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1
00:00:04,297 --> 00:00:06,007
[Madhuri, Gupta, and Manmeet conversing]
2
00:00:06,075 --> 00:00:07,560
Ahem!
3
00:00:07,627 --> 00:00:08,903
You're sitting at our table.
4
00:00:08,971 --> 00:00:09,979
Get up.
5
00:00:12,032 --> 00:00:13,450
This table doesn't
belong to you.
6
00:00:13,517 --> 00:00:14,825
We have half an hour
for lunch.
7
00:00:14,893 --> 00:00:16,540
We have important work
to do.
8
00:00:16,608 --> 00:00:17,814
Get... up.
9
00:00:17,882 --> 00:00:19,663
You're not better than us.
10
00:00:19,731 --> 00:00:21,106
We provide tech support
11
00:00:21,173 --> 00:00:23,053
for companies like
Apple and Microsoft.
12
00:00:23,121 --> 00:00:25,872
You, sell plastic vomit.
13
00:00:25,939 --> 00:00:27,750
Get... up.
14
00:00:27,818 --> 00:00:28,752
We're not scared of you.
15
00:00:28,820 --> 00:00:30,594
I'm sligly scared.
16
00:00:30,661 --> 00:00:32,639
Why don't you
speak to my hands?
17
00:00:32,707 --> 00:00:33,645
You're pathetic.
18
00:00:33,713 --> 00:00:35,790
It's "talk to the hand".
19
00:00:35,857 --> 00:00:37,295
You work at a call center,
20
00:00:37,363 --> 00:00:39,575
and you don't even know
how Americans speak?
21
00:00:39,642 --> 00:00:41,280
Drop some science
on this fool.
22
00:00:41,347 --> 00:00:43,525
Yeah! You better check yourself
23
00:00:43,593 --> 00:00:45,030
before you wreck yourself.
24
00:00:45,097 --> 00:00:47,509
Aw! You just got served.
25
00:00:47,576 --> 00:00:51,288
- No, I got my food from...
- In your face!
26
00:00:51,356 --> 00:00:52,995
In all of your faces.
27
00:00:53,063 --> 00:00:55,137
Now... Get up!
28
00:00:55,204 --> 00:00:56,141
We're not moving.
29
00:00:56,208 --> 00:00:57,278
Find another table.
30
00:00:57,346 --> 00:00:58,686
This isn't over.
31
00:00:58,754 --> 00:01:02,701
Your mouth just wrote a check
your ass can't cash.
32
00:01:02,769 --> 00:01:04,338
Word.
33
00:01:06,783 --> 00:01:08,253
The joke's on them.
34
00:01:08,321 --> 00:01:11,095
I don't even have
a checking account.
35
00:01:11,163 --> 00:01:13,401
[all laughing]
36
00:01:13,469 --> 00:01:15,575
[all stop laughing]
37
00:01:15,643 --> 00:01:18,551
[Indian-themed pop music]
38
00:01:18,619 --> 00:01:24,619
39
00:01:45,060 --> 00:01:47,165
Please,
you have to help me.
40
00:01:47,233 --> 00:01:48,469
I don't know...
41
00:01:48,536 --> 00:01:51,043
It has to be now!
He'll be here any minute.
42
00:01:52,982 --> 00:01:54,050
Okay.
43
00:01:54,118 --> 00:01:55,589
Afternoon, sir...
shouldn't you go?
44
00:01:55,657 --> 00:01:57,795
Don't you have a lot of things
to prepare for the holiday?
45
00:01:57,862 --> 00:01:58,898
Yes, I do have...
46
00:01:58,965 --> 00:02:00,603
- I should go.
- What holiday?
47
00:02:00,670 --> 00:02:02,172
What holiday?
[laughing]
48
00:02:02,240 --> 00:02:03,710
Oh, you really don't know.
49
00:02:03,777 --> 00:02:05,947
Today is Vindaloo Day.
50
00:02:06,015 --> 00:02:07,082
Vindaloo?
51
00:02:07,149 --> 00:02:09,486
Yes! It is Vindaloo Day.
52
00:02:09,554 --> 00:02:10,790
Oh, I've seen that
on the menu.
53
00:02:10,857 --> 00:02:12,692
I thought... I thought
that was some kind of food.
54
00:02:12,760 --> 00:02:13,861
Yes! Of course!
55
00:02:13,929 --> 00:02:16,399
Uh, the dish is named
after the God Vindaloo.
56
00:02:16,467 --> 00:02:20,645
In a time before time people ate
the blandest of foods
57
00:02:20,712 --> 00:02:23,182
til Lord Vindaloo
manifested himself
58
00:02:23,249 --> 00:02:26,220
and spice burst forth
from his forehead.
59
00:02:26,287 --> 00:02:29,126
Is that why some people have
that dot on their forehead?
60
00:02:29,194 --> 00:02:32,566
It's like a... it's like
a symbolic... cork.
61
00:02:33,904 --> 00:02:35,940
You did not just say
"symbolic cork".
62
00:02:36,008 --> 00:02:38,178
I'm sorry. I just... I've never
heard of this holiday before.
63
00:02:38,246 --> 00:02:39,380
Why would you?
