All language subtitles for Outnumbered s01e06 The Dinner Party.eng
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1
00:00:00,519 --> 00:00:01,640
- OK, are you ready, Ben?
- Mm-hm.
2
00:00:01,679 --> 00:00:04,080
Hold the bat the way I told you. Come on.
3
00:00:04,120 --> 00:00:06,000
OK, let's play table tennis.
4
00:00:12,399 --> 00:00:15,040
Right, I'll tell you what, I'll serve, shall I?
5
00:00:15,080 --> 00:00:18,000
- OK, here we go. Are you ready?
- Mm-hm.
6
00:00:20,039 --> 00:00:23,040
Goal! 1-0 to me!
7
00:00:23,080 --> 00:00:26,560
l told you to stop nagging me
and you wouldn't stop.
8
00:00:26,600 --> 00:00:29,520
You just ignored me and carried on nagging me.
9
00:00:29,559 --> 00:00:33,240
I've said this time and time again
that I'm going to leave home
10
00:00:33,279 --> 00:00:34,680
and now I really am.
11
00:00:34,720 --> 00:00:36,960
Excellent. Where are you going?
12
00:00:37,799 --> 00:00:42,040
I'm going...to Spain in a beach
13
00:00:42,080 --> 00:00:44,960
or maybe Greenland.
14
00:00:45,000 --> 00:00:46,200
Mm-hm.
15
00:00:46,240 --> 00:00:49,800
Or... Or Dorking.
16
00:00:49,840 --> 00:00:52,880
Dorking?
How will you be getting there?
17
00:00:52,919 --> 00:00:54,040
Train.
18
00:00:54,080 --> 00:00:55,920
Right. Have you got enough money?
19
00:00:58,039 --> 00:01:00,200
- Hippo's got the money.
- Hippo's got the money.
20
00:01:00,240 --> 00:01:02,360
And got your tickets all sorted?
21
00:01:02,399 --> 00:01:03,600
Pusscat has.
22
00:01:03,639 --> 00:01:07,040
Excellent. Well, that seems
to be all...all in order, then.
23
00:01:07,080 --> 00:01:09,640
l hope you have a lovely time.
24
00:01:11,879 --> 00:01:14,240
Come on, Ben. You're not losing
by many. let's play.
25
00:01:14,279 --> 00:01:16,000
No, I'm not playing.
26
00:01:16,039 --> 00:01:20,320
Ben, it's very important in sport
not just to walk off when you start losing.
27
00:01:20,360 --> 00:01:22,560
What does Wayne Rooney do
when he's losing?
28
00:01:22,600 --> 00:01:24,000
He kicks people.
29
00:01:24,039 --> 00:01:27,320
Not always.
And he never just walks off.
30
00:01:29,000 --> 00:01:30,160
Of his own volition.
31
00:01:32,080 --> 00:01:33,200
Ben!
32
00:01:33,240 --> 00:01:36,360
look, I've packed you some food
and your favourite jumper,
33
00:01:36,399 --> 00:01:38,720
so I hope you have a lovely time.
34
00:01:38,759 --> 00:01:42,000
I'm really, really, really
not coming back and I'm serious.
35
00:01:42,039 --> 00:01:44,360
- I know.
- I'm definitely not coming back.
36
00:01:44,399 --> 00:01:46,320
I know. Bye.
37
00:01:48,279 --> 00:01:49,520
Mum, what's going on?
38
00:01:49,559 --> 00:01:51,160
Don't worry. She's left home before.
39
00:01:51,200 --> 00:01:55,400
She goes round the corner,
she waits a bit and then she comes back.
40
00:01:55,440 --> 00:01:57,000
Right, so...
41
00:01:57,039 --> 00:02:00,000
She'll only go ten yards
cos she's afraid of the main road.
42
00:02:04,679 --> 00:02:07,480
She'll be just round this corner.
look. Come on.
43
00:02:07,519 --> 00:02:09,600
Look. She's gonna be here.
44
00:02:15,240 --> 00:02:16,720
Come away from the road!
45
00:02:18,720 --> 00:02:20,880
(Phone rings)
46
00:02:22,639 --> 00:02:24,680
Hello.
47
00:02:24,720 --> 00:02:28,760
Ah, Veronica. Hi.
48
00:02:28,799 --> 00:02:30,800
Yeah.
49
00:02:30,840 --> 00:02:34,120
Mm-hm. Uh-huh.
50
00:02:34,159 --> 00:02:36,160
Yeah, so what
you're basically saying is
51
00:02:36,200 --> 00:02:39,520
that I can have my job back
as long as I cringe and grovel?
52
00:02:39,559 --> 00:02:43,240
Mm-hm. Well, yeah, I know
l sometimes say things I don't mean.
53
00:02:43,279 --> 00:02:45,560
So let me make this clear.
54
00:02:45,600 --> 00:02:48,120
You can take your stupid job
55
00:02:48,159 --> 00:02:52,080
and place it
up the aforementioned location
56
00:02:52,120 --> 00:02:53,840
with considerable vigour.
57
00:02:53,879 --> 00:02:56,680
- So stick it up her arse?
- Yes, thank you, Jake.
58
00:02:56,720 --> 00:02:57,720
Yeah.
59
00:02:58,759 --> 00:03:00,240
Can I crack the eggs?
60
00:03:00,279 --> 00:03:02,440
Please!
61
00:03:02,480 --> 00:03:05,160
I'm the best egg-cracker
in the world.
62
00:03:05,200 --> 00:03:07,000
Well, it's...
63
00:03:07,039 --> 00:03:12,520
l can crack eggs like a robot
that's created to crack eggs.
64
00:03:12,559 --> 00:03:15,520
- Yeah, all right, then.
- I'll go to bed extra early.
65
00:03:15,559 --> 00:03:18,760
That's a very good deal.
You be careful.
66
00:03:18,799 --> 00:03:20,760
- Mum's letting you cook?
- Yeah.
67
00:03:20,799 --> 00:03:23,960
She's doing the main and the pudding.
I'm doing the starter.
68
00:03:24,000 --> 00:03:27,200
We've got guests coming
and Mum's letting you cook?
