All language subtitles for Plebs s01e01 The Orgy.eng

Hi. I think we're on a guest list.

Name?
Marcus. Marcus what?

Marcus Phillipus Valerius Gallo.

No. You're not on here.

OK, try Stylax Rufus Eurisces.

Don't think so.
Maybe as a plus-one.

Whose plus-one?
Who have you got?

Back off. You're not on the scroll,
so it's ten each.

Ten denarii?
One of us is just a slave, so...

So leave him outside.
Can we leave you outside?

I'd rather not.
He'd rather not, is the thing.

It's dead nippy.

Evening, ladies.
You have yourselves a good night.

OK, so we sort of need to get in.

Look, gents, I'm not sure this is
the place for guys like you.

What does that mean?

Do I need to spell it out for you?

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Salve, Marcus.
All right, landlord?

I've just got some new tenants
fresh off the boat.

Oh, yeah? What they like? Brilliant.
They're paying 60 a week.

I meant as people. Well, idiots,
clearly. Make them feel welcome.

Here, let me give you a hand
with that.

Oh, thanks. I literally love you.

Erm... I love you, too.

I'm Marcus. I live upstairs.

So do I, I think. Cynthia.

This place is a dump.
This is my slave, Metella.

Hello. And goodbye.
We're not staying here.

Oh, no. Really?
What? No, you should stay.

It's dirtier than home, Cynth.
Where's home?

Britain.
Where we live in huts made of mud.

What is dirtier than mud?
Dog shit on our doorstep.

Oh, gross. That really is dirty.

Yeah, but the dog that did that
is actually pretty cute, so...

Still not great. Thanks so much for
your help. I'll tell you what.

I'll get my slave to clean up
the dog business.

When you've settled in
I'll give you a tour of the hood.

Yeah?
We could use a tour guide.

Well, then. Done deal.

So, are you a native Roman, Marcus?

Pretty much.
I've been here about six weeks.

Are you sure this is a good idea?
Brilliant idea. You'll love it here.

Anything from home?
No. Just junk.

What took you? Just helping
some new neighbours move in.

Couple of Britons.
Girls?

No, boys. Big boys.

In fact, Grumio, I need you

to clean up some dog shit
form outside their door, OK? Not OK.

Right. Why not? It's not our shit
or our dog or our door.

That's not the attitude, mate.
We're not on the farm anymore.

We're in Rome now. If we want to
impress people, we've got to -

Pick up their dog shit?
Well, in this case, yes.

Oh, my bloody wow!
What?

An orgy?

The Followers of Flesh,
a feast for the senses.

No, thank you.
As simple as that?

Not for me.
Orgies aren't for you?

OK, what about her?

Is she not for you?
That's a drawing.

It's based on someone.
Someone who won't be there.

You wanted to meet girls.
I wanted a girlfriend.

You might meet her. I don't want
to meet my future wife

while she's being humped
by centurions.

So, wait till they've finished.

How much is it?

It's... It's reassuringly expensive,
but we can make cutbacks.

Where?

Groceries we can cut back, right?
Not really.

We're prioritising orgies over food?
It says "feast".

For the senses. That won't be an -
There is! There's a bloody buffet!

That sounds hygienic.

It it all you can eat?
I assume so.

You're not going!
I'm not paying for my slave

to bang his way through a buffet!
I want to be a Follower of Flesh.

Oh, come on, mate.

You can do this.
It's only following.

Following flesh.

If that's the only way
you can get your rocks off,

then, frankly, I feel sorry for you.

Where do your get your rocks off,
Aurelius?

Anywhere, mate.
Bars, galleries, the temple.

The temple.
The temple is full of quality women.

On their knees praying.

On their knees, worshipping my rack.

Rack means boobs.
No. Rack is muscles.

You have boobs?
I do not have boobs!

I'm glad to hear it.
Working hard, then, boys?

Always, thank you, Flavia.
I come bearing gifts.

As in more work? Copier,
I need 12 of these double sided

for the business affairs meeting
on Friday.

I have already done these.

You poor thing.
I'd rather not do them again.

And I'd rather not ask you.
They were a bit smudgy.

Like someone had been weeping
on them.

Were you weeping on them?
Er... no.

Oh, sorry, I think I must have...
Cheers, mate.

And here's the old ones for you,
shredder. Have it done by tomorrow.

