All language subtitles for Party Down s02e05 Steve Guttenbergs Birthday.eng

Wow, look at you.
It's new Ron.

- It's new new Ron.
- Uh-huh.

Being locked in that coffin, Henry,
I was mano a mano with some heavy shit

like what is a life? Who am I?

And how high were you
during this?

Not important.
Don't do grass. Get high on life.

The cereal? I didn't know
that you could smoke cereal.

No, existence.

I was drifting in darkness
and I heard a voice:

"Only dead fish
go with the flow. "

The voice of Sarah Palin?

Or maybe God

or Jesus, Buddha...
any one of those guys.

And I went out,
got a haircut,

joined AA,
got a new backup shirt.

Don't drift through life...

my takeaway from being
locked in a coffin while high.

My takeaway...
don't get into a coffin while high.

So you didn't see anything?

No. Are you sure this is
even the right house?

That's what it says here.

Hi. What's all this?

Party Down Catering.
You booked us.

Oh shit.

Oh my God, did you guys see
"Three Men and a Little Lady"?

- That is Ted Danson.
- That's actually Steve Guttenberg.

Jewishy much?
No wonder he changed it to Danson.

My 50th was tonight,

but my friends threw me
a surprise party on Friday

and I totally forgot
to cancel you.

We kind of have a two-day
cancelation policy.

- So I eat the deposit?
- Yeah.

And what about the food
and everything?

Probably toss it.

Oh man, that's a waste.

That feels wrong.

Hey, it's still my birthday.

I'm not doing anything.

You know what?
Invite your friends. We'll have a party.

- Oh no.
- Yeah, unless you've got other plans.

Oh my God, other plans?
Are you kidding me?

Partying with the Gutte.

- This place is freaking amazing.
- It is.

I'm totally getting
a place like this.

- Steve: Yeah?
- Lydia: Whoo! Yes.

Thank you.

I can't believe I'm really
talking to you.

Oh, aren't you sweet?

My daughter is an actress,
so I'm probably gonna be

pestering you for secrets
on how to be an actor.

No secret.
It's like the old joke...

a guy gets into a cab and says,
"How do I get to Carnegie Hall?"

The driver answers,
"Practice. "

Right? Practice.

Are you kidding me?

The driver's deaf.

Oh, where are my manners?
This is my friend Mrs. Gomez.

You guys appear
to be very close.

Well, now I've just moved here
and I'm making new friends.

And Mrs. Go... Fulgencia
is my neighbor across the hall.

- That's nice.
- "Boys from Brazil. "

- That's right.
- Are you from Brazil?

No.

Hey.

- A nice setup, huh?
- Yeah.

I bet you must be thinking
right now

what a terrible mistake it was
to quit acting.

Well, did I happen to mention that
my place has a view of a Taco Bell?

Did I happen to mention
that this guy has got

"Herbie Fully Loaded"
on DVD and on Blu-ray?

Point... Guttenberg.

Shrimp?

Hey, how's it feeling,
new Ron?

- New new Ron.
- Oh, of course.

Getting my chops back, Henry.
Oh, tonight's gonna be a good night.

Yeah, I can't wait to see
the feedback card.

He wanted to work the party anyway.
Who am I to say no?

All right.

- Oh, holy shit.
- What?

- "Sundown Strip"?
- Yeah, what is that?

It's this indie I did
years ago.

I had this tiny part
as a troubled teen.

Hey, do you guys know
any German?

What's "Ayn Rand"...
like "a rand"?

Ayn Rand the writer?
Is that what you're talking about?

- Yeah, it sounds kind of familiar.
- Ayn Rand wrote about

how awesome awesome
people are.

Right.

Who is that little waif?

That is Collette.
She's in my scene study class,

really cool.
She's like super deep.

- Like you.
- Yeah yeah. I really want to bang her.

- A man of fine taste.
- Oh yeah.

- Hey.
- Here.

