Original subtitles

This year the unemployment rate in Portland hit 12%.

12% of us are out of work.

That's one in eight.

Two in sixteen.

Seven and...

fifty-six.

Every politician has...

a plan, but nothing...

seems to work.

Work.

We need to work.

Work.

Work.

Work.

We need to...

work.

But now there's hope.

Imagine a Portland

with 100% employment.

One hundred percent

employment.

Employment.

A Portland where

we all have jobs...

completing...

each other's...

sentences.

Sentences.

Some of us get paid

to start a sentence.

And the others...

get paid to finish it.

Get paid to finish it.

To finish it.

Kids.

Couples.

Grandfathers.

Musicians.

Cyclists.

Artists.

Stupid-heads.

Crumbums.

Dweebs.

Sluts.

Sluts.

Soccer cousins.

Soccer cousins.

Idiots.

People... who are

not good at r-reading.

Not good at r-reading.

Everyone...

paid to be in a commercial...

where all we have...

where all we have...

to do is...

com...

plete each...

other's sent...

ences.

Complete...

each other's...

sentences.

Complete...

each other's...

sentences.

Complete...

each other's...

sentences.

Complete...

each...

other's...

complete each other's...

no.

I don't need to do that.

Man: You just have to

complete the sentence, sir.

I don't have

to complete anything.

I'll give you $500.

Finish your own sentence.

Ah, damn it.

Sync by n17t01 www.addic7ed.com

Fred Armison: Hmm,

maybe I'll get a little

bit of some of that cake.

Bit of some of that cake.

Carrie Brownstein: Hmm,

those look good.

I think I'll get a bagel.

Ah, you know, you can get

it with cream cheese in it.

Mayor: Hey, Fred!

Carrie!

I think I'll get

one of those.

Hey, Fred.

Hi.

Hey, how are you?

How are you?

Hi, Mr. mayor.

Hey, I just got back

from Baltimore.

Great... that's a great city.

It's a great city.

Mayor Rawlings-Blake took me

to an orioles baseball game.

Unbelievable!

What did he say?

A baseball game?

He said baseball.

That's so great.

That's great.

Wow!

Congratulations.

Yeah, great.

Hey, you know what

we need in this city?

A baseball team.

Oh... hi.

A major league baseball team.

Great.

We should t one.

Yeah, go for it.

I want you guys to help me

put it together.

Wait, Fred and I?

Us?

Yeah, I trust you.

You guys know

what Portland needs.

We don't know

anything about how...

well, when I saw you,

it just hit me,

and I thought, "yes."

I saw the baseball game

in Baltimore, I thought

of you guys, and it was

like here we are again.

It's perfect.

Yeah... yeah.

Right

sure.

And I think we-we

communicate well together.

Heather, can I get a bagel?

I mean, don't you think

we communicate well together?

Yeah.

Look at us... look at us.

Then let's do this.

All right.

Thanks, Heather.

All right.

Thank you, mayor.

Bye.

How are we gonna do that?

I have no idea.

I mean, I don't even

know where to start.

That's like

super tall order.

Yeah.

We could do it, I guess.

Oh, Fred... Carrie.

I just thought of

the name for the team.

The Portland thinkers.

Wow, clever.

That's great.

Where'd he go?

Where'd he go?

Hey.

We need to find some athletes.

So you've got to go out

and find out what's...

who's out there.

Um...

for baseball.

Oh, yeah.

Can they hit, catch...

hit, catch, throw, yeah.

And it doesn't

matter right or left.

Okay, male?

Right?

That's what the mayor says.

Males, okay.

It's got to be dudes, huh?

Can I get a bagel, Heather?

Okay, good.

I'm on it.

And I noticed,

when I was watchin' the game,

a lot of standing around.

Good standers.

Okay.

Good standers.

Bus stops and stuff.

Yes!

Atm lines.

Yeah, yeah.

Good... good... yes.

Heather, could I get a bagel?

Thanks, Heather... this is great.

Okay.

All right.

You guys are gonna be great.

Oh, so we're doing it?

I'm so excited.

It's on.

Come by the office next week.

Oh, we'll do that.

All right.

Okay.

All right.

Thank you, mayor.

See you later.

Bye.

How are we gonna do that?

I don't know.

Hi, can we have

some warm water, please?