64
00:02:39,448 --> 00:02:41,317
This country's just
a cash register to you.
65
00:02:41,385 --> 00:02:45,794
Hm. I wonder why no one's ever
said anything about it to me.
66
00:02:45,861 --> 00:02:48,131
Everyone is focusing on
finishing work early
67
00:02:48,198 --> 00:02:50,135
so that they can go home
and be with their families.
68
00:02:50,202 --> 00:02:51,638
That's why it's a half day today.
69
00:02:51,706 --> 00:02:54,744
Ooh. I didn't tell corporate
we were taking a half day.
70
00:02:54,812 --> 00:02:57,015
No one works after lunch
on Vindaloo Day.
71
00:02:57,082 --> 00:02:58,150
The building will be locked.
72
00:02:58,218 --> 00:02:59,687
And you should grab a taxi now
73
00:02:59,755 --> 00:03:01,323
because if you
have to walk home,
74
00:03:01,390 --> 00:03:02,659
people in the street
celebrating
75
00:03:02,727 --> 00:03:04,128
will pelt you with spice.
76
00:03:04,196 --> 00:03:05,832
Oh! Well, thanks.
77
00:03:05,900 --> 00:03:07,234
Happy Vindaloo Day?
78
00:03:07,302 --> 00:03:09,438
Actually, it's Jolly Vindaloo Day.
79
00:03:09,505 --> 00:03:11,608
May your life
be filled with flavor.
80
00:03:11,677 --> 00:03:12,610
Flavor.
81
00:03:12,679 --> 00:03:13,612
All right.
82
00:03:13,681 --> 00:03:16,985
Well, um,
Jolly Vindaloo Day.
83
00:03:17,053 --> 00:03:19,155
I'll see you guys tomorrow.
84
00:03:19,223 --> 00:03:20,224
Sweet.
85
00:03:20,292 --> 00:03:22,328
[sighs heavily]
86
00:03:24,399 --> 00:03:26,002
Jolly Vindaloo Day, guys.
87
00:03:26,069 --> 00:03:28,674
Flavor.
88
00:03:28,742 --> 00:03:31,680
Ladies, jolly Vindaloo Day.
89
00:03:31,747 --> 00:03:34,517
Jolly Vindaloo Day.
90
00:03:34,585 --> 00:03:36,689
Hey! Vin-da-loo.
91
00:03:36,756 --> 00:03:40,896
Ah, it's a busy day
for you, huh?
92
00:03:40,964 --> 00:03:43,199
It's, uh,
it's my first Vindaloo Day,
93
00:03:43,267 --> 00:03:46,801
So just give me a pound
of your best throwing spice.
94
00:03:50,104 --> 00:03:51,604
Okay.
95
00:03:53,807 --> 00:03:55,040
[laughing]
96
00:03:55,108 --> 00:03:58,143
Hey, Charlie, may your life
be filled with flavor.
97
00:03:58,211 --> 00:03:59,544
What the hell are you doing?
98
00:03:59,612 --> 00:04:01,446
Oh, come on, man, get in
the spirit of Vindaloo Day.
99
00:04:01,514 --> 00:04:02,780
You want to throw
some spices with me?
100
00:04:02,848 --> 00:04:03,948
Vindaloo Day?
101
00:04:04,016 --> 00:04:04,948
Yeah, the holiday.
102
00:04:05,016 --> 00:04:07,415
We'll just see about that.
103
00:04:07,483 --> 00:04:08,416
What is that?
104
00:04:08,483 --> 00:04:09,416
When I first started here
105
00:04:09,484 --> 00:04:10,750
some of my employees
scammed me
106
00:04:10,818 --> 00:04:12,885
and got out of work
by making up fake holidays.
107
00:04:12,953 --> 00:04:14,319
Hell, they all
sound fake to me.
108
00:04:14,387 --> 00:04:17,721
So I made up a cheat sheet
with the real Indian holidays.
109
00:04:17,789 --> 00:04:21,424
Diwali, Durga Puja,
Ganpati...
110
00:04:21,491 --> 00:04:24,426
I repeat, these are the real ones.
111
00:04:24,493 --> 00:04:26,827
Nope, there's
no Vindaloo Day on here.
112
00:04:26,895 --> 00:04:28,797
Looks like you've been
holi-duped.
113
00:04:28,864 --> 00:04:29,964
No Vindaloo Day?
114
00:04:30,032 --> 00:04:32,499
What am I gonna do
with all this saffron?
115
00:04:32,567 --> 00:04:33,733
Don't feel bad.
116
00:04:33,801 --> 00:04:35,268
For elephant day
my workers tricked me
117
00:04:35,336 --> 00:04:36,869
into painting my face
and walking around
118
00:04:36,937 --> 00:04:38,637
with the pockets
pulled out of my pants.
119
00:04:38,705 --> 00:04:41,807
It was all fun and games
till I whipped out the trunk.
120
00:04:41,874 --> 00:04:44,209
Why would Rajiv
make up a holiday?
121
00:04:44,277 --> 00:04:46,778
And why would Asha
go along with it?
122
00:04:46,845 --> 00:04:48,946
It's not like either of them
want to get out of work.
