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1
00:00:00,703 --> 00:00:04,903
You should vote for me as class rep
for 3K in this election because...
2
00:00:06,635 --> 00:00:07,915
That is very good.
3
00:00:07,915 --> 00:00:10,515
That is very clear. ..A...
4
00:00:10,515 --> 00:00:12,955
I can eat live worms.
5
00:00:12,955 --> 00:00:16,715
No, that's an interesting start,
but... B, I know the difference
6
00:00:16,715 --> 00:00:20,115
between a Gigantasaurus
and a Tyrannosaurus Rex. Time to get moving!
7
00:00:20,115 --> 00:00:22,235
Yeah, that's good too, but...
8
00:00:22,235 --> 00:00:24,995
DEEP GRAVELLY VOICE:
C, I can do this voice.
9
00:00:24,995 --> 00:00:27,355
There's something to be said
for a short speech, Ben.
10
00:00:27,355 --> 00:00:34,315
You said we'd leave ten minutes ago!
I know, but we can't leave until Jane finally drops off Alexa.
11
00:00:34,315 --> 00:00:39,635
You should have told her... I said!
I did. I said 7:30 so she'd be here at 8. What is it now?
12
00:00:39,635 --> 00:00:42,555
8:20. She's on to it, isn't she?
13
00:00:42,555 --> 00:00:47,395
Maybe I should start telling her
an hour earlier. Or a day!
14
00:00:47,395 --> 00:00:51,395
Maybe you should just tell her
that she can't go on mucking everyone around like this.
15
00:00:51,395 --> 00:00:53,795
..N, I'm brilliant at football. P...
16
00:00:53,795 --> 00:00:56,355
"I'm brilliant at the alphabet."
17
00:00:56,355 --> 00:00:58,955
I can do this voice.
Yeah. You've already said that one.
18
00:00:58,955 --> 00:01:01,955
Now come on, get your shoes on
and on your feet this time.
19
00:01:01,955 --> 00:01:05,915
BEEPING
Oh, they're collecting the bins, must be a leap year.
20
00:01:05,915 --> 00:01:08,355
Now get your shoes on.
21
00:01:08,355 --> 00:01:12,755
Look, Pete, it's about our holiday.
I've checked the website and today's
22
00:01:12,755 --> 00:01:17,195
the last day we can cancel and still
get some of our money back. Right...
23
00:01:17,195 --> 00:01:20,755
Well, I suppose it'd stop us
getting deeper in the hole.
24
00:01:20,755 --> 00:01:23,195
♪ Jake's texting Jo!
Jake's in love with Jo!
25
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♪ Jake wants to sex Jo. ♪
26
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Ben! Can't you control him?
27
00:01:28,435 --> 00:01:30,675
I think you know the answer to that.
28
00:01:30,675 --> 00:01:32,355
You're taking the beeping beep.
29
00:01:32,355 --> 00:01:36,755
I've seen better beeping souffle
up your beeping beep beep.
30
00:01:36,755 --> 00:01:40,595
Ben! Get your shoes on. Come on.
Oh, boo-hoo. Wah wah!
31
00:01:40,595 --> 00:01:45,155
I hate Hell's Kitchen.
It's too hot. It's too horrid.
32
00:01:45,155 --> 00:01:48,755
Oh, boo-hoo... Bye-bye.
33
00:01:48,755 --> 00:01:49,795
Bye-bye.
34
00:01:53,675 --> 00:01:57,115
Pete... You've rearranged the stuff
I put in the dishwasher! Yes,
35
00:01:57,115 --> 00:02:02,195
the knives don't clean properly
unless they're blade up. You're going to stab yourself. Listen,
36
00:02:02,195 --> 00:02:07,235
there's a mouse in the trap
in the laundry room. Dead? No, he's doing his laundry.
37
00:02:07,235 --> 00:02:09,435
Can you deal with it, please?
38
00:02:09,435 --> 00:02:10,795
OK..
DOORBELL RINGS
39
00:02:10,795 --> 00:02:13,555
Jake, can you let Jane
and Alexa in, please?
40
00:02:13,555 --> 00:02:17,275
Can I've some ice cream money?
You've got money in your piggy bank. I spent it.
41
00:02:17,275 --> 00:02:19,795
What on? On my friends.
42
00:02:19,795 --> 00:02:21,595
Well, that's nice.
43
00:02:21,595 --> 00:02:24,515
I gave everybody in my class 20p.
44
00:02:24,515 --> 00:02:27,555
in the school council election.
45
00:02:27,555 --> 00:02:32,395
Ben! You can't give all your
classmates 20p to buy their votes.
46
00:02:32,395 --> 00:02:36,755
Why? Isn't it enough? No, no,
you see, Ben, that isn't how democracy works.
47
00:02:36,755 --> 00:02:38,515
What am I saying?
48
00:02:38,515 --> 00:02:43,595
Anyway, can I've some ice cream
money? Ben! I said get your shoes on. Come on!
49
00:02:43,595 --> 00:02:46,395
Next up is Nigella.
50
00:02:46,395 --> 00:02:51,355
Oommy, awhwy, slurpy, skirpy...
51
00:02:51,355 --> 00:02:54,995
Lovely, 'ovely, scrummy,
52
00:02:54,995 --> 00:02:59,755
tasty, mastey, slurpy, burpy...
53
00:02:59,755 --> 00:03:01,315
Not Jane.
54
00:03:01,315 --> 00:03:05,595
Two men delivering a shelving unit.
The one I waited in for yesterday.
55
00:03:05,595 --> 00:03:10,435
Can you get them to put it in the
sitting room, please? No, they've gone. They put it in the hall. Oh!
56
00:03:11,475 --> 00:03:13,115
Oh, it's flatpack!
