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1
00:00:01,793 --> 00:00:05,212
Happy sweet sixteen Taylor
in that hell of a gold shit.
2
00:00:05,574 --> 00:00:08,033
He fucks it up, I'm coming down
to his gay fucking bakery
3
00:00:08,158 --> 00:00:10,458
and take a giant shit down his hole!
4
00:00:11,303 --> 00:00:12,524
His mouth hole!
5
00:00:12,649 --> 00:00:15,432
- Jesus fuckin' Christ. You got kids?
- Haven't met that special lady, yet.
6
00:00:15,601 --> 00:00:16,626
Yeah well don't.
7
00:00:16,751 --> 00:00:19,894
Nothing but bitching. Hundred bottles
of custom nonalcoholic cristal,
8
00:00:20,062 --> 00:00:23,597
a four thousand dollar hooker dress,
and 40 grand for this asshole rapper
9
00:00:23,722 --> 00:00:25,896
"Dro Grizzle" to mumble
his bullshit for an hour.
10
00:00:26,021 --> 00:00:28,445
- You know this rap shit?
- More of a "Sting" man, myself
11
00:00:28,614 --> 00:00:31,400
all to try and get one
fucking smile outta that kid.
12
00:00:31,525 --> 00:00:35,243
Not to worry, at Party Down
we have extra smiles to pass around.
13
00:00:35,412 --> 00:00:37,554
I hope the jackets fit.
We had valhalla catering,
14
00:00:37,679 --> 00:00:40,479
but those cocksuckers
double-booked us. What?
15
00:00:41,192 --> 00:00:43,498
Tell that motherfucker
I'm gonna rip his dick off
16
00:00:43,623 --> 00:00:46,473
and use it to fuck
his fucking dog in the ass!
17
00:00:46,703 --> 00:00:47,612
To death!
18
00:00:47,844 --> 00:00:49,672
God it is so weird
19
00:00:49,797 --> 00:00:53,183
I look like a playah in this outfit.
You look like a vaudeville clown.
20
00:00:53,308 --> 00:00:54,656
That's the idea.
21
00:00:54,781 --> 00:00:55,952
Oh shit.
22
00:00:56,328 --> 00:00:57,477
What are you doing?
23
00:00:57,602 --> 00:01:01,164
My agent made me get my teeth bleached,
but he didn't say it'd hurt this much.
24
00:01:01,289 --> 00:01:04,663
You have got to be the biggest
fucking pussy on the entire universe.
25
00:01:04,788 --> 00:01:06,302
Fuck you, it kills.
26
00:01:07,050 --> 00:01:08,700
Oh, wait, wait I think,
27
00:01:09,057 --> 00:01:11,807
- they missed one.
- Are you serious, where?
28
00:01:11,933 --> 00:01:14,357
- Right there.
- Dude, shit.
29
00:01:14,656 --> 00:01:17,306
Oh yes, you are
the biggest fuckin' pussy!
30
00:01:18,269 --> 00:01:20,212
Kyle, get up.
Get up please.
31
00:01:20,337 --> 00:01:22,923
Our client,
Leonard Stiltskin, producer,
32
00:01:23,048 --> 00:01:26,083
he's throwing a sixteenth birthday
for his lovely daughter Taylor.
33
00:01:26,208 --> 00:01:28,871
Okay, and there's a theme.
"Da club boat."
34
00:01:29,957 --> 00:01:33,201
Now FYI we took over
for valhalla catering.
35
00:01:33,826 --> 00:01:35,898
They double-booked,
their loss, our gain.
36
00:01:36,023 --> 00:01:38,170
Because I wanna show Mr. Stiltskin,
37
00:01:38,295 --> 00:01:40,642
what true professionalism
looks like.
38
00:01:40,811 --> 00:01:42,310
Like fucking ass-clown.
39
00:01:42,673 --> 00:01:45,104
I feel like Lou Ferrigno
in this motherfucker.
40
00:01:45,273 --> 00:01:47,565
We look like we're in the gay
secret service or something.
41
00:01:47,734 --> 00:01:50,234
Do we seriously
have to wear this shit?
42
00:01:50,482 --> 00:01:53,032
Because today, we're not just
serving food and beverages.
43
00:01:53,157 --> 00:01:56,707
We are also dream weavers.
Weaving a dream for Taylor, okay?
44
00:01:57,033 --> 00:02:00,282
There are two hundred of the coolest
people on a luxury boat,
45
00:02:00,407 --> 00:02:02,263
a real rapper, and us.
46
00:02:02,388 --> 00:02:04,161
In costume, playing the part,
47
00:02:04,286 --> 00:02:06,834
because today
this boat isn't just a boat,
48
00:02:07,003 --> 00:02:08,589
it's a fairy-tale fantasyland,
49
00:02:08,714 --> 00:02:11,464
where every boy is a "playah"
and every girl a "bitch!"
50
00:02:38,438 --> 00:02:42,120
Can you imagine inviting 200 people
to your party and ten losers show up?
51
00:02:42,289 --> 00:02:44,917
This poor girl,
I mean it's her sweet sixteen.
52
00:02:45,042 --> 00:02:48,126
What are you doing?
You can't just stand there do something.
53
00:02:48,251 --> 00:02:49,928
What should we do?
This party's a bust.
54
00:02:50,053 --> 00:02:51,995
It's unprofessional
to just stand around.
55
00:02:52,120 --> 00:02:54,132
Wipe some counters,
clean some glasses. Keep busy.
56
00:02:54,301 --> 00:02:57,218
- We already finished doing that stuffs.
- Well do something different.
57
00:02:57,387 --> 00:02:59,783
I take a shit in the middle
of the dance floor
58
00:02:59,908 --> 00:03:03,058
- and Kyle could clean it up?
- Be professional! Go.
59
00:03:06,572 --> 00:03:08,135
Dude, it stings.