If poss.
Well, we'll try.

And also succeed
because I will need it by then.

So, let's maybe have no talking
in here.

Straight back, water boy.
Water man.

Straight back!

Salve, Grumio.

All right, landlord?

Working hard, then?
I'm quite stressed, actually.

Yeah, you look it.
Financial worries.

I'm trying to balance my budget
for groceries

with my budget for orgies and that.

Cut back on the groceries.
No brainer.

Cheers, yeah.

Do you know anywhere
I can get food for cheap?

Well, how cheap are we talking?
Like... free.

Yeah, I might, as it happens.

Whiz kid.

Ugh. Well, this is bad food.
Where did you get this mulch?

Landlord showed me a place.

The trick is not to smell it or chew
it, just swallow like a duck.

Am I guaranteed sex?
There must be a catch.

Trust me, they'll be queuing up
for you, mate.

Ah. Male attendees each have
to bring a towel.

We have towels.
And a female guest.

What about them Britons?
Grumio, don't -

You said they were big boys.
Boys with breasts.

I saw them first.
Fit Britons? Fit Britons?

The Britons! Ask them to the orgy.

Er, no. That's er... no.

Well, one's a slave. Sorry.
And I kind of like the other one.

That's perfect. Imperfect.
I'm just getting to know her.

No, don't get to know her. That's
not how it's done in the city.

Girls want guys who are balls out
and sexually liberated, not...

chatty prudes.
I'm not a prude.

I know when you've been fiddling
with yourself

because you make Venus
face the wall.

Well, she makes me self-conscious.
Well, not any more.

Man up.

Get this girl to the orgy.

This is the ideal way to take it
to the next level, bro.

You might be skipping a few levels.

Exactly. Cut to the chase.
That's how Romans roll. Hey!

If she doesn't lie it, she can
get the boat back to rainy Briton.

Britain. It's Britain, you dick.

Britain, Briton, whatever.

If you don't ask her, I will.

All right, fine, I'll ask her.

Just leave her alone.
Good boy.

So, what about you?
Who are you going to take?

Don't worry about me. I've got girls
coming out of my arsehole.

OK, go ahead.

Female members of staff are invited
to an orgy this Friday night -

Yeah, you can't put that in a memo.

Why not?
It's inappropriate.

Has Flavia said so?

Not specifically,
but memos are more for office news.

Fire drills and sponsored swims
and, well, not that.

What if I did it through
the Entertainment Committee?

There is no Entertainment Committee.
I've started one.

Really? And I'd like to send some
memos if that's OK?

Sure. Why not?
Memo No.1.

This Friday there will be...
an office cake bake.

I make a lemon drizzle.

That sounds lovely.
Hang on, don't do that.

Why?
Because of memo No.2.

Due to unforeseen circumstances
the cake bake has been cancelled.

Oh, that's a shame.

I know. I'm gutted.
So thank God for memo No.3.

The cake bake has been replaced
with an orgy.

Great news.
Only girls need apply.

Anything else?
Must bring own towel.

And... send.

Own towel.

So, this is the forum.

Oh, it's so romantic.

I find it very romantic.

A bit crowded.

Britain's practically empty. We've
never really been in a crowd before.

Well, three can be a crowd,
can't it?

So, what's that building, then,
tour guide?

What, with the red... legs?

Columns?
You can also call them legs.

That's a temple or a bank
or something. Which is it?

They'll both take your money,
won't they?

I'll just check in the city guide.

The city guide's useless.
Throw it away. I'm giving you gold.

Nugget's of gold you won't find
in a bloody guide.

You don't know the names
of any buildings. Yeah, but...

Rome for me is about the people.

They're the real buildings...

in a way.

I completely agree. I'm actually
training to be an actress.

Oh, wow. So I need to know
about the real people.

Oh, we can't move for real people.

That's a real homeless man there,
look.

Hey, that's brilliant.
Well, not for him.

Erm... what else? Oh, people urinate
against that wall at night.

Great. Another nugget.
No, no, it's good. Carry on.

Well, as it happens, I'm actually
going to this really Roman thing

tomorrow night if you want to come.
Not you.

What kind of thing?

Er... it's sort of a party.

Coolio.

I should say... it's erm...
It's a what?

It's an or...

awesome party.

OK, coolio.

Coolio. On with the tour.

Over there's a horse.

