Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:00,119 --> 00:00:04,519
What do you reckon? Yeah. It's good.
It's pretty hardcore?
2
00:00:04,559 --> 00:00:06,299
It is hardcore but it's also classy.
3
00:00:06,365 --> 00:00:08,645
Classy. Yeah.
4
00:00:08,685 --> 00:00:10,845
Is that a gangbang?
No, that's a threesome.
5
00:00:10,885 --> 00:00:14,285
Two guys can't be a gang? They're
definitely ganging up on her.
6
00:00:14,325 --> 00:00:17,285
Yeah, but she's cool with it.
She's smiling. Look. Oh, yeah.
7
00:00:17,325 --> 00:00:20,045
Grumio, how many times do I have to
ask you to empty the bin?
8
00:00:20,085 --> 00:00:21,765
I squashed it down instead.
9
00:00:21,805 --> 00:00:23,485
Oh. Fine then!
10
00:00:23,525 --> 00:00:26,445
And now you're looking at porn.
First class slaving!
11
00:00:26,485 --> 00:00:30,245
Er, this is not porn. This is
vintage erotica. For his birthday.
12
00:00:30,285 --> 00:00:32,245
Of course. One of those thoughtful
gifts
13
00:00:32,285 --> 00:00:34,165
that was clearly bought
for yourself.
14
00:00:34,205 --> 00:00:37,805
No. It's for him. What? Even though
he's never expressed any interest
15
00:00:37,845 --> 00:00:39,765
in pottery, porn or, well, anything.
16
00:00:39,805 --> 00:00:42,605
Oh, ay'up. Look at her.
Who does that remind you of?
17
00:00:42,645 --> 00:00:45,165
Erm... Give me a clue. Cynthia.
18
00:00:45,205 --> 00:00:47,645
OK. That's quite a big clue.
What? Let me see.
19
00:00:48,525 --> 00:00:51,485
Nope. I can't see how
you're getting Cynthia from...
20
00:00:51,525 --> 00:00:53,405
Oh, wait. Hang on. Oh, wow. Yeah!
Got it.
21
00:00:53,445 --> 00:00:57,525
This gift just keeps on giving.
Looks nothing like her. It does from a certain angle.
22
00:00:57,565 --> 00:00:59,565
Where? What angle?
23
00:00:59,885 --> 00:01:02,885
Hey. What you up to? Not much.
Nothing. Just got a new vase.
24
00:01:02,925 --> 00:01:04,605
OK.
25
00:01:04,645 --> 00:01:07,445
What are you doing later?
Um, can't quite hear you.
26
00:01:07,485 --> 00:01:10,085
No, don't come in.
We've just mopped. Oh, sorry.
27
00:01:10,125 --> 00:01:13,085
No, we haven't. What are you -
Just lean. Oh, come on.
28
00:01:13,125 --> 00:01:16,725
Lean in. Stop it. I was just seeing
if - Still can't hear you. Sorry.
29
00:01:16,765 --> 00:01:19,125
Just lean in a tiny bit more,
like, an inch.
30
00:01:19,165 --> 00:01:21,205
Just a tiny bit... There! Stop there.
31
00:01:22,125 --> 00:01:25,005
Now we can hear you. I was wondering
if you had plans tonight.
32
00:01:25,045 --> 00:01:27,325
His cousin's in town.
We're meeting at the bar.
33
00:01:27,365 --> 00:01:29,885
You should definitely come.
Coolio. See you there.
34
00:01:29,925 --> 00:01:32,365
You saw that, right?
I take it back. It's a great gift.
35
00:01:32,516 --> 00:01:48,915
Subtitles by MemoryOnSmells
http://UKsubtitles.ru.
36
00:01:50,205 --> 00:01:52,405
So, how old
are you going to be tomorrow?
37
00:01:52,445 --> 00:01:54,685
Dunno. You don't know?
38
00:01:54,725 --> 00:01:58,925
When his parents got me, no-one knew
my age, so I just started again.
39
00:01:58,965 --> 00:02:01,405
I could be anywhere
between 18 and 45.
40
00:02:01,445 --> 00:02:05,285
Wow. You have incredible skin
for a 45-year-old. Cheers.
41
00:02:05,325 --> 00:02:07,325
Right. Everyone grab one of these.
42
00:02:07,365 --> 00:02:09,765
Top shelf challenge?
Top shelf challenge.
43
00:02:09,805 --> 00:02:11,725
What's that? Family tradition.
44
00:02:11,765 --> 00:02:13,685
One shot from each bottle on
the top shelf
45
00:02:13,725 --> 00:02:16,485
which, in this place, includes
vinegar and brass polish.
46
00:02:16,525 --> 00:02:18,285
So, pick wisely.
47
00:02:18,325 --> 00:02:20,565
I want a drink.
I don't want a challenge.
48
00:02:20,605 --> 00:02:22,325
You need to loosen up, Marky boy.
49
00:02:22,365 --> 00:02:25,405
Starting with this tunic.