57
00:03:13,115 --> 00:03:18,915
They didn't say anything on their
website about it being flatpack. Is some furniture not flatpack then?
58
00:03:18,915 --> 00:03:21,515
Karen! What's up with the suit, Dad?
59
00:03:21,515 --> 00:03:24,395
You up in front of
another disciplinary panel?
60
00:03:24,395 --> 00:03:29,515
What happens at a funeral?
61
00:03:29,515 --> 00:03:36,475
Well, er...when someone dies,
all their friends get together and they say goodbye to them.
62
00:03:36,475 --> 00:03:40,395
said goodbye before the person died?
63
00:03:40,395 --> 00:03:44,835
Well, ideally, yes...
64
00:03:44,835 --> 00:03:46,915
Ben! Shoes!
65
00:03:46,915 --> 00:03:53,315
Delicious, pernicious,
lovely, lovely...
66
00:03:54,555 --> 00:03:56,395
Let's have a taste now...
67
00:03:57,275 --> 00:03:58,435
Yuck!
68
00:03:58,435 --> 00:04:02,955
That was just
beeping beeping beeping beeping beeping beeping bollocks!
69
00:04:02,955 --> 00:04:05,435
You're beeping beeping out!
70
00:04:07,235 --> 00:04:12,115
See you next beeping beeping
Thursday. Good beeping bye.
71
00:04:12,115 --> 00:04:13,675
DOORBELL RINGS
I got that.
72
00:04:13,675 --> 00:04:18,435
Right, that's Jane.
Whatever you do, don't feel sorry for her. But she's a single mum...
73
00:04:18,435 --> 00:04:20,635
Don't get involved and... Hi, Jane.
74
00:04:20,635 --> 00:04:23,835
Sorry, sorry, sorry, what am I
like? It's just that Nick rang
75
00:04:23,835 --> 00:04:29,195
to talk about the maintenance at
eight in the morning and, can you believe this...? That's terrible.
76
00:04:29,195 --> 00:04:32,955
Still, er, we'd better get Alexa
in the car and off to school, eh, Alexa?
77
00:04:32,955 --> 00:04:35,675
I've been telling Mummy that
all morning.
78
00:04:35,675 --> 00:04:39,075
Don't often see you in a suit, Pete.
Funeral.
79
00:04:39,075 --> 00:04:41,435
One of his work colleagues
died suddenly.
80
00:04:41,435 --> 00:04:43,995
Oh, Pete!
81
00:04:47,115 --> 00:04:50,075
Isn't death just the worst?
82
00:04:50,075 --> 00:04:53,675
My uncle died when Nick and me
were still together and Nick just
83
00:04:53,675 --> 00:04:56,555
couldn't relate to
the grieving process.
84
00:04:56,555 --> 00:04:59,035
Just brought everything
back to him him him.
85
00:04:59,035 --> 00:05:04,275
If it wasn't about him
he's not interested. Can you imagine how annoying that can get? Yes.
86
00:05:04,275 --> 00:05:06,635
Ben and Karen...
have you got your PE kit?
87
00:05:06,635 --> 00:05:09,875
I know, let's play Stupid Mummies
again. Yes.
88
00:05:09,875 --> 00:05:13,075
Oh, what am I like? I'm like a
silly mummy that's always late
89
00:05:13,075 --> 00:05:17,155
and says,
"Oh, I know it's a bit cheeky, but can Alexa stay for ever?"
90
00:05:17,155 --> 00:05:19,195
Oh, what am I like?
91
00:05:19,195 --> 00:05:21,515
What am I like?
92
00:05:21,515 --> 00:05:24,115
No, what am I like?
No, what am I like?
93
00:05:24,115 --> 00:05:27,675
Come on, Jake! wagons roll... Can I
ask you something? Can't it wait?
94
00:05:27,675 --> 00:05:31,875
I just wondered if you could
have Alexa this evening. I know it's cheeky of me...
95
00:05:31,875 --> 00:05:35,355
Oh, I'm really sorry.
We'd love to, it's just...
96
00:05:35,355 --> 00:05:38,475
It's just that we're...
We're going out.
97
00:05:38,475 --> 00:05:42,515
Yeah. We're going out cos Pete's
got this work do, haven't you?
98
00:05:42,515 --> 00:05:44,835
And we've got a babysitter.
99
00:05:44,835 --> 00:05:49,995
Oh, right, she couldn't just
have one more if I... No. Cos she'll only do three at a time.
100
00:05:49,995 --> 00:05:53,875
It's a kind of rule. It's an
agency thing, health and safety.
101
00:05:53,875 --> 00:05:58,995
If they do more than three, they
insist on sending a second sitter. There was an incident...
102
00:05:58,995 --> 00:06:01,715
Yes, where a child...escaped.
103
00:06:08,275 --> 00:06:09,795
Oooh...
104
00:06:09,795 --> 00:06:12,835
Where did you put that, Sue?
105
00:06:13,875 --> 00:06:16,795
Well, do you know, Pete,
I think I gave it to you.
106
00:06:17,835 --> 00:06:20,315
Right, I'll get that for you.
107
00:06:25,435 --> 00:06:27,195
Here it is.
108
00:06:27,995 --> 00:06:31,635
080...007...
109
00:06:34,915 --> 00:06:36,395
1066.
110
00:06:36,395 --> 00:06:42,475
CAR HORN BEEPS
Oh, God, that's me double parked. People get so worked up, don't they?
111
00:06:42,475 --> 00:06:46,395
Well, they do if they're
driving an ambulance. SIREN WAILS
112
00:06:48,075 --> 00:06:49,915
Bye-bye, sweetie. Bye.
