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1
00:00:00,004 --> 00:00:02,438
I mean, I've been, like,
modeling and stuff,
2
00:00:01,973 --> 00:00:03,506
but, I mean,
it's totally not my thing.
3
00:00:03,541 --> 00:00:05,408
Like, I just think
I'm a nerd, you know.
4
00:00:05,443 --> 00:00:08,205
I've been into video games
and comic books and stuff.
5
00:00:08,239 --> 00:00:09,760
Like, I don't know.
6
00:00:09,794 --> 00:00:11,897
I'm just--
I'm such a total nerd.
7
00:00:11,932 --> 00:00:13,826
Hi there. I'm Brian.
8
00:00:13,860 --> 00:00:15,495
I'm an actual nerd.
9
00:00:15,529 --> 00:00:17,594
I wear these glasses to see.
10
00:00:17,628 --> 00:00:20,127
I watch Star Trek TNG,
11
00:00:20,161 --> 00:00:21,326
I play Skyrim.
12
00:00:21,360 --> 00:00:24,858
I'm... shy.
13
00:00:24,893 --> 00:00:28,296
I'm not wearing
a nerd costume for Halloween.
14
00:00:28,330 --> 00:00:31,734
I'm ac-- this is how
I actually dress.
15
00:00:31,768 --> 00:00:33,503
And when I take
these glasses off,
16
00:00:33,538 --> 00:00:37,641
I'm not suddenly, uh,
revealed to be sexy or cool,
17
00:00:37,675 --> 00:00:39,712
I'm still a nerd.
18
00:00:39,747 --> 00:00:43,915
In-- in fact,
I get sick with fear...
19
00:00:43,950 --> 00:00:45,450
uh, talking to people.
20
00:00:45,484 --> 00:00:49,186
I'm not skinny enough
to fit into hip jeans.
21
00:00:49,221 --> 00:00:51,121
The only reason
I'm not very pale
22
00:00:51,156 --> 00:00:52,791
and actually have a tan
23
00:00:52,825 --> 00:00:55,092
is because I went "eventing"
a couple weeks back
24
00:00:55,126 --> 00:00:58,594
and got to dress up
and run around in a field.
25
00:00:58,628 --> 00:01:00,429
It-- it-- it sucks.
26
00:01:00,463 --> 00:01:02,664
I mean, it...
27
00:01:02,698 --> 00:01:04,099
Damn it.
28
00:01:04,133 --> 00:01:06,902
Uh, why, you know--
29
00:01:06,936 --> 00:01:09,505
a sexy girl who went
and saw, you know,
30
00:01:09,540 --> 00:01:12,109
a second-week screening
of The Avengers
31
00:01:12,143 --> 00:01:13,644
is not a nerd.
32
00:01:13,679 --> 00:01:15,880
A real nerd is ashamed
to be called a nerd.
33
00:01:15,915 --> 00:01:17,845
So, please, get real.
34
00:01:17,880 --> 00:01:20,339
If you're not a nerd,
don't call yourself one.
35
00:01:25,072 --> 00:01:27,173
Dang it. Usually I'm
really good at ranting.
36
00:01:27,207 --> 00:01:29,241
[Upbeat music]
37
00:01:59,732 --> 00:02:01,500
Sync and corrections by n17t01
www.addic7ed.com
38
00:02:02,106 --> 00:02:03,807
[Woman] Welcome, guys.
39
00:02:03,841 --> 00:02:05,809
Thank you so much
for coming to the PTA meeting.
40
00:02:05,843 --> 00:02:07,911
I wanna bring
something up really quick.
41
00:02:07,946 --> 00:02:10,080
There is music
here in this library
42
00:02:10,114 --> 00:02:11,281
available to our kids.
43
00:02:11,316 --> 00:02:12,616
There are specific albums
44
00:02:12,650 --> 00:02:14,618
that absolutely
should be banned.
45
00:02:14,652 --> 00:02:16,119
You're really overstepping
your bounds here.
46
00:02:16,153 --> 00:02:17,854
Talking about
what our kids love.
47
00:02:17,889 --> 00:02:20,023
But our kids also don't really
know what they like yet.
48
00:02:20,058 --> 00:02:21,825
[Both]
Kraftwerk. Neu!
49
00:02:22,927 --> 00:02:24,127
- Oh, hi.
- Oh, hey.
50
00:02:24,161 --> 00:02:25,495
It's funny we parked
next to each other.
51
00:02:25,529 --> 00:02:27,564
Sorry it got heated in there.
52
00:02:27,598 --> 00:02:29,432
You know, it's-- I'm just
passionate about our kids' music.
53
00:02:29,467 --> 00:02:30,600
- That's all.
- Yeah, I mean, you know,
54
00:02:30,635 --> 00:02:31,832
like, the music
they market to kids.
55
00:02:31,866 --> 00:02:33,223
Can you believe it?
Like, The Wiggles?
56
00:02:33,257 --> 00:02:35,141
Like, they have this song
about making a fruit salad?
57
00:02:35,176 --> 00:02:36,772
Don't get me started.
Don't.
58
00:02:36,806 --> 00:02:37,935
It doesn't speak
to their intelligence at all.
59
00:02:37,969 --> 00:02:39,727
Like, who's to say that a kid
60
00:02:39,762 --> 00:02:42,485
can't appreciate a guitar solo
in a Dinosaur Jr. song?
61
00:02:42,520 --> 00:02:43,883
- Yeah.
- I've said that exact same thing.
62
00:02:43,918 --> 00:02:45,314
I have said that. Right?
63
00:02:45,348 --> 00:02:46,813
What it boils down to
is us just caring
64
00:02:46,847 --> 00:02:47,811
about what our kids listen to.
65
00:02:47,845 --> 00:02:50,070
Raffi has this song about...
66
00:02:50,104 --> 00:02:52,190
Peanut butter jelly sandwiches.
Something like that.
67
00:02:52,224 --> 00:02:54,434
A whale with a blanket on it
in the bottom of the ocean?
68
00:02:54,468 --> 00:02:57,066
Kids like time changes and
weird time signatures, right?
69
00:02:57,100 --> 00:02:58,588
- Yeah.
- I've said that exact same thing.