60
00:03:09,807 --> 00:03:11,607
Where is your fuckin' kid?
61
00:03:11,788 --> 00:03:13,526
Well, find out and get 'em here!
62
00:03:14,493 --> 00:03:16,430
Never in a million years.
Where is she now?
63
00:03:16,555 --> 00:03:18,994
She's locked in her fucking
stateroom and won't come out.
64
00:03:19,119 --> 00:03:21,159
The shit I go through
to make that kid happy.
65
00:03:21,328 --> 00:03:23,930
What do I get? A smile?
Or maybe a "thank you daddy?
66
00:03:24,055 --> 00:03:26,397
Bupcuss, just six figures
down the fuckin' toilet.
67
00:03:26,522 --> 00:03:27,832
I'll go talk to her.
68
00:03:28,001 --> 00:03:30,646
Would you fuck-off
with the goddamn sliders, please.
69
00:03:30,771 --> 00:03:33,755
If she won't talk to her real mother.
She she is not gonna talk to you
70
00:03:33,924 --> 00:03:36,505
She's not going to talk to you, either.
These are girl issues.
71
00:03:36,630 --> 00:03:37,777
She's right.
72
00:03:38,846 --> 00:03:40,396
You're a girl, right?
73
00:03:40,626 --> 00:03:43,821
Go get my daughter out of
the fuckin' stateroom, will ya?
74
00:03:43,946 --> 00:03:45,009
I'm on it.
75
00:03:56,150 --> 00:03:57,788
- Am I early?
- Nope.
76
00:04:00,479 --> 00:04:01,479
Shit.
77
00:04:02,095 --> 00:04:03,695
Jack and ginger, then.
78
00:04:05,941 --> 00:04:07,178
Henry Pollard?
79
00:04:07,427 --> 00:04:08,877
- Michael?
- Yeah.
80
00:04:09,174 --> 00:04:10,899
Shit, man, it's been years.
81
00:04:11,024 --> 00:04:13,172
- How you doing?
- I'm, I'm good, how are you?
82
00:04:13,297 --> 00:04:16,005
- What are you doing here?
- I'm in Leonard's new movie.
83
00:04:16,220 --> 00:04:19,322
You know big breakout
of the indie world, so I had to come by,
84
00:04:19,447 --> 00:04:21,114
make an appearance, kiss the ring.
85
00:04:21,239 --> 00:04:23,096
Sure, sure, that is so great.
86
00:04:23,265 --> 00:04:25,415
- Yeah, what about you?
- I'm...
87
00:04:25,959 --> 00:04:28,459
I'm working.
You know and making money.
88
00:04:29,561 --> 00:04:31,341
- All right.
- Yeah, yeah, it's great,
89
00:04:31,466 --> 00:04:33,066
- It's great.
- Yeah.
90
00:04:33,598 --> 00:04:34,598
Hi honey,
91
00:04:34,909 --> 00:04:35,959
hi, Taylor?
92
00:04:36,178 --> 00:04:38,728
I'm Constance,
from Party Down catering.
93
00:04:38,913 --> 00:04:41,447
I'm here to see
if you wanted something.
94
00:04:43,060 --> 00:04:44,576
I wanna die.
95
00:04:51,626 --> 00:04:53,726
"Da club boat." Good times, huh?
96
00:04:54,030 --> 00:04:55,312
You having fun?
97
00:04:56,071 --> 00:04:58,021
Great, enjoy, it's free. Yum.
98
00:04:58,240 --> 00:05:00,617
Where the hell have you been?
No one's covering the buffet.
99
00:05:00,742 --> 00:05:02,614
This kid's eaten
practically half of it.
100
00:05:02,739 --> 00:05:04,471
Okay where's your sunglasses?
101
00:05:04,596 --> 00:05:06,744
I fucking walked into a wall
on the way to the batroom.
102
00:05:06,869 --> 00:05:09,023
I'm not wearing those things.
I can't see shit.
103
00:05:09,148 --> 00:05:10,898
Oh and some guy said that
104
00:05:11,135 --> 00:05:14,335
- "Gruzzle" needs something?
- Oh degenerate rappers.
105
00:05:14,852 --> 00:05:16,896
They probably want ho's,
I'll take care of it.
106
00:05:17,021 --> 00:05:18,868
Watch the buffet, be professional.
107
00:05:18,993 --> 00:05:20,143
Professional.
108
00:05:20,722 --> 00:05:21,972
My middle name.
109
00:05:31,076 --> 00:05:32,426
Come on, come on.
110
00:05:40,712 --> 00:05:43,908
- They said you needed something?
- I'm on the phone, give me a second.
111
00:05:44,033 --> 00:05:46,874
Howard, wait.
Hold on for a second Howard.
112
00:05:47,349 --> 00:05:49,098
Hey can you do me a favor?
113
00:05:49,267 --> 00:05:52,167
Can you check
and see what time we go on stage?
114
00:05:52,439 --> 00:05:54,898
'Cause we're due
in Newport for another kid's bash.
115
00:05:55,023 --> 00:05:56,787
- It's in our contract.
- I'll go find out.
116
00:05:56,912 --> 00:05:59,724
You got the number, of course
I wanna see. Hold on, last time Howard.
117
00:05:59,849 --> 00:06:01,020
One more thing, man?
118
00:06:01,145 --> 00:06:03,888
I want you to look at something.
It's a bunch of candy on the table.
119
00:06:04,013 --> 00:06:06,991
Like we not kids, can we get
some food, real food? Please?
120
00:06:07,205 --> 00:06:08,800
Right, yes very good,
121
00:06:09,151 --> 00:06:11,576
- I will get on that.
- Thank you man.
122
00:06:11,701 --> 00:06:14,011
Hey matter of fact,
what the fuck you got up in there?
123
00:06:14,136 --> 00:06:16,796
- I'm sorry?
- What do you have to eat, man?
