00:12:54,620 Hey. Little squirrel! 331 00:12:54,654 --> 00:12:57,162 Isn't he cute? He's like a small cat. 332 00:12:57,196 --> 00:12:59,331 You still don't know where Joaquin is, though, huh? 333 00:12:59,368 --> 00:13:00,537 I don't know where he is. 334 00:13:01,338 --> 00:13:02,338 _ 335 00:13:02,373 --> 00:13:03,807 [Joaquin laughing] 336 00:13:04,509 --> 00:13:06,110 [Watch beeping] 337 00:13:12,518 --> 00:13:14,452 Where's Joaquin? 338 00:13:14,486 --> 00:13:15,653 There he is. 339 00:13:15,687 --> 00:13:17,455 - Yes, let's go. - Come on, let's follow him. 340 00:13:17,489 --> 00:13:20,959 [Watch beeping] 341 00:13:26,565 --> 00:13:28,099 [Gasps] Oh my God! 342 00:13:29,435 --> 00:13:31,904 - You're doing good. - Joaquin! No! 343 00:13:31,938 --> 00:13:34,273 Keep going, Joaquin. Get those knees up. 344 00:13:34,308 --> 00:13:36,576 Get 'em high, come on. 345 00:13:36,610 --> 00:13:39,713 What is he wearing? What are those clothes? 346 00:13:39,748 --> 00:13:41,248 Who is that guy? 347 00:13:41,282 --> 00:13:42,549 This is Billy. 348 00:13:42,584 --> 00:13:43,784 Hi, guys, I'm Billy. 349 00:13:43,819 --> 00:13:45,687 What are you exercising for? 350 00:13:45,721 --> 00:13:47,756 Look, let me just explain. 351 00:13:47,790 --> 00:13:49,925 My metabolism is slowing down 352 00:13:49,959 --> 00:13:51,694 and I feel like my body's changing 353 00:13:51,728 --> 00:13:53,629 and all we do is sit around. 354 00:13:53,663 --> 00:13:55,030 It's starting to show. 355 00:13:55,065 --> 00:13:56,465 Am I getting charged for this part of it? 356 00:13:56,500 --> 00:13:57,633 Yes, you are. 357 00:13:57,668 --> 00:13:59,235 So I'm getting charged, so... 358 00:13:59,269 --> 00:14:01,337 You're turning into this gross jock, 359 00:14:01,371 --> 00:14:04,073 and you're surrounded by all these dumbbells-- no offense. 360 00:14:04,107 --> 00:14:05,508 [Man] You don't need anyone's approval. 361 00:14:05,542 --> 00:14:07,376 I think I do. 362 00:14:07,410 --> 00:14:09,478 It's great to have a professional lead you through exercise. 363 00:14:09,513 --> 00:14:13,182 Show them how this one's done. So you just get the knees up... 364 00:14:13,216 --> 00:14:14,350 I can't watch this! 365 00:14:14,384 --> 00:14:16,885 I've never seen you do that. I've never seen your body do that. 366 00:14:16,919 --> 00:14:19,320 - Five... - There we go. 367 00:14:19,821 --> 00:14:20,954 _ 368 00:14:24,827 --> 00:14:27,229 I don't want to lose Joaquin. 369 00:14:27,263 --> 00:14:30,065 Keep it up. Get your heart rate going. 370 00:14:30,099 --> 00:14:31,800 Let's go, class. You're doing good! 371 00:14:31,834 --> 00:14:33,134 Drive those knees. 372 00:14:33,168 --> 00:14:34,569 Hey, Billy, stop the music. 