Oi, don't touch it. It's expensive.
50
00:02:25,445 --> 00:02:29,005
How? There's hardly any material.
It's deliberately skinny.
51
00:02:29,045 --> 00:02:31,365
It's anorexic, mate.
I can see the lot.
52
00:02:31,405 --> 00:02:33,765
That look is very in right now.
53
00:02:33,805 --> 00:02:36,365
I think it suits you.
Thanks very much.
54
00:02:36,485 --> 00:02:38,365
Got you a birthday cocktail, Gru.
55
00:02:38,405 --> 00:02:40,085
Happy birthday.
56
00:02:40,125 --> 00:02:42,445
What have you got him
for his birthday, Marcus?
57
00:02:42,485 --> 00:02:44,485
Ah. Erm - He's not got me anything.
58
00:02:44,525 --> 00:02:46,405
What? Why? Seriously?
59
00:02:46,445 --> 00:02:48,165
Well, no -
He says I don't deserve it.
60
00:02:48,205 --> 00:02:51,845
That's cold. I didn't say that.
That was a joke, Grumio.
61
00:02:51,885 --> 00:02:55,005
Course he deserves it.
Being a slave is really hard work.
62
00:02:55,045 --> 00:02:56,885
I know. I'd like to see you do that.
63
00:02:56,925 --> 00:02:59,885
Well, that is exactly why
I have got him what I've got him.
64
00:02:59,925 --> 00:03:01,925
What have you got him?
65
00:03:01,965 --> 00:03:06,405
Well, erm, tomorrow,
I'm gonna...er...
66
00:03:06,445 --> 00:03:08,565
I'm gonna be his slave.
67
00:03:08,605 --> 00:03:10,765
For the day.
And you'll be my master.
68
00:03:10,805 --> 00:03:13,645
Because, as you say,
they work so hard.
69
00:03:13,685 --> 00:03:15,685
And it is very easy to forget that.
70
00:03:16,645 --> 00:03:19,565
Wow. What a truly amazing gift. Yeah.
71
00:03:19,605 --> 00:03:22,245
I'd rather have a cake.
I think that is so impressive.
72
00:03:22,285 --> 00:03:26,125
Yeah, it is. In fact, everyone,
I would like to propose a toast.
73
00:03:26,165 --> 00:03:29,565
To my tireless slave,
but above all...friend.
74
00:03:30,445 --> 00:03:33,365
Grumio! Me.
75
00:03:36,285 --> 00:03:38,005
OK, that's the polish.
76
00:04:15,005 --> 00:04:17,005
Happy birthday. Cheers.
77
00:04:18,125 --> 00:04:20,805
Is that my vase?
Yea - Mmm?
78
00:04:21,445 --> 00:04:24,365
Why were you in the bog with it?
Er... I was just trying it out.
79
00:04:24,405 --> 00:04:27,765
Seeing what it would look like
in there. Did it look like Cynthia?
80
00:04:27,805 --> 00:04:29,805
I didn't check.
81
00:04:32,885 --> 00:04:35,205
Morning, all. Happy birthday, G-man.
82
00:04:35,245 --> 00:04:37,605
Yeah. Ta.
83
00:04:37,645 --> 00:04:40,125
Hang on. Is this a walk of shame?
Walk of pride, mate.
84
00:04:40,165 --> 00:04:42,045
Who was it?
Agentleman never tells.
85
00:04:42,085 --> 00:04:44,125
Was it a gentleman?
Which gentleman was it?
86
00:04:44,165 --> 00:04:46,045
OK, piss off. It was a girl.
What girl?
87
00:04:46,085 --> 00:04:48,925
Was she in the bar?
Yes, she was with us... Sort of.
88
00:04:48,965 --> 00:04:50,885
You shagged Cynthia?
You couldn't not.
89
00:04:50,925 --> 00:04:52,885
Whoa, calm down.
I didn't shag Cynthia.
90
00:04:52,925 --> 00:04:55,205
Right, so - Metella?
Bloody hell. That's brave.
91
00:04:55,245 --> 00:04:57,245
Not Metella.
92
00:04:57,805 --> 00:04:59,885
Totally nailed Lucretia. Yeow.
93
00:04:59,925 --> 00:05:02,205
Go get em, tiger. Boom.
94
00:05:02,245 --> 00:05:04,485
Sorry. No, hang on.
You shagged your cousin?
95
00:05:04,525 --> 00:05:07,365
Yeah. It's no biggie.
I'm pretty sure it is a biggie.
96
00:05:07,405 --> 00:05:09,245
Incest is one of
the biggest biggies.
97
00:05:09,285 --> 00:05:11,925
Does that count? You're related.
Your mums are sisters.
98
00:05:11,965 --> 00:05:14,805
But they're not close.
Oh, well, if they're not close...
99
00:05:14,845 --> 00:05:17,605
I mean, this is so big
I have no idea where to even start.
100
00:05:17,645 --> 00:05:20,005
That's what she said.