69
00:03:27,240 --> 00:03:29,640
Oi! Anyway, you seem more cheerful.
70
00:03:29,679 --> 00:03:31,080
Yeah!
71
00:03:31,120 --> 00:03:33,040
- Is school OK?
- I got this back.
72
00:03:33,080 --> 00:03:34,720
Oh, well done.
73
00:03:34,759 --> 00:03:39,000
And that boy, Preston, he just...
He just gave it back to you, did he?
74
00:03:39,039 --> 00:03:40,560
It's cool, OK?
75
00:03:40,600 --> 00:03:43,760
I remember at school
that the bullying stopped
76
00:03:43,799 --> 00:03:48,120
when I showed them
that I just wasn't frightened of 'em.
77
00:03:48,159 --> 00:03:51,320
And when that new boy started,
the boy with the stutter...
78
00:03:51,360 --> 00:03:54,000
Peter the Repeater, they called him.
79
00:03:54,039 --> 00:03:57,320
Well, Paracetamol Pete
after the suicide attempt.
80
00:03:57,360 --> 00:04:01,320
The main thing is that you just wanna
show them that you're not scared.
81
00:04:01,360 --> 00:04:03,360
lt is just this Preston, is it?
82
00:04:03,399 --> 00:04:06,320
Dad...just leave it, OK?
83
00:04:08,039 --> 00:04:12,360
There you are. I told you
l was good at cracking eggs.
84
00:04:12,399 --> 00:04:14,240
Thank you.
85
00:04:14,279 --> 00:04:18,560
There's...a few little bits of shell
in the bowl there.
86
00:04:20,799 --> 00:04:23,360
And you've used all the eggs. Splendid.
87
00:04:23,399 --> 00:04:26,640
When we get to India,
will there still be Blu-Tack?
88
00:04:26,679 --> 00:04:30,240
Well, we haven't definitely decide...
How do you know about India?
89
00:04:30,279 --> 00:04:33,640
- Did you tell her?
- No. She just knows stuff.
90
00:04:33,679 --> 00:04:37,320
It's gonna be great, Karen,
cos we're gonna take you out of school
91
00:04:37,360 --> 00:04:39,680
and spend some time
travelling around, aren't we?
92
00:04:39,720 --> 00:04:43,640
Yeah, that's right.
It's definitely on our to-do list.
93
00:04:43,679 --> 00:04:46,800
lf you're gonna
take me out of school,
94
00:04:46,840 --> 00:04:48,920
then who's gonna teach me?
95
00:04:48,960 --> 00:04:51,560
- Well, I will.
- But I need a teacher.
96
00:04:51,600 --> 00:04:55,400
- I am a teacher. That's what I do.
- A proper one.
97
00:04:57,279 --> 00:04:59,880
l am a proper teacher.
That's what I do.
98
00:04:59,919 --> 00:05:02,760
What do you think I do
when I go to work?
99
00:05:02,799 --> 00:05:06,440
l teach at big school
for big children. Very big children.
100
00:05:06,480 --> 00:05:07,800
Enormous children.
101
00:05:07,840 --> 00:05:10,880
- And I'm not that big, am I?
- No.
102
00:05:10,919 --> 00:05:13,840
And if you teach big children,
103
00:05:13,879 --> 00:05:19,520
then you...then you teach big things
104
00:05:19,559 --> 00:05:21,240
that I might not even know yet.
105
00:05:21,279 --> 00:05:24,800
l might not even know
what they mean yet.
106
00:05:24,840 --> 00:05:28,280
Yeah, but I know all the
little things, as well, to teach you.
107
00:05:28,320 --> 00:05:32,280
When we go to India,
can we go around shooting people
108
00:05:32,320 --> 00:05:35,080
and whipping them with ropes?
109
00:05:35,120 --> 00:05:38,520
Ah, no, no, no. You're thinking...
Indians is what you mean, isn't it?
110
00:05:38,559 --> 00:05:40,440
You're thinking
of the wrong kind of Indians.
111
00:05:40,480 --> 00:05:44,720
There are Indians
like Ravi and Kuj who come from India.
112
00:05:44,759 --> 00:05:46,920
Then there are the Indians you're thinking of,
113
00:05:46,960 --> 00:05:50,320
''Wah, wah, wah, wah'' Indians,
who live in America.
114
00:05:50,360 --> 00:05:54,480
Mum, what can I do?
Ben got to crack eggs.
115
00:05:55,519 --> 00:05:57,760
Jesus! Oh!
116
00:05:57,799 --> 00:06:00,360
(Whispers) Ben and eggs. Why?
117
00:06:00,399 --> 00:06:01,600
Mum!
118
00:06:01,639 --> 00:06:06,600
You can...count the plates
in the dining room.
119
00:06:11,839 --> 00:06:14,400
Angela only eats free-range
organic chicken, doesn't she?
120
00:06:21,680 --> 00:06:23,320
I'm glad you invited her, though.
121
00:06:23,359 --> 00:06:27,000
Yeah. Yeah, I know.
l have been a bit hard on her.
122
00:06:27,039 --> 00:06:30,520
l mean, it's not an easy thing
to come and look after Dad.
123
00:06:30,559 --> 00:06:32,400
- I spoke to...
- Daddy.
124
00:06:32,440 --> 00:06:33,440
Mmm?
125
00:06:33,480 --> 00:06:36,040
You've put the forks the wrong way round.
126
00:06:36,079 --> 00:06:37,880
Have I? What, on the table?
127
00:06:37,920 --> 00:06:43,600
You put them like that when
they're supposed to go like that.
128
00:06:43,640 --> 00:06:45,600
What will happen if I do it wrong?
129
00:06:45,640 --> 00:06:47,360
Will Earth disappear into a black hole?
130
00:06:47,400 --> 00:06:49,840
Actually, some scientists
think that might happen.
131
00:06:49,880 --> 00:06:53,200
lf the particle accelerator in
Switzerland recreates the Big Bang
132
00:06:53,240 --> 00:06:55,520
and then it forms a huge black hole,
133
00:06:55,559 --> 00:06:57,600
the solar system
could be sucked into it.