- Anspert.
- Great.

'93 Barolo.

- Thank you so much.
- Yeah, really.

This goes great
with cheese and duck.

- I can see that, yeah.
- Excuse me.

Hey hey, whoa.
Don't don't don't. Don't touch.

- That's art.
- This is art?

It's Joseph Kutz.
That's pure iceberg water.

It costs 10 grand a year
just to fly in new ice from Greenland.

- That's a lot of money.
- Okay? You'll be all right, yeah?

Yeah. Kutz.

Oh God,
this just takes me back.

You know, I was a caterer,
a waiter.

- Really?
- Yeah, I did everything.

So you're actors,
I presume.

Oh yeah.
Well, he was, but...

- It didn't work out or...?
- Kind of.

Well, let me tell you something:
Those days

working gigs,
making squat,

just a bunch of struggling actors
goofing around...

the best time of my life.

- Oh, love it.
- Really?

Better than when you were
one of the biggest stars in America?

Better than now?

Well, maybe not
the best time.

Too big.

Hey Ron, do we have
any more cheese?

I got it. I got it.
That's my job. I got it.

Don't worry.

I'm not worried.

Should I be?

No, Henry.
As I said,

I am back
and everything's going great.

Okay, I thought you were
back in AA.

I am.

Okay, Ron, if any of this
is making you uncomfortable...

Not at all.
No no no.

- Are you sure?
- Yes, I'm totally copacetic.

All right.

Travis, hey.
It's Ron from AA.

I'm at a party in Sherman Oaks
and I can really use your help.

- What the fuck?
- See, he totally just went off on it.

He said it was just a bunch of
technobabble. He didn't understand...

Yeah, the only words that aren't
technobabble to a producer

are "coke" and "whore. "

- So are you guys actors too?
- Do we look that stupid?

No, we're writers.
This is my writing partner.

Kent Gerbels. And no, it's not spelled
like the Nazi propaganda minister.

It's like the rodent.

- But with an E.
- Instead of the I.

Huh. So what you got there?

Well, we gave our script to a producer
who was interested.

And then he gave us these notes
that you just took from me

- and you're gonna read them.
- "Inert and without humanity. "

Yeah, it's like he just read the words.
He didn't get the big picture.

In one ear,
out one ear.

Well, let me
ask you something:

Have you ever had
anything produced?

Yeah, we wrote "I am Legend. "

I just work catering
to keep in touch with the common man.

What I'm getting at is,

have you ever heard
your words read aloud?

No.

In the theater,
where I come from,

writing and acting
are intertwined.

The first play I ever did
was an off-Broadway thing

called "Screw You"...
totally rewritten in rehearsals.

So I was thinking
that since we have the time

and expert thespians
at the ready,

we would read a scene
from your comrade's script

and see if we can give him
some insight. Yeah?

- All right, yeah.
- Okay, all right.

Mr. Guttenberg,
I don't want to do this anymore.

- I don't like it.
- Oh, that's fear talking, Roman.

- No, it's honesty.
- Really.

Okay, Henry,

- you are our Captain DuClarke.
- Wow.

- Casey, you are slave girl.
- What a shock.

- Kyle, you are Krond.
- Krond.

And Collette,
you are Borp 7.

Wait, can I be the robot,
please?

It's not a robot.
It's a bio-cybernetic organism.

Can I be that?

What do we do, Ted?

Ah, my beautiful little birds.

You are our audience,

without whom this would all
have no point.

Mr. Guttenberg, can I...?

- I don't think it's gonna help.
- Aww.

I think we should call it quits.
I don't feel comfortable doing this.

- Look, I know. I understand.
- No.

This is scary.
And you feel vulnerable.

- A little bit.
- But if you want to be a true writer,

you have to commit
to your work.

If you don't share it
with the world,

then you're only a writer
in your head.

Making art
is an act of courage.

Do you know
who said that?

- Morrison.
- Steve Guttenberg?

