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1
00:00:15,949 --> 00:00:17,109
Hey.
2
00:00:18,985 --> 00:00:20,976
Everything okay?
3
00:00:21,021 --> 00:00:25,481
Yeah, the deet sheet calls for
50016oz cups, so I'm just...
4
00:00:25,525 --> 00:00:27,686
So you're counting them?
5
00:00:27,727 --> 00:00:29,354
Ron, they come
100 to a sleeve.
6
00:00:29,396 --> 00:00:31,523
Here, here's 200.
You got 200 there.
7
00:00:31,564 --> 00:00:33,122
You got 100 in your hand.
You're all set.
8
00:00:33,166 --> 00:00:35,464
- Oh right. Henry.
- Yes?
9
00:00:35,502 --> 00:00:39,165
When you have an orgasm,
how much stuff comes out...
10
00:00:40,607 --> 00:00:43,474
of your penis?
11
00:00:52,852 --> 00:00:54,843
Henry: Well, why come
to me with this?
12
00:00:54,888 --> 00:00:58,449
Why not a doctor
or a close personal friend?
13
00:00:58,491 --> 00:01:00,459
You've watched porn, right?
14
00:01:00,493 --> 00:01:02,825
I'm not a connoisseur
or anything.
15
00:01:02,862 --> 00:01:04,762
I mean, is that normal?
16
00:01:04,798 --> 00:01:07,858
I mean, in bartending terms,
these guys ejaculate
17
00:01:07,901 --> 00:01:09,664
like a jiggerful.
18
00:01:09,702 --> 00:01:11,795
And I used to think
it was trick photography,
19
00:01:11,838 --> 00:01:14,898
like some guy off-camera
with a Super Soaker or something.
20
00:01:14,941 --> 00:01:17,876
But I've studied it. On DVD you can
slow it down frame by frame,
21
00:01:17,911 --> 00:01:21,972
and unless it's CGI, which I can't
imagine that they have the budget for,
22
00:01:22,015 --> 00:01:25,212
that's a lot of ejaculate.
Or is it? I don't know.
23
00:01:25,251 --> 00:01:28,015
I don't know, Ron.
I mean, I wouldn't sweat it.
24
00:01:28,054 --> 00:01:30,045
I never did.
I mean, Sandy Jared
25
00:01:30,090 --> 00:01:32,183
used to give me handies
in the Skateland parking lot,
26
00:01:32,225 --> 00:01:36,025
and my stuff would hang right off
the visor of my Cordoba.
27
00:01:36,062 --> 00:01:38,428
But lately I've been dating
this girl,
28
00:01:38,465 --> 00:01:42,959
and the last time afterwards
she says to me,
29
00:01:43,002 --> 00:01:44,492
"Is that all?"
30
00:01:44,537 --> 00:01:48,064
Well, maybe she was having
an existential crisis.
31
00:01:48,108 --> 00:01:50,235
She says I must jerk off
all the time
32
00:01:50,276 --> 00:01:52,904
because I am completely depleted.
I mean, Henry,
33
00:01:52,946 --> 00:01:55,210
can you fill up a thimble?
Because I have tried,
34
00:01:55,248 --> 00:01:56,772
and I cannot.
I can't do it.
35
00:01:56,816 --> 00:01:59,842
Oh God, I don't need
to know this information, Ron.
36
00:01:59,886 --> 00:02:01,911
Is there something wrong
with me?
37
00:02:02,956 --> 00:02:05,618
I think so, yes.
Quite possibly.
38
00:02:08,394 --> 00:02:09,691
- Kyle, what are you...?
- Hey.
39
00:02:09,729 --> 00:02:11,720
Oh man, it was such a long night
last night.
40
00:02:11,764 --> 00:02:13,664
I must have dozed off
for a second.
41
00:02:13,700 --> 00:02:15,895
I'm gonna go to the van.
If you guys need anything...
42
00:02:15,935 --> 00:02:19,302
You'd better not be going outside
to take that call, okay?
43
00:02:19,339 --> 00:02:21,239
Because I made it
specifically clear in my email
44
00:02:21,274 --> 00:02:23,242
that we have been dinged
for the last time
45
00:02:23,276 --> 00:02:25,244
on the comment cards
about cell phone use.
46
00:02:25,278 --> 00:02:27,576
No, I was actually gonna go out
and see if I could find
47
00:02:27,614 --> 00:02:29,206
a garden gnome
for you to fuck.
48
00:02:29,249 --> 00:02:31,217
Get it?
'Cause a gnome would be like,
49
00:02:31,251 --> 00:02:34,482
"Oh Ron, you're drowning me
in jizz!"
50
00:02:34,521 --> 00:02:37,217
- That's pretty funny.
- Hey Henry, here's a riddle for you...
51
00:02:37,257 --> 00:02:39,384
how many Rons would it take
to make a bukkake film?
52
00:02:40,627 --> 00:02:42,219
Oh, you know what?
That's enough.
53
00:02:42,262 --> 00:02:45,288
Both of you, outside, okay?
That's it. And that's one for you, pal.
54
00:02:45,331 --> 00:02:47,799
Roman: Ugh, corn chips,
bean dip,
55
00:02:47,834 --> 00:02:50,132
chili dogs, Jell-O shots...
56
00:02:50,170 --> 00:02:53,469
is this a white trash theme party
or are we in Arkansas?
57
00:02:53,506 --> 00:02:56,498
- Don't be a snob, Roman.
- Don't swim, fish.
58
00:02:56,543 --> 00:02:58,534
I have nothing against
simple folk.
59
00:02:58,578 --> 00:03:00,239
This is just need-to-know
information.
60
00:03:00,280 --> 00:03:03,408
Am I supposed to enjoy the irony
or pity the sincerity?
61
00:03:03,449 --> 00:03:05,349
Well, it's making me
homesick.
62
00:03:05,385 --> 00:03:07,353
This is what a party back home
looked like,
63
00:03:07,387 --> 00:03:09,150
with food
people actually enjoy.
64
00:03:09,189 --> 00:03:11,419
You don't think
I have to bite my tongue
65
00:03:11,457 --> 00:03:15,826
every time I carry a tray
with Santa Barbara grilled eel beaks
66
00:03:15,862 --> 00:03:18,057
and a baby pine cone sauce?
67
00:03:18,097 --> 00:03:20,725
All right, listen up, people.
Hand over your cell phones.
68
00:03:20,767 --> 00:03:25,295
I tried to be nice, but it clearly isn't
effective management strategy.
69
00:03:25,338 --> 00:03:28,273
So I'll hand them over after the event.