134
00:06:58,759 --> 00:07:01,160
Well, that will play havoc
with house prices.
135
00:07:01,200 --> 00:07:02,960
ls absolutely everything
made out of atoms?
136
00:07:03,000 --> 00:07:04,240
Yep. Everything.
137
00:07:05,319 --> 00:07:08,280
- Am I made out of atoms?
- Yeah. Everything is.
138
00:07:08,319 --> 00:07:10,280
Are shadows?
139
00:07:12,640 --> 00:07:13,880
That's an interesting one.
140
00:07:13,920 --> 00:07:18,120
Um...well, shadows are
an absence of light so I suppose...
141
00:07:18,160 --> 00:07:19,760
Are dreams?
142
00:07:19,799 --> 00:07:24,200
Well, dreams are an electrical impuke
that passes through the brain,
143
00:07:24,240 --> 00:07:29,000
so I suppose they could be made
of partitcles that have clusters...
144
00:07:29,039 --> 00:07:30,520
Are Trinny and Susannah?
145
00:07:30,559 --> 00:07:33,840
Now that one I can answer.
No, they are made of Polyfilla.
146
00:07:33,880 --> 00:07:36,600
- And Paraquat.
- Exactly.
147
00:07:36,640 --> 00:07:38,520
We've got to get you to bed.
148
00:07:38,559 --> 00:07:40,520
(Karen) Are atoms made out of atoms?
149
00:07:40,559 --> 00:07:43,200
(Pete) I'm gonna pass that one over
to your mother.
150
00:07:43,240 --> 00:07:46,280
(Jake) I wasn't the one saying everything
was made out of atoms.
151
00:07:48,759 --> 00:07:51,560
(Man) It wasn't our first choice.
But the schools are so good...
152
00:07:51,599 --> 00:07:53,760
Oh, thank you. Thank you so much.
153
00:07:53,799 --> 00:07:55,720
- Can I have some beer?
- Er, no.
154
00:07:55,759 --> 00:07:58,760
- Can I have some gin and tonic?
- No.
155
00:07:58,799 --> 00:07:59,800
(Doorbell rings)
156
00:07:59,839 --> 00:08:02,920
Karen, can you open the door
for Auntie Angela, please?
157
00:08:02,960 --> 00:08:05,440
Sorry, he gets a bit overexcited
when we have guests.
158
00:08:05,480 --> 00:08:08,160
They all do, don't worry.
You've got lovely kids, really.
159
00:08:08,200 --> 00:08:10,560
(Whispers) Our Jay kept bothering us
about trying alcohol.
160
00:08:10,599 --> 00:08:15,160
So we gave him some
and...now he doesn't ask any more.
161
00:08:17,000 --> 00:08:20,000
Ben, come over here.
162
00:08:20,039 --> 00:08:22,240
A little bit of gin, OK?
163
00:08:22,279 --> 00:08:24,880
OK. If you're sure you want to ty it.
164
00:08:26,839 --> 00:08:28,280
Sure you want to, yeah?
165
00:08:33,759 --> 00:08:34,760
(Sue) What?
166
00:08:36,799 --> 00:08:38,280
Can I have some more?
167
00:08:38,319 --> 00:08:40,360
(laughter)
168
00:08:40,400 --> 00:08:42,320
l think it's time for bed, don't you?
169
00:08:42,359 --> 00:08:46,040
Why am I not allowed to stay up
like you grown-ups?
170
00:08:46,079 --> 00:08:48,400
Because you're little
and you have to get your sleep.
171
00:08:48,440 --> 00:08:50,120
- (Doorbell rings)
- (Jake) I'll get it.
172
00:08:50,160 --> 00:08:52,120
- (Jake) Hi, Auntie Angela.
- Hiya.
173
00:08:52,160 --> 00:08:53,960
Thank you very much for inviting us.
174
00:08:54,000 --> 00:08:57,200
I'm so sorry. I thought Karen
was going to let you in.
175
00:08:57,240 --> 00:08:59,000
She wouldn't
until I guessed the password.
176
00:08:59,039 --> 00:09:01,720
- What was it?
- Don't know. She wouldn't let me in.
177
00:09:01,759 --> 00:09:04,520
- Karen!
- No, no, no. It's OK.
178
00:09:06,960 --> 00:09:10,480
l don't mind from my favourite niece
in the whole wide world.
179
00:09:12,039 --> 00:09:13,760
How many nieces do you have?
180
00:09:13,799 --> 00:09:19,240
Well, one, but even if I had 100,
you'd still be my favourite.
181
00:09:19,279 --> 00:09:22,680
That's silly because you wouldn't know
what the other ones would be like.
182
00:09:22,720 --> 00:09:23,720
(Hiccups)
183
00:09:23,759 --> 00:09:25,600
Have you got hiccups?
184
00:09:25,640 --> 00:09:27,440
Yes.
185
00:09:27,480 --> 00:09:30,160
So would you like me to read you
a bedtime stoy?
186
00:09:30,200 --> 00:09:32,720
l don't want a stoy.
187
00:09:32,759 --> 00:09:34,360
You'll enjoy it.
188
00:09:34,400 --> 00:09:38,280
(Hiccups) But I don't want her
to read a stoy to me.
189
00:09:40,119 --> 00:09:41,880
Why don't we all move on through?
190
00:09:41,920 --> 00:09:44,360
(Ravi) Well, thank you.
191
00:09:44,400 --> 00:09:47,400
Upstairs to bed.
I'll come and check on you.
192
00:09:47,440 --> 00:09:49,440
That was hard work.
193
00:09:49,480 --> 00:09:51,360
Then the Headmaster
rang up Dad again.
194
00:09:51,400 --> 00:09:55,120
Now Dad has to read out
this statement in front of the school
195
00:09:55,160 --> 00:09:58,080
and then he has to go
on a racial awareness course.
196
00:09:58,119 --> 00:10:02,800
Oh, yes. We saw that article in the local paper.
''We know him,'' we said.
197
00:10:02,839 --> 00:10:05,200
Most of what they wrote
was just plain wrong.