124
00:06:16,921 --> 00:06:18,249
Well we have...
125
00:06:18,581 --> 00:06:21,185
We have curly fries,
we have chicken fingers,
126
00:06:21,310 --> 00:06:23,010
we have sirloin sliders.
127
00:06:24,412 --> 00:06:26,832
- That is very strong smoke.
- That's the good, man,
128
00:06:26,957 --> 00:06:29,029
you want some of this shit, man?
We got tons.
129
00:06:29,154 --> 00:06:30,584
- I'm good.
- Take a hit.
130
00:06:30,709 --> 00:06:32,642
No, thank you
those days are behind me.
131
00:06:32,865 --> 00:06:35,965
- Strictly business now.
- All right suit yourself.
132
00:06:36,337 --> 00:06:37,271
So...
133
00:06:38,279 --> 00:06:40,474
asparagus spears and...
134
00:06:41,027 --> 00:06:42,362
curly fries,
135
00:06:43,108 --> 00:06:45,980
- chicken fingers and...
- Said that already.
136
00:06:46,199 --> 00:06:48,056
Howard, this is where
you're messin' up at
137
00:06:48,181 --> 00:06:50,421
you gotta spell it out to 'em.
If this is a franchise
138
00:06:50,546 --> 00:06:53,240
you gotta let him know the things
that he should know. Hold on Howard,
139
00:06:53,365 --> 00:06:55,407
- so you said you got chicken what?
- Fingers.
140
00:06:55,532 --> 00:06:57,124
Chicken fingers, shit.
141
00:06:57,293 --> 00:07:00,002
- Did you say "franchise?"
- Yeah, business term.
142
00:07:00,219 --> 00:07:02,660
Yes, I know,
because actually have my own...
143
00:07:02,785 --> 00:07:05,153
Hey man, we really thank you
for the food, man.
144
00:07:05,278 --> 00:07:07,718
- That's why I'm here.
- One more thing, man,
145
00:07:08,076 --> 00:07:10,212
can you please find out
what time we're going on?
146
00:07:10,434 --> 00:07:13,383
I'm sitting'here, I'm not doing
nothing. It's not professional.
147
00:07:13,508 --> 00:07:15,818
You're preachin'
to the choir on that one.
148
00:07:15,943 --> 00:07:17,019
Professionalism.
149
00:07:17,874 --> 00:07:20,356
- Can I get a witness?
- Is he still here?
150
00:07:20,999 --> 00:07:22,160
I hear that.
151
00:07:22,652 --> 00:07:25,538
- You're Edgar Allen Poe?
- Yeah, a graphic novel,
152
00:07:25,663 --> 00:07:27,974
it's the writer,
but he's killing vampires.
153
00:07:28,099 --> 00:07:29,899
It's Leonard's next movie.
154
00:07:30,800 --> 00:07:32,558
You're Edgar Allen Poe?
155
00:07:32,683 --> 00:07:34,579
Fuckin' up vampires
in old Baltimore.
156
00:07:36,274 --> 00:07:39,518
That's... that's great man,
that's great.
157
00:07:39,643 --> 00:07:43,045
What about you, last time I saw you
you were doing good, you were doing...
158
00:07:43,214 --> 00:07:45,590
those commercials with the
"are we having fun yet?"
159
00:07:47,210 --> 00:07:50,011
Yeah, no, that actually
kinda killed my career.
160
00:07:50,682 --> 00:07:51,982
- Shit.
- Yeah.
161
00:07:52,233 --> 00:07:53,431
That freaks me out.
162
00:07:53,600 --> 00:07:56,950
I mean this guy all the talent
in the world tending bar?
163
00:07:59,677 --> 00:08:02,064
- I should talk to Leonard.
- No, Michael, no.
164
00:08:02,329 --> 00:08:03,274
Really I...
165
00:08:03,663 --> 00:08:06,444
I actually read for him
once and think that was enough.
166
00:08:07,437 --> 00:08:10,102
And I'm done
the towel has been thrown.
167
00:08:10,617 --> 00:08:12,142
Leonard and I are tight.
168
00:08:12,267 --> 00:08:13,844
He listens to me.
169
00:08:15,288 --> 00:08:16,788
You would be perfect
170
00:08:17,016 --> 00:08:18,164
for young Lincoln.
171
00:08:20,168 --> 00:08:22,234
- Abraham Lincoln?
- When he was a congressman,
172
00:08:22,359 --> 00:08:25,296
he meets Poe helps him steal
his amulet from the smithsonian.
173
00:08:25,465 --> 00:08:28,115
Now it sounds dumb,
but it's a great role.
174
00:08:28,442 --> 00:08:30,718
All you need is one great role
and boom you're back!
175
00:08:30,887 --> 00:08:32,187
- Yeah?
- Okay?
176
00:08:33,122 --> 00:08:35,474
- Yeah it does some kind of great.
- Shit, I'm telling you,
177
00:08:35,599 --> 00:08:38,436
me playing Edgar Allen Poe,
you tending bar, it's like...
178
00:08:38,561 --> 00:08:40,711
The universe is crazy am I right?
179
00:08:41,139 --> 00:08:43,898
You're friends with famous people now,
you don't introduce me.
180
00:08:44,067 --> 00:08:46,119
Yeah Casey this is Michael,
Michael, Casey.
181
00:08:46,244 --> 00:08:48,435
Michael's playing Edgar Allen Poe
182
00:08:48,700 --> 00:08:50,925
In like the comic version
with the vampires?
183
00:08:51,050 --> 00:08:53,792
I didn't even know they were making
that movie that's amazing.
184
00:08:53,917 --> 00:08:57,203
- How do you know this one?
- Acting school, he was the next Pacino.
185
00:08:57,372 --> 00:08:58,690
I shit you not.
186
00:08:58,938 --> 00:09:01,034
You never say,
that you had any talent.