Chop suey, let's go.
70
00:03:28,308 --> 00:03:31,300
Ron, you can have my phone when
you pry it from my cold dead fingers.
71
00:03:31,344 --> 00:03:33,539
Yeah, Ron, why don't we just
have everyone promise
72
00:03:33,580 --> 00:03:35,946
not to use them so much?
73
00:03:35,982 --> 00:03:38,644
Okay, as long as I get
everybody's word, okay?
74
00:03:38,685 --> 00:03:40,812
Because today could be
a really big day for us.
75
00:03:40,853 --> 00:03:42,980
We could be
on national television.
76
00:03:43,022 --> 00:03:45,013
- What?
- Oh, that's awesome.
77
00:03:45,058 --> 00:03:46,616
Explain that.
78
00:03:46,659 --> 00:03:49,958
This is the home of Cole Landry
and it's draft day
79
00:03:49,996 --> 00:03:51,896
when all his dreams
come true.
80
00:03:51,931 --> 00:03:54,798
Wait, what dude's dream is
to get sent to Afghanistan?
81
00:03:54,834 --> 00:03:56,529
Cole Landry
82
00:03:56,569 --> 00:04:00,130
holds every Pac-10
passing record.
83
00:04:00,173 --> 00:04:02,403
He's a quarterback
84
00:04:02,442 --> 00:04:03,704
in football.
85
00:04:05,011 --> 00:04:08,037
They get drafted
and then play professional...
86
00:04:09,282 --> 00:04:11,750
do any of you even live
in America?
87
00:04:11,784 --> 00:04:15,914
Am I the only one here
who's ever been in a Champs?
88
00:04:15,955 --> 00:04:17,980
Good gravy!
89
00:04:19,525 --> 00:04:21,425
All right, so here's the deal:
90
00:04:21,461 --> 00:04:24,555
Cole's family and his teammates
will be here, okay?
91
00:04:24,597 --> 00:04:26,792
There's gonna be
a TV film crew
92
00:04:26,833 --> 00:04:29,893
providing a live feed
from the minute he gets picked, okay?
93
00:04:29,936 --> 00:04:33,235
So let's leave
a good impression, yes? Kyle.
94
00:04:33,273 --> 00:04:36,765
Oh great...
a houseful of neckless mutants.
95
00:04:36,809 --> 00:04:40,370
Uh-oh, high school flashbacks? Are
these the guys that gave you wedgies?
96
00:04:40,413 --> 00:04:41,641
- No.
- Swirlies?
97
00:04:41,681 --> 00:04:43,410
- Fuck off.
- Noogies?
98
00:04:43,449 --> 00:04:45,781
- Pantsed?
- Fart-faced?
99
00:04:45,818 --> 00:04:47,581
Henry.
100
00:04:47,620 --> 00:04:50,680
No, I don't fear these morons.
I pity them.
101
00:04:50,723 --> 00:04:53,715
I mean, in the real world
the only thing 36" thighs gets you
102
00:04:53,760 --> 00:04:57,696
is specially-made gym teacher shorts
and 30 grand a year.
103
00:04:57,730 --> 00:04:59,197
And really hot chicks.
104
00:04:59,232 --> 00:05:01,200
Uh, no.
Casey, when you're looking to mate,
105
00:05:01,234 --> 00:05:04,635
are you looking for a giant bulging
idiot or someone with some intelligence?
106
00:05:04,671 --> 00:05:06,104
- A giant bulging idiot.
- Boom.
107
00:05:06,139 --> 00:05:08,039
Right, so you want a guy
that's gonna keel over
108
00:05:08,074 --> 00:05:10,804
and crush you from a heart attack at 50
from eating all this shit?
109
00:05:10,843 --> 00:05:13,869
I do. I want to be crushed beneath him...
my huge fat husband.
110
00:05:13,913 --> 00:05:17,371
Of course you want that 'cause
you're dating a whopping 90-pounder.
111
00:05:17,417 --> 00:05:18,941
Hey.
112
00:05:18,985 --> 00:05:21,078
You are a runty little puppy.
113
00:05:21,120 --> 00:05:22,855
Thanks.
114
00:05:24,824 --> 00:05:27,554
Argh! Damn it.
Son of a...
115
00:05:27,593 --> 00:05:29,584
Let me help you
with that, sir.
116
00:05:29,629 --> 00:05:31,563
Oh, this damn hand.
117
00:05:31,597 --> 00:05:33,827
You should see
the table saw though.
118
00:05:33,866 --> 00:05:37,131
Oh, good one.
119
00:05:37,170 --> 00:05:39,331
Okay, what you want to do...
you wind it up, make su...
120
00:05:41,140 --> 00:05:43,631
That is the sexiest thing
I've ever seen.
121
00:05:43,676 --> 00:05:46,372
Hey now, don't you go
and speak too soon.
122
00:05:50,016 --> 00:05:53,179
Okay, I stand corrected there.
123
00:05:53,219 --> 00:05:55,016
- Hi, I'm Bill.
- I'm Lydia.
124
00:05:55,054 --> 00:05:56,851
Well... oh.
125
00:05:56,889 --> 00:05:59,187
- Hi, Dad.
- What?
126
00:05:59,225 --> 00:06:01,056
Which one of these
should I wear on TV?
127
00:06:01,094 --> 00:06:04,621
Oh man, I...
Rianna would know.
128
00:06:04,664 --> 00:06:05,926
She's gone, Dad.
129
00:06:05,965 --> 00:06:08,399
You need to move on.
We've talked about this.
130
00:06:08,434 --> 00:06:11,562
Hey now, who wants to be
a millionaire?
131
00:06:11,604 --> 00:06:13,037
How's my favorite agent?
132
00:06:13,072 --> 00:06:15,199
All right, Cole, say it loud
and say it proud...
133
00:06:15,241 --> 00:06:17,471
"I wanna play
in sunny Tampa Bay. "
134
00:06:17,510 --> 00:06:19,671
- Tampa Bay!
- Yeah, let's do this.
135
00:06:19,712 --> 00:06:21,179
Come on,
cameras are coming.
136
00:06:21,214 --> 00:06:24,342
Sportscaster: But I have to say there is
not a lot of drama in the fourth pick.
137
00:06:24,384 --> 00:06:26,375
Tampa Bay needs a quarterback
138
00:06:26,419 --> 00:06:29,047
and there is no signal caller higher
on the draft board than Cole Landry.
139
00:06:29,088 --> 00:06:31,886
Sportscaster 2: Yeah, in Landry you get
not just a starting quarterback,
140
00:06:31,924 --> 00:06:33,789
you get the face
of the franchise too.