Did she? Did she say that?
101
00:05:20,045 --> 00:05:22,925
Or did she say, 'What the hell
are you doing? We're related?
102
00:05:22,965 --> 00:05:25,005
She's never had a problem with it.
103
00:05:25,045 --> 00:05:27,205
You've done this before?
Yeah. On occasion.
104
00:05:27,245 --> 00:05:30,085
How many occasions?
I don't know. 10? 12?
105
00:05:30,965 --> 00:05:34,045
A dozen? You've shagged your cousin
a dozen times?
106
00:05:34,085 --> 00:05:36,085
A cousin's dozen.
A cousin's dozen.
107
00:05:36,605 --> 00:05:39,045
When was the first?
Er... Her mum's 50th.
108
00:05:39,085 --> 00:05:41,685
We got wasted. It was really boring
and, you know...
109
00:05:41,725 --> 00:05:43,925
No! No, I do not know.
110
00:05:43,965 --> 00:05:46,405
When my family get together
they get drunk and argue.
111
00:05:46,445 --> 00:05:49,325
Last summer, I helped my cousin
Antonia pick up seashells.
112
00:05:49,365 --> 00:05:51,485
What I did not do was fuck her.
113
00:05:51,525 --> 00:05:54,125
I mean...this is depraved.
Even for you.
114
00:05:54,165 --> 00:05:56,885
Bullshit. It's not depraved.
The royal family always do it.
115
00:05:56,925 --> 00:05:58,805
The royal family are mental.
116
00:05:58,845 --> 00:06:01,765
In fact, that's why they're mental.
They're incest-y sickos.
117
00:06:01,805 --> 00:06:03,645
You've got this one wrong, mate.
118
00:06:03,685 --> 00:06:07,165
As the tight tunic proves, you're
out of touch with what people think.
119
00:06:07,205 --> 00:06:09,045
What about you, Grumio?
Yeah, it's OK.
120
00:06:09,085 --> 00:06:11,805
Don't ask him. He won't know.
He once put his dick in a melon.
121
00:06:11,845 --> 00:06:14,765
Yeah, why did you do that?
I weren't hungry.
122
00:06:14,805 --> 00:06:17,245
Ask around.
You will find this is not cool.
123
00:06:17,285 --> 00:06:19,645
OK, Captain high horse.
I'll ask around.
124
00:06:19,685 --> 00:06:22,365
But answer me this -
which one of us got laid last night?
125
00:06:22,405 --> 00:06:25,365
Well, my family
were all out of town, so - I did.
126
00:06:25,405 --> 00:06:27,325
So, I win, baby. I win.
127
00:06:27,365 --> 00:06:29,365
Argh. Not on the tunic.
128
00:06:33,085 --> 00:06:35,365
Oh, hey! Great night last night.
129
00:06:35,405 --> 00:06:38,005
I love your cousin.
Yeah, I know. Me, too.
130
00:06:42,165 --> 00:06:45,285
That's amazing. I made it myself.
Ah, cheers.
131
00:06:45,325 --> 00:06:48,085
Sort of.
Well, Metella did the baking bit.
132
00:06:48,125 --> 00:06:50,085
What did you do? I did the icing.
133
00:06:50,125 --> 00:06:52,125
I meant to put Grumio
but I ran out of space.
134
00:06:52,165 --> 00:06:54,725
My fault for not making a big enough
cake, apparently.
135
00:06:54,765 --> 00:06:57,165
Let's not get into that again.
We're both to blame.
136
00:06:57,205 --> 00:06:59,765
So, how's the swap going?
137
00:06:59,805 --> 00:07:01,645
Yes. It's going well.
Isn't it, Grumio?
138
00:07:01,685 --> 00:07:03,645
What? What is? The job swap.
139
00:07:03,685 --> 00:07:06,445
That we've done.
With you being the master.
140
00:07:06,485 --> 00:07:08,445
Oh, no. Can't be arsed with that.
141
00:07:08,485 --> 00:07:10,125
That's a shame.
142
00:07:10,165 --> 00:07:14,245
You don't have to do anything.
Just sit there with your feet up.
143
00:07:14,285 --> 00:07:17,285
He's doing that already.
Exactly. It's pointless, innit?
144
00:07:17,325 --> 00:07:20,205
He's not quite got the hang
of it yet. Who wants some cake?
145
00:07:20,245 --> 00:07:22,365
Master? Some cake for you?
146
00:07:22,405 --> 00:07:25,885
I will, please. Just a slither.
Right you are. A tiny slither.
147
00:07:25,925 --> 00:07:28,165
Also, Marcus.
Not a criticism but acting wise,
148
00:07:28,205 --> 00:07:29,965
it might be a bit more realistic
149
00:07:30,005 --> 00:07:33,125
if your slave character
is a bit more sad and hunchy.
150
00:07:33,165 --> 00:07:35,565
Sad and hunchy? Erm... Hmm?