187
00:09:01,159 --> 00:09:04,109
- He's exaggerating.
- No I'm not, he was great.
188
00:09:04,242 --> 00:09:06,526
And I'm gonna get him back
on his feet, right?
189
00:09:06,651 --> 00:09:09,809
Henry come on, you, me, here, what?
190
00:09:10,183 --> 00:09:11,235
It's fate.
191
00:09:11,360 --> 00:09:13,177
- It is kind of fate.
- It's fate.
192
00:09:15,345 --> 00:09:16,645
- Casey?
- Yes.
193
00:09:16,798 --> 00:09:20,198
- What'd I say about professionalism?
- I don't remember.
194
00:09:20,618 --> 00:09:21,838
I said...
195
00:09:26,402 --> 00:09:27,966
circulate... and...
196
00:09:28,091 --> 00:09:29,924
Well, let's get Constance to do it.
197
00:09:30,049 --> 00:09:32,218
No I can't do that because
she's in the stateroom
198
00:09:32,343 --> 00:09:34,573
offering support
to the birthday girl.
199
00:09:35,146 --> 00:09:37,418
- She is, Constance is?
- Yes she is.
200
00:09:37,543 --> 00:09:39,338
Shit... okay, I'm gonna...
201
00:09:39,463 --> 00:09:41,080
- nice to meet you.
- And you.
202
00:09:48,298 --> 00:09:49,412
There he is.
203
00:10:04,128 --> 00:10:05,839
I'm supposed to be doing something.
204
00:10:05,964 --> 00:10:08,016
- Ron, you reek of pot.
- What?
205
00:10:08,141 --> 00:10:09,980
You smell like,
I thought you didn't...
206
00:10:10,105 --> 00:10:13,093
- I don't smoke pot.
- Well you smell like pot.
207
00:10:14,395 --> 00:10:15,723
Those rappers.
208
00:10:16,722 --> 00:10:19,746
I think I have a pretty good idea
of what "Dro Grizzle" stand for.
209
00:10:19,871 --> 00:10:22,671
It's slang for
"strong hydroponic marijuana."
210
00:10:24,520 --> 00:10:26,470
Kinda what I was gonna guess.
211
00:10:26,975 --> 00:10:28,825
I gotta to bring them food.
212
00:10:29,467 --> 00:10:31,065
Hey Ron, Ron look,
213
00:10:31,841 --> 00:10:32,864
are you high?
214
00:10:33,328 --> 00:10:35,926
I can take care of it,
if you don't wanna be around all that.
215
00:10:36,163 --> 00:10:38,929
No, I have stuff
that I have to talk to them about.
216
00:10:39,153 --> 00:10:40,978
You just look busy.
217
00:10:44,964 --> 00:10:46,033
Okay.
218
00:10:48,021 --> 00:10:49,690
- He's so fuckin' high.
- Yeah.
219
00:10:49,859 --> 00:10:53,284
No, no, I know what you mean.
I was medium popular in middle school,
220
00:10:53,409 --> 00:10:57,064
but by the time I got to be a junior,
I was fully popular.
221
00:10:57,622 --> 00:11:00,772
People don't appreciate
the responsibility you have,
222
00:11:00,927 --> 00:11:02,558
setting the example.
223
00:11:03,245 --> 00:11:05,311
- How's it going?
- Hey Casey,
224
00:11:05,909 --> 00:11:08,589
We have a sit'chiation here,
my sister.
225
00:11:10,481 --> 00:11:12,642
So, Taylor is dating Chad.
226
00:11:12,767 --> 00:11:15,029
Who's maybe number five
in the class hottie's list.
227
00:11:15,154 --> 00:11:17,190
But Chad was being
kind of a douche bag lately
228
00:11:17,421 --> 00:11:20,286
so Tristan, probably
the top guy at school,
229
00:11:20,599 --> 00:11:23,148
he flirts with her at a party
they fool around,
230
00:11:23,273 --> 00:11:26,140
Tristan's girlfriend
finds out, tells told Chad...
231
00:11:26,265 --> 00:11:28,327
and now they boycotted my party.
232
00:11:28,452 --> 00:11:31,351
And there's no one
here but the losers.
233
00:11:41,347 --> 00:11:42,547
Vodka Redbull.
234
00:11:44,436 --> 00:11:46,715
- Club drink of choice.
- Don't say that.
235
00:11:46,840 --> 00:11:50,104
I used to go clubbing all the time,
before I married that thing.
236
00:11:50,229 --> 00:11:52,529
I love clubbing, you know I love it.
237
00:11:53,031 --> 00:11:56,261
- How do you deal?
- Booze, facebook, shopping.
238
00:11:56,386 --> 00:11:58,398
Random flings with hot guys.
239
00:12:01,898 --> 00:12:05,599
How would you like to be young Lincoln
in an Edgar Allen Poe film?
240
00:12:07,860 --> 00:12:08,860
Yeah.
241
00:12:09,383 --> 00:12:13,333
No, I know it's rough, but there's
friends here who came to see you.
242
00:12:13,526 --> 00:12:14,765
Those aren't my friends,
243
00:12:14,890 --> 00:12:17,820
those're just the losers I hung out with
before I got cool friends.
244
00:12:17,989 --> 00:12:19,889
The cool friends didn't come
245
00:12:20,706 --> 00:12:22,709
Okay but what I'm trying to say is
246
00:12:22,834 --> 00:12:25,536
that those kids are
kind of cool for showing up.
247
00:12:25,901 --> 00:12:28,949
Or they're just trying to hitch
a ride on your popularity.
248
00:12:29,074 --> 00:12:31,129
Hey it use to happened
to me all the time.
249
00:12:31,254 --> 00:12:34,003
It's one of the drawbacks of being
really, really popular,
250
00:12:34,223 --> 00:12:37,053
People try to use your popularity
251
00:12:37,178 --> 00:12:38,597
To make themselves
252
00:12:38,722 --> 00:12:41,855
seem more popular
than they really are.