141
00:06:33,826 --> 00:06:36,454
All right, when Cole is picked
we're cutting in live.
142
00:06:36,496 --> 00:06:37,963
- Hey.
- Hey.
143
00:06:37,997 --> 00:06:40,898
A row of Jäger shots,
please, barkeep.
144
00:06:40,933 --> 00:06:42,924
So I think I totally get it now.
145
00:06:42,969 --> 00:06:45,494
Finally you get it.
What? What do you get?
146
00:06:45,538 --> 00:06:47,472
Your big Apatow
movie premiere
147
00:06:47,507 --> 00:06:48,838
- coming up...
- Uh-huh, yeah.
148
00:06:48,875 --> 00:06:51,070
- There's gonna be a lot
of heavy hitters there.
149
00:06:51,110 --> 00:06:52,372
I'll say.
150
00:06:52,412 --> 00:06:54,403
- "Who's Who" of the comedy world.
- Uh-huh.
151
00:06:54,447 --> 00:06:56,415
And you're gonna be
mingling with them.
152
00:06:56,449 --> 00:06:58,474
I might do a little mingling,
153
00:06:58,518 --> 00:06:59,883
- sure.
- Sure.
154
00:06:59,919 --> 00:07:02,649
- Okay, so good. You get it then.
- I totally get it.
155
00:07:02,688 --> 00:07:06,055
Well, I do not get it even a little bit.
What are we talking about?
156
00:07:06,092 --> 00:07:08,822
I mean I get why I'm not
your plus-one.
157
00:07:10,530 --> 00:07:13,158
- I see. I see.
- Uh-huh.
158
00:07:13,199 --> 00:07:15,667
See, if I had the opportunity
to really get in there
159
00:07:15,701 --> 00:07:17,862
- and do some networking...
- Don't.
160
00:07:17,904 --> 00:07:20,839
...I probably wouldn't want to bring
a cautionary tale on my arm either.
161
00:07:20,873 --> 00:07:24,309
- Man, this is a huge relief for me.
- Oh, good good.
162
00:07:24,343 --> 00:07:26,334
Because honestly
I have rehearsed
163
00:07:26,379 --> 00:07:28,745
- the you-embarrass-me speech...
- Of course.
164
00:07:28,781 --> 00:07:31,249
...like 100 times in my head probably.
- Sure.
165
00:07:31,284 --> 00:07:33,377
But I don't even need to do it
because you get it.
166
00:07:33,419 --> 00:07:34,750
- I get it.
- And that's what makes you
167
00:07:34,787 --> 00:07:36,084
- such a cool guy.
- Thanks.
168
00:07:36,122 --> 00:07:38,113
I mean, not arm-candy cool,
obviously,
169
00:07:38,157 --> 00:07:40,421
but fuck-buddy cool.
170
00:07:40,460 --> 00:07:42,291
Okay.
171
00:07:42,328 --> 00:07:44,956
Nobody puts Baby
in the corner.
172
00:07:47,333 --> 00:07:49,460
Yeah, buddy, I've been there.
173
00:07:49,502 --> 00:07:51,060
Been where?
174
00:07:51,103 --> 00:07:52,730
There,
175
00:07:52,772 --> 00:07:55,536
that place where the person you want
to be with night and day
176
00:07:55,575 --> 00:07:58,476
only wants to be with you
when there's no one else around.
177
00:07:58,511 --> 00:08:02,572
Oh right, yeah.
Well, that's not our situation.
178
00:08:02,615 --> 00:08:04,640
Don't fool yourself, brother.
179
00:08:04,684 --> 00:08:08,882
So Tampa passes on Cole Landry.
180
00:08:08,921 --> 00:08:10,821
- Are you surprised?
- Sportscaster #2: I'm shocked.
181
00:08:10,857 --> 00:08:12,950
What do you think's going through
Landry's head right now?
182
00:08:12,992 --> 00:08:14,983
He probably falls to Philly
at eight
183
00:08:15,027 --> 00:08:17,689
and $10 million
flies out the window.
184
00:08:21,300 --> 00:08:23,131
...in the house.
185
00:08:23,169 --> 00:08:25,569
Thank you so much.
This is so... okay.
186
00:08:25,605 --> 00:08:27,596
Okay.
187
00:08:31,711 --> 00:08:33,144
- Ron, hey.
- Hey.
188
00:08:33,179 --> 00:08:35,807
Okay, so my band got a slot
on an industry showcase tonight.
189
00:08:35,848 --> 00:08:37,008
- Aww.
- Yeah.
190
00:08:37,049 --> 00:08:39,813
So is it cool if I just like leave
a little bit earlier or whatever?
191
00:08:39,852 --> 00:08:42,582
Oh shoot, not a chance to get backup.
You should have asked me earlier.
192
00:08:42,622 --> 00:08:44,146
I didn't know earlier.
193
00:08:44,190 --> 00:08:46,181
Oh really?
How did you find out then?
194
00:08:47,894 --> 00:08:51,591
A carrier pigeon, Ron, yeah.
A carrier pigeon landed in the backyard
195
00:08:51,631 --> 00:08:53,758
- with a little note on its foot...
- Just flew over.
196
00:08:53,799 --> 00:08:56,461
...with all the information. It's great.
Can you believe it found me?
197
00:08:56,502 --> 00:08:58,800
Wow. No, you were on the phone.
I saw it, so...
198
00:08:58,838 --> 00:09:00,305
Okay, yeah.
I was on the phone.
199
00:09:00,339 --> 00:09:03,604
Right. So sorry, Kyle. Only employees
who follow the rules get rewarded.
200
00:09:03,643 --> 00:09:05,838
- What?
- You heard me.
201
00:09:06,846 --> 00:09:08,837
What the fuck?
202
00:09:10,016 --> 00:09:11,711
Yeah, I put everything
into this.
203
00:09:11,751 --> 00:09:14,811
You know, I turned down work
so I could coach my son.
204
00:09:14,854 --> 00:09:16,082
- Oh.
- And you know what?
205
00:09:16,122 --> 00:09:18,215
Cole's mother
never understood it.
206
00:09:18,257 --> 00:09:21,715
- She wanted a bigger house.
- Come on.
207
00:09:21,761 --> 00:09:24,559
She called me a piss-poor provider
and walked out.
208
00:09:24,597 --> 00:09:26,827
Oh, you poor guy.
209
00:09:26,866 --> 00:09:31,394
So Cole's mom...
that's Rianna?
210
00:09:31,437 --> 00:09:33,769
No no no, Rianna is
my ex-girlfriend.