151
00:07:36,965 --> 00:07:38,845
Yeah, nailed it.
152
00:07:38,885 --> 00:07:42,005
And if you want to be imperious,
Grumio. Can you be imperious?
153
00:07:42,045 --> 00:07:45,965
No, I can't. One - I don't know what
it means. Two - I'm not playing.
154
00:07:46,005 --> 00:07:48,125
Come on, Grumio. It's fun, mate.
155
00:07:48,165 --> 00:07:51,605
Why not get your slave
to clean the toilet, Grumio?
156
00:07:51,645 --> 00:07:55,365
Nah, toilet's fine.
Blokes can just piss it clean.
157
00:07:55,405 --> 00:07:57,085
Oh, dear. I'll give it a wipe later.
158
00:07:57,125 --> 00:07:59,285
So, there's nothing you want?
Nothing at all?
159
00:07:59,325 --> 00:08:02,005
Go on, Grumio.
He'll do anything you say.
160
00:08:02,045 --> 00:08:04,805
Anything? Er... Well...
161
00:08:06,365 --> 00:08:08,805
..yeah. Fine.
162
00:08:08,845 --> 00:08:10,445
Game on.
163
00:08:10,485 --> 00:08:12,485
Oh... Fantastic!
164
00:08:17,845 --> 00:08:19,845
Oi! Put that back.
165
00:08:20,365 --> 00:08:24,565
H-How do I do that? Don't move
and keep dripping. That's mine.
166
00:08:24,605 --> 00:08:26,765
It's rainwater.
I don't give a shit, mate.
167
00:08:26,805 --> 00:08:28,725
It's my bucket. You owe me for that.
168
00:08:28,765 --> 00:08:30,765
Fine.
169
00:08:31,205 --> 00:08:34,045
Landlord? Can I ask you
a personal question? Go on.
170
00:08:34,085 --> 00:08:37,365
Right. Do you think it's OK
to make love to your cousin?
171
00:08:38,325 --> 00:08:40,445
Good question.
172
00:08:40,485 --> 00:08:42,725
What level of cousin are we talking?
First.
173
00:08:42,765 --> 00:08:46,645
The top floor. OK. Now, see,
this is not a problem I have
174
00:08:46,685 --> 00:08:50,365
because my cousin Nigella's been
very much beaten with the ugly club.
175
00:08:50,405 --> 00:08:53,525
It's an ugly stick.
In her case it was a club.
176
00:08:53,565 --> 00:08:56,525
I shouldn't really joke.
She is genuinely very unhappy.
177
00:08:56,565 --> 00:08:58,605
On the flip side,
I've got a mate Hector
178
00:08:58,645 --> 00:09:00,645
whose cousin is an absolute stunner.
179
00:09:00,685 --> 00:09:03,205
If I was him, I would be in there
like a rat up a drainpipe.
180
00:09:03,245 --> 00:09:07,165
So, what you're basically saying is
it depends on what she looks like?
181
00:09:07,205 --> 00:09:09,565
Very much so. Does that help?
182
00:09:09,605 --> 00:09:11,965
Er... Sort of. Yeah, cheers.
183
00:09:16,005 --> 00:09:17,885
No. That is not part of the game.
184
00:09:17,925 --> 00:09:21,445
You said anything. Yeah, I meant
anything in terms of abstract tasks.
185
00:09:21,485 --> 00:09:23,485
Not personal accouchements.
186
00:09:24,005 --> 00:09:27,925
I'm giving you my time and energy.
Not my actual belongings.
187
00:09:27,965 --> 00:09:31,565
What the fuck you talking about?
You'll get it dirty. You're dirty.
188
00:09:31,605 --> 00:09:34,405
Oh, I see. And, you know, Cynthia
kind of likes me in it, so...
189
00:09:34,445 --> 00:09:36,205
I'm not bothered.
190
00:09:36,245 --> 00:09:38,925
You're my slave, you do as I say.
That's the game, innit?
191
00:09:38,965 --> 00:09:40,805
You're just trying to annoy me.
192
00:09:40,845 --> 00:09:44,005
Should've thought about that when
you give me this shitty gift.
193
00:09:44,045 --> 00:09:45,685
Now take off your bastard tunic.
194
00:09:45,725 --> 00:09:47,725
Please, Grumio. I'll buy you a hat.
195
00:09:48,365 --> 00:09:50,165
What kind of hat? Pointy.
196
00:09:50,805 --> 00:09:54,365
No, not pointy. Smooth. Any hat.
I want your tunic.
197
00:09:54,405 --> 00:09:56,725
No! Categorically, no.
198
00:09:56,765 --> 00:10:00,605
Or, I'll tell Cynthia what you've
been getting up to in the bog.
199
00:10:00,645 --> 00:10:02,365
With the vase.
200
00:10:02,405 --> 00:10:04,605
At a certain angle.
201
00:10:04,645 --> 00:10:06,845
I'm sure she'll be
very impressed with that.