113
00:06:49,915 --> 00:06:54,235
All right, time to go. Mummy was
shouting on the phone to Daddy.
114
00:06:54,235 --> 00:06:56,675
Was she? Come on, boys. Come on!
115
00:06:56,675 --> 00:07:01,835
She said the F word and
the B word and the K word...
116
00:07:01,835 --> 00:07:03,675
K word?
117
00:07:03,675 --> 00:07:06,355
I think it's a spelling thing. Oh.
118
00:07:06,355 --> 00:07:10,475
Come on, come on, everyone.
Knock knock. Who's there? Heath.
119
00:07:10,475 --> 00:07:12,475
Heath who? Heath in love with Jo!
120
00:07:12,475 --> 00:07:14,715
Hi, Sue! Hi, Barbara.
121
00:07:14,715 --> 00:07:16,435
Morning, Sue. Morning, Sue.
122
00:07:16,435 --> 00:07:17,475
Hi, Sue.
123
00:07:17,475 --> 00:07:22,635
Hi, kids. Shut it, you little prick!
I don't care, shut up, you little bloody idiot! Boys!
124
00:07:22,635 --> 00:07:25,555
I'm going to kill you! Just
cos you're bigger than me...
125
00:07:25,555 --> 00:07:30,635
Lucy, get that box by the door.
It's just one or two things that came over the fence... Oh, just...
126
00:07:30,635 --> 00:07:33,635
Boys, boys, please!
..Just chuck them back over.
127
00:07:33,635 --> 00:07:36,115
The tea pot might break. Just
because you're bigger than me
128
00:07:36,115 --> 00:07:41,115
doesn't mean that you can push me
around... I'm going to kill you! Ben, get in the car!
129
00:07:41,115 --> 00:07:44,795
Thanks. Obviously,
we'll do the same for you...
130
00:07:44,795 --> 00:07:49,235
should your children throw
anything in our garden...ever.
131
00:07:49,235 --> 00:07:52,315
Can you get in the bloody car,
please?!
132
00:07:53,835 --> 00:07:56,275
SQUABBLING CONTINUES
133
00:07:57,315 --> 00:08:01,835
They do get excitable, don't they?
Mine are just the same.
134
00:08:01,835 --> 00:08:03,675
I think not.
135
00:08:09,595 --> 00:08:13,435
How does she do that?
Is it witchcraft?
136
00:08:13,435 --> 00:08:16,515
CAR ENGINE STARTS
Ben! I told you never touch the ignition!
137
00:08:16,515 --> 00:08:18,155
I was only trying to help.
138
00:08:19,235 --> 00:08:23,795
Ahh! The anaconda is attacking me.
Revenge of the enemy giant anaconda nest.
139
00:08:23,795 --> 00:08:28,715
Argh! Fire!
Pift, pift, gloc, oh, oh...
140
00:08:28,715 --> 00:08:29,915
Come back here, you!
141
00:08:29,915 --> 00:08:31,555
Prrrrrrrr!
142
00:08:31,555 --> 00:08:33,755
Argh! Dead!
143
00:08:39,915 --> 00:08:45,555
Jake, sweetheart, could you
do me a favour and go and get the screwdriver,
144
00:08:45,555 --> 00:08:48,955
you know the one in the cupboard
upstairs? OK.
145
00:08:54,555 --> 00:08:58,515
So, Jo...it's great that Jake
has a friend who's a girl...
146
00:09:00,235 --> 00:09:03,195
..as well as all
his friends who are boys.
147
00:09:05,235 --> 00:09:10,475
Cos a lot of boys his age
just have boys as friends...
148
00:09:10,475 --> 00:09:13,675
until they get girls as friends
149
00:09:13,675 --> 00:09:16,395
who are, girl-friends...
150
00:09:16,395 --> 00:09:18,155
Hmm...
151
00:09:18,155 --> 00:09:21,755
But that's usually when
they're a lot older, isn't it?
152
00:09:21,755 --> 00:09:23,835
Yeah. That's true.
153
00:09:25,035 --> 00:09:29,675
(Never call me sweetheart.)
Oh, not that one, the one with the different heads.
154
00:09:29,675 --> 00:09:31,915
God!
155
00:09:34,435 --> 00:09:36,755
You're a beeping
waste of beeping space.
156
00:09:36,755 --> 00:09:38,395
Why are you saying "beep"?
157
00:09:38,395 --> 00:09:41,395
It's babyish. It is not.
158
00:09:41,395 --> 00:09:45,315
Cos whenever Gordon Brown says a
swear word on telly, there's a man
159
00:09:45,315 --> 00:09:49,155
behind him with a big machine
that puts a beep over it.
160
00:09:49,155 --> 00:09:56,995
You've got it all wrong. One, it's
Gordon Ramsay not Gordon Brown, and, two, he has a beeper in his pocket.
161
00:09:56,995 --> 00:10:03,115
So when he's going to swear word,
he hits his pocket and it makes a beep inside it.
162
00:10:03,115 --> 00:10:04,835
Yeah, but sometimes, um...
163
00:10:04,835 --> 00:10:12,035
when he swears, he goes,
"Yeah, baby!" and his arms wave in the air really wildly.
164
00:10:12,035 --> 00:10:13,235
Hello, you two.
165
00:10:13,235 --> 00:10:16,755
Hello! So, how are you getting on?
166
00:10:16,755 --> 00:10:23,635
Ahh, I've got Allen key wrist
and I think that I've put an AKX where a BGX2 should be... Anyway...
167
00:10:23,635 --> 00:10:26,835
Pete, this is Jo, Jake's friend.
168
00:10:28,115 --> 00:10:30,155
Oh, hi, Jo. Hi.
169
00:10:31,195 --> 00:10:33,515
You well?
