Original subtitles

- Megan is running late. - Okay.

Hey, did you guys read that thing in "the Newyorker" last month

about golf is an analogy for marriage?

I did. I did read that.

Did you read that

in "McSweeney's?"

Hmm...

It was comparing cd tracks

and album tracks.

Did you read that?

Yeah.

Did you read that thing

in "mother Jones" about

eco chairs and eco waste?

I did... I did.

Did you read that thing in

"spin" about all the festivals?

Mmm... uh-hmm.

Did you read that thing

in "paste?"

It was about the national.

Oh, I saw that.

Did you see that thing

in "dwell" about all

the mid-century houses.

Yeah... did you read

"the New York times?"

Yes.

"The New York observer?"

Yes.

"Washington post?"

Yes.

"Wall street journal"

of course, I read it.

Did you read that

steam punk article

in "one way?"

I did not like the end of it.

Did you read that

sky writing over

the Williamette river?

Yes... did you read

that fortune cookie?

Yes!

From last night?

Yes!

Did you read it?

Yes!

There were two.

Yes... did you read

that thing that guy wrote

in the sand on the beach?

Yeah.

Did you read

the "Portland Mercury?"

Did you read the [lnaudible]?

Yeah.

Did you read

the "Seattle stranger?"

Beginning to end.

Did you read

the "s up weekly?"

I loved it!

"The Harper lampoon."

Well written.

Did you read "mad magazine?"

I did not like the end of it.

Did you read "Cathy?"

That was cute.

Did you read "family circus?"

Sure.

Did you read

"Calvin and Hobbes?"

Sure.

Did you read

"the Boston globe?"

Did you read

"the Washington blade?"

We read it together.

Did you read...

uh-huh.

Did you read...

uh-hmm.

Did you read?

Of course, I did.

I read it to a friend of mine.

Did you read the closing credits

of that movie?

Yeah... did you read...

did you read it?

Do you read "the Bible?"

Did you read it?

Finger writing on the window?

[ Inaudible shouting ]

Hi, Maggie.

Hey, Maggie!

Maggie: Did you guys, uh,

read the new "Portland monthly?"

It's crazy.

[ Mumbling ]

Hey... says "don't walk."

Can't you read?

[ Music ]

Sync by n17t01 www.addic7ed.com

Hello, mayor's office.

Yes.

Do you have an e.T.A.?

Why not?

All right, bye-bye.

Carrie: Where are you gonna

get your book signed?

Fred: Oh, I'm just gonna

do the first blank open page.

Oh, I do the title page,

usually.

Oh, really?

Yeah.

Mayor's office.

You just find out.

Find it out.

Well...

Ma'am, hi... how long,

how long do you think

it'll be?

Just wanna get this signed,

that's all.

Well, he has

the senior citizens in there,

you know, and they talk

kinda slow.

Ma'am, all we want is

just a quick signature,

a quick hello and then

we're outta there.

Yes, but...

where'd she go?

I don't know.

Is someone chasing her

or something?

Well-well-well-well...

Ma'am, all we want

is just a quick signature

and then we're outta here,

I promise.

Well, I'm gonna tell ya

the truth, the mayor happens

to have a draining cyst

on his check

and it's really kind of ugly

and he doesn't

wanna be seen that way.

You know what?

I don't care about

a draining cyst.

Everyone has stuff like that.

He's a vain man.

Okay, I feel like

if he knew we were here

he would just run out

and say, "hey, Fred.

"Hey, Carrie."

[ Phone rings ]

Yes?

By the wharf.

The wharf?

Nothing.

Well [Deleted] It.

Got some... l-lot of drama

going on, huh?

There's a lot going on.

There's a lot-lot-lot

going on.

You can just him know

that we're here, please.

Gosh, she's so amped up.

She's running full speed.

You know, why don't we

just go in there?

I don't know

what she's doing.

Okay, let's go.

Mr. mayor?

How are you?

Could you just sign

our books real quick?

Oh, sure,

I'll sign your book.

Just, uh...

Ma'am.

Ma'am.

What are,

what are you doing?

What's going on?

The mayor is missing.

[ Dramatic music ]

Well, when's the last time

you saw him?

Two days ago.

[ Dramatic music ]

We gotta go find him.

Yeah, let's go.

[ Music ]

Beth: Hi.

Hi, can we help you?

I'm Beth.

Hi.

The house sitter.

Oh, right, okay.

We're gonna shut this

and open the front door,

okay?

Just to let you in

'cause you can't fit

through here.

Thank you for

house sitting for us.

Yeah.

We really appreciate it.

Wow, this is really nice.

It is.

It is... yes.

This is...

this is our kitchen.

This is like a living being.