70
00:02:58,623 --> 00:03:00,128
Let's have some
interesting chord changes.
71
00:03:00,162 --> 00:03:02,240
Let's not just be writing
in a pentatonic scale...
72
00:03:02,275 --> 00:03:03,631
If you're gonna
have some repetition,
73
00:03:03,665 --> 00:03:04,721
you know, let's do,
like, Philip Glass
74
00:03:04,756 --> 00:03:06,302
or Steve Reich repetition.
75
00:03:06,337 --> 00:03:07,984
And also, it doesn't
have to be simple.
76
00:03:08,019 --> 00:03:10,066
No. No, it does not.
77
00:03:10,100 --> 00:03:12,181
Right? I mean, kids like atonal stuff.
They like discordant...
78
00:03:12,216 --> 00:03:13,706
Do you guys play music?
79
00:03:13,740 --> 00:03:16,543
Yeah, I mean, we're musicians
or former musicians.
80
00:03:16,578 --> 00:03:18,983
Really?
We were too. Yeah.
81
00:03:19,017 --> 00:03:20,242
Oh, really?
What instruments?
82
00:03:20,276 --> 00:03:21,433
Yeah, uh,
I play guitar and sing.
83
00:03:21,468 --> 00:03:22,625
How funny.
I'm a drummer.
84
00:03:22,651 --> 00:03:23,943
I do a lot of circuit bending.
85
00:03:23,978 --> 00:03:25,103
- Okay.
- Samplers.
86
00:03:25,138 --> 00:03:26,297
- That's great.
- Yeah.
87
00:03:26,331 --> 00:03:28,016
We should make music for kids.
88
00:03:28,051 --> 00:03:29,243
[Triumphant music]
89
00:03:29,277 --> 00:03:31,096
- Wow.
- That's a great idea.
90
00:03:31,130 --> 00:03:32,882
I was kinda kidding,
but also not kidding.
91
00:03:32,916 --> 00:03:33,908
I would totally do this.
92
00:03:33,942 --> 00:03:35,502
Yeah, let's--
let's do it.
93
00:03:35,536 --> 00:03:36,689
Let's make a pact right now.
94
00:03:36,723 --> 00:03:38,250
No songs about
peanut butter and jelly.
95
00:03:38,284 --> 00:03:40,563
Okay? We don't reference
silly animals.
96
00:03:40,597 --> 00:03:42,057
No clouds, no cutesy stuff.
97
00:03:42,091 --> 00:03:43,978
We just play real music
for real kids.
98
00:03:44,012 --> 00:03:45,205
Yes.
99
00:03:45,239 --> 00:03:46,232
Should we think of a band name?
100
00:03:46,266 --> 00:03:47,653
Gummy Riot?
101
00:03:47,687 --> 00:03:48,746
What about Dough Hammer?
102
00:03:48,781 --> 00:03:50,007
Shortstop Sleepover?
103
00:03:50,041 --> 00:03:51,001
How about
The Hamburger Options?
104
00:03:51,035 --> 00:03:52,454
How about Cross-Stitch?
105
00:03:52,489 --> 00:03:54,382
How about Goofus?
106
00:03:54,417 --> 00:03:56,137
Oh, Goofus. That's-- that
might be too much for kids.
107
00:03:56,171 --> 00:03:57,725
I had one that was, like,
The Defiance Of...
108
00:03:57,759 --> 00:03:59,286
Anthropomorphic Sea Mammals.
109
00:03:59,320 --> 00:04:00,607
What's that?
110
00:04:00,641 --> 00:04:02,135
Defiance Of Anthropomorphic
Sea Mammals.
111
00:04:02,170 --> 00:04:03,263
I like that name.
112
00:04:03,297 --> 00:04:04,358
That actually kind of
appeals to kids.
113
00:04:04,386 --> 00:04:05,746
I think, 'cause...
114
00:04:05,780 --> 00:04:07,835
Children are about
to have their minds blown.
115
00:04:07,870 --> 00:04:10,685
Honestly, I feel so, just, like,
alive and excited right now.
116
00:04:10,720 --> 00:04:12,014
Cool.
117
00:04:12,048 --> 00:04:14,530
- All right.
- All right. Bye.
118
00:04:14,564 --> 00:04:15,858
It's open.
[Attempting to open car door]
119
00:04:15,893 --> 00:04:17,581
Stop it. Okay, it's open.
Hold it.
120
00:04:17,615 --> 00:04:20,104
I'm not even--
can you unlock it?
121
00:04:24,777 --> 00:04:26,271
Well, it's an interesting menu.
122
00:04:26,306 --> 00:04:27,860
My students said
we can't go wrong.
123
00:04:27,894 --> 00:04:29,488
Everything is good, so...
124
00:04:29,522 --> 00:04:31,410
I wish my students
ate some stuff like this.
125
00:04:31,444 --> 00:04:32,631
I don't know
what they're eating.
126
00:04:32,666 --> 00:04:33,826
Shiva salad?
127
00:04:33,860 --> 00:04:34,954
- Hello.
- Hello.
128
00:04:34,988 --> 00:04:36,382
How are you two doing?
129
00:04:36,417 --> 00:04:37,544
- We're very well, thank you.
- Good. Very good.
130
00:04:37,572 --> 00:04:38,732
Well, do you have
any questions?
131
00:04:38,766 --> 00:04:40,327
Um, I keep meaning
to try the "Ke-Noah,"
132
00:04:40,361 --> 00:04:41,548
'cause I keep seeing that name.
133
00:04:41,583 --> 00:04:43,144
- Quinoa.
- Okay.
134
00:04:43,178 --> 00:04:44,632
It's an ancient grain.
Super healthy for you.
135
00:04:44,667 --> 00:04:45,961
Oh, great, great.
136
00:04:45,995 --> 00:04:47,255
You know,
I would probably feel best
137
00:04:47,290 --> 00:04:49,211
if you could just make
some choices for us.
138
00:04:49,246 --> 00:04:50,866
Well, I can just put together
139
00:04:50,901 --> 00:04:52,955
a bunch of different options for you.
Can feed two.
140
00:04:52,990 --> 00:04:54,878
- Nothing too bananas.
I don't want to, you know. - Okay.