Yes! No risk... no reward.

- Let's be brave.
- Yeah.

Come on, you're like a tiger,
a lion strong with your mane.

Come on.

Okay, my cast prepares.

Interior bridge.

And...

Accione!

Reading on deuterium levels?

705.2, Captain.

Your ship will never withstand
a quantum flux between a binary star.

What's that?
Binary... what is that?

It's when like two stars...
they kind of form together.

- Oh.
- It's not important.

We've just got to keep
the flow going.

Um, it will
in a Gödel space-time field.

Without negative
energy synthesis?

We reverse the tachyon cannon,
generate an Alcubierre warp,

a quantum tunnel
through the Cauchy horizon.

And form a naked singularity.

DuClarke.

What are you doing on the bridge?
You should be in the surgi-tube.

I was scared.
I heard explosions.

If the coordinates you stole from
your boyfriend are inaccurate,

you'll hear more, because this ship
will be totally atomized.

Boyfriend?
He's a slave trader.

I was nothing to him
but merchandise.

Fine merchandise,
eh, DuClarke?

The best.

If we don't make it...

- I don't use the word "don't. "
- He pushes her away roughly.

- I just... no, I got it.
- Sorry sorry.

I just wanted to thank you
for saving my people.

Dies.

For real?

- She dies.
- Juliette died.

7, check her readings.

Life functions terminated.

Cauchy horizon passed
at deuterium

level 7.001.

A statistical anomaly...
what you call luck.

Is it?

And scene.

Well, I thought it was great.
I love nautical stories.

Do we have to discuss it?

Courage, young writer.

This is the crucible.
It's like previews.

My character seemed
to lack depth.

Yeah. It was a robot.

Yeah, and DuClarke was
kind of a dick.

Yeah, slave girl saves his life
and what does he do?

He makes crass jokes
to his nemesis.

Crass? That wasn't cra...
he says that she is the best.

Yeah, you are the best
space whore.

Thank you.
Thanks.

You know, I feel like it could have
been more deep.

Okay.

Yeah, you know, I think it was
really interesting

how neither of the alpha males
could see past

their gender construct
of femaleness, you know,

to relate to her humanity.

It was like they could only
relate to each other.

Yeah, it's like they were both,
like, gay.

Well, you know, I thought of them
as Jungian shadow figures.

Ooh, I just started Jung.
Have you read "Man and His Symbols"?

- Oh my God, yes I have.
- Oh my God, you guys,

I just ordered it.
I can't wait.

All right,
I won't ruin it for you.

Okay, thanks.

Hey, um,

do you have any smart shit
I could say?

I just didn't feel it.

Oh, sorry it's not
"Pat the Bunny. "

Oh, I think that's it.
The missing element... heart.

It's hard sci-fi, Steve.

Are science fiction and heart
mutually exclusive?

One-word answer...
"Cocoon. "

Just give it another pass
and we'll try it again.

You want me
to do that again?

I felt like I was being
hunted for sport.

Courage. What did we talk about?
No risk... no reward.

Okay, everyone, drink, relax,

- hit the Jacuzzi... whatever you want.
- Ooh.

We'll reconvene in a half an hour
for another reading.

"Hey, what did you do
this weekend?"

"Oh, I hung out
in Steve Guttenberg's Jacuzzi. "

How badly do you want
to say that?

Yeah, but rain check, okay?

I wasn't really asking, but...

It's the singularity,
you know,

the theory that machines
will become conscious.

Ooh, like computers with souls.
Have you read Eckhart Tolle?

Yeah, of course.
It's kind of like what I was going for.

Hey, are you done
trying to hit that?

Do you think maybe
we could go rewrite?

Let's do it.
Let's make it happen, I guess.

- Jeez, man.
- Motherfucker.

Sorry about that.
He's so little.

Hey, you know, this whole experience
really just makes me...

makes me think of
"This Said Zarathasis" by Neesh.