253
00:12:42,590 --> 00:12:43,929
Can I talk to you outside?
254
00:12:44,155 --> 00:12:46,462
We're trying to get that girl
to come out and I just
255
00:12:46,587 --> 00:12:49,149
don't think anything you're saying
is helping like, at all.
256
00:12:49,274 --> 00:12:52,454
I know how to deal with these issues.
I was very popular.
257
00:12:52,579 --> 00:12:54,940
Yeah, well, okay,
I was pretty popular too.
258
00:12:55,109 --> 00:12:57,002
- Not like I was popular.
- You don't know...
259
00:12:57,127 --> 00:12:59,153
- Not for a fact.
- Is this Taylor's party?
260
00:12:59,321 --> 00:13:00,972
Yeah what clique are you in?
261
00:13:01,097 --> 00:13:03,949
This is Taylor's party,
but she's not so feeling well.
262
00:13:04,118 --> 00:13:06,087
- What's your name?
- Megan Linderman.
263
00:13:06,212 --> 00:13:08,454
Hi, I can give that to her for you.
264
00:13:08,623 --> 00:13:10,497
And everyone's just in the ballroom.
265
00:13:10,847 --> 00:13:12,830
Yeah back that way.
Bye.
266
00:13:12,955 --> 00:13:14,044
See ya.
267
00:13:14,427 --> 00:13:17,008
So can I please just talk to her
alone for a minutes, please?
268
00:13:17,133 --> 00:13:19,498
Tell her to hold out for Tristan.
269
00:13:21,765 --> 00:13:23,861
You know what a great story
this is gonna make?
270
00:13:23,986 --> 00:13:26,186
I was at a kids party on a boat...
271
00:13:27,166 --> 00:13:28,667
Henry we're good.
272
00:13:28,905 --> 00:13:30,205
All right watch.
273
00:13:30,449 --> 00:13:33,992
Okay, if he won't sign
I'll fire a bazooka up his ass.
274
00:13:34,117 --> 00:13:36,867
And take a giant shit down
the bazooka hole!
275
00:13:37,393 --> 00:13:40,319
I've got enough shit with your fucking
kid blowing off my kid's thing.
276
00:13:40,535 --> 00:13:43,529
He fucking better,
or you'll never see the Lakers again.
277
00:13:43,654 --> 00:13:44,698
Fuck you.
278
00:13:45,556 --> 00:13:48,364
Michael, I'm sorry,
I'm dealing with a real shitstorm, here.
279
00:13:48,489 --> 00:13:50,547
- No problem.
- Thank you for coming.
280
00:13:50,672 --> 00:13:52,782
- Larry this is Henry.
- Yeah no I'm good.
281
00:13:52,907 --> 00:13:54,557
No, actually Leonard...
282
00:13:56,344 --> 00:13:57,564
Well fuck him!
283
00:13:57,932 --> 00:14:01,936
Fuck his face off, and when he pick it
up off the floor, fuck him in the ass!
284
00:14:03,925 --> 00:14:07,090
Leonard I wanted you to meet Henry,
because he is the best actor I know.
285
00:14:07,215 --> 00:14:08,833
This waiter, we're talking about?
286
00:14:08,958 --> 00:14:11,600
He is a good waiter,
he's is a fantastic actor.
287
00:14:14,032 --> 00:14:16,008
- Wa... wait a second.
- Yeah, there it is,
288
00:14:16,133 --> 00:14:18,894
- He read for you a few years back?
- I did.
289
00:14:19,019 --> 00:14:20,932
All right, you come with me.
290
00:14:21,256 --> 00:14:23,737
- Harry, right? Doesn't matter.
- Henry.
291
00:14:24,119 --> 00:14:27,619
I don't know, I thought it'd be
so great being popular, but
292
00:14:28,980 --> 00:14:30,202
it's so confusing.
293
00:14:30,427 --> 00:14:32,933
I know, I was popular for like,
294
00:14:33,828 --> 00:14:36,610
I dunno, two years before
I figured that shit out.
295
00:14:36,735 --> 00:14:38,975
Cause it's like you try so hard
to be cool, right?
296
00:14:39,100 --> 00:14:42,280
But then if you're trying
to be cool then that's not cool.
297
00:14:42,405 --> 00:14:43,955
And the kids who aren't trying
298
00:14:44,080 --> 00:14:47,280
their the ones that seem
to having all the fun, so...
299
00:14:47,638 --> 00:14:49,677
I don't know, don't you wanna like
300
00:14:49,802 --> 00:14:52,266
forget about being "cool"
for a second and just have fun?
301
00:14:55,367 --> 00:14:58,267
Your friend megan's here.
She brought you this.
302
00:15:00,530 --> 00:15:02,042
Oh my god.
303
00:15:03,241 --> 00:15:05,714
We used to play this
at slumber parties like all the time.
304
00:15:05,839 --> 00:15:07,239
- See?
- Sweetie!
305
00:15:07,491 --> 00:15:09,490
God dad! Will you get out of here!
306
00:15:09,615 --> 00:15:11,952
Hey, hey, look who's here
to say happy birthday.
307
00:15:12,121 --> 00:15:13,495
- It's Michael.
- Taylor.
308
00:15:13,664 --> 00:15:15,331
Happy birthday, sweetheart.
309
00:15:16,098 --> 00:15:19,576
And look who's here
with a question for you?
310
00:15:28,598 --> 00:15:30,699
"Are we having fun yet?"
311
00:15:37,911 --> 00:15:40,397
- Right, from those commercials?
- Beer commercials
312
00:15:40,566 --> 00:15:43,499
She used to run around
the house saying it all the time.
313
00:15:43,624 --> 00:15:45,324
- Really?
- Yeah, yeah.