141
00:04:54,912 --> 00:04:56,566
'Cause I don't know
what's what.
142
00:04:56,601 --> 00:04:57,928
- Awesome. Thank you so much.
- Thanks a lot.
143
00:04:59,357 --> 00:05:00,478
[Exaggerated gulp]
144
00:05:00,512 --> 00:05:02,433
[Sighs] [Stomach gurgling]
145
00:05:02,468 --> 00:05:03,562
Delicious.
146
00:05:03,596 --> 00:05:04,923
I liked it all.
147
00:05:04,957 --> 00:05:06,318
I guess I didn't get
what raw was.
148
00:05:06,352 --> 00:05:07,506
But it felt like real food.
It's not--
149
00:05:07,540 --> 00:05:08,901
Yeah, it didn't feel
like a snack.
150
00:05:08,935 --> 00:05:10,262
That second thing
was really good.
151
00:05:10,297 --> 00:05:12,678
That sort of ricey, beany...
152
00:05:12,713 --> 00:05:13,873
I'm gonna be honest with you.
153
00:05:13,907 --> 00:05:14,934
Like, I feel...
[Light flatulence]
154
00:05:14,968 --> 00:05:16,424
- a little gassy.
- Yeah.
155
00:05:16,458 --> 00:05:18,254
I'm feeling the same thing.
156
00:05:18,288 --> 00:05:21,301
And these wooden seats.
I wish they had cushions or something.
157
00:05:21,335 --> 00:05:24,057
- They would have to wash them
all the time, right? - Yes. Or--
158
00:05:24,092 --> 00:05:25,746
- Will you hold my hand for a second?
- Yeah. You okay?
159
00:05:25,780 --> 00:05:28,829
Yeah, I just-- I gotta
get this fart out. [Flatulence]
160
00:05:28,863 --> 00:05:30,157
I'm gonna keep talking.
Through your fart.
161
00:05:30,191 --> 00:05:32,473
Look, our library
is falling apart.
162
00:05:32,507 --> 00:05:34,796
At our school,
if they had a new--
163
00:05:34,830 --> 00:05:36,685
- I'm farting right now.
- Mm-hmm.
164
00:05:36,719 --> 00:05:38,407
If they built a new facade
or anything in the library--
165
00:05:38,441 --> 00:05:39,635
- I'm still farting.
- Yeah.
166
00:05:39,669 --> 00:05:41,130
Not only would it
be out of money--
167
00:05:41,158 --> 00:05:42,752
I mean, the entire town
would be out of money.
168
00:05:42,786 --> 00:05:44,407
'Cause a lot of that is subsidized.
I'm farting.
169
00:05:44,442 --> 00:05:46,363
- Yeah.
- And they were trying
170
00:05:46,397 --> 00:05:48,252
to work on some kind of a new
tennis court-- I'm farting.
171
00:05:48,286 --> 00:05:49,714
And that fell apart.
And I thought--
172
00:05:49,748 --> 00:05:51,269
I'm gonna complain.
I'm farting.
173
00:05:51,303 --> 00:05:53,031
Yeah. I was-- I was farting
during that whole thing.
174
00:05:53,065 --> 00:05:55,881
What do you think about tomorrow?
What do you feel like doing?
175
00:05:55,915 --> 00:05:57,369
I can't.
I honestly can't think about--
176
00:05:57,404 --> 00:05:59,558
I know, I'm just trying
to make conversation.
177
00:05:59,593 --> 00:06:01,781
Hi, you two. I'm so sorry, but we've
been getting a lot of complaints.
178
00:06:01,815 --> 00:06:05,525
Um, if you do need to flatulate,
we have a designated area.
179
00:06:05,559 --> 00:06:07,747
Wait--?
180
00:06:07,782 --> 00:06:10,164
[Flatulence]
181
00:06:10,198 --> 00:06:11,826
[Both] Ah.
182
00:06:11,860 --> 00:06:13,715
Now I'm all loosey goosey.
183
00:06:13,749 --> 00:06:15,637
Yeah, and it doesn't disturb
all the other people eating.
184
00:06:15,672 --> 00:06:18,320
I know. I felt so
constrained in there.
185
00:06:18,355 --> 00:06:21,404
[Loud flatulence]
186
00:06:21,438 --> 00:06:22,865
- Huh.
- Wow.
187
00:06:22,893 --> 00:06:25,282
What was that?
A little mustard seed?
188
00:06:25,316 --> 00:06:26,310
Apple, for some reason.
189
00:06:26,344 --> 00:06:27,738
I'm smelling apple.
190
00:06:27,772 --> 00:06:30,093
- When in Rome.
- Yeah.
191
00:06:30,128 --> 00:06:32,027
Let that fart foam.
192
00:06:33,022 --> 00:06:34,427
Hi, Royce.
I'm her boss!
193
00:06:34,566 --> 00:06:36,567
From the Portland
Milk Advisory Board.
194
00:06:36,602 --> 00:06:39,237
Last week, we talked about
raw cow milk.
195
00:06:39,272 --> 00:06:40,305
It turns out that...
196
00:06:40,340 --> 00:06:41,607
The process of pasteurization
197
00:06:41,641 --> 00:06:43,008
as developed by Louis Pasteur
198
00:06:43,042 --> 00:06:45,310
is the only true legal
process in the United States.
199
00:06:45,344 --> 00:06:47,279
Instead,
we offer you cashew milk.
200
00:06:47,313 --> 00:06:48,614
And everything that she said,
I totally know.
201
00:06:48,648 --> 00:06:50,182
But she did such
a bang-up job, and...
202
00:06:50,216 --> 00:06:51,750
Thanks, boss.
203
00:06:51,784 --> 00:06:52,951
One of these days,
she's gonna take over.
204
00:06:52,986 --> 00:06:54,953
Louis Pasteur,
by the way, was...
205
00:06:54,988 --> 00:06:56,455
No, he was French.
206
00:06:56,489 --> 00:06:57,857
That doesn't mean he was gay.
207
00:06:57,891 --> 00:06:59,391
This didn't mean gay.
This meant French.
208
00:06:59,426 --> 00:07:00,926
He's my boss.