123
00:04:51,416 --> 00:04:53,016
Maybe they want
to get you out of work.
124
00:04:56,554 --> 00:04:57,486
This feels weird.
125
00:04:57,554 --> 00:04:59,121
Hey, Rajiv lied to me.
126
00:04:59,188 --> 00:05:00,655
I don't feel weird
about spying on him.
127
00:05:00,723 --> 00:05:03,925
No, usually when I do this
I'm covered in deer urine.
128
00:05:03,993 --> 00:05:06,327
Why's he sitting at my desk?
129
00:05:06,395 --> 00:05:08,127
Sir! A new shipment.
130
00:05:08,195 --> 00:05:10,596
This saffron is perfect
for throwing on Vindaloo Day.
131
00:05:10,664 --> 00:05:12,198
Hey, there is no Vindaloo Day!
132
00:05:12,266 --> 00:05:13,566
Be that as it may,
133
00:05:13,634 --> 00:05:15,701
it doesn't make the saffron
any less delicious.
134
00:05:15,769 --> 00:05:16,835
Beat it!
135
00:05:16,903 --> 00:05:18,972
Here.
136
00:05:21,241 --> 00:05:22,174
Check out the suit.
137
00:05:22,242 --> 00:05:23,274
Who's this guy?
138
00:05:23,342 --> 00:05:25,375
He's looking over
your workers.
139
00:05:25,443 --> 00:05:27,711
I'd bet my right walnut
that's a headhunter.
140
00:05:27,779 --> 00:05:29,246
You're about to lose
your best people.
141
00:05:29,314 --> 00:05:30,447
That doesn't make any sense.
142
00:05:30,514 --> 00:05:32,814
How would losing
the best workers help Rajiv?
143
00:05:32,881 --> 00:05:33,815
He'll get a kickback.
144
00:05:33,882 --> 00:05:35,149
A lot of managers do it.
145
00:05:35,217 --> 00:05:36,951
How do you think
I paid for my Lasik?
146
00:05:37,019 --> 00:05:38,819
Depak, phone operator;
Sandip, office manager.
147
00:05:38,887 --> 00:05:39,953
No way, no way.
148
00:05:40,021 --> 00:05:41,288
I'm not losing
my best and brightest.
149
00:05:41,355 --> 00:05:42,622
I've been teaching them
all about American culture.
150
00:05:42,689 --> 00:05:43,989
I'm the one
who taught them about
151
00:05:44,057 --> 00:05:45,590
tramp stamps and jager bombs
152
00:05:45,658 --> 00:05:47,525
and how to spell "booze"
on a calculator.
153
00:05:47,593 --> 00:05:49,760
You can do that?
That's a real thing?
154
00:05:49,828 --> 00:05:52,029
[sighs]
155
00:05:52,096 --> 00:05:54,730
9-00-9.
156
00:05:54,798 --> 00:05:56,398
5!
157
00:05:56,466 --> 00:05:57,999
Boobs.
158
00:05:58,067 --> 00:05:59,767
I can manage the workers
with this headset.
159
00:05:59,835 --> 00:06:02,369
At the end of the day
I'm responsible for everything.
160
00:06:02,437 --> 00:06:04,304
Stop! Right there!
161
00:06:04,372 --> 00:06:07,242
This is beneath even you,
Rajiv!
162
00:06:07,310 --> 00:06:08,243
And you are?
163
00:06:08,311 --> 00:06:10,445
I am sick and tired
164
00:06:10,513 --> 00:06:12,181
of you doing things
behind my back.
165
00:06:12,249 --> 00:06:13,349
I'm sorry about this.
166
00:06:13,417 --> 00:06:15,651
Sometimes the tourists
get crazy with the heat.
167
00:06:15,719 --> 00:06:16,852
It will be okay!
168
00:06:16,920 --> 00:06:19,654
Go back to your hotel
and have a lime Rickey!
169
00:06:19,722 --> 00:06:21,556
You're wasting your time
talking to him.
170
00:06:21,624 --> 00:06:23,059
My workers aren't
going anywhere.
171
00:06:23,127 --> 00:06:25,062
All right,
I'm the manager here.
172
00:06:25,130 --> 00:06:26,830
He's the assistant manager.
173
00:06:26,898 --> 00:06:28,499
He has no authority
to be dealing with you.
174
00:06:28,567 --> 00:06:29,934
Assistant Manager?
175
00:06:30,002 --> 00:06:32,069
Sir, you know how Americans
play fast and loose
176
00:06:32,137 --> 00:06:33,070
with titles.
177
00:06:33,138 --> 00:06:34,337
Colonel Sanders.
178
00:06:34,405 --> 00:06:36,506
The Burger King.
179
00:06:36,573 --> 00:06:38,773
Lady Marmalade.
180
00:06:40,408 --> 00:06:42,542
You are not a manager!
181
00:06:42,610 --> 00:06:43,977
But you're a liar!
182
00:06:44,045 --> 00:06:45,512
You will never marry
my daughter!
183
00:06:48,382 --> 00:06:51,017
Wait. So...
184
00:06:51,085 --> 00:06:52,385
He's not a headhunter?