373 00:14:36,505 --> 00:14:38,673 We thought a lot about it. We can't go on without you. 374 00:14:38,707 --> 00:14:41,109 We want to be with you. 375 00:14:41,143 --> 00:14:42,777 That's what the important thing is. 376 00:14:42,811 --> 00:14:45,780 So if you're different, if this is your new life, 377 00:14:45,815 --> 00:14:47,282 we accept you for who you are. 378 00:14:47,316 --> 00:14:49,551 So happy to see you guys. 379 00:14:49,585 --> 00:14:53,188 If you join this gym and I refer you, I get a 20% discount 380 00:14:53,222 --> 00:14:54,189 for June and July. 381 00:14:54,224 --> 00:14:56,592 Right. Two months. Yes. 382 00:14:56,626 --> 00:15:00,262 That's for my whole membership that whole time? 383 00:15:00,297 --> 00:15:02,298 Yeah, if you refer them. 384 00:15:03,633 --> 00:15:04,834 What do you say? 385 00:15:04,868 --> 00:15:06,268 All right. 386 00:15:06,303 --> 00:15:07,703 Yeah, for June and July 387 00:15:07,738 --> 00:15:08,971 we're running a promotion. 388 00:15:16,279 --> 00:15:17,880 Hey, guys. You won't believe what I found. 389 00:15:17,914 --> 00:15:19,281 I was at the bookstore, 390 00:15:19,315 --> 00:15:21,183 and you when they leave scones at the counter? 391 00:15:21,217 --> 00:15:23,119 - Yeah. - I'm looking around, 392 00:15:23,153 --> 00:15:24,854 and I turn around and I see 393 00:15:24,888 --> 00:15:27,222 this shelf that says "Staff Favorites." And look. 394 00:15:27,257 --> 00:15:31,627 "Rats. The City's Most Unwanted Inhabitants." God! 395 00:15:31,662 --> 00:15:33,029 "The Most Unwanted"? 396 00:15:33,063 --> 00:15:34,697 Sharks in the city. Fine with everyone. 397 00:15:34,731 --> 00:15:35,898 Here's a great one. 398 00:15:35,932 --> 00:15:37,800 "Rats often bite young children 399 00:15:37,834 --> 00:15:39,602 and infants on the face 400 00:15:39,636 --> 00:15:41,670 because of the smell of food residues on the children." 401 00:15:41,705 --> 00:15:44,940 That makes us sound like we're an undiscerning species. 402 00:15:44,974 --> 00:15:46,875 Actually we have very refined tastes. 403 00:15:46,910 --> 00:15:48,877 It is really mean. 404 00:15:48,912 --> 00:15:50,078 It's like the meanest book. 405 00:15:50,113 --> 00:15:51,546 The whole staff loves it? 406 00:15:51,581 --> 00:15:52,647 They love this book. 407 00:15:52,681 --> 00:15:53,915 Everyone's reading it? 408 00:15:53,949 --> 00:15:55,950 "We're staff. This is our favorite." 409 00:15:55,985 --> 00:15:58,086 [Robot voice] The only thing good about your book store is your scones. 410 00:15:58,621 --> 00:16:03,425 Okay. "Rats carry bacteria, viruses, mites, fleas, lice, and ticks." 411 00:16:03,460 --> 00:16:04,393 We carry mice? 412 00:16:04,427 --> 00:16:06,495 No, mites. 413 00:16:06,530 --> 00:16:07,396 - Okay. - Okay. 414 00:16:07,431 --> 00:16:08,597 We might. 415 00:16:08,632 --> 00:16:10,566 This book makes me so mad. 416 00:16:10,601 --> 00:16:13,069 You know what we should do? We should write a book about people. 417 00:16:13,103 --> 00:16:16,172 I don't think retaliation is the best method. 418 00:16:16,206 --> 00:16:17,807 Think of what happened to Salman Rushdie. 419 00:16:17,841 --> 00:16:19,709 He's dating models. He's fine. 420 00:16:19,743 --> 00:16:21,744 "People-- The Sounds And Screams 421 00:16:21,779 --> 00:16:24,180 Of The City's Most Idiotic Inhabitants." 422 00:16:24,214 --> 00:16:25,682 - Love it. - Wonderful. 423 00:16:25,716 --> 00:16:27,350 "By us rats." 424 00:16:27,384 --> 00:16:29,719 "People are idiots and fools 425 00:16:29,753 --> 00:16:31,454 and so dumb." That's pretty good. 426 00:16:31,488 --> 00:16:32,889 - Yes. - Yeah. 427 00:16:32,923 --> 00:16:34,457 Okay, what diseases do they carry? 