209
00:07:02,972 --> 00:07:04,672
We'd like to thank
Candace and Toni
210
00:07:04,707 --> 00:07:06,174
for having us all out here
211
00:07:06,208 --> 00:07:09,477
to celebrate the launch
of their new comedy section
212
00:07:09,511 --> 00:07:10,978
here at the book store.
213
00:07:11,012 --> 00:07:12,947
Let's take you through
these little books here.
214
00:07:12,981 --> 00:07:14,815
How The Lioness Lost Her Mane.
215
00:07:14,849 --> 00:07:17,051
My mane looks like a lion
chewed its way out.
216
00:07:17,085 --> 00:07:18,653
You know what I mean.
217
00:07:18,687 --> 00:07:21,189
So, Toni, I'm going to go up
and do some comedy.
218
00:07:21,223 --> 00:07:23,825
It's gonna be kind of a roast.
219
00:07:23,860 --> 00:07:25,360
- A little bit about you.
- Okay.
220
00:07:25,395 --> 00:07:27,329
It's just how comedy works.
Like, that's kind of--
221
00:07:27,363 --> 00:07:28,831
Is it? Okay.
222
00:07:28,865 --> 00:07:30,532
We're gonna have a special
guest up here tonight.
223
00:07:30,567 --> 00:07:33,035
Our very next comedian
is Candace
224
00:07:33,069 --> 00:07:35,470
from Women And Women First!
225
00:07:35,504 --> 00:07:38,302
All right. Knock 'em dead.
226
00:07:38,337 --> 00:07:40,337
Like to introduce you
to the co-owner
227
00:07:40,371 --> 00:07:42,005
of Women And Women First.
228
00:07:42,040 --> 00:07:43,507
That's Toni there.
229
00:07:43,541 --> 00:07:45,275
The zoo called.
They want their gorilla back.
230
00:07:45,310 --> 00:07:48,979
[Laughter]
231
00:07:49,013 --> 00:07:52,382
Thank you.
Gorilla.
232
00:07:52,416 --> 00:07:53,850
Toni's teeth, I don't
know if you've noticed.
233
00:07:53,884 --> 00:07:55,985
Looks like an old graveyard.
234
00:07:56,019 --> 00:07:58,521
Rest in peace.
Toni's parents are idiots.
235
00:07:58,555 --> 00:07:59,722
Couple of dummies.
236
00:07:59,757 --> 00:08:01,091
Sort of met each other
and said,
237
00:08:01,125 --> 00:08:03,060
"let's make something ugly."
238
00:08:03,094 --> 00:08:04,929
Um, I've got
a really funny joke.
239
00:08:04,963 --> 00:08:06,395
This is a really,
really funny one.
240
00:08:06,430 --> 00:08:08,900
This'll make you laugh.
Toni's face.
241
00:08:08,934 --> 00:08:12,137
It looks like it got
punched by a boxer.
242
00:08:12,171 --> 00:08:13,505
Lot of people talking
about the drug problems
243
00:08:13,539 --> 00:08:14,974
going on here in Portland.
244
00:08:15,008 --> 00:08:16,342
There's an ugliness problem too.
245
00:08:16,376 --> 00:08:18,544
I think it's in this area
over there.
246
00:08:18,579 --> 00:08:20,980
Should call the ugly police.
247
00:08:21,015 --> 00:08:23,149
Think they have one of those
makeover nightsticks.
248
00:08:23,184 --> 00:08:24,651
Except my impression
of a cop coming up to her
249
00:08:24,685 --> 00:08:26,019
is going like this.
250
00:08:26,054 --> 00:08:29,423
"Uh, oh, sorry.
This is a zoo."
251
00:08:29,457 --> 00:08:30,457
Gorilla house reference.
252
00:08:30,492 --> 00:08:34,062
Once again.
253
00:08:34,096 --> 00:08:36,764
I love you guys.
What a crowd.
254
00:08:36,799 --> 00:08:40,000
Yay, everybody.
Candace.
255
00:08:40,035 --> 00:08:41,802
Toni. That's my bag.
256
00:08:41,837 --> 00:08:43,037
Comedy...
257
00:08:43,071 --> 00:08:44,105
I'm gonna go on.
What?
258
00:08:44,139 --> 00:08:45,606
I'm gonna go on.
259
00:08:45,641 --> 00:08:47,041
Oh. So we have
a surprise guest tonight.
260
00:08:47,076 --> 00:08:49,444
Uh, everybody, Toni.
261
00:08:49,478 --> 00:08:53,547
[Applause]
262
00:08:53,582 --> 00:08:55,082
That's my bag.
That's my stuff.
263
00:08:55,117 --> 00:09:01,756
You know what would be funny?
If I smashed this.
264
00:09:01,790 --> 00:09:03,091
Is this your apple?
Is this your lunch?
265
00:09:03,125 --> 00:09:04,993
Oh, my apple.
266
00:09:05,027 --> 00:09:07,261
Oh. Don't--
267
00:09:07,296 --> 00:09:08,696
What is this?
268
00:09:08,730 --> 00:09:09,897
[Device vibrates]
269
00:09:09,932 --> 00:09:11,098
Is this your vibrator?
270
00:09:11,133 --> 00:09:12,433
I carry that around
because you never know.
271
00:09:12,467 --> 00:09:15,836
I'm putting it
out of its misery.
272
00:09:15,871 --> 00:09:17,571
Comedy, comedy, comedy!
273
00:09:17,605 --> 00:09:19,706
Such a pussy.
274
00:09:19,740 --> 00:09:21,341
You like Kombucha tea?
275
00:09:21,375 --> 00:09:22,609
Aah!
276
00:09:22,643 --> 00:09:26,246
[Laughter]
277
00:09:26,280 --> 00:09:31,952
[Cheers and applause]
278
00:09:31,986 --> 00:09:33,987
Who saw that coming?
279
00:09:34,022 --> 00:09:37,958
I did not. Okay.
Uh, thank you all for coming.
280
00:09:37,992 --> 00:09:40,026
That was great.
281
00:09:40,060 --> 00:09:41,427
Did you like it?
282
00:09:41,462 --> 00:09:43,429
I loved it.
We have to do this every week.
283
00:09:43,464 --> 00:09:45,031
I'll destroy you every week.