202
00:10:06,885 --> 00:10:09,525
You wouldn't dare. Just you try me.
203
00:10:19,805 --> 00:10:22,165
Oh, yes. That's much more slave-y.
204
00:10:22,205 --> 00:10:24,325
Ha ha. Yeah, thanks. I thought so.
205
00:10:25,045 --> 00:10:27,045
Keep up the hunching.
206
00:10:38,466 --> 00:10:41,466
Eurgh, no. 1000% no. Gross.
207
00:10:42,644 --> 00:10:45,244
Hang on. Has one of you
humped your cousin?
208
00:10:45,277 --> 00:10:48,037
Well, no. In theory.
Oh, my God. Who was it?
209
00:10:48,077 --> 00:10:50,237
Well, who knows?
OK. I do. It was clearly you.
210
00:10:50,277 --> 00:10:52,317
Yeah, it was him.
You weren't meant to say!
211
00:10:52,357 --> 00:10:54,837
Marcus would never do
something like that. Correct.
212
00:10:54,877 --> 00:10:57,517
Like he ever has sex with anyone.
Er, no. That's not why.
213
00:10:57,557 --> 00:11:00,217
You're a dirty perv.
So, it's right up your horrid alley.
214
00:11:00,309 --> 00:11:01,989
I don't care what you think, mate.
215
00:11:02,029 --> 00:11:03,869
She's hot as shit, so it's fine.
216
00:11:03,909 --> 00:11:06,549
Really? What does she look like?
Tall, dark, curly.
217
00:11:06,589 --> 00:11:09,309
Exactly like him, basically.
Oh, wow. This gets better.
218
00:11:09,349 --> 00:11:11,069
You're knobbing your cousin
219
00:11:11,109 --> 00:11:13,989
cos it's the closest you can get
to having sex with yourself.
220
00:11:14,029 --> 00:11:17,589
You may as well bore a hole in a
mirror and shag that. That'll do.
221
00:11:17,629 --> 00:11:22,269
Shall I take the piss out of that
sack you're wearing instead, Marcus? Oh, no. Go back to him.
222
00:11:22,309 --> 00:11:25,509
Dirty, dirty, dirty dick.
You've got a dirty dick.
223
00:11:25,549 --> 00:11:27,789
Eurgh! Gross. Dirty cousin fucker.
224
00:11:29,749 --> 00:11:32,269
You've got a dirty dick
on the end of your dick.
225
00:11:38,829 --> 00:11:40,789
Yeow. Great night.
226
00:11:40,829 --> 00:11:43,589
Ah, man. It got proper messy
in the end there.
227
00:11:43,629 --> 00:11:46,869
We've gotta stop doing that.
Yeah, really? You think? Hell yeah.
228
00:11:46,909 --> 00:11:49,829
Who dances on bars? We're such dicks.
229
00:11:49,869 --> 00:11:53,229
Oh, yeah. I thought you were talking
about the whole us shagging thing.
230
00:11:53,269 --> 00:11:55,029
What? Hey, we were on fire, cous.
231
00:11:55,069 --> 00:11:58,149
If there'd been an audience,
we would've got a standing ovation.
232
00:11:58,189 --> 00:12:01,029
You see, I'm not sure we would.
OK, normal ovation.
233
00:12:01,069 --> 00:12:03,069
Or maybe even booing.
234
00:12:03,549 --> 00:12:06,349
What? What are you talking about?
235
00:12:06,389 --> 00:12:10,069
I've told a few people about what
we do and they reckon it's...iffy.
236
00:12:10,109 --> 00:12:13,069
That is horse shit.
What is iffy about it?
237
00:12:13,109 --> 00:12:16,389
I'm a girl. You're a boy.
Yeah, but also...cousins.
238
00:12:16,429 --> 00:12:18,629
We're close. So what?
There's close...
239
00:12:18,669 --> 00:12:21,789
and then there's so close that
you're kind of inside each other.
240
00:12:21,829 --> 00:12:23,989
Who cares what other people say, Sty?
241
00:12:24,029 --> 00:12:26,869
It's private and it's awesome,
so chill the fuck out.
242
00:12:26,909 --> 00:12:29,589
It's not like we're getting married
or anything.
243
00:12:29,629 --> 00:12:31,949
Yeah. Fair point.
244
00:12:31,989 --> 00:12:34,709
Although, meeting your family
would be a breeze.
245
00:12:52,149 --> 00:12:54,229
Salve, Grumio. All right, Landlord.
246
00:12:54,269 --> 00:12:57,269
That's a snazzy tunic.
Is your master in? He owes me money?
247
00:12:57,309 --> 00:13:00,189
No, he's at work,
but I'm master today as it goes.
248
00:13:00,229 --> 00:13:04,109
Oh, well. In that case,
you owe me money. Fair dos.
249
00:13:04,149 --> 00:13:06,829
Do you want some cake, by the way?
It's my birthday.
250
00:13:06,869 --> 00:13:10,109
Oh, really? Well, many happy returns.