211
00:09:33,806 --> 00:09:35,797
- Oh.
- She was just bad news,
212
00:09:35,841 --> 00:09:37,968
- a big spoiled brat.
- Ugh.
213
00:09:38,010 --> 00:09:40,911
She's too young and pretty
for me anyway.
214
00:09:42,548 --> 00:09:44,709
Oh, come on.
Fuck.
215
00:09:44,750 --> 00:09:47,548
Man, Ron is being
such a dick again.
216
00:09:47,587 --> 00:09:50,750
Oh, next you're gonna tell me that
a bear is defecating in the woods.
217
00:09:50,790 --> 00:09:52,849
No, check this out...
my band just got a last-minute
218
00:09:52,892 --> 00:09:55,258
industry slot at the Rainbow Room.
He won't let me leave
219
00:09:55,294 --> 00:09:56,989
like just a little bit earlier
to make it.
220
00:09:57,029 --> 00:09:59,896
Oh no, this was the big night you guys
were gonna get your record deal.
221
00:09:59,932 --> 00:10:01,524
Yeah maybe.
222
00:10:01,567 --> 00:10:03,558
Fuck, do they Super Glue
this bitch on?
223
00:10:03,603 --> 00:10:05,867
Let me help you
with that, little buddy.
224
00:10:05,905 --> 00:10:08,840
It's not easy.
225
00:10:08,874 --> 00:10:11,741
Wow, looks like you really struggled
with that, little buddy.
226
00:10:11,777 --> 00:10:13,176
I loosened it, you dick.
227
00:10:13,212 --> 00:10:15,339
Hey, we all have
our talents, right?
228
00:10:15,381 --> 00:10:16,541
I guess.
229
00:10:16,582 --> 00:10:18,550
Yeah, while you were busy
opening jars
230
00:10:18,584 --> 00:10:20,643
and pushing a blocking sled
around,
231
00:10:20,686 --> 00:10:22,984
I was reading literature.
232
00:10:23,022 --> 00:10:24,853
Ah, a man of letters.
233
00:10:24,890 --> 00:10:27,688
I'm a bit of a book buff myself.
Who are you into?
234
00:10:27,727 --> 00:10:30,423
Heinlein, Azimov, Clarke...
you probably haven't heard of them.
235
00:10:30,463 --> 00:10:32,863
A sci-fi man.
No, I love Heinlein...
236
00:10:32,898 --> 00:10:36,061
"A Stranger in a Strange Land. "
What about Bradbury?
237
00:10:36,102 --> 00:10:38,468
I'm a little lukewarm
on "Fahrenheit 451,"
238
00:10:38,504 --> 00:10:40,096
but "Martian Chronicles"?
Come on!
239
00:10:40,139 --> 00:10:41,766
They're the best.
240
00:10:42,775 --> 00:10:44,766
I haven't gotten to it yet.
241
00:10:44,810 --> 00:10:46,778
I'm busy...
I'm really busy though.
242
00:10:46,812 --> 00:10:48,643
Yeah, I'm not really
a big Azimov guy.
243
00:10:48,681 --> 00:10:51,047
I mean, I'll give him
"The Three Laws of Robotics,"
244
00:10:51,083 --> 00:10:52,778
but he's mid-list.
245
00:10:52,818 --> 00:10:55,252
Which is ironic,
because I love the Russians...
246
00:10:55,287 --> 00:10:58,779
Dostoevsky, Gogol, Chekhov.
247
00:10:58,824 --> 00:11:01,759
Oh, Roman's super into Chekov...
yeah, and Sulu.
248
00:11:01,794 --> 00:11:04,456
Moron.
And that's not irony.
249
00:11:04,497 --> 00:11:07,955
A lot of people make that mistake...
you, Alanis Morissette.
250
00:11:08,000 --> 00:11:11,299
You say "ironic"
when you really mean "happenstance. "
251
00:11:11,337 --> 00:11:12,827
- For instance...
- Thanks.
252
00:11:12,872 --> 00:11:14,601
I could really use
a lesson on irony.
253
00:11:14,640 --> 00:11:16,540
Perfect.
Here you go.
254
00:11:16,575 --> 00:11:19,203
Irony is when you say
one thing
255
00:11:19,245 --> 00:11:22,442
but you mean the opposite.
For example...
256
00:11:22,481 --> 00:11:25,075
I could stand here all night
and soak up this knowledge.
257
00:11:25,117 --> 00:11:26,778
You interrupted me.
258
00:11:26,819 --> 00:11:29,049
I was in the middle of
telling you what irony is.
259
00:11:29,088 --> 00:11:32,421
And then if... if... oh.
Okay, I got you.
260
00:11:32,458 --> 00:11:34,085
- What just happened?
- Very good.
261
00:11:34,126 --> 00:11:37,562
You must be the only
football-playing lit major ever.
262
00:11:37,596 --> 00:11:39,325
No, I'm pre-med.
263
00:11:39,365 --> 00:11:41,162
You're pre-med?
264
00:11:41,200 --> 00:11:42,861
Yeah.
265
00:11:42,902 --> 00:11:44,426
Hmm.
266
00:11:44,470 --> 00:11:46,461
Oh, I don't like the term
"stage mom. "
267
00:11:46,505 --> 00:11:48,769
Escapade is my teammate.
268
00:11:48,808 --> 00:11:51,242
Yeah, people used to yell at me
all the time...
269
00:11:51,277 --> 00:11:54,405
"Bill, let the kid
have a childhood.
270
00:11:54,447 --> 00:11:57,678
No five-year-old needs to run
tire drills in July. "
271
00:11:57,717 --> 00:12:02,279
No seven-year-old needs to have
permanent eyeliner tattooed on either.
272
00:12:02,321 --> 00:12:05,214
- That doesn't mean it's a bad idea.
- Exactly. Exactly.
273
00:12:05,224 --> 00:12:08,057
Oh hey, time out.
Hey hey, it's Philly's pick.
274
00:12:08,094 --> 00:12:10,392
Sportscaster: With the eighth pick,
Philadelphia selects
275
00:12:10,429 --> 00:12:13,728
offensive lineman Jake Kupp
out of Washington.
276
00:12:13,766 --> 00:12:16,200
Sportscaster 2: We turn our attention
now to a star of Detroit,
277
00:12:16,235 --> 00:12:18,294
and for them defense
is the name of the game.
278
00:12:18,337 --> 00:12:21,170
Here's how it's really gonna go, Phil...
vodka...