284
00:09:45,065 --> 00:09:48,234
Yeah, you destroyed.
Literally.
285
00:09:48,268 --> 00:09:50,703
We should have done that
as a joke.
286
00:09:50,737 --> 00:09:52,939
[Wheezing laughter]
287
00:09:56,410 --> 00:10:00,344
[Wheezing laughter continues]
288
00:10:08,654 --> 00:10:10,955
[Man] Boys and girls,
put your hands together
289
00:10:10,989 --> 00:10:13,424
for the Defiance Of
Anthropomorphic Sea Mammals.
290
00:10:16,527 --> 00:10:18,995
How's everyone doing?
291
00:10:19,029 --> 00:10:21,464
Did everybody have
a really good day today?
292
00:10:21,499 --> 00:10:24,134
[Man coughs]
293
00:10:24,168 --> 00:10:26,636
Uh, this is pretty cool music.
294
00:10:26,671 --> 00:10:30,974
And, uh, just listen
with an open mind.
295
00:10:31,009 --> 00:10:37,213
[Playing discordant music]
296
00:10:37,248 --> 00:10:40,083
Rejection!
297
00:10:42,920 --> 00:10:47,424
[Mumbling lyrics]
298
00:10:47,459 --> 00:10:49,660
I wanna die!
299
00:10:49,694 --> 00:10:52,263
I wanna die!
300
00:10:52,297 --> 00:10:55,566
I wanna die! I wanna die!
I wanna die! I wanna die!
301
00:10:55,600 --> 00:10:58,202
Sing along. Sing along.
302
00:10:58,237 --> 00:11:00,638
[Babbling]
303
00:11:00,672 --> 00:11:03,307
[Child cries]
304
00:11:03,342 --> 00:11:05,776
[Discordant music continues]
305
00:11:05,811 --> 00:11:08,346
Everybody leaves me.
Everybody leaves me.
306
00:11:08,380 --> 00:11:12,584
[Screams]
307
00:11:12,618 --> 00:11:14,652
Ow!
308
00:11:14,687 --> 00:11:17,722
[Children crying]
309
00:11:17,756 --> 00:11:19,490
And Squiggleman is next.
310
00:11:19,524 --> 00:11:21,292
[Cheers and applause]
311
00:11:21,326 --> 00:11:23,794
Hey. How are you?
312
00:11:23,828 --> 00:11:25,663
You don't sound
very pleased to see me.
313
00:11:25,697 --> 00:11:29,067
I'll go. I'll take my bags
and I'll leave.
314
00:11:29,101 --> 00:11:31,603
[Children] No!
315
00:11:31,637 --> 00:11:33,338
How did they react to us?
316
00:11:33,372 --> 00:11:34,573
Were we getting this response?
317
00:11:34,607 --> 00:11:36,111
You want me to come back?
318
00:11:36,145 --> 00:11:37,714
- Yes!
- Great.
319
00:11:37,748 --> 00:11:39,051
[Water splashes,
dolphin chatters]
320
00:11:39,085 --> 00:11:40,285
[Laughter]
321
00:11:40,320 --> 00:11:42,188
- Let's go.
- Yeah!
322
00:11:42,222 --> 00:11:44,156
It's an animal parade
323
00:11:44,190 --> 00:11:45,524
watch the animals
324
00:11:45,558 --> 00:11:48,961
walking down the lane
325
00:11:48,995 --> 00:11:50,462
master fuzzy bunny
326
00:11:50,496 --> 00:11:55,268
and his lucky paw
leads the way
327
00:11:55,302 --> 00:11:58,538
the kittens go
meow, meow, meow
328
00:11:58,572 --> 00:12:01,574
baby goats go bah, bah
329
00:12:01,608 --> 00:12:03,643
lady goose goes honk, honk
330
00:12:03,677 --> 00:12:08,314
honking on down the road
331
00:12:08,348 --> 00:12:11,784
but then
there comes a fright
332
00:12:11,818 --> 00:12:14,920
Mr. dump truck
is in sight
333
00:12:14,955 --> 00:12:18,757
he's a big machine and
he screams with a mighty...
334
00:12:18,792 --> 00:12:21,126
- I can't handle this. Do you?
- No. Can't handle this either.
335
00:12:21,161 --> 00:12:22,661
- I'm out of here, guys.
- Taking off.
336
00:12:25,165 --> 00:12:28,700
Wha!
337
00:12:31,938 --> 00:12:33,572
jippity jumping
338
00:12:33,606 --> 00:12:35,641
skippity skoppin'
339
00:12:35,675 --> 00:12:38,743
hopping on down the road
340
00:12:38,778 --> 00:12:43,048
wishy washing everyone's
noshing on mushrooms
341
00:12:43,082 --> 00:12:47,252
high or low
342
00:12:53,360 --> 00:12:55,194
the rabbit's paw
343
00:12:55,229 --> 00:12:57,062
the rabbit's paw
344
00:12:57,097 --> 00:12:59,498
This is catchy, right?
345
00:12:59,532 --> 00:13:00,766
I will admit it is.
346
00:13:00,800 --> 00:13:01,934
The rabbit's paw
347
00:13:01,968 --> 00:13:03,903
the rabbit's paw
348
00:13:03,937 --> 00:13:06,840
the rabbit's paw
349
00:13:06,874 --> 00:13:08,709
the rabbit's paw
350
00:13:08,743 --> 00:13:10,410
the rabbit's paw
351
00:13:10,445 --> 00:13:13,647
the rabbit's paw
352
00:13:13,681 --> 00:13:21,488
the rabbit's paw
353
00:13:21,523 --> 00:13:26,227
[Exaggerated deep breath]
354
00:13:26,261 --> 00:13:29,062
[Cheers and applause]
355
00:13:29,097 --> 00:13:30,464
That was so good.
356
00:13:30,498 --> 00:13:32,032
We should rethink
our whole thing.
357
00:13:32,066 --> 00:13:33,834
It's not about
being in a good band.
358
00:13:33,868 --> 00:13:36,904
It's about having a
relationship with an audience.
359
00:13:36,939 --> 00:13:38,072
Definitely.
360
00:13:38,107 --> 00:13:39,574
How do we get
into that mindset?