You mean Nietzsche?

It's actually pronounced
"Neesh. "

It's German. Yeah.

Hello. Hey, I'm Steve.

- I'm Travis.
- Hey, Travis. Come on in.

- Is Ron around?
- Travis. Travis, hey. Hi.

- Your friend, yeah?
- Yes. You said "invite friends. "

Sure. I'm so glad
you invited somebody.

Here you go.

- You know who that is?
- Yeah, Steve Guttenberg.

Come here for a sec.
Thank you for coming.

No problem. I've gone off the wagon
a few times myself.

Probably not a good idea
to be hanging around all this wine.

That's some nice shit though.
I'm sure the temptation

to just have a taste
is driving you crazy.

Well, I'm more of a beer man myself.
Actually, I need your help with this.

I got a shrimp caught
in the filter pump thingy

- and I can't get it out.
- Wait, you're not drinking?

This is a work of art, a Kutz.

And if the host finds out
I got a shrimp caught in his Kutz...

Travis, please help me.

- Can you tell the difference?
- They both taste just red.

- Okay.
- This one tastes like a rock.

This one... like dirt.

Okay, yes yes.
Maybe I taste dirt.

- No no, you've got the rock.
- Mm!

So Lydia,
you were saying before

that you thought your daughter
was gonna become a star.

Oh yes, my daughter
is going to become a star.

Success is a lifestyle
you need to prepare for.

You read in the tabloids
every day

some schmuck hits it big
and falls to pieces

- because he wasn't ready for success.
- Oh gosh.

Let's imagine
you make millions of dollars.

- What do you do?
- I have millions of dollars.

I throw a big party
and I buy some new shoes.

And Escapade loves horses,

so we could probably get,
like, 100.

Henry, Henry, what would you do
with your millions of dollars?

- I'm floundering here.
- Oh wow. I don't know.

- A fleet of blimps.
- Oh, that's such a good idea.

You see, that's what I'm talking about.
You've got to educate yourself.

I was very very lucky.
Someone showed me the way.

I learned to live well...
fine wine, clothing, art.

In fact,
have you got a second?

Here is Garrett Schlimmt...

German Expressionism.

I placed both these
paintings here

to contrast the very different
views of nature.

One is pretty
and one is ugly?

Yes, there are many different
ways of seeing.

You are an expert.

Here is my little Felix Krapp.

Okay, this is where I'm just like,
"Looks like a bunch of squiggles. "

That's exactly what it is.

That's a picture of a feeling.

Exactly.

Hmm hmm hmm, somebody's going
to do well with their millions.

Millions?
I work at the airport.

You could find it in a bag.

- Sure.
- Miracles do happen.

Oh, this is so exciting.
By George, I think I'm getting it.

Oh, that's the spirit.

Steve: Oh, Henry.
It's great, isn't it?

Yeah.

It's Ian Spankler, British.

I picked it up for 300
just before he took off.

$300?

$300,000.

He wants to have sex
with a porcupine,

but it's poking him.

Yes.

So what if Borp 7 was wrestling
with some kind of proto-soul?

- Was that Henry?
- What?

- What were you watching?
- What are you watching, weirdos?

Look, she's a robot.

No, she's bio-cybernetic.

She has these nanotech circuits
that can make her evolve.

The only reason
you're saying that

is because you want to put
your phallus in Collette.

No, I'm saying that because
what they said was right,

and when the slave girl dies,
it should be moving.

You know what would be moving?
If there was a panda and a kitty

on the Titanic
and they got cancer and fell in love.

That would be moving.
Let's put that in the script.

Yeah, can you relax, man?
Could we try this?

No risk, no reward,
or whatever Steve Guttenberg said.

- Try it. Whatever.
- Thank you.

Just don't sprain your fingers
selling out.

Can you fix it?

Diaguchi intake

feeding some type of chip-driven
Jap filter system.

I can't even see the shrimp.