314
00:15:45,971 --> 00:15:48,071
Jesus, not even a goddamn smile?
315
00:15:48,196 --> 00:15:50,259
God, dad, I was, like, nine.
316
00:15:51,073 --> 00:15:54,370
When she was nine she wasn't a fuckin'
complete fuckin' spoil fuckin' brat!
317
00:15:55,926 --> 00:15:58,426
Okay we will get this
at a different...
318
00:15:58,985 --> 00:16:00,385
- moment.
- Okay.
319
00:16:07,803 --> 00:16:10,265
So do you normally
do the casting decision and stuff?
320
00:16:10,390 --> 00:16:13,688
Did you see "blob, extreme? "
The guy who played the fireman in that
321
00:16:13,813 --> 00:16:15,099
he was one of mine,
322
00:16:15,288 --> 00:16:18,560
but he wasn't't half
as cute as you are.
323
00:16:19,165 --> 00:16:21,262
I'll get you something much
324
00:16:21,387 --> 00:16:22,891
better in Poe.
325
00:16:23,234 --> 00:16:25,526
You're gonna make
a great young Lincoln.
326
00:16:28,876 --> 00:16:31,341
Maybe this isn't like
the best time to like do this.
327
00:16:31,466 --> 00:16:33,075
Don't worry about about Leonard.
328
00:16:33,672 --> 00:16:36,202
I never would've married him
if we didn't have an
329
00:16:36,327 --> 00:16:37,527
understanding.
330
00:16:39,333 --> 00:16:40,949
You're so hot.
331
00:16:41,587 --> 00:16:44,212
Thank you.
You're very hot yourself.
332
00:16:50,177 --> 00:16:51,952
Oh god, yeah,
333
00:17:00,173 --> 00:17:01,901
It's nice on the ear.
334
00:17:02,315 --> 00:17:05,915
So the "Dro Grizzle"
is a franchise that people can buy into?
335
00:17:06,572 --> 00:17:07,722
Right, right.
336
00:17:07,903 --> 00:17:10,883
You buy in, do your thing
under the umbrella of the brand.
337
00:17:11,008 --> 00:17:13,703
- You help us grow, we support you
- Here you go.
338
00:17:13,828 --> 00:17:15,895
Like that soup thing
you were telling us about.
339
00:17:16,020 --> 00:17:17,057
Soup r'crackers.
340
00:17:17,182 --> 00:17:19,551
Fastest growing non-poultry,
non-coffee franchise
341
00:17:19,676 --> 00:17:21,305
in all of southern California.
342
00:17:21,430 --> 00:17:23,408
All you can eat soup, salad,
343
00:17:24,147 --> 00:17:26,415
- bread.
- I ain't never heard of that.
344
00:17:26,540 --> 00:17:28,124
You for real, like all you can eat.
345
00:17:28,249 --> 00:17:30,382
The only limit is
your digestive system.
346
00:17:30,958 --> 00:17:33,177
You find out
when we're going on, man?
347
00:17:35,702 --> 00:17:39,529
- You find out what time we going on?
- Right, it's nuts out there.
348
00:17:39,654 --> 00:17:42,436
Hey before I go,
since you guys never heard of it,
349
00:17:42,623 --> 00:17:46,190
I'm wondering if there's an opportunity
to open up a franchise to south central,
350
00:17:47,262 --> 00:17:49,889
for guys like you
who never had all you can eat soup?
351
00:17:50,014 --> 00:17:53,164
I might be on the ground floor
of a sensation, here.
352
00:17:53,469 --> 00:17:56,188
No, no you gotta check
your demographics, man.
353
00:17:56,313 --> 00:17:58,386
If you do, you'll find
south central L.A.
354
00:17:58,511 --> 00:18:01,326
is increasingly home
to a majority latino population.
355
00:18:01,451 --> 00:18:03,175
- Is that right?
- Dead serious.
356
00:18:03,300 --> 00:18:05,626
Ain't a lot of brothers
hankerin' around for no soup.
357
00:18:05,795 --> 00:18:08,879
- So, it's like a white thing?
- Well, put it like this,
358
00:18:09,048 --> 00:18:11,426
when I think about soup,
I think about Reese Witherspoon
359
00:18:11,551 --> 00:18:13,592
- eating that shit.
- I think Matt Damon.
360
00:18:13,761 --> 00:18:16,586
What about
those bitches off the hills?
361
00:18:16,806 --> 00:18:18,972
Nancy Reagan, old soup eatin' ass.
362
00:18:19,141 --> 00:18:20,991
Hannah Montana fuckin' ass.
363
00:18:22,061 --> 00:18:23,882
That bitch probably eatin'
some rich soup.
364
00:18:24,007 --> 00:18:26,600
Tiger Woods, he probably would.
I can see him eatin' that shit.
365
00:18:26,725 --> 00:18:28,225
The guy's part Thai.
366
00:18:28,509 --> 00:18:31,527
No, he come from a long
culinary tradition of exotic soups.
367
00:18:31,797 --> 00:18:34,488
You know what I'm saying'?
I don't imagine it's that exotic.
368
00:18:34,657 --> 00:18:36,907
It's more hearty soup,
like chicken rice.
369
00:18:37,076 --> 00:18:38,408
Now see my dilemma is,
370
00:18:38,577 --> 00:18:41,270
I don't see black people going nowhere
that say "cracker" anything.
371
00:18:41,395 --> 00:18:45,295
- That's true, I know I'm not.
- Hold on, that's interesting to me,
372
00:18:46,127 --> 00:18:48,427
- why is that?
- Show him why Greg.
373
00:18:48,598 --> 00:18:51,258
- Souper crackers.
- You don't get what he sayin',
374
00:18:51,383 --> 00:18:54,216
imagine your grandma
goin' into a place to buy soup
375
00:18:54,341 --> 00:18:56,426
and it's called
souper angry blackman.