361
00:13:39,608 --> 00:13:40,742
You want me to stay here?
362
00:13:40,776 --> 00:13:42,010
Yeah!
363
00:13:42,044 --> 00:13:44,146
Stay forever?
Yeah!
364
00:13:45,916 --> 00:13:48,818
[Electric guitar solo]
365
00:13:48,852 --> 00:13:51,587
[Crashing, clattering]
366
00:13:57,990 --> 00:14:00,591
[Groans]
367
00:14:00,625 --> 00:14:03,560
Alex.
368
00:14:03,595 --> 00:14:05,028
I had to sleep
on the couch last night.
369
00:14:05,063 --> 00:14:06,496
Who's that guy?
370
00:14:06,531 --> 00:14:09,565
I guess Carrie got lucky.
371
00:14:09,600 --> 00:14:11,434
- Hi, sexy.
- Hi.
372
00:14:11,468 --> 00:14:12,669
Come here.
373
00:14:12,703 --> 00:14:14,037
Uh, actually I have to go.
374
00:14:14,071 --> 00:14:16,039
- Come lay on top of me.
- Mm, no.
375
00:14:16,073 --> 00:14:17,373
Do you know what you said
to me last night?
376
00:14:17,408 --> 00:14:18,908
I don't wanna know.
I was a little bit drunk.
377
00:14:18,943 --> 00:14:21,144
That I look like
a Scottish soccer player.
378
00:14:21,179 --> 00:14:22,579
Trey, this is kind of a mistake.
379
00:14:22,614 --> 00:14:25,449
This was just not
who I really am.
380
00:14:25,483 --> 00:14:26,951
And I have to be
at the DMV today.
381
00:14:26,985 --> 00:14:29,086
I have an appointment.
'Cause my license is expiring.
382
00:14:29,121 --> 00:14:30,421
So let's go.
383
00:14:30,455 --> 00:14:32,657
Can I stay? Am I allowed
to stay in your house?
384
00:14:32,691 --> 00:14:34,659
That would be weird
for my roommates, I think.
385
00:14:34,693 --> 00:14:36,894
- Could you give me a ride?
- Back to your car?
386
00:14:36,929 --> 00:14:38,829
I don't have a car.
I don't drive.
387
00:14:38,863 --> 00:14:41,832
Did you know that all car
companies are corporations?
388
00:14:41,866 --> 00:14:44,001
Trey, I will drive you
where you need to go.
389
00:14:44,035 --> 00:14:45,703
- Your house?
- Yeah.
390
00:14:45,737 --> 00:14:47,404
Okay.
391
00:14:47,438 --> 00:14:48,873
Can you make me
"wittle" bit of coffee?
392
00:14:48,907 --> 00:14:50,741
Uh...
393
00:14:50,776 --> 00:14:53,410
[Slurps] This is so hot!
394
00:14:53,445 --> 00:14:54,878
I'll meet you in the car, okay?
395
00:14:54,913 --> 00:14:56,447
Wait. Can I tell you
one story before we go?
396
00:14:56,481 --> 00:14:59,316
We're going.
But I got to tell you a story.
397
00:14:59,351 --> 00:15:00,585
I opened for sublime.
398
00:15:00,619 --> 00:15:01,853
Can you stop talking
for a second?
399
00:15:01,887 --> 00:15:03,621
You don't know me.
400
00:15:03,655 --> 00:15:05,222
- Everything you're saying--
- I'm a "wittle" baby.
401
00:15:05,257 --> 00:15:07,691
I need this to end,
and I wish it had never started.
402
00:15:07,725 --> 00:15:10,594
Let's go.
403
00:15:12,697 --> 00:15:14,265
Don't you hate metal drummers?
404
00:15:14,299 --> 00:15:16,534
The thing about the DMV
is it's always crowded.
405
00:15:16,568 --> 00:15:18,636
- You have to take a number.
- Why did you make a left?
406
00:15:18,670 --> 00:15:21,205
I don't know where I'm going.
You have to tell me.
407
00:15:21,239 --> 00:15:22,339
- Damn it.
- What?
408
00:15:22,373 --> 00:15:24,074
I don't have my keys.
409
00:15:24,108 --> 00:15:26,243
- Is someone at your house?
- You know what? My friend Skiz.
410
00:15:26,277 --> 00:15:27,845
Wait. We have to go somewhere
else to get your keys?
411
00:15:27,879 --> 00:15:30,348
Yeah, it's not that far.
412
00:15:30,382 --> 00:15:31,950
He's one of the funniest
guys I know.
413
00:15:31,984 --> 00:15:35,319
Skiz.
This is your alarm clock.
414
00:15:35,354 --> 00:15:37,021
Throw down the key.
415
00:15:37,056 --> 00:15:38,289
[Leaves rustle]
416
00:15:38,323 --> 00:15:39,757
[Laughs]
417
00:15:39,792 --> 00:15:43,862
- Babe.
- Oh, my God.
418
00:15:43,896 --> 00:15:45,129
- Thanks.
- Okay, let's go.
419
00:15:45,164 --> 00:15:46,631
No, I gotta go get my key.
420
00:15:46,665 --> 00:15:47,832
That is the key.
421
00:15:47,866 --> 00:15:49,267
No, that's Skiz' key to get in.
422
00:15:49,301 --> 00:15:52,704
- This is a two-key process?
- Yeah.
423
00:15:52,738 --> 00:15:54,105
[Bell dings, tires screech]
424
00:15:54,140 --> 00:15:56,708
Can I reach you on Facebook?
425
00:15:56,743 --> 00:15:59,211
If you are a friend of a friend,
you can find me on Facebook.
426
00:15:59,245 --> 00:16:01,212
Oh, I'm not on Facebook.
427
00:16:01,247 --> 00:16:03,448
But you know what I'll do?
I'll go on my friend's account.
428
00:16:03,482 --> 00:16:04,982
That doesn't even make sense.
429
00:16:05,017 --> 00:16:06,451
If Ryan messages you,
I'm messaging you through that.
430
00:16:06,485 --> 00:16:07,819
What would the point
of that be?
431
00:16:07,853 --> 00:16:09,787
- Ho-- stop the car! Pull over!
- What? Okay.
432
00:16:09,821 --> 00:16:12,189
- Pull over.