Hello, I'm Robert Wilson.

These are my handcrafted,

these are my handcrafted,

handmade light bulbs.

The glass I use

is very brittle.

You got to be real careful

when you screw them in.

You might ask yourself,

why buy handcrafted light bulbs?

Is it the price?

No... these are $68 each.

Will they last forever?

Is that why they're

so expensive?

No, they burn out after

a couple of days.

A couple of days.

I ordered Robert's artisanal

light bulbs about 14 months ago,

and they have yet to arrive.

And they have yet to arrive.

I know it takes a very long time

to get them just right,

but my eyes have adjusted.

I don't always predict this,

ah, flickering.

It should be a little bit

more of one flash of light.

[ Woman coughing ]

[ Woman coughing ]

I have one employee.

That's D'arbie.

She's wonderful.

She's wonderful.

Are you sick?

Do you wanna go home?

Do you wanna go home?

On her first day she got sick,

and she stayed sick.

So D'arbie's had a cold

for about five years.

D'arbie, I think

the-the mucus affects...

I sent Robert

a few emails, ah, over

the course of the last year.

He hasn't returned my emails.

I don't know if he's on email.

He might be against email.

This one's green.

A little more green

than I wanted it to be.

In fact, I wanted it to be

a kind of orange, but, um,

some mistakes were made.

How's it going, d'arbie?

I specifically said, "okay,

"just get the orange glass."

And it's kind of more

important to me.

D'arbie: Are you talking

about me right now?

These wonderful bulbs

that we make from hand.

I feel like she's more concerned

with working at a cool place.

Are you talking about me?

I-I'll finish those, d'arbie.

You know, when I first started,

one of the first

ones I made...

you all right?

You're still sick?

What did you say about me?

Okay, you'll be all right.

That's like the third time

she's done that this week.

"Don't run up

"those damn stairs."

"Her feet were

"clipping and clopping

"clipping and clopping

"and stomping around.

"Please, Margaret, don't.

"Don't run up

"those damn stairs."

"You keep running up

"those stairs,

"and it is driving me bananas."

Margaret is cadence's parent.

Oh.

"There's a toe

"circling a moon.

"The toe is wearing a ring.

"I was part woman, part woman."

"Me, noodle and critter

"were all at heart tart.

"Basket was gonna be there

"so I wore something sexy.

"My leg tattoos were showing,

"which was something basket

"always loved about me.

"'I want to feel your pedals, '

"she would say,

"and when we

"locked the cats out..."

hi, can we help you?

Hi, I'm sorry I'm late.

I'm here for

the journaling class?

Oh, our journaling class

starts at 6:00 P.M.

I can go is...

no, no, no.

We'll find you a chair.

Thank you so much.

Ah, we've all already gone.

We've done our journals.

Um, hers was abysmal.

She refuses

to contribute anything.

And ours, of course,

I think we won this round.

I'm a little nervous

'cause it's my first class,

but okay.

"My boyfriend, Chad,"

s the most amazing boyfriend

"that anyone has ever had.

"I'm so in love with him.

"We have just started

"our tantric sex experiments,

"and he worshipped

"my yoni for two hours.

"I have never felt

"this good in my entire life.

"Thank you, universe."

You're thanking

the universe for that?

Sounds like you-you should

thank the online dating service.

Yeah, I feel like

it was a brag journal.

And um, what a journal should

be is a document of misery.

But if you really feel happy

and you really love

your boyfriend is it - is it

so wrong to-to write that?

It is so wrong

to write that.

But isn't better

to be honest about what

you are going through

so you're been authentic.

No, there's that old saying,

"honesty is not always

"the greatest thing to do."

It should be painted more as,

"Chad, what is his problem.

"I just don't get that guy."

But he always just makes

breakfast for both of us.

Like, every morning

he makes me breakfast.

Wh-what... just to let

you know how we're feeling.

We're this close to

jumping up on these tables,

kicking everything off,

throwing pencils in

the eyes of everybody here,

slapping each other,

then me grabbing her hand

and slapping everyone's face.

Wow!

You want to take these books

and just light them on fire.

Why?

We're slightly

offended at all this.

Slavery of the penis.

Okay.

Um, um, what's

your name again?

Heather.

Heather.

Let's talk a little bit

about, um, your boyfriend,

what's his name again?

Chad.