It's...

I can try,
but it's gonna be tricky.

- Jesus, man.
- What?

- He's pouring an '89 Saint-Émilion?
- Oh yeah.

New pages.

- Ron, more vino.
- Oh yes, Mr. Guttenberg.

Hey, where are my players?

Okay, I really appreciate it,
Travis.

Wine.

Oh, hey hey, try this one.

- Okay.
- All right? They'll like it.

- Okay, we've got Krond.
- Yes.

- And the handsome Captain DuClarke.
- Oh yes.

- Spectacular, gorgeous slave girl.
- Thanks.

And Borp 7.

Let's get it on its feet.

Henry, what would you say
if I said

I'm about to act your ass
into next week?

I'd say I'm retired,
so who gives a shit?

Well, then I'd say
you're a massive enormous pussy.

Okay, then I guess I would say
I could act you under the table

with one feeling
tied behind my back.

Oh really?

I'm tasting sticks
and rope.

Thank you.

Now my actors, prepare.

Interior bridge.
Accione!

Captain, I'm worried.

Good. Right off
with the feelings.

They caught me.
What can I do?

About our deuterium levels?
Yeah, me too.

About you, sir.

Since when was worrying
part of your programming?

Coordinates set!

The dreaded binary star?
You'll kill us all, DuClarke!

Or is that what you want
since she died?

Yeah, maybe it is.
Maybe I've...

What are you doing here?
I thought you were dead.

I had to know if the coordinates were...
I had to know that you were safe.

Well, if they do work,
it's because you've saved us all.

Now get back into that
surgi-tube!

Eh, her face is ruined.
She's of no use.

DuClarke, no.

Is that all she is to you...
a face?

- What the fuck was that?
- Dude, I'm acting.

Oh, awesome.
Okay, I'm back in.

Sir, chance of survival
is. 079.

She risked all.
So can we.

Engage!

Let's do it!

Uh, sorry.
The door was open.

Is Travis...?

Yeah, go, kitchen.

Okay, Borp 7 fires
a tachyon cannon.

There's a space warp thing.
Oh no! Boom!

We're clear.

Thank you...

for saving my people.

No! No!

No-o-o-o!

Sir, her life readings...

Oh, what do you know
about life?

I'm learning, sir.

What do you know about life?

You saved the galaxy.

And scene.

What a thrill ride.

Oh my God, it was so sad
when the slave girl died.

Right?

- He loved her.
- Yeah.

Humanity, heart, drama...

God, great.

This is what I love
about theater.

- You put yourself out there... voila.
- Thank you.

I loved when she said,
"I'm learning. "

You know, it's like
she was learning to learn.

Yeah, I can't believe this guy
didn't want to put that in there.

Why are you gonna say that?
I didn't say that.

You know, it really made me think
of Ayn Rand.

How so?

Hey, have you seen his art collection?
He has a Spankler.

Of the dude
fucking the porcupine?

- Yeah.
- I love Spankler.

Do you want me to show you?
It's right in the other room.

- Oh yeah, that'd be great.
- Whoo!

It's of a dude
fucking a porcupine.

- It's a bad environment.
- I know.

- What are you doing here?
- He's my sponsor. He's helping me.

- Who are you?
- I'm Carlos.

I'm AA too.
I'm here to help Travis.

Oh. Didn't you fix that pump?

I got the shrimp out,
but I'm too wasted

to reattach the intake.

So they sent you
to attach it?

You called your sponsor here
to fix a fish tank?

It's art, a Kutz.

Do you understand
what AA is actually for?

I thought I did.

You don't.

I should have been
a movie star.

I should have been
a movie star.

Yeah. Hey, this isn't gonna
be awkward, right,

that we're just in our underpanties
with each other?

No no no.
Nothing I haven't seen before.

True.

Hey, so I saw your scene
in that movie.

God. Come on.

You were really good.