428 00:16:34,492 --> 00:16:35,458 Every disease. 429 00:16:35,493 --> 00:16:38,195 "People carry every disease. 430 00:16:38,229 --> 00:16:40,097 They just carry them and give them to everyone else." 431 00:16:40,131 --> 00:16:42,300 They poop in water for no reason. 432 00:16:42,334 --> 00:16:43,501 - Whatsoever. - At all. 433 00:16:43,535 --> 00:16:44,869 "And when they scream--" 434 00:16:44,904 --> 00:16:46,438 Every time I see people they're screaming. 435 00:16:46,472 --> 00:16:49,141 Just glance at them and they're shrieking at the top of their lungs. 436 00:16:49,175 --> 00:16:50,576 On that subject, I don't like this business of 437 00:16:50,610 --> 00:16:51,710 "quiet as a mouse." 438 00:16:51,745 --> 00:16:53,612 How about "quiet as a rat"? 439 00:16:53,647 --> 00:16:56,248 They don't say those complimentary things that I keep waiting * expecting. 440 00:16:56,283 --> 00:16:58,417 That "wise owl" thing is bull. 441 00:16:58,451 --> 00:17:00,119 I talked to this one owl, 442 00:17:00,153 --> 00:17:01,453 and I was like, "hey, 443 00:17:01,488 --> 00:17:02,955 I'm going down towards the forest. 444 00:17:02,989 --> 00:17:04,556 Is there picnic place near there?" 445 00:17:04,591 --> 00:17:06,826 Duh, uh, I think-- 446 00:17:06,860 --> 00:17:11,263 They think that because they are just trying to talk slowly 447 00:17:11,298 --> 00:17:14,033 that they're thinking all the time. That's an act. 448 00:17:14,068 --> 00:17:15,869 "People, when they close their eyes, 449 00:17:15,903 --> 00:17:17,337 their eyes travel into their body, 450 00:17:17,371 --> 00:17:19,272 and look around their own body." 451 00:17:19,307 --> 00:17:20,474 We may as well say stuff. 452 00:17:20,508 --> 00:17:21,842 That's how far they've gone. 453 00:17:21,876 --> 00:17:24,044 "When people turn 30, their arms fall off 454 00:17:24,079 --> 00:17:26,213 and they replace them with branches." 455 00:17:26,247 --> 00:17:27,314 [Phone rings] 456 00:17:27,349 --> 00:17:28,849 Publishing. This is David. 457 00:17:28,884 --> 00:17:30,751 I'm just checking in on a little book we sent, 458 00:17:30,786 --> 00:17:31,819 a little ditty about people. 459 00:17:31,853 --> 00:17:34,155 Hold on a sec. Let me find it. 460 00:17:34,189 --> 00:17:37,491 "People." Yeah, we're gonna pass on this one. 461 00:17:37,525 --> 00:17:38,825 [Dial tone] 462 00:17:38,860 --> 00:17:40,160 Damn it! 463 00:17:40,195 --> 00:17:42,263 Why don't we publish it ourselves? 464 00:17:42,297 --> 00:17:43,531 Yeah, why should we count on them for anything at this point? 465 00:17:43,565 --> 00:17:44,865 I agree. Let's do a DIY. 466 00:17:48,236 --> 00:17:50,804 That was a daring mission. You got it up there. 467 00:17:50,838 --> 00:17:51,772 We are officially in a bookstore. 468 00:17:51,806 --> 00:17:53,840 There's a lady with her son. 469 00:17:53,875 --> 00:17:55,342 They're moving for it! 470 00:17:55,376 --> 00:17:56,377 He's looking at it. 471 00:17:56,411 --> 00:17:57,478 Oh! 472 00:17:57,512 --> 00:18:00,314 Come on, kid, grab the thing. 