376
00:18:56,595 --> 00:18:58,121
History of the south, man.
377
00:18:58,246 --> 00:19:00,472
All that racist shit.
Man it's just all bad.
378
00:19:00,660 --> 00:19:03,610
You might as well call it
"Slave whippin' soup."
379
00:19:04,178 --> 00:19:07,568
"All you can eat
slave n' salad and shit."
380
00:19:09,885 --> 00:19:11,066
"Lynch and soup."
381
00:19:12,017 --> 00:19:14,310
What about "Soup R' Oppression"
382
00:19:14,713 --> 00:19:16,465
The "Jim Crow soup and salad."
383
00:19:16,590 --> 00:19:17,940
"No nigger soup."
384
00:19:22,838 --> 00:19:23,838
Right?
385
00:19:25,708 --> 00:19:27,136
No, you look awesome.
386
00:19:27,261 --> 00:19:29,577
Go out there and have fun, you know.
Be yourself.
387
00:19:29,702 --> 00:19:32,480
- Are the real friends coming?
- Constance! Just keep walking, okay.
388
00:19:32,605 --> 00:19:34,991
What the fuck man,
that was the best part of the comics,
389
00:19:35,116 --> 00:19:37,968
Edgar Allen Poe,
total alcoholic fights vampires.
390
00:19:38,137 --> 00:19:40,071
Well, in the script,
he's not an alcoholic.
391
00:19:40,196 --> 00:19:42,446
So he's not really Edgar Allen Poe.
392
00:19:42,683 --> 00:19:45,309
He didn't really
kill vampires, now did he, sweetheart.
393
00:19:45,434 --> 00:19:47,413
Is the love interest still
his 13 year old cousin?
394
00:19:47,538 --> 00:19:50,788
- They're lookin' at Natalie Portman.
- Who's like 40.
395
00:19:51,257 --> 00:19:52,227
Fuck.
396
00:19:52,352 --> 00:19:54,161
These assholes always
fuckin' up the comics.
397
00:19:54,286 --> 00:19:56,603
- You guys see Dark Knight?
- My dad said it was too violent,
398
00:19:56,728 --> 00:19:59,578
- he wouldn't let me go.
- Shit, we should go.
399
00:20:00,242 --> 00:20:02,618
Give me you number,
this weekend maybe, or...
400
00:20:02,789 --> 00:20:04,639
I'll come pick you up or...
401
00:20:11,646 --> 00:20:13,046
I'll be over here.
402
00:20:16,141 --> 00:20:17,591
We gotta play this.
403
00:20:18,208 --> 00:20:19,658
Finally, she's out.
404
00:20:19,874 --> 00:20:23,124
Hey you, I owe you big time,
you're Mary Todd Lincoln.
405
00:20:24,621 --> 00:20:27,703
- Whatever, where are those rap guys?
- They're in back.
406
00:20:27,828 --> 00:20:30,771
FYI, I won't pay to see Edgar Allen Poe
fight vampires sober.
407
00:20:31,350 --> 00:20:33,950
Nobody gives a shit
what you think, dink.
408
00:20:34,075 --> 00:20:35,446
People care what I think.
409
00:20:35,571 --> 00:20:37,486
I have a prestigious blog, sir.
410
00:20:39,436 --> 00:20:40,795
Nice work, Klein.
411
00:20:40,920 --> 00:20:43,075
I feel like an extra
in an after-school special.
412
00:20:43,244 --> 00:20:44,342
I do too, kind of.
413
00:20:44,467 --> 00:20:46,370
So what happened with Leonard?
414
00:20:46,539 --> 00:20:48,500
What do you mean what happened,
you were there.
415
00:20:48,625 --> 00:20:51,534
I know but did Michael go and talk
to him is he gonna give you a part?
416
00:20:51,659 --> 00:20:53,293
He's not gonna give me a part.
417
00:20:53,572 --> 00:20:54,572
Why?
418
00:20:55,286 --> 00:20:57,352
- Sometimes they give you a part.
- Come on!
419
00:20:57,477 --> 00:21:00,232
- It has to happen sometime.
- I remember this feeling, okay,
420
00:21:00,357 --> 00:21:03,307
and it's like beating my head
against that wall.
421
00:21:04,043 --> 00:21:05,859
- I'm so sorry, I didn't know.
- What?
422
00:21:05,984 --> 00:21:08,711
I didn't know,
that you loved this loser
423
00:21:08,836 --> 00:21:11,678
minimum wage life-style so much
that you didn't want to part with it.
424
00:21:11,803 --> 00:21:13,064
- I do.
- I wasn't aware.
425
00:21:13,189 --> 00:21:14,739
- I do.
- I'm sorry.
426
00:21:16,019 --> 00:21:18,728
What I should go talk to him
because what, it's fate?
427
00:21:18,853 --> 00:21:22,741
You should just not be
a total idiot for one second
428
00:21:22,866 --> 00:21:25,166
of your entire life. And just do it.
429
00:21:28,038 --> 00:21:29,153
Just do it.
430
00:21:29,278 --> 00:21:30,632
Just do it, what the fuck?
431
00:21:30,757 --> 00:21:33,210
All right party's on, Leonard's happy,
it's the perfect moment,
432
00:21:33,335 --> 00:21:35,435
- you wanna do it?
- I don't...
433
00:21:35,560 --> 00:21:37,372
come on,
this is how these movies end.
434
00:21:37,497 --> 00:21:39,447
Everyone's happy at the end.
435
00:21:45,858 --> 00:21:47,625
You don't wanna be
the young Abe Lincoln?
436
00:21:47,750 --> 00:21:50,700
No I really wanna be,
I really wanna be Lincoln.
437
00:21:55,069 --> 00:21:56,169
That's good!
438
00:22:00,686 --> 00:22:01,737
I love that.
439
00:22:02,267 --> 00:22:03,605
You love that?