Like, I didn't know
that you were that good,

'cause you never told me
that you were, like, a legitimate actor

- for real.
- Come on.

You gotta miss that
a little bit.

Miss constantly being rejected?
Not really.

No, miss doing something
that you're amazing at.

Well, I'm good at team leading.

Yeah, but

no risk, no reward.

Well, I have a saying...

no risk, no risk.

After all that bullshit,
going back,

starting over... no way.

- Ron did.
- Oh, Ron did?

Wait, did I just use Ron
as a life example?

- What are you doing?
- I'm begging you

to just be quiet.

I can't do that.

'Cause you have a girlfriend.

And you have a boyfriend, so...

Paul and I... we, like,

drifted apart, I guess,

like, a few weeks ago.

Okay, but still, you know...

I mean, maybe this has kind of
been lost in the shuffle

but you did kind of
break my heart.

And that's
kind of still there.

Now it's very awkward.

Hot tub, yes.
Mind if I join?

I'm gonna get out.

- You...
- No, I'm gonna get out of the hot tub.

Casey.

Okay.

Okey-doke.

Whoa.

You really should
take your underwear off.

The jets feel great
on your balls.

You know, I should probably
get going, I think.

- Ooh, what's going on out here?
- Oh, wouldn't you like to know?

- Are there suits we could borrow?
- Who needs suits?

No risk, no reward.

Come get your tuchuses in here
right now! I said right now!

Stop it.

I don't know, man. I just think
that the first draft you guys have

is way stronger, I do.

You know, DuClarke and Krond...
that's where your story's at.

They're like
Jungian shadow figures.

Roman: So much came out of that rewrite.
Why haven't I ever rewritten before?

- I think the first one's way...
- Why did Steve Guttenberg

have to tell me
that I needed to rewrite?

Taking off?

All right, see ya.

Lydia: Hot tubbing it
Hollywood style!

Now this you don't have to
teach me.

A hot tub I get.

When I'm rich,
I'm gonna buy you one.

Thanks.

The rewrite was great,
wasn't it?

Yeah, you know what I think
would be cool?

If more of it was about, like,
the robot growing a soul.

You know, that is a cool idea.
Maybe we can, like,

get together or something after
and talk about it.

- No.
- No.

Hey Henry, you were great in it.
How come you gave that up?

- Thanks.
- Steve: Henry, all that talent...

it's been my experience...
nine times out of 10

if you've got the talent,
you break through.

Yeah, but what about
that one guy?

Ahh. Who wants mochi?

- Lydia: I do!
- Mrs. Gomez: I want mochi!

- Steve: I have takers?
- Lydia: What's mochi? I want it!

I think Steve Guttenberg had a fun time.
It was a great night.

Have you seen my clipboard
anywhere?

Oh yeah, I took it...
force of habit.

"Sorry. You really were good. "
Who's that?

Oh.

You know what?
I think this is for you.

Your buddy Travis... he must be sorry
you got kicked out of AA.

Oh, that's sweet.

I actually realized, though,
I don't need it.

Those guys have
a real drinking problem.

I can't wait to see
the customer feedback card.

- I got so much out of tonight.
- You are my A-list writers.

- Steve.
- A pleasure, really.

- Thank you.
- Roman, so talented.

- I had a great time.
- We're gonna send you the new copies.

Roman: You helped out.
You helped out a lot. Thank you.

- Good night.
- Whoo! What an education, wow.

- My two favorite girls.
- Thank you. I feel so ready to be rich.

Aww.

Goodbye. I've got to make my shift
at the airport.

- Steve: Ciao.
- Hey, maybe tonight's the night

that you'll find your bag of money.
Bye, Ted.

Be careful.

- Hey Steve, great hanging with you.
- So wonderful. Kyle, you are amazing.

Oh, thank you so much again.
You're the best.

See you in class, Kyle.

And remember...
no risk, no reward.

I fucking hate
Steve Guttenberg.

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