- Ugh. What?
433
00:16:12,223 --> 00:16:14,157
So crazy.
Everyone's, like, moving away
434
00:16:14,192 --> 00:16:15,793
and some people are moving in.
435
00:16:15,827 --> 00:16:17,194
Come on!
436
00:16:17,229 --> 00:16:18,529
I thought you were gonna
move to New Orleans.
437
00:16:18,563 --> 00:16:19,730
What the hell are you doing?
438
00:16:19,765 --> 00:16:20,865
What are you carrying
around with you?
439
00:16:20,899 --> 00:16:22,766
[Tires screech]
440
00:16:22,800 --> 00:16:26,136
[Computerized voice] Make a slight
left onto Interstate Avenue.
441
00:16:26,170 --> 00:16:27,671
- He's in my top--
- Aah!
442
00:16:27,706 --> 00:16:30,774
- Aah!
- Aah! Aah! Damn it.
443
00:16:30,809 --> 00:16:32,209
Why's all my stuff on the lawn?
444
00:16:32,244 --> 00:16:34,712
Wait, that's your stuff?
Aw, jeez.
445
00:16:34,746 --> 00:16:37,848
All right, well,
good luck with that, Trey.
446
00:16:37,883 --> 00:16:42,887
Huh. I guess just
take me back to your place.
447
00:16:42,921 --> 00:16:46,090
Get out.
I am so over this.
448
00:16:46,124 --> 00:16:47,725
Who is that? Who is that?
449
00:16:47,759 --> 00:16:51,161
- D'arcy! What are you doing?!
- Who is D'arcy? She got my key.
450
00:16:51,196 --> 00:16:53,631
D'arcy, come on!
451
00:16:53,665 --> 00:16:56,667
Don't do that.
You're gonna hurt yourself. Again.
452
00:16:56,701 --> 00:16:58,102
- I don't care!
- I care!
453
00:16:58,136 --> 00:16:59,737
You're not going anywhere!
454
00:16:59,771 --> 00:17:00,971
Who are you?
455
00:17:01,006 --> 00:17:02,606
Oh, I'm sorry. I'm D'arcy.
456
00:17:02,641 --> 00:17:05,042
I live in this house.
And so does Trey.
457
00:17:05,076 --> 00:17:06,243
Great.
458
00:17:06,277 --> 00:17:07,945
We are trying to make a child.
459
00:17:07,979 --> 00:17:09,113
Did he tell you about that?
460
00:17:09,147 --> 00:17:10,614
I actually don't care.
461
00:17:10,649 --> 00:17:12,750
I need you to give me
your contact information
462
00:17:12,784 --> 00:17:14,051
so I can call
my insurance company
463
00:17:14,086 --> 00:17:15,753
and have you pay
for the window.
464
00:17:15,787 --> 00:17:17,688
Let's just go home.
465
00:17:17,722 --> 00:17:19,556
No, Trey, I want nothing
to do with this.
466
00:17:19,591 --> 00:17:22,026
- I want my keys and I want
to get out of here. - Take them.
467
00:17:22,060 --> 00:17:23,160
- Right there. Get 'em.
- Thank you. (Trey) - Carrie?
468
00:17:23,195 --> 00:17:25,596
What? Ugh!
469
00:17:25,630 --> 00:17:26,864
What are you doing?
470
00:17:26,898 --> 00:17:28,899
All right, you know what?
I hate you.
471
00:17:28,933 --> 00:17:30,201
You guys deserve each other,
472
00:17:30,235 --> 00:17:31,802
and this is the worst
day of my life!
473
00:17:31,837 --> 00:17:33,871
And if I don't get to the DMV,
474
00:17:33,905 --> 00:17:35,940
I am gonna
come back here and--
475
00:17:35,974 --> 00:17:39,210
Aah! Stop.
I hate you.
476
00:17:39,244 --> 00:17:41,211
Ugh!
477
00:17:45,950 --> 00:17:47,184
Carrie?
478
00:17:47,218 --> 00:17:50,087
[Tranquil music]
479
00:17:50,121 --> 00:17:51,388
Thank you.
480
00:17:51,422 --> 00:17:52,823
Hey.
481
00:17:52,857 --> 00:17:54,424
I'm sorry.
Are you guys closed?
482
00:17:54,459 --> 00:17:57,127
Yeah. We've been closed
for about an hour,
483
00:17:57,161 --> 00:17:58,229
but how was your day?
484
00:17:58,263 --> 00:17:59,696
It was awful.
485
00:17:59,731 --> 00:18:02,031
Aw. But we have
coffee for you.
486
00:18:02,065 --> 00:18:04,833
And we're gonna make your day
a little bit better.
487
00:18:04,868 --> 00:18:06,001
Thank you.
488
00:18:06,036 --> 00:18:08,171
All right.
Let me see that smile.
489
00:18:08,205 --> 00:18:09,973
Ah, there.
Look, look.
490
00:18:10,007 --> 00:18:11,441
Oh.
I've called the cops,
491
00:18:11,475 --> 00:18:12,875
and they're gonna
take your statement.
492
00:18:12,910 --> 00:18:14,778
Paramedics gonna
take care of...
493
00:18:14,812 --> 00:18:18,014
Doesn't matter what we say
494
00:18:18,049 --> 00:18:20,250
[Siren chirps]
495
00:18:20,284 --> 00:18:21,718
Jerry?
496
00:18:21,752 --> 00:18:24,888
Today or yesterday
497
00:18:24,922 --> 00:18:26,156
Hi, guys.
498
00:18:26,190 --> 00:18:29,626
Isn't it a shame
499
00:18:29,661 --> 00:18:32,663
Sorry, it was just, like,
such an awful day.
500
00:18:54,769 --> 00:18:56,970
Ah. Excellent.
501
00:18:57,005 --> 00:18:58,739
Start without me.
502
00:18:58,773 --> 00:19:00,274
I'll take my clothes off,
and I'll be right there.
503
00:19:00,308 --> 00:19:01,675
No, no, no, that's not
what this is about.
504
00:19:01,709 --> 00:19:03,143
We just really
wanna talk to you.