440
00:22:06,666 --> 00:22:07,666
Shit!
441
00:22:08,039 --> 00:22:09,239
What the fuck?
442
00:22:09,413 --> 00:22:12,726
No bullshit, he'd be perfect
for the role of young Lincoln.
443
00:22:12,851 --> 00:22:14,401
Mikey, if you say so?
444
00:22:14,526 --> 00:22:17,408
He looks a little bit like Lincoln.
Where are those fuckin' rappers?
445
00:22:17,533 --> 00:22:20,161
No bullshitting he's perfect for it.
Maybe we get the script...
446
00:22:20,286 --> 00:22:22,225
Wait a minute now,
if he's the next Pacino,
447
00:22:22,350 --> 00:22:25,135
- what does that make you then?
- The next Costner.
448
00:22:26,352 --> 00:22:29,802
All right listen man,
can you come in to read? You mind...
449
00:22:30,976 --> 00:22:33,413
You gotta be fuckin' kidding me
now it's fuckin' waiters?
450
00:22:33,538 --> 00:22:35,497
- He's an actor.
- Beautiful and actor,
451
00:22:35,622 --> 00:22:37,714
so now I get to put
this fuckin' guy in a movie.
452
00:22:37,839 --> 00:22:39,302
Don't get your dick in a wad,
453
00:22:39,427 --> 00:22:41,969
it didn't get that far,
I think he's fuckin' gay.
454
00:22:42,094 --> 00:22:43,227
I'm not gay!
455
00:22:43,447 --> 00:22:44,373
My teeth!
456
00:22:46,188 --> 00:22:48,475
So, maybe we'll have him
call the office on Monday.
457
00:22:48,600 --> 00:22:49,694
Yeah, yeah sure...
458
00:22:49,819 --> 00:22:51,932
Here we are, fuck, about time.
Let's go man, you're on.
459
00:22:52,057 --> 00:22:55,165
Nah, dude, I'm done, that's it.
It says it in my contract, I'm out.
460
00:22:55,334 --> 00:22:57,719
You can't fucking walk out now!
We got her out of the stateroom.
461
00:22:57,844 --> 00:23:00,380
- What is a stateroom?
- It's what they call a room on a boat.
462
00:23:00,505 --> 00:23:02,368
So why don't they just call it
like that?
463
00:23:02,493 --> 00:23:04,508
Why don't they call
the front the front?
464
00:23:04,677 --> 00:23:06,907
We'll have Stephanie
fax over a script...
465
00:23:07,032 --> 00:23:09,566
You fuckin' walk out on me now,
I will kill your entire family
466
00:23:09,691 --> 00:23:11,502
chop them up
into little pieces eat them!
467
00:23:11,627 --> 00:23:15,271
Come over to your house the next day
and shit them out on your face.
468
00:23:15,396 --> 00:23:19,096
Don't do that, that's a lot of shit.
Just call our lawyer, man.
469
00:23:19,857 --> 00:23:21,268
Dude, good shit, man.
470
00:23:21,393 --> 00:23:23,413
And I mean that,
good luck with the soup shit too.
471
00:23:23,538 --> 00:23:26,071
When it come out,
I'ma eat some my nigga, real.
472
00:23:27,977 --> 00:23:29,998
Dro, I appreciate the advice.
473
00:23:30,634 --> 00:23:34,176
Do you know who I am,
you fuckin' fuck you, you fuckin'...
474
00:23:35,111 --> 00:23:36,961
- fuck!
- That's original.
475
00:23:37,400 --> 00:23:38,643
Tell you what Leonard,
476
00:23:38,768 --> 00:23:41,347
you're dealin' with a lot of stuff
let me take one off your plate,
477
00:23:41,472 --> 00:23:44,537
young lincoln, look at that profile
that's a penny, that's a lucky penny.
478
00:23:44,662 --> 00:23:46,367
I fuckin' hate Pacino.
479
00:23:46,492 --> 00:23:47,862
Is that right?
480
00:23:49,176 --> 00:23:50,785
All right, all right.
481
00:24:09,041 --> 00:24:09,990
So?
482
00:24:10,413 --> 00:24:12,033
My fate is with the losers.
483
00:24:16,670 --> 00:24:18,070
Feel like dancing?
484
00:24:47,806 --> 00:24:51,489
I think this went much better than it
would've went with Valhalla catering.
485
00:24:57,779 --> 00:24:58,779
Fuck off.
486
00:25:22,675 --> 00:25:23,679
Chad?
487
00:25:31,507 --> 00:25:33,402
Chad baby, I'm so sorry.
488
00:25:52,421 --> 00:25:53,421
Fuck this.
489
00:25:55,555 --> 00:25:57,920
It's like a fairy tale!
490
00:26:30,665 --> 00:26:32,415
You still like me, right?
491
00:26:33,490 --> 00:26:34,490
I do,
492
00:26:35,263 --> 00:26:36,263
but...
493
00:26:36,736 --> 00:26:38,322
I probably would like you more
494
00:26:38,447 --> 00:26:40,890
if you were helping Edgar Allen Poe
fight vampires.
495
00:26:47,977 --> 00:26:49,871
What did Stiltskin write
on the comment card?
496
00:26:49,996 --> 00:26:52,946
- I don't wanna say...
- Let me guess, he wrote,
497
00:26:53,637 --> 00:26:56,504
"You fuckin' suck at catering
you fuckin' fat
498
00:26:56,725 --> 00:26:58,775
fuckin' pieces of fuckin' shit,
499
00:26:59,171 --> 00:27:01,428
you fuckin' stupid fuckers,
fuck you."
500
00:27:01,553 --> 00:27:04,059
All right you freakin' me out,
that's exactly what he said.
501
00:27:04,184 --> 00:27:05,540
- Word for word?
- Look.
502
00:27:05,590 --> 00:27:10,140
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