Whatever that means.
251
00:13:10,149 --> 00:13:11,989
Yeah, I could murder some cake.
252
00:13:12,029 --> 00:13:14,149
Whoa! What is this?
253
00:13:14,189 --> 00:13:17,629
This is not part of the original
furnishings, as I recall.
254
00:13:17,669 --> 00:13:20,069
That's vintage erotica. Lovely.
255
00:13:20,109 --> 00:13:23,829
Oh, look at them go.
That really is fabulous.
256
00:13:23,869 --> 00:13:26,749
Yep. Yeah, I actually
make that face as it goes.
257
00:13:27,269 --> 00:13:32,469
That very much is the face I make
when I'm doing...what he's doing.
258
00:13:32,509 --> 00:13:34,349
There's a girl on the other side
259
00:13:34,389 --> 00:13:38,149
that looks like Cynthia from next
door. From a certain angle.
260
00:13:38,189 --> 00:13:41,269
Really?
How'd you get - Ohhh, yep. Got it.
261
00:13:41,309 --> 00:13:43,869
OK, yeah. Ohhh, can I borrow this?
262
00:13:43,909 --> 00:13:48,029
Borrow? Yeah. I'm just toying with
the idea of getting a vase myself.
263
00:13:48,069 --> 00:13:51,109
So, I could really do with seeing
what it looks like in my place.
264
00:13:51,149 --> 00:13:54,749
How long's that gonna take?
Oh, 10, 15 minutes should be fine.
265
00:13:59,629 --> 00:14:01,829
OK. Fire away.
266
00:14:01,869 --> 00:14:04,589
I hereby call the first meeting
267
00:14:04,629 --> 00:14:06,709
of the office Incest Society.
268
00:14:06,749 --> 00:14:09,469
Oh, fantastic. Count me in. Really?
269
00:14:09,509 --> 00:14:12,109
Of course. I've been hooked
since I was a wee lad.
270
00:14:12,149 --> 00:14:14,029
I used to collect butterflies.
271
00:14:14,069 --> 00:14:16,709
I once owned a purple emperor,
if you can believe that.
272
00:14:16,749 --> 00:14:18,629
Oh, no. Sorry.
273
00:14:18,669 --> 00:14:21,029
Incest. Ah.
274
00:14:21,069 --> 00:14:24,069
Right. No, I didn't do that.
275
00:14:24,669 --> 00:14:30,829
So, if you just put down 'anyone who
enjoys relations with relations
276
00:14:30,869 --> 00:14:33,469
should come for a drink
and a chat after work.'
277
00:14:33,509 --> 00:14:35,389
Got it. Can I still count you in?
278
00:14:35,429 --> 00:14:38,949
I'm meant to be meeting my mother
this evening. Bring her along.
279
00:14:44,189 --> 00:14:47,189
My name is Stylax,
I'm into weird sex
280
00:14:47,229 --> 00:14:50,269
I shag my granny in her fanny
281
00:14:50,309 --> 00:14:53,469
I kiss my brother,
I fuck my mother
282
00:14:53,509 --> 00:14:56,109
And all my uncles, in the...
283
00:14:58,949 --> 00:15:01,509
What a life you lead, Waterboy.
Waterman.
284
00:15:01,549 --> 00:15:03,989
I was doing him.
Sounds like you were doing everyone.
285
00:15:04,029 --> 00:15:05,789
You missed the beginning. Lucky me.
286
00:15:05,829 --> 00:15:08,789
Change your tunic, Copier?
Sorry. It's just for today.
287
00:15:08,829 --> 00:15:12,269
No, no. It's very you.
It's functional and drab.
288
00:15:12,309 --> 00:15:14,669
Shredder, darling?
Quick word in my office. Yep.
289
00:15:21,389 --> 00:15:24,349
Sorry if it's inappropriate
or something. Don't be.
290
00:15:24,389 --> 00:15:26,629
I fully approve. Really?
291
00:15:26,669 --> 00:15:29,709
As you might suspect, my family are
both gorgeous and liberal.
292
00:15:29,749 --> 00:15:32,189
So, I have, of course,
climbed the family tree,
293
00:15:32,229 --> 00:15:36,509
swung from its branches
and sampled its fruit and/or nuts.
294
00:15:36,549 --> 00:15:38,789
Right. So, you're pro...
295
00:15:38,829 --> 00:15:40,589
An old pro, yeah.
296
00:15:40,629 --> 00:15:43,629
And I believe that society
has no right to judge.
297
00:15:44,189 --> 00:15:46,069
Each to their own, I say.
298
00:15:46,109 --> 00:15:48,869
Mmm, I guess
that's how incest works.
299
00:15:48,909 --> 00:15:54,269
Was your one with a cousin? My
one...was more of a three, actually.
300
00:15:54,309 --> 00:15:56,669
My first affair
was with an uncle when I was 17.
301
00:15:56,709 --> 00:16:01,429
He was extremely generous
as a lover, teacher and chef.