Chad.

Well, what would it be like

if we heard Chad's journal?

You know, Chad's journal

would be very like,

"I'm a guy,

"and today I went down

"to the billiards hall.

"And my buddy said,

"'hey, did you read the newest

'issue of "playboy"?'"

[ cell phone ringing ]

"And he said, 'yeah',

"and then we'd go down to the

"bowling alley and have beers,

"and say, 'why don't we get

"'some more tattoos

"'all over our necks.

"'Boy, I'm gonna get my wrench

"and fix every engine

"on the block."

"Every single car and truck."

You know what I mean?

I mean, guys with trucks,

it's like...

where are they going?

What's up?

You smell like an antelope.

Ah.

Um, I do a lot

of canning of jams,

and I would like to can you.

I'd love to try one

of your jams sometime.

Between the two of us,

we have four breasts.

Do you know what that means?

I think I understand.

I feel like you have

a unicorn inside you.

Oh, that's nice.

Oh, thank you.

I love unicorns.

I love unicorns.

Their just, um...

oh, just...

und it.

[ Music ]

Are you all right?

Are you all right?

I'm so good.

Fred: Um, thanks, guys,

for coming to the, uh,

baseball team tryouts.

Baseball team tryouts.

Portland is trying to put

together a national team.

Do your best.

We want to see what you have.

Carrie: Good luck, gentlemen.

We'll see you on the field.

All right.

Uh, number one.

Who is this guy?

What's your name again?

Tim.

How did we find you.

I saw an ad.

We assume you saw an ad.

Yep.

What's this?

That's, ah...

It's a baseball.

Yeah, I'm lookin'

for a metaphor here.

It's, ah... it's, ah...

this is life.

Let me see you swing

without the bat.

I... I... lose the bat

for a minute... just drop it.

Let me see you

swinwithout it.

Do the sound effect for it.

What-what would that sound like?

Whoosh!

Back and forth,

like I'm sort of at an edit bay.

Whoosh... whoosh.

Great.

Go take a break.

Hang out... have fun.

Okay.

Yeah.

See you in the showers.

Thanks.

All right.

Number two, please.

Next up, sir,

please take the field.

We got a guy on second.

Got a guy on third.

What are you gonna do?

I'm gonna hit a home run.

You haven't been thrown

a pitch yet.

That's what baseball is.

Wait until the ball is thrown.

I'm gonna play the part

of a steroid salesman.

Uh-huh.

I wanna see

you turn him down.

Hey, you want some steroids?

Ah, no.

Come on.

Everyone does it.

Want some steroids?

Naw, no, not-not really.

I don't want any.

It's free.

Free?

You don't have to pay a dime.

Ah, no.

Nice job, buddy.

Nice job, buddy.

Strong constitution.

Ah, number three

step up, please.

You do know in baseball

that sometimes it's gonna

require stealing, don't you?

Do you know this song?

Bum, bum, bum, bum, bum,

bum, bum, bum, bum...

I don't know the song.

I'm just seeing if you do.

All right... next.

All right.

Okay.

Oh, no.

No.

Next.

Thank you very much.

Thanks.

You can step up to the plate

in a quick manner.

First of all, we like you.

We're just gonna throw

a couple of balls at you.

And I'm just gonna be part

of the crowd, taunting you.

We want to see if that

fazes you at all, okay?

Don't take it personally.

You look so stupid out there!

You're pathetic!

You can't play ball!

Um, let's see.

Ah, you're the worst!

Or maybe something

along the lines of...

get outta here!

That kind of thing.

Next.

Hi.

It says here that you

are an office manager

at a photography studio.

Is that fun?

I bet.

Next.

Ah, turn around to the crowd

and say, "I'm gonna

"run to first base,

"and after that, second base.

"And after that,

"you know the rest."

Just like a little speech

like that so we know

what's gonna happen once

you're out there on the field.

I'm sorry, I didn't hear you.

Can you hear this okay?

What ma'am?

I'm sorry.

What was that?

Thank you very much.

Thanks.

[ Music ]

Gentlemen...

Congratulations.

Your Portland's first

national baseball team.

You made the cut.

Ah, let's get in there

a little close, you guys.

Tall guys in the back.

Say, "play ball."

Play ball.

Markus: With a hanger steak.

Markus: With a hanger steak.