170
00:10:33,515 --> 00:10:35,155
Fine, thanks.
171
00:10:35,155 --> 00:10:36,995
I um...
172
00:10:36,995 --> 00:10:42,675
I think it's really good that
Jake's got a friend who's a girl. Yeah, I've already done that.
173
00:10:42,675 --> 00:10:45,955
Right. How was it?
174
00:10:47,715 --> 00:10:51,395
Well, it was a funeral.
175
00:10:51,395 --> 00:10:57,995
Oh, I don't know. Poor Jonty.
You know, you're 43, you feel a bit under the weather, next thing, bosh.
176
00:10:57,995 --> 00:10:59,635
There's a guitar in the hall.
177
00:10:59,635 --> 00:11:03,195
Oh, yeah. I was um...
178
00:11:03,195 --> 00:11:07,155
I was passing that guitar shop
on the way back from the funeral.
179
00:11:07,155 --> 00:11:11,115
You know how I wanted to learn
a musical instrument for ages, but I...
180
00:11:11,115 --> 00:11:13,195
I thought, what the hell?
181
00:11:13,195 --> 00:11:16,395
You've got your guitar,
maybe we could, um...
182
00:11:16,395 --> 00:11:19,115
jam together.
Do you fancy the drums, Jo?
183
00:11:19,115 --> 00:11:24,315
Er, no, she plays clarinet for the
English National Youth Orchestra.
184
00:11:24,315 --> 00:11:29,355
Oh. And anyway you'd be crap. Well,
I'd be crap to start with, but I'll get better. Yeah, and so will I.
185
00:11:29,355 --> 00:11:34,755
so when you're a bit better,
I'll get a lot better, so compared to me, you'll still be crap.
186
00:11:34,755 --> 00:11:37,835
Right, so when you were little
and you were crap at football,
187
00:11:37,835 --> 00:11:39,795
I still played in the park with you,
didn't I? That's different because
188
00:11:39,795 --> 00:11:42,835
I'm getting better and you're
getting worse. I don't think so.
189
00:11:42,835 --> 00:11:47,355
I beat him at football all the time.
No, last time we played, I nutmegged him twice.
190
00:11:47,355 --> 00:11:52,035
No, he didn't. I nutmegged you! And
it's more difficult with a child, because you've got smaller legs.
191
00:11:52,715 --> 00:11:55,555
Mum, isn't it true
192
00:11:55,555 --> 00:12:01,515
that every time Gordon Ramsay
swears, there's a man behind him with a big machine
193
00:12:01,515 --> 00:12:03,155
that puts a beep over it?
194
00:12:03,155 --> 00:12:05,475
Well, no, no, no,
they do that afterwards.
195
00:12:05,475 --> 00:12:12,035
What do you mean afterwards?
It'd be too late afterwards because he'd already have sweared.
196
00:12:12,035 --> 00:12:14,755
Well... No, you're sort of right.
197
00:12:14,755 --> 00:12:20,355
Well, wouldn't it just be easier
for him not to say a swear word?
198
00:12:20,355 --> 00:12:26,075
Well, sometimes when he's feeling
angry or he's under pressure he just... He...he...
199
00:12:26,075 --> 00:12:30,755
Why can't he say something like
flip or bother? Shouldn't it be
200
00:12:30,755 --> 00:12:36,035
people like doctors and soldiers
and artists that swear, not cooks?
201
00:12:36,035 --> 00:12:38,075
All they're doing is making salad.
202
00:12:38,075 --> 00:12:40,875
Well, sometime they're quite, um...
203
00:12:40,875 --> 00:12:45,075
Hang on, why am I defending
Gordon Ramsay? Yes, why are you?
204
00:12:45,075 --> 00:12:50,475
I think people like artists should
swear because they spend a long time
205
00:12:50,475 --> 00:12:53,475
making a lovely picture and
then it goes wrong!
206
00:12:53,475 --> 00:12:58,115
So they have to do it again,
and it goes wrong! And they have to do it again...
207
00:12:58,115 --> 00:12:59,955
SHOUTING
What is going on out there?
208
00:12:59,955 --> 00:13:03,195
They're having a penalty shoot out!
209
00:13:05,155 --> 00:13:10,555
You're crap, and you know you are.
You're crap, and you know you are.
210
00:13:10,555 --> 00:13:13,395
Yep. Yes, yes... All right, enough.
211
00:13:14,835 --> 00:13:18,315
That was really sweet of you. Sorry?
212
00:13:18,315 --> 00:13:19,875
To let Jake win in front of Jo.
213
00:13:19,875 --> 00:13:23,915
Oh... Well, you know...
214
00:13:23,915 --> 00:13:26,675
It was really sweet of you
to let Jo win as well.
215
00:13:27,715 --> 00:13:31,275
Pete, Sue, um... Thanks very much,
but I better be heading home now.
216
00:13:31,275 --> 00:13:35,995
Well, you can stay to tea if
you like. Oh, no, I promised my lot I'd cook. But thanks anyway.
217
00:13:37,195 --> 00:13:39,795
She cooks for her...?
218
00:13:39,795 --> 00:13:42,875
So his first crush, eh?
219
00:13:42,875 --> 00:13:44,955
Yeah... What?
220
00:13:44,955 --> 00:13:49,115
Maybe batting a bit out of
his league. What do you mean?
221
00:13:49,115 --> 00:13:53,275
Well, you know, clever, sporty,
pretty, plays clarinet for England.
222
00:13:53,275 --> 00:13:58,515
And? Well, the first girl I really
fell for was a bit like that and she let me down with a bit of a bump.
223
00:13:58,515 --> 00:14:01,875
Yeah, but Jake's a really
confident and good-looking boy.