I mean the whole house,

you gotta treat it with love

and affection and attention.

So when is, um, trash day?

Oh, we don't

observe trash day.

Oh, okay.

What do you want me to do

with the garbage?

Just photograph

the bags of trash

and send it to us

and we'll judge from there.

Uh, okay.

Okay.

I just wanna show you

what it's like when you sleep.

I often, uh,

I'll do this expression...

And then waking up

I try to do a...

What time is it?

I'll just lay down.

See these books?

Yeah.

Don't ever open them.

Okay.

They're not for reading.

Cool.

And those pears...

this is not a lie,

they're 700 years old.

Should I get the mail?

I don't think

I've ever received mail here.

This is the light.

Oh, is there like

a weird thing about it?

Just-just watch

when I do it, okay?

You don't have to

talk through it.

Just watch me.

The tendency here is

because I'm nearsighted,

I get in really close.

And, as soon as she calls

my name you can hit

your head on here.

Yeah.

From the alarm of

hearing your name.

Bryce!

Then there's that.

I was hit

and was disoriented

and my eyes went here

and it scratched my corneas.

My God!

And as I came...

put my hand up to sort of

stop some of the scratching

going further,

I had lost my balance

and hit my temples on here.

And you got a lot of

smashing of the temples

as you're trying

to regain your balance.

So you got your jaw hitting it

and you're trying to call

for help and your teeth

are hitting the edge

of the counter.

That bouncing is what

can knock you out to the point

where you can't get

the same cup

that you'd get usually.

See what I'm saying?

Honestly, I'm not gonna

go crazy on the counter

or anything.

I mean I'll just like,

do one of, one of these.

Otherwise, like I said,

you know...

Yeah.

Okay.

That's the last room.

This is the end of the tour.

Okay, cool.

Oh.

So you're clear on everything

we told you with the house?

Yep.

You good?

Yeah.

We're entrusting our house

with you, Beth.

The minute you leave

my boyfriend's

not gonna come over.

We're not gonna make out

on the couch or anything.

Why did you bring it up?

That was weird.

I was kidding.

We will be back

in two hours.

Did you just say

two hours?

Sorry?

Did you say two hours?

Yes.

You're coming back here

in two hours?

Yeah.

Bryce.

See ya then.

Okaz...

Carrie: Hi.

Hi.

Fred: Hi, how are you?

Good, how are you guys?

Actually, we are looking

for somebody.

We're looking specifically

for the mayor of Portland.

And we were wondering

if you could trace him using

satellite technology to

pinpoint his exact location.

Like, maybe he's got

his phone on him and you can

track it on a map.

I-I think that exists.

Are you on his family plan?

We're not.

Uh-uh.

Oh, well, then we can

only help you track

if he is on the family plan.

Oh, really?

Yeah, legally,

we're not allowed to do it.

Damn it.

Damn it... all right.

Do you guys wanna sign up

for a family plan?

Yes.

Sure... his family plan?

We can do that?

No, you start a family plan

and you just ad him to it

and then I can help you

locate him using

the find my phone feature.

That's great.

Yes, we would like to do that.

It's standard on

all our plans.

Well, we're not like kicking

out someone in his family

to do that, right?

Just a new plan.

It starts over.

This is a fresh start.

Actually, the program

is called "fresh start."

Yeah, why would you

be concerned about

kicking someone out

in his family?

That's not

what this is about.

Um, the basic plan we have

for the family is, uh,

the family talk plan.

It's called "all talk."

You get 400 anytime minutes

which you can use anytime.

There's another one called

"even more family."

And that is

400 anytime minutes

unlimited nights and weekends.

That sounds great.

We'll do that.

There's more options.

Can I... there's, uh,

"even mo family unlimited"

which is unlimited minutes

and texting plus web.

Okay, so, one doesn't

have texting...

The other doesn't have web.

We'll just get one

that has everything.

Okay, well then you want

"the simply everything" plan.

Okay.

Great.

Um, there's also

"simply everything plus."

Which is what?

Simply everything

plus texting.

What we want is

your most standard,

basic, family plan

with a satellite locator.

"This changes everything"

plan is what you want then.

Yes, that'd be great.

We would like to sign up

for that plan.

We are ready to do that.

Awesome, all right.

Let me run through

a couple for plans we have.

We have the "strive plan,

"the go getter plan,

"the free and clear plan."

Didn't we already sign up

for a plan?

Why is this a new plan?

Time is of the essence.

This is the mayor of Portland.

He could be

lying in a ditch somewhere.

He might have been kidnapped.

Right on...

Um, do you guys want

the data pro or the data plus.

What do most people get?

It's about 50-50 split

on that one.

What's the last one you did?

The last transaction.

Did they do plus or data pro?