198
00:10:05,240 --> 00:10:08,080
You know how journalists
just twist everything you say.
199
00:10:08,119 --> 00:10:10,920
Not if you don't speak to them
they don't.
200
00:10:10,960 --> 00:10:14,920
Well, I know you're not allowed
to say this but the Turkish people,
201
00:10:14,960 --> 00:10:16,800
they are super-sensitive.
202
00:10:16,839 --> 00:10:18,000
Remember that café in Izmir?
203
00:10:18,039 --> 00:10:20,960
Yes, but it might have been better
not to have asked for Greek coffee!
204
00:10:21,000 --> 00:10:24,120
But Turkey's a magical place. I love it.
205
00:10:24,160 --> 00:10:26,080
You should go there with the kids.
206
00:10:26,119 --> 00:10:29,040
So let me get this right,
you are giving up your jobs
207
00:10:29,079 --> 00:10:30,960
to travel the world with your family, yes?
208
00:10:31,000 --> 00:10:35,440
Yep, yep. That's always been Pete's plan
and now it's turned into reality.
209
00:10:35,480 --> 00:10:38,960
Yeah, that's right.
Well, it's cekainly on the agenda.
210
00:10:40,920 --> 00:10:42,280
Quite high.
211
00:10:42,319 --> 00:10:45,800
So, Peter, do you still need to
appease this fat boy and his father?
212
00:10:45,839 --> 00:10:47,600
It's just a question of references.
213
00:10:47,640 --> 00:10:50,040
But we could manage without them,
if we had to.
214
00:10:50,079 --> 00:10:51,400
Nobody would take me seriously.
215
00:10:51,440 --> 00:10:52,680
It's like you say, Angela.
216
00:10:52,720 --> 00:10:57,720
You've got to seize the day and not
let the little things hold you back.
217
00:10:57,759 --> 00:11:00,320
It's down to Angela
we're able to go on the trip
218
00:11:00,359 --> 00:11:04,080
because she's left her life in
America behind to look after our dad.
219
00:11:04,119 --> 00:11:07,000
- Of course cos he's got...
- He's got early dementia.
220
00:11:07,039 --> 00:11:10,720
The most difficult bit is
he gets obsessed with stupid things.
221
00:11:10,759 --> 00:11:12,200
Mind you, I do that.
222
00:11:12,240 --> 00:11:15,040
- Oh yeah, you shout at Davina McCall.
- Ravi does that!
223
00:11:15,079 --> 00:11:17,400
(laughter)
224
00:11:17,440 --> 00:11:20,400
- Oh, hello.
- Hiya.
225
00:11:20,440 --> 00:11:22,680
- I'm scared.
- Are you? What of?
226
00:11:24,039 --> 00:11:26,720
- Dinosaurs.
- They're extinct.
227
00:11:26,759 --> 00:11:29,880
- Vampires.
- Don't exist.
228
00:11:29,920 --> 00:11:32,600
Er...burglars.
229
00:11:32,640 --> 00:11:37,560
They definitely exist
cos Ross got burgled a few days ago.
230
00:11:37,599 --> 00:11:38,960
Sorry, everyone. Come on.
231
00:11:39,000 --> 00:11:41,200
- Can I have a taste of your wine?
- No.
232
00:11:41,240 --> 00:11:44,440
- Can I watch little Britain?
- No, you can't.
233
00:11:44,480 --> 00:11:46,960
- Can I watch anything?
- No.
234
00:11:47,000 --> 00:11:49,400
It's fantastic food, by the way.
Delicious chicken.
235
00:11:49,440 --> 00:11:51,040
It's organic.
You can taste the difference.
236
00:11:51,079 --> 00:11:52,480
- Mmm.
- Yeah.
237
00:11:52,519 --> 00:11:58,000
Factoy-farm birds get so stressed, they release
chemicals into the flesh. You can taste it.
238
00:11:58,039 --> 00:11:59,320
Right.
239
00:11:59,359 --> 00:12:01,160
Well, that's interesting. I never knew that.
240
00:12:01,200 --> 00:12:03,640
The doors are locked,
windows are locked.
241
00:12:03,680 --> 00:12:05,680
Burglars can't get in, OK?
242
00:12:05,720 --> 00:12:08,000
What if they come down the chimney?
243
00:12:08,039 --> 00:12:09,880
Nobody can come down the chimney.
244
00:12:09,920 --> 00:12:14,480
Santa can.
He's bigger than most burglars.
245
00:12:14,519 --> 00:12:19,520
Yeah, but Santa's not...not around, is he,
at this time of year?
246
00:12:19,559 --> 00:12:21,680
Maybe demons can.
247
00:12:21,720 --> 00:12:24,440
What about...? But fairies do exist.
248
00:12:24,480 --> 00:12:26,480
Yeah, fairies do
249
00:12:26,519 --> 00:12:30,120
but fairies are very unlikely
to tie us up and rob us in our beds.
250
00:12:30,160 --> 00:12:33,280
But if fairies can get in,
then definitely demons can get in
251
00:12:33,319 --> 00:12:35,240
and little gremlins.
252
00:12:35,279 --> 00:12:37,760
What about...goblins?
253
00:12:37,799 --> 00:12:40,480
Goblins can't come down.
They don't exist.
254
00:12:40,519 --> 00:12:41,680
They don't exist.
255
00:12:41,720 --> 00:12:45,120
Yes, but then who makes
little presents for Santa
256
00:12:45,160 --> 00:12:47,680
to bring to all the little children?
257
00:12:47,720 --> 00:12:50,120
- The elves.
- Elves.
258
00:12:50,160 --> 00:12:52,080
Will you please go back to bed?
259
00:12:52,119 --> 00:12:55,000
What about if a badger came down?
260
00:12:55,039 --> 00:12:58,720
Badgers exist but they're
very unlikely to be burgling us.
261
00:12:58,759 --> 00:13:00,120
You should be in bed.
262
00:13:00,160 --> 00:13:04,120
No, because I'm scared just like...
just like Ben.
263
00:13:04,160 --> 00:13:05,360
Don't do the door.
264
00:13:05,400 --> 00:13:08,440
What about the bat thingy
from Doctor Who?