224
00:14:01,875 --> 00:14:05,195
Whereas? You were a bit nerdy.
225
00:14:05,195 --> 00:14:07,115
You said so yourself.
226
00:14:07,115 --> 00:14:12,915
I was... You said that whenever you
tried to speak to a girl you broke out in a really foul smelling sweat.
227
00:14:14,515 --> 00:14:18,795
Well, some girls find that kind
of shyness endearing.
228
00:14:19,715 --> 00:14:21,675
Not so much the sweat, but...
229
00:14:23,435 --> 00:14:24,795
..ohhh...
230
00:14:26,235 --> 00:14:27,915
How was the funeral?
231
00:14:29,115 --> 00:14:31,955
Pretty grim.
232
00:14:31,955 --> 00:14:35,195
Do you know Jonty was planning
on having a year off,
233
00:14:35,195 --> 00:14:37,955
travel round the world?
234
00:14:37,955 --> 00:14:39,315
Then wallop.
235
00:14:40,195 --> 00:14:43,875
Oh, bugger it,
let's not cancel that holiday.
236
00:14:43,875 --> 00:14:46,995
We'll get deeper in the hole.
The whole country's in debt.
237
00:14:46,995 --> 00:14:48,795
Are we in a lot of money trouble?
238
00:14:50,995 --> 00:14:53,475
No. No.
239
00:14:53,475 --> 00:14:55,675
So, um, how long
have you been listening?
240
00:14:55,675 --> 00:14:58,315
Since "really foul smelling sweat".
241
00:14:58,315 --> 00:15:00,875
Zac's mum and dad had money trouble.
242
00:15:00,875 --> 00:15:04,235
They had to sell their house
and move to Swansea.
243
00:15:04,235 --> 00:15:08,475
Oh, I'm sorry. We didn't
mean to alarm you. We just...
244
00:15:08,475 --> 00:15:12,795
Maybe we should talk to you kids
about it...treat you like grown-ups.
245
00:15:12,795 --> 00:15:14,275
Good idea. Murderer!
246
00:15:14,275 --> 00:15:19,475
What? You murdered a mouse and now
it's in a trap in the laundry room.
247
00:15:19,475 --> 00:15:22,875
I thought you were going to sort it.
Sorry. Murderer!
248
00:15:22,875 --> 00:15:26,955
Why are you blaming me? You can't
have mice in the house, can you? Why not?
249
00:15:26,955 --> 00:15:28,955
Cos they're dirty and they smell.
250
00:15:28,955 --> 00:15:32,115
So does Ben.
But they poo everywhere.
251
00:15:32,115 --> 00:15:33,435
So does Ben.
252
00:15:33,435 --> 00:15:35,915
That's not fair! I had diarrhoea.
253
00:15:35,915 --> 00:15:39,875
But you got it on that man's shoes.
254
00:15:39,875 --> 00:15:45,075
Yeah, they probably should have
toilets on the Millennium Wheel. God, what a long half-hour that was.
255
00:15:45,075 --> 00:15:50,275
Anyway, Karen, it's nearly teatime.
Come and help me set the table. You did a fantastic job last time.
256
00:15:50,275 --> 00:15:52,395
No, you're a mouse killer.
257
00:15:52,395 --> 00:15:57,075
Karen! I'm sorry, I meant
to get rid of it, and then bloody Jane turned up. Brilliant.
258
00:15:57,075 --> 00:15:58,675
You can't rely on anyone.
259
00:15:58,675 --> 00:16:02,955
No, you're right there.
Not even your friends. You all right, sweetheart?
260
00:16:02,955 --> 00:16:09,195
They voted for Ross as class rep.
Ahh, I'm sorry to hear that. Did he pay them more money than you?
261
00:16:09,195 --> 00:16:13,275
No, he didn't give them any money.
He's just popular. Oh, no, that's not right.
262
00:16:13,275 --> 00:16:15,835
Once you've sold your vote,
you should stick to it.
263
00:16:15,835 --> 00:16:21,755
When are we going to have this
family chat about money? We could have a family meeting over tea.
264
00:16:21,755 --> 00:16:28,195
Karen! Come and sit down.
Mum, can you guarantee that we're definitely not gonna... Oi!
265
00:16:28,195 --> 00:16:33,075
Can you guarantee we're definitely
not gonna lose the house? Yes. It's not like that.
266
00:16:33,075 --> 00:16:35,475
We're just a bit short
of money at the moment.
267
00:16:35,475 --> 00:16:38,635
We can't even afford a cup of tea.
What do you mean? Well...
268
00:16:38,635 --> 00:16:41,675
one day, me and Mummy were
walking down the street
269
00:16:41,675 --> 00:16:45,275
and there was a man sitting
on the pavement with his dog,
270
00:16:45,275 --> 00:16:50,435
with a very nice dog, actually,
and he asked, "Do you have enough money for a cup of tea?"
271
00:16:50,435 --> 00:16:52,475
and Mum said no.
272
00:16:52,475 --> 00:16:56,835
Yeah, but I didn't exactly mean...
He looked thirsty.
273
00:16:56,835 --> 00:16:59,155
I'm sure he was thirsty.
Ben, can you...?
274
00:16:59,155 --> 00:17:03,155
Mum was lying so that she didn't
have to give the man money.
275
00:17:03,155 --> 00:17:07,155
No, I wasn't lying exactly...
Then why did you tell him we couldn't?
276
00:17:07,155 --> 00:17:09,115
What if he was really, really poor?
277
00:17:09,115 --> 00:17:17,675
She lies and she murders mice.
278
00:17:17,675 --> 00:17:22,115
All we mean is that
we just have to be a bit more careful with money at the moment.