185
00:06:55,922 --> 00:06:58,023
He was going to be
my father-in-law.
186
00:07:15,391 --> 00:07:18,192
Okay, sir, let me
read that back to you.
187
00:07:18,259 --> 00:07:21,658
You want ten bubble machines,
a case of condom hats,
188
00:07:21,726 --> 00:07:23,893
and a hundred wacky chickens!
189
00:07:23,961 --> 00:07:25,395
Ha, y'all got that right.
190
00:07:25,463 --> 00:07:26,830
Tell ya what, partner.
191
00:07:26,897 --> 00:07:28,131
Why don't you
throw in a hundred
192
00:07:28,199 --> 00:07:31,333
of those glow-in-the-dark owls
to scare those critters
193
00:07:31,401 --> 00:07:32,334
off my property.
194
00:07:32,402 --> 00:07:35,070
Of course, sir!
195
00:07:35,137 --> 00:07:39,740
Your total comes to $3,180.
196
00:07:39,808 --> 00:07:41,742
If I could please just
put you on hold for one second
197
00:07:41,810 --> 00:07:42,810
while I process your order.
198
00:07:42,877 --> 00:07:44,344
All right, son.
199
00:07:44,412 --> 00:07:45,679
I just broke
the sales record!
200
00:07:45,747 --> 00:07:46,680
Hah!
201
00:07:46,748 --> 00:07:48,815
Go, Gupta! ... Go, Gupta!
202
00:07:48,883 --> 00:07:51,650
It's your bonus! ... It's your bonus!
203
00:07:51,718 --> 00:07:54,453
Your total comes to $4,300.
204
00:07:54,521 --> 00:07:55,454
What?
205
00:07:55,522 --> 00:07:57,289
Can I get it rush delivery?
206
00:07:57,356 --> 00:07:58,957
'cause, like,
all of your products
207
00:07:59,024 --> 00:08:00,124
are, like, totally awesome!
208
00:08:00,192 --> 00:08:03,357
I, like, totally
agree with you. Heh heh!
209
00:08:03,425 --> 00:08:05,759
If I could put you on hold
while I process your order.
210
00:08:05,827 --> 00:08:07,460
Thank you.
211
00:08:07,528 --> 00:08:08,461
Yes!
212
00:08:08,529 --> 00:08:09,662
Yes... sorry, Gupta.
213
00:08:09,730 --> 00:08:11,497
I just crushed
your order, man.
214
00:08:11,564 --> 00:08:13,731
Now, with my bonus,
I'll give my sister
215
00:08:13,799 --> 00:08:15,300
the money she needs
to go back to school.
216
00:08:15,368 --> 00:08:17,302
Wait! No.
I want an iPod.
217
00:08:17,370 --> 00:08:20,072
Actually, you are both
celebrating hastily.
218
00:08:20,140 --> 00:08:22,875
A gentleman from Chicago
just ordered
219
00:08:22,943 --> 00:08:26,345
adult-sized taco costumes
for his entire marching band.
220
00:08:26,412 --> 00:08:29,281
The record... is mine.
221
00:08:29,348 --> 00:08:31,816
This is the greatest moment
of my life.
222
00:08:31,884 --> 00:08:36,019
And perhaps all my previous ones.
223
00:08:36,087 --> 00:08:39,355
[knocking on window]
224
00:08:39,423 --> 00:08:41,390
Oh, hello.
225
00:08:41,458 --> 00:08:42,491
Oh, no.
226
00:08:45,127 --> 00:08:47,228
Sir, could I please have
the credit card number?
227
00:08:47,296 --> 00:08:49,863
There ain't
no credit card, son.
228
00:08:49,931 --> 00:08:52,699
So, in conclusion,
229
00:08:52,767 --> 00:08:55,901
suck it, suck it,
and suck it!
230
00:08:57,303 --> 00:08:59,471
Suck what?
231
00:08:59,539 --> 00:09:02,574
Todd, we have been humiliated.
232
00:09:02,642 --> 00:09:06,143
Gupta may be used to it,
but for us this is quite a blow.
233
00:09:06,211 --> 00:09:07,644
We need revenge.
234
00:09:07,712 --> 00:09:09,145
How can we get them back?
235
00:09:09,213 --> 00:09:10,379
Yeah... N-not now, guys.
236
00:09:12,315 --> 00:09:14,249
Yeah, hi, Rajiv.
237
00:09:14,317 --> 00:09:16,918
It's another message from
your manager, the real one.
238
00:09:16,986 --> 00:09:19,954
Look, uh, I know you're dealing
with some personal problems,
239
00:09:20,021 --> 00:09:21,955
but you're gonna have
some work problems, too,
240
00:09:22,023 --> 00:09:23,089
if you don't come back here.
241
00:09:26,761 --> 00:09:28,996
So now you're doing
Rajiv's bidding?
242
00:09:29,064 --> 00:09:31,768
This is the guy that cancelled
take your daughter to work day
243
00:09:31,836 --> 00:09:34,270
when he found out he couldn't
make the girls work.
244
00:09:34,338 --> 00:09:37,707
Todd, he told me Vimi's father
was making a surprise visit
245
00:09:37,774 --> 00:09:41,009
and if I didn't help him,
he would lose Vimi forever.