265
00:13:08,480 --> 00:13:10,440
I've got to go downstairs.
266
00:13:10,480 --> 00:13:16,280
What about
a big ginormous tarantula creeping?
267
00:13:16,319 --> 00:13:21,720
And then it comes onto the bed
and kills us with its ginormous...things.
268
00:13:21,759 --> 00:13:28,320
Rajasthan is probably my...ooh, second favourite
Indian state after Kerala
269
00:13:28,359 --> 00:13:31,520
but ahead of Tamil Nadu
and West Bengal.
270
00:13:31,559 --> 00:13:35,040
- So what part of India are you from?
- Pakistan.
271
00:13:36,480 --> 00:13:38,680
Well, my family. Way back.
272
00:13:38,720 --> 00:13:40,560
But Ravi's family's Indian.
273
00:13:40,599 --> 00:13:43,440
Oh, so which parts of India
do you recommend?
274
00:13:43,480 --> 00:13:46,800
I've never been to India.
All the disease and crime.
275
00:13:46,839 --> 00:13:49,840
And I'm not very good with poverty.
276
00:13:49,880 --> 00:13:53,200
- Have you got many relatives there?
- Yes, there's that, as well.
277
00:13:53,240 --> 00:13:54,760
(laughter)
278
00:13:54,799 --> 00:13:58,680
I've shut the bathroom window in case
we're raided by gun-toting pixies.
279
00:13:58,720 --> 00:14:01,280
Why shouldn't pixies have guns?
Everybody else does.
280
00:14:01,319 --> 00:14:02,360
(laughs)
281
00:14:02,400 --> 00:14:06,480
I'm thinking of getting an AK-47 myself
just to win the respect of 5J.
282
00:14:06,519 --> 00:14:08,520
(laughter)
283
00:14:08,559 --> 00:14:11,360
(Sighs) Isn't this nice?
284
00:14:11,400 --> 00:14:15,840
Adult conversation and wine
285
00:14:15,880 --> 00:14:18,400
and my grown-up son at the table
286
00:14:18,440 --> 00:14:22,040
and wine and...
287
00:14:22,079 --> 00:14:23,280
I'll get the pudding.
288
00:14:23,319 --> 00:14:25,480
- Well, I'll help.
- Yeah.
289
00:14:29,039 --> 00:14:30,120
Thank you.
290
00:14:31,680 --> 00:14:34,120
So how are you doing, Jake?
Are you tired?
291
00:14:34,140 --> 00:14:35,500
No, no. I'm wide awake.
292
00:14:35,539 --> 00:14:37,380
I'll get the plates.
293
00:14:38,060 --> 00:14:43,180
- Dad's far worse than I thought.
- Yeah, I know.
294
00:14:43,219 --> 00:14:44,540
l did say.
295
00:14:44,580 --> 00:14:48,740
l woke up at three this morning and he was
in the garden putting bottles into boxes
296
00:14:48,780 --> 00:14:50,580
and I couldn't get him back in.
297
00:14:50,620 --> 00:14:56,580
And then he got all upset.
l can't handle this the way you do.
298
00:14:56,620 --> 00:15:01,220
Anyway, so...I'm heading off
back to America.
299
00:15:01,260 --> 00:15:04,460
(Ravi) This friend of mine is actually related to...
300
00:15:04,499 --> 00:15:07,660
- Oh, that looks spectacular!
- Doesn't it just!
301
00:15:07,699 --> 00:15:09,820
Fingermarks. Ben's been at it.
302
00:15:09,860 --> 00:15:13,100
- You can have that bit.
- I've seen where he's put his fingers.
303
00:15:14,299 --> 00:15:18,020
Er...Angela, could I have a word
with you in the kitchen, please?
304
00:15:18,059 --> 00:15:19,980
Oh, I'm just freshening up
everyone's drinks.
305
00:15:20,019 --> 00:15:22,980
- Why don't I come and help?
- I'd prefer Angela.
306
00:15:24,339 --> 00:15:25,940
- Does it matter?
- Yes, it matters.
307
00:15:25,979 --> 00:15:27,940
I'm in the middle of something here.
308
00:15:27,979 --> 00:15:30,980
- Why don't l...?
- No, no. Sit down!
309
00:15:31,019 --> 00:15:36,180
Because, look, Angela's finished refreshing the
drinks and she's going to come into the kitchen
310
00:15:36,220 --> 00:15:38,180
and help me with...with the sauce.
311
00:15:39,219 --> 00:15:40,220
Sauce?
312
00:15:40,260 --> 00:15:42,100
l-l-I'd rather...
313
00:15:42,139 --> 00:15:43,460
Angela, you have a choice.
314
00:15:43,499 --> 00:15:46,500
You can either come into the kitchen
and help me with the sauce
315
00:15:46,540 --> 00:15:51,460
or you can help me with the sauce
out here in front of everyone.
316
00:15:58,579 --> 00:16:02,540
looks like you're the...sauce lady.
317
00:16:13,300 --> 00:16:15,420
- Sue, is...?
- Everything's under control.
318
00:16:18,180 --> 00:16:20,220
(Clears throat)
319
00:16:22,139 --> 00:16:26,220
(Sue) Every bloody time
you let everyone down! God knows why...
320
00:16:26,260 --> 00:16:30,300
- (Angela) You are so judgmental!
- Because you are crap!
321
00:16:30,339 --> 00:16:31,540
You've always been crap!
322
00:16:31,579 --> 00:16:34,580
(Angela) listening to you
makes me so glad I've got a life!
323
00:16:34,620 --> 00:16:38,740
So, Ravi, tell me about your job.
It sounds fascinating.
324
00:16:39,979 --> 00:16:41,740
Yes, the company...
325
00:16:41,779 --> 00:16:43,220
(Shouting)
326
00:16:43,259 --> 00:16:46,700
..decided they needed
one full-time accountant in-house.
327
00:16:46,740 --> 00:16:48,460
(Shouting)
328
00:16:48,499 --> 00:16:49,900
(Clears throat)
329
00:16:49,939 --> 00:16:51,140
(Shouting)
330
00:16:51,180 --> 00:16:52,660
And what's your office like?