279
00:17:22,115 --> 00:17:24,915
Yes, and I'm looking
for another job. PHONE RINGS
280
00:17:24,915 --> 00:17:26,315
Oh.
281
00:17:26,315 --> 00:17:31,195
And you lot, you can all help with
little things, like um... Hi, Dad.
282
00:17:31,195 --> 00:17:33,835
..eating all your food.
Look at this. Fantastic.
283
00:17:33,835 --> 00:17:36,475
And, um,
switching off all the lights.
284
00:17:36,475 --> 00:17:39,835
No, no, it's tomorrow you go
for your flu jab.
285
00:17:39,835 --> 00:17:42,075
Do you remember,
cos I wrote it on the wall?
286
00:17:43,235 --> 00:17:45,435
What do you mean,
you cleaned the wall?
287
00:17:45,435 --> 00:17:47,635
I saw Ben leave his
light on this morning.
288
00:17:47,635 --> 00:17:51,475
Yes, Karen, it's not good
to tell on people all the time.
289
00:17:51,475 --> 00:17:54,875
That is not true! But yesterday
you called me some bad words.
290
00:17:54,875 --> 00:17:58,675
You called me a ninny... Stop.
..and he called me an idiot...
291
00:17:58,675 --> 00:18:03,075
Karen... ..and he called me
a motherfudger. No!
292
00:18:03,075 --> 00:18:08,315
It's not a motherfudger, it's a...
Ben, enough! What is a motherfudger? You don't need to know.
293
00:18:08,315 --> 00:18:13,555
It's a mother that's
made of fudge and you can eat them. Is it a swear word? Doesn't matter.
294
00:18:13,555 --> 00:18:15,715
Now... Can I call Ben it?
295
00:18:15,715 --> 00:18:18,075
No, you can't... Ow!
296
00:18:18,075 --> 00:18:19,955
What?
297
00:18:19,955 --> 00:18:22,675
Ben shaked me. No, I did not!
298
00:18:22,675 --> 00:18:24,235
Ben... Yes, you did! Ow!
299
00:18:24,235 --> 00:18:28,715
Right, Ben, swap with Jake. No,
I did not! Come on, sit here, please.
300
00:18:28,715 --> 00:18:31,235
You're the one who pinched me,
and I'll kill you!
301
00:18:31,235 --> 00:18:33,395
But you needn't worry
about that, Dad.
302
00:18:33,395 --> 00:18:35,195
No, because she's not Iranian.
303
00:18:37,555 --> 00:18:40,955
No, Dad...Dad she is not Iranian.
304
00:18:40,955 --> 00:18:42,475
SQUABBLING CONTINUES
305
00:18:42,475 --> 00:18:48,795
Dad, Dr Higginbottom
is not Iranian, right?
306
00:18:49,915 --> 00:18:55,115
Anyway, there's no point turning
off the lights. It's too late to stop global warming now.
307
00:18:55,115 --> 00:18:59,835
Jo says that your generation's
completely ruined the world for our generation. Does she?
308
00:18:59,835 --> 00:19:02,515
Then you can turn the lights off
so we don't have to move to Swansea.
309
00:19:02,515 --> 00:19:05,075
So we could lose the house?
No, no, no...
310
00:19:05,075 --> 00:19:07,715
I know how we can save money.
311
00:19:07,715 --> 00:19:10,475
Right. By not buying broccoli.
312
00:19:10,475 --> 00:19:14,395
Well, actually, broccoli isn't that
expensive. How much are we in debt?
313
00:19:14,395 --> 00:19:17,195
I don't know exactly how much...
Can you do this?
314
00:19:18,435 --> 00:19:22,835
I don't care. I'm having
a serious conversation with Dad. That means you can't. Oh, shut up!
315
00:19:22,835 --> 00:19:26,075
Even Karen can do that and she's
half your age. Shut up! Shut up!
316
00:19:26,075 --> 00:19:31,035
Jake, Jake, come and sit here. No,
that leaves Ben and Karen together.
317
00:19:31,035 --> 00:19:33,515
Jake, you sit here. No...
318
00:19:33,515 --> 00:19:39,875
Right, Ben... Idiot.
It's like musical bloody chairs. You said "bloody".
319
00:19:39,875 --> 00:19:44,635
Why is it always me who has to move?
You're the one who pinched me. You're always...
320
00:19:44,635 --> 00:19:46,435
GENERAL SQUABBLING
321
00:19:46,435 --> 00:19:47,755
SHUT UP!
322
00:19:51,875 --> 00:19:54,035
So is the family meeting over, then?
323
00:19:54,035 --> 00:19:59,315
It is and we are never
having another one. What about "any other business"?
324
00:19:59,315 --> 00:20:02,355
Shut up. So will you be
writing out the minutes?
325
00:20:02,355 --> 00:20:03,795
Shut up.
326
00:20:05,755 --> 00:20:14,755
Oh, I don't believe this. Kylie Bell
has written "Alexander the Great" as "Alexander the GR8".
327
00:20:14,755 --> 00:20:17,755
Still, at least she knows
who Alexander the Great is.
328
00:20:17,755 --> 00:20:19,875
Oh, no, my mistake.
329
00:20:19,875 --> 00:20:22,755
Gin and tonic? Yeah.
330
00:20:22,755 --> 00:20:26,675
We haven't got any lemons.
Doesn't matter. Or ice.
331
00:20:26,675 --> 00:20:27,715
That's fine.
332
00:20:30,515 --> 00:20:34,275
We've got half an hour to cancel
the holiday. Oh, God.
333
00:20:35,675 --> 00:20:37,795
I suppose we should, really.
334
00:20:39,355 --> 00:20:41,555
No. Sod it. Let's go.