It's a donkey.
Cool, really glad you came.

All right?

What you got there?
Erm... rubbish.

What are you doing?
Just browsing.

How old's that peach?

It's pretty old.
Can I have it?

Fruit's not one of those things that
improves with age, you realise.

What's in that bag?

Corn on the cob.
I'll take it.

It's without the corn.
Cob's fine. I can use cob.

I saw you earlier
with the hairy stick.

Sweeping. I was sweeping.

I'm Metella.
I'm the slave of Cynthia.

Grumio, off of Marcus.

Of course you are.
That's make perfect sense.

Are you going to his thing on Friday
night, then? No, I'm not invited.

Me neither. I'm not fussed, like.

I want a nap after I've eaten,
and I figured at an orgy

you'd keep getting woken
up by people trying to fuck you.

What did you just say?
Sorry, make love to you.

Are they going to an orgy?

What's in that bag?

Toiletries.

Right, I'll leave that.
Thanks, then.

Shredder, darling, quick word.
Am I in trouble?

Yes.

That's not what internal memos
are for, shredder.

Yeah, I realise that now.

We're not running some kind
of dating service.

No. It's not really dating, though,
it's more kind of...

anonymous humping, really.

That's not much better, is it?
No.

Out of interest,
has there been many replies? No.

Good, I'm pleased about that.

I wanted to test the moral fibre
of our workforce.

Stop it.
Sorry.

Are you going to fire me?
I haven't decided yet.

What was that?
Nothing. Nothing. I panicked.

Just get out. And, shredder?
Yes?

Don't ask anyone else to accompany
you to an orgy? No.

Because I'll be going with you.
Yes.

I'll meet you there at nine.
I have my own... towel.

That'll be all, shredder.

Cob's the best bit.
Well, it isn't.

What's this grey stuff.
That's just general grey.

Where in Rome sells general grey?
The grey's actually pretty good.

It's meaty, but it's also moussey.

It's a meat mousse.
I think I'll leave it.

I'll wait for the buffet.

Are you good to go?
Have you conquered Briton?

I'm telling her in stages.
Today I invited her to a party.

Tomorrow I'll fill her in
on the theme.

Oh, yeah, no need, actually.

Why?

I saw her slave at the bins.
She's probably filled in by now.

Oh, you total dickhead.
I didn't know about the stages.

Hang on, is this from the bins?
Which one are you more angry about?

What's the point of you, Grumio?
I should bloody sell you.

No-one would buy me.

This is what you drive me to.
Do you understand?

I'm not bothered. I completed it.

She might not mind.
Of course she'll mind.

What the hell am I going to tell her?

Are you done with your grey? I think
I'm gonna press on, actually.

You forgot it was an orgy?

I forgot to mention it was an orgy.
When would you have remembered?

When we got there? When we were
surrounded by thrusting dicks?

Before that probably.
She'd have worked it out.

Stay out of it, please, mate.

Look, orgies are just a traditional
Roman pastime.

So, why aren't they in the city
guide? That's just tourist stuff.

This is what the locals do.
The local perverts?

Local normal people.
I bought a new dress

for a naked party. You can wear it
on the way over there.

Look, I know it seems a bit edgy
and you're obviously sheltered.

Pardon me, I'm not sheltered.

You'd never been in a crowd before.

This is modern city living, OK?

If you can't handle it,
maybe you should get back

in your mud hut in soggy Briton.

It's pronounced Britain.

Thought you might lend 'em
some milk.

Not invite them to a bloody orgy.
You heard that, then?

Who's orgy is it, out of interest?

The Followers of Flesh.

The Flesh Followers. Bloody hell!
Why? What's wrong with it?

It's whatever you're into, mate.
I'm not into anything.

It's not entry level.
That one's more for specialists.

What are specialists?

People who specialise.
Yeah, that makes sense.

I shouldn't have told them
to go home.

Those two are a much higher calibre
than my usual twats. No offence.

None taken. Right,
see if I can't calm things down,

smooth a few feathers.
That would be great.

Part of my job description.
I know.

So, another five on this week's
rent. Look after Junior, will you?

'What does "not entry level" mean?'

I don't know. I guess it's kinky.

But kinky how?
Is it more stroking and massaging?

You know, or punching and smearing.

It sounds great.
I wish I could come.

I'm not sure I could handle
the competition.