331
00:16:52,700 --> 00:16:56,300
(Angela) I can't spend my time like that.
life's not a rehearsal!
332
00:16:56,339 --> 00:16:59,740
- Is it nice?
- (Sue) It's not a bloody play either!
333
00:16:59,779 --> 00:17:02,260
- It's open-plan, isn't it?
- Open-plan? Oh.
334
00:17:03,700 --> 00:17:06,700
(Shouting continues)
335
00:17:06,740 --> 00:17:09,180
Actually, Dad, I am a bit tired.
336
00:17:09,219 --> 00:17:11,380
- I'll go to bed.
- Good idea.
337
00:17:13,020 --> 00:17:14,740
- Night-night.
- Night.
338
00:17:17,339 --> 00:17:19,340
(Shouting)
339
00:17:21,900 --> 00:17:26,140
Fully open-plan or...partitions?
340
00:17:27,620 --> 00:17:29,700
Partitions, yeah.
341
00:17:29,740 --> 00:17:33,020
- Who uses neuroticism as an excuse!
- Listen to yourself! God!
342
00:17:33,059 --> 00:17:35,780
look at you. A ctct-year-old free spirit
343
00:17:35,819 --> 00:17:38,700
with a rucksack full of self-help books
344
00:17:38,740 --> 00:17:40,740
and an addiction to tofu!
345
00:17:42,259 --> 00:17:43,460
And a moustache.
346
00:17:43,499 --> 00:17:45,660
Who's a bitch now?
347
00:17:45,700 --> 00:17:50,580
You are a mean,
small-minded, suburban bitch!
348
00:17:50,620 --> 00:17:55,100
Well, it's better than
a menopausal, hippy-chick bitch!
349
00:18:01,180 --> 00:18:03,220
Hi, sweetheart.
350
00:18:03,259 --> 00:18:08,020
Erm...Auntie Angela and l,
we were...just playing a game
351
00:18:08,059 --> 00:18:12,660
and the game is who can shout
the silliest and rudest thing?
352
00:18:14,339 --> 00:18:15,900
Bucket head!
353
00:18:18,379 --> 00:18:20,980
- Dog pants.
- Would you like to have a go?
354
00:18:23,219 --> 00:18:26,140
Well, I think I've had enough
of that game now.
355
00:18:26,180 --> 00:18:27,900
l haven't.
356
00:18:27,939 --> 00:18:30,660
Big Potto needs a biscuit.
357
00:18:30,700 --> 00:18:32,740
You can't just do things like this...
358
00:18:32,779 --> 00:18:34,620
Big and Mini Potto need a biscuit.
359
00:18:34,659 --> 00:18:39,660
No, they don't!
They're bloody toy hippopotami...ses!
360
00:18:39,700 --> 00:18:40,780
(Sighs)
361
00:18:45,460 --> 00:18:49,060
Just... Unless you want
to continue this in there.
362
00:18:51,660 --> 00:18:53,660
(Mooing)
363
00:18:53,699 --> 00:18:57,300
There you go, darling.
Off you go. I'll be up shortly.
364
00:19:00,059 --> 00:19:02,860
- You shouldn't take it out on her.
- Don't cosy up to her!
365
00:19:02,899 --> 00:19:06,420
Despite all your presents,
she still doesn't like you!
366
00:19:06,459 --> 00:19:08,220
(Angela) You have poisoned her against me.
367
00:19:08,259 --> 00:19:11,940
(Sue) Oh, no, no. She's worked it out
herself because she's very clever.
368
00:19:11,980 --> 00:19:14,860
(Angela) She takes after Pete.
(Sue) Oh, shut your face!
369
00:19:14,899 --> 00:19:16,180
No, you shut your face!
370
00:19:16,220 --> 00:19:18,300
So you can see over the top of the...?
371
00:19:20,139 --> 00:19:22,660
Yes, if you're standing.
Not if you're...
372
00:19:22,699 --> 00:19:24,740
- Not if you're sitting.
- At your desk.
373
00:19:24,780 --> 00:19:26,140
(Clears throat)
374
00:19:26,180 --> 00:19:30,540
Sort of...part partitions.
375
00:19:31,579 --> 00:19:32,980
(Nervous laughter)
376
00:19:35,300 --> 00:19:36,860
(Ravi) Yeah.
377
00:19:38,499 --> 00:19:40,260
That's a bit calmer. (Clears throat)
378
00:19:40,300 --> 00:19:43,580
(Sue) Smug? She's calling me smug?!
379
00:19:44,660 --> 00:19:47,940
It's amazing the strong opinions
that sauce can provoke.
380
00:19:47,980 --> 00:19:49,740
(laughter)
381
00:19:52,019 --> 00:19:53,460
..playing the victim again!
382
00:19:53,499 --> 00:19:56,220
- Do you want a smack in the mouth?
- Bring on the threats!
383
00:19:56,259 --> 00:19:58,740
- Want a smack in the mouth?
- Bring it on!
384
00:19:58,780 --> 00:19:59,900
- Sue!
- What?
385
00:19:59,939 --> 00:20:03,260
Maybe you, the two of you...
386
00:20:03,300 --> 00:20:06,300
She...is buggering off
back to America.
387
00:20:06,340 --> 00:20:09,740
Now we gathered that.
We gathered quite a lot of things.
388
00:20:09,780 --> 00:20:12,140
Why are you all shouting?
You woke me up.
389
00:20:12,180 --> 00:20:15,380
That's a good question, Ben.
Why are we all shouting? We're...
390
00:20:15,420 --> 00:20:17,220
You say I'm not allowed to shout.
391
00:20:17,259 --> 00:20:18,900
You are absolutely right. It's not fair.
392
00:20:18,939 --> 00:20:23,380
It's not fair people shouting the whole way
through dinner when we've got guests.
393
00:20:23,420 --> 00:20:25,980
- It's unfair.
- Shh. Now.
394
00:20:26,019 --> 00:20:28,380
Mummy is going to put you back to bed.