246
00:09:41,077 --> 00:09:43,077
Oh, come on!
Lose her forever?
247
00:09:43,145 --> 00:09:45,179
Rajiv is a love match.
248
00:09:45,246 --> 00:09:48,348
And he had to become a manager
to prove to Vimi's father
249
00:09:48,415 --> 00:09:49,682
that he was worthy.
250
00:09:49,750 --> 00:09:51,217
And now he's out.
251
00:09:51,285 --> 00:09:53,285
And I'm sure Vimi's family
will move on.
252
00:09:53,353 --> 00:09:55,420
What do you mean,
move on?
253
00:09:55,487 --> 00:09:56,954
They'll arrange a marriage
with someone they prefer.
254
00:09:57,022 --> 00:09:58,322
But that's crazy!
255
00:09:58,390 --> 00:10:00,124
Who lets their parents pick
who they're gonna marry?
256
00:10:00,191 --> 00:10:02,725
Todd! That's exactly
what I'm doing, remember?
257
00:10:02,793 --> 00:10:07,666
Oh...Asha, please,
not every story is about you.
258
00:10:07,733 --> 00:10:10,801
Let's just focus on Rajiv
right now.
259
00:10:10,869 --> 00:10:11,936
Okay?
260
00:10:12,003 --> 00:10:13,871
We can't let him
just give up.
261
00:10:13,939 --> 00:10:16,040
I'm going to talk to him.
262
00:10:16,108 --> 00:10:19,310
Well, I know where he lives.
I'll get his address.
263
00:10:19,378 --> 00:10:22,479
That's interesting.
264
00:10:22,547 --> 00:10:23,747
What?
265
00:10:23,815 --> 00:10:26,549
Well, you're planning
an arranged marriage,
266
00:10:26,616 --> 00:10:28,584
but you just risked your job
267
00:10:28,651 --> 00:10:31,086
to help someone
with a love marriage.
268
00:10:31,153 --> 00:10:33,288
What does that say about you?
269
00:10:37,793 --> 00:10:39,727
Hello, sir? Hello?
270
00:10:39,794 --> 00:10:41,762
I don't care how many limbs
you're missing.
271
00:10:41,830 --> 00:10:43,597
I am not sharing my M&Ms.
272
00:10:43,665 --> 00:10:45,799
Excuse me,
Todd's large friend.
273
00:10:45,867 --> 00:10:47,167
Oh, you guys.
274
00:10:47,235 --> 00:10:48,435
We need your help.
275
00:10:48,502 --> 00:10:49,435
I'm not surprised.
276
00:10:49,503 --> 00:10:50,736
The answer's no.
277
00:10:50,804 --> 00:10:52,805
We need your help getting
revenge on someone.
278
00:10:52,873 --> 00:10:54,072
You are a hunter.
279
00:10:54,140 --> 00:10:57,008
You are used to stalking prey
and laying traps.
280
00:10:57,076 --> 00:11:00,444
There is a darkness
about you.
281
00:11:00,511 --> 00:11:02,178
All right, you can
stop buttering me up.
282
00:11:02,246 --> 00:11:03,780
What's this about?
283
00:11:03,847 --> 00:11:04,880
We need to get someone back
284
00:11:04,948 --> 00:11:07,182
with a vintage,
American-style prank.
285
00:11:07,250 --> 00:11:08,750
Well, I am the guy
that got my fraternity
286
00:11:08,817 --> 00:11:09,751
kicked off campus.
287
00:11:09,819 --> 00:11:11,319
What did you do?
288
00:11:11,386 --> 00:11:13,320
The settlement prevents me
from talking about it.
289
00:11:13,388 --> 00:11:15,622
Let's just say
I'm not here by choice.
290
00:11:15,690 --> 00:11:17,657
And my real name
isn't Charlie.
291
00:11:17,725 --> 00:11:18,891
Will you help us?
292
00:11:18,959 --> 00:11:21,229
Sure, but let's get
one thing straight.
293
00:11:21,297 --> 00:11:23,565
I don't know you,
and you don't know me.
294
00:11:23,632 --> 00:11:25,166
We never met.
295
00:11:25,234 --> 00:11:28,202
I am Madhuri.
This is Gupta and Manmeet.
296
00:11:28,269 --> 00:11:30,371
That's a good idea.
Make up silly code names.
297
00:11:32,674 --> 00:11:34,074
[knocking on door]
298
00:11:38,178 --> 00:11:41,113
To what do I owe
this honor/inconvenience?
299
00:11:41,180 --> 00:11:42,881
I want to talk
if that's okay.
300
00:11:47,151 --> 00:11:49,018
I've never seen you
without a tie.
301
00:11:49,086 --> 00:11:52,755
Honestly, it's a little weird
to see you in a wife beater.
302
00:11:52,822 --> 00:11:54,189
A what?
303
00:11:54,257 --> 00:11:57,225
Well, in America, we call that
kind of t-shirt a wife beater.
304
00:11:57,292 --> 00:11:59,060
Ironic, isn't it?
305
00:11:59,128 --> 00:12:00,729
For I have no wife to beat.