279
00:12:21,207 --> 00:12:23,698
he's gonna play you twice a year
in division;
280
00:12:23,743 --> 00:12:26,803
he's gonna whup your sorry ass.
And then when they carve your tombstone,
281
00:12:26,846 --> 00:12:28,643
it's gonna read,
"Here lies the dumb fuck
282
00:12:28,681 --> 00:12:30,672
who passed on
Hall of Fame quarterback
283
00:12:30,716 --> 00:12:32,445
Cole Landry!"
284
00:12:32,485 --> 00:12:34,817
Could you please tell my wife
if she loved me
285
00:12:34,854 --> 00:12:36,481
she wouldn't call me
on this day?
286
00:12:36,522 --> 00:12:39,389
He's gonna pop your eyeball out
and skull-fuck you, Phil!
287
00:12:39,425 --> 00:12:41,325
How about that?
288
00:12:41,360 --> 00:12:43,328
No no, sweetie.
Get your daddy on the phone.
289
00:12:43,362 --> 00:12:45,956
Excuse me. Sorry.
A hamster bit one of your kids
290
00:12:45,998 --> 00:12:48,296
and your wife wants to know
if she should bring him to the hospital.
291
00:12:48,334 --> 00:12:50,632
- Which one?
- Which one? He wants to...
292
00:12:50,669 --> 00:12:52,034
Fuddrucker.
293
00:12:52,071 --> 00:12:54,164
Jesus. Fuck.
Which kid?
294
00:12:54,206 --> 00:12:57,664
Hold on. Honey, I love you,
but fuck you for calling on draft day!
295
00:12:57,710 --> 00:13:00,838
Hi. Refill?
296
00:13:00,880 --> 00:13:04,145
Why the fuck not?
297
00:13:04,183 --> 00:13:06,242
All right, here's something
I don't get...
298
00:13:06,285 --> 00:13:08,845
you are like this big
college football player,
299
00:13:08,888 --> 00:13:10,219
- right?
- Mm-hmm.
300
00:13:10,256 --> 00:13:12,417
So what girl wouldn't want
to be seen with you?
301
00:13:12,458 --> 00:13:14,619
How would your parents react
if they found out
302
00:13:14,660 --> 00:13:16,787
you were sport-fucking
a large black man?
303
00:13:16,829 --> 00:13:19,798
They'd say
it explains a lot.
304
00:13:19,832 --> 00:13:23,859
Look, all I am is some sort of
sexual carnival ride, you know?
305
00:13:24,904 --> 00:13:29,671
So you and your lady...
I saw how she was icing you out.
306
00:13:29,708 --> 00:13:31,403
Do you love her?
307
00:13:34,246 --> 00:13:36,874
The... what?
308
00:13:38,751 --> 00:13:40,742
Hey buddy,
you got a moment?
309
00:13:40,786 --> 00:13:43,721
Yes, of course.
What can I help you with?
310
00:13:43,756 --> 00:13:46,816
- Actually, I just started residency.
- Wonderful.
311
00:13:46,859 --> 00:13:50,090
And I was talking to your friend
over there about your health concerns.
312
00:13:50,129 --> 00:13:52,154
And it reminded me
of this patient...
313
00:13:52,198 --> 00:13:54,223
Wait a minute.
What friend?
314
00:13:54,266 --> 00:13:57,292
That guy.
315
00:13:57,336 --> 00:13:59,566
Oh, Henry.
316
00:13:59,605 --> 00:14:01,573
So he told you about
the amount of my...
317
00:14:01,607 --> 00:14:03,268
- Ejaculate?
- Yes.
318
00:14:03,309 --> 00:14:06,039
Yes, and it reminded me
of this patient who came in and said
319
00:14:06,078 --> 00:14:08,569
that he was producing
limited reproductive material.
320
00:14:08,614 --> 00:14:10,639
- That's me.
- We brought him in the office,
321
00:14:10,683 --> 00:14:12,514
took down his pants
for an exam
322
00:14:12,551 --> 00:14:15,315
and he had testicles
the size of Christmas hams.
323
00:14:15,354 --> 00:14:17,254
Christmas hams?
324
00:14:17,289 --> 00:14:20,554
My concern is you're presenting
acute bacterial prostatitis.
325
00:14:20,593 --> 00:14:23,153
It's an infection
of the prostate
326
00:14:23,195 --> 00:14:26,722
that causes inflammation
and can lead to cystitis
327
00:14:26,765 --> 00:14:28,926
and in some instances
prostate cancer.
328
00:14:30,402 --> 00:14:32,393
Ball cancer?
329
00:14:32,438 --> 00:14:34,167
Prostate cancer.
330
00:14:34,206 --> 00:14:37,004
Right, which is the medical term
for balls, like in Latin?
331
00:14:37,042 --> 00:14:38,771
A different gland entirely.
332
00:14:38,811 --> 00:14:41,609
But what I suggest you do
is when you go home,
333
00:14:41,647 --> 00:14:43,171
- have a good night's rest...
- Okay.
334
00:14:43,215 --> 00:14:46,514
...shave your testicular area,
call your physician first thing
335
00:14:46,552 --> 00:14:50,283
and tell him that you urgently need
your balls pulled and palpated.
336
00:14:50,322 --> 00:14:53,155
Pulled and palpated.
I don't know what that means.
337
00:14:53,192 --> 00:14:54,955
It's a technical procedure.
He'll know.
338
00:14:54,994 --> 00:14:57,121
But go,
'cause my concern is
339
00:14:57,162 --> 00:14:59,790
that this could lead
to something deadly serious.
340
00:14:59,832 --> 00:15:01,766
Thank you.
341
00:15:01,800 --> 00:15:03,199
No problem.
342
00:15:04,436 --> 00:15:07,269
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry sorry sorry.
343
00:15:07,306 --> 00:15:09,297
When you said
your patient produced
344
00:15:09,341 --> 00:15:12,538
limited reproductive material,
how much is "limited"?
345
00:15:12,578 --> 00:15:15,672
Ballpark?
346
00:15:15,714 --> 00:15:17,944
So the big mystery of the day
347
00:15:17,983 --> 00:15:20,952
is why Cole Landry
continues to slide.
348
00:15:20,986 --> 00:15:23,113
Yeah, I've just spoken
to someone high up
349
00:15:23,155 --> 00:15:25,487
in one of the organizations
that passed on Landry
350
00:15:25,524 --> 00:15:29,585
and they had confirmed that this is
the reason they chose not to draft him.
351
00:15:29,628 --> 00:15:32,119
Sportscaster 1: What we're hearing
is that many organizations
352
00:15:32,164 --> 00:15:34,894
have become convinced
that Cole Landry is gay.