335
00:20:41,555 --> 00:20:45,155
Well, will we be all right
financially, do you think?
336
00:20:45,155 --> 00:20:48,875
Probably not, but we can always
sell our kidneys on eBay. Sod it.
337
00:20:48,875 --> 00:20:52,635
I don't think we've got any
tonic either. Doesn't matter.
338
00:20:56,155 --> 00:20:59,355
Yeah, we'll wing it somehow.
339
00:21:00,595 --> 00:21:02,595
D'you know,
340
00:21:02,595 --> 00:21:06,795
it turns out I was the last person
to speak to Jonty before he died.
341
00:21:06,795 --> 00:21:08,275
Ah.
342
00:21:09,995 --> 00:21:13,355
So the last words Jonty heard
from another human being were,
343
00:21:13,355 --> 00:21:15,675
"Don't worry, you'll live."
344
00:21:18,035 --> 00:21:19,795
Refill? Gin and gin?
345
00:21:20,955 --> 00:21:21,995
Yeah.
346
00:21:23,035 --> 00:21:27,595
Oh, look. This one can't spell
"Alexander" or "Great",
347
00:21:27,595 --> 00:21:32,595
but they can spell "the". So he
should probably get a B at A-level.
348
00:21:32,595 --> 00:21:38,715
Well, what do you expect from a kid
who's named after a games console? Where's that mouse that you killed?
349
00:21:38,715 --> 00:21:41,315
I put it in a plastic bag
in the bin.
350
00:21:41,315 --> 00:21:47,555
I want to give it a proper funeral
in the garden. It needs closure.
351
00:21:47,555 --> 00:21:50,235
Closure?
352
00:21:50,235 --> 00:21:56,675
Right, well, er...as long
as you promise to keep it in the plastic bag...
353
00:21:56,675 --> 00:21:58,915
Don't snatch.
354
00:21:58,915 --> 00:22:02,675
..and you thoroughly wash your hands
afterwards. Was it a girl or a boy?
355
00:22:02,675 --> 00:22:06,155
I haven't had the
results of the post-mortem.
356
00:22:06,155 --> 00:22:12,555
Well, if it was a mummy mouse, then
it might have had lots of little babies waiting in its hole
357
00:22:12,555 --> 00:22:16,915
for it to come back
and saying, "Squeak, squeak, squeak, where's my mummy?"
358
00:22:16,915 --> 00:22:19,715
Why are you addressing
all this to me?
359
00:22:19,715 --> 00:22:23,195
Because Daddy said that you were
the one who couldn't bear mice.
360
00:22:23,195 --> 00:22:25,915
Look, I only...
361
00:22:25,915 --> 00:22:29,635
Karen, it was both of us decided
to put out the traps, OK?
362
00:22:29,635 --> 00:22:31,755
Did she tell you to say that?
363
00:22:31,755 --> 00:22:34,235
Karen! Mouse killer.
364
00:22:34,235 --> 00:22:38,155
Why is it always Mum
who gets it in the neck? BELL RINGS
365
00:22:38,155 --> 00:22:40,795
Jake, whoever that is...
366
00:22:40,795 --> 00:22:42,555
I know. Just say, "No, thank you."
367
00:22:42,555 --> 00:22:46,515
Always me, isn't it? She's always
all over lovely Daddy.
368
00:22:46,515 --> 00:22:48,315
Hi, Jake. I did tell her... Ssh.
369
00:22:48,315 --> 00:22:50,915
Bloody hell! Oh, my God, it's Jane!
370
00:22:50,915 --> 00:22:52,715
God! Bloody hell.
371
00:22:52,715 --> 00:22:55,275
Hi, Jane. Hi, Jane.
372
00:22:56,995 --> 00:22:58,995
Pete, Sue.
373
00:22:58,995 --> 00:23:00,875
I was expecting your babysitter.
374
00:23:00,875 --> 00:23:04,755
I know. Because we were going
to have a babysitter, but...
375
00:23:04,755 --> 00:23:08,315
We stood her down. Yeah. We've
just put the phone down, haven't we?
376
00:23:08,315 --> 00:23:10,235
Yes. Because we were really...
377
00:23:10,235 --> 00:23:12,355
Pete's so... You're still quite...
378
00:23:12,355 --> 00:23:16,115
Upset... The funeral. The funeral.
So we decided to take it easy.
379
00:23:20,515 --> 00:23:23,355
I came round
for Alexa's book folder.
380
00:23:23,355 --> 00:23:27,435
You forgot it when you
took her to school. Did we?
381
00:23:28,995 --> 00:23:30,715
I think it might be over here.
382
00:23:33,515 --> 00:23:37,555
Look, Sue,
if you have a problem with me,
383
00:23:37,555 --> 00:23:39,875
I would much rather you
came out and said it.
384
00:23:44,915 --> 00:23:47,035
Well, OK,
385
00:23:47,035 --> 00:23:50,115
yes, there is a problem.
386
00:23:50,115 --> 00:23:55,835
Um...you never pick up when you
say you're going to pick up and,
387
00:23:55,835 --> 00:23:59,235
to be honest, it makes
things very difficult.
388
00:24:04,595 --> 00:24:06,395
You're right.
389
00:24:06,395 --> 00:24:08,435
Thank you for being honest.
390
00:24:09,475 --> 00:24:11,635
You're probably right. I'm useless.
391
00:24:11,635 --> 00:24:13,875
I'm a useless friend and...
392
00:24:14,915 --> 00:24:16,715
..I'm a useless mother.
393
00:24:16,715 --> 00:24:20,435
What's this? Heroes. Is that the
cheerleader that can't be killed?
394
00:24:20,435 --> 00:24:24,475
Yeah. Dad, if you had a big
red button in your chest... Yeah.