473 00:18:00,349 --> 00:18:01,816 He's getting it! He's getting the book. 474 00:18:01,850 --> 00:18:03,317 It's only been up there a minute! 475 00:18:03,352 --> 00:18:04,719 Oh my God, you guys! 476 00:18:04,753 --> 00:18:07,588 All it takes is one kid and everything changes. 477 00:18:07,623 --> 00:18:08,589 Have a scone and celebrate. 478 00:18:08,623 --> 00:18:09,857 Let's do it. 479 00:18:09,891 --> 00:18:12,224 Let's make some people scream! 480 00:18:12,726 --> 00:18:14,127 [Siren wailing] 481 00:18:14,161 --> 00:18:16,028 Guys, what is that? 482 00:18:16,063 --> 00:18:16,996 Are we being attacked? 483 00:18:17,030 --> 00:18:19,131 Let's go! 484 00:18:19,166 --> 00:18:20,266 What is going on? 485 00:18:20,300 --> 00:18:21,634 What the hell's going on? 486 00:18:21,668 --> 00:18:24,970 - I'm gonna call that mayor. - Okay. 487 00:18:25,005 --> 00:18:27,506 - Voice-- just a message. - What? 488 00:18:27,541 --> 00:18:29,008 I think we should go down there and check it out. 489 00:18:29,042 --> 00:18:30,576 This is... I've never heard that before. 490 00:18:30,610 --> 00:18:32,044 Let's go to city hall. We'll be right back. 491 00:18:32,079 --> 00:18:34,012 Okay! 492 00:18:34,047 --> 00:18:38,750 [Siren continues] 493 00:18:40,119 --> 00:18:42,254 I'm just gonna go-- 494 00:18:42,288 --> 00:18:44,490 gonna check online! 495 00:18:45,492 --> 00:18:46,758 Cut the alarm. 496 00:18:46,793 --> 00:18:48,327 Sorry I had to do that, 497 00:18:48,361 --> 00:18:50,362 but we had to wake everybody up. 498 00:18:50,396 --> 00:18:53,064 Cities need to be active and busy 499 00:18:53,099 --> 00:18:54,366 or at least pretend to be. 500 00:18:54,400 --> 00:18:55,934 What is she doing? 501 00:18:55,968 --> 00:18:59,037 I am available for full-time work 502 00:18:59,071 --> 00:19:02,707 and I hope you'll agree with some of my ideas for your city, sir. 503 00:19:02,741 --> 00:19:04,708 Starting with coffee shops. 504 00:19:04,743 --> 00:19:09,246 These are gonna be for drinking coffee only. 505 00:19:09,280 --> 00:19:10,914 - That's not gonna go over well. - No. 506 00:19:10,948 --> 00:19:12,382 Forget the fake office 507 00:19:12,417 --> 00:19:14,384 and sitting there all day on the internet. 508 00:19:14,419 --> 00:19:16,186 It's really a waste of time. 509 00:19:16,221 --> 00:19:18,455 We need fewer bike lanes. 510 00:19:18,490 --> 00:19:21,325 Riding a bike to work? 511 00:19:21,360 --> 00:19:23,795 That's completely stupid. 512 00:19:23,829 --> 00:19:25,463 Let's use cabs, guys. 513 00:19:25,498 --> 00:19:27,000 And more honking too. 514 00:19:28,034 --> 00:19:29,468 Fine. 515 00:19:29,503 --> 00:19:32,137 How about fewer businesses for dogs? 516 00:19:32,172 --> 00:19:33,873 How about that? 517 00:19:33,907 --> 00:19:37,977 - You need a lot less films and more movies. - What? 518 00:19:38,011 --> 00:19:42,081 Like superheroes and such that people like to go to see. 519 00:19:42,115 --> 00:19:43,716 You've got to have that pee smell. 520 00:19:43,750 --> 00:19:47,352 - All your major cities, such as New York... - That's awful. No! 521 00:19:47,387 --> 00:19:48,920 ...they've got the pee smell, 522 00:19:48,954 --> 00:19:50,822 especially when it's hot and humid. 