That might be good.

Do we have enough pork belly?

Keith: Ah, sorry.

Markus and Anna?

Oh, hi.

Hi, I'm Keith,

from the Portland dining guide.

We were gonna take

some-some pictures today.

Oh.

Is now a good time?

Yeah.

Anna: Sure... yeah.

All right.

Ah, wherever you want

to stand, and we'll...

great.

And we'll snap off a few

shots and call it a day.

Okay.

And, here you go.

Okay, interesting.

Let's-let's do another one.

Okay, you don't, uh...

It's typically not necessary

to-to pout.

Okay, we'll be fine.

Okay.

I wonder if we just kinda...

yeah, what if we were

just up a little higher.

All right.

We can maybe get a few

of the - of the pots in.

Okay.

Okay.

Um.

Keith, check this out.

We're an audience,

and we're applauding.

All right, the snow.

Do you like that, Keith?

Okay, let's keep going.

A-all right.

I'm gonna tiger

towards the camera.

Tiger toward... all right.

Are we skinny?

Make us look skinnier.

Yeah.

Okay.

Is that cool?

That'll be a-a fun

littlelooper reel.

Let's try another one.

Make it look like a mirror

and I'm putting on lipstick.

I'm just gonna do

a line of flour.

I'm totally on coke!

She's on coke!

Kind of like interviewing

her on the news.

So I'll dip the microphone

in something like...

"hey, what do you think?"

I don't know!

People packing up

to go home.

The end of a long day.

Bye, Keith.

I hope we have

more customers next week.

What if we're ghosts?

Dude, that is intense,

so invisible me out.

Do it.

Snap.

[ Music ]

Keith, isn't that sexy?

[ Roaring ]

[ Demonic voice ]

Gotcha.

You know what?

Let's bring real models.

Oh, yeah... Keith hold on.

Our waitresses

are really pretty.

Crystal... Cora?

Do we look like

we're the Beatles.

How's this look like?

Do you like it?

That looks all right,

doesn't it?

Snap it... you have to sna...

do a little body right here.

Don't use my real body.

You have to promise me not to.

Okay, now the audience

is booing us.

What... what did we do wrong?

Keith, get this, all right?

Keith.

Milk all over us.

Do it.

Put it on the cover!

What do you think, Keith?

Ah.

Keith.

Keith, did that look good?

Does that...

do you think that could

be on a place for the...

[ music ]

All right.

What time is it?

Uh, I don't know.

Uh, I don't know.

It's maybe just around 8:00.

I just...

when does this thing start?

I think it's supposed

to start at 8:30?

Hurry up.

People are getting ahead of us.

I know, but I don't

want them to show

anything before 8:15.

Right.

Last time it started

at 8:15... right at 8:15.

Oh, excuse me.

Excuse us.

Hi, this is usually our spot

'cause we have more stuff.

Yeah, we need

like a 20 by 10 area.

Yeah.

Great... appreciate it.

Thank you.

Thank you.

How many feet

you got over there?

Ah, I've got about 20.

Why don't you just put it

right down there.

Twenty on the diagonal.

Fifteen on the diagonal.

All right, let me stake it.

Great, sweetie.

This we can use here.

You know what?

I-I don't like

how plain that is.

I'm just gonna

drape something over it.

Gotta keep the riff-raff out.

No offense, everybody.

Dave... Dave.

We can use this as a shelf.

Good.

This might fall.

Just so you know.

It'll be okay.

It might.

I didn't say it's going to,

it just might.

It's weird no one else

brought a hot plate.

You don't want broccoli again?

No, I definitely

want broccoli again.

Okay, 'cause I just

brought enough, I think,

for at least both of us.

I am gonna make you

the salsa that you love.

This look good?

Great.

You've done it again.

Excuse me.

Hi.

Excuse me, ma'am.

Young lady, come on in.

The last time we were here,

according to my watch,

the movie started

at 8:30 about...

well, if it's not completely

dark then you can't see.

Just for next time,

that's all.

It's just that last-last time

it ran a little bit differently.

Yeah.

We were here

for the muppet movie.

"Muppets take Manhattan."

Yeah, that's great.

I think I remember seeing you.

You know,

just something to note.

If you're gonna be late

put that on your website.

People run their lives

around seeing these movies,

so just let people know.