Oh, trust me, mate, if I was there,
I would clean up.

What, fluids?
No, women.

With a little mop and bucket.
That's very considerate.

I'm saying I could bang everyone.

Good for you, water boy. Aim high.

Thank you. Water man.
Good night, all.

I've finished those copies.
Bravo. Pass them to shredder.

Why? Because the meeting's been
moved to their place,

so they're sorting the copies.
Nighty night.

Oh, shredder, are you... shaved?

Am I...?

Oh, I can be.

If you would.

You're taking her to the orgy,
aren't you?

In many ways she's taking me.
Oh, you idiot.

What? You could literally
shag us out of a job.

We'll get a bonus, if anything. Yow!

Look at me. Answer me honestly.
Are you actually any good at sex?

You talk a good game,
but are you any good at it?

I think so.
You think?

What's the feedback been like?
Never had any complaints.

Well, how about compliments?

Like people do that straight after.
No, further down the line.

Well, once is enough... usually.

That's bad, then.
People are voting with their feet.

Or... they've had the best, so...

So... what? They retire from sex

because it can't get any better
than sex with Stylax, can it?

Hi. I've come to say sorry.

OK, thanks.
Not to you, though.

I'll pass it on.
OK...

Can you tell Cynthia
that I regret deceiving her,

and being rude about her country,
also your country?

If she can for give me,
I'd like to take her for a drink

that won't end in group sex.
OK, I'll tell her.

Don't mention the sex, actually.
Go up to the drink.

In fact, can I just tell her?

Nope.
Sorry, with respect,

I'm not sure you're going to convey
the right emotions

when you do it, so can I...?

She's out.
When's she back?

Dunno.
I think she's gone to an orgy.

That's very funny. Some cretin told
her that she was too sheltered.

Ah, go on, be a mate.
This is appalling.

I've argued her into an orgy.

I don't want to shave your balls.

But I can't get the right angle
myself.

OK, I'll do it if I don't have
to look at 'em.

No, that's... No, I can't risk that.

Maybe let's just forget it.

Let's just have a lads' night in,
yeah?

What? You can't pull out now.
This was you idea.

I need to be there to stop Cynthia
sleeping with another man.

And other men. Exactly, and other
men. These people are specialists.

But we don't know what that means.
It means keep them off her.

Like a human shield.
And how are you gonna do that?

Slide in...

No, I mean you need a female guest.

Oh, fuck pigs!

OK, I've got an idea. And I'll be
honest, Grumio, you won't like it.

However, bear in mind, there will be
a free buffet in it for you.

Don't think so.

Why not?
Because that's clearly a man.

Yeah, fair point. Thing is, we're
not even really here for the sex.

What are you here for, then?
The buffet.

Then, go to a buffet. We do like to
be around sex while we eat, though.

There he is!

All spick and span, I hope,
shredder.

Like a baby's bottom.
And Marcus too!

Hello. This is practically
an office night out.

And is this your partner?

No. That's erm...

There's no explanation
for what that is.

Shredder, this is my husband,
Cressus. Oh, it's your husband.

I thought we were...

Or are we...?

Or even -
This is his goon, Lucinda.

Goon? What's the...? Am I a goon?

Am I your goon?

A goon is chosen for the cage game.
The what?

It's just a fun little game
in a cage.

I like games. Less keen on cages.

Would you stamp my loyalty card,
please, darling?

She's got a fucking loyalty card.

At least she's loyal. Loyal to
orgies. That's the opposite of loyal.

Now he's putting a bag on his head.

I'll try to find a girl
and meet you in there.

Shredder, come along.

These people are specialists.

Orgy? Do you want
to go to an orgy with him?

No? Orgy, anyone?
Stop it, Grumio.

We'll just get arrested.

Do you think Cynthia's
already in there?

It's hard to tell from the outside.

Maybe she's not actually going.

Metella was probably winding me up.

Who would she go with, anyway?
She only knows us.

And the landlord.
Yeah, exactly.

She's hardly going to go
with a landlord.

OK, that's them.
That's clearly what she's done.

Shit house!

Are you all right?

Well, we're broke.

The girl I fancy is at an orgy
with a landlord.

My best friend's being molested
in a cage.

And my slave's pissing on my foot.

At least we're in Rome, though.

No, thank you.

OK.

I don't like the cage game!

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