523 00:19:50,856 --> 00:19:52,924 You've gotta have the pee smell. 524 00:19:52,958 --> 00:19:55,926 You people are way too wi-fi obsessed. 525 00:19:55,961 --> 00:19:59,863 The internet, sorry, is going off-- 526 00:20:01,333 --> 00:20:04,035 What? No! 527 00:20:04,069 --> 00:20:05,870 No! 528 00:20:05,905 --> 00:20:06,805 Oh! 529 00:20:09,876 --> 00:20:11,844 What? How? When did she have time to make a list like this? 530 00:20:11,878 --> 00:20:13,245 I don't know. She needs to chill out. 531 00:20:13,279 --> 00:20:15,447 Be a little less white, you know what I mean? 532 00:20:15,482 --> 00:20:20,452 Flip the bird and swear at people like they do in New York, Chicago... 533 00:20:20,486 --> 00:20:21,854 I do miss the mayor. 534 00:20:21,888 --> 00:20:23,155 I know. Me too. 535 00:20:23,189 --> 00:20:26,158 - Oh, I have an idea. - What? 536 00:20:26,192 --> 00:20:29,227 So does anybody have any questions? 537 00:20:29,261 --> 00:20:31,263 [Cell phone rings] 538 00:20:31,297 --> 00:20:33,064 Hold on a minute. 539 00:20:33,099 --> 00:20:35,100 Hello? 540 00:20:35,134 --> 00:20:38,370 Hi, this is the temp agency. Your job is done there. 541 00:20:38,404 --> 00:20:39,504 Oh, really? 542 00:20:39,539 --> 00:20:41,139 Thanks. You did a great job. 543 00:20:41,174 --> 00:20:43,942 But you're done, so you gotta go real fast. 544 00:20:43,977 --> 00:20:47,379 Wherever you are, step off the podium and walk away. 545 00:20:47,413 --> 00:20:49,581 All right. Thanks a lot. 546 00:20:53,519 --> 00:20:56,487 Well, enjoy your city. 547 00:20:56,522 --> 00:20:58,323 - Whatever... - Wow, there she goes. 548 00:20:58,357 --> 00:20:59,391 Nice work. 549 00:20:59,425 --> 00:21:00,358 Thank you. 550 00:21:00,393 --> 00:21:02,327 What now, though? 551 00:21:02,361 --> 00:21:04,062 Go. 552 00:21:04,096 --> 00:21:05,663 Hello, you've reached 553 00:21:05,698 --> 00:21:07,365 the mayor's office of the city of Portland, Oregon. 554 00:21:07,399 --> 00:21:09,299 The mayor is out indefinitely... 555 00:21:09,334 --> 00:21:11,535 and the interim mayor didn't work out. 556 00:21:11,569 --> 00:21:14,371 So leave a message. Thank you. 557 00:21:15,573 --> 00:21:17,408 I think that'll do it. 558 00:21:17,442 --> 00:21:19,476 Things should go back to normal now, right? 559 00:21:19,510 --> 00:21:20,978 Yeah, I think. 560 00:21:21,012 --> 00:21:22,746 I also really want to put on some pants. 561 00:21:22,781 --> 00:21:23,981 Yeah, I want you to put on pants too. 562 00:21:26,885 --> 00:21:29,353 Tonight, tonight 563 00:21:29,388 --> 00:21:30,955 put your hands up 564 00:21:30,989 --> 00:21:32,890 let me hear you shout 565 00:21:32,924 --> 00:21:35,626 to the rest of your life 566 00:21:37,262 --> 00:21:39,163 [Vocalizing] 567 00:21:48,373 --> 00:21:49,907 [Watch beeps] 568 00:21:49,941 --> 00:21:53,610 Oh. Sorry. I think I gotta take off pretty soon. 569 00:21:56,480 --> 00:21:59,304 Sync and corrections by n17t01 www.addic7ed.com 570 00:21:59,354 --> 00:22:03,904 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0 41283

Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.