Hey, if we have any talkers

during the movie, we would just,

like, greatly appreciate it,

like, not so much.

You know what I mean?

I-I mean, I don't care.

It's not me.

It's just like for

everybody else, that's all.

To outdoor film.

[ Muffled talking ]

I can't...

I'm sorry, can you speak up?

We can't hear you.

Next week is what?

It's tootsie what?

Hi... no sound.

No sound.

No sound.

Come on, movie,

make it start!

Come on, movie,

make it start!

You-you have a good

singing voice... you sound great.

You know what?

If we leave right now,

we could like

beat the whole crowd.

Traffic's gonna be crazy.

You're right.

Get outta here?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Sorry, everybody,

if you're trying to watch.

Mayor: There's the team.

The Portland thinkers.

Fred: Yeah.

They have, like, real

baseball gloves and bats.

Carrie: We're playing

with the-the diamondbacks,

and I think we have the Phillies

the following week.

I think they're

gonna be ready to go.

And if they don't win,

at least we're in there

and we're getting some place,

and we're representing

Portland, and...

we just gotta figure out

how to market this team,

and how-how we're gonna sell

this to the city.

You know what I'm thinking

is, look at that guy

holding the bat.

Right.

What if - what if the bat

was a little bit of a character,

like a mascot?

Yeah, you have those

great scoreboards with all

the lights on 'em, and the bat

would come like dancing in...

dun, dun, dun, dun.

And sing a little song.

They can decide that later.

But I think once we get,

ah, someone for first base,

we'll know.

This guy could actually

be like... we could sort of

animate him, too.

Yes.

Right?

What do you mean animate him?

He could be like

the nordic batsman.

You know what I mean?

Oh, yeah.

Roving with the bat.

Then it turns into a bat,

and suddenly we start playing.

When... during a game?

Think about this animated.

Think about these characters.

Batty Batterson.

That's what the bat's called.

That-that's a good name,

Batterson.

Right?

Yeah.

For what?

When would this happen?

The mascot.

This is all part of, like,

in between all the stuff.

You know, like...

the game?

The game's important.

And that's why I'm saying

that-that's why we have

to start training them

so we know who's gonna be

best at what position.

Um, I'm glad you guys

are being creative about it,

but, like, a bat has

nothing to do with Portland.

It's just a stepping off

point... the bat.

I mean, from there we can

go to any number of places

around Portland.

Okay, what if there was

like a mitt, mitty Mitchell.

What is this for?

I love that idea.

For what?

Let's just make this show...

show?

We can set it in Portland.

Kids are gonna love it.

I mean, are-are we

talkin' about a baseball team?

No, no, no.

We've moved beyond the team now.

We're gonna animate

each one of the players,

and turn it into a whole

like a cartoon kind of show.

When?

It's something we're...

we're working

on it right now.

Working on it right now.

This is the brainstorm.

This is happening right now.

We're coming up as we think.

I'm thinking of an episode

where there's batty Batterson,

mitty Mitchell.

Mitty Mitchell,

great character.

There's an old, kind

of ornery umpire, grumpire.

Grumpy grumpire.

Grumpy grumpire.

This is fantastic.

Who's gonna finance

making a cartoon?

Cartoons don't

cost very much.

Of course, they do.

You must know someone

who can draw, right?

I mean, you have good artists.

I-I-I do.

I-I-I know this guy, David.

Right?

Like think about during

the holidays, and the kinds

of things you can do

during the holidays, right?

Thanksgiving would be great.

You could do like

a pumpkin logo on one of those.

Yes... okay, thank you.

Right.

This animator that you know,

I think this could

be a very important thing.

This Dave, you said

he could really...

I'm not promising

you anything.

Could we get it by Saturday?

Why-why don't you guys get

some sketches going of this,

just some ideas,

some characters, and possible

situations and bring them to me.

I would love to see some of

the stuff that you would create.

I would love to, Mr. mayor.

I have such a vivid idea

of mitty Mitchell in my head

right now.

Can I...

all right.

All right,

to batty Batterson.

Yeah.

Batty Batterson.

That's a terrible name

by the way.

We're the baseball kids

it's Saturday morning

we're the baseball kids

Sync by n17t01 www.addic7ed.com

All day long.

We're the baseball kids

it's Saturday morning

we're the baseball kids

it's Saturday morning

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