302
00:16:01,469 --> 00:16:03,389
The second was with a first cousin
303
00:16:03,429 --> 00:16:05,549
and the third was with
a second cousin.
304
00:16:07,349 --> 00:16:10,549
I salute you, Shredder.
You're doing a noble thing.
305
00:16:12,429 --> 00:16:16,549
I'm doing a terrible thing. Yes,
I know. I've been telling you that.
306
00:16:16,589 --> 00:16:18,469
What changed your mind? Flavia.
307
00:16:18,509 --> 00:16:21,349
What? She told you off?
No, she told me on. She loves it.
308
00:16:21,389 --> 00:16:23,469
And she's a bloody deviant.
309
00:16:23,509 --> 00:16:26,589
I mean, she takes baths in arse milk,
for fuck's sake.
310
00:16:26,629 --> 00:16:29,509
Pretty sure that's ass's milk
rather than arse milk.
311
00:16:29,549 --> 00:16:32,549
Yeah, that makes sense.
I was wondering how you milk an arse.
312
00:16:32,589 --> 00:16:35,909
What you gonna do? I'm gonna
have to dump my cousin, aren't I?
313
00:16:35,949 --> 00:16:39,029
Brilliant. As if family holidays
weren't awkward enough.
314
00:16:47,349 --> 00:16:50,349
Hey, Marcus.
Give this back to your master.
315
00:16:50,389 --> 00:16:53,469
Erm, sorry. Why have you got it?
Just having a go on it.
316
00:16:53,509 --> 00:16:57,509
What? From a certain angle, one
of the girls looks - I know. I know about the angle.
317
00:16:57,549 --> 00:17:00,429
All right, chill out. Tell Grumio
I meant to return it earlier,
318
00:17:00,469 --> 00:17:02,789
only I was trying
it out in different rooms.
319
00:17:02,829 --> 00:17:04,789
Yeah, I bet you were. Oh, look...
320
00:17:04,829 --> 00:17:06,829
missed a spot.
321
00:17:08,509 --> 00:17:13,549
Grumio? Do not lend Landlord the vase
to wank over. Hey! Hello!
322
00:17:13,589 --> 00:17:16,909
What are you doing here?
Come and have a look at Grumio. OK.
323
00:17:16,949 --> 00:17:18,949
I mean, I have seen him before but...
324
00:17:21,309 --> 00:17:23,429
All right? Doesn't he look amazing?
325
00:17:24,949 --> 00:17:26,709
Yeah, that is...great.
326
00:17:26,749 --> 00:17:29,309
Just stop a sec, please, mate.
How much is this costing?
327
00:17:29,349 --> 00:17:32,189
Oh. Don't worry about that, slave.
It's my money now.
328
00:17:32,229 --> 00:17:34,029
And Franco's worth every penny.
329
00:17:34,069 --> 00:17:36,989
Glad to hear it. Carry on, Franco.
330
00:17:37,029 --> 00:17:39,869
Just watch the tunic
would you, please, Franco?
331
00:17:39,909 --> 00:17:41,909
What's for my tea?
332
00:17:41,949 --> 00:17:45,429
Well, we've got potatoes
and eggs and - I want a goose.
333
00:17:46,589 --> 00:17:49,109
We're not having a goose.
Master's asked for a goose.
334
00:17:49,149 --> 00:17:52,229
Yes, but - What were that you said
about lending Landlord the vase?
335
00:17:52,269 --> 00:17:54,989
Let's have a goose, in fact! Why not?
336
00:17:55,029 --> 00:17:56,869
Groovy. Do you wanna goose, Cynth?
337
00:17:56,909 --> 00:18:00,269
Do you? No, thanks. There's still
some cake left.
338
00:18:00,309 --> 00:18:03,149
Franco? Goose? OK.
339
00:18:03,189 --> 00:18:04,829
Two gooses.
340
00:18:04,869 --> 00:18:06,869
Hmmm.
341
00:18:07,589 --> 00:18:09,589
It's not you. It's me.
342
00:18:09,629 --> 00:18:11,789
In fact, it's not me. It's us.
343
00:18:12,909 --> 00:18:14,829
It's our grandparents being the same.
344
00:18:14,869 --> 00:18:16,509
I know. It's so weird.
345
00:18:16,549 --> 00:18:20,229
People were properly judge-y
when I spoke to them about it. I know, right.
346
00:18:20,269 --> 00:18:22,229
Maybe we're just ahead of our time.
347
00:18:22,269 --> 00:18:25,749
Or behind our time.
Mmm. So, are we ending it then?
348
00:18:25,789 --> 00:18:27,389
The incest bit? Yeah.
349
00:18:27,429 --> 00:18:31,589
But we're still going to be friends,
right? Hell yeah. More than friends.
350
00:18:31,629 --> 00:18:34,029
Exactly. It's not like
we won't see each other again.