395
00:20:28,420 --> 00:20:31,100
You're going to put him back to bed,
aren't you, Mummy?
396
00:20:33,660 --> 00:20:35,700
Yes.
397
00:20:37,499 --> 00:20:40,460
- This way.
- Why am I not allowed to shout?
398
00:20:40,499 --> 00:20:43,540
Well, because...you're just not.
399
00:20:43,579 --> 00:20:46,740
- (Shouts) Can I shout like this?
- No, you can't shout like that.
400
00:20:46,780 --> 00:20:49,820
- Can I shout like this?
- No, you're on your way to bed.
401
00:20:49,860 --> 00:20:52,300
- Can I watch little Britain?
- No.
402
00:20:53,220 --> 00:20:56,580
So the light came on,
and I don't know what it was.
403
00:20:56,620 --> 00:20:58,380
l just thought
''That's probably very expensive.''
404
00:20:58,420 --> 00:21:03,140
So there we were stuck on the side
of the road in the middle of nowhere.
405
00:21:03,180 --> 00:21:07,820
When the breakdown truck arrives,
it turned out to be the alternator.
406
00:21:07,860 --> 00:21:10,460
- Gosh, we'd better get back.
- We better go, yeah.
407
00:21:10,499 --> 00:21:14,740
Er...couldn't get a baby-sitter
so her sister had to come.
408
00:21:14,780 --> 00:21:18,540
Oh, that's so nice.
A sister who helps with the family.
409
00:21:18,579 --> 00:21:21,620
Will she still be there when you get back
410
00:21:21,660 --> 00:21:27,100
or will she have gone off somewhere
to find herself or something?
411
00:21:27,139 --> 00:21:29,740
Well, that was lovely.
412
00:21:29,780 --> 00:21:33,340
Thank you.
We must...have you over again soon.
413
00:21:33,379 --> 00:21:36,420
Another dinner party. How will
you cope with all the excitement?
414
00:21:37,420 --> 00:21:38,900
Oh, are you going, too, Angela?
415
00:21:38,939 --> 00:21:41,420
Will we see you
before you leave the county?
416
00:21:41,459 --> 00:21:43,140
My plane leaves tomorrow morning.
417
00:21:44,660 --> 00:21:48,820
Tomorrow? What, just like that?
And what about your dad?
418
00:21:48,860 --> 00:21:52,700
Even by your cowardly standards,
that really takes the biscuit!
419
00:21:52,740 --> 00:21:57,060
- She comes here every couple of years...
- Just see Ravi and Kuj out.
420
00:22:02,379 --> 00:22:04,900
- I'm sorry...
- (Ravi) No.
421
00:22:04,939 --> 00:22:07,260
So will you tell Dad about your decision?
422
00:22:07,300 --> 00:22:09,900
Yes, of course, I will.
423
00:22:09,939 --> 00:22:12,340
Right.
424
00:22:12,379 --> 00:22:16,260
So I'll be round there tomorrow night
to tell him that you're not coming back?
425
00:22:16,300 --> 00:22:19,860
Sue, you've got to learn to trust people.
426
00:22:21,899 --> 00:22:23,220
Excuse me.
427
00:22:25,019 --> 00:22:27,980
Come on. let's not part enemies.
428
00:22:35,980 --> 00:22:37,380
Angela...
429
00:22:39,379 --> 00:22:41,700
lt wasn't organic chicken.
430
00:22:46,980 --> 00:22:48,980
(Phone rings)
431
00:22:51,660 --> 00:22:54,140
Hello. Oh, Dad.
432
00:22:55,300 --> 00:22:58,300
No, no. Don't worry. She's just left.
433
00:22:58,340 --> 00:23:00,700
She'll be with you
in about 20 minutes.
434
00:23:02,180 --> 00:23:05,300
lt went really well, yeah.
435
00:23:05,340 --> 00:23:08,340
Pudding didn't turn out quite as I expected
436
00:23:08,379 --> 00:23:14,820
but, no, Angela
was on her usual terrific form.
437
00:23:16,299 --> 00:23:18,700
No, no, no, no, no.
Everything's fine.
438
00:23:18,740 --> 00:23:21,140
Everything's fine, yes.
439
00:23:21,179 --> 00:23:24,740
Yeah, yeah. No, it is great
having her around, isn't it?
440
00:23:27,100 --> 00:23:29,580
No, she'll be with you in 20 minutes, Dad.
441
00:23:30,700 --> 00:23:35,180
And when she gets there,
could you give her a message from me?
442
00:23:35,220 --> 00:23:38,020
Could you tell her that she...?
443
00:23:40,060 --> 00:23:42,740
No. No, it's not important. It...
444
00:23:44,580 --> 00:23:47,260
Yeah. You just...
445
00:23:47,299 --> 00:23:51,380
You sit down and have a cup of tea
and make the most of her.
446
00:23:52,700 --> 00:23:53,980
Yeah, yeah.
447
00:23:54,980 --> 00:23:57,180
And you, Dad.
448
00:23:57,220 --> 00:24:00,500
Yeah. Night-night.
449
00:24:16,499 --> 00:24:17,780
Hi, sweetie.
450
00:24:21,259 --> 00:24:23,220
Have you been crying?
451
00:24:23,259 --> 00:24:24,860
Oh, just a little bit.
452
00:24:26,100 --> 00:24:29,220
Did you have a fight
with Auntie Angela?
453
00:24:29,259 --> 00:24:30,420
Yeah.
454
00:24:30,460 --> 00:24:33,020
- Did you punch her?
- Yeah.
455
00:24:33,060 --> 00:24:34,700
- Really?
- Yeah.
456
00:24:34,740 --> 00:24:37,220
- Where did you punch her?
- On the nose.
457
00:24:37,259 --> 00:24:40,340
- Did she have a nosebleed?
- No!
458
00:24:40,379 --> 00:24:41,620
Did you kick her?
459
00:24:41,659 --> 00:24:43,900
No, no, no. We just had...
460
00:24:43,940 --> 00:24:45,940
We just had
a little argument, that's all.
461
00:24:45,980 --> 00:24:48,420
- Did you hurt her at all?
- No.