Actually, that information

is confidential...

But I have their phone number

so I'm gonna call 'em

right now.

No, I don't care.

The pro.

Pro... we want pro.

Great news!

You can add another line

for $5 a month.

Yes.

You guys wanna

add another line for $5?

I would love that... yes.

Great, so you guys

are all set.

That is the plan, simply

every thing, every thing,

uh, shared anytime minutes

plus roll over.

Okay, now we pick

your besties list which is

five people which you can call

even if they're outside

your network.

I don't know.

No, it's you, me, and

the mayor.

You get five.

We'll pick

the other two later.

We'll do it online.

I didn't get your names yet.

What are your names?

Fred and Carrie.

All right, so I'll put him

on your list, too?

What's your name again?

I'm sorry.

Fred.

So now we just have to

chose the phone.

Our most popular models

right now are

the vitrio charismo.

That's the one we want.

Epiphany, torque,

dazzle, create...

it's the first one

you said.

I actually want the torque.

Good choice.

Carrie?

All right.

Now our most popular colors

for those are bubble gum,

metallic bubble gum.

Great.

Metallic pumpkin.

And pumpkin.

What's the difference?

Carrie...

this is an emergency.

Any color is fine.

Two pumpkin phones.

One vitrio one torque.

Thank you.

Great, okay.

So you're all set.

You're all signed up.

Now there is a nominal fee

if you wanna keep your

current phone number.

Yeah, I thought that was

a free service.

After you pay for it,

it is free, so...

Okay.

It's just a one time fee

that you pay annually.

It's not a one time fee

but...

it is one time in that

you only pay one time a year.

Great.

That's not one time.

I know, let's just...

All right great,

you guys are ready

to pick out your sunglasses.

What sunglasses?

We do have a promotion

right now where you get

a pair of free wild side

sunglasses.

They help you bring out

your wild side.

No, we'll pass, thank you.

Let's just get

the "bitch" one.

You want the pink one

that says "bitch" on it.

Okay...

You don't have to say it.

All right, great.

Thank you.

So what'd you guys come in

for again?

We wanna find our bestie,

our friend on the map.

The mayor.

Right, the mayor.

Let me type in

the mayor's number.

Wow... so cool.

Oh, my God... there he is.

He's in northwest.

Got it.

You know how to get there?

Yes.

Okay... thank you.

Sir, thanks.

Thank you.

Hey, sunflowers.

It's my birthday.

Hello, tree.

Hi, street lamp.

How you doing?

Puppy... woof-woof!

It's my birthday!

I made a home-made quesadilla.

We are so lucky to live here.

Oh...

Where the [Deleted]

Is everyone?

[ Whistle blowing ]

Hey, lady, watch out,

watch out, watch out,

watch out, watch out!

Move, move, move, move,

move-move-move!

No-no-no-no-no-no-no!

Yay.

Fred: God, that took us

forever!

Carrie: What is this place?

Wait, there he is.

Oh, Mr. mayor.

Hi.

Mr. mayor.

Everyone's looking for you.

The whole city.

Fred.

That's not the mayor.

Take the glasses off, bitch.

Oh, sorry, sir.

Oh, here.

Mr. mayor?

Carrie.

Sorry, ma'am.

[ Applauding ]

Must have left already

or something.

Yeah.

Uh, can I get

a milkshake, please?

[ Music ]

Fred.

No way.

That's the mayor.

He's playing bass.

He's in a reggae band.

I feel a little weird

saying this,

but I like this.

I-I love this.

And he's not like,

trying to, like overshadow

the rest of the band.

He's like laying it down.

No, he's laying back.

Like a good bass player

kinda lays back a little bit.

Except for like minute man

and those bands where like

they play high on the neck.

You sound good.

We've been looking for you.

We like how you play.

Uh, how's that

milkshake coming, friend?

Not too cold on that, right?

Where's the stage?

Kraggen: Julia.

Julia: Oh, hi, Mr. kraggen.

Uh, just call me kraggen.

Welcome.

Okay, kraggen.

Are you excited

for your first day?

I am.

You ready to make some ads

and commercials?

Yeah.

Yeah, we are, to.

I was telling my colleague

about you and literally

without skipping a beat

he was like,

through the roof,

flipping out.

Wow, that's so...

like, he couldn't stop

gushing about you.

Hey, um, we've got a meeting

in like five minutes.

This meeting is huge!

Okay, wait,

but how do I get up there?

Kraggen?

Whoa!

Hey, nice catch.

We're ordering disks

for the whole office.

What's your size?

What size of disk?

Wait, what?

Julia... here.

Oh, hey!

Did you get turned around?

Yeah.

You need a GPS?

Uh, the meeting's like

in five minutes

in the basket.