353
00:15:34,934 --> 00:15:36,731
That's fucking bullshit.
354
00:15:36,769 --> 00:15:38,828
Oh my God, what the fuck
kind of reporting is this?
355
00:15:38,871 --> 00:15:41,465
Sportscaster 2: My source tells me
that if it was any other position,
356
00:15:41,507 --> 00:15:44,366
they wouldn't care. But we are talking
about the face of the franchise.
357
00:15:44,376 --> 00:15:46,344
Fucking shit.
358
00:15:46,378 --> 00:15:48,972
You know me. I get so much pussy
it's not even funny.
359
00:15:49,014 --> 00:15:51,175
- It's not even a joke.
- Hey, I'm the king of pussy, bro.
360
00:15:51,216 --> 00:15:54,413
I know, okay?
This is fucking Rosenhaus, okay?
361
00:15:54,453 --> 00:15:56,921
He wanted his kid to be the first
QB drafted. You know what?
362
00:15:56,956 --> 00:15:59,322
That gel-haired scumfucker
is fucking us.
363
00:15:59,358 --> 00:16:01,189
Maybe we should have gone
with Rosenhaus, Cole.
364
00:16:01,226 --> 00:16:03,217
- We're family.
- We're not family.
365
00:16:03,262 --> 00:16:05,696
Hey hey, no no no.
Ask the booster girls how gay I am.
366
00:16:05,731 --> 00:16:08,996
Gentlemen, gentlemen, gentlemen, hey!
Time out!
367
00:16:09,034 --> 00:16:12,526
Pull yourselves together. Cole,
you're a quarterback. Show some poise.
368
00:16:12,571 --> 00:16:15,665
Now you listen to me. Every round
we're losing half a million dollars,
369
00:16:15,708 --> 00:16:18,370
so let's stop talking about
how much pussy we're getting.
370
00:16:18,410 --> 00:16:20,401
Of course you're getting
a lot of puss.
371
00:16:20,446 --> 00:16:22,846
Let's get our shit together
and come up with a plan.
372
00:16:23,849 --> 00:16:26,977
Well, the celebration has officially
turned into a wake.
373
00:16:27,019 --> 00:16:30,887
Hey, so how come you're not taking your
boy here to your big movie premiere?
374
00:16:30,923 --> 00:16:32,914
'Cause he ain't pretty enough?
375
00:16:32,958 --> 00:16:34,949
- 'Cause he ain't tall?
- Hmm.
376
00:16:34,994 --> 00:16:37,258
Is it 'cause he's working
some shit job? Is that it?
377
00:16:37,296 --> 00:16:40,026
Wow, that is an impressive
list of reasons.
378
00:16:40,065 --> 00:16:42,056
He has feelings for you, girl...
379
00:16:42,101 --> 00:16:44,069
deep feelings.
380
00:16:44,103 --> 00:16:47,129
Maybe he's not sure
it's love,
381
00:16:47,172 --> 00:16:48,799
but his shit runs deep.
382
00:16:48,841 --> 00:16:52,140
Uh, well, Jerome... Casey.
Casey... Jerome.
383
00:16:52,177 --> 00:16:54,975
Is that true, Henry?
Does your shit run deep?
384
00:16:55,014 --> 00:16:58,142
Well, isn't it enough to know
that my shit runs at all?
385
00:16:58,183 --> 00:17:01,175
Well, Jerome, I am not taking Henry
to my premiere
386
00:17:01,220 --> 00:17:02,847
because I'm taking
my mother.
387
00:17:02,888 --> 00:17:04,788
But you don't even
like your mother.
388
00:17:04,823 --> 00:17:06,814
I know that I don't like
my mother,
389
00:17:06,859 --> 00:17:10,818
but she always refers to my career
as "that little thing that you do,"
390
00:17:10,863 --> 00:17:13,627
so this is like my only chance
to rub her nose
391
00:17:13,665 --> 00:17:16,429
in whatever tiny bit
of success I have.
392
00:17:16,468 --> 00:17:18,527
So why are you not taking Henry
to your comedy shows?
393
00:17:18,570 --> 00:17:20,401
- Oh Jesus, dude.
- Wow, that was...
394
00:17:20,439 --> 00:17:23,169
Okay, I don't take Henry
to my comedy shows
395
00:17:23,208 --> 00:17:25,199
because I do a skit
396
00:17:25,244 --> 00:17:27,804
where I get kind of friendly
with another guy,
397
00:17:27,846 --> 00:17:30,974
and Henry gets
kind of jealous sometimes.
398
00:17:31,016 --> 00:17:33,007
Come on, I mean,
I know the difference
399
00:17:33,052 --> 00:17:36,453
between stage kissing and real life.
I mean, I was an actor.
400
00:17:36,488 --> 00:17:38,513
Actually, I play an animatronic
love doll
401
00:17:38,557 --> 00:17:41,583
and the audience has to, like,
shout out suggestions
402
00:17:41,627 --> 00:17:44,619
for my quadriplegic inventor
to order me to do.
403
00:17:44,663 --> 00:17:46,221
Well...
404
00:17:46,265 --> 00:17:48,790
Are you all right?
You look a little bothered by that.
405
00:17:48,834 --> 00:17:51,860
Not at all. I mean,
maybe by the logic I'm bothered.
406
00:17:51,904 --> 00:17:53,735
- I mean, how did he build you?
- Right.
407
00:17:53,772 --> 00:17:56,206
Obviously, not your inventor
'cause he's quadriplegic.
408
00:17:56,241 --> 00:17:58,539
And don't say "by another robot"
'cause that's ridiculous.
409
00:17:58,577 --> 00:18:00,477
Yeah, not bothered at all, see?
He's fine with it.
410
00:18:00,512 --> 00:18:02,173
I am. I mean, I get it,
'cause it's a job.
411
00:18:02,214 --> 00:18:05,047
- So I understand.
- Casey, Casey, an exciting opportunity.
412
00:18:05,084 --> 00:18:07,575
They're just about to cut
to a live feed
413
00:18:07,619 --> 00:18:10,611
from right here in this
living room in, like, 10 minutes.
414
00:18:10,656 --> 00:18:12,487
Now with that information
415
00:18:12,524 --> 00:18:14,515
and knowing how much
the camera loves you,
416
00:18:14,560 --> 00:18:16,323
how would you feel
417
00:18:16,361 --> 00:18:20,320
about snuggling up
to Cole Landry
418
00:18:20,365 --> 00:18:23,357
and pretending
that you're his girlfriend?