306
00:12:00,797 --> 00:12:03,432
Yeah, that's, uh,
that's sort of why I came.
307
00:12:03,500 --> 00:12:06,167
Look, Rajiv, I hate to think
you're gonna give up
308
00:12:06,235 --> 00:12:07,202
on marrying Vimi.
309
00:12:07,269 --> 00:12:08,202
Save your breath.
310
00:12:08,270 --> 00:12:09,670
Her parents are
already pushing her
311
00:12:09,737 --> 00:12:11,138
towards another man
who is a manager.
312
00:12:11,205 --> 00:12:12,805
I cannot compete
with Harshit.
313
00:12:12,873 --> 00:12:15,408
[laughing]
314
00:12:15,475 --> 00:12:17,009
Wait... Harshit?
315
00:12:17,077 --> 00:12:18,177
That...
[laughing]
316
00:12:18,244 --> 00:12:19,811
That's his name?
317
00:12:19,879 --> 00:12:21,546
Are you kidding me?
318
00:12:21,614 --> 00:12:24,482
Yes. I'm very much
in a joking mood.
319
00:12:24,549 --> 00:12:26,283
Oh, come on, man!
320
00:12:26,351 --> 00:12:30,153
You can't lose out
to a guy named... Harshit!
321
00:12:30,221 --> 00:12:33,656
That's just... Harshit!
322
00:12:33,724 --> 00:12:35,258
Yes?
323
00:12:36,559 --> 00:12:38,260
I'd like you
to meet my father.
324
00:12:38,327 --> 00:12:39,861
His name is also Harshit.
325
00:12:39,929 --> 00:12:41,697
Hello.
326
00:12:44,033 --> 00:12:45,233
I work with Rajiv.
327
00:12:45,300 --> 00:12:46,333
Sorry I came unannounced.
328
00:12:46,401 --> 00:12:48,769
I just feel like
it's kind of my fault
329
00:12:48,836 --> 00:12:50,303
that the marriage
with Vimi is off.
330
00:12:50,371 --> 00:12:51,338
What?!
331
00:12:51,405 --> 00:12:52,605
The marriage is off?
332
00:12:52,673 --> 00:12:54,574
Rajiv, what happened?
What did you do?
333
00:12:54,641 --> 00:12:56,508
[speaking hindi]
334
00:12:56,576 --> 00:12:58,643
I thought he knew!
I'm sorry!
335
00:12:58,711 --> 00:12:59,644
Not at all!
336
00:12:59,712 --> 00:13:01,079
While you're here,
337
00:13:01,147 --> 00:13:02,681
is there anything else
in my life you'd like to ruin?
338
00:13:02,748 --> 00:13:04,048
Perhaps you'd like to smash
this bowl I made as a child.
339
00:13:04,116 --> 00:13:06,851
Rajiv, you can't let her go
without trying.
340
00:13:06,919 --> 00:13:08,052
All right?
341
00:13:08,120 --> 00:13:10,521
I made that mistake
with Jennifer Snyder.
342
00:13:10,589 --> 00:13:12,890
Her dad thought
his daughter was too good
343
00:13:12,957 --> 00:13:14,824
to go out with a guy
who worked at Bennigan's.
344
00:13:14,892 --> 00:13:17,259
I didn't fight for her.
She wound up with another guy.
345
00:13:17,327 --> 00:13:20,128
I'll always wonder if we could
have had something special
346
00:13:20,196 --> 00:13:23,831
rather than just that... that
quickie in the walk-in freezer.
347
00:13:25,600 --> 00:13:28,234
Thank you for that lovely tale
about defiling a young woman.
348
00:13:28,302 --> 00:13:30,402
No, Rajiv, my point is,
I gave up.
349
00:13:30,470 --> 00:13:33,071
Now, are you ready
to give up on a woman
350
00:13:33,139 --> 00:13:35,273
who looks past your temper?
351
00:13:35,340 --> 00:13:36,841
The lies?
352
00:13:36,909 --> 00:13:38,275
The cologne?
353
00:13:38,343 --> 00:13:40,177
Your whole deal?
354
00:13:40,244 --> 00:13:41,511
Really?
355
00:13:47,851 --> 00:13:49,384
Even if it's
for the last time,
356
00:13:49,452 --> 00:13:51,286
Vimi's father
will hear from me.
357
00:13:51,354 --> 00:13:53,121
I must get dressed.
358
00:13:53,188 --> 00:13:56,224
Yeah, you might
also wanna, um...
359
00:13:57,792 --> 00:13:59,425
Fine.
360
00:13:59,493 --> 00:14:01,260
I meant shave.
361
00:14:01,328 --> 00:14:03,629
Why did you not say that?
I thought it was your custom!
362
00:14:03,697 --> 00:14:05,297
Mm.
363
00:14:05,365 --> 00:14:06,798
Mm-mm.
364
00:14:12,938 --> 00:14:16,940
[horns honking]
365
00:14:17,008 --> 00:14:18,875
All right.
366
00:14:18,943 --> 00:14:20,743
What do all these people
have in common?
367
00:14:20,810 --> 00:14:23,011
They're connected
by string.
368
00:14:23,079 --> 00:14:24,879
They are the enemy.