395
00:24:24,475 --> 00:24:26,995
..and you knew that if you pushed it,
396
00:24:26,995 --> 00:24:30,915
you couldn't die and you'd be
alive for ever, would you push it?
397
00:24:30,915 --> 00:24:35,475
No. At least not until the moment
I was going to die.
398
00:24:35,475 --> 00:24:37,795
Then I'd push it. Jo seems nice.
399
00:24:37,795 --> 00:24:39,595
Yeah, I like her.
400
00:24:39,595 --> 00:24:42,715
So you're...friends?
401
00:24:42,715 --> 00:24:46,195
Yeah.
Yeah, it's good to have friends.
402
00:24:46,195 --> 00:24:50,475
Although sometimes I think it's,
um, a good idea not to put...
403
00:24:50,475 --> 00:24:53,435
all your eggs in one
basket friends-wise.
404
00:24:53,435 --> 00:24:58,315
Why? Don't you like her? Yes. No...
Yes... Yes, she's fantastic.
405
00:24:58,315 --> 00:25:00,155
All I mean is that
406
00:25:00,155 --> 00:25:04,555
everyone should have lots of
friends - boys, girls, all sorts.
407
00:25:04,555 --> 00:25:06,475
Well, those are the only sorts.
408
00:25:07,395 --> 00:25:10,275
But everyone should have
lots of friends because...
409
00:25:10,275 --> 00:25:13,475
then they won't get upset
if their special friend
410
00:25:13,475 --> 00:25:16,395
stops being their special friend.
411
00:25:17,955 --> 00:25:20,315
You and Mum are splitting up,
aren't you?
412
00:25:20,315 --> 00:25:24,595
No! No, we're... No, definitely not.
413
00:25:24,595 --> 00:25:29,275
Faster than a handkerchief
but slower than Ryvita.
414
00:25:31,075 --> 00:25:32,515
Dad's bill.
415
00:25:38,875 --> 00:25:40,955
Ah, that's faster than I thought.
416
00:25:47,875 --> 00:25:49,395
Hmm.
417
00:25:49,395 --> 00:25:52,595
I try really hard to stay
on top of things. I really do.
418
00:25:52,595 --> 00:25:56,955
It's just that Nick's going to court
to try to kick me out of the house and...
419
00:26:00,275 --> 00:26:01,955
I'm sorry.
420
00:26:01,955 --> 00:26:03,875
This isn't like me.
421
00:26:04,675 --> 00:26:06,315
No.
422
00:26:06,315 --> 00:26:10,195
And then everyone stood up
and started talking about these amazing things...
423
00:26:10,195 --> 00:26:14,955
..amazing things that Jonty had done
when he was young and I'd no idea.
424
00:26:14,955 --> 00:26:17,275
I'm stuck. Ben, stop it.
425
00:26:17,275 --> 00:26:21,115
But it did make me wonder what
people would say about me if I died.
426
00:26:21,115 --> 00:26:23,595
They'd say you were very, very tall.
427
00:26:23,595 --> 00:26:28,195
Oh. Thank you, Ben. And they'd
also say, "Ben now can have a puppy."
428
00:26:28,195 --> 00:26:30,835
I'm glad you're putting
such a positive spin on it.
429
00:26:30,835 --> 00:26:33,115
Yeah, they'd say good stuff
about you, Dad.
430
00:26:33,115 --> 00:26:37,515
You think so? Well, it's what people
have to say at funerals, isn't it?
431
00:26:37,515 --> 00:26:41,195
Even if the bloke who's just died
is a bit of a tosser.
432
00:26:41,195 --> 00:26:44,075
That's what Jo says anyway.
433
00:26:44,075 --> 00:26:46,875
What would be the coolest way to die?
434
00:26:46,875 --> 00:26:51,355
Brethrens, we are gathered
here in the bosom of Jesus
435
00:26:51,355 --> 00:26:53,635
to say goodbye to this...
436
00:26:53,635 --> 00:26:57,475
to this mouse,
killed before its time.
437
00:26:57,475 --> 00:27:02,755
We have given it cheese and bread
for its journey to heaven,
438
00:27:02,755 --> 00:27:06,795
or at least if it goes to hell
it'll have cheese on toast.
439
00:27:07,835 --> 00:27:10,275
Next up is the Pope.
440
00:27:10,275 --> 00:27:15,555
And the tiger chases the man up
the cliff and the man falls down the cliff and the crocodiles kill him.
441
00:27:15,555 --> 00:27:17,235
And you saw that on YouTube?
442
00:27:17,235 --> 00:27:20,195
No, but I'd like to.
Has Jane gone, then? Oh, yeah.
443
00:27:20,195 --> 00:27:24,355
Oh, about time. D'you know, it's
about time we put our foot down,
444
00:27:24,355 --> 00:27:30,435
with all that "Ooh, boo-hoo,
my life's so hard" routine. Yeah.
445
00:27:30,435 --> 00:27:32,315
Well done, sweetheart.
446
00:27:32,315 --> 00:27:34,035
Cup of tea? Yeah.
447
00:27:34,035 --> 00:27:35,755
Slice of cake? Mmm.
448
00:27:35,755 --> 00:27:38,595
By the way, we're having
Alexa for the weekend.
449
00:27:38,595 --> 00:27:44,115
Dust to dust, for richer or for
poorer, in sickness or in health,
450
00:27:44,115 --> 00:27:47,315
may the force be with you,
because you're worth it.
451
00:27:47,315 --> 00:27:48,675
Amen and out.
452
00:27:48,675 --> 00:27:50,155
Thank you, Pope.
453
00:27:57,066 --> 00:27:59,537
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454
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