462
00:24:48,460 --> 00:24:51,340
- I've made you a cup of tea.
- Oh, thanks.
463
00:24:52,779 --> 00:24:54,340
Come on, shove up.
464
00:24:54,379 --> 00:24:58,100
You can say,
''l told you so,'' if you like.
465
00:24:58,139 --> 00:25:00,380
l knew she'd go back to being Angela.
466
00:25:00,419 --> 00:25:02,500
You said she was on Prozac.
467
00:25:02,539 --> 00:25:04,540
Can you shout that loud on Prozac?
468
00:25:04,580 --> 00:25:08,940
- When are we going to India?
- We won't be able to do that now.
469
00:25:08,980 --> 00:25:12,220
Well, that was never
really gonna happen, was it?
470
00:25:12,259 --> 00:25:14,460
Apart from inside Daddy's head.
471
00:25:15,580 --> 00:25:19,180
Not inside my head. We will go.
We'll go when the time's right.
472
00:25:19,220 --> 00:25:21,780
l want to be chased by a tiger
473
00:25:21,820 --> 00:25:26,500
and make one of those flat-headed
snakes come out of a bowl.
474
00:25:26,539 --> 00:25:29,340
- Well, we can probably arrange that.
- We can do that, anyway.
475
00:25:29,379 --> 00:25:31,900
- We don't need to go to India for that.
- Could do that here.
476
00:25:31,940 --> 00:25:34,780
We could certainly arrange for you
to be chased by a tiger.
477
00:25:34,820 --> 00:25:37,620
- Hi, guys.
- Hiya.
478
00:25:37,659 --> 00:25:39,140
Are dinner parties always like that?
479
00:25:39,179 --> 00:25:43,260
Well, they tend to be when
your Auntie Angela comes round, yeah.
480
00:25:43,299 --> 00:25:45,700
I'm gonna get some milk
cos I can't sleep properly.
481
00:25:45,740 --> 00:25:48,620
Are you worried about something?
School or...?
482
00:25:48,659 --> 00:25:52,260
Dad, I told you that's all sorted.
Since I made friends with Connor.
483
00:25:52,299 --> 00:25:54,620
- Connor?
- Well, yeah, he's huge.
484
00:25:54,659 --> 00:25:56,020
Almost as big as you, Dad.
485
00:25:56,060 --> 00:25:58,660
Making friends with a big kid, eh?
That's smart.
486
00:25:58,700 --> 00:26:00,740
So Preston's not bothering you any more?
487
00:26:00,779 --> 00:26:04,140
No, no. Not since Connor beat him up
in the changing rooms, no.
488
00:26:04,179 --> 00:26:07,500
Really? That's so cool, Jake.
489
00:26:09,860 --> 00:26:12,900
He got...the big kid to beat him up?
490
00:26:13,980 --> 00:26:15,780
Yeah.
491
00:26:15,820 --> 00:26:19,700
- We can't condone that.
- No, we can't condone that, no.
492
00:26:21,539 --> 00:26:24,820
- It's resourceful, though, isn't it?
- But wrong.
493
00:26:24,860 --> 00:26:28,220
Well, it's wrong, yeah. It's very wrong.
494
00:26:29,340 --> 00:26:31,860
Mind you, that kid, Preston,
he had it coming, didn't he?
495
00:26:31,899 --> 00:26:35,700
Pete, it's wrong! You can't...
you can't meet violence with violence !
496
00:26:35,740 --> 00:26:39,020
Well, not often, no. OK, never.
497
00:26:40,220 --> 00:26:41,420
Rarely.
498
00:26:42,779 --> 00:26:45,980
- We're gonna have to speak to him.
- Yeah, but not now, eh?
499
00:26:46,019 --> 00:26:49,180
Has all the shouting stopped?
500
00:26:49,220 --> 00:26:52,980
I'm sorry I shouted at you.
That was very wrong of me, wasn't it?
501
00:26:53,019 --> 00:26:56,220
Yes, that was very wrong of you.
502
00:26:56,259 --> 00:26:58,180
You won't leave home again, will you?
503
00:26:58,220 --> 00:27:00,580
Not till morning.
504
00:27:00,620 --> 00:27:02,340
look out. Here come the other two.
505
00:27:02,379 --> 00:27:04,700
Can we watch little Britain?
506
00:27:04,740 --> 00:27:06,380
- Have a guess.
- Yes.
507
00:27:06,419 --> 00:27:07,420
Have another guess.
508
00:27:07,460 --> 00:27:10,380
We should go up to bed together
cos it is school tomorrow.
509
00:27:10,419 --> 00:27:13,820
No, not until Dad does his thing.
510
00:27:13,860 --> 00:27:15,220
What thing?
511
00:27:15,259 --> 00:27:17,140
- Your thing.
- Oh, yeah! Do it, Dad!
512
00:27:17,179 --> 00:27:19,260
Oh, no. You must be tired.
513
00:27:19,299 --> 00:27:21,500
- Oh, please!
- Pretty please!
514
00:27:21,539 --> 00:27:24,100
Then we'll go to bed if you do it.
515
00:27:24,139 --> 00:27:27,380
All right, I'll do my thing
but on one condition
516
00:27:27,419 --> 00:27:31,700
and that is as soon as I've done it,
we all go straight up to bed, OK?
517
00:27:31,740 --> 00:27:33,220
- No argument.
- Go on, Dad.
518
00:27:33,259 --> 00:27:35,580
let's all cosy up.
519
00:27:35,620 --> 00:27:37,380
Go on, Dad!
520
00:27:38,659 --> 00:27:40,140
Are you ready?
521
00:27:44,700 --> 00:27:48,340
(Screeches)
522
00:27:48,379 --> 00:27:50,380
(laughter)
523
00:27:57,740 --> 00:27:59,140
Dad!
524
00:27:59,179 --> 00:28:02,020
(Screeches)
525
00:28:02,060 --> 00:28:05,100
(laughter)
526
00:28:12,499 --> 00:28:14,420
(Screeches)
527
00:28:16,299 --> 00:28:18,260
You've got the hots for me!
528
00:28:18,310 --> 00:28:22,860
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