369
00:14:24,947 --> 00:14:26,047
And I have a plan
to ensure
370
00:14:26,114 --> 00:14:28,148
they never give you
table trouble again.
371
00:14:28,216 --> 00:14:31,251
It's called "fire escape".
372
00:14:31,318 --> 00:14:32,919
Oh, that sounds good.
What do we do?
373
00:14:32,986 --> 00:14:34,520
We set fire to their stuff,
374
00:14:34,588 --> 00:14:35,887
then we escape.
375
00:14:35,955 --> 00:14:37,889
That's it?
376
00:14:37,957 --> 00:14:39,891
I think that's just called arson.
377
00:14:39,959 --> 00:14:41,727
Here's what I need from you.
378
00:14:41,794 --> 00:14:42,761
Smiley, two cans of gas.
379
00:14:42,829 --> 00:14:45,430
Eyeballs, road flares.
380
00:14:45,498 --> 00:14:47,432
High pants...
[cocks crossbow]
381
00:14:47,500 --> 00:14:50,000
[all gasp]
382
00:14:50,068 --> 00:14:53,003
This is the eagle eye XR-7.
383
00:14:53,070 --> 00:14:55,972
It can shoot a flaming arrow
300 yards.
384
00:14:56,039 --> 00:14:58,474
You got one shot.
Do not miss.
385
00:14:58,541 --> 00:15:01,576
We were thinking something
more along the lines of
386
00:15:01,644 --> 00:15:03,911
itching powder
on their keyboards.
387
00:15:03,979 --> 00:15:07,480
Oh. I see.
388
00:15:07,548 --> 00:15:09,682
All right.
I like it.
389
00:15:09,750 --> 00:15:11,584
Itching powder
on their keyboards.
390
00:15:11,652 --> 00:15:14,187
Then when their guard's down,
we torch their stuff.
391
00:15:14,255 --> 00:15:17,423
Yeah! Mwah!
392
00:15:17,490 --> 00:15:20,558
How do we tell him "no"
without upsetting him?
393
00:15:20,626 --> 00:15:23,427
Who's high pants?
394
00:15:23,495 --> 00:15:25,595
It's Gupta.
395
00:15:25,663 --> 00:15:28,797
Man, I've never been
to this part of town.
396
00:15:28,865 --> 00:15:30,198
- It's nice.
- Yes.
397
00:15:30,266 --> 00:15:31,533
Vimi's father runs
a steel mill.
398
00:15:31,600 --> 00:15:33,167
He is very wealthy.
399
00:15:33,235 --> 00:15:35,069
What's that smell?
400
00:15:35,137 --> 00:15:37,237
That is the fresh air
only the rich can afford.
401
00:15:37,305 --> 00:15:40,740
They get first crack
at the sea breezes.
402
00:15:40,808 --> 00:15:42,141
How do they
get the breeze first?
403
00:15:42,209 --> 00:15:43,442
Aren't we farther away...
404
00:15:43,510 --> 00:15:45,178
I was fudging a fact
to make a political point.
405
00:15:45,245 --> 00:15:46,445
Please! I have
a lot to think about!
406
00:15:46,513 --> 00:15:48,247
Okay.
407
00:15:52,751 --> 00:15:55,186
All right, Rajiv.
408
00:15:55,254 --> 00:15:57,988
Vimi's father would be lucky
to have you as a son-in-law.
409
00:15:58,056 --> 00:15:59,790
Yes, I'm a catch.
410
00:15:59,858 --> 00:16:01,958
I'm an Assistant Manager
to an American kid
411
00:16:02,026 --> 00:16:04,728
working for a company that
sells farting garden gnomes.
412
00:16:04,796 --> 00:16:07,330
Hey, gassy Gary is
almost pure profit.
413
00:16:07,398 --> 00:16:09,465
Come on, man, you know
better than anyone
414
00:16:09,533 --> 00:16:11,267
that sales
is about confidence.
415
00:16:11,334 --> 00:16:13,402
So put your game face on,
go in there,
416
00:16:13,469 --> 00:16:14,736
and give it 110%.
417
00:16:14,804 --> 00:16:18,072
I do not need any of your
American sports clichés.
418
00:16:21,877 --> 00:16:25,111
Maybe one more cliché.
419
00:16:25,179 --> 00:16:26,646
Eye of the tiger, Rajiv.
420
00:16:26,713 --> 00:16:28,247
Tiger? Where?
I thought they caught it!
421
00:16:28,314 --> 00:16:30,682
It's just a saying.
Good luck.
422
00:16:50,834 --> 00:16:53,335
[doorbell rings]
423
00:16:53,403 --> 00:16:56,638
[speaking hindi]
424
00:16:58,340 --> 00:17:01,843
Mr. Mehta... I'm sorry
for disturbing you so late.
425
00:17:01,911 --> 00:17:03,611
I have one thing to say.
426
00:17:03,679 --> 00:17:05,346
Vimi!
427
00:17:05,414 --> 00:17:08,649
Okay, you said
your one thing.
428
00:17:08,717 --> 00:17:12,018
I have one
overall thing to say.
429
00:17:12,086 --> 00:17:13,553
I intend to marry Vimi.