419
00:18:23,402 --> 00:18:26,735
I would feel like an idiot,
probably.
420
00:18:26,772 --> 00:18:29,741
Well, would you feel like an idiot
for 500 smackers?
421
00:18:29,775 --> 00:18:32,437
Oh, well, then I would feel
like a whore.
422
00:18:32,478 --> 00:18:34,343
Hey, language, Casey.
You're a girl.
423
00:18:34,379 --> 00:18:37,280
Now listen to me.
Cole Landry is losing
424
00:18:37,316 --> 00:18:39,716
half a million dollars
with every pick of the draft,
425
00:18:39,751 --> 00:18:42,015
and all because of some
horrible rumor.
426
00:18:42,054 --> 00:18:45,114
Could you find it in your heart
to help this kid out?
427
00:18:45,157 --> 00:18:47,216
- So that's a job. That's income.
- Yes.
428
00:18:47,259 --> 00:18:50,057
Henry, how would you feel about that,
since I get paid?
429
00:18:50,095 --> 00:18:52,086
- Yeah, that's great. Yeah terrific.
- Great? Awesome.
430
00:18:52,131 --> 00:18:53,962
Hey, let's get you
into a push-up bra.
431
00:18:53,999 --> 00:18:55,296
- Okay.
- Come on.
432
00:18:55,334 --> 00:18:57,666
"That's great"?
Come on, man.
433
00:18:57,703 --> 00:19:00,103
Grow some balls, please.
434
00:19:05,844 --> 00:19:09,780
Oh Jesus.
Did you light a match?
435
00:19:09,815 --> 00:19:12,409
Oh. Ooh, this could be good.
436
00:19:12,451 --> 00:19:15,648
Oh God, who used to live here...
Tanya Tucker?
437
00:19:15,687 --> 00:19:17,678
Tanya Tucker? I wish.
438
00:19:17,723 --> 00:19:21,056
No, Bill's ex... Rianna.
Blort.
439
00:19:21,093 --> 00:19:23,493
Casey, you've got such a darling
little figure.
440
00:19:23,529 --> 00:19:24,826
Why don't you show it off?
441
00:19:24,863 --> 00:19:26,421
I do show it off.
442
00:19:26,465 --> 00:19:30,595
I wear pasties and tassels all the time
when I'm not at work.
443
00:19:30,636 --> 00:19:32,570
Hey look, I found it.
This is the winner.
444
00:19:32,604 --> 00:19:34,003
- Yeah.
- Are you crazy?
445
00:19:34,039 --> 00:19:36,507
Think of this as an acting assignment.
You're playing a bimbo.
446
00:19:36,542 --> 00:19:39,136
Ooh cha-cha.
Yeah, a bimbo with a heart of gold
447
00:19:39,178 --> 00:19:40,941
dating the captain
of the football team.
448
00:19:40,979 --> 00:19:43,277
Okay, why are you
doing this, seriously?
449
00:19:43,315 --> 00:19:46,045
Do you have a thing
for the kid's dad? It's pretty obvious.
450
00:19:46,084 --> 00:19:49,315
Oh, Casey, I think the dad
might have a thing for me.
451
00:19:49,354 --> 00:19:50,787
- Uh-huh.
- And, you know,
452
00:19:50,822 --> 00:19:53,290
the rest of it
will take care of itself.
453
00:19:54,326 --> 00:19:56,590
You tell me
to express myself
454
00:19:56,628 --> 00:19:58,619
and demand respect
455
00:19:58,664 --> 00:20:00,859
when right here, man,
456
00:20:00,899 --> 00:20:02,890
with me watching you,
457
00:20:02,935 --> 00:20:04,926
you just rolled over
when your woman...
458
00:20:06,805 --> 00:20:08,932
Well? Well, look at her.
459
00:20:10,175 --> 00:20:13,338
Oh my God, you're right.
I am a pussy.
460
00:20:13,378 --> 00:20:15,369
Oh, no no no.
You're cut off.
461
00:20:15,414 --> 00:20:18,008
Whenever anybody has success, they
always have something to say about them.
462
00:20:18,050 --> 00:20:20,041
Excuse me, can I talk to you
for one second?
463
00:20:20,085 --> 00:20:22,280
Yeah. Excuse me.
What can I do for you, buddy?
464
00:20:22,321 --> 00:20:25,415
I was hoping maybe
you could take a look at this.
465
00:20:26,792 --> 00:20:30,250
What exactly
am I looking at here?
466
00:20:30,295 --> 00:20:31,753
Sportscaster: You've heard the rumors.
What is it you want to say?
467
00:20:31,763 --> 00:20:32,821
Sportscaster: You've heard the rumors.
What is it you want to say?
468
00:20:32,864 --> 00:20:34,832
You know, I don't know
who laughed harder when I heard
469
00:20:34,866 --> 00:20:37,733
people thought I was gay...
me or my girlfriend Casey.
470
00:20:37,769 --> 00:20:39,464
Me.
471
00:20:39,504 --> 00:20:42,598
Oh my God,
I get so mad at this guy
472
00:20:42,641 --> 00:20:45,235
because every time
a pretty girl walks by,
473
00:20:45,277 --> 00:20:47,609
he's like whoosh!
And just looks at her.
474
00:20:47,646 --> 00:20:49,739
- Whoosh! All the time.
- I can't help myself.
475
00:20:49,781 --> 00:20:53,012
I'm like, "What the F, Cody,
you horn dog? I'm right here. "
476
00:20:53,051 --> 00:20:55,042
I'm sorry, who's Cody?
477
00:20:55,087 --> 00:20:57,681
Ziggy:
Is this your sperm in my hand?
478
00:20:57,723 --> 00:20:59,714
Uh, it's just a nickname.
479
00:20:59,758 --> 00:21:02,056
Ziggy: Did you just jack off?
480
00:21:02,094 --> 00:21:04,995
Cole: She thinks I throw
like Cody Carlson.
481
00:21:05,030 --> 00:21:07,225
- Yeah, he does. You do.
- Yeah, I do.
482
00:21:07,266 --> 00:21:09,791
Warren Moon's backup
with the Oilers in the '90s?
483
00:21:09,835 --> 00:21:11,063
Yeah.
484
00:21:11,103 --> 00:21:13,162
Yeah, that's the guy
I throw like, for sure.
485
00:21:13,205 --> 00:21:14,729
- Yeah, look at the tape.
- Mm-hmm.
486
00:21:14,773 --> 00:21:17,401
- She's quite a student of the game.
- Yeah.
487
00:21:17,442 --> 00:21:21,173
Ziggy: I don't care!