351
00:18:34,069 --> 00:18:36,509
We're all going
to Auntie Augustus this summer
352
00:18:36,549 --> 00:18:39,709
which is now going to be boring as
shit without the shagging.
353
00:18:39,749 --> 00:18:43,709
Yeah, we'll have to do a
crappy treasure hunt, eh? Yeah.
354
00:18:43,749 --> 00:18:45,749
Come here, Cous.
355
00:18:50,469 --> 00:18:52,549
And release.
356
00:19:07,589 --> 00:19:11,229
Dinner time then, you curly twat.
Hurry up. I'm starving.
357
00:19:11,269 --> 00:19:13,389
Where's Franco?
Oh, he couldn't wait for you.
358
00:19:13,429 --> 00:19:16,389
So, what do I do with this goose?
Whatever. Release it.
359
00:19:16,429 --> 00:19:18,429
Release it? OK, brilliant.
360
00:19:19,149 --> 00:19:22,949
Off you go then, mate. You're free.
Oi, that's not a goose.
361
00:19:22,989 --> 00:19:26,269
Yes, it is. Goose have got long
bendy necks. That's a shit goose.
362
00:19:26,309 --> 00:19:28,109
No it's not a - Do you mean a swan?
363
00:19:28,149 --> 00:19:30,469
That's it. I want one of them
arrogant pricks.
364
00:19:30,509 --> 00:19:32,749
They don't sell swans.
Go and catch one then.
365
00:19:32,789 --> 00:19:34,989
What...? Hang on.
What's that on my tunic?
366
00:19:35,029 --> 00:19:36,829
Is that dye? Have you dyed my tunic?
367
00:19:36,869 --> 00:19:40,469
That's from where I got my
highlights done. That's it. Game over. Take it off.
368
00:19:40,509 --> 00:19:42,749
No, I'm the boss.
Not any more you're not.
369
00:19:42,789 --> 00:19:45,429
We're stopping this.
I'll tell her about the vase.
370
00:19:45,469 --> 00:19:47,469
Cynthia!
Get that bloody tunic off, now!
371
00:19:47,509 --> 00:19:49,549
Maybe I'll show her the angle.
Cynthia!
372
00:19:49,589 --> 00:19:51,589
You can't prove anything.
373
00:19:53,229 --> 00:19:55,269
Give it back. Give it back. Cynthia!
374
00:19:57,949 --> 00:20:00,029
You...big bastard.
375
00:20:00,069 --> 00:20:03,789
Oops.
You want oops? I'll give you oops.
376
00:20:05,229 --> 00:20:07,229
No, no, no.
377
00:20:07,629 --> 00:20:09,749
Sto - I'm eating the cake all wrong.
378
00:20:09,789 --> 00:20:12,269
Oh, no. Stop, stop it!
That's worth more than you are.
379
00:20:12,309 --> 00:20:16,269
You couldn't be arsed to get me a
birthday present, so I know you think that.
380
00:20:16,309 --> 00:20:19,149
Right. It's mess you want, is it?
I'll give you mess.
381
00:20:23,189 --> 00:20:25,749
You pissing yourself?
It's your tunic.
382
00:20:25,789 --> 00:20:28,869
So, technically,
I'm pissing yourself. Ahhh.
383
00:20:29,469 --> 00:20:31,589
It's like that, is it?
It is, actually.
384
00:20:33,429 --> 00:20:36,189
What are you doing?
385
00:20:36,229 --> 00:20:38,589
I'm upping the ante.
Grumio, stop it. Seriously.
386
00:20:39,269 --> 00:20:41,589
And touchdown.
Ah.
387
00:20:41,629 --> 00:20:44,669
Have I got any more where that came
from? No, don't. Yep, we do.
388
00:20:44,709 --> 00:20:47,189
Stop it!
389
00:20:48,749 --> 00:20:50,629
Ahhh.
390
00:20:50,669 --> 00:20:53,629
Have you pissed and shitted
yourself?
391
00:20:54,029 --> 00:20:56,029
Shat? Yeah.
392
00:20:58,509 --> 00:21:00,509
And Stylax had sex with his cousin.
393
00:21:12,229 --> 00:21:14,229
Ah, thanks for fixing it.
394
00:21:14,989 --> 00:21:17,429
Can't quite find the angle
anymore, though. Ah, well.
395
00:21:17,469 --> 00:21:20,149
I got stains out your tunic,
by the way. Oh. Thanks, man.
396
00:21:20,189 --> 00:21:22,189
It took ages. It were dead soiled.
397
00:21:23,189 --> 00:21:25,189
Sorry about the soil. It's fine.
398
00:21:27,829 --> 00:21:30,869
Shrunk a bit.
Yeah. Might be too skinny now.
399
00:21:30,909 --> 00:21:33,469
Yeah. And it stinks of shit.
400
00:21:47,069 --> 00:21:49,069
Go on, go on. You can do it!
401
00:21:52,094 --> 00:22:24,121
402
00:22:24,171 --> 00:22:28,721
Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0
33292
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.