Wait, what?

In the basket.

Oh, I don't know

what size I am for that.

In here.

What?

Let's go.

I mean, what are we doing?

Sign this here.

Surprise!

Oh, my gosh.

I guess this is for you.

Happy Birthday.

Thank you.

That means so much to me.

Hey, Happy Birthday.

I gotta go.

Thank you so much.

Who was that?

Ow, geez... what the?

Hey, we're mood showering.

We hit you with the ball

and you tell us the first thing

that comes to mind about

sportswear.

Ow!

Julia... Julia.

Hey, kraggen.

Our meeting's starting soon.

Come on up.

Okay... yeah.

Take the elevator.

Just come meet me.

Hey, I'm doing a video

for my blog.

What's your favorite burger?

Hey, how's it going?

Is it okay if I take

your photograph?

Julia, you better

get up here... come on.

Kraggen, I'm trying.

Uh, wait, uh, kraggen.

Kraggen.

Kraggen?

Julia.

Kraggen.

Hey.

Come play air guitar with us.

It's all good.

It's Tucker's birthday,

the party's about to start.

Happy Birthday.

Kraggen!

Julia.

Where's the basket?

Hey, you wanna break?

Kraggen!

Just...

I'll meet you over here.

You made it.

I did.

It took a while, huh?

Having too much fun?

Come on, this way.

Julia.

What?

I just wanted to tell you

that I did what you said.

Sorry?

I stayed cool.

Like you wrote on the card.

Oh, right... okay, yeah.

You came up with that.

Simple and so meaningful.

It's like remaining cool.

You're really good.

She's creative.

I know, I can tell.

Stay cool.

Yeah, you, too.

You already are.

Okay.

I'll stay cool, too.

Good luck with that.

She ribbing me,

by the way.

That's how we kid

with each other.

Uh, you're gonna need these.

What for?

You'll see.

Kraggen, what's happening?

It's gonna be okay.

Okay, so let's start

the meeting.

Julia, do you have any ideas

right off the bat?

Mayor: I wanna thank you

for coming today...

On this cloudy,

Portland afternoon.

It's, um, been a difficult time

for my family and for me.

First and foremost, wanna say,

yes, I was playing bass

in a dubbed reggae band

called "king Desmond

"and the accelerators."

A reggae band?

Yes.

Floyd, Gerald,

Brian, Willy.

Reggae, that's a

dirty secret in some ways...

and he just he went ahead

and just came right out.

Yeah.

What part do you play,

Mr. mayor?

Do you play an instrument?

Are you a singer?

What do you do?

I sit in a as

a bass player.

What kind of bass

do you have?

I had a rickenbacker 4003

that was just killer.

Uh, but right now,

no, I'm playing a

classic Fender precision.

Those have a great

low end.

Unbelievable.

Who are your influences?

Jeez, I mean Augustus Pablo

for me is like,

he's king, you know.

Wow, he's into some

root stuff, huh?

I can't believe his wife

is so supportive.

Excuse me, Mr. mayor,

would you say this is

dance hall

or real roots reggae.

This is real roots reggae.

We don't mess around.

Cool.

Once you go dub,

you never go back.

You know what I'm saying?

Sir, with all due respect,

would you consider yourself

a skippa or rude boy?

Well, you know,

if you can open up your heart

and you can feel the sun

and you can feel the music

all is good

and all is forgiven.

I'm sorry wh-what?

It's a new lyric

that I've been working on

with the band and I've... uh,

and it's, um...

It's, uh.

That's me.

Sorry about that.

We'll wait.

Yes?

Great news right now.

No, I-I'm fine

with my wireless plan.

It-it-it's Johnny

from wireless toyz.

Why is he calling right now?

My besties?

Oh, she's right here.

Oh, the besties plan...

yeah.

Hey.

No, I'm fine with

my besties list.

Yeah, I wanna keep it

the same.

He got rid of the glasses.

Everyone was calling him

"bitch."

[ Laughing ]

Don't call again.

Bye.

Sorry.

Okay.

On you go.

Two of the...

my favorite people

over there.

[ Tires screeching ]

Uh, anyway, where was I?

But if you do leave

the country you will have to

sign up for our geo plan.

Can we do that online

afterwards?

Well, if you do

change your mind later

then you have to sign

a new two year contract.

So six months from now

you decide...

Oh, I wanna also

get the geo plan

'cause I'm going to...

Let's say luxemburg,

or something, then,

it would be another two years

from that, that you

would have the plan.

We just want any plan

that is above the nothing plan.

There is no nothing plan.

Nothing plan is what you guys

had when you were outside.

Okay, you know

what she means.

Sync by n17t01 www.addic7ed.com

Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0