You just put your jizz in my hand, bro!
488
00:21:21,213 --> 00:21:24,580
- Is something going on there?
- Uh, well, it's a party.
489
00:21:24,616 --> 00:21:27,813
- You know, parties get rowdy.
- Yeah, party!
490
00:21:27,853 --> 00:21:30,151
Ziggy: It's fucking jizz is why!
491
00:21:30,188 --> 00:21:32,179
Cole, I'm wondering
if you can comment
492
00:21:32,224 --> 00:21:33,987
on this photo
that's been circulating.
493
00:21:34,026 --> 00:21:36,426
It's now posted on Deadspin.
494
00:21:36,461 --> 00:21:39,328
It appears to show you
outside a West Hollywood club...
495
00:21:39,364 --> 00:21:43,824
- Guest: Oh shit!
... called the Manhole.
496
00:21:43,869 --> 00:21:45,769
Guest 2:
That's fucked up, man.
497
00:21:45,804 --> 00:21:48,238
Jerome: Who's that, Cole?
498
00:21:48,273 --> 00:21:51,208
Who the fuck is that?
499
00:21:51,243 --> 00:21:54,542
This is the last straw, motherfucker.
500
00:21:54,579 --> 00:21:57,742
This camel's back
is officially broken.
501
00:21:57,783 --> 00:21:59,478
What am I to you anyway...
a plaything,
502
00:21:59,518 --> 00:22:02,078
a piece of tissue to just use up
and throw away?
503
00:22:02,120 --> 00:22:03,985
Well, fuck that.
504
00:22:04,022 --> 00:22:06,388
Nobody puts Baby in the corner!
505
00:22:09,261 --> 00:22:13,129
No, Jerome baby.
No no no, my chocolate drop.
506
00:22:13,165 --> 00:22:16,396
Woman: Billy!
507
00:22:16,435 --> 00:22:18,426
Rianna!
508
00:22:18,470 --> 00:22:20,131
I came as soon
as I heard the news.
509
00:22:20,172 --> 00:22:22,265
Bill: Oh baby, it's bad.
It's really bad.
510
00:22:22,307 --> 00:22:24,138
We're not entirely sure
what's happening here.
511
00:22:24,176 --> 00:22:25,871
Yo bitch,
512
00:22:25,911 --> 00:22:28,175
get the fuck
out of my clothes.
513
00:22:28,213 --> 00:22:31,011
You can't say "fuck" on TV.
514
00:22:44,763 --> 00:22:46,390
Sportscaster 1:
Well, the first round
515
00:22:46,431 --> 00:22:49,059
has certainly given us
a day of surprises.
516
00:22:49,101 --> 00:22:51,035
Sportscaster 2: You know,
some dreams have come true today,
517
00:22:51,069 --> 00:22:53,196
some have crashed
and burned.
518
00:22:56,608 --> 00:23:00,135
Hey, I'm sorry to put you
through that.
519
00:23:00,178 --> 00:23:03,705
No, listen, man,
I wasn't the one who just lost
520
00:23:03,749 --> 00:23:07,207
millions of dollars
and my boyfriend
521
00:23:07,252 --> 00:23:09,720
and got outed
on national TV,
522
00:23:09,755 --> 00:23:12,223
so it's all good, really.
523
00:23:12,257 --> 00:23:14,851
I guess that was the easiest
1000 bucks you ever made, huh?
524
00:23:14,893 --> 00:23:18,021
Uh, $1000?
525
00:23:18,063 --> 00:23:20,827
Cole, Cole,
I got fucking San Francisco here.
526
00:23:20,866 --> 00:23:23,960
They're about to pick you with
the final pick in the first round, bro.
527
00:23:24,002 --> 00:23:26,027
And I got the world's largest
ad agency...
528
00:23:26,071 --> 00:23:29,632
how would you like to be the new face
of fucking Abercrombie & Fitch?
529
00:23:29,674 --> 00:23:32,871
- Are you serious?
- Yeah. Come here. Hold on.
530
00:23:32,911 --> 00:23:35,903
I'm gonna get
so much ass!
531
00:23:39,084 --> 00:23:41,075
So you had your fun, huh,
532
00:23:41,119 --> 00:23:43,178
a little bit of a laugh
at good old Ron's expense?
533
00:23:43,221 --> 00:23:46,748
I have no idea what
good old Ron is talking about.
534
00:23:46,792 --> 00:23:49,124
You told that doctor
about my problem...
535
00:23:49,161 --> 00:23:51,356
my wad problem.
536
00:23:51,396 --> 00:23:53,091
Your what problem?
537
00:23:53,131 --> 00:23:56,225
Ron, I assure you
I spoke to no one about your wad.
538
00:23:56,268 --> 00:23:58,930
Why would I talk to anyone
about your wad?
539
00:24:02,007 --> 00:24:03,406
Kyle.
540
00:24:03,442 --> 00:24:05,273
I'm gonna kill him.
Where is he?
541
00:24:05,310 --> 00:24:07,642
I sent him home early.
His band had a gig.
542
00:24:07,679 --> 00:24:09,647
- Henry, what the fuck?
- What?
543
00:24:09,681 --> 00:24:12,582
- Who's in charge here?
- Ziggy: Yeah, who is in charge here?
544
00:24:12,617 --> 00:24:15,347
'Cause I'm trying to figure out
if an employee jerking off
545
00:24:15,387 --> 00:24:17,378
and handing out semen samples
falls under
546
00:24:17,422 --> 00:24:19,890
"needs work"
or "completely unsatisfactory. "
547
00:24:19,925 --> 00:24:23,122
Is there any way I could convince you
he was going the extra mile?
548
00:24:23,161 --> 00:24:25,857
This is Cole's house.
Why does he have a comment card?
549
00:24:25,897 --> 00:24:27,888
'Cause Cole is currently
busier than I.
550
00:24:27,933 --> 00:24:30,527
Don't you mean "me"...
"Cole is busier than me"?
551
00:24:30,569 --> 00:24:33,834
Or was there an away game the week
subject-verb agreement was taught?
552
00:24:33,872 --> 00:24:35,362
Roman...
553
00:24:35,407 --> 00:24:38,604
I'm pretty sure it was "I."
Maybe that was the week of Comic-Con.
554
00:24:38,643 --> 00:24:40,873
Irony... I was being ironic.
555
00:24:40,912 --> 00:24:42,209
- Henry.
- What?
556
00:24:42,247 --> 00:24:45,478
- I thought I had testicular cancer.
- Oh Jesus Christ.
557
00:24:45,528 --> 00:24:50,078
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