505
00:19:03,178 --> 00:19:05,178
We have this band,
and we opened up for you,
506
00:19:05,213 --> 00:19:06,680
but, like, just,
they ignored us,
507
00:19:06,714 --> 00:19:08,381
and you're so huge,
508
00:19:08,416 --> 00:19:11,184
and we want to do well,
you know what I mean?
509
00:19:11,218 --> 00:19:12,752
About nine years ago,
510
00:19:12,787 --> 00:19:16,257
I managed to convince myself
that I was nine years old.
511
00:19:16,291 --> 00:19:18,793
Every day I walk out
into the street,
512
00:19:18,827 --> 00:19:21,262
I see things as a
nine-year-old would see them.
513
00:19:21,297 --> 00:19:22,797
Does that make sense?
514
00:19:22,832 --> 00:19:24,032
Yes and no.
I mean...
515
00:19:24,067 --> 00:19:25,968
What are you sat on?
516
00:19:26,002 --> 00:19:27,469
Uh, a bed.
517
00:19:27,504 --> 00:19:29,271
No, it's not.
It's a bouncy-bounce.
518
00:19:29,306 --> 00:19:30,706
Bouncy-bounce.
Okay.
519
00:19:30,740 --> 00:19:32,207
What are those on your feet?
520
00:19:32,242 --> 00:19:33,876
They're--
they're shoes.
521
00:19:33,910 --> 00:19:35,744
They're not.
They're your choo-choos.
522
00:19:35,779 --> 00:19:37,780
I mean, how else do you
live like a nine-year-old?
523
00:19:37,814 --> 00:19:39,849
- I mean, you're drinking.
- You're drinking alcohol.
524
00:19:39,884 --> 00:19:41,417
This isn't alcohol.
This is wee-wee.
525
00:19:41,452 --> 00:19:43,186
Wee-wee.
526
00:19:43,220 --> 00:19:44,621
You can do this.
Really. Stand up.
527
00:19:44,655 --> 00:19:47,257
- Okay.
- Okay, come on. Shake it off.
528
00:19:47,291 --> 00:19:49,259
- I mean...
- That's it.
529
00:19:49,294 --> 00:19:50,727
- I feel silly.
- I know.
530
00:19:50,762 --> 00:19:53,029
No, no, no, no, no. Come on.
You're nine years old.
531
00:19:53,064 --> 00:19:54,864
It would be nice
to not care as much
532
00:19:54,899 --> 00:19:56,099
about what
other people thought.
533
00:19:56,133 --> 00:19:57,233
It's the best.
534
00:19:57,267 --> 00:20:00,136
I am Michelle.
I am mish mash Michelle.
535
00:20:00,170 --> 00:20:01,770
[Upbeat music]
536
00:20:01,805 --> 00:20:03,739
Makes me wanna
go jump on the bed.
537
00:20:03,773 --> 00:20:05,241
On the bouncy-bounce.
538
00:20:05,275 --> 00:20:06,342
Get off there.
[Music stops]
539
00:20:06,376 --> 00:20:08,244
- What?
- Come off there.
540
00:20:08,278 --> 00:20:10,146
Not on daddy's
bouncy-bounce.
541
00:20:10,180 --> 00:20:11,915
You know this.
542
00:20:11,949 --> 00:20:13,884
You can't jump on the bed.
Come on.
543
00:20:13,918 --> 00:20:15,952
We've talked about this.
544
00:20:15,987 --> 00:20:18,355
I told you not
to bounce on the bed.
545
00:20:18,389 --> 00:20:19,990
Ow!
546
00:20:20,024 --> 00:20:21,725
I never wanna feel bad inside,
547
00:20:21,760 --> 00:20:25,397
and I never want any of you
to feel bad either.
548
00:20:25,431 --> 00:20:27,300
Friends forever.
549
00:20:27,335 --> 00:20:29,769
- Forever and ever.
- Mm.
550
00:20:29,804 --> 00:20:33,239
I'm gonna get my special
glasses in this bag.
551
00:20:33,273 --> 00:20:37,010
Don't talk or go away!
552
00:20:37,044 --> 00:20:38,278
Is this working at all?
553
00:20:38,312 --> 00:20:40,780
Fantastic. Keep going.
554
00:20:40,814 --> 00:20:43,817
Use your imagination.
555
00:20:43,851 --> 00:20:45,419
Vegetables!
556
00:20:45,453 --> 00:20:49,056
It's imaginary lunchtime!
557
00:20:49,090 --> 00:20:51,191
[Camera shutter clicks]
558
00:20:53,728 --> 00:20:55,529
[Child]
This reviewer couldn't discern
559
00:20:55,564 --> 00:20:57,799
exactly what was happening
in the video.
560
00:20:57,833 --> 00:21:00,769
He just knows that it
transcends children's music
561
00:21:00,803 --> 00:21:03,572
on literally
every single level.
562
00:21:03,606 --> 00:21:06,075
Hey, you guys,
there's this band.
563
00:21:06,109 --> 00:21:09,245
Everything that can
be said in kids' music
564
00:21:09,279 --> 00:21:10,813
has now been said.
565
00:21:10,847 --> 00:21:13,482
We did it.
Good job, everybody.
566
00:21:13,516 --> 00:21:15,284
Shut down your computers.
567
00:21:15,318 --> 00:21:18,087
Shut down the site.
568
00:21:19,455 --> 00:21:21,790
It's an animal parade
569
00:21:21,824 --> 00:21:23,425
watch the animals
570
00:21:23,459 --> 00:21:26,261
walking down the lane
571
00:21:26,296 --> 00:21:28,029
master fuzzy bunny
572
00:21:28,064 --> 00:21:32,534
and his lucky paw
leads the way
573
00:21:32,569 --> 00:21:35,804
but then
there comes a fright
574
00:21:35,838 --> 00:21:39,107
Mr. dump truck
is in sight
575
00:21:39,142 --> 00:21:45,848
he's a big machine and
he screams with a mighty roar
576
00:21:45,882 --> 00:21:50,053
climb on board
577
00:21:50,087 --> 00:21:54,290
wha!
578
00:21:54,616 --> 00:21:55,650
Sync and corrections by n17t01
www.addic7ed.com
579
00:21:55,700 --> 00:22:00,250
Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0
41000
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