430
00:17:13,621 --> 00:17:15,288
There is
no one else for me.
431
00:17:15,355 --> 00:17:16,922
I have loved her
since I was nine
432
00:17:16,990 --> 00:17:19,658
and she protected me
from a bully at the bus stop.
433
00:17:19,725 --> 00:17:21,493
I told her someday
that we would get married
434
00:17:21,560 --> 00:17:23,728
and then I would be
the one protecting her.
435
00:17:23,796 --> 00:17:25,563
The time, she did not
understand me
436
00:17:25,631 --> 00:17:26,864
because I was crying
437
00:17:26,932 --> 00:17:30,400
and my underpants had been
pulled up over my head.
438
00:17:30,468 --> 00:17:32,235
I am not a Manager yet,
439
00:17:32,302 --> 00:17:33,869
but I promise I will do
whatever it takes
440
00:17:33,937 --> 00:17:35,605
to provide for Vimi.
441
00:17:35,672 --> 00:17:37,240
You can search the world,
but you will find no one
442
00:17:37,307 --> 00:17:39,074
who loves her more
than I do.
443
00:17:51,086 --> 00:17:54,020
How'd it go?
444
00:17:54,088 --> 00:17:55,321
Wait, are you
doing that thing
445
00:17:55,388 --> 00:17:56,689
where you pretend to be sad,
446
00:17:56,756 --> 00:17:59,525
and then you go,
"Ah! I've got good news!"
447
00:17:59,592 --> 00:18:00,726
How many times
are you going to
448
00:18:00,793 --> 00:18:01,893
stick that foot
in your mouth
449
00:18:01,961 --> 00:18:03,161
before you get sick
of the taste?
450
00:18:03,228 --> 00:18:04,462
I'm sorry.
What happened?
451
00:18:04,530 --> 00:18:05,463
Let's just go.
452
00:18:05,530 --> 00:18:09,466
- Rajiv!
- Vimi!
453
00:18:09,534 --> 00:18:12,168
No one's every stood up
to my father like that before.
454
00:18:12,236 --> 00:18:13,636
Not even me.
455
00:18:13,704 --> 00:18:15,070
So we can get married?
456
00:18:15,138 --> 00:18:16,305
Uh, no, no.
457
00:18:16,372 --> 00:18:18,106
Your whole speech
really made him dig in.
458
00:18:18,174 --> 00:18:19,775
Oh.
459
00:18:19,842 --> 00:18:21,576
But I don't care.
460
00:18:21,644 --> 00:18:22,944
You're the one
I want to marry.
461
00:18:23,012 --> 00:18:26,314
- What about Harshit?
[snickers]
462
00:18:26,382 --> 00:18:28,816
He is a Manager.
He is your parents' choice.
463
00:18:28,884 --> 00:18:30,685
He won't be after next week.
464
00:18:30,752 --> 00:18:32,653
I'm going to meet his family.
465
00:18:32,720 --> 00:18:33,787
I will say we went
for a walk
466
00:18:33,855 --> 00:18:35,655
and he put his hand
on my bottom.
467
00:18:35,723 --> 00:18:37,424
My father will be enraged,
468
00:18:37,491 --> 00:18:39,259
and I will be done
with this Harshit forever.
469
00:18:39,326 --> 00:18:40,260
[chuckles]
470
00:18:40,327 --> 00:18:42,061
[kicks rickshaw]
471
00:18:44,197 --> 00:18:45,630
I will wait for you.
472
00:18:45,697 --> 00:18:48,199
I meant what I said.
I will become Manager.
473
00:18:48,267 --> 00:18:50,768
Of course you will.
I believe in you.
474
00:18:50,836 --> 00:18:54,237
All you have to do is
get rid of that fool Todd.
475
00:18:54,305 --> 00:18:58,141
Hello. I'm Todd.
476
00:18:58,209 --> 00:18:59,576
So nice to meet you.
477
00:18:59,643 --> 00:19:01,343
I have heard only good things.
478
00:19:09,726 --> 00:19:12,628
[traditional hindu music]
479
00:19:18,334 --> 00:19:20,836
Really?
480
00:19:20,903 --> 00:19:22,971
You haven't learned
your lesson yet?
481
00:19:23,038 --> 00:19:24,705
I don't think
you want to sit there.
482
00:19:24,772 --> 00:19:25,939
[new York accent]
Unless...
483
00:19:26,006 --> 00:19:27,440
Somebody wants
to get whacked.
484
00:19:27,508 --> 00:19:29,275
Know what I'm saying?
485
00:19:29,343 --> 00:19:31,810
Badda bing. Track suit.
Chest hair.
486
00:19:33,846 --> 00:19:35,680
Okay, fine.
You got us.
487
00:19:35,748 --> 00:19:37,048
You can have the table.
488
00:19:37,116 --> 00:19:39,717
That is better.
489
00:19:49,693 --> 00:19:52,728
[all grunting, groaning]
490
00:19:52,796 --> 00:19:56,832
[laughter]
491
00:19:56,899 --> 00:19:58,199
Get up.
492
00:20:02,035 --> 00:20:08,035
493
00:20:08,085 --> 00:20:12,635
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